Episode 162: Fair Warning

Welcome to Otherworld, I'm your host, Jack Wagner. This episode takes place all the way back in 1981 in Madison, Wisconsin. It comes from a woman named Christina, and it all starts when her 13-year-old half-brother Jay starts telling the family that he knows he will die soon because he saw it in a dream. He doesn't seem upset by it, he just starts talking about it regularly in a very matter-of-fact way as though he wants to be prepared. This is something that the family wasn't quite taking seriously at first. I mean, middle school boys do and say lots of strange things, but as time went on and he continued to talk about it, they started to grow concerned. I'll let Christina take it from here. This episode is called Fair Warning, and you're listening to Otherworld. It's almost frustrating that it's happening. I'm literally going to die. It's slim. We're just like, we're just doing it. Everybody knows that things will go right, even if it takes them a minute. My name is Christina Amalong, and I live in my hometown, actually, in Madison, Wisconsin. I'm just about to have my 62nd birthday, and I had this very profound thing happen to me when I was 16, 17 years old, and I've been probing its mystery ever since. So I grew up in Madison, Wisconsin, but also my parents were raised just like an hour and a half in the country side near Spring Green, Wisconsin, in Russelin Center, Wisconsin. So I spent a lot of time on farms when I was growing up, but also our neighborhood was on the edge, or is on the edge of a marsh. And so there was a lot of the kids, just like there was 20 kids in our neighborhood and a bunch more in the extended neighborhood. And we were just outside playing all the time, and whether it's on our bikes or our skateboards or playing tag or hide and seek. My biological dad and mom met when they were teenagers, and my dad worked on my mom's farm, and they ended up getting pregnant out of wedlock, and they were forced to get married. Then my dad went off to the Navy because he had already been signed up for the Navy, and then my mom, six months later, followed him to the Navy, so she went to Virginia Beach, Virginia, and was on a naval base with him, and there was tons of violence and alcoholism, so she ended up having to escape in the night to protect her life. He was threatening to kill her and me and things like that. Also, she came home to Wisconsin, and she was trying to talk about what happened to her, and basically her family was like, we don't want to hear about it, and his family was like, we don't believe you, and we don't want anything to do with you or your daughter ever again. And so that was the way it was for a lot of years. Then my mom remarried when I was like two years old, and she had a son with him, and that was my brother Jay. And then that was pretty tumultuous and alcoholic and violent also, and so 10 years later, my mom and I are sitting in these chairs across from each other, talking to each other, and I'm like, I hate my dad, I hate him. And then she looks at me and she says, well, he's not your dad anyways. You know, just like drops this bomb on me, and I'm like, well, what do you mean? And she says, well, he's not your dad. And then I said, well, I want to meet my real dad then, and they get, and Richard and my mom get divorced, and then I go to a steakhouse and meet my biological dad when I'm like 13 years old, and we have an awkward conversation that doesn't leave me feeling like I want to know my dad more and nothing really happens. My mother was raised a Methodist, but she was pretty removed from that, and my stepfather, he wasn't at all spiritual or religious, and you know, pretty much just like work and alcohol and maybe some yuker. So card playing, that was kind of your average day camping on the weekends and vacations and things like that, but there was no quality of the mystical or strange things happening. My mom was a single mom, so there was all of that. You know, there was a lot of alcoholism and trauma, and by the same time there was all these kids to play with, so that was really a saving grace for my young life. So one day, when I was 16 and my brother Jay was 12, my mother and I are in the kitchen and I'm helping her make a spaghetti dinner, and she had just gone out to the garden and picked these beautiful ripe tomatoes, and my brother Jay, he's in his room, she made him go in his room and clean his room, so it's just the two of us in the kitchen, and it's a warm summer day, and I can hear some blue Jay out in the yard making its call, and the cat is meowing at the door, so I go let the cat in. I set the table, and then Jay comes in, and me and my mother and Jay are sitting around having dinner, and the forks are clanking, and the spaghetti is going in our mouth, and we're sitting around the table both relieved that my stepfather had just been kicked out of the house, but also sad and not quite sure what to talk about, and Jay decides to fill the silence and starts saying, I had a dream last night, and my mom says, you had a dream last night, what was it about? And he says, well, I'm riding my bike, and there's something to do with the green car. I can't see the car exactly, but I can tell that it's a green car, and there's a terrible accident. The car hits me, and I'm not sure what happens next, he says, but then suddenly I'm like, it's weird, I'm up above my body, and I'm looking down on the scene, and there's an ambulance there, and my bike is laying over there, and I see the green car, and people are trying to work on me, trying to bring me back to life. I don't think they're going to be able to, he says. I'm very confident that I'm going to die young, and my mom just gets up from the table and says, who wants more food? And that is the end of that conversation, that particular day. I think we, after that, watched Hawaii 5.0. You know, there was so much trauma in our life that I, it was interesting, that's one thing, it was so very interesting that this 12-year-old is talking about dying, and he's not worried about it. That's the big thing, like, aren't you afraid? He was not afraid at all, it was just very matter of fact, and so somehow that was very soothing to me that he wasn't scared. He wasn't telling us because he was trying to make something different, or that he was afraid of this something, but he was very much, matter of fact, this is going to happen, there's nothing we can do about it. So I just took it in stride, but didn't believe it. Very much I didn't believe what he was saying, and very much my mother didn't want to believe what he was saying. So he said, this is going to happen to me. I am going to, I am going to die, I am going to die young. It's very matter of fact about it, it didn't affect his mood, and he said that, you know, he'd be up above his body, watching the paramedics try to bring him back to life, and he picked this song, Stairway to Heaven, to be played at his funeral, and he picked the cemetery where he wanted to be buried, and that was just his, like, you know, like he's telling us about, he's going on a field trip at school. There was nothing odd about it. So I just thought my 12 year old brother was very weird, and even though we had a very loving relationship, and I feel so much love for him today, and he's made my life so rich and mysterious, I at that time just thought he was crazy, weird, and he was making stuff up, maybe telling stories to cope with the difficulty of the alcoholism in our home, the violence in our home. So this was not a one time thing. He talked about this story, not obsessively, but he wanted us to be prepared, like I had said earlier, and he was very clear about that. I want you to be prepared, he would say those kinds of things. One time I was in the bathroom, and it was a Saturday afternoon, and I was getting ready to go to the mall with my friends to hang out, and I was curling my hair, and he kind of comes by the bathroom door, and then he passes it, and my cat's sitting there, and he stands in the bathroom door, and he looks at me, and he says to me, I need you to make sure that they play stairway to heaven at my funeral, and I'm like, my hair is sizzling away, and I'm looking at the cat, and I'm like, what is he talking about? I can barely believe what he's saying, but we both love the song, and I just say, would you shut up, and why do you have to talk about this all the time? And he says, I just want that song played at my funeral, and I know you won't forget, and then I say, fine, get out of here, and then he walks away and leaves. You know, when someone's telling you that they're going to die, and they're happy, and they're young, and they're outgoing, or athletic, you can't comprehend that it will come true. And so I just remember the dissonance and not having any capacity to really process the story, but more, my brother is just annoying is all I could think about. So he was talking about this all the time, and to many people, and a couple of his friends told me a few different stories, and one of the stories that I've learned is that he and his friends, Stevie Anderson, were swimming, and they were both quite stoned. So Stevie tells me that the two of them are swimming in the marsh, and somehow Stevie ends up at the bottom of the marsh, and he's feeling like he can't swim. He feels like he's drowning, and Jay dives down, pulls him up, pulls him to shore, supposedly is giving him CPR, and so Stevie told me this story many years later, and once he kind of gets over the trauma of, I've just about drowned, Jay says, don't worry about it, I've seen my death, and it's a beautiful thing. If you would have died right here, it would have been just fine. So another friend tells me that they're at one of the houses where the kids would go after school, and they were all sitting around joking and smoking a joint, and Jay just says, this friend tells me, Jay says, y'all, I've seen my death, and I'm not going to live very long, and it has something to do with the green car, and they're just laughing at him, telling him, Jay, shut up, we don't believe you, how can you see your death, how can anyone see their future, and so he just shuts up about it, my friend told me. Another story is that my cousin, he told me that Jay and he were sitting on the swing on the porch, and they're swinging and they're watching the fireflies flitter in the lawn and looking out over at the cows, and then Jay says, hey, Marty, I want you to know that I'm not going to live very long, and I really love that you've helped me with my wrestling career and my baseball career, and I just need you to know that I am going to die young, and Marty recalled that story to me like 30 years later. My mom had a best friend named Wanda, and Wanda got this call from my mother, and it was in the middle of the night, and Wanda's daughter, Marcy, somehow is awake and listening to this phone call, and my mom is sobbing, and she's saying, Jay keeps telling us he's going to die, and I don't know what to do about it, and Wanda's basically just saying to her, Carol, I don't think there's anything you can do about it. You can't lock him up for the rest of his life. So one time, I'm playing nuker with my mom and her friend, Shar, and Jay walks through the kitchen because the kitchen was in between the TV room and the bathroom, and he walks through, well, I could hear Gilligan's Island in the other room, and he says, you know, it's not going to be much longer, and Shar says, what's not going to be much longer? And he says, my death is not going to be much longer. He was talking about this all the time for the course of a year. I remember April 19, 1981, it was Easter, and we had just gone to church at the United Methodist Church, this little church in the countryside in Ithaca, Wisconsin, and then we had gone downstairs into the basement of the church, and we had eaten ham and jello and potato salad and these sorts of things, and my cousins are all around, my aunts and uncles, and the meal finishes and cleans up, and we all get ready to play nuker, and Jay and Kenny are on one team, and me and my mom are on the other team, and they actually beat us, and we're kind of being pissy about that, and then my Jay asked my mom if he can go hang out with Kenny and go feed the cows, and he's grabbing her purse and he steals this piece of gum, and she's reluctant to let him go, but she says, fine, I'll see you back at the house in one hour, and so the church was just really close to the farmhouse, like a couple blocks away, and he gets a ride from my uncle Orlan, they go up to the farmhouse, and then a little bit later, after we play another round of nuker, we go back up to the farmhouse, and we hang out in the kitchen a little while talking to my aunt Alice and my cousin Marty, and we're getting ready to leave, and we go into the mudroom, and Jay has just come in from feeding the cows, and me and my mom are getting our coats on and putting our shoes back on, and just as my mom goes to grab the door and open it up for us to leave, Jay points at this picture right to the left of the door, that's an aerial view of the farm property with the house and the barn and the cows, and just on the edge of that photo, you can see there's a little small cemetery where most of the people that are buried there, it's like 1918, even the late 1800s, there's whole families in the cemetery, it's right next to this geological structure called Elephant Trunk Rock, and he points to that and he says, that's where I want to be buried. We all just fall into silence and don't really know what to say, my mom opens the door and says, Jay, come on. So there would be an example of when Jay would speak about this, my mom would often get angry or just fall into silence, so we got in our car and we drove home in silence, listening to her favorite songs, Elvis Presley and a few others. One thing is, I started as was going on all around me, drinking and smoking weed when I was 13 years old, so this all started when I was 16 and 17 and I was much more interested in my friends and boys and these kinds of things, so I feel like I felt like it was just an annoyance and the cognitive dissonance of it was just too great to be able to process it at all. So it's the end of May and my mother is thinking her gardening, planting tomato plants and seeds, cucumbers, lettuce, all these things, and she's out in the yard and she's trying to set up our sprinkler and she's realizing that it's broken. And also I have a pet pigeon at this time, so the pet pigeon is following her around the yard and I'm kind of just watching all of this and she's like, I need a new sprinkler and Jay just gets home from school at that moment and he says, oh, mama, I'll go get you a new sprinkler and she says, well, you're grounded, I'm not letting you do that. He's like, please, please, I'll bring Terry with and she says, fine, you can go but I want you to just go right there to J.C. Pennies, which is just basically a park ride across from our house, like a mile long park, it's a very big park but there's bike paths through there and everything, so you really hardly have to cross any roads. You know, and she's got this green car in her mind as a problem. And so she says yes, but come right back. And so Jay runs up the hill where Terry lives, asks Terry if he can go, yes, he can go. They run back down the hill. Jay has an extra BMX bike, so Terry rides that. Jay rides his fancy BMX bike with the, I think he has these new tires on it. And they ride over to J.C. Pennies, they're doing some wheelies as they leave the driveway. And I am wondering like, oh, you know, what's going to happen to my brother? Can feel that quality? Is he going to be okay? Like a deep angst of a worry inside of me, but also just brushing it off. So I go in the house and I'm doing the dishes and Jay's taking longer than he should be. My mom's kind of pacing. I'm noticing that. She's coming the house. She's giving up the gardening. She turns on the TV. I believe there's like Colombo or something on. She's a big detective show watcher. And Jay comes home and he has not only that sprinkler, which he hands her, but he also has a yellow rose bush. And he hands her the rose bush and he says, hey, mom, I got you your birthday present. And she says, what do you mean? My birthday's not for five weeks. And he says, well, I don't know if I'm going to be around for your birthday. And she just grabs the rose bush and says, thank you. And then he leaves the room and I follow him and I go in his bedroom and he pulls out this CD of Van Halen, Fair Warning. He had also bought that album with the rose bush and with the sprinkler at JC Penney. And he sticks it in his CD player and he kind of cranks it up and he and I are just sitting in his bedroom listening to Van Halen. All right, we'll be right back after this quick break. And then we're going to investigate those stories and find out how much of it is true. He gets a patent one month before the Wright Brothers. Oh my God. Please follow and listen to Family Lore, an Odyssey podcast available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows. May 27th, 1981. It's a normal day. I remember that morning Jay standing on the couch and like a few days before we had gone horseback riding together. We had this place where we could go horseback riding. And I remember laughing because he was still really like he had saddle legs where is like he couldn't quite sit right. So we were laughing about that and we ate breakfast together. We both I think we had some Captain Crunch cereal and we were kind of talking about the little game that was on the back of the box. And he wrote his he went and got on his bike and I went out the door and went to catch the bus and then I went to school and I got out like around I think two o'clock and I get home and I can smell marijuana in the space. I'm like, oh, Jay's been here. I go down to the basement and it's very smoky down there and I I see that he had been playing that band hailing fair warning album. And I go back upstairs and I'm doing the dishes and I see this glint through the window because the kitchen sink looked out to the driveway. And I walk to the living room and I see a cop car in the driveway and the cop is getting out of his car and he's going to the back of the trunk which is propped open and he pulls out what appears to be Jay's bike but it's very mangled. And he just sets it on the lawn and then he walks up to the porch where I'm standing and he said, I'm sorry, there's been an accident and here's your brother's bike. I'm in shock. I go back in the house. I go back to doing the dishes. I get lost in this meditation that's trauma informed and studying the bubbles and the phone rings and I answer the phone. It's a green wall phone and I pick up the receiver and it's Stevie and Terry's mother, Jan. And she says, Chris, there's been an accident. I'll be there in five minutes. Get ready. And five minutes later, she picks me up in the driveway and she drives me the longest drive of my life. It's like a, I don't know, a 10, 12 minute drive but it seemed like an eternity. She drives me to the University of Wisconsin Hospital where I'm taking into the small room and I remember the clock on the wall just ticking ever so annoyingly. And my mother and stepfather who were mortal enemies at that time were in this room and they were both sobbing. Barely recognized me. They didn't really respond to my presence. And then this nurse comes in and she says, would you like to see your brother? And I said yes. And I follow her down the hall to this surgical room. It's this big room with a stainless steel table and this bright light over the stainless steel table. And on the table is my brother Jay and he is dead. His head is like the size of a watermelon and blood is all over him and coming out of his eyes and his ears and his nose. And I said to him, what the hell did you do this for? And the nurse said, I don't think he did it on purpose. At that moment I was like, well, she doesn't know what she's talking about. I don't know how, but I got out of that room and out of the hospital and we're at the house and my relatives are starting to come. The neighbors are starting to come and my mother is just sobbing and shaking and chain smoking. And the bike is still on the lawn and that is about the detail that I remember of that day. So apparently they had left the house on their bikes. They wanted to go out for a joy ride. There was also this track they had made behind Motier's grocery store where they would jump and all sorts of crazy tricks on their BMX bikes. But on this day they decided they were going to ride up to the cemetery and they were going to weave in and out the tombstones. So the three boys, Billy, Kurt and Jay, did that. They rode up on their BMX bikes and were weaving in and out of the tombstones. And at that point Kurt tells me Jay had yelled out, I don't care what happens to my body when I die. And Kurt just thought it was very weird. He very clearly, 40 years later remembers that detail. And then they leave the cemetery and they stop at the very top of Sanitarium Hill and right by the fountain. And the three of them are lined up and they say, let's race back to the house. So the boys are at the top of the hill and they decide that we're going to race. And they are bombing down the hill and they are wondering if they're going to stop at the highway one way or another. And then they get to the highway and there was a bunch of cars coming. So they pause and then they get across the first two lanes and then they stop in the medium strip. And then they go across the second two lanes after I think it's like a white Ford truck or something passes. And they get onto Goodland, which is a very calm residential street. And at that point they perceive, because it all happens in a few seconds, like we're talking five, ten seconds. This car is behind them and it appears to be coming right at them. And I think maybe they see the driver slumped at the wheel. So this car is coming towards them and this is all happening very, very fast. And Kurt yells to Jay, Jay, come over here. And Jay's response to that is, where did this guy get his license? He goes to the right and the car passes by Kurt and hits Jay or grabs the back tire of Jay's bike and pushes it into the curb. And then pulls Jay and his bike underneath the car and drags Jay and his bike for a block. Somehow the ambulance got called and because there are no cell phones then, right? But somebody in one of the houses must have called 911 and Billy at this time, he knows he's been ditched, but he has no idea about the accident. So he goes to the house to find out where they are and he doesn't find them. And so he's riding back home, which happens to be the same path. And he sees an ambulance and he sees Kurt sitting on the curb and he goes up to Kurt and he says, hey Kurt, what's going on? And Kurt points and he sees Jay on a stretcher and Jay is very long. He doesn't look normal to Billy at all. And so they had been trying to get his blood pumping, etc. when they were right there. And then they quickly put him into the ambulance and take him to the university hospital. The accident had happened around, I think about one o'clock and he was pronounced dead at, I believe it was 320 at the University of Wisconsin Hospital. So there was about two hours where he was alive when they were trying to bring him back to life. But what I was told by a nurse later was that he just had so much damage to his head that anytime they tried to get his blood, his heart going, the blood would just come out his eyes and ears and nose. And that was always a big part of his story that he would be up above his body watching people try to bring him back to life. So we have to assume there was however time works when you're watching your body. There was quite a bit of time that he was doing that. So he had always said that the accident would have something to do with the green car. That was the one detail that he knew about his death. He always knew that it would have to do with the green car. And indeed the car was a green car. Yeah, that green car hit J and the guy was driving it, but he had passed out and he had zero experience of the accident. He just comes to having hit a tree. The funeral was all these middle schoolers crying, sobbing. He was on the hockey team. They had taken his hockey stick and signed it with all the kids from his grade and they had placed it by the coffin. He, because his head, it wasn't open coffin, but because he had had so much damage, he didn't really look like himself. Actually, I'm quite composed and I'm supporting a lot of his friends who are all sobbing and struggling. A lot of them couldn't even look at the body. But also my mom brings this man up to me and she says, she says, Chris, this is your father. And he just grabs me and hugs me and that's the beginning of a very long relationship with my biological father, who I just saw yesterday. And we played his requested song at the funeral, Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. And then we all get in the cars and we drive up to the hour and 20 minutes to Neptune Cemetery. And me, my mom, my biological dad, his wife at the moment and all these middle schoolers, a few of my friends were all up at this little cemetery. And we put his coffin in the ground up there. And yeah, that's Neptune Cemetery where he wanted to be buried, where he had asked to be buried. After he died, A, it was just an intense heaviness around the house. And there was no talk about, oh, he predicted this. Oh, he saw this coming. I think for my mother, my mother, like to face that in its fullness, she felt responsible. Like, therefore, she should have been able to stop it. That was her psychology. And also, obviously, she lost her son and it was very tragic. But that next layer for her wasn't like, wow, what is this universe that something like this could happen? It was, well, why didn't I stop it? And for me, I just think I wanted out of the house as much as possible because I just didn't want to be around my mother. And so I just really poured myself even more into my friends. I took a trip to Disneyland on a train with my friends, Kathy and Carrie and Kathy's mother. We went to her aunt's house and we went to Disneyland. That's one thing that I did. And also, I can remember working at McDonald's and mostly holding it together, but not always. And also, that very summer, I got a boyfriend who I was with for six years. So I poured myself into that. My mother, she sold the house very quickly and she moved with my father. So that was another part of it, is that I suddenly had a whole new family and my mother was suddenly back with my father. So I got to learn to play pool from a pro and I got to have two new little brothers who were eight and 10 and a sister who was 13. And so I was hanging out with them and spending Christmas with them. And so it was just a new happy family amongst everyone, smoking a lot and drinking a lot. And there was some cocaine in there. And yeah, that's what it was like. I feel like it changed my mom tremendously. And in part, I'll never know how because one of the qualities is that she never ever wanted to talk about Jay or Jay's death. I think she felt very guilty that she couldn't stop it. Six years after Jay had been tragically killed, I was in Europe. And my mom decided she wanted to come for the winter break and we were traveling together. And I was in Alcoholics Anonymous at the time and they were teaching me that talking about things and sharing your story was very healing. And so my mom and I were on a trip actually with a friend of mine. I was so obsessed with healing and with what had happened to Jay that I literally locked my mother in a bathroom with myself in Pisa, Italy, right outside the leaning tower of Pisa. I can see it right out our window actually. And I was saying, screaming at her. She was sitting on the toilet and I'm screaming at her telling her she cannot leave this bathroom until we talk about what happened to Jay. And she would not talk to me about that. She would not talk about his precognition. She would not talk about the violence in our family. And that silence really just shaped the reality from then on in my relationship with my mother. There was just so much unprocessed knowing that I was living in and I wasn't trying to torment her. I was just trying to make sense of how Jay could know that he was going to die and heal with her. And so it was very lonely and very traumatizing to feel such power to want to explore and tell this story and heal from it and learn from it versus her attitude, which she kept her last words to me on her deathbed were stop talking about dying. And that's your thing because I had invited her family to be with her and say goodbye to her. And that was her response. It was about 25 to 30 years after Jay, I was finally able to start reaching out to family like cousins, aunts, uncles, and also Jay's friends and start talking to them about what they did. What they knew about Jay and if they knew that he knew that he was going to die and who he was to them as a person. So I went through this process of meeting up with friends of his that he had hung out with and I discovered that they had been doing acid and that Jay had told at least one person that he had seen his vision on acid. And I'm pretty sure they were doing it at this house where they would all go to party on right by the park. And so since then I have Todd has related. Yes, I did acid with Jay. He never told me that he saw his future or he didn't remember, but multiple people said, yes, we were doing acid. And then a couple people had told me that Jay had told them that he had seen this while doing acid. It made so much more sense when I learned that that that he had seen his future while doing acid, partly because I've studied what the benefits of are of psychedelics and how opening they are. And since I've been talking about it, I've met many, many of his good friends that that remember him with all of this love. There's just so much love around him. And it's so beautiful to help other people take this tragedy and give them more insight into that he knew and that he he wasn't upset about it. He wasn't going to let it get in his way of living his best life and help them really have a more peaceful and deeper relationship with death, not be in the denial of death, but really look at death as this doorway to who knows where, but a doorway versus an ending. 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