Kids Who Yell at Their Parents! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be classy... Yeah, just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H.O.L.E., coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toadies in a new edition. She had to get a cyst drained. Okay. At some point, I think you're just reading your medical chart. No. I was at the doctor's this morning, though. Uh-huh. My coach is coming at you from across the table. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage? International businessman. He's my goddamn boss. So do me a favor. Make me look good and give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Yeah. There he is. Getting ready. Checks are coming in. What's up, everybody? We're withholding pay this week. And, dude, there's going to be massive layoffs. That's bullshit, by the way. I got to cut. I got to cut spending. I got shareholders I got to talk to. I don't like guessing when the checks are ready, by the way. It should be Friday. What? We should be able to come in here on Friday and get our checks. Okay. Sign out for them. That's how you should be doing it. First of all, I'm not doing it. There's a guy doing it. That'd be cool. You make it seem like I'm over here with a checkbook. That way, if we're off on a Friday, me and Luke can link up, and then we'll walk over and get our check. We'll walk over and get our check. You guys can do whatever you want to do. And then we get here at noon when they say the ADP guy's going to be here, and then he's not here, then we hang around. And then we can, like, ask Ryan D, like, yeah, you know when the checks are coming in? The checks come in? I used to fucking be there. Man. Thursday night. Thursday night. Pregaming this motherfucker. And in my head, it's like, I need it, I need it, I need it. And I would just blow it. Yeah. Just blow it for the weekend. It's classic H-Folver. But in my head, I would tell myself, like, I got to take care of this, take care of that. There's no reason why anybody should get their check on a Friday. You wait until Monday. Sure. 50 years old. I never did it. Never. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts. That's right. Yeah, we are. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash are you garbage. Shout out to the army of garbage. You go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang. We're pushing 16,000 paid members. I like to hear it. They got those non-paid members. I don't know what they're doing. What are you doing over there? You don't come on a lot unless you're looking to buy. Yeah, take a step in. You're just peeking around, watching. Looking's for free. Touching's going to gush you. All right. All right. That's the way Patty always did it. My big thing was I'd pick up my check. Most of high school, I worked at a supermarket. I would go pick up my check. They would cash it for you, freebie. That's bad. Man. Walk out of there. Pack a heater. I'm going to pack a Marlboro Lights, huh? Maybe Marlboro Miles if they were buy one, get one. That's a sweet gig. What's the point of even putting on a check then? Just give me cash. Skip the middleman. Yeah, you got to put on a check. Was there a bank in there, or did they just cash it at the customer service? There was a bank in there, but customer service cashed it for you. That's taking care of your own. You ain't lying, don't you? That's like in catching if you can. When he's like, you can always catch your check at the airport. The airlines have always taken care of their own. How come I can't catch my shit here, dickhead? How sick would that be? Man, get cashing it right there. Yeah, it was awesome. You always had cash. There was no like this and then that, and there was no waiting period. No, like, well, that was back in the day where you deposited a check, they might clear the first hundred. And he's going to get me to pay his fucking happy hour, dog. You know, I got a bone to pick with Navy Federal on that. It used to be when COVID hit, they figured you need to have cash quick. So they'd give you $225 up front. Like, if you cashed a check for, like, $500, they'd give you $225. Are you telling me you're in a position where you need $225? I'm just talking here. I'm just asking. They used to be. Get 225 up front and you get the rest of the next business day. Now you got to wait a couple business days. You got no fucking branches. I got to go out to the Merchant Marine Academy in Long Island if I want to do business. Have the other kids pick on you. Shove you in a locker. Nah, we beat them. Yeah. Played them for the MAAC championship. Cool. My thing was always... Widener Pioneers, 1996. Sorry, do you want me to carry you off the field or something? A Gatorade bath wouldn't kill me. A bath wouldn't kill you. I don't care what liquid it is. My whole thing, and it would fucking frustrate the shit out of me. I remember just driving and being so fucking mad. I would blow all my fucking money in that weekend. I'd get all my cash. I'd fucking pick up my check, blow it that weekend. Yeah. Then I'd have to learn how to live poor Monday to Friday. Or God forbid for two weeks. And I was so fucking mad. And I would live poor. No care. I got 80 bucks, 60 bucks to get me through a week. It's really where I belong. I know, but then I go, if I could just live like that with my money in the bank, just live off the 50 to 60. Never going to happen. Never, never. And I just remember like, just driving my car being like, dude, you made the stupidest fucking mistakes again. Again you did it. Again. That's my life, dog. Again. You're speaking my fucking language. I mean, I do it now. I'm just like, why? What did you do that for? I've gotten to the point now where I don't even worry about it. Because it's like. You should, from what I hear. You've done it for so long. From the reports I'm getting. It's because, like, you know that. You go out. You get paid. You blow all your money. Then you're like, oh, my God. How am I going to do this for two weeks before I get paid again? You do it. You figure it out. That's what I'm saying. You always figured it out. Yeah, a little butter noodle, pasta, mac and cheese. That was one of my favorites. I remember when I... Change! Change! Makes this world go round, ladies and gentlemen. If you were sitting on, like, a Poland spring bottle of Changer, or a quarter of a coffee can or something like that, you haven't touched in a minute, I might as well have been a Rothfile fucking IRA. Cash that baby out. How you been untaxed. And, you know, I give New York City credit on this. You know, it's a very expensive city, all that kind of bullshit. You can eat. Cheap eats, dog. Under five bucks. You go to a fucking Chinese restaurant, you get a fucking thing of chicken noodle soup for like two bucks. Court. I mean, as, you know, as a poor struggling. Sorry, having a night. I hope you guys brought your own spoons. As poor struggling comedians for a long time in New York City, me and you had to do that a lot. Where like the nicest meal would be a diner or something like that. Yeah. Even then, I'd spring for that chicken parm panini on a focaccia. That was two meals right there. Shared out with Rubinoff. $7.99 or something. Came with like a soup and a salad. That focaccia really changed the game. A lot of girth on that. It was moist. That's a moist bread. Man. My wife gets... That's just pizza crust. I know. Like deep dish pizza crust, too. Oily. How the fuck did we have that when we were kids? Focaccia. Denise would never Focaccia? Sounds like a slutty Italian girl I know, yeah right I went to school with the focaccias Tony focaccia Mary Beth focaccia Yeah, man Hot Italian chicken high school Forget about it Thick mustache Get a couple of them See, we're going down memory lane today You brought it up What? Not hot chicken Talking about chicks and pizza, dude I'll tell you who I got a fucking problem with. And I don't mean to air family business. I know we got a family episode to get to. Is this about me? No. Then I don't care. It's about my mother. Dish. My cousin popped up yesterday. He was in the studio. Cousin, young actor. Case in the joint, that kid was. Young actor, model, doing big things, doing good stuff. That's all I'm writing down my credit card numbers. He's up here doing a little print work Your neck of the woods Fashion stuff Love it Yeah, very nice Is that his neck of the woods? I don't know Young, rich, good-looking kid What am I? He knows fashion I'm not a young, rich, good-looking kid What are you? What are you? Dude, I caught my crow's feet the other day Hachi machi Look, I got murderer crows if you catch my trip Where's your crow's feet? Oh, yeah Man Oh, yeah. What do you got going on? I have some dent. I'll start calling you Boil Bob. I have a dent. Can you see the dent in my head? Yeah. I don't know what that's from. I'm getting Botox. It's a fucking vacuum. Your brain goes, sucking in. Black hole in there. Now, you know what it is. You want to get Botox? You get all juiced up. That's what we got to do. I got to get it under the eyes. I got to get it in the forehead. Plus, you get a little shot in the noodle there. I'm not. Yeah. I mean. Okay. All right. Just letting you know. Smooth it out. Get rid of the rinky dinks. Not the reports I've gotten from the Washington Heights bulletin board. Mm-hmm. Limp noodle in 12D. You didn't appreciate that, did you? I mean. So, listen. So, my cousin. I don't. My cousin. No. It sounds more true if I overly defend it. No. No, it works. What, 12E? It's not even my apartment. So my cousin's up here. Now, he stays at the house a lot with Patty, you know, when he's moving through, crashing Patty's, which I had to ask him. I don't want to say anything. Obviously, family's a little bit off limits, specifically when he's here. You asked him where he's laying his head at now. If he sleeps in my room or my brother's room. I know, but he was just like here and there. Like, he didn't sound like he had a permanent address. Well, he's moving around. No, he does have a permanent address. A PO box doesn't like it. His parents live more towards Westchester. So if he's working in the area, he'll crash your patties. Okay. Here's the thing with that. I don't sleep in my room. It's not your room. That's my room. It's got my fucking map on the wall. It's got my toys and shit in there. Your toys from like this year, you mean? It's not like your childhood toys. I've been in that room. That room stinks. That's like a bad motel that room is. You're like, yeah, how cool is this? I was like, okay. Looks like where they drain dead bodies. It's got linoleum floor. No. It ain't carpet. It ain't carpet. That's my brother's room. Is it carpet? Yeah, it's carpet. Not wall to wall. There's a rug in there. That's that linoleum. It's like the house they got fucking Hoffa in. Yeah. That's bad. Some guy putting down French flooring. What the fuck? Jimmy Snake Eyes, what are you doing here? Yeah. That's my room, God damn it. I wouldn't sleep there. That place was popping back in the day. I got all this. Talk about wailing on yourself, popping. I got all this furniture. When I was in high school, I got all this furniture from some rich guy. What do you mean all this? The room's not that big. How much furniture? I had a whole setup in there. Like what? Like dressers and cabinets. Cabinets? In a kitchen? You're making cereal in the middle of it? You can't dress that. You really had cabinets in your... Dude, one of my buddies had his clothes in a china cabinet in their living room. That's wild. Yeah. That's real tough. Single mom. Dude, me and my dad, when my dad moved out, the one thing that he... I don't know why, he had this... We always called it an armoire. Which, to me, might as well have been, like, hand chiseled in the French Riviera and brought to our house. Yeah, armoire. Yeah. And this thing might have been 1,200 pounds. It was the weight of a Buick. And my mom would be gone for so long. And for whatever reason, Danny wanted that in his room. Well, like riding cross-country with bikers? What do you mean? What? Gone for so long. She'd be at work for like, I mean, on a summer day, she leaves or whatever. We'd just be by ourselves. She'd be at Sturgis or something. I picked up. Down there. She's someone's old lady. Yeah, she's been patched over The Mongols got her How does that work? What? I never watched Sons of Anarchy A patch over? Yeah Are those chicks just passed around? No, someone's old lady Those bikers cannot be romantic lovers, I would assume Uh-huh And what are you? Soft Soft touch romantic I think it's called mushy Wet Slobbery A lot of boogers Yeah, someone's old lady I mean, I'm sure there's, you know A little bit of trim that gets, you know For the team Sure You got anything on this, Luke? I think that's most gangs Once you're someone's old lady Then you're safe from not being passed over Yeah, you're my old lady Is passed over, passed around? Yeah Oof Oof Don't act like that Don't get you off Getting passed around like a loose joint I just think of that The back room of that bar That they went in in True Detective to find what's-his-name. It didn't look very sexy. Probably couldn't get a Red Bull vodka. Two espresso martinis. You guys do Mai Tais? We'll take a look at a food menu, too. A lot of gin going on. Thank you, Ice Pick. Oh, no, we don't do meth. Thank you. What's the soup du jour? These creative egg rolls look pretty good What were you saying? Where were you? I was bitching about my mom You were talking about your mom hanging out with bikers No, I wasn't No, me and Danny tried moving that arm war together He must have been 12 I'm 7 And I'm like He's like, yeah, just tip it back Oh, I don't get you Oh, dude, this thing pinned me down I thought they had to break out the fucking jaws of life. I remember my knees hurt. This thing fell on me and I'm pinned under and now he can't get it. There was never a moving situation of that nature where a totally unnecessary argument wasn't going to organically start. If me and my brother, right now if you ask me and my brother to lift this table and take it downstairs at some point there would be a, what the fuck are you doing? Hold it. Hold it. There'd be something like that. I got a, me and my brother. We get it down here. Sure. We worked a lot for our family's construction company. So we moved a lot of shit and a lot of iffy. So we work well together. To me, a lot of hook it. A lot of to me, to me, I come up, you come down. We were very, very good in that. Because we're always moving shit we shouldn't have been moving. You know what sucks is moving a mattress. You can never get a fucking king-size mattress, trying to get that around a corner. You just can't get a grip on it. You think they're going to be lighter. It's like you're fighting Clay Man or something like that. You can't squeeze them. Clay face. Whatever. Speaking of which, speaking of furniture, you'll appreciate this. Educated guy like you. You're not so much. I'm sorry. Cabinets in your room. What else was in your room? Cabinets what? Well, here's the thing. Because that room's small. It's a small room, but it all went along the wall. And the bed was a part of it. I got this whole set from this rich guy whose kid had went to college, and it was his childhood set. It was for a kid, but I had it in high school. So I had the bed that had drawers underneath it. It was all white. How big of a bed? It was a twin bed. I remember I carved me and my high school girlfriend's name in the side of it. Frank. Henry and Frankie sitting in the tree. I wasn't anybody's old lady yet. I was hoping he is me. I'm getting pissed around. And then it had a dresser with a bookshelf on it, then a desk, do my homework, then another dresser. He did not. And then it had a computer stand that came out that you went into the wall that my dad had to put into the wall. Couldn't put a computer on it. It would fall over. So we just had a little broomstick that held it up that my dad sawed off perfectly, by the way. But I couldn't use it to put my computer on. That's what I had going in there. Pretty good. Fuck you. What do you think about that? I remember my dad moved into his – he was renting a house. The first time I realized you could rent a home. I was like – I thought everybody owned a home. I didn't realize you could rent like a single family home. It's for dads, you know, or, you know, I get it. It was good. It's businessmen on the run from the cartel. Sure, sure. That's what it is. These rooms were always so... I gotta give it to him. He tried But the rooms where we moved They were in a lot of places Now I looking back I feel like there bodies in the walls Yeah real Sicario vibes We're in it. He went out and bought me and my brother and my sister new bedroom sets. That was going to want us to be there. You know what I mean? It was like a stash house. I imagine this is where drug dealers live in stash houses. like a lot of like, cause he's also not, he's like renting a place. He's like, I'm not, but it was a home. So there was like a living room, a dining room, but there's no furniture in there. You know? Cause he's like, I'm not going to get a fucking, a single dad. I'm not going to spend two grand on a dining room set. You know what I mean? A perfectly good couch I could cry on. And, uh, so I remember him being like, we had these rooms with this new furniture in it. It was so life. It was like, that smell of like cheap, plastic. That cheap, like, particle board wood. And I remember me and Danny were like, this is cool. And Danny's like, this ain't. Read the room. This ain't great. This ain't. We're jammed the fuck up. That's all for Micah. Your fat ass is gonna fall right through that. He could come back and bite us in the ass in 15 years for sure. There's a lot of trauma floating around in this stale-ass house. It's like demo shit, like, you know, like, you want to have like a fake TV. Remember discovering that when you pick it up and it was plastic? I didn't know that. My stepdad scared this shit out of me. He threw one at me. Because he got one from like a sample home or something. I used to love that. And he goes, hand me that. He goes here and wung it and dude, I fucking shit traumatized me. Being in like an Ikea like that as a kid and like seeing like imagining your life in those different rooms and all that stuff. Like why don't we have this shit? This kid's got fucking telescope in his room. What the fuck's he doing? Telescope, fucking Spaceman sheets, cool bed, sleeping on some old fucking orthodontist kid shit. Uh-huh. Fucking bullshit. Okay, let's talk about Shopify. Shopify, Shopify, Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the United States of America. I'm going to say that again. 10% of all the e-commerce in the United States of America from household names like... Are you garbage? Yay! Hey, are you garbage to brands that are just getting started? Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. 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Pick one up and be the hit of whatever special occasion you got coming up. The next July 4th. And, hey, let me drop a couple of bombs on you. How about free unlimited storage? Carver Matt. You add as many photos and videos as you want. You can pre-upload photos before it ships. That's great. Cape adding them from anywhere, anytime. Oh, my God, what's the baby doing? Boom. Boom. That's what I do to Denise. She goes, oh, you never come and see me. Go picture the baby. Oh, when are you going to? Oh, boom, picture of my balls. Giving you the finger. Name number one by Wirecutter. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com for a limited time. Listeners can get $35 off their best-selling Carver Matt Frame with the code garbage. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply to it. Yeah. Anyway, so my cousin stays there at the house. The reason I asked him about what room do you sleep in is I want him fucking whacking it in my fucking bed. You think he's crashing for a night at his aunt's house and he's wailing on himself? I don't know. I do it everywhere. Everywhere and anywhere. That's why you're not allowed over. Is that true? I wouldn't do it at your house. You just said anywhere and anywhere. I wouldn't do it there. Have you slept over? No. Depends on what you were doing before we went to bed. I'm not kissing you. I'm not getting you all fucking worked up and then sending you to the guest room. Fucking wacko. We're doing the thing like in a rom-com where I come out in the middle of the night. We're both at the door. Just two different times. Oh, we're right there. Maybe that's what this whole show is. Our sexual tension. Laying in bed, rolling over. We're actually in love with each other. No. Play tummy sticks. Ew. Ew. Anyway. Talking about wailing on yourself. So like a couple weeks ago I went home and this dumb broad did something to her TV. Your mom. My mother. did something to the TV where you put the volume up and down, it didn't do anything. So I fix it. And then I guess in between then and now, she fucking messes up the closed captioning. Now, when I get there, she can't read, so that's a problem. That's in Russian. She's being indoctrinated. Instead of just saying to my cousin, Hey, I don't know how to do this. She throws me because he tells me at dinner last night. By the way, where'd you go? Smith. Ah, who picked up that? I assume this hardworking, good-looking kid did. Because from what I understand, you're waiting on 225 from Navy Federal. Did that go on the company card? Maybe. Can I check the balance right now? If you want to. Check anything you want. Walk right now. We're talking about business. I'll put half these cameras in the bag and I'm out of here. It's funny. When you set up that thing the other day to do the Patreon episode, I was like, I wonder what I can get for that. What was I setting up? You were setting up one of those things. You were setting up a C-stand. C-stand. I wonder what you can get for that. You own it. That's what I'm saying. Cash. What's a C-stand? It's how you hang lights safely and everything. You got sandbags and shit? Yeah, you can see him right down there. I thought you worked in print. I thought you were a big movie guy. In front of the camera. I thought you were a friend of the grips. I'm a friend of the grips. Doesn't seem like it. I am. Never lands a hand. Listen, all respect to the below the line people. What are you talking about, of course? Famous story of John Candy. You're more of a dual line kind of guy. Gator tails. Anyway. Gator tails. Instead of fucking just asking him for help, she's got to throw me under the bus. Henry did something to it. You probably did. I didn't. She made it the fuck up. So you think she's this nice old lady. No, I know she's as crazy as, she's crazier than you. And you're, you, you, you, you're surprised with your crazy every day. I know that's where you get it. I call your family the Bureau of Crazy. You get off the phone with them. You start, you know, you're dotting your I's and crossing your T's. A red yarn comes out. You guys, you're all nuts. We're changing the name for tax purposes. What? It's now the Institute of Crazy. The Church of Crazy. Church of Crazy. Tax. Or rate F. Yeah. That's so funny. I was home last week or whatever, and Denise moves. I'm helping her move when we get there. Explain to me when you say helping her move. I don't think you have a positive image in your head of it. What are you exactly doing? You're getting the hoagies. Because I know when you're moving, you probably like a hoagie, break for lunch. I did a cheesesteak, and as I was checking out online, they asked me if I wanted to add bacon. Huh. You know what you also do down at Owens Pub on 17th Street in North Wywood? They add bacon. It's very good. On a beef cheesesteak? Yeah. Or chicken cheesesteak? Beef. Really? It's great. I only ever do it. I've only ever done it just last two weeks or whatever it was. I don't know how I feel about that. It's good. Give it a shot. Give it a whirl. One fat ass to another. Because there is nothing better when you're doing that shit. You're in a new house, lunchtime. Somebody comes back from the deli and all this stuff. She doesn't have furniture yet. So I'm not doing much. They helped her move. I was working, and then I went down just to kind of like maybe organize, just whatever, whatever she needed done. Like, I'm not moving furniture. Give me an example, whatever she needed done. Well, the big pressing issue was I can't find my Chromebook. She couldn't find her Chromebook. And you would have thought it was the Declaration of Independence. What's a Chromebook, like a laptop? Yes and no. You can't save anything to a Chromebook. Why? Right? I don't think you can. Maybe. You can, but they're like. It's just an iPad. It's like a tablet? Yeah. But not Apple. No, it's a Google Chromebook. Oh, my God. I don't think you can save stuff to a Chromebook. I don't know. It's the cheapest laptop you can buy. It's not a laptop. I got a Yahoo Peaches. Yeah. Yeah, it's real Ash Jeeves type shit. Oh, man. I don't think you can save stuff. There's no, like, where to put anything. You might be able to save a file from, like, an attachment. Chromebooks I've only known as they have, like, it's an actual laptop. It is, but it's like, it feels like it's for a second, that's what they give to a second grader in art class. We had them at our school. Yeah. At a very young age. It's like just to get on the internet. Yes. Wow. It's a Google Chromebook. I go, what do you need me to do? She goes, well, I can't find my Chromebook. I go, all my stuff's on there. So I'm thinking it's like. Patty doesn't do any of that shit. I'm thinking like the wills, like all like this shit that fucking matters is on there. And I don't know. So I find one. I go, yeah, I go. Yeah, I got it. That's the wrong one. That's the wrong Chromebook. Or like, nope. That's my old Chromebook. I go, all right. Well, let's do it. I go, does it work? She goes, yeah. I go, all right. Well, I'll at least get you up and running. 8,000 windows are open. Oh, dude. You just think it was like starting a weed whacker. A little two-stroke. It sounded like this thing smoked two packs a day, dude. This thing was humming. Got started. I went, what do you want? Dude, that exhaust fan kicked on before I plugged it in. Oh, dude. Does that have an exhaust fan? I don't think it's... Dude, I remember I had this compact. That's what that thing said. I had this compact. Better come quick. It was back in the apartment that I lived in when I first moved up here with my boy. We smoked in there. Dude, in his computer. I took it somewhere. The guy goes, where do you work? Because me and my boys were in there just cranking. He's like... We're getting a tool of mine in Siberia. The fan was covered in tar. It was like the ceiling fan at a casino. No, dude, this thing was jammed up. Oh, shit. Patty doesn't. First of all, my mom's computer looks like she stole it from a U.S. health care office in 2003. It's got that red button in the center. It's on what? Dude, it's old. It's got the track pad. But she don't keep anything in there. What do you mean? It's all in it. Well, I found out. I said, what's the fucking Wi-Fi to get on? She's like, hang on a second. She goes into the freezer and pulls out this notebook. Nobody knows where her password. Yeah, and it's like X66. It's the one from the box. What the fuck did they do that for? Dickheads. Well, they fixed it. So I get in, and I'm going, all right. So I get online. That's the pay. Oh, I don't know. Everything's with this air of pay. I go, what's the Wi-Fi? Oh, I don't know. It's all over. Taking the house. I go, all right. She thinks the bank's coming to fucking. So I'm like, all right. So I get her on. Now I'm connected and it's not. And she goes, I go. So I get her online a little bit. I go, well, what's on the old? What's on? She goes, my email and my banking. I go, what are you? What do you mean your email? She just logged into the browser, and she thinks her email's on the Chromebook. She thinks it lives on that Chromebook, and we've got to find that Chromebook, or she can never get into her mail. There's no app. She just logs in online? Yeah, she just goes. That's dangerous. She's got to sign out every time. What do you mean? She does. I mean, you can't stay logged in the bank. It logs out for you? Yeah. All right. Maybe federal don't. Still analog, baby. That's what they call open water. Get caught out there Yeah, so then I finally found it Oh my god, thank you It was in a bag Then you had lunch No, at dinner That was dinner time So that was helping her move I helped her move I saved the fucking day, what are you talking about That operation would be in the tubes if it didn't have a Chromebook How are you going to fund a project? I can't get in the bank Unless you didn't need anything The bed broke You tipped the movers? And he had effects. That was all. That's all Danny. That's Danny stuff. I'm not down there. I like that. So he loves getting. He manages all. He does all that stuff. My brother runs point on Patty as well. The bed broke. He walked. He went over. He fixed the bed. He does this. He does that. You know. All the stuff. Good to hear. And meanwhile, I FaceTime my mom with the fucking, with the baby. I'm like, oh, hey, good morning. You know, just like FaceTime. And she's there with, like, the electricians or something at the house. She's going, I told them about your show. This is David. She shows me the electrician. It's just, like, a guy like my age. And he's like, what's up, man? I'm like, David's a nice guy. He's like, how you doing? I would fucking freak out. I'm like, meanwhile, I got my baby. I'm like, look, man. She's like, this is David. You do a podcast, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I go, what's. Yeah. He's like, I told him about it last time, and then he said it, since we were talking about it, it showed up in his algorithm or something. Like, oh, thanks. Yeah, I appreciate you. So now he thinks you work for the CIA and you're trying to kill him. Real 4chan guy. Yeah. All right. All this is, I mean, we're hearing some family grievances here. A little bit of a hard feeling. I didn't mean to be bitching about my 75-year-old mother, but, you know. Damn, she's 75? Whatever. 73, something like that. Tight piece of ass. That was all right. That was good. I keep getting tempted to go see this band she keeps talking about. Her friend D. Right. Her boyfriend's band. And if it's spring, they're going to be playing all over Chestnut Hill. I'm going to go down there and check them out. They need a front man. Brother says they fucking slap. That means they're good. Ah. Yeah. Play a lot of oldies and shit. Mm-hmm. Said the singers got it. Maybe a little Are You Garbage Records. Sure. Muscle some DJs down in Philly. Sounds like it falls under each Foley Enterprises. I'll handle it. Luke, you in? Let's do it. There you go. Luke's busy that weekend. Take these cameras. How good are the DC stage you're talking about? Let's shoot a music video. All right, let's get enough fucking around here. We've got to get into the gosh darn. We've got a family episode on our hands and get into some goddamn questions. As you know, enjoy the old Patreon where we'll answer your garbage question on the air. This is very much kind of what we were just talking about. This is from Noodles. $10 homie here. Talk to me. Is it garbage to always wait for the display at the gas pump to say thank you because I'm paranoid the next guy's going to get a bunch of free gas on my nine? Buddy, welcome to the show. Yes. Always. Always got to see that or insert card. I wait till thank you is not enough. I need insert card to begin transaction. Select your whatever it is. I ain't taking your word for it. I love it. I'm worried about the ATM. I'm worried. Oh, of course. I'll wait 15 seconds to make the guy behind me wait because I'm going, I'm making sure this clears out. I don't fucking trust you. I throw my receipts out depending on what time of the month it is I either embarrassed about what in there or I don want anybody to see what I got Okay let talk about Cigars International Ooh Cigars International I love a nice cigar every once in a great while I like to enjoy myself, sit back, have a nice stogie, as they say. Cigars International is the go-to retail for all things cigars, with the biggest selection of premium and handmade cigars available absolutely anywhere. Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts, making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking a bank. Let you do a little bit of discovery, you know what I mean? They got fast shipping and their 100% satisfaction guarantee. You can shop with confidence knowing that Cigars International stands behind every order. They have a good relationship with the vendors to help you get low, low prices. Cigars International offers free everyday shipping, no minimums, no limits, just shop, check out, enjoy the free delivery on every order, baby. Free to live, that's what we're talking about. Right now you get 20% off your order of $50 or more, plus free shipping on your entire order. Some exclusions apply. Use the code GARBAGE at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more, plus free shipping, or visit www.cigarsinternational.com slash garbage, and the discount will automatically apply to win. Remember when we, I remember one time, you and I were at an ATM together, and some guy had like, I remember. It was like $700,000. I was checking it. Oh, I kind of do remember that. It was like 200-something grams. It's nuts. Yeah. I was taking out 100 for a gram. Of marijuana. Yeah, it wasn't. Of high-end white marijuana. I keep selling myself out. We're buying blow. Yeah, I respect that perfect paranoia. Yeah. Therapists might say that you're crazy. That's how they get you. Fuck him. He's probably trying to steal your gas. Yeah, that's how they get you. I'm worried about this move now because when I go to the Wild Weasel, when I go to Wawa, I fucking, you know, if I'm down at Patty's and I'm driving back here, I pull up to the pump, get it started. Because down here in PA. They're a little different. This is, yeah. Down in PA, you still got the clip where you can leave it. Yeah, most places have that. I feel like they're just broken off, I feel. Or is that a choice? Yeah, in New York, it's illegal. Oh, New York. Yeah, some. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I feel like they're all just broken in New York. Google that. I feel like some states you're not allowed to just let it run in. That makes sense, but I always just thought it was a fucking bump. What are you, henpecking over there? You had that Chromebook in high school. You should be able to fucking type away like a madman. New York State largely prohibits hold-open clips on self-service gas pumps due to decades-old fire safety regulations. There you go. It's like bump stock. I never pump gas in New York, though. Nah. There's three gas. There's fucking three gas stations in all of Manhattan. One I do live by, and if I'm real jammed up, I'll grab gas there. You think I'm paying for fucking New York gas? You go down and pay. Dude, Patty knows which Wawa's cheaper. I know. Tell you the Wawa on Trooper Road's cheaper. We never bought. Yeah, you don't get it in Newtown. That's Newtown. Uh-uh. You go to Texaco. You used to be to Texaco. What do you think you're saving? People like that. But, you know, it's not for me. 286 over there at the fucking shit co. Remember those, what was the gas places that popped up that were real Russian? I ever tell you the story that this was on? Luke Oil. Oh, yeah. Those things came out of nowhere. One of the kids I grew up with. As soon as they took Kremi also, those things were everywhere. Rest in peace. A kid I grew up Not a kid I grew up with In northeast Philadelphia There was a large Russian contingency And there was this really rich guy I don't even know what school he went to He might have even been older We were in high school I only saw the kid once or twice His house was like His dad wasn't allowed in the US Like OPEC type shit Or something like that I don't know what it was But it was like oligarch type shit Seize your yacht Yeah, we go. My grandmom's here, and we were just, like, partying at the house. I didn't even go inside. It was just like he showed us the garage. It was like a Bentley, a poor. It was like a detached garage with an overhang wall. But something with Luke Oil, maybe. I don't know. I don't want to even talk about this publicly. What? I don't know. Dad's not allowed. I remember, like, where's your family? Great. Now I'm going to get fucking poisoned. But there was a Luke Oil on the corner of Busselton and Byberry. and it was Russian guys, and then there was this fresh-off-the-boat Russian guy that didn't speak English, and he reprogrammed the pumps wrong, and instead of $2.17 a gallon, it was $0.21.7 a gallon. Dude, this guy, people found out and shut down this fucking, the cops had to come, because the lines were blocking traffic, people filling up. My boy Justin hit me up and was like, you gotta get down the bus, that Luke oil is giving away gas, dude. We were fucking driving around burning gas just to top back off. Fucking get it while you're going, baby. Well, when those things popped up, I swear to God, gas at other places was like $4, and they were selling it for like $1.29. Probably half water. It's mostly two-stroke shit. Mostly goat milk. Is Luke Oil Russian? Russian-owned. That's so funny because a Russian buddy of mine owned the, in the northeast somewhere, owned the garage at Alucal Oil. His dad owned the garages at Alucal Oil. I remember they used to drink this shit called Russian Jewel. It was like paint dinner. Fucking I'll be playing beer pong with Russian Jewel. Dude, those Russian kids in high school played by a different set of rules. They really did. That was the first underworld I was introduced to where I'm like, Oh, you guys are real tight-knit. Everyone knows everybody, and not everything's on the up and up, which I respect. Don't hook up with anybody's sister. You'd be in trouble. They would turn on each other, too, sometimes. Cut your nose and ears off and shit like that. I know. I'd be drinking you. Other thing that I worry about, too, now these kids out there doing this shit, I pull up. I get it started. I go in a wild weasel, and I get my fucking sizzling. I can't do that. You're crazy. I get it. That's standard practice over there, 73 and 202. Everybody does that. I understand. And I think in Pennsylvania it's a little different specifically at the Wawa's because there's a lot of pumps and there's a lot of space. It's a super Wawa. It's not like there's four pumps. There's like 16 pumps. And, I mean, I think it's the same at Bucky's is similar. Like you can park and leave. Mm-hmm. There's people. I don't love doing it. I mean, I'm in and out. I'm not in there. I'm not eating in there. Like I'm sitting in the fucking, at the picnic table out front. Uh-huh. That sounds like you have, if I'm being honest with you. But I'm worried about people going over, taking my thing, and bringing it around the other side. That's crazy. People do that. No, they don't. The fuck they don't. I've seen videos where a guy gets out, and he'll walk on the other side of his car, and somebody will get in his car and drive away. Rip the pump out. Yeah. Yeah. I would say they got Vinny with the Skinny's dad one time. He was selling a car or was selling a motorcycle and the guy pulled up in a car and said, yeah, just leave the car as collateral. I had a guy sleeping and laying down in the back seat with a set of keys. The guy on the motorcycle takes all the time for a test ride. Waits 10 minutes, hops up, takes the car. He sits out. No shit. Was he standing there? I think he was working or whatever. He's like, hey, leave the car and the keys, and you can go test drive the bike. Guy had another set of keys. That's pretty good. Hopped up. Peeled out. Huh. God, son. That makes me think I did. You lost a set of keys, so the joke's on you. Do you remember the valet key? No. Do you remember? You're way too young for that. Cars at some point had a valet key, and it was just the – remember, like, obviously, cars had the key to start. Yeah. And it was just that key. And you would, like, leave it, I don't know, in the car or something. And it would say that, because we had a Dodge Intrepid. My stepmom had a purple Dodge Intrepid. And on the key, it said valet. Like, instead of giving the valet. No, I don't. First of all, I didn't go to a valet until I was fucking 32 years old. Hmm. But the idea was you were going to enough valet events. And you're intrepid? I'm just saying. Instead of giving them all your keys, you just give them that one key. You sure that's just that? It would open the doors and everything. Yeah, and start the car. It's called a valet kit. It can't open the glove box or, like, the trunk of the car, though. Get the fuck out of here. See, yeah. That's where you keep your gun. That's where I keep my product. Mule and daddy-o. Yeah, that was crazy to me. I remember being like, what the f- I remember, yeah, my dad's like, that's when you go to valet. I go, let me know when a Wawa starts valeting. Yeah, no shit. Uh-huh. Huh. I never think about that. He's like, here you go. Yeah. Steal it. But the gas station. You're not getting me like that, banging out my credit card or fucking putting my gas in your car. Sure. Next thing you know, you'll be eating my sizzly. You know what's a great technology that they should have everywhere? All Jersey is they pump your gas. But you can pull up on any side, and it's got the thing that says we reach both sides. Yeah, that is pretty good. You don't need to pull up on your left side. It just says pull up any side, long, extend those nozzles. You ever do that? Fuck. Fucking A. You look like an idiot. But it's supposed to be a rule. It's supposed to be American cars are on the left and communist cars are on the right. I don't know. You need something like that? I really got Luke working today. That Google Chromebook's really paying off. I can't think. I think all of mine have always been on the left. Are you surfing the web right now? I am. Most American manufactured vehicles have gas tank filler on the left driver's side. This design allows drivers to pull up closer to the pump. However, there is no universal standard, and many models particularly import vehicles. Did you ever have a car that had it behind the license plate? No. Who, Joe Pesci? My cousin had one. I don't know. I can't remember what cousin it was. I feel like those old big Wagoneers had that kind of shit. Yeah, it might have been my cousin Ziggy's fucking... Yeah, my cousin Ziggy? Cousin Ziggy, Cousin Duck, Cousin Flo, Cousin Eddie Mugabe. Shout out to the boys. Flaherty boys. When did they get out? They're all out. All right. Fresh and clean. My Cousin Duck just retired. Shout out to him. It's crazy your cousins are that old. Their cousins are my uncle's age. Cousin Duck. You know Duck? You met him before? Fan of the program? I met a lot of your... His brother worked at a Chevron on, I don't know what the road is, but it was by the Wyoming Valley Mall. That was the first time we were there hanging out. I don't know why. My mom, like, dropped us off for him to watch us for a little bit. Isn't that crazy? Your mom dropping you off at a gas station to hang out for a little bit? Should have run some errands or something like that? And he worked there? He worked there. Like, this summer job. I was a parking lot rat, so my mom would just drop us off in parking. Like, we skated, so it would be like, you know, village shires down at Crousers, wherever. That was the first time I saw a gas behind the fucking license plate. Yeah, no, I never had that. That's got to be dangerous. I don't know. Is that? I mean, I think, I don't know. All right, let's see here. This one's from Jeremy R., $10 homie, never had one read. How far are you allowed to bike to work before you're considered jammed up? That's a great question. It's a great question. Because some of it's exercise, some of it's environmentally conscious, some of it's just time-wise as well. I would say, ooh, I don't know. I think the road conditions really, really depend. The size of the road. Yeah, are you on like a highway? Like, you know, are you where bikes shouldn't be? That's a good one. Because sometimes you see dudes walking. Yeah. If there's a median, you're jammed up And they're in the burbs and they're walking To like the next bus stop God damn Back in the day we'd always give those guys a ride That's wild You're probably going to Norristown You want a ride? Yeah Give a guy a ride working at the Mickey D's or something like that Whatever There's a guy that worked a while He walked from our neighborhood down And my mom, he would get mad if you asked him It'd be pouring rain I think he was in my brother's grade. Fuck you, then. And there's something a little off with him. Sure. Hey, you need a ride? I'm okay. You're like, okay, buddy. It's fucking dark and raining. I saw my dad do that. Besides, no, you did last summer. You keep hanging out around here. I saw my dad do that in a storm one time. A guy was pulled over to the side, and his hood was up, and he was working on his thing. My dad fucking turned around and said, you need a little help or something? Give the guy a jump. Got the guy out. I thought my dad was Batman. I locked the door when he got out. Yeah, we never did shit like that. I pulled away. Yeah. Every man for himself here. I'm going to go to Duck's house. That's how I get you. Crazy. No, I know. Yeah, I mean, I would say if I had to put a time limit, one, conditions of the road for sure. Median, jammed up. If there's, like, broken, if there's a shoulder, I feel like that's worse, too, because that means you pull out cars. There's a lot of gravel and some broken taillights. You shouldn't be there. If there's one of those things that the tractor trailers go up, the dead man turn. Yeah, the dead man's buff, the emergency pull-off. I always wanted to fucking hit one of those. I've got a good rule. If you don't pass another biker, you shouldn't be biking. That's a good one. Or a guy walking or something. In the city, whatever. You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. It's always spotty in the burbs when you see that. That guy shouldn't be riding that bike. Yeah, there's also a thing, too. I mean, a guy, there's an age where a BMX bike you can't do either. Dude, there's nothing scarier than an adult on a BMX bike. This guy's got nothing to lose, dude. Dude, there is nothing. Don't fuck. He's looking for a score. Dude, do not fight with that guy. The taller he is, the worse it is. I know. An adult on a BMX bike. They don't fit. The proportions are just wrong. They bend the one knee. Did you ever see him standing up? Scary. Sit down. What kid did you steal that from? Do a bar spin or something. Earn your keep right now. Let me know you're trying out for the X Games. Fuck that. Never. Yeah. Great question, though. Yeah. Okay, let's see here. This one's from Joey Bag of Donuts. $10 hoagie. Is it garbage to run a scam for my high school football fundraiser? We would sell those discount cards for $10 for local businesses. For example, you buy a cup of coffee, you get a free donut at the local whatever. Is that the book? Is that the coupon book? It was a book, and then I think they – I remember seeing one in high school. I think they switched to a card where, like, on the back it was, like, real fine print, like Dunkin' Donuts in here. Like, it was just you had to show the card. I never got the coupon book. Yeah. We never – I don't think our school ever really did it or anything. Like, it was never really prevalent in my life. I remember seeing one at some point or something, but it was never, like – It was thick. Nobody was doing it. Instead of selling the cards, I would take donations of any amount of money, and if you did more than $10, you got a card. Whoa. Say that again? So he'd go, hey, it's a donation. We're doing a fundraiser. Can you donate? If you donate more than $10, you get a card. Yeah. So people go, here's $50. Yeah. Get the card. He only owes $10 for the card. So he just made 40 bucks. So you do that four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times. So he lied. Yeah. Welcome to the fucking show, guy. Don't slap me around. But everybody, that's a victimless crime. Everybody made out. He fulfilled his obligation to the donation. He sure did. Made a little grease on top. I don't hate it. That's like when I worked at the golf course, I would take the tokens for the driving range and put them in my pocket. And then people would go, hey, can I get a bucket of balls? And I'd go, I got a token right here. Just give me $10. And I would take the $10. He would have had to go all the way up to the pro shop. To buy tokens. To buy a token. And I'd go, I got the tokens on me because I had the keys. You would take tokens out of the machine. That was my job. I had to take them into the. So you would grease. I'd pocket five tokens. And then I'd be down there cleaning the balls, picking the balls, whatever. I drove the cart, the cage cart. They would go, hey, where can I get, you know, guys who were just guests or whatever, you know, first time there go, hey, how do I get a bucket of bowls? I go. Right this way. I go, tokens are up at the thing. I go, I got one on me. It's 10 bucks. Yeah, here you go. Boom, 10, 10 right in my pocket. Never enters the economy. Whoa. Do that. Plus, I was a cart attendant. It was a. Figure they owed you that for everybody fucking shooting at the cart Yeah Embarrassing yourself I didn mind It kind of fun You ever have any chicks from school with their boyfriends No it wasn like a country club I had to work with the owner's daughter one time. That was her punishment. That's like how funny. Her punishment was like my dream job. Like that's just like... She had to ride in the cart with you? Different side of the tracks we were. Yeah, they call you fat ass every once in a while, but it's not too bad. I don't know. She went to a different school. I don't know where she went. You're making this girl up. No, I swear not. Nothing happened. But like, it was one of those standalone girls. Like, no one knew her. And she went to like, she was older maybe. A couple years old or something like that. Two years older. Because he wasn't from the town. Like, he was from like 40 minutes away or something like that. And she was like, oh man, I had a thing for her. Bet you did. I mean, how could you not? I'm sitting there, crush you. This place had the hot dog roller on point. I'd be crushing diesels, drinking free cups of Coke from the bar. Shout out to Christine. She kept them fizzies coming, dog. Yeah, it was just so like this was a job I had to have. I got my fucking 95 Chevy Lumina. I'm fucking working. I'm like working. I'm hustling. I'm stealing fucking tokens. I'm wiping down clubs. I'm fucking cleaning the golf balls. I'm fucking, I'm hustling. I'm picking up shifts, showing up at golf course, show up at like 4.30 in the morning in the summer. Motherfucker's breaking your ball, 5.15 tee time. Those wet feet. And then she would like, her friends would come to work with her. Because like, they were just like, oh, I think it was like a listener. She's like, oh, this is at work. I'll just go hang out with her. That's Kevin. He usually has a boner. I still do. Yeah, it was very much just like, it was like, my dad's making me do this. You know, she'd like crash a golf cart. I'd have to hide it. They blame me for it and shit like that. That's Kevin. Ew. Yeah, very much. Very much that. Having a job. Fucking hanging out in the barn cart. The cart barn. Well, you get free soda. Oh, dude. It's such a mistake. You tell me it's free. Man. I'm drinking soda all day. I did. For all summer. Like. You could have water. No, you couldn't. Why would you do that? Dude, listen to this. 16-ounce clear, like, plastic solo cups. No, without the ridges. Like, flat on the big, nice handle. Yeah. Good ice. Christine would keep you. Top you off. She was a hot piece of it. She's probably 30. Man. But when I worked at 20 Manning in Philly, We had a soda machine in the server station. That got me a Portofino on Walnut Street. Dude, she had birch beer. I never had any birch beer. Dude, I'd just be... I was the only one that drank it. I remember I was a busboy. I'd go to crushing sodas at the bus station, crushing them. And dinner rolls. You can't give guys like us free soda. Or rolls, dude. Especially if the rolls are made out of pizza dough. What are you, nuts? One guy went, that's a lot of soda One of the wagers went, that's a lot of soda That's your Hey, is it? You think so, huh? Let's take the professor here That's Kevin, he drinks a lot of soda He's got a boner Ew Yeah, also again at 20 million They used to get these little rye banger rolls From Metropolitan Bakery in Philly They'd come in fresh We'd put them in the fucking toaster oven and they get all hot. That butter back there. Butter? What are you doing to me? You're getting a boner now. What are you doing to me? I know. It's, ah, man. Why is it a little Coke in your sugar packets? I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm just such a doofus. Left to my own devices. Cargo shorts. Just fucking looking like a doofus. So I never worked out with you and that girl, are you? No, I had a baby blue shirt on. We had to wear baby blue polos. And I had one. Probably not good for your boy tits. I would have to assume. Dude, it's so funny. We had so many of the same struggles. Kevin Nipples. One was, because one, this is always my problem. Whenever you got the uniform from the company, I was a bigger kid. And they go, ah, we don't have any extra larges. So we're just wearing a black shirt for six weeks until you get fired. Yeah. And so they had one. I was supposed to get two extra larges or whatever. Like, you get two shirts. They gave me one extra large, and then, like, they were supposed to get a new one, but, you know, I got an order coming in. I never had a fucking order coming in. And then, so, after a couple of weeks, I'm like, guys, I'm fucking working all, I'm working till 9 a.m., 9 p.m., and I got to be back in at fucking 6. Like, I need, I need tea. I got to burn and turn his laundry. Got armor all over my fucking shirt. Not to mention these ketchup stains. Yeah, we don't sell pizza sauce here, right? And so they gave me a large. So I'd jump, I'd switch between a large, which was so tight. You're out wetting it down in the hose. Trying to get some stretch on it. I'm pulling it between two golf carts. That was another gig. People would leave clubs, and I would maybe not return them to the lost and found. And then I'd fucking. That's how you put a set together when you were a kid. That's how I put one of my first sets together. I got my first couple of wedges. And then I got a ping, whatever. People are like, oh, $30. I don't think that. You are a dirt ball. Selling lady clubs. This guy's selling left-handed lady clubs. Let's see here. But that's a great gift. So a couple of calls are $10 into my pocket and so on. I once raised over $250 to cover the 25 cards. Any cash donations over that was admin fees, if you catch my drift. I respect that. With you, 100%. I respect that. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah, I like it. All right, let's see here. This is from Rian, $10 investor. Were you a hot glue family? No, never. Who the fuck had that? We did. What? You had a hot glue gun? Who, you scientist? I was just talking to my mom about it. She would plug that thing in, and there would be a warning. She would send the sirens that she was going to plug it in in an hour. Don't go near the kitchen! Because you couldn't turn it off. What the fuck was she making? It was like arts and crafts shit. No, you got that stick. You got that glue stick. I love that glue stick. With the rainbow. You used deodorant. That shit stunk. With the rainbow colors? I used to fucking take a lick of that. Yeah, you couldn't eat hot glue. You'd burn your mouth on a hot glue. I remember. My sis, dude, you would think. I don't know if they updated that technology. There was an on-off switch, and it had like a little kickstand, and you could. Dude, the cord. Oh, yeah, glue guns. I've seen glue. They look like little Nerf guns. They're all plastic. Dude, and they're so light plastic that the cord tension would topple it over. And I burnt a kitchen counter once. Man. Oh, that tip got hot. You might have thought we were breaking out a ray gun. Dude, with this technology. We were shooting down drones on the southern border. Putting on glasses. Dude, this was every bucket. And then he unplugged it. It was hot for like three days. You couldn't put it away. It was like a curling iron. You're like those guys in Oppenheimer in the fucking bunker. We're all hiding behind the kitchen table. Your face is all sunburned. Dogs growling at it. No, never. A hot glue gun. Are you crazy? It was Elmer's. We were a crazy glue family. And there was a lot of model glue floating around. And we, dude, from the way we handled that stuff, If that was nuclear or radioactive, we would have killed everybody in the neighborhood. We were so bad with handling that stuff. Our model glue would have a hole in that thing in two seconds. Bad. Yeah, we never, we always had, we got one thing of crazy glue probably every six years. And it was for like one thing, I'll get the crazy glue. And then it would leak. Shit sucked. Dude, it would glob at the end. Get on your fingers. That was fun, though. You'd hear, feel that tension. Rip it off. It had nothing to do. It didn't have cable. No HBO. My buddy's dad, my neighbor growing up, his dad had those RC airplanes. It was like before drones. That was weird shit to me. They were like the size of turkey vultures. They were huge. I don't know when he did them, but he had a couple hanging up in the garage. I never saw him use them. But he had like a little, I think he might have been an engineer or something like that. Those guys always liked the wrong side of World War II. Yeah. You know, they were a little too like, they knew a little bit too much about the Blitzkrieg. If you catch my drift, buddy, relax. See a patch or two in his workshop. What the fuck is that? My grandfather stole them. Okay. But he had a workstation in the basement, like a little creep box. And he had a fucking soldering iron. Oh, we had all that shit. I saw that. I was like, what the fuck? Are you making fucking Zelinsky? Whatever his name is. Kuklinski? No, who's the Unabomber? Ted Kuklinski, no? No, Kuklinski's the Iceman. Right. Ted Kuklinski. About the Fields Medal, isn't it? I told you, I have a vivid... My dad soldered a... We had to make an atom, and he soldered a thing for me for school. And he... He struck the... His... soldering with an acetylene torch in the garage. That's not a soldering iron. No, it's not. That's welding. Yeah, no, it's a torch to solder. A soldering iron just gets really hot, and then you do it that way. Or you can use the torch, like plumbers use the torch, and they have a roll of solder that you, like, pull out, and you fucking, you got to do it by hand like that with the torch. Never. Never. I used to fuck, I did a couple of fucking joints up. My dad would go The difference between plumbers and fitters Is plumbers wipe their joints We were never told to wipe the joint Okay, he's a psychopath You're doing it with the water running Scraying everywhere Dude, help! Get out in the truck He's got this, dude, he fucking strikes Because you have a striker, so he strikes the fucking Lights the torch And then fucking lights a heater in his mouth And he's fucking soldering my Atom project for like fourth grade And I'm like This is a lot. The dogs growling at them. You're at the science fair ripping my heaters. All right, let's see here. This is from Farm Diesel. Long time soul sister in love with both of you. How you doing? All right. Is it garbage to take something out of a lost and found that isn't yours? No. Someone who was stealing found the golf clubs. I think there's like, if you have an idea that it might be somebody's, like, I would wait. I would leave a golf, if somebody left a golf club in a cart or whatever, I would take it, leave it in the cart barn. And if someone came back or called and like the pro shop would be like, hey, Kevin, did you find a ping putter or whatever, whatever. I'd let it cool for a couple of days. It's in my locker. Of course you let it cool. Let it cool for a couple of days. So if that's the case. Then you fence it. Yeah. You cool. Then you fence. You don't go moving hot merchandise Bozo Take it Get nicked You know those sunglasses that I wore in Route 66 No What I mean dude You know how my brain works Do you think I would ever remember the sunglasses The round sunglasses Most sunglasses are round No they're not Like John Lennon can say that Yeah Who do you think you are Elvis You fucking dumb-ski. I remember, uh, no. I remember you shit your pants. I remember that. Anyway, I like those sunglasses. I like those sunglasses. You think highly of yourself. I found those in a Lost and Found at a comedy club. It skeeves me a little bit to wear other people's stuff, especially my face and stuff like that. I just don't like when the ears are chewed. Ugh. Like, somebody left a pair of glasses here that I would like, that I would get lenses put in, but the ears are all chewed. I want to chew my ears. I don't want to chew on somebody else's glasses. Yeah, that'd be weird. Gross. You know what I mean? Swap and spit. Yeah. It's like sharing muscles. I respect it. I respect it. It's just not for me. And also, I'm not any more around a lost and found type thing. But every lost and found was always I equate to like our elementary to the 90s elementary school. Lost and found was like poop stained Russell sweatpants, a Burton Ernie T-shirt. It was just like the dirtiest, mustiest. See, I like rooting for that shit. Oh, no. Not the clothes, but like a little joke. The smell gives me like weird, depressive nostalgia. It was a great time in my life. And cheap furniture. Dad left. Striking out with the boss's daughter. Yeah, I don't have, like, it makes me smell. Makes, like, think of old people and old time and old things. I don't love it. I get that around nursing home smells. When I smell like soup like that, it bugs me out. My grandmother was in a nursing home. Okay, let's pull out of it. Pull out of it. Abort. Abort. Trying to share. We actually had a sick Super Bowl party there one time. No, we didn't have a nursing home. Go Colts. What'd you say? Go Colts in Baltimore. I'm going to do this, and then we've got to wrap her up there. This is from Michael. $10 homie, never had one read. I recently went to a fancy steakhouse. Oh, look at you. Fiance's family paid, no big deal. Is it garbage that I put the garlic butter from the bread on top of my filet mignon? It was fantastic, but I got a few looks from the family. I don't know how close you are with this family and the difference in class. It seems like a lot. If you're going, I went to a fancy steakhouse and they paid, they seem to have a little bit more cash and a little bit more comfortable in these situations. And if they're giving the side eye, I would say it's probably not classy. I wouldn't fucking judge you. I'd go, ah, great. I'm okay with it. Can I step in here? Yeah. Thank you. Here's the thing. So, culinarily, these days, oftentimes, the steak will be served with a tarragon butter, with a rosemary butter. We get that. You're going to, I all understood. Right? This butter's got breadcrumbs and sesame seeds in it, all right, tough guy? If the chef didn't send it, come on. You could have asked for a fresh one. There you go. Hey, can I have a side of that garlic butter? I'm all right with doing it. I'm just saying if you're doing it in mixed company, you might get some stairs. Well, fuck them. Put it in my soda. Top it off. Free sodas. I got looks one time when we were at a steak place, and sometimes they'll give you like a little Bernay sauce or something on the side. Well, it got down to, you know, pushing and shoving. Everybody was done. There's a little meat, little potatoes left or whatever. and I went in with that and just kind of finished it off with a scoop of mashed potatoes. I don't hate that. You gave me shit for taking a fork full of hummus. That's different. Yours is sauce. Mine's at least a fucking appetizer. Where'd you take a fork full of hummus? At the restaurant. At a restaurant. I forgot about that. Now I'm pissed. I just dive over the table. Son of a bitch. You owe me half a fork of hummus. Yeah, I mean, do you, but I think it's a comfort level thing. If you think they're going to judge you and that's going to make you feel weird, then don't do it. If you're okay with it, then fuck them. My thing is what happens at your table with your people is your fucking business. This is from a guy who's gotten judged for being a picky eater. It's like, what's the matter to you what I'm doing over here? It's probably the old man. It's a little uncouth? Sure, then why the fuck are you hanging out with me? Yeah. Suck my dick. Probably a little more thinking of the guys like, this guy's going home to bang my daughter. Got crumbs on his steak. Sure, that's what, yeah. Okay. Got a wrong turn? I don't know. I don't think dads are thinking that. Maybe they are. I would be. Yeah, because you're a creep. Fucking scumbag. Uh-huh. Fucking butter. Eating, using all my butter and taking my daughter home. Fucking lose it. Yeah, I mean, I guess like, I mean, one, we never went to fancy places growing up, and table manners weren't a real thing. Ours were a little bit. Get your elbows off the game. I mean that, but like. What the fuck does that even mean? Denise isn't going to judge me if I put butter. We're a big butter family. Not with all those wines in there. We got to wrap it up. I can insult my mother. Gang, we love you to death. Grab tickets to the live shows. Tampa, Austin. First one's up on the block. Yeah, Tampa sold out. We added a fifth show in Tampa. Austin might be sold out by the time you get. I mean, tickets are moving. Get your tickets. Hey, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.