Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)

Wow, wow, Wes. Hey. What's up, guys? What's up, everybody? How are we doing? How are you? This is this is just awesome stuff. This is awesome. This is great stuff. I love this man. What's that? Just this podcast and chilling. I'm right now. I'm I'm dealing with all the haters on Twitter right now. What are the haters doing? Dude, I sent like a friendly tweet out yesterday saying like how much I can't believe I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg with my hat backwards. Everyone's attacking me saying like, yeah, Mark Wahlberg quotes and they just give me pictures of Fred Durst. I'm like, what the hell, guys? It's got to be nice to be handsome young boys. It's a nice compliment. Good. No, it's you see the picture. There's rules. I'm going for Wahlberg, bro. I'm going for I was Joe. Obviously, I was kidding. I was like, damn, I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg. Can I see? I look exactly like Mark Wahlberg. I know, I know. You look exactly. I look exactly like Wahlberg impression. I'll have to think about it. Yeah, what's your thing? Yeah, you got to show me the fucking name of the brand. Municipal. How long? Mm, my jeans are too short. My wife made fun of me this morning. Oh, yeah, you do have those. I got the project. You got the shalties on. You got the capris, dude. Municipal. Look at the swag. Did you see him with this morning at 5 a.m. Did I what did you pray at 5 a.m. I probably did. I will just say it up. If I always I say very proud. Do you and AC Slater stay straight? Play it up. AC Slater, say, spray it up. Yes, I didn't know that Slater and fucking Wahlberg are boys. They boys. Yes. And they're tough. I saw him mugging Drusky, bro. Do you Mark? Mark Wahlberg. Oh, yeah, I did see that. What do you think I'm from? That's what he said on your show. That boy, what do you think I'm from? It's pretty sick. You see Eminem, Mog, Wahlberg. Yes, I saw that. That was he mugged the shit. Well, Wahlberg was trying to switch lanes. I think Wahlberg was probably like, man, you catch me 10 years ago when I was wild. Now we see about this. But yeah, Eminem mugged Wahlberg on TRO. I was mean to him. Well, he was just kind of like, it's killing him. I don't know what it was. What was Wahlberg doing that he didn't like? He was probably partied out. And I think hated every white rapper. Yeah. Well, also, it was Marky Mark. So he was getting compared to Marky Mark all the time. It was kind of like a diss. He hated. So we had to bring it to him. He always talks about vanilla ice. Mark Wahlberg. True. All of them. That's our problem is white rappers, dude, grabs in a bucket. I know. We got to change the culture. We got to stop the violence and vote. As white rappers, we need to stop the violence and vote. White rappers probably do need to stop the violence and vote. They do. They I think they need to find out the non Jewish white rappers. Really, the Jewish rap, the white rappers are nice. Either. You think the Beastie Boys will be some more each other. They're definitely cool. Dude, I was at a fuck where was I recently? Buffalo. I was in Buffalo walking into a show and a guy was like, yo, check it out. It's Ad Rock's jacket. He was like, I think he's to drive limos and Ad Rock left his jet. It literally said Ad Rock was an old Beastie Boys jacket. It's incredible. It's awesome. How he let me wear it. He goes, I didn't he's like, put it on. That's how you started feeling like Mark Wahlberg. What the hell are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about? You felt the fucking Ad Rock float through you and the dead. The blood of the white rapper. Kings. I really felt. I really felt the power, man. You felt our ancestors. I did. I felt good, man. I put on the Ad Rock jacket, you know, but he had to give it right back. But it's kind of hoping he let me keep it. But it was actually it's a sick possession. Yeah. Driving a limo and Ad Rock leaves the jacket. And he's like, dude, I've been wearing this thing for like 10 years. I think it was sick. But yeah, you're a white rapper. Oh, shit. I've been rapping. I've been laying it down. Mr. Very Good rapper. I'll be out there. I'm just waiting. I'm trying to do production now. I'm trying to get other people to do the rapping and no one will buy the beats. Really? Zero beats, Pitchest. You know, it's hard to sell beats now. So you just go on and be like, you should make like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for beats. And now it's like you just do a whatever Swiss beat style. There's a million things on YouTube. I may have to pay for a feature. It may come to it. Yeah. What I would like to do is get a street rapper. What's your hook? You got to yell something out. Yelts. Just like we the best. I'm like, I'm Lupe Fiesco. I got no books. Yeah, you need a cool you need a cool hook that everyone has. Oh, like a producer tag? Yes. Was it Lupe's first and 15th or was that just the album? First day. First 15, I think was like the crew. Just, you know, it's kind of a those the days that the welfare checks would arrive in the neighborhood. Yes, that's true. You need like if you're a metro, don't something like that. You need something like that. I'm a young metro. Yeah. Trust you. One time we were in a car. Yeah, I'm not going to name the perpetrator. Yeah, because I know snitch. Yeah, but it's me, Nate and another white comedian in the car. And out of nowhere, he yelled, take he fuck these. And he did it. Whoa, I think he forgot Nate was in the back seat. And we all had to just be like, all right, we all agree that was a mistake. Sorry, everybody's sorry. Everyone. You know, I feel like you handled it well. No, it was it was it was a classic mistake. We had it was so loud. It was out of nowhere. I do feel like the rap. I feel like the rap excitement and word gets a song wasn't even playing. Oh, OK. I thought this song was playing. No, it was not. I vividly remember. He was trying to create that part of my mind. No, we're at that. No, it was we're in traffic. Traffic. Traffic, exactly. I think that's what Jared at Luce formed. I bet Childish Gambino gig. He did the Stay Woke song, which has a very prominent in it, but the audience is mostly white. Yeah, oh, rap concert. And it's at the it was very strange at the peak of the chorus. The energy comes right down for two seconds when everyone respectfully leaves the words out and goes back to sing in the course. Oh, yeah. Stay. Work. Creepin. They do that. That's I've seen I've seen why people at rap concerts fully get their money's worth. So was. Yeah, you saw what's. You saw DMX was. I think I was at a Kanye concert where 10 million whites getting it in. I was given permission by Kanye from the stage to participate, I believe. Really? When he was doing his tours, he would always he would say get into it. Say that. That was he like don't hold back. I think Schoolboy Q. I think Kendrick tricked that poor honky woman. It's not right. Yeah. Evil bastard. Wait, so Nate, what was the was it like you just give the guy a yellow card or like what was the yellow yellow card? One more was read. But I think it's like anything we've ever seen before. This episode is brought to you by Mando. Here's the thing. Most deodorants are lying to you. They're not stopping odor. They're just dumping a ton of perfume on it and hoping for the best. I mean, think about a relatable example or two of a band aid solution that is as ridiculous as smothering body odor and fragrance. I mean, that's like covering mold with a poster and being like fix it or it could be like starting a podcast instead of going to therapy. That one's kind of on the nose, guys. What the heck, Mando? Mando actually handles the problem. It cuts odor off at the source. 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Yeah, we had like a two hour drive or so. Yeah, I had a I was talking to an Uber driver in Tulsa this weekend who said he picked up this like old black lady, like an old like church lady. He was driving her from the airport somewhere like kind of far away. And the ride was so long that he had forgotten he had an Uber passenger. And he's like, dude, so I'm like thinking I'm going home. I have a joint in my mouth. I'm fucking blasting to it. She's fucking chilling. And he said someone cut him off. He didn't say what he said. He goes, bro, I let out every word in the book. And just just everything screaming. And I turn around to see this little black lady just staring from the back. He went, oh, Jesus Christ. Like, maybe I forgot your back there. I'm so sorry about that. And scared of a passenger. That's very funny. He was like, you should have seen the look on your face, ma'am. She's like, you should have seen the look on your face. And he goes, yeah, I was scared. And then he he dropped her off. She goes, I'll pray for you, young man. I just walked away. Thank you, ma'am. But I forgetting you have a passenger in Uber. So funny. He goes, dude, I was like almost home. I will almost bought this lady to my house. Tony, happy to chat features where it's at. You get the good story. I literally couldn't disagree more. I know you're getting good stories for the. I get great stories for the pod. But that sucks. You can set happy to chat on your Uber. Yeah, but you're still selecting comfort to get happy to chat. You don't get that option at the lower down Uber. You don't want to chat on Uber X. No, Uber X. You got to be chatting. I think it's default. They're not getting paid as much. They want to make their time valuable. They'll be chatting. I've chatted them up in some Uber. I've had some of the worst Uber X chats of my. Really? Explain his movie ideas to me. And then I felt like we just get to the end of it. Don't interrupt. And then I noticed he had started going like 12 miles an hour. He slowed right down so that he could explain get the full extent of the movie idea. It was his idea was to get homeless people to work in a hotel and make a documentary about it and have the documentary. Who's your driver, Matt? Fucking Matt, I did. The homeless hotel. Yeah, obviously. What a cruel, but they can't stay there. I don't. Yeah, they were making so much money from working in the basement. For him, get some. Who's choosing to stay at when you're looking up all the Yelp reviews of the hotels or whatever you're going, I think this homeless hotel. That's a good. Yeah, that's a terrible idea. What else did he elaborate on anything? There was going to be a sequel. He was going to hire one as a manager. It was going to open a chain and homelessness in America. Be fair, man, they're already equipped. They got the shopping carts. You can have a line of like the Uber for your stuff. You have like a line of like 20 of them come up, put them in. They watch him walk away with all of your stuff. Just take it immediately. Homeless hotel would be nice. I think the answer is the military. The more I think about it, military, military wing for the homeless. They need jobs. This is how Mao Zedong fixed the opium crisis in China. He just took everyone who was an opium addict and he put them in the army and he said, you have purpose, you have a uniform. This is what you do now. Honestly, I don't think that's in the National Guard in turn them into the National Guard. It'll be a very scary brigade. They could just there's a ton of work they could do in the military. It would be bad. Hitler did that. And many people kind of he took like insane people and criminals and shit and was just like, just go kill as many people as you can. Civilians on the Eastern front. Yeah, I think you're more like having a person in that group. I don't know. This is the first time hearing about that. Yes, look that up. There's like a problem. Now they were just the worst people and their job was to kill civilians. Well, the problem is, too, once you put the homeless people in the military, now they're they have to answer to like military court. So I think you could like beat them up and stuff. They try to run off. They try to run away. I think you'd be able to like get in their face and be like, I get where you go and wish for filming. Very, very back at the. I'm not a man. I have maggots in my skin. There's bugs everywhere. I might start a street military, like just like a like a cadre where I go out and I'm like, get up. Wake up. You'd be the pipe pipe. This your mother, boys. Just get the waking one. That'd be a good service. Just a wake up homeless guy. You got to play taps to put him to bed. You got to hit taps like noon when they're nodding out. Damn, that'd be so funny. Blasting with the bugle. Wake up, boys. Welcome to hell. It just reminds me of my time at the point. No, it's all right. There was a time they do play taps before you go to bed. Do they? And I was laying there like, I could do this. Yeah. It's fucking nice to go to bed here and taps. You're like, what is tabs? Playing tabs. They play you into bed. Sad one. Yeah. That's I didn't know that they were talking in it. What was that? What was that Hitler? Get in there. It's hard to pronounce, but I think it's the Daryl Wanger brigade. Daryl Wangers. Yeah, yeah. They were by a child. The child sex criminal and sociopath named Oscar Daryl Wanger. Nice. So that was his his group of merry men. And what did he lead? He led just like just beaten people. A group of. Yeah, they would do like rapists and drunks and war crimes. And they just went around and committed war crimes in Belarus. He's he had the pedophiles. I think that's what it is, at least there's there's a few. And what was the deal afterwards? If he survived it, was it like clean slate? I'm not sure. I'll check it out. Yeah, I don't think they were. I think they were looking at the future at that point. That's one trial. Well, anyway, that's a fun topic. Yeah, I was six when you think something's a good idea. And it turns out Hitler did it and you go, you're at a crossroad. We have to be like, I take it back. Where you go? Well, I like the Autobahn. You think the Autobahn is cool. Fast highway. We'll give him that big stadiums. That's great. We like big stadiums. What we will see. Says after the war, they were just sent back to jail. I don't know. Reconvicted. I got Hitler really was a bastard. I don't trust the word he says. Back to the clink, fellas. Good luck sleeping. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm sure the Soviets did that, too. Everybody was. Yeah. Scraping the barrel. True, in America was nothing but like those YouTube pedophile hunter guys being like, hey, what the hell are you doing? Hey. He's running past the tomatoes. 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Once you get the taste of body checking somebody in a CVS, that's tough to get out. Checking someone into the fucking aisle is so fun. Especially when you're like, because they're watching videos of their work. So you're like studying technique. Like I could have laid into that guy. I could have fucking, yeah. Little Mexican autistic guy. I could have fucking really hit him harder. I'm glad you guys are here. You guys, I'm doing the same thing. I was trying to get the kids. So nice. They're like, yeah, you sure? Oh, no. That would be nice to, you know, be good. And this would be this would be a very delicate kind of line to walk where you go online as a joke and you try to find or entice these guys. You can tell our operatives. So it'd be risky because you would have to do like lewd talk with who could be a teenager. But then like you get trapped on purpose by one of these guys and you meet them in the Walmart and then you have a bigger guy than him. They're to be like, fuck you. I heard you're a fucking pedophile. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm here to get the pedophile. You talking about in trapping these guys with a squad to beat the fuck out of the pediloners? For no good reason. Just pedophiles for your views. Just so that's where my heart. You want the pedophiles to get a win on one of these videos? No, no, I don't want the pedophiles to get a win. They are the fucking Washington generals. I want I want to trick them. I would hire a pedophile. I'm like, yo, if you got any mean ups, let me go. And I'd be like, I wouldn't. I want to talk to kids like you want to be the guardian angels for pedophiles. No, I just want to get big YouTube views for pedophile hunter hunter where I find out pedophile hunters. I like it. And then accuse them of pedophilia as a prank. Just to go. It's just a few relaxes of prank. It's good. So just you want to rumble in the Walgreens. I didn't want to do it. I'm going to hire a giant man. I like five. Yeah, exactly. Whale. And then we got a fucking. Yo, brothers, I'm not a fucking pedophile. What the fuck? Should honestly just start doing that to random dudes at the shopping center. Be like, you're here to meet a 50 year old. Be like, what? It's got you to meet a 50 year old. You know, now you say it. That's a way better way to do it rather than, you know, rather than having to risk it all because you'd have to like talk to local law enforcement. Like, hey, I'm going to prank. We're going to be, you know, pretending to talk to kids online. Yeah. I'm going to hire like AI bots to do that for me. I'm not going to do myself. It's not bad. What's a terrible plan? Yeah. It's a funny joke. Yeah, James, what do you have to say? No, I think I think the market is because that was to catch a predator and people just took that and made that a YouTube shot. Yeah. But none of the other great, weird, early 2000s TV shows that you couldn't make today have made the jump to like someone could make the biggest loser now. Just get a fat house. Yeah. For some good run. You're talking about a blob farm. Yes. But there were like heaps of those shows that you go, you can't do that. We were addicted to that getting the fats to shrink for a while. I would watch it. They would release it just after dinner time. You're beating your dessert and you'd watch the workouts. My wife went in a deep dive on Biggest Loser and found there was someone who died on the show briefly. They were resuscitated. The biggest loser. On the biggest loser. The ultimate loser. But then they were brought back to life and the doctor said, I'll train you. You don't do any work with these trainers now. They're trying to kill you. And then they lost more weight than anybody on the show. Maybe she was watching that. She was watching the Netflix Fat People documentary. I love that show. Yeah, that's awesome. But yes, you're saying they haven't remade enough of these shows. I think they're bringing back Fear Factor right now. Yeah, her. Who's going to be the host? I don't know. Tony. Tony. Tony. That ox penis. Yeah, you like that. That'd be sick. If he hosted the new Fear Factor, he'd be awesome. He's got to get swole though, bro. That's the only thing. Tony Keng is swole. The first time I came to Austin, he was swole as fuck. Yeah, he's ripped for sure. I do want to see him bulk. Yeah, he could bulk up. I want to see him bulk and then do Fear Factor. That'd be sick. That'd be tight. What else was there back then? What shows? Oh, in terms of like those. What other shows couldn't we do? There were, I mean, there were little ones on odd channels. There was like, like Wifeswap. Oh, yeah. You'd have a different woman come and live you for the week. I'm still watching that. There was the season of Survivor where they, I mean. Watch that last night, I was like. There's a season of Survivor where they divided the tribes by race. Really? Yeah, it was Parvati's first season. There was a Black tribe, a White tribe, an Asian tribe, an Hispanic tribe. It was like the 15th season. What? And they divide them all up by race. Did you catch the whole thing? I'm about halfway through it. The Asians all hate the Vietnamese guy because Asians don't get along. Yeah. The Black people are not. Also, none of them know before the season starts that this is what's going to be happening. So they get there and they go, all right, you're all over there. And then you see people looking around going, oh, fuck. No. Hispanics are very happy about it. I think I remember that season. It's a great. Because I was on the island, there was a White guy, a Black guy, an Asian guy at first. And the White guy was like, all right, I'm going to start building the shelter. The Black dude, he was like, all right, you go like start haunting, try to gather some food. And he was like, Asian dude, go search for supplies. And after like three hours, they couldn't they couldn't find the Asian guy. And they went out and he jumped out from behind a tree and went, surprise. I think his name is Cowboy. He was playing tricks. No, it's just a classic joke. Asian guy, surprise with surprise. I was like, I didn't. It's just an old that's a throwback joke. I was like, wait, what? You said it with such confidence. Yeah, that's that's part of the joke. I was fully doubted. I was like, that's a great joke. Supplies. Where the hell? Where did you hear that from? Probably. I was about to say, it sounds like the Elks Lodge. Yeah, that was an Elks Lodge killer. That was 10 minutes of laughing or another round. Let's go, boys. We got a good racist joke out. Yeah, I'll get the Elks. Well, that was that Vietnam book I was reading. They were saying how much of an effect that just that stuff had on the war itself. Where like, because apparently men in Vietnam would hold hands. It was very customary and like very chill for two men to hold hands in public and walk of your friends. You hold your boy's hand, you walk down the street. But if you held like your wife's hand, it was considered like crazy. So like the the American soldiers would just pester those guys all the time. They should call them homos. Like they said in the book, they were just a guy. Decorative. Well, they had a guy. One of one of the sergeants was Vietnamese and his like family had been just decimated. And he'd been fighting since he was like a 10 year old boy. So that by the time he was like 20 something, he was like, dude, I'm done. He like just resigned. He's like, I'm not fighting the other group in a court martial. And he's like, I don't care. And he was complaining to the guys, like, you guys all call us fucking homos. You know why we hold hands. It's actually really cool. And I'm curious now to Vietnamese people still hold hands. Can you look up at Vietnamese men still hold hands? Because that would be a devastating effect of the war. If you know, we lost. Yeah, yeah. If they're still holding hands, we'd definitely lost. Yeah. If we I mean, if that was kind of the whole point of the fight, stop holding hands. They bomb. They still hold hands. They won, bro. We did our best. We get in there like knock it off. We go home. I'm like skipping down the streets of Ho Chi Minh City. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's completely. I really despise holding hands while walking. I don't like it. I just fucking hate it. Oh, I don't like it. I don't mind it. Sink your pace up. I do. Sink your pace up. I get I get flack about holding hands all the time. I just I can't stand it, especially when like if you're going to do a dead fish, women will fucking dead fish during the whole day. I'm doing all the work here. And then somebody else is walking down the sidewalk and we got a. Yeah, I'm like, you fucking get out of the way in front of me. Yeah, again, right, dude, you're preaching the choir. I haven't gotten to do it in a long time because I'm always holding a child's hand. Yeah. And now that my daughter is almost seven and she'll do weird what she'll be like stepping on the cracks while holding the hand. We'll try not to step on the cracks. And it feels like my arm is going to get yanked out of the. Dude. Soccer or she wants to be lifted in the air and do a swing with the. The the on the on the no warning, like I'm going to swing from your arm shit. Oh, yeah. So angry. Like walking a dog. It's like walking a dog when they run. Dude, it kills. It hurts. It's all is the exact same thing. You just feel complete dead weight. And then I'm like, you can't do that. I get so mad and they're like, just having fun on the wide being such a dick about this. It's like, dude, that fuck that sucks when you do that. Hurt your father's shoulder. You feel like a bitch where you're like, Vietnamese. Let go of my hand. What do you see? Do I do feel like a bitch because she's having a nice time. She's having an express. And she's expressing love to me and I got to be normal. Like a normal person. Get off me. All right. You're ready for Australia with that fucking deal. It's true. That crowboy, the re-crowboy. It'll grow back. It'll grow back. It'll be. I just wanted a normal mullet. I didn't know I froze up because I think there was a very muscular woman cutting the hair. It could have been a trans person. I don't know. Judgment. No, for sure. I don't know. I don't know what happened. I swear to God, if you shave that beard. Yeah, better or worse. No, I'm just saying I wouldn't be thrown around that could be trans. Oh, you think I'll be trans if I get on my. You got the fucking Starbucks do right now. You got the fucking barista. I got outreach to the progressives. We got to expand the audience. You got the complete barista. They gave me a neck massage afterwards. I didn't ask for it. It's kind of nice though. They put a warm towel on me and got a machine out and stuff. But it was as I felt sad about my hair. And I was I was a pole that was very upset. But then I realized my mouth could be seen through the towels. You're up the tower in my face and I thought my expression was hidden. Then I realized my mouth was twisted into a disgust. It's just a grimace. And I closed it up. Did they ask you to go down that far? Did you go like, because that's like a two. This was the first thing they did. They just went. Damn. And then there was I couldn't say. So now the resistance, brother. Yeah, I like it. I do like it. It looks good. I am waiting for it to grow. I think it's sick. I think it's cool. I get the wings at the back. The worst is that they took photos of me. I said, yes, I think I'm on the Instagram page somewhere. She goes and lovely, lovely lady, lovely lady. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. But they go, I don't know if they posted it. They go, do you want it before and after? I couldn't. I don't. I looked up open now on a Sunday. I tried to hide how it was in this town or another. It was in this town. I tried to get I tried to go and get one when I was in, I don't know, Tacoma and then I sat for an hour and I had to go to the airport. I just sat. I'd listened into coma waiting for a haircut and then I just had to leave because the car was there. But this man was complaining about his girlfriend and how she was recovering from a C-section. Yeah. Men open up in a barbershop and they tell you how they really feel. He was the least sympathetic man I've ever overheard. He was literally complaining, my wife's recovering from a C-section. She can't walk and she's getting angry at me for going skiing too much. I need to go skiing so I can be there for a family. Is he getting his haircut? Yeah. Yeah. He was having a very vulnerable moment. Nothing bothers me more because I'm dead silent during a haircut, which I guess is psychotic. I look at myself in the eyes the entire time. It's kind of fucking crazy. I think it was a bodybuilding woman. Then there's somebody else. There's always a loud fucking. A very loud man. And the barber can't go shut up. Yeah. The barber has to go, oh, it's hard about not being able to ski while your wife recovers from. Yeah, I don't tell them shit, man. I'm a vault. I tell you, I had a bit of a bad haircut myself. I shaved my mustache. I forgot how small my mouth was. I don't have an upper lip. You know, they can fix that. Suza. Yeah, I should get lip injection. So much time. Shave my mouth and I was like, oh, fuck. Fuck, I forgot I looked like this. I just wanted my face to look, you know, I wanted less features. Why? I have a completely featureless face. I feel this is I feel my beard and my glasses are doing a lot to help me in heaven. But as you got the Irish small nose. Big head, small features. Yeah, it's tough. It's all face. It's difficult. I need my goat now. Fuck you laughing at Nate. Ugly fuck. We don't know what Nate really looks like. I've never seen Nate's chin. Yeah. I don't even know what it looks like. Do we have pics with you with a butt face? With me and my butt face. No, I'm saying like when you shave, it's called a butt face. No, he was he was skinny before the beard. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know, I didn't grow this out of flowers. I'd love to see. I'd like to see that chin on. See what's going on. Clean, clean, clean by the way. You're not ugly by the way. You're clean shaving. It's called a butt face. That's a universal. I wasn't calling your face a butt face. I thought you thought. No, no, clean shaving face is called a butt face. OK, OK. I think I will look at universal. I have to admit while I was shaving, I did. You hit it. Wait, you did the Alex Jones. You just got hit it for one second. I go, oh, it's too powerful. It was actually an accident. I was. Yeah. I just accidentally did it. And I was like, oh, shit. Every time. Yeah, I've given it to myself many, many. You do have you. You're that. Really. About one of my better. With the fucking Muller with a Hitler stash would be fucking crazy combo. Be nice to you. Like, well, I have a beard. I'm not looking just. I'm taking away its power. Yeah. I'm an ally. Yeah, true. That's why I wouldn't allow it. I don't think. But I do like to come in and show it. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Always. I've been cursed, man. I have a scar right here. So my mustache doesn't connect so I can never. Can't get it. Never feel the true power. Never felt the power. Never. Well, you start doing the speeches in the. No, no, no. It was quick. It was very quick. I looked at it. Whoa. Because it was accidental. Like I got the accidental stash. You started on the end, started shaving down the ends. Yeah. Wait a second. Whoopsie. Wait a goddamn second here. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. When you start anything new, it comes with a lot of what ifs. 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Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash Matt and Shane. That is M-A-T-T, space, A-N-D, space, S-H-A-N-E, all caps. That's Shopify.com slash all caps, Matt and Shane. This episode is brought to you by Viori. So there's a lot of sports out there. Obviously, you've got basketball, baseball, and football. But then there's running, climbing, yoga, pickleball. But the good news is that you only need one pair of shorts for all of it. The core short from Viori, that's right. The core short is the short that started it all for Viori. Fitness versatility, one short every sport. Guys, they're ideal for fitness running and training, but also stylish and comfortable. That's important. That is important. I want to be stylish. I want to be stylish and comfortable. Some of their stuff is like borderline, erotic. So if you feel my shorts right here, I'm actually wearing them right now. Yeah, make me. I'm actually wearing them right now, dude. Please do not. Viori is an investment in happiness. And right now, you can get 20% off your first order in free shipping on any US order of $75 and free returns. So get your core shorts now at Viori.com slash secret. That's V-U-O-R-I dot com slash secret. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Yeah. I believe you negged my dream the other day. I mean, I'm not ashamed to tell him I had a nice dream, dude. I had a dream. It was usually my dreams are all like, you know, I'm in like a scary house. It's all fucked up. This was me just chilling in a nice shop, eating an ice cream cone. I had a dream. What do you mean? The scary house. I don't know, dude. I'm in the same house. It's a worn down fucked up house in a bad neighborhood. You've never been in this house before. I mean, I mean, it reminds me of Mellon Street. What I used to live in this house in West Philly. It reminds me of it, but it's not that, you know, it's like a slight, you know, whatever, but it's that's my recurring dream. But then I finally got a break and I was just eating an ice cream cone. And there's the lady who made me the ice cream cone was like describing when I was about to find there's a chocolate ice cream cone. She goes, oh, there's peanut butter in there. And I bite and go, oh, there is peanut butter. And I just ate the ice cream cone. It was a pleasant dream. Shane's like, dude, you're a fucking pervert. It's a sex dream. I was like, no, it wasn't. That was a sexual dream. Clearly. Only pleasant dream I've ever had. It wasn't all. Wait, the Shantepetier in the dream. The service or he called me to let me know about it. I was just telling about my peanut butter ice cream dream. I was like, I was down about men holding hands, but you're calling people with the ice cream drink. I could never talking about other stuff. We were talking for a while. He called me during my constitutional. He was taking a constitutional. I just got done mine. And, uh, yeah, I was just like, I was like, dude, you'll never believe it. I had like an actual plain like dog dream of just eating a cone pause. But it was just to eat an ice cream cone. And it was just so enjoyable. I was like, that's sexual. I was like, it was not sexual. It was sexual. It was purely. What did the woman look like? I don't even remember. It was like a shadow. I swear to God. It was a shadowy figure. Just being like, you know, there's peanut butter in there. As soon as you say it, I'd bite the cone. Oh, there is peanut butter. And she kept just giving me anything she would, any treat you imagine would just pop up. She was completely non-sensual. Satiating. Yeah. It's completely not sexual. Sweet treats. I was focused on the ice cream cone more than anything. So it was nice. I, uh, I had a good one for you. This was making me laugh. Well, and I don't think it's going to be that funny. I just wrote it down in my notes pretty late one night this week. I thought it was very funny, but I don't think it'll translate to sobriety. But I was, I was laughing at me going to a Halloween party in a brave heart outfit and paparazzi getting a upskirt from the kill, getting stepping out and just having the sitting upright, Tinas in a kill, the sitting upright Tinas. Getting the Lindsay Lohan base. I tried to defend myself. This skirt keeps blowing up. So there's just pictures. The skirt up with the brave heart face. Classic Marilyn Monroe would be so nice if you're over the great. Just on Monroe Tinas. Like it would be the most devastating. Us getting out of a car, sitting upright picture of my penis would be it's also so funny to see free ball into the kilt. There's a musician in Australia called Karen J. Kalanen who went to an award show and wore a kilt and, you know, you go press the press photography and they were taking pictures and then someone goes, lift the kill. And he does it. He showed his penis. Beautiful penis. Oh, but, uh, but the fury on the left was huge. What? The left was mad. The left was really mad that he flashed his penis. Was the left to ask him to flash it? Obviously. Why is the photographer's people started lying. People started saying kids were there. Kids could have seen that penis. It was the first time I realized that many progressives are afraid of the penis. There is a fear. You know, it's always get the nipples out. Yeah. Show the woman body, but a penis is somehow threatening. People are afraid of her body. Also, why would there be kids that don't know? No, that would definitely weren't. It's insane. Nickelodeon. It's a Nick Joseph. People getting slimed in a different way. Show us your dick. We don't see your dick. Take your dick out. Yeah, it's on the person who asked. Somebody asked to see it and he showed him. Photos came out and it's all of them were censored. No one other than that saw the real penis. Yeah. And, but I remember here to apologize for having his penis out and a ward show. There should be more penises in a ward show. That seems like a decent apology though. To say sorry for getting my dick. Sorry, my dick was out at the award show. We had a long history. I said, sorry, my dick was out any time it's out. We had a long history of people getting their nicks out at a ward show. I'm really sorry. My penis is out. I think we should normalize. That's gay, too. No, frontal malnirty. I'm from a, I did a lot of comedy festivals. Oh, yeah. Festivals. It was very important part of the show to get the penis out at some point in the show. That's how people knew that you were taking risks and doing exciting things. Really? Then Rathbone would get his penis out. Dr. Brown, Goliath trained clown. He would get his penis out a lot. It was huge. And I in America, no one ever gets the, no, it's not. He's still holding it down sometimes. He gets a dick out on stage. Yeah. It's a less threatening. No, yeah. It's not very threatening, but it's a he's taking chances. I hope you get that. That's a good move. Materials now working. You go, I got this old ace of my sleeve. Is it a wild looking dick? I thought it'd be funny to record a comedy special shot from the waist. You come out, you do the whole hour and it's all shot from the waist up. The dick is out the whole show. And then in the final shot, the good night, everybody, you reveal, you pull back and you reveal the penis has been out the whole time. And that maybe explains how the audience is reacting for the rest of the, would that be a fun? I'll never do it. I'll never have the courage to do it. It is funny. People screaming mad the entire show. But you'd never address it. You just keep doing the act. Yeah. The cuts to the audience are hilarious. The audience is going. I did. I started, I've never had an erection on stage before. I don't. I don't think nobody has. No, but I did a gig in Omaha and a woman stood up, a very drunk woman. And she, she got her boobs out for no real reason. And then later she did it again. I was questioning why she wasn't removed after the first time, but people left her there. And there was a slight. You must have been killin. Slight stirring. People have taken their tits out. It's the sort of thing you always hope is going to happen. And then it does. And you go, now it's not the time. Yeah, I'm trying to, you've actually ruined the anecdote. Who was she with? Very embarrassed, man. Oh, no. I had to kick a lady out this weekend. I had a kicking elderly lady out. Well, she did. Well, hold on. Did you get hard? Yeah, true. I, it was a very faintest. You post. I had a, there was it moved. It was a pulse. There were, of course, the body cannot help, but a woman is standing and doing and showing. She attracted. She was a long way away. I would imagine. No. Yeah, I feel like I did. I saw the Santa. I just saw tits while I was doing the stand up. I did that. I tried not to. I said, madam, put your tits away. But it was a there. I believe they left the gentleman should have jumped in front of her tits. Yeah, should have blocked and said, come on. They should have bodyguards. Excuse me. Taking the bullet for the president. You, yeah. Usually the lady flashing a tits in public is not great. Yes. Yeah. But I think if it had only happened one time, I would have been fine. I could have moved on. But then when it repeated, she just kept standing up and pulling the man out. Happened to me in Westchester. Tits first. I was a walking past the bar and I was with her counter and we were walking by. And I guess people in there saw me and they're like, come here, come in. So we were like, all right, we'll come in for one. And a lady just ran outside and showed her tits. And she wasn't. It wasn't great. Yeah. It was terrible. That stinks. It's actually like scary. Yes. Yeah. But you think that would be very nice. You know, I mean, how are you supposed to even respond like somebody on the street showing you their tits? You go, all right. Yeah. Nice. Good job. Thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah, really, there's no way to be like, oh, cool. Great tits. Yeah. Nice job. Thank you. You gotta like it. Then like, you were supposed to chat that person up or just be like, yeah, just literally just walk this fast as I could, pastor. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, that's devastating. If you showed your tits and the person was like, anyway, I wish I had another set of hands. So I give those to you. Full of thumbs down. The milk's gone bad. Yeah. Chottie my man. Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry, man. What do you want me to do with that? Oh, I'll tell you, fuck you. Right here. Thank you. On the street. Should have for real called the cops. Like, sir, I've just been flashed. It's against the law. Yeah. Sir, I'd like to report a sexual crime. My girlfriend was with me and she was mad. Really? No, it's not to be mad at. She was a. Yeah. She was nasty. Yeah. Well, although I'd be furious. Dude, Joe's dick to my girlfriend. I guess the equivalent for a dude would just be but cheeks. Yeah. If you just showed his butt cheeks, but cheeks, I'd be fucking pretty peeved. Yeah. But if it was a hideous butt, you'd go. Fuck it. Kick him on the ass. Kick his ass. If someone presented their hideous ass to my wife. Yeah, that'd be really mixed feelings about that. You'd laugh. That'd be a good time. I don't know. I might be upset if I was walking and there was just a big hairy butt presented to my wife. I'd be like, sir, I might get a little resentful and make sir. We're talking about an Arab but an Arab but yeah, full beer. Scarab beetle. A scuttle butt. Yeah, talking about a guard dog. But if they're talking about red, long hair, it's nothing wrong. James's beard. Nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with having a big red hairy butt. You got clipped. Nothing wrong with having it. But if I did, if it just got presented, show it, dude. No, I keep it. The screen. Yeah, you keep it. Talk. You got a hairy butt. You know, I suppose not globally, but I it more hairy than it used to be. Yeah, it gets a hairy. We've talked about that. You don't touch those hairs. They've been growing. I'm not ever getting back. I'm not getting it waxed. No, I'm not having any. So what was it at first? Just like ball hair that moved up and now you're getting ash cheek hair. A little ball here. Yeah. You get the ball here and you get the tough. I get the toughed up here. It's the shaft here that I want to do. The top of the crack like a rabbit tail. A little tough. Yeah. My dad always called it an ass hair extension. My I have a pretty hairless butt though. My my like we've been blessed with Irish. You know, true. We do have a hairless Irish bus. We're like those cats with no hair. Like those cats with no hair. Yeah. But yeah, no, I had a lady. I didn't kick a lady out. I felt terrible. I was like an older lady. She's wouldn't stop talking. And I had to be like, all right, dude, like for real, you have to go. And I always give a lot of chances. And I eventually was like, you're pissing everyone off. You got to go and she was like acting like I don't give a fuck. I'm like, all right, we'll just beat it then. She was like, I'm a pillar of my community. Started tearing up. And I was like instantly I fold. I go, oh, never mind, ma'am, you can stay. And then they're like the bouncers like now fucking we're getting her out of here. And her husband tried to stay. And I kicked him out. I said, get out of here, you fucking piece of shit. Get out of here. No, I always encourage the male, the male to stay. Yeah. But that lady couldn't be out there by herself. She's going to cause problems. I'm like, get out there, bro. That's your problem. Go deal with it. Let her cause problems. Sean was on stage this week and I removed the man from the room. Did you? There was a very drunk child. He seemed very young. He might have been of age, but he was drunk before he got there. But it was at the Velvita room and Sean, he had been very chatty during my set and then he was saying bizarre things to you. He didn't like you at all. So I took him out and he you have that effect on people. Front it up. Yeah, I'm not very likeable. He was getting ready to fight. He puffed his butt hairs at you. Oh yeah. He gave me a little, he didn't do like a fake. He didn't fucking. But he did. He made himself large. He was squabbling up. Yeah. He started to bristle. But you do. How'd you get him out? I said, I asked the audience to give him a round of applause. I thought that would soften the blow. And I said, we got to come on. Personally kicked him out. Yeah. No one else was someone else was running the bar and then it was me. I had to. And he left. What was he saying to you? He kept calling me a bitch. This is a problem. He's. Yeah, that's what you have called me a bitch. Yeah, he kept calling me a bitch and he was just mad. I couldn't even really guess why he was the woman he was with was very upset. Oh, yeah, I think that's I think I kind of went too hard at that. Oh, dude, there's a lot of young guys. I wasn't mean, but I was like, a lot of guys on coke at the shows I've noticed. I was saying hi to people after the show. Oh, yeah. You get a lot of you want to do some blow. You're getting down. Thanks. Yeah. I don't even get asked, but you look at these dudes and you're like, damn, bro, you're a jacked out. You catch the fucking like the white ring around the nostrils. It's like, no, I was with you in Pittsburgh where a guy wanted to do. Yeah. Blah, he was very upfront about it. Yeah, yeah, you get that. You were very discreet. You said, thank you so much. I'm not joking. I get offered coke at 90 percent of the bars I go to. Every time, every time someone goes, yo, yo, come on, man. It's a blow. I guess it's such a funny way. I'm not even doing shots. I'm enjoying a couple of Bruce's. Come on now. No cocaine. Take it easy, boys. You know, once in a blue moon, I'll go, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let's see what happens. And then severe depression kicks in. Yeah. It's good stuff. Yeah, that's that's the truly all it does. Yeah, just gets you pretty. So you're having a good time for a minute and then just sad. Yeah, sounds on. That sounds not fun. It's not. Sean's got off of it. He had a bad problem with it. Sean had a real issue with it. Every fucking other week, he was like, I did some coke. Glad he's cleaned up his act. I was really going to clean it up. What would your mommy and daddy say? They'd be devastated. No, their little Sean was down here snorting up lines like he's Scarface. Think it was a tough guy around town. Someone's going to show them this. No one's going to show them this. Someone someone. Well, you beat the habit. They're going to be proud of you. They're going to get so. They're going to say our sons are recovering. They're going to believe you. There's moles out there in my family, friends, and just circles that tell my parents everything that's said about them. That stinks. My dad gets reports whenever I say anything about my daddy. I love you. I love you. Whenever I say anything gay involving my dad, it'll eventually like two months later, he'll be like, heard you're saying a bunch of weird stuff. What the hell are you talking about? I heard about some weird shit you were saying. I'm like, what are you talking about? And I'll have to go back. I'm like, oh, fuck, yeah, my bad. Yeah, they all listen. And then you go, please stop listening. It's like, I miss you. It's the only time I get to hear your voice. And goes, it's dead. It's a classic Mr. X. That was nice. It's comedy 101. I saw that. That was nice. It was like grandma. That was good stuff right there. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. You and I make decisions every day, Matt. But on Prize Picks, being right can get you paid, baby. Don't forget, Prize Picks is also available in 40 plus states, including Texas, California, and Georgia. Make sure to check it out. Download the app and get your basketball picks in today. With the basketball season starting, some players have been looking real scary on the court. Please riff about any players and picks you might take. Oh. Vijay Edgecombe's been very fun to watch. Yeah, I can see that. He's a young fellow on the Philadelphia 76ers. And I like watching him. I would like to pick him. Oh, I'd like to pick Anthony Edwards. That's I would just go with him. Yeah. I'm feeling spooky today. So I'm going to mix that basketball pick with a football pick. That's spooky. That makes sense. Let's go with Kale. They wanted me to say Cam Scattaboo. He's been a menace, but he got severely injured this past week. Oh, no. So they were wrong. Oh, yeah. I got to take that back. Hmm. So who would you go with instead of Cam Scattaboo? Matt, you've missed your line, dude. Yeah. These picks are spooky as, I would say, a giant skeleton, the 10-foot skeletons. Those are spooky. Oh, boy. Those picks are as scary as 10-foot skeletons. Yeah. Download the prize picks app today and use code DRANCH to get $50 in line-ups after your first $5 lineup. That's code DRANCH to get $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right. Hmm. Take it away, Matt. Guys, here's where you can see me perform live. I'll be off the hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida, 11-7, 11-8. That's going to be fun. Comedy on state in Madison, Wisconsin. I believe Friday's sold out, we'll see. But 11-14, 11-15 come to that. And then the funny bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York, 12-19, 12-20, guys, please come. And I have a, I'm going to announce a larger tour very soon. So. Oh, that's exciting. Yeah. November 7th, they'll be in San Francisco. November 8th, they'll be in Sacramento. Come on, y'all. Please. Ooh. I still have my microphone. Thank you. November 1st and 2nd, I'll be in Buffalo. November 5th, Oklahoma City. And then the next night, Tulsa. Then Huntsville, Nashville, and Washington, DC. Then asleep. Please come to Optimum Noctis November 4, please. Optimum Noctis November 4. Creeping the cave. Thank you very much. Thank you. Or we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we the music they would play. Suck that tiger dick? Suck that, they bring out a tiger and a hundred thousand people scream, suck that tiger dick bitch. It's very catchy, it's a good song. It's been fun. But it's, I didn't, the variance of the, I mean at Notre Dame they lift people up and they take a little child and they lift them up and down and they say, well, well no names, you know. Good family, friendly school. This isn't fucking a little easy. Suck that tiger dick bitch. It's very catchy and they banned it and then I found out Lamar, what's his name? Odell Beckham? Yeah. There was a man who used to play for them. He went and conducted the band and paid the fine because he was so, he wanted to hear them scream. Mac, if he did it, it'd game to. I did, all he did was sing the opening notes and people took over, he knew what would happen. But no, they're coached, if I was Brian Kelly. Yeah, so he used to be Notre Dame's coach. Oh, Notre Dame, man. What? And now he has 54 million dollars. He said, I'm gonna go somewhere else where I can compete and to win a national title and I can't do it here at Notre Dame. And he went to LSU and he stunk, he shit the bed. Yeah, I just saw him lose terribly. The game was on this weekend. You know what you'd like? They have the governor of Louisiana gave like a press conference about it. I had no idea he sounded the way he does. He's got full Creole. Does he really? Like, what we need to do here, I'll find new coach now. Yeah, I don't know. I caught down when he was doing, money's going from the people to, it's incredible. CJ Lander is a big LSU fan. And he told me about coach O. Actually, I think the governor's name is Lander. Well, I'm sure he's part of the noble French families of that state, but this coach O wants to come back. I love this man. Who's that, the real jacked up? Yeah, you sure? Oh, okay. He's got the Creole as well. We need him now. Oh, Tardua! Yeah, go Tardua! Tardua press conference here! They need him. But I think he was laying with women, which was... I saw the photo. Which was pretty awesome. Students. Some students. Turns out a lot of those SEC coaches, I've heard rumblings. Oh no. They're not afraid to kiss some of the students. Really? Some of the Southern Bells. Stuff. Allegedly. That's it. Well, it's also, because I could see them being like, babe, I'm on the road, it's like, we live there. You're kissing the girls where we live. You're like, well, okay. Now that you bring that up. I guess you got a point there. Yeah. Kissed the coach. I'm not accusing anybody, but Lane Kiffin took a very interesting photo. Let me see. He took some hot yoga on campus, I believe. Yeah, they gotta bring those guys to Guantanamo, bro. Look, I've done hot yoga before and I've never had good intentions. I'll be honest. No, of course. Perving the entire time. I needed someone to put a sacro from my head and drag me up. And dressing that on Instagram. Bro. That's a real bad one. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, it's been there. Good Lord. I've been down that horny path before. It's funny in the class too, because they will say, guys, they'll be like everyone eyes forward and you're just like, oh my bad. Did they say that in the class? Yeah. No accusations to the Kiff, man. Obviously not. Honestly. We got an eye on you right now. But posting the yoga pic is hot yoga pic. Did he post that or did someone post that? He posted that. Bruh. Third strand. I believe he posted that. Damn. He's got a tight body though. Yeah, he's shredded. He's shredded. Definitely. I guess he'd be a ecto morpher, I believe. No, perhaps. It's probably an ecto morpher, I guess. Or maybe endo, I forget. Bit of an odder. I'm on a powerlifting journey right now. That's awesome. Yeah, I've been beefing with my wife. I really think my T's getting raised from powerlifting. Oh, good. And she's been like, dude, what the fuck? She's been more angry. She's been getting, yeah, I've been, dude, I've been. You've been laying down the wall. Laying down the wall. She's really, she's pissed at me as we speak. I don't even know what was going on. I was just like, I was asking her to order Uber Eats for me when we were coming back. And I was like, dude, get this. And there's an option they couldn't do to customize. And she's like, we already ordered it. Because I was like, fuck that. I'll just go to Sprouts and grab food. She's like, I already ordered it. And I looked at her phone. She had hit buy, but you got to hit two more things. And I was like, you're lying. You didn't buy it. She hit back. She was like, why are you saying I'm lying? I was like, I don't know. But yeah, I'm jacked out. That's where your dream came from. Ice cream. Just a woman just giving you whatever treats you wanted. No, you know what? Meanwhile, you're struggling with Grubhub. You know? Could be. Although there is a thing called ice cream action, which you eat ice cream to like bowl. Could be that too. I've been doing that for some time. I'm telling you, it's probably that. Yeah, now you mentioned it. After getting down to the ice cream parlor. Really? Lovely waffle cones. That's a good walk with the children. And then you have a little ice cream. Stuff with kids. Because you're like, let's get you guys a treat. We'll get you guys a treat. This is good for you. Every time I'm home, I think, Mises and nephews, I'm like, dude, you guys want to go to fucking Dairy Queen? Let's go. I've only been to Dairy Queen once, and I didn't realize that they did that for everybody. The milkshake upside down. Oh, you thought it was a. I just thought it was an incredible display of faith in the product. But they all do this. I can't think of another fast food place where they give you a little show. The Blizzard. On the way out the door. Blizzard's a nice too. Yeah. Blizzard's rule. Fuck with Blizzard's. Did you see the man who went to get a McFlurry and they told him the mixing machine was broken? They're always fucking broken. But then he sneaks back there and he uses the mixing machine and goes, all right, is it broken? No, that's gotta be staged. How the fuck did you get back? Actually, you probably get passed it. Just walk right. Because no one's at the counter anymore, because it's all the screens. Yeah. Can we see the video? The videos of the people jumping through the drive-through window. Yes. Yeah. That's a good trend lately. They jump back there and they play loud music and they just dance with all the fast food employees. Did you have the trend here where people were buying a soft serve ice creams and then throwing them through the window? Fire in the hole. Fire in the hole. That was old school, dude. My friends participated in that. It's not right. It's not right. Actually, I did not participate, but they took my mom's car. And I got in trouble for it. Did a fire in the hole? They do have cameras. And they go, there's the license plate. Send the cops to his house. Mom, it wasn't me. They took my car. I was like 20. Yeah, that was, I don't think we ever did a fire in the hole. There could have been one, I don't know. Yeah, you got the biggest soda you can get. Yeah. You got like a 68 ounce fucking Coke. It must have happened. After CKY came out, it must have happened. Yeah. It's really like an epidemic, for sure. So mean. CKY hit the fucking throwing a body off a bridge under cars. That's insane. Yeah, that's really dangerous. Yeah, they would just make a dummy, throw it over a bridge so it would hit a car when it was coming by. And make some CKY. Bamardjair. Bamardjair. Oh, yeah. It was like their early video of their stunts, shopping cart, you know, shit like rolling the wheel. Yeah, it was awesome. I used to throw golf balls in the highway. That's fun. That's not a good one. That's a bad one. That's a real bad one. It's fun to, when you're a kid, it's fun. Snowballs was the best. Snowballs. I mean, we've covered it, I think, a million times, but. Unbelievable. Hitting cars with snowballs. Yeah. Fucking rules. So fun to get out and chase you and you got to run away. It is funny, because I know a couple people have gotten tackled and got, I witnessed a guy getting his ass kicked, but I was in the car as the adult. And this guy got out and was like, fuck that. And we just chased this kid down, just pushed his face in the snow, made him cry. Nice. Yeah, it was pretty fucked. How much are you allowed to retaliate against a child? Because you've got to be able to do something. You got to watch the guy kick their ass. I think you can kick a kid's ass. You can use face wash them, you know. You know, when there's like a gang of children. That's a risk. If I get into a fight with this gang of children, I think some of them are 14. Yeah. If I win the fight, I look very bad. Or if I even do any damage in the fight, they beat me up. That's much worse. You can give up kids' ass. Just body, body. You got to just go to the body the whole time. Yeah. It was on, it was on site. When I was like growing up, we were like, walk down the street and like older kids would drive by, call us names. If you like threw something at their car, they'd pop the doors and chase you down, they'll beat your ass. So I think there's something good about that. Yeah. Supposed to have like young punks. If they're like young punks doing stuff, you can get out of the car, I think, and just whoop their ass. Yeah. That's good. Their parents will probably side with you. Back then for sure. Yeah. Now, I don't know. Now they're present chargers. Yeah. If you whooped the young punks ass now, I think you'd, yeah. Their mom would be all up in your face. I was looking into Curtis Slewa. Who did? The guy running for mayor in New York. Yes, yeah. He might be one of the funniest people alive. I didn't realize. I didn't realize. Breakfast club interview yesterday? What? He fucking rules. I didn't know he did the breakfast club. He's awesome on it. He also kind of makes you want to vote for him. Really? Yeah, he's pretty, he's hilarious. He got shot by, he was talking shit on the Gottys. He had like an AM radio show where he would just be like, he would talk about the mob in New York, like it was sports. He would like cover it. He would just name everybody. He'd be like, this is the guy, this is the restaurant they blew up. Yeah. This is what they're doing. Like he just, he knew everything. And so one day Gottie sent a bunch of guys with baseball bats to his house and they beat him. They beat him with bats. Dude. Then he kept doing it. So they had a guy pretend to be a cab driver, wait outside his house, pick him up and turn around and fucking shoot him. He got shot five times and jumped out of the cab. Jesus. According to him out of the window of the cab. This guy rules. Yeah, he's a fucking man. And? I didn't know he was running too. Here's the thing that tops it off. He was a night manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx. Unbelievable. You talk about fire in the hole. Yeah. That's fucking that might be the worst job I've ever heard. It's unbelievable. And so that's where he so he founded the Guardian Angels because they had like they started defunding police back then. I think it was the 70s or 80s. So there was no cops on the subways at night. So everyone in the Bronx was just getting really fucked up. So his night shift crew and him, Mickey D's workers. What? After they clocked out would ride the subway trains and fuck people up. They were out of line, dude. They rule. He rules. What's the fucking rules? Yeah. I mean, dude, the bad attack is hilarious. And he loves animals. He hates kill shelters. He's like, that's one of my platforms. We're shutting that down. Oh, that's awesome. He's adopted 17 cats, I think. It's a lot of cats. A lot of cats. Dude, yeah. He's the man. Neal doesn't deserve him. They won't get behind. They won't rally around this great man. Yeah, that's kind of bullshit. But he's going to cost Cuomo the election because he won't drop out. Cuomo is no way Cuomo will win anyway. If he dropped out, there'd be a chance. You think? Yeah, because I think most of the people that would vote, he was running as a Republican. Yeah, I got you. Most of them would side with Cuomo over Mamdani. Mamdani. Mamdani. Well, Mamdani. Yeah. I think Mamdani probably will win. Yeah, definitely. He's got all the celebs back in him, dude. I know. I didn't like, man. I think it's cool when comedians support politicians publicly. Yeah, I just think he's a fucking crybaby, dude. He's a crybaby. I saw him crybaby and I was like. What was he crybaby? 9-11. He's a little 9-11 crybaby. I'm like, bro, shut up, man. Oh, just like, dude, we have problems. I get it. That must have sucked at the time. But also, bro, way to make 9-11 all about you, man. I just don't like that shit. It's 20 years ago, man. You got stuffed in a locker because people didn't understand the difference in the Middle East. I don't know. I mean, that'd be, yeah. I get it. It wasn't my dad. My dad had the terrorist hunting permit on his bumper safe for a while. But I didn't bully any Indian kids after 9-11. A lot of Indian guys loved to fucking cry about post 9-11. It's like, dude, we were all hurting, all right? We were all. I had one difficult post 9-11 moment at school. What happened to you? I mean, we're all finding out about what Islam was at the same time. It hadn't been a real cause to know about it. And I think my mom said, she was trying to do a nice thing. But she didn't really. She said something like, it's not all Muslims. But she didn't know the word for it. There were Muslims who were. So she said, there's the good Muslims and there's the Allah Muslims. She was just associating. She was going, Allah Muslims. And there was a Muslim girl at our school. And I said to her, you're a Muslim? Or one of these Allah Muslims? She goes, no, we love Allah. And I was that point. I was like, I can't believe this girl is allowed to be here with us. She's an Allah Muslim, everybody. It's not my part. I just, I was shocked and I let her know. I don't think that's good. I would have been in this, you know, year seven, year six. I was 12, 11, eight. It's so funny. Yeah, well, it's important. I never even thought of you as a young boy before. That's so funny. It's just this. This is a more relaxed version. Yeah. Are you one of those Allah Muslims? Yes, I love Allah. Oh, we did. Get out of here. You seem like a safety problem. Yeah, that was the one thing. Now, when I saw him hitting that, it was like, bro, come on, man. Hit me with some city plans. Don't hit me with 20 years ago. Fucking. I look forward to seeing his grocery store. Actually, the thing that got me furious, I didn't realize they wanted to shut down gifted and talented programs at public schools. That's great. That's one of his policies. You have a school, you have a poor school for poor kids. You get one kid who's like, I like reading and I'm good at maths. And so you just, you have one teacher at these schools. Usually who can go, all right, we're the only one who wants a future. We're going to try and give it to you. Yeah. And they're going to shut it down. That's his plan. I mean, this is. Because I guess he's saying it's not. Yeah, he's probably going to give it to like free lunch program and said, I mean. What was that a fart? Is it excitement? Part of free lunch. Watch. I'm. You farted off the free lunch. What the hell is that? It was nothing. Well, Mary, you definitely love mom. Don. I don't know. I don't like him. You don't like him. No. He's out of nowhere. He's from Uganda. He's out of nowhere. He's just random. Good call. I know. I don't like him. He's out of nowhere. He's mad new. Yeah, he's too new. Why? He's green. He's just too new. You know, yeah, he's green. That's what he's green. So you hit him with it on the in the debate. So you was dominating the debate. Yeah, they I only heard like second hand. He was like, you could write down all of mom, Dom, he's accomplishments on a single napkin. You could write. You couldn't write down all of Cuomo's failures. If you had the entire New York Public Library. It was like, oh, because everyone hates Cuomo. So Slee was kind of like Slee was not going to win. So he's kind of everybody's boy. Everyone's like, dude, fuck you. Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, I don't know anything. No, the anything about it. Public grocery store. I'll be interested to see how that works out. Because I'm not inherently against it. I just want to see if it works. I know they've tried this a bunch of times and I feel like it's kind of ended disasterously. But I'm curious to see if you can get the like, because I don't know what that would do to like, you know, a private grocery store. If you're like, yeah, we got apples for fucking 40. So I mean, you just have the one affordable butter. I'm sure there's going to be a requirement to be able to get access to the grocery store, which will probably just be snap. Which is isn't that already. It's winding up. I don't know anything about it. Government is still shut down. Still shut down. You talking about the Democrat shut down. Yes. Every day, Trump's working so hard during the government. They never got shut down. Yeah. Every day. Japan gave him some golf clubs. He's fired up. I got it. I saw one of the White House things they put out. I think they did like an every day I'm hustling thing, which is Trump walking around the halls. They really need to do the government. They really need to stop making fucking hype videos. I know. So many hype videos. The ice hype videos bother me so much. Yeah. Well, it's just funny too. Like if say, like, you know, you're fucked from the shutdown to just like all of a sudden get like a cool song with Trump walking through the hallway and be like, never mind. We got this. This is sick. Yeah, never mind. It's so tight. I don't need to eat in November. But yeah, public grocery store. I'll be curious to see. One of the one of the elections for. Isn't that isn't that. Wouldn't that be November? Could be a good move for the Dems to keep the shutdown going. Yeah. I mean, whatever it takes. I can't go to a sweet national parks. Yeah. Yeah. That's a serious. It's a run out. I think you can definitely go during the election. Yeah, I think they run out in November. It's a good move to keep. They're not stopped. Keep those clothes and get. Get people out of the. Starve the poor. Starve the poor. Starve the poor. Starve the poor. Make them get them out. Get them out the boat. They need to stop the violence. A boat. Yeah, true. Dang, that'd be crazy if it really was like that level of tactics where it's like we're going to start hating like many French truly probably is starve. Get some people, some people hang green. Yeah, because I was angry. The angry populace would be. I think Democrats are honestly voting for the shutdown. That's weird. I think a few of them are to make sure it's still going. I could be wrong. Because I don't think the Republicans have enough votes to keep the shutdown going. I mean, it does require a few Democrats to vote. Whatever, I don't again. The Republicans are voting to pass it. You need 60 percent is my understanding. Yeah. Well, yeah, what I've seen is that there. I don't know. Well, I think the pubs were like, yo, let's there's a bill they're trying to do. And the Dems are like, no, we need, you know, we need to fire. The all that's I think the stuff they took out from Dozier like fire that you back up. So I don't fucking know either. But if, if, if that is the case or some classic like let the people get a little hungry. I don't know. That'd be pretty fucked. I think air traffic controllers are going to have to start working for free. Really? That was I think that was the next step. No. It's not good. She gets a bit of a difficult thing. I'm guessing it'd be a big eye with you. I guess they'd get their money. But you're a big lump sum. Well, good luck to everybody dealing with the government shutdown. Is the government shutdown still costing us flyovers? That's the real thing. I'm not worried about the hungry, the 40 million people. They'll figure it out. Not getting food. But it is flyovers. I need flyovers. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. That's bullshit. And I also I need I need war with Venezuela. Those are the things I need. Yeah. We're we're a thing. We're do not remember I said we're going to go to war with the cartels. That's not Venezuela, but we're they're talking like cartel wars. They're blown up boats, saying those are cartel boats. Yeah, man, that's that's coming. Right. Yeah. And I knew that was down the pike. You're saying you called it. I called it when. Dude, like a year ago, I was like, we're going to go to war with the cartels. I think he did that a year ago. I think he named them terrorists. Really? Like, I guess it would have been this. Because my my my prediction was that that way the United States can control the opioid production. I like it. And then legalize heroin here. Then cure homelessness, opioid crisis by handing out basically government controlled heroin. So it's like they're going to have they're going to attack the, you know, all the people down in Mexico doing the cartels and they're going to take over the supply and just be like, look, let's just like legalize this and control it. You want to legalize it? They don't legalize legalize the crack of devil, man. You need to try to try to seem the homeless. Start fucking slowly, you know, making it less potent. Yeah, they don't respond well to that. They usually. Yeah, I mean, it's also there's no way it's getting less potent. They have they have something stronger than fentanyl now. Yeah, the new thing that's like 50 times stronger than fentanyl, which was like 50 times stronger than heroin. So yeah, they're they're still rocking. They're rocking in the free world for sure. They are. Imagine getting to the point where heroin is not enough. I just I mean, heroin seems what heroin is that easy going relaxed one now. It's just heroin. Yeah, I think heroin is like, yeah, I guess it's not enough. I guess it's more of a gentleman's drug now. So there's the cat. Well, there was also people say when you have things illegal and you crank the pressure up in terms of like, you know, you get so much jail time for heroin. So that incentivizes making things stronger in smaller doses so you can sneak less of it, but get more bang for your buck. So I think as long as it's illegal, they're going to keep ramping that up. I've been watching Singapore video. Lee Kuan Yew, I think was his name, but the Singaporei Prime Minister for like, he ran a one party state in Singapore for a long time. People say you've got to stop executing people who come to the country with drugs. How many families are lost to these drugs? How many people are killed because we don't kill? He was a hard man. You love it. Why? I don't approve. You like a strong man. He loves strong man. I do. I love a strong man. I've been in trouble for this before. I don't know what it is that comes out of me. I every time I see a strong charismatic man say bold steps have to be taken. I like Trump is getting into that now where he's talking about like killing drug traffickers. He's like, we'll kill him. We'll be dead. And it's just he's getting into that. He mentioned that a while ago. Yeah. He did that recently, too. Bringing it back. Yeah. He brought it back. Yeah. Because that guy, one guy gets to do it all the time where he's just like we they just started killing all like the drug traffickers. Duarte, whatever the fuck his name is. Duarte. I don't know. He's gone now, though. Is he out? Yeah. Trump's talking. He wants to get in on that action. Well, he wants the bold man to like kill him. I don't fucking bomb in some boats. Have you seen that? No, the cartel. That's a big hot video. It's just fucking drone strike and any. Yeah. Is I didn't know if Venezuela was a big cartel hub as well. I don't know. Colombia is. Yeah. Bored, I think. And then I guess. Yeah. But no, it's it's all. I think it's an excuse for some reason to go to war with Venezuela. Fucking what's his name? What is the gay guy from South Carolina? Lindy Graham was just calling for it. Really? Yeah. They really want. I think our fleet is going to Venezuela right now. Oh, crap. What the hell? That would be better not. It's not good. Yeah, we don't need to be stoking up. Could we fight them for? Yeah, especially with all China and Russia then, buddy. And I think Israel has come down. You've got, you know, another war some way. Kind of just have one war going. Yes, Israel done. I thought that was so there's still some stuff going on with that. They were winding that up. I think Israel is not afraid to break a ceasefire. Yeah, I think they're still fired up. Yeah, they either side is really afraid to break a ceasefire down there. True. They're they're they're living in the free will. They're hopefully maybe Israel will send us aid if we get, you know, all the benefits get taken away. Maybe Israel will send some aid here. It'd be nice. I did just find that they didn't get involved in Iraq. Yeah, I thought Israel would have sent troops to Iraq with you. Israel does not send troops to any American war. Well, they're busy. They're all used up. They are busy. They've got a lot on. But yeah, the one thing I like that the idea of those is they post or just Israel. They post like hot chicks or the hot the fine. They're like, I'm Jewish. What do you have to say about me? It's like the hell the fuck is that all about? You've never seen the hot idea for the. I know they're going that's that I thought it'd be like join the idea. Like check out a little bit of that. But they're also like, I'm Israeli. Do you hate me? And it's just the hottest chick you've ever seen. It's like, no, no, I love you. Yeah, clearly not. No, they had a come on. You're not doing the wrong thing. Fuckers. Yeah, that's also weird to be on the offensive as a military. You know what I mean? Like our United States military is not like where you race this bitch and just show like a jacked black guy. It's like they did do that for a little while. If you've seen the commercial. Twenty twenty, they were hitting some wild shit. That's crazy. I never I would never. Yeah, weird as a military to be like obsessed with like, would you guys mad at me? It's like, dude, do your job. Honestly, they're posting hot chicks and be like, are you still mad? And they're like, no, it's working. Come here. I forgive you. IDF. Let's keep posting babes. Did you find some? Seems like they're pivoting a little, at least on Instagram. No more babes couldn't find many babes. It's more just like. Other stuff like what? Tanks videos of being like that video, you saw the baby getting his head ripped off his face. Yeah, yeah. I know they hit those videos. I absolutely like it's just like soldiers. They post like. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, that's crazy, man. What the hell is that all about? Dude, there's no. Did he found the baby? All you have to do is Google hot idea. Female soldiers. I was looking for the official. I was looking on Instagram, but I have seen the babies. They were doing TikTok dances for a while. Yeah. And their fatigues. It is funny to be like kind of. Coming into some sort of like. No, the babes are. That's a good move. It's a good brainwash. That's good. Good propaganda. Yeah, because I stay out of things. And you're like, you know what? A lot of people are. I don't want to get involved in this politically. Kashpat tells us married to one, isn't it? An IDF babe. Pretty sure. Yeah. What? That's their strongest weapon is their babes. Yeah. One of them, at least. They do use babes. Sometimes underage and then they film you. Gotcha. True. Gotcha. All right. That's a good enter. Onto the page on Giants. Bye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.