How Nicole Jaques Helps Parents Replace Chaos With Connection

Oh Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past. I'm a business woman. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home? What are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now? As the house CEO, we start to step into our power. And that's when the shift starts to happen. You don't need to be doing or adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members. Wait a second. This is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Remove the tension and the system will start to work. Whatever system you put together, whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it. There's failure every day in what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards. Ha ha ha. What's up everybody? We're back. I have an episode today with an amazing guest that is gonna bring massive amounts of value into your home, into your parenting style and just really doing the best that you can and the best that we can to calm the chaos that happens on an everyday basis once the kids come home from school and all that good stuff, right? We wanna make sure that we connect as families. And my guest today, Nicole Jackwas, is an absolute master at this. She's a CEO of the home, a published author. And interestingly enough, she left a career in public relations in the healthcare space if I'm not mistaken and things like that to build systems in her home and help other people live a less chaotic life with each other. So Nicole, thank you so much for joining and welcome to the show. Thank you, Sean. It's a pleasure to be here. Oh, it's really nice to have you. It's so funny because, you know, when Paria mentioned you to me and I'm like, wait, that name sounds familiar. I went and I was already following you. I was already kind of consuming your content because, I mean, hey, listen, you know, let's be honest, in the world that we live in today, it's so busy just in general. And the thing that I enjoy about your platform is it simplifies certain things and certain tasks that you can just really, I guess, dive in deeper with your family when you actually have them all there under the roof because we live so many crazy lives. We live crazy lives is what I'm trying to get out here, but my mouth isn't working properly right now, apparently. But, you know, why don't you just tell the audience a little bit about, you know, why you started this venture and how it began and then where you're at right now because what I wanna do is I wanna show them that, A, there's steps to this stuff, right? It's not just create a platform and all of a sudden you're viral and you're famous and you're doing all these things. So I want them to see that, you know, if there's anybody out there right now, whether it's a mom or a dad, wanting to pursue a passion, but is very, very scared to do that, I want your story to be able to inspire them. Well, thank you. I sure didn't, in all of my lifetime, never thought this would be my title, but when I decided to remove myself from a public relations space after I birthed my son, I was really caught in the web of what is a stay at home mom? Why do I keep, you know, oh, this is my wife, Nicole, oh, Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. And once I kind of stepped out of working full time and started diving into really being a house CEO, I realized that there were so many things I wasn't taught in school. Homework isn't available anymore. You know, we've cut kind of the trade necessities, how to change your oil, just very simple things that I luckily was able to grow up in a household that taught me those things. But I was never taught systems, systems that were going to simplify my home to allow me to get to the core of why I created a family, which was connection. And so I started thinking, well, I'm a business woman, heart and trade and brain. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home so I could get back to the core of why I do what I do? So to me, it was an immediate like, personal's leadership, right? I need this kind of outdated and narrative to be thrown out the window. But I also want to position other parents like me that are at home to have this feeling of empowerment because without them, this is built outside of this world and everyone going into an office don't exist, right? So I didn't grow up thinking this would be my title, but I became a house CEO out of necessity. And now that's basically what I'm able to share here on social media. We started the platform four years ago. My friends were like, you know, we're things Nicole share them with the world. And I was like, I don't know if that's really a thing. And in 90 days, we had over a hundred thousand followers and people were like, man, I needed this. Like where were you when I was growing up? When I was raising kids, like, and so I just kept doing it and built it into our now routine. And it's a very full time business. Keeps me nice and busy. I love that. I love that. I mean, listen, you know, and that's the thing. One thing that I'm interested in diving into a little bit more right here is there's a lot of stay at home moms out there that are most likely listening right now. And they think of themselves, I'm all in this drives me crazy. I am only a stay at home mom. And I truly feel that is a and again, I know you echo this, but it's a business, right? It is an opportunity, right? You are truly the CEO of the home. So when you talk of systems, what are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now? Time blocking is probably one of my best systems that I have in the house. So we all think chores, quote, unquote, right, are to do list. It takes longer than we think, but really you just need the system in place that tells you. So I have this giant, very loud and obnoxious clock and you can set it five minute increments. And the way my brain needs to work, and this is how most multi taskers, you know, in the home brains work. You've got one thing on the stove. You've got another in the laundry. You've got, you know, fishes that still need to be done. You've got to vacuum and mop. And those things don't need to be done every day, but you need to be able to know it's going to take me seven minutes to do the dishes. So I have three minutes to go load the laundry, right? It's understanding how fast and efficient you are at each task and then building it into the schedule between kid schedules and making dinner and work, whether it's stay at homework and or just PTA or a book group, right? All of those are the accessories, the hobbies, the things that we do outside of just being the, quote unquote, homemaker. I'm going to, from now on, refer to this as the house CEO. And that is the title because we're managing so much more than just kid schedules and diapers or making baby food or packing lunches and getting them to school. And I think once you start time walking your day, you'll realize, Oh, I have a lot more time to focus on things I want to be focused on, which is how I realized then I could start a platform and continue to work and still not need a nanny or a sitter to take care of the kids and run, you know, a 12 person business, write a book and do things like that because it was very efficient in the home at time blocking. So that's like my number one tip. Time block. So thank you for that. Thank you. Because I want to give the audience some context. And again, time blocking is one of those things that you just have to sit down and commit to and just understand how long it takes you to do a task. But then to build out that system to be like, okay, from this time to this time, I'm doing this and then I can do this. But you mentioned something that to me was very interesting right there. And I want you to dive in deeper to it because one of the biggest things like I know during the summer, right? My wife won't be teaching and she's home. And it's like this whole summer flies by and she's done nothing for herself. And that to me, when you mentioned time blocking, so I can spend more time doing things that I want to do or that fulfill you so you're not just this home CEO. Can you walk me through and the audience through some of the things that you like to do and why it's important for the home CEO to pour into themselves as well? So when you become, I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past, someone I don't know anymore. And I desperately wanted to sit down with her and have coffee and say, you have no idea the beauty but also the chaos that comes in parenting. Because I was so naive, right? We all are until you have your first kid. And I think that that's fair to say. But I think what I realized that I never really valued prior to having kids was rest, that I underutilized rest. And I think that this is going to tie into this. So stick with me here. Absolutely. The mindset of rest is not just a necessity. I'm not talking about just sleep or taking a nap. I'm talking about resting your body on a couch or doing something that just allows you to escape. Rest is just as important as work. So if you're not giving your body rest, you're never resetting your nervous system, which never really resets your mood, your sleep and everything else that helps you really take care of you. So my number one thing was, how do I get back to rest? Once I started being able to do the rest, meaning 10 minutes, maybe 20 minutes reading, I started understanding how I could time block my schedule better to effectively go out and get a new hobby. I currently ride horses with my daughter. That takes up a lot of time. Barn time is like, you know, actually the whole horse industry is monopoly money. At the same time, I was like, how am I going to allow for like a three hour time block to go take on a new passion that is very technical and challenging to do, but so rewarding. And so I thought I had a goal in mind. I want to get to where I'm so efficient in my home and it's running so well that I'm able to take three hours out of a day and go and pursue a hobby. And so that was kind of for me, but it started small. It started as 10 minutes reading a book or maybe joining the book club or creating a cookbook club at my country club and being able to get out there for an hour or small things that still brought me a lot of joy within my joy circle. And then just really working hard to get to the bigger picture. And that's what I'm doing now. I love that. I want to, you know, I'm going to share something with you because you had mentioned and I think that the people listening and watching this will relate to it. I don't I don't see how they wouldn't. I could be naive, but you mentioned, you know, rest, like not just sleeping or taking a nap. It's really hard as a creator and I don't know how you deal with this, but for me, I sit down and my mind never stops. It's like, what do I need to do to get to another level? Right. How can these these things get better so I can be better and my guests have better experience and the audience have a better experience. So it's like, I always feel like I'm in the background still moving and I just find so much value in being able to to actually just shut down and rest. Like some of the things that I'm starting to do, you know, we had a conversation last week about, you know, screen time for me. I I during the day, if I have a two hour block that I'm not doing anything, I'm going to watch something because for me, that does shut my brain off. And I think there's too many people judging what's real rest and what's not for me. I'm going to dive into a show. You know, I might like it. I might want to do a piece on it. But for me, that's kind of what takes my mind and slows it down so I can recharge. Absolutely. And it's understanding your battery, right? What fulfills your batteries? Sometimes for me in the week, it's quality time with my husband. Sometimes in the week, it's me alone. Sometimes it's yoga. But we're not creatures of every single day. I'm going to do this and this is how it's going to be. And this is going to be restful and make me feel good. I just noticed as the house CEO, when my husband would get home from office, OK, and sit on the couch and scroll and or watch a show. I was building resentment. But the real reason wasn't that he wasn't doing anything. It was that I didn't know how to rest. So I was trying to figure out, like, how do I remove these blockades, right, that are making my system within my home and or my relationship's not gel as well? And really, it's an indicator when you feel something this trigger inside, like, hey, my partner or my kids are doing X and I'm not able to. It's a reflection of how well you're balancing, not them. And when we take accountability for that as the house CEO, we start to step into our power. And that's when the shift starts to happen. We remove it. We say, I I'm in control of that feeling. I am in control of figuring out how I can do that. They are not. So it's kind of getting back to that. You are the creator of your business. And you are going to then run that the way that feels good to you. But you've got to get back to removing the resentment. Hey, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we're going to slide into our recovery segment brought to you by TheraBody. What an amazing technology that TheraBody has. And it was founded on a really cool story by Dr. Jason Worslund. It was founded on pain. He got into an accident and had this extreme pain in his arm and found that percussive therapy really helped. So he created the very first version of the TheraGun with a Makita drill, just a pilot and test to see if his pain could be relieved by percussive therapy overall. And surely it was. So now birth to the TheraGun and now TheraBody, who has a multitude of products to help you recover emotionally and physically. And some of the products even help with stress, meditation and better sleep and just overall better wellness. And when I had Dr. Jay on the show earlier in 2025, it really spoke to me because his platform was founded out of out of physical pain and the determined society was founded out of emotional pain. And so it felt natural for us to partner up. So here we are in official partnership with TheraBody. And I want to talk to you about some of the products today that I've been enjoying that I think you need to understand and know more about so you could potentially implement them into your life. And I'm not going to get into a big deep dive of the actual science and everything like that. I'm just going to give you some anecdotal information based on the products that I'm using and that my wife is actually using to that is helping us out a great deal at home. Because a great thing about these products, guys, is you can use them anywhere. You can use them in the gym. You can use them at home in your bed in your living room. Hell, you can even drive with a Thera, TheraGun Pro Plus in your car and use it on your quads, use it on your arms, whatever that is. The first thing I want to talk about is the TheraGun Pro Plus. I bring that in my gym bag every day to the gym. And when I'm warming up, I use it to warm up. I put it on my arms, whatever body part I'm using that day, I activate those muscles. And what I find is I'm able to move my body a lot quicker and I'm a lot stronger on those days that I do actually bring it and utilize it. I just think it's a great way to understand your body and the connection between your strength and your muscles and being warm and being able to perform. Because it's one thing to go work out, but it's another thing to perform while you're doing it. And the TheraGun Pro Plus helps me do that. Another thing that I really truly enjoys the Jet Boots Pro Plus, these things are wire free. There's no hassle. There's no cords and there's infrared LED light. There's that compression therapy. And I've been having bad pains in my ankles, both of them actually for about a year. And I don't understand where it's coming from. But when I started using the boots, religiously after a leg day or after a cardio session, I throw those boots on. And I find myself a lot looser afterwards. I find myself lighter. And then the next day, there's no pain in my lower extremity, like my feet. The other thing that I really enjoy is that product really helps me recover a lot quicker. And let's face it, that's the most important thing when we're trying to move our bodies or we're trying to succeed in life is we want quick recovery emotionally and physically. And these products help me do that and it can help you do that as well. One of the other things that I really want to go into, because it's helping my wife out a ton with headaches and being able to distract from the noise in her mind. And honestly, it helps me with that too, is a smart goggles. Whenever we feel a slight headache coming on or things are getting really heavy just in our minds, just thinking about all the stressors, all the things out there that we can't control. We throw the goggles on, getting a quiet place. And there's, there's different cycles on there and different intensities of vibrations and massaging that you can either turn it up or turn it down. And what I really enjoy is it allows me to focus on what's going on with just me and I think about things. And the massaging with the smart goggles relieves either headaches and it relaxes me and relaxes my wife to a point where. We can fall asleep better. We are preparing to kind of downshift and shut down and slow down for the evening. So I heavily recommend them. The other thing it's really good for is just creating a peaceful time in your day. And what I found since using the smart goggles and then the other products is it works for me. It works for my family and I know it can work for you too. So I want you guys to think about things that you are struggling with. If it's lower back pain or you wake up in the morning, your neck is tight. I'm going to tell you the TheraGun Pro Plus will help that out. They have cold therapy on it, hot therapy. I mean, think about that. When I opened that box and realized that I could have heat therapy and cold therapy and a TheraGun changed everything for me and also really made the thing that I hate doing the most is warm up. Made that very easy for me just by applying it to the muscle group that I'm going to use before I do it and in between sets, which promotes quicker recovery between sets. So if you're looking to go high volume or to lift heavy weights, I strongly consider that. All these products are there to help you move along in your day with less pain and recover quicker. So go check it out because now, like I said, the official partnership has begun. And from now until the end of March in your first order, you get 15% off your first order, not every order. So if you're going to buy some stuff, load up there in that cart for that first time and you get 15% off, go to TheraBody.com and at checkout, the code is determined. So let me know how you guys like it until then. Stay determined. I really like that. I mean, and again, it seems pretty basic, right? But a lot of times where I'll get upset at my wife about something and it happens, right? And she gets upset with me. A lot of times it's how we view the world, right? How we view things. It's our perspective. So I will get upset at something because of my paradigm, right? And then we have a conversation about it. And then we come to the conclusion, whether it's her upset or me upset, it's like, well, this is my issue to handle because your intentions are pure. I don't know what happened to you during the day because a lot of times, and this is another great point, we don't truly know how much each other go through, right? I only know of what my wife tells me that happens to her at school, right? Between the students and in administration, everything like that. I only tell her certain amount of things because not to hide things, but it's like sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, like, I can't live that again, right? So we, we are not living separate lives, but we're not communicating everything. So it's harder to understand what that person is going through in order for them to be, you know, if we're laying in bed and like, she's scrolling for 30 minutes, that shouldn't offend me. I should be saying, well, if that's what she needs right now, then let it be. Like, I'm cool with it. And I just think that the accountability portion, though, to understand, like, hey, this is my issue. I really want to dive into that because if we can take more responsibility for our own feelings, our own triggers, then we can communicate them much better, but also relieve some of that tension that we're creating ourselves. Absolutely. And really, whether you work outside the home, inside it or both, someone is running the system, right? And you don't need to do more or you don't need to, you know, you don't need to be doing more adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members. And that's really what a house CEO does day in and day out. Both my husband and I work. We have a very different, you know, systems he runs these and I run these. And then we collab on X, X and X. And it's, you know, sometimes it's like, oh, but does that feel sterile or it's not flexible? No, it's completely flexible. But if you are overwhelmed in your home or you feel that you are the default parent or you are triggered by something your partner is doing that you feel is affecting that system, you have to break it down mechanically in order to get back to it emotionally. That's just the way our brains kind of process things. And I found it to be a very remove the tension and the system will start to work. Kind of hands on approach. Very well said. You mentioned default parent. That's very interesting. Let's dive deeper into that, you know, for the people listening because. I think that resonates, right? And I can only, I can own like for me, there are certain defaults that we have in our home. Right. If it's a meal, I'm the default parent. I make all the meals and I enjoy doing it. If it's something for the kids like Spirit Week, Jackie's the default parent, right? So, but while it works sometimes, it's hard to break away from that. Let's go into that default parent because, you know, I know there's a lot of people out there thinking like, wow, why do I have to be the default for this? And there's, there's some dangers there too, I think. But, you know, if it's understood and spoken about, then it should be understood and it should flow, you know, much easier. But what is your definition of a default parent? Um, it isn't emotional, it's operational. Right. There's apps, there's marketing. If you look at how businesses are run and or how you would run your own business if you had it, here is your chance, right? So I didn't become the default parent because I wanted to control it all. No, I became it because someone had to design the system that would work for the family. This takes into account everything, right? Your schedule, Sean, how you're running, what you're doing, where you are having to be plugged in and when you can plug out. Um, and everyone has a different system because of how it works inherently in the home, right? It, there, I think if we can talk about burnout with the default parent, that may actually help cure some of the feeling there because burnout happens when like leadership has no structure. So if you're feeling burned out by being that default parent, again, the accountability please falls to you. Um, my husband and I was struggling with this, by the way, I didn't just like come up with this and my life is perfect. I'm far from it. We are lucky I shot this morning and curled my hair, but at the same time, like it took systems to get me to this podcast today in order for me to show up with my hair done. Right. I, I didn't just, oh, my system is in place and everything's working, right? I am primarily the default parent unless I have to tag out. So it's really understanding a partnership system. And for the longest time, my husband and I were confused on how do you even do that? Right. Cause schedules change how much, Sean? Oh, I mean, I can only speak on mine and it's still fluid. It's just like my wife can ask me, Hey, what do you have tomorrow? At that time, it could be nothing. And then, and then 30 minutes later, I could have three or four different things. Right. So yeah, that's difficult. It's difficult. And I think that that's something we struggle with both parents are going to struggle with. So I basically decided with my husband, Tyler, that we were going to stop trying to escape being the default parent and just professionalize it. Cause it's really what it is, right? You're the organizer of all of the systems, the timekeeper, the mealkeeper. There's a funny reel that circulates every now and then. And it's typically a woman standing there in the house and it's like, you know, um, Johnny has a game at 7pm and it shows her calculating all the way back to like 11am, all the things she's going to do to get them there by 7pm. So I started telling my husband, I need your brain to work like that. How can I help you help me? Right. Because I think commonly with default parenting, we forget that it's not that you need their help. I hate that. Oh, I think any listener can understand. Oh, can you help me with the dishes? I'm sorry. Everyone ate off the dishes, Sean. Right. Yeah, exactly. Right. Everyone ate off their plates. Right. So instead of like, can you help with mornings? I moved it to a written morning flow, right? Written down. My stellar, right? Or I shared my expectation. Hey, my expectation tomorrow to get on this podcast is X, X and X or predictable handoffs. Right. So less nagging, less explaining, more consistency will drive that default parent out of burnout and into empowerment. The thing that I'm really loving, Nicole, is the way you've been able to not just explain but implement real systems into the home. I think that everybody's listening right now and is probably very intrigued on types of systems. Right. I know you talked about time blocking, but I want to dive into these systems because a lot of times. When there's a stay at home mom or like for me, I made a joke yesterday, right? To my kids and to my wife, I'm going to stay at home dad because I'm I'm literally, you know, there's there's there's weeks we'll have five recordings. There's weeks we'll have one. And so I'm home, right? And the one thing that I don't do well is, is create these systems inside my home. Like I do here, like we all have systems here. I have my thing, my production team has theirs. My partners have theirs. We have these systems in place. But I really want to educate the audience on how they can implement certain systems and some examples of those into their daily habits. The daily lives. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I will say that there's so much that is in the background of this as well. And I do try to break down easy tips and tricks on my social media hacks to make dinner a little bit easier or how to make your own cleaners. So you can just offload the actual running to the store, grabbing something. Convenience is no longer king. The luxury is that you're able to make it low talks in your home. So some of the power back of those systems as well. But I think the biggest thing we need to address, because it's something that we really don't always talk about, but it needs to be talked about as the mental load. It isn't invisible. It isn't invisible. It's undocumented. And if we start documenting, you made a list and made those lists become systems of everything you do in a month. Okay, for your home. Those systems become shared, right? They're able to be talked about and shared amongst the family members. And then the shared becomes sustainable and successful. So I started thinking of, okay, well, I was really having trouble getting the kids out. I'm going to give examples and then I'm going to ask you for something you need help with and we'll bounce it on and off of each other. Okay. So I was having a really difficult time getting my eight and 10 year old, which by the way, they can pack lunch at this point and they don't. That's a whole nother topic. Getting them out the door on time. It was always kind of a struggle and or borderline. One was going to have an emotional meltdown. And I was like, dang it. Like there's not any better way. My system is in place and I'm implementing it and I'm coming into a roadblock, but I don't view roadblocks as failure. I don't have guilt over them. That's guilt is something somebody gives you that you can give back to that person and it may come from childhood trauma. It may come from parenting, how you were parented and may come from spousal. But give guilt. No one needs that in parenting. You don't need the guilt. Okay. No, thank you. It's hard enough without this chirping in your brain. So what I did is I bought these sticky lights. You know, they're like, you know, little light, little light, you bop it on and off and I put it on the wall, one for my son and one for my daughter. And I made it into a game. They're eight and 10. This isn't like a toddler game, you know, and I turned on all the lights in the morning with everything they needed to do to get out the door at the right time. And all the lights are lit. They come in. They are the one who's going to turn off all the lights in order to get out the door on time. And by the way, it gives suggested time in which this task should be done. Wow. So here's the kid clock. And guess what? We have zero issue, zero tantrums, expectations are set. It's kind of a fun game. The siblings sometimes get competitive and it's great. And that's all it took was a simple fix of implementing another system for efficiencies. So that was something I recently just did. What's something you you're currently struggling with or your wife is currently struggling with with the kids? Let's see if we can put a system in place to help. Great question. So this is something that I think we're both struggling with and I want to be able to help out with it more. Right. So I value, you know, my wife is a teacher. She has her own students to deal with. And then she handles the homework and most of the things with the kids. And then there's the laundry. Right. So I would like to remove that completely from her plate. But at the same time, it's like I'm super overwhelmed too. You know what I'm saying? Because I have a lot going on. But I would like to create some some times during the week where I could maybe just put a dent in that for her. Right. And in not just put it in the washer and throw it in the dryer because that's easy. Right. I love that. I hate folding and putting away. But I think the major sticking point for her is, man, I just went through this whole week. You know, stressful job. Stressful with getting the kids to do their homework. And now I got to do all this damn laundry. You know, and if I could help out in any way, like, hey, man, that'd be great. You know, I do the dishes. I do, you know, downstairs is all mine. Like I do all that and I make the bed and I do all that kind of stuff. But my wife always laughs at me and she goes, that's your domain. Like you, you handle that and you don't do anything upstairs. I'm like, baby, that is not true. That is not true. But yeah, I would say finding a way to collaborate to help her out with those tasks, tasks so she's more free and happier when she is home. I love that. Um, so laundry is not emotional. It's just clothes. Yeah. Um, and I really like the mindset that people give, like, oh, how fortunate are you to be able to have these clothes to clothe your kids? And that, I love that. I love the cinnamon. That to me though, makes it emotional. So for me, I made it really simple. I have one detergent. I make it myself. One oxygen boost, one stain stick and one dryer ball. If you simplify the tools you're using to get cleaning done, naturally, it's going to be a simpler, easier process. So number one, I always simplify your products. That's critical to me. I'm a big basket lover. Every kid has their own basket. That basket just lives in the place they throw clothes. I watched them for a week on where they throw their clothes. And that is where their baskets go because naturally we are creatures of habit. My husband loves to throw his socks right in front of the couch as if they should live there. Well, guess what now lives in front of the couch. A basket. Okay. Because to me, having somebody say simply just like dishes, for example, they bring the dish that you fed them on to the sink. It feels like respect. Right. This is the same thing. It's a system. It's easy. Now it's in the basket. Now I know what I need to do. I run a weekly schedule. Mondays are towels and rags. You know, Tuesdays are lights. Wednesdays are darks. Thursdays are kid clothes. Fridays are sheets. Weekends are off and it's an emergency only situation. Doesn't always work for everybody. So really my biggest thing is to help you not have to catch up on laundry. Right. That pile. If that pile could talk, I swear I want to do a series on my clothes talking because most of the time they're going to say, Nicole, I've been sitting here for like, you know, two days. Like when do I, when is my turn to go back to the closet? Truth be told, you're going to figure out what works best for you. But I wake up and when I sip on my first cup of coffee, a load is going in the dryer. So if you look at your washer, most washers now have a timer that you can preset the night before the clothes wash when I'm sleeping. Like Sam, you wake up. And then you put them in the dryer and by the time I'm ready to take the kids to school, they're already ready to be folded. One load a day will save you for years. One load. That's it. Cause that's your only task that day. Get that one load put away. And you know what? One load is really much easier than 14. Oh, no doubt. Right. No doubt. Well, I looked at how to never have the pile up where does, right. And then I simplified the system down all the way to the detergents I was using. And I think for me, once you find the system that works for your home, that those emotional things go away and it just becomes the task at hand. Love it. So does that help? No, this is, that's beautiful. Thank you. And it's still funny because rather this conversation is just like the majority of the listeners are in our age group that do have children that, that this will be a high amount of value for. And as I'm listening, I'm like, wait a second, this is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Like if I, I mean, really, that's all it is. It's like, okay, tomorrow I don't have any shows scheduled. I mean, can I do a load or two? Yeah, absolutely could. Right. But if I don't schedule it, if I'm not aware of it, then I won't do it. And then it piles up and then it's left for my wife to do it. This all is very interesting to me because we're all trying to do the best that we can in this busy ass lifestyle that we, that we have. And a lot of the things that you create the systems and the checkpoints in your own home, give you the ability to calm the chaos in your day to day. But also it allows you to spend more quality time with your, with your family. And I, and I really want to dive into that because, you know, there's parents listening right now and even some kids that are listening is like, wow, we don't eat dinner together at the dinner table. We don't have breakfast together. Everybody's moving around. There's no connection. Um, how have these things allowed you to connect with your husband and your children more? Um, so basically what I always think is, and my, by the way, I did not mention having the kids be part of these systems, but they can be right. Like, my son empties a lint trap, right? Or my daughter's really good at folding socks. I got them a little Amazon board and it actually helps them fold their clothes. My daughter likes to roll her clothes, right? So it's always fixing the system to help you. And basically that can be a bonding connecting time. It's a teaching moment. It helps them feel more independent, which kids naturally seek sometimes in weird ways, if they're not given home CEO, house CEO tasks, right? Um, there was a study that was done years ago that talked about the most successful children coming out of families right now, or the ones that are put in the system to help the house run, not the ones that get excused from it. And I think it's always important to have someone have a job. And most of the time I don't. Overdictate that. I ask what part of this system do you want? I love that. Cause it allows them as their kids. Do you remember the fight between the red bottle and the pink bottle? And I want the pink bottle and the red bottle. I know, right? Like I'm basically just treating it that way. Right. You give them two options. They get to choose. That's it. Um, and they, they will choose the one that's appropriate for them. And then they feel empowered. They made the choice and or they're more committed to the task at hand. And really what it's done is open time where we have connection each day, whether it be at the dinner table or whether it be playing a game or whether it all be reading or whether it being all enjoying a TV show. Um, so I think a lot of it is just looking for how to make things less stress, less mess and more success for your family unit. Um, and stop feeling like you're burned out or it's unmanageable or something is endless. Just put a system in place that works and move on from it. Don't overthink it. That's a great point. Like I think having the children take ownership of their part in the system is really massive because the power of choice in this world is everything. You can either feel like you had a vote or you can feel like you're being forced to do something. And if I know as an adult, 47 year old man, if I feel like I'm being forced to do something or told to do something, I don't do it with very much intention at all. I'm like, well, to hell with this shit, like I, I'm checking off the box here. I'm in and I'm out. But if I'm included in the decision making process of, Hey, what, what part of this would you like to take? It's much easier to digest and then really, you know, become fully immersed in. You know, um, we, and the other thing that I really enjoyed there is the multiple ways to connect. Like I just, you know, dinner table, you know, I mentioned to you this last week when we were talking on the phone, there's nothing at the dinner table that can even border criticism or constructive criticism. It is how was your day? What did you love best about your day? Who did you help today? What could you have done better? And that's it. Like we don't interject on that, but I want them, my wife and I want our kids to start thinking about their day of what did I give? Who did I help? And what can I improve upon? Right. And it opens up this dialogue, but then you go on to talk about maybe it is enjoying a TV show, or maybe it is playing a game or reading, you know, and the more you speak and tell me about the things that you guys do, I start to realize like, wow, me and my wife are doing a pretty damn good job. Like we're, we're playing games at night. Like we played old maid last night with our six year old. Like love that. Love that stuff, right? But, but those are important moments. And, and I think that in this world was so much, you know, we've said the word chaos so many times, I'm going to say that and distraction from screens. Like screens will bury our children. And I think the most dangerous thing is to replace parenting with a screen. Like I don't believe in that at all. And I think there's a lot of people out there doing it. You'll go to a, they'll go to a restaurant and you'll see a table full of five people and all of them are looking at a screen. I'm like, what in the F are you even here for? You're not connecting. Might as well just eat cereal at home. If you're not going to talk to each other. But, but I also think it's important to understand that there should be certain guardrails around these things. I want to shift into that part of the conversation of man, when we were kids, screens were not raising us. We did not have these potential, you know, issues like your predators on roadblocks, you know, you know, like these sexthorician rings and everything that's going on right now is so scary. You know, I both spoke about this initiative called wait until eighth grade. And it's where for the audience that doesn't, that's not aware of this. It is a pledge within your school that you will wait on a smartphone for your kid. Until they're in the eighth grade. And we signed that pledge and you told me you guys did too. Why do you think that's important? So I think that there's, there's a lot tied into it. Technology is something that we've had to adapt to. And it is light years ahead of our adaptation, right? All animals evolve and adapt. This is something that I'm not sure we may ever catch up to. Right. It's so far ahead of us. So phones are the enemy, unbound accesses. Does that make sense? 1000%. Yeah. So I think, you know, we have similar to how we like run a day to where we build connection, which I really do implore anybody listening to create daily anchors, choose one to two anchors a day. It doesn't have to be every time you're with your kid. Okay. I'm going to give you something that's super tangible here. And then relate it to the phone, but choose one to two anchors a day. Morning send off after school check-in or right before bedtime. Short consistent beats long and rare. Does that make sense? And I think these are just non-negotiables, even on the hard days, because we're human and we're parenting for the first time and living this life for the first time too. Right. Right. So hopefully that helps. So a lot of me for my house CEO rules is phone down, TV off, multitasking and paused, right? Um, and I like that you ask your kids questions like that. I do that too. And I think that's like really important, right? Something as consistent as Sunday pancakes goes a long way. And the goal is not Pinterest. It's just belonging. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, I think with the phones for me, I work in it. So I tell my husband, I have the ultimate like pull that mommy works in it and sees the dark side. So no, um, but that's not going to work on a teenager. You know, it's almost barely working on my eight year old because she has enough sass for this neighborhood and yours. Um, but I do think that I kind of have redefined phone free zones. Um, and that's not all day. Like we pledged to wait till eight. Our kids do not have a phone. Um, we've looked at giving them a nineties childhood for as long as we can, which means one TV from the entire house, not in the bedrooms, uh, no tablets. We don't have those. Uh, when they use them in school, they have blue light glasses that they're able to put on so that they can protect their eyes and brains. And then in addition to all of that, we have a lock box that my husband and I put our phones in from five to nine. We don't need them. We have a landline. We're living in the nineties. The nineties work. It's fine. Um, and the kids, we actually just are about to receive 10 can phones. Have you heard of these? No, they're wifi based, but you can only call your data log. So only your friends, 10 can phone to the other 10 can phone. There's no crossover. Um, and so we're going to, we're going to put that in our house and see how that goes. Um, but non-negotiable zones for us are dinner table, bedtime routine, um, and morning send off. Just no phones. Right. Right. Um, those are connection anchors. And I think that that alone has helped us like the most eliminating charging stations for convenience for parents is a really good one. Put that charger where you have to really think about going and picking up that phone. I like that. Right. I like that. Um, and you know, for me, I think I have to model it first. So I say it out loud when I do it because I'm human and sometimes things, you know, come up, um, I'm putting my phone down now. I will say it out loud. So my kids hear me say it. Um, and I will look at them and say, you have my full attention. That is helping model it first so that they see that when they do get a phone at some point in their life, there's a respectful way to use your phone and a disrespectful way to use your phone. The phone is a tool. Okay. And it's important that we teach them how to use it appropriately because we can't, it's out of the box, right? Sean Pandora's box now, all of this is out there. Right. We're talking porn and, you know, we were worried about getting kidnapped in the front yard. I'm worried about a lot worse popping up on my kids screen. Yeah. And that's the, yeah. Yeah. And Nicole, that's the thing, right? You know, as adults, I mean, you and I both work in social media. We work on our phones 24 seven. So I see the dark sides, but I also see the beautiful side of social media. And, you know, it does take a certain individual to dive into the positive side of things. I use it for connection. Like I'm connected with pariah. Now we're connected. Like I build solid, like real relationships off social media to where a lot of times, you know, these, these friendships that I create out of thin air from a social media app, I can trust more than people in my own community that I've known for about 10 years. So there is a beautiful side about that, but we're also, you know, I'm in my 40s and, you know, we can, we have better discernment, I guess. The thing that scares me about the current landscape with these phones and I, and I see eight year olds on TikTok all the time. Like I have friends that give their kids this smartphone and they're on TikTok. I'm like, you honestly do not understand what you are opening up for your child. Like right then and there, there's that pressure to be accepted. The comparison, am I pretty? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I skinny? All these different things that these children are going through right now that we don't have any idea what this current generation is going through because we grew up on tech mobile, riding bikes and, and shooting hoops in the, in the front yard and maybe playing tackle football with our buddies. You know, like that's what I grew up on. And then I would go to baseball, but we didn't have everything we have here. So for, for us, in order to save that development of their brain and that discernment is like, okay, we're not going to do this, but I will say, I will say it's becoming challenging in certain ways. So my, my oldest is in sixth grade. He's in middle school. But he's on middle school soccer. So he's in a bus like, you know, he's doing X, Y, Z. Like I want to be able to get a hold of my son. Right. I want him to be able to get a hold of me. So we thought like, not smartphone because we signed the pledge. We're going to follow through with that. Right. And it's crazy. We're only a year and a half away from that. He's almost halfway done with his sixth grade year. I know it's sad. It's like, soon my little man's going to be in high school and I'm not going to know what to do, but what we've been thinking about like, is a bark phone saved, like, are these other, you know, types of phones safe to where he can text us and call us if he needs to. So I'm going to say something and I'm going to, it may be a little controversial, but I, I do think that this is the right way to handle a phone. Um, cause I, it's Pandora's box. We're going to have to teach them how to use it currently. Right. So screens are exciting. Brains need breaks. We protect our focus. Like we protect our sleep. Right. Just simple things that are kind of part of your systems already and your kids are going to hear that because you're going to frame it as brain here, not control. Okay. And I think if we talk about why and age appropriate, to be honest, I'm not really sure that it's appropriate for me. A lot of the time. And I'm 38 and I'm, you know, we did all the things. Yeah. I don't even need to be watching this. Yeah, exactly. I'm just saying, you know, there are times I'm like, Oh my gosh, there. Yes. I use social media to connect and make friends and go on vacation with them. And I trust them. Yes. Almost more than sometimes people in my community, but I will tell you that there are some days I'm in my bathroom crying over someone I've never met who won't be at my funeral or my daughter's wedding or any of that over something. She said, and I've had to put in production for myself. Right. There are things men write to me, but she never be heard. That's really sad. So I see it, right? I see it. I live it. I hear it. So I think a lot of it is you're going to replace the phone. Don't just remove it. Right. So connection fills the gaps. Phone leaves, which is something you are great at, Sean. We've talked about this. Family walks, games, cooking together, reading out loud, right? Empty space invites scrolling. And that is how I feel. When my husband's on the couch and scrolling, I'm like, Oh, is there a space I could fill or help you feel right now? And if he's like, no, I just need 10 minutes, whatever it is, right? But I want to make sure that that filled space invites connection rather than just leaves it plain and empty and dry. You will scroll. They will scroll. Right. And I think so much of it is to repair when it slips and not add. So if you go back to the things that really matter in our generation, no shame would have gone real far. And parenting, right? Um, it would have saved me a lot of therapy bills probably, uh, you know, but repairing teaches resilience. Do you know what I mean? Not. And I think, you know, you can say like, Oh, I missed that moment. I'm here now. He, when he gets his smartphone will do the same things you do. Right. It's inherent that sons look up to their dads. You're a hero in a lot of ways. And he's going to mimic that before he even starts doing it. So I think so much is we don't compete with phones in any home. Right. But you're going to design a life so that connection comes first. And they're going to see that connection first, all these other things. And when I do slip, I know how to repair. Does that help? Because the phone's inevitable, right? The smartphone's inevitable at some point. Yeah. And in kind of what my wife and I do, if we're in a blockout session, right? Or a section of the day. I mean, typically it is when I'm making dinner, I'm not on my phone. When we're sitting down, I'm not on my phone when we're eating, obviously. And then before they go to bed, we try not to be on our phones. If something does happen, we own up to it. Hey, I'm really sorry. I need to take this. Are you guys okay with that? Or, hey, sorry, guys, I really had to take that. I know it's during this time. Are you guys good? Or do you? And if it upsets one of them, I'm like, well, do you forgive me? Here's why I took that call. It was kind of important, not more important than you, but also, you know, daddy has a job, mom has a job, and we have to make sure that these things are done. And I just think that owning up and communicating, if you have to do something and you do apologize about it, that goes a long way with kids. Yes, it does. And it teaches them to do the same, which is more important, right? We talk about like, legacy as we leave. Well, that would be a big one, right? Phones don't steal connection. You know, we're really good at blaming something but ourselves. Yeah. Right? So you, and you don't need perfection either. I'm not preaching perfection. I am anti-perfection of anything. But phones don't steal connection. Lack of boundary does. Yeah, that's a great point. That's such a great point, Nicole, because we all talk about how social media is destroying America or youth and how phones are taking away from the family. But really what it is, it's, it's the decisions and the choices that we're making surrounding that device that it's not going to make us do it. The phone doesn't have a heartbeat. It can't tell me what to do. It can't tell me to look at it every five seconds. I make that choice. And so if we work backwards there and say like, okay, this can only steal from us if we allow it, right? So again, boundaries are such an important thing when we're speaking about phones, when we're speaking about running the household, but just overall relationships too, interpersonal relationships, there has to be boundaries there. Yes. And that's something I think our generation has had to learn how to manage to be frank. Yeah. So now we're dealing with it in a technology age as well. And there is something to be said for understanding healthy boundaries and inserting them with love and respect. But it's the same here. And simple things just to implement right away, if you're struggling with this at home is of family phone agreement, a little one pager, kids friendly screen schedule. So they kind of understand and understand how to utilize it. That's giving them a system, a one minute, you know, phone connection spiel on the way home from school or a partner alignment agreement. Sometimes you guys, you know, both agreeing on how to script it to your kids about phones and then hearing it from mom and dad or dad and dad or mom. Hearing it from a set of, you know, parental figures is very impactful for a kid. So if you guys are saying the same words about it, they're hearing it from all sides and it becomes core. And I think it doesn't have to be this whole system in 20 minutes of this or an hour of that, or I have to overthink this. It's real simple, simplistic. And it just takes implementing it today in five minutes. You don't have to wait till Monday or Sunday or a new month or a new year. It's very simple to say, I'm struggling with this and I need to fix this feeling inside. Doesn't feel good. Let's put a system in place and make it happen. You know, I like that, right? Because everybody, you know, the whole cliche or the saying is room wasn't built in a day. But anytime we try to start something new, whether it's going low talks in the home, right, building systems, a nutrition journey, a weightlifting journey. We don't like to feel like we have to go from zero to a thousand right away. And I think what it really is, is like, we have to make small steps forward every single day. And in fact, you know, as we kind of, you know, run down on time here and closing out the show, it's like what I always try to bring people is, you know, when I started this platform of the determined society, it was, you know, me wanting to wake up in a society that people chase their dreams, no matter how they feel emotionally at that time. And one of the ways to do that is to remove the emotion and look at the system. What is my process? What is my standard that I set? And that's what I go do. I'm going to do one thing, right? So if I leave here today saying, you know what, tomorrow when I'm sitting down and I don't have a recording, maybe I will do a little, I'll do a lot of laundry. Okay. And I'm going to put it in in the morning and by the time I'm done with my breakfast, it's dry and then I can fold and put it away. But if I don't do that, then I'm just creating a whole different mess. And to me, that's not determination, nor is it discipline. It's like, we have to follow through what we say we're going to, what we're going to freaking do, period, end of story. And that's what I really love about everything that you're speaking about, because you're putting systems in guardrails in place. You have amazing guides for, I mean, guys, listen, what's the website? The, is it, it's Nicole Jack as, is that what it is? Dot com. Yeah. It's Nicole Jack as.com. I want you guys, and we'll put it in the show notes. I need you guys to go look at this because there's systems everywhere in there. There's stocking stuff for ideas. There's low talks, cleaner ideas. There's, there's all these different things that she has built in order for you to create something amazing for your home, but also leave enough time to connect with your family. And that took a lot of discipline from you and a lot of holding to your standard. So like, that's what I want everybody to really take from this is like, whatever system you put together, whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it. Yeah, absolutely. Cause you know, it's showing up again when like no one's clapping or it's building and system instead of burning out. It's protecting your values on ordinary days, not just the hard ones. And I think, you know, determination and leadership in the small moments of life, the choice to simplify, to repair and to try again, or really what matter essentially. So, you know, it's not, it isn't loud grit all the time or endless hustle. Like I was told. And you know, it's kind of like the quiet decision to keep choosing what matters. And that is kind of at the core of what I try to do and teach and share. Because essentially I do this same as you is for the connection and to help somebody out. Your definition of determination is absolutely beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And not because it's the same as mine. I mean, it truly is the same as mine, but because if you really dive into it and you just realize that there's going to be days. And for the people listening, the audience, like there's going to be days where you don't even feel like getting dressed. But those days where you don't feel like getting dressed, just get dressed. Because that's the wind. And for some moms and some dads taking a shower that day might feel like the most daunting task. Take the shower. You've won. You literally the things that we and this is this is why I like to point this out. Because when you can take control of the small things like that, I'd be like, I emotionally don't want to do this right now. It's hard. There's a lot of people right now that are listening like, how was taking a shower hard? Because you don't walk a mile in everybody's shoes every day. That's really an actual thing for moms when they have babies and, you know, sometimes showers turn into like this elaborate thing to where they can't even do it. And so I'm not talking about just do it for them. I'm talking about every day life. Just pick the task that you don't really want to do and just just do it. Because true determination and discipline is doing those things. It is never loud. It is never gritty. It doesn't boast and it sure as shit doesn't show up when there's motivation there. It shows up all the time. And that is the most common misconception of determination. And it's what I thought early on in my journey, Nicole was, I'm going to work out seven days a week. I'm going to do it twice a day. And I'm going to tell everybody I'm determined. This is what I do. And it's like ridiculous because that's not what true determination is. No, and I think, you know, I always, I want to leave everyone with this because I think they're like, Oh, well, Nicole has all these systems and they work so well and like good for her high five. I there's failure every day and what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards. Like not every day. I show up looking like this. She showed on backwards. I mean, I walked into the room yesterday and I remember why I was in the room. You know, like that's real. And I think so much of this is it's relatable, but it's also very doable because I am human, you know, and I want it to feel that way. So kind of the way I started this was choose three things and just get those three things done in the day. They take a shower, do the dishes, you know, put something in a crock pot, but they could also be take a 20 minute nap, do yoga, have lunch with a friend. Yeah. But three things if you can wake up every day and just choose three things to do that are not work outside the home related. Okay. That's all you need. I love it. Just start. I love it. Um, I want the audience to, I forgot to say something about your website. And then I want you to after that, I want you to tell everybody else where they can find you and how else they can dive into your content with how they can learn more from you, your books, etc. But I encourage you guys when you go to our website, it's NicoleJackas.com. So I'm for newsletter. I did. I mean, why not? Like literally, if you want to find better ways to run your home and connect with your, your spouse and your children, I mean, what do you have to lose? You can always unsubscribe later. If you don't like it, I mean, she's not going to, you know, be tormented by that, but you probably won't unsubscribe. So, um, I just wanted to, you know, throw that out there because I think, you know, it's a great way to learn about what you're doing and how you implement things is through your newsletter as well. Can people find you like your Instagram handle in other ways that they can learn from you? So essentially the blog is great because it's just small tips and tricks. It's not so overwhelming. I live a low-tox lifestyle for a health condition, which I talk about on the blog. Yeah, we are. Hmm? Yeah. Yeah. I have a scene of philatisophagitis and so I actually choked and so that whole journey is there too. And low-toxing was very similar to house becoming the house CEO. So that actually there was a piggyback and benefit off of that. Um, and I have an ebook, but the ebook actually is now becoming a published book, which is a more dialed in and really has been a full turning moment. And that should launch in 2027. Um, so keep your eye out. I know it's kind of far away, but when it'll be here tomorrow, you know, that's another deal. Yeah. I go through the same thing myself. It's like, yeah, they're fun. They're fun. And the newsletter is great because I send out really mindful tips. I like it to kind of be like you and I are texting to each other and then I'm sharing like my personal journal with you and usually people take away things that maybe they haven't heard. Like instead of gift guides right now, I'm talking about like how to hold on and make core memories. Um, and to take the pressure off of perfection. I'm like giving you permission and here are three things I'm doing that have helped me. Um, and then my handle, I'm on all platforms anywhere from, you know, YouTube shorts. My main handle that you'll see me on every day is on Instagram. Um, and it's at it's Nicole. And then the last name is J a Q you. Yes. It's kind of unique. Um, and then you and I, we're going to be talking about the you and TikTok as well. But my primary connection is Instagram and the blog and the newsletter. Those are my people. And I have to say that it is a community that's real rare on social media, very kind, loving, giving, um, and real light lighters, which really, really makes me. Agree. Hey, agreed. One more thing I want to acknowledge real quick before we, before I let you go is and, and give the audience their little call to action to share this with everybody they know is I had a great grandmother named Ruth and your grandmother was named Ruth. And growing up every Labor Day, we would go to my great-grandparents for family reunions right around Labor Day. And there was all this food, right? And it was this love language that, uh, when I read you're about me section, like, damn, I can relate to this. This is so it brought, I started seeing visions of going to clearly, California and being there with my great-grandparents and my cousins and my uncle and everything, like everything plain croquet, badminton, listening to Randy Travis on the gray boombox, because that tape, like that's how long ago that was. But just know that by you sharing something small like that, it allowed me to go back and honor some core memories. So thank you. Oh, that is, that's why I do it, right? That's the best gift and it's the connection you talk about and it's a connection. We're all seeking whether it be with another human or in our homes and with just a more, you know, simplistic, happy life. But yeah, Ruth, Ruth is a driving factor in a lot of things in my life, um, along with Pam, my mom, but I, man, the grandma, Ruth, that, that got me. You know how you get those good ones? I call them glimmer, like little glimmer feelings inside. That gave me one. So thank you. I needed that. Absolutely. I just, I noticed it and it was, it was important to me to, to mention it to you. So thank you so much for coming on. I had, I enjoyed this conversation and I know this is beginning of a great friendship and, you know, anything I can help you with in, in, in your book launch, like I'm in, like I, I, I'm, I'm all in because I want your materials to be in the hands of a lot of different homes. So as more homes run more efficiently and have more time to connect and just enjoy the human experience a lot more. Absolutely. Well, it's been an honor to be here and I agree so much to learn and so much connection, so many simple points that are, you know, I did, I did call in a lot of ways, but different. And I think that that's exactly why people are brought together. Right. So when you make that connection and keep it, keep going, but appreciate you having me on Sean, this has been awesome. A great way to start my Tuesday. Yeah. I love here, my friend. And for the audience, please do me a favor, share this episode with someone you know, love and trust. If this is your first time listening to the show, please hit subscribe and follow and, and dive into the content. And more than anything, if you like the show, please leave us a written review on Apple and a rating on Spotify and show up on YouTube as well. And just let us know what you love about the platform. We bring great stories and great systems to your ears and your homes by way of amazing guests like Nicole twice a week. So I thank you guys very much for listening. And until next time, stay determined.