My boyfriend shared our hobby with ANOTHER woman… then turned on me! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2653

Hey, this is Angie. And this is Key on your favorite OK Store Time host and we've got great stories coming right up. But before this is an iHeart podcast, guaranteed human. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. Hans, the GC here. I'm whispering because... As the queen. Queen of social media. It's about time for my ASGMR series. So I'm recording this on my phone and then I'm going to use Canva to edit and upload it. Oh, sorry, babes. I'll make that a whisper when I edit it. Anyways, Canva makes social media edits so easy. I'll upload this in a minute. Canva, make everything iconic. How do I stop recording, Taren? That we have a quick two minute break from the sponsors that keep this show alive. My boyfriend shared our hobby with another woman, then turned on me. Was it D&D? My female 39 boyfriend, male 39, of five years, has picked up a hobby I dabble in. I was excited to have a joint interest, only to find out he's regularly doing it with a female friend while I'm at work. By the way, this comes from SoulSiren22. And if you want us to make your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Carly. I'm Dakota. We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we would do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. As OP says, it's an activity that can be done solo or with someone as company. Just tell us the activity. When I started to be bothered by the amount of time they're spending together, and at the same time, his diminishing investment into time with me, he told me that he prefers to do this activity in company. And since I am not available, he's doing it with this person. A couple of days ago, he proposed me to join him. There's the hair. It just really sounds so bad when it's this ambiguous. That's what I'm saying. Just tell us. We all know what it sounds like. If it's just like you guys crochet together or something, like just tell us that, please. Yeah, it's like. I happily agreed and pointed out that his technique got much better than mine. And so I'm asking for some patience from him. He then said that he will likely do it alone since he wants to feel unrestrained and have some quality alone time. We have spent 48 hours together before after not seeing each other all week. I pointed out that he told me the reason he was doing it with his female friend was because he prefers company and I'm unavailable. But now chooses to do it alone, leaving me behind. I also said that whenever we did it together in the past, I was happy to accommodate to his skill level. Well, I don't see that from him now. He exploded. He exploded. He exploded accusing me of trying to back him into a corner. Saying I'm holding him to his past statements that they have nothing to do with present day. He feels he is free to do what he chooses in the moment and resents having to explain himself to me who he says is trying to mess with his head. Really? I mean, it really just sounds like he's trying to do it. I mean, it really just sounds like it's you and a dozen other people in a dim room. And there's a lot of oil involved. He later apologized and offered to do our common hobby together. Saying he was worried about me feeling self-conscious regarding my now inferior skills. Regarding my now inferior skill and didn't communicate it well. He says he isn't good at communication and that after such a long time of being together, I should be more understanding of it. I find this lack of reciprocacy less and less palatable, increasingly unfair and stressful. How do I address this? And we have some comments. I still don't know what we're addressing. I think it is like not even like with a joke, but it's like without knowing exactly what you're talking about, it's pretty hard to gauge because it's so ambiguous. Like what level of almost like betrayal is this a hobby that takes a lot of time? This is a hobby that it really doesn't make a difference if he's doing it alone. What level of intimacy does doing this with a partner? You know what I mean? Not like Bound Chick of Bound Wow intimacy, but it's like are you creating a bond with this other woman? Is it like a very talking, bonding experience? Or is it just like we sit in a room and do it at the same time? Relevant comments. Commenter one. It sounds like you're feeling left out and undervalued, which is totally understandable. You deserve to have your feelings heard and respected, not just brushed off. I hope he responds. He says I'm acting like police and he shouldn't have to explain himself to me. That he expects nothing from me that he doesn't give. When I find out past examples where that is not true, he says that's different or says fair enough and is mindful for a week or two. After a while, he apologizes and says he didn't mean to hurt me, but it keeps repeating. Commenter two says let's call it what it is. He's having an emotional affair and manipulating you when you point out his inconsistencies. His explosion wasn't about feeling backed into a corner. It was about getting caught in his lies. The poor communicator excuse is just another manipulation tactic to make you doubt yourself. Some people really like getting caught in their lies. He's guest lighting you. He does this hobby with another woman because he prefers company, but suddenly needs alone time when you're available. Then explodes when you point out this obvious contradiction. This isn't about communication or skill levels. It's about him wanting to spend time with another woman while making you feel crazy for noticing. Stop accepting his transparent excuses. He's not worried about your inferior skill level. He's trying to justify spending intimate time with another woman while making you feel inadequate. This isn't about hobbies. But it is though. That's why some of these comments get so off the rails and it's like we literally have no information about what they're even doing. Imagine this is just a Tekken tournament or a Mortal Kombat tournament. Point of life in the beginning. Like the story is very much just like I have a hobby. I'm not telling you that hobby. My husband also has that hobby. He's been doing it with some other woman. Won't do it with me though. What the heck? And like that's it. Like it's like it's more about like spending time with you. Like why is he not spending time with you? Right. This isn't about hobbies. It's about respect and you're getting none. OP response. Thank you for your response. It hurts, but I needed to hear it. Commenter three says in regards to what OP said about that. The F. So he's basically saying I lash out on you because I assumed your feelings regarding the situation. And inferior skill? LMAO. Rude. He says he isn't good at communication and that after such a long time of being together I should be more understanding of it. He's admitting he has this big flaw in your relationship and then somehow twists it into being your fault. You should be more understanding of it. How about since he recognizes he has this problem, he actually works on it himself. I also don't understand how you could possibly be more understanding. You communicated your thoughts clearly and he responded by lashing out and accusing you of all sorts of things. So next time he wants you to just accept that kind of treatment or what? How can you be more understanding of his inability to solve conflict and communicate? How do I address this? Stop letting him use these manipulation tactics on you. He shifts blame and then asks you to be more understanding. F that. OP says thank you for your answer. He says he should be free to do whatever he feels like in the moment and that I shouldn't hold his past statements against him because he's free to change his mind and do things differently than before. He first said I made things too complicated so he decided to drop it. Then he said he was worried about me not having a good time and rather said we don't do it. Comment before so your boyfriend is building a new relationship with another woman is trying to blame you for forcing him to spend time with this other woman because you are not available. Ask him how he's available to you and maybe you should reciprocate if it is all that innocent by having your own buddy for your hobby and spend time with him. Why are people so upset that men are able to make friends with women and that women are able to make friends with men? Like we need to freaking get over that. Not every single friendship somebody makes is like nefarious. Yeah, however to actually be serious for a second about this story I do think it's a problem if you go to your partner and you say hey I really feel like we haven't been spending time together and we have this shared hobby. I would love to do this with you instead. And then him being like well actually you really don't want to do it with you but then he's spending all his time with someone else doing it. Yeah that is a problem that like should be fixed. Right. I was just spilling more to that comment. But maybe you get your own buddy it's like dude it's like yeah maybe you should. Maybe you should just get a friend. I don't know. Of any gender. Get two hobby horse friends. I doubt he would like that. Opie says he swore up and down to me that he is not cheating since it destroyed his family and he wouldn't do it to someone else. He says he's just happy to have a friend who shares a hobby with him and is easy to get along with. He admitted he wouldn't like it if I spent hours with another man every day but he still does it with her. Commenter 4 says well he could share that hobby with you but by now he is more advanced. So again you are not worth it for him to help you level up and you told him you don't like it and your opinion doesn't matter because he still chooses himself and her over himself and you. If a friend came to you with this story what would you say to her? I know what I would say to her. I'd say what freaking hobby are you talking about because that honestly makes a world of difference. At this point it truly does to me though. Like is it something that's out in public? Is it something that's done with a bigger group of people? I can literally, I have my own experience with this and it was with pickleball. Like I used to. I hate pickleball. And I know you hate pickleball but it's like, it's just in the context of skill levels. It's like if you are more advanced at something like that's like a sport like that or one-on-one thing, it is extremely boring or frustrating to play with someone way under your skill level because there's no point. Yes but she got him into this sport and I do think there's a totally fair place to be like still practice with your friends, still have your good level at this and everything. Can you do it with me so that I can advance to your level? Show me, teach me, help me kind of thing. And it's like me personally hate teaching. I'm terrible at it so I'd be really bad at that. But it's like all of that is to say it is almost impossible for us to give any sort of like realistically nuanced like opinion on this because we don't know what the hell you're talking about. You have to take care of yourself, your own self-worth and your own boundaries. His words mean nothing if he isn't taking your feelings into consideration and still goes and spends more time with her. Opie says he said he doesn't want to feel restrained needing to adapt to my level and wants to challenge himself. When I asked if she challenges him the answer was um yeah well actually no. In some parts why does it matter anyway? All right buddy. It's the second that you say hey this thing bothers me. Can we talk about it? Can we spend more time together? And he's just immediately like um well no actually I like the situation. And you're like but I really don't. Can we just talk about it? And he's like nah. But again it's like if the situation is like I it just it really. You can still be upset about the situation. Pick up basketball. Let's pick up basketball. Planning against somebody and pick up basketball and they are no challenge to you is boring. And not fun. That's fine. I don't even think that she's at this point asking for time together doing just this hobby. She's like can we spend time together? Yeah well then it sounds like it's like also like you need to spend less time playing with this person. Yeah the more I read the comments here the more I feel naive and stupid. Comments are five says so you have a hobby that you two could do together. But instead he does it with another woman. That's so disrespectful. It's a hobby. He could wait until you're available. He just wants to spend time with the other woman. You should move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you. We have very different schedules and they sink maybe once a week and every other weekend where we can do more than a morning cuddle and a bit of time before going to sleep. I can understand him doing the hobby in his off hours while I'm working. But I resent it when we could do it together or spend more time as a couple and he schedules it with her. Yeah that is pretty messed up. Or they spend hours on the hobby then meet other friends together and still go for drinks just the two of them. Where are you? I would love to have that level of engagement from him but I don't. We have an update December 20th 2025 nearly 13 months later. Yeah okay honestly like the very end there like definitely. I'll say so it's like he's going out with this whole group of friends and you're not like invited or you're not going along like what's that about? So they are meeting up with the group at some point and then going off alone again. Uncomfortable as heck. I take back everything I said about this guy in any positive way whatsoever I think now at this point. Is that happening because like you said your schedules aren't synced up and you're like working or something? Because if that's the case then I don't know I can't really hold that against him. She said that he still chooses that even when it's time that could be spent with her. If you could be at any of those places and he's actively being like no. What are we doing? About a year ago I posted about my relationship situation where my partner got increasingly self-centered with minimal to no interest in me. I stopped investing effort that wasn't matched as someone suggested and started demanding more support and accountability. It got worse. He resented me for not being constantly available, started being mean and disrespectful, overtly prioritizing his friends especially female ones over me, blaming me for everything that was wrong, telling me I'm too hard on him because he forgets and that's not something to hold against him. He started raising his voice at me telling me I should just accept whatever he does. A few months ago I went on a really intense business trip for a couple of weeks. Before that he made sure he was busy and we couldn't spend any real time together. He said my leaving was not a big deal. As soon as I left he started spending time with his friends especially one female. He took time for a weekend trip days before his biggest project of the year was due and told me he did it because he wanted to. It finally hit home that he wanted a maid, not someone to partner with and appreciate. I confronted him about it and he broke up with me over the phone saying he's bored being with me and my happy place, no drama, makes him profoundly miserable. It hurt but I was done anyway. My besties toasted to the breakup with champagne behind my back. God bless them. Turns out they couldn't stand him and how he treated me but respected me enough to stay silent and just support me. I love them dearly. When he tried to backpedal I didn't have it. He tried dating one of the girls he was spending time with before we broke up. Shocker. Chocking. It didn't go well just as I predicted. Now he's circling back to me. Saying we just had a crisis in communication and that he learned from his mistakes he wants a do-over and I am not having it. Turns out my life is calmer, more restful and steady without him in it. Yeah you know OP my only issue is that you haven't told us the hobby. You still haven't told us the hobby and for that I will not forgive you. Now he's trying to restart contact and pushing all the buttons he knows used to work. He doesn't realize that while he spent the last months working on his next conquest I spent them working on me. And those tricks don't work anymore. We have some comments. Comedier one he mistook your peace and he mistook your peace for emptiness and his noise for value. The trash took itself out. You upgraded. His do-over is just a request to downgrade you again. Stay free. OP says that's the plan. Thanks. Downvoted commenter. So he ended up dumping you. That's just sad. OP says when I showed him I knew what he was doing I told him it either changes or I'm out. He apologized. Said we'd fixed it when I'd be back home and then he broke up with me the next day. I think part of it was an effort to keep control. I'm okay with that. I have final control of my life and am enjoying my drama free status. Comedier two he sounds like an adrenaline junkie who thrives on chaos. You are you are well rid of him. OP says yep he told me he was bored out of his skull with me and just wished I I would yell at him sometimes. I know he'd like it because it would have given him an excuse to yell back. It took a while to realize that a lot of stupid disagreements we had were just him goading me into an argument so that he could let loose and enjoy the chaos he was controlling. That era of my life is now over. Yeah that's always a freaky thing. People who just like love to argue so they push you to the brink of arguing. Yeah. Yeah I mean this guy clearly sounds like the guy who you know if there's not some sort of problem or some sort of drama then it means that like it's boring or it's no you're not passionate enough. There's not you know it's like and it's the same thing on like you know the other side. I feel like it's like the other side of the coin of like because this one it's like this guy was clearly trying to like create drama but it's like the other side of that coin I feel like is feeling the need to constantly overanalyze and work through like every thought or potential like feeling that you have in a relationship like because it's like oh we just need to make sure that's like super healthy or like super clear or like whatever and it's like no actually you can just like vibe sometimes you know. Yeah glad you got out of there that seemed like it was no bueno and that's the end of this story we're gonna go to the next one. My boyfriend told me to quit my dream career so I secretly planned my escape. Good quit him. Anytime you have to use the word escape in the context of a relationship with somebody it's not a good sign. So I 26 female I'm dating my boyfriend 27 male for four years now. During our relationship we've made significant changes in our careers. We've met at minimum wage jobs and after that he had opened his own business a renovation company which I helped him out a lot with. I wrote an EU funding application which he got and by the way this comes from user existing bag 8657 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time subreddit I'm Dakota. I'm Carly and we're here to give good advice googly but we don't have all the answers we only know what we know so if you know more stuff that we don't know let us know in the comments and OP says. In the meantime I got a job at a corporate institution and got quickly promoted as the person managing about 30 people. After two years I experienced awful mistreatment resulting in a lawsuit and paid medical leave of six months. Nice. At the end of it while searching for a job opportunity I came by air traffic controller recruitment. I started to read about it and I learned that ATC earn about three times the median payroll and have up to 40 plus days of paid vacation time every year. I checked what it takes to become one and was relieved that you don't have to have any qualifications. You were relieved you just have to be at the top 2% of society in terms of spatial intelligence multitasking decision making and B2 English skills so actually there's plenty of requirements. I'm going to make myself feel better there's a lot of requirements. Yeah to be clear you have to be the top 2% in multiple categories those are requirements. I thought I was always good at these things so I applied and got an invitation for six-step recruitment. Every year there are tens of thousands of people who apply and literally less than 10 people get into the study program. After two years maybe two to four of them get licensed. Wow. First I got to do the online test then I went to the institution to do feast one and two tests that's probably a fun acronym and some more tests and assessment center and finally a recruitment interview in English. I was finally informed I got into the program. It doesn't mean I got the job I had to complete very stressful and demanding courses with many tests which failing them would mean I am let go. It put a strain on my relationship as we were living together and I had to abruptly leave to study at the center for approximately a year and a half. I spend every week commuting to my boyfriend who stayed at my house literally studying every living second except when I'm with him. We've been discussing immigrating to Scandinavian countries as he would make significantly more money there but I didn't want to go to another country without any qualifications. With an ATC license I would be making 120,000 a year almost anywhere. The thing is he met someone a business partner that gave him a good opportunity to leave now and he wants me to leave with him. I've got less than a couple months to end my course. I told him I'm staying to finish but he insists we have to go now because he will make good money for sure but I have little to no chance to finish my course with the license. Okay sounds like y'all are long distance for a couple months then. Yeah you guys already did long distance for year and a half. It does sound weird. It sounds like he doesn't want you to have a good job so that he can have all of the you know the weight to throw around. I'm sure it's more than that too. I'm sure there was a level of like well we should just do long distance again and he was like nah. It really hurt my feelings because I never doubted myself and I believe I'm fantastic at this job. I told him absolutely not but he reiterated what I said when we met that I would be okay being a stay-at-home mom. Exactly. Boom. Boom somebody give me the medal for predictive ability. I guess I was and still am okay with that. I really love him and we're a really good couple together and I don't want to lose him if I choose to stay in the program. We would be long distance almost half of a year. I know he would make arrangements for me to be safe financially if I relied on him. He always showed green flags in that matter. I feel as if I would be the a-hole if I would wait to finish my course even if I have little chance to do it successfully. Comment. Yeah not the a-hole. No not at all finish your course. Finish the course. Your first responsibility is to you. You have studied really hard. You are nearly there. Get the qualifications. Get some time and experience doing the role and building your own savings. What if his business doesn't work out? What if he has a nasty accident and suddenly you're the breadwinner? What if you both outgrow each other and decide to go separate ways? Future proof yourself. Get the qualification. You are nearly there. Yeah reply says OP is talking about her boyfriend showing green flags while ignoring the major red ones he's showing right now. He's trying to sabotage your success. One by trying to make her leave before she finishes and two trying to make her doubt herself and her abilities. Is red flags far outweigh any green flags he's previously shown? Yeah that is true because it's like it's hyper competitive. You've got in it. You've been doing it for a year and a half. You are at the finish line and he's trying to be like don't finish it. It's okay. I've got a great business opportunity so you'll never have to make money ever again. Months away from finish line is insane. OP you got into a program that so few get into due to how good you are. Don't start doubting yourself now. Ignore the a-hole naysayer aka your boyfriend. You've come this far. You can definitely successfully finish the program. You would be the a-hole to yourself if you listened to him. Your future self would be so mad at you. Also your boyfriend doesn't sound like a safe person to be financially dependent on especially far away from home and away from the support system that you've built. I'd advise ending this relationship but if you choose to stay with him then finish your training and don't ever be his stay at home partner. Wow I never expected this post to blow up like it did. For now I'm reading comments and one thing is clear. I am finishing the course. Tomorrow I'll see him again and we'll talk about any solutions for this time apart. Many of you suggested that his new business partner is a scam but it's not. My boyfriend has been his contractor for months now. They are building industrial level metal constructions for farming. The thing is new regulations are due to happen in EU countries in 2026 which means a lot of changes that only so many people can do. Prices for this specialized labor are absolutely insane now. His business partner is in his late 60s so he's willing to give up big clients as he won't leave the country now. There are hundreds of thousands of dollars to be made. My boyfriend is employing five people who are willing to go right now. Also many of you suggested that my boyfriend has bad intentions towards me and is unsupportive. I don't think that's the case. I just think he believes it would be better for us now but I cannot ignore this issue when so many of you see it this way. I won't assume his intentions during our talk and I'll try to see what his reactions are really showing and we have an update. I think he wants you to be the stay-at-home mom and not be able to do this job. Maybe not because he's like evil but because he's just like well no you have to be the stay-at-home mom. I have to be the one who makes up the money. Update so much has happened that I didn't have much time to update on time. As I came home I was met with usual behavior from his side. We talked a lot about our options but one thing changed. I started to record our talks then I transcribed them and put them into chat gpt. I know it's probably very childlike and stupid but somehow it opened my eyes. Bad. Bad. That is not your therapist. Bad. It took chat gpt to open your eyes. Don't use chat gpt as anything. Don't use it. The chat was sure it was a harmful relationship. Did we break up with this man because chat gpt told us you had advice from how many people on the internet before chat gpt and it took a fake ai thing. Maybe. Wow. Wow. Chat gpt wrong 60% of the time by the way. Just wanted to put that out there. Anyways it highlighted a lot of things I didn't seem to fathom on my own. In the upcoming days as Christmas came I didn't say much and let him talk as much as he wanted. He portrayed every single manipulation tactic there is and I got scared to be honest. I understood there is no us anymore. I tried to talk to him once but I realized he's not able to understand anything so leaving is the only option. As I decided to leave I still put up with this crap as I planned my escape. He really really hurt me in this time doing something he knew would f me up. Not cheating just emotional mistreatment. Tomorrow we will split to meet our families on our own and I will tell my family we're breaking up and why. They will support me. I plan on packing his things with their help and moving him out while he's out as he lives at my place. He has a place to go. I don't plan to talk to him at any point moving forward. My family will be responsible for that. I don't have anything to say to him now. It hurts but I'm 100% set on leaving. I'm glad you broke up. Sounds like things escalated though and you got out of there. You're gonna have a successful career. Your boyfriend probably what even though you shouldn't be listening to Chad GPT your boyfriend did sound like he was showing way more red flags than green flags. Yeah let's not put our relationship into Chad GPT ever again. Yeah truly can't imagine not supporting my partner doing something so elite you know what I mean. Yeah but let's let's finish this story. It will cost me a lot of money but my family will help. The point is to make me free as soon as possible and there's a quick edit. I searched his phone and found out about a lot of his lies. Currently it's 3 a.m. and I'm waiting for a taxi to my parents. He's asleep. I will come back tomorrow with bodyguards to pack him. Oh my god. Okay. Okay extra. More lies. More lies. More lies. Disceptions. More lies. We got a comment here to finish it off. I don't know what exactly your boyfriend told you but please don't believe that what Chad GPT says is the truth. Chad GPT is just a program that using information from the internet produces text. If for example enough people said that a woman saying she has a right to dress however she wants is toxic Chad GPT would tell you it's toxic unless you say you disagree. It's a robot designed to please the user. Try it. It will probably backpedal. Stay safe but please use your own judgment. It's a very flawed tool and people really don't know how to use it because we haven't been taught and we should have. I learned this in a course and was horrified when I realized it's just a text predictor. Yeah it's not sentient folks. Literally. Hugs and best of luck and that is the end of that story. Yeah. Good job. Even though you shouldn't be using Chad GPT as a metric for your relationships I do think that it was probably for the best for you to break up if he's not going to support you just spending a couple more months to find out if maybe you can have that career. And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one. My boyfriend became the provider and forgot everything I did for him. Provider. I hardly know her. My boyfriend of two and a half years and I moved in together in July because he was starting a new job at a new city. I had left my old job and had another lined up. Unfortunately I had unexpectedly got laid off before I could even start the new job due to their budget issues. By the way this comes from impressive match 98 82 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah and I'm Keon and we're here to give good advice goofily but we don't have all the answers we only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments and Opie says I have been unemployed since August and my mental health has taken a huge hit. I've been trying every job board and connection I can think of but nowhere in my field seems to be hiring right now. My boyfriend luckily has a good job and has been able to provide for us with me covering some bills with my savings. The issue is that this past Saturday night he got really wasted at a Christmas party and started screaming to me in public that he no longer has compassion for me because he thinks I do nothing and want to do nothing for the rest of my life. Immediately now. Immediately giant red flag he's screaming at you in public. Moon him. That'll shut him up. That'll shut him up. It probably would. He thinks he's better than me now because he has a good job and a better degree than me. That may be my potential job just didn't want me instead of it being a budget issue and that apparently my family all can't stand me either. Wow this guy sucks. Wow. I am so hurt because he insulted me, made up lies to hurt me and I think he's letting being the provider get to his head. Prior to his job I was the breadwinner and was the one who kept him from dropping out of school and encouraged him to pursue the good job he has now. I have been supporting him through his depression for our entire relationship and the one time I need his support he can't even handle it for five months. I don't know how I can trust him going forward when he turns on me at my most vulnerable moment. I admit I've had a short temper and have been overall extra emotional because of the rejection and uncertainty about my career but I've also been trying my hardest to find a job and take care of our new home together. I pretty much saved him from giving up on everything but now that he's successful he looks down on me during one of my hardest times and of course he had to do it days before Christmas and by making a scene in public. So is this worth leaving him over? And there are some comments but what do you think? Yeah I think this guy's the worst. I mean he can't even support you've supported him for what how many years did they say? I don't know a while. Yeah long time. Yeah the whole relationship. Yeah. Which it doesn't even matter how long the relationship is. Yeah. It's just like you have always been there for him and the one time you need him now he's like I think if he doesn't I think you could have a conversation about this but I think him having you know getting angry at you in public and just insulting you is a huge huge dread flag and I would be considering leaving. And in public. Yeah. And doing it like privately like okay understand and well like don't understand but still like doing it privately. So better. Yeah. Privately is better than making it a whole thing and then people are like looking like oh god you know. It's just it's humiliating. Yeah like that's not fun for literally anyone. No. Common one says all right here's what you do. Print out all the invoices all your bills you covered for him as well all out in the open and lay it on the table and then you demand 50% of all you paid for back. Tell him point blank if that's your attitude this is mine. I expect this all back and then you can go and you know f yourself. I am so sorry OP men a very specific type of men are like this. They exploit you and see this as absolutely okay as long as they benefit. The second they assume they no longer benefit more from a relationship than they have to provide. They completely lose their crap. This is about being a garbage human not a partner. The yelling in public is your warning signal that this man will escalate. Get out as soon as you can and we've got a second comment. You can leave a relationship at any time for any reason especially when your partner is in a hole. Common three says he's letting his mask slip and showing you exactly who he is when he feels he has control. This isn't loving if he's willing to disrespect you in front of others. He will escalate alone. You will struggle with confidence if you let him disrespect you like this. Now that you're seeing his true colors you need to decide if this is who you want to live with. If this is the behavior you're willing to tolerate. Love doesn't go away when things aren't going as planned. You don't need to prove your value to him. You need to value yourself. And OP reply thank you for your comment. This is heartbreaking because he's been very patient and understanding up until this point. It hurts that suddenly he doesn't recognize the effort I've put into changing my situation and all that I've been through. Common four says ugh I'm sorry he does not respect you. He used you. He's using the job and money things as an excuse to express that. Now that he doesn't need you like he did before the mask is slipping off. He probably feels like he's ready to level up and he's framing it like you're using him to get out without hurting his ego. Projection he may not even be aware of some of these feelings but there's a double standard here and trying to reason with him will likely result in you getting insulted more. I'm sorry but this is the start of an emotionally harmful relationship. Screaming insults at you in public leaving him will hurt but it will hurt less now than in a year. Stop using your savings on shared expenses and let him pay. Get that job and get out. Common five says my god just leave. This guy will always keep a tally. I haven't worked for five years due to mental health and my husband not once ever made me feel lesser because of it and even discouraged me going back once I thought I was ready because he wanted me and my therapist both to feel on the same page. Not discouraged in the simple sense but uh are you really sure and did you talk to so and so about it and what do they think? Your boyfriend will always be keeping score. Um yeah it just seems like this guy's not going to get any better and it seems like he got what he wanted out of the relationship and now he's just like well you know I'm gonna talk down to you and it'll make you feel this way. And it's like okay dude whatever you're high and mighty cool then I'm just gonna leave and you can go deal with all that on your own. Yay and when you're sad and lonely need me I won't be there anymore. Yay bye bye. Exactly just like that. Yeah exactly like that. Five months seems like a long time but when again you put it into perspective of you helping him for so long uh then it shows that you know he's not willing to be there for you. For everyone focused on the money he has no issue paying the rent. He and his parents paid his bills prior to moving in together and I paid my own bills. We agreed on 50-50 when we moved in together and both thought we had jobs. When I lost my job he agreed to cover full rent until I'm working full time again without expecting repayment. I am still covering our other bills with my savings and plan to contribute as originally planned when I'm working. The issue is he's not giving me the same grace and compassion during my depression and job struggles that I gave him in the past. And that is the end of that story. Uh I hope you figure it out OP. Hey it's Keon the silly goose. We're going to get back to the stories but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My girlfriend lied about her location so I trusted my gut. Where are you? The past month has been full of hardships in our relationship as we both were having trust issues and it was showing. We've been on and off mood-wise but the spicy related chemistry was still there. We were just emotionally distanced. By the way this comes from Fantastic Toe 3937 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I am Savannah. I'm Sophia. I'm Keon. And we are here to give some good advice goofily but we don't have all the answers. We would only know what we would do in this situation but we would love to know what you would do in this situation in the comments. As OP says, last Friday after she was with her mom, actual proof heard her mom's voice too. She said they went to her mom's friend's house, very typical, after they go out together. She was saying she fell asleep on the couch. Not that suspicious but I felt like something was off so I called her. When I did she told me to wait a minute. Now my radar was on because she'd usually answer for at least a couple of seconds. I told her immediately to drop her location but she would keep making excuses and not do it. This was around 8 to 9 p.m. I kept spamming her with texts and calls and she would see them but not answer immediately. I told her to tell me the truth and she was acting like nothing was happening but it was very obvious she wasn't sleeping before. We kept texting back and forth for a while as she was buying time to not drop me the location until she did around 11 p.m. It was very obviously not her mom's friend's house so I told her to tell me the truth. Oh she didn't even use that two hours to leave the location? Nope. Crazy. She said she went out drinking with friends and that was it. And she didn't want to tell me because I'd get jealous. She told me a version that made sense about where she was but not many details on what she did. She told me that around 8 p.m. she was at the mall. True. On the evidence she showed there was a video of her she sent to her mom at the mall. Then she and four people, three girls, one guy who I've seen and well he is not very attractive but still. And then so she was at the mall and then she was with an ugly guy so that she's fine for now. Went out to get drinks at a restaurant. There's some stuff that proves this. Not definitive but the story makes a lot of sense with the detail she gave. She says this is why she refused to send me her location because it would have been obvious that she was lying and she just kept doubling down on being with her mom until she was out. We called briefly once she was getting home and she was rude to me and very wasted while I was still asking her why the f she was lying to me about that. She'd go out with her friends before and tell me and well I would get a bit moody but not completely paranoid like this time. Okay well that's that is something to note. You're getting moody whenever she goes out with her friends. That is not great. She probably is noticing that and I was like okay well I don't want to deal with him being moody. That could correlate why she's not telling you. Yeah not that it's good that she's not telling you or okay that she's not telling you but it does make some more sense if you're being a little moody little moody baby. And she just said she didn't feel like telling me. She apologized in the morning and said she wouldn't lie to me anymore but that really really nothing happened. I tried to shrug it off for a couple of days but honestly I had enough today. Gave her an ultimatum and she basically said the words to break up with me. Okay but I want to know like what words she said the words to break up with me unless she said we're breaking up or like I want to break maybe. Yeah part of me wants her back and regrets giving her the ultimatum because she might not have done anything bad per se but I can't trust her and I'm starting to think she lied to me other times too. I'm scared she'll just go and get with this guy or something and I could have avoided that by not breaking up with her but also my gut just tells me she is a liar and she gave me half the truth. She never behaved like this before as far as I knew always loyal and the perfect girlfriend. I think for most of you it would be obvious but part of me really wants to believe her. I am heartbroken and her leaving hurts more than her lying. I personally think she did something bad but that she was really at the mall and then the restaurant. I would like to reconcile some time if that was the case however I think us breaking up will lead to her just having spicy sleep with someone else. Well that is what a breakup that's what happens on a breakup that usually starts seeing other people. It wasn't okay that she lied and she might be cheating but also OP is very controlling and demanding it seems and gave an ultimatum she took it and now they're not together and she's going to go see other people for sure because that's what you do when you break up. Yeah and I think from the way that you acted I would have been like well yeah you suck. I don't know. I told you the truth and you don't believe it so I don't know what else to do. Yeah and even if you guys didn't break up OP you're gonna keep questioning it and push her to the brink of like either you break up with her because you can't trust her anymore or she breaks up with you and look what happened. Yeah exactly. I'd like to know your thoughts to be honest we're in complete no contact at this point in time and there are some comments. Comment one says if you get back together she'll never respect you again and she'll walk all over you again. Stay broken move on. Whoa. Comment two says she's lying to you that's enough right there to end things. The lack of trust would drive you crazy in the long term she is untrustworthy and disrespects you and the relationship you had together. Get yourself together and push on bud. You deserve better OP replies I also was thinking about this I can't be doubting everything 24-7 it'll drive me insane and I'd make her hate me. Part of me hopes we reconcile sometimes because I do love her however I think for now we're better off on different paths. Comment three says it's over and that's all you have to deal with now and the hows and the why's at this point mean absolutely nothing. You guys were heading for a breakup anyway and when push came to shove she showed you that there was nothing here to be saved. So if you want any one bit of advice it is this don't bother thinking about this anymore it will hurt for a time but then it won't but the longer you do think about it the longer that hurt process will take. There's simply no point in analyzing this there is no point in asking questions there is no point in even thinking about if she cheated on you or not it simply doesn't matter as the relationship has ended and you are both now permanently out of each other's lives. Just accept that put it in that place called the past and stop letting it occupy so much of your time. Comments are really really had a lot of thoughts. Yeah OP replies thank you for your words I think I'm just over analyzing hopes of reconcile. You're not reconciling she broke up with you dude but I'm also wondering if it's even worth it long road ahead though she was my everything oh there's an update let's just get right into it let's do it basically I am not planning on breaking no contact at all deleted all the pics and conversations returned things basically everything to ensure there was no reconcile possibly happening I can tell she was planning to come back after the breakup but since that will not be possible I'm pretty sure she got a new guy now I have a girlfriend right now she's nice we've known each other for over a month still taking things slow but hopeful what I know how to see the red flags she knows about the whole situation and we're trying our best so far genuinely way happier thanks for the advice some of you guys left in here I'm like glad that you're happy and stuff but it is kind of weird to me that you were like what if we break up and then she gets within our person and then you're like dating someone else I just think I was like she's my everything I love her she's the best girlfriend ever but we broke up but I I want to reconcile and and now I have a new girlfriend you moved on yeah I think OP this shows you you learned you learned from your your previous relationship and that's that and that's that and that's the end of that story I asked for space while sleeping and my boyfriend took it personally so fine you need space okay I'm gonna leave to outer space how about that I female 21 and my partner male 21 have now been living together for about six months my partner likes to sleep cuddled up to someone I however do not this isn't an issue that just happened to occur in my life I've always had an issue with people in my personal space while wanting to sleep by the way this comes from then philosophy 5101 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the slash okay story time subreddit I'm Sophia I'm Dakota I'm Keon and we're here to give good advice goofily but we don't have all the answers we only know what we do so let us know what you would do in the common and OP says I do not mind having someone near me or next to me while sleeping it's the cuddling and hugging part that annoys me I've always made my feelings on things pretty clear as I like telling things in a rather direct way the first few nights we officially started living together I wouldn't mind it we would sleep cuddled up together and everything was fine but it started to become too much after the first week or two I consider myself a very direct person when it comes to issues I might have with someone or even just things I as a person don't like to do or have done so from the very beginning when it started to bother me cuddling to sleep I let my partner know I couldn't sleep comfortably like that this seemed to rather shake things up for our relationship my partner would take it in a different direction than what it was for instance I tell him I don't want to sleep hugging tonight and for some odd reason his mind would process that in a whole different conversation he'd say things like you don't love me anymore are you just prefer to be alone I would look at him and be like that has nothing to do with me not wanting to cuddle yeah that's a red flag because it's so unlike some people just aren't built to cuddle at night I'm a cuddler but if someone's not a cuddler that's okay my partner would go on and on about how he has struggled throughout his life and that he finally has a home and a family and he does his very best for us and makes an effort I never once stated he didn't I tried explaining to him that I would never minimize all you done or helped me with in our relationship and that I am grateful for everything it's just the sleeping cuddled up that I have issues with but every time I bring it up a new argument starts it's really starting to make me tired of trying to set the boundary with him since every time I try to talk about it he continues to make it into an argument so the other night we finally went to bed and he wanted to cuddle again I told them please fix yourself into your own spot I want to be in mine he didn't seem to care as he still moved to cuddle so I proceeded with can you move out of my space and stay in yours god I really do wish I didn't say anything after that he made it into an argument once again there's literally no argument to be had yeah there's now it's not like an argument of like will you that you should be or have to be okay with this it's like I don't she's not I don't want to do that and that doesn't mean I hate you and if you can't accept that now I don't know I I'd be so frustrated me too mind you I was already pretty tired from being sick and barely getting out of the hospital he went ahead and stated I'm tired of you always moving me when I want to be near you you're acting like I bother you because you are you're bothering me right now in this one specific context to which I respond it's not that you bother me we've had this conversation before and I made it clear I like having my own space while sleeping and once again I got the same response I've had a struggled life growing up and I just feel like you don't want me with you and that you prefer to be alone every time I ask you for just one thing you can't give it to me it's not one thing you ask for it over and over and hope he's already been clear like I understand physical touch I really do but it's just not something I want while I'm asleep I just don't know how to explain it to him without arguing all the dang time so readers am I the a-hole for not wanting to cuddle while sleeping and there is an update three days later yeah no I think this is gonna end up with a breakup I think it probably should because he's trying to like use his like oh but I went through all this stuff and like that means I deserve this and you need to give it to me because I don't know it's just like just feels like emotionally manipulative I absolutely agree okay so it's been three days since I posted about me not being able to sleep while cuddle up with my partner and how that conversation brings up arguments between us first I'd like to clear some things up as I have been reading everyone's comments and trying to reply to some when I first posted I am totally okay with physical touch me and my partner are always together in our free time and we love spending time together that was never the issue I do love my partner a lot he's my first serious relationship after I spent some time healing and making sure I was totally ready for one and I couldn't be happier with him by my side now for some things I didn't initially make clear my first post as it's my first time ever posting when I say cuddled up in order to sleep I literally mean he's right on me that's just way that's just the way he cuddles I'm five two and he's six foot for reference so when we lay down and he wants to sleep cuddled I really do prefer not to have someone literally on top of me while I try to sleep once again this isn't just an issue that occurred in my life as of now I've always been this way and it's just the way I'm used to sleeping I get that we all have different sleeping patterns and how cuddling can be one of his so we talked about it and he told me that this is a new thing for him that before he was able to just sleep but when he's around me he loves to just cuddle and hug because it makes him feel safe and loved I can totally understand that I'm not a monster guys I'm human too we talked about it for a while and I told him that I love for him to feel safe and loved with me but I feel that way as well when I'm around him I also explained why I can't sleep the way he'd like for us to sleep so we did compromise I saw a comment on my other post that said we can do the cuddling before sleeping I was gonna say can we do a little compromise where before you guys actually fall asleep can we do a little pre-cuddle pre-sleep cuddling yeah I was gonna suggest that so I'm glad that someone did puddling puddle and once we're ready to sleep to just sleep near each other I also saw another one that said to try to do the leg on top of one another so that feeling of cuddling isn't completely gone yeah sometimes you just need like a little like arm touching one body parts I still think it's kind of weird that he was just was unable to understand oh I agree don't sleep with someone cuddling you and you're like a small person and he's enormous so it's like yeah I'm sleeping with like a big mammal around me and that's exactly what we're gonna do we will get in all the cuddling we can before sleeping like maybe start a new series or watch movies before bed that way we are cuddled up and comfy and while sleeping I have been intertwining I have been intertwining my legs with his and it's really working we have been able to sleep fine without any issues doing this I would just be on the lookout for this kind of behavior in any other context so of your relationship yeah I'm a little bit I don't know not suspicious but I'm a little bit worried like you're gonna be like he's gonna be like can I have your fries and you're gonna be like no I want to eat my fries you don't love me well I went through a lot growing up my childhood and you can't even give me your french fries as for the people who were telling me that I don't deserve him that I'm the ale for not wanting to cuddle with him and that I just have an issue with physical touch I don't know how my first post made it sound like I just don't love him but I read your comments and although I did feel like the ale I guess some of what you guys said was helpful not because I don't love him but because but because I saw it as a foreseen future that I don't want for us anyways thanks to everyone who read and gave me good advice I'm glad I was able to post and get something positive out of it you're happy and still very much in love with each other if you say so I mean as long as that vibe doesn't leak into the rest of your relationship I guess that's good I'm just a little bit worried compromise yeah we got there and that's the end of this story we're gonna go on to the next one hey it's Angie your favorite fake redhead host here and we're going to get back to the stories but here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors my boyfriend's ex keeps calling him and I don't know if I'm overreacting hang up I 25 female I'm dating a guy 36 male and his ex 25 female is calling him sometimes this comes from user Amy insect 8 4 4 8 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash okay story time subreddit I'm Dakota I'm Sophia I'm Keon and we're here to give good advice googly but we don't have all the answers we only know what we know so if you know something we don't know let us know in the comments and OP says long story short we met online and I drove to his country to meet him we're the same nationality and we had a great time together filled with intimacy of course before the meeting and after we talked constantly we can talk on the phone almost the entire day we text a lot and he is always the one who calls me first he calls me after work at home from the store before sleep and sometimes we even sleep together on phone calls we have been inseparable for three months since we met he messaged me first and kept messaging me even when I was giving short replies okay when I was at his house for the weekend and left on Monday he did not stop me at the time a few days later he told me why did you have to go you could have stayed which made me think he missed me I wanted to stay too but I didn't want to stay too long and annoy him he's currently at his family's place and we have kind of planned that he might take me to his home for New Year's Eve although it's not confirmed yet when he drove to his family which was a long drive we talked almost the entire ride he updates me on everything and I do the same he always calls me which I think is a big indicator that he is into me um now for the other part of the story before we met about two months ago we were talking on the phone when his phone started I asked why he wasn't picking up and he said it was his ex my stomach dropped he said he would pick up and call me back when he called me back he said her father had passed away which is true and she wanted to talk they broke up three years ago one year ago she went missing or ran away and he said he was worried and cried because he was afraid for her so they broke up three years ago she was 22 and he was 33 yeah okay he even sent her money so she could go back to her country after that we continued talking and I asked if there was something between them he said no and explained that she was with someone else and wanted to get back with him but he did not want that why are we involved in our ex's romantic affairs hmm over the next two months his phone occasionally buzzed during our calls I guessed twice and asked if it was his ex and he said yes he said he didn't want to talk to her and I appreciated that he didn't hide it he's like no I'm talking to my ex I don't want to I have to sorry is that good maybe he feels some sort of weird sense of responsibility for I don't know this is all weird yeah still it made me worried he claimed she had not called him in three weeks and that she sometimes just randomly calls fast forward to two weeks ago when I was at his place I was about to leave around 7 p.m when his phone buzzed he had his phone within the entire time and did not pick up I asked if it was her and he confirmed it was she called twice and he didn't he said I haven't talked to her for three weeks which means he did pick up three weeks ago and I do not know why while I was at his place we got a bit tipsy and I asked him if he was going to meet her since she was visiting his family in the same city where she lives he said no and told me she would like to meet him but he didn't want to he said he wouldn't do that I asked him who was more important me or her and he said she wasn't important at all he also mentioned that she probably has a man although I do not think that's true he said that relationship was a huge mistake when I asked what he meant and whether they catch up on their lives he said I was interrogating him and joked that I was jealous that made me feel unsure and uncomfortable from what he says she calls him randomly he says he does not want to get back with her and that he has no emotional connection with her he talks with me for long hours every day and texts constantly so I doubt he would do that long distance if he wanted to go back to her he prioritizes contact with me and wanted to meet me again he is caring and nice and we send each other a lot of voice messages he sends me pictures of his apartment and jokes about picturing my dog there he jokes about my dress hanging in his bathroom and even kept our grocery list sending me a picture of it and saying he was sentimental I was surprised he did not throw it away all of this makes me think he is really into me he's a wonderful human being and there are no words to describe how happy I am that I found him he brought light into my life and I want to make him happy too because he deserves it he calls me multiple times a day and if there's one hour of silence he calls again I don't like that I don't like that either it's too much it seems like too much it feels like I mean they are long distance so it's like it feels like a little intense for me it just feels almost like and he's calling X every like what a couple weeks well his ex calling him yeah but like put up those boundaries he updates me with pictures and little things throughout his day and I don't know why his ex is calling him he said once that she wants to borrow money and it never gives it back considering she called when I was there I don't know how often she actually calls he claims he won't get back with her but if she had someone I don't think she would still be calling her ex I just don't trust this relationship I don't like the age gap I don't like him talking to his ex I don't like how much he's talking to you I think I don't know where they are because he said you're driving to a different country so it could be a cultural difference that like the age gap isn't that big of a deal yeah but like I think you have to decide whether or not you trust this guy and then if you do you know trust that he's with you and he's not going to give you his ex anyway let's finish this story I'm stressed that when I stay at his place again she'll call and ruin my mood the best thing would be for him to answer and for her to hear my feminine voice but I don't want to get involved since I'm not his girlfriend yet even though we act like a couple girl if you're not his girlfriend and he's talking to you like 24 seven that's you all gotta you all gotta decide yeah I am worried even though he says she only calls sometimes maybe he is casual about the contact and picks up sometimes because there's no emotional connection from his side so it isn't a big deal to him they're not seeing each other and he lives abroad as I said he puts a lot of energy into contact with me even though we're long distance his family and friends know about me because he told them any advice that's the end of that story I don't know I would just just keep an eye out maybe express these feelings um about the ex my advice is if you're talking to somebody 20 hours a day you should be pretty clear on what your labels are and if it's not dating then what are you doing yeah like that's the truly um he's telling you like I'm picturing your dog here and you living here and your dress is in my bathroom it certainly sounds like you're dating I would say so but that is the end of that story no gloss no filter just stories spoken without fear for someone who's not generous cannot be an artist the world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers listen to my weekly podcast the puja bhaj show on the i heart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts come for the honesty stay for the fire this is an i heart podcast guaranteed human