#164 - Robby Hoffman

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I think the producer of a podcast is like shocked that they have to record a podcast. It's like somebody woke eldest up in the middle of the night and it's like a scared straight program. But that's actually how they do it everywhere. Like actually, if they were just ready when you walked in, like for some reason I think the industry would fall apart. Like they need us to watch them do their job. Sure. Like because if we came in and it was already set up, we would think he did nothing. Because we saw him click, click, click, click buttons. He did that. He turned on a light. He put his own headphones on. There's a lot of disgusting stuff going on behind the cameras. You guys don't need to know anything about, you know, it's the theater of performance for all this. And mind you, we did a podcast moments before you got here. So it's not like he had to set up anything, but it was that he had to refocus. I didn't change. Why did my camera need to be refocused? They just like to go for those who don't know what's going on. Just a camera on a tripod. And what they do is they just do that. They do a little tinkering. They turn off and on again. And it all takes 10, 12 minutes. It takes too long. Absolutely. It takes, and you're just sitting here. We don't know each other. We don't know each other. Yes, we could get here and we could talk. Shit, we could talk smack, but we don't know each other like that. In fact, I've, this, and I haven't said this, I've been begging to get on your podcast. Wow. There's no other podcast I wanted to. Because I feel, and I'm so, I said, he'll never have me on because I think we had, we had a weird interaction. Where was this? Because I'm always weird. I can't be chill. I don't remember this. So that's a good. Oh, this is good. Yeah, yeah. I have no chill. You know, people say like no chill. Like just, you know, I've had friends all the time like, you have to chill. I just, for some reason, I have no chill. And it's despite having no chill that I got here. It took me a lot longer than somebody who had no chill. Right, right, right. And I recognize I got in my own way in that. You think so? Oh, yeah. Because I don't think you did, but what are you describing? When did we meet? I think because Friedland's a good friend of mine, Adam. Okay. Strike one. Yeah. Strike one. So exactly. Strike one. So that might be a problem, sure. Okay. But then I met you somewhere. I really, really liked you. And I never tell anyone I like them or anything because, because I'm trying to be chill. I don't remember like an awkward interaction. I remember like a brief meeting. Okay. What do you remember? Okay. Tell me what you remember. Like, you know, because you didn't go well. I didn't go well. I felt very, I felt I wasn't cool. Like the thing is, is I'm like, I straight up, and here's the other thing. I'm accidentally cool. Like I think I'm cool, but I'm not, not due to the way that I behave. No, certainly not. It's like, because I would do the uncool thing where I'm like, stop, you're, you're so funny. Oh, I appreciate it. Obviously. And we just saw a movie with you that you were in it and between me and you wanted to have big people in it, but you were the best part. I wasn't the best part, but I appreciate it. Now you're overdoing it. No, I'm not overdoing it, but you see, this is the no chill. We're talking about you're the best actors living. We're in this movie. But you were a really fun part of the movie. Thank you. I appreciate it. You know, and the movie you did, there's a lot of gratuitous. Okay. Of course you, we want to see a woman begging. We want to see a woman. Of course. Okay. It's important for me. Yeah, but you. In any movie I see. You, and I'll say this, coming off the conversation of how annoying I feel around people, sometimes, especially when I'm excited. Your character was, I saw myself most in that character of all the characters. He's kind of staying around. He wants kind of a tour of the spot. He wants to see, you want to come in here. I'm like, you renting here? Like this year probably like, I'm that type of thing. So I just thought, I get in my head, you know how we make a narrative. Like this whole story happened that you're saying, yeah. And I'm saying, ah, man, you see, it's again another time where I like somebody. I said, I shouldn't have said that I liked them because the fellas, it goes right to the heads. Sure. Fellas don't like apparently guys. Yeah. You can't go up and you say you like them. Like they think that that's like, I don't know, like they're too good immediately. I got a sense, but I knew you weren't like that. So this one, I knew I screwed up. No, no, I don't, I think for me it was more like, if anybody is too effusive, I just don't know what to, I'm like, Exactly. They don't know what to do. It's not that I'm like, I like the compliment and I take it, but I'm just like, oh, cool. I'm like, I don't know what to mean. Like, thanks. And then I go, you stupid to me. I'm like, why does he even say anything? You can't like people from afar. And this is probably how people who come up to me and say something, you know, and maybe I didn't say the right thing back. I try and have empathy for myself in them where they probably walk away. I go, why did I say that to Robbie or something? Guy, the way if you had an interaction with me and you think it's, I forgive you, give grace, you're doing the best you can. You saw Robbie Hoffman. You got excited. I saw staff. I got excited. It happens. This is for you saying this to yourself. It happens over us meeting, which I don't remember going back. So I'm so happy. So I never go through all of these things. They all happen through friends and stuff. I went through people. I said, they said, is there anything for the special because Netflix has you going here. They have you going there. Is there anywhere you want to talk about your special with? I said, I'd love, I'd love to go on staff, but I don't think I had such an interaction where I gave him a compliment. By the way, by the way, was I weird? Did I take the compliment? No, I think I was too. I have to take it deep. I have a thing where I again, I'm cool in spite of having no chill. I am the only one of the only people I know cool in spite of having no chill. I just didn't even think about it. I saw you and I just didn't even think about it. Like many people who probably see us on the street. Right. Okay. First of all, some of you may take for this from us and start to think about it. I've started to think about it. I don't just run up to everyone and you should also start to think about it. However, if you do not think about it and you see me in the street and you come up and you had, it's fine. Trust me. It's fine. No, I don't think they're weird. That's why it's fine. Yeah, I think if you walk away and you think it was weird or I didn't like what you said to me or whatever, get that done. It's over. I agree with you. I agree with you. The only way can be bad is if you overstay. If we have done that before. If we have a nice like. I have done that before. Yeah, sure. Sure. Sure. If we have a nice, especially when it's like, hey, nice to meet you big fan, whatever. It's like, oh, thank you very much. I'll take a picture. I'll even chat for a little bit. But when there's that natural break, you know, I gotta go somewhere. I'm usually, I'm always late. That's another thing. I'm always late. So I have a like worried angry face at myself. Yeah. If you see me in the street and I wonder sometimes. No, I was embarrassed myself because it is where we're in this industry where we don't, we can be, you know, we're doing it, but we're also fans of each other. Yeah, absolutely. Sometimes we're far or we meet through frenemies or whatever it is. And it's an awkward thing. It's his enemy, my enemy and your enemy is my enemy. Okay. And, and, and so it's this awkward thing where, where we've gotten cool and jaded. We don't have to say, but some, sometimes once in a while there's somebody with a little something that I really, I'm like, I actually like to have an attitude. And I do do it. I break my rule of like, whatever, not that it's even wrong. Just you're jaded naturally. We do this all the time, but sometimes I get to feel that innocence again. Oh, I'm excited too. And it's just nice to lean in. So I'm glad that you've reassured me that it was nothing just like when people see me and they probably spiral that I say the right thing that I brought up, you know, this, that it's all good baby, baby. Yeah, that's what I agree. I fully agree. You know, it's funny that you're always late. I thought I would be late here because, because, you know, packed day, packed day, but also, you know, between the subway and, you know, but so I said, well, you message him and say that we're running tight. I was on time. Yeah. See my own time. I think that's late. I know. Yeah. So that's, that's how I operate. I'm like, have you always been, was that like a, you know, about being on time? Well, my mother, my mother had such a reverence for anybody wealthy. Growing up. I suppose like we had a doctor appointment once a year for school. Sure. You had to get like a clean bill of health, like a checkup. If the school didn't require it, we never would have been at the doctor. So thank God the school like you have schools, this, what kind of school just. Yeah, I didn't go to public school. I went to it. No, I went to a Jewish private school, all girl school and then a regular Jewish school, public school later. Where'd you grow up in Canada? Where'd you grow up? Yeah, I'm, well, I'm born in New York and then I grew up in Montreal. So yeah, small Jewish school that required that you could do, you know, whatever you can go to school. That's good. Because a private school, sometimes they will really, they'll ask you basic health stuff. So it's good they made you go to the doctor. Oh yeah. This was a good school. I went to, this was like a really expensive school that we got subsidy to go on. In Canada. In Canada. Yeah. Which by virtue, yes, it's a Jewish perk. I'll say that. I went to a good school. Thank God, by the way, it's been exposed now, but I'll be the first to say I benefited from that and it was a fantastic education. And thank God it sent me to the doctor, but my mother would be there before the doctor was there. Like we would take the bus because she didn't want to fuck up us going to the school. They're taking you to school. This is type of paperwork you need. We're not paying anything, you know, and you can't be someone who can afford a cab or a car. You have to take the bus. Well, yeah, my mother also didn't have a license. We took, we took the bus, but no, but also she was going to get the paperwork in. She was going to get everything in. They're already taking us free. We don't need problems that she didn't get the medical or whatever else. So we get there and it's like literally seven in the morning. Maybe our appointment said not like, and it's so cold in Montreal. You have to understand it's like minus 40. The building is an open doctor's. Well, it's not. Yeah, the buildings not open. Yeah, we would see them opening the building security coming, opening the book. The doctor's not here like even and she's like, I brought a book you. And I remember she just had such a reverence that this is a doctor. Like even we went to the checkup. It was me. I remember three of my brothers. I have a brother, a year older brother, two years older brother, three years older. And we would all sit on the doctors. Is it the bed or the bench? That weird little bench. Yeah, that elevated bench with the, with the wax paper. It's weird that it doesn't have its own. It does not have a designation that I can because I know I've heard of a city or a shays long they have fancy names. I don't think it's a shay. Inter is it a chair? Is it a I think there was a moment where there was like historically couches. There were many different types of couches. People took couch taxonomy a lot more seriously back in the day. Now I think everything's a couch, but that's a bet. Let's say the doctor's bench. Bench with the weird paper. Yeah, with the paper. So we're all on the paper and our underwear. Yep. You know, everybody's like, yeah, everybody's like, you know, nine, 10, 11, 12, whatever. Yeah. Me and my brothers would go. I can't remember what your point, you know, she went sometimes I went with other siblings, whoever she could take and get the forms done. And we're all sitting there and you had to get weighed and you do the knee thing. And the doctor is a doll and he's so fun. What's he like? Do you remember? I remember my, my PD, Dr. Salihi, shout out to him. Dr. Rodstein, he actually got, um, we actually went to the hospital. We actually went to him. He was free, but he ended up getting Alzheimer's and we were actually still seeing him when he was, uh, but my mother really went to the check up every three times back to back to back. He forgets. You know, exactly. Like he was already, my mother was like, he's really, but he's a while we have and he'll sign the paper. Yeah. So, but we went and I remember she was going down the line. The doctor was going down the line. My mother's like looking at the doctor was like, you know, gets to my brother. Shmueli was like, he's a hefty boy. Uh, he, he's doing good. That's a cool thing. He's doing good. Yeah. Healthy. I hope he has a wonderful school year or see him next year. You know, they get to my brother. Menachem, he's a little small. He's in the way. They would give you a percentile. Like, you know, he's a little, he's a little on the skinny side, nothing to worry about. You tell my mother, Connie, nothing to worry about. Yeah. Just the kind of thing. Make sure he's finishing his plate. Yeah. That sort of thing. Get to me. Riff got his dessert. Yeah. Exactly. Shmueli, you know, uh, Riff, cause she's looking at my given name or she's, she's looking average. She's looking good. Uh, okay kids, uh, I'll see you next year. Have a great year at school. The doctor would leave my mother black. Get dressed. We're like getting dressed and she would pull my brother Menachem's pants. Okay. You don't weigh enough yelling at him like he has anything to do. He has anything to do with what he weighs. Embarrassing me in front of the doctor. Oh, for God's sake. Because she already felt that like we're on welfare now. She's starving us. Like we, you know, when she prioritized food, my mother was always cooking. We always had a ton of food. Well, how many siblings are we talking here? I have nine siblings. Nine is nuts. Yeah. So you're doing, you're doing the like Jewish version of being Amish basically. Exactly. Where it's like old school. Yeah, exactly. So you, you grew up very traditional, I'm guessing the like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's like the Kardashians, but poor. Yeah. There's a lot of us, but yeah, I remember my brother Menachem the whole bus ride home. You don't weigh enough embarrassing me in front of the doctor like that. Like you're the one who feeds it like now thinking back and we were all like hitting him. We're like, you know, weigh enough. You fucking piece of shit. You make mom look like an idiot for the doctors. She's not. Who doesn't remember his own name. Literally. And so, um, so the late has a lot to do with the reverence of like, you don't waste a doctor's time. You don't waste somebody's wealth these times, somebody, anything's time. And now to me, that's, that's just become, you don't waste anyone's time. Not a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. All the time is not bad. I think I, Greek culture is not a very like be on time culture. My best, I mean, all my, I hired my friends, right? That's true. I can notice that. Yeah. I can tell you how special everything is. Um, not an eldest is Albanian. He's the only non-Greek and all my literally my friend who's essentially she handles the way for the rest of us. We think it's the same thing. We don't, we don't know. I don't know. So I get crazy. I don't differentiate between, you know, the different whites over there. No, no, no. You take that back. Yeah. And I like for the record, I'll just a celebrating being thought of as Greek everyone. I want that on the record as well. Yeah. I'm not going to get out of white over there. If the juice can't get out, you can't get out. Oh, they're trying to get, they're taking it away from you. Don't worry. It's not really get out of it for Jews. It's, it's, yeah, they, they, they give it every, every like 10 years you're up for renewal. And this decade, this decade, it seems like it's out. It seems like it's, you know, this second, I think we got the white card. You think you got it? You think you got it? I think what the Trump from first, from first election. I think you're kind of up in 26 is really from 16. Once Trump got elected, I feel like they yanked it. Yeah, they might have yanked it. You know what? It's hard to keep track, but you're definitely sitting there with a white card. But yes, everyone is late and like literally my, all my friends, even friends of mine who were successful, they're just, and I had that problem and I've tried to be better about No, you just have to be who you are. Yeah. That's the whole thing. It's like, it's like stand up. Like some people are annoyed or, you know, they, oh, I don't like this guy. I don't like, like for instance, for me, I love Pete Davidson. Sure. Okay. People were like, oh, you really, I'm like, I really found his special to be just darling. I enjoyed watching it. I was delighted. I found myself just with a smirk on my face and I enjoyed it, but I'm the complete antithesis to that type of comedian. He's laid back. He's chill. He smokes a cig. He goes up there. He's just, I write a lot, do a lot, am a lot. It's kind of like you can be the Pete Davidson chill going in or you can be the Taylor Swift type. You're putting out a lot. You're writing a lot. You're doing a lot. And I like both of them. You see yourself as Taylor Swift. I'm in the Taylor Swift camp where I try a lot. I do a lot, but I love to chill dudes who just come out with a guitar too and I can like it both. Just know who you are and that's fine. Well, the Pete Davidson thing is interesting because, you know, you say it's antithesis of a comedian, but I could also see. No, antithesis of me as a comedian. Yes, right. But I mean, even as a person, to me, what you're describing, you're upbringing to me like a, like sort of like trash coded, like East Coast Pete, I'm saying like, not you. I mean, like, he's like, you know, the, you know. I was like, what'd you say? No, no, no, certainly not. I mean, like a guy who's like tattooed, fucking drugs, like fucks around, like kind of just seems to be a ha, seems to have gotten everything from being a good hang. Yeah. That's the exact opposite of me. Twelve children that were birthed in an assembly line, in a Jewish assembly line. Yeah. And I was a goody two shoes and a good student and I've never done drugs and this and that. So yeah. And I, and I, I like it all, but I like them to be like, I don't want you now that I know you're always late. If you're on time, I'd be worried. I'm like, I want you to be the most you like what I love about people is them being them. Yes. I would be worried. Real authenticity. Yeah. I would be worried if suddenly you were on time. Like, is he good? Like, is he going through it? Is he sad? Like that's true. Actually, when I'm, when I'm really on time and really about work, which is actually kind of what we're in the middle of right now, I'm not that happy because it's like, I've taken time away from my essence to make sure that work gets done. Yeah. That's terrible. No, no, no. You got to be distracted. You got to be carried away. You got to be, oh, you know, what's, what's the problem? What's that smell? Let's check out what they're cooking in there. Dinner went late. We had drinks. Then I saw somebody ran into, I ran into an old pal. When you can live, I do love living my life that way. And actually the great tragedy of success is that it's taken away the ability to just sort of float through life. Really? Which I don't, I want to get back to. Like I want to plan around being able to just, yeah, because I also definitely identify with the my great, I think I'm good at stuff. But I think my good skill is hanging out. Ultimately, it's just having a good time figuring it out. Well, if you, and I don't want to, I don't want to discourage you from hiring your friends and things like that. But if you hire people who. This is something nice. Come on now. There is a world, there is a world in Savvy's world where you hire people who can assume more of the responsibilities. Right, right, right. You can delegate some of the work stuff. True. And you can do them if they could take on that responsibility, which would free you up to be who you're supposed to be, which is, which is why people pay to see you and the whole thing for the hang. So there is a world in Savvy's world where we upgrade the staff or the staff step up. I like to think that. Or the staff step up and understand that he's expressing a need and he's like, but she's been bogged down by all the extra work. I love this. I'll tell you, there's no work without him. You don't have a job without it. Yeah. Listen to that. There's a thing, Robby. If I wasn't here, staff wouldn't be as grounded as he is. He's grounded plenty. He needs his coffee done. That's fine. He's grounded plenty. I actually do. There is the great trade off of like having your friends around also means some people can actually talk to you like a human being. Whereas like I'm sure you, you know, you see people who in entertainment, it's like they're surrounded by people who depend on them for everything and also can't cross or like, can't I can't wait for that. See, I'm somebody I can't wait to sell out as soon as humanly possible. I'm sick of all you people and I'm ready for an upgrade. I'm ready for Delta Comfort. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right now, a guide dog puppy is taking her very first steps. One day she'll help someone with sight loss live a full and independent life. Find the crossing best. Good girl. Sponsor a puppy with guide dogs. You're there for it all. Her wobbly walks. Her first harness. The life changing partnership. It's more than a donation. It's the start of a life changing story. Search sponsor a guide dog puppy and be part of a story you'll be proud to share. Guide dogs. Uh, that is, I mean, just that upbringing though is great. I mean, that's terrible stuff. It's really we're talking bunk beds. What are we talking? Yeah. We're talking bunk beds. We're talking the bunk is sinking. Yeah. And I'm like, I could get crushed to death. Like this is a real, like this is a real concern. I'm like, like, what did your parents do? Like we're, you're nothing. We were on welfare. Oh wow. Your dad didn't do anything. My father, uh, wasn't in the picture on and off. My father wasn't in the picture in the beginning and he studied every, well, he was in the picture every nine months or so. It sounds like he would pop back in. But no, they didn't, they gave it all to God. My parents almost like super religious. Yeah. It's like they just give it to God. Like if God wants us to eat, we'll eat. Wow. That's crazy. Like it's, they give it to God. So well, however, we were on welfare and you know, which is, I love when people are like, you know, people take advantage of the system. Like these people living on welfare. Yes. My parents are retarded. Yeah. But just they had 10 kids. I'm seven. I'm going, I had not going to do it. I agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to get off the dole. I agree with you, but I can't even work yet. I know that's my grip. My big, I actually weirdly, there was a moment in my life where I thought I might do something good for the world instead of selfishly entertain. And I was into welfare policy a lot. That's what I studied. And I couldn't understand why people took it out on the kids. It's like these kids are actually so much, so fucked. Like the odds of these kids are already so fucked that it's like, you're going to cut back their fucking parents. Oh, you're really going to show their parents by making sure their kids have an even shittier life than the parents. It's so stupid. It's like for me to even be sitting here with you and everything I did today, it's like, from where I come from, it's just like Michael Jordan proportions. Absolutely. In terms of, yeah. And it's just, yeah, I agree with you. My parents are fucked. Probably shouldn't have had that many kids. I agree. I just know, you know, I asked my mother, how did you have all these kids? She's like, it seems like every time I went to bed, I woke up pregnant. I'm like, that's the grossest fucking thing I've ever heard. Close your legs, bitch. You cannot afford it. You're having ten kids. And it's like, give it to God. He's not giving you much. After the first five, you saw that God wasn't giving anything back. You saw he wasn't giving much. At least, you know, I said Amish, but it's like, at least the Amish were using those kids to build barns. They're building. Yeah, you weren't doing it. You're studying. We're studying ancient texts. It's like not applicable. It's not helpful. Yeah. That's what, I mean, what's your relationship to, are you religious anymore? Because, you know. Here's the whole thing. Gabby says, my wife, Gabby says that I'm the most religious person she's ever met. You know, I grew up, now I equate like being religious to like induced OCD or something. Cause like there's a way to do everything. There's so many little like traditions and laws, you know, for instance, kissing the Mizzouza when you walk in the door. I still do that. I'm not an animal. So there's certain things, you know, but, but it starts to, the line gets blurry between OCD and religion. Yeah, yeah, ritual. I think for now, like if people ask me if I believe in God or whatever, I definitely think there's, I think it's, there's something bigger. I think, you know, when somebody asked me about the afterlife or things like that, I think it's as crazy that we're here living this earth, that there could be an afterlife. Yeah. There's nothing I don't believe in almost is the thing like anything you tell me, like I could get into it because I just don't know anything. But you're not still studying. No, no, no, no, no, I don't do that. But I definitely give it to God, but I don't know what God is. Yeah. Maybe it's an energy. Maybe it's, it's forces. Maybe it's everything coming together. Just something larger. I don't know. Was there like a definitive moment for you where you were like, because you're primed to, you know, rebel against, not only is like, Well, I remember the first time I ate not kosher. Oh, okay. Because growing up as a kid, yeah, all the non Jewish kids after school, whatever they had like a McDonald's Happy Meal. Yeah. And it was in that little house. Sure. I remember the house big time. And as a kid, I'm just like, I want a happy meal. I can't be happy too. Yeah. It's literally called a happy meal. Like I can't be happy too. We felt like we were like denied happiness. What are your lunches looking like? What's mom packing? Peanut butter sandwich, poor salting crackers. And now Gavi says that all the snacks I like are so Soviet Union because I like, I'll take a sleeve of saltines with some peanut butter and call it a day. I just don't understand. Yeah. And she's like, I haven't seen saltines in so long. Yeah. No, that is a complete poverty food. Yeah. So, but you know, I still, I love the, anyway, and if I'm splurging, I'll do the Ritz. You know, I like to, the Ritz is the upgrade to me. The Ritz is the upgrade. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's the upgrade. That's, yeah, that's flexing. But wait, what were we just saying? The rebellion, the first time you ate nachoshoes. So I really, all I wanted was like a nugget throwing up. If I, like just a waft of that smell. Oh, they were the best. Right. So then I remember I was, I was in college in, in Montreal. I went to after high school. You have something called SeaGypts College. Like, anyway, I was in college. A year program. Yeah. It's like a year program, but you do university for three years and you do this year program, year or two program before anyway, then they call that college and then university. So I was, I was studying and I was starving. I just had an exam. No, I had a like a eight o'clock or something. What are we studying in college? Accounting. Accounting really? I mean, we're just, well, because I didn't think I was going to go to school. Yeah. So, cause my mother would, you know, we weren't taught to dream or anything. If anything, we were discouraged. My mother would say, school's not for everyone. School's not for everyone. Because it was like, you know, a racket. It was expensive. She always got us into this private school, but that was going to be it. And so the, so what's the goal is growing up? Cause they weren't going to let us in free there. We went to a Jewish private school that let us go for free and they reminded us every year. Yeah. It was just, it was horrible. But what's your mom like, what do they want for you? I guess nothing. There was no expectations of us. Really? Zero. So they're just, to them, like their base, they're just existing. And to them is what you do is just have 10 kids. Like it's insane to me to have that many kids without being like, I mean, it's not like zealots have that many kids, but you, your, your parents sound like sort of like ambivalent zealots. Like it's the weirdest combination of anything I could think of. It's the way there was no thought. Like, you know, people read parenting books and this and that. There was no, there was not a thought. But there wasn't even like, even when I got into school, I remember being 18. I was like, my, I applied to school. I got it. She goes, I can't do all that. You'll have to pay for your own bus pass if you move out. And so that was it. That's fascinating that they wouldn't want you to go to fucking school. It's good. They want you to work, get a job. Right. We just didn't. It was the plan that you would stay at home and everybody pulls. No, everybody moved out at 17 or 18. He moves out. Yeah. This is the most bizarre setup I've ever heard. You're like, I was fully a grown up by like seven. I mean, I remember being five years old and changing my brother's diaper. My brother, I was small in my family and one of my little brothers was as big as me, but he was a year, a year and a half younger. And I remember he must have been three and he was like potty training, but sometimes he would need a diaper at night or a pull up and I would hoist him onto the table, get his legs up and I'm only five. I mean, that's so we were really respected and talk to us. You know, there's, there's a parentified aspect certainly to it, but there was also a respect to it. My mother, the school called me because I had trouble. It's, you know, being the poor kid at the rich school. Of course. I always like was, it just felt uncomfortable all the time. You're not just the poor kid. You're also the weird kid, I would guess. Thank you. Cause it's like, cause you have fucking all your siblings. You're like, they're the poor ones and there's fucking 18 of them. Yeah. And my brothers were always getting in trouble for like violence. Like they were always like beating each other up and I was like, you know, I was their sister and it was just, and my mother though, let's say they would call the school, my mother would be like, she's your responsibility from eight to four. That's like when my mother would say what happened at school, my mother, that teacher, she's fucking crazy and she's like, I know she's crazy. She is. She's off. I met her. She's off. Fucking you. Can you just be good? This is such my mother was like, please just shut up and listen to her. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Don't you know? Don't you know this could be a great opportunity. She must have been young, right? Your parents have kids. Yeah. So it's like, did it feel like they're your roommates more than anything? No, it just felt like I remember being 10 and looking around and seeing my mother and being like, I got to get out. Yeah. There's nothing doing this is not good. Are there uncles answers? There any, any shining light in the family? I had an uncle Rob in Vermont, but we didn't see him often. And that's how I get my name. Robbie. Because when I was starting to do standup, I had this accounting job and the reason I again, and see we came back to it very naturally. See, I'm a weaver, but we've come back. Is I grew up so poor that when I got into school and we were taught in school was a scam, which it is. It is. My mother was right. Higher education. But she said like, you have to, you know, what are you going to, if you go to school, it has to be for something you don't know how to do. So you're, you know, art, you go to library, take out books. What do you need? It's all free. So, um, I asked the academic advisor, what's the least amount of school for the most amount of payoff? And she said, if you go into accounting, they'll give you a job this summer. You get into paid internship. So that really spoke to me. And then I interviewed at an accounting firm and they gave me a laptop for keeps. I was like, the keeps. And so they gave me the laptop I was in. Wow. And that was my first time having the laptop, which imagine how people ask me like, what's your, what's your life like now? You're having such a moment. I've had so many moments. One was when I got my laptop. It's not like the other kids didn't have a laptop. Every kid but me had a laptop. Wow. Holy fuck. So it's not even like I grew up. Oh, there was no laptops. Everybody had a laptop. It was bizarre to be printing the teacher's lesson. And then right, you know, I would print the slides and then write on the notes on them instead of directly in the notes on the slides. And what do you, what's entertainment like even? You don't have a laptop. Is there, is there like a one TV that everybody had one TV? Were they strict about what you could? Nothing. Watched everything. Oh, my mother was, she was asleep. But well, first of all, we weren't as religious by this point by the time that we're sharing the one TV. Interesting. My mother left this community. We were still dad's not around. Yes. So my, my parents' marriage fell apart. That's when we moved to Canada. We're going to trash coded. Let's take the coded out. It's a. Let's just go ahead and yeah, people don't think there's white, everyone. They don't. People think they're stressed. No, they don't think of it. But by the way, and they shouldn't think of it. I didn't think of it. Right. I go, how do you even get the exception? How are you even poor and Jewish anymore? I remember growing up and looking at my mother. How do you even get poor and Jewish anymore? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost unheard of. Yeah. It's like she had to go out of her way to fuck up so bad. True. Like we were so close. You hear you're born in New York. You're like, that's pretty good. Oh, it's Jewish. Okay. Shit is looking up. Yeah. Well for what the fuck went down? Yeah. Yeah. Weird. We go wrong. Totally. Because if you had stayed in New York at least like you're at least in the weird insular religious community, which is fucked up in its own right. But it's like some, you know, there's some going on there. You were, you guys were so insane. What you're describing is no man's land. Yes. We were the most New York kids to move to Canada ever. And we went to this new with this. Some of us got every most people went to public school, but a few of us were able to go to this. What my mother thought was like this great school, private school, and it was a very good school. And thank you ma. I'm not resentful if you're listening, which is not. But I'm just saying that, you know, it was a bizarre. It's a bizarre. You know, it made me feel way poorer than I ever was. Sure. You know, I'm like, oh, I would come home from school. I'd be like, oh, it's really bad here. Like, I'm like, ma, somebody's got to be thinking about this. So that's why I ended up in accounting because gave me a job. I was paid every two weeks. And you are. And also to go back to that, you're studying for accounting. What is this first meal? This non-coach meal? Wow. Look at us weaving in your back. You're actually an underrated podcast. Thank you. And I know you're pretty like people think that, oh, you're really, you know, you're up there. Everybody knows about it. He could actually have more. No, he could actually have more. From your, from your lips. Sometimes they say people are, yeah. Um, I, so I was, I had an exam, probably like an eight to 10 or a 10, a very early exam. And I was starving after, and there was no kosher food by my school. It was downtown. Now I was a community downtown. And there's no population Montreal. There's a population, but you know, it's, it's insular like anything else. You get kosher food. You have to, sure. And I was starving. And I was just kind of looking up this McDonald's there. And I said, that's it. That is it. I am sick of this. And I walked in and I heard about the Egg McMuffin. Wow. Oh, nice. From Big Daddy. I watched Big Love. Big Daddy. Big Daddy's great movie. And I thought in my head, I thought breakfast is closing. I don't know what time. Yeah. Then God, they were open. It was probably, it would have to be before 11 at the time. I get there. I said, breakfast is still, they said breakfast is still serving. And I got Egg McMuffin with bacon. Wow. You went the whole way. With bacon? Yeah. Yeah. And I got the two little latkes, the hash browns. That's a good breakfast. And I ended and it was unbelievable. And I had it every day for a month. And my first job, I started working at McDonald's and I ate McDonald's every day. Whatever the internship. No, this was before the internship was after college. Okay. So your first job was McDonald's? Yes. Hilarious. So you go from, and that was the first meal. Every single day. The first non-coacher meal was McDonald's. The first non-coacher meal I had was Egg McMuffin. And you kept it going. I just was, that was it. We weren't kosher. Yeah. And nothing happened. And it was fine. I mean, I don't know still, but I'm open. He could be playing the long game. I know. I know. We don't know. You want to. Giving you all this cool stuff. No, when I already feel like I'm gay, I got to be careful. Like, you know, I'm getting away with murder. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm getting away. But I do feel like even with coming out gay enough in kosher, like, for some reason, my relationship with God, whatever that is, I feel like if there is a God, like, I feel like he fucks with me. Like, I feel like he's just like, what are you going to do? It's Ravi. Like, I feel like he doesn't really, like he's not as hard on me. Like, he's like, well, that's Ravi. Like, I feel like we get along. We just, like we just respect each other. And that's just how it is. That's a very interesting look at it because it's like, is that your way of processing having good luck? You know, because like your circumstances are one thing. Also just entertainment in general. I mean, I showed that to where I'm like, the way I process it is just like, it's I want a lottery ticket. Yes, exactly. So, but I don't think of that as me and God or boys. You know what I mean? I think he fucks with you. God likes me. You know what? I'm getting worded now. And I think he's like, down to come over. I'll hang. Yeah. I'm down to chat with God, but he just went grocery shopping. It's a stock house. Yeah. No, I always feel like he just so maybe and maybe that's, you know, when they say, first of all, people are allowed to tell us that that that Jesus spoke to them. God fucks with me. How's that? How's that? I guess you have as good a you have as good a case for it as anyone. Thank you. I appreciate that. I think so. Thank you. Are you must be are you doing the best out of all the siblings? Would you say everybody is doing thank God really? Really? Well, I think actually randomly, my mother ended up the non parenting ended up being the best thing to suit us for this world because nobody was hungry than us. Yeah. You know, and I think she ended up being the best example. I think she knew subliminally or subconsciously or even didn't know when it was accidental, which is probably the case that she wasn't going to be around and that she was spread very thin, but she did shit that really my mother valued a few things. We were going to be fed. Mm hmm. That's why my brother being skinny really because she really was cooking all the time. Yeah. And she made food last and she made big crockpots of shit and whatever. And what do we give us a sample menu stew like it's all the challenge. It's to see, you know, I would see that crock pot. I would come home. We eat a huge and I'm like, that's dinner for the next nine days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it made me sick. But anyway, now I love it. What's in it? What's in it? It's like it's like beef and carrots, whole carrots. Six stew. Yeah. Not like the little mini like the big dildo carrots, right? Like chunks of whole potatoes. What but with the racist looney tune cartoons where they would go to Africa and they would put bugs in it and bugs, buddy and chop up the the potatoes and carrots. Oh, yeah. No, that's what my mother was doing. Exactly. Exactly. You get the big witch, the big witch spatula, whatever. And a whole side of beef. Sounds pretty good. We were going to be fed. We were going to be sheltered. Yes, there's cockroaches. Yes, there's a roof over your head. Is there not? Sure. Okay. And then we were going to be educated. My mother, any free program, we were at the library every weekend. She let us take out whatever she didn't monitor. And later on, taking out videos from the library. And one thing she did was for her break, for her grown up time, once a week, she went back to school. Hmm. Interesting. She she she my grandfather would come over and she was like, please don't burn my house down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And she would just go to school. And then one year when I was graduating university, I'm one of my sisters was in university also. We're all close in age. My mother was suddenly graduating. Whoa. And we're like, what the bitch is graduating. Yeah, but after 12 painstaking years of taking one evening class every week through the summer, holy shit, the bitch had enough credits. And we're like, I just for some reason always thought she'd be. Yeah, but she and I think it's something like that, that tenacity, which she never spoke of a nothing and even told the schools not for everyone. Yeah, she never even thought she would finish. Yeah. That sort of lesson, she ended up leading by example. Yeah. Accidentally, so probably it was just to get her mind off of to have one night outside the house. Yeah, your life is so bad that taking school is your escape. I know she's such a nerd. I know she's such a nerd. She loved it. I grew away from my fucking malnourished 11 children. I was keyed by the grace of God graduated and got an undergrad. In what? What was she studying? Just history. Yeah, just yeah, art, art degree. What did she do when it was like when everyone was gone from the house? Did she have a? Well, they're not still gone. I have a brother at home and yeah, there's a lot. Then not everyone. In fact, she lives with my brother, but she helps my niece, who's amazing, but people have family and she's, you know, in a big grandma role. Oh, yeah. So yeah, grandma, going right into the grandma role. Yeah, she's she and she. Yeah, so yeah, my mom's the same way where now my brother had a kid and it's the most it's exact. It's like she she wants. She's happier doing that. Like she my mom does want to go to school to and like oh, does she well, she always said that and I told her like now. It's like, yeah, go to school. Whatever. Like I was like, I'll pay for whatever you want to do. She just would rather hang out with a baby. She's like the baby's the man like the fuck do I want to go study for? But I know you mean about that tenacity because that's how I feel about my mom where it was like. There's shit. She was working at a certain point. Two jobs we have, you know, three kids and it was just like that example of like, oh, this shit. Her life is bad. Like it's tough and it never is just she's stopping. You know, it's not even a consideration in a way where whenever I'm like frustrated with like shit being too busy or whatever. I'm like, if my mom could do what she did for 20 years, it's like what? We're so lucky. I'm literally living one of the greatest lives I've heard about recently and it happens to be mine. Like I can't believe it. Heard about? Like you hear about these lives? You know what I mean? Your life must be great. I let go of that with Gabby and I'm like, this is outstanding. Yeah, yeah. And having money like it's so much better like that ruse of like, oh, well, money doesn't make you happy. I am here to dispel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is so much better. It really helps. It really helps when you grow up poor, you know, to be able to help your family and to and to go to sleep at night. I mean, it's just much nicer. Yeah, much nicer. It's not in day that even comparing that makes no sense. Yeah, yeah. Well, they have to say that they keep people poor. Yeah, exactly. The richest people say that and I'm telling you get the money. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. If you can, they're keeping us from it. But by the grace of God, one or two get out. So we're like the fucking cockroaches. Corny Robby, God likes both of us. He must not like you guys. That's what that's what I'm getting. I don't know what you did to piss him off. But interesting. And then yeah, so, but was there like a so that's the first kosher thing? Yes. First breaking of kosher, which feels very symbolic. But was there like a great I mean changing your name coming out like was there like a very was there a real like did you feel like was it just a gradual gradual? It's like it's definitely it's like a true. Transition. Yeah, you know, sure that they get their surgeries. Sometimes they start wearing a skirt. Then they get a surgery than this and then they become the women that they are. Sure. It was like that. But really, yeah, and there's still things that my mother, you know, my mother is still kosher. For instance, there's still things like back home. Like not everything has been shed. And obviously at our house, like, you know, even though I went to a less religious Jewish school in Montreal, we were still the most religious kids at that school. But to us, it felt a lot less. You know, like you would think it's fanatic, but I'd like you don't even know fanatic. Have you been? You know what I mean? Like we're not reading by candlelight. We're not reading exactly. But to us, it felt less. And so it was a slow gradual thing like that almost like a transition. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, into a secular life. Yeah. And so what's like, did you stay in after like Montreal or whatever? Like you didn't stay with accounting that long, did you? No, I was in accounting for like three years. And no, it was the great it because I was like, I'm getting paid every two weeks. Yeah, a paycheck salary job, bro. Yeah, yeah. So that's the first time that I started even thinking stand up or anything. I never thought what I like. All I like was money like basic needs met for the first time. Yeah. So I was sleeping and then I heard about stand up. Then I was like, okay. I'll do, you know, because Montreal, they had the biggest festival there. Right. So I thought just do the festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like that, you know, but I didn't really know of it at all. And I love Montreal and also very like it feels not just secular, but like sort of like European kind of horny kind of evil in certain ways. It's the best. Yeah. It's the best. And you know what? It's so cool that Montreal is my hometown now because I get to bring Gabby home to Montreal and she brings me back to Denver and listen, there's no problem. Yeah. But I'm just saying it's cool in your hometown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Montreal. Montreal's way better. And you're eating like a king for a dime. Like the dollar goes crazy. It's just we had a great time. That was where a guy gave me he threw a 5000 milligram edible on stage. And I took a little nibble and I was fucked up for three days. But we had it before it kicked in. We had a great day having a pastrami walking around. It's unreal. Green. The green some the place. The green. The green avenue or something like that. Anyway, great stuff. Fantastic. I'm a big fan of Montreal. It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I love Montreal too. Forget what you were asking. No, I was just talking about like it's just sort of like more. I guess it just doesn't sound like you ever really took a hard rebellious stance. It was more just like because I guess it was your upbringing is not as well. It felt like the rebellion. It wasn't like like I could be who I wanted or whatever. I guess being gay was a hard one because I'm like, no, not another thing. Like I didn't grow up thinking I was gay. Yeah, I didn't think I was you know, I didn't grow up. I was a kid for a long, you know, I was very kid like as a kid. I wasn't, you know, I always feel like I'm either seven years old or I'm 73 years old. I feel like I'm like sex either way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Innocent or old person, you know, by the way, yeah, we're making up for everything. Don't even worry. I'm gonna get into it. My wife doesn't love anyone. But listen, I'll just say this. My wife had 25 boyfriends three years ago and we got it done. Yeah. Now she's gay. So yeah, there's something, you know, interesting. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, you're getting your money's worth. But no, I don't know. I think I think the hardest thing for me was having that go to counting job and then realizing like comedy. I was like, first of all being gay. I'm like, oh, I don't want my mother's already this hearing impaired single mother of 10 kids on welfare. I'm living on my own. I just don't need another thing right now. I could marry rich. I was getting good dick back then. Really? Yes. You were dating rich guys. Rich boys in the community. There was rich Jews. I was, remember, I went to this school. Of course. That had all these like rich families and our big hope was I would get into one of them. Oh, really? How many girls in the family? Yes. First of all, I'm low-key pretty. Yeah. People don't know I have a pretty thing about me. Yeah, sure. In a certain way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could kill it in another way. It's like my sister sees me wearing clothes like this. Yeah. And she goes, it's like you choose to look ugly. Like they think, but you're so pretty with your figure, what I would wear. Right. Like they think I don't, like I'm not into myself. It was wasted on you. It was what they think. Wasted, yeah. Right. Okay. So there was a chance for me to do that. So you were the one they were dangling out there to the rich families. Then when I'm gay, I go, I got to make money. Right. I got to get rich. I got to get cash. Yeah, yeah. So then I get this accounting job. I'm paid every two weeks. The work is boring, but it's fine work. It's not so different. They're not doing much. Was there? Yeah, it really isn't. And then the comedy, I heard about it and I thought I'll do it, but I didn't think it was anything. Sure. But then I knew, but then I was good at it. And it, oh my God, now I have to do it. Like I wouldn't wish you're calling on my worst enemy. It was very difficult for me to say I have to leave this job. Right. That finally I have everything to lose. I have a job paying me every two weeks. All I ever wanted was money coming in. Yeah. Money coming in. And that must not have been in the grand scheme of your life. We're talking. That's what three years, four years where you felt like you had things figured out. Yeah. And then you had a, and then you're like, oh great. Now I'm going to just completely, completely fuck this up. Yeah. I felt like I had lots to lose my job because I never even dreamed of having a job like that. Yeah. Yeah. I remember my mother, because I worked at a big building downtown. It's a big firm, KPMG. I got an internship and I got hired. Okay. And I remember my mother told my brother to apply for job at my building and he showed up with a basket of oranges. And I was like, Shmo, why are you here? He's like, he's like, Ma said you guys might be hiring. I'm like, I went to school for this. Like that's, I like, no, I got a degree for this. And I'm just like, what are the oranges? He's like, is this nice to come with something? I mean, this is weird. This is the weirdest thing to come with. This is like Ellis Island's level thinking like 10, 10, 10, 10, lower inside in the 1900s. He shows up. It's like cold. He's got this basket, like a wooden basket, literally of oranges. I'm not going to come empty handed. That's for a job. It's like, it was just so bizarre. Yeah. I'm fascinated about the like the, were you ever in a serious relationship back then with one of these rich guys or you were just kind of dating around? No, you know what? I wasn't, I've given, you know, I was kind of dating a friend of mine. I had them around. I knew they were available. You know, I had like a guy friend confessing his love to me every three, four years. Did you like that feeling? I did it. To me, it was a backup plan and I would ask them, I'd say worst case scenario. This is what I said with one of my friend. I said worst case scenario if I'm in destitute stuff. Okay. And you see, I finished school. We're in school. Would you give me $88,000? That's the most money to me. A hundred felt, felt pig-ish. Yes. Yes. I would never ask a hundred. A little ghost. But just 88 felt classy and like I could live on that for a long time. So I said worst case scenario, would you give me 88 and I would make them shake on it. Yeah, sure. Sure. And this 88 to marry them or just? No, just if I'm in death. If you really love me. Right. Oh, you just wanted a cash infusion of 88. Yeah, like you're telling me you love me. Well, what would you do? What does that mean? Right, right, right. 88 to me, pure cash. That seems a little high. Well, by the way, and there's some of them I should, well, I can't call it now. Yeah. And by the way, they might need 88. And happy to help. In my backfire on you. Happy to help. You're gonna get a call. I'm happy to help. Call me. We'll see what we can do. Okay. So you had the kosher moment. Was there a similar gay moment where there was like, it was McDonald's. Who's the girl version of McDonald's for you? Italian girl. This was at college. It was all happening at this time. We were going right. And I didn't want to be gay. I never would. I was outed brutally. I don't think I ever would have come out. I appreciate and respect the closeted individual. There is a dignity to it. There is a dignity to it. There is a dignity. You have a private life. Excuse me. You could say, you know, I'm just private. No, exactly. It's like we were, I was just saying, you know, my sister always said, if you're a grown-up who likes Disney, there's some things you can keep private. I agree. Disney adults 100% should be closeted. Yeah. Yeah. This is something in private life. Absolutely. Okay. So that's what I felt about it. But I was brutally outed. What happened? I was, I was, it was like the end of the year and students were all got to go to this student bar and there was like picture sales and everybody was putting in whatever money they had. And I went to the bathroom with, with my girl, what we were, I said, you don't talk to me in person. Like you don't look at me. You don't have anything. This is an Italian girl. Yes. Yes. Okay. And she would do graffiti and stuff. And she would be like, oh, spot me. I'm like, I'm going to be the one narking on you. Beautiful building in Montreal. You think you're a tag? The building is 400 years old. This is a masterpiece of architecture. Yes. Absolutely. And they think they're a little tag. Her tag is what's going to complete the building. Right, right, right. In any event. And then we were in the bathroom and we were making out in the stall. Classic. Classic stuff. And then it opens the stall. Like we were like lunged out of it because people were coming in and out and the doors weren't. And we were caught embracing. And this bitch carrier rich girl saw and it was like a walk to remember the next like day it felt like when I walked into school in the cafeteria. In college. Yes. And but our college again, it's like pre college. Okay. And it was very segregated like a prison. It was a Jew calf. I'm not making this up. If you went to Dawson in the comments, confirm this. They call it the Jews. And then there was Conrad's all the Italians. There was, there was a black floor. Sure. Sure. It was extremely segregated. The Jew calf was one room on the third floor. The main floor was Italians and black kids and just generally cooler. Sure. Sure. Okay. And then we were on the third floor. It was cool. It was cool segregation. Okay. So I walked into the cafeteria and you couldn't really be in the different caps. It was weird. That's why it's like my Italian girl. What happens if you go get a slice of pizza and sit down and do it? No, they would like, yeah, they would kind of get like, look at you. Like if I just went to the Italian floor, they would kind of just be like, well, who do you know? And I couldn't say the one guy that they had. Cause that would out me. We each had one. And then you know, let me ask you this, not to be indelicate. What's your personal style at the time? Cause you think you're being. I was, I was feminine with a hint. Fem hint. Okay. Yeah. I had the hair down. I had, if you're really paying attention, I thought the converse were given something. Right, right, right, right, right. So I, but especially being caught with the other, she was a little more advanced than I see. She was wearing a lot of layers and I would tell her to calm down on the layers. Right, right, right. It was outing everybody. Yeah. And, and, and, and she, so I, if I was just, if she was the Italian I knew on the Italian floor, it's over for me. You can't.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 in terms of being like diverse. If you started being diverse in the 1700s, you were also gonna segregate. You're saying that's what our place was. It's like, you know, so I walked through my cafeteria and it felt like a walk to remember where her nudes were leaked and everybody is looking at her. I felt like, that's a dyke. And I felt that because I was, we knew one other lesbian and I was the kid who went when that lesbian walked in the cafe and I'm like, look at that dyke. I was the internalized, I've had everything internalized. Like you name, internalized homophobia, check, internalized trans, check, internalized, check. Everything is check, check, check. And I wouldn't have it any other way. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Were those all phases? Are you still rocking with all that internalized self-hatred? I think you rock with all of it, but it's also like, I play, you know, for instance, it's like some people yell at me about they, them, you know, I can yell about they, them. Right, so I play whatever all code switch where I need to show other people that they're annoying like me. For instance, if they, them, first of all, when I was roped into the they, them community, I was again, like not another thing because I'm like, I'm already born into one of the most annoying communities that ever was. Now I got to be part of the next most annoying community. Yeah, you're right. You gotta let, you gotta, you've gotta let up on me. You've got, I'd love a cool community, something, right? So. You read both those. I read both, thank you. You're not gonna be able to hide either one. It's terrible. So, so when I, you know, and people get mad at me, oh, you know, you're making fun of the, you know, they, them. Yes, I know it could be used in a sing, they, them, it flopped. I've talked about this. And I know that they, them is, yes, people complain it's plural. I know that it can be used singular in a fashion. If somebody hits you and you didn't see who hit you, you'd be like, they hit me. Right, right, right. Or if somebody was standing in line in front of the 7-Eleven or something with you, you'd be like, they were here first. I get that. But predominantly it's not used. You said it would be an easy lift. It's not, it's been cumbersome and people didn't catch on. That, okay, it's locked. We have to be honest. But that at the same time, I went to a dinner, like a, you know, a Shabbat dinner where they had like old, an old Jew there who was like, why they, them? What are they doing with they, them? I don't understand it. I said, bitch, you don't understand space travel either. There's a lot you don't have to understand. Sure. Just cause you don't understand it. Yeah, you're old. You don't know shit. Yes, yes, yes. I kind of push back where I need to in both senses. You want to be the most conservative member of the community. In what sense? Of the like, you want to be the, in the non, whatever gender fluid, you want to be the one being like, guys, come on, let's. I don't want to be anything. You don't want to be anything. I just want equal opportunity for everyone. Right. Or not even, I don't even want, I, you know what? I don't know what, I don't want, I'm just talking shit. I just, talking shit. You're just making a value. You're making like this big thing, like this big profound, there's nothing profound. I just, I said some shit. And I do, I know what you mean in terms of, you're making a value judgment on it almost as like, as an advertising firm for they them. You're saying like, it didn't go the way we wanted to. We didn't, exactly. We're still sticking with it, but let's be honest. If you're doing they them, yes, I will do it. It was a flop. Nobody came to me and I have some good marketing ideas. We didn't, nobody, we didn't even throw out some alternatives. We didn't, we went with the plural. Somebody in some marketing room went hard with it and they didn't consult some of the front facing members. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Members and then I can't do it. I got a six year, and then you left me. She heard the last she heard on the motherfucking planet. Right, right, right, right. Because I can't take in another annoying thing. I can barely, this one's been hard enough. Do you think if your personality was different, you could go they them? If it wasn't, if you weren't as, like you said, no chill. If I had more chill, it's possible. Yeah. But I'm running up to staff. I can't also be they them. Right, right, right. I can't be like, hey staff, I'm a huge fan of, oh my pronouns will be they them. You're like, bitch, I didn't even want to say hi to you. It's like, it's too much, that's over saying. Too many things, I understand. That's too many things. I do get that, I do get that. Well, I think that that's a beautiful philosophy to have. I think it's gonna really help. I'm sure Eldis has a lot of questions queued up. That your expertise will help. It is a bizarre upbringing. I had no idea. It's very bizarre. I thought generally, if I had to guess, I just heard you talk about having siblings. I would see it, things pop up, we having a lot of siblings. I have friends who grew up in those orthodox communities, and I just thought we were dealing with much more straight down the line, left very religious community. But you got a whole other bunch of other stuff going on. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not that like clean cut grew up in a repressive environment and rebelled. Very, it's much different than that actually. Yeah, no, it really was a hodgepodge. So it's very, and we should say, by the way, special is out right now on Netflix. My special on Netflix is already streaming. Robbie Hoffman, Wake Up. And I don't want to sound out of line here, Sav, but I think it's one of the greatest stand-up specials recorded in recent history. I'm telling you, I would tell you that if it wasn't mine, and I thought the same thing. I'm being as I'm telling you. Because by the way, I've been in plays before, I go, by the way, he asked me to be in his play. It's not a good play. Don't come. I would tell you if it wasn't good. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So. Directed by our pal John Mulaney, one of the funniest people of all time. One of the legends. And people won't believe it, but he asked me. Yeah. He heard Netflix was percolating about a special for me, and he called me begging me to direct it. The people will not believe. But I'm not here to lie to you. I believe it. You watch it for yourself, and you tell me. Yeah, yeah, I believe it. Watch the special on Netflix right now, and let's take some calls, little eldest. Right now, a guide dog puppy is taking her very first steps. One day, she'll help someone with sight loss live a full and independent life. Find the crossing best. Good girl. When you sponsor a puppy with guide dogs, you're there for it all. Her wobbly walks, her first harness, the life-changing partnership. It's more than a donation. It's the start of a life-changing story. Search, sponsor a guide dog puppy, and be part of a story you'll be proud to share. Guide dogs. Who doesn't need? Please, sorry. I'm calling because I'm 19. I've been in a relationship with this guy for like six months. Everything's like going okay. Like, I love him, but we had this issue about three months ago about guy friends. I have had guy friends like my entire life, specifically these two who I've been very close with. Get rid of him! He asked me to block them, and I said, this guy's abused, this guy's controlling. And I told him I would, and then I didn't end up blocking him. You have to block him. You have to go to the police immediately. And we need, this is where we need the minority report squad. We have to, at 19, get him at 19. No, that's unacceptable. Controlling behavior. Definitely. How much more we got here? Hold on. Like, we're very close. Nothing weird happened. I was a lesbian for eight years, and I wasn't. So like, these guys like... Wait, she said she was 19. She was living for eight years? She said she was a lesbian for eight years. But she's 19. Yeah, yeah. Okay, anyway, let's finish this. What, is she a nine-year-old lesbian? At a time when I was like very... It's weird to attribute a child with a sexual, like even a heterosexual boy or girl. I wouldn't even say, oh, it's a straight boy. I know you mean it. Right, right, like a gay girl. Sometimes there's that curb of your enthusiasm episode where he's dating the woman and he gives her son a, what do you call it, the... What do seamstress use? A sewing machine. A sewing machine. I mean, and the kid is a very flamboyant. Right. Like sometimes you will see little gay boys, I think, sometimes where you're like, the only one that I feel comfortable being like that's attributing any sexual either job is a little gay boy who's just like, you know, like that kid from the... Generally, I agree. It's like, these are children, either way. Yeah, yeah, it's bizarre. But anyway. So go on, I mean, she's self-attributing, so fine. I guess she knows. In terms of, like, I didn't really think anything of it. But anyway, like you found out about it, like went through my phone, freaked out, and it keeps coming up. And now he like doesn't want me to like talk to guys or be around guys. I mean, this is... difficult because... like, they're just everywhere. I don't know if he's in a relationship, he wants to go to my phone, he has to pass first to every single thing on my social media. My friend said he's being controlling. He is. Yes. This is like... Guys, this is it. This is not even a debate. If you do listen to this, leave him now. This is not like a joke. It's not like it is controlling. You're not like, oh, it's just one opinion. This is the... This is the opinion. Yeah. Are we missing anything else, or is this just a kid who's... It will only get worse, and I'm just shame on you being a quote unquote lesbian for eight years and not knowing better on men. Shame on you. She was a child. She was an 11 year old. Shame. But yes, the fact she's 19 is the only reason this is even a question. Lesbians have been skeptical of men for a long time. It takes a lot less than this for us to say leave. Of course. I also, who knows, identifying that way is a weird move for a kid to do. She's a child. She's just... Basically, this is insane behavior. Insane. Insane. The only reason this isn't even scarier is because he's a fucking idiot child as well. And so hopefully he figures this shit out. If this is the behavior of a 30 year old, this is called the police legitimately. Oh, if he's 30 year old. Literally call the police and blocking and having passwords. Nuts. That's insane. He can't have your passwords. By the way, I'm married. We don't look... Honestly, it's just either you trust or you don't. I think anybody looking, I draw hard. Like if somebody really wanted to see my phone, sure. But it's like every day, if Gabby, if my phone's off and Gabby and I are cuddling and she could see what's on my phone, fine. She doesn't care. But somebody requiring all of your passwords. Right. Here's the thing. If you're in a relationship and it's going fine and you have some app on your phone that they don't have and you just throw it to them and they look through it and they get on the thing, who cares? But if somebody's like, hey, can I see your phone real fast? Like that's the weird, is wanting to do it. If you happen to see, you should be able to just randomly look at your wife's phone and she should be able to randomly look at your phone. But when your significant other... Requires. Requires it. Huge, and look, this is a 19, this is also a fucking young, stupid kid. This call was the equivalent of a whole red flag. First of all, even you think, the whole call is a red flag. Even the fact that you called into staff is a fucking red flag. Every aspect of this, it didn't get better, it got worse. The lesbian, the phone, the guy friends, but I love him. But it's three months. Get rid of it, but the 19, there's not one green flag. There's nothing here. In general, at this age, it's like, if there's anything even sort of wrong, it's like just move on, you're young, right? Age, even aside, if you were 90, I would tell you the same thing. So totally, he's right, at 19, forget it. At 19, there's even stuff that maybe you could work through older, but this is legitimately, best case scenario, this kid is just, look, I also know what it's like to be a 19 year old boy and have a girl you love so much. Like you're obsessed over that. You gotta go through that obsession love phase. There's that obsession and there was definitely, my first girlfriend in college, I was like, yeah, I was weirdly attached and worried. And you have to get over, hopefully this guy's just young and stupid and he's gotta get over this. That's the best case scenario. Either way, worst case scenario is he's a budding abuser. And by the way, you breaking up with him helps him learn faster for the next one. That he's gotta work on his emotions and his jealousy and whatever he's insecure about. He needs to work on that regardless. And you need to get out and you need to work on why the hell you can't see any red flags ever. And also thinking it's appropriate to give him these passwords. Like you're already sort of in the web here. So he needs, either way, this has to end, you gotta get the fuck out of here. And you have to set better boundaries for yourself. And this guy hopefully has to fucking like, understand he's behaving like a fucking, And he will in due time. Yeah, we're all allowed, especially at that age. These first relationships are so do or die. I mean, I remember after my first breakup, I lost nine pounds. I mean, no position never have been in a position to lose anyway. But it's just, it really is, you have to go through it. Yeah. So break his heart. The sooner you break his heart, the better he'll become. Hopefully. Oh yeah. He's also fucked, I mean, he's fucked up behavior. And like, the other thing is like, somebody who's this controlling is like, hopefully he takes it, but if not, you have to like think about, you know. Yeah, this is beyond also a normal, like anybody doing this, this is also like not the same as a lusty or obsession. This is control in a form of abuse. We've, you've heard the point, I hope. God knows you may not listen because that God knows. Yeah. I think she'll listen. You know, she trusts us. Please follow up, write in at least and say, did you, did you listen or you didn't listen and be honest. Yeah. She's like, good news. We're actually married now. Yeah. Literally. I'm pregnant. Yeah. And pregnant and we're married. And by the way, I wish them well. Yeah. Yeah. I wish them well. That's a good look. That's a good outlook. What else, Eldis? Hey, Stav, Eldis, esteemed guest. I got a quick one for you. My wife and I have been together for six or seven years. And here's the question. Whenever we go to a party or whoever at the dinner, you know, you eventually end up talking about what you do for a living. I am a commercial fisherman in Alaska and she is an environmental consultant. Thing is, people think my job is fucking cool and they don't give a fuck about environmental consulting. They have a ton of questions for me and she rarely gets to, you know, her line of work. And after the dinner or the party, she kind of is hang dog about her occupation. I make a little bit more money than she does and I have a ton of free time. It is cool. My work is super exciting. I've thought of some ways to find a conclusion more. Consulting anything I go, what do we do? Consulting's bullshit, yeah. She should just drop the word consulting. Yeah, I mean. And she should say environmental fracking or something. She could, if she said some shit that they're actually up to, you know? Is it just things that she's lying about? Yes. The things that some horrible company. Environmental consulting is for like GP or some oil company. Yeah, maybe she deserves this. You know, consulting were to put the oil wells. Totally. Some horrible company. She leaned in. Satan incarnate is paying her to launder their reputation. Exactly. So, you know, maybe not. I mean, otherwise it's like she's thinking like, yeah. 99% sure she works for. Yeah, unfortunately that's probably what it is. He did say as a fisherman, he makes more than she does though. So I feel like if she was doing that shit for BP, she would be making bank. She might just be having an actually boring good job. So her two options are an evil job or a good job for the world that's boring. Also the party sounds so boring. Everybody talking about what they do for a living. Yeah, I agree. Like the premise is boring already. But I also know. Like I'm interested. Him being a fisherman is really interesting a job. Yeah. Because that's one of those old school great jobs. Totally. Like that's just your fisherman. I know what you do. It's that consulting liaison, all these new age. It's a real job. I know what you do. You fish, you bring home the fish, you're hunting, you're gathering, we get it. It's in a baby's book. It's Baker, butcher fisherman. He's in the unique position. What are the other people at the party? I'm sure she's more willing. I'm sure our most people, maybe in Alaska, they all, you know, a lot of them have cool jobs because Alaska is so sick. It's a weird place. So cool. I'm one of the last like sick, cool places. So I don't know. She may be shit out of luck. And by the way, so get a new job. Make your shit cooler. Like I don't want to hear about environmental consulting. I'm falling. I'm actually feeling a yawn coming on, thinking about it. But for, because I'm on a podcast, I'm suppressing it. Did he have anything else, Elders? Do they have anything that we were missing out on? That was the gist, but I think it's worth just going. Okay, go ahead. Finish him off. Kind of include her more, either just not even bring up what I do at all or give her, you know, the spotlight. Do not dim your lights. Proper up. Some caveats, I feel like. Caveats, okay. I could make working at the gas station sound kind of cool. I'm a little better of a storyteller. Okay. He sounds okay. He's really. You know, people are just, you know, you had us and then you lost us. I kind of want her to be a little more proud of her work. And yeah. You sound shitty. I've totally, I didn't want your light to be dimmed. And make it seem a little more exciting for. If you need a fish, hit me up. Stalker Sam's a shit. Ooh, I do watch Sam. I understand the stuff on these coasts. Hit him up, text him. He isn't quite there yet. Anyway, thank you. All right, don't flog it. We can get good fish. I live in New York City, you fucking motherfucker. We can get everything good. You can get everything good everywhere. His cockiness is shining through. He isn't, okay. What we're up against here is that, yes, his thing is more interesting. It is, it just is regardless. But also, you know this guy. This guy would brag about it fucking in his high school football day. Like he had, this guy would brag about shit that sucks and he happens to have something cool. So that is going to be overpowering, right? I think there's something more to the story if we got to speak to the wife. I think so. He's probably fucking annoying. You thought I was annoying coming up to say, how do you, he's probably, she's probably not even mad that he's talking about the job. It's how he's talking. It's very possible. And how he's not letting anyone else. And I've been a victim of being him. So I understand and I have empathy for all sides of the coin. But I will say this, there's something up with you men. That you had no awareness. There was no self reflection. By the way, I could be doing this. If anything, yeah. He's like, listen, there's nothing to do. There's nothing to help. I'll talk about being an environmental lawyer. It'll be or whatever. It'll be cool. That's not necessarily true. You're right. And even his is like, how can I, do I need to stop being so fucking cool to make my wife feel cool? It's like, you're not that cool. Relax. Also her job fucking kind of sucks, right? And I'll say this, your point earlier of like how boring is this party. Yet your job is not something you have to talk about. For that long that it's like becomes the night. Like, and your wife like maybe there is, and look what you're saying, there's truth to it. If you have confidence, people are more engaged with a confident speaker than with somebody who doesn't, who's kind of meek or whatever. At the same time, and maybe she could make better talking points about what her job does. Because I also think environmental stuff is cool for the world. Like it's good if there's some kind of fucking animal you wanna talk about. People are, I can see a world where people would be interested in it at a party. If you knew a shit ton about a type of whale or that whale that they're looking for that there's only one of and he's like 5,000 years old. Okay. Maybe. Okay, I would like to hear more. But yeah, I would also just say, does it have to be about, because he framed it very specifically in the context of their jobs. And it's like, okay, you have the most interesting job. What, but are you the more interesting person? No, exactly. You know what I mean? Like, what else does she have? I doubt in his personality, the job, the job is doing a lot of heavy lifting for him. I get the impression that the job is doing a lot of the heavy lifting here in terms of his personality. I think that's very true. And I think take away this job, he sounds annoying. He sounds annoying. But I would talk to him about the job. So now I'm saying like, maybe you and your wife are flipped where her job's a little boring, but does she have other shit to talk about? And if the answer is no, then you're both boring and you should do some other shit. No, you should both boring and I wish you well. Yeah, yeah. And you actually sound like a perfect fit. True. Just keep doing what you're doing. But it is the kind of thing of like, what do you talk about at a party? It's like, you can't, your thing is your job. Like, nobody should be defined by their work necessarily. It's okay if you like to, but your wife doesn't, he's seeing it as a competition between jobs. He sounds like a care about her job. She has said nothing, we have heard nothing from her. He says she's hanged on. This is a reverse Johnny's at Bamberg. We didn't get to hear from Johnny. Okay, we heard from Amber. And then Johnny entered the room and we heard the other side. Here's what's happening here. He sounds like he's embarrassed of her job. That he, something is bothering him about what she does. She has told us nothing. She might like what she does and be a normal person. Like, I don't really talk about my job at this. Meanwhile, he's running his mouth on his job. He might be embarrassed. And by the way, he might be the whole time itching. I hope they don't ask my wife what she does because it's not cool. And I like to be cool, McCool, because I'm a tool. Where are they even, where is he talking about? They're going to parties? What is he saying? Alaska? Yeah, things are talking about like dinner parties, going out with friends and stuff. It's just such a specific, strange question because I wouldn't, if the question was, how do I bring my wife out of her shell socially? That's a different question than, how does my wife talk about her job better? You know what I mean? Like, isn't that a little specific? Does it have to be about the job is my big question? It sounds like he's bored when she's talking about her job. Yeah, maybe she loves it, but it is boring. Maybe she's a nerd who can go on about boring shit and puts the room to sleep. Maybe that's what it is. I'm only going to take a little face value because I can imagine being at a party. It's all the couples, everyone's got an office job. Sure, you get to talk about being a podcast producer. Honestly, the fuck with the squares you're hanging out with your fucking Mr. Personality Elders, that's true. You dropped your big podcast producer dick on the table. I'm like, yeah, traveling is so annoying guys. So constant travel, crazy hours. I've been berated by so many people on television. So many people on television have made fun of my production abilities. Beck Bennett just pulled out a perfect impression. You only knew you fucking 10 minutes. That was pretty good. Yeah, Robbie started this episode very astutely pointing out how bad you are at your job. But go ahead. But yeah, I mean, you know, that is the kind of job that could light a dinner party on fire and have everyone like asking a million questions. And if she is doing like good work as a... But will your wife be annoyed about her job not being as interesting? I see your wife as being somebody who, as an example, has a lot of interest, talks about other shit, keeps up with movies and shit. Well, it's weird as he also said six, seven years together, married, like this is just something is just not adding up to me. Six, seven years and you're still navigating how to do parties together. We are a solid unit. Yeah. Gabbana, we walk in, we know what the hell we're fucking doing. Obviously we both have very cool jobs. Sure. Obviously. But I'm just saying it's the kind of thing that you haven't talked to your wife about. Well, I could also see. You haven't navigated like, hey, let's say she is upset that she was left out of a conversation. You'd be like, oh, I could open the floor more. Right, right, right. Or if she's insecure about her job, if I do take you for face value and she says, it's a boring job, she doesn't know how to talk about it. Maybe you could, you know, maybe you could, I don't know what to do at that point. Yeah. I'm thinking off the top of my head. I mean, if you're such a good orator, like he claims. Right. You just said it yourself, it was me. I could, so fucking give her some pointers. So do it. That's good, that's exactly it. How about flip it? You can make anything sound good. How about, yeah, the next dinner party, you have to talk about how good her job is. That is an excellent idea. By the way, my wife works as an environmental consultant and I'll tell you, she just discovered the last living whale of this piece. You make it sound good. Anyway, were you about to make a point before I cut you off or was that, okay, good. I cut you off, so thank you for taking that. Sure, sure, sure. It was actually me who cut them off. So you said, but you took the fall from me and I appreciate that. No problem, no problem. I really do. But yeah, good luck, I don't know. Who cares, who cares, fuck this guy. Next question. Fuck them both. Fuck his dumb bitch wife. Learn how to tell a story, bitch. Literally, wasting all this time, we've been working all week. I'm sure her organization has had their funding gutted this past year. Yeah, sure, dude, absolutely. Right now, a guide dog puppy is taking her very first steps. One day, she'll help someone with sight loss live a full and independent life. Find the crossing best, good girl. When you sponsor a puppy with guide dogs, you're there for it all. Her wobbly walks, her first harness, the life-changing partnership. It's more than a donation, it's the start of a life-changing story. Search, sponsor a guide dog puppy and be part of a story you'll be proud to share. Guide dogs. Thank you all so much for being here at our wedding. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with a woman of my dreams. Speaking of dreams, have you ever dreamed of tasting all the colours of the rainbow? Because that is exactly what you get with Skittles. Five bold fruit flavours in every pack. Lemon, orange, lime, strawberry and blackcurrant. They're chewy, they're colourful, they're perfect. Just like my wife. So thank you for coming and remember to buy Skittles. Shamelessly promote the rainbow, taste the rainbow. What up, Stobby? Giving you a ring, I just had a pretty life-changing event happen, someone in my family died and I am getting around $9 million. Damn. It's in a trust fund, so I can't spend it all right away. That's what everybody says. $9 million? And also, I know don't tell anybody, but I've kind of been telling a couple of people, just like my girl and my closest friends. And obviously my family knows, but some of my family has actually changed the way that they look at me. A little background about me, I'm a total piece of shit. I'm a club promoter, but I'm also a photographer and videographer. But when I tell people I'm a club promoter, they're like, oh yeah, they just kind of... I did study politics, I did work for Defendant Jared Polis. I am very politically active. I'm politically active and now I got money. I am very politically active. Wait, what did he say he did work for? Because that could really inform what kind of guy this is. I did study politics, I did work for Defendant Jared Polis. I am very politically active. I really like what you've been doing. My question is, what would you... I know this kind of sounds like I'm bragging, and that's what also I'm worried about. No, you're a club promoter. You're a broke club promoter who's fucking aunt slipped down a fucking stairwell and you got a big fucking payout. You're not bragging, but go ahead. They just think that I'm bragging, but really it's just like I was broke as fuck before this, man. I was working... And you didn't earn anything. I've had good jobs too, working at law firms and stuff, but I don't know, I'm kind of... This is going kind of long, but I'm sure you're just like, yeah, just live it up and whatever, but I'm really open to traveling or getting into a hobby or just finding something to do because the only reason I'm getting this money is because my dad was an alcoholic. I'm sorry I'm going really long, and he died, and I'm the youngest person in my family that's getting this money. But it's going to everybody. It was around half a billion dollars. And if you guys want to... Again, this is the whole story, but what would you do, man? Would you travel? Would you act like nothing happened? Would you change your life? Would you tell anybody? He must be like... It's so crazy to me, there's anonymous families living with half a billion dollars. We've probably never heard of this guy. Yeah, it's not oil, tycoon. You know what I mean? It's like you think you know of all the rich families because you're like, they're so rich, it must be like they own everything. No, the ones we know about are the ones that other rich people laugh at for wanting attention. Yeah, they're like the poorest. Because the real rich people just buy politicians secretly. They don't need to be on fucking time magazines, right? They're not fucking almost begging to be liked. Exactly, it's like the rich whisper. Yes. Right? So it's like while Gabby and I, I always joke like, I'm not whispering, I'm like, I'm screaming, I got a product shoe on. I'm screaming, it's got to say it on there. Or it didn't happen. Like I am not at the whisper level. I'm at the screaming. I get that. Look at this, it's something on here because I never had brand names or anything and that's all I wanted. And now I'm like, make sure it's on the side. So I'm screaming. So I guess I don't get like this type of family where it's like half a billion dollars. There's families like that, just totally anonymous. Even the biggest piece of shit in the family gets nine million dollars for nothing. Like this thing, what do you mean live it up, travel? Like your whole life has been good. Yeah. There's some rich piece of shit who got to be a club promoter and pretend he was doing political work. But at the end of the day, you knew your family could pay your bills. And he knew, right? Unless I'm missing something, right? He must have known. Like he's saying like it came out of the blue. Was your father like, you knew some shit was coming to you. You knew what's happening? Yeah, you, oh, I've been broke for years. You knew as soon as your fucking dad's liver gave out, you were about to have. You poisoned him. Yeah. No pop, don't go to AA. Let's have a couple of pops, Dad. Let's have some twisted teas, maybe. It's like he has to have known, but also it's like invested. So yeah, nine million, by the way, look, I know this is gonna sound insane. And I'm not gonna say nine million is, it's obviously a fuck ton of money in that. But if you're talking like you're like, he's in his 30s, you're never gonna have to like work again. I mean, I guess if you invested and you come from a rich family that knows how to invest things, maybe you won't have to. Like you could invest in the right way and live off your fucking dividends or whatever the fuck. I'm too stupid. I still don't know what to do with money. No, it's true. But at this stage. I just got a 401K. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Which is I'm really, I feel like I tell people I have investments. Because it is technically, it's investments, thank you. But what I would say is, yeah, look, if I got nine million dollars from being broke, what I would do is buy a house I love. Thank you, exactly. And just set up, kind of set up the rest of your life in a way that you can live with those means. Don't live above your means. Don't buy a four million dollar, four million dollar fucking thing. Buy a nice fucking half a million dollar house. That's like your fate. That's somewhere you could see yourself living forever, whatever, raising a family. And just invest it. And like, I guess the rest of your family's rich. If it was me, I would be scared. I wouldn't spend any of it. Because to me, and part of my getting money, I don't spend that much money. Because I'm always like, everyone depends on me. If there's ever a fucking emergency, I'll have to fucking figure it out. You're not in that position. Buy some shit that's fucking, buy a house, put money away, invest it. You wanna take a vacation like a, hooray, my dad's dead vacation. If you want, that's the other thing. It's kind of morbid to celebrate getting money this way. Because it's like- Travel the world. I mean- I don't know, dude. That's what I would do. I would just buy a fucking house somewhere I like, set up my life, invest it. You take a little bit off the top. It's a lesson my brother, Lavey, he's always shared with me. Like, I got my first script sold six years ago for $65,000. It seemed like the craziest amount of money. Of course. Of course. I always wanted to watch. Yeah. Okay, but I never thought, I thought if I have a really good deal, and that seemed like a first TV deal, this is a big thing. Of course, the time and length is insane. So I took, I took $3,000. He goes, you have to buy something, a thing that you like. Because there's one thing, I watch all these after show, you asked me about God earlier, but there's really nothing I don't believe in, in terms of the afterlife or reincarnation, or whatever the things. I'm open to it happening. You know? But the one thing I take away from all of these, all of these conversations is that the material world is fleeting. That is possible. I can see my grandfather in the afterlife, and I hope that is the case. Zady, I miss you. I'd love to hang out. Okay, I hope that it's the case that I can spend forever with him and everybody else that we love. But if I can see him in the afterlife, okay, great. Let me have a nice watch now. Let me have a car now. Like, if I can't, it sounds like you can't have a car in the afterlife. It does sound like there's certain things that were not, like the material world is like, like things is a big part of the world actually. It is important. It really is like even having a material physical body, like the physical is very actually important, because it sounds like through all these things, that's the one thing that disappears. You're just kind of floating. Which just sounds amazing. So take a little bit off the top, for like he said, a house. I always wanted a watch. I've always had watches my whole life. When I was a little kid, I got the Beauty and the Beast watch, where the head of beauty lifted and it was the digital watch under. And I would always say, ma, ask me what time it is. Ma, ask me what time it is. I've always liked watches. So I bought that and I'm like, the rest of it went. And I always calculated how many months of rent. I said, I just bought myself. Like I have two years of rent. Or 18 months rent. I always calculated rent. Oh my God, I've made rent till next November. Every show I'm like, all right, how much can I afford like every, you know, the studio? This is not that guy. What are we even wasting our time? It's not, but I would also say like, you know, just don't go crazy. I hope he goes broke. Yeah, I guess that's the point. I'm gonna be honest here. It was never money that belonged to you. You're not gonna give it away. You're not gonna be altruistic. You're not gonna do anything. So I hope live, you know what? Go nuts. Go fucking nuts. The casino, brother. The casino, you've got this. Here's my advice. Put it all on red. Put it all on red. Put it all on red. Yeah, you want nine or you want 18, huh? Thank you, exactly. Exactly. And I wish you well. And if you do hit, give us a couple mil. By the way, we would, yeah, we told you to put it on red. Yeah, that's all us. Interesting, interesting. Hi, that's it. Hi. Yeah. I don't have divulged any information regarding my age, sex, nor location, just for the safety of anyone in my past, present, or future life coming across this and knowing that it's me. But my boyfriend doesn't vote. He has no interest in voting. Okay. And that hurts my fucking feeling. I don't, I haven't voted until recently. No, because I stopped voting after Bernie. You know what? I got such hell. I was so Bernie. And then I got such hell, you know, had the DNC or had the Democratic Party been more democratic. Yeah. Even if they said, you know what? We got caught cheating it. Well, you know, we know that Bernie got the popular vote. He was the populist candidate and we rigged it. And we're sorry we were caught, we're embarrassed. I can appa, like just like this. You're gonna take an apology. Okay, yeah, I'm so embarrassed we got caught. We never would have come forward if we didn't. We did and we're sorry. Okay, let me, let me, let's start from there. But because it was nothing and they just steamed roll us and then they steam rolled the way, well, I'm with her. I said, I'm not with this bitch. What is going on? Absolutely. Like they made us like guilted us into being with her. Like the whole, like the guilt of it. And then, and but you to me, you know, I've been poor under both administrations, under Democrats, under conservatives. There wasn't enough of difference. The checks weren't marginally different that made a difference for our lives. The trickle down didn't work either way you put it. And so they lost me after Bernie. When I realized that, in my opinion, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party weren't that different. They were all in cahoots together at the top. Well, they're both corporate. We're kind of seeing that now. They're both corporate centrist parties. They're corporate or establishment. They work for companies. They don't work for people. When I realized, when that all unraveled, that it's really true that the government works for companies, not for people. They lost me. And I said, if somebody comes around, that if some, they have to give me something to vote for. You know? It was not healthcare. Healthcare is the main. The crazy thing that Democrats don't do is healthcare is such a winning issue. It's crazy. I mean, you see it the fact that like healthcare CEO gets gunned down and people are like, nice. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's how much people hate our healthcare system. I didn't get it done. But I agree with you. I think your point is a good one in terms of like, even if you were, and that's if you live in like Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida, maybe your presidential votes count. Now there are local elections where you could, you know, I was a big mom Donnie guy, mostly because- Exactly. But he also gave us something to vote for mom Donnie. And not only that, but also I think it's important that I hope other candidates like that who are like unknowns, who are running on issues, who are running on populist issues, I hope that happens across America. So I thought it was important to do that. But you know, maybe there's more to this. Maybe this guy doesn't even have this level of political engagement. But the apathy is real because they've, that's what, and it is true. Like, yeah, voting can help a little bit. It's kind of like therapy. Yeah. It's kind of like if you do therapy every day, if you do therapy a lot, it can help a little bit. It's not gonna do like, you know what I mean? People are expecting like their whole, like it might help a little bit. But it's also a bit of a ruse. There's a lot of therapists who are unqualified who got online degrees at Phoenix U. And now it's like, so it's true. And also it doesn't help. If you go to therapy and you don't practice any of the shit you do in therapy, it doesn't matter the same way like you can vote, but if you don't do anything to make your actual community better, it doesn't really matter that much. But let's see what she has to say here. Let's see if we'll, you know. And that hurts my fucking feelings. So. She sounds crazy. I know he has the same political beliefs as me. It shouldn't affect her this much. Oh, well, the same political beliefs. I mean, maybe he's not as crazy on like, I don't fucking know. I don't know. He doesn't talk about anything like that. And he's not passionate about anything like that. And it's a really big fucking part of me. You know what I mean? Sure. So then break up. You sound scary. It's ridiculous. Wait, I'm sorry. I was talking over her. I do this. It's ridiculous. Full blown Democrats, what she said. She says she's a full blown Democrat. But she's like part of the problem of the Democratic party. Yeah, thinking it's just voting that matters. No, but also yelling at you. Yeah. And not talking to you. And also being, it's like, why don't you vote? Right. He doesn't talk about these things. Have you asked him? And you're just mad at him instead of trying to understand where he's coming from. Is there any more? That's basically the gist. OK. Yeah, I mean, listen. The apathy is real. The system has fucked us over and over and over. The apathy is real. It's hard to still have faith. That said, yes, people should continue to try and move the needle, even if it's at a molasses pace, millimeter by millimeter. But I think that if it's this big an issue and you're like identify as a Democrat, like that's your identity. Sure. Which is a problem. I can imagine. I think that's a problem for sure. Yeah, it's just it's a little embarrassing. The mainstream Democratic Party is like we just said, it's a corporate centrist party. I mean, they fumbled the bag over. It's the fumble of the century. For sure. So but I think getting down to brass tacks within a relationship. Yes. Instead of being angry at him and sort of, like you said, guilting him and, you know, oh, you're a bad person if you don't vote for Kamala or whatever. You're a bad person if you don't vote for Kamala or whatever. You're a bad person if you don't vote. Why don't you, if you guys are so aligned, why don't you have a real discussion about it? And like see where it comes from. Why aren't people communicating? Because I have that, you know, I've said the same thing where I don't, I didn't vote for fucking, I didn't vote for, I'm in New York, right? I didn't vote for Kamala because I just, I thought there were some real problems with, I thought there should have been an actual primary. I thought the Democrat's position on Gaza was fucking insane. I thought there were so many things that I couldn't support this party. And I had the luxury of doing that because I lived in New York. If push came to shove and I lived in a fucking swing state, I probably would have voted Democrat because I didn't want Trump, you know, all the shit we're seeing now I didn't want. But I had that luxury, right? So it's like, now some of my friends are mad at me that I didn't vote for Kamala even here where I'm like, it's completely symbolic here. So just talk to him. Where do you guys live? Do you live in a specific district where it doesn't fucking really matter? And then if you think it's important for him to vote, even if his vote's not gonna really move the needle, and if he doesn't like these parties but you think voting's important, can he vote third party, right? I voted third party before in my life. It's like depending on the elections. If what you're saying is you just want him to be civically engaged, being bitter about it and being pissed off, it's not the way to go about it. Talk to him about it and see if there's a compromise. But all of these calls, the approach is off. The relationship approach. It's true, a lot of it comes from the talk. Communication is king. Talk to your wife if her job sucks. Okay, is she unhappy with it? Are you unhappy with it? Are you embarrassed by her? Have the hard conversations. Okay, be prepared to hear things you didn't want to hear. Okay, is your boyfriend not voting? You don't wake him up waterboarding him to vote. You have a little conversation. Yeah, I agree. I mean, what is gone? The problem is the country doesn't communicate as usual. We should be engaging and talking to one another but this is what the Democratic Party or the Republican Party are red versus blue or gay versus straight or this versus this has done to us. It's divided and it's by design. And you need to wake up. There we go. That you are a proud Democrat by fucking design. That is what's going on. You've taken the bait and now you hate people on the other side, you hate people who don't think like you and are acting like you, your own boyfriend. Yeah, who you say you agree with on everything. So yeah, have the conversation. You are creating walls rather bringing them down. Bring the Berlin wall down, have a conversation. Bring it down. We have a lot more in common than we have different. I agree with that. Yeah, absolutely. You can tell she's got that annoying like, that's terrible. Voting's gonna solve everything, you know, kind of that quality in her voice that like the guilt thing you about. It's like I had an ex who was vegan. That's all I told her I was vegan. But I was vegan at the house. I've been kosher my whole life. So vegan at the house, kosher at the house. When I go back to my mother's when I wasn't kosher. Okay, I'm kosher in the house. What do I care? I wouldn't bring on kosher food into the house. I'm sure. So I'm like, okay. Yeah. And one day I had a trip. I was on the road. This is years ago. And I came back and she wasn't home yet. I beat her home probably by a few hours. I'm getting a steak. I picked up a little steak. I picked up a little. You cook it in the house? A little kale. Yeah, but she wasn't gonna be home till like minute. Like we were texting on the way home. Like her flight. Like I was like, perfect. On my way home, I'm gonna pick up a little steak, little kale, some garlic, get a dressing going. I made the steak three minutes one side, a little salt and pepper, three minutes one side, two minutes to the other, medium, perfect. Good stuff. Okay, I made my dressing for the side. I massaged the kale, massage, massage, massage with oil. I put some Dijon honey, garlic, lemon juice, made a nice dressing. Beautiful. Okay, threw it on. Beautiful sauce. Okay, I had a little roll on the side. I bought French bread. She walks in. Her flight wasn't something. It's like out of a movie. I was caught cheating. So, and I'm like, and she's like, you're eating a cat. She comes in yelling. She's like, you're killing a cow. You're killing a, don't you care that you're killing a cow? I'm like, bitch, I barely care if people die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like no offense, I have five brothers. If I lost one of them, I don't wanna lose any of them. If I lost one, I know I would move on and my life. No, I don't want to, but I have five. I don't want to. I love them. Sure, sure, sure. But I could move on and my life would rebuild, okay? Nevermind a cow. I never even met. I have no rapport with the approach to her. Did she, was she completely shocked? No, she was so mad at me. You're eating a cow. Did she know you ate outside of the house? People have told her in the house. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. There's a couple of pictures and stories I'd been posted in. I'm like, oh, it's a vegan pepperoni. You know, the pepper, it looks very realistic. No, they're doing great things. It's mushroom. They're doing great things with the vegan pepperoni, I'm telling you. Yeah, whatever. Good luck to this lady. Just don't, just talk to them about it. See where you come from. A little communication. You got something fun for us? Let's get a dialogue going. You wanna go, Eldis? Yeah, let's send on the note of hope here. Oh, I love hope. Oh, here we go, a note of hope. Hey, stop. Hey, Eldis, any guests? I remember in one episode a while back, you said if anybody has a success story from the advice given on this podcast to call in. Yes. And I'm not 100% sure if this is what you meant when it comes to the lesson, but I hope it counts anyway. So I'm 28, I'm bisexual, male. No. And I haven't had sex with any girls in like three or four years. And it's really just because... You're good. Like, I really like getting my ass fucked. Yes. And I would say... Hell yeah. I was having sex at like a higher rate than my straight friends. But for, you know, essentially a gay man, I feel like, you know, I should have been doing way better. You're a loser. And honestly, I saw it because I live in like a pretty conservative city. I thought it was, you know, racism. You know, I was like, I'm not gonna lie. You know, racism because I'm not white and I live in the white section, you know. But I saw your episode where the guy called in and said that like, hey, nobody wants to fuck me because I prefer to use condoms and I'm not on prep. And I realized like, oh my God. Like you said, and your advice to him was like putting your bio. Like, listen, I'm only comfortable using condoms or whatever. And that's what I had. So I realized like, okay, I got a fucking prep prescription. And I've been getting this fucking pussy torn open. Life is so fucking good. I hope that this brings you joy. And like, I hope it's brought him a lot of joy. This counts, you know, in terms of the feels good. Literally, I just had three guys leave my apartment. I took like four loads and one in the face. And we did unspeakable things by God. That's the one you told us about. And it's all thanks to the advice of your podcast. Wow. Really huge thank you, Salvi. Sure, man. It just makes the episode all die. It did make the episode. Congratulations. Oh my God. Is that a feel good story? Is that a feel good story? He took four loads? Is that an unbelievable story? All thanks to us. Making fun of a guy who wanted to use condoms on another episode. Oh, that's a feel good story. I'll say this. I wish you well and leave women alone. I'll say that. I'll tell you, the bisexual is over, okay? You leave women alone and you have yourself a good time. Wish you well. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful sentiment to end on, I think. Congrats to our friend for getting his ass fucked way more. Equal accomplishment. Congrats to Robbie with her Netflix special out. I think it's neck and neck. Wake up only on Netflix. I am Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. Thank you so much. Thank you for doing it. It was so fun. Yeah, go watch the special and we will see you guys next time. Bye-bye. Thank you. I'll also be on tour, I forgot to say. If you want to continue to add. I'll be on tour. I forget about it. Just turn it off. And you can add it. I'll also be on tour, but I don't know if it's going to be sold out. I'm only doing eight dates. People go, no shit, you're not coming. No, because I can't wear out. I do a lot when I perform. I do a lot and you're getting a great show. And no, I don't add more shows. I'm not, whatever the shows are, they are. And by the time you're watching this, they might be sold out. There's only two cities we would add a second show in New York and Toronto, potentially. But I've said no. So maybe we didn't add them. So if you're watching and you go, it's possible. I don't like to wear out. I don't like to give a good show. And then I like to get a snack and go to bed. I respect that. I wish I, I wish I drew further boundaries. We'll be on tour for eternity, pretty much. But yeah, see us on tour. See Rob. We just started doing a bus. How's the bus? I do wonder, oh really? It's the best. It depends on how we sleep like babies on it. Some people can't sleep. No, it's supposed to be very good for sleep rocking. Yes, it's incredible. Because I always as a child, I fell asleep in a car or on a bus all the time. And it'll be away for you. I think you'll be able to add more shows. You do more, right? I do think a bus is way less hectic than airports. Yeah, airports are brutal. So something to think about. Okay. Go Seer, go watch the special. We'll see you guys next time. Bye bye.