Getting Back My Sporkle: A The Valley Recap

Hi, it's Pete and Sam from Staying Relevant and our podcast is brought to you by HBO Max, available for the first time ever. HBO Max, a new place to stream HBO original series. Now this is exciting, Pete. Whilst I was recovering from my throat surgery, I kicked back and watched all of my favourites. That was absolute bliss. You couldn't speak for three days. I'm glad you had this to keep you busy. I'm telling you, mate, HBO Max just get it right every single time. These stories make you feel something. One minute I'm crying, next I'm laughing. I mean, you take me on an emotional rollercoaster every day to be fair. I knew you missed me. Did you do anything else whilst you're off? Play with the cats. Anything else? Didn't need to. HBO Max the home of quality entertainment. Nothing better to get you through vocal cord surgery, I guess. Stream HBO Max now. Sign up for your daily dose of free bingo at Gala, where a little joy goes a long way. 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We were talking to my mom and my mom goes, your baby kind of looks like my baby. So it's the blue eyes and I was like, oh no. He needs some extra money when he moved to LA. No, when you were reading the profiles or whatever, I'm like, that could be me. Could you imagine? Wait, did you do this, bro? Hello, guys. Welcome back to another episode here at Everyone's Business, but mine with me, Kara Berry. Today we are embarking upon season three of the Valley. Am I going to be so much of a hypocrite as to say that like, I'm going to enjoy recapping the season given in the previous seasons? I was like, I refuse to use the G word. Good. With reference to this show, I thought we were really in it for the long haul with Jack's Taylor. So, you know, that was like heavily factored in. I really still don't want to call it good, but like, I'm willing to say we're in a much better space. It feels a lot lighter. Feels like we kind of had a little bit more space to breathe or nostrils were clearer. Catch that tea. And so I'm feeling a little lighter watching this show. It doesn't seem like, you know, Jack's aside, anybody's like, aside from Brittany, like truly that much happier. There's still a darkness there, but I mean, it's like being in an eclipse versus like a very cloudy day. So let's get into it. We're starting off. We have moved from the couchy welcome mad outside that Valley Village, you know, modern farmhouse to the cart rides. Welcome. Things are so much better since the last time y'all saw me. Oh, great. I can pay for everything. Cruises here. He's honestly, he seems really happy, much happier. Obviously, we know that demon she was married to, she's still not divorced yet. He will not, you know, he's going to hold on with those meaty paws of his until the very last moment. He's not sending in any paperwork still. She's hoping it's going to happen in six weeks. Now, I don't keep up with Brittany. 40% of that might be because she blocked me years ago. However, I feel like I would have caught a headline if she had actually gotten a divorce. I feel like there would have been some sort of parade, some sort of national holiday. So I'm assuming she's still in it. And I'm not surprised. Zach and his boyfriend, Benji, living in WeHo, Zach's boyfriend just not boyfriend, Zach's roommate just moved out. So Benji can move in. He's still under a visa government. If you're listening, he's got a valid visa, please don't take him. Jasmine and Melissa, they're engaged, moved to Sherman Oaks. They're officially about to be married in the valley. Jasmine says, I'm a laidback bride and then goes on and on about black tie wedding and no kids, sushi station, carving station. Nobody's going to be rolling it up in a pink dress. You will be escorted out. But I am laidback. Jesse wants to be the efficient because of course he does. Michelle is in her own place. She and Aaron didn't work out. Gag of the century, he dumped her not the other way around as it should have been. She says this is like the first time that a man is ever broken up with her. So that's just another nail in the coffin, log in the fire, whatever you call it. Of course, much like Jack's. Two sides same coin. Jesse's also dragging it with the divorce. They're switching on and off weekends with sweet little Isabella. Could have been divorced two years ago when Michelle wanted to be, but Jesse's always finding yet another excuse as to why he can't find the paperwork. Jesse of course says Michelle thinks everything I do is strategic because it is. But trust me, I want to get divorced. It just hasn't happened yet. Simple. Okay, well that's just because you say things strongly that, okay, it just hasn't happened yet. Why? Y'all are, I feel like I know people who have a lot more assets and funds and like liquid and otherwise than y'all. And it's always like these people who are like years and years into your relationship, y'all don't have anything. Jesse, you can take your little white flip flops, Michelle, whatever you have and keep it pushed. Like, why would you want to be locked into a situation like this? Y'all don't have assets. Michelle was blasted and Jesse all season for being like, you don't have any money. You had a little sugar daddy. Give me a little chunk of chains on like Zell or whatever. Some homosexual man, not Zach. So what's really going on? Jesse knows how to hang out with people dumb enough to simply hear him say things with conviction and not actually listen to what he's saying and just go along with it and be like, he's a great guy. He's smart. Y'all, then we head over to Santa Clarita. Danny won, y'all. He is living his best life, holding up their new baby Adelaide into the sun, like he's the Lion King. Shout out to Santa Clarita. We made it, baby. And he is not happy when she never was, when she never was going to be. She says she almost had to give birth in the car because it took them an hour to get from their home to the LA hospital where she had to give birth and she just misses everything and being closer to everything and here we go. Stuck with Danny and four kids. Four and four, baby. Then we head over to Kristen and Luke's. Kristen lets us know she's very happy. Sweet baby Kya is in the world, Earthside, as the hippies typically say. Not only did she manifest her baby, she's like manifested the actual look. A blonde-haired blue-eyed baby, little blue-gene baby, LA, whatever the lyrics. Her genetics didn't even try. That's an interesting thing to say. Anyway, Luke says the biggest change in him since Kya is that he's now very comfortable, way more than he used to be with poop, so that's great. Kristen then tells Luke since giving birth. We're like two, three months at this point. It's like I know how to be a mom, but I forgot how to be a woman and I'm not really being the best partner. Luke says I feel like maybe if we get a nanny, things will ease up. Luke's trying to fuck, okay? They're past that six-week mark postpartum where they're cleared for takeoff, but I mean I'll just like wrap this up real quick. It seems like, like I said, they were like three months out from her having given birth. So I feel like the first six weeks don't count because you can't. You know, like you're not allowed to. So really, technically, we're only like six weeks old, not fucking since you've had a child. And I feel like that's like really normal. Like having not ever had children for much else telling me like that's not crazy. Six other weeks, I mean sometimes y'all are like, you know, really pushing it, really telling the line, but then others are like, it might be months before you like get back to yourself. So I feel like not that I'm surprised, but Luke focusing more on like the vein aspects of him not understanding why they can't fuck, which is she feels insecure about her body. She doesn't feel like herself yet, but I love her body. I'm loving the new curves. I'm loving the boobs. I think she's so hot. So now it's frustrating for me that she doesn't want to fuck because I want to. And it's, you know, that's not the problem, babe. You know, and I feel like Kristen is very clearly communicating. I like want to get back to myself in every way possible. I don't feel hot. I'm like in my mom body, not my like sexy, hot, Kristen, Mariposa body. You know, I haven't, she said I haven't left the house, but one time since having a baby. Lala's back and I'm not going to say I'm going to try because it's never going to be that with Lala, but like if I'm going to watch the show, I guess like, if she'll be pleasant, I'll be pleasant. How about that? We can be cordial with each other, but the minute she annoys me, I'm really, you want to get popped? Because I'll pop back. So she was talking about her relationship with Kristen. Honestly, I kind of like drifted off because it's just like the same old thing with her. I feel like Lala, like you're just taking time on the way. Like it's like lift up the sand of time, that timer, just turn it over because it's only going to be, but so long before y'all get into it, you Lala. And I feel like Lala has this like thing where the women have to prove themselves to her and to she's allowed to like check people if she doesn't feel like they're acting strong enough to whatever metric she creates in her own mind. And then when they like book back to her, then she's allowed to respect them. And like, I just don't get that. And I don't play those games. But thank God, Kristen, congratulations. You made it. We guys, we got into it before, but now we're good. Thank God. Now I'm going to tell y'all something right off the bat, right in this premiere. I know that the energy for Janet who Lala's going shopping with for reasons that are unknown and also hilarious when you think about it. People do not like Janet hate. Hate would be a pretty loose and fast term that people use with regard to their feelings toward Janet. I don't feel that way. I don't know what it is. Like she just does not hit that like bone for me. I find her to be highly entertaining and necessary to the whole process. And I think if she had effectively, you know, left the show, it would have been a lot less interesting. If she's willing to take the licking, I'm willing to watch. I'm not saying that I ever agree with Janet. Sometimes I do. Because I do feel like Kristen, I don't want to get into it, but I just find her to be like an interesting person to watch. So that's my truth. That's my opinion. And so y'all might be like, why do you have these soft opinions on Janet? Because honestly, I just find her necessary to the process and necessary to the show. And she's a villain that I like watching. Like I think we should all be grateful for the fact that Janet wants to be famous so badly that she will repeatedly be the absolute villain both on camera and off and come right back on and be like, well, I learned my lesson. And she's not going to learn her lesson. It's going to be great. Like we would be missing Janet telling Lala, I'm actually really glad that I wasn't invited to Kristen and Nia's sip and see because then I would have been in the position to make the choice as to whether or not I wanted to go and that would have been hard for me. That's hilarious. Girl, they don't want you there. Neither of them fuck with you. You immediately say after this, Nia's got you blocked every possible way she could. Good little Christian Nia. She does not want to fuck with you. And then as though you think this is going to help, I'm not saying you're wrong. Something's going on with Danny. That's very clear. It's very clear that Nia is in very protective mode and the fact that Janet will not shut the fuck up and will escalate and escalate the language that Danny has engaged with with regard to other women that is inappropriate. Nia's like, God, no, no time for her whatsoever. And it's like the worst possible thing that could happen to somebody like Nia, right? So on top of this, like you know this, you've been worked through the coals. You've cried on the reunions. You've cried probably to Jason's dozens of times a day. You were in these comments section, you know how people feel about you. It would be very easy for you to like pivot and not say stuff like this, that is not going to help you move forward in any of your relationships with any of these people. Lala, eventually I'm going to bet is going to have to jump ship and be like, Janet, you really got to be stop being a dumb bitch. Like I can't keep go signing you and I can't wait. Janet has got the nerve to say in a confessional, last summer was a good lesson for me. We'll see girl. I can't wait to see. I can't wait to see the journey. It's been really important to get into therapy and work on myself and reflect on how to not stir up so much pain and drama in the group. Watch this space. Janet, let's Lala know. Like I said, Nia's got me blocked everywhere, but I feel like Nia would rather paint me as a liar than admit the truth about her husband. Things that aren't going to help later, Janet. Lala's are over it already. She asked Janet, do you think you can tell Nia I'm sorry I went so hard? It wasn't my place. I'm going to feel like the answer to that is no, considered what she just said. And then we go back to Luke and Kristen, who say they have not spoken to Janet or Jason in like a year. And if they haven't communicated, how could they possibly have prepared their friendship? This is what Luke says. Kristen doesn't want no parts. Janet has not been one millisecond on my brain except for at Brittany's house. Now apparently, Janet is upset with Brittany because Brittany held a children's pool party. That Janet was hoping would be a good little buffer. She could change sweet. She and sweet little Cameron could change in the pool house. They could have a nice little day. And Kristen, who just newly gave birth, will likely be inside in the air conditioning because as we know, they say at three times a goddamn episode, it is so fucking hot in the valley. We can't stand it. So that's what she was figuring. Kristen tells us her side of the story, which is that Brittany told her, there's like a 99% chance that Janet's not even going to show up. So I don't think she's coming. She'll probably cancel on me. So now Kristen's also mad at Brittany because the 1% showed up. Now, then what happened was that Janet walks into the party. She overhears. Why is she here? She gets all into a tizzy, runs with her son back to the car, Cameron, unconsolable, crying because she had promised him a day at the pool and that they were going to go swimming. And what the fuck was that, Brittany? I cannot believe that you would allow this to happen. Seriously, not okay. Like I'm shaking. Now, what I clocked last season is that one thing, Janet was going to do was use the sweet baby Cameron to invoke victimhood and sympathy for herself. Last time, last season, she was reporting the physiological threats that were emanating off of her and seeping into the baby because of all the stress of people getting into it. And how could they do this to Cameron? I'm stressed out and he feels it. And I thought, okay, girl, this is a conversation for your husband, Jason and nobody else. And then here we are. Brittany and Kristen now have to be responsible because Cameron had a pool day that was ruined. Cameron's, I feel like if you ask Cameron the next day, how old is Cameron? She had just given birth. We're only in season three. He got to be about two and a half, three, maybe three and a half at this point. Like, I think he's cool. Cameron probably crashes out all the time for a lot of things. And I get it. If I was promised a nice little pool day, I too would be upset. Maybe I'd shed a little tear. But like, you know, I live in New York, we don't have much pool access. That would be a big deal for me. Cameron, don't be all right. You know, you could just, you know, to take them, they still make the turtle ones. You know, you get the turtle sandbox and then the blue plastic thing that your parents would just like take the hose to and fill it up that, you know, good seven inches of water. And you have yourself a good time. He's still at splash pad age. Like, it'll be all right. But no, after all the therapy and the reflection you've done, you decided your first scene, you're going to say that Kristen and Brittany have to share the emotional burden of your child's crash out. She tells Lala, the interaction of Brittany's house was not great. And it went from, Oh, Kristen has a baby on her boob to get me out of here. Oh my God. But then we head over to Good Times, chuckling on FaceTime with Brittany and her new boyfriend, not boyfriend. Man, she just spent five days in Cabo with Brandon. I'm definitely getting my sparkle back, y'all. She met Brandon back in the day when she was 22, just a young girl working at Hooters. They really clicked. Timing wasn't right. It's been 13 years since they've seen each other, but they're good and good as gold now, I guess. Shout out to Sheena. He tells me how beautiful I am every day. He lives in California, but three hours away, they're best friends, and they're having a good time. I don't think she's with this man currently, so we'll see how this goes. Because we head over to Schwartz's first scene with Zach. They seem like an interesting filming duo, but they've known each other for a long time. They're meeting up in a saloon. Schwartz is sweaty and nervous. Can you imagine? Tom Schwartz looking around, sweating for no reason, even though nobody else is, and on edge. Wow, some things never change. He looks at Zach and says, you look super lean. Now, I forgot to tell you earlier. Zach's first scene was him talking to Benji, sitting down on the couch and just doing his GLP one shot, like, oh, thank God. Here's to another week. Cheers. He tells, Schwartz tells Zach, wig, you look really sweat, just felt really lean. Hey, Zach, do you want to reciprocate the compliment? Usually you do that when somebody gives you one. Oh, Tom, you look great. Aside from the sweat. Schwartz, I mean, God, you think this man has been on television 75 years at this point that he wouldn't have to like warble through anything. Get it out, sir. He first says that he gained 15 pounds after the closure of Schwartz and Sadnie's, but then he also said it was happy weight. But he first said it was depression. So it's really hard to pin him down again. Some things never change. He then says that he is getting his sparkle back, his harmony, his zest. Speaking of sparkle, Brittany comes up, turns out Zach's concern because he feels like Brittany's jumping into a new relationship too quickly. She's not looking at the red flags, and if she doesn't, she's going to be making basically the same mistakes she made with the first one. Girl, is that bad already? Tom says in a confessional, Tom Schwartz says in a confessional, I really wish Brittany would seriously consider doing a little master dating. Master dating is like taking yourself out, showing yourself a little love, build herself up in the field of Brittany's dreams. You know, if she builds it, he will come and then she will come. Zach reveals they're still working on Benji's visa and listen, Zach. Hi, it's Pete and Sam from Staying Relevant, and our podcast is brought to you by HBO Max, available for the first time ever. HBO Max, a new place to stream HBO original series. Now this exciting Pete, whilst I was recovering from my throat surgery, I kicked back and watched all of my favourites. That was absolute bliss. You couldn't speak for three days. I'm glad you had this to keep you busy. I'm telling you, mate, HBO Max, just get it right every single time. These stories make you feel something. One minute, I'm crying, next I'm laughing. I mean, you take me on an emotional roller coaster every day to be fair. I knew you missed me. Did you do anything else whilst you're off? Play with the cats. Anything else? I didn't need to. HBO Max, the home of quality entertainment. Nothing better to get you through vocal cord surgery, I guess. Stream HBO Max now. Hey, guys, it's Angela from Get A Grip, and this message is brought to you from M&S. Love that. If I see someone with a fab coat, I'll be like, love your coat. Nice shoes, hon. Very smart jeans. Sending and receiving compliments is the best feeling, especially when it comes to style. Those compliments are extra special. Well, gang, there is a new spring collection that has just arrived at M&S, and it is full of compliment-worthy must-haves to refresh your wardrobe with. Shop the new M&S spring collection online and in-store and get set for compliments galore. Love that. Times are tough. I don't need to like polyshame. I just feel like we got to keep it real tight under these conditions. If you know what I'm saying, maybe you don't say as much as I support it, that you guys are in an open relationship and all the things that you said about the butthole. I just feel like if you already told the government, if you're listening, maybe just keep it tight just for a while, okay? It's been a long time since Obama. We got to say different things now. Kristen and Nia have a little mommy meet up at a cafe. Kristen tells Nia more of like, you know, she's just not really feeling so hot right now. She gets it. She understands. Zach, not Zach. Luke is attracted to her, but she's just like not really feeling it. She also makes mention about how her first time out after having given birth, she really noticed the change in people's attitudes and weren't like, oh my god, opening doors for her. Oh my god, you're pregnant. Like it's just a very jarring thing. And one thing that would at least help me out, Luke, if you're going to have people over, can we wash our socks or hit a little swiffer wet jet to the floors? Because the fact that we can see your whole black footprint through your blue sock is crazy. The toes and everything, that's a lot. Jesse comes over. I guess the boys had gone out the night before. Luke says Kristen was not happy, but he's hoping he can get a little sweetheart deal, push Kristen out the door and get her to be more social. Therefore, he can also go out more himself. And then Luke lays the foundation, tries to lob his homie a little bunt. Jesse, how's your girlfriend? Oh, she's great. She's been over the past two weekends. Her daughters come over. She and Isabella are like sisters now, you know, they're fighting like sisters. So she, who has not been able to be named because she's been trying to throw cease and desist to people, various cast members. Lacey, welcome to the stage. Jesse's girlfriend from Orange County. He's trying to sell us on how great she is. I would just like to remind everybody that Lacey really the only thing that we know is that she seems very reactive and litigious. And she was threatening to Sue Brittany for talking about her. Janet as well, I think. The cease and desist to Michelle. And here we are. Also, oh my God, I completely forgot about those multiple people last season were like, Jesse, like, we're not even trying to start anything. Your girlfriend has been very adamant to a lot of people. She doesn't even like you. And that she's you're like really not her boyfriend like that. And remember, every time Jesse would just like power down, like have no reaction to that because he probably knew it was true. She was talking cashed about you in these streets. Like, we don't even really like you that much, Jesse, but don't you find that weird for somebody who's supposed to be your girlfriend. So remember the finale was Michelle's like Zen party at this Japanese restaurant Yamashiro. She was trying to get everybody to get back to good with each other. And Jesse wanted Lacey to come. Now, Jesse, again, because he speaks with conviction, you're led to believe that Michelle was being the unreasonable person. He tells us that he was trying to get Michelle to have a conversation with Lacey, lay everything out on the table before her, Michelle's party. But Michelle didn't want to do that. So we see unseen footage of Michelle telling Jesse, it's not my responsibility to call your girlfriend. Jesse then says, well, it really would have helped me, but you guys don't give a shit. And he tries to walk away dramatically. Why the hell was she be trying to help out your girlfriend at the finale party for a show she's not on? And that's her event that she's hosting. Why would she give a fuck? The girl tried to sue her. But you know what, Michelle, do me a solid call this woman so that she can come to the party that you probably don't even want her at in the first place. The only point that Jesse makes to me is he says she's kind of shooting herself in the foot a little bit because Lacey spends half the week with your daughter. So I'm not understanding why you don't want to meet her. That is a fair statement. But you tying it into her event is wild. And then they shift into Luke being a new father. And do you think you have baby blues man? I did. And I understand that a child can be a huge transition is a huge transition and a change in your life. And you know, Jesse lives to be down to the chateau Marmont and have himself a Chris Martini or whatever the fuck he's drinking and be the biggest douchebag with the tightest pants in Beverly Hills and West Hollywood adjacent. And he tells a story that very few people can relate to unless you live inside of entourage your mind as Jesse does that his big realization that he was a new father was that he would get text messages like, Hey man, you want to go out for a drink? And I'm like, I'm calling six nannies are not available. That's really difficult mentally. Oh no, I would love to have Michelle let us know how many times were you left with your child? Well, Jesse was like, well, I call the nannies so guess I'll just go by myself. See ya. After that, the girls are meeting in El Coyote. Janet is walking in a pretty cute little brown suede halter pant number telling the girls as they cross the street about how she has a skin tag on her gooch that developed when she was pregnant. And she really is trying to get that removed at some point. Anybody want a margarita? Brittany walks in and like, I just feel like I have to address it. Brittany, all bodies are beautiful, but I fear you have no idea how to dress for your body. I don't know. I'm confused. And I've been holding it in for several seasons. But at this point, I'm like, what are you wearing girl? These Windsor club dresses, we can't wear those baby. It's just not the shape. And I, you know, had been calling Chris and Katie Maloney out for years, like, you have a beautiful body girl, you just don't dress for it. I'm gonna just need you to dress for it. Because you don't even look comfortable, you know, and it's tough. But she seems really happy outside of that, you know, sparkle is there. She does tell the girls that even though she spent five days in Mexico with this man, and he asked her, will you be my girlfriend, she's not accepting that. I don't know why in a confessional, Brittany then felt the need to tell us Brandon's got BDE. Because he's got a big one. And then if you didn't realize it, if you didn't catch it the first time she lets us know on a second run through, I mean, like he's got like a big personality. And the other thing, oh, God, Michelle tells the girls that her daughter, Isabella cried when Aaron dumped her. Why did I have to write the note like that? That took me out. And it was kind of confusing because it was out of nowhere. Y'all a fucking chill went up my spine. Michelle, who is tiny, and is always in a little two piece workout set, like she looks like she just came off the Pilates reformer. More on that later. So the Aaron told her, now we know behind the scenes, uh, y'all who looked up anything about Aaron is that Aaron is like a, a red-pilled MAGA weirdo. Okay. And so she tells those girls, Michelle, that despite the fact that she's always hiking on Perunian Canyon and running and like working out perpetually, that he told her, I want a fitness girl. And that all the hiking she's doing up and down running is not enough. Michelle is more than 110 pounds. I can't imagine that she is. I really like did and did not want to know. Michelle, did he tell you you should be doing Pilates every day? Like Chris from Love is Blind? Who's the other one that just said it recently? Oh, it was Jesse from Secret Lives and Mormon Wives in her call her daddy interview. She said that Jordan said, like Chris said, you should be doing Pilates every day. Jesse, another girl, I would be very shocked to find out would be over 110 pounds. What is going on? So the girls aren't talking about the sip and see. Janet tries to make a joke. Oh, yeah, when should I show up? Like you know that if somebody genuinely told you show up at 1130 girls, it'll all be okay. You would have pulled up immediately or made a situation about how you weren't actually going to come. Janet then tells the girls, here's one thing, I really don't care to fight with Kristen. I wish her well, but I can only control my behavior. Yeah, and we've seen how that's gone. And Brittany, how Kristen behaved at your house was gross. Michelle says it was odd. Like she was like carrying her baby and yelling at the same time. Brittany then tells Janet, Janet, you left two seconds later and I was like, what just happened? Lala asked Brittany, why didn't you say anything? And Brittany says, because I was shook. I thought everything was going to be fine. Everyone was going to be fine. And Janet goes, but she Kristen was the one who fucked that up. Brittany says in a confessional, I feel bad. Because Janet's really been there for me the past year. But I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to get in the middle of things. And then she starts talking, Janet starts talking about Cameron screaming and crying in the car, because she had to take him away from the pool. Brittany says, I cried all night to Janet. So Janet says, you could have at least told Kristen this was not the time and place, not at my house. But to walk into a party and hear somebody say, why is she here? Why is she here? I haven't felt like that since seventh grade, the last time I felt bullied. And I'm not going to continue showing up places where I'm getting yelled at. And Brittany doesn't want to say anything. They just show her picking at her fajitas and not make an eye contact with Janet. Janet. And I'm not saying this is a good thing. People shouldn't do this. But I know that people are actively bullying you in your comment section, since you've been on this show. It's not right. I'm just saying, let's tell the truth. So girl, I feel like what Kristen said to you at the finale and like all season was like, get the fuck out. I don't care about you was nothing compared to you hearing her tell somebody. Why is she here? A sentence that you should not be surprised about. This can't be the worst thing, girl. So towards the end of the episode, we head to the Sip-N-Sea. Nia made me laugh. She's like, oh God, it's so nice to be back in the valley. Back to civilization. I did have to give Lala two points for her Sip-N-Sea look. It was like a chartreuse, like kind of oversized dress and had flowers. It was very cute, very chic. Not her doing black fishing. Nia says she's done with four. Danny over here is that and is like, I don't know. Here we go. We have another fucking slogan from you, Bucco. I say four under four. How about one more? No. We're done with the rhyme scheme, Danny. I that's enough. I'm not doing any nursery rhymes. You wanting to pump this woman full of babies. I don't know what the hell's going on with that. God bless you. All your children are beautiful, but let Melissa stop. She said, I want to stop. Let her stop. She didn't want to. I didn't, I didn't mean it like that. She was struggling with having another baby, you know, and the body changes that came with that. But then also was like, well, maybe I should just do it so I can get my mommy makeover. So we'll see. Kristen and Luke show up 20 minutes late. I think that's fine for a new mother. That's honestly like 30 minute buffer for a newborn. It'll be fine. You'll have some past apps. Schwartz and Michelle talk at the bar about how they're living some kind of eat, pray, love lifestyle. I don't know. It feels like they're trying to drum up. Oh, should they be together? They try to do that on Valley Persian style with Gigi and Reza Jackson. And we know there's not nothing that's going to become of this. Like those two aren't getting together. Thank you for Kristen to try to shut this story line down when Brittany and Jasmine are like, they look cute. Opposite to tract. Prisons like what are you talking about? Michelle's like a fine French wine. Tom's a Yeager bomb at a sports bar. Michelle and Tom do say that they're going to go to a spot at some point. Whatever. Doesn't Tom have a girlfriend? Moving on. Jesse walks in with Lacey. Michelle clearly had no idea she was going to pull up. What the fuck is she doing here? She told me she would never film. Then Michelle gets a little shady and a confessional. Oh, are we allowed to say her name this year? Lacey. And I have had a very difficult relationship. And Michelle tells Lala, I'm dealing with a person who thinks she knows everything. Lacey. Lacey's tough visually. She looks like she's melting and it does seem hot. I've learned through my TikTok scrolls that you can tell somebody might not be on the more stable side mentally by the way they do their makeup. Oftentimes when people are manic, there's just a certain look that they give themselves when they do it. So I'm not saying she's manic. I'm just saying I've noticed to maybe pick up on the makeup tricks of people who seem a little unnerving to me. Lacey just has very unnerving energy and you showing up in 2025 at a sip and see with black eyeliner. She looks like she looks like the prettiest girl at a hardcore show. She shows up in pink but still a little goth emo thing going on. It just doesn't quite match up together. This is not the girl I would think Jesse would be with. I would picture a younger silent European Instagram model who has no personality, even less than Michelle. But he found somebody who if you were just showing me a picture of her and they're like, what do you think her deal is? I would think I feel like she thinks that Rock of Love is still in production and she's about to be a contestant. It's not clicking for me. Now I'm half gagged at the next scene. Lala goes over to Kristen and Luke and goes, I have to tell you guys something that like, I don't know, you might find funny, might not. I thought it was. I was talking to my mom and she said, oh, your baby kind of looks like Luke. Now Luke says, well, when you read the profiles, I thought that could be me. Now I'm really wondering if Zack and Lala are finding out in real time that Zack donated sperm to the same place that Lala got her sperm from. They seemed very gagged. I'm like, is this real? I don't know. Like real, I'm wondering like, did you guys find this out beforehand and then bring this up? Because I feel like I would this have come up. If Luke was really like Luke wasn't really around because Kristen wasn't around. This was a scene that was filmed up for Vanderpump where they were at Lisa's and picking out potential sperm donors. But I guess we could have, I mean, this is Kristen, put the pieces together. But I'm having a hard time thinking that they did not know this before the scene and we're like, let's find a fun way to bring this up. Now, I mean, listen, it is giving because they showed the clips from Vanderpump rules where they mentioned things that were very specific to Luke. Six foot two athletic blonde hair blue eyes. A guy with a degree in accounting and finance like two of the three that Lala had given the options did kind of like check the box Luke. Now I'm feeling like, well, there's a very simple solution to this. I'm Meredith Marks at Bronwyn's citizenship party. I got a little bad bag for everybody. There's some Meredith Marks caviar. And instead of a drug test that Meredith was trying to give me, let's just swab it up. See what those results are like. This feels like a very simple solution. Let's get to testing. Okay. And then they showed a side by side of Sosa, Lala's kid and Luke and you know, it's given. Certainly giving. Lacey then goes up to Michelle and I'm annoyed with Lacey immediately. Very unsettling energy. Lacey tells Jesse, I'm going to go try to say something to Michelle. And then she just walks up to Michelle and doesn't say anything. And then Michelle has to be like, hi. Hi. And then Lacey still doesn't want to say anything. So they're just staring at each other again until Michelle has to start the conversation by saying, I didn't know you were coming. And Lacey goes, Oh, well, at least it's a nice ambiance with babies. Less can go wrong. Hi, it's Pete and Sam from Staying Relevant and our podcast is brought to you by HPO Max, available for the first time ever. HPO Max, a new place to stream HPO original series. Now, this is exciting, Pete. Whilst I was recovering from my throat surgery, I kicked back and watched all of my favorites. That was absolute bliss. You couldn't speak for three days. I'm glad you had this to keep you busy. I'm telling you, mate, HPO Max, just get it right every single time. These stories make you feel something. One minute I'm crying, next I'm laughing. I mean, you take me on an emotional roller coaster every day to be fair. I knew you missed me. Did you do anything else whilst you're off? Play with the cats? Anything else? Didn't need to. HPO Max, the home of quality entertainment. Nothing better to get you through vocal cord surgery, I guess. Stream HPO Max now. Hey, guys, it's Angela from Get A Grip and this message is brought to you from M&S. Love that. If I see someone with a fab coat, I'll be like, love your coat. Nice shoes, hon. Very smart jeans. Sending and receiving compliments is the best feeling, especially when it comes to style. Those compliments are extra special. Well, gang, there is a new spring collection that has just arrived at M&S and it is full of compliment worthy must haves to refresh your wardrobe with. Shop the new M&S spring collection online and in store and get set for compliments. Goulor, love that. In a world of noise and uncertainty, IG is the investment platform that backs you. Take a reflexable stock size, which gives you the freedom to withdraw funds anytime and replace them in the same tax year, all without losing your £20,000 tax-free allowance. And if that's not enough, pay no commission on your stock shares and ETFs when you invest with IG. IG. Trade. Invest. Progress. Your capital's at risk. Other fees may apply. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and is subject to change. Happy to see you. You do seem like in a happy and healthy good place. So what, like, what are you talking about, Lacey? Don't come up to me and be like, you seem happy and healthy. I'll fight you right now. I don't care what baby. I will take a sip of this martini and then you're going to come see about these hands. How about that? This was your big opportunity to have a conversation with me and this is what you're giving Lacey. Girl. So Michelle asks Lacey, have you gotten divorced yet? Yeah, I have. And Michelle goes, okay, well, I haven't. Thanks to your boyfriend. And Lacey goes, oh, well, I don't want to fight with anyone who's going through a divorce. And Michelle's like, uh-huh, all I need is a divorce and I'm done. So get him to sign. Lacey says, I'm team divorced. And Michelle says, I made it very easy on him. I walk away with nothing. And so Lacey's dumb ass just has to be like, yeah, I don't know the financials, but I'm just hoping you guys have good, healthy resolutions. Michelle tells us it sucks. And I hate it because Lacey's hanging around my friends and everybody likes her. I'm the carer. I'm trying to figure out what are they clinging to? She doesn't seem to have much of a personality. Like comparatively, no shade, Michelle, you were like one of the most interesting charismatic people on the planet compared to Lacey. And I fear the bar was quite low with you. So sorry. Eventually they just end up walking away from each other. Michelle goes up to Lala and says, I don't trust her. I've seen her be super nice, but I've also seen her be super rude to me. She seems unstable, but she wants to portray like she's a sophisticated woman. Now, Michelle has the biggest crash out that I've seen her have on this show, which really only puts her to like a good five and a half, five and three quarters, but she's really pissed for her. Leading up to my Zen party, Jesse was begging me to talk to Lacey, but I told him it's not the time. So this girl, she said she would never film, shows up to my party when there's cameras everywhere. Girl, the receipts are not on your side, Lacey, because they show that Lacey showed up to the Zen party with like, not even, I can't even say it's a flimsy excuse. You just wanted to be on camera and make it about you. Lacey shows up on the set. Cameras are still up. Lighting is still up. And they're like, why are you here, girl? You tried to sue a sendo cease and desist so we couldn't talk to you. Oh, I thought you guys were done. She's also got a drink in her hand. You had time to get a drink and you didn't have time to put two and two together that they were still actively filming. I really don't think so. The fact that they broke the fourth wall to show producer Jeremiah actively annoyed at Jesse was so funny to me. Like Lacey's trying to get off like, oh, what? I have no idea. It would be like knocking on a door in the bathroom, hearing somebody saying, I'm in here, jiggle and open the door anyway and be like, I didn't know you were going to the bathroom. Why are you so upset? Yeah, the door still opened and there's a whole party going on inside. Well, I'm not doing anything. Michelle says in a confessional, don't fall for Lacey's bullshit. In front of your face, she could be super nice and sweet, but behind closed doors, she's a bitch. And then there's more footage because Brock is telling another member of production, along with Brittany and Jason, who are standing next to him. Lacey can't get out of a call because she is an NDA. She can't film. And the producer, like I said, Jeremiah is going up to Jesse. Why is she here? Why is she coming here? And Jesse goes, we wrapped at 1030. And the producer looks around like, no, we haven't. We're not wrapped. We're still filming. And then Jesse's trying to get buck with Jeremiah saying, not fucking cool, Jeremiah. Not cool. So Michelle says in a confessional, Jesse's chaotic, Lacey's chaotic. The two of them together are just insanity. And then we get more footage from when I guess they really put down cameras filming because we just get like blurry footage at the bottom of Yamashiro. The cast is just like milling about, giving their microphones back. I don't know. But Michelle and Lacey are getting into it. Michelle's like, fuck you. You're a bitch. Apparently, during an argument, Lacey told Michelle, I have all the money in the world and I don't care. I will sue you and I will win. Get the fuck out. Fuck you, Lacey. The episode ends with Michelle saying, I'm already having a tough enough divorce. One more thing. I'm going to snap. And then Lacey's at the bar at the sip and see because Jesse walks up to see how that conversation with Michelle just went. Everything's fine, Jesse. Maybe you're the problem. Lacey, I do feel like you're kind of the problem, but good point. Good point. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank me for speaking. Love you. Bye. Style. Those compliments are extra special. Well, gang, there is a new spring collection that has just arrived at M&S and it is full of compliment worthy must haves to refresh your wardrobe with. Shop the new M&S spring collection online and in store and get set for compliments galore. Love that.