Dave Dameshek + Lisa Lampanelli (Carolla Classics)

At AJ Bell, we believe investing is for everyone. And when we say everyone, we mean your dad, Dan, Danielle, Dean, Dave, Del, Del's delivery driver Denise, Denise's dentist, Dinesh, and Devon's strongest man, Donathan. Donathan? Donathan, that can't be right. Donathan? Well, whatever your name is, if you're a real person, investing is for you too. AJ Bell, feel good investing. The value of your investments can go up or down. MUSIC Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, Superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from all 17 years of the Adam Caroll show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics, and you can find the ad-free archives exclusively available through Podcast 1.plus. If you'd like to find the ad-free archives of the Adam Carolla show, as well as the Adam and Dr. Drew show, and the podcast Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's sub-stack, AdamCurlA.substack.com. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us at classicsadamacurl.com. All right, let's get to the clips. Come to first, we have Adam Carolla show 1088 featuring Dr. Life, Dave Damashek, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop from 2013. Dave Damashek, welcome, my friend. Welcome, my friend. What a pleasure to see you. How was Memorial Day? My, well, good. Good to see you, Allison Rose. Hello, and happy-blooded birthday. Thank you, and, uh, Bald Brian. Later, Hosan. Here's how fucked up I am with the calendar and with my birthday. I never knew, I never associated my birthday and its proximity to Labor Day and, uh, actually, Memorial Day. And I screw up the two all the time. So my whole life, my birthday is either landed on Memorial Day or somewhere around Memorial Day. And you'd still have to ask me every year, what's the one that comes at the beginning of the summer and the one that comes at the end? Well, one of them comes on your birthday. Still, never. Again, I blame my parents for turning my birthday and turning it into, uh, basically, cigarette butt. Something that would be discarded and be avoided. So, uh, and we never, I don't know when anyone's birthday is in my family because they celebrate, they combine birthdays and then celebrate them two months down the road and stuff. So I never knew when it landed. Um, but I had a good time. Uh, couple of observations and you guys tell me what you think. Then, uh, as not promised behind the candle, Abra, my review. Oh, dying here about this. And, uh, also, uh, we'll do a little, uh, hooray for Baldywood over there. You have fast. I mean, sorry. You have, uh, hangover three. Sorry. I, uh, everyone wants me and Bill Simmons to go see Fast and Furious, but he's out of town covering the Mavericks or whatever. I'm back. I was in Memphis eating, eating M ribs and listening to the blues. Yeah. Well, so now I, so I said to him, I shot him an email on like Thursday and I said, uh, Bill, uh, are you in town? Can we see this movie? Any, uh, shot back. Uh, no, ace man. We're going to have to see it separately. Then see it together. And I thought, well, can't we just wait till Wednesday when you come home? And he said, can't wait. Go, go back. I love that you're, you're also going to have to see it separately though. Yeah. We needed to see it separately. And well, no, he was just assuming that I couldn't wait either. So then I had this weird dilemma, which is, um, I said, why can't I take my son? He's almost seven. You know what I mean? I saw pepe on when I was seven. He's halfway to PG 13. That's right. He's technically a little past if you're counting months. So I said, why can't take my son? And then I realized, you know, all he does is video games to shoot people. Anyway, there's just, you know, Balder people, bigger arms shooting people. That's not no big whoop. The big muscle bound guy shooting each other. And then the car stuff, just the car stuff in a, in a weird way, those movies are sort of devoid of sexuality. They're just, they're just video games come to life. Yeah. They're just cars flipping over and then people crawling out of them. It's just one big A team sort of montage. Plus before puberty kicks in, the sexual sex scenes and all that stuff is all just confusing. You're like, huh, what's going on? I don't even have them in this movie. Right. And that, well, that's not the reason I think parents avoid those because, yeah, listen, I'm not allowed. I want the kids to see the superhero pictures, but mama says no, you know, they can't see all that violence and everything. I, I, but with the, I have to admit something to you, Ace. And everybody, and I'm going to go public with this one. I've never seen any of the fast. No, leave, leave now for us. Start throwing punches and kicks in the air. All right, look, this is a good time to admit I haven't seen any since the first one. Okay. Wow. Wow. Room spinning. I've seen all of that. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. You're my anchor. Okay. So what you want to avoid in this movie, they don't really have bad language and they don't have sex. They just have cars flipping over and people punching each other in the face. That, that's, that's it. The language and the sex part, at least you don't have to worry about that part. And then the cars flipping over is again, more of a video game. So I said, listen, I'm taking, I'm taking Sunny and I said, Sunny, you up for this? See this movie with daddy and it's a, you know, it's 123 minutes long. So it's a little bit, a little bit long. He saw what movie did you see with your daughter over the weekend? I took both kids to see Epic. Epic animated. Yeah. So, so I said, I said to my son, he saw Epic on Friday. I said, you ready to see another movie on Saturday? What'd you think of Epic? He said, a little bit scary. And I went, uh-oh, not a good sign. Not a good sign on the Puso meter. So I compromised and didn't see Fast and Fury six. I saw behind the candle. Abra, which is really, didn't see Fast and Fury. No, what I would call lateral move. How does Sunny enjoy that? That would be more disturbing, I would think. He loved the hell out of it. All right. So there's that birthday. Tell me what you got. I don't tell me you guys are wired. I don't, I don't dread my birthday, but if you give me a choice between having my birthday and, and, and it's, I've been the boss for 15 years and I like it when my birthday falls on a Saturday or Sunday. So there's no cake in the lobby and interns pretending to like me kind of, kind of situation. But I'm just like, I just want business as usual. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a weirdo. I'm just, it's like, I'd rather not be celebrated. That, that's my thing. But, but here's what I've, here's what I figured out. So I was having this thing. We were eating with the kids and then the wife and everything on, on Sunday night. And, uh, Monday's my birthday. And my wife said, uh, you're looking forward to the birthday. And of course, that was a big mistake. Cause it just means here's what my birthday is. Caller ID, my mom's calling. Should I pick up or not? Or just let her leave a message saying happy birthday or do we got to get into it? Or what do I do? I'm going to get a few more of their phone calls and a couple of emails. Looking forward to birthdays is like when you would get, when your parents are picking you up from school, I don't know if your parents do this at them. But the first question was always, how was your day? Yeah. And then instantly, whether you had a good or bad day, you felt awful. All right. Here's where receiving birthday wishes is getting into it. For the record, my parents still call and in unison sing happy birthday. That's why that's true. You're who you are. All right. So now then I had a little breakthrough. So my wife did the thing. We can't do anything without me breaking down the game film. We tried watching the real housewives of Beverly Hills. We get 10 seconds in and I start talking. I do 20 minutes on grit. You know, which one is that? And so, and so that's the plot. The fake teeth. So I said, uh, she said, you're looking forward to the birthday. I said, no, not really. She said, what, why, why? And I said, because it doesn't feel like anything to me. And then she said, why not? Why? And I said, well, almost everyone you know, it was born. Almost 90 something percent of the people you hang out with were born. We all have a birthday. That's what I'm saying. Had birthdays and Hitler had birthdays. All the greats have had birthdays. So you're worse than me. The worst teacher you ever had that guy from LA USD who would beat off onto a cookie and then like get his kids to eat it with a picture of a cockroach on. He has a birthday. And when it was celebrated, you get him. It's the frosting. The count. The word, the guy who abducted the three people of women and, you know, gave him abortions by punching him in the stomach and raping them. Birthdays are like assholes. We all have one. They all stink. Yeah. So, well, so everyone has a birthday. Everyone who's born, good and bad, but we all just have a birthday and they come around every year and I don't feel like you earned it. And so I start getting into stingers. Like, I want you, I want stuff you earn. I'm not interested in stuff you don't earn. And she's like, Oh, please, Jesus Christ, Vincent Barney. Give it a fucking break. I thought she didn't say Vincent Barney. She said weeb you banks. Yeah. She went deep. Confusing too. Cause he won one, but lost some. What are you getting at? That's right. I did. Abe Gibran. She went. All right. No one knows what we're talking about. Who's this funny to nobody. People get it. People get it. Okay. So she said, like she started with the, oh, for the love of Christ, you know, can you fucking enjoy your birthday? And I just thought the way I'm wired, it doesn't mean anything to me. Now here's an interesting point. Then I backed off and I just thought I got onto why this place didn't have coleslaw and there should be a law that if you serve more than four varieties of sandwich, you must serve coleslaw. If you have six different burgers and five different sandwiches, you must have coleslaw. I'd love for that. You cannot just be one of these places where you go. You have seven different kinds of fries. I don't know what the shoestring ones are. Do you want the yam fries, the sweet potato fries or the curly fries or the serrated fries or the jumbo fries or whatever. And you go, have seven different fries. You go, kind of coleslaw. Oh, we don't have that. Uh-uh. Once you get past two fry varieties, you need coleslaw. Once you get past five, six sandwiches, you know, cold sandwiches though, right? Yeah. You need coleslaw. So what people eat with the fuck on anyway, just turned into an old Jew momentarily. So I decided to spare her my diatribe about, uh, just being born, not being enough for me. And then I realized, maybe in a weird way, it's the ultimate lottery ticket. You're born. Sure. Maybe we should make, maybe it is okay to celebrate. Here we are. We're living. We're on this planet. And I think what you're really celebrating is another year that you didn't die. That's what it said on the cake. It's written in a black sharpie. It is a, it's a very minor accomplishment. Some of our cases, that's true. Yes. Yes. Someone who likes to reflect though. Yeah. Someone who likes to reflect on life. You say, listen, 10 years ago, who would have thought, you know, 15 years ago. I know. But that leaves it a pressure. No, not for him. It shouldn't. Oh, that's true. It's just the way I'm wired. But now here's the second way I'm wired. And this is very interesting. The, the gift that Lynette got me, Gary'll throw up on the screen. And you can go down, curl.com and look at it. She took a picture from the newspaper, whatever, me shooting a bottle of champagne over my head and put it on fabric and made it like a frame. And it's really cool. It's like one of those cool fabric, whatever. There's that, that there's, there's a service that does that. And it's nice. I don't know. It's 20 inches wide and 22 inches tall or whatever it is. And she gave me a, now here's a picture of me looking like the biggest jackoff in the world and I love it. And I realized, well, wait a minute, why does this guy who does not want to celebrate his birthday? Why is he in love with this picture of himself? It's just one or the other. I should hate myself. I should love myself. And then I realized, oh no, that I earned birthday. That was just my dad not pulling out. I got you. It's, it's funny because when you said that I don't like my coworkers, you know, the subordinates pretending to like me, I think that obviously is self deprecating, but I remember, I remember at the man show one year that because you, people may have heard that you prefer pie to cake. It may have come up once or twice on this podcast. Not out loud, but one time, one time instead of cake, there were 25 pies from, uh, from the best pie house in LA and of all manner and everything. And I remember that same, I don't like birthday celebrations either. Like, yay, we got you your favorite. And then you have to be excited. I think it's that you don't like that phony. Hey, thanks everybody. I think that's what you don't like. I hear your blog. People you work with. Yeah. Yeah. No. So I'll tell you the one thing that got me a little bit. You know, I get the calls from the usual suspects and then there's always a few surprise people and a couple of emails and that kind of stuff. And it all feels good. And it's a holiday and people are doing their own thing. And, you know, I don't, I don't keep a tally on how come Damashik didn't call me because I didn't wish Damashik a happy, happy birthday on his birthday and that kind of stuff. It's still coming up in a couple of days. Okay. Matt, don't mark that on the counter. So, um, the one guy, Jimmy Kimmel, I, Jimmy Kimmel's, he is. On top of this stuff. And I was like, it was weird because I felt like a, like a school girl. Like every couple of hours that go back and check the email, it's gotta be an email. It's gotta pop up any second. Twirling your finger around the phone cord. That's right. Uh, no, just, uh, taking the phone off the hook when I went in the shower. Ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify is specially designed to help you start, run and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand, marketing tools that get your products out there, integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time from startups to scale ups online, in person and on the go. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup. So I, uh, Making sure the phone works. Nothing. Yeah. And then, uh, today, of course, uh, the phone call met with the, uh, we're going out for barbecue met with the only the kind of gift that Jimmy Kimmel gives, which is Jimmy puts a ton of thought. You know, for me, I just get everyone beer, the month club or nut of the month club and they're happy. Everyone seems to be happy about it. You get a few new, 12 packs every month or whatever it is. Oh, not Jimmy. Jimmy has that. Jimmy went to the, uh, this, this boutique hotel, which I stayed at in Portland. I guess there's a few of them now called the ace hotel. Got the ace towels, got the ace toiletry bag, got the whole box, comes up the driveway with the stuff that's all says ace on it. Of course, nickname enhancement. I thought, who else, who else, but Jimmy, I went from like this guy to little confused, like did Jimmy screw up and not remember? Is he pissed off about something like what's going on to? Ah, yeah, that's Jimmy. And, uh, then we just, uh, went out and had ourselves, uh, went to, went to Montrose, California. Hmm. Drove out. Where is that? That is a little enclave that's right around La Crescenta and, uh, La Cagnata, where I met Jimmy back in the day. I was living in La Crescenta and, uh, we just had ourselves a, uh, romantic barbecue. It was, uh, it was delectable and, uh, it was nice. Yeah. That Kimmel gives, he is, it's not just, it's not a matter of having a ton of loot. He's, he's, his gifts are always really thoughtful. He's a great gift giver. But did he really buy Jeff Ross that I misunderstand what I saw online, or did he actually buy Jeff Ross for $1.9 million that topless BR, a BR, their painting? People were tweeting me that cause it was on drugs or whatever. Jeff Ross, there's a photograph of him holding, of Ross holding the photograph saying Jimmy Kimmel, most generous guy ever. Did he really spend $1.9 million on a BR for a nudie shot? That's crazy. Um, well first, I know he didn't. Well, no, I don't know anything because I, even though I was thinking about it all, it's still weird wiring. I, I was looking at it all weekend going, what is this? Did he really spend that? Then smash cut through two days later, we're sitting at lunch and it doesn't come up. That's how I was complaining about something. I'm sure it didn't have time. Um, I suspect that, um, although I'm sure he could afford it, I don't know why he would do it and give it to Jeff. That the giving it to Jeff part, Jeff, Jimmy could have bought it. He could have given it to Jeff to take a picture. I don't think it would have given it to Jeff. Yeah, that's his famous joke. I didn't like that he bought it. Before he was probably most famous joke, but, uh, but, but still. Well, he bought it for me. Take those fucking ace towels, shove it up his ass. Does that kind of set him back more than 450 bucks? Max. Max. Yeah, that's weird. Wonder what happened there. All right. Well, I, you know what? Now I'm going to ask him. I will get us an answer. I will, I will, I will get an answer to that. All right. Let's see. Bald Brian over there has got, uh, uh, reading. No, seems to be no, seems to be the, uh, the answer now. All right. Um, can I ask you guys one thing? Tell me if you're like me and, uh, and, uh, and I hope you're not. Um, people give me. People give me CDs of their crappy bands that I've never heard of that they put together on their, on their Mac laptop from their mom's apartment. And then because it's something I can't throw it away. Like I can't hand it back to them. I can't go. Oh no. Take that. I can't just leave it on the table and put my beer down on it because if they find it later, they'll be, I just don't want to do that to someone. So I must receive it. And then once I receive it, because I remember the time when my dad used to go to the North Hollywood library and rent records, I mean, not rent, but check out records, like literally check out vinyl and how he was too cheap to purchase a vinyl. That's an, and I remember when I used to, I was so poor and CDs were, you know, they were 14, 18 bucks and I was making seven bucks, eight bucks an hour. And all like, all I would do is about once a month, I'd buy the best of like I couldn't get into everyone's deep cut speed, best of Steely Dan, best of Chicago, best of whoever. And that was all my first 20 CDs were just the best of. And I also remember the times when I would gather them up and take them back to the record store and the guy'd go, oh, that's 59 cents. That's 89, 89 cents, 59. These were 14. 99. I thought, I, you know, I didn't, I didn't expect 80 cents on the dollar, but how about four or five bucks toward the next divinals over here? And it'd be like, no, 50. So now someone gives me a CD. I don't know what to do with it. So what it does is it floats around my car. I'm not going to listen to it, but I can't chuck it. You have to. So then I then I have to bring it in and try to pass it off to somebody who may be into this imaginary band that no one's ever heard of. It's, it looks like pennies. You're just passing on the burden to someone else. Just throw it out. And I'm trying to hand it to a generation of 26 year olds who don't give a shit about CDs because they don't even have a way to play them. They're not when they were free when they grew up. They had a mobile. But you can't, Allison, just discard them because when that person comes calling, if these people are presumably chumsy yours, what'd you think of the CD? You'll never probably never get, never get to that point because I just hand them to you. All right. Ball Brian, you did yourself a little hangover. Yes, I saw the hangover part three. Yeah, I want to do that. I want to hear about, I want to hear about you. Yeah. For Baldi. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian, will we view the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue before you spend bucks? Remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit. Transformers to her a for Baldi. So far, G.I. Joe is the leader. In your clubhouse. For the summer, yeah, looking back, paint again was kind of fun and oblivion actually may have been the best and oblivion was okay. I thought give it a bit about a B minus. Your unreserved enthusiasm is overwhelming. I got some exciting movies next week from the mind and the mind of M. Night Shyamalan after Earth. Oh, after Earth. Yeah. That Shyamalan? Well, then you know it's a stinker. You know, that's how I've always said. On Terrage, you know that some of the stuff that they, some of their conceits are phony. The guy, the main guy, I haven't seen that show in so long. I can't remember the guy's name anymore, but the star Vinnie Chase Vinnie Chase is his career is over. His Hollywood career is over because he makes one bad movie. M. Night Shyamalan proves that that is absolutely untrue. How many pictures that guy made in a row that are all stinkers? You make one good one. They were from the ass of M. Night. This one's from the mind. He did the first three were from the mind of then then he made seven from the ass of the pain region and now he's gone back to mind. Should have read the final. I don't see his name thrown around anymore. And like I said, more harm than good at this point. But here we go. That's next week. This is the Hangover Part Three in theaters now written and directed by Co-written, directed by Todd Phillips. Well, Hitton misses a director for every old school. There's a due date for every hangover to the Hangover Part Two. So some great comedies. They all agree that old school is great and great. But some misses. This is squarely in the miscategory. Just a disastrous, awful, awful, unfunny movie. Just terrible. Most of the original cast is back plus John Goodman, who, by the way, had a really, really good year last year. He was an Argo. He was in flight. He was in paranormal and three Oscar nominated films for John Goodman. And I don't get just not slow down for his. He was in five movies. He told us. Yeah. Just a sheer mass alone would cause him to slow down. Simple inertia would keep going. That's the laws of gravity and science would suggest that he would slow down with just his tabs on that man. It's sort of sad when they take a movie that has. I mean, I in a way, it's sort of like Namath going to the Rams or OJ going to the 49ers. Just better to go out without it being kind of sad. Like, I know they there's one more chance or two more chances to turn turn a buck on something. But the first one was so well received. We all have such great memories of it. And now we will kind of look back on the franchise at least as a whole as a dud, right? 21 percent of run tomatoes. And I wonder at what point does do franchises start the original good movie start to suffer because the franchise is bad? But I think I think we all look back in the hangovers a good movie. But let me let me ask this. Comes on cable. Is it us or is it them? What I'm saying is when there's a concept that comes out, the concept introduces you to all these characters and you go, oh, man, that's cool. I love that character. And then you have this premise that you may like. And whether it's a shark or Zach Alfonakis or an alien, you have not seen it before. So, you know, the first predator was a fun movie to watch because it was like you were you were going, all right, this thing I did not know about. And the first alien was fun to watch. And there's such a thing as a is a good sequel. But when it comes to just doing a comedy, I wonder like Caddyshack, too, and stuff where they just take the same people and you already know them. And you kind of funny subsection. People always make fun of sequels. And certainly the third neutrility is usually the worst of that. I mean, obviously, there are exceptions that prove the rule. But comedy. So are there ever good sequels in comedy? I like European vacation. Oh, that was the worst of all. That was the worst of all. It's like you're terrible. I'm just saying. Chris, this occasion, though, is it the only one who likes that one? I was everyone. They go as a steaming pile of turds. We are. We have to go when I saw it. I don't want to be. I didn't think about it enough. It's no good. But to your point, though, this movie is kind of like a spin off TV show, because it's all about the Ken Jeong character. Uh huh. What the fuck? I don't care anymore. It's all about his character and his character in the first movie was like, you know, a human or paprika. Yeah, exactly. A little bit goes a long way. This one is just heaps of it. Just throw it in the pot and the whole dish suffers. Yeah. Yeah. I just I wonder almost if it's almost Leslie Chow, if it's impossible to do. Not impossible, but extremely difficult to follow up on a comedy. Like I was trying to watch the second hangover. You try to watch it in a bubble, but you you cannot. Oh, that'd be funny if you fart in that bubble. And I don't know if it would expand or make a bone noise. Like that. Bounce around and bounce around and never get out. There should be a little fart. But what about here's the here's the counter to that. Would you like it if you just like I see? I think if you saw the hangover to right, which everyone said was no good. But if you just saw it, that's a good point. You just want to saw this movie and go, this is a movie called The Hangover. Is that called The Hangover to it's just called The Hangover. And you watched it. I think you'd go. It's pretty crazy out there. Rocking comedy has a pretty good scene. It's not as much a bad movie. Hangover to as it was just the same jokes in a different setting. Right. So 80% is good. But minus you know. But what about here's the here's the answer. Here's the counter to that though is what about sitcoms? If Cheers is funny in season eight, it's a you didn't get tired of that premise. Yeah, I don't I don't have all the answers. I just wonder how much of this thing, whether it's Indiana Jones or it's a shark or it's an alien, how much of it is carried by the newness of just going, you know, like a relationship? You know what I mean? I do. First date. Jesus, man, is she hot? Then the year number 14 of the Loveless marriage. You see what I'm saying? A long time. Well, it was only it was only became loveless about year nine. Oh, I know. But you know what I what I'm saying is you become like like a relationship. You see somebody from across the bar and they they're twice as good looking, ten times as mysterious at a certain point. You walk into the bathroom after they shit it up, you know, and you're like, this is a human being and the blooms off the rose. Now, it's a different relationship you're having with this alien or the shark now. One where you have sex with a TV on. But. It's it's you know it too well. It's too it's too. It's we know all these characters. Everything it was fun. Like the first Indiana Jones. Who is this guy with his whip? This is awesome. Now careful with what you say. These are very I know precious pictures that you apparently assault. You want to know good reason felt great to be introduced to all of these. You're trying to create the experience. It's a parody. Right. You're trying. There's an experience you had the first time you saw a comedy that you really enjoyed and you want to feel that again. And it's very hard to you might create a funny movie or something interesting, but it's hard to recreate a same experience. Right. So if they made a animal house to right. They may have. Or it's it probably did in 1997. Whatever next generation. Would it be any good. Or would we like it. Would it ever work. If you got all the people together and all. No being introduced to Pluto and Flounder and all those guys and you know pledge pin and all that kind of stuff. Just all that Dean the Dean and everything just Dean Warmer. Just a whole thing. You already know him now. Now we have to start. We already know everybody and there's not that no place to go. It's one of the more fascinating things. The repetition. You know, it's like shooting three pointers. You can do it forever. You can't make 100 percent of them. Comedy ace. I hate to be. I hate when there's nothing worse than when people analyze what's funny. But Adam Corolla, Norm MacDonald, Zach Alavanakis, Steve Martin. They all have done things that didn't work. That's right. How is that possible. You think well they're funny so you shoot a camera, put a point of camera. That done and done. And yet it remains this nuanced thing. No one can crack with any regularity or with any, you know, 100 percent at least. Two of those four people are filthy rich. One of them is crazy and doesn't care. And then there's me. Wow. You have to sit down and think that. Think about that later. Please think about that. Hi Brian. In the theater I was in, a third of the audience walked out halfway through. Oh wow. There are three people in the audience. One guy walked out. Really? Yeah. No, I got halfway through. Not as good. Not quite as good now, but still it's true. But here's what I do. I was driving back from Palm Springs today, what squeezed in a movie just so I could talk about it on today's show. A terrible movie at that. So committed to a strapped. All right. Let's bring home. I squeezed in a movie. Terrible. Next week. Just so he could talk about it. I know. It was tough. Listen. How does my back at Palm Springs? Oh, you know, you have kids one day and they start complaining. One day when we were driving the diesel Jetta back from the Springers. That's right. That's right. Daddy's squozed. Squeezed in a movie. Squeezed in a movie. Under 25% of rotten tomatoes. By the way, just so we could talk about it on an air conditioned podcast too. You're a dancer. Don't give me crap about walking. How many of those words would make sense to my kids? 10 years from now. Terrible movie next week. After Earth. All right. Hooray for Bounty Woods. Let me pay a compliment to the blacks. I was looking. It's rare. So sit up. Sit up. I was looking at the after Earth billboard was driving around. I love when they do that thing where they go, this is Earth. A thousand years from now. And all that good stuff. But I was looking at the billboard and I was looking at James Smith, who I just assume I will hate one day. I just assume I'll hate that. And then I was taking a look at Will Smith. And I know these are just pictures from the whatever. And I really will Smith looks about 15 years older than his son. I mean, will what is Will Smith? Forty four, 40, five. I don't know. Forty three. Well, to find out what it is, but he's even older than that. I was looking at this picture. You talk about black not cracking. He's 44. I was just looking at his picture. It wasn't this picture. It was one where they had his face all the way to the right and Jaden's face all the way to the left. And they both just half their faces were on the billboard. And it was just because it was a billboard. Unless I'm sure it's been airbrushed and whatever. But Will Smith looks like a teenager almost. He looked like he's a little bit older than his teenage son. Fresh prince. Yes. Unbelievable. All right, man, great baby. Oh, Father's Day. That's another thing I did this weekend. I got my birthday and Memorial Day mixed up with Father's Day. I told my daughter she had to be nice to me because tomorrow is Father's Day and she had to correct me. I got to start following that calendar thing, man. Father's Day, baby. Man great. Perfect gift for Dad. Get Will Smith that. He can afford it. I'm sure he can afford three of them. Maybe more. But can you afford not to have one? I don't think so. He's probably doing a lot of grilling. There's a restaurant left on Earth. He's coming out of a wild game. That's right. You got to grill to survive. 100% Made America, 100% cast iron, 100% steakhouse quality grilling in your own backyard. Or as I always say, if you're insane, someone else's yard. Someone you don't know. Named best grilling accessory by Men's Health Magazine. No more flare ups. No more dry meat. Guaranteed. Plus the chicken and the veggies are going to taste great. 1999 Father's Day special. Go to mangreat.com. Enter the code ACE and click on the man great banner at Adam Crowell. Just for my listeners, you get the custom heavy duty grilling brush. Man great, baby. All right, Dave Damashek, we got a little sports for you. I believe we do. Hit it, bald. It's time for Dave Damashek's number one sports. Number one sports. Do it, Dave. As we've been discussing, NBA playoffs and Stanley Cup playoffs are underway. To update you on the scores this evening would be outdated by when you're listening to this tomorrow. So I won't bother with that. I will tell you in the Stanley Cup playoffs in the Wales Conference finals, I don't acknowledge the current Eastern Conference. That's Hockham. It's the Wales Conference in the finals. My Pittsburgh Penguins against Sported Savings and Boston Bruins. We're going to take you out. Oh, no. You're going to whip your team with a real deal in black and gold and so on. I'm anxious for this. What should we bet, Ace? Well, don't. Well, don't. $12,000. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Like, that thing where the two mayors do the, well, you can get the Pippin' Apples and then we'll send over one of our hams that we're known for. First off, there's no skin in the game when you're sending over a local pie and then you're sending over, I want some fisting, some dry fisting or sex with the other one's wife or something. Or cutting off a thumb. Yes. That would be interesting. A consequence. Yeah, because all they do is they take a local whoever. There's eight tons of fro-yo. Yeah. Their finest fro-yo. Yeah, and then it's whatever you're known for with New York, it's always bagels and something else and then it's lobster if you're, you know, on that coast and you say. I'll send you some New England clam chowder. You send me a primannis fries and coleslaw that the ace man loves and I'll split it with him when we're watching the movie for the fourth time. And they never get to the. That's if you were in a sixth. First off, why is this news? Why is this news? And then you never see the payoff. What I want is like a serious, I get to take a wiffle ball bat and hit you as hard as I want your belly. You got to pull your. Two mayors doing that. You have to hold. You're sure it up with your teeth. You hold your shirt up with your teeth and I get to just whack you as hard as I can. Yeah, one shot. I've been to that. Yeah. And on air, on air. Mayor Brenda Walters took. That's right. To receive what she had coming to her. No, but first off, it's unclear whether the apples ever even arrived. They don't ever cover that part. Yeah, you wonder, does anybody, there's some cheap, cheapskate marriage is really, I don't really expect this and just goes on. But if you did get whatever the, you know, Philly cheesesteak could probably come with a snot rocket in it. Yeah. You know, especially if it's a bad call that costs you, you know, the Stanley Cup or whatever it was, but either way. All right, so it'll be your, your. Yeah, Bruins. Bruins. Penguins. We'll see if it's the Kings or the Blackhawks or the Red Wings that that they'll meet in the finals. I feel, I feel surprisingly confident. I don't usually, I feel very pessimistic about my teams. I feel like the Penguins matchup is good. Let me ask this about a. I disagree. What about the Bruins? Is a Bruin every bear? Yeah. No, I don't know. Is it straight synonym for bear? I don't think so. I assume a Bruin is a type of bear. But now here's the thing. It's not a type of bear because it's a lot of different bears. Just a brown bear, just garden variety bear. Right. Because it's not, here's the thing. You wouldn't call a polar bear a Bruin. It's just a Bruin. It's just a brown bear. In the olden times maybe you would. It's a type of brown bear. All right. That's interesting. It's from the Dutch Bruin, meaning brown. A Bruin, like a Bruin. Okay, brown. It's a brown bear. It does remind me though, Ace, something that apparently went over based on the Twitter response that I received over the last several days. People enjoyed when I listed my favorite NHL hockey player names on the podcast last week. So listen, and a lot of people felt that there were some egregious omissions. So I'll try to rectify that. I'll see. Let's see if some of these, we'll start with those Boston Bruins. Just to show, I'm not going to turn my nose up. Hold on. Speaking of rectify, we'll do the behind the candle lab review after this. Oh good. How about this? Original 16 Boston Bruins. Here's one of the great names in the NHL today. Milan Lucic. Lucic. Lucic. Oh, I love it. I love it. There's also, there's Rattak Bonk. Yeah. There's Hock and Lube. Oh. Really? Hock and Lube. Wow. Ew. There's Ruslan Fetitenko. Hold on. Hock and Lube might be a morning team out of the Fresno area. Hey, I'm Hock. That's Lube over there. Hock and Lube in the morning. 7.23, 23 after the hour. That is 37 away from the top of the hour. Of course, we've got news, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, news, weather, sports coming up. Traffic, look out. We've got Mattress and Lanez. Let's go up to Chet Wheeler. And he's driving the Stator Brothers. There's a Chet Copter 5. Chet, what have you got up there? Chet. Oh. Chet. Hock and Lube. Chet. Chet, what's going on in those lanes out there? Is it slowing going on the 405? Hock and Lube. Whoa, this is just coming in. Wine gardens checking in 72 degrees. Redlands 72 degrees. Duarte 72 degrees. Commerce 72 degrees. Irvine 70 degrees. Santa Ana 72 degrees. Santa Rosa 70 degrees. Thousand Oaks 72 degrees. Kanoga Park 72. Diamond Bar checking in 72. I like the fact that they checking in. They're checking in. Should we call Hock and Lube and tell them how hot it is outside? They must appoint the ambassador to phone the television. This just in Flint Ridge in Lock and Yacht area where Kimmel Corolla ate some lovely brisket today. Checking in 72 degrees. Diamond Bar 72 degrees. Conten 72 degrees. Glendale 71. No, check that. 72 degrees. Check it in. We got mattress and lanes. We got traffic weather sports, weather traffic, surf report, traffic weather news and traffic coming in the top quarter and 8th, 1632nd, 64th of the hour. All right, now it's back to sports with Hock and Lube and Dave Damsay. Hold on a second. Get down to kick sludge in the nuts. He's down at the Duarte Ikea. Go down there. He's with the party patrols. He's giving out the beer coups. He's got there and find that big turd and just kick him in the nuts. He's so fat. He's such a fat slob. Oh, he's so fat. Oh, he's so fat. He's so stupid and fat. Sludge is out there. He's so fat. I think he's retarded. He's fat. He's dumb and fat. So just kick him in the nuts. Because that's what a fat dumb guy needs to go down there. We'll have the sludge and the Lube ads. No, wait a minute. Lube it. I can't forget the name of the morning show. Hock and Lube ads will be down there. They'll be wearing the two pieces. They're standing next to sludge. Kick that big fat guy in the nuts for me. Would you go ahead and kick away. Get your beer for your cruising. News traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, weather news, checking in top of the hour. All right, now back to sports with Dave Damsay. Dave, poor tad. Now, listen, here's something else that's going on. So we'll continue with that, naming hockey players as much as Ace wants to hear about it and you out there tweet me about it if you like it. It's funny too. Because I'll give you another one. Here's a pair of brothers. Saku Koivu. Miko Koivu. I like when you say Ricky Tiki Tavi. Well, that's one of the scariest things. You talk about scared as a child and you look back as an adult. I'm now humiliated. But when I was a kid, boy, that one. Remember Ricky Tiki Tavu? He was a little weasel guy. What was he? He wasn't a weasel. Was he a mongoose? Yeah, he was a mongoose. Yeah. And the cobra. What was his name? Ricky Tiki Tavu. He would protect the family, protected the little boy. And those cobras would come to get him. Who has cobras roaming around their yard like that? Not when you have a mongoose. Yeah, and the mongoose is there. The cobras are always speaking a real creepy tone. We're going to bite the little boy and kill him and Ricky Tiki Tavu would swoop in, capeless. Let me say this. If I were a mongoose and I was at the mongoose convention and like, what shall we eat? I'd be like, I don't know, brisket chicken? Thinking cobras. I'd be like, maybe we shouldn't go after the most venomous snake on the planet. Why don't we just take like garden snakes or just, you know, basic, basic snake, you know, non venomous. We can avoid snakes altogether. Just throw it out there. Just making a hell of a point right now. For example, frogs, birds. That's right. A lot of amphibious animals out there. Listen to check. I think he's on to something. We don't have to eat snakes at all. Much less the scariest one on the planet. Who decided that the scariest, it just be like saying, you know, all I want to do is eat great white shark. And I'd say, how about some sea bass? No, we want great white shark. Yeah. But why monkey with something that could kill a horse? And we've pretty much signed off on it. There's so many. They've got all the vegetables in the garden over there. They got the big fat mice running around in there. We could eat those. Mongoose proposes they go vegetarian. Why not? Just go. No, no, I'm saying like a master cleanse. Give it like 10 days. Pepper and lemon juice. My sister to that lost like eight ounces. You know how toxic, you know, a cobra, they're filled with toxins. They shoot toxins. They literally have poison in their body. Of course, you're going to feel a little sluggish. Raisa paw. Who feels a little tired about two in the afternoon? You feel like taking a nap? That's all the cobra poison in your body. If maybe four or five of us went out as a group, I bet you we could take down one of those sheep. I've never seen that thing. There's tons of meat. Lots of meat. That's right. Doesn't poison the sheep. Yeah, they don't have fangs. They don't shoot poison out of their fangs. Let's get off this old cobra thing. This is one of your keener ideas. Let's move forward. I think you need to call a meeting among the mongoose community. What's the argument for cobra? Is it like they've had a taste of cobra? I think it's the guys who want to try to scrap with Mike Tyson at a local bar. Like you go. Like mongoose are all on Red Bull. Yeah, my thing is let's find the guy in the wheelchair with the skinniest arms and fuck with him, not find the champ. You know what I mean? But they're guys who go, I'm going to give the champ. I'm going to try to champ. That's a weird thing, though. It's not just the cobra thing. There's something about the food thing of eating those exotic meats. Oh, like fugu, the blowfish that Mike killed. Oh, animal, the hot new restaurant in LA. It has camel hump. Oh, we got to try that. Wait, what if Ricky... Oh, the hump is the best part. What if Ricky Tiki Taboo ate... Who what? Foo? Foo-boo? Fugu. Fugu. This one's a black clothing line. I'm Ricky Tiki Taboo and my favorite meal is, what is it called? Fugu. Fugu with a dessert called delicious roku. Terimasu. Ooh, la la. Ooh, you have terimasu? All right. Shall we do the creep of the week? Let's do it, but I do want to say something very quickly, Ace, because this is something that you enjoy football, especially the Rams, and you enjoy cars, so I wanted to get your reaction to this. Fairly big story. In Calabasas today, Eric Dickerson, of course the LA Rams great running back, tweets out, I live in Calabasas and Justin Bieber needs to slow his ass down. Yeah. I heard that he was, well, here's a couple things. And then Kishan Johnson also passes him and he goes to Justin Bieber's house and says, you have to slow down. So Kishan Johnson and Eric Dickerson are yelling at Justin Bieber. Yeah. That's very funny. Anyway. Is he Canadian? Yes. He has to be confused by all the black rich people. He should be. I thought the triple gated community was, all right, anyway. So I like two things. As someone who likes fast cars, understand you want to just open them up all the time. You just want to do that punch. You just want to punch it, especially when you're fucking 16. What does he have? Half a pew. Please, 19. So you just want to, there's a couple things. Remember when you had the 15 minutes of fame? Remember the 15 minutes of fame? Like we would be talking about the Kardashians and go, hey, enjoy it while it lasts. Well, no, she just made $61 million last year. Oh, you remember when 15 minutes of fame actually existed as a thing? Yes. As a person now where you're just famous forever. Every single boy band, every, you know, Britney Spears, they would all just be passing through. And we could all have that moment where, OK, they're knowing now, but we can enjoy watching them doing porn four years from now or on one of Dr. Drew's many shows or something, something, something. These people are now hanging around. Yeah. Like these Kardashians, we should have cycled through the Kardashian thing. That should have taken nine months. We did that with Kaja Goo Goo. I just did that to bring one of the greatest goal tenors ever played. The mountain. All right. Now, yes, hush hush. Now, these people are hanging around and I don't know. Maybe they have talent, but even even now, I just wonder. So I'm with the he's a kid. He wants to open his car. But I'm also with the your parent, your walk in your dog and your kids down the sidewalk and this guy winds up a Ferrari, a Italian or whatever it is, Italia 458 and just opens it up. So I get that part. It is one of these things where you do you have officially become old when you're yelling slow down to rich people in your neighborhood. But I understand and I get it. And I like that he hit himself in the house. And Dickerson of Pony Express fame is one of these guys who got, I think, a trans am in high school. So I hope that's a funny irony. I didn't think of when he was based on SMU was basically paying him to come to their college. They sent over like a gold trans am, you know, low profile kind of move for him and his mom. It was like it is grandma's name or something like that. And if if if Bebe's is smart, he'll fire back with some reference to the Pony Express and him getting a free free car out of high school. I don't think he probably goes back that far. I'm sure he also is up to speed on his football because and he could crack back like, well, if you were as fast as Darryl Green, you could have caught up for me but from behind. But of course, that's a nerdy football reference and only I really yes. Yes. There is. Look at that. No, no, no white flag there. And I mean, I had no red flag there for anybody. Yeah. He's just an 18 year old kid driving around the gold TA around the campus of SMU. You know, he lived on a huge house up on the hill. That house was worth more than the car he was living in it. I mean, the house that he was living in at the time. So there should have been a little red flag. I there was a good the eighties were a simpler time. Late seventies, early eighties, just a just a simpler time. As I always say, the best time, which is pre AIDS, mid Coke. Nobody. People are too busy fucking and getting high to ask questions. The needle. Reading the needle. That gets me excited. Let's get to it quickly here. Bald Brian. Let's get to. Oh, I'm sorry, Allison. I interrupted you and I could tell you were upset. I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, I was just saying what Adam was saying is getting me excited for his behind the Candelabra review. But I want to hear. I get it. No. All right, we'll do it then. I want to hear this. All right. Hit it. Bald. Crape, Crape, Crape of the week of the week. He or she is the creep of the week. Well, I had one in mind, but I have to take a quick detour now. Allison Rosen, I don't know why. I don't what what what's with the stink I am trying to get through this. I have a couple of minutes each week and all I get from you is I can't wait to hear you talk some more. Adam Corolla, you know, I don't like that. Taste the blaster. See how you like this jerk. That was a nice. I just want you to kill this. I know you may not. And I was. I would drop it. All right. The good doctor is waiting to come in. Let's get to it quickly then. I was at these commercials. I didn't realize and it's funny because the good doctor who we see in every airline magazine for his remarkable physical transformation, he dropped all that weight. He's now muscle bound. This is one of those things. And then when you flip through the magazine more, it's filled with dating websites, ways to go on dates, always all these things. Everybody's looking for someone else and match.com is successful. And then they break it out into subsections. J date. And then there's something called find black singles, which I find a little offensive. I feel like that's not an appropriate name, but the worst of them all Christian mingle dot com. It says find God's match for you. Find God's match for you. So God is getting involved here. He is actually setting you up. Jesus is getting involved in who you go out with. And it occurs to me if you are a devout enough person that you're going for the help at Christian mingle dot com, you can't really say no. But I assume they don't have 100% success rate. I assume everybody who goes to Christian mingle dot com doesn't marry the person that they first get set up with, right? And this seems like you lack some faith. And I think that's bad behavior. You can't say no. You don't. God's supposed to be doing the matchmaking. Right. Why do you have to go online if God is finding the match for you? You know, number one, bring you to the keyboard. Yes. And number two, yeah, I, I, I, it's very funny because I'm sure there's a lot of people that see people's headshots and they look fantastic and they're 12 years old and then they arrange a date and then they notice they have a fat ass and then they're like, you know what, I talked to God in the bathroom. He said, nah, so to keep moving. Well, that's exactly right. What is, what is the premise of a website in which Jesus has played matchmaker? You're kind of put in a real tough pickle. If you're not into the girl, bald Brian, let's do a reenactment. Play it up. Ace, you be Jesus Christ. I will be a dissatisfied customer. I am going to be a dissatisfied customer blowing in a call to you to render my, my, not complain. I always let it ring three times because I don't want to think I'm desperate. You know, you don't want God doesn't pick up. Hello. Who's this God? It's busy after all. No caller ID. So I do the thing, you know, hello. I don't commit. Hello. Yeah. Calling for Jesus. Who's calling? My name's Gail. You probably recognize the name. You set me up on a blind date a couple of days ago. Oh, right, right, right. Girl named Chastity. Yeah. Oh, TGI Fridays with the coupon. Yeah. Yeah. I figured you'd be up to speed. Nice. Nice. Nice. My son should arrest it on the day you're born. Well, that's one of those things like they say. Yeah. And that's a subjective sort of thing. And that's kind of the reason for my call. I'm a big fan of your work. I think you have the half off the entrees before 5 p.m. on the first date with the coupon. Well, I'm impotent, you know. I'm aware that you may have some notes for me and I'm interested in your inputs and your input. But really, the issue is, you know, I just don't know offense Jesus, but she wasn't for me. I just don't think it's a match. I just I just wanted to. I thought that I put all my faith in you. Obviously, I've given my life over to you. Hold on a second. I'm right in the middle trying to get Dean Cook his career back. I mean, I really I really am looking for love. That's a head scratcher. So you're what? I really am. You want money back? No, no, no. I just wanted the sort of I don't want to complain. I don't want to sound that way. But I'm grateful. I just wanted to let you know that maybe we could try again because I really wasn't in to Chaston. Yeah, I just was was that her name? Yeah, is that the bono kid? I think it no, it was not because I didn't believe me. Jesus, you know, and I would never be that sort of guy. We're gonna have a team meeting on that one. Yeah. Yeah. I think the one you're talking about has a way. But I don't want to talk about it. Well, first off, watch your language. I had to tell everyone, pull up a cloud. We really got to talk this one out when it came to Chaspon. I mean, that was we were burning the midnight oil. You know, most people use this line to beg for the life of their five year old with a tumor, not to bitch about what, you know, Jada, Scrooge, 88 Christian singles or whatever it is, you know, they do this kind of thing when an airplane is plummeting toward a volcano. You know, that's when the phone rings. I get a lot of screaming and a lot of apologies. I don't get a lot of bitching. You know, it's not a, I do go to church. Yeah. I'm not shut McElvane, the consumer hotline. Google that shit, bitch. Wow. Jesus. Jesus digging deep. I'm sorry. The guy was, you know, he looked up consumer fraud. He lived on the earth. Don't be upset. I think it was in North America. I got to put a beacon on him. You know, yeah, don't be upset with me. I'm just trying to tell you that maybe obviously I'm irritable. First off, I was eating. All right. But that being said, I know what I have. What's that angel hair pasta? Usually gets a laugh. I think that's funny. I thought it gets a laugh. It always gets a laugh. And what about for dessert? Here we go. Let's see. Let me guess. Balance it out with some devil's food. Oh, that's got an angel food. But yeah, that's funny. Devil's food. I'm going to write that down. All right. So anyway, normally people make this call when they're either on fire or they're kid as a tumor or the plane is plummeting toward the earth. I want a woman. All right. Just chastity wasn't it? I'm ready to share my life with someone. I want to build a family. Okay. This topsy-turvy world. I don't know what's going on. Let me tell you about family. Gay basketball players. Hold on. I don't know. Listen, they're all my creatures and my sons. And by the way, you can't have a family. Yeah. Why? Your sheets no good. I just deactivated it. I mean, because of this phone? Because I want a bunch of you guys ringing my phone. Little use ringing my phone off the hook. Well, that seems like a good one. Hey, can we get one of those Barbie Corvettes? Like, come on. This is for dying kids. I thought the Jews God was the vengeful one. No. Just listen. There's seeds no good. So the good news is you don't need a condom. The bad news is there can be no offspring. I got to get back to Cook's career here. This is a head scratch. Fine. I just wanted to let you know that if maybe you see fit down the line to try and set me up again, because I would be interested to know who God's choice is for me. Can she have bigger tits? Yeah. Okay. Listen, I'm hanging up. There's tsunamis. We got tornadoes. I'm cooking up over here. We got all sorts of stuff. All right. I'll let you go. Hey, Jesus, one more question. Yeah. Want to have a catch? Thank you. That's powerful. It's good stuff. This has been a wonderful reenactment. I just want to say Adam Corolla. Was I nervous to work with Adam Corolla, the great Adam Corolla to take the stage with him? Sure, I was. But he is so generous as a performer. He creates a playground. And that's why I got into acting. The craft is so exhilarating when someone else is taking chances. I'm courageous. He's just brave. All right. Bring it home, because that's it. Dr. Jeffery's going to break in half. These people lacking in faith, they don't take Jesus as set up. What are you doing? They don't go on Christian Mangle. In the meantime, feel this. Forget the nails and all that stuff. I was going to say crucifixion. I don't know. That seemed too harsh. But nails and maybe hindsight, that's even worse. But anyway, either way, taste the blaster. You're the creeps of the week. All right. Before the good dot comes in, bid pit dot com, the ultimate shopping experience. You can lock horns with fellow bidders without leaving the couch. And that's my whole thing. I like the horn locking. I don't like the getting up off the sofa. Horn lock, yes. So for sofa leave, no popular brands up to 90% off retail. You can get iPad mini for as little as $13.82. Beads by Dr. Dre. They got the headphones on there for four bucks in change. If you win, you want to have fun bid pit dot com. They have pit stop auctions. They got hidden bonus games. You can spin the wheel and win. You can do your own auctions on there. And they got 25 free bids. Just go to bid pit dot com slash Adam and you'll get the 25 free bids. You got to use promo code Adam. Offer only available for the first 300 people and let the fun begin. 25 free bids at bid pit dot com slash Adam. All right. The great Dave Damashik. Dave Damashik football program. You can get on iTunes and you can tweet him at Damashik. Dave Damashik dot NFL dot com. The doctor mastering the life plan. Happy belated birthday, Ace. Thank you, Dr. Jeffrey. Life in next. There was never one greater than Ace on justice world or in outer space. And his birthday today. So I just called to say, hey, you deliver with such style and grace. Try Evoise free for 30 days. Go to Evoise dot com and use the promo code Adam or click the Evoise banner at Adam Corolla dot com. This poem sucks. Well it's perfect because I just turned 49 and I'm feeling old. Dr. Jeffrey life mastering the life plan available on Amazon. You know what to do. You go to AdamCurl dot com. You click on the Amazon banner. You buy the book and we get to wet our beaks. Good to see you, doctor. Thank you, Adam. Lean up a little bit or pull that mic up to the super cooler there if you would. So how old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm 74. I'll be 75 pretty soon. I'm reading here that your story was at, let's see, you were how old when you realized you were fat and old. About 58, 59. And this all this diet and exercise. I mean a couple things. What is like what is the most important thing you think somebody can do when it comes to longevity, physical fitness, that kind of thing? Well there's not one one thing. It's a combination of things. But I would say. I would say eating the right kinds of food, drinking the right kinds of liquids and doing the right kind of exercise. What is the thing that we're doing that we don't know we're doing? Like for instance I wish you start eating a ton of fruit would be good but I didn't realize how fat you get eating a ton of fruit. But it's like oh it's nature, it's healthy, it's fruits and vegetables. But picking out on fruit probably not a good thing, right? No, not a good thing. Because you need protein with each meal and you need to avoid foods that jack up your blood sugar. Some fruits do that. And you need to watch the carbohydrates that do that as well. Can we eat some carbohydrates? Because I feel I'm so, I'm thinking about taking my own life because I love pasta and I love carbs and all of a sudden we went from, I remember back when they were saying carb low. You are taking your own life by eating that at them. Now I can't eat the carbs or I'm not supposed to eat the carbs. I didn't make the rules but that's true. If you eat carbs, if you eat pasta that is processed you're going to spike your blood sugars. You're going to end up with insulin resistance and glucose intolerance. What is your, walk us through what would be a good breakfast, lunch and dinner for you? Well I don't eat three meals. I eat four or five small meals a day. Oh really? Because I'm missing some meals buddy. You may have taken a few. You need to go up to four or five small meals a day. Four or five small ones, yeah. And you need to make sure you don't eat the following. Potatoes, rice, pasta, breakfast cereals, tropical fruits, fruit juices. These all spike your blood sugar. That's the other thing I never figured out. Like everyone's like I'll have a glass of orange juice with your breakfast. It's healthy orange juice. It's filled with vitamin C. They're trying to kill you. Yes, it's more, well I don't know if it's not the same as Coca-Cola but calorically it's greater right? Oh yeah, I mean your blood sugar will go up with orange juice just as much as a wood with coke. What would your ideal, let's say what would you start with? Meal number one. Meal number one, I have a shake after I work out a protein shake. After you work out. After I work out. But that might not be the best thing. But shouldn't you eat before you work out? I think that's what I recommend that most of my patients eat before you work out. With a protein shake. And that's the only time I allow a half a banana which is a high glycemic fruit. And that's the only time because you need that when you're working out to drive amino acids into your muscles. So you do the protein shake first. And second meal. Second meal is like fish or chicken and vegetables. And maybe a yam. A yam. That's a weird one. Yams are very strange because they taste like they would really be sweet. Yeah, let me tell you something. My stepdad, he loves sweet potatoes. Now he's just trying to piss me off. He loves a sweet potato. He hates a yam. How can that be? It's like saying, I love curly. I hate metal arc. That's a close reference. Well, that one's a little bigger version of the same dude. Like what yam is just more sweet potato. Right. Right. It's more of a. It's very complicated. He told me. I think is orange and sweet potatoes. White. Yeah, except for that's not white white. It's kind of it's if a yam raped a russet, like if they went to potato prison, right? And they have a little tot would be the four off. And don't blame the tot. No, no, no. That's society's problem. We have to raise that. Right. Courage to raise a. But I'm like leader of the prison yard for yam. And sweet potatoes. Oh, I think the Yukon the squash squash. The guards. I think if you if you like a sweet potato, why don't you like a yam? It's more sweet potato. That would be my question. I he's. I don't trust him. Not well. Did you ever test him and right makes it to and having tried on my list. It's on my list. They bring a little fingerlings for scared straight. That's right. John, I'm going to need you to put this blindfold on. Don't ask questions. I hope you're hungry and open your mouth and open your mouth. That's right. So so yam. So so second meal, second meal, like a chicken breast or salmon. Some vegetables are fine. Most all of them. Where are we with the red meat? Red meat. You know, if you know you have a family history of heart disease or you know yourself, you have problems with your cholesterol and you're at risk for vascular disease, you should be very careful with red meat. But if not, but if not protein, go for it. Third meal. Pretty much the same as the second meal. More yams. Well, brown rice. Well, there's your carb. Yeah, I feel like I could do with brown rice, although I'm a pus and I get the white and I shouldn't because the brown is not bad. No, the white just spikes your it's processed. You see, it spikes your blood sugar up and then your insulin goes up and then you you spin your day like most Americans with elevated insulin levels. And when you have elevated insulin levels, you cannot metabolize fat, your body fat. Yeah, I'm such a pus. You know, my birthday was Monday. So my sister brought over an ice cream cake. Sure, there's a chapter on that. And especially eating. It's weird to eat when you're 49 ice cream cake, you know, I ate that. I drank all day. I had a bunch of junk and I woke up this morning. I announced no more crap. And then Jimmy called me 20 minutes later and said, when he barbecue, I said, let's do it, buddy. And then we're eating barbecue for an hour and a half after that. That's my will power of zero. Well, zero will power. So all right, fourth meal. Fourth meal can be yams. No, I'd say this time we'll go with broccoli and another salmon or tuna. Do we got a good fish? Yeah, we feel like the salmon and the tuna are the ones that are getting it all the time. Oh, there are a lot of other fish that are good. They're all fine. Yeah, they're pretty much all fine. And you want to avoid? Well, if you're a young woman that's pregnant, you do not want to eat fish that could have high mercury levels. What about the farmed fish? Did everyone is freaked out about farmed fish, but I can't figure out what's going on with farmed fish. Well, they're supposedly not as good, you know, that they are not fed natural foods. And so I tend to stay away from farm raised salmon. And you have to ask at a restaurant. Oh, yeah, because they want to. And then and then dinner. You know, like maybe a small piece of red meat. Now we're talking how many ounces of small about five ounces. Yeah, it's this thing. It's this crazy thing because I don't know what to do about it. But the first part of my life, I spent just forging for food. Now I have money. I can eat whatever I want. And now it's this whole battle of not eating what I want to eat. And it's this weird position and a weird way I liked it better when I was just a starving artist, like literally because I wish our appetites would catch up to our bodies and the world we're living in now because we still have appetites as if we're cave people. Yes, that's an exaggeration, but to a degree. But our metabolisms are like we don't need any more food for the rest of our lives. Right, because we're not doing anything. Yeah, sitting in a car that drives itself, answering a text using our, you know. Now, if you combine not so good eating with a really good exercise program, you can get away with it. What do you think of steroids? I think steroids. When we are, are you talking about testosterone? Well, I'm just talking about, I don't know, when people say the use of steroids. Well, I mean, I use testosterone. Most of my patients are on testosterone because they're men that have our experiencing under pause. This happens at about age 47 testosterone starts to go down. And that's why they come see me because they've lost energy. Their erectile performance is compromised. Sexual function is not so good. Well, how are you going to find, I mean, hypothetically, you know, with the, with the erection not functioning the way. Feel about those guys. All right. Yeah. This is the losers. Saps and suckers. Got an email on the back of the book. Anyway, these guys are suckers. Yeah. So if the dingleings not working too good, the loss of libido. They're lame as terms, Adam. So that, that happens when testosterone levels decline. And so typically my male patients come to me, they say because their energy is not what it used to be. But what they mean is their dingleings not working. The dingleings just not up to. Snuff. It's performance that it was five years ago. Uh-huh. So I get that out. They tell me that. Now, what do you give them? Do you give them a patch? No, I'm getting big. It's a shot. I'm big on shots. One shot a week. One shot a week. And, and where's it come from? You synthesize it. It's pretty much synthesized. So it's as close to bio identical as, as we can get. And that's what I've been on personally for 10 years. And my patients do really well on it. Well, you know, again, we'll do this sort of blanket. Thing and just say steroids. But, you know, people are talking about, you know, uh, Lyle Alzato is dead because of steroids. I was like, well, listen, first off, people get cancer. They get tumors. Brian has a brain tumor over here. Lyle Alzato had a brain tumor. You weren't choosing all through high school in your early years with the raiders and stealers, right? Junior senior. Denver and yeah. So this notion that where you go, oh, I got sick. And then you go, it's cause I live too close to the power lines. Like, well, people just get sick. Yeah. Number, number one, you can't blame it on something. Number two, having a bunch of 74 year old, is it 74? Yeah. 74 year old guys that are built like brick shithouses. How bad can that be? Like people go, oh, testosterone is going to get you. Right. But you can beat a 24 year old Marine in a foot race and an arm wrestle. What are we talking about here? Like if it's making you that much stronger, what are we talking about? Well, it not only makes, keeps people from losing muscle as they age, makes people stronger, but it makes them healthier. It reduces their risk for heart disease. It reduces their risk for prostate cancer. And it basically, basically, don't let me put this in your mouth here. I mean words. We don't, we as a, as a guys, you know, once you hit 30 something, you start going down the other side of the hill over there and you stop producing as much testosterone and basically what you're doing is you're putting it back into it. That's right. But it makes you angry. Look how angry he is. Yeah. It's so rageful. And, and we're, we're, and then I guess my only philosophical argument is a sort of free lunch in nature that you're monkeying with whatever the cycle. And I guess it's a death cycle, but it's the cycle. We don't need to reproduce anymore. We don't need to fight anymore. We barely need to screw anymore. We just need to sort of cycle down. Shrubble up and die. That's right. Like our dads did. Yeah. Yeah. My dad's doing it as we speak. I was asking him for 75 years. I started triveling in high school. And the thing is we treat coronary artery disease. We put stents in. We do bypass surgery. Well, that's, that's the thing I was yelling at, at somebody the other day when we're talking about playing God, like there's all these people that are freaked out about, you know, cloning and all that kind of stuff and playing God. Or antibiotics. Well, I used it the other way. The people that are freaked out over like, let's say genetic food, monkeying with food, screwing with strains that are, you know, impervious. Yeah, to, to, to a certain vermin or whatever. Um, but those same people are not into that are all for like stem cell research, which is one more just I'm for everything. Don't get me wrong, but that's one more just, Hey, I don't like this science. I do agree with that science. There's a right version, a left version. It's like science is science. Let's see what works here. And people are going to die along the way, but people are dying anyway. And now they look good when they die. You're going to look fantastic. The neat thing is that the better I have looked over the last 10 years, the healthier I have become. I mean, it was a type two diabetic when I started all this and I had coronary artery disease that has all gone away. Not the coronary artery disease, but it's, I stopped it. I was listening to some fitness model discuss this on the radio the other day. And he said that half hour a day in the gym was all you needed. No, I totally disagree. You disagree. I spend, I spend four mornings a week, four or five in the gym, lifting weights with a trainer, my trainer that I've had for about six years, Rod Stanley. And it's a good trainer name. Yeah, it is. And this is really, really a key to how long you in the gym for an hour and 10 minutes. And then I spend four hours a week riding my exercise bike four times a week for about 50 minutes each time. And then I do Pilates because I, three years ago, I realized I was really stiff and yeah, stooped over. And so I hired a Pilates instructor. Her name is Shane. Take this in the spirits and it's intended, but is there anyone who thinks you become more of an asshole now that you become super healthy though? No. Really? The spirit which is. I'm just saying you spend so much time in the gym. You must make people around you who are not as healthy feel bad. You make people who are by the pool who are in their 30s feel like shit. Right? I'm sure I piss off a lot of people. Yeah. Look at the cover of the book. I'm angry. I'm livid. I'm not going to say anything about it, but I'm just livid because. Healthier than your in better shape than all of us. The doctor's jacked. I want this testosterone. Now how much does it cost? Does insurance cover this testosterone? Well, not through the clinic that I work with. We do not take insurance. But you know, you can get a doctor that knows what he or she's doing to prescribe. To prescribe. I'm just going to say that. Women can become doctors now, Adam. I've seen it. Not just gynecologists. Spill the time machine and kill Hitler's mom. Maybe you ride a unicorn over to her office. That's right. Yeah, we do that. Yeah. So, um, but it's not expensive. It's not expensive. All right. You know, I talk about it on my website. I'll give that website out right now. It's doctor life.com. I just DRL if he. Ah, yes, D. Are you there? Dot com. Should we do a little news doc? You want to hang out and crack wise? Gary, start the clock there. Would you? Buddy. Yeah. Let me give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. Legal zoom, baby. America built by innovators. People like Edison, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs, Adam, Carol, put that in there. Yeah. This month, legal zoom celebrates innovation by helping you launch your dream. You can apply for patent, register a trademark, protect your products, incorporate form and LLC, launch your business, use legal zoom. About as inexpensive as that testosterone. You don't need to get a high price attorney. We use legal zoom. Visit legal zoom.com. They'll take care of you. Start to finish. They've helped millions of businesses get started and get started. Right. Don't forget to use the code Adam for additional savings. Legal zoom celebrates innovation with legal zoom and for a limited time, get a special price on trademark, copyright, hand patent applications by using the code Adam and check out, protect your creations and launch your dream at legal zoom.com. Legal zoom can provide self-help services in your specific direction where they can connect you to an attorney, but they are not a law firm. All right, let's do a little news doc. Hang out crack wise or crack walnuts with your biceps anyway. And we'll do some news with Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zippit Cut your tally, son. Allison. So JC Penny is catching a little heat because they put up a billboard advertising a tea kettle, but people think the billboard looks like a certain thing. And I want to know what that's on you. What that's right. Yeah, but I look at clouds and they look like Adolf Hitler. I look at my dog. She looks like Adolf Hitler. You can't get rid of the tiles Hitler. Yeah, everything's Adolf Hitler. To me, this carpet is very Hitler ask. So are you weird? That's the negative space that they'll put right on the website. I'm sure. But yeah, yes, you can check out Adam Crowell dot com to see the photo of the tea kettle that now that I'm fortunately resembles Hitler. Yeah, but a happy Hitler, a carefree. It's like a cartoony Hitler. It's like a hipster with a skinny tie. Mm hmm. Yeah, it's like if Hitler were in the high like yeah, or in South Park or something like that. Yeah. Now the billboard looks more Hitler ask then I I don't know. Ben Hitler. Then most teapots. Here's the deal. We can no longer control everything that happens. Every 250 million Trisket is going to look like it has the virgin Guadalupe on it. You know what I mean? Right. Just is there's just going to be things that look like things because there's so many things. There's going to be words that sound offensive, even though they're not. They're going to be people that flub up certain words because they say so many words and there's so many to choose from. And there's a website to catch and point out all of it. Right. But but here's the point. It's J.C. Penny endorsing Hitler. And then are they doing it through tea kettles? And if so, they're a little late to this party. You know, I feel like J.C. Penny really should have done it. They the thing that they should have done is they they had an opportunity. They had a super denim robot. I'll show you a picture of the super denim robots. My parents used to buy me. They do like here's how it worked. They go like Broadway, Bullocks. A little rich for our blood. Sears. It's not a whole lot of negative stigma attached to sears. Let's buy our son jeans from J.C. Penny shiny plastic jeans with reinforced knees. And there's a commercial for the super denim robot. When your jeans are shiny and again, the gay overtones of having the reinforced knees, you know, knew what that was about. But there was a commercial and it had a robot back when they used to just put people in robot outfits and they just put like a Quaker Oats cardboard cylinder on their head that they painted silver. And the arms would always be that flex ducting that they would use on a dryer of the arms of the thing. And he was trying to wear out jeans. But that they should have done a Hitler mustache on him. That was their window. You know, that that's where I feel like they could have made their move. But so it's funny. They really were into Hitler. If they really were. Yeah, they dropped the ball. So it's funny. But there's what what are they saying? I mean, you know, when people go. You ever ever have this person and I'm always curious about this person and wonder how it works, where they go. Well, anyway, what I'm going to know, the guy just lives. He lives right down the Strat for me, but street for me. Right. He's strutters. Street. He's down the street. I'm going to get a strut by your ear. He's down the street. And there's a cold. I'm sorry. I meant to say, I'm sorry. I said, I didn't mean to say strut. I said, straight. Right. Like, OK, fucked up. Please, can we move on? Like, what is that? Anything on accident? I don't. I don't even correct people who do that because I know what their mouth was attempting to say. Yeah. Just something else came out. They invented a word. I get it. All right. So you're saying that's what this is pretty much. I am. It's been spun. It got a lot of attention today and it's been spun. Is it publicity stun? No, no, no. It's been spun that poor Jay-Z, Penny, they're already financially floundering and they just can't catch a break. It look at this misstep. It's actually probably good. Well, it's could be any publicity is good publicity these days. But yeah, I like the I like the we're back. I like the commercials, a couple of commercials. I like any, you know, take a second look at, you know, Union Carbide or whatever it is, like whatever. That means somebody fucked up colossally. I like all the BP. Everyone's down on the coast of Louisiana having a good time. A bumper shrimp harvest this year. You know, I mean, it's all the happy people. Do you like do you like the the makeup costs? BP will do this. They'll be like, I'll show their guys down there scrubbing, you know, seals and stuff like that. And like, like, send us an email saying, sorry, we like we messed up or whatever it was. And it's always nice when the company's like, all right. I like. Like JCPenney doing the having a Gila. Yeah, exactly. All right. I I miss a world with a JCPenney in it, you know, I want to take my kids there and punish them. You know, yeah, I want to play. Isn't there anywhere you could take them now that'll punish them? I guess we're going to go to Van Nuys. This in general. All right, what's next? Well, a rare Apple One computer. So this was Apple's first desktop computer sold for more than six hundred and seventy one thousand dollars over the weekend at an auction in Germany. And I started thinking about computers and started thinking about Kimmel body. You gave it to Jeff Ross. So at this point, I have a computer that's it's really outdated and I want to buy another computer. However, there's like the Mac rumors and they say don't buy because you're going to have to new one. And then I was thinking about your computer, which I've seen, which is a pretty current computer. And given that you would would advertise perhaps that you're not the most tech savvy email texty person. Yes, my computer at home. Yeah. Yeah. But do you keep up with current computers? Like who is in charge of buying you the current computer? Oh, well, what happens is I'm forced to not I don't do anything myself, but somebody's got to edit and someone's got to like files and audio files and edit. And then they go, this thing's no good. And this thing doesn't work. I have an eight thousand dollar Mac that I bought to edit my movie, the hammer that's in the next room that's like, ah, this is not. No, it's not worth it. We'll sell it for scrap. Like it's like eight thousand dollar computer. And then it's so funny with computer people because when you go, how old's the computer? And you go like seven years. Oh, they laugh at you. It's a weird thing. Was there a crank on it? Yeah. If you say your car, was it a cat gut hard drive in there? Like if you say your car, seven years old, I still got some. You know, if you tell your anyone, your computer's more than three years old and they start laughing, but I'm not any better than the one that came out in the eighties, but the people around me, I'm asking them to do more on it. And a lot of graphics. So they're the ones who decide. Yes. OK. Yes. Gotcha. Mm hmm. But do you know anyone who would pay six hundred and seventy one thousand dollars for a vintage computer? Because I have one from 2007. I think I think the the notion of buying anything that's going to be worth twice as much in 10 years is a good one, whatever it is. And this could be that. That's true. Like we we only we understand it in art and coins and real estate and stuff like that. It's that way for everything. Cars. It's insane. Anything that's sort of one of a kind, anything that has some history to it, buy it, buy it as an investment. It's historically significant. At very least it's going to be right museum someday. Dr. Life, do you spend a lot of time at the computer because I keep reading that sitting will kill you? As little as I can. I I heard that thing where you're supposed to walk around for 20 minutes for like every two hours you sit or whatever. And all we do is sit. I don't know what the hell else to do. I'm standing right now. Oh, I should stand. We should all stand. I guess next show. I don't know. Is that true? Yeah, we're too sedentary. We're not moving around. There's much difference between standing and sitting. Oh, what are we supposed to do? You got to move. You got to. Devote some of your day to moving. Yeah. Here's my problem. I'll tell you my physical workout problem. I picked an exercise that's super easy for me, but difficult for other people. And they plate spinning and they think no, I can't do it. I keep breaking the plates. I skip rope and for me, it's it's fairly effortless. I I think I could probably smoke and skip rope if I needed to. Again, not in front of kids, but it's easy for me to skip. You know what you get your heart rate up to? That's the key. I sweat through my shirt a little bit. Well, you need to check your heart rate. I do. If you get your heart rate up to 140, 150, you're doing good. Yeah. All right. So I should be. See, if I were shittier at skipping rope, then I'd burn more calories. You can skip rope faster and you can put some. I do have a couple of moves. I do a little zippity-doo down there. Has the doctor seen the hammer? I haven't seen it. Oh, yeah, I do some people think I did. There was a stunt rope man in there. Now we just. So you've been doing that since you were a kid? Uh, I learned to skip. I learned to skip rope when I started boxing, when I was about 19. And I, and I was good at it. And it came fairly easily to me. And I realized that there's most people. Interesting life lesson. I'd run into guys who box for 20 years and I'd go, all right, let's skip some rope and get a little lather going. And they go, I don't really skip rope. And I go, you don't skip rope, you box. And they go, I'm no good at it. And they realized they're no good at it. And they never want to go through the period where they suck at it. So they just abandon it and they go right to the heavy bag, which is fine. But you never really round out your game very well, because you just kind of focus on the one thing that you're good at or the three things that you're good at, but the thing that you're not that good at, you don't want to look bad at at the gym in front of everyone else. And especially when you get to year 13 of something and somebody goes, that guy's been boxing for 13 years and he looks like an idiot skipping the rope. So they have, they avoid it when it's, you should be doing the opposite, which is if you're shitty at skipping rope, set aside an extra 20 minutes to do it every single day, you'll get past it. You'll push through it and you'll be pretty good in six months. Do you still box? Um, I, you know, all I do is shadow box. So I'm going to get hit in the head anymore. That's great. I mean, that's a great format exercise. So if you did that for 30 or 40 minutes every day, you'd get in really great shape. Cardiovascular. Yeah. I got to, I got to do something with the rope. It's too, it's too, it's too. How long do you, do you jump the rope? I jumped the rope for about 25, 30 minutes a day, but I watched TV. And I barely move. I still sweat. I sweat, but I'm sweating now. You see what I keep reading, but I just don't want to believe it. But what I keep reading is even if you're working out, if you're sedentary for most of the day, you're screwed. It's not true. Right. At least try working out. Couldn't hurt. No, if you devote an hour a day to working out, you're going to be okay. I watch TV and I have earbuds in. And if I could, I swear to God, I am so, I, I am so bored working out that I literally put on the TV and then I put in the earbuds. It's, it's, it's pathetic. It's just pathetic. I used to be, I used to be a stud and I turned into a puss. I need some of that testosterone. I used to run the bleachers and drag the tire behind me and do all that great rocky stuff. Now it's just like, It's getting depressing. It really is. Not too late. I mean, this is the time to start. Yeah. I got a bottom out first though. I'm almost a bottom. That's the best part. Yeah. How will you know when you bottomed? People tell you other people complain. You're inviting people to let you know. Yeah, but you got to mean it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't want any half ass. You sort of kind of made me bottom down. It looks better. I wasn't there when you did it, but I heard her tail. Maybe you did. Yeah, you got to mean it. You commit to it. All right. Another way to know is if you don't wake up with early morning erections or you never get spontaneous erections. Oh. And if you don't get those. Allison, your screw is fucked. Spontaneous. Mm hmm. She doesn't get spontaneous anymore. You have to work at it for her. I think I have to. I'm pretty sure if I went back to high school and they gave me some sweatpants, I could get something going. I need to recreate the environment. You know what I mean? And the young ladies don't hurt me. Wait, are most men get spontaneous erections their whole life? No. No, that starts to decline is their testosterone level declines. But they have good healthy testosterone levels. Mm hmm. Then they get an occasional erection out of the blue. Is that the yardstick we use to men when I say yardstick? But with the five and a half inch yardstick, we use to measure your testosterone. I mean, if you had one, just one way to measure a man's testosterone. That's the one question. Wake up with the boner. And do you get spontaneous erections? I don't get the spontaneous ones, but I do wake up with the boner. But I think that's just because I have to take a piss. No, no, no, they call it piss hard on. But it's really what I call my employees. But it's really best on number two. If you don't have good testosterone, you're right. I should never have that's right. Sorry. Yeah. But if you don't get, if you don't have good testosterone levels, you will not get a spontaneous, spontaneous erection or an early morning erection. I get the early morning one. Well, then you're probably okay, but it could be on the down slide. Yeah, I'm sure I'm sliding. And I do, if I ever do get a massage, I have to think about Vietnam and my grandparents fighting at Vietnam, by the way. Look, I have to take a step further because I'm naked on top of a table and someone's putting their hands on me. Are they fighting each other? Like having a spat or are they like fighting in Vietnam? Yeah, my dad is, I mean, sorry, my grandfather's an American and my grandma's a Vietcong. Oh, no. Yeah, it's head offensive. They're going at it pretty good. Pretty bad. Well, I have to use the language going at it if you're trying to avoid. Well, yeah, it's a good point. It's getting hot heavy. Thinking about not getting a boner is not an effective way to not get a boner. It doesn't work. I mean, it doesn't, it doesn't. Look, if you're trying to quit smoking, sitting around all day thinking about not smoking is not the way to quit smoking or eating or whatever it is you're doing. All right, let's bring it home. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. It's a bit carbohydrates. That was the news with Alison Rosen. All right. Behind the candleabra, I promised you guys, did you guys watch this? Yes. Oh, first, a couple of things. It was one of those movies where you went, how are they going to pull this off? Michael Douglas met in no way. And then you went, wow, they pulled this off. Yeah, it looked good. There's going to be some Emmys going around. I'm, I'm guessing I'm just, I'm just guessing. And, you know, does it set design and costume and all that? But I think Michael Douglas and Matt Damon will be up for something. They both just sort of turned into that person. Now, the good news is we didn't know those people well. Right. I mean, we just see them up on stage doing them up. But we didn't really get to see them in their personal life enough. It's going to be more difficult in years to come when you're doing a bio, whatever, on somebody. And there's lots of footage and lots of camera time and everything about the person, or you think you do anyway. Yeah, you, you will not just know the act, you know, the big screen version of the big stage version of them. You'll have to get all the other nuances. So I didn't know what Liberace was like at home. It made me want to go look up footage of Liberace. Yeah, it was interesting. So Michael Douglas was fantastic. His piano playing seemed incredible. I don't know how they did it. I don't know if he plays a piano. I was trying to figure that out as well. And I don't know the answer. He just obviously trained for the part. Matt Damon was fantastic idea that he played a 19 year old and then played a 45 year old is insane. Rob Lowe was fun. I thought it'd be freaked out by all the hot tub and with dudes, but somehow was cool with it. I think it's because I knew the two guys and figured out. No, I most guys have a visceral reaction to two when straight dudes see. Gay dudes kissing. They have a visceral reaction to it like they're going, oh, man, come on. See that ever. Everyone thinks that's homophobic. It's not. It's not really homophobic. It's it's built in. I've talked to Dr. Drew about this straight guys seeing the gay sexual act. They avert their gaze. Pardon the pun. Just like you would have anything else that you just didn't want to see. And that's just what's great. The exception is when you know the guys. I don't know. It's it's not being uptight. It's somehow knowing that and I must admit, I kind of, you know, the way they did the kissing and the way they did the stuff is not, you know, full blown tongues, you know, slattering and everything. And I did kind of look down a little or look or whatever. I but somehow I was looking at them both as actors playing this role and how interesting it was. Yeah. Yeah. I was yeah. It's like I was both totally lost in the story. Well, at the same time, always thinking I can't believe that's Michael Douglas. I can't believe that's Matt Damon. Right. So would have made a better movie than probably 90% of the movies that hit the theater. Yeah. A real director, Stephen Soderbergh. Yeah. Don't know if it would have made money because it could have freaked people out who the hell knows, but definitely worth a watch. I know everyone's going to hate me for saying this, but it could have been 90 minutes. There was a there was a it was it was two hours. Yeah. Or they're there abouts, you know, it kind of was one of those movies that had a very long middle and then kind of wrapped it up pretty fast. But interesting. And a lot of people were sort of think, you know, it didn't focus that much on Liberace, the classical pianist and more on his sexuality and all that. But you have one story to tell and you got to tell it. You just realize it was a time before we knew everything about everyone. So you could just do whatever you wanted. You'd have your trusted confidants and you wouldn't, you know, they couldn't tweet out pictures of you and your boyfriend and all that kind of stuff. And people there's just a certain amount of weird decorum where you could have your life and people could speculate. But that was about it. Anyway, I give it two big cocks up. It was enjoyable. Engorged. And Gorge. And Gorge morning spontaneous. Bloated to mess and penises. Uh huh. There you go. All right. Uh, Luma city, baby. Yeah, let's, uh, I mean, the biceps, that's good for the good doctor and everything and all the health. But what about the brain, man? What about that muscle? You got to stay fit with that muscle. Luma city helps you do that. I have lots of games that help your memory, help your focus, help your sharpness. And you can train and you can keep your score and you can match yourself against other people, your age and your group. And then you can see how you're progressing along. And they keep rolling out new games, or at least for me, I knew I've been doing it for a few days and like, I just played a new game like yesterday. And I was like, Jesus Christ, there's more games. It's just quick daily workouts designed to improve your brain's performance and like anything else, you know, you, uh, use it or at atrophies shuts down. And I don't know why your brain's any different, you know, like I always say, you want to talk about your core, this is the core, baby, your brain. Get out there and work it out. Be more sharp, sharper and more focused, the better at meetings, better problem solver, better memory, think more clearly. Start training today. Go to Luma city.com. Click on the start training. Start training to begin for free. That's right. Free L U M O S I T Y. Try it out for free. Tell them you heard it from me. All right. I want to thank the great Dave Damichek. For coming in here. Mean Jay Moore going to beat the Wiltern Theater coming up August 3rd. Those tickets are going to go. So if you want to see mean Jay Moore together, go check that out. You want to check out that man, Gria, we have a new page. Go to buy man Gria.com. You can Facebook us at Facebook. Dot com forward slash man Gria and, uh, Corolla drinks and that man Gria and blah, blah, blah, you can figure it out. We have a new page and a lot of cool stuff on there. Dr. Jeffrey life mastering the life plan available on Amazon. The website doctor or dr life.com. And you can give him a tweet at dr Jay life. I want to thank Dave Damichek for coming in here until next time. This Adam Corolla for the good doctor. Alison Rosen and bull Brian stay in my hollow. Who's this funny to. All right. Does Adam Cole show 1088? Go next. We have Adam Corolla show 1102. Future Lisa Lampinelli, Dave Damichek, Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Also from 2013. And good to see you, Alison Rosen. Hello, Adam Corolla. She seemed I know. I feel like I'm shrinking. I'm fat for the chair. You have to. Well, it's meant for regular sized people. I mean, to be fair, it's hard for me to think about it. It's good to see a ball, Brian. It's a great show. A lot of fun. Yeah. Quesad by at angry burger hashtag top drop. There's a move to getting your seats to go up, which is you have to hop and pull at the same time. No, I know what you're thinking that my fat ass is what's preventing the hydraulics from the deal. But no, it won't even go. I. Yeah, it's it's they're all a little bit. They're all a little bit different. But I think it's a little bit different. They're all a little bit different. But we'll work it out or you can swap it out. That person. Oh, boy. Had to get finger printed today. Now, they told me that I needed to get thumb printed in order to assistant coach. That's where you draw the line. Again, there's a problem in that I'm trying not to be a douchebag. On the other hand, I'm trying to claim society back. And as I've said many times, my own little things I do is I get my assistance to sign everything every time they do one of those things where they go and also fuck with people, too. Like I've had people here. So, you know, none of these rules. OK, let me explain how society works. If your cell phone could possibly interrupt an airplane's communication or any vital workings of an aircraft, if there was one tenth of one percent of one millimeter of one centimeter of one hummingbird's heartbeat that it could, you would not be allowed to bring that phone on the airplane. It'd be banned. It'd be banned. So the fact that it's on your lap and someone is saying to you, go ahead and shut that off and then walking away and you could easily turn it back on means it's not dangerous. That's how you know it's not dangerous. I hate that I turned it off then. I know you just sort of put it under your. Yeah. Anyway. So it's like when people say, you know, when they're famously, I tell people all the time they shoot at my warehouse and I tell them they can shoot at my warehouse and then they go, now you need to sign a release. And I go, now I'm not signing release. And they go, if we don't, you don't sign the release and we can't use any of this footage, I go, OK, don't use it. And they go, OK. And then they leave and then they use the footage. That's how you know. You're calling it bluff, basically. It doesn't exist. I've had everybody sign the greatest moment of my life. I mean, I don't know, victory wise, I think just above the twins was when telepictures, those fucking firm and said they were sending my contract around for my Kevin Smith talk show. And they said they needed it signed today. And I said to assistant Jay, you sign it. I'm taking a nap. And he signed it. I took a nap and the next day they pulled the plug and jacked me out of 500,000 bucks. Well, actually, Kevin Smith did. But either way, it's a victory. I was happy. I was happy. You didn't expend the energy on a way that I told assistant Jay, you just go and sign those fuck sticks thing. By the way, tell the pictures come called again. They want to do something else. Who's the button for punishment here? Someone who was around for the first round when they tried to fucking new people, right? They read they read they read 12 months or something. Fuck yourself for the next thousand years. That that'll that'll help this process. That'll that'll stop you from coming around once a year or once every other year to ask me for when I do a project. You should tell them that. I don't think that's your pitch. Yeah. Interesting. Is that a strip show? Yes. Uh, so it's interesting. I'm always interested when it's it's sort of how you know, by the way, um, this business is filled with horrible people in pariahs. Horrible people in pariahs don't actually know they're horrible people in pariahs. So you have a horrible experience with them. Horrible. And I've had this with many producers and then they come around like nine months later and go, Hey, another project idea. And you're like, don't are this, we have the, we have the worst first date ever. Ever. Do you think I ever want to do another project with your fucking untalented, hackful ass? No. Do you guys get the thing sometimes where someone will say, Oh, we're just working that love that guy, that guy's just all to the other whatever he goes on and on. You go to that guy who maybe you know, or you know, someone who knows like, Hey, this person said you were a grip. That guy sucks. That guy's an asshole. I never quite know how that doesn't go both ways. The affection. I know they never know it. And I guess they're shitty to everybody and they're non-human beings. So they don't really know when they're being shitty to people or they can't tell to be fair to them. But never. There's so many people I've never want to work with again, ever. And life's too short. But anyway. Um, so I have people just sign contracts for me and all that. And, uh, when I found out about this thumb printing business, I immediately said, Oh, we got to forge these papers. We got to do some kind of forge. I don't want to fucking deal with this. We got to take some kind of stand. Someone needs a piece of paper. It's a fucking piece of paper. It's again, as I said, I'm not going camping with the kids. I'm going to the fucking wine coaching my son. Why? Oh, anyway, the problem with that, though, Adam, is that now that could work against you. Porcelain Punisher goes ahead and diddles a kid or, you know, crime. You're on the hook. That's true. That could work against you. That's true. He's due. I made up movie. Yeah. So you don't need to sign anything. You don't need to do anything. You can have other people forge your shit. No one knows. No one looks at anything. Look, I have a fake middle name on my driver's license on every fucking legal document I have. It's on every mortgage I have something real name. I don't have a middle name. I just wrote it in. Do whatever you want. We're super lazy and stupid is what I'm saying. But then we're sticklers for details. And so just out of pride, I just tell Matt or whoever's next to me, you sign it. I'm not saying that you sign it. And by the way, don't even make it look like me. I don't give a fuck. Sign your own name. I don't care. And nothing ever happened. Nothing ever comes back. No one ever. It's not like the telepictures people brought the contract back and said, Hey, this doesn't look match up with what we have on file. I never hear about it. I was just trying to tick the box and move on. That's right. Everyone has to say they did this. I was, I was just talking to Jimmy about this over at Hollywood Park about this whole like sexual harassment thing. Like if everyone just said, no, we're not going to attend the mandatory sexual harassment meeting, which Jimmy said he doesn't do. And I said, I didn't, I don't do it either. But the last pilot I shot, they had the big meeting, you know, hey, the staff, the crew, everyone show up, waste a whole bunch of fucking time. I said, I'm not doing it. I have no history of this and it's insane. And we're all just fucking wasting money. We've gone insane. I'm not going to do it. And the next day I showed up at work and the person, the sexual harassment chick had to sit next to me and I was like, what are we doing? We're doing one on one. I was like, one on one. I have to check the box, you know, I. They have to check the box that the star of the show is not going to sexually assault somebody like on set. And then by the way, I'm the one who's going to get sued if I do any of that. And don't I need to have what happened to the part we had to have a history of something before. Anyway. They're harassing you with their harassment. Right. Oh, God. So of course, the star is the last person you'd expect. Sure. Well, at least it's an honor to be sexually harassed by the star. I mean, in back of the day, remember that. Let me tell you, when Dean Martin dropped a digit on a gold digger, I was a fucking tip of the cap, tip of the cap. People don't repeat things enough. I know I don't. You accept it. I'd argue it's sexist if they don't. This exchange could be used against you, by the way, in a future training session. When Dino dropped a digit in the good old days, tip of the cap, tip of the cap. Yeah. So whose thumb was it? So I had to go to the place where you feel weird because it feels like you're registering as a sex offender, you know, and I had to hang out the nice Armenian lady and, you know, first they do the left thumb. It's all digital. It's on a piece of glass. Then the right and then left thumb. Then again, I got a little defensive because she's like, it's not taking. It's not taking. And then she said, are you sweaty? And I said, no, feel my hands. Why? Power dry. Sweaty. Sweaty. I went too far. I do the same thing when I, when I go, when I travel and the woman behind the desk at the hotel asked me if I want two keys. I was like, why? No. I want. Why? I wouldn't not bring anyone else. I care after the show. Just one. Fine. It's good. Now I realize you just asked for eight keys because someone told me when the fucking magnetic strip goes off on the one when you have to piss like a motherfucking you're up on the 19th floor and you got to run down to in the morning. That's why you should get the backup one and put it up your ass and keep it away from your credit cards and your cell phone. But anyway, there's certain. And same thing with the masseuse. Uh, would you prefer a man or a woman? I don't know. It doesn't matter why. Should I care? I don't care. I normally don't even know. Yeah. I don't think about gender. It's not a nonsexual situation. I mean, I'm nude. They're oiling me up, but I'm not. I'm not tight. Yeah. I want a chick, but I don't want to say I don't want to do it because I'm going to be uptight. So she does your hand sweaty. No. And then I had to do the good touch them. I'm fine. That's right. Bone dry. So I'm doing the thumb and then it gets a little intimate because she has to put her hand on top of your thumb and help roll it. Yeah. Like she's spooning your thumb. Yeah. She's cuticle spooning. And so she's rolling it. I'm like, all right. Now that we sign a piece of paper and I get the fuck out of here and she's like, now I need your right thumb now. Right. Yeah. Because that's what I do is I fucking cut my arm off and I lend it out to pedophiles so they can not. Okay. I'll use my right. Okay. So now I'm going to use my lotion. I mean, my magazine, I mean, my remote. I mean, I'll just use my reading my right hand and I do the right. And she does just again, she has to help me like sort of roll it. It is very intimate. And now she does the rolling and now I go, all right. You got right thumb. You got left thumb. We, we good? Or should we continue on the dance of the tards? And she's like, I need all fingers now. The whole hand on the glass. It's this glass scanner. And so, whole hand, whole hand. And a, okay. Whole hand, left hand. All right. She's pressing down on top of my individual fingers again. I'm very sexual at this point. Now, right hand, right hand, press print down. Okay. All right. So we good? No, I have to do each finger individually. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing here? What are we doing? When is, when did time just become, when did we all live to 250 years of age? When did we could all just fucking stand around with semi-retarded people started a fucking business about nothing and just fucking stand in their shitty Glendale office just making nothing talk. But in the past, when they dust for prints and then match them, do they have the whole hand print? No. I don't know. You have both thumbs. You have all fucking fingers now. I don't know how you did it, okay, but I would just use one finger. I use my nose. Jesus Christ. Can't dust for nose. Grandpa used to say, at least what I thought, sounded muffled. Anyway, so now it's all hands on fucking deck and, you know, they're, now it's each individual finger and some of them aren't coming out that well. So it's like, to try this one again. All right. Let you know what? So what's that you're holding your hand at this point? We're practically engaged. Like in a lot of countries, we would be engaged and she's rolling, you know, she's like rolling the index finger and she's putting pressure on it. And then there's like the one where we're skipping by the ring finger, like, that one's not taking. We'll get back to that. Oh boy. Great. I can, this is going to be, now don't, now don't build me up. We're not going to pay this off because don't tell me we're going to get back this colossal waste of time and then forget about it. Don't get me all moist and then, and then leave me at the altar. Oh no, we'll get back to the index. Okay. So we're rolling and rolling out. Now we got to go through the same dance of the Tards with the other hand that's rolling. And then it's like one finger that's not taking very well. And it's like, I couldn't make feel bad. Looks my fault. Like maybe I jam that one playing football or something. Well, now let's just try it again. All right. Let's get back to that one. Okay. Let's just say a four out of fucking five fingers on one hand and both thumbs on both. What's the worst case scenario? He uses his ring finger to. So I, it's 20 bucks. I should be 150 bucks with the nickel. It's just $20. I don't know where the fucking profit margin is. By the time you buy the finger scanner thing and everything, she's got her laptop out. I'm in there for half an hour. We're fucking rolling fingers. And then she goes, all right, here you go. And here's a copy. This is a copy of give the person who's scared they're going to get sued out of existence. So give this copy to them. And then she goes, hold on. And I go, what's that? She goes, your copy. I said, I don't want it. Well, this is your copy. I said, you keep it, shred it, throw it away, wipe your ass. I don't care. I don't, I don't want, I don't need my copy. I need the one to shut up the person that's going to cause the lawsuit. And then I'm going to get the fuck on with my life. Oh, wait, where did you go to get this done? It was Glendale. It was by the IKEA. It's sad that this is a business. I understand, I understand that there's a need for such things. I understand there's a need for airport security. I understand there's a need for cops and, and you know, that certain corners where people get killed, jaywalking, and there's an incidence of this. And I understand all that. I also understand that the day we just decide, you know, everybody's got to get down into their underpants and walk through the metal detector. And if you're in a wheelchair and if you look like Sandy Duncan and if you have no history of anything, here's what I've always said. Here's where we're at. And this is, this is what I mean. I say this all the time. I've had this with almost every endeavor. There's no such thing as good credit. There's just bad credit and then there's credit. I should have credit that lets me walk up to people's houses and yell, you get out. And them going, but we've lived here for over a third. Hit the road, baby. I'm not, I'm the new owner of this house. The bank will work it out with no money down. That is good credit. That's, that should be my credit. No, I don't. I just have not bad credit. That's all. And what you, what you have is, what we all have is we're not terrorists yet. We're not pedophiles yet. We're not serial rapists or molesters on the workplace yet. That's all we have. Where there's no file that gets you into the, oh, I know this guy or this person has no history of anything. Just like they say with motorcycle drivers, we've either been in an accident or you're going to be in an accident. Right. So that's it for us. And that's our society. You're, there's people who are registered sex offenders and then there are those of us. Unregistered, almost sex offenders. Then there's unregistered who have to go register ourselves. Pre sex offenders. Yeah, we're pre. We're all pre sex offenders. And that's it. There's no more. Oh, I know this guy. Oh, I've seen this guy. Oh, he's, he's married with two kids. Oh, he, but no, no. And do women have to get fingerprinted as well? If they were going to, I don't know, coach? I assume it's everyone now. And that's what sex is. That's what makes it completely insane. What's not insane is draft Kings, baby. It's a family fun. Yeah. Draft Kings.com. You pick your team in minutes and you win big cash. Got five million bucks. They're whacking up a few ways. That's no joke. That's no joke. Actually, one of few bucks last week or this past few days this weekend playing daily fantasy sports. It drafted my team and it's like any fantasy sport. You can spend a ton of time researching or you can just pick your team in a few seconds. And the next thing you know, you're in a competition against a few other people. And if you win, you win money. True story. Dude won 100,000 bucks first time out Dawson. Enter the promo code Adam and double your deposit. That's dollar for dollar double what you put in when you enter the promo code Adam draft Kings.com for your love of sports can win you cash today. That's draft Kings.com. All right. Lisa Lampinelli is going to be on the blower any second now. Gary set pulling it up. Love me some Lisa Lampinelli. I just have an affinity for this woman. Lisa. Adam. Adam. How are you? Great to speak to you baby girl. Where are you calling from? At home in New York. I'm so happy. I haven't talked to you since hardly right after the apprentice. Yeah. Well, I saw you. You're nice enough to come out to our Ventura show and I saw how much weight you lost. And I assume that was sort of toward the beginning of the massive weight loss phase of your life. Yeah. What are where you at now? I lost 107 pounds. Wow. Couldn't do 110. Huh. Yeah, I know. I'm a real fuck up. What the fuck. Come on. I know. I'm devastated. 107 pounds. Geez. That is 17 Sarah Jessica Parker's right there. Wow. That is unbelievable. Now, did you have the lap ban or what surgery or what procedure did you have? I know we didn't get lap banned. My husband Jimmy Big Bull has also got surgery. It's called the gastric sleeve, which basically is a complicated way of sounding like all they do is cut out most of your stomach so you can't eat like a fucking hog. So basically it just limits your food intake and you just eat a little bit and you're satisfied. And Jimmy lost 90 pounds and none of them in the sack, which is so funny. Wow. It's horrifying because like by proportion now, they look even bigger like a couple of freaking throw pillows and a doggy bed. It's disgusting. No, it's true. If you took ox balls and put them on a cocker spaniel, they would look big and you put them on a Tyrannosaurus Rex, they wouldn't look that big. It's all, it's all relative. How is Jimmy Big Balls? I actually think they got bigger to be honest with you because I sort of eyeballed those things from a distance and I think God hates me so much now that I'm thinner because I'm so freaking stunningly beautiful that he made the balls bigger to make my life miserable. The show, by the way, Club Nakia June 22nd. That's coming up Saturday. Saturday. It's coming up Saturday. Yeah. Club Nakia 7 o'clock and 9 30. That kind of draw two shows. It's such a beautiful club. A little bit overwhelmed because you and I have talked about this where you're very excited when they say, oh, let's add a second show and you're excited at the moment because you're like, oh, wow, look how popular I am. Then you want to kill yourself because you have to do two shows. Right. And then if you work with Mike August, you'll add a third show three nights in a row. Yeah, because you know what? He's a money-grubbing heave. Right. And no, he's a money-grubbing wop. That's like a dumb money-grubbing heave. No, because this whole thing is like, uh, why should I leave money or potato skins on the table? That's his thing. He literally just, he sits in the green room and eats. It is nice to make the money, but then you just go, oh my God. And you know, you know, the second show is always better just because you're loopy and you're funnier when you're loopier. Right. You know, and also you're angrier because now that I can't eat out of anger, it all comes out on stage. So, oh, by that second show, I'm going to be hilarious. Yeah, there is a, uh, there is a moment and, uh, and I don't know, Lisa, if you have someone middle or open or come out and do whatever for you and kill a couple of times. Or it's just all lamp and alley. No, I have a guy who does 15 minutes and people go, who is he? I'm like, what do you care? You never heard of him. Right. Yeah. So you come out and do about an hour, hour and 10. Yeah, I do an hour 10. He does 15. I call him the time killer literally. And then I just, uh, I go for it. And, uh, you know, to be honest, Adam, let's be real, like we love what we do, blah, blah, friggin, blah. But just flying out there for one day and then coming back. I'm like, Oh my God. Oh, can I just like retire right now? Yeah. And does it make you mad when you come through the door and like Jimmy Big Balls is sitting on the bed watching, uh, Jody Arias trial needing bonbons? Oh, yes, yes, yes, it does. Well, actually it used to, I've settled with the fact we had a big discussion last labor day because, as you know, Jimmy doesn't labor. Basically I, I'm the husband. I'm the earner and, uh, I go, wait a minute. This is why I married him. I wanted somebody to be the wind beneath my wings. I wanted this guy who stays at home and is here when I call. What the hell am I bitching about and trying to change him? So basically as of last labor day, we haven't had one argument. No lie because I go, honey, you're lazy and shifless and I'm in the C word. If we accept these things about each other, then we'll have a happy life. So it all worked out. I wish, you know what? I'm going to adopt that because I, I do this and, and tell me if you've ever done this one. Now see, you're sometimes there's a time difference when you're traveling, but you're on the road, you're doing two shows, sometimes three shows. And, and you do that thing where in between shows, you call your loved one. And for, for me, I do the one where I go, um, hey, uh, Lynette, let me say good night to the twins before I go out and do the second show. And she goes, I'm eating sushi with Jodi. And I go, Oh yeah. Like you're not even watching the kids. I wanted you now tell me if this makes me bad person. I want my wife to run in place for the 90 minutes I'm up on stage. I absolutely agree. Do you agree with that? Yes, totally. I'm not even running in place. Let the bitch run down the block and risk getting mugged. That's what I say. Let her see the hell that we go through on the road. This Jimmy Big Balls, oh my God, I call home and he's like, oh, I'm out at the pool. I'm smoking a cigar because we live in a place. You know, I'm sure you have a nice house too where you got a pool on the roof, this and that. So it kind of hurts my feelings a little that he's not suffering. Right. Here's what you want. I'll play Jimmy Big Balls. You call me in between the seven o'clock and 9 30 show club Nokia. I'll be, you know, back in New York. So it's going to be like, you know, 1130 or so for me. And here's what you want out of Jimmy Big Balls. Okay. Okay. All right. I'll pick up. Hey. Okay. Go ahead. Hello. Hello. Honey, honey, how you doing? Oh, oh, hi sweetie. Wow. I can hear you getting thinner over the phone. Sorry. I'm out of breath. I've been pushing a Swiffer around the condo the whole time. A little winded. Let me set it down. Anyway, I've been using some Brasso polishing up that bust of yours by the shrine. Anyway, what's, what's going on? How's it going over there? Anything you need? I'm, I'm, I'm the bed's going to be turned down. I'm going to put a mint on it for when you get back. I'm gassing up the SUV. I'm going to meet you at the airport. Doesn't matter what time you come in. And again, I'm pushing a Swiffer around. So we'll add a breath, but go ahead. Got it. Adam, I'm getting moist. I swear to God because there's no way any of this is happening. Yeah. You know what? I had the TV on while I was pushing the Swiffer around for a minute, but I thought that's burning kilowatts and I'm here to burn calories. I know it's pretty late. I said I'd stop at midnight. Well, you know what, honey? I'm very proud of you. Did you hose, did you hose down the deck? That's what I want to know. I scrubbed the deck. I did all the patio furniture. I want to make it nice. The weather's so beautiful. And what I did, I started, I know you like sunti. So, um, now the problem was is it got dark. So I put a grow light on it. Okay. But I know you got the lifting bags in there. They're steeping right now. So I want to make sure they're perfect for you. When you come back from Newark, I know you're going to be tired. So I'll go ahead and put right now, honey. If that shit isn't decapped, we got ourselves a freaking problem. Because it says right in the prenup that I need. Absolutely. It's been removed. Did you get the rider? Did you get the rider? Triple sock filtered, decaf out, sunti, grow light, nighttime, pillow fluff. I'm actually working on it. I just took the dust ruffle and the duvet off the California queen. And I've washed it in wool light, but it's air drying right now. I'm using the grow light to dry. I'm sorry, I'm doing push ups now. So I'm sorry if I sound a little bit winded. No, you sound good, honey. I tell you, if you continue acting like this, I will have to stop banging those black guys on the road. You do what you got to do. I just got some new lint rollers in. I just got them on Amazon. I'm going over the drapes in the entry hall right now. Okay, I'll be going to bed when the sun comes up. All right. All right, honey, I love you. All right, no one's funnier. This has been a wonderful reenactment. Wouldn't that feel great? If that happened, I would be so guilty. That's the thing that's the greatest thing about Jimmy. No, he is the type who he won't do all that, but he will do anything I ask, which women need to ask the guy to do it. You don't expect the guy to notice it himself and read your mind. Yeah, that's just a cut move. You have to really spell it out. And also he does push the swiffer around. That's his big thing. Wow. He enjoys it. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. He does enjoy the lint brush too, I must say. I like the lint roller too. I feel like it needs to be easier for me to peel it and get to the next one. I feel like it turns to easy. I struggle with it a little bit, but there's nothing more satisfying than rolling. It's like you're being massaged while you're getting rid of cat hair. Oh, it's so much fun. And you know what? I love that you actually know what a lint roller is, because most men do not know this. This is very, you're nice and whipped. I like that. I am. I would like a nice lint roller porthole that I could just slide my whole body through. You know what I mean? Just go one end and throw it out the other. Every day before I left the house, just right through the porthole of the lint roller. Just made of hundreds of small lint rollers that just rolled me and just rolled through. Like a car that you drive through the car wash. Yeah. Like, yeah. I just get a dye. I just get on my belly. I'd use one of those conveyor belts they use at the airport for the security. I just go right through it and it'd make that bling sound. When I got to the other side of it. So totally, I smell an idea for Shark Tank right there. You will. I love that. I love that show. I can't get enough of that Shark Tank. So the show, by the way, tickets available at AXS.com. That is this Saturday. You'll fly in on Saturday. Do the two shows and fly out on like a Sunday morning. Oh yeah. You know what? I learned from you because I remember when we were doing the apprentice together, I said to you something like, I go, oh yeah, how do I usually fly in the day before? So I'm nice and rested. You go, I fly in at six o'clock the night of the show. I'm not wasting any time in some Godforsaken town. And I go, what have I been doing with my life? I've been killing days in these stupid cities. The hell with it? I learned by changing my whole life after meeting you. I now fly in day of, and guess what? If the goddamn plane gets canceled, fuck them all. Then I stay home. God's will. Force mature. It's always funny when you're talking to the club owner and you're like, well, honestly, who wants to spend another second in this shit box? And I go, I'm raising my family here. They're like, oh yeah, no, not, yeah, no. No, it's fine. Addison, Texas, a fine town. There's no, no, no, no reflection. When I say shit box, I say in a loving way. Yeah, I always say to the girl like who's blowing out my hair, I go, why the fuck do you live here? Like what's wrong with you? And then I remember, oh my God, they have families here. They were actually born here and you feel like kind of a shit heel. But then again, we're right. We're definitely right. It is weird when you go to all these little places and you watch the local news and you just see the chick who's, you know, putting the hard boiled eggs into the continental breakfast buffet and you're like, what are you doing? What goes on? And then there's a part of me that wants to just flip around, pull the shirt off and see the battery pack behind him because I'm convinced they're all just cast. So I won't start getting suspicious in my role in life. You know what I mean? Like do they really exist or do they go into some huge closet and wait for you to come back? Oh, I know. Well, you know, I love these towns like Eau Claire, Wisconsin, like places that don't even have like a good airport. Right. Like why don't, why are agents such douchebags that they even make us go there? Like it's bad enough we have to play different big cities, but really Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Oh, oh, you listen, you're talking to DeKalb, Illinois. Yeah. Northern Illinois, Mansfield, Pennsylvania, flew into Mansfield, Pennsylvania. You sound like Larry King. That was the worst. Lisa, have you ever had any, one of those moments where you just kind of went like, wow, I don't normally feel sorry for myself, but I do sort of feel sorry for myself at this particular point. Well, that would mean I normally don't feel sorry for my own, which is untrue. I usually feel sorry for myself, but I always have. I'm always the chick who has quote unquote nothing to complain about. Like nobody, you're not allowed pain if you're successful. Yes. Like you're not allowed to say, oh my God, I'm really tired or oh my God, I'm upset with my career or whatever, because they're like, oh, you've got nothing to bitch about with your fucking career. Well, compare me to somebody really famous. And I got a lot to freaking complain about. Okay. Where's my private plane? I remember one day I was talking to Chelsea Handler, right? Right. And I had just gotten my doggy and I said to her, oh, you know, you should really get your dog a service vest so your dog can fly for free. And she goes, oh, I fly private. I'm like, oh, I'm a dick. No, no, believe you, me. Atlantic City, Leno flew in on a Saturday night, did the show, flew out on a Saturday night. I was lucky enough to catch a ride with him. But the schedule was we were going to drive from Atlantic City the following morning, Sunday morning, to Philly, drop off the rental car and fly Southwest with a stopover in St. Louis. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's what it was going to be. Instead, it was me on a plane with Jay Leno wondering why he didn't drink. Like I was like, it's Saturday night. It's 2 a.m. You just did a show. Shouldn't you have at least one of these mini bottles? We're on an airplane, isn't it? FAA law that you have to open one of these little mini bottles of rum. And then you feel self-conscious about your drinking where you're like, I don't normally drink five of these, but I'm just going to have another one. Well, like it's even worse now because when we got the surgery, everybody just assumed we need healthy, you know? Oh, right. So now, the fact is we can eat small amounts. So we eat small amounts of fun food. Like we'll eat a ton of protein, but we'll also have like two bites of dessert. Now, everybody looks at us like we just fucked their mother. It's like, no, no, no. We're allowed to have a bite of a chocolate chip cookie douchebag. I hate that because I feel like I'm being judged on a plane. But your weight now is, are you there? Are you at your goal? Is there any? Oh, yeah. There's no, not moving anywhere. Oh, I'm sorry. I never had a goal. I just wanted to like do it and see where I ended up. And I lost about 40 more than I thought I was going to lose. And then it stopped about four months ago. So both of us are at the place we're going to stay. It's awesome, man. It's like the best thing ever. Except like I said, you can't eat emotionally. So your anger just comes out disproportionately at, usually, it's usually with Asians. I usually do a lot of yelling at Asians. You know, I found there are one of the better breeds to yell at. Well, yeah. What were they really going to do back to you? You know, in the old days, they used to be afraid of the martial arts, but now they're a little more docile. I like it. It is weird. When I was in high school, I was convinced every Asian, even like elderly women were third degree black belts. And there's something about the show Kung Fu scared the shit out of all. Simple investment for any Asian kid would be just those little black slip on shoes that all the martial artists guys would wear. If you saw that was that was basically the we're not going to F with you shoe. That's all you needed. It was a weird thing. Now now that UFC is taken over, not so much. Lisa Lampinelli, by the way, is a TV show called Bounty Hunters. It's it's an animated show. It's on CMT. Jeff Foxworthy, nice guy, Bill Angle, Larry the Cable Guy, all in this and premieres July 13th as well. Her website, insult comic dot com. And you can hit her up at Lisa Lampinelli. Hey, if you're going to shoot her tweet. Lisa, next time you're in town for more than 13 hours, let's let's let's come by and hang out. And you know, let me see how little you can eat and then finish off whatever you can eat. Oh, definitely. I would love to add them. I swear to God, man, you're one of my favorite people to talk to next time I speak to you. I'm coming in live. We're going to talk about our feuds with Wendy Williams. That'll be. Oh, that'll be awesome. Thanks, baby doll. Love you, man. Love you, Lisa Lampinelli. A great Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah, there is that thing of it's flattering when the first show goes fast and they go, hey, man, I had a second show and it's like it's flattering and then you get to town. And you're like, that's two shows and that's 90 fucking minutes each. But it's flattering, flattering, flattering. It's a nice referendum on your career. Staying in life. It's just one of those. It's one of those things in life where once you get used to doing two shows, then doing one show feels like nothing. And then once you get used to doing one show, two shows seems excruciating. What was the thing that August did where it was like you didn't want to do, you didn't want to do three days. So he did like five shows in two days or something like that. There was something where somehow the math did not work out in your favor. Yeah, he'll do that. He'll add the, like I said, I was stupid. I never had, I didn't have an opener and I didn't have a middle. And also I figured if people paid for 90 minutes, you got to give them 100 minutes, you know, and I would do it times three shows. So we went to Cobbs in San Francisco and it sold out and we just kept adding, adding, adding. And then went out to a place in Kirkland, Washington and did the same thing. Three plus three and just kept adding. And it's like, it's, it's insane. It's too much. Yes. Something Lisa said that I found really interesting. I think it's true across all careers, but especially in entertainment. I'm wondering if you have, I'm sure you do. And I'm wondering if you have the same thing. You were saying she's very successful and she is successful. She's one of the best in her field, but she always, wherever you are, you always measure yourself against the next person up on the rung. You know what I mean? There's always that person in your mind or the next person down who's nipping at your heels or whatever it is. And it's funny that she, you know, she mentioned Chelsea Handler. I don't know if that's someone she missed herself against, but it's funny that everyone always has a person or two that's either right there, but they measure themselves against or they hold themselves to that standard. You know what I mean? You know, it really comes down to net jets. It really does. Why are we all this going? Right. It really does because the difference between, in terms of doing the road or going out and doing like a one night stand, the difference between picking up and leaving that night, like I'm done with this show. I do not have to stay in this casino that I don't really want to stay in. I'm not going to go gamble alone down. I'm going to go up to my room and beat off and have room service. Right. That's what we'll call it. And then the next morning, get up early and like drop off the rental car and then go through the airport and blah, blah, blah. The part where you get to just go get onto that jet and go home that night, that's the big deal. That's that's the difference. That's the pinnacle. And yes, and the drive happens to me. I've done it, I don't know, eight times in my life. It's not just, hey, it's my private jet. I can fart all I want. It's not that. It's I will drive my car neck up to the side of the jet. Somebody will throw my junk in the jet and they'll throw them the car keys. And then when you don't feel like you've been through hell by the time you get somewhere. No, when you land, you walk off the jet and you walk in your car and then you just drive out some gate behind the airport. It's not the actual flight part, the time and the thing that's none of that. It's nice, but it's not what makes it amazing. So what level do you have to get to to be there? Um, the net jets thing is like, you know, it'd be, you know, it's like, I don't I don't even ask because it's, you know, 10,000 bucks or 25. And yeah, but it's it's it's pay by the hour, but you have to buy in for like 20 hours. And then it's this bullshit thing where it's like, well, it's $2,000 an hour. And you go, huh, flying to New York, but it's $3,500 to get the jet out. So you're like, well, is it too? It's kind of like saying the paint job for your car is $500. And you go, okay. And they go, and another 500 for hardening catalyst. And you're like, well, that's part of the paint. No, no, that's additional separate. And then you go, well, it's got to harden, right? Like that can't be wet. It's going to get leaves and shit stuck through it. Right. Yeah. The paint job's 500 hardening. Canada is like just called a thousand bucks. So it's like 3500 bucks if for them to pull the jet out and at least you're in at least that. And then it's, you know, 10 grand an hour, eight grand an hour is something, what something insane, something you would never do. Unless you had fuck you money. Fuck me money. You're only flying to the place in Atlantic City to make money. It's not of the love of the craft. You know, John Stewart's 50 years old. He's not going there to, you know, he's just going there to be, right. Sorry, there's been a net gain, part of the pun. There's to be a net gain at the end of the year. Yeah. Now, ironically, when you get into the club where they're paying you 150, 200, 250,000, you know, sort of, I don't know, Bill Cosby, whoever. When you get in that club, they'll give you the jet. They'll provide the jet for you. And then that's when it becomes, you know, get an opener, maybe get a middle. So you end up doing 50 minutes. They provide the jet. You're home that night. It becomes very light lifting versus bring your own pillow like I do because the hotel pillow is always suck. So, okay. Speaking of nothing related to that, I switched seats. Look at me now. You're way much worse. I'm going to give you a chance to fix that. I'm going to give you a chance to fix that. First, you need a little hit of Tonks, baby. Tonks coffee. We, uh, we polished off all our Tonks over here. Do we not? T-O-N-X? Yeah. Our back to the crappy stuff. These guys are fanatical about delivering the best beans in the world, sourced direct from the growers, then roasted and shipped within 24 hours. Probably on the net yet. That's sitting next to Juan Valdez in a stonky white suit. By the way, Juan Valdez picking the beans in a white, white suit. It doesn't seem like bean picking suit. Not practical. Every two weeks, you'll get a batch of incredible beans, roasted to perfection. They sent them here. We just gobble them all up. Unbelievable. And I talk to these guys. They're incredible snobs. When it comes to coffee, maybe overall, I don't know. Everything in their life. That could be snobs about movies, literature, dance as I am. But, uh, at least coffee and that's where it pays for you because I said, Oh, what if there's something you like? And he said, if it's out of season, it's out of season. They don't have it. It's not fresh. You're not getting it. It's only the best. It's like a restaurant that just goes, I don't care if you want brook trout. We can't get the best brook trout. So you don't, it's off the menu. They'll give you the best catch of the day in the form of coffee. And, uh, you, uh, I'll tell you what, why don't we retroactively, uh, we just miss Father's Day. But hell, want to surprise dad? It's going to be another Father's Day in about 12 months. Yeah. Give him a gift four or five days after Father's Day. Get a subscription for dad. Get one for you. You get the free arrow press that's, uh, $30. Normally, such a back 30 bucks makes a coffee the best. Just go to tonx.org. Tonx.org forward slash Adam prices better than the coffee houses. And it's just a superior product. All right. Dave Damashek's waiting in the wings. We've got to go get him. Uh, let's go get, uh, Shek bring him in next. It's time for Nicaraguan name that movie with Adams buddy Oswaldo. See if you can guess which movie this famous line is from. Neil before the sun. If you said Superman too. You're correct. Now back to the show. Good times. Dave Damashek in studio. He's brought his blaster. Ace company. What a pleasure. Always a treat when Dave Damashek comes by. By the way, you can find his podcast, Dave Damashek football program. Get it on itunes and website. Dave Damashek dot NFL dot com Twitter at Damashek. Good. May I say Ace, if I can self promote, we just did the other day. I had Warren sap soon to be Hall of Famer. In fact, I guess he's in the Hall of Fame just now needs the gold jacket. And Mike Silver, the great football writer in there was a great one. And now Earl Thomas, the great safety of the Seahawks. Good guess rolling in there. The only one we miss, Adam Corolla. I know I need to get you the invite, but it's a little weird because Eisen won't be. He'll be cool about it, but I feel weird because you've been on Eisen's thing a few times. So but I'm sure he's willing to share. I'm fine with it. I do everyone's. I did a show that I never heard of. I do everything's based on proximity. You know what I mean? So like if there was a show called the dry fisting and friends and my publicist pitch it to me, I'd say, where is it? And she said, it's in Santa Monica. It's down. It's near it's near Ocean Park and then and then forth. I'd be like, but if it was in, you know, Glendale, I'd be like, all right, I'll bring the show to you. That's how that's how great it would be. So I'm happy. I'm happy to come by and we can spin here. In fact, we could do an Allison Rosen and bald Brian and ace Corolla special edition of my podcast. I would love that. That would be good. Why do you give it that? You know what? What? Well, Brian, that's his job. Oh, the blasters. That's exactly right. Not a good day to piss off. It's on your whole. It's on your hip too. It's the worst thing in the world when you have to turn it on yourself. You know, you know, you do a fair amount of bad shows or shows that no one knows about. Yes. I do. Oh, no, I do find out and they let me know about it when I've done it. I do these shows all the time where people go, we're going to have it up at about three days. We'll send you the link and I'm always like, but I'm like, I never watch. I don't read anything. I don't watch anything. It's not going to. But I mean, I appreciate it. I understand what they're saying and I never want to go like, I'm never going to look at this link that you're going to send me. And it sounds wildly disrespectful, but I'm never going to find it. I'm not not going to seek me. When did you stop listening to this show? I've never heard. Never heard. Is that true? You've never listened to this podcast? No. Do you do the thing? Well, I was just going to ask you real quick because that's interesting. But do you ever do the thing when a customer service person says, like, are you ready for your confirmation number? Here it is. It's 684 and you're like, yeah, hold 684. I pretend. Why do I indulge that? Like I'm writing it down. If I don't need it, I don't do it. I do, but I pretend I'm listening to it. But you've never heard this show? No, I've had it. I've had a conversation. No, I had a conversation today with the guy whose show I did. Dry fisting and friends? Something like that. The guy was perfectly nice and everyone was perfectly nice. But the discussion I had was you should listen to yourself just like I said, look, well, he said, well, you've done so much radio. You've had so many reps. You don't need to do this. I said, no, no. If you were a novice golfer, you would benefit through watching videotape of your swing. And Tiger Woods benefits from watching videotape of his swing. And I'm sure he does. I'm sure that's what makes these guys who they are. And there's no doubt in my mind that this show would be better if I listen to it. I just don't want to hear it. You know what? Why don't you do it in the car? And so that's a nice way to feel it. Listen to me in the car. You know what? It's sort of like the modern day version of that is people tweeting us things that we said they don't agree with. I mean, when you said that was stupid or what we said that was wrong, you're like, oh, that's my version of air checking now. Now people tell me when I say something stupid. When back in the day, the worst day you'd ever have was doing the air check with the program director where you put your cassette in there and they'd go, remember last time we did the air check about three weeks ago? Yeah. Remember we talked about rolling phone calls? Right. Remember we said we limit personal stories and start. All right. This was Wednesday of last week. Let me just this is just the beginning of the show and you're already. It's like, all right, can I just fucking? Here we go. Where it's going. Here we go. And he hits play and it's some first off you sound like shit. You're telling some fucking long winded story and then about six minutes in he stops and goes. All right. You're now six minutes into the show. You've not given the call letters out. You've not told anyone what the name of the show is. You've not set up the guest and you've still been talking about the exact same high school football story and you've not taken one phone call. But let's continue listening and like it's so fucking excruciating. Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. It's awesome. But then if you do air check yourself, I'll listen on occasion to the podcast just to hear for exactly that reason. I'll sit, you know, if I have four people in the room at one time, if I'm managing it properly, I'll listen to it and it just feel vain as I'll get out. I'm listening to myself. Heaven forbid somebody would notice my iPhone is to as a picture of me. I'm listening to the Dave Damashick football program. That's gonna be the worst. You've done it again, Dave. Give it a five stars. I did have the I have had my book on cassette or my audio book. I have listened to that before that. I listened to a because I kind of enjoy it because I forgot about all the stuff I talked about two years ago and see I only have like four or five downloaded books on my phone and every once in a while I'm just why it's usually me skimming through my phone on a flight or going on a walk or something and I just come across it and I go, oh, let's listen to me. And I'll that I will listen to and subscribe to this podcast then it did happen. Not that often. It did happen on a flight where your picture pops up and takes up the whole screen. You know, number one, number two, something happened where the headphone jack popped out and it was just on as loud as it could be. And I was sitting next to someone is like, and another thing about this damn high biscuits tea and I was scrambling trying to push turn it like make it go away as fast as possible because the notion of people sitting next to me on a flight thinking Corolla just listens to his own book when he's yeah. Did you listen to your audio book before it came out to sort of a proofreading kind of thing reading? You know what I mean? Like did that sound like I wanted it to sound? Yeah, I know what you're saying. I don't know. Dawson, did we do that? I did. Oh, you did. And I said, is it good? And you said fine. And yeah, there is a yeah, there's always that I was I was wondering though there's always that little bit of nervousness. Did I miss something? No, I was waiting when you know until everybody listened and I was actually kind of on edge for a spectacular job. We did it right here and Dawson did a fantastic job. And no, I will listen to that on a on a on a here. Here's a good one that just apparently to anybody would make me read as an asshole to anybody who would happen to see me. I was in a bar recently and I'm doing on the NFL network. Now I do the you know, the top 100 recap stuff like, oh, they're crazy that they voted that guy at 47 and so on. Sure. And I'm in a bar and it came on and it looks like well, I mean, why would I be in that bar? People? Oh, yeah, the assumption of this, this damashak jerk, he came in here to what? What a narcissist. He came to this bar knowing that the end he probably requested that they put NFL network on just so he could be standing there as his TV is his ugly pusses on the face. The medic good looks not withstanding. It's obnoxious. I always decided that if I was ever on a like JetBlue and a show that I was on came on the TVs while I was on the plane, I was going to walk up and down the aisle. I mean, looking as if I'm have a purpose, but just, you know, just because it used to back in the day, a lot of sports bars or I should say just bars and strip clubs and places like that that just had TVs sort of up above the pool tables. Their default setting was MTV. They would just put the TV on MTV. There's no Super Bowl or anything going on and they weren't a themed bar like is it a sports bar or Pittsburgh or Boston bar or something. It's just a bar. They just leave it on MTV and because it was like videos will come up and fun visual stuff and it's young and it's hip and it's whatever. And Love Line used to be on all the time. Like if I'd be in a strip club or bar or whatever, you'd look up and it's an hour long every night. Like and it was on right at that's, you know, it was on like 1130 to 1230. They put it after 120 minutes, right? Yeah, right where you'd kind of be sitting there and that was always weird. I had a weird thing. I have a liquor store down the street from me, House of Ambrose, and it's had mangria for a number of months and I just happened to have not gone in there and purchased any mangria because I get it here at it. It's quite a discount. And very good for a very, I know a guy knows a guy and I was sitting home on a Thursday, Friday night or something and I was like, I didn't have any mangria and I was like, I want some mangria. And then I also thought, I want to go buy it. I think it'd be fun to go buy it. And and then since I'd never set foot into that liquor store since it's been on the shelves, I wonder where they put it. Did they hide it? Is it up front? I wonder if someone's in there. Is anyone buying it? What if someone was buying it? Yeah, I thought to myself. And I went and I parked and I looked in and there was one car in the parking lot. It's about 10 o'clock at night and there was one dude in the entire place and I walked in and he was holding a bottle of mangria. Literally standing there holding it and he was reading the label. And I don't know if he was going to buy it or not. Did you try to put your face in front of his? I just walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder and he went like, Hey, but it's not quite as satisfying as I needed it to be. Just like, Hey, and I was like, Hey, that stinks. That guy should have been. Wait, did he give you a there you go? He was a hipster and I said, uh, he looking at that bottle and he said, yeah. And I said, well, she let me buy it for you. And he said, nice. All right. And I just went and bought it. I just bought my bottle and bought him a bottle. And by the way, last time I go out and buy a bottle because you got out of place with 41 bucks or something tax. But the point is this, I handed it to him and he said, thanks, you know, and I said, thanks, but it was, it was more of, was more of a game, a stick of gum or more of a, he does realize who you are. Right? Yeah, he was. He did. But there's, I feel like people hit a certain level where it's all like, I went to high school with that guy except for this transcends. Oh yeah. I went to high school with that guy to holy shit. I'm holding the bottle and you're standing behind me. This is insane. Except for it never gets to that point. You would think that that would go crazy. He'd go crazy on the same level as I've said many times. The highlight, the single highlight of my life is just in front of the birth of my two children is the night that I was driving home and I saw a tow truck getting towed. I mean, that I went crazy. I celebrated for the next year solid that it finally happened. That should have been his reaction. I was his reaction as soon as he got away. Right. People think that, oh, I got to be cool. Listen, no one, no, if you're ever recognizing someone, they do not want you to be cool. Right. Go all out. Right. Feed their ego. Right. Did I ever tell you about the sad irony? The same week, the tow truck getting towed, same week, the, the squirter thing on my windex, the whatever you call that, shh, shh, shh thing, right? Wasn't working. Yeah. So I, so I took it off. I had to take the thing off and just had to, I put it on the paper towel directly and would wipe stuff. Well, I had forgotten. I had done that and I bonked it by mistake and it spilled all over my floor and it occurred to me as I was wiping it up. I was cleaning, cleaning agent. Not as good. Cleaning, cleaning. The other side of irony. You know, I know the other side of fame. I was at the track day before yesterday, Father's Day. The track. What kind of track? Oh, race track. Race track. No, it's fine because I'm going to Fontana to do a race this weekend. So it'll be the car track, but this was the horse track and up in the box there with Kimmel and this great family and walking back and forth between the bar and the buffet and all that. And at some point, this chick sheepishly, she was, I don't know, 13, maybe she was 16. I couldn't tell all to us, but she was like with her dad and said, excuse me, we see you and Jimmy over there and my daughter's a huge fan and she's too shy to go say anything to Jimmy. But we obviously, we see you guys sitting there. Could we get a picture? And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'll go. Yeah, come on. We'll go back and you know, just go and walk down, tap Jimmy on the shoulder. Jimmy, we got a fan over here. She wants a picture. Oh, thank you. She said so much. Handed me the camera. Put her arm around, Jimmy. And the worst part is everyone else at the table has to watch and there's always people that feel bad. Let me take, let me take, you know, the people that move or people. That's almost work. You get it. You get it. You get it. At least you don't have to do that. Sit down. I got it. But then the thing would kept going off and then I kept handing it back to her and she kept turning it back on and handing it back to me. And then people were obviously uncomfortable doing that. You don't have to. It was one of those. Now, I don't know that I was tapped on the shoulder as a way to get in to go see Jimmy because they saw us sitting across from each other and talking the whole time. But I assume that they thought that they recognized me. I didn't know if it was just a pure, I was going to mule them in and I was nothing more than just, you know, hollowed out fuel tank on a Ford F-150 and your couple of illegals trying to get into the country. Is that what I am to you? I mean, listen, I don't want to break the bad news, but I feel like that was the case. That was the case. I think that may have been. That was definitely the case. She would at least acknowledge you. And also, hey, I got to get one with you while we're here. Hey, so we got to. Because if they recognized you, they would have asked someone they saw talking to you and Jimmy. I think so. Anyway, no one. Sorry. Sorry that happened. You'll never get over the sting of having a camera handed you. Who I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I'll help. Hulu, baby. Hulu. Hulu. Plus Hulu and Roku. Hulu. Thousands of shows wherever you want. Whenever you want. Favorite current shows. Shows like Park and Rec and a community and modern family. Peru. Jimmy Kimmel live Peru. That's a show. Taboo. Taboo is a show. Post her up. Family Guy plus classics. All on Hulu Plus and it's connected. You get to connect to your TV there. Use your game consoles and Blu-rays and Roku. Poo-poo. Platter. Roku. Wow. Apple TV. You watch from anywhere on your smartphone or your tablet. Seven. I've said this once. Say a thousand times. Tablet. Simultaneously the oldest and newest thing on the planet, right? Oh yeah. Nothing older than a tablet. Nothing newer than a tablet. No indeed. Seven ninety-nine a month. But my listeners get. Methuselah. Methuselah. That reminds me of the 10 commandment tablets. Seven ninety-nine a month. My listeners get a special extended free trial. Go to Hulu Plus.com forward slash Adam or click on the Hulu Plus banner at AdamCruel.com. All right check. Let's do some sports. Shall we hit it bald? It's time for Dave Damashek's number one sports. Number one sports. All right. I'm a pro. I didn't know we were going to talk about sports today, but we'll talk about it anyway like people. So what? I don't have a word written down in front of me. That means that precludes us from having a conversation about athletics. Let me ask you this. I asked this to Warren Sapp the other day and now I'm going to ask you because he's an athlete and so now if I asked him now we're talking about sports. Right. What I asked him this and I now ask the three of you if you had to lose one of your five senses what would it be? Let's define what they are. Sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste, taste. Let's see. And let's assume in this hypothetical that if you lose smell you get to keep taste even though every hour that's one of those ones everybody has to point out to you. Oh, you know if you lose smell you can't. Well, listen, I'm just not actually going to take one of your five senses. So you're off the hook. All right. Goodbye, taste. I'd say goodbye, taste. Goodbye, taste. What kind of thing? I'm watching my way. What life do you have if you lose your taste? Interesting. I'd say goodbye, smell. Smell is the greatest. Obviously double edged sword and if you can keep your taste. I like the smell of fabric softener. Too much to say goodbye. If you can keep your taste and say goodbye to smell but the same thing with hearing and speech. You know, if you could lose your hearing but not sound like you're holding your tongue when you're talking. That's your dream, isn't it? I'd like to lose the hearing and keep the speech. Yeah, if you wouldn't have the affectation in your voice for the hearing impaired you would maybe go without that. That really would be ideal for you. Wow, that would be great. The ultimate. First off, I have the ultimate excuse. You try already because you do the thing. I don't know if it's subconscious or not but you but when you talk often and you're and you and you get into a monologue, you will close your eyes a little bit because then it removes the distraction of somebody because you can always see somebody winding up to say something. When your eyes are closed, of course, you miss that. So maybe that's why you do that in the first place. I close my eyes because things distract me so greatly. Yes. That they pull my tension and they steal my focus. So yeah, that's what I'm saying. Basically, so now this would be you wouldn't have the ultimate interruption. Somebody else was something to say. But this scent is easy if you don't connect it to taste. I know Al Sir is prepping on that but we don't have to smell it. I can completely agree with you, Ace, but it is funny. Some people say touch. Some people feel like that touch would be gone. Of course, you would never know the touch of a woman again. But here's the only thing. If you are so in love with Roadhouse and Dalton's way and his philosophies, pain don't hurt, you could actually say that and mean it. And you wouldn't feel pain. And if somebody stabbed you in the back literally, you wouldn't know it. And you'd be alright. So it would be alright. Wait, I have a question. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think you'd be alright. But it would take you a while to know it. But you'd be spared. No, I think you're working this the wrong way because you would. What's wrong with me? I don't feel so. I don't, I wouldn't say I don't feel so good just to be like, huh, I don't know. My legs are working. Now everything's going black and then it would be over. You wouldn't have to deal with the pain of it. Well, no, the pain is good because when you eat very hot soup, you're supposed to go like, because otherwise you're going to burn the top of your, but now you'd be constantly walking around with burns and stabs. I'm just playing devil's advocate. I'm just trying to, to be able to touch at me. I was, I was stunned by it, like I say. Wait, I have a question. Are we each saying which one we will get rid of? Or are we figuring out which is the best one to lose? No, which one you want to get rid of? Then I'm not shooting on anyone's point by saying personally, I would say goodbye to taste. It would be a weight loss, obviously. It would cause great weight loss, but it's the pleasure of life. That's the way to not be able to taste food. You don't watch sports now. You already don't watch sports. That's gone. Right. So now what do you have? That's all. Is that all there is for you? Sports and food? And well, I mean, I've said it before. I don't like to talk about it all the time. I don't like to just like hammer the point into the ground, but I am a surprisingly vigorous lover. And I would not want to, I mean, not even so much for me. I wouldn't want to take that away from women, from women, you know, because I am the love skunk after all. That's the problem There's a scent part of that. There. See, here's what happened. Yeah, that's right. Do you know that about me, Allison? The love skunk? You've mentioned it. No, no, no, I don't know your love skunk. You've mentioned that you're vigorous. This is the dynamic. I'm a surprisingly vigorous lover. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm sometically attractive and, you know, I, you know, I have some nice things on my resume like I've seen a tow truck get towed. So cleaned up cleaning agents, the package draws them in, then things go foul. And then they, then they move on, you know, invariably then three months, maybe six months, maybe even a year and a half later, they think they're over as soon as the breakup happens. They're like, ah, I got his stink on me. I got to give me the tomato juice and they take their bath in it. Then they get the industrial soaps and they lather them up and good, he's gone. He's done. But then, like I say, year and a half, maybe two later, all of a sudden, what is that? Oh no. I still got that. Think of me. Think of that. That's how it goes with me. Keep your distance, Rosen. Hey, only a woman. Gary Hafton. Fine. I think there is an Aerosmith album called pump where there's a tow truck towing a tow truck. No, really? I think it's an old time you pick up trucks. It's old timey, but I think they may be two tow trucks. Maybe we can take a look. You better hope as Stevie Tyler didn't beat you to this one. Allison, in the meantime, while he looks for that, do you know also, you know the mythology of Medusa, right? Yes. When men look into her eyes, they turn into stone. Yeah, it's not quite close, but it's not quite. When women look me directly in the eyes, they turn to mush. So let's not make, don't let me turn it up to 11 to look, you know, don't do it. I wouldn't do that. I would. He could, but he's not. Did you bring your blast? And were you at the bar the night I drove off the tow truck? Because that's the greatest night of my life. Yes, I was. I forgot about that. Yeah, you saw a tow truck being towed. I drove off of a tow truck. Well, that's better. You're more man than me. So what do you want? It was one of the greatest moments of my life with an assist from crazy Tom Stern. You've been in the ring, mixing it up with a with an actual pugilist with Pernell Whitaker, wasn't it? I wouldn't do that. Oh, yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll layman Brewster. Oh, is that what it was? He looked like a sweet pea. No, layman Brewster knocked out one of the Clitch-Goes and one of the craziest fights ever that seems like now. Yeah, you're right. But that's not in the man show who you fought. That wasn't that wasn't him. You fought on you fought the you find a guy who was really super fast and to the point that you're like, I was going as hard as I could. And he was and at the end you're like, Hey, that was pretty good, right? And he said, Well, I was going half speed. I mean, the speed was crazy. I will come up with that. I think it was sweet pea with it. Maybe it was no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that was Mark Breeland. I dang it. Yes, Mark Breeland. Brian, what movie Mark Breeland sons of discipline. Holy shit. Remember that movie? No, that's fairly obscure. No, we're not at the time. It was a big, it was a regular size, big sons of discipline, something, Lords of Discipline, Lords of Discipline. Sorry, David Keith, not Keith David or whatever that guy. Remember that guy who does the voiceover for 90% of everything that requires a voiceover now. Is that him? Yeah, there was Lords of Discipline. Oh, no, no, you're right. The white guy is the one who hangs himself in officer in a general. David Keith, right. I think that is the guy. Yeah, right. Keith David is the VO guy, right. Right. You can scroll down, 1983. Had a few people as names you made. Rick Rosovich, Goose. I mean, not Goose Slider from Top Gun. Young Judge Reinhold. Yep. Yep. And Mark Breeland. Mark Breeland. Well, you're was a special. Paxton GD. Spradlin. Yeah. What a cast. Mm hmm. Star studded. Oh, Kailin's dad, our own Kailin's dad. Michael Bean. Why have you not seen this movie? It's not a bad movie. Bring it up immediately. Rick Rosovich's character's name was Dante. I have an erection right now. First one, Allison. Why do you have to bring it to that level? I don't understand. Because I've never seen you get this excited. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Read the read the bio on the thing. Is this about boxing? No, it's about a military academy. Wow, that's a great movie. A ball. There's a good a good overlap for us. A movie redundancy. David Keith is in a military academy in two movies. Officer and a gentleman in which he hangs himself and this one. How about that? We just found one. Diamond Unearthed. Mm hmm. If you listen to the show, Corolla, these are the things you would hear. It dealt with racism, but not 60s. Yeah. It was a pretty good movie. I don't know what it's sitting at at Rotten to Mayors. Be interesting. Oh, I'm the only one saw the movie. I've seen it. I'd say it's probably high 50s, low 60s or something like that on Rotten to Mayors. Anyway, Mark Breeland, gold medal winning, I believe Mark Breeland did a real good acting job in this movie. Oh, it's only 38 on Rotten to Mayors. Wow. I just realized something important to me, which is on facts of life. Pam Adlon's character made up a gang and that's why she had to she wanted to protect her money as a whole thing and the name of the gang was the Lords of Discipline. It probably was around 83. I never understood. Wow. He pilfered it right from this movie. Well, anyway, now you guys got your homework for tonight's Lords of Discipline and Mark Breeland, who I believe Olympic gold medalist, I believe he was a guy who was middleweight or welterweight or super middleweight. I mean, he moved around a little bit. At some point, he was, I don't know, 35 and two or something. He got beat by one of these guys. Real nice guy. Yeah. He did. You just say he won a gold medal? I think he did. I think that's right. He won a gold medal and he won it right around this time and he was very good or very believable in this movie. I don't know how many times you have Olympic boxers. How weird. Yeah. Because 83 now, now, now all of a sudden, I'm sucked into this conversation because it wouldn't have been 80 because they, because they don't go to Moscow. The US skips out on that. Right. So was he maybe one of those guys who's the sports version of a tragic guy who didn't get his shot? Because 84 would have been here in LA then when he, when he won gold. I don't know. We're going to look it up. In the meantime, I'm going to tell you about go to meeting. That's right. Teamwork, baby. That's what you need is a box. Oh, dammit. Put an individual sport. Crap. All right. We'll take a sport like bowling. Olympic team. That's a dammit. All right. There's other sports. There's other sports. I got this one. Ski shootings is sport. We're, dammit. All right. I'm, I can't, I just, I know the point is there's team sports out there. None come to mind right now, but there are teams. There are team sports. There's definitely team sports out there and go to meeting. It's a way to get the team together. You know, like archery. I just, I might, I just won these things right. It sounds like bad luck. Yeah. I just can't come up. Keep trying. So when your mind gets on that track, you know what I mean? Okay. Like swimming, not the real life. Oh, that would have been. Yeah, I could have. All right. You were right there. I was right there. Go to meeting with HD faces brought to you by Citrix. You can share the screen. You can work on documents in real time. You want a golden 84? Yes. Must have been middleweight or about that time. Let's see. Gold. Oh, welterweight. I was just about there. You're up to say welter, but I'm sure. But still a good idea not to rely on your instincts. Webcam. You can see everything. I mean, in general, just in terms of overall life batting out as me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a contest for you guys. If you could go to meeting with anyone, let's say Mark Braylon. This guy's an actor. Sounds good. He's a complex actor. In one of the great movies of our lives, apparently. That's right. That you guys haven't seen or support. I guess you don't support ethnic cultures and arts that way. I do. That's me. Michael Bean, not a fan. Why are you turning your Michael Bean to? All right. So who would you tweet dead or alive? Who would you meet? Who would you meet using go to meeting? Tweet us your answer at hashtag ace web cam and go to meeting. The winner is going to get a logitech HD webcam to use your go to meeting and autograph swag and more. And we're going to announce it on Wednesday's show. So a little bit of time left. Try go to meeting free free just 30 days free free for 30 days. Just visit go to meeting dot com. Click on the try it free button and use the promo code Adam. All right. Can we do a little news check? You want to sit in with some news? I love it. I'm sorry. I didn't bring up LeBron James, but by the time people listen, that game will be over. That's Tuesday night. So that's why I didn't talk sports. That's why spurs heat, whatever you see what's going on. Let's just keep trading them. Just keep trading games. All right. Let's do a little news, Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zippit. It's Allison. Allison. I'm glad. I'm glad Dave Damichek is here for this story because TV guy. I didn't look at you, did I? No, no, don't. I'm turning to mush. What's that stench? TV guy just ranked the 60 greatest game shows of all time. I would like to tell you guys the top 10. However, I've received some criticisms from the great unwashed about the way I do top 10 lists. And I was hoping, I feel like Dave, you do lists quite a bit and you probably do them well. It's hoping you could coach me through the top 10. Obviously, you do them in ascending order. You don't start at number one, right? That's a rookie mistake. You're not gonna start with the best of them all. Then let me give you the other ones that don't matter as much. I mean, I think there's times where I've said number one and then I've gone back and gone, you know, then gone 10 through two. That would be my chief suggestion. Start at like 10 and work your way up. All right. Yeah. Coming in at number 10, but tell me if I'm doing this wrong. The newlywed game. That shouldn't be in the top 10. I don't think. A lot of, I remember watching that as a kid with Bob U banks and whoopie. I thought was the fun. I was like, what is this? What they're always talking about. Well, how often do you make whoopie? And everybody would laugh. What the hell are they talking about? But it sounds fun. All I remember is my grandfather's all time favorite show was Hollywood Squares. He watched it religiously. He didn't have shows that he watched religiously, but he watched that show religiously. Shortly before he died, they brought back the new Hollywood Squares. I was asked to be one of the squares. And I said to my grandfather, because I, you know, there are things that I knew. Oh, the man show and love line. They didn't have cable MTV to a 91 year old, you know, didn't mean it was all, they would say, is it going to be on real TV? Meaning you're going to be on, you know, network or is it one of those cable things that we don't have? But when I marched in and told Grandpa, guess who's now I as a boy, I used to sit here and eat my lunch and we would watch this Hollywood Squares together. And you being enthusiastic, me dropping the news on a Laszlo Gorog that you're going to be part of the new Hollywood Squares. Hey, Gramps, I know you don't catch a lot of my stuff out there on cable, but big news here for the ace man and for the whole Corolla clan here. Your grand boy who used to watch Hollywood Squares with you growing up. I'm going to be in the center square. Okay. You want some tongue sandwich? No, no, no, I didn't say I didn't say it's on right now. I said I'm going to be on the show. Okay, well, we might have we might watch that. Look, look, look, I'm going to be on the show as a celebrity. I am going to I'm not playing it as a contestant. I am one of the celebrities. You're seedless grapes sometimes have seeds in them. They're not always seedless. So they're less seeds than regular grapes, but seedless is kind of a misnomer. Thanks for shitting on my point. All right. She went that tongue sandwich. You know, he just sat there went like, Well, there you go. I remember they got well, that's it. There's nothing. No needle can be moved in this family. Forget it. I'm done. I'm officially going to zip it. God. Number nine, what's my line? Okay. Number eight, password. This is why people shouldn't most people they think it's fun to play to do lists. So lists are easy and fun. This is just proves yet again that people don't know what they're doing. Don't get into something that when you're in over your head, I I know to make a list. You people don't. I had to do the fucking. What's the that's the drawing one? No, categories. A dictionary. Oh, when early, that seems like it even would have proceeded very early in my career. It was when loser draw. Yeah, it was when loser draw. It was bad timing. They brought back a whole bunch of shitty shows. I swear to God. Bert Reynolds may have been hosting this thing, but they they brought back a bunch of shitty game shows right as I was moving into sea level celebrities. So they just add and I was always good on fun and spontaneous. So they, oh, it's like a little circuit that it was asking on. And I was always a little nervous because I couldn't read very well. So I was always scared that they're going to give me the car and I was going to stand up and not know what it was, you know, not be able to pronounce or whatever. And this is they give it a big, they give it a big piece of paper. They give it a big Sharpie. You have no idea how bad you draw because in your mind, you're drawing very nicely and concisely. You're drawing like what you see. Like you're used to to seeing Disney drawings and things like that. You don't realize how bad you are on TV, but you draw it out and everyone's guessing, you know, and they, you know, they give you, I don't know, you know, Kentucky, you know, bluegrass or something like that. And everyone's just guessing, guessing. First one, first day, first time, first thing, hand me the big marker, flip the paper over, start the time, give me a card. It says an elephant never forgets. First off, that's no stitching time. Like that's not one you throw around. Oh, I was just saying to my kids, an elephant, you're an elephant. Right. An elephant never forgets. So what do I draw? I draw an elephant, you know, so it was like elephant, elephant. Okay. How do you physically illustrate not forgetting elephant, elephant? So now I'm drawing like an arrow to his head, elephant head, elephant scalp, elephant forehead, elephant eye, elephant nose, elephant mouth. It's like, no, circling the head. This is it. This is what I would draw. Elephant with the thought bubble and then a line through it. Right. Elephant never talks. Except for that's what happens. Like, everyone just goes, everyone has their thing where they just go, you just draw for, here's what I would do. I would draw a pie. Now it wouldn't be, it would be a sweet potato pie, not a pumpkin pie. Make sure sweet potato pie. So I'd be soul. And it's like, you think you can draw a pie that people are going to be able to discern whether sweet potato versus pumpkin versus anything. Well, that's what I would draw. And then I would draw, you know, they just think where they go, I would draw pictures of Colonel Sanders, a draw his face. And it's like, you don't get it. They're going to be yelling Santa Claus, an old man winner. They're not, you can't draw Colonel Sanders in half people. That was a terrible, terrible show. By the way, how would you draw an elephant? Never forget to be, you draw the elephant in the first 11 seconds. And then the rest is, you're just pointing at his head. Just going, come on, come on, come on. And then I'm going headache, whole ear, elephant ear, elephant ear. This is nothing. I don't even fucking draw it. I wasn't, oh, fuck. I was just like, this is the fucking first one. Maybe that's why the show didn't last. I, by the way, before you continue, here's another fun thing is you should throw it out to the room. What is going to be number one, I will tell you that I, if this list were accurate, it would go at number three, prices right, at number two, pyramid, number one, match game. Wow. You're wrong on all of those. Well, I mean, I'm not wrong on any of them. That's the point. Is it they're wrong? Taste the blaster, list makers. Oh yeah. There you go. Get that thing out of your holster. Number seven, Hollywood Squares. Where's he wants to be a millionaire? Number six. He wants to be a millionaire. Oh yeah. Great show. The one with the smart people on it. When you were on it, who was the host, Brian? Meredith Avira. Is she still the host? I don't know. I don't know. Number five, prices right. I mean, it's got everything. So who doesn't like prices right, then you don't like anything. I don't like that. They play everything. They have 74 games. They play every, every show. I don't like to go under the over one. I don't, I don't like when someone goes $2,700 and someone goes $1 and you know, like whoever comes closest, I don't need, it's like, to me, you're an archer. There's a target. I don't care if you're on the right side or left side. I want to closest to the bullseye. That's all. I like when the, I like the mountain climber. Oh yeah. I like that one. Here's how goddamn pathetic my life was. Like, let's make a deal when I was a kid. I would sit there and they'd go, well, do you want what's in the box? You know, you have $1,500 in your pocket or you can take behind what's behind the curtain and everyone, everyone, all the audience always yelling, you know, they're like people when someone's out on a ledge yelling jump, you know, they don't have your best interest in buying. Like take the curtain, do it, do it, do it. And the person who's basically destitute would give the $1,500 backing and take the curtain and then it would open up and it would be Jay sitting on a donkey. And I just remember as a nine year old going, but you get to keep the donkey, right? Keep the donkey. He'd be on a steamroller or donkey or something and I'd go, that steamroller's got to be worth $500. That's a lot of money. That'd be the most, that would be the most valuable thing that the Corollas own would be someone else's donkey. Challenge that because that was exactly, we would sit in the house in Pittsburgh and say the same thing. Like, oh, the cow though, wouldn't you, would you do it? Cow? Yeah. But I mean, they would have to be worth something. Bessie the cow with the bell on like, oh, wow, wow. Like, well, you get a cow. Cook that up. The 25 year old steamroller would easily be the most valuable Corolla possession to date, easily not including Jay and including the house we're living in. That was a systems episode where Bart called a radio contest and they're like, do you want $10,000 or an elephant? I'll take the elephant stompy. Yeah. Stompy. Stompy. Stompy. There was like, you know, never took the elephant. Right. Number four match game. That's the show, Ace. I don't even like to say it out loud because I don't want anybody. That's the show. You want what? Dream gig. Damn a check at the, as a host. Not because I think I'm a star, but because all you have to do is facilitate. The stars are the people on the panel and they get drunk. Just like they did back in the seventies. Yeah. They throw on a good drunk. I just steer. I just steer at home. Ace, you could be a modern day Charles Nelson Riley. I did. Thank you. I did. You are. Brian, you could be a Brett Summers. I did. I think I did the pyramid with and got smoked by Betty White. But to be fair, I was hooked up with an individual who seemingly, obviously I'm the celebrity. I was just coming from the radio station. You know, I don't, I don't have any skin in the game, but this is a person who should study the game and know the game well and that kind of stuff. And I think mine was South or something like that. And I went North and they went pole and I went East and they went East Lansing, Michigan. I was like West and they're like Western Avenue. And I was like, all right, I'm out. I don't know what I've gone through all the compass headings with you except for the one that's left that you won't say. So I'm completely out. I don't know where to go with this anymore. And I remember just thinking at the time, what the why did you decide I should play this game? Did you think you would be good at this game? It's it is the thing where it totally, if you go North, they go South. You know, it's just one of those, you know, I don't know. There's there's a kind of a cadence. There's a cadence version of the whole thing. Into the final circle. That was the best because Dick Clark, when he knows I was I was smoked by Betty White, but it's a both rounds. It's unfair. And I'll take swap partners. I'll tell you why I'll tell you why. Oh yeah. Are you smarter in a fifth grade? I screwed that one up too. Jesus, I've done a lot of this show. The here's here's the here's the reason that thing screwed up is they collect how many right answers you get. Whoever had the most right answers goes into the whatever round is the celebrity that goes into the pyramid round or whatever, whatever it is. But my we won at the end me and whoever the second round I did. I don't remember what it was, but we won. And when you win, they stop you right there. So meaning if you get three, the first three and 15 seconds and you have 30 seconds, then they stop and go ding, ding, ding. You won, you won. But you would have gotten I lost by one collectively. Okay. I need to explain this correctly. I know what you mean. You're combined score in the two rounds with the two contestants. Yeah. So if they do that, they do it this way, they go, you got 30 seconds to do and then you got 30 seconds over here and then we'll combine those two scores and you get a combined score of six. And then I do it and I get enough to win, but they cut it off, but they combine the first from the second, the second, the third or whatever it is. And you have more than me. I would have gotten the next one. You just stopped mine prematurely. I didn't get the full round in. So it's not quite a precise science, but either way I was ready to go home at that point anyway. I'm tired of being smoked by Betty White. Do you guys play that game Taboo? I would imagine you like to say it. Taboo. I got the poster hanging up here. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. Okay. Number three, family feud. It was good. Not as good as the ones I named already, but it was good. It would be in the top 10. Number two, I take issue with battle bots. Wheel of Fortune. I hate that fucking shit. I went after Jeopardy when Wheel of Fortune comes on. I cannot change the channel fast enough. It's like when Arliss used to come on after Sex in the City. Did I just say that out loud? You know what was a great thing that they got rid of on Wheel of Fortune though, was when you would buy stuff. Remember after you would win your round of Wheel of Fortune? Everyone would choose that downmation. And then they would open up the thing and it would just be filled with chotchkies and you would be like, oh yeah, $17 for that camping kit. And remember that? Why did you get rid of that thing? That was the only show that did that. And then they'd ask you on the rest on gift certificate or account. Yeah, that was weird. You had to buy your stuff right there. The worst thing to come from Wheel of Fortune was every comedian in the 80s going, can I buy a vowel here? Everybody's talking about performing oral sex. I don't know what to, can I buy a vowel? I mean, oh, you know the comedians that make the noise. Can I buy a vowel? I mean, she's there. She's drunk. Her panties are off. I'm supposed to go down on her. Can I buy a vowel? Every guy fucked the shit out of that. Can I buy a vowel thing? Oh man, you're the best 80s comedian, man. Also, do you remember that awful song featuring Vanna White and Pat St. Jack? I'm a Wheel Watcher. There was a video about everything. I'm a Wheel Watcher. No. That was a takeoff of I'm a Girl Watcher. I did see the Lords of Gisborne though. I do have that on everyone in the building. Anyway, number one. So for the Bean Boy over there. Number one. Oh, I know. Oh, we're supposed to guess. It's gotta be Jeopardy, right? No, you weren't supposed to guess I was gonna say that. I was waiting for that. No, I'm glad you did, though. It is Jeopardy. That one I agree with. Jokers wild. That's what I was saying. Oh, yeah. That's, recently I was talking about how I was upset when I realized I was too old to be on card sharks, but also when I was too old to be on, there was Teen Jokers Wild. I think. There was Pressure. Luck was a good one. You know, no whammies. No whammies. That was great because they had the little animated whammy that would come out and it would get you after like it would come and dance across the screen. And what was great about it was you had these contestants from, you know, all over the country and they would play ball with the animated thing. You always hear actors talk about, there's nothing harder than doing CGI film and playing to something that isn't there. But everybody in America could do that when the little whammy came out. They would swing at him and get angry at him and everything. What a ridiculous premise that show was. I did. Are you smarter than fifth grader? My fifth graders I got were like, didn't get any answers right. But also the first question asked me was like, the most look, you can go on Jeopardy and, you know, they can ask you the highest mountain in North America. And I don't know if it's Mount McKinley or something. But if you don't know it, no one's going to laugh at you. You don't know the highest peak in North America. Like, no. But when you're asked a question that fifth graders should know and you're in your 40s, it's wildly embarrassing. And first question, uh, McKinley is right. All right. Anyway, do we have it? Do you have that first? Are you asking me? Yeah, I have two. I have two. Yeah, two clips. All right. Well, let's play the first one. I don't know. I'm going to go second grade math. Second grade math. That's not fifth grade. For another thousand dollars, here's the second grade question. What is the lowest positive integer? I don't know what an integer is. The second grade four times and never heard that. Hold on. A positive for saying, did anyone know what an integer was in the second grade? I don't know what an integer is. I don't 2013. I honestly don't know. I'm embarrassed, but I don't. Thank you. I didn't know what an integer was either. And not, certainly not in the second grade. No, certainly not in the second grade. No, I think I learned it at some point. Yeah. But when's the last time I learned it was a math here? Later in the second grade. It says I and T. It starts with that. So using my Latin, I will guess that it means that it is something that is indivisible or something like that. But that's a root number, though. I think it's a prime number. I think it's a whole number. Math is the man's way of making us feel bad. Math is for... This is second grade math. This is so not second grade math. What is the lowest positive integer? That's like... I've seen there going, I'll take a second grade math question and I'm good at the math on your feet thing, where the what percentage of this pie is whatever, just from doing carpentry and all that. I'm good at that stuff, but I don't know what the lowest positive integer is. Yeah, it is. So anyway, I don't know if I have an answer or not. There's not an adult in this whole joint that knows the answer to what an integer is. Oh, these guys, these smarty... Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me. Look where it's gotten you. Eight dollar an hour guys. All right. I'm giving you the lowest positive integer. Do we have the second? Is there another clip? I think I have another clip. I can't remember. I don't even know what these clips are. You ready for it? Last question of the day. Fourth grade literature, it's worth $7,500. Here it is. Literature. What shitty kids with their smoke faces. Well, you see, I always just thought he was born here in the United States, but I also thought Led Zeppelin was from Boston too. So I get confused pretty easily. And where did you think the band Boston was from? Texarkana. We're just having a fun here, aren't we now, Jeff? Texarkana. Yeah. Let's see. I really have no idea since I've never read a book in my life. So I'm just gonna, I'm gonna cash in one of my cheats here. I'm locking in the peak. Locking in the peak. I don't know what that is. Take a look at the board. I think that's why I had to be fingerprinted. Madison said she thinks it's Germany. Wow. And you were thinking it was? Hold on. Vault, Vittman. Now it's starting to come together. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, since I don't know, I'm just gonna go with Madison. You're on with Madison. That's what you went to game show. I said, I thought he was born here, but you know, because Walt Whitman sounds so German, doesn't it? Well, like I said, you do the Vault Vittman math and yeah, you got something there. You know, you want to call Wagner Wagner, feel free. You kept saying I thought he was from America. Well, that's what I thought. But he is from America. Oh, yeah. He's from America, not Vault Vittman from Germany. I don't know. I listen to a little shit one nothing. They give you these kids are like, oh, this kid's going to be your safety line. He's a fucking anchor. There's my that's that that my whole my entire game show experience could be integer with second grade. That's the second grade math. By the way, I thought grade math and it's not fourth grade literature either. No. And like a second grade math question is, you know, 15 times 19 or 15 times 50 years. My kids are going into the second grade. I they're all right at math. I don't know what integer is. That but you're right. The birthplace of Walt Whitman. Oh, Walt Whitman. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Fourth graders know know his birthplace. Well, also part of my thinking was nobody back then was born here. They all came here. They're the question born, not let you know. You think people are born somewhere, came over on a steamer when they were five months old and then lived here, but they're all born. What percentage of this country was born abroad and then came here as young people back in 18, whatever. Anyway, you know what I like to do? I'd like to go to National Academy of Sports Medicine and get my license and go at those kids and put them out of alignment. Wow. That's I'd like to ill align them. So elaborate like the non. You know what I'd say? I'd say, kids, I'm certified. Let's work out. We're just going to eat this this aerosol cheese and we're going to watch me on the game shows fail miserably. That'll get that'll get you a six pack abs and I'd blow them all. That's what I do. You show them. Yeah, I would. That's that's that's going to be my my pound of flesh is literally going to be pounds of flesh that I add on to them. Now, not these guys. National Academy of Sports Medicine, they guarantee you'll get a job within 90 days of earning your personal trainer certification or your money back. You can earn a ton of money, set your own hours. You get paid to stay in shape. That was the one good part when I used to be boxing trainers. You actually train the guys you train with and it was essentially just work out every day except for someone pays you to work out. And by the way, oftentimes good looking people free 14 day sneak peek. Go to USA trainer dot com. It's fun. It's easy. It's online. That's USA trainer dot com. All right. One more. Do we have half a half a story here? All right. Well, Jeff Garland was arrested because he smashed in the windows on a car. This is in Studio City over the weekend. Allegedly smashed in the windows of another person's Mercedes because he got it was a fight over a parking spot. Oh, where I want to know specifically. I live around there. Studio City. That's all it says. Yeah, I don't know exactly about those key details. Like how many integers were involved. I don't know what that means even. Maybe it works. Do you know him? Does he seem like a hothead? No, he's one of the most confident human beings I've ever met my life. Is that a flattering? Yeah. He, uh, very confident person, squizzedly confident. Not in a bag of bag of Tadoshas kind of way. No, I literally, I saw him open for John Stuart a million years ago at Carolines. We're going to be there doing some shows coming up by the way, live shows, 18th through the 20th of July. And me and Jimmy saw him and I just thought he must be related to John Stuart somehow. He just pulled up a stool and start talking about Snickers bars for like 20 minutes. And then he realized he was a stand up. But he's like, he's kind of guy just like, uh, not a big sense of urgency in the, uh, in the stand up department. Very relaxed, very, uh, very, like lacking jokes. Uh, I've never met a more confident guy and not in a braggadocious way just in a, uh, I wish I had, we all, you know that whatever you wish you had, you're full of self down, go, do I deserve to be up here and not, not that was not that. No, but don't know him to be, uh, know him to be a nice guy and a sweet guy and, uh, not a guy who busts out windshields, which I like the guy who does that. I mean, it's kind of fun. Why do you do it? He got in a verbal fight with another person over a parking spot, which escalated and allegedly resulted in him smashing out the windows and then cops were called and he was arrested. With what? Is that a jail now though? I didn't say. What kind of stories are these? They don't tell you what store he broke the things. He doesn't tell you if he used a golf club or a hammer or a shoe. Well, the preferred weapon of choice for, uh, Jack Nicholson many years ago, I believe on Laurel Canyon was the golf club and Tiger Woods, his old lady used the golf club too. Right. Seems like that's the one you're supposed to. I was just imagining it. He was just using his hulking hand, but there's no way, right? No, you couldn't actually do that with you. Oh, you can if you're, but you got to be beat up on drugs. John Crease did it more than once when he took on Miyagi in the parking lot after the Valley championship. He, he did it once and Miyagi dodged them. He went back for more. He went for another one book, same result, bloody hands. Always my contention that his argument of when you don't have the belt, when you don't have the strap for the All Valley tournament, when, when, when you don't have that hanging in the window of your dojo, you lose a ton of business. You don't get as much dojo walk up as you would if you have the strap. Like if you're known as the winner of the All Valley tournament, then you're going to lose tons in business. But I would argue seeing, uh, the, the head of said dojo, the sensei who ran the Cobra Kai Academy physically assault a student in the parking lot right after the All Valley tournament when all the parents are exiting the arena is some of the worst advertising you could have for your dojo. Right. Like literally trying to choke the life out of a 17 year old in the parking lot in front of the group. Hey, we're talking about them. I guess that's how it works. Did you not stop to think that maybe we attract a different clientele? A different clientele set their way. That's right. An older school one. Not once you knew what an integer was. Just down this here. This article was just posted three hours ago. It was a studio city CVS drug store. Ah, CVS and studio city. I know exactly where that is. His bail was posted at $20,000. It still doesn't say, uh, what he used to smash the window though. Like to find that out. No charges were filed though. So, so I hear and it's got to be rough with an escalade being a choice of travel for most men with a large carriage to ensure business and then having fights escalate. Right. I mean, yeah, gotta be a lot of things on first going. I think not legal zoom, baby. America built by the innovators. People like in windows, Edison. That's right. And hearts. Ford jobs, Corolla. Yeah, I penciled my name in. What of it? You want to get your business going? You want to get it going right? Legal zoom, baby. Start your dream. Apply for patent register, a trade, a trademark. Protect what's yours. Use legal zoom. You can incorporate form an LLC, launch your business. You call or visit legal zoom.com. Legal zoom.com. They will take care of you. Start to finish soup to nuts. They've helped millions of businesses get started and started right, my friend. Celebrate innovation with legal zoom and for a limited time get a special price on trademark, copyright and patent applications by using the code Adam and check out protect your creations and launch your dream at legal zoom.com. Legal zoom can provide self help services of your specific direction or they can connect you to an attorney, but they are not a law firm. All right, bring it home, baby girl. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosin Zividcons. That was the news with Allison Rosin. Ah, yes, we're going to be in Irvine Wednesday night doing a live show. So if you're out in that area and you want to come out and see how the fudge is packed, come on down. I use that instead of sausage is made. I like that. That's why sausage being made is fairly homoerotic, but seeing how the fudge is packed. Take it to another level. Whole new homoerotic level. Whole new integer. Also Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver coming up July 26th. That's me doing a show alone. AdamCrolla.com is where you go. Wilter Theater, Me and Jay Moore, August 3rd. He'll do his thing. I'll do my thing and then we'll do our thing together. It is beautiful. So come on out. Check that out and me and Dr. Drew first three shows on the road, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, Denver. Come on out and well stay home and go to itunes or adamcrolla.com. You can hear our beautifully mastered and put together by our own Chris Maxapata. So until next time, this is AdamCrolla for Lisa Lampinelli, Dave Damageek, Allison Rosen, and Bald Brian Sayon. Mahalo. Let's listen to me. All right, that does it for today's Cruel Classics. Until next weekend, Mahalo and get it on.