#760 - TIM BUTTERLY + STEVE-O

пад Hey, this is Brad Pitt, coming to you live from the Cogni mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get a friend. Dona, let's play! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yay! McFarland with Ryan Redman, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my God! And how about one more time for the best band in all of the land? Carlos Sosa, Raúl Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Michael Gonzalez, Anatoz Belgrande! Ice officer Matt Mueling, the great John Dees on the keys, and D-Madness on the bass guitar. We're keeping the ice officer separated from our Latino, our Latino wing. This episode of the Number One Live podcast in the world is brought to you by Ticovas and ExpressVPN. How we feel in tonight, people, huh? It feels good in here. We are home at the comedy mothership. So many fun things going on, so many announcements, so many great sponsors. Here's some of them that made this episode available for you, right here, right now. At EDF, we don't just encourage you to use less electricity, we actually reward you for it. That's why when you use less during peak times on weekdays, we give you free electricity on Sundays. How you use it is up to you. EDF, change is in our power. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week, I have two of the funniest human beings in the world on this show this week. No different. One of them is one of my favorite comedians and most of them is a comedian. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. One of my favorite comedians and movie stars. Truly one of the stars from what I think is the funniest movies of the past, I don't know, what would we say, three decades. The other one is truly who I believe is one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Truly one of the funniest humans on planet Earth. They both are. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to freak out as I introduce tonight's guests. It's Stevo and Tim Butterly. Oh yeah baby. Yeah! Stevo! And Tim Butterly. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah! Hell, yes. The Crash and Burn tour is everywhere. Stevo.com is the great Aaron Belial out there on the road with him. Fucking unbelievable. My man. I love Aaron Belial. Yeah. We do too. How about a hand for the great Tim Butterly, one of the breakout stars of the past year? A recent move to Austin, Texas, has made him one of my favorite guests to book. And he's on tour. TimButterly.com. He's everywhere. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma, filming his special here on May 23rd at the Creek in the Cave, a new 30-minute special. So much fun. You guys have both been on the show numerous times before. We're so happy to have you back, Stevo, fresh off of filming the newest. What some people are saying might be the final Jackass movie of all time. Yeah, dude. It's the fifth last movie. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I love it. Brilliant marketing. I'm going to watch it no matter what. I swear to God, the Jackass movie. I've always said Jackass and South Park are the only two things other than Kiltoni. In the comedy world that you can always trust and fucking, it's always there. I can put them on any time I crack up. Even the one, what's the one where it's like the deleted scenes kind of? Oh, the .5s. Yeah, that's the shit. Anyway, we're going to have fun tonight. You guys have done the show numerous times, Butterly and Stevo. So you know, hundreds of people signed up for the chance, the opportunity to get on this stage. Some of them are some of the top talents in the world that know their life will change with a minute of stand-up comedy. Some of them completely mentally ill people that literally just want to be seen for a second and realize that anyone can sign up for the show. So they take full advantage of the situation. Recently, we've had some stalkers on the show. We've had some people that are physical threats to our audience and us. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up in here, the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. Then else they bring out the angriest Hollywood bear which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview with them. I find out if there's anything else interesting about their lives and we get to all meet them together or see them again if they've been lucky enough to be pulled before. That's about it. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? I'm going to pull a name now. And while we go wrangle our first fucking pull of the night, boy, do I have a treat for you to get this show jolted from the start. I present to you a guy so powerful that he's normally the closer. He's a Hall of Famer known for having more sets on this show than any other human in the history, the 13-year history of Kill Tony. Some people call him the Saratoga Singer, the Memphis Strangler, the Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine, the one and only William Montgomery. Yeah! Yeah! Tony, I'm about to be fucking threatening violence against Red Band's moms. Pussy tonight! Uh-huh. This town is not big enough for the both of us, said two clinically obese people. And by the way, Red Band, your mama was so fat, now there's an ozimpic shortage. The Reverend Jesse Jackson just died, and I'm trying to figure out what he did to piss off Hillary Clinton. I asked ChatGPT to explain the concept of God in the shortest terms possible. It wrote back two words, Apex Twin. Okay. A Texas grand jury declined to indict a man who shot and killed his daughter because she said bad things about Donald Trump. I'm no lawyer, but isn't that called justifiable homicide? Okay, that's my time, Tony! 57 seconds exactly from the man. Well, Tony, I was gonna say to Red Band, I actually put his job application on Indeed. I actually applied you for a job today, Red Band, so you fucking owe me one, dude. Sick. Wait, what? Job application on Indeed? On Indeed, yes. I signed him up to be the new Ayatollah. Whoa! I don't know anything about Indeed, but I'll tell you this, you should put it on Zipper Cruder, an official sponsor of Kill Tony. He's the promo code Kill Tony, and you get a month free, I do believe. I love Zipper Cruder. Yeah, we love Zipper Cruder. And Red Band, you're about to love Iran because you're about to be ruling Iran for a long time. You're ruling Iran for a little bit, and it was on Zippercruder.com. You are applied now for the Ayatollah Supreme Leader of Iran. So Red Band, get ready, dumbass. You're really gonna have to lose weight over there, dude. Oh my goodness. When you're riding on your motherfucker, hey, Camels man, you're asking a guy to lose some weight! The Supreme Leader, ladies and gentlemen. Did your mom write that joke? Wow, Red Band knows how to bring the crowd to a screeching halt there. All the momentum and laughter, and then just, Red Band, no, but your mom did, pussy. Oh, last night, okay, yeah, stop. That wasn't good, that was not a good exchange. I love it, I love it. So you signed him up to be the new Ayatollah of Iran? I did, I did. I said he's really good at computer stuff. He's gonna be able to help y'all with all of y'alls, y'alls search engines and computer stuff. And he's just really, I said he's basically a tech wizard. He's gonna be able to really help y'all with that. He's cool with having a bunch of different wives, because he has a bunch of different wives in America. I told him about that, he's already gonna be cool with having a bunch of different wives. They have to be Asian women, he needs a bunch of Asian wives over in Iran when he's the Ayatollah. So Red Band, we'll see what happens. Just please let me come over there if you become the Supreme Leader. That'll be the first time you'll be able to ever say that I ran from you. Because you've never ran before. The Ayatollah of breads and rollers. Yeah, that's what you're gonna be eating every night for dinner. Hey, can I have some more breads and rollers, please? Yeah, you're gonna be the burrito Supreme Leader. Sick. Funny. Red Band, you need to get on the rowing machine, my friend, so we can add some years to your life. He's been on the growing machine. I don't know if you've seen that. He does a thing, it's on his recliner. It's called the growing machine. It's a lot of this. Instead of that. Yeah, you're a big little boy, ain't ya? But it's okay, he put a splash of Gatorade in his vodka. So, so, so. He's super healthy. I remember one time in high school, Tony, I drank a bunch of vodka Gatorade because I always heard it could make you drunker and I got wasted that night. I ended up driving back to my parents' house and I crashed into their brick wall and I wake up the next day to my mother screaming, it's everywhere, she was in the bathroom, I had vomited everywhere and forgot about it. So Red Band, be careful tonight since you're drinking vodka Gatorade. I can't believe it. It's like you're a high schooler. Drinking and driving is not safe to do, we do not condone that. And if your life has gotten to that point, may I suggest going to betterhelp.com, using the promo code Kill Tony, and talking with someone. Within 30 minutes, you could be talking to a licensed professional from anywhere in the world. They sure helped me, Tony. So much. Why you laughed at that? He loves it. No, they helped William. Yep, that was a good set, William. You had only three jokes about Red Band's mom and Apex Twin rep rent. This town is not big enough for the two of us. And I loved the Jesse Jackson, Hillary Clinton joke. Thank you, I know that happened about three weeks ago, Tony, under suspicious circumstances, he fell out of his office building in Atlanta. Wait, he did? Yeah, Jesse Jackson fell out of his office building in Atlanta and people really are saying that's a connection with Hillary. I don't think that's how he died. Yeah, no, we got pushed out of his office building in Atlanta, Georgia, Tony. Oh my goodness gracious. Yeah, no, I found this website where people are talking all about it. And I've been on it nonstop. And also Red Band, by the way, I told that weird stalker guy about your mom, he's about to be stalking your fucking mom. I'm serious, you need to change the locks at your house. I'm not kidding, Red Band. He's after your mom next. You've been going to a website where you find out all this information. Yeah, Jesse Jackson, he fell out of this high rise building. Right, in Atlanta. I just hope you're using your browser properly. The best way to do it is to use expressvpn.com. Enter the promo code, killtony, this way people can't see what you've been, this guy's nodding along, he knows. He uses a VPN. It's fucking nice, I love it. Yeah, it's very nice. The VPN is so nice. This guy pushes VPNs to their limit. Yeah, yeah, he does. Steam coming out of it. He goes deep into the dark web. He literally looks like Red Band's wife on VR. That's what Red Band's wife on VR looks like this guy. And you know, speaking of VR, VMS can regrow your hair by using this topical solution. It's great for your forehand. Okay, maybe next time try not to mess it up at the beginning, don't worry. There you go, yeah. It's really bad. Maybe let's hear some sound effects. Let's hear some of those wacky sound effects, Red Band. Anyway, so tell us about your process, your writing process for this set this week. Where do you write most of your jokes, William? Where are you in this? I was brilliant, stuff comes into your head. I am in my little office that I've created, Tony, and has a lot of Star Wars stuff in there. And yeah, I was in there and I was thinking, okay, Red Band's mom, she does look pretty good. She's not that fat. She lost some weight. Normally people say your mom is so fat, I was thinking, okay, if you could do the past tense, do it, that would be funny. Or why would it be that? Cause she lost much weight cause I was a big. And then I was literally just thinking about his fucking mom the rest of the night. But yeah, Tony, I sit in there. Wow, just a random noise for no reason whatsoever. You know what, Red Band, pick up the mic. Why don't you just jump in anytime you want? No, I'm kidding. Go back to the sound. Okay. And then Ozympic had my mind thinking, okay, something about fat people. Then I was thinking for whatever reason, oh, Old Western kind of say, this town isn't big enough for the big, this is the both of us that they're thinking, okay, who would say that? Oh yeah, a fat person. So I'm thinking, okay, we got two fat people jokes right here. Perfect. What else did you do this week? What are you passionate about in life right now? Well, Tony, I mean, I've been, I did 200 miles on the rowing machine in February. Okay, but that doesn't matter. But yeah, I've never been doing that. No, but Tony, I've been doing these walnuts in my hand. This random subreddit game on my computer called Windwan Walnuts. And Tony, I've been doing it. My hand's already really sweaty and I just sit in my little desk and I put them, roll them in my hands and then I brushed them like they're little pets for, I don't know, an hour or two at a time. And then I'm slowly seeing this color change. And Tony, I've literally been doing that. You've been brushing walnuts? I've been brushing walnuts for hours at a time. Yeah, brushing walnuts. How much do you love brushing walnuts? Tony, it's like one of the best things. Have them! Whoa! Red Panda's not looking pressed whatsoever. Yeah, he doesn't like it. Did you look up a picture? Oh, they're really wonderful. They feel good in your hand. They're, I really enjoyed it. I don't think we need to look up a picture. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brush walnuts. It's just like a walnut. Wow. Guys, any parting words for William Montgomery? Steve-o, you've seen William a few times. I have. I think you look particularly healthy. Yeah, that is true. I believe that you've been on the rowing machine every bit as much as you claim. And I think so far, the joke of the night was growing machine. I really, really enjoyed that. Thank you. Red Band makes it very easy by being a disgusting monster. Gives me enough to make fun of. He really does his job. Look at him. Look at him. What a little cutie pie. Wait, so the walnuts are changing color? Yeah, they're changing color. They change from a beige color to this very dark red color. And that takes a couple of years. So I'm going to have to be handling these walnuts for years at a time. But I'm up for the challenge. I'm up for the task. Wow. Wow. Up for the challenge? Up for the task. And I do it, I don't know, four hours a day now. But it's nice. It gives my hands literally busy, Tody. It's good. I'm not looking up porn. I'm not doing anything bad. I'm just messing with the walnuts. Seriously. Steve-o? I'm trying to figure out if you healthier is even more unhinged. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But I like it. I like it. Don't change. Thank you. What do you do with your mind when your hands are occupied with the nuts? Think about stuff. I mean, again, I was thinking about red beans. Mom's fucking losing weight. When he used to drink and say all this crazy shit, it made sense. Because we were like, oh, that crazy drunk Ion, all the drunk. But he's sober. It's just fucking weird, right? He really is. He's healthier than ever. And he's just, he's up for the challenge. He's up for the task. Up for the challenge, Tody. William, everybody loves you. We love you. How about one more time for William Montgomery? He got the show started tonight. We're off and running. And on to the bucket we go. This is where the magic happens. This is where every single person that's ever been on the show comes from. It's very exciting. We're going to meet your first bucket poll at once. It goes by the name of Chase Alexander, everybody. Your first bucket poll of the night is Chase. Brothership, how we doing? I'm not doing good, guys. People say fucked up shit to me all the time. And someone said I look divorced. I'm 30, all right? Another person said I look like Will Smith is my favorite rapper. And then someone else said I look like a substitute that just got out of prison. I'm like, all right. That's three insults. There's two people in this group chat. This is why I never asked my parents for shit anyways, you know? Like, I'm going on a date. I'm trying to send the selfie. How do I look in this shirt? This is what they fucking say to me. But I go on the date. And I'm getting fatter. I'm trying to articulate that in my profiles, right? So every photo, I get a little bit fatter. And the current one is what I am now. But I go on this date. The chick's looking at the phone, looking at me. And she's like, you look like a Russian doll that ate all the other versions of yourself. And I'm like, are you in that fucking group chat with my parents? Because like, that is just too fucking good. But I am seeing a chick right now, believe it or not. And I feel like I really get the best of both worlds with her because she's got a master's degree and a DUI. Guys, I've been Chase Alexander. That's my time. Thank you so much. Chase Alexander, welcome, welcome. Thank you. Have you been on this show before? I have not, no. OK, welcome. How long have you been on stand-up? Three years. Where at? San Diego. That's where you live now? Yeah. OK, what do you do for work? I got a boring tech job. And then I work at a comedy club at night and do hosting. What comedy club? American Comedy Company. Nice. Yeah, Red Band's going to be there in July. 9 through 11. I'll keep all the homeless out on the door, guys. There you go. That's some of those San Diego homeless people. It's hard. They're everywhere. You guys know. Austin knows. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. OK, so you're with a girl that has a master's degree and a DUI. Is that true? I misunderstood. It's a nursing degree. I thought she said she was a doctor. So yeah, that's not true. No. But your girlfriend has a degree? No, I'm not dating her either. She's a. Oh, not real, everybody. No, no, no. I tried to make it last, but I really did want someone with a degree. How long? That's a requirement for you? Yeah, I mean, clearly. Look at me. I'm degree worthy. How tall are you? 5'8 1 half. I would take a high school diploma if I were to. Yeah. Hey, I'm trying to shoot for the stars, you know? So are you dating anyone at all? No, I'm not dating anyone right now. OK. I'm living with my grandma, so it's hard to get pussy. Well, you live with your grandma, yeah. Where was that in your minute? I had a little more about her. You know, she's Jewish and just doesn't shut up about it. So that's pretty annoying sometimes, but I haven't gotten to it yet. Are you Jewish? Not technically, because she's my dad's mom. And it's like the mom's side, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. What is living with your grandma actually like? Do you see her first thing in the morning when you wake up? Yeah. Does she make you breakfast? No, she. I just try to avoid her as much as I can. Because she gives me anxiety. And I work at home, so I'm like trapped with her, you know? Exactly. What does she do that gives you anxiety? Tell us the worst parts of living with your grandma. Just spoke of these. Why don't you go out and get some pussy? Why, you're in the house all the time. That's a part of it. I guess just constant panic attacks that I have to deal with. And then she's like, maybe I should die. And I'm like, all right, I can't deal with this shit. I'm not qualified. So it's a little stressful, you know? How long have you lived with your grandma? Like six months. OK. Yeah, that's pretty new. What made you move in with her? Grandpa died. Ooh, how did grandpa die? He's got cancer. I think she honestly killed him because he did not want treatment. He was like, I'm good to die. Let me go. What kind of cancer did he have? Pancreatic. Works every time. Get that motherfucking pancreatic party started. Yeah. Now, when somebody has a job in tech, you don't imagine they're living with their grandma. What do you do in tech? I work with cities to help modernize their transit stuff. You're degree worthy, man. Thank you. Thank you. Have you ever been with a girl that has a degree? I mean, probably not. But I'm not. You know, I just started looking for the degree women. So, you know. Have you ever been with a girl? I have. I have. Thank you. Thank you. One or two. Is Will Smith your favorite rapper? No, but people say I look like someone who would be like that. You know? Right. Yeah. I like you. Thank you. Thank you. I like you too, Steve. Thank you. Have you ever tried to take a girl back to your grandma's house? No, but I think I could because my grandma's room is far away. It's got her own bathroom and I could close the doors. And the doctor has up to nighttime Lyrica. Ooh, Lyrica. What is that, Earth? Stay at home, black nurse? Yeah. Lyrica Jenkins, University of Alabama. Linebacker. I wish. I need Lyrica in my life. That's right. Bad news. Lyrica. There's not a Lyrica in the world that has a degree, but... Where are you, Lyrica? You don't even have... They don't even have degree, the deodorant. Oh, right. Oh, come on. What are you talking about? What exactly is he implying there? D-man, this is laughing. D's is laughing. We're good. All right. Chase Alexander, before I get you out of here, tell us, what is the most interesting thing about your entire life's history? What's something crazy that you've been part of, maybe an award that you won, maybe a special skill or talent that you have that you excel at, something like that? Must be something in which out of your entire life, there we go. What is it? People really think my earlobes are soft. Really? Yeah. Come over here. Oh, no, you've found a Tony Strap. No, those are normal earlobes. Oh, no, you've found his trap. People have been lying to me. I thought everyone told me they're soft. You know, that was kind of my thing. And I guess I don't have a thing now. You know, fuck. Does anyone besides grandma told you this? Red Band has softer earlobes than you did. Well, he's probably got a lot of lotion on him. He's a moisturized man, you know? Rumors are about me. That's crazy. Amazing. Well, Chase, since the most interesting thing about you is your very normal earlobes. Is there anything else? You know, you don't have any hobbies or anything like that. There's nothing that you're passionate about in life. You just do your tech job, fucking wait for grandma to fall asleep and then jerk off and do it again the next day. I do mics and then I jerk off. Yeah, yeah, that's the order. But I mean, yeah, no, I don't got, I don't know, fucking, yeah, I've got shit. How long did she ever catch you or anything? She doesn't really see more than like 10 feet out, so I'm pretty good if I just. So sometimes you just do it in the same room just across. I could get away with like a real dim light. I could I could do dirty. Wow. Imagine this all from the grandmother's perspective, by the way. Your husband died. You're waiting for the end yourself and your fucking incel grandson. Fucking brutal, dude. You guys don't only guns, do you? Maybe. No, don't do that. No killing yourself, at least not until six months after this episode airs so that we don't get blamed for perfect, perfect. No, Chase, fun times. You've been doing it three years. You're out there hustling in San Diego. Sign up again next time. Keep up the good work and here's a medium sized joke book. Thank you. Chase, there goes Chase Alexander. And the bucket has begun, ladies and gentlemen, you see what it is. Anything can happen. That young, that young buck. Oh, it's Heidi and Val everybody. What a special treat. What did we miss there? What just happened? They kiss? Oh my God. Wow. Chase Alexander's earlobes just got hard. All right. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. When we started this podcast, it seemed like, you know, I had to figure it all out on my own, if you know what I mean. Set up the logos, every single aspect of the show. Who's going to want to watch an open mic? I'll show them. Every day it seemed like I had to introduce a new decision that needed an answer. Well, when you're starting off with something new, it seems like your to-do list keeps growing every day with new tasks and that list can easily begin to overrun your life. Finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Oh, red bam. Tony Shopify is the best business tool. Hands down. You heard the conference platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Jim Shark to brands just getting started. That's right. That's right. You can get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Accelerate your efficiency, whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify. And start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash kill Tony. Go to Shopify.com slash kill Tony. That's Shopify.com slash kill Tony. Shopify.com slash kill Tony. Hey. Everybody, your next bucket poll looks like another new name. Your next poll goes by the name of Timmy D. Timmy D. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, this party's just going to make some noise for Timmy D, everybody. First try. Tony, somebody told me back there this shirt looks racist. I'll tell you what's racist is elephants. You never hear any white people getting killed by an elephant. How much do you got to be not paying attention to get killed by an elephant? I'd be like, Hey, look, y'all, it comes. Here comes the elephants. Oh, anyway, worst part about getting killed by elephant is you're laying there and I'm going to go blank. You're like, well, well, I've been killed by elephant. And it's exactly the opposite of what you thought it would be like when you when you died. You're surrounded by surrounded by loved ones, candles and a priest trying to put his cock in your mouth. And you're like, Hey, man, I'm dying over here. He goes and the priest is like, that's what makes it extra dirty. So say your later. All right, you reached your time limit. One more time for Timmy D, everybody. Thank you. Or as I call them, scary the cable guy. I'll take that. I'll take that. Timmy, welcome, welcome. I just surreal Tony. I love it. Look at you. You are just a dream bucket pool. I cannot wait to find out all about you. The last guy was giving me nothing. That pussy lived with his grandma doesn't do anything. I feel like you have fucking bodies buried in the backyard. You know what I'm saying? Anybody that steps foot in your yard. Carcass is in the back. Mostly deer and stuff. Very good, Timmy. How long you been doing stand up off and on for about 10 years? I love it. All of it here in Texas. No, I was I went to LA. You went to LA. I did the first time I ever did it. I got up at the ice house. How many gay men got slaughtered in LA when you went? I got the fuck out of it. I did like somebody would slaughter a gay guy. Yeah. I'm learning a lot about myself tonight. You're learning a lot that a mirror could have taught you. This is just I decided this is what I'm doing. You know, you just make a decision. This is what I'm fucking do. You like my boots? It's great. It's great. It's great, Timmy. Get back up to the mic. It's a wise choice. It's a camouflage. People are wondering what the floating arms are doing out there. Blending into 6th Street tonight. Timmy, how old are you? 63. Really? Damn, you look great for 63, buddy. Just had a little boy at 60. You had a little boy? I have a little boy that's three years old. Turned three years old January. Oh my goodness gracious. Is he healthy and everything? Is he healthy? Yeah. He's kicked me in the balls about 75 times in the last three years. So yeah. Perfect, perfect. He's doing good. What have you been doing for work your whole life, Timmy? I'm a guitar player, songwriter, engineer, producer. Wow. Look at you. Guitar player. How long have you been playing guitar for? Since I was six. Oh my God. Wow. And you've been doing that for a living? You made all your money? Yeah. I was a carpet installer for years and then I moved to Nashville. And then I picked up enough work on Broadway. How old were you when you moved to Nashville? 2002, I moved there. And then my wife and I had a baby and her family's from Wisconsin. And she just wanted to live up there for a while. I just sold that house and I'm moving back to Nashville in April. So how many kids do you have total? One that I know about. Well, you said you had one when you were in Nashville. One, six. And then you had a... You lost me, Tony. Then you have a three-year-old. I have a three-year-old. That's all I got. That's all you got. And I turned 60 ahead. Got it. Was this planned, by the way? What's that? Having a baby at 60. What was the question? Yeah. And this is the lot, man. I haven't been on a stage in like four years. Was it a planned pregnancy? How old's the lady you got pregnant? She's gonna be 39 in March. Damn. Look at you. Did she know that she was getting fucked by you or was the camouflage throwing her off? She thought her dildo had a mind of its own that night. This dildo... The dildo who fucked me and it was trying to tell me jokes the whole time. He's talking about... He wouldn't shut up about elephants for some reason. I wrote that bit just to do this. I love it, dude. I did. I was a minute and five seconds but I missed some stuff so apparently it took me longer to tell it. Sure. Yeah. Anyways, so... Uh-huh. It's okay. I'll ask you a question. Come on. Yeah. Don't lose me. Yeah, we're not losing you, Timmy. I'm very good at this job. And you're exactly the type of person... I watch every week and that's what I do in my spare time. I watch this show and have anxiety attacks. Because I knew I was gonna be here. I knew I was... I just got here last week and I came here and signed up today in here. I knew this was gonna happen. Okay. I did. I fucking knew I knew it. Hey, I get it. Intuition is strong. I love it. So I'm gonna go back to Tim's very good question. You had a baby three years ago. My wife did. Right. But were you guys planning... You fucking idiot. Yeah. I was way confused. He's spent enough time in LA to where he might have a pussy. So Timmy, was it the plan? Were you like, I wanna... No. Let's have a baby. I was in Florida where I was fishing and I came in from fishing. You caught a baby while fishing? Yeah. And I came in from fishing. She's like, I'm pregnant. I'm like... Yes, it's... Awesome. Awesome. No, it's been good. I'm like, I'm gonna go back to the hotel. Awesome. Awesome. No, it's been great. I almost missed it. You don't want to... You don't want to miss that. You almost missed it. You almost missed what? Having children. Oh, the birth. It's unbelievable. Tell us about it. Is that how you dressed? He wears camo. Did the kid try to crawl back into the pussy when he saw you? Wow, that's a little dark tone. Come on. My wife's watching this, I think. Do you think being a new father, do you think you're gonna start... ...to like, get your act together? Well, I don't have a job. I don't. I hustle acoustic gigs and do some engineering, some session work. Tony, do you... You better get good at making fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or something. That bitch is gonna leave you. Tony, will you do me a favor? Yeah. Will you ask me about the low point in my musical career? Sure. There you go. What's the low point in your musical career? When I was playing guitar for Blake Sheldon for about ten years. Okay. Is that it? You're just taking shot at a guy that... It was not good, Tony. Why was it not good? I mean, I was throwing my life away. Would you like to expand on that at all? Well, the low point, we did Good Morning America and like 6.2 million people watched that show. Yeah, that's what they said. And I was standing there with the song Some Beach. And I was thinking to myself, there's 6.2 million people just watching me throw my fucking life away right now. That's... Listen, can you guys play any Blake Sheldon songs? No, we can't. No, you can't play any, no. Well, that's a YouTube copyright. Are you just taking shots of Blake Sheldon, the guy that paid you for ten years? The whole reason I'm here. Okay, well, that's great. The whole... No, it's not the whole reason. We don't like it. I thought it would be interesting. It's not. But I will let you play a guitar. Heidi, are you back there? You have the house guitar. Is that thing tuned? I don't know. We keep it tuned? Okay, we keep it tuned. Heidi, there she is everybody. The lovely Heidi. We got a chord for that. You know what we're doing here? Is there anything to drink? What the fuck do you think this is, dude? Michael, hand him that. This is like a fucking dream right here, people. Crack it open for him. Michael, open. I need a pen. They took all my shit and made me put it in that bucket back there. There you go. Take a sip of that. Here's to all the lesbians. Just take a fucking sip of the water. Jesus Christ almighty. Take a sip of the fucking water. This has taken way too long. I see why Blake Shelton fired your ass. Very good, Red Band. It's a great mouth noise that we needed. I need a pick. Awesome. You need a pick? What else do you need? A fucking some lyrics and talent? Let's go, dude. Let's go. Come on. You got a badness in the head with your fucking guitar. Get up there. Are you guys going to play with me? Just play for a little bit. They'll join in. Jesus fucking Christ. It's got to be an original song. Hey, hey, hey. Timmy, Timmy, look at me. Timmy, you have to play an original song. You can't cover something, okay? You know, YouTube's got wacky rules, and they'll give all the money to fucking Blake Shelton if you play his music on the show. Well, I mean, it literally can't be the same chords and sound as anything else. You've been playing guitar for six years. You don't have one fucking original song? I have a cut on Blake. You said you're a songwriter. Yeah. I do. I play guitar on my songs. I played guitar on that fucking record, too. Do you have anything that isn't a famous song or a published song at all? Well, it was supposed to be the next single off the PureBS record, and I got fired, and then I didn't get my song singled, and it cost me about a million. Can you do a solo? Just really rip it? Yeah, just destroy young guitar. Can't fire burning on a Mississippi river bank. My own pick-ups figures are cracking out a lot of hang. Just a chair-up's daughter dancing on my hood With an empty bottle, this can't be good. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. I've now been informed that he is indeed covering someone else's song. I wrote that song. What do you mean you wrote it? I wrote that song. But it's out there by somebody else. It's a cut on a Blake Shelton record, and I wrote it. Okay, Jesus Christ, Timmy. Do you not listen at all? Oh my God. Was your parents 60 when they had you? Red Band! Wait, what's your sound when you do a good one? No, you had that one sound that we play. It's been so long since you made a good joke that we literally... Oh, there it is. It's this one, right? Red Band! With a joke that made the whole room laugh at once. Timmy, we appreciate your approach. We're going to have to edit that one part out where you play the song, because it literally... I don't need a publishing on that song. I'll pay you to leave it in. I don't believe you. I don't believe you. Google this can't be good by Blake Shelton, the writer. It says Timmy DeArment. I swear to God. Alright, Timmy, you're out of here. Good job. Good job. It's good enough for a big joke book. I'll tell you that. An entertaining interview. There he goes. There he goes, there he goes, there he goes! There he goes! Timmy, go! There he goes! Okay, fucking go! Oh, Jesus fucking Christ! Back to Nashville, you go! Tony, I don't mean to be like, paranoid or anything, but he really violated that microphone while he was... Oh, it was unbelievable. His nose, his lips, you guys couldn't see from where you were, but his entire face was... I'm a little worried about whoever talks into it next. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, they're... Maybe we can switch it. Yeah, they're gonna get some fucking... They're gonna get some her... Nashville herpes from the 1960s. Alright, your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, she's been on this show before, funny young lady, goes by the name of Emily Wade, everybody, here we go! I'm from Boston. You can't really hear it from my accent, unless I say certain words like, I suck my back, or khakis, or I suck my fucking dick, bitch. You know, the classics. My guy friend heard my accent once, and he was like, Emily, I think it's kind of hot that you have a Boston accent. Do you use it in the bedroom? I was like, what the fuck do you think I do in there? I'm just like, how to... ...fast. You show me who's in charge, daddy. I want you to pack that Big Mac truck right in Havett Garage, or whatever Catty B says. I was having sex recently, though, and he was hitting it from the back, and I don't know where I just turned and go, used me like a fucking fleshlight. Sex stops immediately. Nothing will get you softer than Mark Wahlberg's voice coming out of my body. Thank you guys so much. Wow, Emily, wait! Wow, unbelievable. That was fantastic. You've been on this show before, but that was your best set yet, for sure. Thank you. Welcome, welcome. Remind everybody how long you've been on stand-up? I'm coming up on three years now. Three years, and you're originally from Boston, but before this you were in Miami? Yes, I was. Is there anything you miss about Miami? The hookers? Yes, there anything. I really miss the weather. It's fucking cold in Austin, even though it only gets to like 60 degrees out here. Yeah. It'll get warm. To say the least, it's gonna get real hot. That's fine. Is there anything you miss about Boston? Yeah, the people wear such assholes up there. I love it. I made eye contact with somebody on the train the other day, and I was like, why the fuck are you looking at me? Dipshit. I've hurt your eyes, I'll go. Sorry. No, it's great. You really are from Boston. Fuck yeah. And how's Austin treating you? What do you love about Austin, Texas? Um, you know, I really love the outdoor people. They always bring entertainment. It's fantastic. I'm never bored here. Are you talking about the homeless? That's a great word for them. I've never thought about that before. I've heard a lot about door people here. It's brilliant. I thought you were talking about like, Patagonia Vestga. A lot of people dress like Timmy D out there. A lot of camouflage, muscle shirts. Outdoor people. Amazing. Amazing. What do you do for fun around town when you're not doing stand-up, Emily? I don't want to tell you what I do, because I don't want to make you make me do it, but I love karaoke. Oh my God. Well, unfortunately, we already had a guy do a little karaoke right before you. I swear to God, I wrote that song, don't it? Oh shit, I just accidentally had another baby. I love it. What do you guys think about, uh, Steve-o, Tim? What do you guys think about Emily? I loved it, and I'm just mesmerized by the tattoo of a jellyfish on your arm. Your eyes are up here, Steve-o. Yeah, all I can see is this jelly- why did you get a jellyfish tattooed on your arm? Uh, okay, so I'm really scared of the ocean, like, but I love the ocean. One day my karate sensei, like, showed me his tattoo. Your karate sensei? He's overpowered. Yeah, yeah, I'm a second-degree black belt. Are you serious? Yeah, but don't ask me to show you anything, because I'm kind of fat and out of practice. No, come on, there must be some- can you do just one little front kick or something? Can you beat the fuck out of the guy already? No, she's so pretty! You want me to beat the shit out of the blue-haired liberal? Yeah, actually she's perfect. Blue-haired lady that looks like she wants to protest the show. Why don't you just take a- take a front kick, let this poor- let this ice protester from Minneapolis take a- Alright. What kind of shoes are you wearing? Um, neckies? Yeah, you could throw a kick, throw a kick, come on, Michael, give me that kick music. Whoa! Oh my goodness gracious, that's incredible. Thank you, I'm here all week. So, let's go back to it, your karate sensei. Karate sensei? Uh-huh, had a tattoo? He had a tattoo of a spider, and I was like, why the fuck do you have a black widow spider? He was like, I'm terrified of spiders. So he was like, I put something that scares me on my body, so I have to face my fear every day. And I was like 15, I was like, whoa, that's so fucking deep. And then I got money and my buddy tattooed me in his bed and it was a jellyfish, so. Yeah, that tattoo looks like it was done laying down in bed. That's incredible. Steve, is that why you have a tick on your- How do you know about that? I sensei told me to get whatever I'm most scared of. If I did that, it would be a vagina on my forehead. Wow, you have a jellyfish. That's incredible. Yeah, Red Band's thinking about getting- he's gonna get a peanut butter and jellyfish tattoo. Wow, Emily, what else is going on in life since the last time we saw you? Anything else crazy? I did my first three feature spots in the past year, which is very exciting. Nice. Thank you. Longer sets, for those of you that might not know, that's the spot in between the opener and the headliner on the road. Usually 15, 20, 30 minutes. It's a growth spurt. Your karate sensei would be very proud. He did me very well. Yeah, Steve-o. Who did you feature for? I featured for Davey Jacks and then I did like two different feature spots and like showcases. Oh, sweet. Do you have any other tattoos? Nothing as nice as your eyebrow one. Oh, thanks. I have- I can show you- I have this one. Sorry, my bad. I'll clean it after, guys. It's fine. This one says, Never Less. Ooh. And this one says, Never More. And again, I thought it was deep as fuck, okay? Wow. Oh, wow. You must be scared of bad tattoos. Sit on it and rotate. Emily, I would love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday. Boom, you just got booked on The Secret Show. Here's the big show book. Emily Wade, ladies and gentlemen. Growing. I love it when people get better and better on this show. Sometimes, every once in a while, people stay stagnant. People get worse. Turns out that one minute that they did the one time was their best minute. They haven't been writing. How about one more time for Emily Wade? We're going to keep it moving on here. Hello there and welcome. This podcast is sponsored by Zippercruiter. What's the latest trend in hiring? Skills-based hiring, which emphasizes capabilities over education and direct experience. According to experts, this leads to faster hiring and better job performance. I- I hire well. I mean, look at this bag of potato chips right here. And if you're an employer who's adopted skills based on hiring, the best way to ensure that your applicants have the right skills is Zippercruiter. Zippercruiter recommends smart screening questions to help you hone in on that perfect match for your role. And right now, you can try it for free at zippercuter.com slash killtony. Everybody knows that I asked Heidi a lot of difficult questions to get this job. Right, Dan? Tony, I love Zippercruiter. It's the best hiring site out there. Zippercruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates fast. You can easily add Zippercruiter's screening questions to your job post. So you get the highest quality applicants. No wonder Zippercruiter's the number one rated hiring site based on G2. G2. Let Zippercruiter help you find amazing candidates with the skills that you seek. Four out of five employers who post on Zippercruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at zippercruiter.com slash killtony. That's zippercruiter.com slash killtony. Meet your match on Zippercruiter. Hey, this podcast is sponsored by PrizePix. Playoff push is heating up and tournament hoops are here. And there's no better way to cash in if you're right on the high flying hoops action than PrizePix. Where it always feels good to be right. Every bucket, every dime, every win means more when you're playing on PrizePix and with their brand new team picks markets. You can now pick game winners, spreads and totals on top of the player picks you already know. So cash in if you're right during all the clutch buckets, buckets, LAM, dunks and cinderella's this spring with team picks on PrizePix. Right by you. Tony, I love PrizePix. I might marry them. It's made my sport watching experience even better. And now with team picks, there's so many more opportunities to cash in if we make the right picks. I even won my first pick. You did. What was your pick? You know. Yep. Pick the winners straight up on PrizePix. Team picks are available now in 35 states, including California, Texas, Georgia, Washington and more. It makes it super easy to pick game winners, spreads and totals on all PrizePix. Download the PrizePix app today and pick your first game winner. Spread or total as the player push pros on and get $50 in daily fantasy lineups when you play your first $5 lineup when you use code Tony. That's code Tony to get $50 in daily fantasy lineups when you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix. It's good to be right. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Blake Apatow. How everybody here we go. Great to be here. What's up folks? I don't know how y'all feel about immigration, but I feel like all things we need some balance. Like I think we should build a wall. We should also install a doggy door for hot Latinas. We need them desperately. I think we should import millions of gorgeous Latinas. And for every Latino we import, we can deport one obese white chick. Maybe two to one or three to one. I don't know what the exchange rate is. And a big white gal. It's been a tough year. My best friend died from a fake Xanax that had fentanyl in it. Yeah, he would take Xanax to help him chill out. Now he's about as chill as you can possibly get. Eternally chill. And my other friend FaceTimed him the night he died. He still feels horrible. Feels like he could have saved him somehow. Imagine how I feel. I sold him that Xanax. Thank you folks. Blake Apatow. Welcome to the show Blake. Thank you sir. How are you? Doing wonderful. You've been on before right? Yeah, recently. Yeah, this was better than last time right? Definitely. Much better. Hell yeah. You've been picturing this and preparing for it mentally. Yeah, buddy. And writing and doing open mics. Definitely. How often do you get on stage a week? Yeah, so just in the last couple months I've really found like an up shift that was probably doing on average the last couple years in Austin. Maybe three minutes a week. And now I'm doing like 30 minutes a week. There you go. Shows. Shows my friends. Amazing. Love the ideas the whole way through. Did you really have a best friend that died? Yeah, it's actually, he was like my middle school best friend. And it's kind of a complicated death, you know, because we jacked each other off as middle schoolers. Ah. So. Tech. Yeah. Now our secret is, it's safe, it's six feet underground. Yeah. He made you come and you made him go. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Obviously you didn't really sell him that Xanax. That's a joke. Correct. Okay, correct. Because I had to ask because you literally look like you sell that Xanax. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people try to buy Coke from me all the time. I bet. You look like an outdoor person. I get that. But he looks like a really fucking hot outdoor person. I mean, yeah. It is amazing. I work in the neighborhood in some hotel valet. The other day you saw me, he was like, dude, I don't know your vibe. I can't figure out if you're a billionaire or homeless. Yeah, that's fair. Perkastet forest gump. Yeah. Chris Delotted. Yeah. You get a lot of girls. You're a good looking guy. You dress like you're trans or something. I do okay. I do okay. A lot of women just like instantly, yeah, either they film you or they don't, I guess. They make it very clear if they don't. Sometimes they'll kind of wander up in short shorts, shirtless and flip flops and around like Lady Bird Lake and instantly a girl. I'll just go to say hi and I'm like, not interested. All right, fair. That makes sense. Yeah, we try. But every once in a while one of them is into it. Oh yeah, absolutely. Any of them with alive dads? Ah, I don't know about that, brother. I don't know about that. Can you give us an example of a time that went extremely well for you? Ooh. Yeah. You ever just bang a chick against a tree there at Lady Bird Lake? Ooh! Yeah. One time I went on a Tinder date by the Lady Bird Lake and she was a mom and we kind of strolled for an hour. It got dark and then we sat at a bench and she ended up blowing me twice. Twice! Twice! I didn't even want the second one. Oh my God. I'm like, that's amazing. D-Madness is going to meet this girl right now. Enjoy, brother. Enjoy. Where the fuck is Lady Bird Lake at? This is fucking motherfucking... Thank you. It's amazing. Yeah. She made you come twice. Well, I guess when you're used to getting jerked off by middle school boys, it's pretty exciting. Get your dick sucked on a park bench. And how about you would know. So, explain to us twice how much time is in the middle there and are you using Bluetooth to get the promo code KILTOWNER? Sounds like a good idea. Maybe the future. But no, so we were kind of just hanging out and people were coming slowly, sporadically. And then we started kind of hooking up, started going for it. And then it was very hot because people were coming. She had to, we had to stop the blow job multiple times and kind of pretend like we were doing nothing and then cover it up. And very hot for her to resume that. What did you cover it up with? Oh, I just threw the pants on quickly and then I kind of like threw my leg over. I was curious if you maybe have like a newspaper or something. And so one of the times she makes you climax. Oh, yeah. And then how much time goes in between the first blow job and the second blow job? An uncomfortable amount. I wasn't even ready really for the second one. It was clear that she wanted that. 20 or 30 minutes? No. Longer than that? Two or three minutes. Wow. But it was so hot. Like I'm not even an exhibitionist, but I guess then I discovered I kind of was. And yeah, and it's like, it's beautiful. I mean, obviously blow jobs are amazing anywhere, but in nature. Yeah. With the sounds of the little evening squalls and yeah. And that's just you. Absolutely. Yeah. Amazing. Do you know how many kids this mother had? She had one. How old is that kid? Seven. Wow. Yeah. Think about that. He's got a. You were all seven at one point and your mom could have been sucking outdoor people cock at the park. Think about that. And no one wants to believe that your mom would do it. But just remember, she did. Your mom's awesome. All right. Amazing red band. Tony, what kind of car do you think he drives? This is easy. I'm going to go with a bird scooter. Now you are a Mitsubishi Eclipse. Oh, the oh six Mustang GT. Okay. But currently you're on, you're on the money scooter. Right. Yeah. So I am right. Yeah. It really is a scooter. But I prefer the line bike. That's like classed in me. That's like a millionaire kind of version of the scooter. Hell yeah. What do you mean currently? What happened to the car? Well, I got a. D. Yeah. No, 100% a year ago. Really? Yeah. I'm just almost wrapped it up now. Take us through that. Oh, God. What exactly happened that night? Okay. Couple drinks with my coworker and a couple comments that came back to kind of haunt me that night. I was like, wow, I'm so proud of my drinking lately. I've been being so responsible. And then I after like two or three drinks, I went and stopped in to get a drink at my friend's bar and I genuinely remember that first drink. Nothing at all for the next four hours. Complete blackout, complete blackout came out of the blackout with multiple cops with firearms on me. Yeah. Yep. Let me ask you this. How many drinks did you have at that second bar? Did your buddy tell you? Did he tell you the next day or whatever? So that's the thing is I was too shameful. I didn't even go back and ask honestly. But I had a number of drinks. Is this buddy the same guy that you blew? Maybe. Is this revenge? You're getting all the stories across here. It was a hand job. It wouldn't suck his buddy's dick. I mean, that'd be gay. And that's the thing is we did, you know, we did actually blow each other. Oh yeah. So FYI, 13 year old boys give terrible head. God awful. Wow. Wow. Wouldn't recommend. Wow. Clip it. I'm on my Epstein shit. That's a brand new sentence. I'm a young Epstein. I'm looking for my Gis Lane. Amazing. Gis Lane is in prison. Amazing. Wake up a time. Did you know at the time it was terrible or was it after, you know, you finally had a woman's touch that you went, wow, that was actually not that good. No, it was so bad. It was mid bro. It was really terrible on impact. But it was so nice to have somebody touching me. For reference, it wasn't my first blowjob I had. I was able to self suck when I was a 13 year old. So it was just nice to have somebody else sucking it, man. Right. Yeah. That was cool. You gotta get back to class. Red Band, you got any secret show spots left? What in pervert? Get yourself a hand job, Red Band. Can you still self suck? No bro. I lost the magic power, dude. How did he bring out the Yokematt? Have you tried recently? I haven't tried recently. You haven't? No, I haven't. Now, when you would self suck, Tim, hold on to that question because I want to get back to that. If you were to self suck, would you go on your back legs up and over or would you go get hard Indian style, hunch over the old master Yoda, you know? Yeah. Mmm. So I tried everything. I'm an experimental guy. I will say I was kind of a pro level though. I could self suck just standing up. I could just bend over. Can you show us exactly? Can I get a drum roll and you show us exactly? Steve's very interested. He's getting ready for jackass six over here. Whoa. Very good. Okay, you said you could self suck until you were 13. Yeah. So at what age did the goo come out and how did you handle that? Well, that's the thing is I started jacking off and I had goo and then I was sucking with goo. I had like a hot six months of rowing. Okay. So what were you doing with the goo? You know what? I was swallowing it. Yeah. This is kill Tony 2026. And for that, my friend, you're leaving here with a big joke. He just catches it in his mouth and swallows it. Blake Apatow. I love you. Thank you. I'm trying to figure out what was the crazier confession. Sucking his buddy's dick when he was 13 or swallowing his own shit. Yeah. Somehow it's less gay if it's your own dick, isn't it? I think almost everyone agrees. Yeah. But that was heavy. That was really, really heavy. You know, most people online that have sucked their own dick say it feels less like getting your dicks up and more like you're sucking a dick. Yeah. It's like an elbow. Yeah. Red Band said on an episode that he used to be able to do that. We put it to the test. His head was about three feet away from it. The belly now. Yeah. The belly blocks everything. I used to only be able to do the tip of a was so horrible. Red Band has a four foot long penis, everybody. Wow. Amazing. First. Let's get another bucket pull up here before going to one of our great regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Michael Good, everybody. Michael Good. All right. I had to go to a baby funeral and I'll make it silly. I don't know why I thought I was going to see other babies at the funeral. I'm just looking around like I guess this wasn't one of the popular ones. That's the only funeral where you can't talk to the coffin with the same voice that you talked to the person when they were alive. You might have said a few words. A lady got mad at me recently for saying the word retarded. This woman's like, you're saying the R word? What year is it? I was like, huh, this retard doesn't even know what year it is. Pleasure heart. Wow. What the fuck can I say? Holy shit. Amazing. Michael Good has entered the Kiltoni universe. Welcome, welcome, my friend. Where have you been doing comedy at this whole time? I've been in New York for about seven years now. Two years in Florida and about seven in New York. Wow. You are fucking hilarious. Dude, thank you, man. What brings you to Austin? I was just kind of going down here trying to do shows and I have some friends in the scene so I was like, let me just mix it up and get down here for two weeks. Amazing, amazingly talented. Where do you tend to perform in New York City? My two main spots are New York Comedy Club and the Grizzly Pear. Nice. Yeah, you're doing it, dude. That's hilarious. What's the longest set you've ever done? I've done 50 but it's fucking stretch. The headliner road gigs are just like, dude, on Saturday it was like nobody below 65 in Greenville, Texas. Sure. Yeah. That happens. That's part of the game. But have you opened for people? Do you feature for people? Anything like that? No, I'm featured for one of my friends doing well online next month but then for the most part it's just road gigs and club spots but low level headliner gigs. You are fantastic. Do you make a living doing stand-up in New York? No, no, I'm poor as shit right now. Yeah. I sold feet pics like two days ago. Really? Yeah, my podcast listeners, they're into the feet and I waited until the last minute and I was like, ah, fuck it. We have a D-man that's into feet. He's coming back in. He just got done getting a double blow job at Lady Bird Lake. I still think it was Lady Bird Lake. It was really just a piss stream in the alleyway but we told him it was Lady Bird Lake. Anyway, Michael, tell us more about your life. What else about you? Such great jokes. So well written. Thank you. So perfectly executed. What else? Well, I grew up doing pretty well so this is a big drop-off. I grew up rich. Yeah. Just getting blown to my dad's Range Rover and then now I sell plasma and feet pics. So, yeah. Yeah. I'm like a washed up Disney Channel star. It feels like just fucking. Amazing. What did dad do for a living? He works in real estate. Nice. And that was in Florida? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What part of Florida? Orlando. Hell yeah. The home of Cam Patterson. Yes. Did you know Cam when you were coming up? So I went back for the holidays because I lived in New York and he buried me when he was like six months in. And I'm like, how long has that kept me in comedy? Like six months? I was like, yeah, I'm going to kill myself. That was fucking. Yeah. He's a special freak. Yeah, he's great. I love it. And so you still live in New York? Yes. I leave tomorrow actually. What's your situation like? How many square footage? You live by yourself? No, two other comics under a train basically. Okay. Allowed. Is it a two bedroom? No, it's three bedrooms. And then one toilet though. You got your own bedroom. What part of town? Brooklyn, Williamsburg. Brooklyn. So you're sharing one toilet with three, two other dudes. Two dudes, yeah. Wow. What's that like? It is, yeah, it's pretty brutal. You can, I can break into my laundry room's bathroom. The landlord like locks that, but I'll just go in there and break it if I really have to take it though. That's crazy. He has one toilet, three dudes. I live by myself and have three toilets. We're like the opposite. We're like opposites, Michael. Good. That's incredible. I have toilets I've never even seen before. Just to let you know when you think about me, just remember. I love it. What else about your life? Tell us more. You're so funny and interesting. Dude, thank you. I, this is, I'm bad with money. So I'm, I put money towards becoming a UFO field investigator. Yeah. Cause I want like the ID. Like you get a card from this thing called MoveFond, the mutual with UFO network. And I'm like, dude, to have like a little badge with my face on it seems like I could do a lot of fun with that. So a lot of plans that don't actually move my career forward. And I'm like, why don't I spend 300 bucks on that? Wow. What else? You slinging cutco knives or anything like that? Like you are, you just have the wildest money making schemes. It is absolutely incredible. Yeah. I'm trying to think ways to make money or how to. How much money do you have? How much money do you have saved up right now? This is the only show in the world where people ask that question by people. I mean me. I have 600, 300 is borrowed. Right now. Yeah. You gave away 300 or no, you're borrowing 300 300 of the 600 is borrowed. Who did you borrow it from a friend or a parent or a parent? Yeah. Okay. Are they charging interest? Your dad owns real estate. Is there an APR or something like that? No, no, no, no, no. It was a secret one that my mom was like, no, no, no. Oh, we love those secret mom borrowings. I never got one in my life. That's why I ended up wildly successful. But I mean, you can't have people helping you, you know, and I mean, you got to fucking struggle. Yeah, I agree. So what is that extra 300 doing for you exactly? What are you doing? What are you doing with that extra 300 that you wouldn't have done had you not had it? Just getting rent covered so I can like, yeah, and I'm going to pay it back. Of course. Plasma, feet, she doesn't have to know where I got it from. Yeah, exactly. She might be the one to support you secretly without dad knowing. She might be the one buying your feet pics. Something to keep in mind. Sweetheart, I just want to like, I'll do anything. Don't let dad know. Dad's tough on you, huh? Yeah, yeah, but he's a good dude. But he believes in what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got some argument. We got an argument a couple months back. I was like, I don't even know what we're having this conversation. I was like, I'm going to borrow money from you. And then like a two months later, I was like, oh, shit, I got to ask this guy for money. But he's supportive. But like, I don't know. He's like, you know, we'll see. But yeah, I don't know. Amazing. Amazing. You remind me of the guy from office space. Oh, yeah, I get that a lot. Yeah, yeah. How much money do you get for plasma? Like, and have you ever done double red because that pays more, right? Double what? Double red. No one knows what you're talking about. How do you know about that? Are you selling plasma? Red pan is buying plasma. Double red. Yeah. That's six months, bro. I think we just found out how COVID started everybody. Red pan donating plasma to fucking people in Wuhan. Your dad doesn't know shit. You're going to make it. Thank you, dude. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you, man. I appreciate that a lot. He's a good guy. He just cautiously supported us. Fuck your dad. I'm going to beat the fuck out of your dad. I'll tell you what, you've been doing comedy in New York for seven years total. What do you think the greatest venue to possibly play in all of New York is? Like outside comedy, like Madison Square Garden. That is correct. And I want you to tell your dad that you will be doing a minute on Keltone in August at the greatest arena in the world, Madison Square Garden. You're doing it, buddy. Here's a big dope bug. Thank you so much. We'll see you in August at Madison Square Garden tickets going on sale extremely soon. I'm technically not supposed to announce it. It's supposed to be a surprise, but we do it every year. We go to Madison Square Garden every year, just like every other podcast does. All right. Get away. So embarrassing. They're growing up. Won't be long before the thought of a family holiday is just. But with Hilton's staycations all over the UK, we don't need to go far to feel close. And with connecting rooms confirmed when we book, we'll have plenty of space to make the most of every moment. Everyone in the photo. When time away means time together, it matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton for this day. Please stand clear for the gap. Another morning, another reminder there's a gap to be careful of. But maybe it's time to bridge the one between your nine to five and your dream of living life on your own terms. At HSBC, we know ambition looks different to everyone. Whether it's retiring early or leaving more for your family, we can help. Because when it comes to unlocking your money's potential, we know wealth. HHSBC wealth today. HSBC UK opening up a world of opportunity. HSBC UK current account holders only. Ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the greatest regulars in this show's history here. An absolute phenom. A freak of nature that was once at one point known as the dark storm of Atlanta. He's now the dark storm of Austin here with a brand new minute like he does every single week. Every single episode. No weeks off. This is Dedrick Flynn. DEDRICK FLY Uh, armadillos are just Mexican turtles. I thought that's what the word armadillo mean. Because I've been trying to create some secret ooze to turn these niggas into teenage mutant ninja Mexican turtle. You don't even got to change the name. You know what I'm saying? It's just Rafaela and all that. But I'm Master Splinter. Now that I got y'all in a silly thing, I got to get to some beef that I got. Fuck the nigga who made the low battery noise and smoke detectors. How the fuck, I got so many white friends that move next door to me. They smoke detectors don't never go off. But when my black ass family move in, that should be on for 15 years. Niggas either kill yourself or not. I hate a battery that don't actually want to die. But didn't I know it's a conspiracy? They turn us into sleeper agents. They want us to be ghetto. Because in 1991, I opened up the smoke detector. And if y'all remember, Dura-Cell used to be able to have these buttons that you could press and see how much energy was left in the battery. Nigga, it was full. I'm done, I'm such a shit-to-pat. Dead drink? Fuckin' unbelievable. Every single time. My god. Oh my god. So many great references. The armadillo really is a Mexican turtle. Your take on the battery is incredible. I've never seen a movie like this before. I've never seen a movie like this before. I've never seen a movie like this before. Your take on the battery is incredible. I forgot about Dura-Cell's amazing technology back then. Yeah. It was an interesting thing. I mean, you would almost, what? We would kind of take things out just to check. You would like take the batteries out. Yep, still there. Super cool technology. It was. You know why it chirped though, even though the battery was full? Say something mean. No, it's because that means the sensor was done. You had to replace it. It wasn't the battery, it was the sensor. It expires after like three years. How come my white friends didn't have no sensors ready? Well. Please tell me more about your fucking technology. Your people did to my black people. No. To make us poorer than what we thought. Because we can't have a full conversation about somebody going, Yeah. Well, we have the same thing. The white people have the same thing. But when we hear it, we do whatever it takes to stop it. That should be over there, Tony. We ain't got time. I got to knock down cobwebs and shit. I got to go outside to be black in the 90s. It was a lot. Steve-o. I did what it took to stop mine. I got a fucking broom and I fucking javelin' that thing. No more smoke detectors. Have you ever thought about taking a gun, holding it sideways and shooting the smoke detector? Yeah, the other day I got a fucking gun and I fucking went out there and I fucking... I robbed that nigga's voice. No, that's my impression of you. I'm so sorry. It's not me being mean. I love you. Black people love you. Thank you so much. Hey, man, I love you. I love you too, man. And it... Uncanny. That's my black Steve-o impression. Wait, this is Steve-o saying nigga. Nigga. That's amazing. That's amazing. I've always wondered what it would sound like coming from that voice. Nigga, y'all got a check out, wild boys. Y'all got a check out, jack-ass fighter movie. Black Steve-o gonna be in there. I think you got a new character. Yeah. Steve-o Harvey. Welcome to the feud. So why? Let's go to the Antscore Boy. Fam if you says. Number what? No, turtles. What do you call Mexican turtles? So, Dedrick, you did it again. What else has... Have you seen an armadillo? I've seen a lot. No, I saw one when I was high and I never want to see that nigga again. They really are a freaky little thing. They're shit. Them niggas move too quick. They do. That's why they're not turtles. Yeah. A turtle takes its time, say, what's up to you? Can I cross here? Yeah. An armadillo, that nigga just run up on you and he want to talk over some shit like that. You know what I'm saying? It's really like an armored raccoon from Mexico. True. From my deep research to seeing one of them niggas that I never want to see. This is actually... Two more I'm moving back to Atlanta. If I see two more armadillos, why the fuck y'all got them out here? We should do something. You can't even eat them niggas without getting like an STD or some shit like that. Because I looked into it, Tony. You know I cook. I wanted to make some armadillo fried rice. Amazing. How about bats? You've seen a lot of bats here in Austin? No, I'm waiting for the bats to come out. Yeah. I bought a little mini bike and I bought a Batman costume. And I'm a goldie to... You might have bats in your place to not know about it because they hang from the ceiling and chirp every once in a while. Oh. But I think black... like bats, not blacks, but... Bats. Meet the bat history month? Meet the bats? It is its bat history month. You know what I hate the bat? March is bat history month. Who's that? You're Joe. You put the mic down immediately. Tim, we're friends. Don't do this to me. Bats are just black birds. That's why they be hanging all the time. Let's go. The Butterly-Hingecliff connection. Alive and well. Oh, man, I wish I was real equipped to say something back, but just... You wish there was an N-word for white people? They have crows of... They have white words. They have N-words for white people, you can't say. Yeah, crows are different, though. They're out there working the fields and everything. That's a whole different world. You guys would never... The bats eat the insects because I Googled it because I was dating a white witch one time. And that bitch had a bat box in the back yard so she could have bats to take care of the mosquito. Because down south, our mosquito is bigger than me. And they got to eat all that. That's why we got lightning bugs. I don't know you... Y'all like lightning bugs. Y'all call it what, Fireflies out here? That's dumb as fuck. Nigga, them shit is called lightning bugs in the real south. I remember lightning bugs very well. Awesome. I don't really see them. No, they don't have them out here. They don't have them out. You know Batman didn't have a father either. They got those ones. Wait, red band, ladies and gentlemen, bring up the sound effect. I don't know if you guys heard it. It happened quick. He's not one that's known for timing and enunciation, but he did just crank another homerun. He did. He said Batman also didn't have a father. And just for that, my friend, you will... Oh, he can't find his own sound effect. Yeah, dumb man. 13 years. That's from William Montgomery. He told me to tell you, fuck you, dumb man. Wow. Red band with two jokes in one episode. If you have that on your pingo card, if you bet $1 on Paulie Market, you just won $5 billion. That is the first time red band... Batman be robbing also. Whoa! Sonset! Sonset! Wow. Come on. Wow. Yeah, red band on his shit today. Do you believe in miracles? USA beats Canada in hockey. And red band pulls a hat trick on Kylton. This is unbelievable. Someone's gonna drink himself to death tonight. I can already tell. He's gonna be holding corn in mid-season. He's just gathering around, kids. Let me tell you how I got to this point in my life. I mean, I hate you all so much. Shut up, white dad. That's what I call red man. White dad. Oh, my God. Dedrick, you're the fucking man. You did it again. We absolutely love you. You're watching a shooting star, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh. The one and only dark storm of Austin Dedrick Flynn. What an episode. You guys having fun out there? I know we are up here. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Gus Swanda. Gus Swanda. Here we go. Thank you. I recently moved back to the United States after living in South Korea for 30 years. So I'm experiencing a bit of a culture shock. The biggest difference is the things you can't say now in America that you could 30 years. You can't say, apparently you can't say homeless, you have to say unhoused. I tested this theory out. I saw a homeless guy the other day and I said, do you prefer the term homeless or unhoused? And I will never forget what he said to me. It was so poignant. He said to me, stop stealing my thoughts as he stabbed me repeatedly. I'll put that down as an unhoused after I get back from the hospital. You know, you can't say the word retard anymore. That's a new one. You have to say Democrat. Yeah, you know, a mechanic kicked me out of a shop the other day just for telling him that I blew a tranny. It's like, that's homophobic. I'm like, no, I drive too hard. The worst one, you can't say anymore. Go ahead, go ahead, finish it. No, I mean, you have to say a bundle of sticks with which to start a fire with, you know, I mean, but that's so long. I mean, it's a good word. I love. All right, all right, all right. There you go. You did it. Gus Swanda, welcome. Okay. How long have you been doing stand up, Gus? I started in 2007. Wow. I started in 2007. Did you? Yeah. At the same level of success I could see. I love it. I mean, you went on to make all those great mythbusters episodes and I focused mostly on the comedy. Comedy? Yeah. Why didn't I think of that? What have you been doing the whole time? Where were you in 2007 when you? I was in Busan, South Korea. Busan? Busan. Yeah. And we had a comedy group, you know, in a pretty big community there. It's like the second largest city. Seoul had a comedy group and we toured around. I was lucky enough to. Remind me again, where's Busan? It's on the very southern tip. It's on the coast. Beaches. It's known for its beaches. South Korea. South Korea. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Okay, go ahead. You were saying something. I mean, I was like, I'm going to meet and open up for some really big name comedians like Kyle Canane, Danny Cho. I'm good friends with Tom Rhodes. Nice. Yeah, so I came back here. I was a university professor. And where at? In Busan. Oh, you were a Busan university. You taught English? No, I taught international relations. I came back here and I tried to do that and I found out I can't do that. Yeah. So I thought, well, you know, do what I love, comedy. And I found out I can't do that tonight as well. How old are you? I'm, how old am I really or how old do I tell people I am? Jesus, you're also gay? Anyway, sometimes you find out the answer to two questions at once. How do you think I am? Hell yes. How old does my asshole look? Did you bleach it? How old are you, Gus? I'm 55. 55. How old do you tell people you are? 53. You think it's worth it? You think the juice is worth the squeeze on that one? Yeah. Shave off a couple of years. You know what? I swear to God, if you were two years older, I wouldn't be down, but I'm going to suck your cock on a park bench twice in three minutes. All right. Wow. It's a callback to earlier, Gus. A callback is when you write, no, I'm joking. What? No. I think it's so funny. Well, call me back later and we'll work on that. Whoa. Are you actually gay? No. Oh, okay. Gosh darn it. But I really want to be on the secret show. Whoa, that's Red Band's deal. Look at him. He's taking a phone call. Red Band. He's taking a phone call. Oh, Rogan. Red Band, come on. He's got pretty big girls. Rogan, I got three big laughs tonight on Kill Tommy. Did you bring back any good Asian women? Dead Asian women? Good Asian women. I was married for 10 years. Wow. Yeah. You met her there? Yeah. But went long. All right. Another call back? No, it's not. It shouldn't have gotten that. They're literally just rooting for the underdog at this point. Or in this case, the underpig. It's on fire, Tony. Stop eating. The problem was communication problem. For example, like one time she came home all excited and she's like, honey, honey, the man is on the phone. Honey, the man on the first floor is therapist. And he just moved in and I was like, oh, well, Koreans really don't believe in therapy. How cool is that? Does he speak English? And she's like, yes, he was therapist in America. And what she really meant to say was the man on the first floor was the rapist. And he was a rapist. Well, I didn't know that. So I saw him in the elevator and I'm like, well, you know, I heard what you do. And I was like, oh, you did? I said, yeah. And, you know, I really sometimes would just like to come over and just unload. We swap stories. I would like that very much. It never happened. You're a silly goose. Okay. I am. What did your wife do for work? What type of massages did she give exactly? No, it's okay. Cheap ones. What did she do? She was an artist. So nothing really. I mean, like she didn't really earn any money, but. Sex was good? Yeah. And did it last a little 10 years? Why did it fizzle out? Well, I wanted to come back to America and she really didn't. And, you know, it ended amicably. I mean, I only got three minutes of material out of it. So had had it been more contested. She only got three inches of material out of it. She did. I guess. Give us one more crazy fun fact about your life. I just want to say that a guy named Jase. I met this weekend. He's supposing some really lucky guy. He put his hand on me and he's like, you're going to get on kill Tony. I, it wasn't him. Oh, well, I was just. The odds of this happening are literally like one in 250. Yeah. And you just got lucky. It was my hand. Oh, okay. My hand going through. I just want to say thank you to Tony's hand. Well, you don't have to thank anything. You have to thank me for the creating this format. Oh, okay. I just don't want some fucking guy that thinks he's a psychic getting credit for you. I just like to thank Jase who, uh, he's a homeless guy at New Aces and 10th Street. He put his hand on my shoulder and he's like, you're going to do that. Well, or he makes ads and I seen on kill Tony. All right. Well, well, Gus, that was okay. Here's a medium joke, but come back again sometime. I will. I just want everybody. All right. We're flying through it. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Jarell Beeman. Everyone Jarell Beeman. Ladies and gentlemen. What's up? What's up, man? I'm happy to be here in Texas, man. Actually live in a spot called, uh, Dayton, Ohio. Yup. Yup. And that's all it gets right there. That's it. That's it. Now for real man, people don't get too hyped while I say I live in Dayton. It gets real weird and awkward and quiet, you know, and I get it, man. Y'all must not be a big fan of a, a heroin. I see. That's all we got in Southern Ohio, baby. All we got is heroin and fat white women. That's it. That's it. Hey, but hold on. I'm a dip into both. Okay. No. Stop it. Stop. You often have to prove. Stop it. Stop it. People are like, Jarell, why don't you move out of Dayton? You're so talented, man. You're so cool, but I won't cause the rent's too low, man. So cheap. Rent my crib right now is $217 per month. Now the week before I got it, I found out that a triple homicide happened right around the corner, which explained a lot. But when I found that out, that shit had me thinking about killing four people just to get that rent down to 150. Absolutely hilarious. Jarell Beeman has arrived. A lot of new names and faces tonight. It's a fun show. Welcome, Jarell. What's up? Hell yeah. How are you? I'm good, man. I'm feeling good and gravy, man. Thanks for having me. I love it. I love it. What a great set. You look fantastic. You look like you took a convertible rocket here from... I've never quite seen somebody who looks more blasted back than you do right now. I was feeling out for today. I'm over here. Not exactly sure what video game character you remind me of. I don't know if it's Sonic or Tails or exactly. What's going on here? But Jarell, how long have you been on stand up? I've been doing stand up about seven years now. Seven years. I love it. You still live in Dayton, Ohio? Yeah, I travel all around, but I'm based in Dayton. What keeps you in Dayton? The rent. My nigga, that rent's fantastic. I can't even imagine. Can you tell the people here exactly what your situation is? Well, at first I was living in the ghetto. That was helping me out, paying that. But then I started living on campus with my girlfriend. That was real cheap. I've been with her for five years. We were going to clap it up for young black love. It's a black woman? Black woman. I know. It's not a fat white woman. I know. We all thought. But no. Fucking oink. What does your girl do for work? My girl, she's a full-time musical theater student. She works at a grocery store, which means we're broke as fuck. So, yeah. I'm the breadwinner. Hell yeah. What grocery store? Is it Kroger? No, it's Myers. Okay. We know Myers very well. Red Band and I are both from the great state of Ohio. Originally. So is Tom Segura. And young Jamie. Okay. I was waiting for more and I didn't know. I thought it was more. Dave Chappelle spent a lot of his youth there. So did Richard Pryor. Okie dokie. Big names don't matter either. Matt Rife. Steve Harvey's from Cleveland. Yes, Steve Harvey. Absolutely. We could go on and on. Don't understand how we last so long. We must have superpowers. So Myers, and you make all your money doing stand up or you do a little Uber Eats? Yeah, man. You do? No, no, no. Stand up mostly just doing shows, selling merch, producing shows. A lot of it from producing shows. What's your merch like? What is that? Well my merch man is these little stickers of me with my image on them and got my social media at the bottom and they donation based. Oh, okay. You know people give me what they feel from their heart. You know, one dollar, five, ten, whatever it is. But after the shows is how I sell them, I put a cardboard sign around my neck since I'm begging. Fuck you, since I was begging. And the sign says, I wish I could write it out, but the sign says I'm funny but being a broke comedian ain't no joke. Please donate, nigga. That's what it says on the box. I added in a nigga right now. There's no nigga on the sign. And it helps me out. But producing shows mainly is what kind of helps me. I love it. You're staying in Dayton where the rent is cheap, but it's also tough to make money. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever thought about moving with your talents, you know, seven years experience? Have you thought about moving to a city that might have a better economy and more opportunities for you? I've thought about it, man. You know, I'm starting to really build up a lot of shit in the scene out there where I'm kind of like on top of this like mountain a little bit. You're going to fish in a small pond. That's great. Can I tell you something? You're going to die in Dayton. If you keep building that mountain. Yeah. Exactly what is your rent? Just be honest with us. I got to know exactly what the rent that keeps you in Dayton is. Well, my rent now is different. I live in Huber Heights now. Ooh. Man, man. Huber Heights. It looks like I'm not the only one with three toilets here. Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize I was talking royalty, Jarell. Jarell. Jarell, he lives quite a life of luxury in Huber Heights. Oh, you must be the only black in the neighborhood. The population of black people is like 2%. And it went up when I moved. Yeah. It went up 2%. It went. That's how black I am. That's how black I am. I'm wearing my own name on my jersey. That's how black I am. I'm very black. No. I've seen a lot of people who drive down the street every white person's like, there he is. There's the one. I actually currently own a Cadillac that's not working. So that's how black is. Wow. I wait. I'm getting word. It's now three. They're counting that 3% in Huber Heights. They're counting your Cadillac as one of the, well, it doesn't work. It just sits around all day. Might as well be black. Yeah. The rent now is like, it's like 700 now. So that's still, still too low. Amazing. So you and your girl are splitting 700 rent? I wish splitting, no. She don't kill me for saying that, but no, nigga, no. That's all me. It's you, huh? Yeah. You let her keep her grocery store money? No. She keeps all that, man. She needs it. What does she spend it on? She takes care of the phone bills. You know, she got phone bills. Oh. Oh, goodness. So you got, you know, she, she, uh, other, other things, you know, honestly, these are questions I should be asking her. She paid. I don't know. You kind of fucked me up. I was like, Darren, what the, if I'm helping. She pays for the phones, but does she also pay for the beepers? I'm talking about, I'm talking about your smoke detector, of course. My smoke, nah, that's, uh, yeah, I gotta find out what's going on with that. Do you have a smoke detector in your apartment? Uh, you don't even know. The stereotype is incredible. I don't know. I don't know my living situation. You're making me question my life. That's what I do to people. It's a lot of fun. Did you, did you hear that? Do you know what that is? Is that the smoke detector? Yeah. Very good. Since you answered that correctly. No. Um, but yeah, not a lot of it too, uh, producing, I, I produce my own shows and take them out on the road sometimes. Do you know our friend Layla Ingosa? Oh yeah, Layla's the little homie. I fucks with her, man. That's my little like, Minzy, man. Yeah, yeah, she's a little thing. Let's check in with, uh, let's check in with Stevo here, Stevo. Wait, what does, what do you do to produce a show? I'm just trying to picture that. Maybe I'm done, but. You're gonna love it, you're gonna love it actually. It's called black ass. Um. Touring everywhere. Uh, no. But now like, what kind of shows you producing? Uh, yeah, I, I help run out things. It's on the independent closer where we book, uh, different acts, but a show that I produce myself is actually called Jarell's Will of Comedy, where like, I get, uh, me and my co-host, Cockaroo. Uh, y'all can guess. All right. Wait, you said the word of the day. What's your co-host's name? Uh, Cockaroo. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. How do you. How do you spell that? How do you spell that? Cockaroo. C-O-C-K-A-R-U-E. Cockaroo. Cockaroo. Yeah. For some reason, every time you say that, that weird noise plays. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually scaring the shit out of me right now. I wish that smoke detector was back on. It was, uh, it's freaking me out. But yeah, me and Cockaroo, we co-hosted, uh, called Jarell's Will of Comedy. We invited guests, you know, comic on the panel with us. And what we'll do is we'll bring, uh, different comedians that we locked in for it. And they, uh, have a will. Jarell's Will of Comedy, they spin the wheel and whatever the wheel lands on, based on the topic, they got to do a joke based on that topic. So it'll be like relationship joke or crowd work or, you know, family joke, dirty joke. And they just do it on that. And we take that show about four different clubs out in the Midwest. Awesome. I'm sorry for asking. I saw it in your face, Steve-o. I fucking saw it. Check it with the great Tim Butterly. Uh, I'm actually going to be in Dayton in March, and I would love to have you on my Not So Secret show. Whoa! Look at that. Oh my God, he really is? It does say Dayton here. What are the odds of that? That's incredible. Yeah, uh, yeah, I wish I could, man, but... I take it back. Fuck you, dude. Looks like it's just... I'm already featuring on a show in Hartford, Connecticut. Wow. You know what, Tim? I have a suggestion. Can you edit that part out? I'm going to say something mean now. No. I really want to. I have good news for you, Tim Butterly. While Jarrella is not available, you can book Cockaroo. You got to book Cockaroo. No, you don't want to book Cockaroo. Me and Cockaroo are doing heroin and dating. Dude, you can't stop us. I almost... I almost accidentally threw my wallet at you, Cherelle. I swear. Oh, dude, that would have been fantastic. Well, it ran off. We do have from the Great Bones Eye, Harry Jokebook. Oh my goodness! There he goes. Cherelle Beeman, everybody. Okay, thank you. What an exciting time this is. What an episode. Let's keep the momentum up here. We have one of the greatest Golden Ticket winners in the entire show's history. How about a hand for Heidi and Val? Their hip podcast, Love on the Line, is available at HeidiRugina.com. Be sure to follow the band, the Kiltoni Band, on YouTube and Instagram. And follow Bones Eye. He makes the best stuff made out of leather in all of Texas. If you want to save a few quid, British gas have a way. You get half price lekkie and it's called Peek Save. On every Sunday, it's the smart thing to do if you're regular folk or furry and blue. 11 till 4, let the good times begin. You could charge up the car or take the dryer for a spin. Half price electricity, what joy that brings with British gas Peek Save, we're taking care of things. Tee's and C's apply eligible tariffs and smart meter required. We have a great Golden Ticket winner, one of the best ever. Literally, perhaps the best Golden Ticket winner in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise for the one and only, Martin Phillips everybody. What's up, hey, I'm the, the medication I take is called oral baclofen. I take oral baclofen because I don't want to take anal baclofen. It can fall out, you know. Some people smoke weed through an apple, I smoke through a squash. So when I'm high, I'm like, oh, I'm so squash right now. Let's get squash and try to make it a thing. I'm a scientist, scientifically speaking, you can sleep with your second cousin. And I don't know, it sounds like that scientist just had a really hot cousin. I did the research, it's cool. That's it. Hilarious, Martin Phillips. Martin, welcome, another very, very funny set. Thank you. I'm listening to this backpack that you have. Can I ask you what the hell's wrong? No, no, no, I brought it. Is that to help you stand up straight? What exactly is that? It's a parachute in case I fall. Child's backpack. Exactly. Just style it, yeah, it's cool. I want you to look a little bit more like a pedophile. Okay, so the most negative feedback I get is nobody wants to hear my voice, so... Steve will get it. Okay, this is a child's toy, but it changes your voice. Oh my goodness. So we have the option of robot, ghost, alien, or monster. Ooh, what are you going to say into it? Do you have a pre-planned thing that you're going to say? Yeah, we can redo the joke and see if it's better. Oh my goodness. Let's do it. What are you doing first? Robot. Here we go, the robot Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. This could be the future. What? What? What? Perfect. Wait, wait, okay. Oh, it's out of the robot, right? Okay. What's that feel? Where am I going? I really only hear you saying what's the deal with airline food. That thing. Wow. Stephen talking, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my goodness gracious. Let's hear that ghost. Ghost. Yeah, I want to hear that ghost, dude. Wait a second. What? This thing is crazy. It's a ghost of a robot? Wait a second. I know, this is for, I know I work this. This is for five year olds. I get fucking. Yeah, you could do it. You could do it. Was that in the backpack that you stole from the kid? I can't, I cannot afford this book bag. Okay, okay, okay. This is the fuck. Oh god. This is fucking. Fuck God. Fuck this shit. This might be monster, actually. Wow. This is still a grasshopper. This megaphone does every voice from Epstein's Island. This is incredible. There's child ghosts, there's Stephen Hawking. Is there a Bill Clinton on that thing? This is alien. It's white alien. Alien, okay. It's gonna start speaking Spanish. Dude. Wow. Is there anything left? What's left? Did we do monster yet? I think we did monster. I think there's just regular megaphone. Oh, that's gonna be great. My helicopters. No, no, no. This thing might be a piece of shit. Oh, it's like... Yeah, you know, I'll... throw all the... throw all the curtains out there. Let me review the... Let's switch it to Alien. I have an idea. Let's switch it to Alien, shove it up Steve-O's ass, and let him rip a fart. Wham-wham-wham-wham. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Wham-wham-wham-wham. All right. Martin, you got anything else in that backpack? No, I just... Just put it. Serious question, though. Is that your real backpack? Do you wear that backpack around? I know. I know you said that mileage, but it's a cool, stylish book that... Little Asian girls' backpack. No, it's cool, okay? It's Swedish, okay? Tim Butterly. Imagine how disappointed the guy that robs him on Sixth Street's gonna be. Ha-ha-ha-ha. What the fuck this stupid-ass megaphone? Man, I can't even buy no crack with this shit. Yeah, well... Oh, wow. So, okay, I made it worse than I usually sound, but, uh... You are unbelievable. That was so entertaining. Yeah, fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. One more time for the undeniable Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. Wow! What an episode. We're coming around the mountain here. You're coming around the corner. Two more bucket pools. Let's get through it. Your next one goes by the name of Freddy Dolesi, everybody. Freddy Dolesi. Here comes Freddy. Make some noise for Freddy, everybody. I just realized I think everything is a little racist. Like my brother got Tesla five years ago, and in five years, Tesla went from clean power to white power. Just like that. That's crazy. How do you hate people but love the environment? That's like if the KKK was like, yo, we not burning no more crosses. We LED lighting them. Strobe effect. We ride at dawn. We're solar powered. I don't know, man. I think everything a little racist because I'm from Virginia. You know, Virginia is racist. Like we don't have sports teams. We got support to D.C. teams. I didn't even know the football team's name was racist until the first game I went to. It was the Cowboys vs. the Redskins on Thanksgiving. That's not a game. That's a reenactment. That's like if they had a team called the cops and they play the niggas. On Juneteenth. Like, oh, fuck you. Absolutely fantastic. Freddy Dolesi. It's your first time on the show, Freddy. Yes, sir. Welcome, welcome. You live in Virginia. You live in Virginia. You live in Virginia. You're the first time on the show, Freddy. Yes, sir. Welcome, welcome. You live in Virginia still? No, I live in Austin now. How long did you move here? About an hour and a half. A year and a half. About an hour and a half. Tony, I just got here. Wild success for an hour and a half. Yeah, you know, I try my best. What do you do for work? I'm a sign language interpreter. Really? Are you a real one? Are you like those fake ones that get caught and get in trouble? I'm in front of D-Madness. D, tell me what he's signing. Oh, wait. Oh, I think I got it backwards. A little backwards. I love it. D's back here talking to this. Shut the fuck up, motherfucker. If you know I can't see that shit. I love it. Freddy, do you get a lot of work doing that? Doing what? Sign language? Yeah. Yeah, not too bad. I do mostly like, I interpret like phone calls for deaf people. Got it. So, yeah, that's most of my days. So, like, you are on the phone and the deaf person sitting next to you? No, so a deaf person calls me on FaceTime and I like answer the phone and then I just call a hearing person for him. Okay, let's do it. Let's mimic a call. Let it ring one more time. Hello? Are you... Are you... Are you white or black? Oh, wait. I'm not white. Oh, wait. They're not blind. I keep thinking that they're blind. They're not talking. What is wrong with my brain today? That was the case. They would have called themselves. What the fuck is wrong with me? No, I'll tell you. It's like a woman will call or something and she'll be like, hey, I'm calling the doctor's office like set up an appointment for me and she'll just be signing and I'll be like, hey, yes, my name is Brittany Thompson. And then, like, the receptionist will be like, you don't sound like Brittany Thompson. You sound like a man, you know? And I'll be like, it's 2026. Tim Butterly. I think Tony was kind of on to something, though. Is there... Do white people and black people do sign language a little bit differently? Yeah. Black people were like, you need to have a blood transfusion. We need to go to your doctor's appointment on the motherfucking west side. Are white people, like, hitting the consonants hard and you need to have a blood transfusion? Like hitting the consonants hard and you guys are just, like, vibing with it? Yeah. Oh, question. No, white people, they sign in public. Black people sign in private, you know. What do you mean by that, X-X? It's dangerous if I'm just outside signing. It looks... It's amazing. It looks like I'm gangbanging a lot. Very well, yeah. I love that. So let me ask you this, like, every 30 seconds I don't... I love it. We need to find a smoke detector sponsor at this point because we are just crushing it. Where are you, First Alarm? Yeah, First Alarm. Get in the podcast game. It's the only thing in entertainment. People are actually still watching or listening to. Shout out First Alarm. Use the promo code KILTONI just to let them know we exist. All right. Freddie, what do you do for fun? What are your... Oh, you did hear that. Is there a sign for the word beep? Beep? No, just like beep or something like that. What's the craziest... What is the most shocking sign language thing? I once did a show where there was a sign language person and I said... It was a white woman and I put her on the spot and I said white penis. And she was like, I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was a thing, right? And then I go black penis and then it was longer. Yeah. It's like white penis. Yeah. Black penis. How about for the word enema? Enema? What the fuck is that? That sounds like some gay shit. I'm not even gonna lie. What the fuck is enema? Your instincts are not that far off. Do you have a dick on your forehead right now? That's absolutely insane, right? Yeah. I've been getting a lot of comments in my forehead tattoo today. Yeah. Lot of compliments. Tim Butterly. You really don't know what enema is? No, explain it to me. Okay, it's like... You lost me. Stick it up the butt and you squeeze it and you fill your butt up with water so you can blast out everything out of your butt. Waterfuck what I know what that is. Bro, he made $20 million on that. Okay. Show some respect. Can you sign this? Okay, what do you want? You stick it up your butt. Nope, I'm not doing it. I can't do it. You're making doctor's appointments. You might have to know this stuff. Yeah, but mostly for like, STDs and shit like that. Really? You specialize in making calls for STDs? Can you explain yourself? I can't even laugh at that. I get paid from them. So... No, like, one... It's tough. You never know what you're going to interpret. One time I had to interpret like a doctor's office and there's a deaf doctor and there's a hearing patient and the lady was like signing to me outside. She's like, hey, he's going to be quick, 10, 15 minutes. But heads up, you got to tell this person he has cancer. Oh, my God. And I'm looking at her like, we ain't telling him shit, you know what I mean? You went to school to learn how to tell someone they have cancer. I went to school for like two years. You know, like, best I could do is Chlamydia. You know, that's the best I could do. So you didn't tell the guy that he has cancer? No, I just let him die. You know, I just... Perfect. I didn't give him cancer, man. That was his plan, you know, his destiny. You didn't even give him like a... No. I was just like... Yeah, that's it. No good. Wow. Tim Butterway. Well, I don't want to ask this one a lot, but... Oh, this is kind of... Does sign language have the N-word? Oh. Great question. It has the N-word. I sign it all the time. We'll blur it out, but can you show us? I can't. There's too many white people in here. Come on. I can't sell it. Bro, come on. You've ever seen the strongest hands you've ever seen, bro. How they do it? Practice hand muscle strength and shit. I can't... I'll bend you all $100 to show me the N-word and sign language. Bend me right now. Bend it right now. All right. Don't do it. What the fuck is Rotmatch? Shut the fuck up. You know how many talented black guitarists that are waiting to take your spot, Matt? Shut the fuck up. Don't do it. Don't do it. Well, you have a choice to make here. Well, you know what? There's a thing. Deaf people fuck with comedy. They fuck with the show. So they got to even sign for Tony and shit like that. They got to sign for... Oh, I know what that is. No. Whoo. Catch Tim Butterly is the new guitar player on Kill Tony starting next week. I'll be in Dayton, Ohio, sometimes more. He's got to be in Dayton with... What the fuck was it? I don't know. Cockerooch or something. Seriously, we got to know. What's the sign for the N-word? Are you ready? No one wants it more than the lighting guy, obviously. This guy's been put that spotlight on you. I want it. He's back there. He's got it dialed in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the N-word. We are about to change the world, by the way. When this episode comes out, we are about to... Just when you thought there was less racism than ever, white people are about to learn a way to call people the N-word without them knowing. And here we go. The man that's been in the world has been in the world for a year. Here we go. The man that changed the game. The Booker T. Washington, if you will. Of signing the N-word. Some people are calling him the Barack Hussein Obama of the sign language world. Breaking down bear-ready. Hope and change. This is the N-word. Buzzzz! Hilarious. We have any big joke books back there? Yeah, we have... We have big joke books out back. We've run out of them here today. But Freddie Dulesy. Freddie Dulesy. What the fuck is a Dulesy? Well, you put an I at the end of your name. No, it's not an I, it's an exclamation point. It's an exclamation point with the dot touching the line, by the way. The dot is on the top for an I. The dot's at the bottom. You're so used to signing, you don't know how to write it. Incredible. What the fuck's a Dulesy? I know, I thought... I was expecting a fucking Italian guy to come out. What do you want? I could see why your last name is Dules, by the way. I do it. I do too much, you know what it is. You know how it goes. A great set, fun times, unbelievable interview. Thank you so much, Freddie Dulesy. APPLAUSE All right, final bucket pool tonight. We are running deep into overtime, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to do a quick set and a quick interview with Kendall Jr. To close the bucket portion of the night. Kendall Jr. APPLAUSE Y'all remember the first time you heard a black British guy talk? It's like, you're not supposed to sound like that. Unrelated. APPLAUSE Would you ever see a girl a little too close with her dog? I think God, I hope I ain't fucking. That's all I gotta say. Meth heads, though, you know? I've been thinking they probably do have the best pull-out game. Because of all that copper wiring. Yeah. But when a meth head has found the one and she's got one of those copper IUDs, they cannot help themselves. APPLAUSE And someone wants to be a father. I did know a girl once. She had so many abortions. I don't know if you've ever seen a girl who's got a lot of money. I don't know if you've ever seen a girl who's got a lot of money. She's got so many abortions. She didn't even have a landing strip. There's just a Gaza strip. APPLAUSE LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Kendall. Kendall, Kendall. You've been on this show before, right? Yes, once. What did we find out about you in the interview portion that I found interesting about you? That I was once a super fat heroin addict. Is there anything that's changed since your last time on the show? I gained five pounds. It's a mess. No, there's nothing. I got in a... My car got rammed into. It was crazy outside of my house. I had to get a new one. Who rammed into you? It was a drunk guy outside of my house. Just rammed into it. It was crazy. I was almost getting into it with my girlfriend. So it was like a whole thing. I would have sucked because I would have needed another one. But it didn't happen. I'll tell you this, man. You have great premises and you don't finish them. Black British guy. You're not supposed to talk like that in other news. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have great setups. The copper with the meth head. You think when they find an IUD, you have this thing where you have great ideas and you're not finishing them. You're taking what would be the note in the book that you write, like a set list and you're just saying the thing and then you're moving on. Does this make sense? No, I can understand. I follow you. I was ready for the meth head pulling out to be hilarious. And the same with the black British guy. There's so much there to draw from. Yeah, yeah, no, I understand. But you're doing what you did with your premises, what you did with meth and you're just quitting. What I think is you should just keep going. Yes. Here's a little joke book, buddy. We got to keep it moving. It's been a very long episode because it's been a very, very fun episode. And we started with William Montgomery. We had Dedrick Flynn. Ari Maddy is doing so many sold out shows on the road that he's adding a Monday headlining shows in different cities. It's unheard of. We've created so many monsters that they're not even available for the show anymore on a Monday, which has never happened before in the show's history. However, I do have one last trick up my sleeve. One very, very special moment because your next comedian is very, very rarely available. He's not one of those guys that does every single week. He is as special as it gets. An anomaly. In fact, the only person ever, ever on the show in which I let him do whatever he wants. To be quite honest with you, he scares me. I'm intimidated by him. And I hope that one day he lets me open up for him in the arenas that I already do. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a force of nature unlike anything we've ever seen before in the show's 13-year history. Ladies and gentlemen, dare I say, this is Timmy Nobri. MUSIC What's up? My name is Timmy Nobriks and welcome to Timmy Ash. You got to... Jesus fucking Christ. This guy won't let people say the M-word This is fucking guitar. This is insane. LAUGHTER OK. On my neck is a shock collar. And in my hand is the remote. If you press this orange button, it will shock me. Now, if I bomb, one of you guys will get to shock me. I won't bomb because I don't bomb. But this... This is the bomb shock collar. MUSIC This is fucking terrible. LAUGHTER Now, because this is a dog collar, I will give it to this lesbian bitch. LAUGHTER Jesus Christ. LAUGHTER No, you can't. Start the timer, Red Bin. LAUGHTER Did you guys see during the Olympics how that girl Lindsey Von broke up? What the fuck are you doing, you dumb whore? LAUGHTER I'm in the setup. Wait for the punch. Fuck. Hold it up a little bit, lady. Hold it up a little bit so we can see it. There you go. And keep... You're kind of not that high. I know. I know. Just keep it there so we can see when you do it. This is showbiz, lady. Take it from the top. And action. Did you guys shut the fuck up, Matt? LAUGHTER I'm trying to do the minute. It doesn't even sound like the fucking thing. LAUGHTER I'm about to say the N-word if you do it again. I'm going to fucking freak out. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER OK, start the timer now, Red Bin. Here we go. Did you guys see the Olympics that scared Lindsey Vonn? Broke a leg, you know? Sad. You know where that wouldn't have happened? The kitchen. Boom. Fuck you. What the fuck are you doing? I did it, Bob. Relax. Relax. Relax. I'm going to be honest. I love the women's Olympics. I do. Yeah, I do. I think every women's sport should only be televised once every four years. Boom. LAUGHTER What the fuck are you fucking bitch? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Guys, everybody, give it up for the women's hockey team. They won gold. APPLAUSE Yeah. Yeah, finally, a positive video featuring white woman and ice. Take that, you lesbian. Boom. LAUGHTER Fuck. LAUGHTER Murk you. All right, one more. I love the WNBA. I do. I really do. I'm serious. Yeah, I mean, it's lame that they can't dunk, you know? It's just a bunch of twos and threes. They're ugly. Bullfuck! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE All right. Okay, relax. You got to fucking relax a little bit. LAUGHTER Pound. Wow. Does this guy have a dick on his forehead? LAUGHTER These are getting big pops. Is she really hitting it? Yes. Why are you hitting it so much? LAUGHTER Ladies, having the time of our life, she has waited what appears to be this kind of control over a man. This is incredible. We may have solved how to fix every blue-haired woman in America. Ha! Give them one day the man in a shot collar. Unlimited power. Who is this guy? LAUGHTER No, I'm serious. Who the fuck? I know Tim, but who the fuck is this guy? LAUGHTER You don't know who you are? You mean you're just paying jackass homage? What's jackass? Shock this motherfucker. No, no, no. We need to turn it up. Is there a dial on that? Is that what he taped over? My name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is the copyright infringement. On the count of three, the band will play limp biscuits nookie, and this entire episode will be demonetized. Three, two, one, go. What the fuck? LAUGHTER OK, start... Oh, fuck! I turned it up to ten. Don't do that! Stop, stop, stop! Enough, Bobby. Enough, Bobby. There's tape on the side of the thing. Hold on, it goes up to 15. Don't do that! Stop! I need to do this, you stupid bitch! You fucking cunt! Why'd you do this? Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Stop, stop. It's fine. If I pop... I'll give it to you. I'll give it to the guy you don't know. He won't do anything wrong at all. OK, all right. Everybody... everybody... Fucking... Relax. Everybody fucking relax. I mean, just do my next segment, all right? 15 seems like... I'm not gonna deny control anymore. This was never supposed to go past six. Hi. Hi. My name's Timmy... I'm so scared right now. Hi. My name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is the taste test. Heidi... Oh, my God. Inside of that cup is three real, actual fluid ounces of horse cum from a man. Tone your challenge. OK. To not drink it. Redbin... Put 30 seconds on the clock. Let's get a spotlight on cone and some dramatic music. What the fuck is this? It's horse cum. It's picking it up to drink it. It really looks like... It's very thick. Tone, don't act like you don't know exactly what that is. Steve-o, is that horse cum? It's thick. There's a horse pubic hair. Oh. Tone, tone. I'm gonna fucking throw up, dude. Don't do it, don't do it! You don't have to drink it. Just keep it there. OK, let's do the next segment. Steve-o, go back to Steve-o. I didn't know you had a bunch of cum before this and you're full. I told you not to. He had cum, he's full, I understand. I get it! Son of a bitch. I get it. OK, I got one backup. I got one more. 15, it hurts, doesn't it? I'm going after this show, we're going to go to Missy's bar, and I'm going to punch you in the dick so hard that it falls off and none of the gay guys are going to be able to suck it anymore. That's what's going to happen. OK, it's fine. It's fine. Hi, my name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is trivia for retards. If you get the question wrong, and these are fifth grade level questions, you have to take a sip of Tone's tap water. Tone's tap water. Tone's tap water. Tone, you have to continue to not drink the horse cum if you get it wrong. OK. But we're going to up the stakes. Heidi. Give it up for Heidi, everybody. That's... All right. There's no way Tone is going to be able to resist that horse cum now. Wait a second. I know he's going to reach over and do it. Wait a second. First shut the fuck up, Tone, I'm moving on to the questions. All right, Steve-o, let's start with you. Tone's tap water was created by A. Tone Hingecliff B. Tone the tiger or C. Liquid Death. Hey. I'm going to go with A. You do not have to drink that water. Um... Next question is for you, Tim. In a 2025 double-blind peer-reviewed study conducted by independent researchers, what was found in Tone's tap water? Was it A. Mercury. B. Lead. C. Arsenic. D. Teflon. E. Cyclone B. F. Zyrtec. G. MSG. H. Bluechew. I. Horse cum. Or J. All the above. J. All the above. J. All the above. J. All the above. Nailed it, and you didn't have to drink that fucking water. Nailed it, and you didn't have to drink that fucking water. Okay. Red Band. For you. Where is Tone's tap water sourced? Is it A. Flint, Michigan. Or... Or B. All the above. All the above. You don't have to drink Tone's tap water. Last question, Tom. This is for you. Who flew on Epstein's private jet eight times? Was it A. Barack Obama. B. Tone's tap water. Or A. Barack Obama. B. George Bush. Or C. Donald Trump. I have to buzz in for the answer. Oh, you know. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. All right. I'm gonna leave right here. And I'm leaving right now. Fuck you. Fuck... Timmy, no breaks, ladies and gentlemen. I bet 16 Hertz. This episode was brought to you by Takova's and Express VBN. How loud can this place get for the great Steve-O! Go to Steve-O.com. He's all over the country, all over the world. The crash and burn tour. He's the fucking man. One more time for the great Tim Butterly, everybody. TimButterly.com for tickets. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma, May 23rd. Here in Austin. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma, May 23rd. Here in Austin, Texas. Oh. Thank you very much, Tony. Hell yeah. Amazing. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Tony. Of course, Steve-O, anytime. You guys are always a part of the family red band. Check out the Sunset Strip ATX.com Every Thursday secret show. The drawing from Ryan Jay, Bill Besant. We're at the Intuit Dome in LA. We're doing a lot of crazy shit. I'm going to be in Vegas. A bunch of crazy announcements coming up that I'm accidentally leaking right now. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, Steve-O! I guess he didn't add the hair yet. Unbelievable. Where's the dick on my forehead? Ha ha ha ha ha. What the hell was I going to say? Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Make sure you follow the band. Follow Bones Eye. Go to KillMerch.com. A lot of brand new merch. Stay to the art stuff. You're absolutely going to love it. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye.