Topic: Being Responsible

Hello, and welcome to SoberCast, where we provide AA speaker meetings and workshops in podcast format. We're an ad-free podcast, and if you enjoy listening, please help us be self-supporting by visiting SoberCast.com, look for the donate link, and drop a dollar or two into our virtual basket. We hope you enjoy the podcast. Have a great day. my name is mags and i'm an alcoholic and yeah it's a pleasure to be here and it's always a pleasure to be of service and alcoholics anonymous and thank you valerie so much especially today for asking me to be here i i genuinely don't know what i'm going to talk about simply because um It's been a bit of a hectic weekend and I've kind of just sat here and kind of tuned in to a lot of what has just taken place in the meeting. The first thing to note is I've realized that when you hear that now recording thing, it just sends fear right through my body because it's like, this is about to happen. But thank God I have that beautiful set aside prayer and I can ask God to remove that in order to have a new experience with him. as I try to carry this message to help somebody in the room. And Valerie, thank you for giving me the topic of being responsible. Anybody that knows me in Alcoholics Anonymous knows that I take my responsibility as a fellow member exceptionally seriously. and when I first heard the AA pledge when anyone reaches out the hand for help I am responsible and I didn't actually know what that meant when I first came into the rooms but thankfully I've been brought up in a home group, Recover Group Belfast that is only immersed in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous to which our fellowship is named after and from the get-go I was taught literally taught by the people in that group and my sponsor the importance of my responsibility and always helping the still suffering alcoholic inside and outside the rooms and also being responsible and everything to do with Alcoholics Anonymous I'm probably not making sense already but go with a full one this one isn't that what it's all about we have to pack into the stream of life is what it tells us um so i'll try my best to um weave into um where being responsible is a really vital vital in the book means life giving part of my life um and long may that continue as long as i continue to practice these principles that have been given to me by this part greater than myself and practicing them in all of my affairs you know when as soon as you started speaking Valerie and Joel read the preamble I knew I was home when Joel introduced himself as a real alcoholic I identified immediately I know that a real alcoholic is that which is described on page 21 and there is a solution that person that had some point in their drinking career has lost all control so I know that Joel and I are the same And I also identify with Daniel and with Amy and with Montserrat and with Denise because I will never forget being a newcomer. Part of my journey is that I had to go to a treatment facility for three and a half months. I had to be locked up because I couldn't stop putting alcohol into my system. I had to be removed from the world to give myself an opportunity. to have some sort of breathing space to be able to learn what this was all about. I had to be brought the great persuader, which it talks about in our book, that being alcohol. It is what brought me to the point of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Alcohol brought me so far down the scale that I didn't think that it was possible. before I went into that treatment facility I was drinking to live and I was drinking to die it was my solution for absolutely everything in my life and now by the grace of God I've got a different solution that has 100% enabled me to solve all my problems but it's not done by me it's not done by me it's done through me by this power greater than myself and I didn't know how to find that power until I got a sponsor and I got a big book they gave me a big book and I worked this program when I left that treatment facility like the desperation of a drowning man I didn't hang about because many means don't make it I when I came into the rooms and I use that term very loosely I didn't really come into the rooms I was dragged by the hair by my little sister and thrown into the rooms because she knew I had a problem with alcohol I knew I had a problem with alcohol but I didn't have a desire to stop drinking just because what I said earlier was my solution to absolutely everything but again when I went into that room on a dark Wednesday night in April 2018 I knew I was in the right place now that wasn't the beginning of my recovered state because I continued to drink but I know I know that I suffer from a progressive illness that gets worse never better and although I think I can control it, although I think I have the power to do that and although I think I have a choice in this manner, the first 100 men and women tell us, you've got no choice, Max, you've got no control and you ain't got any power over this cunning baffling it's powerful, alcohol has more power than anything that I've ever experienced in my life until I find this solution. And when I went into that room in 2018, I heard a gentleman read aloud How It Works, Chapter 5, and I hadn't got a clue what the words meant in that chapter. I do now. Thank God. I do now. those who thoroughly follow this path this path Alcoholics Anonymous and when I say this path I mean the book this is my most precious possession in my life and this is the one that eventually I used to become recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body my sponsor provided me every single time. I admitted that I had taken a drink with a new book so that every single time I could have a new experience with an unmarked book in order to have a new experience with God. My sponsor knew what to do because he followed the clear cut directions as set out by the first 100 men and women as well. And he never, ever, ever deviated from it. And still to this day never does. But you see, I thought I had control and power and choice over alcohol. But for some reason, I continued to show up. I continued to go to the meetings because there was something that you guys had that I needed and wanted, but didn't know what it was. Because you see, all my life, I thought I knew. When I read the book by myself, I automatically tuned into the classification of an alcoholic, the friendly, evil, intelligent alcoholic. I love that because I'm dead intelligent, you know, dead friendly. Well, some people in this room might say, not really. But I tuned into those beautiful qualities of an alcoholic, but I missed the first line before that that said, is entirely normal in every respect, except when it comes to alcohol. When I read that by myself, I just oh yeah whatever and I don't know where I was going with that thread anyway yeah yeah I still thought I had that control and power and the choice and everything I still continued to show up because I saw the Jews guys had something that I wanted and needed oh yeah that's the point I was going to make I thought I knew everything because I'm so super duper intelligent and today the great thing for me and my friend talks about this a lot the knowing sometimes is the booby price, the not knowing is the precious gift because today I live for today I'm not afraid of what's going to happen tomorrow because I'm not there yet, it doesn't exist and I'm not living in remorse or guilt of what happened yesterday because it's gone I'm present right here right now and that's all that matters that's all that exists right now and I have the tools in my spiritual toolkit that enable me to stay right here to stay right where I'm planted to grow where I'm planted and our program uses all of these wonderful threads that go through the pages of the book and I you know if anybody has a big book in front of them I will refer to some of the pages because that's the program of recovery and I do like to dance around the pages um and some of my home group members don't like the fact that I call out the page numbers but I think it's really important for the newcomer in the room to understand where the information is in the book because if you're interested go research it go learn about it ask your sponsor about it if you don't know what it means understand that that's what we're here to do to help you understand exactly what the first 100 men and women begged us to do. They beg us to lay our side of prejudice. They beg us to be fearless and thorough from the very outset. They beg us because they are so convinced, so convinced by the solution that they have, that they took the time and effort being responsible So to write a book that would ensure permanent recovery across the world, if I took my responsibility seriously in carrying this message to another alcoholic, that responsibility pledge is ingrained in my mind somehow or other. and some people say i've been making a lot of amends recently because i've been through the steps again and a lot of people say to me you know why i actually take this stuff too seriously and i'm like right okay that's grand but if i don't take this seriously and i don't take my responsibility seriously enough then i will get sick again but even at that what about the future of alcoholics synonymous because if i don't carry the message and you don't carry the message as a the first 100 ask us to do, then this fellowship will not exist for my family and friends who need it in the future. That's how much this responsibility is imperative to each and every single human being that may have this progressive illness. It tells us in the book, in the foreword to the first edition, that when we sponsor they wanted us to know that it was an avocation I work with other women and I sponsor other women because I had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps I try to carry the message and practice the principles in all of my affairs It an avocation I enjoy it. But it's part of my job. Because I have a new employer. That being the God of my understanding. And in the forward to the second edition, it talks about the fact that one alcoholic with another, it indicates that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another was vital, life-giving to permanent recovery. And in my selfish, self-centered ways, when I first started doing this program, I thought it just meant my permanent recovery. I'm great, wonderful, my own permanent recovery. But my sponsor wouldn't take me through the steps unless I committed to the fact that I would carry this to other women as soon as I'd had that spiritual awakening. And thank God my sponsor keeps me in this solution every single day because it is life-changing. And Amy, 31 days is amazing. And to do it in the outside world for me is a miracle. I couldn't do that. there's a power running through each and every one of us right now you know people come into the room searching for a spiritual experience but in actual fact if you are sitting in this room and you haven't had a drink for 31 days something is already happening a spiritual experience is already taking place and all anyone has to do is to lift up this book with another alcoholic who's armed with the facts about themselves and they will give to you exactly what was given to them and you will recover from a hopeless state of mind and body it's that simple it takes effort effort means hard work it's strenuous it means hard work we know we work hard every single day for this but the gifts that you get from that are just mind-blowing so back to my experience when I first came into the rooms April 2018 I didn't get sober until the 29th of November 2019 when again my beautiful sister of mine took me to a treatment facility and booked me in for three and a half months. Towards the end of that bleak November, like it says in Bill's story, when Evie Thatcher came to the table to give him the solution as to how he had recovered by the Oxford Group's programme and their way. leading up to that point towards the end of that bleak November I was detoxed twice I continued to drink I was found on the streets of Belfast by a stranger who very kindly got me an ambulance and I can remember being put into the ambulance and coming out of a blackout and looking to my left hand side and and seeing two paramedics and then looking out the back of the ambulance doors and seeing this lady. All I could see was her eyes. She was Muslim and was covered head to toe, as you would expect. And when I looked into her eyes, I can safely say now that that was my first spiritual experience. I looked at her and I thought, this is it. This is the end. This is it. I can only describe that as being the eyes of God, saying, right, this is it. I was beat. I was beat into a state of reasonableness by that great persuader and thank God for it. Thank God for it. I can sit here in this room now and say hand on heart. I am blessed to be an alcoholic. I am blessed to be able to help other people recover from this hopeless state of mind and body and to get their hand into the hands of the God of their understanding so they can recreate their lives that's what Dr. Silkworth talks about in the doctor's opinion you must find this power greater than yourself if if you are to recreate your life and that tiny little word if is used right the way through 164 pages and it's conditional if I do the work this will happen if I don't it won't on page 16 of Bill's story he he talks about the fact that um there was somebody that actually and took their own life in in his home um and he goes on to say that there are those who could not or would not see our way of life it's not that AA wasn't working for me when I first came into the rooms. It was because I wasn't doing the work. I could not and would not see your way of life until something changed. And what happened was that alcohol, that really normal substance that I have a completely abnormal reaction to because I suffer from this physical allergy, took me down. And it took me down as faster than a free tree and coming down a very short track in Bill's story he talks about the fact that his demoralization took place like that of a ski jump and if you can imagine someone at the top of a ski jump and the velocity at which they come down now and end up right flat on their face that's what happened with me he also talks about the fact that his body and mind endured that for two more years I came into the rooms in 18 and It was nearly two years before I got into this solution, having had to be locked up because I couldn't stop. But two days after I got out of that treatment facility, that beautiful younger sister of mine gave me my cell phone back, my mobile telephone back. And the first person I called was my sponsor. And we started working this program. Like I said, like the desperation of a drowning man. And I didn't stop. I didn't stop. I kept turning those pages there was times that I hadn't got a clue what was happening but I just kept showing up and my sponsor just kept on knowing what to do because he was following the clear cut directions that are set out in such masterly detail in these pages you know he knew his responsibility too he was being responsible and when I went into that first step this time around I completely and utterly understood what it meant to be powerless physically and mentally I understood that my life had become unmanageable I knew that when the alcohol was removed that the allergy had stopped I was no longer feeding that allergy so it couldn't manifest itself in the craving but once I got rid of that this illness centered in my mind this mental obsession this absolute unreasonable pre preoccupation with an unreasonable idea that alcohol is going to fix thing it was my solution for everything but as I started to turn the pages I understood that I suffered from this common peril and that the common solution was this book, Alcoholics Anonymous and nothing else. No doctor, no counselor, no psychologist, no treatment center was going to fix me. But by the grace of God, I went to a treatment center that told me the truth too. They told me that Alcoholics Anonymous was the only solution. They told me that the 12 steps, they told me that getting a sponsor and they never took me away from that. And I don't care when anybody thinks about this, but you can cover it up all you want. You can hang about in meetings for all you want. You can hang about because that's all you're doing. Now that said, I went to rooms where they didn't pick up a big book other than to read how it works. And I have the greatest amount of respect for those people because they were patient with me, they were tolerant with me they were kind with me but they didn't know what they didn't know because nobody had taken the responsibility and given them the solution they were only doing what they could with what they had so I have to be really respectful and understand again my responsibility that when I go back into those rooms I bring my big book with me I refer to the pages I tell them how I recovered by doing this work. My step two, coming to believe that this power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Chapter four, Reagnostics, is a treasure trove. It's just, it's searching for treasure and you always find the gems. The first 100 men and women never stop giving us the reasons why we have this power greater than ourselves. And I used to laugh. my sponsor would sit in front of me and um yeah he's quite funny well he's very funny actually but he would say to me but my do you know what you're a spearhead of god's ever advancing creation you're an agent of god and i'm looking at him thinking he is absolutely crazy and there's another guy in my group that i would sit beside on a monday and third a big book study when i first came into the rooms he would always sit right beside me and he'd say oh I love this part of the book and I'm like what are you going on about on Monday night you said that you love that part of the book and now we're thirsty you're saying you love this part of the book you're telling lies what do you what do you actually mean but now I understand it because I love every single part of this book and when you're in it and you read it it's so organic it's like a living organism that it meets you right where you're at and I used to hear people in the room say that all the time. It meets you where you're at. Yeah, whatever. But because I didn't understand that, but now I do. And I am an agent of God. I am at the spearhead of God's ever advancing creation. I've got a new employer. Because when I went into step three and made that decision to hand my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him, I took a different position on things you see I sincerely took the position that he became the director he's the boss he's in charge I no longer run this show I took the position that he's the father and I'm the child and I've got to trust God like I trust my own dad that he will provide no matter what and that as I'm employed as an agent I have to go out and work when I sincerely took that position remarkable things started to happen my little plans and designs no longer matter page 63 the third step promises some of the most beautifully written words I've ever experienced in my life my little plans and designs no longer matter I have been reborn my life has been recreated by following a few simple steps it was me that was making hard going of life I was going for the middle of the road solution one food in the rooms one food out the hokey cokey the hokey cokey doesn't work you're either all in or you're all out because see the half measure, the half measure is painful. That's my experience. The half in, half out is just more insanity, more pain, more destruction. But in saying that, I had to be taken so far down the trail for the spiritual help to be accepted And when I did that step three prayer and I've done my step to gain recently, we did it in front of a group of people. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had in my life. And I launched into that step four. and I describe it like this all the time but you know when a rocket launches from NASA or wherever it is in Florida the lovely lady Denise in Delray may know where I'm talking about um but you watch the pictures of those rockets taking off going to the moon or wherever in the universe they're going to and the engines are going and there's smoke and the crowds are watching and the anticipation and the anxiety. Can you imagine those astronauts strapped in with dear life to keep them in place? Because what they're going to do is rocket into that universe at a pace at which they probably have never experienced before. It's uncomfortable. It's noisy. And that's exactly what I felt when I launched into step four, into this fearless and thorough moral inventory of myself. and the second time around the steps I stripped back so many layers of the tissue in my makeup because in the first instance when I came out of that treatment facility the elimination of alcohol I now understand is but the beginning the alcohol is the symptom of the causes and conditions that lie underneath. Like my mother, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she found a lump. But the causes and conditions were beneath that. That was removed and her chemotherapy and radiotherapy, her prescription to help her was given to her. And as an alcoholic, the alcohol is removed and my prescription for the rest of my life is given to me. And I go in and I am able to fulfill this fact-finding, fact-facing mission. In the first instance, it was much like Mission Impossible. I hadn't got a clue what I was doing, but guided by my sponsor, I ultimately got through that. They identified the key, the absolute key to my future. that being how my pride my self-esteem my personal relationships my sex relationships my pocket book my ambitions there's seven criteria within that um that you'll know from page um 65 in the book and the example of step four is as definite as the example so if you're doing anything else and it's not page 65 i don't know what you're doing it's not alcoholics anonymous but it is as definite as that example and I was able to identify my faults my blames my mistakes my wrongs and to understand that the blocks that were inside me were keeping me from you and they were absolutely 100% keeping me from the god of my understanding see my pride will kill me if I'm not careful resentment will kill me in the sense that it is a poison you know the brainstorm might be the dubious luxury of non-alcoholics but for me it's not the grouch and the brainstorm not for me and i can hold a resentment for a very very long period of time or used to anyway until i was given this spiritual two kids to understand how i needed to to overcome those things it tells us on page 66 i think there's six times where it gives us this death threat, the poison, they will kill us. We must be rid of this selfishness and self-centeredness. If we don't, it will kill us. How many more times do they have to tell us that we have to be rid of this stuff? And the way that we get rid of it is simply sitting there, having identified your dishonesty, your selfishness, the resentments and the fears, having identified all of that, sitting with another alcoholic in your step five and having a long talk. And again, my sponsor and all of the people that I did my step five with were responsible. They had this long talk. They listened. They didn't give opinions. They just listened because they knew what their responsibility was. They knew that I had to be rid of this egoism. They knew that I had to be rid of this fear. I hadn't completed my step four and five thoroughly enough the previous times, and therefore I continued to drink. We can skip that vital step again, vital being life-giving. We can skip that vital step, but inevitably, I drank again. The first 100 men and women took their responsibility really, really serious and tell us the truth about what will happen if we don't do this work. And we may get a little bit of respite for a period of time, might be a couple of months, might be a couple of years, might be 28 years. But the insanity may return. This hopeless state of mind and body may return if we don't maintain the new order of things that has been given to us. and as a result of what was revealed in my fifth step you know I pocketed my pride I went into that talk illuminating every twist of character all of those those stage characters that that turn up you know if I was with Valerie I would be for Valerie if I was with Amy I would be for Amy if I was for Gordon, I'd be for Gordon. The same person didn't rock up. And then, if you were all in the room together, Mags didn't go. Mags didn't show up. Because how could she? When she'd been so many different faces. The fear then kicked in. That thread that touches every part of my existence. my life was shot through with it and my pride that key to the future that I've identified my pride will keep the biggest distance between you and I unless I continue to watch that in my daily reprieve steps through this process that I must say I had faith in the process, I didn't know what was happening, I said that earlier I genuinely at some points didn't know what was happening, but I had faith in the process and I had faith in the fact that my sponsor knew what they were talking about and I could see that they had had the results. So that's all I had to do, to keep on doing what he told me to do. When there was a question, it was answered by the first 100. When there's an action, take the action. When there's a prayer, we pray. When it tells you to write things down, you write it down. It's that simple. and by illuminating all those twists of character i now know what god wants me to be i now know who god wants me to be i had that many blocks deep down within me but i couldn't see you i just couldn't see you you know the only way that i can describe it is if you put new york city and push all of the avenues together all of those skyscrapers together right into the middle of Central Park. That's what was deep down inside me. That depth of the block between you and I, I couldn't even see you. I couldn't hear you because of the amount of blocks that were inside of me. My self-centeredness is the root of my problem. It is just unbelievable. And I have to work at it every single day. Every single thing that happens in my life becomes about me. it's chronic. It's just, it's painful. But thank God I have this program now that enables me to, with the grace of God, work every day and continue to strip those layers back. And when I went into my step six and seven, was I willing for God to remove these defects of character, which I didn't even know what they were really, because how would I know? I just, I knew on a surface level, but I'd made that decision to hand my will and my life over to the car of God. So God knows everything. I can't pick and choose what he has. And I've been through that much pain in identifying this. I've been through so much emotions and it's not, your step four and five is not an emotional exercise. It's a fact finding exercise. It's fact facing. It's a prayerful exercise. I was genuinely in the presence of the God of my understanding when I was doing that work it was the most powerful experience and I hated it by the way but it was powerful but they tell us that on page 25 as well, the first 100, that they didn't like the leveling of their pride, they didn't like the confession of their shortcomings they didn't like doing any of this either but because they're so convinced of it they rule it down and want us to do it so by that point when i went into six was i willing oh my god was i willing yes 100% willing but i wasn't ready i wasn't ready for him to have all of me good and bad because i still thought i knew i reverted back to that friendly able and intelligent person god's not going to be able to do this. There's no way God's going to be able to sort out all those problems. There's no way on this precious earth that he's going to be able to deal with all of this. So I took control of pure self-reliance, went into my head where my illness centers. That in itself is bizarre. And what my sponsor helped me with is praying for the willingness to become ready. It's like my sponsor will say, you know, are you willing to fly an airplane? Yes, I'm definitely willing to fly the airplane. Are you ready to fly? Are you actually ready to fly it? Well, no, because I haven't got my pilot's license or anything like that. He said, well, be ready. Be ready. And I took that seven-step prayer and I asked God to take every single last bit of me. And what happened after that sometimes overwhelms me a little bit that I can't describe it because he started to take some things and I was gripping on for dear life because I didn't really want him to remove it because it was my safety net. It was my solution, my selfishness, my dishonesty, my resentment and my fears. I quite liked some of those things because it made me needy. You know, that sometimes self-pity. Didn't want to do the work. but ultimately he has all of me, good and bad. And I say that seven step prayer to be able to take responsibility, to be responsible yet again, to be willing to make the amends instead now, to be able to go to these people that I have harmed in a calm, frank and honest way and admit the exact nature of my wrongs. and to amend those relationships and to amend the soy means to turn it over, to add in the nutrients, to add in the light. And that's all I'm going to do is to have conversations with these people to amend things, to change things, to listen to what these guys have to say, to soak it up, buttercup. Because there's a lot of it that I didn't like to hear, but being responsible. I'm wanting those defects of character to be stripped away. And every time I sit in front of somebody and make another amends another layer of the tissue in my makeup gets stripped back another layer of my pride gets stripped back and God shows me who he really wants me to be. And my step 10, 11 and 12 is where I am responsible every single day for my own recovery. My sponsor is there to continue to guide me but I am responsible for my daily reprieve and keeping in fit spiritual condition. I have to do this work for the rest of my life, my step 10. Continue to watch for the things that I identified in four and five, the selfishness, the dishonesty, the resentment and fear. And what I love about this program now is that I know that my very life as an ex-problem drinker depends on my constant thought of others. I resolutely turn my thoughts to help other people when I'm filled with all of that stuff that I have to continue to watch I resolutely ask God I watch I ask I turn I watch myself I ask God to remove and I turn my thoughts to someone else watch ask turn I will be done not mine and my you know it's a little bit sometimes that I can be um somewhat schizophrenic in my own head because I'm constantly, you know, whilst I'm talking here, what I'm hearing is another voice in my mind, which is that of the God of my understanding. I can feel it in my heart. I can feel he has entered into my heart in a way that is miraculous. I find it really difficult to explain it sometimes with the first 100 men and women who did so beautifully entered into our hearts in a way that is miraculous. as Carl Jung talks about it as well, around that vital spiritual experience on page 27, ideas, emotions that used to be my guiding forces have been cast out. They've been cast out in those inventories and that's step five. And a new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate me. My motives now are about resolutely turning my thoughts to help another alcoholic or anybody around me, my employer, my friends, my family. I didn't know I had that responsibility in life. I didn't know that I could help other people and be useful to other people, even though I'm an alcoholic. I never stopped being alcoholic. I'm never cured. But what I have 100% is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. I keep it fit. It's God that does it. you know if you have a car it's you that fills it with water so the wipers work, it's you that fills it with gas or petrol or diesel whatever you call it in order to make it go so I have to do the work God's the mechanic he sorts it all out because I'm not the expert he is when I put my hand into the hand of the God of my understanding and follow the dictates. Remarkable things happen that I could never, ever, ever have manufactured or tried to control or tried to make up. It's just quite indescribable. But that's my experience. And my step 11, the prayer meditation, I am responsible for following exactly what it tells us in our book. I do other stuff outside of Alcoholics Anonymous but my prescription for my illness is set out in these books. In this book, my nightly inventory, my own awakening. As I go through the day, I will be done, not mine. You see, us alcoholics are undisciplined. But this works. It really works if we follow. What is set out? And my step 12 is the most precious gift, honestly, that has been given to me. And, you know, my step 10, 11 and 12 is not about me feeling better. That happens as a result of doing them, of course, but it's not about my feelings or my emotions anymore. It's about this new employer, that being God. I've got a job to do. I've got a contract now. and although I'm not paid monetarily I have more richness, more fulfillment than I've ever had in my life. I can be alone, a perfect peace and ease. I can look the world in the eye. I can be in your company. 10, 11 and 12 is not about making me feel better. it's about me being more useful and being responsible and making sure that I carry this message for the rest of my life. After I got out of that treatment center within three months I don't really care of anybody's opinion and when I say I don't care I don't mean that in a in a nasty way or anything but I had to work this program like the desperation of a drowning man to eliminate that alcohol I did that and so I was away from alcohol only six months and I got my first sponsor and I've never stopped sponsoring since every single day I'm in this book every single day I'm working with another alcoholic every single day I am of service I'm not telling you that for any praise for any recognition I'm telling you that because that's my way of living and it is spectacular it's hard work it's exhausting but it's absolutely spectacular and i wouldn't change being an alcoholic for for anything i remember when i was in the treatment center and my nephew came down for a family visit and there was this whole big family discussion and everything and I said to him this was I said to him I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy this illness but now when I sit with my nephew and we talk about the fact how things have changed so much that I wouldn't want to give this so you know I wouldn't I no longer think of it in the way that I did when I was in the treatment facility and the more I do this the more i i don't i don't sponsor women to keep it i sponsor women to give it away i'm immune from alcohol practical work one alcoholic with another ensures our immunity from alcohol that's as simple as it is they tell us that and that's my experience but as i'm sitting with another alcoholic god is working in and through as i'm giving it away to get it back to keep more energy going to give it away to get more back to give it away i don't want to hold on to this i want everybody to have it to ensure permanent recovery across the world. And I know I can't do that by myself. I need everybody to be responsible. We all should be responsible and take this pledge really seriously. And I'm going to finish on a couple of things that aren't necessarily around. Well, yeah, they're my experience. So I'm going to share them with you. My sponsor also taught me the real responsibility of being true to the traditions and also the concepts of world service. And, you know, we unify around the message, Alcoholics Anonymous, the big book. That's what we unify around. And within the concepts of world of service, I know that I'm a trusted servant and do many pieces of service in my home group and for Belfast area and so on. I am 100% a trusted servant, but Concept 9 tells us that we also have to be good leaders. People will tell us there's no leaders in AA. Well, actually, that's not fact. It tells us in the World Service handbook and particularly anybody that's in Great Britain, our Concepts handbook specifically tells us about good leadership. We're not bosses, but we have to demonstrate good leadership by practicing these principles in all of our affairs and practicing by example. I'm not the boss of you. My little niece says that. Max, you're not the boss of me. I'm not the boss of her and I'm definitely not the boss of anybody in Alcoholics Anonymous but I can demonstrate by example good leadership what this is about. You know, as a sponsor, I have to be a good leader. I am responsible for that. You know, it tells us on page 18 what the qualities are of a good sponsor. Thank you. And I follow those really, really seriously. And, you know, I wrote a couple of things down just before I logged on. Language of the Heart is a piece of literature which I refer to a lot. And Bill W. took the time to write these articles for the Grapevine magazine. And there's one in there. It's called AA Tomorrow. And that's about our pure responsibility of what we have to do to keep this fellowship going to help the sick and suffering alcoholic. There's another article in there called Responsibility is Our Thing. He tells us exactly what our responsibility is. You know, it's an obligation to do something as part of our job. And I'm going to end on this. There's an amazing article. It's by a guy called Bob Bacon. he was a delegate and he wrote this in April 1976 and this is just a selection of his words from an article and I strongly urge you to find this and if you can or I can send it to Valerie and now I can find my oh here it is so this is what he said about our responsibility and I just love these words and I do take this really seriously and this is his words to me it is vital to the survival of our fellowship that we make certain the people coming to us for help are made aware of the big book, the 12 steps and 12 traditions as possibly their only hope for survival from alcoholism. If we fail to guide them to our program of recovery, our fellowship will not survive. Our future is dependent upon a continuing stream of recovered alcoholics. in today's frustrating world our program works better than ever are we doing good enough job a good enough job sharing this with the thousands of people coming to us now shouldn't we be giving these people all three legacies of recovery unity and service we have to tell them more than don't drink and go to meetings if all we talk about is our drinking our ideas our opinions my day or the way i do it we are not carrying the message we are carrying the illness. We should be talking about recovering. I don't believe we are, is what he said back then. Are we stressing the real values of the big book? You can go to meetings in my area where you can find a big book. Lately, when I am asked to lead a meeting, I have to take my big book with me. I don't want to lead a meeting that doesn't have a big book. We hear many people lead meetings and never mention the steps or the big book it is because nobody is it because nobody told them how very important the big book is do we forget to tell the newcomer that what is in the big book can see of his or her life our total program is in the big book and only in the big book shouldn't we be telling people that so that's my life that's my way of living because being responsible is a gift from God that ultimately has changed my life. And Valerie, thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on. And I hope I'm on time. Thank you. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Sobercast is ad free and we'd like your help in order to keep it that way. So if you'd like to help us be self-supporting by pledging a dollar or two a month, visit SoberCast.com and look for the donate links. Thank you very much.