The Wizard King (Adam's Secrets Version)

Pinna! This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Shifting a little money here, a little there, and hoping it all works out? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can be a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance, and they'll help you find options within your budget. Try it today at Progressive.com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage matched, limited by state law, not available in all states. I'm not going to be doing a live show in Brooklyn on June 14th at 11am at the Brooklyn Public Library on the steps, and I'm going to retell whichever episode you all vote for as your favorite. Check the show notes for details on how to vote. Okay, so let's find out if this one is your favorite. If it is, don't forget to vote. Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy, little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales. The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to host a virtual storytelling session and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? I don't know if you said yes or no because I can't hear you, so let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grimmer and grimaced, this story is grimaced. There's a very evil dude who does some very evil things, and also some very strange things, like very, very strange. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, turn it down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm about to join the session. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grimmer, grimaced. I'm excited. I am too. Me too. So, this is a story by the Brothers Grim. Quick reminder, the Brothers Grim were two brothers who lived in Germany hundreds of years ago, 200 years ago, and they traveled around Germany doing what? They collected fairy tales. Yes, and they wrote them down. And those fairy tales were mostly pretty, what? Nice. They were pretty nice. Okay, and the fairy tales were also pretty weird. Yeah, they were pretty weird. And what else were they? They were also pretty disgusting. Yes, they were often quite disgusting. And they were often grim. Yes. And then fairy tales. Let's get started. This story is called The Wizard King. Once upon a time, there was a king who was also a wizard. So, he was a wizard king. Wow. Wow. Which is just an awesome thing to say. Okay, yeah, it is. Definitely. Right? Yeah. Wizard king. But this wizard king was not awesome. Oh, no. He was evil. Mwahahahaha. The wizard king had great power, but he only used it for himself. What? People were poor and suffering in his kingdom, but he didn't care. He was super evil. He's selfish. True. Yep. He is evil. Selfish and evil. A selfish evil jerk. Selfish evil jerk is right. He's beef jerky. Beef jerky is so beef jerky. The wizard king's magic was powerful enough to provide everything he could ever need and to keep him safe from any enemies. But he certainly wasn't going to use his magic to help other people solve their problems. So, the wizard king had nothing challenging in his life and therefore he was bored. Ugh. I'm so bored. So, to stave off his boredom, he invented a game. Ugh. It was kind of like hide and seek. Ooh. And it went like this. Anyone from anywhere in the world was invited to challenge the wizard king at his game. The game would start and the wizard king would close his eyes and count to 1,000 while the challenger hid. One, two, three, four. Oh boy. I've got to hide. Oh no. Whatever he finds me. Once the wizard king got to 1,000, he would search for the challenger. Come out. Come out. Wherever you are. If the wizard king couldn't find them, then the challenger would get to take the wizard king's crown and his throne and become the king forever. Which sounds like a pretty good deal, right? That's like the best deal ever. Right? I think he's going to cheat. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. There's no way he would give up his throne and crown for a silly game. There was just one catch. If the wizard king did find the challenger. He would murder them. He would put them to death in the most horrible way imaginable. Aha. There you are. Here's my question for you. What is the most horrible way imaginable that he could kill them? Explode their head. Explode their head is one option. Maybe make them drink liquid iron? Oh, whoa. What would happen if they drank liquid iron? Pretty sure they would die. They would die. Organs would melt. Oh, their organs would melt. What's another horrible way he could kill them? Get pushed into a bottomless pit. Oh, pushed into a bottomless pit. Do you ever even die or do you just fall forever? You would just starve to death. Oh, you starve to death while falling forever. That's an amazing punishment. What's another way? I don't know. Maybe he just disintegrates him and his eyes are just left there. And he's like, really, bro? Really? You're disintegrated and only your eyeballs are left behind. I like that one a lot. Okay. What's one more horrible way he could kill them? Be trapped in a room with mice and they slowly eat you away. Oh, no. Should we combine some of these? What do you think? Should we be like, uh, okay. So if the wizard king couldn't find you, you got his crown and his kingdom. But if he did find you, you would be pushed into a bottomless pit and you'd fall forever until you had almost starved to death. But just before you starved, you would have to drink liquid iron while still falling somehow and your organs would melt. Then your head would explode. Only your eyeballs would be left and they would land at last and sit there until they were eaten by millions of mice. How's that? That is disgusting. Now, the wizard king didn't cheat exactly, but the game also wasn't fair. You see, the wizard king had built himself a tall tower in the middle of his palace. And at the top of the tower was a room with 12 windows that pointed in every direction. These windows were magical. If the wizard king looked out the first window, he could see farther and more clearly than anyone else alive. If he looked at the second window, he could see even better than that. If he looked at the third window, he could see even more clearly. And so on until the twelfth window, through which he could see the very particles that make up all of nature. What? Yeah. That's pretty cool. It is cool. I agree. Now, whenever a challenger decided to play the wizard king's game, the wizard king would look out the first window of his tower. Usually, he'd find the challenger right away. Gotcha. But if that didn't work, he'd find the challenger right away. And if he didn't find the challenger, he'd find the wizard king's tower. Gotcha. But if that didn't work, he almost always found them by looking through the second window. Aha! You can't hide from me! One time, he had to look through the third window, which was very exciting for the wizard king. Well, this is different. But then he found the guy who was hiding. Boo! And the guy was pushed into a bottomless pit. And he fell until he had almost starved to death. But then he had a drink liquid iron, and his organs melted and his head exploded. Finally, the guys' eyeballs landed, at which point they were eaten by millions of mice. That's very gruesome. Right? Very grim. Well, you guys made it up. It's your fault. Many people had played the wizard king's evil game because many wanted to be king. But every single one of them had died in that same gruesome, disgusting, horrible way. Wait, do they know about them? The magic windows? Yeah, yeah, they do. Then why would you play that game since you know you can't win? Yeah. Good question. Does anyone have any guesses? Because they want to be king. Greed. Explain. Like, they're like, ooh, I could get the throne. Like, that wizard king can't be that good. Even if his tower can see through the particles of nature, I'm the best hider in the kingdom. I have camouflage clothes. Right, is it that's good enough? I think that's exactly how it happens. Well, the wizard king's palace was in the center of the kingdom's capital city. And at the farthest, poorest edges of that city, there lived a little orphan boy named Orpy. Orpy's a cute name, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to rename my dog Orpy. I would be honored if you named a dog Orpy after this character. Orpy lived on the streets, and he was always starving. Now, the wizard king had plenty of food. But did the wizard king share his food with the orphans and beggars of his kingdom? No. Why not? Because he's moon. He has these cruel ingredients. Because he has a cruel and evil jerk face is why. Well, it was hard for all the beggars in this kingdom. But it was especially hard for Orpy. Because Orpy was such a kind-hearted little child that he could never refuse anyone a scrap of bread if they asked him for it. Oh. Oh. So even if a kind stranger gave Orpy a loaf of bread, half the time Orpy would give it to some other starving beggar. I'll share with you. And you? Oh, and you too. Which meant Orpy was always, always hungry. Aw, this dude is too kind for his own good. Yeah. He is very selfless. Yes, selfless. Very kind. He's very kind. Now, it's interesting that you use the word selfless because it, what is the opposite of selfless? Selfish. Selfish. So I guess never occurred to me. But like, who are the opposites in this story? Orpy is the opposite of the king because Orpy is selfless and the king is selfish. Wow. That never occurred to me, but it's totally true. One day Orpy was walking the streets of the capital city, hungry as he had ever felt. When he found a small loaf of stale bread lying in the gutter. Oh. Orpy quickly picked it up and was about to take a bite. Ew. I know you're like, ew, why would you want to eat a stale loaf of bread from the gutter? But why would Orpy be willing to eat that? Because he's hungry. He's hungry. It's like his only hope. Yeah. Orpy was about to take a bite of the bread from the gutter when he saw a raven who was crying with hunger herself. Please, please. cried the big black bird. Share some of your bread with me. Orpy was so hungry he was afraid he'd fall over dead at any moment. But he didn't hesitate to rip off a large chunk of the bread and hand it to the raven, saying, here you go, raven. The raven grabbed the chunk of bread in her beak and flew away to her nest. After that, little Orpy walked to a small pond where he could eat his remaining bread in peace. But just as Orpy was about to take a bite of the bread, a fish raised its head out of the water and burbled, Oh, please. I am so hungry. Please share some of your bread with me. Without even thinking, Orpy ripped off a large chunk of the bread and threw it to the fish and said, here you go, fish. The fish swallowed the bread gratefully and disappeared under the water. The dude's too nice. Now Orpy, so weak with hunger he could barely lift his hand to his mouth, was just about to eat the remaining rump of the stale loaf of bread when another animal came and asked for the bread and he was too kind to say no. When a fox came trotting by, crying with hunger, Please, please, may I please have your bread? If I don't eat now, I will surely die. And without a moment's hesitation, Orpy tossed the fox the last piece of bread and said, here you go, fox. The fox gobbled up the bread and ran away. Well, now Orpy was certain that he would starve to death. He wasn't likely to find any more food anytime soon and he was feeling so weak that even standing up was getting difficult. Just as Orpy was about to give up all hope, he looked across the city and up at the palace with its tall tower, far in the distance. And Orpy thought, if I'm going to die anyway, I might as well die playing hide and seek. That's a good way to die. All right. My good. So Orpy made his way to the palace and told the guard that he had come to play hide and seek with the wizard king. The guard said, are you sure? You're definitely going to die. Good luck, Orpy. Good luck, Orpy. He's going to win. Orpy said to the guard, I'm going to die of hunger anyway. So the guard let him through. Orpy climbed the hundreds of stairs to get to the room at the top of the tower. He was fighting hunger and exhaustion and he was on the verge of death. When Orpy arrived in the room with the 12 windows, there were already two other people there waiting to play hide and seek with the wizard king. The first person was a thief who had been condemned to die as punishment for his thievery. He had been allowed to choose between being hanged by his thumbs until he was dead and playing hide and seek with the wizard king. And the thief had chosen hide and seek because there was a chance, however slim, that he might win. It's a die-die situation. You're right. It's probably a die-die situation. The wizard king began to count. One, two, three. The thief ran out of the palace into the jail and he hid inside a jail cell thinking that surely the wizard king wouldn't think to look for him there. 998, 999, 1,000. Ready or not, here I come. The wizard king hurried to his first window and he looked east and west, north and south. And the first window's magic power allowed the wizard king to look straight through the walls of the jail, where he saw the thief hiding in a cell. There you are. The wizard king cried happily. The thief was dragged back to the palace where he was thrown into a bottomless pit and eventually he nearly starved to death while he fell, drank liquid iron, his organs melted, his head exploded, his eyeballs finally landed and they were eaten by mice. The next man who was waiting to play hide and seek with the wizard king was a prince from a distant land who had so many older brothers that he knew that he would never get to be king in his own land. And also he'd grown up playing hide and seek with all those older brothers and he was pretty sure he was the best hider in the whole world. So he'd come to take his chances with the wizard king's evil game. Poor prince is gonna die. One, two, three. As soon as the wizard king had started to count, the prince ran down the stairs and into the cellar of the palace, directly below the tower. 999? 1000. The wizard king went to the first window and he looked east and west, north and south, but he did not see the prince. Yeah! This made the wizard king laugh and clap with glee. He squealed. At last, a challenge. And he went to the second window and he looked east and west, north and south. And this time the second window's magic bent the wizard king's vision around corners as well as through walls and floors and his line of sight bent right down below his feet. And he saw the prince hiding in the cellar. Bye, prince! And the prince was dragged outside and he was tossed down a never-ending pit and nearly starved and drank liquid iron and all the rest of it until the mice ate his eyeballs. Yikes! He thought he was so clever. By the time the wizard king had turned to Orpy, the little beggar child was trembling. Actually, I've changed my mind. I don't want to play after all. Said Orpy. But the wizard king said, Oh no! You came here! You have to play. I'll count to one thousand and if I see you then, I'll toss you down a never-ending pit and make you drink liquid iron and your head will explode and millions of mice will eat your eyeballs. So get moving. One, two, three. Um, he could just hide in the room because the- don't the windows only go out of the room? Or stand behind the king. That's a very interesting idea. So this once happened to me. I was playing hide and seek that I didn't realize and my friend was actually hiding behind me. Interesting. Let's see what Orpy does. Well, Orpy ran out of the palace as quickly as he could. The little orphan boy ran along crying and terrified with no idea where to hide when a raven flew up to him. It's the raven! It's the same raven Orpy had fed earlier that day. Oh! I think each animal that he helped is going to give him a good deed to help him hide. Yeah, they're going to help him. Little boy, what's wrong? Are you sad? Asked the raven. I'm not sad, I'm terrified! Replied Orpy. I'm in the middle of a game of hide and seek with the wizard king and I'm pretty sure I'm about to be dragged back to the palace and tossed in a bottomless pit until I almost starve and then I'll have to drink liquid iron until my organs melt and my head explodes and then my eyeballs will land at last and they'll be eaten by a million mice! And the raven said... Eugh! That's disgusting! And you were so kind to me! We must find a way to hide you! Yes, but how? The raven thought and thought and thought. And then she had an idea. Any guess as to what her idea is? Maybe he will hide up in a tree? The nest! The raven said... Quick! Come to my nest in this tree! So Orpy followed the raven to her nest. There she cracked open one of her eggs. There was a baby raven inside almost ready to hatch. The raven scooped her baby raven out and said... Eugh! You're pretty close to baked! Then she turned to Orpy and said... In you go! And Orpy said... Um... What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! So the raven repeated herself. In you go! And she nipped Orpy on the butt with her beak. Ow! Orpy hopped into the egg. The raven closed the egg again and sat on it. How in the world does a kid that's like... Like a raven to like this big and their eggs are like this big... How does a kid fit in there? Okay, this is my answer. You ready? Yes. It's a fairy tale. Don't ask questions like that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Okay, continuing. As Orpy hid in the egg and waited, a cold sweat broke out over his skin. He tried not to shiver so hard that the egg would crack. Maybe he won't die of hunger because maybe if he ate the stuff that the... Um... Bird was feeding, he wouldn't starve. Orpy gets a worm! Worm guts? Sometimes you guys can like read my mind. Then Orpy noticed that there was a little egg white left inside the egg. Orpy greatly gobbled it up so he wouldn't die of hunger while hiding from the Wizard King. That's so gross. Back at the tower, the Wizard King was looking through the first window. He looked east and west, north and south, up and down. But he couldn't find Orpy. Because even though his vision could see through walls, he didn't think to look inside a raven's egg. The Wizard King clapped and said... Another challenge! How fun! He went to his second window where he looked east and west, north and south, up and down, through walls and now also around corners. But he still couldn't find Orpy. He exclaimed... Oh ho! A chance to look through my third window! What a special, special day! The Wizard King looked east and west, north and south, up and down. And I don't know what magic the third window had, but it didn't help because he still couldn't find Orpy. This made the Wizard King clap and jump up and down and rub his hands with glee. Challenge, challenge, challenge! No one had ever made him look through his fourth window. He looked east and west, north and south, up and down. And the magic of the fourth window must have been powerful indeed. Because there, the Wizard King saw Orpy, huddled in a raven's egg. No! No! Ha ha ha! The Wizard King laughed, and he had his guards bring Orpy back to the palace. No, wait, please! Okay, does anyone have a theory as to what the magic of the third and fourth windows were? To look through eggs. Specifically eggs. Specifically eggs. When Orpy was brought back before the Wizard King, he began to beg, Please Wizard King, don't kill me. The Wizard King laughed. Ha ha ha ha! Kill you! I won't kill you! That was the most fun I've had playing hide and seek in my whole life! Orpy exhaled with relief. Will you let me live and go free then? Since you had so much fun? No, I want to play again. What? And if I find you, the mice will feast on your eyeballs. One, two, three. You better get a move on. You only have until a thousand, four. 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And use code Grim with two M's to get 30% off an annual subscription. Remember, it's not a smurf. Five. Orphe ran out of the tower. Where could he hide now? He stumbled along terrified that the Wizard King would see him instantly. Now that Orphe had eaten a little bit of egg white and regained some strength, he decided that he didn't want to die. And he definitely didn't want to die by falling down a never-ending pit, drinking liquid iron, his organs melting, his head exploding and his eyeballs being eaten by mice. That mice thing was really upsetting. Anyway, Orphe began to run. I think he's going to see the fish and the fish is going to ask him to come live in the coral reef to hide. Yeah, and hide him under the water. Orphe ran until he came to the pond where he'd fed the fish. The fish he'd given the bread to emerge from the water and saw Orphe's desperate expression. What's wrong? The fish asked, are you thirsty? No, I'm not thirsty. I'm terrified. Orphe explained that the Wizard King was about to start looking through his 12 windows and if he saw Orphe, well, more terrible things would happen than Orphe wanted to think about. The fish cried, we must save you. And Orphe said, great, how? What can we do? What can we do? The fish wondered, any guesses as to what the fish will do? The sky is him as a sea creature. Oh, I like that idea. Fish is going to eat him. I think that the fish will gobble him up and then when the Wizard can't find him, the fish will just... Let's find out. The fish said, I have it. Quick, jump in my mouth. Orphe said, what? No time to argue. I did it. I guessed the right thing. You did. The fish opened its mouth as wide as it could and Orphe jumped in. Then the fish closed its mouth and swam to the bottom of the pond with Orphe in its belly. Orphe waited there in the dark, cold, wet fish's belly. Then Orphe noticed that in the fish's belly there were flies and other insects that the fish had eaten, but were only partially digested. And while the half-digested bugs looked absolutely revolting, well, Orphe didn't want to starve to death, so he ate them just as he had the egg white. Oh, that's disgusting. Oh, that's disgusting. Ew. Ew. And I thought eating fish was gross. Back at the tower, the Wizard King figured there was no use starting with the first window. Orphe was too clever for that. The Wizard King walked right to the fifth window and looked through it. He looked east and west, north and south, up and down, but he couldn't find Orphe. This made him very happy. He went to his sixth window, where he looked east and west, north and south, up and down, but he still couldn't find Orphe. He slapped his knee and laughed with pleasure as he moved to his seventh window. He looked east and west, north and south, up and down, but he still couldn't find Orphe. The Wizard King threw his head back and bellowed with glee. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ew. He went to the eighth window and looked east and west, north and south, up and down, and there he saw Orphe huddled in the belly of the fish at the bottom of the pond. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. The Wizard King laughed, and he had his guards bring Orphe back to the palace. Ah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Any guesses as to what the eighth window's magic was? Specifically made for looking inside fish's stomachs. Ha ha ha ha ha. It'd be a very specific window. He got very lucky with that one. Orphe begged the Wizard King. No, please don't kill me. And the Wizard King replied, Kill you? That was even more fun than the first time. Will you let me live and go free then, since you had so much fun? Orphe asked, but the Wizard King said, No, I want to play again. One, two, three, a thousand. Just kidding. Ha ha. I'll start again. One, two, three, a thousand. Orphe ran out of the tower. Where could he hide now? Orphe stumbled along terrified that the Wizard King would see him. As Orphe ran looking desperately for a place to hide, a fox came up to him. And wouldn't you know it? It was the same fox Orphe had fed earlier in the day. The fox stopped Orphe and said, What's wrong? Do you have to pee really bad? Ha ha ha ha ha. No, for goodness sake. Orphe explained about the Wizard King's game and the stuff about his head exploding and mice eating his eyeballs. And the fox said, Oh no, we must find a place for you to hide. I know, but where? The fox thought and thought and thought. And then she had an idea. Come to this little stream I know that wanders through the wood and jump in. No, I was already in a vicious belly. The Wizard King will definitely find me at the bottom of his stream. But the fox said, Just do it. So Orphe followed the fox to the stream and then jumped in. And the fox jumped in at him. And Orphe felt very strange. And the next thing he knew, the fox was lifting him up out of the water. Except that the fox had turned into a human woman. And Orphe had turned into A fox. No, a hamster. What? I have no idea why it's a hamster. I didn't make this up. This is in the original Grimm story. The original Grimm story is literally called The Hamster from the Water. Which is just so weird. Yeah, it is. The Orphe turned into a hamster. The fox, who was now a human woman, took Orphe, who was now a hamster, to the market. And she cried, Come one, come all, and see my amazing hamster. So everyone gathered around to see. They wanted to know what was so amazing about a hamster. So the fox woman said, Watch this. Stand up, hamster. And Orphe the hamster stood up on his hind legs. Everyone said, Ooh, ooh, ooh. Sit down, hamster. Said the fox woman. Orphe the hamster sat down. Everyone said, Oh. Ah. Twirl around, hamster. Orphe the hamster twirled around. Everyone started clapping wildly for the hamster, who could do tricks. Yay. Meanwhile, back at the tower, the wizard king figured there was no use starting with the first window, or even with the fifth. He went straight to the ninth window and looked through. He looked east and west, north and south, up and down. But he couldn't find Orphe. He felt very excited to use his tenth window, but also a little nervous. Ooh. He only had a few windows left. He gazed out the tenth window and he looked east and west, north and south, up and down. But he still couldn't find Orphe. Yeah. So with a pit forming in his stomach, the wizard king advanced on the eleventh window. Why does he have a pit in his stomach? Why does he feel nervous? Because if he went one more window, he's gonna lose his throne. He's gonna lose his crown. His crown, his throne. Crown, throne, everything he owns. The wizard king looked out his eleventh window, east and west, north and south, up and down. And he still couldn't find Orphe. Oh boy. Suddenly, the wizard king was feeling very scared indeed. What if he couldn't see Orphe through the twelfth window? He didn't want to lose his whole kingdom. But just then, he happened to glance down into the market and he saw a hamster doing tricks. He thought to himself, Oh, I've never seen that before. So the wizard king forgot all about looking through the twelfth window and he hurried down to the market. There, the fox woman was saying, Hamster, do a back flip. and Orphe the hamster did a back flip. Hamster, sing an aria. and Orphe the hamster sang a very short part of the queen of the night aria. Does anyone here know the queen of the night aria? No. It's a magic flute, okay, it goes like this, you ready? You might wanna, careful, have your eardrums, it's quite high. No, I know that, no, stop that, I would ever do it. Stop it! You're welcome. You're a lovely singer. Thank you so much. The Orphe sang that. Everyone was cheering and whooping for this amazing little hamster. The Wizard King walked up and said, I want to buy that amazing hamster. The Foxwoman replied, You can't afford him. The Wizard King said, If you don't give it to me, I'll have you killed. And the Foxwoman said, Sold! Sold! That's how you do business. So the Wizard King took Orphe the hamster from the Foxwoman and he lifted Orphe up and stared into his little black eyes. And Orphe thought, I'm dead. But then the Wizard King smiled and patted the little hamster's pink nose and put Orphe the hamster on his shoulder and carried him back to his tower. When the Wizard King arrived back in the tower, he realized that he had forgotten to look through the last window. If he didn't see Orphe through that, his kingdom would be lost. Orphe was on his shoulder! Orphe was on his shoulder! He doesn't even know it. So the Wizard King moved to his 12th window and through it he could see everything in the world, down to the tiny particles that make up all matter. He looked north and south, but he didn't see Orphe. He looked east and west, but he didn't see Orphe. He looked up and down, but he didn't see Orphe. Why can't he see Orphe? Because he's on his shoulder! The Wizard King was now truly afraid. He looked north and south and east and west and up and down again and again and again, but no matter where he looked, he couldn't see Orphe anywhere. The Wizard King was absolutely terrified now. It had never occurred to him that someone might actually win his kingdom from him. It was impossible! His whole body trembled as he bellowed. Where could he be? And just then, a tiny voice right beside his ear said, Here I am! Woo! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! The Wizard King screamed and he stumbled forward, so startled by Orphe's tiny, high-pitched voice by his ear that he lost his balance and went crashing through the 12th window. And he plummeted down and down and down to his death. And then there was an explosion of blood! Yay! His head exploded! And his head exploded! And his head exploded! Wait, but if the hamster was on his shoulder... Luckily, Orphe the hamster had jumped off the Wizard King's shoulder just before he fell. Right! And when the Wizard King died, suddenly the other 11 windows all shattered at once. And Orphe somehow turned back into a little kid. Wait, what? Yeah. Well, Orphe might have been a little kid again, but he was no longer a beggar. Orphe was the ruler of the kingdom. Orphe ruled wisely and kindly and fairly. Orphe always made sure to share with everyone who was in need, just as he always had. And the raven, the fish, and the fox became his counsellors and advisors. And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Yay! Yay! That was fun. This story was all about hide and seek. You're right, it didn't even occur to me. That's a group fairy tale all about hide and seek. Hamsters! And hamsters! Yay! Well that was a fun episode. What's interesting about the Wizard King, having done the Wizard King, and then last week done the Stone Gnomes, and the week before that, talked about Rumpelstiltskin, is you really get to see the full spectrum of how much I change or keep the stories the same from the original fairy tales. So in Rumpelstiltskin, you probably know that story, and the version I told is very faithful to the version that you've heard. I certainly add jokes and some details, but pretty much it's the grim fairy tale. Last week, when we talked about the Stone Gnomes, that's a story that I changed and rewrote and reimagined so much, I literally cannot remember what the source fairy tales were for that story. That happens not infrequently too, where I'm just getting an idea from the grim fairy tales, I'm taking a piece of one fairy tale and then spinning it out into a new story that I think you all would like, and I usually keep the same name, but not always, as Stone Gnomes is not a grim fairy tale name. This one, the Wizard King, is a really good example of something that is half and half. This is kind of usually the way it goes. So the original story, as you heard in the episode, is called The Hamster from the Water, which is just awesome in and of itself. And that's one translation of the title in the edition translated by Jack Zeips, who's a really important scholar of grim fairy tales. The book that I usually use is translated by Ralph Monheim, and he's a really important translator of grim fairy tales. Also, I love his writing style. His version is called the Mongoose, and it's not a hamster in his version, it's a Mongoose. Who wants a Mongoose? When you have a hamster available, go take the hamster, right? So we took the hamster for this one, obviously. Now in the original story, I'm going to break your heart just a tiny bit. First of all, there's no Orpy. I know, I'm sorry. I made up Orpy. I have a friend who's a grown up who, when I told him that I made up Orpy, he was like, what? No! Orpy is beloved enough that there are kids out there who have named their hamsters in real life Orpy. They've told me that, and it's just one of the highest possible honors. Anyway, there's no Orpy, and the Wizard King is not a wizard king. In the original story, it's a princess who doesn't want to marry anyone. And anytime anyone comes to try to marry her, she has their head cut off and put on a spike outside of her window. And when the story starts, there are 98, no, 97 spikes with heads on them. And I mean, why did I change that? I don't know. That's pretty awesome. I could have kept it. But it did feel like it was a little weird that there was this girl and the men wanted to marry her. And I knew as soon as I read that out in the end, one of them is going to get to marry her, but she doesn't want to marry anybody. And then she's going to be forced to marry somebody who beats her in this competition of hide and seek. And I don't want a princess to be forced to marry someone. So I was like, forget it. What if we change it to a wizard king? And then I was like, wizard king, that's cool. Okay, let's go with wizard king. So you can see how these things change. Also in the original story, that's three princes who come to try to marry her. And the first one gets his head put on a spike. So now there are 98 heads on spikes. And then the second one gets his head put on a spike. And then another 99. And the third one is going to be the hundredth head on a spike. And yet before he tries to get to her, he, because it's not a game of hide and seek in the original, it's like, as you approach her, or maybe it's unclear. Because later she's like, you tricked me. So anyway, he goes out hunting before he starts sort of playing the game with her. And he's about to shoot a raven. And the raven's like, don't shoot me. I'll help you later. And then he sees a fish and he's about to shoot a fish. Who shoots fish? Anyway, the fish is like, don't. I'll help you later. And then same thing with the fox. And he helps, he takes a thorn out of the fox's foot instead of shooting it. And so similar to the bread, but I just, again, thought like a little orphan boy named Orpy was cuter and more relatable than a prince who's about to shoot animals and doesn't. So the structure of the story is the same. Some major details are different. And again, the prince like gets in the raven's egg and goes in the belly of the fish. There are a lot of fairy tales like this where a hero meets three animals and then later there's a test in the three animals unexpectedly come back and help him, except just somebody who reads a lot of fairy tales. And now you all listen to a lot of fairy tales. It's actually very predictable. Like you're like, oh, here he got, he's helping the raven. That raven's going to come back and help him. So the first couple of times I sort of skimmed the story. I saw the structure before I read the details of it and I was like, I'm not going to do that when there's a million stories like that. It's too repetitive. And then when I actually read it, it was like he hides inside the raven's egg. I was like, whoa, wait a minute. That's different. And then when he goes into the belly of the fish, I was like, okay, we, okay, we have a great story here. And then when he turns into a hamster in the Jags-Eybes version, I was like, this is going to be one of the most epic grim fairy tales of all time or grim, grim, or grim-est episodes of all time. I don't have a lot more to say about this episode, though. I think it's put together really well. The folks who produced it did an amazing job. I love the sound of the head exploding. We had to be careful, right? Because this was one of the most disgusting things we've ever described. The falling forever and the drinking of the iron and the head exploding and then the mice eating the eyeballs. And so the fact that the head exploding sound effect is, boop, like, is brilliant because it's hilarious and you still know what's happening. That's the magic of the production. We do a lot of work after I record these episodes with the kids to make the episode sound as good as possible. And that pop is a really perfect example of that. The last thing I'll say is that this is so far leading in the voting for what your favorite episode of all time is. And I'm glad that you like it all so much because in 2027, I will be putting out a graphic novel that retells three of my favorite grim, grimmer, grimmest episodes. And I wanted to have a nice variety of stories, different kinds of stories. So the first story in that collection will be Hans, My Hedgehog. The second one will be the iron shoes, both parts of that story woven together, one story. And the last story in that graphic novel will be the Wizard King. And I'm so excited to see what the windows look like, what it looks like to look through the different 12 windows in The Wizard King. So I'm glad you all like that one too. I love it. All right, season five is dropping very soon. Listen up. Don't miss it. And I recommend you subscribe again so you can hear these without all the ads. The stories are even more fun when they're not being interrupted by ads. To subscribe, just go to pinna.fm. That's P-I-N-N-A.fm. Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a pinna original production created, written and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale, Dark and Grim, co-written by Ali Horne, produced and edited by Ilana Milner, casting by Paula Gammon Wilson, voice direction by Ilana Milner and Paula Gammon Wilson, sound design and mixing by Beat Street NYC, executive produced by Ann Richards, production support by Ashley Beecher and Thaddeus Dankwa, characters voiced by Allison Lee Rosenfeld, Baron Bass, Billy Bob Thompson, Kat Pritano, Sanofia Mitchell, Colin Ryan, Dylan Jones, Erica Schroeder, Kailin Clinton, Kylie Claxton, Laurie Himes, Michael Crouch, Mike Pollock, Nicholas Cordo, and Rob Morera. Well thanks to all the kids who joined us for our storytelling sessions. You guys are awesome. Fighting for every clue they can find. It's one heck of a tale. Which is good. Because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait what? All will be revealed in Sonic the Hedgehog Presents, The Chaotix Case Files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of people remember what they dream about when they go to sleep. But what if you discovered you could move between the world of dreams and real life? That's the story of Dream Breachers, where Evan wakes up on his 12th birthday and realizes that something he dreamed about that night had actually happened. Dream Breachers is a high stakes sci-fi mystery adventure. And with the help of his friends, a reappearing stranger, and a mysterious organization called the Dream Academy, Evan will discover what it means to be a Dream Breacher. If that sounds like a dream to you, you are in luck my friend. You can listen to Dream Breachers now, wherever you get your podcasts.