We Were Trapped! | Your Mom's House Ep. 843

Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, I'm sorry. Which camera? Oh, that's me. Is that me? Hi. Hi. Welcome to your mom's house. I was just reading my favorite book, Situational...Sexual Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel Strategies. Through the magic, the magic of technology, I am here with my co-host, Tim Segura. He is coming from LA, everybody. Tim. Thank you. We miss you. Yes. What are you doing? Just chilling, dog. You know, just wanted a little Pacific air, you know what I mean? Pacific air. I'm on the West Coast, the best coast with a packed host, and I decided to just come out here and get a little fresh air, and that's what I'm doing. We miss you. So we're in prep. We are in prep on season two of Bad Thoughts. It is so crazy, so crazy how much goes into...because I mean, I know I did it last year too, but I think there's this thing where there was so much mystery, you know, of like, what do you do? That you're kind of...the days fly by differently, and this year, we're doing it in LA, and now it's just like you just see all the tasks that have to be done, and you're like, holy shit, it's just so...it's so much, you know, from like costume meetings, art department meetings, special effects meetings, casting sessions, you know, writer sessions, like on and on and on and on, and it's just a lot of work, and we start production in a few days, so we start shooting the season soon, and it's going to be...it's a lot. But I mean, that being said, I am very excited to do it, very excited. What's your favorite thing in the whole world, I think, making the show? It's so goddamn fun. I can't believe they let us do it. It's one of those things, you know? Like, every time we hand in scripts, we kind of are like, all right, let's see what they say, and then we have these meetings where they're like, loved it. It's amazing. Really? That's like, yeah, it's great. I'm like, cool. Yeah, they've been so supportive. I mean, they've given us notes, but not the kind of notes that you think. It's never really about this is two...there's one, I guess I'll talk about it more when it comes out, where somebody in our staff was like, this is a...like, I think it's a crime to even say this. Like, this is a really horrible thing to say. I think we should... Like you can get persicuted? Yeah, they're like, this is...I'll be able to explain it more, but they're like, you can't say this. You can't do this. And I was like, that's the fun of the show, though. The show is, say, the worst thing and do the worst thing, so we should lean into it. And they were like, okay. And then when we talked to the network and they were like, yeah, great. It's awesome. They were like, it's great. So it's fun. It's fun. It is lonely out here. We love you. Yeah, I mean, I miss you guys, miss the fam, miss all of it, but thankfully it's so much work that you kind of just get distracted by that. Yeah, we know, we know. And the kids and I miss you so much. And I'm coming home. Thank God. For how long? How long can you stay? Couple days. Oh, thank God. Well, just so you know what you're getting into, I started showing the boys the Terminator movies and the first one, they lost their minds, especially that part. The Terminator. Oh my God. Because first of all, Julian now is officially seven years old and he's like, I don't want to watch any PG bullshit. I don't want any G movies. He's always that. Like I'm a fucking kid. He gave me pajamas with dogs and rockets on them. I prefer a fucking baby. I'm like, OK. Pajamas. Oh, yeah, he's also made it so that I have to throw out all the clothes that have baby things on them like that. And he only wears suits like last night, your mom and Jane came over for dinner and he put on a velvet suit to just sit in our house and eat dinner. That's where he's at. So they love the Terminator. The first one, they loved it when Schwarzenegger was digging his robot eye out like where it's beady red for the first time you see it. And they were like, oh, shit. Oh my God. Now we're at T2. Julian laughs maniacally when Arnold kills people. Like it's not meant to be funny, but your son is like so humorous. No, it's not supposed to be. And then he loves when he's in the first movie when Schwarzenegger says, fuck you asshole. He really liked that. He's been saying that around the house a lot. Well, he said it on the phone yesterday to me. So I was kind of like, huh, that's an interesting way to greet your dad. He goes, fuck you asshole. And I was like, what? And you're like, we're watching the Terminator. I was like, oh, OK. And I like how they're to me, they're like, how do you do the accent so well? I'm like, 50, dude. Been listening to Schwartz. He talked my whole life. It's the best. Yeah, we all have. Yeah. He has one of those accents where I remember the like being young and hearing Impressionists do it and you're like, whoa. Yeah. The older you get, everybody can do it. Everybody. Like every adult can do his accent. I'll be back. And those lines are so iconic. The kids even know them. I guess they have them in their video games or something. People are still using. Oh, that's a totally iconic line. And then if you watch that Arnold documentary, you learn that that he misspoke when he said that. Really? So the script. Yeah, the script said something else. The script said, like, I will be back or, you know, some version of that. So he said, I'll be back and then cut. And he's like, oh, sorry to James Cameron. Like I misspoke. And James Cameron said, no, say it. Say it like that again. Say I'll be back again. And Arnold was like, no, no, no, I can do it. I'll do it as it was in the script. And James Cameron goes, how about you worry about muscles and worry about what to say? I hope you get like that on your set of bad thoughts. With your actors. Yeah. Yeah. The original scripted as I'll come back. It's amazing. I'll be back. And that became iconic in his face. And he even looks like a robot and his body is just ridiculous. The kids love it when they land naked. When the terminators land naked, they think that's the coolest thing ever. It's so good. Well, he, man, that that physique, you know, that was seven time Mr. Olympia. Yeah. Like there's that's that's the the benchmark of like the perfect male physique. It's crazy. I know. And then and then I told them, I'm like, yeah, that guy was born in nowhere, Austria, and then he becomes a bodybuilder and then he becomes Mr. Olympia world or whatever moves to LA and then he becomes a movie star, arguably like one of the most famous of all time. And then he becomes the governor of California. And they were like, what? It's crazy. He's an amazing guy. I remember too that you know, my dad was a competitive Olympic lifter. And when you're a kid, I think you're more visual, right? You're like the aesthetic is what's crazy. So all we had was like weightlifting trophies all over the house and weights and photos of weight. My dad and weightlifting competitions. And I remember being little and you're so mesmerized by Arnold. And I was like, why don't you look like him? Like you lift all these weights. He was like, what? I go, look at him. Looks amazing. Why don't you look harder? Bodybuilder. Okay. Those guys are gay. I'm an Olympic lifter. I was like, what? I didn't understand it. I was like, just try to look like that, dude. That's awesome. I was always mad that my dad had an accent, but the shitty Hungarian one, not the cool Austrian one that Arnold had. Yeah. My dad kind of sounds like him, but I'm not the good European. I'm always the dirty kind, you know? Same dude. Same. What kind of Latin did you want to be? No, you just wanted to be like something. You always want to be something sexier, you know? Like we're from Peru. You're like Peru. The fuck is Peru? Yeah. Be like either Argentine or like Italy or Spain. Spain would have been cool. It's European. Yeah, I was always like, oh, Peru. Lamas and cocaine. Yeah. What else? Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu. Yeah. At least you have that. One of the seven, eight wonders of the world is Machu Picchu. What Hungarians have? The Vácuza, the Danube, Dracula. We don't have Dracula. Dracula is in Romania. Strict immigration laws. Yeah. Hungos have that. No, we claim the old empire. That's what they talk about all the time. All right. We used to be the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The Turks butt fucked us. You want to start the show? How about an open? Are you ready for that? Oh my gosh. I can't believe we can do this. Magic. Here we go. He, he, he, here you go. If I'm digging in your shit deep, you can't take it. Don't grab the pillow and hide your face. Uh-uh. Now I want to see it. Yeah, I want to see your face taking this pipe. Don't hide it. I don't like secrets. What was wrong? Don't bring in what's loving secrets. No problem, the fuck is said. Oh. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Christina, the vits in Christina's house. Welcome to your mom's house. I'm going to pick up my drums. So I don't like secrets. This guy, I gotta tell you, this is, this is one of the few that made me uncomfortable. God. Well, you guys like secrets. You got the terrible angle, terrible angle. He's in his car. I feel like his voice is deep, but he's doing that thing where you shift it to go deeper. Like you can make it deeper. Yeah, I do. But then like, is this supposed to be a public message? Like this is your message to the world. Cause it feels like it's intended for someone. I don't know that this needs to be in the public forum. Well, he says he doesn't like secrets. He doesn't like secrets. And I believe him because he's telling us his deepest stuff from his car. I want to see your face taking this pipe. I want to see your face taking this pipe. Yeah. Who is this for? Man, this is the one. What? It's crazy. This is for one other. This is for one lady, right? Is this for a lady? Is this for all like, of course it's for a lady. Of course you see that. It could be for a man. No, this is for a lady. No, this guy's not. He's not. Come on. Don't disrespect him like that. What? No, no, it's not for me. I was waiting for the question. No. Let's take a second to talk about sleep because Helix has completely changed the mattress game. I used to wake up several times a night, whether it was from back pain, being too hot or feeling Tom make even the slightest movement. It was total nightmare. So much so that it got to the point where I was waking up more tired than I was when I went to bed. So thankfully I took the Helix sleep quiz and got matched with a perfect mattress for me specifically. It's not some one size fits all garbage. They take into account how you sleep, in what position, and your temperature preferences. They have it down to a science so much that they ran a study and found 82% of people saw an increase in their deep sleep on a Helix mattress with their 120 night sleep trial. So you can actually test it out. And Helix even brings it right to your door with free shipping. Go to helix.com slash YMH for 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helix.com slash YMH. Is your dog scratching, itching or rubbing? When they're suffering from an itchy skin condition, finding an at-home remedy that brings relief can seem impossible. That's where Yvette comes in. They're the only one who can diagnose the cause and offer effective relief to bring you to your bed. So you can get a good amount of relief and you can get a good amount of relief and effective relief to bring your itchy dog for source of comfort. See your vet to find a source of comfort for your itchy dog. Learn more at itchydogcare.co.uk. But would you also, would you agree that this is not for, he's putting this for ladies? Yes, I hope so. How do you know? I just, you know, a man can pray. I hope so. I have to tell you that since we've been watching these clips, I have been now turned on by gay men having sex with each other and in my heart, I'm fucking crazy. What are you talking about? I'm, I'm just, I'm out now. It's YMH exclusive. I've never enjoyed it in my whole life, but since we've been playing all these gay porn clips, I'm into it. Like I feel something. You know, that's like a very, that's a very, no, this is a big thing that a lot of straight women say, claim that they watch gay porn. This is a, this is a known thing. And I know, and I had a friend who did and I would make fun of her for years and years and years. And now I don't know what it is. I've changed. You're watching it? No, no. You're watching gay porn. No, I mean, just here at work, but not at home. Just, just at my job. OK. No, I've asked, I've asked too. I've like, what are you talking about? How could you, and they're like, oh, they're better looking. They have better zeaks and it's just, and it's just, it's all men. So they, they, they get off on it, I guess. Now I get it. And I used to like watching girls make out more because I maybe was more of a lesbian, but now I'm a gay man. And I think I love. What the fuck? Yeah. OK. What is that? Well, you know, sexuality is, sexuality is fluid. We know this. This has been, this is well known. Sexuality is fluid. What, what am I? If I'm a straight lady that likes gay porn, is there a, what am I? You're a gay man. Yeah. You're always been a gay man. You're a handsome gay man. I feel like I'd love to be a handsome gay man. They figured life out. They're fantastic. Anyway, I'm hoping this is for a gentleman because I'd like to see the next video. OK. Follow this. You know what I mean? I got another brother who's got something to say. Calling all throat goats, calling all throat goats. This fucking guy. You know the ones. They just choked in and. Coffee that wheezes it, spitting. Yeah, if you a throat goat, if you can eat it, if you a professional expert eater, I think I might have two hundred for you. Two hundred? That's cool. Yeah, I mean, you know what I like about this? This guy is officially one of the coolest guys I feel like we ever. I don't think he gets his credit for his level of cool. No. But see, some of these cool guys, they'll be like, you like to fuck and they're give out their number and you're like, at least he has the self respect to say, and I got some money for you. So he's not just being like, do you want to blow me this spectacular specimen that I am? He's like, are you good at it? I might have two hundred dollars for you. He's willing to pony up. He is. But as he should. And I look, it looks as though he has money because is that his sauna? Is he laying in? Are those his Oakley's? Yeah, it's fucking rad. Is that his sauna? What is he sitting? It looks like. That's a. I think that's the headboard of a 1987 style bed. Two hundred dollars for the throat goat. But if she is the throat goat, I think it's worth more than two hundred if she's the greatest of all time. And this is what the marketplace is all about. It's about supply and demand. It's about making an offer and negotiating. It might be his opening offer, you know, she can be like, I'm the greatest. Not two hundred is not going to do it. The greatest. Wasn't there a girl in music videos that was known for being that? The video Vixen. There's a few ladies that have. I have. Yeah, yeah. There's some ladies that claim that they're the best, you know, but two hundred is not going to motivate them. I'll tell you that. The video Vixen is a woman featured prominently in hip hop and R&B videos or appeal ability to attract attention often as a dud. Oh, this is it. This is it. It was a book. Oh, her name was Kareen Stephens. Confessions of a video Vixen, which detailed exploitation, abuse and the industry's dark side. She's a metaphor. Yeah. She was like, I'll tell you some shit. You want to talk some shit? Yeah. Call me. I bet some horrible things happen. Horrible things. Well, I hope she at least made money off the book. Poor woman. Well, she's cute. That is a wild thing, though, to be like, I'm the greatest blow job giver of all time. I mean, I don't know if you want that to be your legacy, you know, I don't think that's a claim you want to put out there. You can keep that between you and whoever you're with. Right. You don't need it to be like your identity, you know, that's her identity. She's like, I want you to know first and foremost, before you know anything else about me, I can suck decks really well. Yeah, that's crazy. That's a wild thing to lead with. We should also address the fact that, you know, we were abroad during the holidays. We were overseas. And when we were, we were actually locked up abroad. Yeah, we were in the the Caribbean. We were out there doing our thing and stuff like that. And enjoying ourselves. And we made a video. This is pretty interesting. We made a video because if you guys recall when this happened, when we were over the holidays, when we were on vacation is when the United States went into Venezuela and they were like, we want your oil. I mean, you're a bad guy and they took Maduro out and he and his wife and this operation led to airspace being shut down. So what ended up happening is we were going to be home and to record a podcast episode. And we ended up getting stuck because the airspace kept getting shut down. While we were doing that, our lovely staff was like, hey, could you just record a video so that we can post it about why there's no podcast this week? Right. And we recorded it. It was just to be like, hey, this is why there's no podcast. And then somehow after we did that, like I get messages from people, hey, you're on TMZ. I start getting texts from people in high school, people I went to high school with. I haven't spoken to in years. They're like, you OK? Our agent was like, hey, I saw you guys on TMZ. You guys are still there? And I think some people thought that we were just informing the world of our whereabouts. I was like, this is just for our podcast audience, dude. Like we're just saying why there's no episode this week. So anyway, anyway, we got stuck there and people are like, oh, boo, who? Which I made a mockery of in the video. I realized nobody's going to be like, I feel so bad for you. What's what sucked wasn't being stuck in the Caribbean. What sucked is that they would go, all right, you can leave now. Like the your your flight's going to take off in a couple hours. So you get all your shit, grab your luggage, get a vehicle, grab your kids, go to the airport, you go to the airport and they're like, guess what? You're not leaving. And you're like, why? And like, because the airspace got shut down again. You're like, oh, cool. So you get all your stuff, load in a car, go to a hotel, check into that hotel. You know, do the whole thing again. You get a phone call. Guess what? They're a plane, got the rights to come in and they said you guys can be on that flight, so you're going to leave in about two hours. You're like, all right, so you grab all your shit, go back to the airport. And they're like, just kidding, you can't. You're like, all right, that was the part that wasn't being in the Caribbean. And also to your credit, to be fair, I don't think you understand the level. When Tom says we grabbed all our stuff, Tom would go down to the desk or whatever. You know, we were staying near the airport. So these are not like, these weren't like luxury suites, you know? And he's like, can I can I have the luggage cart? And the guy was like, I don't know, man, I might need it later. Like their voices. Island time is a real thing, dude. Island time is. Dude, the first one, the craziest one, one that made me fucking lose my mind. Was we get to a hotel. They were price gouging, right? Which I was expecting because they knew that there was now a high need for rooms. So they're like, oh, this $100 a night hotel. It's $1800. You're like, what the fuck? So we get to this hotel. And most hotels have a three or four PM, you know, check-in time. So we had a four PM guaranteed check-in. All right, we get there at two and the guys are, well, the room's not ready. I'm like, I know. So four o'clock, he's like, yeah, four o'clock. I was like, OK, so we go, we have lunch and then we're just trying to like, just, you know, give the kids something to do. Now it's like 345. So I go, I'm going to go check on the room. So I go to the front desk and this time it's a lady. And I go, hey, I'm just checking on my room. And she's like, yes, not ready. I go, but it'll be ready in 15 minutes. And she was like, what? I go, well, four o'clock. She's like, no. I go, but it's a guaranteed four o'clock check-in. She goes, yeah, it's not. And I go, well, when will it be ready then? Like 430? She's like, I don't know. I go, that's not. I don't know. That's not like a, that's not like a real answer. Yeah. Like, can you give me a window? And she goes, I don't feel comfortable giving you a window. I go, why? She goes, because it's in the queue to get cleaned, but it's not, they haven't gotten to it. I go, so, but like 445, it'll be ready. She was like, I don't know. I go, that's crazy. What do you mean? Like, you have to have some idea of when it's already been paid for. And she goes, I just don't feel comfortable. And then she would just look at me like, and I'm like, you have to, you have to say something, you have to say five o'clock. And she's like, I don't know. And as I'm like getting ready to go, like, this is crazy. A guy in the lobby starts playing the steel drums. So then it like, it snaps you out of your like, oh, this is a, this is a. Comedy right now that I'm in. So, okay. Silly. It's silly. I go, okay, I'll just, I'll walk away. Well, too. And like all our bags are being held. So like, you know, you go to the gift shop, you buy bathing suits for your kids, like just throw them in the pool for a couple of hours in this place. And then, yeah, it's all, it was, it was an adventure. I have to say our little guys held up really well. It's really stressful for like small kids to be. I think that's the thing. If it was just the two of us, it's a totally different thing. It's just with, with kids, you're just kind of like, what the fuck? Cause they keep going like, when are we going home? When you're like, I actually don't know. Just try to throw some at him to distract them. Yeah. They don't have check-in nuggets. Like, no dude, I don't know. Where are we? We're nowhere. You know, we got shit here, homie. But I think it's a good lesson, right? To teach them resilience and we know we got stuck in London during the Heathrow fires, the two boys and me last spring. And, you know, they were troopers too. At least we hung out. We had to fly home all fucked up too. And they just, you just throw them an iPad and some snacks. Thankfully they're at the age now where iPad and candy goes a long way. You just hear some Roblox, dude. Yeah, fine. No, I'm fine. Up, shut up. Cause they will not stop talking, dude. Like, they just talk. I feel like we're at this stage of parenthood where it's just listening to motherfuckers talk all day. Remember when, like when you have babies, you're like, I can't wait till this guy talks. All I want is to hear what this guy has to say. Say some words, express yourself. Yeah. Fast forward seven, 10 years and you're like, but you shut the fuck up ever. Do you ever stop talking? Ever shut the fuck up. Now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover, the drinks, the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. We've been using Mint Mobile for our office phones here at the studio. It was so easy to switch over and working with them has been seamless. This January quit overspending on wireless plans start at $15 per month at mintmobile.com slash mom. That's mintmobile.com slash mom limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 months plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy capable device required availability speed and coverage. Very cement mobile.com. It's the time of the year to reflect on how far you've come and how much further you want to go with the new year here. It's time to let go of the excuses and start your business with Shopify. We've been using Shopify to power our merch store for years and they've made selling merch so easy. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to brands like ours here at YMH. Shopify has everything you need to sell online and in person. They have hundreds of templates to match your brand and built in AI tools to help you write headlines, descriptions and even edit product photos. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash YMH. Go to Shopify.com slash YMH. That's Shopify.com slash YMH. Well, I've been doing a deep dive on. I've been like so. So this is just a reminder of who the guy is because you have seen him before. OK, this is him. I'm Mike Fidelli from Fidelli and Associates. We're here in South Beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. So this guy, I was like, I remember seeing this and I was like, this is kind of a crazy marketing tool, like a human doll inside of Rolls-Royce. And he's talking about tax issues and you're like, all right, it's kind of a character. And then I've seen like so much more. He's really opened up. Oh, really? His life on IG. You get to know him better. Like this is also him. Oh, dear. Yeah. But again, this is his accountant page. He's like, I'm give IRS trouble. Yo, I'm so I'm so silly. I didn't notice that was him. That's him. He's got a great head of hair. He really does. Are you kidding me? He was just slicked back in the first one. And he's also, again, he's a professional, but he's letting you know I'm in D.R. My package is about to fall off. Too many big asses to satisfy. And you're like, hey, that's my guy. That's the guy who got me an extension on my taxes this year. I mean, like it's big. Then he's like, like I'm looking at my arms right now. And I'm like, I haven't lifted in three months. I don't want arms this big. He's doing a humble brag here. Also, the room is chaos. This room is chaos. What's he got going? A lot of supplements, a lot of vitamins and supplements, sunglasses or shit, just shit everywhere. I mean, also, to be fair, Mike, my room, same. I have a lot of stuff out too. It's it's hard to keep organized. Maybe if I was like, hey, you should come see me about some of your financial issues. I would probably, you know, move things around. But still, because I'm running the Miami hip marathon. I want small arms right now. You get it? Yeah, I don't want big. Oh, the burden of my muscular arms. As I run, he's too hot. He's got too many fat asses to satisfy in D.R. This guy's got problems. Yeah, man. Do you have any tax trouble? Oh, my God, Mike. I mean, I don't know what to do. I haven't done a push up. I haven't done a chin ups. I haven't done anything. I've been waiting three months. So this video is just about the fact that my arms look great and I haven't done anything to make them look great. He hasn't done a chin ups in months, but he's so swole. I love that. Good for him. He's on my Instagram. Ask me, how do you think these Gen Z spend their time? Well, I can tell you, they're wasting it every day. And so then he also does this kind of like person. But I'm saying what I like about Mike is that he's he's showing you everything. He's giving you his full life. He's well rounded. Yeah. And I think this is the trend on Instagram now. Like I follow other attorneys, actually, who show you like a day in the life of an immigration lawyer and what they, you know, the fitness routine. But it's nice that he's honest and he's not showing you the facade. Like he's like, no, no, no, I go to D.R. I dry hump fat ass chicks. I'm running the thing. My arms are too swell. Like I love it. I wish more people would be this transparent. He did. He deals with sometimes he gets haters in his comments and some of his posts. He just goes like, what's your body fat percentage? He just shits on them like that. Yeah. He did a post recently where he challenged. He challenged people to try to beat him. I think it was like in 5K or something. And he offered them $10,000. If you could beat him. I was like, that, you know, people are going to, someone's going to lock into that. Somebody's going to take him up on that. Yeah. But I prefer, I prefer this to the guy that pretends to be normal and then behind closed doors, right? Like, you know what you're getting? Yeah. It's kind of guy you get. This is the guy you're getting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does look great. Looks great. He's 62. Geez. Scroll down. Hold on. There's going to be one where it looks like he's wearing like a scroll down. He's holding cash. He's got like a oversized shirt on. Little more. He's always archiving stuff. Yeah. Might be. Oh, you know, he probably took that down because he was like, shit, 10 grand is a lot to give away. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that hair, dude. Look at that hair. It's a lot of crazy. 10 grand to beat him. Wow. Look at the one underneath that though. The one underneath that's got like a, look at that hair, bro. Incredible. Incredible. Yeah. You should bring this style back for sure. Ask my accountant, man. You talking about Mike, my accountant? This guy got me $30 back this year. Look at him. That's great. Look at that pony. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. He's showing you everything, man. But he's got a great life. He's got bitches. He's got muscles. He's doing it. Ooh, dark beard. I like you better without the beard. Yeah, or a gray beard. Yeah. There you go. You like him clean shaving. Yeah. That's a look at that. That was a nice one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at that tiger. Dude, what is that? Man. Diamond panther. Cool, right? Dude, he's got a diamond panther, bro. It's fucking badass. It's so Miami. He's such a Miami guy. Yeah. Yeah. Really cool. I have a question. Sure. What's the difference between a 1099 and a W-2? Great question. Glad you asked. Differences. W-2 is for an employee. 1099 is for an independent contract. And the great thing about 1099 is you can take expenses against that that you can't take if you're just an employee, a W-2 employee for a company. You can take like travel, cell phone, home office deduction, rent. You know what else you could deduct? You could deduct the boat that you chartered and the women that you hired to make this video. Those would be examples of something you could deduct. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. I love him. I feel like Mike. I love this guy. I do too. I feel like he grew up the son of immigrants. You know what I mean? Like I think he's got a lot more swag and flavor and his mother was like, you must go and become tax attorney is good money. And he's like, all right, mom, but his heart is like a record guy. Like he should be like an A and R guy or something. Right? It feels like I mean, he loves the party, obviously. Yeah. This guy was meant to be like a promoter or something. Yeah. You were reading a safety protocol when we started. Situational awareness. Yeah. Oh, there's a lot of good stuff. There's a lot of good stuff there. It's all really valuable. Let me find. Okay. So if you want to go to dinner out with your family. Okay. When choosing a restaurant, take a moment to assess its basic safety and security measures. Look for visible surveillance cameras. This is when you're just going to a restaurant with your kids. Sprinkle assistance. Yep. Emergency exits and fire extinguishers. Right. That could also be an improvised weapon. I remember that from a previous video. As I mentioned before, I started working in the elevator industry back in the mid to late 80s. And one of the buildings we had on service was the Galleria. And in 1991, we had gotten a call that there was an accident. We responded to the call and later on we found out this is what had happened. Jesus. Now this is clearly a horrible tragic accident. But it is a reminder that when you go into a building with your family and with children that are adventurous and they're always looking and climbing, you have to do your best to check the windows, the doors, the safety rails. Anything else that could be a hazard. Please don't make an assumption that everything is fine. You have to give it a visual inspection yourself. Well, that's great because in his book, Lesson Three, Protective Strategies for Safe Family Travel, developing a warrior mindset. That's number one. You got to adopt a proactive approach. You got to anticipate potential threats. When I travel with family, I like to think of combat. Like that's how I go into a vacation mode thing. Alert. I think of, yeah, I think of Afghanistan, Iraq, places where there's hostility. And I go, that's how we're going to approach this vacation. And so does he. Rolling threat assessment. You always want to be on high alert. Tactical positioning. You got to place yourself in locations that maximize your safety and visibility. He has one here. Check this out. This is another one. Get this guy's term. You got to get that book. You got to get it. Remember this video from a few weeks ago? I just wanted to revisit it again because it's a great explanation of pre-event indicators. You could see this guy blades his body, makes a fist and tees off and hits this guy. In my book, I cover about 40 different pre-event indicators. All that will help you see the signs before it happens. Remember, always give yourself enough time and distance to try and make a safe decision. Yeah. So page. Never heard the term pre-event indicators. He's got 40 pre-event indicators. Correct. Number five is predatory movement patterns. Right. Like this guy's making a predatory movement pattern frantic. It looks like a guy walking, but I got it. Also, is he wearing underwear? Are you on alert? Okay. Is that a nude man just wearing shoes? Because that would definitely be a pre-event indicator. If it was just a guy in a t-shirt, I'd be like, this guy's about to do some shit. He's got shoes and a t-shirt on. Fidgeting. This guy with his dick out walking towards me is alarming. Yeah. Fidgeting often serves as an unconscious outlet for nervous energy and kids signal that an individual is experiencing stress or mentally preparing for potential conflict. See, fidgeting, frantic pacing, predatory movement, lack of underwear, panting or increased breathing. All this stuff you can get in situational awareness by Lawrence Betts. Check this out. Prepared? Yeah, man. Not paranoid. This is really valuable stuff, guys. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good stuff. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Here's a good one, guys. I don't know if you've seen this. It's just kind of a warning gang. Colors or clothing, too. You want to take a quick look at that? Now, that's a good pre-event indicator that your day's about to go sideways, right? If you see someone like that. That's right. Wearing X's. X. Like Malcolm, maybe? Could be. All those clowns love them. Love them. So this is another one. Just this, this applies to you, I think, more than anyone. You should probably pay attention here. Okay. Hey, everybody. We all love our pets. Take a look at these videos. You could see animals are true gifts. And it's up to us to help take care of them. So a few things when you have pets, I'm sure you're aware of it, but pet theft. There's over two million pets that are stolen every year. Jesus Christ. We love our pets. Do what you can do to help protect them. If you're taking your pets out and about as a service animal, maybe really be aware of escalator safety. I would prefer to see you take them on an elevator. And if you do take them on an elevator, make sure you're always holding the leash. Um, okay. Back when I was an elevator mechanic, I had gotten a couple of calls where the dog had gone into the elevator and the leash was on the ground. And because the leash was so low, I got it. The safety never picked up the leash. So the doors had closed, the elevator with the dog in the elevator, the elevator would go up, but the leash would be outside. I got it. I got it. Everything was operating correctly. It's just that thin leash was not high enough to reopen the doors. So if you're taking your dog out and about, keep the leash up. You don't want to lose your pet. Be well, be safe. Take care of your pets. Oh, that's a nice image to go on with the day with. Thanks, Larry. Explosions. I actually never once in my life thought of a dog's leash getting caught in an elevator. It's happened twice. Now it's there. It's happened twice. Wow. I didn't, I think our pets are too stupid to do anything of any value. Like our cats aren't going to help us out when the gas. Oh my God. If the gas is going or intruder, no, they're going to take off. Yeah. Those are just German shepherds specifically trained. Yeah. Smart dogs. That's pretty wild. That's wild, dude. Wow. Mm hmm. The leash and the escalator I get, man. Those are dangerous. Even kids can get caught under the escalator, you know, they get pulled in or something. Oh my God. Danger, man. Danger. Danger is everywhere, Tom. Danger is fucking everywhere, dude. I hate just going about my life pretending like it's not constantly there. So it's good to have him to remind us that we're constantly in danger like that. In danger at all times. All times. At all times. You're sure a cute kid. You know, I'm a professional photographer. Come on, hop in the car. I'll take your picture. If someone wants to take your picture, say no and tell your parents. You tell anybody about our little secret. I'll kill your dog. Children should never be asked to keep special secrets from their parents. Remember this shit? Shit. Do you remember this from your childhood? Of course. Yeah. So good. Stranger danger. Dude, I'm going to show this to our kids ASAP. That's first place. I'll tell you which one they'll love. That guy sounded like Kirk Cox. Is there any of the first one? Yeah. Kirk could play that role for 100%. What's this? Well, I just want to get. This is to grab the testicles. Right. You have to have power if you grab the testicles to grab them, squeeze and pull. Those in the opening the fingers. The Tigers claw I showed you before was clawed to the eyes, finger pokes, thumb pokes and pushes. You squeeze on and pull out, squeeze and pull. You'll be blown black area. Thank you for. All right, do that. Well, the body center 360 speed. You should really catch up on some of these. Dude, you really should. This is all accurate and still relevant. Stranger danger, all the stuff. Stranger danger is relevant. Pet theft is relevant. Grab testicles, poke out eyes. It's all relevant. And then when you're done with that, you realize you're back on your taxes. You give Mike a call. It all ties together. This is exactly why we do this show to inform the audience. And you know, I've been watching these videos on TikTok with these stupid kids go with they do like a hidden camera thing on the playground. And this guy's like, hey, I got some puppies in my van. You want to come see the puppies and these dumb fucking kids are like, yeah, okay, I want to see puppies and the mother is like, yeah, because you're not showing them stranger danger. You're not giving them clear examples of predatory behavior. I would never go with some fool in a van. Right. You really should be showing those to these things to your kids. I'm serious. I'm serious too. With the act amounts. Absolutely. Yeah. Hey, kid, if you tell anybody about a secret, I'll kill your dog. That was in a commercial. Yeah. That was like during the A team here, fucking Saturday or during Saturday morning cartoons and there's one fluffy. Oh yeah, dude. They didn't fuck around or Mr. T would tell you what's up too. Yeah. Tell you, you fucking tell you, dude. Guess, guess who got together to one cool guy that we've literally spent time with and one that we've sort of been our white whale that we've just never been able to, they actually got together. Yes. I have a beautiful penis. I am so powerful that energy is moving through me right now. It's amazing. Montagcia and will got together. It's really crazy. Rop, Rop, Rop. Yeah. Can you imagine the penis power of our swords? In that room. Oh my God. I still think you're crazy if you wouldn't let Montag make love to you once. Like imagine the skill set this guy has. You don't think it's like otherworldly? You always say this. Rust, struck and you put an egg in your vagina. Okay. I got it. Thanks. You squeeze and the man's stroke, he pulled the testicle down. Down, down. So he had complete control. Yeah. Do you think you're not around? I'm not at all. Okay. I'd rather do the gay guys. Do you think Will was like, I finally met the one other guy that gets it. Like he gets me. He gets it. Yeah. He gets it. There's nothing that Will talks about that Montag wouldn't be like, yeah, of course. And except for maybe jerking off into his own mouth. I don't know if Montag does that. I think he crosses a couple lines, but you don't know that. We just haven't seen those videos yet. This is true. I don't know this. Because I think Montag sees that as very powerful energy. That's why you can serve it the rub, rub, rub. And when it's out of you, that thing's potent. It's concentrated. Man, I would give anything to be a fly on the wall at those two talking. And do you think Montag knows all of Will's work? Like those are two masters that should come together. I don't think Montag consumes any social media. No. That's definitely somebody him. Somebody's running that, all that stuff for him, for sure. Yeah, that's too bad. Yeah. Got those two together. That's electric. I would pay money just to be in the same room and feel that energy. Yeah, it's miraculous. Wow. I have to bring something to your attention, though. While I was out, you did a podcast and one of the clips went viral. We both agree on is that we both don't like pot. I got tired of having to tell bartenders that worked for me. You can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar. Do you understand? I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now. Right. Friends going, oh, we got to drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit. Fuck you, dude. You're driving me. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot. This is a big argument that me and my ex-girlfriend. Man, I got people fired the fuck out. Fired up. Matt and Joe for hating pot. I got to double down with Joe and say that I agree with him. I hate pot, not so much for societal reasons, but I have tried so hard to get into pot personally and I just get paranoid and fat and sad and angry. You guys are dorks. Is you guys are dorks and you guys are lame. But he's right. You're impaired. It still impairs you. Do you want your driver? You're not impaired. You're enlightened and there's a difference. There's a difference between being impaired and enlightened. Okay. You wouldn't mind your Uber driver? Dicking a ball. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind our kid's bus driver taking a couple of hits because I know he's going to be in the zone. And that's what it's all about. Getting in the zone. Okay. I like being in the zone. Now, I'm not a hardcore consumer, but I do like it. I like a little bit. I like it in the evenings. I like it to wind down. I like opening up my third eye and my fourth one. And your brown eye. Yeah. They're both good. I think I'm a square too. I agree with Joe on this one. Like I don't like people. Well, here's the thing. And then the loser POD heads will say, well, but you drive better when you're high. You actually go slower. But here's the thing you have to make a distinction though. Jesus, you have to make a distinction about. Are you talking about stoned out of your mouth hanging open, blitzed? Are you talking about just like a little bit here and there? Which to a lot of people, it like it takes down their anxiety. It does help them focus. Yeah. I mean, it has different effects on different people. I know. It really does. And some people who are really hyperactive, it mellows them out. And yeah, it does. Yeah. It causes disconnection, I think with people around you too or connection, but mostly disconnection. I don't know. I don't, I never liked it culturally. I don't like. Sorry. We're not all booze bags like you. I love alcohol. Now let's talk about something good. I'll call. I don't like, I don't like pothead music. I don't like the Grateful Dead. Sorry. I don't like their art. I don't like their glow in the dark posters. Could you be any more disrespectful? Bob, we were just dying. Could you just like actually? I don't like your lava lamps. I don't like your stupid beanbag chairs. I don't like futons. I don't like any. Here's the thing. If they could make pot culture cooler, maybe I'd be on board. Like, can we put some dark colors in the vibe? Like if Peter Murphy were a pothead. You're just saying basically can pot be goth and then I'll like it. A thousand times. Yes. If Robert Smith were a pothead, I'd be like, cool, but they're not because nobody I like is a major pothead. Anthony Bourdain, heroin. It's glamorous. It's better. It's cool. Alcohol. Alcohol is better. Alcohol is for grownups. Pot is for teenagers. I mean, I like alcohol too, but I do like, I just, I'm saying for me, I like my, I'm still 10 milli Tom. I still in, I still enjoy it. That's how I wind down. I feel, I told you that I feel much better in social situations when I do that. I told you that. And I'm the opposite. It for me, my body chemistry, it flips me out. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I can't do it. I can't do it. I wish I could be. Maybe it's just you're taking too strong of a dose though. That's done though. And then my brain is fried the next day. Alcohol, I like alcohol. It's a grownups. It's more socially sanctioned. It's glamorous. You've got cool names for the drinks, not stupid names. You know, pot has named dumb things like white lightning or white widow or fashion purple haze or some fucking gay shit. It's a bad culture. You don't like the names. It needs a rebrand. It needs a pot. It needs a rebrand. Why don't you take a lead on that? Why don't you rebrand it? I destroy that industry so fast. Yeah. I make it so uncool. I wanted to tell you specifically something because I drove for the school field trip for the first grade field trip to the garbage dump. Yeah. Because I don't trust other people driving my children around when they're really little like that. So I drove Julian's first grade class to the garbage dump and it's so smelly too. Yeah. My jacket reeks. Everything smells like trash now. But tell them what did our first graders say when you're on your way there? He's like, I don't want to go to the fucking dump. What a stupid field trip. This is a shitty field trip. Who wants to go see garbage? It is kind of fun. It's a funny thing to say. It's really funny. He gets it. He's like, garbage. But I wanted to see garbage because I'm interested. I've been talking about trash collectors forever on YMH, the FedEx drivers, the UPS drivers and trash collectors. Those are my interests. Right. So I finally, I'm looking at this big pile of trash and I'm watching the machine sort it and I get my hands on the employee who's been there the longest. And I was like, all right, dude, tell me everything. First of all, how many bodies do you find a year in the trash? And he goes, no, we don't find full bodies. We find an arm here, a leg here. Professionals. Yeah. And he goes, professionals do it. That's right. And he goes, never the head. For some reason, we don't get the heads. They always cut off the limbs and put them in the trash. And he goes, well, you know, the mafia started the garbage business. And I was like, oh, yeah, waste management. He's like, that's the way they got rid of bodies early. And I was like, oh, my God, I never put that together. Like, duh, that's the best way to get rid of it. You gotta chop them up. You gotta chop them up. And so he goes, yeah, so we'll find an arm here and then like the leg will be somewhere else up north or something. And he's like, it's a real hassle, though, because the cops get involved and they come down, we had to shut everything down and deal with that. So I thought you'd like that. And then I was asking him, like, what time did the garbage men start work? He said four AM. They're out collecting the trash. I know. And then I asked him, well, why did they do it? He's like, I'm telling you all the men on the trucks, they love their jobs. They got big smiles on their faces. They love their jobs. I believe it. I do too. And I'm like, well, what do they love? What is it? He goes, well, personally, he's like, my mother was in the waste management business for 27 years. My stepdad was in this, like my family is from this business. And he's like, they give you a lot of time off. Apparently it pays well and you get to have like a life outside of your job. So that makes perfect sense to me. And they've also liked the, you know, he gave me this thing, like, well, we're helping the community at right, which I agree with too. But I thought that was pretty fascinating. Like, who really fucking cares? You know, I think that was just him trying to like, oh, this stupid first grade mom is like, I gotta tell her that we give a fuck about trash or whatever. I'm like, OK, tell me about the fight. You know, there was this, there was this hit crew in New York. They were Brooklyn based and this guy had this method. So they kept, they would always contract him to do their kills because he would take, he would kill somebody and then he would take them and string them up over a bathtub with their feet in the air. And he knew where to make this incision where he would bleed them out because the thing is like, there's so much blood, bleed them out in the tub. And so there was no blood left in the body and then he would chop them up. Really? Like, yeah. Brilliant. And then that's one of the things he told me at the trash collection site. They don't accept fluids of any kind. There you go. Lighter fluids, flammable things like that. And I was like, that's crazy. That's a real hazard. Yeah. I didn't know that. You know how stupid I am? I probably just throw that shit right in the trash and be like, well, I'm care. Like I throw everything in the trash. Don't you? I think most people, I think a lot of people do. Yeah. I think so too. You're supposed to dispose of things that are like toxic or dangerous in a different way. Yeah. That's what he said. I'm like, well, what should I do if I have like a bottle of lighter? A bunch of lighter fluids. And he's like, well, you should call the fire department and have them come. Like, there's nobody doing that, dude. Everybody's throwing that shit right in the trash. In the trash. Of course they are. Yeah, dog. What they do is they go, I don't want it in my trash. Let's take it to somebody else's trash. That's exactly what I did. And I go, how many dead animals you find in here? I'm sure people just throw their dogs and cats in there. He's like, oh, we see a few of those too. I'm like, but the human stuff I thought was pretty cool. Yeah, that's what it means, you know. And when you're seeing parts, that's a pro job. That's not an accident, man. No. That's a professional job. Yeah. So here's what we've decided to do, you and me. You drain, you hang the body upside down in the tub, but the body's heavy. How was he able to lift the body? Well, I think he came up with a system for doing that. Like a pulley. You would use a pulley. Yeah, exactly. Like the Dutch. They pulley things up. It's one of those bathrooms you go into and you go, why do you have a pulley system above your bathtub? Oh, I do. I work out. It's just a workout thing I'm doing. I just do it. I do it and then I shower. And so I like to, I get sweaty and then I jump in the shower. It's my total. It's weird. And then can you saw through bone pretty easily? You think like, could I just? I don't think it's easy. No. No, right? I think, no, for sure it's not easy. I mean, hands like just like grinding through it. I mean, you could do it, but probably takes a lot. I'm sure if you get something electric powered, it makes it a lot easier. Cut off hands, arms, you know, you probably do what? Like at the knee. Yeah, you want it to be like just a torso and the limbs. The legs you want to cut into two. And then for ID, you know, you want to obviously take all the teeth out. That's a pain in the ass. You got to get like a, you know, a tool to rip each and every one of the teeth out. And then if you really want people to not figure out who it was, you want to, you know, do something to the fingertips. So you want to have fingerprints. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, man. That's such a, that's the hardest way. I would just buy a, like for instance, in the interview with a vampire TV show, I was watching Tom. Are you listening to me? They had their own crematorium. They just bought like. Well, that's the best. Yeah. And it was in New Orleans and you just have it like in the backyard and then you just incinerate the bodies and I could be like, well, it's my family business. I don't know what businesses off the top of my head need some type of incinerator, but if you were to able to develop a viable business that uses an incinerator and then you could double it for like just dumping bodies into, that's the best. That's the best. That's what I would encourage someone to do. Yeah, it's like when you do ceramics and you're like, I have to fire this bowl. Like you don't have a ceramics kiln at your house. You go and you go to like the nearest arts and crafts center and you go, can I fire my ceramic bowl in your kiln? Like that's what you're kind of saying. Yeah, exactly. Kill. So what I'm saying is develop a system where you're like, I make vases and glass sculptures. That's why I have all this stuff. They need to be fired. Like bring it back to that screen you're talking about. I saw the distinction between wet bone. How hard is it? I saw farms there. Some farms use an incinerator. That's cool. You could do that. But I'm, you know, I grow corn. Josh Google, how hard is it to cut through bone? Because you need to specialize. Cutting through bone can be challenging. It's a real challenge. Do your best. What were the businesses that you had up there? Because this is where we want people to focus. Hospitals, vet clinics, farms, ranches and zoos, military bases. I think the most accessible thing for somebody who's looking to do something like this is a farm. I was going to say you can get a farm or a ranch. That's that's at least you can't be like, I'm opening a municipal building. I'm starting my own pharmaceutical company. You know, you can get a farm. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Like you open a fucking ranch out here in Texas. You just drive 20 minutes outside of Austin. He's got nothing. What's up with the incinerator? And you're like, I have a bunch of crops that go bad. You got to do something with them. And I'm like, oh, OK. Yeah, cows drop dead all the time. You got to do that. Yeah, what are we supposed to do, man? Got to incinerate them. How long do you think it is until our youngest child starts doing shit like this? Rondo, I'm outside today. Where are you at, pussy? Pussy ass bitch, you ain't shit. Fuck you, Rondo. Fuck you. Come fight me, pussy. I'll come beat your ass, you motherfucker. You ain't shit. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Good. Tell him what's up. 585 Bud. That's a kid. He's got the low angle in the car. Yeah. Fuck it, pussy. Come outside, bitch. Yeah. Where did you grow up? You're fucking ass. This is normal for me in the 818 growing up. This is not too crazy. Yeah, for sure. The junior high school I went to. Kids are saying crazy shit in junior high. Junior high is the wildest. Don't you feel like that's the peak craziness? Yeah, I saw a lot of crazy shit in middle school. And then my high school kind of tapers out. Well, it depends. There's kids that definitely ramp it up in high school. But yeah, I know what you're saying. In middle school, you don't know what these emotions are. You just you're just like you're just full of feelings. You don't know. You know what I mean? You kind of learn as you get a little older how to deal with things. Yeah. Fuck. Did you ever make a video like this to some guy? No, hell no. But we didn't have that. We weren't, you know, but I know you would have. Yeah, like you had a camcorder, though. Didn't you record yourself like lip syncing? Camcorder. Yes. Yes. Yeah, all that stuff. Horrifying. Horrifying. So embarrassing. Oh my god. Yeah, I fucking kill myself if I could see those. It's so embarrassing. It's making me nervous right now. Oh, I know. I just started sweating. I just think it didn't matter. Nothing worse. Yeah, but if I were a kid now, that would be so much worse. So much worse. Oh my fucking god. I do. All right, Fardog, I've got to. I love you. I've got to get ready and I've got to go in the office. You got to go saw some bones. Got to dispose of some pods. Got to make an offer on a ranch. OK, sweetie, I love you. All right, love you. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Thank you for dealing with our new remote setup. But you know, try to do it as much as we can, man. All right. Fun. Peace, God. Love you. Allah. Hello, guys. I like my.ickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenicken You're gonna use it for all these traps. If you slap right, any of you should. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Wow. Wow. So that's not a coincidence, but a trigger. You really like to put these wraps up there? Well, you know, when you're an artist and you do it just the love of the game, nothing can stop you. Nothing can stop you. Nothing can stop you. Nothing can stop you. In a world of noise and uncertainty, IG is the investment platform that backs you. Take a reflexable stock size, which gives you the freedom to withdraw funds any time and replace them in the same tax year, all without losing your £20,000 tax-free allowance. And if that's not enough, pay no commission on your stock, shares, and ETFs when you invest with IG. IG. Trade. Invest. Progress. Your capital's at risk. Other fees may apply. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and is subject to change.