#237 - YOU GET 500 MILLION, BUT YOU HAVE TO...

Three two one Great clap great clap man Fantastic work. We have clapped like 270 times how many episodes are we at 27 beats the dick out of me 7207 Is it you haven't no, we're gonna be hiring that I'm gonna look at the internet right now Make sure to like and subscribe 236 so we're on episode 237 237 hours of just horse cock that's actually crazy that we have spent 237 hours talking to one another Yeah, I probably like make up about 14 or 15 of those No, you're probably out like 20 hours now more than that You gotta be more than 20 hours because we had you on for episode 200. Oh true. True. So you're right Year, what didn't you join the beginning of 2025? Uh-huh has it already been a year Anniversary right at the end of 2024 I do remember that you're in Canada, bro You have the same way down bro, all right, it's 50 to 60 hours at this point Damn, that's that's I'm sorry to hear that Year or like or a minute 25 Yeah, I feel like I age in horse years when I do this podcast Oh Die like 35 That that actually says who banned That's a good one It's about how long the human the average human was living before like my medicine Well, it's not that humans used to die that much earlier It's that children would die instantly which really brought the Oh Actually, that was actually most of the problem I thought most people were living until 35 and then dying of tuberculosis No life expectancy wasn't wasn't actually like it was definitely lower But it wasn't that much lower that you know, they were done. Yeah, yeah, exactly It was just because like people dying as soon as like babies just instant fucking foam Right there really brought it down babies were literally basically like spawn killed because yeah It's orangey and then the mom the spawn point disappears too. Yeah spawn point also dies typically Yeah, they'd know tack insert inside the cooch I think the problem mainly back then was like if you know, the baby was like female They would like smash it into the ground and step on it because you know, they didn't want those those weren't worth Why did we ever stop that? Um, I actually don't know because a lot of good blackjack dealers are woman. So maybe that's Once the baby grows up and becomes a dealer is gonna start taking your money No, that's interesting. Yeah, do they really do that because because they were they I Feel like no, no, it was like there was some places that were like drowning female babies But me that was like for their own that was their own thing, you know, they were just having fun Does China still do the one child policy do they still do I think you can do I could be wrong But I think you can do the limit now. I think the limit three now I think they're actually you are correct I think I think they're actually starting to notice a population decline like Japan and a lot of other Asian countries Hmm. It was a one child for decades. Yeah. Yeah There's a lot of time you can only have one baby, but now you can have three China baby But that that's weird. What what would happen if you had twins or triplets? Yeah, you get to pick you get to play fucking eating any money mo with them They have to have the one V1 you give them each a knife and make them one V1 Yeah, just give them a bunch of mouth to whoever can sink the most mouth I without dying Give them a fucked on a prescription medication. Whatever one makes it through Let's get a full on Zen see if one wakes up Did did India ever have a amount of children policy cuz I feel like they're very fucking wild. I don't I don't think so I don't think so big big big place. I mean, they just died at this tour anyway, so That's crazy because they still have a very high population. Yeah, cuz they fuck like a lot. I Mean, oh, yeah, India doesn't have that Hmm. Damn Maybe Nevermind. Anyway It's not it's not The the Indians that's the problem. It's just the amount of people in a very limited country Surrounded by mountains that also gets severely affected every single rain season by you know Storms Yeah, the peep People don't like the fact that there's fecal matter everywhere In most like impoverished Indian places, but think about how robust their immune systems are Yeah, yeah, they're impervious to everything imagine getting a fecal transplant from one of them I don't like the car. I think we were talking about fecal transplants on the lamest episode If one of them gave you a fecal transplant One of one of those people if you are one of one of them One of their actually doubling down. I'm tripling down. I'm tripling down So you're telling me you want an Indian guy to put his poo in you I want a doctor who may or may not be Indian To put poop from one of them into me so that I can eat Indian food Never I want to be the best doctor so it's Is that true it's true If the hardcore podcast listeners would remember that I got a testicular torsion and an Indian doctor didn't be right You're right a little brown man did play with your little brown man Did come up to me and shine a light on my balls and try to make some sort of like funny Puppets on the wall He stuck like a thousand lumen flash light up to my scrotum to see through it You know how like how like you put your thumb over a phone camera you can see It was like that but with my night so he could see the see the you know how tangled up they would Yeah And I still have them both so I have Can you imagine if you got a like concussion and you didn't know what was happening like you didn't know what your injury was You just got a really bad concussion. You're passed out You wake up in the doctor's office. Don't know what's happening to you. You just look down Indian man flash Light on the ball night behind your nights You're getting jelly out getting the loob for the ultrasound. They didn't ultra sure Yeah For the turret Yeah, he didn't like warm up He froze the turn first so he could get it in easier than you have to live it up Alaskan pipe. Yeah Actually, that what that is he flash for it. There is The alays can play playing an air chill turd. Yeah, so it doesn't get too bloated Well like a chicken wing anyway welcome back to the Goons podcast Ten minutes into the episode Eight minutes in Yep, that is the intro But before we talk about anything else make sure you go to gamer subs dot gg and use code goons to get Anything you want? I think there are we were just talking about fecal transplants caffeine will get you going caffeine will get you shit Yeah, and we'll get you Are you trying to lose weight you go you You wake up in the morning and you try to weigh yourself why am I not losing weight? It's because your belly is still filled with crap from the night before So if you have some gamers up slide out all of that shit that's stuck in your intestines You will drop five pounds and get an accurate weight. So go to gamer subs If you want it to be green use grandma's ashes Amen, amen. Yeah, if you want if you want all of your insights to come out look like slimer from ghostbusters one and two Go to gamer subs And use code goons Tempest enough you would I've actually not gonna lie been I've been fucking with the AFK lately Those flavors are so good. Do you want a good night? No, it's me. I'll just chug down an AFK and just get all fucking all cozied up I I used to ask people to hit to come over and hit me on the head with a ball peeing hammer so I can get nice sleep now You just drink a scuba a of K and it knocks me out just the same and I actually have dreams Bro, have you guys complete side note? But just go into bed getting all cozied up and watch some on my phone Just reminded me of a different topic. Have you guys ever found a a youtuber or an athlete or someone you fuck with a lot? And you're like wow, I've been ingesting their content for a long period of time Whether that be videos or whatever you know watching them play sports And then you go and you make the mistake of following them on social media and find out that they're just like Either literally or Nazi and it's just the worst feeling in the world. There's a youtuber. I have been watching His videos for so long love this guy Followed his Instagram thought it was cool followed his Twitter thought it was cool And then I saw something on Reddit about him and they were like hey His tweets from a couple years ago were a little wacky and I was like, okay, okay, okay a couple years ago We're a couple years ago. No, no, no, no, no, no, not like ten years ago. We're like ten years ago Everyone was saying okay. It was a different time. No, no, no So like it wasn't like it wasn't like what happened to brother nature you guys remember that guy No, where he like got cancelled because when he was like 14 years old He just like tweeted the little like Nazi windmill thing like that Copy-paste like little windmill Yeah, yeah, the swastika windmills at it, you know, yeah, whatever No, it wasn't some shit like that where it was like, okay, do some 14 year old now. It was like it was like tail end of COVID and It was a different time Put out a tweet this one really really sent me over there like I was kind of like whatever like different views I'm good with like conservative liberal whatever. I don't really care that much. I'll be real do your thing Unless you're just an actual like piece of shit. I don't really care, but this guy He tweeted man, if any guesses on why I like used to tweet like a liberal and now I don't something along those lines He's like I finally read mine conf. Oh Unironically tweeted this and I was like, oh dude, and this is like a big youtuber. This is somebody This is somebody who's made content for a long time like if I said his name you guys would probably know who he is But I'm not I don't know Who you're talking about it was crazy I literally followed him and I just was like well alright time to unfollow I commented on one of his posts like a day ago And then I was like I had time to dip nevermind my bad You know what's crazy about that is that? Back in high school We were doing like World War two history and we were given the opportunity to read like any World War two Based book so it was like anything could be fiction nonfiction and then write a book report about it And I remember you know me being like super fucking autistic back then just didn't think to you know I was like could you know I asked my teacher like in front of the whole class if I could like read Mineconf and write the report on that because of how historically significant it was and Everyone looked at me like I was crazy including her and she was like Yeah, you can sure but dude like I read it like I literally read the entirety of my car It is a fucking horrible book I think it is not written very well the arguments are not presented very well That being said I'm not a German right out of fucking World War one living in Germany with all of that context maybe I wasn't so easily persuaded but it was it was a lot of See I think the problem is something like that is it's like it's it's gonna sound like a crazy connection But it's like watching the Wolf of Wall Street There's kind of two different ways to take it where you take it because you're you're like wow I could learn about how much of a piece of shit this guy was and how insane this is that anybody was supporting this Or you can look at it and be like wow This is relatable like there's two ways to take you know Mineconf It's like you can look at it. I want to see how bad how twisted this fucking psycho was But if you're like why did people read it and also be like yeah, this is right. This is correct And I was so like what is how can people read the book and be like yeah The shit's lit and then I read it and I wrote like a book report basically being like this book fucking sucks Sucks ass and I broke it down and the teacher gave me like a 99 on it Oh, it's hell. Yeah, I think she took a point off because I fucking asked to read mine come but yeah Yeah, it felt like this guy had the opposite reaction and that he used it as something to radicalize his beliefs And I was like yeah, that's probably not good. I probably shouldn't follow this guy anymore. So yeah, that was wrong It's a rough thing to figure out, but yeah, I'm sure it's I'm sure somebody I mean I guess it's no difference than like when people fucking everyone Everyone's in Fano. He's a groomer shit like that everyone's entitled to their own opinions. Everyone's entitled to their own Literacy, you know everyone's entitled to their own level of literacy Anyone can can can can read what they like and enjoy a book for its merits and maybe maybe maybe he just liked the way that It presented some concepts, but maybe not the entirety maybe not the all-encompassing Thesis of minecraft. Maybe he liked the jokes. They were like three silly jokes. Okay, maybe yeah, you know, I didn't dig too deep in it I just kind of saw minecraft. That was enough of a red flag for me. And I was like Yeah, yeah, gonna head out So Hitler Hitler. That was fun Is he on the podcast? Yeah Today we have Hitler on the podcast Hitler if you separate all of the like obviously problematic parts about Hitler Where are you going? And you boil him down to his fun. It was pretty good. His fundamental personality He's it was pretty pretty funny. There was so much material We're like people were made or like laughing at him back then like people yeah, it was it was constantly being petted He was kind of he was constantly like yelling and screaming. He was like funny He was like funny, huh? Then he did all that horrible shit and then he wasn't funny anymore Yeah, yeah, that horrible stuff kind of takes away the funny, you know It's not fucked up that you could like you can save like a boat full of people like a hundred people And you're like a hero, but as soon as you kill one person in cold blood you're a murderer Isn't that weird? No Not really I don't remember what the fuck I was gonna say now. Sorry. I felt like a car accident Let me let me let me let me a bookmark You like bookend this with Hitler's band and I don't support him And it's good. That's a good bookmark. I'm glad I'm glad that you and me. In his entirety Um All right Moral of the story, even more bad Moral of the story Maybe don't tweet that you like minecum. I was just gonna say maybe just don't follow anyone on Twitter that you envy or you not shouldn't say envy that you look up to Yeah, don't make your heroes cuz they might like don't mine come. Yeah, don't meet your heroes They might be zeros I feel like it's very important like if you if you really really like a creator to the point of your like you're like damn Like this is my comfort creator Go find their Twitter Just dude. I was just to confirm actually sad. I was upset. I watch dude I watch this guy nearly every night I sit in bed and I fucking sit there He uploads like sometimes they're like 15 minute videos and sometimes there'll be like three hour Compilations of like other videos compile, you know put into one and I fucking love them They're like dorkiest shit and I enjoy them and I was dude I was sad I was a little I was a little heartbroken because if he was just like you know one way or the other a little Little too lefty little too righty. I'd be like a little weirdo, but that's fine He's doing his thing. I love Hitler then it's like yeah, yeah Now you can only you can only get away with that if you if you've made graduation Then it's true vintage chill. I mean did he really get away with it though? I mean Lost a billion sponsors and a billion dollars. Oh Dude, I think he's gonna notice Only has a billion dollars He's going broke or anything, but It didn't take a little bit of a hit to us. Well, there was dude. There was way too many people He put out that statement not that long ago And there was way too many people who were just like oh, yeah, like he was on draw mentally ill I use a Nazi like dude That doesn't you don't just get to put out one apology that seems sincere and then just a replaced like Fucking six years of being a Nazi. That's not how that works Hitler can't just put out a twit longer and you're like War Longer he's all good. He's just fucking at the Nuremberg trials. He's just like look, you know, it was I was I was Pressed I was depressed. It was anxious Yeah, I wasn't thinking right, you know, I was in a bad place mentally and you know, I didn't know how to deal with like some past trauma Had PTSD from the war like you know Dude, this is sounds like you two were apologies. This is literally It's Hitler and his it's Hitler and his dog and he's sitting down going my response I love those apologies so much where it's just like oh like I Didn't hear these like past traumas yada yada and like all these things that are super deep and it's like dude I'm not I'm not understanding how that correlates to you grooming a 13 year old. Yeah, I'm not really I got that's the YouTube special where it's like oh, I was depressed and I wanted to kill myself Or they're like oh, I was planning on killing myself right after but I didn't go through with it So they're like that's why I sent the fucking dick fake to a kid Okay, but like if I wanted to kill myself I would probably just go do like a bunch of drugs in Mexico get like 45 And then blow my head off. I would do it I would take out the maximum amount of money from a bank that would loan me any money and then I would flee to China Yeah, I mean I'm not like alright. I'm gonna kill myself tomorrow. Let me snapchat my penis to a child You know Don't you dare Don't you dare? No, no, no, don't take that one. What would you do? Don't ask Hitler Put a pedophile absolutely not He was or wasn't like we I don't think I don't think we should be slandering Hitler here That's worse than what I just said Because because if you make up shit about Hitler then people are gonna think that all the real bench shit that he did was fake too True. Yeah, you think so you're only giving ammo for the for the denial. I mean a lot of people already don't believe in the Holocaust That was a lot of people for a short amount of time it was was just why it was such a tragedy That is a crazy to do sentence Sentence said by the do What do you do? Are you wearing a wire? Why are you like keep saying? That's like that fucking the video I love you guys have ever seen it's Diddies making this little speech at a party about like fucking I don't know how they're all black billionaires and no expense was spared and he's just talking To the shit and Jay Z's next to him. He has the biggest ring on I've ever seen and it literally looks like this little screen And he's just in front of everyone's face But did he's giving this field on I'm gonna show you this video. It's so funny dude. It's it literally like the most Obvious looking I mean, I'm sure it wasn't actually anything but holy fuck Jam it looks like one of those It looks like a security camera He's like holding it out you can see him moving it around with his cup The name the names bond Jay Z bond and he's just not making eye contact with a single motherfucker just turning his hand around the party It's like no one here realizes. I'm wearing solar on my hand The real conspiracy is that Jay Z is solar powered he's not actually powered by by You know organs and such And blood food carbohydrates proteins. He's just he's solar powered Jay Z just goes to bed Loki. I bet it would feel really good to photosynthesize I bet it would feel like really good to just go outside and like soak in the rays. Yeah, I mean I I'd be doing that line is like eating aspect imagine if you could like eat like like the sun instead of giving you like a melanoma Yeah, no, we'll be if the problem is now if we eat too much Sun we get cancer Is not good Typically typically not good. I don't think there is even a good like could you could you? Has as there there has been one one comes to mind of getting cancer and are actually doing something good for you Like everyone considers cancer is a horrible horrible tragedy which it is okay Not so good, and I'm not talking about the crowd. I'm talking about like the horrible disease that takes many Crabs are you talking about oh sky? Yeah, the crab the great crab in the sky in my bed Right um This one guy Like it would have been like I'm not exactly sure what it was But he he was he was born very short. He was born like 411 or like like five Kill like that But he was he was he was like born His mom is not okay He was born a normal baby and grew into a short man It was born a normal size baby He was that boy This mom is just poor and half This Damn LeBron James He was born he grew up to be a short guy He was short for the majority of his early adult life, and then he got cancer I believe in his pituitary gland which led to him. Yeah Growing insanely huge like his his growth hormone went went out of control And he grew to like six foot something 5-1 to like six something yeah, and he um and then he got the tumor taken out So the dude just fucking hit a fucking um It's fucking hats He hit a captain America and fucking That's insane. I'm pretty sure this is a real thing. Oh, yeah. I was so what I'm seeing is it's actually it's not Super common, but there's like multiple cases of that happening No way I'm googling pituitary gland cancer make a guy big Be a guy with a thrombus and how do I give myself? You know it's crazy though the fact that that guy was 411 and got cancer Because if you compare him to someone who's like like seven feet tall There's a lot more cells to potentially get cancer and a guy who's seven feet tall than a guy is 411 So why isn't clavicular pituitary gland tumor maxing tumor Why is any tumor maxing why is You get tumor mod you get banana tumor mod by all your friend Reiner's cancer mugging Doesn't do a thing doesn't that guy do a thing then for the people the uninitiated Clavicular is a new age streamer who smashes his face bones with a hammer so that he can look really Yeah, his is whole his whole shtick is looks maxing so he like the min max is how he looks like look as cool Is tries everything he's on like dude. He's he does So much stupid shit that guy is absolutely going to fucking die at like 35 like Dude he was taking meth to try not to gain weight. No, no, no wasn't math It was a similar drug. I think it was just taking a bunch of anterol He says that but he's making a joke How can you Yeah, I don't know what the guy the guy the guys are going six two and like he was talking about how he sets up Whenever he brings a girl back to his house, he said he said he sets up shit called vantage points, which are like Little lifts that he has around the house so like behind the counter Brind the the couch will be like a couple of books or like a stool And he'll like take your shoes off go to the vantage point and then stand on it to make himself look taller until they get to the bedroom That's insane, dude. Now Have you guys heard of the rat utopia experiment where they give a bunch of rats like like Abundant food and like abundant space and then they they make like this utopian society with a bunch of rats. I Believe I'm some like Generations of these rats would go by and then you know, they'd fuck they'd make kids They'd you know, there'd be social cohesion But the more food you gave them the more space you gave them the more their society would begin to break down and the less rats We're interested in having sex and rats would become aggressive and rats would eat each other rats would like eat their kids And then there were rats who were like super well groomed Like extremely well groomed and they were referred to by the scientists as like the pretty ones or like the the gorgeous ones or something like that Okay, the whole idea, you know, I think behind rag grooming is that you're grooming yourself to be presentable and clean and everything from like You know to mate but these rats had zero zero Interest in sex all they wanted to do was look good They had zero interest in like sex or fucking or doing anything but looking good and I think that's where we ran I think that's crazy right now. I think One of those rats Drive over a guy in his car like a few weeks ago Coming he had it fucking killed him Like in the hospital you did not die. I don't think I'm pretty sure the guy did not die Did That would be like a pretty big deal. I think he ran I'm pretty sure the guy is fine Okay, yeah, there's no way that the guy died I'm pretty sure they dude He was talking them and shit. He was talking to me getting it for me You're in Florida if you like getting funny someone's coloring you like your flasher gun I mean you should get run over and turn into paste so yeah I'm pretty sure that he everything he did was actually within the law It's just kind of crazy that he ran someone over he just Ran him over his girlfriend was in the past you she goes. Oh my god. You just hit that guy. Is he dead and he goes? Yeah, hopefully Like a fucking psycho Don't get that motherfucker an action or don't give that motherfucker an action or raincoat dude Yeah, yeah, I got picked it up after yeah, dude, I don't know that guy's fucking crazy I don't I don't understand You want to come on the podcast I don't know about friend of the show. We don't know the guy do we maybe teachers had a look max Clevicular you can teachers had a look max your teachers teachers had to be already know the bone breaking one Don't you have to keep breaking your bones over and over? Yeah, and then eventually It's what the Bogdanov twins did if you're familiar with the bottom I think they just injected themselves Bottom of a sneaker. They're freaky Well one of them is dead Like older guys A great story like monsters ink stays with you forever and Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award-winning hit series Rivals welcome to the naughtiest show on television to the unmissable crime drama high potential Gotta dead body gotta go a lifetime of great stories awaits this spring on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required T's and C's apply Man Do I don't know why but you sound like Joe Biden there Have you guys seen speaking of speaking of Face breaking and bone maxing and all that other shit Maybe maybe they should be concerned if you were if you're thinking about Breaking your face and changing your face to look smacks and become a better better version of yourself Well, be careful because discord is coming out with a with like a face verification thing So if you look smacks too hard, you might not be able to verify your account Dude, there's a lot of angry people about that and I get why because privacy and all that stuff. I'm pretty pissed too But on the same to yeah for someone like you that's that's real rough like but somebody You know of influence who does not try you know Try tries to keep everything private that is that is rough because if you get hacked I'm sure there's a chance for people to find shit, but I Get it because discord is definitely one of the largest like grooming platforms in the fucking world So I get why they're trying to yeah trying to fix that But it would have been Skype it would have been kick yeah The kick is in k.a.k. Not like yes, not this training platform It would have been aim it would have been it like as long as there are unsupervised children online in yeah forum Or fucking community building Situations, there's always gonna be potential for some fucking weirdo predator in his basement room them even worse Even worse is if you give your fucking kid a VR set and put him in fucking VR chat unsupervised Oh fucking Your kid can literally get your kid can literally get molested virtually now. This is where we're Dude we live in such a fucking dystopia it's actually You getting molested in a VR chat unplug your headset Really But what do you do if you're the parent and the kid comes you crying and just says I just got Is that like oh I was like abuse online it's like there it's like you're you're frying these like growing children's fucking brain chemistry But like turning on to like a becoming a big titty anime girl and yeah No, you're there they're gonna have they're gonna have the fucking craziest fetishes They're gonna see like a VR chat helicopter with tits and and just nothing will be able to give them a boner anymore Other than a helicopter with tits. They're gonna be all about Apparently this is this is all I've you know I'm telling you apparently like your your proclivities your sensual proclivities like your fetishes and all that stuff Like it's baked into your head with like some of the first sensual material that you see That's why I like hamster so much We know about your fetishes, this makes your fetishes even more worrying. This was the psychological study. Oh shit I don't know how legit it is, but I don't know It's like you're more likely to be into like leather and shit I'm just trying to think of like because there's some extreme fetishes. They're all leather Yeah You go up you grow up and you watch totally spies and there's like a hidden fetish in every single episode Yeah Good show the guy takes his belt off and they are mad that they're not getting They look disappointed. Yeah, they take the crazy episode two guys take their belts off and they're like oh What's going on here and then they turn the belt into like nunchucks and then they're like, yeah What? Yeah crazy scene anyway. Yeah, it's wild. That's wacky I don't know if how legitimate that is but hell, yeah I Do gentlemen if you would like to play unless we want to keep chatting. I'm fine with whatever but who feared it That would be my fat ass Dude my ears perk up like a dog whenever I hear you shit his pants I do have a A would you rather website that I thought could potentially be fun To try out and discuss and maybe the people at home The people at home listening if you're driving if you're driving right now and you listen to what you rather write in the comment section on Spotify While you're driving what you'd rather do Okay, so there don't do that do not do that your hands back on the wheel put your hands back on the wheel there is Superpowers kind of gay who cares there is unpopular hard extreme Not safer work and deal with the devil which one's sound ideal not safer work deal with the devil and what was the Extreme yeah, we're here to fuck spiders. So what do we do we want extreme not safer work or deal with the devil? What do you want? Why don't we do like two of each? Okay, let's start with extreme okay, this is not extreme at all This one is way too easy, so we're not we're gonna kind of skip over this one But just so you guys know what it is the options are have three wives, but no children The best thing ever Or three children, but no wife Fucking Jeff reeps he's like which one's better You know what the worst part is that's it was only 50 to 40 per 60 to 40 percent There's 40 percent of the people on this fucking plan three kids No wife will support what's so ever? Oh, they live life on easy mode or on hard mode for no, okay, all right Fuck I don't know this one's kind of this one's just nasty both ways. All right gentlemen Would you rather be stuck in a room with corpses overnight? So let you know fucking Fresh you there mortuary assistant kind of vibe Yeah, we're like pressure they are they like just dead bodies on the floor or they like all done up in there I I think in between that they died But they're being they're waiting to be like I think I know Loading riding for day old Yet or do we wanted it would it be what's what's up? What's a reasonable thing? I'm thinking like it just says corpses in general. I don't give a fuck about I would give a shit smell and they look okay. All right Swimming a septic tank for two hours swimming a septic day for two hours. No You'd rather go in the shit do do yeah, dude. They're septic tank man There's a real guy who pays people to swim in their septic I would have to be around the dead people being in the dead people I can't even fucking imagine you know creepy that would be being stuck in a room with corpses overnight What are they gonna do? I don't know imagine you're sleeping and you see someone sneeze in that room You probably do For the game for it and they do burp, okay, but then you hear excuse me from one of the I feel like it's gotta be corpses cuz you can die Septic tank do do right? Yeah, you could get it seriously ill get sepsis sepsis mmm And you can't take you can't take sepsis this one's stupid hold on we're skipping this one too It's just eat a dead bug or eat a live worm aren't they both kind of bugs I would eat the dead bug Which dead bug it is though dude This one's insane. I were these are like the least like comparable things. Okay, mm-hmm snort cocaine Okay, no snort your boyfriend's load I I'm not gonna lie I think I would actually probably do the cum over cocaine. I'm a no pills no powder Just get wait do I can I test the drug do I know for sure? It's a hundred percent no no you just get You're in my what color is it is a pink? I don't fucking know white cocaine. I'm not gonna take it White cocaine, okay? It's white as a powder did other people take it before me and they're not dead yet You don't know some guy just walked up to you and gave it to you He said one is calm one is which one which one would you like? I'm Also, I'll start the cook Just mean like you have fun for a couple hours It's like 15 minutes. Okay, it's like a 15 minute high I To the kids watching at home we're really to anybody watching at home Don't do cocaine no pills no powder do come for you if anything if anything snort come Snuck snort snuck Yeah, I don't dude. I'm not I'm not gonna lie I think I have to have a gun to my head to do coke everyone I know that does coke is the biggest fucking pile of shit after yeah It's I just yeah, okay I wouldn't want to make a habit like I don't know cuz to that end if you did the coke the one time you can make a horrible Distractive habit out of it, but if you do the one time you're gonna go Yeah, I don't think you're ever I don't think you're ever gonna be like fuck. I want to snort come again Unless you're built different I'm going to come I'm starting come. I don't care. I am putting the calm So we have you know, I'm probably gonna go with come just just to stay with my principles here I'm gonna fall into the peer pressure and say come Right, we're all snort all snorting come if you would have also snorted come right in the comments down below I would have snorted they come Okay, these are both homeless this makes no sense One is be homeless all your life or live your life alone on a deserted island. They're both Invisible and the other is be homeless and alone. Yeah, I guess homeless and alone And no which one's worse you Am I a homeless guy in New York or am I homeless? Let's say like let's say like some are weird. They're like Pittsburgh. It's good. Oh fuck that. So a pretty city, but it's very tropical island All right long as it is in in the US Virgin Islands, all right, let's get Let's get one more from this category and they'll move move on to something else extreme isn't so extreme No, it's really not that crazy. I'll be real. It's like do you want a million dollars or like me Chinese foot job? Okay, this is crazy would you rather have a partner that likes to touch your poop Or have a partner that likes to drink your piss Probably the drink my piss I Think the drink my piss because the poop stuff snow good and I know we were talking about What if I'm the partner and I like both Oh Grab my pee right out the toilet monkey fish my piss dude the Piss Well, the poop one's rough because that's got to be a fetish so clearly they're gonna want to connect something sexual to one day And one day you're just gonna think oh One day you're just gonna think I'm getting a regular old hand job and then you look down and you're getting a doo-doo job You know, I don't do where's the bad part Makers of the grapefruit technique I do do alright, but then you have to like piss in their mouth or some shit I mean, I guess you could get you know, but to that end imagine imagine how Hydrated that would that would like make you and like that you would need to be on top of your hydration. Yeah They get water yeah So actually it would be it would be a good thing Otherwise you just eat normal food and then all of a sudden you're like wait I swore I flushed where did my poop go and then you look over and your girlfriend's fucking making play-doh sculptures Well, the worst part is like you'd have to let them down and be like not tonight, honey I had diarrhea You can't play with the poo poo I'm going pee. I'm going with pee I'm going poop Okay, that's actually it's basically 50-50 do so you weren't that weird. Alright, let's do not say for work I feel like these are gonna be crazy Okay, so I'm playing with poop was that was totally safe for work If you're watching the good podcast at work Fucking turn your poop, you know I do a little dance right now if you're stuck in shelves And I want to run look over your shoulder do a little dance shake your ass Yeah, dude, okay. These are fucking awful. They're not safe for work ones. They're not they're not funny at all. They're just weird Yeah, well, it's literally like you want to take your pants off or your shirt off What's a fucker like would you rather have a daughter or skinless son? Oh Obster hands or ham hands what you do these are awful These are not these are okay not safe for work is not good. It's just straight up not even interesting or That's fucking kind of lame. All right, let's see deal with the devil. Hopefully this one's probably Like it's probably gonna be like give 14 kids Or like is it like is it like a monkey's pie like you get to you get to fly but you you can only fly like Like a I think my parameter above the ground. Yeah, I think that's basically what it is Read anyone's mind, but you get a headache or hear the loss of animals, but they constantly insult you Neither those sound bad You don't have If I were if I were like a farmer and I hate that animal thing I feel a lot less bad about like killing my animals and eating them so True. Yeah, but what if they're like They're insulting you they're always insult you I guess yeah, yeah, that's good point. I guess that one. Yeah, I need you just fucking Squirrel and just rip in half Shoot it with fucking with 39 six and fucking nobody else nobody else is gonna understand that you hear the animal So you're just gonna be sitting there in the living room and you're like buddy's dog is gonna be sitting there Just staring at you go on you slur Just walk over to your friends pug and just fucking punch it stupid face in like kick his fucking cave It's fucking already Even a fooder oh It's crazy. I guess we're insulting the animal The animal yeah, absolutely, okay This one's kind of lack is boring we'll do Next one good point do good point Dude why is this? This one's just fucking getting insulted. Okay be able to turn invisible, but you feel an Excruciating burning pain while doing so or read anybody's mind, but you only hear their worst thoughts about you. I Mean that would be that would be so bad people are fake or not Yeah, but it also find out like other people's interpretation of my actions in a how I present myself And then I can use that to further better myself in a in a holistic way Yeah, but they could just be a dick and be like Well, then I think that's even better even better for me to understand the true intentions and they can cut a man in my life True, you know what that's not that bad, but also being invisible be kind of funny But I guess not if you're in it, but you're being you're you're you're invisible, but you're going I almost look at that as a buff just going just I Somebody's room that you don't like and then bust it down become invisible and start screaming in the middle of the night scare the fuck And they turn their lights on there's still screaming. They don't want to be naked, too I don't know it'd be funny if you're wearing like Jorts You just see floating Jorts that are screaming at you recording a room at 3 a.m. Floating George would be like be like fucking the I used to have nightmares from that Jimmy Neutron Episode we're all the chicken All the pants. Oh wow. Yeah, you remember that world the pants start walking. Yeah Fucking freak me out. She would give me nightmares All right, so so the Jorts just made every yeah The the chicken one other talk about the movie the Jimmy Neutron movie where everyone was chicken. Oh, yeah Well, they always look do eggs. Yeah Well, I aliens came in like egg aliens. Yeah Like dude everyone is not the episode or the time when Hugh Neutron says he sat on a banana changes life You know Pretty sure Hugh Neutron says I Jimmy I sat up man and changed my life Tom man Once when I was seven years old I sat on a banana and it changed my life. That's when you huge huge you new choice I'm And of course they changed my life is what he said Yeah Wow How does he make a Jimmy? What what is God oh what is cock damn Alright here. This one's not on the website. I actually saw this one on like I think it was Twitter a couple weeks back All right So this one's not even a like would you rather but just a hypothetical You get Whatever amount of money you could possibly need to spend so whatever Your house like let's call it like fucking it's called like one trillion Let's call like 500 mil you're getting through life. You can be generous with your money You're chilling you're at a point where money is no longer an object, but every day For I believe it was two minutes you are transported randomly Somewhere into one of the oceans Pacific Atlantic Indian Arctic Yep Does amount you for two minutes and you can't you cannot die during this I believe was that was the rule It was it was that you could die But it was like if you go into a frozen point you get a wetsuit or like if it's shut Yes, yes, it's like a scuba gear. Yes, like give you everything you need to survive But for two minutes every day at it at it at an hour of a reason or something It could be anything you wanted at any time what you want you can and you would just get transported for I think was It wasn't even two minutes. It was like 30 seconds Was it really that low? I Swear it was like a minute maybe a minute max. We'll call it a minute. We'll meet in the middle I Get five in a mill but every single time you change for the ocean you come back something wet Dude, I'm gonna be real. I don't I Don't know if I'd want to do that. I wouldn't do that. Maybe I'm afraid of I've got the last of all you I can't do that shit. Dude, that's just like barely swim That would be Hell like I think you like every minute of your day would be think spent thinking about the next time you have to be Like you might get a nice day where you're in like the Korean nice sitting in like a nice shallow Sandbar where you're like, oh, that's good But 90% of the ocean is not nice shallow Caribbean. It is deep and cold and dark and scary and wavy I'd be hell. That would be genuine fucking hell Yeah, I don't think there would be a worse way to die than crashing a light aircraft into the Pacific Ocean and then being the sole survivor of a crash and then floating on your back for Until you die. I don't think there could be a worse more anxiety-ridden Existence until your demise like floating on your back in the middle of the Pacific at night. Yeah, I I mean, I'm good Do McNasty, would you take that 500 mil every day minute of the ocean? I don't think so, bro Yeah, I'm a whole minute. Yeah, I don't I mean, I feel like your chances of dying are just like high Okay, let's say you're not gonna die. They're actually really low. Let's say let's in theory say you have God mode You're just putting yourself through the torment of it Let's let's say you let's say Always on the surface if you get transported into shark infected waters You're already wearing like a flotation device and chain mail So if they bite you it'll just hurt, but it won't like fuck you up. You're not dying, but you can get No But every every what is it every day for one year the rest of your life Life fuck that Yeah, rest your life random part of the day. So like if I'm in the middle of taking a shit any day of your Any of your choosing could be 545 it could be fucking two o'clock in the morning. Give you whatever you want. I think I would It'd be fun I'm telling you that's the life until year eight. No way. Yeah, bro. I can't go. It's only a minute Like my bad. I know we're at dinner, but I forgot to go to the ocean today I'll be back working out. So you're like super hot and you're like fucking need to cool down Yeah, what a horrible way There's if there's 25 foot waves from a fucking hurricane off the coast You're gonna spend the minute You're gonna be going back like transporting back to the gym like throwing up seawater Yeah, I don't know if I'd do it Maybe this is a bad question to ask people who are like, you know financially well off because of our careers But fuck me that is a rough way to I think a lot of people would do that. Yeah, I don't know Yeah, it is how would you even explain that to a life is a long time of life, how would you explain that to the IRS? Transported to the Random motion for one minute per day. Yeah, make all my money out in the ocean and I should water is the Suffer Like your eggs if he pays for me to be teleported every day I remember there being a like a hypothetical where it was like if you can like cut off segments of your finger for like certain amounts of money It was 25k segment or something and how many fingers would you cut off remedy segments of your fingers? I would not cut off any yeah, I would not it was like if you you know, you can cut off a finger What what how much money would you need to be offered for you to go full heavy rain and cut your pinky finger off with like a cleaver? What's your what's a million you'd lose a pinky for a mill probably a mill yeah But then he had This is the answer tanks. Do I get to keep the pinky? Yeah, sure. Yeah as a guitar player Yeah, I'm just thinking of like a lot of things like Like yeah, I never use my pinky so never kind of fuck with my like stability of my only use also I only use like I only use my pinky dude. I like pinky rings. I wear pinky randy. Yeah There's no amount of money I Know I only use my pinky is a class signifier when I when I drink good head of cups Yeah, see I do that on it wasn't that to say you have syphilis Is that to say you have syphilis? I'm pretty sure Say you had syphilis you needed to have no no like like no hair and like scabs on your head No nose or is that God or is God a real when you lose your nose? What is one of those diseases one of those diseases those STD's either gonorrhea or syphilis? I think it's gonorrhea They melt it is because I remember it as oh no my nose is gonorrhea and now I can't sniffle is Hmm what I don't like that one. Uh, you don't like that one. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay? in in 17th century French raised pinky was used as a discrete signal of interest or Okay interest so maybe I guess you want to have sex or to indicate the presence of syphilis which was rampant at the time So essentially you'd be like oh, I want to I want to fuck other syphilis. This is oh Okay, so a sign of elegance high status or a way to balance delicate handlers cups and as well used is a way to express interest But that also that everyone who was fucking everybody back then had syphilis Yeah, but you're using a good listen. It was all fucking jumbled up. Did you know that syphilis came from the Americas? No They took like indigenous people from America back with them in the 1700s and obviously fucked them and then guys if it was And then syphilis everywhere so we gave though we gave them smallpox, but they hit us back They hit us back in a way that gave us big wigs Hmm, I see Nothing to do with it Yeah, the big pounded wigs that were everywhere in like Britain and shit were literally used to cover the the bald scabbing scalp of people with syphilis Huh Didn't know anyone that had a big fucking padded wig. They were fucking but they had syphilis They had they so they dick was getting wet, but it was getting you know, they're putting in the wrong place It was getting it was getting there were in the wrong pond. It was getting wet, but it was running off as well See my beef with that is my pinky is stuck like this. Whoa careful Careful there, dude. It's fine Hitler didn't have a weird pinky So no matter I don't have a cup in here, but every time I drink it immediately does that It's it's it's all jumbled up. I by shattered my hand now my pinkies all stuck like that. So People probably think I have syphilis I Think so too and also you're wearing a beanie too. We can't see if I am a big a big white wig under that But that's because I didn't that's because I didn't wash my hair today. I'll be real Yeah, I I don't know why I bother washing my hair or even showering before this fucking podcast Good on it. It completely ruins my fucking me ruins everything. We're gonna like Yeah, I just try not to shampoo my hair like super frequently and then if it's on like day two like I shower But I just don't shampoo my hair So it's on like day two because my hair is thin it gets it gets real It's real greasy. So how do you know how dumb the word shampoo is? Yeah, you know, it's funny I actually had that thought when I was watching that one meme of the Arab dudes driving the car They're all like missing teeth and then the random you just pulled the shampoo out at the door. It's just shampoo Oh, oh Is derived from the Hindi word shampoo derived from the Sanskrit Yeah, which means to press neither suit and what do you mean by that? Continue reading it was it was it originated in India's here as a hair and scale besides using oils and herbs and adapted by British colonists Because they smell like shit. Oh That makes it was the British people. It was the British people who smell like shit Oh Being British back then No, can you imagine being British ever like yeah, I'm gonna be right now myself Dude that'd be something I saw I saw a soft stat The day that it right it has rained every day in the UK since the start of 2026 somewhere They kind of like a head of people just not do civil war up there just because of the weather I would just be revolting against the government because the weather is so bad I just being such a bad mood all the time I'd be mad that they're not like the Jews aren't controlling the weather with their space I would I would be a little anti-Semitic if I lived over there I I would hate them so bad that they couldn't use their space lasers to make it like Caribbean and nice Make it all right. Well, I mean like parts of UK do have palm trees So it'd be kind of like kind of like the Caribbean Speaking of Jewish space lasers Have you seen this thing where people are trying to put like mirrors in like in orbit that? Bounce sunlight onto like a specific part of the world and you can like you can literally like your neighbors front window Right yeah, it was like you could pay to direct this constellation of mirrors to light up a certain area Which could be good for like search and rescue missions in the middle of the night or whatever We need to illuminate like a forest to find a crazy or like illuminate a patch of ocean To try to find something or whatever and the whole idea is you know, yeah like in space They can arrange a constellation of mirrors. Yeah, I mean redirects them problem is it's like solar forms too Would that actually work because like sunlight in space is so like diffused that it would be hard It's more diffuse going through the atmosphere, but the atmosphere makes it like like the sunlight is It's so like it's spreading in every direction in space where our atmosphere kind of bends it Yeah, kind of bends it Yeah, it would be hard to I'm not how would you point it right at this? That'd be crazy That'd be you'd have to be so exact with it Especially because like the whole time it would be falling at 22,000 meters a second Yeah, that's how you keep things in space so like the math you would need for that is incredible I guess that's what I'm more surprised about that'd be insane if you could do that Yeah, I'm pretty sure that the whole idea was like or is it feet or 20,000 feet or meters just out I don't remember. I think it's meters per second per second Yeah, so that's yeah, so it's going to gravity. Yeah, so it's going quick So it had me it's called it's called the reflect orbital That's kind of I mean that's crazy Shades with large mirrors in orbit to reflect sunlight on the solar forums and Earth at night and they're testing this year Hell yeah, all right. Well shit. That's cool. That's fucking crazy See like this this This is what we need to be for the UK You know, can you imagine though if you like pissed off Jeff Bezos and he just forever sun lighted your house? No more sleep Like ten years Jeff Bezos is Light and bright as fuck Like you get a sunburn at 2 a.m. Cuz Jeff Bezos an asshole like You're fucking E-line mask. Just fucking Lighten up by your cities just a nice fight Dude, that's crazy Yeah, well I'm sorry Yeah Pretty wild so wild that I drank three or four the standard recommended dose and my dick grew so large I had to I Had I had I had to just go to fucking gamers of time GGA My dick fell off my my I got a third ball My dick grew so huge that all the blood from my brain went into my penis and stopped me from talking about gamers of stanchi I only have a tip Results may vary I'm just tip now Don't actually drink for change recommended amount of gamers. I'm saying it's not good. Yeah only one Twice they yeah If you're gonna do it use code goons so that's right off your untimely death Yeah Also, if you're listening on Spotify make sure you leave a comment or Download or do a backflip when your neighbor's front lawn. You're on YouTube. Subscribe like what's up? It's all right. Is there a fucking video on Spotify yet? I don't know I don't I think it's being worth it. If you're watching this on Spotify. There's a video. Look what I'm doing What up? Whoa, he's a freak Oh, my god, if you if they can't see it though, they're not gonna know what you're doing swagger Put down swagger swagger stop put them in a headlock. Oh my god. He's got a gun