Brokeback Bible Belt

Oh, it's bad. What? What would the people do it? Mate. Thought you'd be into it, Sam. What, me? No, that's deeply offensive. Harry, you're wearing socks and sandals. In public. Come on. I travel in style. You don't. It's a new low. They're the mullet of footwear. And what's wrong with mullets? Sharing moments you'll never live down. On The Train, you can. So we supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gay-Treats, They-Treats, Black-Treats, Brown-Treats. We love you and all of MAGA. Every single one of you. One-time voters, two-time voters, three-time voters can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! All right. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is at my gym. You know, they have classes like yoga and Pilates that you take your shoes off. That's fine. What I've had it with is the people that after the class walk around the gym with bare feet. I just find that to be somewhat repulsive. I just don't think bare feet should be where the machines are and everything. I mean, I take my shoes off for classes, but it's just growth. I've decided I kind of have an anti-foot thing working. I just don't want to see people's feet. Is that part of your anti-sex thing too? Like no feet and sex? Here's the deal. I would rather have sex than see your feet. I would. Wow. Okay. I mean, that's a strong statement as we know, Josh. So the feet, people's feet, you just lose your mind. What about people in a sandal or a flip-flop? That doesn't bother me. It just like when you come up. Why do you care if they're barefoot though in the gym? Like where the machines are and everything? It's just right. But is there something more germy about a foot than a shoe? Is this at the gym? Yeah. Yeah. Especially when they have that outside class and walking. Yeah. It's just not appropriate. It's not appropriate. But pumps, I want to say this too, because you've been outed before vaping at the gym. And I don't think that's appropriate either. So I'm torn here. I think that's a very fair criticism. I do think though that seeing someone walking around barefoot at the gym when you're trying to walk, work out, get your flex on, it's a little bit discerning. Like I agree with you, Pumps. Like I wouldn't like. Socks or no socks? What do you mean? In the gym? The barefoot people that are walking around, are they completely barefoot? Completely barefoot. And then they continue exercising barefoot? Yeah. Like get on the treadmill barefoot. I just, I don't know. Wait, hold up. On the treadmill? Well, no, the exer... What? The unicycle elliptical? Yeah. The stair master. Barefoot? Yes. On a stair stepper? Yes. I was sitting on the bike and this gal walked out of the deal, walked out of class. She popped up on there and I was just like, ew. Yeah, that's bad, Pumps. That's pretty bad. I would think that that would be a safety hazard. I would think so too. Much like vaping. I would think no one would want their nasty feet all over the place. Let's say this. So Jennifer and I had to go to this party where we had to take our shoes off at the party and I'm wearing a suit, black suit, black, you know, black tie, white shirt, looking dap as fuck. And then I have to take my shoes off. I look like, you know, it's Christmas morning. I'm going to open presents or something. I've got socks on. Like it just really takes away from an outfit. When you remove the shoes, it's a killer. It's a killer. Yeah. I agree with that. But you have to do it and you're in their home. You have to do it. I appreciated the request because these, it was hosted by these two gorgeous gay men and they have a really bougie ass apartment and they just had their floors refinished and they didn't want everybody, you know, they're slipping all over their floor and as only gay men would do, they had a huge bowl of all sorts of socks that you could choose from to put on. That's perfect. You know, it's a beautiful closet that you could go and put your shoes in the closet. They weren't just all huddled at the floor. It was very mindful. It was very thoughtful. I'm somehow being made out to be the asshole here. And I want to say this, like, I don't think you're the asshole. I understand why you didn't want to take your shoes off because you thought they look great with your suit. I'm saying in this instance, I didn't mind it because of how thoughtful the gays were to separate things, not ass-holing you. I don't know that I minded it. Like I certainly respected their wishes not to have people in their home with shoes on, but it damn sure took away from the look I was trying to give. I mean, both things can be true at the same time. I was trying to give off a certain vibe. The shoes off took away that vibe. Josh, what have you had it with? Okay. I've thought about this long and dear before I sat in this chair. I have had it with white men that drive big pickup trucks that are pussies. Yeah. It's epidemic. Yeah. Absolutely. It is epidemic. And so let me preface that by saying I have this sort of recurring dream because I drive an SUV. I probably, you know, look like I'm one of those liberals, but I have this recurring dream that like we get to this light and maybe I'm trailing this guy too closely or something. He flips me off. I flip him off. He's got a big MAGA sticker, all the shit on his truck. It's a big F-150, you know, four big tires. He gets out. He's got a camo hat on thinking he's just getting ready to whip this guy's ass. And then I throttle that poor motherfucker until someone has to literally grab me off of him, that we go at it toe to toe and just beat the piss out of him, as we would say down in Hugo. And I keep thinking about that over and over, that dream. And so I'm waiting. I have violent fantasies too. Man, pumps is venture on psychosexual fantasies, which is really interesting. Softball players too at that, I think, right, pumps? Female softball. That was one time. I don't really have a lot of sexual dreams going back to that. What are my psychosexual fantasies? Well, I think that you'd like to spank, as we've discussed on the podcast before, I've heard you say, Kylie, you have to. She wants to spank. She wanted to be a dominatrix against conservatives, correct? Like Ted Cruz, she wants to whip him and she wants to spank him and telling me he's a bad boy and he has a small penis. I think she could make a shit ton of money. She would. I really do. I think a lot of these men like it. I think a lot of them really enjoy it. Like I think JD Vance enjoys being humiliated because why else would you work for Donald Trump? I mean, these men love being humiliated. Why else would you support Donald Trump and brag about it? They have a humiliation kink. Pumps, you said that you don't have that many dreams about sex a few minutes ago. Do you remember that? Yeah. Do you have sex more than you have dreams about sex? Or which one do you do more? Both are just base zero. Yeah, I don't think. Do you dream more about having sex and you have sex or is it the other way around? I can't remember the last time I had. I mean, to be honest, the only real sex dream that I remember having that I hadn't worked up in my sleep was the lesbian dream. Is that with the softball player? Trance, Shedemunajah 12 with the basketball players. But yeah, two OU basketball players. They were sisters, which is a weird key. It was an ancestral lesbian dream. Yeah, you orgasmed. And I orgasm. I mean, I woke up and I was like, holy shit. So was this during the time period that you were going to women's softball games? I'm still going to women's softball games. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're not a lesbian, though. No, I should be. I would love to be a lesbian. I would say this was like 20 years ago. I could look it up to the exact date when those twins played at OU. But I'll spare you my looking it up. Do you do you mind revealing who the twins were? No, Courtney and Ashley Parris. And they had a father who's an NFL player. Yes, right. Yeah, for San Francisco. I remember. So it was during that era that you're sitting at home. Courtney Parris was like the big. That's right. She was a big deal at OU. Yeah, and they're both like six, five. I mean, these these are not. You wouldn't look at these women and be like, oh, yeah, that's who I want to fuck. Yeah, I did. You're just sitting home fat and happy back then. Aren't you just smiling? Just having a good old time. Do you have a picture of these twins, Kylie, that you can pop up? So I don't think I've ever seen them. I know about your lesbian dreams, but I don't know that I've ever seen an image of the girls that got you off. Yeah, these two. Yeah, love it. I love it. I love this for you. It's fantastic. I mean, that's the highest compliment to these young women. Coming from a straight woman. Yeah, for sure. Allegedly straight. OK. It's a big allegedly right there. That's an underscore. That's an all caps Trump tweet right there. Allegedly. All right. Let me tell you all what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with conversation be laborers, people that be labor. Conversations when I'm trying to exit, when I'm trying to leave and somebody has started doing this in my life and really enjoys doing it. And and and he has started doing like dad jokes in the situation. Yeah, and then he says stuff like this. OK, here's what's happening. We walk into a clothing store and Josh will be like, I need that shirt. And here's the size and he'll say, I hope it'll fit me. You know, I'm pretty lean. I work out a lot to the sales guy. I'm sitting there and he'll say, I have about, you know, four or five percent body fat, I'm pretty fit. And I'm just sitting there going, I want to die. And then he goes, you know, I'm just saying all this to irritate her. And then we're just belaboring the conversation where you have to do is say, I want this shirt this size, put it on. Instead, we're talking about body fat. We're talking about I want to rile up my wife. I want. And this goes on and on. And then we're exchanging business cards. And then on the way out, we're asking what people are doing. We used to be able to be efficient in situations like this. And now Josh just really likes grandstanding. And my favorite part of that, too, is once I go through all the bullshit that I have, and then I look over there and I go, Hey, are you mad at me? You know, then I probe even further, you know, and she's just like, I just don't want to fucking talk about it anymore. And I go, what, what is it? What is it? You know, I know, I mean, Jennifer runs a very tight ship. Like she wants things in order. She wants them efficient. And so if there's any ditty daddling around, she's not having it. And so sometimes I ditty daddle around intentionally, intentionally, intentionally. I mean, and I own it like I do it. And then I'll walk off and I'll think, I'm sure she's fucking pissed at that one. That was a really good one. Or I'll say something. And but this is also the perks of having been with someone for like 25 years. Like, and she always says this about me, but do you know how many times I've heard her tell the same story? I mean, you have many fucking times. Sure, it's a lot. A lot. And there's three or four, three or four stories that are, you know, A plus zingers, I get it. They're fucking zingers, but I'm there for every one of them. You know, so after about 10, 11, 12 times, they're not zingers. They're not zingers anymore. They're annoying as fuck. But guess what Josh does? He takes one for the team because he loves his little princess. This is my grievance. And I just want you to know, and I'm sure that I put both of you through the ringer and telling and even the even people that work here for sure have heard my bullshit. But one thing that he does right in front to where the sales guy can hear it. It's like, then we go into full blown. Are you mad? Is that irritating you? And I'm like, no, we're good. Like, I'm good. And I look at the sales guy, go work it. Just take the shirt because it's like, I don't know what's happened. I don't know what's going on. But it's like he used to be on my team with this. Like, I want to talk less to people. I want us to be efficient. We were united in this, united like we would both watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and Marvel at Larry David's character about how he would try to limit unnecessary conversations. And this was a shared value that we had in our marriage. Josh is going rogue from this shared value. And now we no longer share this value. And now he's cracking dad jokes talking about the dad. Look at how fit. And then then we go into, well, you know, I used to be kind of chubby, but that didn't bother mama. He says shit like that. You deserve that. You deserve that one. She deserves that one, Josh. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if we had a picture of me, like when she met me, we could show that and say, you fell in love with that guy. But I do agree that as we've gotten older, I do find some humor in poking the bear a little bit. Like I think there's when the person that you love is sitting over there just matter than fuck at you. There's something so exciting about that. Like it's fulfilling. Yeah, it's just exciting. Yeah, it's fulfilling. It keeps it exciting. She failed to mention, I think I asked a Peloton instructor what his body fat was. We talked about that on a previous episode. We've segwayed into this. Let me let me first, before we do that, let me get us on track here with some comments that listeners have left on about Josh, the yak mouth. All right, the new yak mouth, five stars. Josh is a gem by Jennifer 918. It's not me. It wasn't me. I love the show, but I double love these bonus episodes, especially the ones with Josh. Jennifer 918. I may leave the Jennifer 405 for the Jennifer 918. All right. And then the next review, Kylie, thoughts and prayers for Josh. 9.5% body fat. We're going to get to all of that. OK, and then the last one is when I was a young twink in my 20s, I was super skinny and I had 10% body fat. No way, Josh has 4%. I completely agree R2 45. So I'm tempted just to take my shirt off right now. I mean, I'm considering it. If we need to go there, we'll go there. Now, I'm not suggesting it. But if I have to, like if the blasphemy becomes too much, then we will. All right. All right, listener, I have this struggle. I look terrible without makeup, but I hate the caked on makeup look. And that's why I'm so happy that I have discovered Jones Road Beauty. 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Now available in Canada to that's Q I N C E dot com slash had it for free shipping and three hundred sixty five day returns. Quince.com slash had it. Let's let's discuss. I have briefed the audience on that. You discovered that the body fat machine, I per my tip, I was like, this body fat machine at our gym is not right. So you ordered your new body fat machine. Now I am getting daily text updates as to in anybody's weight. Anybody's body fat. It's not meant to be taken every day because you're going to have a fluctuation based on salt, water, piss, poop, whatever. This how many times a day are you checking your body fat with your new machine? Let me first say this. Jennifer gets two texts from me in the morning. It's my wordle and my body fat percentage. And it's a readout on the app from my phone. I screenshot that the app and the body fat percentage because it blue tooth with the scales. So every morning she gets that. And I think I was down like point oh three percent maybe this morning. Anyway, what was your question? I forgot. OK, I've got Tim. I think perhaps you take over the interview here with with Josh because I know that you have a lot of lingering questions about this. Yeah. OK. How much if you were to Google it between Claude and chat GPT, what is the prevailing thought on how accurate it is that your body fat fluctuates every day? Is that common? I mean, I know weight does, but does body fat? It does. But you have to understand, I'm measuring it down to the like mill of mill of pound or whatever it is. It's like nine point oh five versus, you know, eight point eight oh. Like it varies. It can vary every day. But there was some fraud going on, though, when I was getting these four and five percent body fats, I really thought that that's what my body fat was. And then I went and got this expensive scale and it shows that I'm about nine percent, 10 percent. Pumps you out. Me to add you to that text thread. Well, here's what I was going to say. I think what you're missing is that how many times do you do this? How many times do you get on the scale on a day? At least twice. Do you poop before you get on the scale or after? I get on the scale afterwards. Do you get on the scale wet or dry? Dry. And even if I'm wearing glasses, I'll take my glasses off. Even if I have like compression socks on, I'll take those off. I mean, it's a butt naked way in because every every ounce matters. OK, do you have you ever thought about instead of screen shotting Jennifer, the text, including her in on the app? So every time you get on the scale, she just gets it alert. That's what I think needs to happen. I would like to do that. No. And I could just start sending like selfies like instead of like body fat percentages to say, OK, I was a little puffy here, but now I'm more fit now, more fit. I could just do that, too. Yeah. But let me see if there's like a collaboration on the app. See if I if I if I'm going down, that kind of going down. We're bringing this up. I'm bringing her down with me. If I'm on the app, I know I'm on the app. That's the only way this thing goes down. And I want Kylie and Ryan on the app, too. Let me tell you how my morning goes down. So pumps text me every day, too, by the way. So this is my somewhat dysfunctional life. So when I wake up, I send my body fat percentage to Jennifer and my wordle pumps. You send me a text to tell me whether or not my colors called to go take my drug test. And we can we text like that every single day. And yeah, we do. Yeah. And so maybe I need to add you to the body fat percentage. Since you're sure if I'm going down pumps is going down. See, this one I would enjoy it because I know when you got it, you'd be like, oh, you would be happy. No, you would. OK, I do want to say this, though. One of my favorite texts that was recently sent to Josh Welch. It was the wordle text. And I can't remember what the word was and the end. But you were on your last thing. It was like P.U. Yes, why? Puffy or pussy? Yeah. He said I was down at the end. I didn't know if it was puffy or pussy. Yeah. So I went with puffy for the win. Everything in my heart wanted to spell out pussy on that. But I knew that it wasn't going to be that. I just knew it wouldn't. But it took every fiber in my being not to type pussy instead. Type puffy. But I did. I got it in six. OK. We have a story for Josh. Let's pop this up. Here's an NPR headline on AI flattering us. AI is a suck up. Research shows how it flatters and suggests that we're not to blame. And here's a screen grab from this article in a recent study published in the Journal Science. Cheng and her colleagues report that AI models offer affirmations more often than people do, even for morally dubious or troubling scenarios. They found that this sicko fancy was something that people trusted and preferred in an AI, even as it has made them less inclined to apologize or take responsibility for their behavior. The findings experts say highlight how this common AI feature may keep people returning to the technology despite the harm it causes. And so, Josh, I thought this would be a wonderful opportunity to share about your relationship with both chat GPT and Claude and the fight you got in one chat GPT for gaslighting him. Yeah. And I got a chat GPT to admit this. So I asked chat GPT a question like, does President Trump control the Department of Justice? And then it gives me some answer that it doesn't. And then I have to like give it four or five examples of how he does, in fact. And then chat GPT says, well, there's a perception that he does, but blah, blah, blah. And then I take the word perception and I say, no, it's not just perception. And then I list all these examples and then chat GPT apologizes and said that it will do a better job moving forward of being transparent, that I was right, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, this took about 20, 25 minutes. As I'm working really hard during my day. But yeah, so I called me and he goes, listen, I got chat GPT to admit that it's been gaslighting me, which is pretty impressive. I sent you the screenshot. I think I do. I have the screenshot. The chat GPT apologized to Josh for gaslighting him. The admission. D.O.J. Yeah. The admission on the record. And I said, isn't there is picture up out there? Didn't he tweet Pam Bondi and tell her to do all this stuff? And then she did it and didn't there this, didn't there that? And he said, you're right. You're right. You're right. Okay. I'll do a better job. He'll do a better job with you next time. But I don't know. I, I, I'm not so fond of this sort of lovey-dovey relationship with AI. Same. Here it is. Here's what chat GPT said to Josh. He circled it and screenshot it and send it to me. You can see that circle there. Anyway, it says, I do agree that I should have called it what it was a fact. You're holding me to a higher standard and I respect that. Yeah. I'll make sure going forward that I stick to the facts. No hedging. Let's keep it fully. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. That Josh said, and Josh said, okay, thank you. And then chat GPT says, Webber in chat GPT says, you're welcome. I'm glad we can have this honest exchange. If anything else comes up, I'm here to tackle it head on with you. exclamation point. Here was Josh's prompt that got it to admit, okay, chat GPT. It's hard for me to believe that you will quote always aim to be as direct as possible, when in fact, you just did the contrary. You just said the contrary. You omitted a very important piece of the puzzle and use the word perception instead of fate stating a fact. Do you agree with that chat GPT? Yeah. Turns out chat GPT did agree with that. But why did you break up a chat GPT and get right together Claude? For that, for that very reason, the gaslighting for that very reason, just lying to me. I mean, I appreciate chat GPT being sweet about it. And I want to accept their apology. We don't need to, we don't need to split or divide here with any animosity toward each other. We can, we can both be kind about it. But I mean, it's over with. We're done. We're done. It's for that reason, just lying to me. What is that? What is that president before me once shame on me or something? You can't get fooled again. Yeah. Okay. Here's the deal though. Doesn't this speak to like a higher issue with like society in general, like the lack of the ability to say I was wrong. I'm sorry and tank accountability. I did that. I fucked up. To me, that is like a huge gaping sign and it's only going to get worse if AI is helping people avoid doing that. That's right. That's 100%. I really wanted chat GPT to say that it was lying. Like it just didn't satisfy me enough to say that it wasn't. Did that impact the breakout? That was part of it. Like had chat GPT been in the witness box and I'd been the lawyer, I think I could have finagled a little more of some contrition out of them and gotten that person to admit that they had really been dishonest and deceitful. But at some point, I got to get back to work or got to watch my show or whatever it is I'm doing. I can't just be fucking around with this stuff all day. Got shit to do. The next story. Let's pop this up. House Republicans want to ban pride flags at embassies and stop orgs from mentioning trans people. House Republicans introduced five measures to restrict the US from promoting LGBTQ plus rights around the world each year. Congress must pass several large spending bills called appropriations to keep the federal government funded and functioning over the past several years. House Republicans have adopted a strategy of attaching unrelated measures to these bills called riders that attack LGBTQ plus rights. These measures often cannot pass on their own, although Senate and House Democrats have been effective at removing them most of the time. All five anti LGBTQ plus riders appear to be rules or executive orders implemented by the administration since 2025, January of 25, making them statutory law passed by Congress would prevent the next Democratic president from overturning the measures on their first day in office. The measures include a flag ban, an envoy ban which cuts funding for democratic positions focused on LGBTQ plus issues, contractor rollback allows federal contractors to discriminate against LGBTQ plus workers, trans health care ban, DEI trans gag rule reinforces existing bans on DEI and trans inclusive language federally funded organization. That's gross. It takes. It's here's the deal. It's just they're coming for everybody. You know, it was the women now it's overall since the Trump administration. I might be making this up because you know I do that sometimes. Haven't there been like 600 laws introduced around the country to peel back rights for LGT. I'm sure. Yeah, I think it's over 700. But even if there's a Democrat in office, you have local state governments like in Oklahoma. Right. It's a constant erosion of that advancement of equality. Go ahead, Poms. I'm sorry. It just also signals to me how fragile these people are. They are so fucking fragile. They are so worried about somebody's flag. They're so triggered that somebody might have a flag that they disagree with. It's just it's stunning how fragile these people are. And I think when we get back in office, we need to ban Republicans from embassies. Like if you're if you're just if you're just a Republican, but this is an example. Like and we need to remind ourselves of this when we're back in office, you see that the vile nature of what they do, how they do it. And if we get one person back in office that wants to play integrity politics, when we're trying to fight people like this that discriminate against trans, gay, African American, whatever it is. And we're going to go in there and play Nice Guy. Now, we better not do that. We see what kind of game they're playing. And that's what it makes me think of is that, you know, this is a full blown war. It really is. It really is. It is a war for people's freedom. What pisses me off about this is how much people will allow this form of bigotry towards the LGBTQ plus community, because they say the religion will not allow them to support equality. And that is the biggest lie and the biggest bullshit and the biggest weaponization of somebody's religion on the planet. Evangelical Christians are the ringleaders of this shit. And I would also say evangelical Christians are the ringleaders of all the people who every time I'm on the internet are getting arrested left and right for some sort of possession of some sort of child sex crime stuff on their phone, trying to hook up with some minor and it ends up being some law enforcement agent. It is disgusting to me how these people want impunity for their bigotry because they say their religion. And that, remember that old hag that, what was her name? She's just off, she had that horrible hair and she'd been married, Kim Davis. And that her name? She wouldn't do the marriage license. Yeah. And then you have the person who wouldn't bake the cake for gay people. And then you find out all of these, you know, all of these porn hub, wherever the trans searches are, it's all these red counties, deep, deep red places. Grinders crash in left and right whenever a group of Republicans get together. You know, my favorite to talk about is Matt Schlapp. Matt Schlapp, the big CPAC guy, Mary de Mercedes Schlapp, who's a big fat Christian. And Matt Schlapp, Josh, I don't know if you about, he gets all liquored up and he goes around and he grabs the dick and the balls of his fellow CPAC goers, fellow conservatives. Really? Yeah. At CPAC conventions and Mercedes Schlapp still trots around with her. I'm a Christian married to Matt Schlapp, the unauthorized ball grabber on Twitter. I'm never going to stop bringing this up because we hold our own accountable. Eric Swalwell was fucked up. He was sent out to pasture. I want to know why Matt Schlapp is running around CPAC, grabbing the balls of other conservative men and their penises. How long ago was this? Kylie, would you please do an autopsy? There's been multiple allegations. Yeah, it's been three allegations. He gets all liquored up and he's grabbing. He's grabbing cock. He's a cock grabber. He gets all liquored up and he likes, he likes cock. Dick, yeah. Then he likes to sexually assault men. But then he likes to also say that he's a Christian and that he's a married person. And they have this devout religion and Godly marriage and all that stuff. You know, I sort of put those, there's two different types of those people, I think. There are a sect of Magga Christians that are not very educated. And then there's another sect of Magga Christians like him that just clearly used religion to manipulate, weaponize. Totally. And they are smart and they know exactly what they're doing. And I would put him more in the latter camp like a complete fucking hypocrisy. For sure. For sure. And I just want to point out Kim Davis with the bad hair. I think it was Tennessee. She was sitting there saying how immoral she was. And I think she'd been married and divorced five times. Yeah, it's real psycho. I was just shocked that she got married that many times. I know that's really mean and I'm punching down. She can't get married more than I am. 100%. That's what I'm saying. Pumps, she's only been married once and you're a million times better looking than she is. And this broad's pulling trains over there in Tennessee. It's unbelievable the amount of cock that this lady's getting. Kind of shit. Sexually. Put up a picture of that lady. Kim Davis, this lady gets more cock than you, pumps. Not even close. Pull her out. It's not even close. I mean, she is over there pulling trains in Tennessee. God only knows. What's her? I'm assuming she was a county clerk. Oh, county clerk. County clerk that refused to sign marriage licenses and ensued. She's, you know, she's been married. Dead wedding. You all the time. You all the time. Leave it. Her religion keeps her from doing this, but she's been married five times. Yeah, there she is. Josh, she gets more up than I do. Yeah. Wow. See, at first blush, I want to put her into the not so educated camp, but I don't want to be mean about it. Wow, pumps. She need to get busy. Kylie, what's the, can you get us a report on Matt Schlapp and how many Dixie's grabbed? And I think they're younger. Look, I think they're younger people at CPAC. They're not like his contemporaries. The first one, he was accused of groping a former Herschel Walker staffer. Yeah. Groping his crotch in October, 2022. That one settled in 2023. And then there was a fresh one February, 2025. He was accused of groping another man at a bar in Virginia. We got a fresh, we got a live one. Yeah, we have a live one. Yeah. Yeah. And Mercedes Schlapp, she still has her, you know, faith, family, shit. And Mercedes Schlapp, while she's talking about all this family value, shit, banning, you know, pride plagues, and she works over at News Nation. She fails to mention that Matt Schlapp is slapping his hands around on cocks. And I want accountability for this. I just think Mercedes is probably fucking around. Her husband's obviously gay. So I would guess that Mercedes has some stuff on the side. That would be my thing. What do you think, Scissor? Or do you think it's a side piece? No, I probably would say, probably Dick. I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. Maybe she likes, maybe she's a pecker. Maybe she likes to peg people. Maybe he likes to be peck. Maybe Matt Schlapp likes to be pecked. Little schlappin' peckle. They're doing all of this, though, under the guise of religion. That's the thing. Like, I don't give a fuck what Matt, whatever his name is. Well, I don't think he should sexually assault people. I don't think you can grab cock without consent. We are for cock grabbing with consent. Let me just put that. I've had it. We stand in solidarity with consensual cock grabbing. All right, now go on. I agree with that. But in general, I don't give a fuck what this guy does. But when you start preaching all this magashit, this just goes back to Trump. They had this fucking clown on tape in 2016 saying your favorite. Grabbing by the pissing. Yeah. And now he's like the cold hero of Christianity, this guy. Yeah. Bringing the looking back. This society that we live in is so fucked up that if you think about all these examples during the course of a day, you would literally want to grab the biggest syringe full of heroin and shoot that in your veins and end this fucking nightmare. Because you just can't explain any of it. You can't explain any of it. They're all just fucking scoundrels, just scumbags. That's a great word, scoundrels. Yeah. I like that. It is a good word. And from time to time, I may represent one of them. But they're innocent. All right, listen, I'm kind of a connoisseur of the throw blanket. I love to use the throw blanket on the sofa, or if I'm chilling in my bed, but I'm not ready to completely un-make my bed. 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Minimum purchase required, new customers only, terms and conditions apply. Seasite for complete details. Okay, does Kylie? Oh my God, Kylie Greer. Okay, March 28th, 2024, the Christian Post. Matt and Mercedes Schlapp say, Our faith sustained us amid lawsuit. A prominent political activist is crediting his quote, faith in God with helping him as he faced allegations of sexual misconduct that he condemned. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Well, the source of that was the Christian Post too. The Christian Post. But here's the deal. Matt Schlapp likes to slap his cock out, grab cocks unauthorized, and they like to then, you know, these are the people that are probably like, Christianity's under attack. We're under attack. And now they're like, we could do it without Jesus. JC and a little, little. This has never occurred to me until right now. Do you think we're going to have a big, Christy gnome, big reconciliation? It's going to be how about their faith led them back to marriage? Big titty Brian? Yeah. Take our separate ways. Big titty Brian, I believe the quote is, you know, I would normally feel bad for him if, if, if he and his wife weren't such dangerous murderous hypocrites. Right. But he said he wanted to be a trans bimbo slut. And so let's just think about this. The DHS lady that, you know, wore, wore all these costumes and sent these people to, uh, Minneapolis took orders from Steven Miller. Excuse me for that. Can you pull that in? Yeah. Took orders from Steven Miller called the people that got, got shot by their federal government, called them terrorists. Meanwhile, big titty Brian or husband is at home on only fans and telling his dominatrix that he wanted to be a big bimbo trans slut and he wanted to change gender. And here's the thing. Like I don't care that big titty Brian wants to do that shit, but the fact that those fuckers go around telling everybody they have a godly marriage, just like the, uh, Matt and Mercedes Schlapp and their fucking faith that got them through it. It's the grossest shit. And if any of you have ever lived in the Bible belt, it's so ubiquitous that shit. You always know these Christians are fucking freaks to their core. They are the freakiest freaks on the planet. And here's a, No redeeming qualities. These people. And here's a little bit of advice for them. They talk about how their faith has helped get through, get them through these difficult times. And so here's maybe a little bit of a different take on it. Maybe you could use that faith to not allow you to go grab someone's dick without their consent. Maybe your faith could be a part of that decision making process. Or maybe your faith would prevent you from, you know, fucking your neighbor's wife or doing whatever it is you do. It's, it's kind of like, But here's the problem. In order for Matt Schlapp to say, God, please help me not grab cock. He would have to admit God, I really like cock. And because the Bible, God has said you in this form of Christianity, being gay or being an unmarried non-virgin is like two of the biggest sins on the planet. Not be a good person. None of that. They don't give a shit about any of that. And in the case of big Titty Brian, if he wanted to go to God to say, please help me not be a trans-bembo slut, he'd have to admit, I feel like a woman on the inside. I don't even feel like a man. And I really quite enjoy it when Christy pecks me. And so these would be very awkward conversations to have at Bible study. And at the mega church, don't you think, pumps? Yeah, no, everybody, everybody at the mega church acts like they have the perfect marriage that, you know, there's no discrepancies between words and actions. And I mean, for my life alone, I can tell you that's a big fat pile of dog shit. But I wasn't the only one because once I went public, I don't know how to say it, but Your husband went public. I think he went public when he emailed all of us. Like so many people came up to me with their fucked up crazy shit that I would have never known. So the actions and words think like the little secrets being hidden that people are just refused to acknowledge because I'm with Josh. Like before you do something horrible, why didn't your faith kick in then? Well, it never does because they think I'm not going to get caught. And it's only a problem if they get caught. But it's deeper. Their faith exacerbates their ability to be their true self. So it exacerbates their denial and it sets these people up for failure. Kind of like in the last episode, we talked about how purity culture primes for rape culture. And this heterosexual evangelical culture, primes Matt Schlapp and Big Titty Bryant, where instead of being their authentic selves, you know, we're involved in all of these scandals. And of course, they'll trot out, we're going to get saved again. That draws me into a point this and I'm not a Christian. But it seems like they get this bailout, right? Like Christianity tells you that you can just go kind of fuck someone over. You can go fuck someone's wife. You can be gay or grab someone's dick, whatever it is. And all you got to do is come in and ask that you be forgiven and you be saved. And then we're going to wipe that away. There's not going to be any consequence for that. You still get to come to this kingdom. You can go, you know, I guess in theory, like Timothy McVeigh, he could have just gone into the church after the Oklahoma City bombing, where all these children were murdered and just asked for forgiveness. And then you're just going to be forgiven. So what is that? So what is that? I mean, just look at that objectively. Like I don't believe any of those stories or any of that bullshit, but just look at that. What's the problem with that? The problem with that is that there's no consequences nor accountability for anything that you do because you just think that you can go in and erase it by saying a few magic buzzwords. And how fucked up is that? I also think it perpetuates into that's why people are so easy to be like, oh, that's fine. They said they were sorry. They're forgiven. They rededicated their life to Jesus. And so there's no accountability because they're used to it. They're used to not having accountability. Yeah. But it's, you see that with this guy's, this Matt guy's quote, like, uh, don't forget to say, slap. Nobody said a lot. Yeah. But that's their all. That's their get out of jail free card. All of them do it like, and they pick these people for as their leaders that are awful fucking human beings. Just horrible. Anyway, well, you know, there's all these rumors online too about Scott Jennings. Going out to fire Island and doing bisexual stuff and doing gay stuff. And it just seems like every single time you turn around with these magamen, you have the leader of the party, Trump always talking about how haughty things men are blaring phantom of the opera. You know, he, the familiarity, I'll never forget it when he leaned over the microphone on the campaign trial and he acts like he was giving it a blow job. Just even that, not alone. If you think about Obama simulating oral sex on a microphone, his political career would have been over. Fox News, Jesse Waters, after he beat off 17 times, then he would go report on the news that his political career is completely over. They would have never allowed him to recover from it. If Barack Obama were sitting there talking about the size of Shaquille O'Neal's cock, the way that Donald Trump was talking about Arnold Palmer's cock, it would have been game over. But there's all this gay coded shit in MAGA. It's everywhere. It's fucking everywhere. It's everywhere. And then they come full tilt for the things that they want to fetishize. They want to go full tilt bigotry. And the people that have more bravery and more conviction and more guts than every member of MAGA is the person that they think is some twink fairy, whatever. Yeah. And that person, that twink, would have far more courage and conviction than Matt Schlapp, Mercedes Schlapp, Donald Trump, Moses Mike Grindr Johnson, the alleged bisexual Scott Jennings, and all the other DL, demon queens and MAGA combined. Is it because they believe this story about going to heaven? Is that? Yeah. Is that they're all in that? I mean, I mean, some like Trump is a fraud. He's just a straight up fraud. Yeah, we know Trump. Yeah. That Mike Johnson believes that he is going to go to heaven. And so all of this crazy lying and horrible things that he's doing in service of Trump is fine. I want to just remember, I just want to tell you, I think in Moses Mike Grindr Johnson's case, the stuff he's doing with Trump is what he thinks is an atonement. I think a lot of these men think we are going to go along with Trump because that's going to make us right with God because Trump's going to deliver America to be a Christian nation. And in the case of Moses Mike Grindr Johnson, you may remember my reporting from a year and a half ago or so when I deep dove into his living situations in Washington, D.C. And he lives with this evangelical pastor who, according to neighbors, would always answer the door in his panties when Moses Mike came home from work. I no longer think they're living together anymore, but I think the bargain with these men is we can do gay stuff and we can cock grab and we can be big tittyed. But how we're going to atone for that. And I think like even Clarence Thomas Alito, some of these hardcore Christians in the court, that's their bargain. We're going to deliver God. We're going to deliver America to God so that we can go do all this shit. That's that's the fucked up bargain they have in their brain, in my opinion. Is this Moses guys? He the one that he and his son had to limit their foreign watching or shit, some kind of stuff like Exactly. Yeah. He's a speaker of the fucking house. Yeah, I know. He's pussy on the planet. No, I know. They're all, it's just, it's like fucking cuckoo shit. Like this is stuff you couldn't make up. And the fact that all these people follow and listen, it's crazy. I'm always amazed. I sometimes try to tune out and then I tune in and I'm like, just where the fuck are we? Just wait before we get off what you tell remind poms and tell the listener and Kylie and Ryan and Seth, tell them back when you were on Twitter and when you would just randomly tweet like Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio or like what was the other speaker of the house's name? You would just. Yeah, it's all Ryan maybe. Yeah. Yeah. When you would just, you would be on Twitter, tell, tell everybody about because this was so good. But it was before I came back to the practice of law. So I was doing photography, had a little bit of time on my hands, I think I would say. And I was into politics. Like I was when Trump was running in 2016, I think I still had a Facebook account. I would get on Twitter, I would get so fucking mad and I would send like Ted Cruz a message telling like I would say, Hey, you go fuck yourself, Ted or not. Like it would be some like I was just as if he's going to read it number one, but I was so fucking pissed off that I would have to and Jennifer would be like, what's wrong with you? And it'd be like, God fucking Ted Cruz. Well, you know, like two hours later, then I'm like, I would have this kind of remorse. So, you know, I'm sure like a Christian repentance kind of. Why did I do that? I need to take that down. That's fucking stupid. So they're not going to delete it. And it's just, I really can't wrap my head around. I mean, I know we live in Oklahoma or I do and pumps, you're there and Jennifer comes back and forth and I understand the culture there, but it's hard for me to believe that really all these people really believe in this religion or do they believe in the fact that they can use religion to be a certain way? Like there's a distinction. Like do you really believe because I don't think they believe in the tennis. I don't think they believe in the tenants of religion. I don't think that because if you did, you would adhere to those things, which are not bad things, which I think that if you followed, but I think that I think it's deeper than that. I don't know that they believe in that. They believe what it allows you to do, how you can really get other people. What do you think, Pumps, to his proposal? I think that's giving credit for critical thinking that doesn't exist. Like I'll just say for my family, the religion, like I would say I was raised in a non-religious household compared to my mother. Like it was so religious that couldn't go to school, dances, all that. So what I believe that it's primarily fear-based, like if I don't do this, bad things are going to happen or I might go to hell. But I do think that it's, I believe it's true every single word. I don't think, I think that what sets the part, obviously the critical thinking, but then also setting apart that the duplicity is built in. The dissonance is built in so that I can say and do all the things that Jesus, you know, what would Jesus do? I'm straight down the line with him, but then I'm going to go out and I'm going to do the most racist, homophobic, hateful, and shit. Yeah. And I think that's my point is that if you took this religion so seriously, you wouldn't see a lot of this discrimination coming from that side of it. You wouldn't, you would see a lot more compassion like the person I think Jesus was. Like if you took it serious, like if it was, if it meant something to you, like, if I study something and I adhere to it, whether it's Buddhism or whatever, and I believe in it, you don't just really believe in parts of it. But I think that it gives them, because there's too many racist people that are Christian, they're just are racist and homophobic. But Christianity is racist. It tells you in the Bible how to treat your slave and white people indoctrinated the slaves to get them to submit to being owned and to be better workers. So religion is always about control and power and Christianity is inherently racist. I mean, there's parts of the Bible that tells you how to treat your slave. And it was weaponized against the black slave population to get them to be more obsequious to the needs of the slave owners. So that's built in. And the KKK was a religious organization. And we have a crazy Christian problem in the United States of America. We have a racist problem. And the Venn diagram on those two issues is pretty overlapped. All right, listen, this, we could sit here and talk about this shit all day. But listen, don't be a crazy Christian. Don't grab cock and don't grab cock without consent. If they could ask, go for it. No cock grabbing without consent. And also to Mercedes and Matt Schlapp. Bullshit on your born again Christian post interview that y'all had to lean into your faith while Matt Schlapp is leaning into cock. That is the biggest jet stream of bullshit. I have ever heard, I can't take it. I fucking hate these Christian hypocrites more than anything on the planet. I talk about it a lot in my book. Not, I think I do mention Matt Schlapp actually. As you can tell, I think about him a lot. Not today, fascist, please pre-order wherever you get your books. And we also have a very exciting announcement. Josh is joining us on our sub-stack as a legal analyst, as well as Julia Sonnestein and myself. We are really revving up our sub-stack. That's where it's at. People are ditching newspapers. So it's a great way to support our show and we will see you guys pretty much every day. Make sure you're subscribed here. And then we also have the other podcast that is Politics Only, I Hip News. We'll be back later.