Ep 81: Illuminaughty New Year's Eve & Threesome Afterparty

find us at VanillaSwingers.com and you'll find Kat's OnlyFans page there too you wish hey Kat yeah Leo I'm going to record one of those silly disclaimers that you put at the beginning of the podcast like a parental advisory sticker let's go because this is going to be explicit it. Oh yeah, we're going to talk about lots of sex. Lots of bad language. We might even have sex while on the podcast. We might have listening to the noise of our lovemaking. There might be nudity. But you can't see it on the podcast. It doesn't matter. You can hear it. You can hear the nudity. We might corrupt you if you're under the age of 18. That's a disclaimer. Don't listen. We're not professional. What else? We're not professionals. We know nothing. Absolutely nothing. And if you want to try to sue us, well, we don't have any money either. Because this is bite-sized and commercial free. We're not trying to make any money. It's fun. Fun. Fun. So if you like it, then tune in and listen. Yeah. Word. Hey, sexy cat. How you feeling tonight? I feel fantastic. I'm smiling. Isn't that funny how you can hear that people are smiling over the phone? Yes, I'm smiling. I'm not frowning, frowning. So this last weekend, we saw a poochie. We headed up to the city. Totally last minute. We were supposed to be having a vanilla weekend. Supposed to be responsible adults, but we were jonesing. We ain't gonna be no responsible adults. She was going to go to a comedy club that night, and we're going to plan to meet her afterwards. If we're headed up to the city, we like to do more than one thing because it's a bit of a drive. So who could we meet for a meet and greet? What else can we do that's fun, lifestyle adjacent? So Poushie suggested maybe you ought to grab that drink with Lana that was on your New Year's bingo list. It was actually number one on your bingo card. But on the way up, that we could feel free to drop by her place while she was out, and she'd give us the lockbox code, and we can drop our stuff off. Right, because she invited us to stay at her house, sleepover, which would only be the second we had had with her at her house. Normally, we get dressed in the car. I think it's sexy. I think it's degenerate. So there we are breaking into Poochie's house. And it really was a breaking in because it was up to me. Kat would make a terrible burglar. I'm not a cat burglar. You would never want her disarming the bomb with those three wires. Dropping everything. And here goes the lid to the lockbox and it's clattering. And I'm like, oh, God. All that was missing was like a Doberman running across the lawn, chasing you over a chain link fence. And then I thought at one point, I wonder if I have the right house. So we're in there and you're in the bathroom and you're getting ready. We're getting ready to go see Lana for a drink prior to our play date. with pussy. Yeah, we're going to spend the night and have a sleepover. Did you know that if she's pussy and I'm cat, when you have us together, we're pussycat. Meow. Meow. Meow. Yeah. No, I wasn't the sandwich this time. You were an alley cat. I actually slept on the outside. You did. Just like an alley cat. You put me outside. I know. I didn't get to sleep next to you. So you're getting ready in the mirror and I peer over your shoulder and I say, you know, right now, we're in our throuples house getting ready to go grab a drink with our first throuple. If that ain't some E&M shit, then I don't know what is and I am here for it. It actually made the whole night even more fun because it just seemed so E&M really just so opposite our vanilla life. So we did grab that drink with Lana. And true to form, as soon as she walked in the bar, she did one of her patented. She does a little squeal, right? Like so excited to see us because we haven't seen her. In nine months. Since April. You could have a baby in that amount of time. I have not had a baby. I don't think she had a baby. She didn't have a baby. Is there like a little baby Leo? You are not the father, Leo. You know, they used to ship girls off for nine months, right? Like those wayward girls. Yeah, they're like, where'd she go? I don't know, but she's gone for nine months. That's how long it had been. We've been in each other's phone on and off, but we haven't physically seen each other. It was good to see her. It was so good. It was like old times. We're such good friends. Yeah. So fast forward, we're back at Pushe's house. And of course, Lana knows. She said, so I know you guys probably have other plans tonight because you're up in the city. What is it you're doing? Are you meeting the guy? And we're like, I just shook my head. No, just leave it at that. I figured that would be enough. We said we're going to go see Pushy that evening. And that's our current throuple. I don't know. I'm hearing the Bond music in my head. Oh, the Bond music. I'm giving it to you. I was just singing it in my head as soon as you said her name. And I'm not going to call her Pushy. I'm just going to call her Pussy because it's just too hard for me. I can't handle it. That's funny because we met a listener. Did we? On New Year's Eve. We'll get to that later. Right. Foreshadow. But he met us and he met Pusher. The first thing he said was, what's your real name? He said, okay, you're Kat, you're Leo. Are you Pussy? Are you Pussy Galar? Were you on the boat that night? She looked at him like, how did you know? Oh my God, it was so funny. And then of course he wanted to know her real name. And I looked at her and said, you don't have to tell him if you don't want to, you know, you could just be your character if you want. That man, he wrote us on the evening we were on that houseboat and Kat went below deck and you came up, you start reading off this DM. Yes, yes, because he's talking about, I don't remember, but basically... Things were a little hazy at that time. He was talking about our houseboat adventures. Talking about 40 chests and I'm on a boat, mother... And so we love meeting listeners. But that guy is a poet and we're going to call him Hunter S. Thompson. Oh, I love it. So we met Hunter and his lovely bride at the New Year's Eve party, but that is not... So back to the sleepover. We're having a sleepover at Pussy's House, which is a big deal. I love it because... She doesn't invite other people to sleep over. Oh, but that was a little taboo. Yes, because... She's afraid she's going to get caught. Yeah, we might have to hide under the bed if somebody comes to the front door. which I personally think would be hot. We would totally be the ones that would... I'll have a lampshade over my head and like the curtain halfway across my naked torso. We would totally run... We want to run half naked out of a window or out of the backsliding glass door. Pretty much like one of those parties you threw in high school and then the cops came and you jump out the second story window and you're running down the street naked. And you probably have a hat. It's just on your privates. Hell yeah. So I want that to happen sometimes. Yeah, we didn't get caught, but we still... We had such an amazing night. But I think it's really sexy to... I don't know where you're going to go with this. Have situationships at people's houses. Because we've done that in the past. We've had single guys in the past where we've gone into their apartment. Only once. Their messy apartment. It was hot. And I would absolutely 10 out of 10 do that again. You were like, this is how you live? It's filthy. I love it. And hot. So sleazy. Oh, my God. You know, you get to see a side of somebody when you get to see how they live. And it was even more fun being in her house alone because it was unexpected for her to offer that. And we're like, yes to that. She might have had a pet. I'm not going to say what. It might have been an iguana for all you know, but I'm not going to dox her. And the iguana was licking my foot in the morning underneath the covers. But when we got there that evening, before she had arrived, we walked into her bedroom because we have been there before. We have spent the night before. She has got the rope lights, the red rope lights on and all wrapped around her bed, like ready for her lovers. That was so sweet. So hot. Before we went out to go meet Lana, we actually took a selfie of ourself in front of the end of her bed with the lights behind us. Because we knew she was out with her girlfriends. Because we're robbing your house right now. And we know that some of them know what she's up to. And so she did just what we thought she was going to do. She showed them some photos. They're in my bedroom right now. She wants to invite us to a vanilla get-together. What do you call it? I mean... It's almost like a dinner party, but not dinner party. Where they have like little cucumber sandwiches. Like adults. Little teacups. One of them. We're going to do that because she said she's going to have like 30, 40 people. And she wants to invite us. She wants to see if we can clean up in polite society. How many people know that you're doing this E&M stuff, that you're dating a couple? Apparently a lot of them. And she said, I want everybody to know. And I'm like, well, we will play whatever role you'd like us to be. I'm bringing the stripper pants and about halfway through, they're coming off. You have the right to remain sexy. We have been watching some really sexy TV shows lately. Yeah, we have. Because if we're not playing, because we're playing, but we're not playing enough. And if we're not podding, then we're Netflixing and chilling. Yeah, and we're getting hot and bothered and we have to watch like sexy stuff right now. Are we becoming an OMC? Is that what you're saying? You know what? We almost didn't go up there Friday night to go see her because I was feeling some OMC-ness. And I said to myself, ditch that. I'm going to just go and go stay up all night. I think we played till four in the morning, got up at seven and I'm all the happier for it. Dope. No regrets. No notes. And I might've sexed a guy through most of it and it was so fricking hot. Oh, you're talking about the Dutch couple. Yes. Oh my God. We will get to that when we do a sexy one. Why don't we just get it right now? We'll just get it briefly. We'll just touch on it. But you've been sexting. As you know, I hate to sexting. Leo loves it. He loves it. Okay. So texting out of here. Yeah. You know, we got a lot of unicorns in our lives and I'm looking for MFMs. and we'll see what we can find. But, you know, guys like sexting. In fairness, I am actually coming around to it. Because I pick good ones. Yeah, mostly because I know, I want you to make it up on the margins. This cute Dutch couple. No, I correct myself. It's a cute guy. We've been texting on and off for like two months. But then at some point, it turned into a cute Dutch couple. And apparently she, they're just a friends with benefit, hookup kind of couple. They met on field like three weeks prior. They're super adorable. And he asked her, can we film it? And can we role play that I'm playing with Kat? And they're doing bespoke porn where they're sending it to Kat. And she's like riding him. And she said, come for Kat. I'm like, oh my God, this is the best porn I've ever watched in my whole life. And then he's like, oh baby, oh baby. And I'm just like, oh my God, I want you guys in my bedroom. So I'm starting to warm to the sex day. That was the first time you turned a three and a four. I know. We want to meet him live. It is possible we'll be in Europe this summer. And if we are, you never know. Definitely Amsterdam will be in the car. But we have been watching some really great shows about swingership, right? I know. I don't know if you guys are as addicted as we are. We like to say we're out of the swinger moon, but we still can't get enough of this stuff. Like so much so, Leo was looking on eBay to find the history of Swingership. Vintage Swinger shit. There's actually Swinger magazines where you hear they send Polaroids. I typed in Swinger. I think I went through 11,000 listings. I bought like $100 worth of stuff, and we're going to do a whole podcast episode on it. And I'm like, what the hell are we going to do with this at our house? I need a third memorabilia box. It's like a lifestyle magazine. It's got 100 pages, naked photos. Honestly, it would have been so cool because we have an abundance of choice, too much choice. What you're saying is it was probably incredibly, incredibly sexy. You get a Polaroid of like six people might send their Polaroid. We're up for this. And you'd pick one of them. You're working through a catalog and you see these naked pictures. They're personalized. They say things like guy 30, girl 29, looking for somebody to show us the ropes. Please include a full length picture and your phone number to get a faster reply from us. And you just think that's fucking hot. It is because it's so taboo. It's almost like the Christmas story. You remember when he sent away for that leg lamp? Yes. Or the kid was sent away for Ovaltine? Ovaltine, like, decoder. Yes. Like, you put that thing in the mail, and then you go to the postal office. You send away for some sexy fun. And you get Polaroids back. Say, what? Yeah. And I know, we're doing the same thing on the apps. That's what we're doing. But something, it hits different when it's kind of taboo, and it's, ugh. Part of the reason is because, like you said, there's an overabundance of choice today. And so people get picky, especially online. Yeah, I'm getting pickier as I go. It's ridiculous. You just keep swiping, because you know any minute a better one's probably going to come along. But back then, this is it. It was scarcity at its finest. A 92-page catalog. If you want to sleep with other people, this is it. This is your best chance. Say yes. Touch some strange genitals. Yes. So we are going to do that episode. That's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to just read it out on the pod live. We're going to talk more about the history of swinging because it's really fascinating and it's not anything we were aware of. And so, hell, we want to share what we're learning. They're going to wonder why there's this couple in a parking lot with a car with the lights on and why are they looking at 70s porn mags. It's going to be like having a Playboy or some Hustler Mags in our house. We're going to get outed. They got more Bush in there than the Outback. You would love that. Oh, my God. Oh, I'd be a kid in a candy store. I know. Bush is coming back, though. It is coming back. I have been seeing it. That was another one. Okay, so, God, there's so many things we've been watching. So, Threesome, amazing rom-com, and it's about a guy who hooks up and has a threesome. First night. Oh, yeah. We're going to do spoiler alert. So, if you don't want to hear it, go ahead and fast forward it. But it's really, really good. They die in the end. I'm sorry to tell you. Stop it. They don't. He ends up getting both girls pregnant. But what ensues is hilarity and it's hot because they're really hot. And the way they started the threesome was exactly how hours start. It's just wonderful. You're talking about the dialogue. It was actually very realistic. Do you like girls? It was exactly. Have you ever wanted to kiss a girl? Oh my gosh. It was truth or dare. It was so titillating. It was very, very well done. And usually, swing or movies suck. So highly recommend threesome. It's in Netflix right now. It might be a limited run. We really enjoyed that. And normally I would see where the story is going. I always say, I think that I have either a movie or a screenplay dying to get out. I don't know which. I know. We're going to be on the red carpet of the AVNs. We're going to be pushers. And you're going to be like, Kat and Leo? Them some swingers, man. And then that'll be the end of our Cannes Film Festival. We'll get thrown out. Me talking about Bushes coming back. That reminded me, we were watching a documentary and it was about sex doll makers. Oh, yeah. Okay. And you can personalize the sex dolls. They have personalized like vajayjay lips So I like what are my lips like honey Butterfly or coin slot Yeah We don need to tell you You don need to know It in between Stop it It not a coin slot but it definitely not a butterfly And you get to put hair on And the lady who owns the place says you be surprised how many people want some pubic hair If you catch Kat taking off her panties for the first time in the day, you're going to get a coin slot. You're intoxicating me and you're embarrassing me. You were saying that the gal who runs that sex doll company, she was saying that customizing it with pubic hair is one of the most popular features. Yeah, they also have, of course, size of breasts, size of areolas, color of areolas. It is really neat. I don't personally want a sex doll, but they were pretty damn cool. Well, having a little hair down there gives it character. And otherwise, it looks like, what, a sex doll. There was a competitor sex doll maker, and she's trying to go into business of selling male sex dolls. And I'm like, I'm not going to sit and ride a male sex doll. The first problem was, is the guy dolls weigh like 100 pounds. But he's diminutive. He's like a little guy. Yeah, that's true. He's a little smaller than your average, well, I don't know. He's got a huge cock. five foot two, something like that. But he was very small. And you're just like, I want someone bigger than me, you know, but. But then he'd weigh 200 pounds. He'd crush you. I know. I don't know what to tell that lady. I just don't think there is. I don't think there's a market for a guy. We have vibrators. Speaking of vibrators, guess what cat's going to get? Oh, hell no. Yeah, you could tell him. We had a listener. We haven't met him. We don't know too much about him, but we're sure as hell going to meet him. And we're going to give him a nickname. They wrote us out of nowhere. It's probably the best DM that we've ever got from a listener. Absolutely. And we've gotten some epic ones. Drum roll, please. They have a Sibian. And they want to find a new home for it. And so they want to ship it to us. So we are going to own a Sibian and it's beautiful. It's kind of purpley blue color. And I promised him that when I take it for a spin for the first time, I would audio record it and I put it on the pod. Oh, yeah. And you know, Kat likes that power. That is my thing. Oh, my God. So exciting. I told you to write them and let them know that if they are gracious enough to let us adopt their Sibian, that sex machine is going to think it's died and gone to Valhalla. It's going to see more pee than a toilet seat. Oh, I like that. Yeah, but that's not how it goes. More ass than a toilet seat. You see more pee than a toilet seat. I think we're going to go ahead and monogram that thing, either with like a branding iron or we might kind of get some kind of something sewn on there. Something waterproof. And we're going to bring it around to hotel takeovers. Because we've decided this should be the year of hotel takeovers for us. And we're going to run a game. It'll be called Eight Seconds on the Sibian. I love it. I'm going to work the controller. I'm going to go from zero to 100 in eight seconds. We should call them Sir Sibian and Lady Sibian. Sir and Lady Sibian? Yeah. I reserve the right to make it even cooler than that. You know that he's the one that comes up with all the nicknames. Give me a second. I will come up with something better than that. But you guys know that the Sibian, the reason nobody owns the damn thing is it costs $1,500 for that thing. The Sibian is going to get its own storyline. And it's going to be woven into the Vanilla Swingers journey. Because the last time we went to a hotel takeover was in Denver. We went to the Magnolia takeover and we had somebody bring in the violet wand, right? That's right. Never met him. He brought it in. It became such a party trick. Everybody wanted to be in the room. Everybody wanted to turn. So we got to bring the Sibian to as many hotel takeovers as we can. Hell yeah. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. How many people are going to ride that damn thing before it's all said and done? It's going to have a lot of pee. It's going to have died and gone to unicorn heaven. And I'm going to be the operator. Yes, you are. I'm going to be the dirty operator. You're not going to get pegged? How did you just slip that in there from nowhere? I don't know. What was that? It was a total non sequitur. It's just kind of funny. I was just thinking about you riding like on a bucking bronco. I don't think it has like some dildo attachment that tries to sneak up on you and bend over. I don't think it does either. In fact, I don't think you can move the thing because it weighs over 20 pounds. And speaking of, we can get rid of the sex machine that you bought us pre-lifestyle that has a phallus that kind of goes in and out of me, in and out. And I don't really like it. No, I'm actually going to fuse the two together. No. And we're going to make like a Frankenstein Sibian jackhammer machine. God. Oh, yeah. It was his plan all along to DPV. Do you hear that? It was really all along. I don't believe him for a second. But we've always talked about it. We want to try that Sibian out. Yes. I mean, I can't believe how generous he is to donate that to a great cause. Yeah. So really excited about that. That should happen in the next few weeks or so. It's almost like if you had a deer pet, you know, it's like your baby. Your Sibian is your deer pet? Yeah, yeah. And you're moving someplace where they don't allow pets. And so you want to give it to a good home. You got to house them somewhere. But, you know, there's tears involved giving it away. And if you give it to somebody that you know. There'll be no tears involved. That is going to love them unconditionally. You know what? We'll gift it to somebody else when it's had our fair share. Oh, I don't think it's going to make it through our job. It's either going to blow out a motor or the leather will be worn down to the nub and somebody will say, I don't want that damn thing. Oh, my God. So that's going to happen in the next few weeks. But before that, we are going to the avians. Oh, yeah. That's funny. It's almost like an afterthought at this point. We're partly thinking about it. We haven't decided what we're going to wear yet. Well, I got a bunch of outfits to try on. I am going to do some fun stuff. I think we're having some avoidance. I don't think we want to think about it. It's a little scary. I don't know. I want to bring out my inner porn star, though. I still can't believe you guys are making us do this. You thought this was a pretty funny joke. Look who's not laughing right now. We're not laughing. It's a little scary, okay? We have a few friends that are going. That's a lot of porn stars, man. Oh, my God. You know, they're all into collabs, collabs. We don't collab, okay? So we'll see what there is. Kat would love to play with some porn stars, but we'll see what the wind blows our way. I mean, part of it is, is because we have a bunch of stuff surrounding it and all. And we just stay busy in the here and now, you know, rewide the wave that you're on. Rewide the Sibian. Yeah. And you know, I've heard that those Sibians are so powerful that when you sit them on like a hardwood floor, you can hear them on like the second story. So that means if we bring it to a hotel takeover or if we bring it to Vegas. Soundproofing. We probably can only use it in the daytime till like 10 or 11, or we are going to get security called on us again. I know, but that makes the story even better. I'm going to be sitting on it. What are you doing, man? That's going to be sitting on top of it. Bucking Bronco? And we're going to film it. We're going to throw it up on Insta. No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we're not. He can have a foam head on and he can have some porn girls, but no, thank you. No, thank you. And speaking of stuff bookending it, that's the issue. We're going to think about the AVNs because we went New Year's Eve with Poojri, where we went to Illuminati. We'll talk about this episode. Then we went to see Poojri and Lana on Friday. Then we're going to be getting a Sibian. And tomorrow we're doing an interview with Hustler Magazine. Yeah, Hustler Magazine. And he's so funny because he's like, I've been to your website and I can see you don't show your faces, do you? You noticed that, did you? So can I kind of expect you not to show your face? We're way better not showing our faces, I promise you. He said, you know what? I think I like the mystery of it. Is that on purpose or what? So, yeah, that's tomorrow. We're going to do the interview in the car. Normally, we're a little press shy. Yeah. We're not shy, but we really just don't. We don't interview people. We don't really do interviews for people. But we thought this would be a fun one. Yeah, they just reached out and said we want to do an expose, I guess. No idea what to expect. Although expose sounds a lot like expose. Yeah, yeah. No, no. I'm not going to expose. I don't know what they're going to ask. We've got to keep it low-key. We'll let you all know. We're going to have to do some paring and thrusting. I like to thrust and parry. Hustler Magazine. You know, that's what those vintage swinger magazines on eBay look like. Yeah. All these girls with full bush and everything else. It makes me think of like, is that what like Hustler was? I don't think I've ever seen a Hustler Magazine. I don't think I, I mean, I've seen photos of them. I've seen pictures like Playboy, but I don't think I've actually laid hands on a Hustler Magazine. It just feels kind of dirty. It's like a penthouse. We're going to be in it. Was it like Playboy, the classy one, and penthouse, and Hustler? I think it was like in that order. Playboy, penthouse, and then Hustler was like, we're going to show some penetration. DP. Yeah, if you could get your hands on that one, you were going to go from a boy to a man. Yeah, just like the sex dolls. Hustler magazine. They look like boys. Is that the one that Larry Flint? Yeah, that's Hustler. Wow. Also, he has Larry Flint Hustler Club in New Orleans. The OG of porn. And not only that, but just being a student of history, one of the ones that fought the good fight. He took the freedom of speech case all the way to the Supreme Court. And I think he won it. So now we can show naked photos on Twitter and Reddit all we want. I respect the hell out of that because, you know, there's also a lot of swinger club owners that over the years have fought the good fight where the city council is trying to shut them down. They're actually still having some issues in some states. I've heard recently trying to shut down some of the clubs. And then we newbies come along and we get to enjoy all the hard work of their labor. Yeah. And Larry Flynn, you got to bow down to Larry Flynn. That guy was one of the original gangsters of porn. Yep. So yeah, I guess we're going to do a Larry Flint interview. Well, let you know how it goes. We're not going to come in least bit prepared, just like we don't come in prepared while we're talking. If the interview turns sideways, we're just going to use the old, you're breaking up, I can't hear you. So I was bored and I was kind of browsing Reddit. I hadn't been on for a while. And I got into it with somebody, we were talking about unicorns. They were just talking about how do I handle getting to know a unicorn? What is the kind of the MO? Like how much time do you have to allot to them before they're ready to come into your bedroom. Do you know ASAP Rocky got kicked off of Reddit? He was trying to do like an AMA. Oh, yes. And they wouldn't let him? Yeah, Reddit. And what was the quote? He said something like, y'all mods are clowns. I couldn't agree more. That's the truth. You're a mod out there. I am not personally attacking you. Present company excluded? Is that what you're saying? Yes. But I've been on the wrong side of the Reddit tracks. You're always on the wrong side of Reddit. Oh, shut up. They hate you. It doesn't matter. It means I just- You should wear that like a badge of honor. You and ASAP Rocky. Yeah, them mods are clowns. I mean, if you ever say somebody's a Reddit mod, that's like literally an insult. Do they get paid for it or are they volunteers? I don't know. Mods are like HOA types. Hall monitors. Yes. But if you're a Reddit mod, you know what? We love you. Speaking of. Yes. I don't know if they're a Reddit mod or not. We got a couple of favorite Redditors in the R Swingers forum. Jello Shot Gal. That's our number one right there, right? That's our girl right there. That's our girl. She's not a mod, but she's all over the place. The only other two that stood out is Angela and Buck Rides Out. Don't know them. Never met them, but they're all over the place. They're a couple of OGs of the lifestyle. They are no nonsense. Matter of fact. And they are going to tell it like it is. No bulls**t. And when you see their advice, you're like, you know what? That's probably some pretty damn good advice. Angela is a boss bitch. And she just doesn't sugarcoat anything. But when you read between the lines of what she says. It actually has some really valid points. She's got some amazing nuggets. So you can tell she's smart. She's got a lot of wisdom. And she's been at this a whole lot longer than we have. I kind of imagine she's pretty sexy. She's from the great state of Texas. I know. I know. Maybe we'll meet her someday. We met Jell-O-Shot. Mm-hmm. I like to meet them in real life. She does house parties in Dallas. She ought to invite us to one of her house parties. I want it. We'd go. Although all her house parties are really DTF. And you know how we are. We're a little skittish. Okay. But we could go and just be friendly and social. And then she'll never invite us back. We're one of them. Well, that's right. That's her advice. She's like, and if you don't play, you won't be invited back. That's okay. I'll do it. I'll take that. I'll take it. Yeah. So what are we talking about tonight? Well, we already alluded to it. We're going to talk about New Year's Eve. Illuminati. Yeah. And they have a chapter up in our Bay Area. They've got them all over the place. L.A., Atlanta, Denver, Phoenix. The first thing is, is that there's not a lot of information about Illuminati anywhere. We do know. I think what most people know is it's supposed to be for the young swingers, right? That's all we've really ever heard. It's highly vetted. Do you guys want to know a secret? See, right when you say that. You hate it. I don't like that. I know you don't. It causes a visceral reaction. We kind of dragged our feet on going because we don't have a huge scene in the Bay Area. You know our philosophy. It's well established. we firmly believe that there should be a place for everybody in the lifestyle. Doesn't matter. Your age, your shape, anything. Or if you like wearing a dinosaur onesie. There's a place for everybody. There's a place for everybody. And you know, one of the reasons that I feel strongly about that in particular is when we first started out as newbies, you go to these events websites. Oh, yeah. And the first thing you encounter is all this stock photography models. And you certainly think everybody there is going to be beautiful, stunning, great bodies. And you're like, oh my gosh, everybody's so gorgeous. It's so intimidating. But what you'll find is 99 times out of 100. That's stock photography. It's only stock photography. It doesn't exist. And people are just normal people because that's what the cross section of the lifestyle is made up of is normal people. And usually when somebody is vetting, my feeling is always to say, you ain't pretty enough to be acting like that. We've attended quite a few vetted events at this point, even though we took a long time before we did our first. Just because we were so vehemently opposed to the whole idea of vetting. And the one thing you'll notice that when you go into these vetted places is they're not supermodels. They're not influencers. It's not the glam squad. Yeah, sure. They probably clean up well. It tends to be a little bit more height, weight proportional, maybe skew younger. And for Illuminati, you have to be a certain age. So yes, they do screen for some things. But yeah, they're not influencers. They're not Instagram models. They're very normal. They're very approachable. So my feeling is I would love it in my heart of hearts is if they would just hold space for everybody. Yeah, if we opened a club, you know we wouldn't have any vetting. Anybody would be welcome. But one of the reasons that we do do this is because there are some people that might gravitate towards a vetted club. And they might be interested to see what goes on. Behind the velvet rope So we decided to go to the New Year Eve ball It sounded fun It was a great Gatsby theme We were going to go as a thruple And it didn require us to get on an airplane and travel So it was a one nighter It was easy to get away It was a win win win It was a win win win win. And so I don't know. Four people. We're talking three. Whatever. Probably was sexting somebody. So a few weeks before we sent in all the information they needed to get vetted. You have to send four photos that include full body face. You got to do your birthday. You got to do a bio and they ask a lot of questions. It's kind of like essay stuff. But I do have a little secret for you. Shoot. We did apply for Illuminati like, I don't know, nine months ago. It's my baby. It's not my baby. It is your baby. I haven't been messing around till after the children. Did we tell them that that was the plot of threesome? Yes. I said that he got both of them pregnant. You think on paper it almost sounds hot. It sounded hot because he like he went twice in the same night. But it wasn't hot because all of a sudden you realize this is life getting real. And it wasn't really sexy after the first threesome moment. No, no. But that first threesome was really hot. It was a great romper. You guys should watch it and think of us with one of our unicorns because that's how it feels. Wait a minute. It is so hot. The delivery room with two people? No, because the lead guy I thought was so hot. What would you do if I got you and somebody else pregnant at the same time? I'd kill you. Okay. That's a fair point. Let's not let that one happen. That seems like some dumb shit I'd get up to. Only Leo would get himself in a stupid situation like that. so we did apply for luminati like nine months ago oh you talking about how they ghosted us yeah we were one of those where we didn't quite make it in the first try we were being smart asses we're bridge trolls we are bridge trolls that is true yeah we were smart asses but we were also we're very private so we didn't want to send our faces in so we sent little emoji heads and i don't think they thought that was very faces might have been blurred out yeah that was enough for them i also chat gbt'd my answers i'm not sure they like that one either oh everybody chat but in any case apparently that's the way they roll if you don't hear back within three days assume had to show they don't like you and then they dm'd us back and said i like the blurred out face photos better but we'll let you in just as once i think the least they could do is say i'm sorry it's not going to work you're talking about it's you not one of illuminati's policies is yes when you apply to get vetted they won't necessarily write you back any response if they don't accept they all do that i was actually just on friction parties it is true that that's probably a knock in my book friction doesn't either friction says do not expect us to write you and tell you why you're not making it in. We will not respond to you. Yeah, I don't love that because when you apply for a job, you submit your resume. Usually somebody's got a canned response. You could make it up on ChatGPT. And it just says, basically, we really appreciate you are so talented, but I just don't think it's the right fit at this time. And that would make somebody who gets rejected feel so much better. I'm raising this baby alone. Yeah, you could have it. You and your baby mama. You'd be an ugly baby. So we got vetted this time because we stopped being smart asses and we sent real photos of ourselves. And Pussy was already a member. She'd actually already been to an Illuminati party before she even met us. And they said, oh, you're coming with Pussy. OK, just this once. And we were probably the only throuple there. And it was a lot of fun to BYOU, bring your own unicorn. So after we saw being smart asses, they did reply. Within about 24 hours, we were approved. We now can buy tickets to all their parties all over so we could try everywhere. And when we go to these things, I'll be honest with you. We always go with arms crossed. We want to not like something. It's Always a show me. There's been scarce accounts of Illuminati anywhere on the Internet. And I think part of it is, is that you wonder which ones could be shills, which ones are real. So we're here to tell you the skinny, what it was really like. And the TLDR is we actually really liked it so much. So we're probably going back next month. Yeah, it actually is a pretty damn good party. Now, especially if you're a newbie. Yes. And it's going to depend on your chapter. The ones in North Carolina are not the same as the ones in L.A., the same as the ones in Phoenix. So it's going to depend on your location. Yeah, but I think generally speaking. They're similar in mine. The business model is the same. They host these in either member homes or like an Airbnb. And they try to find either large estates, so it's kind of real posh looking. You're talking about a mansion, quote unquote. A quote unquote mansion. It had seven bedrooms. When I think of a mansion, I'm thinking of some richy rich shit. Yeah, I mean, this one had seven bedrooms. They said it was 7,000 feet. It didn't feel like 7,000 feet. Maybe they were blocking off some of the house. Maybe there was like a whole wing blocked off, because I felt like we'd walk through it pretty quickly. But it was a beautiful home. And they do it very much like Plush Mansion Party did. They have these red and blue lights all throughout the house. So it's real ambiance going on. Well, the first thing is we showed up and it was a very steep drive. And our Uber guy drove up the drive. Because we had got some high heels on. It was Great Gatsby. So we're dressed kind of, you know, 20s-esque. Both you girls were going to sprain an ankle getting out of the Uber. You got that right. Security met us, tackled me. Then they opened up an umbrella for the two of you. Pussy and I. See you later, Leo. And rolled me down the driveway. And everybody was very dressed to theme. I know they like to have themes, whatever that may be. But this one was Great Gatsby. It was a real dress-up crowd. It was. And they were looking really hot. We always liked that. It's like team spirit, right? So I love it when you get dress up people that get into it and it just makes the party vibe. And the check-in was super simple. You just walk through the front door in the foyer. They ask for your IDs, check off because you've already paid online and they just let you go in. There's no wristbands or anything. The first thing is that security were some chill motherfuckers. They were really, really friendly because the guy with the umbrella that was such a gentleman to walk you girls to the door and leave my ass out in the rain. He was such a cool guy. We saw him later in the evening. I'm going to say his name. And so I wanted to see, I said, oh, there's a pool out here. There's a hot tub. He said, oh, normally we have the hot tub open for the partiers. Do you want to see it? Yeah, I want to see it. So he went and got the umbrella. I waited for him and he walked pussy and I out to go see what the hot tub looked like. Pussycat. Yeah, pussycat. And that guy was built like a brick house. And you know, the thing about security is, is sometimes they are so aggro that can sometimes get my guard up. And Illuminati, safety and consent is a really big thing for them. We'll get to that in a minute. So having security guards, they purposely have them really walking around roving to make sure everybody's safe. Well, you know, some venues, the security might be a little unwelcoming. They might be, I mean, you go to a place like the Power Exchange. Fuck the Power Exchange, by the way. You're never going there again. That place is just full of agro bouncers. Even in my horniest time, you're not going to let me go again. Not a chance. Not a chance. That time has gone. I'm thinking the Power Exchange probably gets one of the lowest ratings of any club we walked into. Yeah, that and Eyes Wide Shut. Oh, OK. Well, we're going to give them another crack. OK, but Power Exchange, it's a sex club. Next time we're in Tampa. It's a sex club. But yeah, going through a metal detector, that's not exactly the sexy vibe that I was going for. Eyes wide shut. I do want to go back to Tampa because I got one of my sexters that lives there. Yes, I know. Call him Florida boy. You're waiting to pull one of these sexters in real life. I am. I am. I've got a few. And whoof. But the security there was fan-fucking-tastic at Illuminati. They were chill. Yeah, they were super cool. They felt non-intrusive. Then we're going to jump to the master of ceremonies, the Mr. and Mrs. We called them the hostess with the mostess because they were really nice. And they were fan-fucking-tastic. You know, we've said that before. When you go to a club or you go to an event, so are the owners, so goes the way the club is, right? Absolutely. They set the mood entirely. And if they make you feel welcome, you know it's going to be... A good night. And the first thing is, is we asked if they could take some pictures in one of their rooms. Oh, because they said you're not allowed to take photos after they have their consent talk at like 10 o'clock. No more photos. So we're like, well, we better get our photos and all our great Gatsby finery before that time. Yeah, bullshit. Oh, we still owe her photos. Oh, that's right. I was going to say, she's always saying how she wants to get some pictures with all three of us. That's right. I forgot. So that she can actually tell her friends these two people actually exist, not just as a figment of my imagination. They are a figment of her imagination. And so the master of ceremonies, he sat there and he was taking photos of us. Oh my gosh. He was telling us to pose in different ways. Oh, get her in doggy style. Oh yeah. Put up one leg. Both of you kiss his cheek. They were some cool motherfuckers. I got to say, they were lovely, lovely couple. So let's just talk about the people at Illuminati. It skews younger. it would be probably mostly 30s and 40s. I think the max age they'd try for us. You might have seen a couple of people with some salt and pepper hair. But they had younger looking wives. Yeah, that's what I'd say. There was only a smattering of 20s. Yeah, they're not overly represented. Although I did get the digits of a 29-year-old guy. You always get the digits of a 29-year-old guy. That's probably too old for you. He was really cute. And you know, Pussy was helping me with that. She and I. Oh, she was wing girling you? Yeah, she and I were, we were hitting on him together. So she was helping me out. I think he was actually hitting on me. I don't want to hear that. That is not cool. I'm just saying. I am the main character in an MFM, okay? In Croatia, do they give three kisses on the lips? I hope so. But it was, let's describe the crowd. Yeah, super friendly. Super friendly. You know, a lot of these things, people can be shy, and this tends to be a newbie or crowd for sure. Newbies, they can come into venues like this and it can feel overwhelming. And be like wallflowers, yeah. Absolutely. I don't know. It felt pretty sociable. They were very social. And it didn't feel clicky, in my opinion. We didn't know anybody, and it was pretty easy to talk to people. And overall, it was a crowd that was easy on the eyes. Not supermodels, not Instagram influencers, but a generally attractive bunch. Good looking and approachable, just normal people that you might want to touch some strange genitals with. In their 30s and 40s. You know what one of the coolest parts about this particular party? What was one of the coolest parts about this party, Kat? It's BYOB, but there's no bartender. That was 100% the right move. So you stow all your own liquor in the fridge, on the counter, pour your own with the cups they provide. It created a communal atmosphere in the kitchen. It had this, well, it's a mansion, right? So it's this big open plan kitchen. It was very large. And I don't think there was any room that had more people in it than the kitchen. Yeah, there might have been 30, 40 people at any one time. Constantly, people would be walking in between you as you're talking to someone else, getting your drink. It was like the watering hole. It might be the only one that doesn't like swinger buffets. And I don't like the bartender setup in most of the swinger clothes. Even plush party mansion party, which is very similar to this Illuminati party, very much shades of the same. They had a bartender. So you couldn't go into the kitchen area. and we would wait in lines for our own liquor. It's my liquor. When it gets really busy, you could be in the line for like 20 minutes. And I'm just like, sometimes at the plush party, I remember people saying, just give me my whole bottle. And they just took their own bottle of liquor back and just drank from the bottle. When we're at the Scarlet Ranch, the first person that we went, that decided to keep her liquor in the locker. Naked Bowling Babe. Oh, that was Naked Bowling Babe. It was. I was thinking it was Mile High Boss. No, that was Naked Bowling Babe. She's the one that showed us that. We adopted that as well, because it can be a hassle standing in line at the Scarlet Ranch, even though the Kentucky Wildcat If you've ever seen the bartenders at Scarlet Ranch, you know who the hell I'm talking about. Yeah, I like her. Everybody likes her. Get in line. A long line of 20 minutes, apparently. And so over time, am I the only one that doesn't care about the mixers and all? I'll drink it out of the bottle. And so this was so nice because it also doubled as this huge communal area. We met most of the people we met standing in the kitchen. I think that the issue is, is that when you go to a place, you paid your money, you're there, hopefully, to be social and then touch strange genitals. And you're on the clock. Right. And you might want some liquid courage and you might need it faster than Kentucky Wildcat's able to sling it to you. Although I wait 20 minutes for Kentucky Wildcat. Actually, I'm always the one that goes up because I like her a lot. Yeah. We've been trying to flirt with her. We have. We are trying. We're playing the long game. We are. We always play the long game. Somebody's going to tell her now. She's going to cop love us. She might not serve us. We might have to bring her to the locker. That's if we go back to Denver. We're kind of out of our Denver chapter right now. Yeah, but we talked about just today that we might add one last spin in Denver. We've got a lot of friends we want to see. Yeah, we had somebody slide into our DMs today from Denver, I think. You know, we did that episode. Well, we did a couple. One, we talked about going and traveling to more places across the country and meeting listeners and playing with some listeners. Oh, that's right. We had somebody from Ohio say, I heard you might make it to Ohio. And we talked about. We want to show you around. Our listeners, if you slide into our DMs and you're shooting your shot, we love it. It's a dopamine hit. Oh, and we'll dopamine right back at you. But apparently when we did those episodes, people were listening. Yeah. So we shouted out into the void and the void shouted back. And it's been a lot of fun. And we're going to meet one of our listeners in Vegas in just a few weeks. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to be an entire episode, I imagine. Probably. But we're not going to talk about that. That's some foreshadow. That's some foreshadow. But I think when you threw that comment up on Reddit. I decided to put my Illuminati review on Reddit because that's where I get a lot of my reviews from. Like when I'm going to a club and there is so little info. I thought I'll help people out. I'll put my review out there. And when you said something about the drink situation, they chimed in with, what about my mixers? They basically said you're paying so much and they can't even afford a bartender. And I'm like, I like the do it yourself. I love the energy. You know what else has the same energy? No. Flirts in Vegas. It's in a house and they have that kitchen. I love the idea of a communal kitchen where you go and you put your BYOB in the refrigerator. But it flirts in Vegas. There is a bartender. I know. But still, I just like the idea of being in somebody's house. You know why? You told me this while we were at the party. It felt like we were at a college house party. Exactly. Because usually in the kitchen, that's where the kegger is with your red Solo cups. Red Solo cup. I fill you up. Let's have a party. Let's have a party. All that was missing were the cops busting down the door. I was missing a few more 20-something shirtless guys. There weren enough I feel you I feel you right You feeling me But I get it You paranoid about somebody roofing your drink You paranoid about someone tampering your drink but you going to touch and maybe trade some bodily fluids later at least kissing right Are you crazy? I like to think that there's some implication to these places that the lifestyle people are a good group of people that you could trust, especially in this kind of house party environment. That's vetted. I mean, really? I was just having none of that. I was like the do-it-yourself bartending. It's not like that at all, the Illuminati. Now, in this case, I did wake up at about 3 a.m. with my pants around my ankles. I had like dick pics sharpie on my forehead. Oh, and you had a simian in your ass. I knew you had to go there. Everybody's chasing my ass. Nothing is going to touch his ass, okay? Mine is another story entirely. I'm so straight, I don't even wipe my own ass. But you get more pee than a toilet seat. Woman. Man. Whore. I feel personally attacked over here. I mean that in the nicest possible way. So we're back to Illuminati. I love the BYO situation. If I BYO be my thing and you got a refrigerator, I'm going to throw it in the refrigerator. But it's not like that at every Illuminati. So don't get disappointed. I think when we go down to L.A., it's not like that. They have a bartender. Just saying. And you know what? Speaking of roofies. Yeah. I don't know when this was apparently a roofie epidemic, but I think it was a bit overblown. My understanding is that the company who makes Rohitnol in response to the roofie hysteria, they actually make it so that if you dissolve it in water, it has like a bright purple or blue color or something like that. So you'll know your drink has been tampered with. So if your lips turn purple. But back to Illuminati. You spend the first, you get there around eight o'clock, 830. You spend the first hour, hour and a half mingling. There's no play until they have the big consent talk. We had heard a lot about the consent talk. It's mandatory. Everybody has to go to it. And it's a consent talk. When it comes to the consent talk, if you're a newbie, it's going to be great. If this is your first time at an event or a club. It's going to help you know how to say no, that you can say no, even if you're in the middle of something. And at first you said yes, but now you want to say no. So it'll be very informative. But if you have some experience in the lifestyle, especially if you're a veteran or if you've been to another Illuminati and heard the consent talk, this is going to feel like a toast at a wedding where somebody gets the microphone and it goes on a little bit too long. I think ours went on for maybe 30 minutes. I have heard from Pussy Galore that that's actually on the fast side. I think hers was like 45 minutes. But I'll give them this. They definitely mean well. I just think it could probably be summed up in about 10 minutes. And it has nothing to do with our particular chapter in San Francisco. It was the hostess with the mostest giving the consent talk. This is Illuminati. Whoever's on high at Illuminati has decided we have to have a consent talk. Although if it was specific to San Francisco, it would be on brand. Yes, we would not. Two-factor authentication consent talk. And so I got a little tired of standing. My feet were hurting with my heels I was wearing. Everybody was in heels. We were actually bonding, trauma bonding. I was trauma bonding. I trauma bonded with a couple. We were kind of whispering and I was friends with them later on. Rolling a J behind us. And they were the friends I was bonding with. I said, let me get some of that a little bit later. Yeah. So they definitely mean well. But yes, you have to be aware going into it that there is going to be a consent talk. And it doesn't matter if it's your first Illuminati or your 10th. You're going to have that consent talk every single time. All I suggest is to grab a comfy chair and you'll be fine. I did grab a comfy chair. It was the three of us standing packed together in the center of the ballroom. My feet were hurting. I looked behind me and I see a gal sitting perched kind of on the edge of a chair. So I went over to say, can I take the other half and I'll just perch half my ass cheek. And I was so happy. The room that the consent talk took place in was supposed to also be doubling as the dance floor. They didn't have a DJ. The music that was playing was sort of over the intercom system, the sound system in the house. It wasn't really conducive to dancing. And I think, especially for New Year's Eve, I wanted to be dancing. I wanted to have like a big ball drop countdown 10 to 1 at midnight. Yeah, so I'm going to take off a couple of marks for the dancing because especially Pusherita, she said she wanted to dance. And again, it's going to change from chapter to chapter. I don't really know what other Illuminati's are like. In that kitchen, I think you probably mentioned, they had like a hundred plastic flutes for the evening, which was great. Totally apropos for the New Year's Eve celebration. Which was perfect that we brought champagne. Although I think we were drinking out of a red solo cup, weren't we? That was you. I was drinking out of a champagne flute. Thank you very much. I got friends in low places. I'm not low and neither is a pussy. So pussycat. I'm low. You guys are on a pedestal. You just said you had friends in low places. You are the low place. They tried to roll me down the driveway. I said. They do allow single males at Illuminati. apparently select single males that are, you know, highly vetted. I thought the single male situation, I didn't notice very many of them, although one was trying to hit up on Pussy. And you had to rescue her. I thought that they were a good group of people. I think they actually require them to show maybe shirtless photos. They're supposed to be fit, young, decent looking. He was a pretty handsome guy and he was respectful. So if you're a newbie going to Illuminati, you don't need to be scared. You don't need to be worried about the single males. And they got the whole consent talk. So, you know, they're telling the single males how it's going to be. And then after the consent talk is normally when everybody starts shucking off their clothes and finding playrooms. But this kind of party. New Year's. Because it was New Year's, also because it tends to be a bit newbie centric. I didn't want to count 10 to 1 naked, personally. You mean countdown from 10? Yes. Down to 1. That would have been fun. It should have been like strip New Year's Eve. 10, take off an item. 9, take off another item. And by zero, you're butt naked. You wanted the bowl drop and champagne popping. Yeah, I want yours balls to drop. You're saying that my balls haven't dropped? Is that what you're saying? I don't know why you're saying that, Pat. It reminds me of the sex dolls, how they're trying to make the male doll and she's showing us. And they want the balls to hang so they can feel them bumping up against them. Oh, my God. That was so funny. But in this environment, it does tend to sometimes be a little more dirty vanilla. It's definitely more social than DTF. If you are a DTF house party lover like Angela. And book rides out. You would not like this kind of house party. It is. That's the wrong genre. That's better. This is definitely more party than play. It is definitely Dirty Vanilla. If you have never been to a club, Illuminati would be a great entree for you. I like it. I like it too, but we like to be social and it felt very social. If you wanted to play, there were a lot of opportunities as well. Yeah, and a lot of people did go upstairs and around that midnight hour, they were already naked on the bed. I would say that... We got a lot of longing looks. You're talking about Doggy Dinner Bowl. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just coming in to find the bathroom. Well, mostly what I saw were couples playing with their own significant other. I didn't see any swapping, but. We weren't there very long because shortly after the consent talk, we had our room all decked out, ready to have a threesome with Pussy. The rave room. So we were like, Pussy, are you ready to go? She's like, yeah. Yeah, we're going to have our own New Year's. So we ended up playing. I think we played till five in the morning and then we had a sleepover in that hotel room. Yeah, we did have a sleepover. That night you were in the middle. I was not in the middle this time. Not on our most recent one. And you know what? It seems like whoever's in the middle has the worst night's sleep. So you got to draw straws. I don't want to be in the middle next. Oh, yes. I'm only going to be in the middle if it's two guys. Oh, I see what you did there. You know, I'm playing the long game every time. Like, the more unicorns we play with, I'm like, honey. We had a comment today. I'm playing the long game. We talked about that friction party where there was that pretty French girl. I don't even know where the hell she came from. Because it's a couple's only party, but she wanted to play with him alone. And we were so newbie, I was like, hell no. You were like, what the hell are you saying? We never even played with a unicorn at that point. She came up. She just planted a kiss on me. And then she turned to you as if like I was your sex slave. You are my boy toy. You're my boy toy. I am your boy toy. Does he play alone? No. And today we were joking. We said, yeah, we make that work. Even if she doesn't into girls, I'll figure out how to get myself involved. But see, Kat is playing the long game because the next words out of her mouth was, yeah, then you're going to be sitting over in that cup chair when it's a guy. I'm going to say, remember that French girl? C'est la vie. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Yeah, what you said. I think it's, do you want to sleep with me tonight? Je ne sais quoi. That makes me hot just thinking about somebody talking to me in another language. Oh, I still got that on my bingo card. Yeah, we don't have enough of that going on. We don't. We need to go back to Europe. Anybody bilingual, trilingual? I need some Frenchies. I need some Australians. Yeah, but they could be American. They just have to know a couple. You guys just learn it and just bullshit your way into Kat's DMs. It doesn't matter. I don't care. I will know what you're saying. We thought there was a guy down in Southern California who fakes an Australian accent. We were certain that it seemed fake. That's the rumor going around. And if he is, it's working for him. He is getting a lot of pee. Yeah, well, the girl he showed up with. She was checking all our boxes. Damn, that was at a plush party in the mansion. I think they got about half the bottle of champagne that we brought out of us. They should have given us something in return for that. I remember she was from Guatemala. Yeah. She was hot. Yeah, Guatemala. We got to go there. We should go back to the plush party. Maybe they're still dating. Yeah, we'll get down there. We're going to get down there probably this month. Okay. L.A., here we come. Okay. So what's your feeling? What say you about Illuminati San Francisco? I liked Illuminati a lot more than I thought I would. And it's a really good party, good people. It felt a lot like a plush party. And I personally am not a huge fan of our home club. We've been there a lot. And I feel like it's kind of, you know, it's... You're talking about Twist. Yeah, it's been there, done that. It's a big upgrade over Twist. And I like it a lot. And a lot of newbies, they love Twist. Although we could go to a bronze party at Twist coming up. That would be fun too. Yeah, we might do that. But it was a good looking crowd. We don't love the idea of vetting. And especially if they let somebody like me in. What is that? I don't want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member? Yes. And if you wonder if you're going to be vetted and you're going to be let in, you might want to slip a photo to me. I have a pretty good track record with these kinds of things. I kind of usually know what they're looking for. Well, a lot of people DM you a picture. For Le Chendel. Before they go to Le Chendel. Which is like the most strict, stringent vetting ever. Well, that's because you have to show up to the door and the doorman is notorious for rejecting people. No, no. There is no room at the inn tonight. I still get pictures galore for people who are going to Le Chendel. And your track record is like 30 and 1. You are really good at letting people know. I am. So I think here's the cheat code about getting into Illuminati. I think as best we can determine what they're looking for is it starts with age dependent. Yes, I think that they're looking for, I think 49 might be the oldest, but I think it probably, they really want 30s and low 40s. So 20s, 30s, early 40s. I would say they're all height, weight proportional. And I'm going to say that if you're on the younger side, they probably grade on a curve. And if you're older, you're probably going to be scrutinized more. Yeah, that's pretty based. Yeah, so we were talking today. Because we're jonesing again. It's like a Wednesday and I'm like, damn, I want to do more spicy stuff. Well, we actually dragged out our calendar and we said we need to do more. We need to start writing down all the events that go on this year so we can make 2026. The year of events. Blow it out. Like we're already going to do naughty. We're thinking about purgatory in Houston. We're going to go to splash in Atlanta. We're now thinking about friction party in North Carolina. I'm hype. 2026 is going to be dope. I can't wait. But one thing is we said we should put up on the website a list of all the lifestyle events just by month. Like hotel takeovers because you're like, what's going on in California this month? It's hard to find that information. You should be able to just look at a glance, go down the list and see all over the country what events are going on. So we may do that, but we are going to go to another Illuminati in February. Up at the Bay Area again. With Pushy. Yeah. I think that'll be great before we then check out some other Illuminatis like in LA and Phoenix, maybe Denver. It's good for us to kind of get our feet under us one more Bay Area one. But I'm going to give it high marks. I do. I liked it. I liked it a lot. They're really great people. Definitely would repeat. I mean, we are going to repeat. And if you're price sensitive with the XY coordinates to how much you spend versus how much sexy play you're going to get, then you might want to look somewhere else if you feel a little more DTF. But if you're newbie, you like the social, you don't like the pressure of necessarily having to play. Illuminati is a great entree for newbies. Very sexy vibe. And you play or party. It's up to you. So let's get ready for our Hustler interview. OK, that means we're going to go to sleep. We're not going to do a damn thing. Did Hustler have centerfolds? They must have had centerfolds. I'm sure they had major centerfolds. I should go on eBay and I should look up for some back issues. I mean, you're making us have more tangible things in our possession that is going to make us get caught. We're going to put it between the mattress. I'm going to be serious. Leo has said recently he's starting to think about if our vanilla friends start to find out and that we may or may not care as much anymore. You're talking about Pablo Sexobar all those months ago on a Bliss cruise. It was a year ago. And he said that one day you won't care anymore. You won't give a damn. And I said, oh, hell no, that's not me. And now the longer we're here, we're like, I wouldn't trade it for the world and I'd own it. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. We'll see. At this point, we're still in a car. Everything's under lock and key. And this doesn't exist. This is a cooking show. If you walk in on me and I'm wanking it to a hustler centerfold. It better be me. I'm going to have an ugly old face. That's for sure. So if you liked what you heard, go ahead and either subscribe or I didn't know how that works. Just come and listen. We might post once a week. We might post a couple times a month. I don't know. We might get bored and stop doing it. So you better come and listen while it's still going. Otherwise, we'll lose interest. Tell us how much you like it. Yeah. Leave a comment. That'd be cool. We love it. Where can they leave a comment? I don't know. Maybe we'll have some comments. We don't have a website yet. Okay.