Body Positivity Vs. Body Shaming

Welcome to Obsessed, where Mika, Tia and I challenge the thoughts that limit you. Where we provide the tools for transformation, be prepared to be swept away into the raw power of obsession, unlocking secrets and stories behind the insatiable hunger for growth and change. This is more than just a podcast. This is your story. It is a manifesto for those who refuse to settle, who dare to dream, and who are relentless in the pursuit of living a great life. Get obsessed with your life. Oh, M.G. Are you feeling a little chubby today? You know, I'm feeling a little chubby. I've been feeling a little chubby for, like the past two, three, four years, and I just can't shake it. And I recognize that I'm being so hard on myself. Why should I care? I don't know. I guess it's because society dictates that we should care that we should fit into a box. And I have to tell you today, we have Debbie Cubitz on the show today. And she inspires me just to embrace everything about myself, embrace not only the lumps of bumps, the flaws, the beauty, the special tapestry that makes us us. And you guys are going to love chatting with her. I know we're going to talk everything about body image to our favorite topic, probably Dujure, which is menopause. So that's the Hold Your Horses, everybody. But Debbie is amazing. She's a brand partner with Savvy. And I fell in love with Savvy. I have just become a hoarder of all things. Savvy, the leggings, the workout clothes. It fits you like a glove. It's like butter. But more importantly, I love their mission. Their mission is to empower women, to empower women of all shapes, sizes, looks. And anything that you are as a woman, you are meant to be here. You are meant to shine. You are meant to do the things you want to do. And often we are our own worst enemies. I love Savvy's manifesto, just in terms of inclusivity and just understanding that the status, there is no such thing as a status quo. And I find this so intriguing. But Debbie Cubitz is here. And we were just talking a second before I started recording. And I said, I think we need to start recording because this stuff is what people need to hear. So hey Debbie, what's going on, girlfriend? Julie, thank you so, so much for having me. You're amazing. Amazing. I can't thank you enough. I talked to you. And it's like you're a light. You're a breath of fresh air. I'm excited to just chitchat. And if little bits of information can help one woman feel just a little bit better, then we're really more women. Thank you. Well, I love that. And I love the work that you're doing with Savvy, first and foremost. But I also, as women and your mom to a grown woman, but it is so hard to navigate our lives, our images of ourselves these days, even when we work children. Just social media, all that stuff. And you just start feeling crappy about yourself. And what is the perfect body type? That is a great question to kick it off with. Oh my goodness. There is absolutely no perfect body type. I mean, like you said, it's so hard, even with us growing up at our age, it was hard. But even now for these younger women, it's worse because of the social media and the images that are out there and everything's filtered. And everybody's bought you a Photoshop. What have you called that? Where it's not real. Photoshop. Photoshop. Photoshop. Photoshop. And it's not real. It's a really, really bad pressure on these young girls if we're talking about them. But as far as us as well, there is no perfect body type. But I think we look and we compare and we judge and we want and we envy what somebody else may have or look like. And it's just not fair. And we need to come to a point where women are supporting women. We all are different sizes, shapes, builds, backgrounds, whatever it is, and love each other and feel comfortable and we should be proud and we should walk in somewhere and feel confident and happy and shine. And unfortunately, that's not always the way it goes. Right. Isn't that the truth? And I just got the goose bumps because I'm thinking, why do I kick myself in the butt all the time? Because I can't shake these five pounds. Yet I gave birth to four children. I have carried these children. I have carried loads that are unspeakable. And yet I care about five or ten pounds. It doesn't make logical sense to me. It doesn't make sense. And I'm the same way. I'm very much body image focused. And someone that is just how I was brought up. It was in very much a priority, what you look like and things like that. So what is that though? Like, is that from you or just from your generation or? That was pressured a little bit just by upbringing parenting wise. Oh. How I was parented. It was a very much a priority in my home. Oh, wow. That's tough. That's a third of another day. We can do that some other day. But I just think, same with me, we get to a point, especially in the middle age, where our bodies are changing, things are doing different things than we cannot control. I don't know why we can't get to a point where we need to somehow figure out how to get to a point where, OK, yes, maybe I have five pounds, ten extra pounds. But I'm healthy. I'm happy. I raise four kids. I have two kids. There's so many other things. So I think when those thoughts come in, which they come into my brain a lot, negative-wise, like, you don't look good enough. You need to lose weight. All those negative, negative thoughts, you've got to stop them right away and flip it and just say, OK, you have to start saying, well, but I did this, this, and this, and this. Like, you just have to turn it into a positive somehow. And it's hard as it is because I should battle it all day, every day. We have to. We have to. We designed and built this way for a reason and a purpose. And we have to start to love ourselves for that. And don't you feel it? And I'm just saying this from my experience, do you feel like you are almost jailing yourself when we are controlled by these thoughts? Once we recognize them and we put them out there and we realize from an objective viewpoint that it doesn't make sense that it's not realistic. We can change our thoughts. But we continue and we feel this lack of freedom. Yet we want freedom. And that's the thing I'm just trying to think for myself. How do you get over that obstacle and celebrate yourself? Yeah, good question. Really good question because I say that all the time, I'm a prisoner of my own brain. And it's, it's, you do. You feel like you're a prisoner. And I, all the time, it's like, I want, you want to get peace. You want to have peace in your mind. You don't want to be controlled by those thoughts and those things. And I don't know how we gap that so much. Rather than being in a community of women who can support you and you can talk about it, I think we don't talk about things enough, especially when it comes to menopause and all that stuff. That's the only way I feel like you can kind of get through some of this is when you have a community that we're loving. You can voice these things and you can feel heard and bellied. Yeah, but I don't know the gap. I don't know how it's a very hard thing. Like I said, it's all mindset. Okay, keep working on your mindset because it's, it's a tough, it's a tough battle. Yeah. And you know, I've had a couple of people on the perimeter. I would say close that have passed away in the past few weeks. And I'm thinking to myself, why does all this stuff matter when we think about it, the very last breath we take, is this going to matter? And no, it's not going to matter. It's not crazy. You're not taking your skinny body to heaven with you. And is it cool to be skinny anymore? I mean, like I used to like strive to be skinny now. I strive to not have wrinkles. There's what's more important at this point. And girls, I know you understand because we're trying to fit into a box and trying to feel that sense of approval from whoever that is. I don't know, but. Right. And I think we have to, as women, we have to fight to get out of that box. I think we have to, I think like we've talked about women compete with women. That's so not cool, by the way. It's so not cool. And that's one of the reasons I, Savi, that I love so much is this community is so different than anything else I've been a part of. And I wish it would expand through everywhere is you are welcomed. You are belong however you show up. Everybody is welcome. And you show up whether you're, you know, an extra small or your three acts like we love you. We do, we want you to feel good walking out that door and have confidence because you, you should, we are all unique. We are all special. We are all here for purpose and a reason. So we should go out and do that. And that's what I bet of my head like go use this energy. I'm using in my head to worry about my weight or my wrinkles. Go use that and be put it towards good. Like we get almost so selfish. Like that's when I'm focusing on myself. I'm being completely selfish. So maybe I need to stop that a little bit and focus on well, how can I serve someone else today? You know, get out of my own space. And then when you're out doing that, it's kind of like when you, and Savi's logo is when you look good, you feel good, you go do good. And so you have to think about them every part of your life. So that's what they do. They want you to look good with their clothing, which is amazing. Because then you feel good. And at any time you feel good, you're going to go out and have a better day. You're going to go out and do great things. So it's like we just have to, we have to get out of our own ways. The trick is when we don't feel good, you know, even if we look good, you know, you look back at pictures from 10 years ago where when the picture was taken, you thought you looked horrible and I were like, oh my God, I was so cute back then. Oh, but, you know, when we don't feel good, like plowing through that as well. And I absolutely agree when you do, we get in our own heads when we're isolated, we start to think about me, me, me, me, and we're all privy to that feeling every single human being out there. But we do need these other people to lock arms with these women, especially who were so hard and some of these girls are so judgmental. Why are people judging? And before I even get to that, I want, like, I want to know a little bit about your history because that your history, you just didn't pop up and you're like this exercise guru, this health and fitness expert. There must have been a backstory before that that got you from there to here. Oh gosh. Yeah. You know, I grew up with my mother, an instant age got very, very into health and fitness back in the day when aerobics was really big. Jane Fonda. That's exactly. She's basically Jane Fonda. So that was my mother. Okay. So imagine that. So the pressure being a daughter under her was a little bit, does she have the perfect body or was she like trying to please your dad or like what was it? Both. She did at that point have a pervati because she taught multiple, multiple classes a day, but she also wanted my dad. There's a little pressure from him that how you look. Oh wow. How he. Yeah. So that's what I mean. My history is a little, a little funky. Oh, we all have, we all have stuff. Trust me. Yeah. Yeah. We all got stuff, girl. Well, we all had stuff. So it was just that was a priority. Like you, you just to be heavy and I hit mid I hit. What do they call it? Now adolescents or middle, and I puberty. Yeah, puberty. And you know, you, you as a girl, you can put on some weight because your hormones again, it's a hormonal thing change. And so from that point on, I struggled and I struggled and I struggled. So it didn't come until my 20s, where you chastise like for being chubby, like by anybody or. Oh, sure. Was it from your parents or I don't know if they're going to listen to. Yeah, siblings parents. Oh wow. Yeah. Yeah. You know, kids in middle school were kind of nasty. Not so much in high school. I wasn't because I was and I did play sports. So even though I was, you know, not in the greatest body shape. And then I in my 20s, I started to just start get a passion for health and fitness. And I was like, okay, I got it in them. And I started to work out more and go to classes and do all that stuff. And then junior year in college, I decided to start studying sports medicine. So I just got into it that way. And then in through my 20s, I was able to kind of get on a really good routine of, you know, getting myself healthy, losing the extra weight that I didn't want to have. Got my personal training license and a certification and all that stuff. And so that's kind of where my that all started. But that answers your question. I've got more questions for you. Okay. So, so there was this angst, the teenage angst and he didn't really feel like he fit in. Like mom was really focused on exterior beauty. You're watching her because I remember my mom. She doesn't understand working out. She thinks we're all crazy. My dad goes to the gym every single day, but my mom. She's like, I don't get it. This is torture. But I remember her when I was a kid like on Weight Watchers, always weighing her food. Like she was always on dieting, you know, and my parents never said anything about my weight. But same as you like that awkward puberty time where we just are gangly and every kid goes through it, it can set the foundation for your mindset in terms of your relationship with your body. And then I dove deep into some bad habits in high school, college, just, you know, I would say I bordered on anorexia as well as purging, if you will, bulimia. It didn't clear up until after I had my first son, like, because it was always on my mind, like those extreme habits. You know, it's, I asked myself, even though I've gone through all these waves and, you know, I'm fine and I don't feel like I have these habits of restricting or purging, but it's always on my mind. So you went that route of, but I, so I went into the route of overexercising. Yeah. So exercise bulimia, I believe is what they call. So it's like you find something to cope. Yeah. Or whatever it is to get you. So again, that was prisoner my brain. Did I do enough? Have I worked out long enough? How many calories have I burned? I mean, I know women can relate to this because we all do something like that. But again, I think to get through some of that, you know, age, you know, is hard, but even you just have to have. Again, a community, you have to have some sort of support because I think that's the only thing that's going to get you through it. That's what I've just kept thinking of is it's got you got to have community to help. Oh, I'm right. The right people, but you know, and then think about your community. I had a friend that she was overexercising. I would say anorex is she just went off the deep end. She went on vacation with her friends and she's like, I never want to be the fattest one at a girls trip ever again. And she just like went overboard as a holy cow. She just became thin as a rail. And you know, it's who are those friends? Are they accepting? I mean, you're obviously very fit and in great shape. I'm sure if you went on vacation with a woman who, you know, of all sizes, it's a time to really learn about everybody's experiences and who they are. At their core, there's nothing worse than feeling that you are being judged. And I think a lot of times we project that we're being judged, even though we're not being judged, because people don't really care about us that much to think that much about what we wear, what we look like. You're more worried about yourself. Right. And I tell that to my kids all the time when they worry about I said, believe me, people aren't thinking about you as much as you think you think they're thinking about you. They're in their own world. So we're about themselves. They're not putting the energy into you. So just do your thing, be confident with where you're at. And I think it's the same thing. Yes, you us women compare each other. And I think this is what it goes back to, which these young girls need as well is women need to change. We are the ones that need to just not not all women, obviously. But we're here. We have to as a unit, learn to love and accept people as they are and empower each other and be kind to each other. And that compare, that's not compete is the word. I guess I was looking for that's kind of like we always talk about like a woman's movement. That's what we need. We really need more of that. And that's why, you know, when my kids have grown up and I was looking for what am I going to do as far as state home and raise them for 20, so my years, what am I going to do? I want to be a part of something that's bigger. I want to be a star to something that is serving people, bringing light, something I'm passionate about. And so this is where I felt I felt was savvy and it's like let's let's put that all out to the world. We all need, we all need a little bit of goodness right now. We all need a little bit more kindness in this world. It's a harsh world out there. So let's spread, you know, everybody can do just a little bit, a little bit each day. Let's make the world just a little bit better place. How can you not align with that mission? And I have a question, you know, you have a boy and a girl. Is there a difference in terms of raising those two? Did you see something definitive or in terms of body image and confidence? That's interesting. Yes, I tried to be very aware of how at first raising my daughter because I knew my history. And I didn't want to repeat the cycle. So I was very aware, absolutely felt far from perfect, totally. And there's days they know how much, how I sometimes struggle with it. So some of it they know, obviously. But in my son, it's funny. He's more like me and he's in fitness and works out all the time. And that's a gym all the time and very into that. So I'm cautious with him for so he doesn't go overboard. My daughter's a little more steady level-headed. Know what they mean? It's so it's interesting. They're different and you think it'd be the opposite. You know, the girl would be, you know, and it's not, you know, so it's hard to say. They're different and they're just different. But I think what I feel like is kids have a baseline of love and support in their whole life. That's huge to their confidence as they go out into the world. I just feel like with people who are who are raising young ones and girls because it is hard in this generation and they're they're being bombarded by social media and models and girls doing this and that. It's like just at home, love on them, encourage them. That's the best thing. That's my personal opinion. I, you know, so take it as that is. But I just feel like if they are confident in their home life and know that they're loved and unconditionally loved and secure in home, that will just transform as they go out into the world. I love that. I love that. I love that. And, you know, speaking of your son, I have a son who's in middle school and he's on the wrestling team and it almost freaked me out the past couple weeks because he's telling me, mom, I have to lose four pounds by Friday and he was not eating. He went to school one day. I went to the nurse because he was starting to get faint. I'm like, I'm like, oh, wait, this can happen with guys too. Absolutely. And I'm starting to get nervous, you know. And understanding your story, understanding the generational story where you come from, that is something I think that is so important in terms of not only locking arms, but gaining that empathy and stopping that judgment. And often we judge ourselves the harshest. But when you understand my story, you get it. Something connects. And then it takes that cloak of judgment, of mystery off of someone else's life. And we often, we, this is something I've seen too. People try to portray their lives as perfect and perfection. And perfection in my mind is the enemy of good. You miss all the good things when you're trying to be little misperfect. You miss the bumps in the road. You miss the failures. We cannot grow or learn as human beings without having failures. Oh gosh, no, you can't. The only way you do grow in changes through hard times and failure, you have to have that. And that's what more of a social media allows now is the image of the perfect life. Oh, is that a truth? Let's talk about that. It's horrible. And I try and teach my kids that like what you see in social media is a blip it of someone's day, let's say. Like, because you know, with kids, it's like, well, so until it's that, oh, at this party or that part, whatever it is. And they're smiling and they're happy. And I say to them, that is one blip it. Five minutes later, they could be crying their eyes out for some other reason. Or you know what I mean? It's like, you can't and everybody likes to put out yes, okay. That's the good times of course. But we have to be authentic and share our bad times because like you said, no one is perfect. And if we can all do that and be humble ourselves enough to do that, wouldn't that be kind of an amazing thing? You know, because we're not perfect. So it's just, it's so hard. And I think authenticity being organic. So hard to be authentic today, like on social media for sure. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, everything on my social media. I'm like, fake, fake, fake, meaning like the picture and you don't know the story behind it. Like, oh, there are me and my kids. Yeah, five seconds later to the boys are beating each other up and like, I'm just walking away. I'm like, oh, good. At least I got a picture, right? Right. Right. But totally. And like, they're saying with my like, oh, throw a filter on there. You don't see my wrinkles or you don't see. Oh, I do like filters though. I have to admit. But I do. And I'm nervous when people meet me in person. They're like, who's that? It's true. It's true. Oh, my God. I love filters. I love them. I totally love them. But again, as a society, it's a big task that if we all can, like we said, get out of our own ways and accept that we can't put out the perfect image because we are not perfect and share that with people so that we all can be at a place to love and respond. And it just is such a better thing and it's just right now it's such a hard, hard time for that. So we can do it little by little, no matter what you're doing and I mean, like it'll spread. You know, ripple effect. You know, I love this. And I mean, you guys, you have to deceive this light shining through Debbie's soul right now. And she is not only beautiful externally. It's internally it radiates. I know you can hear this just from her message. And to be honest, I want to know more about the savvy community. Is it something that we have to pay for or is that just you can join if you want to or is it a membership or do we have a coupon? Like if we know Debbie, we get in for free. You I do have a few of those so sure. Sammy is just it's an it's leisure lifestyle. We're like a set. We're here. Their goal is to make everybody feel good and power them feel confident. So they make these amazing clothing. So we have an athletic line. We have an everyday line. We have a fashion board by the line. So like we say, we take you from the gym out to date night. We can take all the week through your day. I need a date or a girls night out. You meet Debbie or girls night out. Exactly. We have beautiful dresses. Oh, really? Wow. Actually, I do. I haven't gotten one of the dresses, but I've gotten some of the leggings and I love the leggings. I know. Yeah, I'm going to get you a dress you'll be good. You'll be beautiful in it. I don't like my arms though, but I should be saying that right now. So they are so bad. That's where I first go to. Oh, stop. Stop, stop, stop. I have a link. People can just look and shop and do their thing. There's a different ways. There's a wholesale membership if you want 15% off. But and then there's the community, which is if people who want to brand partner with those, which is all we're doing is bringing this brand to market. Oh, they're brand. That's so cool. So if you think of like a Louis Leman or an L.O. like how they kept stores and they spent it. It's Abby's giving us brand partners paying for us to bring it out to the world. Oh, wow. And then that's where the community comes in. And actually, even if you're a customer, there's a community that you can be involved in. It's like, wow. I need to be inspired by you guys. I love that. I mean, like on a daily basis, it's just not on my podcast episodes where I'm feeling blah, you know, to have this tool every single day. And you guys, if you have not checked out Debbie, you have to check out Debbie's Instagram account. And I'll have that in the show notes. It's inspirational. She's like working out. She's doing it. She's motivating herself. She's motivating everybody that follows her. It's beautiful. So I'm going to make sure I put that out there. Tell me one little gem that is going to get me through the rest of the day, Debbie, because I feel like I need it or a cup of coffee. That's or I could go for a walk. You could go for a walk. And I will say I appreciate you doing this and that for everybody or anybody who's listening. This was my first. So if I rambled and went off, you did amazing. I think you all took a lot of time. We'll have a great time every week. You know what? It's so hard. I think the biggest thing I can say is be kind to yourself, which I have to remind myself every day. Like we said, we're so mean to ourselves. We would never treat other people the way we talk to ourselves ever. And find little things. Julie, I mean, whether it's calling me and being like, you're amazing. What look what you're doing, not only with your family and your children, but your work and what you're putting out there to the world with your podcasts, with all your speaking, with everything you do. Like I get the chance to give all the stuff what you're doing and you're changing the world by doing that. So you got it. We have to do, like we said, get outside of our physical. We all are here and we all have special tales. As hard as it may be, deep deep because you know what's there. Get rid of that hard outer shell and be kind. Let's try and be kind to ourselves because that's where it all starts. That's where it all starts. That's guys. That is why I'm obsessed with Debbie and everything that she represents. Check out the show notes for sure. Number one, check out the show notes. You're going to learn more about her. Reach out to her. I'm sure she'd be willing to have a conversation with you. Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe to this podcast. Share it. Girls, especially right now, I want you to share it with somebody that really could use these words of wisdom. And finally, I want you all to get obsessed with your life. Thank you for listening to another episode of Obsessed. We're obsessed with you. Show your love by rating, reviewing, subscribing and sharing with your friends. Every time you share, you are changing someone else's life. Until we meet again, get obsessed with your life.