This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. Welcome to Dirty Rush, the truth about sorority life with your hosts, me, GiaJudice, Daisy Kent and Jennifer Fessler. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Dirty Rush. My name is Jen Fessler. And today I'm speaking with a group of sorority sisters that recently graduated who are here to tell us how they keep in touch now that they are no longer in college together. All right, you guys. So we are talking today to Lauren and Kate. Hi ladies. Hi. Hi. So tell me, so Lauren, where'd you guys go to school and what's sorority? Were you in? We went to TCU and we were in Theta. You're in Theta. Okay. And when did you guys graduate? We graduated in 2024. Okay. Um, so Kate, where did you move after graduation? I actually stayed local. So I moved to Dallas just like 45 minutes from Fort Worth. Okay. And where are you now? I'm still in Dallas. Right now I'm just traveling for work. So I'm in Atlanta, Georgia. Okay. Okay. But you're still in Dallas and Lauren. I moved to San Diego post-grad. Okay. Great. So, uh, was it hard to keep in touch? Were you all close in college? Yeah. We lived together our senior year. Um, and it was, it's definitely been an adjustment after college, staying in touch and just getting into that groove, because I also feel like it's so subjective to each friendship. You know, I have friends that I talk to every week. I have friends that I talk to every month, or I don't really talk to them. But then whenever we see each other in person, we just pick right back up. So I do think that it kind of is just subject to the friendship and it's been interesting figuring out those dynamics and seeing how it's been. Yeah. You guys can't even imagine what it was like for us, um, old people after graduating and there was no social media and there was no cell phones. So that was like, right? So totally different time. But what about Kate? Do you, um, still talk to a lot of people since graduating from your sorority? Yeah. I think, um, honestly, one of the benefits of being, um, pretty close to TCU is, uh, you kind of are able to keep in contact with a lot of people. But like Lauren said, it kind of ebbs and flows. Some people I remained really close with some people I got closer with just through, um, location and some people there's kind of that more constant effort and thought of being like, oh, I need to keep in contact with this person, put in more of an effort than you were when you were just living down the street or for me and Lauren's case, living down the hall from each other. What's made with you do stay in touch? Is it mainly texting? Um, yeah, texting calls, facetimes. Um, I think social media feels a little bit surface level. Um, so I usually try to put that second, second step in, um, an extra effort. Good for you. You don't hear that that often. No, I love that because like, you know, it is even with me now that we have social media and cell phones. I, I almost rather my go to is always to text rather than to pick up the phone and talk because a lot of times there's just so much to catch up on. It's been a while since I was in a sorority. So sometimes it's easier to just, you know, throw a text out, get one back. And I think you're right. I think there is a lot of value even more so in face to face, but at least, you know, in talking, hearing each other's voices. Um, what about group chats? Are you guys, do you guys have those going? Yeah, I think we have quite a few group chats. We have one of like everyone that lived in our house, um, in college together that we talk in pretty often. And then with like a larger group of friends that we actually do a reunion with every year and we do. You do. What do you do? Yeah. We, well, we did our first one last year and all of our friends actually came to visit me in San Diego and it was in July. So it was beautiful weather and we got to just spend like three days, um, all together at the beach. So that was really fun. And I think we're trying to figure out dates, but we're planning to do it again this year. Oh, that's so fun. I love that. Yeah. Do you think that like this whole friends for life thing, I mean, you, you know, when you're rushing and pledging and you hear that a lot that you're going to make your friends for life. And I, I think I personally think yes, but you're not necessarily going to make 30 friends for life, right? But what do you guys feel like? Do you feel like it was more friends for four years for the most part or lots of friends for life? I think I would say that when you're a freshman or you're younger and you've just rushed, you really want to believe that, Oh, all of these sorority sisters are going to be my sisters for life. And I think that the sorority does kind of give you that extra layer of bond. And you know that you can trust these people and fall back at them, at least most of them. So that's like nice to know and to have, but definitely since graduating college, I've realized how much effort it truly does take to maintain a friendship that feels real and feels constant and is the most impactful in your life. So I think that coming out of college, I definitely do have a few people that I know will, or at least I hope will be in my wedding and will be there for all the big moments in my life or that I'll try to see every year. But it's not as many as I think maybe I thought I would have going into college. But that being said, it's something I'm really okay with. I think it'd be overwhelming to have too many friends for life. You think it's very dependent on the person and like what they make of it. I went into college thinking that I was going to have all these like best friends from from Greek life because my mom stayed very involved. She was the president of her sorority back when she was in college. And so I had this whole different viewpoint on it from what she had shown me to then like what I personally experienced. I think some people love having the big friend group and being friends with as many people as possible. Personally, I like to have kind of a smaller group of friends. So I think that I kind of was looking for those specific people that stood out to me and those specific people that I could get really close to. And so it's not necessarily about making 30 friends for life, but it's about finding your friends for life within those 30 people. I feel like that too. You know, since graduating, you guys have changed and grown. And do you feel like a lot of those friendships that you had, it's more difficult to feel the closeness. You know, there's you're changing, your friends are changing. Have you had some experiences where, wow, I really love this person in college, not so much anymore. Yeah, I feel like, you know, it's funny. I actually went back to TCU this past weekend because my sister was graduating. She's a couple years younger than me. And I have some friends that have younger siblings, some friends that still live in the area. And there were a couple of people I ran into who I was very close with in college. And I was so excited to see them and I'd run up and I'd be like, hey, how's it going? And like some people match that energy and we're so excited and we just kind of picked back up. Some people were like, not as jazzed as Amy. And you were just a little less enthusiastic. And I was like, what's going on? And like, I guess you do kind of lose that level of closeness if you don't put in the effort to keep up. And I'm always happy to jump back into where I left off with people, but some people are a little more reserved. Yeah, it's true. But I'll say change and you may not have the things in common that you used to. Maybe what you had in common was that you loved to party and meet boys. And, you know, that was sort of like your main focus. Well, it was mine. I don't know if it was yours, but, you know, things change, right? So sometimes that's a little bit harder. Have you guys had any milestone celebrations or like get-togethers yet? Like, have you done the wedding thing? If you guys, do you guys have friends who've had babies, baby showers? Any of that? Perfect. No weddings and stuff, but I think with what Lauren said, her younger sister was graduating and because we got so close through college, like her family is kind of like my extended family. So being able to go back and like celebrate that. And kind of like whenever she's in town, it's like a, it's a quick drive for me. So it's so worth it to be able to spend that time and celebrate her family's milestones because of the, because of the relationship that we formed. So, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, you guys are still young, so that's coming. I wonder, I mean, I'm imagining that you're imagining that there will be sorority sisters at those milestones, at those weddings, and that's going to be fun. Yeah, absolutely. What, this is kind of a deeper question, but what parts of sorority life do you think still impact you today, Lauren? For me, I think sisterhood has always been a major theme in my life. Just growing up, I have two younger sisters and so my family was just so built on sisterhood, but going through the Greek system and joining a sorority just kind of made me think about it in a new light and really made me evaluate like how sisterhood can play into friendships. Because I don't think I ever had that mentality before where I like could make my friends, my sisters too, since I already had that and I held that so close to me. And so it's really just like expanded my view of sisterhood. And I think that bringing kind of the principles of sisterhood into every person I interact with and just like really wanting to be an anchor for people and trustworthy. And like, I just, I kind of think like, oh, just treat people like they're my sister and they'll be my close friend. You know, I think that it's such a beautiful way to approach life and friendships and college and Greek life really just expanded that definition of sisterhood for me. Lauren, if I was your age, you would never get rid of me. I would glom on to you, honey, and I would never let go. And Kate, I'm saying the same thing to you, but Lauren just said something very touching to me, but you tell me also, tell what, what do you feel like, you know, what parts of your sorority life really are still impacting you? I feel like I kind of agree with like what Lauren said. I had a brother growing up and I always wanted sisters. So kind of to be able to get that deeper level, I feel like Greek life as a whole kind of is a bonding experience. There's a lot of like trials and tribulations that you go through in college because there's a lot of growth and hardships that you deal with. And so to have such a strong support system and such a strong group of girls, like that's really solidified the way that I view my friends and the way that I feel like I can lean on my friends. That I didn't necessarily feel before with, you know, having a brother or having, you know, someone who doesn't really understand a lot of the things that girls go through or the emotions that they deal with. So it was nice to kind of have that, that bond. I love that. All right. I'm going to glom on to you too, Kate. In my next lifetime when we're all the same age. So tell me your perception. Has your perception of Greek life changed since you've graduated? I think so. I think when I was in college, there was this heavy emphasis on the sorority that you were in and kind of these biases and stigmas to certain parts of Greek life, but now seeing it from a postgrad perspective and being able to bond with people from other schools and kind of have that in common with people, I think is definitely something that makes it painted in a more positive light than I think it was sometimes viewed in college. Right. Interesting. What do you think, Lauren? Yeah, it's interesting because when you join a sorority, especially at like a Southern school where there's just such a huge drive for people to do so, it feels like this make or break thing and it feels like you have to be in the right house so people perceive you in the right way. And there's just so much image associated with what really should be about just making friends and being yourself and getting to make relationships with people where you can be authentic. And so I think that honestly, as I went through college, that just kind of those walls kind of dropped where like you care so much about being top house or whatever it is for you that you care about. And then by the end of college and I think still continuing after college, I've just realized like, oh, the sorority that I chose or that I was in didn't matter because we were top and grades and we were cool girls and we were smart and funny or whatever. It mattered more that I found a place where I could be myself, that I found girls that I could be myself around. And it's really just like the relationships that you take with you rather than like the status of being in a certain house. Yeah, I'm definitely glomming on to both of you. Do you feel like if you had to do it again, you would go through the rush process differently? Do you think you'd still choose your house? I think I would have. I really think I would have, especially because of the girls that I spoke with during rush, like they just made me feel so seen. However, I rushed twice. So freshman year, I don't think I would have maybe made the same decision as I did sophomore year, just based on the lessons that I learned going through rush the first time versus second. Okay. What about you, Kate? Yeah, I think, um, honestly, I feel like I have a very different viewpoint than the average person because the year that we went through rush or freshman year, um, was all online because of COVID. Right. Um, so it definitely kind of had a different experience. Um, you're not in the house. You're not feeling the vibe. Um, but I'm so glad that I met the people that I did. Right. Um, and I don't have any regrets about like any decisions that I made because of that. So glad to hear that. Um, so you guys, for both of you, if someone is getting ready to graduate, what advice would you give them on staying in touch and maintaining their sorority friendships? Hmm. I would just say like, it may feel small, but a text can go a long way. There's been so many times where I've felt distant from my fellow friends because I chose to move so far away and just to a place that not a lot of people went and a lot of people did. Like I would say the majority of people, Kate, correct me if I'm wrong, moved to Dallas, you know, and stayed in that area. And so I have kind of gone through times where I felt a little bit isolated or lonely because of the decision that I made, but it always brightens my day. Like to get a text of two of my friends being like, Oh, we're at lunch and we were just thinking of you and like miss you so much. Like just little things like that go a long way. It doesn't need to be the pressure of having this hour long face time to catch up on every play by play of your life. Like you can get that when you do a visit or something, but I think just the text, like thinking of you or this reminded me of you. That's what impacts me the most being so far away. Just those little things and like little moments that keep me still connected to everybody. Yeah, I agree. Cause I recently went through something that I want to bore you all with, but nothing tragic, but something. And I got like three different messages, just texts from my, just from sorority sisters. Hey Jen, thinking about you love you here if you need me. And that's just, you know, that's everything, right? Yeah. Do you have any advice for us, Kate, just in terms of keeping in touch? Yeah, kind of, kind of tagging on to what Warren said. I wish that someone would have told me that you don't need to maintain the same friendship that you had in college to still maintain that friendship. Cause I feel like I had this huge pressure and like burden almost of like, oh my goodness, I have to get on this hour long phone call and catch up with a person cause I haven't talked to them all week. And then that weekly phone call becomes monthly and then it never ends up happening because it's now something you're dreading. Yeah. This is shooting that quick little text where it's like, Hey, I'm just thinking about you or like, Hey, saw this and like it made me think of you. That goes such a long way. And you don't need to know every single minor life update in your friend's life to still have that same relationship. So. Yeah, totally. I agree with that. And I think that applies all around. Like sometimes if you're not seeing everyone or if you're not seeing someone every day or every week or every, and you feel this pressure like, Oh my gosh, if I get on the phone, I don't have an hour to catch up. Do you know what I mean? And so they kind of remove that pressure and say, I'm just going to say, Hey, lady, just saw something funny thinking of you. Hope you're well is like so nice and, and, you know, feeling like you're able to do that without feeling guilty about it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, pretty ladies, thank you so much for coming on to dirty rush today. I love talking to you. Um, and I think you gave us some really good advice. Well, I didn't need your advice, but everyone else did. Thank you so much for having us. Okay, guys, that's it for this episode of dirty rush. 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