719 - General Edwin Walker - live

Support for the dollop comes from Square. If you've ever tapped to pay and you think, wow, that was fast. That happened really fast. Probably Square. Square. Doesn't matter if you're selling lattes or cutting hair or detailing cars. Or cobbling or doing sort of a John Elway pass camp. A kissing booth. Our listeners right now, listeners of the dollop, can get $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash dollop. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash go slash dollop. And you visit Square to get started. These are the kind of tools you need if you have a business. This is the kind of stuff you, we have both used Square in the past. I was on board with Square from the get-go. Our first tour, we used Square to sell merch. We've been Square, yeah, we've been with Square for ages. Square is a platform behind the scenes of so many businesses that you're already going to and enjoying. It doesn't matter what it is. It's point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go, software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights, and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. It's fast, it's smart, it's transparent. It's built for how people run businesses. It makes everything super easy. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. And right now you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash dollop. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O slash dollop. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. The dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. and 26th, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name it theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Dave. Dave, I want to tell our audience something very exciting. I made a movie called Give It Up It's going to be in the Cinequest Film Festival If you want to go see it, go to GiveItUpFilm.com March 15th in San Jose You can go see the movie. We're in a huge theater So go to GiveItUpFilm.com It's called Give It Up So Give It Up What's it about? Cats? About an hour and a half you're listening to the dollop it's an american history podcast where each week i dave anthony read a story from american history to a sexy babe gareth reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about good work dave November 10th, 1909 Edwin Walker was born in the small town of Centerpoint, Texas Beautiful Was anywhere appealing from 1830 to 1914? Was there ever anywhere where you're like, yeah. Everywhere I've seen is basically looks like a set. Yeah. Yep, that's it. Okay, yeah. All right, more dog shit. Okay. He was raised on a farm, but was expected to go into the military. Yep, just like you. And he went into the New Mexico Military Institute and then West Point. Nice, always good. And he finished in the bottom third. that's like finishing in the top third in my opinion yep he did make the polo team though who cares and he got a spot on the u.s army polo team is that really is that hard are they like we need a ninth you're in are there nine oh yeah there are you sure yeah nine on each starting line What's your favorite position? I mean, personally, I like a center back. But you also got to have the jonker. So jonker's good because they're a wild card. You got the roamer. And then whoever does the cannonball when he tags in. Huh? Yep. I like the coach. What's your favorite horse for polo? Horse for polo? I call it a Darwin. I like a Darwin. I like a red Darwin. Yeah, that's good. Keep firing. I'm going to answer all your fucking stupid questions with really smart answers. Go ahead. When World War II broke out, Ed was at that point a colonel, and he volunteered with an elite combat unit and fought in the Pacific and then went to Europe. His force was nicknamed the Devil's Brigade. The Devil's Brigade was known for its blackened face night raids So he's So there There are There are racist Guys But wait, is that Yeah, they would paint their faces black so you couldn't see them Not because they're doing blackface in World War II Yeah, no I'm sure a lot of them were like, this is awesome You know what I mean? But it was like, they were like, this is helpful And then a couple of guys were like, trust me, I know how to do this really well I can do my own. I do this when I drive sometimes. Like, I'm going into an appointment and I want to put eyeliner on. He earned several medals, and then he went to work in the Pentagon. So he worked on the Greek Civil War, which was a main Cold War battleground, and he becomes very anti-communist. He's going to fit right into the Pentagon. That's all we're worried about. And then he went to Korea, which ends in a stalemate. And Ed believed the U.S. was stabbed in the back by the commie UN. Is he currently serving still? It seems like it would be very applicable to today's version. He thought they were working with traitors in the State Department. Jesus Christ, this is real accurate. And then he was angry that Truman... Whoa, whoa, what? He was angry that Truman relieved General MacArthur of command for trying to continue the war. After, Ed still led his men, but he couldn't, when they couldn't see, he, quote, wept over their predicament. Oh, wow. He believed Truman was duped by a fifth column in the government. A fifth column? Yeah. I didn't even know there were four columns. Yeah, well, there's a fifth. I don't believe in the fourth. Well, maybe the fourth isn't there, but there's a fifth. What's holding it all up? An eighth to third. Are we writing like vaudeville right now? If it's not the third, then it's got to be the foist. Because the second's always safe. The second's always safe. Foist is the problem we found. closing after one night you gotta be kidding me I put everything into this it's you you wanted to add the fifth column don't get mad at me how many works in fours but there's if there's no four then the fifth is the four wait a minute this is good jot this down he believed Truman was duped by a fifth column in the government, Truman quote, pulled the greatest clown trick ever. After Korea, he went to Taiwan. Again, he thought Taiwan leader Chiang Kai-shek was betrayed by a president. So, he's a murderous twat, by the way. So he thinks that the Taiwan leader was betrayed by a president. So Ed is just disgusted with what's going on. And his next command is in Arkansas in July 1957. I'll bet he was a lot happier there. Yep. He's now a general. In 1954, the Supreme Court ruled racial segregation in public schools was unconstitutional. We're going to take it. That'll be gone soon. Funny how we celebrated all those things for a while. Silly. So nine black students were admitted to Central High in Little Rock and two days before, the governor ordered the National Guard, to take over the school to prevent the Little Rock Nine from entering. So, I don't, look, I don't know where you would have picked to start this, but fucking Little Rock, Arkansas, I was like, let's jump into the deep end. That was a crazy one. And I would, being the first nine picked, you'd be like, can other people go first? I'd really rather, I'll wait a year, see how that goes. Yeah. on September 20th a judge ordered the guard removed and as the nine went to school 1,000 people broke through police lines they assaulted journalists oh they assaulted a black journalist weird and the nine were taken out the nine were taken out a side door and the mayor asked for troops to be brought in. So Eisenhower federalized 10,000 Arkansas National Guard under the command of General Edwin Walker. Wow, it's fucking tense. It's crazy. The governor called it an occupied force. And when something real bad happens here, people's heads are going to pop. We're under attack from ourselves. Ed was told to use the least amount of force possible. I'll bet he did. So he had 300 soldiers with bayonets, rifles, and gas masks surround the school. The nine enter the school and then he slowly reduces the number of troops over a while. Ed was, of course, attacked by the right. They said his troops attacked bystanders and held bayonets at people's throats, like Hitler's stormtroopers. Right. Which didn't happen. Right. Hitler never did that. No. Yeah, I meant Hitler. I thought you were... I got your back, buddy, but that one seems dicey. Very dangerous. And the Dallas Morning News warned not to try it in Texas. They just had a Dallas Morning News. You don't try that here! We're not actually doing that. Well, now we want it. You don't want to try it here, we want it now. And we want the biggest version of it. Cheap, too We'll show you who's boss That's right We'll bring it here on our own Idiot Hey, what's the thing they have? I didn't catch it Over the air, Ed slowly removed all troops Until they were gone by May 12th So, yeah And the mother's league of Central High called that Liberation Day. The governor blames the foreign press for all the trouble and communists for creating race issues. It's too easy. And he was kind to Ed because in private, Ed espoused racist beliefs. Right. Shocking. And the Soviets and commie sympathizers, he said, came up with school integration. This guy's politics aged great. So after Little Rock, Ed says he regrets his role and he's against segregation. And on August 4th, 1959, he tries to resign. Okay. And he says he cannot be effective as the fifth column was appeasing the Kremlin. Wait a minute. I thought there wasn't a fifth column. You know, he believes there's a fifth column. Oh, he believes there is a fifth column. Yes. Okay, sorry. There's a fifth column controlling the government. Okay, right. I forgot we have a fifth column. The vaudeville thing really threw off my ability to... Yeah. I'm so locked in there. But his superior's like, no, you can't resign. Is that... I don't know. I guess it is. I feel like you're allowed to do that. I don't know if you are in the... No, you're still here. I think you can in the Army. I think if you try to resign the army, they're like, no. We don't pull out ever. So, no, you stay in. His superior said he was needed to help fight communism. And he was like, you're right. I mean, the fifth column is really exactly it. So he was made commander of the 24th Infantry at Augsburg, Germany. 12,000 soldiers. and he quickly set about making his troops aware of the communist threat. Okay. At one point he set out a Christmas card that said, quote, we are standing on the brink of a pit of hell. Happy holidays to you and yours. Hope you get everything you want this Christmas. And if that stocking's red, you know what I'm thinking, you son of a bitch. White stockings only Think about what Santa wears Oh my god Fucking Yeah but he's got that list that I like Lisp? List Oh sorry Naughty nice That I like If you're on my side Yeah You get a gift And if you're a fifth column kid Cold time He created a special... That Rudolph... Okay, go ahead. It's just that nose Rudolph fans. I don't love it. You get one in there, and he's saying, no, I don't want to lead. We should all have the same... Fuck that. Leaders lead, Rudolph. He's just hammered. Leaders lead. Show that communist piece of shit, reindeer. We need to compromise Donner. He created a special projects office and started a lecture series called Pro Blue to warn about the fifth column plot. All right. Okay. I'm sick of hearing. What does the fifth column mean exactly? He means that there is a secret branch or something? It's a secret group within the government that is working with the commies to overthrow America and turn a communist. So we know exactly what this is because we've heard about 13 versions of it that are always talked about, but this is the fifth column. It's John Birch stuff. Right, yeah, right. The stuff you and I read and talk about a lot. Right. Yeah, it's the stuff that's... It's the secret underlying message of this podcast. It's John Bircherism. Yeah. Hey, look, we've always been a Birch church. So Ed started filling the bookshelves with far-right books like The Life of John Birch. So Ed had become a bircher in Arkansas. A bircher. And everything they do is anti-commy. They see commie conspiracies everywhere. Communism did the civil rights movement. Communism ended school prayer. Communism made people divorced. Communism sold porn and drugs. Well, Dave, everyone's going to be a communist. The Bircher's belief is that the Soviet Union is a threat to the world, but the bigger threat is commies embedded in the U.S. government helped by pastors of every denomination. Always. Helped by pastors? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Secret churches. Yeah. All right, now that we're done with the Sunday sermon, let's do the Sunday after dark. and also the press, of course. Right. They put fluoride, they think that... Put fluoride in the water. Yes. Make her kids stupid, and now they all get measles. That's what you're going to say, right? Yeah. Don't drink that holy water. They put fluoride in the... They've got fluoride in the holy water. In the water to make... Don't eat the cracker that the priest is giving you. got riboflavin. There was no such thing as a gluten allergy. Kids should feed every baby peanuts. Every baby should eat peanuts. They put fluoride in the water to hurt people's ability. Oh my God, I can't believe it's really that. Holy fuck. I literally, I was like, Jesus, Dave, I'll keep doing it if you keep prompting it, but no, you're like, actually, the same shit we're doing right now. It's fucking good. Okay. It would hurt people's ability to think, so they'd be softened up for communism. So you get people stupid enough to become communists. Oh, fuck, man. If that was the case, fluoride the shit. So Ed held up in a capitalist prison. That's not from the tap, is it? Use the Brita, John! Use the bread on! Sometimes I think they just do this so that they can keep taking advantage of us and they turn us against each other. John! Put your fingers down your throat! You drink tap! Quick. Lennon it. Lennon? No! Quick, spit the water out and rub a cat on your belly. spit the water in my mouth I am a human Britta I filter I filter all water I filter I'm a Kennedy don't you want to be as healthy as I sound don't you want a big red tomato head not red Red run. Red bad. So Ed held a essay contest on the base called How to Stop Communist Infiltration of the Government. How great would it be to just sneak in there and just be a communist? We're in here too. He'd be like, what the fuck? Ed approved a skit that was put on making fun of Eisenhower for negotiating with the Soviet Union. That must have been so funny. Oh, God, so funny. I mean, you're really checking a lot of the boxes we all want. An anti-communist message from the right and a guy from the military writing it. That's right. This is very funny. But how do I end the sketch? he handed out a voting guide to the troops, and on that, JFK was listed as soft on communism. Now, everything I've just said is completely against army regulations. Yeah, but again, the fifth column, it's very dicey, but Davey has to do this because of the fifth column, which only he can see. Who do you think made it against army regulations to say this? The fifth column did. putting that stuff out there. So you've got to put on your special glasses, which you can get if you send in enough UPS symbols or whatever it's called. And then you can get your fifth column glasses. That's right. It allows you to see it. That's right. Okay. In April 1961, the newspaper Overseas Weekly published a story on Ed's propaganda. This feels like a paper that your uncle would send you and be like, you see? trees start fires on their own. He'd be like, all right, I'm out of here. So this is the story we're focusing on. Right. This seems strange to... Okay. So Ed believed the Soviet space program was fake. And images... By the way, that's real... All of it? Yeah. Okay. And images of the moon were, quote, very likely pictures of our own popular mechanics. Out of our own popular mechanics. I was going to say, look, that's Gus from down the way. He's the guy who did my brake pads. He's the moon. By the way, popular mechanics is such a funny, like, that really should just be, like, playboy for, like, mechanics. Yes. Look at Dale bend over. He's all oily. I think he scratched his butt without washing his hand. His fingerprints go all the way down, girl. Popular mechanics. My name's Andy. I'm 61. I smoke too much. My wife just left me. Secretly, I go home and have ferrets. Look at that, ladies. He doesn't know that bottom button's unbuttoned, and you can see that tummy rolling over that belt buckle. Popular mechanics. Turn-ons. Tuna sandwiches. Popular mechanics. So when the story broke, many thought he was a dipshit. I got to be honest, I'm titillated at the idea that this is 1961 and he's already doing this sort of stuff. Like, there's a beautiful current coming his way. Ed was relieved of command and demoted to a staff job. It's so funny because he wanted to retire. They were like, you can't. He did. And now they're like, all right, yeah, you actually do suck. Go to the office. Yeah. After an investigation, he was given the lightest rebuke possible, which was a verbal admonishing. That's so dumb. Yeah. Because all the other guys up top also believe the same anti stuff That like workplace verbal admonishment Yeah well that your boss was like hey don do that That work Yeah It's like, we'll punish him. We'll give him a verbal admonishment. Yeah, you'll talk to him? Yeah. He'll learn. So, a very well-read DC columnist went after Ed and just savaged him, calling his ideas crackpot, an attack on democracy, and then right wing media said he had been silenced for his political views. And people called... Jesse Waters, the sperm, started to swim. He was just in his dad's testicle at that point. People called congressional offices to support him an organization was created called Friends of Walker. The Texas Senate passed a resolution asking the DOD to return his command. Three different congressional hearings were set. Fuck. I guess misery loves company, so it's nice to know it's always been so stupid, but you're also like, fuck, we're never going to get away from it. Ed was ordered to do troop training in Hawaii. Oh. You'll learn, boy. We're punishing you. To Kauai. So he resigned. That's disqualifying, period. Getting sent to Hawaii and you're like, I won't stand for this bullshit. He went to Arkansas and Hawaii. He's like, I'm out. He then used a printing company run by Robert Saray to pitch his defense. Saray was a Nazi and a friend of Nazi leader George Lincoln Rockwell. Oh, fuck me. In two pamphlets, Ed claimed the DOD was purging leaders because it was run by commies. And then he planned on going on a speaking tour. How much of this, do you think he fully believes this to the bone? Yeah. Okay. Because there's some now who just say this shit just to do that. No, he believes it. Okay. Friends told him he should just lay low after all the hearings. Yeah. But he still went on the tour. And a lot of people came out. People now want him to run for governor of Texas. Fuck it. Guys, come on. I know it's not your fault, but please. Yeah, what the fuck are you guys doing? You didn't do anything, but come on. It could still happen. You know what I mean? Please. Just be like our great governor in California and start a right-wing potter. No, that's not right. That's, uh... James Meredith who was a black air force vet trying to get admitted to the University of Mississippi um Old Miss as it's called his case is going through the courts what did you just do with Old Miss Old Miss I'm sorry University of Mississippi is called Old Miss yeah you don't like that It is the only place I've ever been had someone yell at me that I was a Yankee. I was drunk. I couldn't read your hat. Was that Derek Jeter? I was like, I'm from California. They're like, whatever, Yankee. Yeah, like that helps. I'm from California. Then you're just surrounded. I mean, I'm a Yankee. From California, Dad. So James Meredith's case is going through the courts, and Ed makes Jackson, Mississippi, his third tour stop. Wouldn't go to Hawaii. No. And he's greeted at the airport like a savior. The racist Beatles are here. He speaks to about 3,500. He mostly speaks about reconstructiony and tyranny and the state having a high percentage of men and women who know how to use guns. I'm so tired of that shit. I'm just going to buy a grenade, all right? I'll be fine. I'm going to have a fucking bag full of grenades. All right, assholes. A bag full? Yeah. They're going to be all that time shooting at targets. Fucking bro, I'll just have grenades. Yeah, I can throw them. Let's see. Let's see your form. Grenade toss? Yeah. All right. Pin out. If I can pull up that thing. Huh? Three, two. Oh! Wait, you did? That's you pulling the pin? No, that's right. The little clippy thing on the side. That fucking... What? I gotta watch some videos on how that exactly works the pin's big I know the pin's a big player I remember I've seen Leon many times the pin is a huge player no no come on yeah okay wait until the shit's hitting the fan he'll swallow the grenade like a looney tune and then run at you. That's the best move ever. What's he doing? Oh my God, he's self-grenaded. Bear hug. Your last words are, you're dead. So Walker's closest political allies, like Strom Thurmond, people like Thurmond are telling him not to run for office because he will probably lose. I mean, if... Sherman's like, buddy, you're a little out of line. On February 3rd, he announced he was running for governor as a Democrat. What the fuck? What's he doing here? That's before it really flipped. Before the switcheroo? When did the switcheroo happen? With the Civil Rights Act. Okay. Wow, interesting. There were six candidates and Ed talked about defending the U.S. from international communism. Quote, there are no more important posts than governorships in the Cold War. Also, what? That's not even remotely a thing. Yeah, imagine. He was just trying to be governor on his dumb little campaign strategy. But governors were not that important in that. Do you know what I mean? No. What are they going to do then? All right, well, you're not in Texas. Okay. Okay. Now what? So his speech is... There's a six column. Yeah. There's two more columns. No! They're building a huge arch. So now that he's doing these speeches, some start to think of him as a future president. Papers are calling him arrogant and shouty. shouty? is it a word? it is now is it hyphenated? no quote a surly uncontrolled bully the fuck is your problem? nothing dad I'm sorry don't fucking look at me look out there I said I'm sorry to my dad he's the best he'll be the president it makes sense it's not funny sir you sicken me I wanted to have a man and this is what I got I'm trying very hard I'll work on my grenade stuff at least I learned it's not Gernard so he told Texas voters to not buy UN bonds don't buy UN bonds were people doing that? no you couldn't do that okay it's not a thing not gonna be a problem sir we can't He got donations from all over the country, and he warned of the possibility of Chinese troops massing on the southern border. What the fuck? Honey boy, what is going on? It's just like three words change. Chinese this time it'll be. How do they get there? Tunnels through Mexico. They come in boats. Boats. Chinese boats, and then they get off and they walk across the... That's plenty. We don't need any more. It's a little wordy, to be honest. If elected, Walker said he'd prevent the Texas National Guard from being federalized and integrated. So that's important. It's huge. I mean, they do important work all the time. He was very concerned about textbooks. that were questioning Christianity and the military. Yeah. Don't mess with Texas. He often started his rallies by singing Onward Christian Soldier. Oh, fucking yes. That's awesome. Fuck, you're just there like, it's going to be a long night. Onward. Like it was when, what was his name? John Ashcroft, when he would sing. Oh, yeah. He's like, I think he, did he write his own song? I think he did, yeah. I think he did. He was just like, the eagle fly. And I was like, what the fuck is happening? And now we look back and we're like, that was normal. He was just up there. Eagle soaring. A reporter asked him if women should be allowed to buy stocks without their husband's permission. No. No. Matter of fact, it's a sign of lesbianism. If a woman should be allowed to buy stocks without her husband's permission, and he said he wasn't married, so he's not familiar with the issue. How the fuck would I know? I don't have a wife. Women are talking in these marriages? He's not married. He's not married, no. That's interesting. He's married to his work. That's interesting too You know how these You know how these guys play it Uh oh Um Gays are the worst We can't have gays I'm in love with a man named Tom Um he was very worried about race mixing Ugh even that fucking It's not a cocktail That would be a good cocktail That really would be Race mixing Can I get a race mix? Absolutely. I really love your drink. Let me pour it over some ice. Actually, I'll put it in a non-ice. There we go. Now. We abolished it at this bar. Now, mainstream conservatives start to bail. He's too much for them. Hilarious. Now, he testifies in his Senate hearing, and it's the first time that General Public saw Ed Walker. I'm in the Army. My name is General. General Public? He read an opening statement that was 31 pages. And for a little break, I will now sing Onward, Christian Soldier. But he can barely express himself. He's a terrible speaker. That's 31 pages. And then if you go on to page two, that is all about how the cat goes on the stomach to stop the measles. He fumbled for words. He couldn't answer questions. He seemed overwhelmed. You have a 31-page speech. It's crazy. Yes. It's hard for me to figure out what I was trying to say. I did this in the mirror earlier, and it was... It made a lot of... Go ahead and just read it off the page, General. All right, absolutely. From the beginning or something? Yeah, no. Yeah? Or no? No, from where you were, yeah. Okay, so we are looking in a direction... I don't even know what... I think they printed the wrong one, maybe. I'll just go with this, though. Yeah. Unless we want to... No, go ahead. Okay. All right. Page three. We are... I thought we were on page two, John. Oh, I'll start at the top. Okay. onward Christian soldier it's great that you don't know I know it you do? yeah yeah go ahead no go ahead I think everybody wants to hear for those who are not familiar let's hear onward Christian soldier alright we all live in a little house together. One by one, we will be here forever. I've got one sheep and a fence. Let's talk about how cool God is and sort of intense. Onward, Christian soldier. Fight like you're moving a bulge. Oh, you little guy in your little uniform. How stupid do you sound? So his hands shook and he nervously smoked cigarettes. He just lights the pages on fire. Oh, fuck, I'm smoking this shit. Let me read this thing. All right. Camel wide light. Or wait, no, sorry. Oh, God. I'm here to talk about what's happening to the government. Shit. Hour five. He explained the calming network that ousted him, quote, the real control apparatus will not tolerate a militant anti-communist leadership. He said the Kremlin put him at Osberg to make him an easy target, and it was entrapment. And people in the Pentagon were, quote, subservient to the power, influence, and propaganda of the national mass media. And the State Department is a nest of traitors. Just say the fifth column. You've got the fifth column. Right there. Paragraph. Down. Fifth column. Commies have access to our schools. A senator asked, quote, you mean there is a direct connection between the State Department and high schools? Yeah. Yeah. What? No? I don't know. Am I the governor? Did we ever find out if I... I didn't win, did I? No, yeah. Yeah. Yep, there is that. Yep. Yeah, there was a hidden campaign of fourth-dimensional warfare against the U.S. Quote, every... Buddy, buddy. he should have, this is why he needs a wife. He could have received at least someone to just be like, four-dimensional sounds strange. They're doing it from black holes in space. And this is the dimension communists are operating in. Different dimension. The communists are in a different dimension. Yeah. Think about it. I fucking wish we had a dimension of... Oh, maybe there. so after after two whole days of testimony he seemed pretty pathetic why is he there again? it's a hearing because the right wing got upset that he'd gotten fired from the German Post so the hearing is so they were watching this like fuck ah we did he just comes out sweaty burned like he just burns cigarettes all over his body the pages are covered in water, I think that went pretty good. Why did I keep saying I'm a Christian soldier? Well, Porter's called his accusations a figment of his imagination. The Washington Post quote, he seems to be living in a nightmare world of demons and hobgoblins. that's so fucking good see that's what was I mean that is just so good to just like that just cuts him down so well yeah be like look you're a little Harry Potter baby get the fuck out of here Harry Potter's a communist yeah After a reporter asked him about Nazi George Lincoln Rockwell, Ed decked him with a right hook. Then some of Ed's lady admirers spat in the reporter's face. Jesus Christ. Well, likability, check. Gareth. David. The dollop. The dollop is brought to you by Chewy. If you had pets like I do, Gareth, you would know about Chewy. It is everything you need. They got there. I just got my month's supply of dog food because I have 17 dogs. And you can also get veterinary medicine and toys and colors. They are the best. Everything you want. They are a rare breed, big company. They do so much good stuff on behalf of animals. They get it. But even outside of all of that stuff, as just a website for commerce, cannot be Chewy. It's the only place to go for pet stuff. They get stuff your door in one to two days. It's not just for dogs and cats and stuff. It's for bird, fish, reptiles, any kind of little pet you got there. They have over 100,000 products. And then they offer pet prescriptions and pet insurance and telehealth vet visits. I get my insurance through Chewy. Go ahead. They're rolling out vet clinics across the country. So we're big fans of Chewy. We both use Chewy. Yep. Gareth loves to talk to him on the phone. Well, no, I don't. But there have been a couple of times where I've gone, ah, this thing I ordered, I messed up. I didn't get the right thing. Chewy answers like you're calling a friend. It's like two rings and Chewy's like, hello. And then you go, hey, I'm an idiot. And Chewy goes, no problem. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewpannions.chewy.com slash dollop podcast. That's chewpannions.chewy.com slash dollop podcast to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chewpannions.chewy.com slash dollop podcast. Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. Garrett the Dollop is also brought to you by Squarespace the all in one website platform it's going to help you stand out it's going to help you win online just succeed like crazy doesn't matter if you're just starting out a new business you're trying to make your business bigger they give you everything you need just started a website for a film Squarespace you made a film I made a film. An easy, professional. Every site that we are associated with is a Squarespace website. That's right. We love Squarespace. That's why we make love to them. Squarespace gives you. Now, again, I would heed the advice of their. They are asking very kindly to stop doing stuff like that. OK, so we just have a physical relationship with Squarespace where we have sex with them. I'll give you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Sir. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business and get paid on time with professional online invoices. You talking about SEO tools? Payments. I wasn't talking about that yet. Well, go ahead if you want. Well, I'm just saying, if you want SEO tools, why go anywhere else? Squarespace is the place for the SEO tools. It's like being made love to by a website. Now, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DOLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DOLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. The DOLOP is also brought to you by Helix Sleep. You know, it's cold weather, particularly on the East Coast right now. It's cold weather. Just there. It's freezing. People are having to deal with, you know, sleeping indoors under the bed, in the bed, on top of the bed. Did you say under the bed? What's going on with you? I said in the bed, on the bed. You also said under the bed. Well, some people sleep under beds. That's where the monsters sleep, dude. So you want to be comfortable. And what's better for being comfortable than a Helix mattress? That's what my mom always told me. What? My mom used to tell me that every night. Look, sleep is important, and it's a really, really big part of life. It's like a third of life. So please have a good mattress. That's what we're saying. I have a good mattress. I have the Dusk Luxe. Same. It's a fantastic mattress. We both took a Helix sleep quiz. It matches us with a perfect mattress, and it did. Just real quick, your mom used to tell you about it. Helix was founded in 2015. Yeah, when I was a little boy. Helix is an award-winning, the most awarded mattress band, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. and they have free shipping and seamless delivery. It comes in a box. You cut the box open or rip it open and out comes a helix and then it expands. It's like having a baby in your bedroom. Just chill. Chill out a lot with all of this stuff. And it screams and it cries. It opens. It does not, but if you're screaming, that is a problem. I think you have alluded to your screaming before. I did scream. No, but you open it and it just becomes a big mattress in front of you and you're set. It is the best mattress. And then you sleep on your baby. It's the only baby you can sleep on. It's not. 120 sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty Oh it sounds so bad I actually a 120 night sleep trial at a night court i been sleeping great ever since i got my helix before that i a little lower back pain uh i was always a little hotter now i sleep a little more even in my my helix bed uh and sometimes i'll go over to gareth and i'll sleep with him and we'll i don't care for you Go to helixsleep.com slash dollop for 27% off statewide, exclusive for listeners of the dollop. That's helixsleep.com slash dollop for 27% off statewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. Helixsleep.com slash dollop. Tell them Dave sent you. Why are you saying that? I'll sleep with you. What? I'm going to sleep with anybody who buys a mattress. Dave. is that too much of an offer it's absolutely too much of an offer i'm not talking about making love i'm talking about just sleeping with them still not a thing you're going to be able to fulfill but i'll make love if you want dave okay this is not this is not do we have helix what i'm saying support for the dollop comes from square if you've ever like tapped you know you tap to pay and you think wow that was really that was fast that happened really fast probably square square doesn't matter if you're selling lattes or cutting hair or detailing cars or cobbling or uh doing doing a like sort of a john elway pass camp kissing uh booth our listeners right now listeners of the doll can get 200 off square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash dollop that's sq u a r e.com slash go slash dollop and you visit square to get started these are the kind of tools you need if you have a business this is the kind of stuff you uh you we have both used square in the past i was on i was on board with square from the get-go our first tour we use square uh yeah we've been square yeah we've been with square for ages square is a platform behind the scenes of some so many businesses that you're already going to and enjoying. Doesn't matter what it is. It's point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. It's fast. It's smart. It's transparent. It's built for how people run businesses. It's very it makes everything super easy. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. And right now you can get up to 200 dollars off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash dollop. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E.com slash G-O slash dollop. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Ed became the most prominent. You know, I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts, right? I don't even need to hear anymore. Cub Scouts. Completely on their side. I punched the dead mother's son, which you don't get a badge for. I was going to say, yeah. which you should. You got a demerit badge. So Ed became their most prominent voice to those who saw the commie threat. Those who see the commie threat are just, I mean, it's a great veil for racists. Yes. And now it's just for people, I mean, it's just people who think they're losing the country. It's also a great little pulpit for, you know, but he believes it, but it's just a good little pulpit to make money off of that. Yeah, it's fucking nonsense. He said decisions to drop nukes should be made by generals, not the president. I'll tell you what, in retrospect. Walk me through this pitch again. So the commies are coming in. Chinese are the border. So the appeasers, quote, magnified radiation hazards and the fear of nuclear weapons. So these fucking little, I mean, we're all going to die from radiation. Come on. It'll be fine. Is that what he's saying? Yes. He's saying it'll be fine. Yes. Ed was the model for the general in the movie Dr. Strangelove. Oh, nice. I thought you were going to say he was the model for tight white underpants. And tight white underpants. That's perfect. Just tight enough that I can't feel it and use it. In Dr. Strangelove, the general accuses the president of treason for signing an arms agreement with Moscow. JFK saw the danger of radical righties in the highest military levels, but told the historian, quote, it won't happen on my watch. So the FBI starts keeping a track of Edwin Walker. Okay. Ed came in last in the Texas primary. The Democrats of today would dominate him. that's our boy and he was very bitter about that eh? yeah from the book The Insurrectionist quote his speech and demeanor became increasingly odd as he spent his days writing open letters to the president and granting interviews like a genie? what is he? yeah we don't want to talk to you come on! No. And just writing letters to the president. Who's the president now? JFK, yeah. Oh, JFK's the president. Fucking tiger-beating JFK. Just like, dear JFK. Okay, look. I know we've had our differences. I'll admit you're cute, but you're really a danger. I'd love to grant you an interview whenever you're ready. La, no. Fuck off. Sexily yours. Sexily yours. Edwin, my last name escapes me. It's Walker. Wow, fuck, Walker. Some said his house now looked run down and seedy. There was a hole in the dining room ceiling. Do you want that? Yeah. Yeah. And Walker had converted the hallway into a makeshift command center. Oh, my God. Where else would you do it but a hallway? What's the best room for a command center in the house? A hallway. Where's your bathroom? Walk past the dining room hall. Go through the command center on your left. You can't miss it. You can't miss it. A command center. How old is he? What is he, 60? He's not that old, no. Okay, so he's like 40? Yeah. He's got a fucking fake little command center in his house? Yeah. This is where I go in the morning to talk to the submarines. On September 10th, 1962, the Supreme Court ruled that James Howard Meredith, the black guy, be allowed to attend Ole Miss. Well, hang on. Celebrate the wins. A Mississippi senator called it, quote, a judicial tyranny as black and hideous as any in the history of the United States. You know that language was workshopped. Yes, it was. There was like a room of like racist, like it was just like seven Stephen Millers, just like drooling and frothing over a typewriter. They're like, oh, man, yeah, yeah. It's not horrible enough. So Governor, Mississippi Governor Barnett refused to accept his resignation and had a small army of 220 highway patrolmen and 250 fish and game wardens. That's fucking hilarious. They were like, sir, I don't know if you... Are you worried about... You! Can I measure your fish? now hold on hold on have you guys been fishing illegally at somewhere where you don't have a no alright go ahead I don't know what we can actually you see your fishing license we don't have any fish we don't have a fishing license may I see your bear hunting license I'm not hunting bears may I see your no how big is your horse you can't do anything you're just like a mall cop but for ponds fuck out of my way dipshit Freeze! Don't say freeze Go say that to a lake in December, dipshit Get out of my way Did you pay for this campsite, sir? Who gives a fuck? Get out of here What are you going to do? Throw a fucking log at you, it was like $2, leave Get you with your fucking dumb little badge You get the same one at a drugstore This This This creek Right away Yeah, whatever. You're fucking like a little land Poseidon. Leave, bitch. Move. Um, hold on a second. Get on a golf cart. There's dudes who work at the airport who have more authority than you, you loser. Ed got on the radio to get people fired up. Ugh, I can only imagine. He called an army of 10,000 to converge in Jackson and praise those who are ready to die. Quote, I came here to meet the communists on their battlefield right here in Mississippi. We are at war. Man your weapons and attack. This is so January 6th. Then what? I don't know. Keep going straight. If you hit a wall Roomba Just go around things Just figure it out The FBI said The most violent right wing groups Took note Mob stopped Meredith From getting on to campus And the court of appeals Said Burnett had to register Him or face a $10,000 fine a day And jail JFK federalized the National Guard and then Ed arrived on September 29th. These are kids from a school who believe my command center's real. Look at this guy. He made a statement to NBC comparing the use of federal troops in Jackson to the crucifixion of Christ. At a press conference, Ed said people were coming from all over and he made the reporter stand in front of him to not take side photos. The fucking best. He doesn't want to be... No profile picture. I'm a little heavy right here, so... The army ordered Ed to be captured. Hey, Ed, how's it going? Wait, what? Meredith was snuck onto campus the next evening and word got out. A thousand people massed. They're throwing bricks and bottles and Molotov cocktails. And Marshalls start using riot batons. It's going to be easy to focus on school when all this is obviously. Cool. Can you say that one more time? Ed is eating dinner at a restaurant. And then he calmly walks over. and around this time a New York journalist is found dead shot in the back and the mob gathered at a confederate monument of course they did I'll meet you at General Lee it's like when you take kids to the mall if we lose track and then Ed went over there and became their leader and he was wearing the dark suit, his little white hat, and he told them to fight the marshals and to make them, quote, drop their badges and dessert. They were having dessert? Yeah. Boys, drop your badges and get them cheesecakes. They're going to make like a banana split and... Wait a fuck, that one up. Hold on, I got it written down here somewhere. There's so much urine on these pages. Most of these are just piss. What? No, we're waiting for an order, sir. Oh, I'll have a... No! Tell us what to do. Oh, oh, oh. Well, we should get dinner at some point. You just had dinner. Well, I have two dinners normally. I'm trying to get this suit to fit a little bit better, so I've been eating two dinners. I've been skipping breakfast and I do two dinners I actually made a pizza hut in my den so it's just past the command center have you considered near where I've got the frogatorium that's where the frogs live it's also where I go boom boom go ahead have you considered a different suit I'd rather just eat my way out of this one okay orders Okay, what does everyone else want? Is that what we're doing? Oh, wait. Yeah. All right. We need to fucking go hard. Adam. This time we're meaning business. Oh, my God. I pissed all over this last night. Yeah. Yeah, I just pissed all over. I thought it was bad. And then I woke up today and I went, eh, it's not that bad. Apparently I shouldn't have pissed all over it. All right, feel good? No. Let's get out there. Let's put our hands in. No. Okay. All right. Are you guys mad at me? We're not happy. Yeah, because the vibe is still bad right now. We expected more, honestly. Okay, all right. No, we're going to go. We're going to go get out this time. And we're not going to stop. What the fuck are you saying? Well, come on. we're gonna dig deeper than the other boys we play all four quarters in this one and there's actually a fifth quarter that not everybody knows about no no don't touch me not everybody knows about the fifth quarter that's the one where you gotta play harder son everyone take a piece of this piss page here's what we're gonna do we're gonna rip this piss paper up into 18 pieces and we're going to turn them into necklaces. And when we all get together, we'll put it together in one page again and know we're the best of friends. I think that went pretty good. I'm talking that part. I should be thinking it. Hello. Hello. So. All the high. All the highway patrolmen stood down or helped the riders, which that allows carloads of men to enter from elsewhere. And the fishing and gaming unit was like, if anyone wants to go, just take salmon. Yes. The St. Louis dispatch, quote, when word of Walker's identity spread, people moved toward him as if attracted by a magnet. It was as if he played some magic music on a flute, so eager were these people to see him. They're saying he's like a racist pipe piper? Yes. Yes. He commanded men, and he's now coordinating the riot. He asked the sheriff to deputize him, and the sheriff was like, no. All right. Will you baptize me? You can do it right here. I pissed in my hat. The mob was 800 men. And Ed yelled, quote, Don't let up now. You will win in the end. Such a Bannon. And he pushed students who were injured to continue fighting. He pushed students who were injured? To keep fighting. For him. Yeah, to keep fighting the battle. It's a battle. Absolutely it is. The monument was described as the command post. Quote, you must be prepared for possible death. And if you're not willing to pay the price, go home. It would just be great to like all these people who are like, fuck yeah. Just for one person to be like, guys, this is his pretend control tower in his hallway. What? Is that real? Well, kind of. No. It's practical. I practice on it. That's how I got so good. Trust me. It's like how a DJ just, you know, takes two pillows and pretends to... That's what I do in my hallway. But it's in a hallway? It's in a hallway right near my bathroom. Before my bedroom. In the morning, I make coffee and I sit at it. Not for too long. Just like eight or nine hours. I pull a full shift. And when I have to go to the bathroom, I put two cats on the chair. And then they watch it. I'm doing good Ed told riders to break into the power plant to shut off the lights Lights out boys Jumping through those smokestacks boys Hold your breath too, they're pretty bad He had the mob advance at the marshals and tear gas drove them back Cars were set on fire. The terrorism. The National Guard arrived at 11.30 p.m., and they were met with bricks, malt health cocktails, and gunfire. The bricks guys were like, oh, we've really upgraded since this morning. I didn't realize we were doing guns and fire. The mob took over cars and vehicles like a fire truck and a bulldozer, and they attacked with them. More tear gas repelled them. Klansmen from all over began arriving. Ah, here we go. Here we go. Talk about cosplayers. Yeah. Hey, I heard you have a pretty cool control center in your house. Me and Duke would love to come over and kind of play with the knobs at some point if that's cool. Is there a cyclops seat? Yeah. We'll bring a bunch of Dr. P and goldfish and stuff. Could make a day out of it. I got a pretty good fake helicopter in my garage only thing I can't get is the thing that makes it fly well you don't need that part at all a man was killed he was just watching everything it was shot well I mean I'm not saying that guy deserved it but scoot yeah what the fuck you doing this is good the riders are up by seven I did not see this coming Well, now it was getting a little crazier because all these Klansmen were arriving. So most students stopped and went inside. Smart. So it's all pretty much outside agitators at this point. And the governor said the state would never surrender. It's just because a black guy wants to go to school. It's just so fucking insane. The state will never surrender. 3,000 soldiers arrived. At 5 a.m. the campus was under federal control. And Meredith was registered at 8 a.m. And because of that, the governor ordered the state flag flown at Haasstaff. It's just so pathetic. You can't even, it's just a level of pathetic. Like you didn't think it was possible. No, you kind of can't process it, honestly. It's crazy. Like, what? Well, you know what to do. What we do when there is a tragedy. The flag goes half up. Cool. Yeah. 166 marshals were injured. 29 had been shot. 48 soldiers injured. At the courthouse square, a mob gathered. So this is in the morning now. Sure. And Ed, once again, takes a commanding position and tells... This is like what he was at his command center jacking off to all those years. That guy's just like, don't listen to me. They'll be ready and I'll say, we gotta go get them. Let me get my dial rag. oh fuck yeah it's gonna be so good if that happens oh Jesus Christ I've been here the whole time well yeah dust some stuff and then you might want to clean these dials someone spilled rubber cement all over them so Ed takes up a commanding position and tells men to throw bricks and bottles at passing cars You're so, that's like literally what the bad kid says to do. Just like the good son. Throw bottles at cars. That'll show him to let a black guy into college. At Infantry Advanced and Ed ran. I never really actually thought about how infant and infantry makes so much sense until now. Little fucking crying children. Ed ran for his car. Quote, the crowd cheered him like a baseball hero after the home run that won the game. He drove off but was quickly stopped at a roadblock and arrested. Oh. He was charged with seditious conspiracy, impeding federal officers, and inciting and engaging in an insurrection. Bail was $100,000. Ed told reporters, quote, they don't have a thing on me. Nah. Well, they don't have a billion things on me. Ed was taken to a federal medical center in Missouri and held in the psychiatric wing. See, okay. I'm all for going back to the days of when you were like, you know the the mentis compass part of all of this was a big part like where you go yeah maybe someone doesn go directly to This guy should go directly to jail You do all that shit that is above You know what I mean? That's like Hitler at Nuremberg. They'd just be like, well, let's do the Rorschach on him and see what we get away. No, bro, you crossed the fucking line. Sorry about that. It's over. You're done. I don't know why I had to drag Hitler into this. What did I ever do? A judge ordered him to undergo exams for 60 to 90 days to see if he was fit for trial. So I think that's why. They didn't want him getting out. They wanted to get him on a medical hold. So that when he goes to trial, they put him away? Well, no, because if you just sent him to prison, he could just get out on bail. Right. So they wanted a medical hold. So his lawyer told Ed to only give his rank and serial number. By the way, my lawyer's also fucking nuts. Hello, I'm the lawyer. I met Ed at a command center I have in my house. He's my best friend. Quote the same as any American soldier who has been captured. Ed said he was being lynched by examination. On the fucking... The chief psychiatrist for prison said Ed had a deep-seated paranoia. Nuh-uh, you do, unless you know who's coming after me. Was that something someone asked you to say? His bail was reduced... No, I was wrong. His bail was reduced on August 6th to $50,000, and his mommy got him out. Thank you, mommy. Did you bring the peanut butter banana sandwich like a thank you, mommy? And some road milk? But part of being released was that he had to do a two-day evaluation. so that fucking that therapist was like going into the room like it's insane all right ed how was your break pretty good uh i took one of my nails off again just so i knew i had him reporters and fans surrounded him at the airport in dallas and as he was hustled away they sang for he's a jolly good fellow. Which only the court can deny. Which only the court can deny. My new fucking favorite thing to do is when things are completely off kilter, just sing for he's a jolly good fellow. Just the saddest moment of someone's life, staring down the barrel of reality, just like, for he's... No? Okay, all right, sorry. You're right. We're pretty done here, yeah. Ed was found competent to stand trial, but he never had a trial because an all-white jury in Oxford did not indict him, and the charges were dismissed. Wow. Well, what do you want? You can find... We've got a history of allowing sedition. people who had known Ed said he changed after Korea and then got even worse after Little Rock and his belief that anti-Christian forces were trying to destroy America grew he still had a lot of backers though when visiting the Mississippi House of Representatives that gave him a standing ovation. He was the hyper mass... Honestly, we should try, like, what we should do is, we should try to, like, start trade, like, all the, like, you know, Greenland, Canada, start throwing, be like, we'll throw Mississippi in if you guys interested in getting Mississippi, like, we should get, Mississippi's like a lemon. We should be like, take Mississippi, we'll give it to you. Like, try to give it to Europe or something. But what do we get? Nothing. We get nothing. It's just like a fucking... It's just like getting a car that's like killing the grass off our lawn. It's just like someone who's like, yeah, I'll go work on it for a little while. I'll be like, fucking go ahead, you know? Someone's like, we'll give you a happy meal. I'll be like, fuck, yes, I'll fucking go. Yeah, please. Take it. So he's like the hyper-masculine type that the right loves, and he was pushing this tough guy image. Now, evangelist Billy James Hargis approached Ed to pitch that they go on tour together to learn about commies and the UN. So the tour idea would be to push that America's and Christianity's survival were threatened by globalists, sex education, socialism, and integration. So they started the tour. This idea of cutting out sex education for so long, when right now, the most powerful man in our government is someone who mails loads to women to put in themselves. Like, we avoided for some, like being like, we don't want to hear the word vagina in schools. And Elon Musk is like, yeah, send it to her. I met her on Twitter. Oh, if you're wondering why I do it, It's because I had a botched penis thing surgery. So they started the tour in February 1963. It was called Operation Midnight Ride after Paul Revere. Who you were just alluding to as fake. Like that story of Paul Revere. Yeah, there was another person there no one talks about. Ed was a terrible speaker. The best. But the crowd still grow. Yeah, of course. Up to 6,000. Well, when you watch CPAC, you're never like, wow. I know. We're in trouble. You're like, what the fuck was that? It's like a clown shit a douche. In Ohio, a TV reporter got too close, and they got into a shoving match. Ed was combative with the press and was upset when they were around. At a luncheon, he shoved a TV news cameraman to the ground. His behavior was getting worse and worse. Still, crowds yelled, Walker for president The John Birch Society called him the greatest living American By the way, you can just drop the living That's like such a weird qualifier Yeah On April 10th, 1963, he sat at a desk at home When a bullet shot from a rifle hit the wall three inches above his head He moved just before the shot. Ed blamed Fidel Castro. Game over. How quickly did he run to that command center after that? Mayday, mayday, I'm under fire from Castro. Mayday, mayday. This is what we've trained for in the hallway. Meet me in the basement. All animals meet in the basement for an all-points bulletin. Hurry, the basement, the basement Alright, it's just me and the moths He talked often of the UN's plan to subjugate America DC traders would hand the US military over to godless UN generals Our soldiers would be, quote, de-Americanized and UNized There was a meditation room at the UN and proof that it was anti-Christian. It's like, literally take 10 more minutes, and you can beat that. Like, that is the first pitch. You can't be like, there's a room where they meditate. No, you can very easily just make it up. Just be like. Well, but that's satanic stuff. If they're meditating, and they're not praying to God, then it's Satan worship. I would find it in 10 minutes I would push it for, you know, I would just be like look, they have a room that you can't go into that's obviously where they hide the demons and the devils, you know, instead of just being like they have a meditation room they have mats So you're pro-meditation I'm not saying that in Texas He also said that the UN had torture chambers in the basement Well, that we know Also, coins collected by kids on Halloween for UNICEF were given to Fidel Castro. By the way, fucking next year, walk around the houses in your neighborhoods with your kids with little boxes and say it's for Cuba. This is for Fidel Castro. This is for the Castro family. The American Association for the UN offices in Encino was firebombed. Ed now wondered aloud if JFK would survive his first term. Oh, fuck me. Quote, he certainly wouldn't survive his second. Wow. He asked the FBI to investigate Mad Magazine. In the back of it, it says if you fold it together, it's supposed to make a different image. I've never been able to get that image properly. He claimed their articles had hidden meanings and even their ads shit on the military. He then sued the AP for damages for falsely stating he led the old Miss Riot. Quote, I am convinced the AP's report was written in Washington and not by a 20-year-old on the campus grounds. This playbook is so fucking good. He won. Oh. He won $800,000 in damages. The Texas jury... Oh my God, the upgrade. He's like, now I have a command garage. You'll regret this, everybody. Look at all the buttons and knobs in here now. The Texas jury concluded the Texas jury concluded the 21-year-old reporter had lied. Ed said that was proof the entire country believed the news was false and one-sided. But then the judge tossed out the punitive damages, which took it down to $500,000. But he's still got $500,000. Jesus Christ. The AP appealed, and the Texas Supreme Court upheld the jury's decision, but the U.S. Supreme Court threw it out. That whole thing took three years, but that was obviously part of a commie plot. Well, they're the fifth column. Yeah. So he got nothing. Yeah, he ended up getting nothing. In the summer of 63, Ed and his people decided to make things difficult for JFK during his upcoming visit to Dallas. Do you guys know something we don't know? Jesus Christ, the day it happened, he must have just been like, we should get the fuck out of here. So before he came, he sent UN Ambassador Adlai Stevenson to Dallas for UN Nations Day. Adlai. And Adlai found angry protesters. And Ed spoke at the opposing United States Day rally. Jesus Christ. It's just so fucking dumb. It's literally the same shit. It's the same shit. But it's also very, it's what's enjoyable is it's like, oh, there's other stupid titles. The United States. A guy named Lee Harvey Oswald was at the rally. That night, Stevenson spoke, and Ed's supporters heckled him. And then fistfights broke out in the audience. After, a woman hit Stevenson in the head with a picket sign, and people spat on him. And he asked, quote, Are these human beings or animals? Ed quote Animals Wait Ed quote Adelaide got what's coming to him Only a little man would turn a national protest Into a personal affront Dude It's the projection Do your shit It's all over anyway It's the projection You did that You know, the Democrats did January 6th. You're just like... Shoot me. So the city council mayor apologized for the behavior of the righties. Due to the apologies, Ed hung the American flag outside of his house upside down for days. Now, Alice Stevenson went back to D.C. and told JFK going to Dallas was very risky due to all the extremists. Quote, I hate the, okay. Quote, there was something very ugly and frightening about the atmosphere. But that turned out not to be true, obviously. Yeah. People are so paranoid. The Kennedys came for a five-day Texas trip. President doesn't make it. He was shot in the head. What? Yeah. Sorry, I'm glossing over that part, but that's, he doesn't make it. I don't think you're really glossing over that part. He gets shot in the head. I remember. Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested and then killed by Jack Ruby while in custody. Oswald's wife had known her husband was the one who tried to shoot Ed. He had planned it for months and said killing Ed was like killing Hitler before he took power. Whoa. What the fuck? What? So he's the one who shot Ed in his house. What? Yeah, we need a minute, David. And that's the one he missed. He called, Oswald had called Ed America's leading fascist. So now Ed becomes part of JFK assassination conspiracy theories. And he's very vocal about heading JFK, so a lot of people think he's behind it. Right. And he holds a press conference to say, he says Fidel Castro had chosen Oswald, and many believe Ed and his right friends had fueled Kennedy hatred, which had led to his death. And a lot of people consider Dallas a city of hate. A lot of people here believe that. Think about it. If you're listening in Dallas, have a look at yourself. Ed said that's exactly what Castro wanted The FBI connected Ed to a right wing militant extremist group called the Minutemen He was in contact with their leaders in several states And clan factions wanted Ed to lead a revolution In 1965 at a We the White People rally Oh my god A WTWP We the white people Yeah Ed was offered the position of Grand Dragon of Texas I accept He passed on the offer Because he said he was trying to repair his reputation Look, I got a new PR guy And he says He's moving me in a little more of a less Grand Dragon sort of thing I love what you guys do And if you ever need me to do a fundraiser In July 1966, he was the keynote speaker for the Americans for the preservation of the white race in Mississippi. Jesus Christ. We're not fucking polar bears. We need this fucking. We're good. OK, we don't. It's not a worry anymore. All right. Panthers. We got to worry about that. OK, it's not fucking white people. And it would be great if it was to just have like a few in a zoo. just like four to zero. Like, no, I hope that Brad fucks Shelly today. We really need more. He just keeps watching Hulu, though. Wait, he's doing something. Oh, God, I think he's just using DoorDash. What is he doing? He's ordering more Taco Bell. Why did we give him that prop phone? He was now saying things like... They're flashing the lights. He was now saying things like, quote, Hitler didn't declare war on us, we declared war on him. We just Plymouth rocked Hitler. For some reason, his popularity started to massively go down in his late 60s. Then, in June 23rd, 1976, Ed hit on an undercover vice cop in a Dallas Park bathroom. where they're fucking knew it. Always. Always. Always. Fucking always. I just have a wide stance. Yeah, always. Yeah, they fucking are raised in this strict religious family and they're gay and so they hate themselves, so they destroy the world. Yes, yes. And we have to suffer the consequences. Yes. He's just sitting there controlling all these knobs in his hallway while he's just got one kind of phallic shaft where he's just like, all right, Commander, and we're just bringing that in right now to help you out there a little bit, and we'll sort of... Don't worry about that. We're modulating as much as we can. We see where you are. You're in a good position right now. You're in a great position. Hopefully you guys will be able to figure it out. We don't want to sit you guys too far down. We don't want to sit too far down without any control. We just want to... We shouldn't. We can't. We shouldn't. We're on the... So... The undercover vice cop said that Ed had, quote, fondled his genitals. You've got to love how far the vice cop lets it go. Go ahead, unbutton that. You know, it's like, if you're undercover, you're just like, I don't even understand what that means. It means something like this. Ah, what do you mean? All right, you're under arrest. Oh, shit, I shouldn't have fond. Oh. He said that since I was kicking in for commies He said that since The Supreme Court Let the AP Say whatever they wanted He quote Can be libeled at will Eight months later He was arrested In a park bathroom For trying to get sex From an undercover cop Fucking AP Just two months before, four ex-students said Billy James Hargis had sex with them at his American Christian college in Tulsa. Hargis always portrayed himself as very masculine. Yeah, okay. Look at him. I know, yeah, for sure. For sure, yeah, for sure. He looks like he manages a pie-eating contest. Ed tried to make a living doing speeches. Reporter Harry Ashmore said he was like a, quote, wandering segregationist minstrel now. Since he resigned from the Army, he couldn't get a pension and was broke, and no one gave him any donations now. He was bitter and forgotten. The Dallas Times-Herald said his house... The Dallas Times-Herald said his house was now known for its front yard billboard facing the street. Can you imagine trying to sell that house? It's a two-bedroom, two-bath, one control room. Billboard up front. In 1978, he moved out of the 14-room home he had rented since 1961. In 1983, the Army restored his pension. $45,000 a year. The Army said he was, quote, a truly dedicated American soldier who firmly believed that insufficient action was being taken within the military establishment to combat the threat of communism. I guarantee you that was Pat Buchanan. I guarantee you that was Pat Buchanan. Ed said, quote, I got everything back. He died at 83 on... He died in 83 on Halloween in 1993. The Dallas Observer wrote, quote, in obscurity, he had been silent so long, most thought he was already dead. And if Lee Harvey Oswald had gotten involved a little earlier. Yeah. The main source of this is Peter Adams, the insurrectionist Major General Edwin A. Walker and the birth of the Deep State Conspiracy. Well, fuck me. Congratulations. Listen, we got to get out of here. Thank you guys so much for coming. If you're a VIP, stay in your seats. They're going to take you somewhere else. Austin, thank you guys for coming out. We appreciate it, truly. Appreciate it. Thank you very much. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from The Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to giveitupfilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening, so go to giveitupfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th and February 7th, three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows. Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th. And then San Antonio, April 28th. And Tucson, April 29th. GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. But also, if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, giveitupfilm.com.