Zooey Deschanel: Relationships, RomComs, & the Holiday Season

What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Zoe Deschanel, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Oh my god, thank you so much for having me. I feel like you're the perfect person to be wearing this with. I think that's right. I was literally before you came in, I was like, I hope she just like sees the vision. What is this person doing? Happy holidays, how are you doing? I'm good. Is that comfortable by the way? It's actually weirdly very comfortable. Yeah. And I didn't expect to wear this today, a sweater and jeans on, but then I just put this on for some social ideas and then I was like, you know what, maybe this will get us in the mood. Yeah, I'm in the mood. You're feeling fast. And you're like, and we're like, we're gonna ride that mood like the whole time. We're riding it. We're going to go through the holidays together. Yes. Okay, let's talk about the holidays. We're kind of in the middle of it right now. Do you have any good plans this year? Like I'm such a traditionalist. Like I'm very much like I love hanging out with family, like singing Christmas carols. Yeah, we're very festive. We decorate like big. We go big with the decoration. Can you talk to me about decorations though? Because so I don't have kids yet. And I've been trying to convince my husband like we need to like gear up, right? So I've been like trying to buy stuff for our house that so when we do have kids one day, it's like a winter wonderland. Right. And he's like, okay, like I see the vision sort of, but I think I'm only going half in. So I think I need to, if you're going to do it, you got to go all in. Like do you do every room? Do you do some room? We do a lot of rooms, but you know what? It does build up over the years. And then you do have to like, it's like you do have to edit like because you, we have, I'm really into Christmas and then Jonathan's really into Christmas. So it's like, it's like I was the one in my family growing up. My dad comes from like a Quaker background. And if you know anything about that, they're very simple and plain and you don't want to show off. And so like he liked Christmas trees with no decorations. And I was like, I love decorations. I want everything decorated like over the top. And so I remember coming home like from college for Christmas and no one had bought a tree and there was like no decorations. And I went out and I got like a tree and all these decorations and I decorated the whole house. So that's me. And then Jonathan's like probably more, even more love. And then we have these wonderful guys from Glitterville, which is like an awesome place in Knoxville, Tennessee, where they, they make all these Christmas decorations. They come and decorate our house. So we're kind of spoiled one day. I'm going to be calling them. Yeah, you'll call them. Yeah, I'll give you third. Is your tree though? Does it have like really nice fancy ornaments? Or do you do a couple where it's like, your kids made it or you made it one year? That's a great question. Okay. So, so downstairs in our like main areas, we have two trees and they're kind of themed. And they're a little different every year. The one in the like living room is last year was like champagne themed. This year it's a little more like gingerbread-y. Yeah, the themes were fun. And there's like lots of snow this year, like lots of fake snow. And then, and then in the like family room, the big, big tree is very sparkly and colorful and like tinsel and stuff like that. But then upstairs in the kids playroom, we put two trees, one for each kid and they can decorate it however they want. And they can put all their homemade ornaments and they love doing that. Now, when are we putting up the tree? Because this is also another point of convention in my house. It's kind of a real, yeah. When are you doing it? Sometimes, September after Halloween. Sometimes it happens like, like last year, I think somehow it was right after Halloween because that's just how it worked out. This year, we put up the trees right before Thanksgiving. See, I'm like, well, my husband's also Jewish, but like he fully supports me in my Christmas extravaganza. And sure, it's like Christmas, but like it's Christmas, you know, for the decorations. And so Matt is always like, it can't be September 1st, Alex. And I'm like, the minute hits ball, we gotta go. So now we've compromised and we did it right before Thanksgiving, which I feel like is good. I think it's great because you just, you want as long with that tree as possible. And the other thing you can do in a, you know, a mixed like faith house is you do the Christmas tree with the Hanukkah colored ornaments. So I'm going to go home tonight and I'm about to rock his world and be like, I have compromised. He's like, oh my God, honestly, that's a good idea. Do you host? Yes. So yeah, we always like to do like Christmas Eve dinner and stuff like that for the family. Have you ever had any hosting disasters? We did have a Christmas party a few years ago and the like our landscapers who are amazing brought in some mulch to like to make everything look really fresh, but accidentally had like fertilizer in it, which smells though. No, no. But, but it was completely honest mistake, but I was just like putting like cinnamon sticks, like trying to burn them everywhere. Everyone's like, Zoe, your house smells so good. Well, we're like, um, it's just fresh. It's just fresh. Oh, okay, got it. But you're hosting more than you're going to places. We like to host. We like to go places. We're social. We're social people. We're social people. Talk to me about holiday movie. What is one holiday movie you have to watch every single year? Die Hard. Wait, Zoe, what? Wait, wait, what? Die Hard is a great Christmas. I'm like, so elf is mine. I love elf. Have you rewatched it? But since I'm in it, I'm not like, it's funny because my kids were a little resistant to their little resistance to watching me. They're not as resistant to watching. Like if there's something where I'm a voice, like trolls freely watching that. But like if I'm in something, they're a little like, is that mommy or is that like, yeah, it's like, how old are they now? They're, they're eight and 10. But just this year, my daughter said she wants to watch it with her friends. So elf? Yeah. So I was excited. So you're probably about to become like the coolest mom slowly. You're about to be like, oh, it's about to turn for you. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, I don't want to like the all time great or they'll hate it and hate me. Right? Like mom, that was so embarrassing. I'm so embarrassed. Okay, wait. So you were 21 years old when you filmed elf. Yeah. Is it true that you actually were not going to at first be booked for this role? And then what happened? They had offered it when I met with John, the, the, the director, I walked in and he was like, Oh, you don't need to read. We just offered it to Katie Holmes. And I was like, Oh, okay. Cool. And he's like, well, sit down and talk for a minute. And I was like, okay. So what was great about that was like, I wasn't nervous. I didn't like have to like, you know, it's like, like when you're an actor, you're like first starting and you're like auditioning, you've gotten nervous and you're like, psyching yourself up for the re, you know, I wasn't nervous at all because I was like, well, I'm not getting the part. I'm not getting the part. So it was, it was kind of great because I was not nervous. And then when she had some scheduling conflict and then they were like, who should we have? And I think the character was kind of meant to be like, worked around whoever played her. And they knew I sang because I had a cabaret act where I do like, like jazz standards and stuff. And so that kind of worked out with the character. Yeah. And at the time, do you think you all knew how big it was going to be because of Will or did it still not really, Will wasn't like, he was just start, I mean, he was like had done old school. Yeah, I guess you're right. It was still on the rise. He hadn't done stepbrothers. Yeah, he hadn't done stepbrothers. Like he hadn't done all of his like, huge, huge, you didn't even know though what's going to be as big as it was. Well, I, when I read it, I was like, I remember like giggling out loud and I was like really enjoying myself. And I was like, that must be a good sign. And then I've taken that as like my litmus test, like ever since then, I was like, you know, like almost every time I like laugh out loud while reading a script, because if you laugh out loud while reading a script, then you're probably going to laugh like even harder when you see someone doing it. Wow. You had to have your hair be blonde. That wasn't a wig, was it? No, that was because I was young and just starting out and trying to get jobs. And there was a movie about a pop star that was like floating around and the producer really wanted me for it. And he was like, let's do a screen test. And they like dye my hair blonde, put like extensions in it and all this stuff. And we did this like screen test, the movie never ended up happening, but I had this blonde hair for like a little bit. And I still hadn't dyed it back brown, because I was like 21, I didn't have like that much money to like go and do my hair all the time. So I was kind of like waiting, I'm like, I'll grow out a little bit. And then once I got the part, I was like, well, can I dye my hair back brown? And they were like, no, you have to have the same hair you had when you came in. And I'm not sure where that came from, but that's what I was told. So then I had to like maintain this, which takes like eight hours. Like if you had a black hair, my hair is almost black to dye your hair blonde, girl, that's like the biggest undertaking ever. Like, yeah, to strip really dark hair. You would never do it again, would you? I would wear a wig because it's not great for your hair. Like my hair, I will say that like, my hair is like really stiff in the movie because it was like, it was bleached and then it was highlighted, you know? And then I remember I had extensions and of course I was like young and dumb and I remember they glued the extensions in, I couldn't get them out. And I was like trying to pull them and I like ripped my hair. I had like short pieces like that long. I do remember because I just watched it this past week. Your hair does not move. It's literally perfectly curled up and it just like stays right there. There's a reason for that. Good to know. It's called chemical processing. Okay, can you tell us because obviously because it's holiday season and we're going to go through a lot of your movies, but what was your first impression of Will Ferrell? Because obviously that movie was so iconic. He's like the nicest human being. Like anyone who's worked with him, like there's no bad experiences with him. He's so nice. He's nice to everybody. He's so fun. He's like game for anything. And I think the thing about Will is like he's super playful and fun and open and just like a nice person. And I think that kind of like informs who he is as an actor because he's like so willing to play, you know? No, yeah. I like kind of forgot how like physical comedy he was in that movie as I was re-watching and I'm like, oh my god, there were so many moments where you're like, whoa, what are his legs doing and all the things? Like it's so funny. Do you have any, like if you can remember like your favorite scene to film together in that movie? Oh my gosh. I like doing all the stuff in the department store because there's like so much like kind of farcical energy to that. It's like, you know, and like fun characters. Like when he thinks he's like, I know Santa and then Santa comes, it's not the real like the real Santa and then he starts like freaking out. There's so much fun stuff in there. Both of your parents worked in Hollywood, right? Yes. Your mom was an actress, your dad was a cinematographer. Yeah. What was it like growing up in a house with such creative artsy energy? Oh, that's a good question. So my parents are like, it's like they're not like my mom was like a working actress, like not famous or anything, but she like, she did really well and she's really smart and great. And then my dad, my dad's like an artist, you know, like he's just like everything, he loves taking pictures. Like even still, like we were in Rome this summer, like all of us, and like we'd have to go out at like, they'd go out every day at five in the morning and it's like to find the light for the just to get the shot, just to take pictures. Yeah, just like he's taking pictures of buildings and he's taking pictures of my mom and me and it's everything is always like, it's just like he just sees the world in this like, you know, incredible way. But yeah, so they're both really creative, artistic people and have like amazing tastes. So I do remember like growing up and being like, like, like, if I liked a movie that was kind of silly, I was like, don't say anything because they have like such good taste, you know, interesting. Like I liked, I remember liking like silly sitcoms and stuff like that. Don't tell my dad. Because he's big. That's no, no, no, let me show you something. It was like a dark movie, which I love too. But like, I remember this sense of being like, ah, like, there's like a high standard. Their standards were so high that I remember being like, yeah, like too crazy. Yes. I really related because I saw you said in an interview that seventh grade was the worst year of your life, which when I was like, is that just like all of a lot of our experience? Because seventh grade was literally the worst year of my life. Tell me, I think it's like when you're that age, there's a coming of age where everyone's starting to maybe like actually look at boys and girls and like maybe start to be more aware of the way everyone looks and the differences and sexuality and all these things. And like, I just was like a very awkward, very awkward, like lanky, acne braces kid. And I just didn't, I just didn't fit in the way that my friends were. And so I experienced just like a lot of bullying because kids are horrible. And at that age, if you're not with the crowd and you are, you know, conforming to what everyone feels like it's the normal standard, then you just stick out like a sore thumb and then everyone like puts you down for it. Yeah. So I experienced that. And then when I read that, I was like seventh grade. It's seventh grade is the worst. What happened in seventh grade for you? I was similarly awkward but different. I was like kind of chubby and not that there's anything wrong with that. It was like, would have been fine if I hadn't been ridiculed for that. And just like an awkward person, I hadn't quite like figured out my personality yet and like all the friends that I had been friends with kind of like, splintered off into other groups and changed and were different and like, not the same support situation. And then you have like all your hormones and everything. And but what was funny about seventh grade is I joined a swim team and well, separately, I had like, I had like this one girl who like bullied me like really bad, who like spit in my face, like was just awful. It was like those things. Do you see, I remember her going like, you're trying to act like you're thin, which now I'm like, do you like, I'm like, this was like the mid 90s. I'm like, now nobody would say that. I don't think but like, I remember her saying that to me and being like, I don't, I was like, do am I trying to act like I'm thin? I don't think so. I think I'm just acting like, can you imagine like, in that context, you're like, how does that kid and what's going on with that kid's house that they feel comfortable to speak that way? I know, to another person and then you're sitting there being like, and I was like, I don't think so. And I'm also like, I also was like, why are you coming after me? I was like, I like was trying to hide from her all the time. But yeah, by joining the swim team, and I like lost about 30 pounds over the year. And then I grew six inches over the summer. And so when I came back, I had like a new lease on life because eighth grade everyone was like, are you the same person? You look really different. So it was kind of like, fortunate that like my growth spurt happened in this like weird guys like literally like a movie, like you walk in, you're like, I'm back. I was like, I also was like, not even aware because I went to summer camp and it came back and then everyone was like, you look totally different. Do you feel like anything that you went through has informed as a mother, like how you're talking with your kids just like making sure they're good in school and everything? Because when you experience that, I have like a soft spot, I don't even have kids yet. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna have to like make sure that I'm going in the rooms and talking with them and making sure that they're okay and how they're being treated. Because I didn't tell my parents, did you share that with your parents that you were getting bullied? I shared it with my parents. Yeah. So one of the things like, I think we can't always control how other people act toward them, but we can help them give them tools like on how to react when people do something that's not very nice and also help them be the kindest people they can be, you know. Do you feel like anything from your childhood just in terms of like those light, not even light, but just like insecurities? Yeah. Do you still feel like any of that shows up today in your day to day life? I mean, of course it's like in there, but like it's like in a good way. Like I like all those things that like anytime you like go through something difficult, it helps like you become stronger. But I think I've made a real effort to never like show any like I have a daughter and a son and I don't want them to ever think like, oh, mommy's insecure or you know, like my my mom doesn't like you know, this or you know, I always want them to think like, I'm happy with myself and like because they get their self-esteem from their parents, you know. So, so yeah, it's important to me to like, like show up with confidence and I think about like Hollywood is such an extreme for especially for women on just like, yeah, focusing on looks or weight or aging or all the things like, what has your experience been as a woman in this industry dealing with if anything like criticism over your appearance? You know, it's funny, I think it's like I think you can like, you can let it roll off you and it doesn't really affect you. If as long as you let it like not affect you, it's when you like internalize it too much or you start to be like, oh, you know, and you let those sort of negative things like faster and you know, but but I think when you kind of like, you know, let it roll off you and also just see that like those things, they don't really matter, you know what I mean? Like a lot of people talk about them like they do, but they don't actually, they don't, when it comes down to it, that's not what's important. And so, you know, I definitely think that being, you know, having a strong sense of self beyond that is really important. I mean, that's a beautiful message too, because I agree with you. It's like, you can only control like you said earlier, like what your response is going to be to things. And I think especially if you're, we're never going to not get it as women. So at some point, it can become in a good way, you can have autonomy over your life to be like, I'm so much more interesting than the way I look and my weight and my age and all those things. And so if you can focus more on those, then I think you're going to live a healthier and happier life. Understandably, it's so hard and moment. And then people don't see it really, like it's like the name of past it, you know, there, it's like you really see what if somebody's really struggling with that and they're really internalizing it. I think, yeah, it's such a tricky thing. I mean, too, I think my identity was never super wrapped up in my appearance. I always made an effort to be like, is like more about what I'm presenting is more about my style and like, like artistic and creative expressions versus, oh, like I'm so just naturally perfect. You know what I mean? It's like all those things are so ephemeral and, you know, they change and, and they're, you know, they're subjective. And so I think, I think, yeah, not, not having my identity so wrapped up in like what I looked like when I was 25 is really great. And I love that because I think there's a lot of young women that listen to this show. And I think it's nice hearing that because I do feel that from you. Like when I think about Zoe DeCinellam, like, Oh my gosh, your style and like your energy, I think is so it reads so much in a movie or in, you know, interviews you've done or print or whatever you do, like you have such a very specific sense of style and a unique individuality that I really respect. And I think, especially with social media and as more kids grow up with it, I think trends can be very all encompassing where people are almost like copying each other because they think like, this will make me cool or this will make me cool. And what's actually so much cooler is being like, you're this like unique individual that people kind of can't copy you or want to copy you because you're so true to yourself. Start the trends, don't follow them. Yes. Yes. Can we talk about your career? Yeah. Okay, so you start doing auditions at 16 years old. Yeah. Did you have any like memorable disaster auditions where you were like, how did that just happen to me? Yeah, I mean, so, so many. It was like a whole year of like terrible auditions. I remember two, preparing, there was like one where I was reading for like some huge director was like, I want to say was like Christopher Nolan or something. And I was like, and they called me in and I had prepared for days. But then when I got there, I just completely like just got so nervous. I forgot everything. And I was like, and then the casting director was like called my called my agents and was like, well, she was super unprepared. And I was like, no, no, no, I just got really nervous. I was so nervous that I just like screwed up so bad. I have like a lot of learning differences. And I grew up like bad ADHD in a time when not a lot of girls were diagnosed with it. It was like, and I had like the combined type, which means I had like hyperactivity and inattentiveness, so a lot of stuff going on. So like, I sometimes have to spend a little more time learning things and preparing, which I know well, but that's why it took me. And then once I know how to prep, then I know how to prep. But I think that was like, I'm still in this like exploratory phase where I'm like, I did spend a long time preparing, but it didn't really work. Yeah. I luckily have my mom as a great actor. And she like when I was growing up, like would like coach me, like help me prep for audition. So that was like hugely helpful. But I feel like the conversation around, yes, like so many, especially young women were never like diagnosed at certain ages where you're like, what, like, whether you're feeling like you're like failing in school or you're like feeling embarrassed. She's just not smart. Yes. And it's like, no, that's not it. She just learns differently or whatever it be. Did you feel like, because I know you then went to Northwestern and you intended to go to college, then you left because you got a movie, were you kind of happy to get away from school because you didn't feel like maybe that was your place or did you kind of, was it hard decision for you to leave college? It was hard. And I will say this. So in elementary school, it was a real struggle. But I'm a pretty nerdy person, very love studying. And so by the time I was in high school, I was like thriving in school. So it was just kind of coming up with the right strategies for me. And back then, like, they didn't really like readily medicate people. I was not medicated. And like, it was just coming up, it was just more realizing, I need more time. So if one person takes like, you know, an hour to study, it might take me like two hours because I have to like, leave in space to like, like daydream and like, you know, but then I might come up with something like really interesting that's different. And so I think it's just, it was kind of a matter of like, accepting how I was. And then so yeah, I thrived in high school. I got really good grades and was like, graduated with honors and then went to Northwestern. And I loved it. But it was just, it was what I realized was like, my focus had always been on being an actor. So I made a risky decision, which was sort of, I had, I put a storage locker, like on hold for my stuff, like from my dorm room, because I got in a movie and I was going home. And I was like, gonna go back. And I was like, I'll put all my stuff in there. And then I got there and they didn't have the reservation. And I was like, that's it. I was like, I was like, that's a sign. I got, I was supposed to do a photo shoot for like British Vogue or something. And they'd given me money to fly home. And it was like in Traveler Shacks or something. I remember and I was like, well, I'll take like, my flight wasn't quite that amount. They'd given me just like a budget. And then I was like, okay, I'll just use the rest of that money to ship my stuff home. And I never went back. And I never went back. Did your family support you? Like, did you have any hesitations of leaving college? My parents were really supportive. They like, because they both got to do this, like, you know, these creative things and got that, like, you do what you got to do. And there is still part of me that's like, I love school and I want to go back to school sometime. I just don't know what I want to study, but I love school. But, but my parents were supportive. It was more like when I'd run into like my parents' friends, like at the grocery store, they'd be like, go back. Right? They're like, sweetie, what are you doing with sweetie? What are you doing with your life? And I had this, I made this decision where I was like, well, I don't want to brag. So I don't want to tell anyone that I got a movie. And that's why I left school. So I'm just going to be like, I quit. And they just thought I was like the biggest loser. Like, I mean, for like a year until this film came out, I was just like, Zoe, like, really went off the rails. I feel like that speaks a lot though to your character and who you are, where you don't care what people think. The fact that you are in the grocery store, being like, yeah, I just quit. I'm a loser doing nothing with my life. Meanwhile, you're like, it was minus one year till you find out. It was fun to see like how judgmental people are when they think crazy. It is crazy. And it's I hope that now there is more acceptance around non just traditional linear paths of like, you go to school, then you do this, then you do this, and you get the job and it's 95 and you do this. Like, there's just so much more, I think, out there for people that don't want that. I'm not saying there's a problem with the traditional path, but I do think it's cool to see how people have actually been now becoming more open to like, a lot of kids aren't supposed to go down the path that maybe their parents did. And that's okay. And some kids like need a gap year, like they have to travel, they have to see the world a little bit or they need like time to like, because sometimes high school is like a lot of pressure. I mean, I know I was like studying all the time, like doing theater too. But like, I mean, I was just, I was just like, I felt like a lot of pressure academically and, you know, to, and I didn't really do a lot of social stuff. Like that's how like, and so like I was like, and then when I went to college, I was like, whoa, like, it's a lot, there's a lot going on to good points. Like, we feel like we just have to do these things. But then when you check in, it's like, there's so many kids in high school, they're like, I'm about to burn out. Like I can't keep doing this and being in tune as a parent, hopefully to be like, what does this child need compared to my other child or whatever. That's the thing that's cool about having kids is you see like, when they grow up and they're like, mine are like two years apart and, and are a little less than that. So, so they're pretty close in age. So I could see like, what's developmental and like, you know, whatever they walk between this age and this age and those types of things. And then like, what's their personality? And you'll see glimmers of their personality when they are like newborns. That's what's amazing. There's like, stuff that stays with them. Yeah, I love that. So much. Interesting. Yeah. Um, what do you think was your breakout role? That's a good question. I'll have like versions. I mean, I would say like, Elf was probably it, because it, that was like, that was like the first movie that I did that was like, big, you know, like I did almost famous. And that was like, I got a lot of like, um, really nice kind of, um, notices and people really liked that film. But it, um, but Elf was kind of like on this felt like more global or something. And, and I was a bigger part. So yes. Um, another movie that people obviously fell in love with you in was from 500 days of summer. I mean, obviously I feel like a lot of people are like, that is like my favorite coming of age movie. A lot of people love it. You ended up always kind of like defending your character summer against accusations that she was the villain of that story, which is so crazy. And I think hopefully now people would look back and be like, what, but at the time it really felt like people were like, she's the problem. Like this was messed up. What do you think people got wrong about her? Well, I mean, I think, I think a lot of things about that. I, I, um, I, I think it's changed a lot. Like the point of view about that movie. Um, I, I think I was, I was really shocked actually when it came out because we all kind of had the, um, the point of view that this was kind of like, they're a little bit star crossed. Like she's in one place, he's in another and like, it's all from his point of view. And, and you kind of see the tragedy of the fact that he wants more and she sees this as something passing and isn't ready for this yet. Um, and then when it came out, all of a sudden I, I especially wasn't so much girls, but it was guys. They'd be like, I fucking hate you summer. I'd be like, whoa, wait a second. I was like, I was shocked. I was like, wait, she's very clear with him from the beginning. Like I'm like, what more do you want from her? So, so, so she has to do what he wants. Like no matter what, I was just, I was just really surprised that that was the takeaway. And, and I understand that sometimes people don't know what to do with their emotions and that probably they just felt like they were really like shipping this couple. They're like, we want them to be together. But, but she said like, I don't want anything. I know that's what's so crazy. I also just feel like maybe we are now more progressive as a society. So like, especially women are like, this is, you couldn't be more clear. You're like, I want to keep things casual. And then he keeps seeing the girl. So it's like, okay, if you're down with this, I remember after that movie, the term manic pixie dream girl became just like this whole conversation. And to anyone, maybe who's like my younger audience that isn't familiar with that term, can you explain what manic pixie dream girl means? It's the, okay. It's the term everyone seemed to use to describe like any female in a movie that was left of center or different. That wasn't just like the hot girl. Like someone that had thoughts in her head had opinions was a little different. I know the first I was I went on a deep dive because about that because I remember being like, wait, every time I would be in something, I would be reduced to this. And I, it was something a journalist used to describe Katie Holmes in pieces of April, which was like a an indie movie that went to Sundance like in the early 2000s. And then since then they just used and like, then they used it to describe like Natalie Portman and Garden State and like, pretty much like, and then somehow every character I ever played. And I'm like, I don't think all these characters are the same. And I mean, it just felt to be honest a bit, like, let's come up with a new thing. And let's be a little more creative because it started to also feel like an insult or something. Like it was used as in this, that, that you're that the manic pixie dream girl, this was a way to make this character that was meant to be highly, you know, like three dimensional trying to make it one dimensional. And I was like, no, actually the point is to make a character three dimensional, not one dimensional. So yeah, I was always a little bit like, look, you have to take everything in stride and realize that people call you stuff like all the time, and you have to have a thick skin about it. And it's fine, whatever people want to call me that. Cool. But in my opinion, I think it's lazy to keep using it. I agree. I agree. No, it's also crazy because like you come up with these tropes and these names that media obviously more centered towards women on these because I agree. It's like, if it's not just like the bombshell like bond girl, then it's like, where does where does the woman fit? We don't know what to do with her. Yeah. And it's like, Oh my God, she's like multi dimensional. What a concept. Meanwhile, you're watching like all these men in these books. What do I do? She has glasses on and she's like, what? Like is like Belle from Beauty and the Beast a manic pixie dream girl? That's my question. Such a good point. Is Tiana a manic pixie dream girl? She's like an entrepreneur. Are we manic pixie dream girls? Do we move like Disney princesses into the manic pixie dream girl era? It's such a good point. It's like, if that is what they're basically saying, then I guess the goal should be to strive to be a manic pixie dream girl. Because you're clearly like getting people so riled up that you're not really emotional about. I'm like, why are you so emotional about this manic pixie dream girl thing? You're very upset. I'm glad though. It's like, it's getting you going. It's making you think. I'm happy my art is like touching you in that way. Yeah. That's a good way to look at it. Okay. Another one of your most beloved characters was Jess from New Girl. Yes. Obviously. How do you remember feeling when you first read that script? I absolutely loved that pilot script. Like I was, again, I remember where I was when I read it because I was in the Virgin Atlantic Lounge in London. And the script was called Chicks and Dicks. That was, and I was like, do I want to read this? Like I was like, what? I was like, Chicks and Dicks. Like what is this about? And then everyone was like, no, no, it's really good. And then I read it and I was like, I was sitting there and I was like, laughing out loud. And I was like, well, that's a great sign. Wow. There you go. Back to Elf. Back to Elf. So I know that eventually the writer started to draw inspiration from you as an actual person and put it into the show a little bit. What parts of yourself did you see reflected in this character? I would say all of us had like, when you're on a show that goes a long time, they kind of have to do certain things, especially like a sitcom, I think. They'll take certain parts of your personality because they know they can kind of take advantage of those things. You know what I mean? Or they get how you, they get your rhythm and how you talk and how you're going to say things. So it was like, you know, it was like instances where they would write things that come out of your mouth, like perfectly by season, you know, like probably by the end of season one. And so getting those things, like how to, you know, so they start to get you and then like, for Jess, like, you know, it's like, I like crafting and stuff like that. Like there would be things where, you know, there was an episode that I felt like was great because we were dealing with this a lot where people were kind of criticizing the Jess character and me for being like feminine in a way that was maybe to some people, passe or something like, as if I was, as if I like crafting because I think it like makes me like a tradwife or something like, no, I like it because it's fun and creative and maybe it's relaxing. And there was a great episode that Julie and Julia, Jess and Julia, Jess and Julia, sorry, there's a movie called Julia. Yeah, Julie and Julia. That's, yeah, Jess and Julia. And it's just this character Julia is basically a lawyer and she doesn't like Jess because Jess is like, likes all these kind of feminine things. And it was kind of written as a little bit of a, you know, reaction to a lot of this. There was a little bit of girl on girl hate, you know, where it's like, you're different from me. So I'm not going to like you. Like it's like, why, why, like, who cares? Like there's not one way a woman should be, you know, and like we all have masculine and feminine traits and they come out in different ways. And I think, I think now it's a little different, but that was, that was a little while ago. And I love the way they reacted to that thing, you know, trust me, I think it is really unfortunate because I do think the girl on girl thing is still happening. Like I see it online every day almost where women are tearing other women down because it's like, Oh, like she's trying to be like this or she's trying to be like this. And it's like, guys, yeah, now like the men aren't even a part of the conversation. It's literally just all these women going at each other. And it's like, let's all just like let each other be and just accept that you made to like crafting and that's okay. And that doesn't mean you're being try hard to appeal to the male gaze. Like what if you literally just like doing it? Yeah, no, it's really interesting. I was pretty fascinated. Like in a similar way to the 500 days of summer thing, it is crazy how sometimes the shows I'm sure you are on then they spark a larger conversation. And you're kind of like this vessel to people starting to look and be like, Oh, wow, we need to now make a social commentary again in another episode. And then there you guys did it. So it's kind of cool. It was fun to be able to be on something where they could respond in real time and we could kind of make something out of The internet was pretty divided on whether or not Jess and Nick should have ended up together. There was a lot of back and forth. Zoe, what was your take? My take was actually I kind of wished this was just my own personal feeling because I like leaving things a little unfinished because I like people to decide like what they think happened. And it's sometimes unsatisfying for people. And I know it's not like really a network TV type. Ending. But I thought we should like end it before people knew whether it happened or not. So in their heads, they can come up with what it was like the graduate ending is like my favorite ending because you're like, Okay, he went he got her out. She's not getting married to this other guy. She ran she's with him. But do we know if they're gonna then hello darkness my old friend. We've no clue starts. I'm like, sound of silence starts playing. I'm like, what's happening? And then they have this like moment of like, we don't know. And I like that. Okay, that's interesting. I like that you're like, maybe we should let them decide. I'd rather let the people let the people argue. Let the people. I love that. Okay, I heard that you don't like to call it fuck Mary kill. You prefer to say Mary, Barry one night stand. Yes. So okay, Mary, Barry one night stand, Nick, okay, Schmidt, Winston. Um, great question. I don't I don't want to be like mean because I love these people. No, no, no, the Mary is like just like put them to the side. We're not actually burying them. Okay. I think you have to do it from the perspective of Jess. I think Jess would say, well, okay, let's just say yeah, and not the actors because I don't want to yeah, the characters. Let's say Mary Winston one night stand, Nick. I'm sorry we have to bearish me because he does a lot of bad. He does a lot of bad stuff. Love. Okay, you had both of your kids while filming. Yeah, this show. Did you have any hesitations about starting a family during a really busy time in your career? That's a really great question. Um, it was hard. I mean, um, I remember being like before I could tell anyone I was pregnant, like, because when you're like less than 12 weeks pregnant, you're not supposed to tell. But I remember being like, like 11 weeks pregnant or something, and you're not supposed to drink coffee. Like you're like, you're like one cup of coffee. And like, I'm used to working like really, really long hours. Like people don't realize like in TV you work like in films like you work like, oh, 16 hour days like normal. So I remember and nights and like crazy. And I remember working a night and it was like a really long time. And I couldn't drink coffee and I was just drinking like orange juice like nonstop and just being like, this is crazy. Do you want a coffee? And I'd be like, no, I just I'm loving this juice. Like, we've never seen you drink orange juice before. I'm like, but I'm loving it now. Oh, my God. It's like the only way I could keep away was like sugar. Okay. So you at first were like, okay, I'm trying to hide it. And then once you did you tell your cast first, did you announce it to the world? Like, how did you go about that? Yeah, I told them like a little bit before I announced it. And then like, they kind of had to write it in. So, yeah, I told them and and then they were not write it in, they had to figure out whether they want to write it in or hide it, which they chose to hide it both times. I did think it would have been cool to have written it in because that would have been a cool storyline, I think. But I know there were a lot of great minds thinking on it and they decided not to. And I was just like carrying around laundry baskets like for whole seasons. Constantly holding things. Mine planters. What do you think is the biggest challenge that you've faced balancing motherhood and career? Oh, that's a really, that's another great question. Okay. So I like really want to be a good mom and I always like want to show up for them like whenever I can. But yeah, I mean, I've like, I realized that so whenever I'm off work, I just show up for like everything like I'm there picking them up, I'm dropping them off like I'm crafting in the, you know, classroom, I'm taking them to play dates like I'm going and sitting and waiting for them outside there, you know, their dance classes and all the things. And and then when I'm working, I just try as much like I'm like, okay, now it gets to like, okay, they get that, you know, I have to work. And now I show it, you know, it's like then it's like the school play, like there's certain things where it's like, you got to be there in as much as you can. I get sometimes you can't but like try to get there for like whatever the big game or the school play or like those big things because those are the things they remember a lot. That's what I feel like a lot of women, especially in a beautiful way now that so many more women are working. I think that there's the the fear that a lot of women also talk about the reality of mom guilt and being like, oh my god, I'm here, but I need to I also wish I was here and like, how have you kind of balanced that when you are working to not let it just like overtake you because it can feel probably like a lot. Well, sometimes you feel like you're like, you're like, did these people have endless time? Like some people just have a lot of time to go and volunteer all the time and it's amazing and I like that is an incredibly important thing. But I don't always have time to do that and it doesn't mean that I'm not a great mom. You know, I think it's like understanding that like kids, if they feel loved, like that's the most important thing. And you know, and it's like, everyone has different ways, just like you connect with any person, whether they're a grown up or a kid, but it's like you connect with your kids in unique ways. And it's like my kids and I each have specific things we connect on and I try to like really lean into those things, you know, we make little movies together. That's like something we do. And we will like pick a genre and like watch a movie in the genre and then we'll make a little movie in the genre and I'll edit it. And my son likes to do like stop motion animation. So we try to work that in and then my daughter likes that they love acting. So they they they you're a good acting partner to have. Well, I don't I don't even act. They act in them. Oh, you're directing and editing. Yeah, I directed it. Yeah, it's really fun. And so it's it's been and sometimes I'm surprised like I only watched them all tease Falcon because we were making a film noir and I was like, there's no way they're going to sit through this. And then they sat through the whole thing. They were like totally happy. Look, you're doing what your dad did. Now they're gonna have good taste right. You have good taste. They have good taste. Let's talk about your relationship. Yes, you are engaged. Yes, Jonathan Scott. Yes, I know that you guys met filming Carpal karaoke, which is literally adorable. At what point though, did you realize that you were into him and that there was like a spark or a connection right away? I was like, he's really cute, like handsome guy. And I was like going through a divorce that was like kind of under wraps because we're you know, like for our kids, we're like, you know, in divorce mediation. So I was just kind of like looking for someone to flirt with like I was like, oh, I'll flirt with him. He's fun, you know. And yeah, we like immediately had a connection. And it took a while for him to like drag it out. Then I was like getting a divorce. And then yeah, and then we've been like inseparable ever since he's like the nicest person. We and your siblings were both in the car. Yeah, Carpal karaoke afterwards was your sister like, this is a no brainer or did they not see the chemistry? She might have been like, I knew that. Like, I was like, I'm going on a date with Jonathan. Like, she might have been like, I knew it. That's such a sister thing to like pretend they knew I'm like, no, you didn't know that literally never happened. She kind of does know everything. But I don't like to let my sister know that she knows everything. You have an older sister. Yeah. So she's older. So she doesn't my sister knows everything. But I'm like, no, you don't know. You don't know. Anyway, it's come to me when you want the answers. Oh, my God. Okay. So you go from Carpal karaoke to dating like who made the first move? Like what happened? Um, well, it was probably like a mutual like first move. But we had a really like funny first date where like, half the time he was trying to drag it out of me, like what was going on. And I was like, I'll tell you later, because we were like in a crowded restaurant. And then we did like karaoke and like, we were just going from thing to thing. And then he's like, I want you to see this house I'm renovating. And I was like, Oh, he's going to try to kiss me. And then he didn't because he's just a nerd who's trying to show me house. And then I was like, well, that went like really badly. And I got in the car and he was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like you left really fast. And you're like, I thought I was going to get a make out. And yeah, I was like, I thought we were vibing. And you eventually got your kiss. So you're fine. Yeah, we did. What is second date? Perfect. What is Jonathan's best quality as a partner? He's like so he's very kind. And he's like, he's like almost like methodical about making sure your like everything's like you're supported. He's very supportive and kind. And like, and like just he's a really nice person. I mean, he's Canadian. Come on. That we can say no more. I'm like, got it. We love we love Canadians. What do you think he would say your best quality as a partner is? I'm fun. I'm literally the life of the party. Obviously. I bring the good. I'm very fun. And he's kind and I'm fun. He's also really fun too. I'm kind too. I'm kind too. I have good taste in men. Okay, so you got engaged, I know at a castle on vacation. I hadn't like, I'm curious, did you have any idea you know you were getting proposed to? Nothing. I had like thought other times we might get like engaged and then it didn't happen. And so I was like, I guess it's never gonna happen because we've been together like a long time. And we were in Edinburgh, which where his family's from. And I also like, I'm originally Scottish like my family. And but his dad is from actually from like near Glasgow in Lenarch. And which is like, I don't know an hour from Edinburgh. Anyway, he loves Edinburgh Castle. And we were going there like with the kids like on a tour. And there was this whole, this was what was so funny. There were like all these things that I flagged, but didn't like, I just said like, that's weird. Because there was a thing that said like, you might meet members of the Royal family, so you can't wear a hat in the calendar. Like there will be things. And I was like, what? I was like, the queen, like, they wear hats all the time. Like Royal family is obsessed with hats. Why can't I wear a hat? Because I'm always wearing a hat because I like don't want sun. I'm terrified of the sun. And I'm like, that's so lame. And he's like, no, I mean, it makes sense. And I was like, okay, whatever, I didn't wear hat. Then it was like, he's like, you have to dress kind of nice. And I was like, okay. And I had like a silk blouse and like silk skirt. I just put them on. They were like, my suitcase like so wrinkled. He's like, Oh, um, do you would you like to iron those? And I was like, no, I was like, iron. That's like, sounds terrible. That sounds like work that I don't want to do. And he's like, Oh, iron them. And I was like, okay, this poor man is just trying to make sure you look gorgeous. And you're like, he's like, he's like, and I guess my mom was like, she's gonna need like hair and makeup. Oh, he was like, you should like make sure to do your hair like for this random tour. You're like, what do you try to say? Why do I need to do my hair? But then I got it. And then there was another surprise, which was incredible, because I'm incredibly close with my parents. And, and they weren't there for the proposal. But we went to Paris afterwards, like the, like maybe a day or two later. And we were going to this restaurant, La Coupole, that like we went growing up, we'd go to Paris like every summer, my family is French, my dad's family. And when we got there, we said, oh, De Chanel, and she said, Kayla. But I was like, Oh, that's weird. And I was like, Oh, no, that's because they just have it like in their system. And then we walked in, my parents were sitting there waiting for us. So they surprised us. That's adorable. And Jonathan had like, arranged the whole thing. Yeah, he's very thoughtful. That's really, really cute. Yeah. Okay, are you wedding planning? Yes, but it's really like a lot of pressure. Because like, you know, he designs like incredible spaces. And like, I'm like, there's like no space like worthy of such a wedding. It's really hard to find that's not like a gazillion of course dollars. You got married. Yes, I got married almost two years ago, like a year and a half. Was that so fun? It was so amazing. But I really, really loved that my husband took such part in the planning, if not like really helped do it. Because I was like, I don't want to do this on my own. And again, to each their own, there's some women that are like, I'm doing this whole thing. But like, I really wanted my husband to plan it. And we went through all these different locations and all the things. And then we eventually found what we wanted to do. And it was perfect. But it is very stressful. It's fun, but it's stressful. So you're going to figure it out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we've both been married before. Right. So I'm like, this one has to be the most fun. And maybe that takes less pressure, right? Because you've had weddings before. So maybe you can be like, yeah, what do we want now? You guys kind of get to like, yeah, have a do over. I know what would just why it takes forever. Right. You're like, Oh, God, you're like, he's like, Oh, we'll do this. You're like, no, but I did that, that wedding. And that was not fun. Mix that. I was going to say, because you guys have both been married before, as you were getting more serious, how openly were you able to just talk about past relationships and like what worked and what didn't work? Yeah. I'm very open. So yeah, I mean, it was, it was pretty easy because I'm pretty open. But you know, the thing is like, to me, it's just all about like chemistry. It's like, what, you know, it's like, he and I can be together and it's like easy, you know? And so I think it's like, more just about like, you know, how people like, that person's the one or whatever. I think what that means is that you can be around them and it's like, feels like easy and like, not stressful. And, you know, it's just like, that's what I felt when I was with him. And I think he feels the same way where it's just like, we can be together and like, have fun. But also like, he likes to tinker around the house. He's always like fixing stuff. And he has like a list of things and like, I have like, I like to go out and go shopping, whatever I like to do, you know, and hang out with my cats. And yeah, it just, we can just be around each other. It's easy. It's amazing. You said in an interview that people think of divorce as this terrible thing and you have to hate each other. But that isn't true. What has your experience been like? Yeah, I don't hate anyone that I was with before. And, you know, it's awesome because my kid's dad is a great dad. And like, I always want to like, support him as a parent. And we have like, you know, it's like, we have a group chat like, Jonathan and Jacob and I and, and, and yeah, I mean, like, my kids thrive when they know that we all care for each other. And, you know, and we socialize and we've been on vacations together. And like, you know, we've, we've been through a lot. So, you know, I, you know, and it's like, I explained to my son, I remember when he was little, and he was like, wait, because he was so little, he doesn't remember like, before we got divorced. But he goes like, how come you and dad, you don't live in the same house? And I was like, we get along better if we're in different houses. It's a good way to say it. This is actually better for everyone. But yeah, yeah, we get along great as long as we're in different houses. So true. What boundaries do you think, like, because I'm sure a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, I'm that sounds so great, like to have like a healthy relationship with X's and whatever. But like, what boundaries do you think have to be in place to just make sure that, you know, you can have blended families. Yeah. If you have any advice? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I talk to people about this all the time, because there are people like, it's really hard for them to let go of like feeling mad, you have to let go of like any anger you'd feel. And I know that sounds difficult, but it's actually pretty easy when you just go like, look, the most important thing is that the, you know, the kids are happy and that they're thriving. And, and, and it's kind of like respecting them for them, you know, it's like, I respect his opinions and his point of view, like being a parent, it's not always the same as mine, but like he respects mine. And, and so I think, and two, if you set the tone to, you go like, I respect you, then people are a lot more likely to be like, then I respect you, you know, so like, I think it goes both ways. So then he'll respect me and I respect him. And then it just keeps, and then the respect just keeps generating and building, you know? Yeah. It's like just having like an understanding that yes, things didn't work out, but we have these beautiful children. So to like maintain love there for the kids is like beautiful. Yeah, he's a fantastic dad. I'm so lucky that, you know, he's my kid's dad. I know I read that you said you and your ex agreed to meet each other's partners before they met the kids. Why was that something that you was so important to you guys? Yeah, just, I think, you know, that's the one like really big unknown when you get divorced. And I think it also gives a sense there's a little bit of a boundary there with so that the kids, like, they get attached to whoever you're with. And if they're meeting the kids and they're around the kids, then they are going to get attached. And it's like, you don't want anyone to take that lightly. Like, I wouldn't want them to get attached to somebody unless I knew they were going to be in their lives, you know. So even if it, you know, so it kind of set up, it kind of set up this just a little bit of a protocol so that we took it seriously before we'd introduce a partner to the kids. You have a new movie coming out, which is why I'm in this crazy outfit. But we're celebrating the holidays, Zoe. Um, Merv, congratulations. What can you tell us about the movie and just like, how do you feel about it? It's such a cute movie. I'm really, really excited about it. It's got so much fun stuff. It's a romcom, which like, I love romcom so much. And like, I feel like they went away for a while. Like there weren't that many of them. And I feel happy there's like, you know, more stuff like that coming out. Because I feel like people crave romcoms. It's such a sweet story. It's with Charlie Cox, who is amazing, great actor and is really funny and great in this. It's about a couple that breaks up, but they share a dog and then the dog becomes suppressed. And then they end up having to take the dog on a beach vacation to try to cheer him up over the holidays. So we have holidays. We have dogs. We have romcom. Okay, wait, with every cat person. So I know. Did this, did this sway you to be more of a dog person? Well, I was a dog person. Oh, okay. So I only recently became a cat person. Oh, I love dogs. But they're a little more like meat nests. But they're a little more like meat nests. And I actually love both dogs and cats. And I would call my cats kind of, well, my favorite cat, sorry. I love them all, but she's kind of like a dog cat. What is her name? Her name is Dove. She's like really fluffy and cute. And she, the reason why, like I say it, like, she's my favorite, the other ones would get it. They're listening to this obviously right now. They're big fans. They're all listening right now. But yeah, well, she just loves me the most. And she like jumps in my lap. She's like really, really affectionate. They're really affectionate cats. So what made you want to do another holiday movie? Well, I didn't really, when I read this, I didn't like think like that was like, it's, it's more of like a holiday movie in that it has holiday as a backdrop and you can watch it on Christmas and feel Christmassy, but it's not like, it's not like Elf where it's like holidays front and center. I'd say like romcom and dog are front and center. And then holiday is like a, is an accent color. Yeah. It's like, it's like a, it's like piping on a sweater, like a collar, like a nice scarf. What was your favorite part of making this movie? It was so fun. I just swail the director. I love her and Charlie is amazing. And it was really fun working with the two of them and kind of, we kind of like did a lot of improvisation and trying to make it like the most kind of funny version of itself was really so much fun. The, I hadn't done like a really big dog movie. And that was funny to, to watch the dog just like loves sausages. It's like, there's a lot of things I saw in that set that were the dog just like loves like they have these little bits of sausage and the dog just obsessed. And that's how you got him like sit. Yeah. Like he looks so cute and you're like, it's cause he's looking at a sausage. Honestly, in hindsight, my dogs would probably love to be on a movie set because you just like, course them with treats every five seconds, like stay, sit, don't put, they have health. So like basically they give them like healthy treats. So that it's not like they're, they're not just plumping up the whole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're not like, they're not like bad for you treats. So they're very healthy treats, but they'll give them like chicken breasts and stuff like that. But yeah. And sausage. Well, I'm so excited for everyone to watch it. Where can we watch it? It's on Amazon. Love. Yeah. Okay. Well, everyone will tune in. Zoe, thank you so much for coming on Color Daddy. It was a pleasure. Thank you for having me. This was a very special holiday episode brought to you by Zoe and Alex. Happy holidays, everyone. You're like, now I wish you were, do you wish you were a little suit? You're like, no, you're like, no, I'm mad at myself for not. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me.