#179 - Bonnie McFarlane

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Like in a story, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you did. I didn't even saw a clip. I thought you didn't post it. I think it was just we didn't know we were doing. When we started. But don't worry. I did get a sandwich. That's right. No, oh, fuck. I said, no, eat before you go. You can't rely on that. But I fully expected. Fuck, I feel so bad now. I saw you with a coffee. I was like, then you drank out of it. Damn, you know what? And this is tough because this is just prejudice. I think being vegan is what killed you here. Because I considered just picking up some. You bought me a vegan salad last time. I know, I'm a piece of shit. You were like so thoughtful. I know, that's when we were like, Elders, don't fucking boo me, you piece of shit. No, the last time I did it, I was so hungry. And you let me eat half of it before we started the. I was like, this is a treat. Are you hungry now, Elders? Can you get on Uber Eats? I ate on the way here. I said, I've learned to not. That breaks my heart. I've been married a long time. You don't rely on others. Of course. Of kindness. Even from your friends who are asking you to do a favor. Because they have to bank a bunch of podcasts before shooting a special. But I don't know if this is because of who my husband is. Or just because I'm like, old. But when men are nice to me, I'm so appreciative. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I have a joke in my act about it, but a guy put it my suitcase in the overhead. And I started weeping. Because they curled up in his lap. But it is true. I get so like, because I just think like, the way men are, I don't have a, it's like, I always think like, if I had a lot of testosterone, I'd probably be acting the same way. Like you're basically just reacting to whatever chemicals are going on in your body. So I understand they're looking for something that I'm not. So then when they do land on me and are nice, I... Wait, what do you mean they're looking for something? What? What do you mean they're looking for something that you are not? They can't be nice to someone. I don't know. I always just think like, my dad's an amazing human, by the way. I shouldn't have this thought. Is it because like, I am curious. Because everything about kind of your life says horrible father. No, I know. I know. I know. A woman who gets into stand-up comedy and marries Rich Voss, no disrespect. It seems like her dad abandoned the family. I know it looks like it, but I've thought a lot about it. And it's actually the opposite. It's like, I don't have issues with men. My dad's very nice, kind, funny, like masculine guy. And so I don't... I just was like, I just... You'd build up no unities. I know this sounds crazy, but I just... I really like men based on how comedic they are. Of course, of course. 90% of the time. It's just like a matching of the minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. When women are like, oh, he's hot. I don't even know what dad is. Interesting, interesting. Like, you know, there's somebody who works at the stand all the time that women are constantly like, oh my God, he's so hot. And I do. I can physically see that if I was casting something where you need a hot guy, but there's nothing going... That's... Really? So you were always, wow, that's fascinating. So you're basically the type of woman that's the reason stand-up comedy exists. It's like, the fact that someone could impress girls like you, it's like, oh, nice, I guess this is an art form. And I'm gonna dedicate my life to it. Literally the reason I did stand up. I mean, obviously I wanted to be funny, but it was like, even growing up, when you get it, the only way I got attention was just like being fun. Right, right. And it's like, and you just continue that. But that is interesting. So you never, you like, what was the first, did you, what was like the first serious relationship you're in? What was that guy like? We're talking Canada. You was a bartender, yeah, Canadian, funny. You also grew up like in a barn, basically. Yes, same. It's kind of crazy. You guys should read Bonnie's memoir. You're better than me. Because it is, because we had met before I read it, but I didn't know, we weren't like good friends, but at that point anyway, but I was like, oh, let me just, I was also a comedy nerd. And I was like, what the fuck? You're like, you're like, you're literally living in a little house. I was like, is this a joke? It is, it is. I honestly for a second was like, is this a bitch, some meta narrative? Yes, yes. Because you grew up like, no, there's like no electricity. No, listen to me. When people, like, when people from other cultures are like, we were all poor, I'm always like, no truly, I feel like I can't say I was poor because of reading your book. And I grew up in Baltimore in the 90s. And I was like, I had a better than fucking Bonnie. We, it's a different kind of poor. We grew up poor, like in the sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Growing our own food, that kind of poor. Like 800s poor. So you lived, you literally started your life. You're a time traveler basically. Yes, yes. You're literally a time traveler. I don't think it's amazing that people get, like I'm not a hick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not at all. I would have no, you would not expect it at all. My mother is very educated. Right, right, right. Interesting. It's really, I thought a lot about this because my parent, because it's hard to get out of being poor. Yeah, for sure. Especially in that kind of thing where they're not like, they're farmers and my mom's a teacher. Like, they make a certain, a certain amount of money and that's that and you know. You're not gonna randomly grow eight times. A piece of corn isn't gonna go viral. And lead your corn sales through the roof. Your mom's not gonna teach one dumb kid. We're not gonna make one dumb kid a genius. And now she gets a million dollars. Yeah, no, we did pretty well at the county fair a couple of times. And. Yeah, if you don't have a stand out pig, you're fucked. If you're a pig, it's so crazy that your life was affected by your livestock's performance at the county fair. Yes. The McFarlane's had a great year when a fucking donkey won. Well, it is weird because you go, that's how. Wow, can we have real, can we have caramel? No, can we have sugar mom? That is kind of true. On Christmas, everyone just gets a spoonful of maple syrup. Yeah. Oh man, it's not even my birthday mom. But see, this is where, okay, this is where your porno is projecting. We had all the food we wanted. There was no short, I mean, it was all home made. Even the ketchup was homemade. Everything was homemade, but it was like in abundance. We had a lot. Okay, that's cool, I like that. And what are we? The porno was really just like, my mom made a lot of our clothes. Right. It was like. We didn't have running water. That was the biggest thing. I mean, that's insane. We didn't have running water. I didn't even think. For a long time. For a long time. Wow, you literally, you and Eldis, who was an Albanian refugee. Yes. Had this at a very similar first year of life. Because my parents were poor and they, their house burned down before I was born. Then they had to live in a trailer for while while they were. And so it just took a long time to get it all. Of course. And they would, my parents never had a credit card until probably the 90s. That's awesome. You gotta respect that too, because it is like, I do, I guess on some level, that is, is that their choice to live that way? Well, cause they, they, I don't know, it's so weird, that, they, What part of Canada are we talking about here? We're talking Northern, Alberta, okay, which is another thing that, like, I mean, obviously, people move there before there's electricity, but who moves to the coldest climate, it goes, it's nine months, so, we'll, we'll, right, We'll, right, right, right, We'll, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, straight potato famine shit where they're like, we'll take you to the tundra. They did not care about being poor. They cared about having character, helping. They were like those kind of people. That's like a fucking, yeah. Like salt to the earth. That's the kind of like media, like the kind of media like fucking John Wayne was raised on. It describes your father basically. Like he was reading books about guys like your dad. Like cause my dad was really good at like, breaking horses and riding horses and stuff. And he would take us sometimes we were little and put us in front, his arms like this. So we wouldn't fall and go round up cows. And it was the scariest thing. Cause the horse would be sometimes like, you'd be like, it's parallel to the ground almost. It's like going at such a, going so fast. Cause he's like trying to, like corral the cows. He was just able to do it, you know? Like what men are like that now? Like why are you kidding me? I'm very rich boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he fixes everything of electrical things. If you want to haggle like over a fake silver jewelry, I'm sure you will go to a pawn shop and want to diamond a horseshoe pinky ring. Rich could get you a great deal on it. I always think like, why? It is weird. And it's not like I was like, then gets all get married rich. I was in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like happy to be doing it. Right. Excited. I wasn't like, well, now or never. The clock's ticking, I guess. You were head over heels. No, I always said, but I think it's cause he was so different from my family. Cause also there's no bragging. It's like modesty times a thousand family. Okay. So Rich told me on our first date that we ever went on, he goes, he goes, I'm an amazing comedian. So basically you're just gullible. Your family didn't raise you to like distrust men or double fact check people statements. And you're like, oh wow, I'm marrying the greatest comedian who's ever lived. Well, I will say that he was really funny. No, of course. I mean, at the time, I didn't marry the funniest person at that time. Voss is hysterical. He's literally, he'll say things that are, and also because you can say anything to him and it's not gonna, there's no being offended. That is actually in a real way. It's like, cause like, you know, Voss online is one of those where like, all right, I can't look at this. Cause this isn't the guy I'm friends with. This is an insane, his own wife, me and Simba. He's not allowed to come and talk. Like there's certain words that, because I can't do it for that long. Like he'll tell me things that happened that against his people. Okay. And then I really do try to get in a place of, well, let's just say, I understand where he's coming from and all that, but I can only do it for so long. Of course. Well, I will, let's say much better comedian than geopolitical analyst. We will say that about Rich Voss, not even close. I don't want to talk to Joe, but I think he's addicted to his identity. So. Beautiful. It's not really his fault. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bonnie, save it for actual therapy. Let's get back to you. Let's get back to you. I don't believe in actual therapy. Okay. Now it's starting to make sense. Well, this kind of craziness that Rich Voss has that I've sometimes I want to fix. Okay. Then I go, no, that's, he's built his whole life on this. This is what makes him funny and who he is. Of course. Also, no disrespect. It's the clocks to the deadlines taken on any, making any changes. Believe me, I've had to, I've had some come to Jesus moments on that show. Wow. Yeah, that is, that is so. Rackal acceptance. It is really interesting to think about somebody growing up like, what we're talking about is like, the pure, it's like, you kind of army, your existence is kind of an argument. This is like what right wing manosphere guys are saying where it's like, our beautiful farm girls are being tricked by drug using Jews in the big cities. Crack addict Jews are stealing our Scotch Irish farm girls. They're like, keep them in the farm. But I guess it's like. But I do, but because I have that training, like I, you know, my daughter's now in college. So, you know, I literally, I went from doing everything all the time to doing nothing. Oh, so this is a big thing. I literally do nothing. We have like cleaners come in. I don't make anybody's dinner. I just make mine. Totally, totally. And Rich will sometimes get upset about it, you know, or whatever, but I always, when Rich is upset about the division of labor, I always go, because he's, because he's basically getting upset by, he thinks that he's doing the same amount as me, but really I was doing so much more. Right, right, right. Do you know what I'm saying? You were working three jobs. Yes. And then two are gone. And now you have one job, he has one job, but it's like, hey, what the hell? You're working two less jobs. I'm working the same amount of jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand that. But he thinks like, I always say like, what if it was like, because if I make dinner, then I have to clean it up too. Yeah. I go, what if he- I love that you're like, can I fix his fundamental problems? You can't even figure out dishes. I know. Or is this, you can't even figure out splitting dishes and cooking. No, but it is true. No, but it is true. He'll argue as hard. Yeah, yeah. About not doing dishes as he will in favor of Netanyahu. Yeah. He's like, that's his real passion. Of course. Just the argument. That actually makes someone addicted to arguing. Yeah. The genocide is like the most high, the most primo shit. It's like pure uncut rage. And like, you can really get in deep. I bet you were seeing a lot of that for a lot of people right now. Oh, that's what I think is happening for a lot of people. They already have the rage inside them and now they have something they can place it on. Yeah, it's kind of like the extension of like, road rage was like actual physical, everyone is so isolated. And then when they finally interact, you see these violent outbursts, because our society is so fucking atomized and you don't ever think of yourself in a community. And now it's like, I guess it is kind of like all this fucking online trolling shit or just arguing. Is an extension of that. Everyone is even, it's even more than road rage. You don't even see the person in your car. You're just on your phone, on your fucking computer. But it's the same thing where it's like, let's up the stakes. Let's go from like, a fender bender to pulling a gun out on the highway. And now it's like, let's accuse these people of being rapists. And by the way, a lot of them actually are. That's kind of the, that's the hard part. Is when you're arguing with literal pedophile apologists. And you're like, fuck. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're on the side of pure evil, but that's neither here nor there. Let's start. Do you ever get the desire to, Do you ever get the desire, you ever get the desire to like make a apple pie all day? Like it's back, like you're a seven. You know, it, I do, I do some soups. I love that. Yeah. I, you know, I mean, my family stopped speaking to me when I went vegan, but. Yeah. I mean, there's no way to even get, when did you even conceptualize vegetarianism? Oh no, very early. Oh really? This is. Cause you're on a farm when you're falling in love with the animals? I was in charge of every, I don't know because I wanted my dad's approval. I guess I would always choose to kill the chickens. That would be, also I didn't like chickens. Okay, me neither. So you have to cut the heads off chickens. So I would do that. And I remember like sort of like dealing with some internal conflicts. And this is how old are you? I'm probably between eight and 15. Is this so hot? Okay. A, a, a fucking eight year old's getting a fucking machete down on a chicken's neck. It's so easy. Yeah. You, you get a, a wire coat hanger and you straighten it and then you put a like a hook on it. Like you're going to get a car door open. And then you go in and it'll grab one of the legs. Right. So you go in like that and it get the leg gets in and can't get out. And then you just throw it down on the block and in your other hand, so you throw it down. Yeah. And then you're the head to have this little axe. Boom. Hell yeah. And sometimes you've missed and you just get half their head. Oh no, things get ugly. And chicken brains must be small as hell, huh? And yeah, they're, they're, they're disgusting animals. They're so gross. I can't believe people eat them. Well, they're pretty tasty, but yeah, they are gross. They're full of like, and they're nice and gross. Oh. Yeah. And they flap around and everything gets. So, but you, so then the first thing was discussed. Okay. So then one time I said, So you were grossed out by the chicken? Is that why you didn't want to eat it? No, that time I wasn't really grossed out. It just was like thinking about things. And I remember at dinner, I don't even remember why I brought it up. I just said one time, and it was probably like 10 or 11. I said, uh, I go, isn't it weird that we have an, by the way, I'm eating meat at this time. Yeah. Yeah. I go, isn't it weird that we didn't evolve past eating meat? Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, I just told the whole family that evolution is not real. Yeah. They're like, Flip the Bible. Read the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, this is our lively. Oh, wow. God. So that really meat eating. Are you serious about them not, not they cut you off when you didn't eat? No, no, no, no. Okay. They do. But they were pissed at you. You must have always been the weird one in the family. Right. Does everybody else, is everybody else still on the farm? What are they doing? Yeah, they live in Canada. They're very like, my sister works, she's the head of a charity and my sister is on the school board or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. They're very successful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they still like, they plant garden. They're very, they're always sending these pictures. It's so funny. They always send these pictures of like, they'll make like 80 jars of like, tomato something or salsa. And, you know, send the pictures of all the jars neatly done. You're like, that took days to do. But they got salsa for the year. Yeah. But they do it all the time. Then the next weekend, it'll be pickles. It'll be whatever. And, you know. Yeah. There is something to just- I'm like, you guys looked at my stories. Yeah. I bought new shoes. I didn't make them at all. I could, if something happens to them, I'm fucked. But I sometimes I do think the happiest you are is when you're just kind of like filling your time up with existing and filling your time up with like, just having, doing everything you're doing the best way you can and not worrying about what comes next. And like, you know. That's what this consciousness podcast was talking about. That the best thing, because they're saying consciousness is outside of your body, or at least that's a working theory that they have. And so you've got to, your brain is actually just a like, it, what do you call it? Like a radio thing. Like it just- An antenna? Yes. It just picks up- It picks up consciousness. It picks up consciousness, the thoughts and the consciousness. Oh, that's fascinating. So the best place- From fucking where? Where the fuck is my consciousness? It's here. It's all over. It's all over. It's just that, it's cause like, have you ever done ayahuasca or anything? No, I've done mushrooms, but nothing- Well, they're saying like, basically you're somewhere, you have a very small hole opening for consciousness. Okay. Because you can't handle it. You can't handle all the consciousness. I love, I love- You can't handle everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can only just see what you're- Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Instead of having, you're talking about being essentially an omniscient narrator for- Yes, right, you see. In the entirety of existence. We would, our brains would explode if we had that ability. Yeah, you couldn't get all the information. So they give us one POV. But then when you take ayahuasca or mushrooms, it opens it a little bit more. So that's why there's- It's poppers for your brain. Or you can see other entities or whatever. Cause it's not one place at a time. It's everything. Oh, it's everything that's ever happened. Yes. Interesting. I don't think that is true at all. Or I don't really follow. It's fun to think about, but I just think we just have something in our brain. You know? But don't you think when you're on stage, cause this is the only reason I'm interested is just cause I'm always like- For the craft. I mean, the other reason is spiritual is because it mirrors stuff that you do on stage. It's so fucking funny. I mean, you talk about how you're attracted to like people who are funny and like all you see, you're thinking about spirituality because of stand up. And I want to make fun of you, but I'm maybe the exact same way. Where it's like, I want to, but I'm like, it is pathetic. Sometimes I think like how much, and we're making fun of Rich for his identity, but it's like my identity is comedian. Straight up, the more I think about it, the more I'm getting these, you know, it's like, what do I want to be? What do I want to do? And I'm like, I really just want to, I just, I'll do other shit. You put me in more fucking Oscar movies. I'll be in more Oscar movies. But what I love and what I think about is stand up. And it is very funny because I've had that same thought about like, not, I mentioned to hear your take about the like consciousness thing, but for me it's more about stand up is opening me up to energy. Like, because I do think sometimes, especially on this hour, which by now has been recorded and we're very happy with it. Uh, No tags, please. It all went great. Everything, no problems whatsoever. But records like the next day, somebody goes, Hey, I thought of a tag where that shows. I'm so pit. Yeah. I will kill you. It sucks because also something has happened to me now where I'm done, like we went on this bus run and okay, and actually we'll be, we'll level with you folks. This comes out right after the special. So it doesn't really matter. I were about to do the special and I, I just went on a bus run and the last day of the last bus run, I was like, I love the order. I love everything. Like this is great. Or maybe like there was three, the second to last show, I was like locked in. This is exactly how I want to do it. Maybe, you know, obviously you play with wording here and there, but I'm like, it's locked in. And the second I locked in and I was like, I'm committed to this. It was the most fun thing in the world and it became fun again. And now I'm like, wait, I have to record this and never do it again after it. Like it's, it's, we've just, I'm just starting. Now I'm in a place of fun with it. Well, it's like, I know it works. And now it's like, let's explore. Let's see. And I'm like, I know if I have even two more months, it would be better, but you can't, you'll drive yourself crazy constantly. You know, but yeah, anyway. So I really have gotten onto that whereas I'm like, because like I, some of the, the, the hour's gotten so much better in the last two weeks and it's not even about, it's really about how I say certain things or my facial expressions or how quickly coming off the end of another joke, I get into, or the way I get into my setup. The setups, everything. In between. And it's like, and it's just like, I'm like this, if I read these words, and this is me, it's not like I'm giving somebody else do my act. Just me by degrees this much. Yes. I'm like, I'm doing the hour so much better. And I'm like, and that's a, that's a thousand people. It's like I'm like, kind of pushing one person's button. A collective crowd has some kind of identity, which is bizarre. All that can be is energy. And I'm like, that, yes. So anyway, that has got me. But it's because the energy of you going, ah, got it. That projects to them somehow. And it just, it just has opened me up to like being like, many things that we don't, that we think are inconsequential matter so, so much. And we have no idea about what actually matters. That's why I think like, don't, I mean, I have a joke about it in my act, but it's like, don't talk about your trauma so much. Cause that trauma leakage is what art is. You know what I mean? So just let it, like I really try to let my subconscious, cause you're subcon, like if you, you've ever read a joke and you use the word cabbage for no fucking reason. Do you know what I mean? Or whatever. And it gets a huge laugh. And then later you think about it and you go, why am I saying that? Let me put something in that actually makes sense in some way and that it never gets the laugh. It's cause your subconscious knows what it's doing at times. You know? So. Yeah. Subconscious is a whole other thing that I think, I really believe in that. Well, this is what I think happens on stage when you're doing crowd work. Like I'm as interested to find out what's going to come out as anyone. Like I don't know what to, I'm not sitting there thinking like, I'm going to talk to this person. I'm going to ask him what his job is. He's going to tell me construction. And then I have these three jokes that I'm going to say about construction. I have no idea what's going to happen. And I don't, I'm not scared of it. And I don't care if it works or not. Exactly. So then it's like easy to just go in there and just let this thing do its job. Does that, I know I sound like I'm so crazy. No, I actually know what you mean on this. Where I think in particular, cause I'm the same way with crowd work. It's like sometimes shit just doesn't work, but that's not, I'm not looking to kill. I'm looking to have an interesting interaction with someone. And there's something, there's something interesting from a performance standpoint for the audience I think, or just again, energetically where it's like, we are all, cause the fun of stand up usually is, or a joke is just you trick. It's basically a trick. People think it's going one way, it goes another way. We're all now eligible to be tricked or delighted or surprised, even me. It does become, even the performer when I say me, it does become like a collective thing now we're all waiting to see what happens. And that's kind of fun. And maybe that's a little bit of the secret to the fucking why a bunch of my bullshit crowd work stuff was going viral two or three years ago. Cause it was, that was the energy for me. It was like, let's see what the fuck happened with this lunatic. But online I do see a certain thing that works. And it's like, now I'm gonna, am I too crazy? No, it's all good, go crazy. I can see like- I can tell they're sending me subliminal messages through their crowd work clips. They're telling me to assassinate Benjamin Netanyahu. And- I'm gonna go with the rich to Israel. I'm gonna- Yeah. I'm what they call the honey pod or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you're gonna beat Israel at the honey pod game. They got that boy Cash Patel in a fucking blender right now. Oh my God. He's drunk as fuck. I just don't understand what's happening. He's fucking his Mossad issued girlfriend and they can't find him anywhere. Anyway, whatever. EasyJet's big orange sale is now on. Wander the streets with more wonder with up to 200 pounds of city rates and up to 20% off flights. Book now at easyjet.com. Get out there. Selected dates and flights sale and fifth of May. Holidays minimum spend and after protected T's and C's apply. What's the insane thing you were gonna say? No, I don't remember. Oh, that's okay. I don't remember what I was talking about. It's interesting though, because what you're talking about is you kind of have, it almost feels like, almost like benevolent rebellion where it doesn't seem like you were, were you like a fuck you mom and dad kid when you left? Or were you just like, you know what? I wanna go to a city. Yes, I was definitely like, I wasn't like fuck you mom and dad, but I did spend a lot of time, they were angry at me a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. They didn't understand you probably. I kept bringing up, like why did you guys choose this? Like I didn't understand. I love my parents, I really do. And I always have, they're very, they're lovely, lovely people. But they were born there, right? No, well they were born into this kind of life, but they moved from Saskatchewan to Alberta. And uh. Saskatchewan was like the happening metropolis. Well people Saskatchewan. That's the one that you wish you grew up in? Yes. Fucking crazy. Because Saskatchewan was like a farming, it was Southern Saskatchewan, it was a little warmer and it was a farming community. We moved to like. The Miami of Canada Saskatchewan. Yes, yes, yes. It gets up to zero. Yes. It gets up to zero here. I'm in my short sleeves. Yes, I don't know. They like hard things. I guess they feel good about, like we, and I wrote, I wrote about this in my book. Of course, check it out. They would play, we'd play board games after a long day of work. And a lot of times, we had a lot of board games to choose from, but a lot of times whoever was in charge of choosing the board game would choose the game farm. Okay. So you're literally farming all day. I would be like, what guys, what are we doing? And they'd be like, do you want to sell your pigs or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, roll, roll. And it's like, I just had this, I always think of like, I have like an irony detector or something. And then like, I would bring stuff up. That is funny. Yeah, yeah. To be like, you'd understand this is objectively funny that we just milked cows for fucking 12 hours. And now we're rolling a dice to see how many cows we milked, how many fake cows we milked. Yes, yes. But they were just, but again, I guess it's like, that is how most people lived for until now. I think they like to make their world small. Then it feels safer. Right, exactly. You know those things and you're very like... But also it's safer, but it's also... Well, we're doing it with comedy. I envy that. Like there is something to that where I'm like, wait, that is just how you should live. Right. Because even the, and maybe it's a cop out for how much we see where it's like being aware of what everyone in the world is doing is so clearly bad for you. And it's like, what is, and then you get into these existential questions of what is the purpose of existence? Is it just to have a fucking, to just raise? Because on some level you could say that exactly, how your parents lived or chose to live, because it sounds like it was a conscious decision to almost to go back, to kind of turn the clocks back and be like, we don't appreciate how society is going. My dad would have, my dad was the primary engine for that. He wanted to live off the grid. He didn't want government taking his gun. You know, like. And you see, you understand that. Cause you're just like, especially, you know, even as somebody who, I think I would probably like to do a simpler version of a more communal style of living. Like I like, but I'd like to go back to something more, you know, kind of more simple, but it's like, you get what, you get where that's coming from. Cause you're dead, like you said, you report, but you had food, you did everything you needed to do. You could do without, you know, without. And you had to learn this lesson of like, well, you just had to like, there was no trying harder than you'd normally try because the weather was just gonna be what the weather was. Do you know what I mean? So you just had to be like, well, if it doesn't freeze early, we'll be able to go on vacation, you know what I mean? Or whatever. There's no ifs. There's just what is. There is no working in theoreticals. There's just, we have to get these things done. And I think that's a freeing thing. There is the argument that we just having anxiety is fake. You know, cause it's like, we never should be in a position to think for longer than, you know, an hour because most of humanity. People don't think and that's why they get anxiety too. Like, you know, I was thinking about the other day, like you just never see anyone sitting around thinking. Yeah. You never see it. Like, and I was thinking, like it's kind of funny cause if you did see, you'd be like, wow, that's amazing. The other person just sitting there. It's a philosopher. Yes. But in the olden days, people would be like, get up and do something. Yeah. Yeah. The way now watching a movie feels like being, let's say, oh, I'm off my phone. Yes. I watched a bigger screen. Like you could just sit there and do nothing. And people are like, wow. But that's true. People sit on planes now and they're raw dog. The raw dog. The raw dog. I don't appreciate that. I love a plane cause it's, it feels like the one place you're allowed to turn your body off. Yes. I just scroll, I scroll, play. I love getting stupid mini games. Like playing, you know, plants versus zombies or like some kind of bullshit game. Water sort. Water sort. Okay. I'll check it out. But yeah, I don't know. There is, sometimes I do think, I think my, like my fake idealized version of simple stuff is like beach side. Right. Like, you know, I like Greek Island, like just fucking fishing. How you know what I mean? But I know, I, what I'm imagining is basically a vacation. It's not, when you actually have to live that way, it sounds horrible. Okay. But my dad loved it. Like his passion was getting up, being with animals. Like, you know, tasting the dirt to see what the acidity was or whatever the fuck he did. You know what I mean? It was like, he just, he really loved it. So it wasn't really work to him in that way. It was just being. Like people will pay, you know, in my town, my friend sent her daughter to this thing where you pay to go work on a farm. Yeah. I was like, I gotta tell my parents. You gotta tell your parents will be like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? But it's like, cause we do actually like crave that. It's like you said before, when you're just doing something sort of like with your hands and your brains going, like even just walking your dog in the woods. It's like, it's so therapeutic. But even my version of like, I kind of, there was like a period of the pandemic that I liked because you kind of had, once you could go outside again and you could shop again, it became like fill up your days with meaning instead of going crazy. And I, there was like a six month period where I lived like a housewife from the 40s where I went to the butcher, I went to the fresh produce market. I cleaned everything. I woke up every morning. I cleaned. You know what I mean? And I planned out my stuff and I worked. Like, and I was just like, like even though shopping for the day took me three hours because I went to fucking the, I walked across the entire neighborhood. I could have gone to a supermarket. I could have ordered if we're being honest. But it was like, I, that's as close as I'll ever get. The farming is going to three different stores for fucking. Going to the farmer's markets. Going to two different farmer's markets to me counts as farming, as working the earth, as opposed to just being like 40 chicken wings. You know, like, to me those, that felt like me reconnecting. So I guess it's all relative. If you're a city hit. But I do think that's like something. Totally. Whatever your version of it is, I think everybody kind of wants to go to turn it back a little bit. Yes. I think we're at the first point in society and like, well, I don't know. This is, what's podcasting for them making completely. Yes. Insane claims you haven't even thought about for one second. You're just on a roll with your friend and you're living room. You know what I think about society? Yeah. But I think we're at the first, and maybe this is not true because there were probably people who were scared of the future. But at least for me, and maybe this is just getting old, I don't know. It does feel like the future is scary. Or when people think of the future kind of across the board, no one's that pumped. Like there's not like the, there's no optimism. There's no like, like when I was growing up, I was like, we're gonna have fucking flying cars and computers that, and we can look at- We'll have a base on the moon. Yeah, yeah. And now it's like, oh, actually you never even have to have conscious thought. You can just ask, your phone will tell you you're handsome and a genius, and it will all order your food for you. And it'll take that pesky problem of thought, of, you wanna talk about consciousness. Now people are surrendering their consciousness to a shitty- The one thing they've done. It's not even working. It's not even working. It's like, it doesn't do anything. Anyway, so it's like, I do feel like there is a huge, across the board, no matter what type of person you are. Cause I feel like I wanna become a Luddite. And I'm a, I've lived in a city my whole, I've lived in Baltimore and I moved to New York. And even when I could have left and gone anywhere, like last year, I was like, no fucking, I'm staying in New York. Cause I love, cause I thought about any place I could, I wanted to live in America, back home, Austin, LA, wherever the fuck. And I was like, no, it's expensive, but I fucking love it. I love being around this many people. But even me, somebody who objectively would die if the grid collapses, I'm not farming, I'm not doing anything. Even I wanna be like, I need to go fucking be in the nature for like, we should go to nature. We should, I should have to earn something. Like I should have to at least cook my meal. I should at least have to go buy it. You know what I mean? Even if I'm not fucking, you know, farming or whatever, but I don't know. I do think, I mean, this is crazy. Cause I'm a vegan, I think people should have to go kill their own food every once in a while. I agree. I just think like you need that connection of what you're doing. Cause like the chicken wings thing, I think about this, it's like people will order a fucking plated chicken wings and eat four of them. And I'm like, that's 15 fucking chickens right there that you just killed for once. You could just have the smell at your table. You understand how many, between me and Elders, there have been evenings where 80 chickens have died. Perished. To feed our, to feed me and my friends. I'm not thinking about it. And I'm not saying don't, I'm not telling anyone to eat meat or not eat meat. That's not my thing. I'm just saying like, just think about it once in a while. Like this is, this was a living thing. Like at least have appreciation that that's giving your brain some juice that it needs to go out in the world and do some good or something. Of course. Yeah. I don't know. To do some good. I know. Even though. Yeah. It is an astounding number of, I think that's why, I think, and you know what's funny though, I looked into this, I think even worse than that is chicken feet. Cause in China, crushes chicken feet. And I think that's part of, I was reading something again, we're just doing classic podcast. And we're just like, I think I remember this. Where it's like, even part of why chicken wings are viable is because there's so much waste from chicken feet that they kind of go hand in hand. Where it's like, Chinese people love chicken feet. The way we fucking crush wings. And what do we got there? Producer Elders, anything? God forbid you fucking know how to Google you piece of shit. It is so weird when you're like, what is the most common food? It's chicken feet. Yeah. It's just not that. Yeah. America is not driving that. I mean, they still eat dog meat in certain countries. I remember it's fucking crazy. But I don't see, I don't see like people won't eat dog because they have a dog in their house or in their life and they go, oh that's- If it was delicious, I would eat dog, I don't fucking care. Well, people always say that they go, I can't stop eating meat, it's so good. I'm like, what if baby tasted that good? Would you eat it? I mean, a lot of people apparently do. Our society is run by people who would fuck babies. Is eat that much? Like truly, when you start fucking babies, is eat that much different? It's funny. And we are just ruled by them and there's nothing we can do about it. Like still right now, they're just not releasing the full Epstein file. I think, I don't get why any of it got released at all. If the elites are in charge, why would they let it go to this level even? Cause they're trying to, what the fuck are they covering up? I think they're using like, we're all pedophiles as the distraction. I know, I know, I know. I know sometimes I'm like, cause there's also, you'll just see online where it's like, another scientist has been killed. And again, I don't know if that's true or not. I know, I don't do any research. I've done no research. These are all actors, I guess they are. But how funny would it be if Trump was like a martyr who had to pretend to be a pedophile to save us from an alien invasion or something? Like what if they're, cause they keep talking about people who've made connections to aliens, keep getting killed. Like what if they are just hiding some crazy shit? But I just think it's not that, if they could hide all of it, they would. I just think there is some still semblance of journey. Like there's this much journalism and this much investigation in this country. Savannah Guthrie can't tell us what happened to her mom. That's true. I mean, I've been making a joke about it, but it's like, why is she allowed to still be a journalist? Yeah, that is true. If you went to a chef's house, if you went to a chef's house, they made you a shitty peanut butter and jelly. You'd be like, I'm not coming to your restaurant. Yeah, come on man. Can you figure this shit out? No, I think it's, I think, I don't think they do any journalisming anymore. And the minute that you get close to something, they shut you down, you go on Instagram, you go, I could be unalived. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's fascinating too that they say unalived. They're not scared of telling secrets, but they're scared of the algorithm. Yeah, they get the traffic. They can't not, I'll get killed by the government, but if the algorithm doesn't. But I can't get a dip in my fucking ad revenue. At the end of the day, I just look, I'll die for this, but I will not have a hit in my traffic. I sold a lot of ads this month. Yeah, I mean, I do really resent how they basically have tricked us all into just censoring ourselves. And that's another problem with putting all, depending on the internet. And I'm trying to figure out, I mean, that's why live performance is still the best. And I do, I want to do certain stuff that never goes online. I think I do want to do some stuff first. I think like putting your phone in a bag and doing standup is the best. The bag is nice. It's not even just to not be recorded. Now you know you can't look at your phone. Now that's done. There is definitely a different energy to those bagged shows, I will say. But yeah, I don't know. It's the like. And I love using the N word. You know? Yeah, when it's bagged up, Bonnie lets it fly. The minute I hear that there's bags, boom. Blackface happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, to do your closer, to do your Fox nation, your Fox nation, your standup special. Gutfeld. Gutfeld. Fucking Rob, our boy, the animal. Rob. Oh, Rob. Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider. Yeah, yeah, they're putting some heat. He took a pretty big hit even from the right. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, he's not, no, we don't think he's funny either. Wow, dude, that's tough. Watching Gutfeld's awesome because it's like, you're basically like, everyone here is just pretending this is funny. Everyone involved is like, we all know this sucks. But, because I met my first ever true Gutfeld listener and it made so much sense who these people are. Okay, who are they? Because so I was, so this Christmas I went on like, I was like, I had like a, you know, I've been struggling with my health for my whole life basically, like, and I had gotten, I was very stressed out. The fall was much more stressful than I thought I was gonna be. I wanted to lose a bunch of weight. I wanted to get way healthier this fall. And I just had too much shit going on. And so I was like, all right, for the holidays, I'm going to this like health retreat. I'm just gonna, you know, I'll see my family before, but the holidays always fuck me up. I always get too high, I eat like shit. So Christmas through New Year's, I'm going to like this fancy like health retreat in Arizona, right? And it was nice. Sedona? It was like, no, I don't remember. It was like in Tucson, but it was nice. And it was exactly what I needed. And it was like very meditative. If you want to talk about no phone, I was going on these long walks. Silent? I didn't, it wasn't silent, but it was like, I just put my phone away. I journal, I was met, I got into meditative. I had a great time. But you think about who the other people at a, you know, holiday health retreat are. And it's mostly, because this was like one of those, it's mostly old people who like kind of are retired and kind of live there now, right? So you would get like, you'd get like old people and then like their young relatives. It's cheaper than a, Well, they're just so rich. It's, no, I know, but you know, you know, you're like all people, they take cruises for the rest of their life because it's cheaper than being in a, No, no, no, folks, I hope. This is basically a cruise, for them a cruise on land, right? Where it's like the things dry. And I had a great time. It was like, it was like camp, but you could do whatever you wanted whenever. As a little kid, when you're like, I'll go to the swimming pool and then I'll get, I'll get a snack and then I'll go, you know, what was the food like? It was fucking great. It was healthy and good. So that's kind of their whole thing. It's like, it's a vacation, but you actually can be healthy. You love a chef that just did that for you. Like making you Gwyneth Paltrow style food every day. That's really is the like, I gotta get to that level. Yes, yes. I gotta get to like the fucking, I gotta have somebody just cook me healthy shit. But, and most of it was like old ass motherfuckers and like their family would come and visit or you would get the occasional like, old guy in an obvious sugar baby. Like, you know what I mean? Like you get some of that. But that was, I was, or you would get, the only other single people were like newly divorced, like, you know, women who, like girl bosses who were trying to get their life back together, who were trying to lean in and have it all. And it went bad. And now they're trying to put the pieces together. But anyway, good for them. Met some great people, whatever. There was one old guy who was so fucking annoying and he wouldn't shut the fuck up. And he's like, and he's like, oh, you look like, he told some black guy that he looks like Titus. Oh God. And I was like, who, and he was like, Titus from the Gutfeld program. And then he starts talking about how much he loves Gutfeld. I didn't even know who the Titus was. I just do his races. Some professional wrestler or thing or whatever. Yeah, some fucking guy on there. I don't, I don't, I think he's the Fox News personality. Anyway, this guy over the course of this discussion made it very clear he was a really big Gutfeld fan. But also he had. That is kind of an odd pairing. He's an 80 year old, like super. And then I'm like, who the fuck? And he was so annoying and fucking, and like insulting people telling me, tell me to get a haircut and lose some weight. I barely know this guy. I'm literally in a waiting room with this guy. And he's like, sexually harassing the wait, the nurses. He's fucking telling me, tell me I'm too. Literally making a comment on everyone talking about how, what a good time he had serving in the Navy. And it's like, 60 years ago. And then, and I'm like, this guy's fucking annoying. And then he starts talking about, you know, he's talking to the one nurse who's like humoring him. And he's like, you know, you know why we're here. You know, we, we, we bagged our children to come visit us for Christmas, but another Christmas they wouldn't come. Then we said, well, why don't we take you guys on vacate? We'll pay for a vacation. We'll do whatever. And then it was like, and then it was like, well, so nobody wanted to spend time with us. So we just figured we'd spend Christmas here. And it was like, so Gutfeld fans, what Gutfeld is, is basically just like daycare programming for the abandoned elder, for the elderly that are so conservative, they've turned off their entire family. And it's like all they have is, and it's just what, it's just noise. That guy doesn't have a sense of humor. And it's like, that whole show is like, let's pretend, let's do all the signifiers of late night TV. And let's say highest watch show, but it's like the people watching it are sundowning. There's not a single person who watches it. And they only go to be like, we went to, they go to own the libs. It's all like everything is participatory. There's no doing culture cause you enjoy it. It used to be even fucking conservative people would watch a gay show or something. But they'd watch like, they'd love Liberace or whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, wow, you know what, it doesn't matter. This shit's fucking boring. Nobody really gives a fuck about us talking about it. I know it's like, I'm the least informed person on the planet, by the way. I feel like I flex when people, like when I don't know stuff I feel like. I don't know it. I don't know that. I don't know about that. I haven't been on my phone, okay? I don't care at all actually. I've been reading books. I just think it's baseline bad when we're clearly doing, where we clearly don't even, where we barely adhere to the constitution, which I don't even give a fuck about. That's the other thing. You're making me care about the fucking constitution. I know. Don't make me bring up stupid shit. I don't fucking care. But it's like anyway, and it was actually, I'm gonna stop. But why don't we just do what we want? Like why don't we just do what we want? What do you mean by that? Like why doesn't everyone just do what they want? I don't get like, yes. Like I'm amazed even in driving that people, I would say almost everyone is, there's a couple of fucking assholes that drive on the shoulder, but look at how many people, even assholes, even jerks. They're not driving on the sidewalk. Yeah, I mean, I just think, I think that's- You're just doing what society tells you to do all the time. Why? If we all just started driving where we wanted, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I'm not saying it's a good, I'm not saying it's a good system, but I'm just saying like, it's so, we're in a thing where we could just do whatever we want. But that's, I think, yeah, I mean, that's a positive. It's like you could go into a grocery store and just fucking, you know what I mean? Like go in there and be like, fuck you. Just like take it. I'm not, I'm only, I only have empty bags when I leave. Yeah, yeah, I like a little snack from the hot bar. But there's something nice about that where it's like, I do think humans have the ability to actually be communal. And that's truly the actual solution is like, just like everyone is just so, we've been isolated by, you know, like nobody wants you to be in a actual livable community. There's no public transit. There's no actual cities in America. There's no communal spaces. American culture basically tells you, you gotta leave your family the second you turn 18. It's a culture that over the last 30 years has been completely atomized and made us all feel like, you know, single people who's, you'd have no empathy for somebody that's different than you. And it's like, but when you put people together, it works. People like being around each other. People like, you know, communal caring about their neighbors. I think Stadivus is so important. I know this sounds absolutely bad shit, but because people don't go to movies really anymore, it's like movies are being made for very specific audiences. Yeah, yeah, true, true. But Standa, but a lot of times like, if you're performing at the stand, you're the first thing that hasn't, that they haven't attracted. Yeah, that's true. Do you know what I mean? Your ideas are, it's like a chance to hear something they don't normally hear. And it's in person and it's completely, and it's with other people who are laughing and responding and they're like, I just think it's not, it used to happen a lot more often when people would get together and exchange ideas and laugh. And now it's very segregated in a way. I know. And it even just like, yeah, that is true. We've backed into kind of being, even making comedy movies again, it's like, I think that's a fun collective experience. We're like going into a fucking theater and like laughing with other people. There's something that like, even when, if I look at a comment, like, there was a watch this cooking thing and this girl, she went to put oil in and she had a bowl of oil and she put it in. And then I just was like, it's gotta be bowl of oil comments and they're all bowl of oil comments. And it made me feel good. It's like, oh, humanity, we're all together on this. Do you know what I mean? We all notice the bowl of oil. We all notice the bowl of oil. And I was like, I felt connected, you know? I feel no connection on with comments or like that to me doesn't feel like being with people. I read a comment that's so funny. And I just go, wow, like there's just like funny people. Yeah, but it just, I would rather have that interaction. You know what I mean? And that's why also, and maybe that's why streaming is now so big is because it's the only way to make it feel like there's actual people there. Because it's the same stuff. It's still a screen, but there's the immediacy of you know that person is physically chatting with you. I think that's probably why that shit's taking off now because it combines the immediacy of the medium or like it kind of makes up for how impersonal the medium is by knowing everyone's there at the same time. But look, we can have media theory all we want. What we really need to do is solve the problems of our callers Bonnie. Oh, okay. Sorry, I forgot about that part. No, no, it's okay. Elders, let's fucking, let's take some calls here, buddy. Sorry. No, no, you know, don't apologize. Three, two, sun. EasyJets big orange sale is now on with up to 400 pounds of package holidays and up to 20% off flights. Book now at easyjet.com. Get out there. Selected dates and flights, sale in 5th of May. Holidays minimum spend and hassle protected. Teas and seas apply. Hi, Stalby. I'm calling in for advice about my boyfriend. Are these like us? We've been together. Well, we were hooking up and we were hanging out like a long time before we were together. We worked together at a restaurant and that's how we met. And so far, two humongous strikes so far. For relationships working is the on again, off again hookup into, and then like you worked at a restaurant where everybody just sucks and fucks each other. But anyway, go ahead. We'll hear you out. We were hooking up and hanging out for like almost a year before we've made it official, but we decided to be in a committed long-term relationship since about October. November, December, January, February. Yeah, so we've known each other for a long time. Things are good. This is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Oh boy, she's got some problems. I feel like we're doing really well, but I do have a couple concerns. Yeah, you're probably right. One is that he has, I haven't met any of his family yet. I still live with my parents, so it's different like he knows my family. They gotta be early 20s, right? She doesn't say, but it feels like it. She's here all the time. He just moved back in with his family recently. Like they're in the early 20s, which is the saddest call we've ever gotten. I know, this is like, wait, wait, wait, we were living in a basement suite. And then. All right, what else you got? And I still haven't met them. We've talked about it and I've like voiced to him that I upset about it. And I know, it's Canadian, I must be. But he hasn't made any moves to do so, and I'm starting to get concerned. I'm trying to give him a great period of moving into his parents. And I hope that by the time he's fully moved in, then I'll be able to go over there. But I just don't understand why he's so weird about it. Why are you so weird about it? Yeah. Why do you want to meet the parents so bad? That's a great point. Especially with the fact that he hasn't said, I love you yet. I said, I love you one time when we were fighting. And you were fighting. I think he said that he wanted to say it back or. Oh brother. Something like that. See, you're just 22 year olds. This is so fast. This is just being 22. This is so fucking funny. But it is wild to not like, if I don't understand where you don't talk. Like she's like, I want to meet his parents. He hasn't brought it up. Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, I'm coming with you. I'm gonna go to your house. It's because she's a child. And then if he goes, no, then you have a fight about it and then you break up. I mean, that's. Right, right, right. But that's, you're talking about, again, this is just your plain farm style communication upbringing. There's no conceit, there's no anything, there's no stewing, there's no big city East Coast is stewing instead of talking about it. Does he laugh at your jokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did she have any more? She has a little bit. She just says, she doesn't want to keep bringing it up. And so not really. This is just being a little ass kid, basically. This is just being early 20s. So for me, I will say, if I, and again, we're assuming they're in the early 20s, maybe they're in their mid 20s. Who knows, maybe. You just would be a completely different conversation if they were in their 40s. If they're, yeah. Starting at 30, this is a crazy conversation. But in your 20s at some point, at some level of being immature and poor, whatever the fuck, I get it, right? I will say, if I were a guy who was on again, off again, hooking up with someone for a year and then like. You're a bartender. I think for her, I think you need to realize the way you view this relationship is a lot different than how he views it. It's my hunch, it's my hunch, right? To me, I think she. Like they were hooking up, he doesn't see that much difference between that and this. Well, I don't think, well, they were hooking up. The clock didn't start running it for him. No, right. She thinks they've been dating almost two years. He's like, what's it been, two and a half months? Like to his mind. He's like, well, we fucked you a couple of times, but we've been dating like a month, really. We never said I love you. She's like, I did in a fight. And he's like, oh. So that's my hunch. And maybe I'm projecting here off of my, you know, my personal beliefs when I was a dumb ass in my 20s. That's a very real possibility. For you, you're like, I've been dating this person almost two years. Like you're rounding up. You're like, I've been dating him two years. He's met my family. Right. He hasn't even said I love you or meet the, want me to meet the parents. To me, meeting family is one of the like fakest milestones in the world. Why do you do it? You're not gonna get married to the guy. He's a bartender who lives with his dad. Yeah, I mean, that's the, in my hunch is that, that is the absolute disconnect here. Is that she's looking at it like, and maybe, you know, she's a good person. She's like, I date with like, I want to see the things through. I think, and look, I'm not even saying he might not be on your level at some point. I'm just saying my hunch is, he thinks this is way less serious at this point than you'd think it is. Yes. And that's not saying he might not eventually get to that point. But why does she think it's serious? Like, it's like, you just enjoy, like this is the thing I think with women a lot, or I don't know, maybe with men too, but I just talked to women more about it. Is that, it's a means to an end always. It's not like, I don't know, it seems fun. You know, which is like, isn't that what dating is? Like you just go into it, you go, I don't know. It's like starting crowd work. Maybe it'll work, maybe it'll work. I don't know, let's see what happens here. And then, you know, like, but I never dated during profile times. So I don't know if- But were you dating, sorry to cut you off. Pretty much predominantly comedians are in my immediate, like you'd meet someone, you'd laugh, you'd have fun, you'd go fuck them, then you'd go on a date, and then you go, ah, we'll just be friends, and then you go fuck someone else. I mean, it just was like- But I agree with you, but I also think that's a different philosophy. Like were you ever dating thinking about getting married? Never. Me neither, right? The only rich was the only one where I was like, I think this guy might actually propose, and then he did when I thought he was going to. Oh, interesting. So yeah. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. It's pretty fun. What's the proposal like? He, we were in a hotel room by the airport because we were taking a flight the next day. And yes, he was not thought out. And he was getting so- You were at the Newark Sheridan? Because I think we're flying to Florida. And I think he was going to do it in Florida, but I think his anxiety was getting the better of where we're still in New Jersey. We're at a hotel. I don't know why we were at a hotel by the Newark airport. At a hotel. Yes, at an airport hotel. And then he just goes here and he had a ring box. And then he laid down on the couch. He was like fully having a panic attack. And he goes, you don't have to say yes if you don't want to. And I had to open up my own ring, calm him down, tell him it was going to be okay. We were going to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking hilarious. He goes, you want to call people? I go, let's wait a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's my grace period on taking this back? Let me get to St. Pete's first. And let me think about it on the ocean. But I sort of had a suspicion. So I already knew what I was gonna do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I really liked him. It is weird now thinking back 20 years. I really liked him back then. That is what love is though. It's like, I do think that's what you want is something you can't really explain. And you're like, this is just how I feel. There's something magical and nice about that. Rich would never, if it had been a dating app, I would have never dated him because he was too old and he had kids and it would just wouldn't have. But just because I met him organically and we bonded in some way and just were funny together. We just were immediately. That's great. I mean, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I think back and I'm like, some of the women that I end up dating the longest is like people who bring something out of me that make me feel comfortable. I feel funnier around them. And it's not the kind of thing where I need to feel the funniest or I've dated people who I don't particularly click, but it's just like, that's a good marker for other types of joy, especially when you're a person who loves laughing. Well, when you feel like, I mean, I guess I've always had this weird thing because especially being a woman who now I believe I have some kind of neurodivergence. I don't know, but I just have always been kind of weird. And plenty of mental illness. I know, I'm sick in some way. Let's not get too specific about neurodivergence, but. But I just, now I can't remember what we were talking about, but. Really trying to prove your point. I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait, oh, I just wouldn't have, is that what I'm saying? I wouldn't have dated Rich. I think that makes sense. So it's like, it's not. Oh no, I was, I know what I was gonna say. I'm so sorry. But I was gonna say like, there's some kind of safety that gets, like when you're with somebody who, the chemistry thing, I think that's actually just you feel like, oh, okay, this person, I'm not gonna offend this person. Where that's what I would always happen to me in regular relationships, on regular dates, where I just, I chose funny over. Right. That making them feel comfortable, or do you know what I mean? Of course, of course. I remember, wait, this was the famously, the era of your life where you said, cunt on NBC, right? Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it was completely shocked that people were upset about it. Completely. It's so weird. I watched that. That's so, like, it's funny to think that I was a fucking, I don't mean to, I feel bad every time telling people, I've saw things when I was a child. When I, again, I look like this, but I was a child watching that show in my basement, in my kitchen basement. I remember exactly where I was. Oh my God. When it cut to, I was like, and I didn't know, I was like, I didn't really know. They believed it. They believed it so no one could tell what you said. But anyway, that makes, that does make sense to me on some level. And I think what's going on here is this girl is just, she has this connection to this guy. She feels comfortable. She feels like she wants it to be probably a little more serious than he does. And she's freaking out about these markers, societal, societal check off marks. Where it's like, listen, if this guy doesn't like you and you get lunch with his mom, it's not changing the relationship. If he likes you and he drags his feet, that's his own stuff. Liking you is the problem. If you work really hard at it, you're gonna get him ready for the next girl. That's the best you can hope for. In this situation, it's the societal markers that you're saying. They weigh so heavy on women. For what reason at this point in time? I don't know. In 2026, they're obsessed with having the bridal shower and the, you know. Yeah, yeah. The traditional markers, even if you're not a traditional person. Yes. On some level you want, yeah. You think you deserve these things or that it's just like when you have a kid and you know, I remember like when Raina was little and she was supposed to be able to throw a ball like. Right, the developmental markers. Send the ball back and she couldn't and I was doing it over and over. She's fucking, she's fucked. And then I was like, wait, they all, every kid in kindergarten can throw a ball back. Like it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? If it's six months, she can do it or not. In six months she'll be able to do, yeah. It's like, sometimes like you meet people who were non-verbal until they were like three. Yes, right. Parents are probably freaking the fuck out and they're just like, now they're just regular people. Maybe they're fucking stupid, but now they're just regular people. So yeah, if you worry about this stuff, you will just fuck up whatever you have going on. Yeah, appreciate the moment. Appreciate the moments. And listen, if it comes up and you're having a good time and he's talked about being around his family, you could say, feel free to be like, hey, you know, I'd really love to meet your family. Like maybe we get lunch, something. You see how he reacts. And maybe they're weird and he's embarrassed of them. Who knows? That's a great point. That's a really good point. I think that happens a lot. But they have- Or he's told a few fibs that he doesn't want them to- Look, either way. Yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I don't, do we think this is like necessarily the end all be all relationship for you? No, not, sorry. We're here, we're wiser. We're older and wiser than you. We've seen how life works. Probably the guy you met working at Tim Hortons is not who's gonna be your fucking. Although I actually did meet a guy who met his wife literally working at a Tim Hortons and it's the cutest story of all time. The first, they dated in high school and they're like high school sweethearts, have a beautiful family. It's actually, so it does happen. So maybe it will happen. But you getting ahead of yourself and being like, why haven't I met his family? Not that shit doesn't matter. The minute you start thinking that, it's like over. Yeah. And I am a little worried because it does feel like you are putting weird pressures on what even to us sounds like a more casual relationship than you think it is. Even, listen, even, let's- Which is not bad. You can have a casual relationship in your toy. Why are women having, why are they being forced into these serious relationships where guys could have casual relationships? Like you're allowed to just have fun doing what you want. But look, I think they seem like they're committed, but it's just still like, just cause you're committed doesn't mean you're automatically. That's, I think, that's, some people think, well, once we're in a committed relationship, we're basically married. And it's like, no, you're still in your 20s and dating. It's still not serious. It's just, you can be monogamous and not be serious. I think people don't understand that that can be, you can be dating someone and not be sleeping with anybody else, but it's not that serious a relationship. That is possible. Because so many people are open and do crazy things, people think just locking it down. That was actually a big hurdle for me where I was like, oh, I could just date someone and it's not, it doesn't mean I'm engaged to her. It just means like, I'm not sleeping with anybody else and I'm figuring it out. Right. I think that's the thing that's changed over time. Like, I got married 20 years ago and it's like, the apps made it, now this is something we're really doing here, you know, there's something happened where, cause you did just used to kind of like fuck around a lot. Yeah, and you would date the other. There was a lot of fucking around. It was kind of fun. Bring it back. What else we got, Eldis? Hey, stop. Hello, Eldis, esteemed guests. I have to re-record this cause the last one sounded like just complete dog shit. So, okay, for context, I am 21. I'm on my own, living on my own. I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater with two kids at a wedlock and he recently started a divorce process with my mom, who is also kind of a piece of shit. She just kept on going back to him. Long story. I have a 10 year old brother. I love when they don't give the mom any grace. She was in love this bitch. Yeah, they write the female characters even in their own lives. Oh yeah, yeah, just like a male director. This fucking asshole. I have a 10 year old brother. He is, he's a sweet kid when he wants to be. We have a lot of issues because he's just really mean to a point where it's like, I can tell it's because of a divorce. Nobody does anything to tell him like, hey, maybe you shouldn't call people fat. Maybe you shouldn't be a brat. And to top it all off, he's like a Jen Alfa fucking stupid ass kid watching YouTube videos, AI YouTube videos, just like Fortnite all the time. This kid's so fucking crazy. My question to you is like... He's probably taking a fucking hammer to his cheekbones as we speak. Keep going, Aldous. My question to you is like, is he savable? Yes, what are you all done? What are you talking about? I know, put him down. Put him down. One quick one in the back of the head like Oldie Eller. You get a coat hanger, you go like that, you grab his leg. Yup, Basham in the fucking head with an axe. Is he savable? Well, the thing is at 10 when they're assholes, it's kind of good, because it's not the usual age. So he's gonna, he's actually gonna get out of it. He's actually probably early enough, an asshole, that he'll figure out himself. Because at a certain age, kids' brains start going against everything around them. So he hasn't even hit that age yet. So he'll start. He might rebel against this. He will rebel against this. He'll might become a great person. Interesting, interesting. I think it's like, the reason teenagers do that, is in case they have bad parents. Oh, interesting. That they can get out of it. That you have the urge to potentially rebel. Yes, if the urge to go, whatever you believe, I don't believe, I'm gonna believe all this now, so that you can have an opening of mind experience in case they're shitty. That is actually a really interesting evolutionary argument why there's a black sheep in most families. Oh, wow. Because it's like, you could, and again, this is awesome, because we're really just letting it fly. We have no idea, no concept. This is what science is now. This is science, but it would be a fun theory if evolutionarily they just made a black sheep, because they're like, hey, if the society, this, or if the group, the clan, that this individual happens to be born into, actually is onto the wrong stuff, we'll have a smaller group kind of splinter sell off and rebel and form their own. If they're right, then they'll flourish and the genes go either way. It's kind of fun to think about. Nobody came to my vegan side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, not you, your line is dying. And you, again, repopulate, you became vegan and married Rich Voss. I mean, again. I know, I know. I know, I know. Although it is crazy. Don't put me in a box, man. It's funny though, we didn't even talk about how fucking insane it is that your daughter's in college. That's like a classic comedy kid that ages all of us. We all remember like, you know, her as a kid at the stand. We all remember like with her fucking. Well, I wanted to come to the stand and hang out and see everybody again. Cause she's like this absolutely gorgeous, like funny person. You want her out of comedy clubs. Wow. Don't make sure Jeff Ross isn't around. You know, she sent me, I'm in the Epstein files or whatever. What do you mean you're in the Epstein files? So Raina sent me the thing cause, there's a flyer in the Epstein emails that I'm on the show. Oh wait, were you part of the people that it was like somebody was saying, yeah, cause Epstein wanted to go to the cellar one night. Yes. You were on the lineup that night. So all her friends put in all their parents' names as a to search and guess who's fucking name came up. So Raina was like, you brought me there. Cause I could have been trafficked, but you could have found me at the comedy cellar. I go, I brought you there to give to Jeffrey S. Be Epstein, he wouldn't take. I know I'm actually pretty, we could be living on the upper East side right now. But she was like, I go, why is it a flex to you? Cause she was like telling all her friends and stuff. She goes, I don't know. It's kind of cool. It is funny because it's, because being in the Epstein files innocently is a flex. Cause it's funny. It's just funny. Cause it's like, if you search your parents' name and it comes up, most people aren't giggling about that. Most people are like, what? It's like change your whole life. They all sat around their sorority and put in all their parents' names. I fully believe that. That makes so much sense to me. That's exactly what we'd be doing if we were fucking kids right now. And there was like a big pedophile list. Yes. Like, ah, your dad fucks kids. Like if eldest is dad was in the Epstein files, that'd be the funniest thing that ever happened. If they're like, oh yeah, we had an Albanian chauffeur who kept trying to fuck the kids, but we had to hose him down. That's, that's, that's the- You would have loved to have that kind of status. In Albania, they would have made a fucking, put a fucking statue of him at the Capitol. First Albanian yeoman to shake hands with the Jews that control the world. And he would have his little driver's cap on. That's so fucking funny. What were we answering the question? What was the question? Oh, well the kid would be okay. I think the kid would be okay. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. The kid's gonna be okay. There's still, there's still more I'm gonna ask. Yeah, give us some more. It's pretty far away, but I try and keep in contact with him. And when he is mean to me, I'm like, hey bro, like I'm not gonna talk to you if you call me fat, or you like are really rude to me. Like it's just that the behind mom- Right. First she said calling people fat. Yeah, no, right. And now she's actually clarified that it's actually calling her fat. Actually what's driving her crazy. So anyway, cool. But then my mom coddled him and my dad basically doesn't fucking do anything, prick. And so I don't really know what to do. I'll leave him alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, sweetheart, I mean, he shouldn't be rude, but. He's good losers, you. At least we don't gotta get the kid eyeglasses. I'll say that. Oh, yeah. I'll say that. I'll say that. I'll say that. I don't really know what to do. I wanna have a relationship with him. I don't want him to fall down like the alt-right pipeline but it's what seems to be happening. Feels like the one thing you can do. I hate gay people and stuff like that. And I don't know, dude. I just don't know what to do in the situation because I'm not a parent. So like. This is kind of hard. I think she should lose weight. They gotta have the right to fucking, you know. I see an answer. Look, the kid, he's not gonna be helped by having a look at ugly broads all day. Give him something to look up to. This is hard because it's both a real problem that I would be worried about. And she is so clearly too close to the situation because the problem with her brother is that he's a kid whose parents are going through this fucked up divorce. And if your parents are both pieces of shit, that's gonna fuck you up one way or the other. Like look, me and my brothers got out. We didn't have, our parents were not. There were some problems, but it was nothing crazy but there was plenty of mental illness and there was anger issues and there was fighting and there was stuff that could fuck you up. And there's low level abuse, whatever, right? Nothing crazy, nothing really insane. It doesn't everyone have a low level abuse. Compared to other shit, whatever. And we're all doing pretty good but all of us had our own problems, right? Like I had some mental illness, I had to get over, I had some real, it's like we have depression, anxiety and other forms of more extreme mental illness or like kind of that we all have struggled with. And we didn't even have that bad an upbringing, right? So this kid, he's gonna have some weird shit, right? Now the problem is the way he's affected by this divorce, you are so emotional about a 10 year old calling you fat. This is hurting your feelings in a serious way and even you being like, can I save him? It's like, of course the kid is saveable. What you should do now is an interesting question. What kind of relationship you should have with a kind of bratty younger brother? I think you're not his parent but you are an adult, right? How old did she say? 21. She's 21, okay, so yeah. An adult to him though. Definitely an adult to him for sure. What you need to do is no pun intended, be the bigger person. I'm sorry, sorry, I'm not even saying you're that fat, I'm fat as shit. Okay, and I do think it's rude even if you were, even if you are or are not fat, it is rude for your 10 year old brother to call you that. By the way, kids call people fat all the time. They know that that's a trigger and they can get a good reaction. And they do it all the fucking time. Those little fuckers don't know it's coming for them. You know what I mean? I love when you see a seven year old being like, I don't wanna be fat or whatever, it's like. Wait till you get your period. No disrespect, you're gonna be fat. We live in America. Wait till you get on birth control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I would say yes, you kind of have to slightly be above it, don't engage with him in terms of like, don't let him act out the way he wants to. Again, you're not his parent in that, if he's being complete brat, you could just be like, I'm not dealing with you when you act like this. I think you need to be, because right now maybe you're not his cool older sister, but soon, like this age gap is actually pretty good for an older sibling. Because you're the one. He's lucky that he has her. Totally, like in a couple years, when he needs a little help navigating the world, you will be in your mid twenties, you will really know a bunch of shit. So I think the best thing to do is, right now, don't create the weird kind of sibling rivalry that makes it so that you can't, because I don't let him call you fat. Yeah, just be like, you're being a fucking brat. Yes. Don't fuck, you can't, you're not, oh, I'm a fat bitch, I guess you don't wanna come to Chick-fil-A with me or whatever, or go to, just like the little perks that an older sibling can for a younger sibling. Oh, I guess you don't need somebody to go take you to buy a fucking Switch or whatever the fuck. But don't get mad, don't take it personally, where you're, now you're gonna be another part of his problem. Exactly, I think you need to do whatever you can to avoid becoming his enemy. Don't take it upon yourself to parent him. Look, in fact, you have the ability, you have the advantage of not being lame like a parent. You have the ability to be like, when he's being a fucking idiot, you can just be like, you're being a fucking loser. No girls are gonna wanna fuck you if you act like that. Like truly, you could act, and so I think you need to avoid becoming his enemy when he's in this weird situation going through divorce. You know, your parents are gonna do this worse. And always be available to him. Be available and understand that you may not be his parent, but it's like, you do have to step in a little bit in a way that you shouldn't have to. Understand that, you shouldn't have to do this. But this I think is the recipe, is like, stay his friend, he's being a cunt. Don't allow that kind of behavior, don't support it. But yeah, I think in a couple of years, he will want, when you're fucking 15, you know how sick it is to have a sibling that's 26, and can buy you fucking beer, and can get you weeded. No, but like even just, you know, go stay overnight at her place or whatever would be amazing. When your sister would take us to fucking TGI Fridays in the movies, that was fucking awesome, dude. Those were like 13, you feel like a fucking adult. So soon, you will have a lot of access to a lot of stuff that he wants, right? If you don't, you know, take personally, and try to get even, or have resentments with him. Don't beef with a child, even though it's just brother. Right, although it's hard, cause Reina would be so rude sometimes. And it's hard not to be like, even when she was really little, we'd be playing and she wouldn't let my Barbie do stuff. She was kind of an asshole as a little kid. It was hilarious. Well, in the comedy clubs, I will say this about her, that I left her in the prison yard, and then people were like, she's acting like a prisoner. But I made that in a good way, where it was funny to see a little kid be like, just like be like, shut up. Not even so. Went up to my opener, she put, we were eating before the show, and then she finished and she put her napkin in his like shirt, and she goes, go buy yourself something pretty. Yeah. I mean, you have told the story either on here on Come Town, or about how they were bullying Ian, or her middle school friends. Oh God, yes. They were bullying Ian. Right, right. I don't remember, was that on Come Town? I don't remember. It's a whole of fame story. Oh God. Look it up. He was getting upset. I'm always fascinated when people do get upset by kids, cause I guess I've got a thicker skin to it. But he was getting upset, because they somehow got his phone number, and we're texting him from the back of the, we had a van and we're going to a gig. First thing they did was they called him a heroin addict. Right? I don't remember. Or they were like, okay, crack addict, or something like that. I think they were like 11 or 12 at the time, and just at that age where it was like, we were actually laughing pretty hard too. Ian was the one who was not. Yeah. Put that into it. That's such a hilarious story. Fuck, anyway. Yeah, so, but it is hard, kids can be mean, but it's like you don't have to be his parent, so you can just walk away when you're fed up. Right, right. And just maintain, cause I do think- Leave the door open. Leave the door open, cause I think that's the solution here. Yeah, agree. But good luck, that sucks. And give yourself and him grace. Because she also, when you're 21, even though you're an adult and your parents are getting divorced and you have this younger brother who kind of pulls you back into childhood, you're regressing a little bit psychologically. So try not do that. You go to therapy, if you can get your brother into therapy either now or later, that's good. I don't believe in therapy. That's awesome, and we don't have time to get into that. And we will save that for another episode. I believe in Patreon. Hey, well listen, fight the pick one, believe me. I'm picking Patreon sister. It is not even close, which one has had a better effect on my life. Patreon versus therapy, are you kidding me? I mean, I'm working on a joke where it's like, it's not gonna be on this hour, but it was like, my therapist goes on vacation in August. And then, so instead of seeing him weekly, I've just got a weekly cleaning lady instead of like, you know, monthly. And I was like, wait, this is helping my life so much more than a fucking guy. I just have to complain to an old guy, or I never do dishes. I'm gonna be a lot happier if I never have to fucking do dishes. But anyway, give us another call, Eldis. Hey, Stove, Eldis, I just left a voicemail earlier. Please disregard that one. Wow, people are doing it. I love doing it. Long time, first time, love the show. Calling in for a little bit of advice because I am a Reformed infel. Oh yeah. Been married to my wife, E4, six years, great sex life, she's the best, kind of the one who pulled me out of infel head. Good for you, man. Oh, she's gobbling my cock. She's got a dark eye. Are women people? Hey, this is pretty nice. See, I've been too hard on these bitches. You are on this type of person. What they're doing now feels kind of awesome. And that actually is- Does this make me gay? Yeah, yeah. It's the fact that I'm respecting a woman because she gave me pussy, make me gay. You know what, that is kind of how society works. It's like, you get annoyed by women, then you fuck, you're like, you know, women actually are awesome. It's like, that's the way anything works. They're so soft. What? What? Anyway, let's see what he's got. Who is headed down a dark tunnel. So, props to her. Fuck yeah, dude. Anyways, life is great. I've been away from- Poses again. We need to get this guy to be doing it. I swear to God, we need to have an in-person, like we need to have like in-cell conversion therapy. Oh my God. The way they had gay conversion therapy. And we need to just get a camp. Get like, oh dude, this would go crazy. If we got like 10 of the in-cells that have called into the program, into the reality show. Oh my God. When we go to a camp, and we just, by the way, buy sex workers, like we just hire a bunch of awesome sex workers. We have them like train how to talk to women. We have them go, we have them like, we queer eye them, or we fat eye them. Fat eye for the in-cell. It needs a little work, but that would be incredible. If we got 10 in-cells, and then we had this guy- But really, they really are in-cells. Yeah, look, I get, of course. Again, me and eldest are reformed in-cells. We didn't get pussy when we were teenagers. You know what I mean? Like that form- Is that what an in-cell is? Just so we didn't get pussy? Involuntarily sell a bit is what it means. Oh, I never realized that. That's the whole- Oh, I just thought it was like right wing trolls. No, no, no. In-cell started from purely, the definition is involuntarily sell a bit. Oh God. I can't believe I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Everybody's learning. Did everyone know that but me? I think so. Not everyone, but a lot of people. Dang it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's okay. Well, I didn't know, but I'm not on my phone. Yeah, you're on plug. You're fucking, you're out there fucking, you know, putting Okra for the season. I get it now. Okay. Let's see what else he's got all this. You know, that area for over six, seven years now. And just kind of recently identified a part in my life where I think it's still affecting me in some of my relationships. Okay. I'm not sure if I'm in a relationship with women who are my friends. I have caught myself being kind of cold or borderline sometimes rude to my female friends because I am kind of scared of coming off as 30 or interested or approach, you know, coming after my female friends in some kind of romantic way. I've never had an instance where that has happened and someone's called me out, either my wife or any of my friends. It's more just, I guess recently as I thought about this, I think some kind of incel, naivety or insecurity of just... Yeah, that makes total sense. I don't know, I have a fear. Because once you're married, that's the best time to flirt. Of course, yeah. Yeah, and cheat too. You can fuck. Maybe you could, now you're really not an incel. If you don't want to cheat, you can always be like, I'm married. Of course. Well, no, that is, it's a joke, but it is kind of true in terms of like, when you're in a relationship and you truly don't want to cheat and you're just being yourself because you're happy. Because you're with someone who has lifted you up. You do attract more people then because you're just happier and better and everything. And flirting a lot of times is just having a great conversation with someone. Yes, yes, it doesn't have to be, now. Sexual. It doesn't have to be, yes. But do you have more? Okay. Rather just be borderline rude to these people so that there is no fear of that, but rather be friends with women and be myself around them. So I would love your take on that, especially with all the friendships that you've developed and as you've kind of gone through that process yourself. Anyway, I would really appreciate your take on this. Love the show and thank you. Well, I guess I need a clarifier on what the problem actually is. The problem is, so he's saying, he's great. He's been delivered out of in-cell hood. He's in a nice committed relationship. Now he finds himself sort of maybe even subconsciously on some level being colder and less friendly to women, friends and like associates because he doesn't, and he thinks it might, it's like vestigial, like he doesn't wanna be seen as flirting or crossing a boundary. He is now, he still sees his relationship to women is still like wrapped up in him shame and embarrassment. Now instead of getting, and on some level still getting rejected, right? Now it's just the opposite where it's like, now women are gonna demonize him for trying to fuck them or like trying to be inappropriate or whatever. Whereas before he was scared of getting rejected by women. Now he's scared of being made out to be a predator or whatever or sex. And I would say first and foremost, if I were you, everything I know about you buddy, you being too dastardly charming to a woman would not be at the top of my worries. Them thinking you're behaving, them perceiving you as Antonio Bandera's in his prime is not something I would be worried about. Number one. Complimenting women has gotten such a weird thing recently. You can totally compliment women. It doesn't have to be sexual. You don't just say like her boobs. Of course. You know what I mean? You look nice, cool jacket. Cool jacket when you do have a cool jacket. Oh thank you. And cool pants. Something with, you know, you do something different with your hair, that's fine. You look like, okay, I can't even say something but nice about her shoes is like such a weird thing. But also it's like. But it doesn't have to be sexual. And I would say you are in a good, like you clearly love your wife. She, you owe her everything. Right, right. You could be fucking, you could be, you'd have a whole dark fucking life if there's not for this woman. You don't want to cheat. I think this is a really good opportunity for you to read. This is a great learning opportunity where you're like, you don't, because you want to fuck your female coworkers the same amount you want to fuck your male coworkers now. Zero. Right. Because you don't want to, you know, sleep again. You don't want to wreck your relationship. I think this is freeing. You should be able to. And how do you do? Basically his question is essentially, how do I just have better female friendships? Well, I think like it's just like being curious about other people is, you know, just, like I said before, like when people are nice, not nice isn't even the right word because I don't like nice that much. But like when- Inquisitive, take an interest. Yes, yes, yes. It's like, it's, it makes life so much better. Yeah, spend a little bit of their time seeing you. And I think that's a good way to look at it. You have only looked at relationships with women as a, like how can I- A means to an end. How can I win her over? How can, that energy, you've never expanded, expounded energy, expand, expounded? Yeah, I think so. Is that right? You've never used energy for the purpose of getting non-sexual intimacy with a woman. Now, you can still, it's social, you're still using part of your social battery, but it's just the means are, the end is much different. Now you wanna form a real friendship. So just put, it's not, I think he doesn't realize that taking an interest in a woman is not cheating on his wife. Right, right. Being like, oh, how was your weekend? Yes, taking an interest in people. What do you think about this? It's just, yes. And learning more about how women think will help you in your relationship with your wife. Totally. And in your job and in just being a, so I think that's, it's as simple as that. Understanding, and I think he's, he kind of does understand his own psychology pretty well. Where it's like, yes, that's a stupid vestigial way of thinking where, you know, you can't put real energy into talking to a woman for fear of getting rejected or fear of now being outed as like a sexual harasser slash wanna be cheater. I think that would be, I think that's a thing that men, I don't know if they do, maybe he does, but like, if I was a man, that's what I would be worried about. Yeah, and look, whatever. It's like, sure, but again, I don't think this guy, I think you greatly overestimate the amount these women think you're trying to fuck them. They probably think you're their nice but weird co-worker. You know? And that's, and by the way, making friends, it's pretty simple. It hasn't gotten that crazy since being a little kid. Be nice to people. Fucking bring in cup, bro. You bring cupcakes or donuts, or you're just saying, you just come in one day and you're like, my wife baked cookies for the whole office. You do simple shit like that once a month and ask your female coworkers how their fucking weekend was. And just, and by the way, go to the movies with a group of friends, a group of like, you know, coworkers, just do some shit like that. You're gonna, you're fine. You just need to understand that it is not, you are not being lecherous by taking a real interest in your female friends. And I think for me, and if he asks, he says, we've dealt with it. And for my, yeah, my reality, the true answer for me was just like, purely getting out of that mindset of only seeing your relationship to women as sexual. That was it, where I was like, or what happened to me is like, I moved here and I like, you're so lonely and that you really, you like, a couple people like are nice to you and you're like, and if a woman is nice to you when you're like sad, you're like, I love her. And then you talk to her, or you even say how you feel and you're like, wait, I didn't fucking, I wasn't in love with that girl. She was just a nice person. And it literally, like for me, there was a moment where I was like, oh, I was just friend, I just was good friends with her. And it really was a thing where it took me to be like 24, 25 to be like, obviously, I had like friends who I had, I had close female friends who I like grew up with, who it was almost like, we became friends, we were children. So it's almost like your grandfathered in at a simpler time where you don't even consider them like a sexual or a sexual entity. Cause when we're grown- I kissed one of those guys one time and it was so gross. Totally. I ran home, I was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have like, one of my best friends is like that, but to truly, for me to truly kind of break the in-cell in my mind, I had to, it took me till I was like, yeah, in my mid-20s, which is like, it's kind of embarrassing to admit, but that's how- When you say to break that in-cell for a minute, like that talking to every woman is- Trying to find out if you got an in or not. Yeah, yeah, that even when you were just kind of friendly talking to someone in the back of your head, you're like, can I fuck her? You know what I mean? It's like- But I do think that, like, I think that about men. Look, there's a very small part of you that's almost like evolutionary. But I mean, like, this was more of that. Right, this was more of the- The second we like, I would hit it off with someone as a friend who I cli- By the way, I didn't even really want to. It was just getting positive attention from a woman. I felt like, oh, I have to immediately convert this into sexual currency. Because that's what women are. It's like, that's their value. Is to allow me opportunities to fuck. And then it took me like to actually come here, really switching up my shit up, coming to New York, rethinking everything, and just meeting a ton of people where you realize like, oh, I do just like being around. And it's just like, you just have to let go of that shit. And it's very simple though. Because once you do it, you're like, oh yeah, this is great. This is better. This is fun. And now you can actually determine who you might like. Totally. As opposed to just taking whatever you think might be crumbs given to you. And then it gets to be fun. Because now you get to be misogynist with women. You get to trash other women with women, and you're not even misogynist. It's a loophole. Yeah, right. You're being supportive to at least one woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, when you start gossiping about some dumb bitch you hate with your girlfriends. Oh my God. That's the best thing. Eldest doesn't have that level of malice in his heart. He doesn't wanna destroy anyone. The way some of my female friends wanna destroy their enemies. Well, the difference of like, men will destroy other men by just like some facts, you know, or like he doesn't make any money or nobody comes to his shows or whatever. But women get into the character of someone deep in there. We'll take apart their traumas. Yeah. Yeah, it's the best. Oh, their brother died when they were five. Get over it. You know, it's like. And then when you throw gay guys into the mix too. Oh my God. They're awesome. They have the ruthlessness of. It's both. Yes. It's like male domination and the ruthless catty-ness of women. Yes. Like the meanest gay guys, the meanest person on earth. Yes, absolutely. And also. Although it's probably like a, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. And now I was thinking about it. I think my next initiative is like, really expand the lesbian friendship tent. Because I got girls, I got gay guys, but I'm like, you know, I feel like I'm sorely lacking on lesbians. And I would just say in general, making friends with people that you connect with but have different life experiences makes your life so much richer. It's absolutely. You find out about shit. You, you know, you watch, you know, you watch a So I Marry or you watch a, what's the fucking Natasha Leon cheerleader movie? But I'm a cheerleader. Oh, right. Yeah. You watch that movie. Because gay guys tell you about it. You know what I mean? It's like, you just get, you just enrich yourself. And so I think you're in the right path. The problem with the algorithm too, is that it just keeps, it's just feedback loop. So you never, it's like, you have to actually go out, meet people. Like you don't even know. I always think this about growing up poor. I didn't even know what to hope for and rich in it. Like in wealth. Like I don't, I didn't know what was available. I talk about that too, where it's like getting, it's like when you, like what happened to me when I first got money, real money, I was like, I got fat as fuck. Cause I just started doing drugs and eating like steaks every day. Right, cause you're like, I can do whatever I want. Cause it was the first time I could ever just, I could have a, a ribeye every day. Yeah. And it wouldn't affect me financially. It was the first. And I just, and I straight up did that a lot. I ate like, there was a tour around the universe. You're like a king. It was crazy. I was, I was truly eating like a king. And I was like taking pills and edibles and just like, it was awesome. And by the way, I loved it, but it almost killed me. Right. So, but you're good in that. Like, yes, you're leaving the, the spiritual poverty of inceldom and now you have the splendors of being friends with women and you know, a bunch of other people. Now you can experience life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, this, and by the way, I would also say this guy's married, whatever. The other thing to realize for former incels is like, if you start treating women like people and form real bonds with women, guess what? They have female friends who they will set you up with. And that's the easiest dating you'll ever do in your life. When a girl vouches for you to another girl, you just have to not say the N word. You're good. If you're a dude that has female friends, you're so much better at talking to women. Like, like guys always do this. They go, why, why does all the girls like him? Like he's not good looking. He has no money. It's like, you can tell he likes women. Yeah. Yeah. He's interested in women. He's just like a fun guy to be around women. Like some, some men really aren't interested in women. They don't like hearing them talk or anything like that. And then women feel that they get that. Totally. Totally. But if that person went out and was like, oh, I'm going to be friends with women. Yeah. And learn that skill. And not expect that. That's the hard part. Everyone, and that's by the way, I hate to bring everything back to fucking how capitalism has destroyed us. But it is the thing where we have, we think of our time as a commodity and we think of it as money or we think of it as wasting our time being this precious thing where it's like, so if you go out and you talk to a woman and she doesn't fuck you, you're like, she just wasted four of my hours. You know what I mean? Cause it's like, cause the only thing that's important is that it's like human connect. Looking at things. Right. Right. Like you're like, with dating, with no expectations. Just being like, you know what? I'm going out with my friends. I'm going to talk to some women. If something, if I hook up with one grade, if I get somebody's number grade, the more just life experiences you have, the better off you're going to be in general. And again, out off the computer, touching grass, whatever the, for all that shit. My friend was going to date, was talking to this guy on an app and then she was going to meet him and he made a documentary. So she watched the documentary and she said, watch this documentary. So I watched it. It was good documentary. And then she was like, The guy told her to watch it or she watched it? No, she looked him up or whatever. Saw that he had made a documentary, watched the documentary. She was like, should I go ahead? She was the guy who told her about it. The 9-11 was set up, documentary. It had something to do with health. I can't remember now. But anyway, so he seemed like an interesting guy. And then she said, she goes, he just DM'd me that he wants to meet me. He's in her neighborhood, so he's going to go to the spa. I go, just come meet him. She goes, no. Cause I don't think he's for me. Like, I don't really like the way he looked in the documentary. I don't know. And it's like, but he's just a guy. And just go, you're there. Just go and sit there. There's no expectation there. But she wouldn't go out with him because she'd already made the decision that he wasn't a guy she was going to marry. No, that's, I mean, the, the, putting stakes on every interaction is what has ruined so much. Making everything feel like it matters or his life and death or will affect you in really anyway, other than just being like, ah, no, dude, like you watch a movie from the 70s and it's people just hung out all day. Where the plan was, hey, I'll meet you at the fucking, I'll meet you at the park at 1pm. They make that plan at 6pm the day before. And then they just go. And then they just show up. Yes. And they're like, I can't. I told them I would meet him. There's no like, hey, I'm actually 40 minutes. Like, yeah, if that person doesn't show up, they are dead to you for that day. And then you see him the next day, you're like, what the fuck happened to you? Oh, and you don't know. And you really don't know. And you don't get to have this great anxiety. Like the minute you don't get a text or something, there's this anxiety when really. So I guess you got hung up. Who knows? Yes. Anyway. Anyway. But the thing is, the time thing that you're saying where it's like, you're like, don't waste my time. It's like, what are you saving it up for? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a great point. You're basically just putting in time until you die. That's all this really is. Like there's nothing you could take with you. Totally. It's just experiences anyway. So you might like. That is the actual thing we should be trying to hoard is experiences. Instead of fucking capital instead of shit that you steal from other people that to really be rich, you have to exploit other people on some level to be like crazy rich. Instead be like, go do the craziest shit. If something sounds weird, go do it, man. If it's safe, whatever. Yeah, just try different shit out. And so this is a very minor version of that. Speaking to a woman as if she's a human equal. Is this a minor version? Not someone that you have to fuck. Just someone you want to find out a little bit about. Yeah, dude. But this, you're in the right spot. You will really are a success story. And it's, it makes me feel good to hear a calling like this. It really does. Yes. And yeah, you're in for a little treat, pal. I can't wait to leave. You know, they'll show you real housewives. You know, the things is. This is so much. What's guys do with the minute they get a girlfriend, they're like, watch all these female shows. They're like, they become obsessed. Big vampire diaries guy now. Hit us with another one. Actually give us something to go out on. Something fun to go out on LD. Hi, guys. Eldest and esteemed guest. I have a quick one for you about a new guy I'm dating. I just want to get your advice. I'll get right to it. The guy I've been seeing for two months bought me a laptop that is worth approximately $1,600. Okay. And also he bought me an iPhone at the same time. And I don't know how much that was, but yeah, it felt kind of weird about it, but he was like, I just want you to be successful in your new job. And I think he has like a provider kink kind of thing, but I'm feeling weird about it. I love that everything gets put into a phrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy's being nice. Well, I guess he has a provider kink. Yeah, yeah. Or the funniest one is when straight people start talking about breeding kinks. Oh my God. And they just mean nutting inside someone. It's like, so you just mean the thing we were designed to do biologically. It's like, you're the one. God particle hits what just went into that woman. You're the one, you're like actually breeding, you could say is actually not to say what's natural or unnatural. That's the only one that's not a kink. The people that just want to get nutted in and nut inside someone, you're the only one doing it. Like it's like, yeah, of course. That's not like a fucking, that's not like something you're into. That just is sex. You're just describing sex. You can't, but yes, provider kink. I will say in this case, spending three grand on someone you're dating for two months. But listen, if the guy has a good job and he's into success, which it sounds like he is, then he really is just like, maybe it's not that big of a deal to him to spend three grand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if he likes her and he's like, I want you to do well. Like, first of all, I think people just like spending money if they have it. If they have it, sure, sure, sure. They look for ways to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway. Let's see if she gives us any more info. What do you think from a guy point of view, is that normal? He also told me to let him know if I didn't want it within 15 days because that is the return policy of the story he got to that. Okay, what do you think about that? So he's not that rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, interesting. I'm glad she added that detail because... Well, I mean, look. But maybe he's not wasteful. Maybe he's not wasteful, yes. To look, okay, speaking as someone with money who... And by the way, I do like, if I'm dating somebody or if like I'm out with somebody, like, yeah, obviously I pay for stuff. I get whatever, obviously. I like to, yeah, pick up a big dinner. I like doing all that stuff. I take care of like, you know, my friends. I, you know, my family, obviously all that stuff. In dating though, I actually would probably be like, again, if I buy, I pick up every check, whatever. And if we're travel, I pay for stuff. But I'm saying in terms of big gifts, I think I actually would wait because it's the kind of thing where you're like, I want, it's not that I care about spending money. It's that I wanna make sure I'm not affecting this relationship. Right, right, right. So did she say how long they'd been dating? Two months. Oh, okay, very early. If I was dating someone for a year and it's their... And was it her birthday or did he just get it for her? He just got it for her. She mentioned the new job thing. So... Yeah, okay. If I'm dating somebody for a while and she has a new job and she's worried about her computer, I'll buy her a computer, right? If it's serious. If she won't fucking shut up about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If she shut your fucking gap, if she finally gets off my dick about the one time I got hit on the road, I'll buy her a computer. But I need that in writing. I need that it's never gonna come up again in writing. No, I would buy, if I'm gonna seriously relationship with somebody and she mentions she's worried about her fucking iPad broke and she needs it for her fucking job or whatever. Of course I buy her whatever. But if I'm two months in and we're still kind of in the courting phase and then they're getting to know each other and what we were just talking about earlier where it's like you can be monogamously dating and it's not serious. If we're still in the not serious but monogamous phase, I'm not spending that much money. Not because it really matters to me, it's because I don't want this to affect the way she views me or like sees it. I never thought of that. Seize it is the way where it's like, I don't wanna feel like, oh, I guess I'll stay with them a little longer. Seize it. In either direction, right? I don't want her to feel guilty about it. Well, I was thinking. I don't want her to, I also want to feel like the person I'm with wants me for me. Yes. And I want the relationship to form and feel like a real true connection and not feel like this is somebody who's like, oh, I could probably get some nice shit. I just gotta date this guy for a year and I'll get fucking my bills paid off. My birthday's coming up. If something is serious, I will do whatever for the people closest to me. Right. But in two months. Two months. Well, because I think, what did that guy think? If it were I was the guy, I would think, oh, she'll think this is weird. Even if I wanted to do it, I might not do it just because I go, oh, it's too much too soon. Let me, let me. Unless you're the type of rich where three, the difference between $30 and $30,000 is nothing. Yes, right. Buying a computer like it's a coffee is weird to me. So I see why she's a little weirded out because yeah, I would, I think it's possible for a woman to be like, whoa, what the fuck? This is kind of fucking too fast. So. Well, all she has to do now is, you know, not see him for a while after. Day 16, say you want to break up. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. And then watch his mind explode. Then you'll know what you're dealing with. Cause you might be controlling. Like it could be a lot of different things. My hunch is like, this is just putting a down payment on the neck. This is preparing for the first real argument. This is like, oh, you didn't have a problem when I bought you a fucking MacBook, you fucking slut. You know that? That's what I'd be worried about. Again, we don't know this guy. He could just be a nice guy who actually is head over heels with it for this woman. And they're, so I'm saying like. Right. And it could be a story, you know, and they're like, you know, 12th wedding anniversary. He bought me a computer. I was like, this guy's weird. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But it is really, you have to figure out the guy. You have to figure out the guy. And I do think this is a little weird. It is a little early. It does put you in a position to have to think things, even at five or six months, you have a clearer vision of who this person is. The fact that he said, tell me at day 15. That's pretty funny. That's a controlling, right? I see, I read that as he actually doesn't have money like that. And he's like, hey, if you don't, but if this gesture isn't landed the way I want, I really, really could use the three grand, you know. Right. But then that suggests to me that whole thing suggests that he's not as confident and like. I agree. You cannot tell her to give you the laptop back. If you make this move, you asking for the return, take it, leave it, give it to your friends. I don't care. Whatever you need to do with it. Because now, now she does have to think about the financial ramifications. Now it's not a gift like any other gifts. Now you know, oh, if I don't use this to its full, now I'm costing him. So, right. And again, this guy might just be a pragmatic person. Who again, might be out of the news. Oh, by the way. Yeah. And it's like, but, and he might really mean it. Like, hey, if this was weird to you and you don't want this, if you're going to give it back, just give it back so I can get my money back. And that is reasonable. But, but again, anytime you do with these weird kind of gray area things where you're like, what's going on here? There's something not quite right about his thinking. There is something off either way. Yes. Yes. Even if his intentions are pure. Yes. It's like, oh, you're. He should have thought that it was too soon. He should have known that. He should have offered a less sort of economically stressful way to support her new job. Right. Right. Breakfast, but you know, get her fucking, you know, get her fucking, you know, whatever, hire a cleaner for the week or first week. Make a, or whatever. Just, I just mean like, just like buy her a fucking, buy her a bag, buy her a fucking work bag. Yes. Get her like, or get her, I was trying to think of something pragmatic. It's not flowers. That's like, oh, you're busy at work. You're late night at work. I'll pick up your dry clean. Support her in different ways that meet, that show your thoughtful as opposed to like dropping $3,000 that you don't quite have. That you don't exactly have. That I think is a, but if you, I assume by the time this girl's called in, the episode is out, we're well past the 15 days. So all you can do at this point is you've accepted the gift it seems like. Just don't let it affect your relationship as much as possible. And the second this motherfucker, if you're getting in a fight and he throws the laptop in your face, you give the laptop back and you get out of this person's life. That's how I would handle it. I would say exactly the same thing except keep the laptop. Right, right, right. And that's the duplicitous female monies. I know. I know. You can't give a bit. All your stuff is on it. You work off an external hard drive for the next couple months. Just in case. But yeah, I think that's our advice. But even though there's something wrong with his thinking, it's like he still could be a great guy that just didn't quite know. And that's why I'm saying like, at this point you've accepted it. You've made your bed. Honestly, probably what I would do, I mean, who's to say is like, this is very thoughtful, it's very sweet. I don't feel comfortable accepting this level of gift. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in you. It's just like, I just think it's too much. Let's just put pause on this for a bit. You know, I appreciate it, but I'm okay, whatever. I think that's, you know, and maybe the relationship survives that, maybe it doesn't, but either way, you didn't do that, you accepted it, that's fine. And I think again, totally fine. That's why you just try and have as normal a relationship as possible. He's decided this is the kind of gift he wants to give you. Right. Great. Right. Just be normal. Don't be weird about it. And if he starts being weird about it, you know, I think that's where you have to draw the line because that's just step one of manipulate, trying to earn, trying to buy control of you. Right. Is like a lot of time. She should definitely give him anal, right? I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. That goes without saying. Come on. Let him cheat. Come on. Basically, I have a formula that has, that sort of like, it's kind of like Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Okay. When you spend enough money on women, it's like, get out of cheating free. Anal, let me, let me kiss your friend while I jack off in the room. You know, there's different choking. Wait, is that a thing? I would do it. I'm just, yeah. I'm just thinking about. I'm just thinking about different stuff that's kind of cool. I would love to see a girl fuck a friend. You know, obviously let me jump in is the top one, but that's neither here nor there. You don't have to. No breeding kink, right? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I've heard that. I had so funny, I never heard that before. Yeah, yeah, that's, people say they have a breeding kink. And it's like, you're describing the most natural form of sex. It's in the Bible. Yeah. Anyway, good luck, sister. Bonnie, thank you so much. This was so fun. Oh, thank you for having me. It was so fun. What's it's gonna do for us folks? Go see Bonnie, follower, you know. My Instagram, go get on my Instagram. Get on the IG, follow Bonnie, and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. Bye.