All right, it's time for part two of what we discussed last week. It started as a massive argument. It was very intense. We were all shouting and screaming at each other. But it led to play reforming his ways, becoming quieter, more soft, spoken, more thoughtful. Out of that new persona came a decent pitch. He said, hey, play, why don't you repeat it? My pitch, what? Oh, man. He's still learning. No, he's still learning. I'm taking the last week you guys said I should lean back and I should be softer and not grip the mic. And so I'm going to do that. I hate this. No, I like it. My pitch last week was you had said you were in the movie, if I had legs, I'd kick you as a dramatic role. And you had said you're not looking for any more dramatic roles. So my pitch was like Daniel De Lewis coming out of retirement, what kind of role would you come out of retirement for to what new? It is not a guest at it. Oh, you know what? You almost said it. It's okay. What role? You know what? This is a new persona and those take time to get used to. Yeah. What role would you, what dramatic role would you do next? If you were, we got it. We got it. You could have ended the sentence there. Okay. You guys did. But I did it softly, right? Which you did to my boy. Yes, yes. You know what? I like it when you're inarticulate quietly. Okay. I'm just saying I did do it softly. Yeah. Yeah. And lean back. Okay. Good. Very good. We're done with that. Okay. Sorry. Let's get on to the idea. It's the idea. Yeah. The idea involves me and I think it's worthy of discussion. Well, famously, Daniel De Lewis has retired. I think several times from acting. And when he does, he doesn't just, you know, mow the lawn. He's very interested in, I think, making shoes. It's a cobbler. He's a cobbler. And I've actually driven through the town in Ireland where he lives and he makes shoes. So if you can imagine, and he makes them the old fashioned way. And that's what's fascinating to me is that this maybe our greatest actor in the world makes shoes when he chooses not to act. So let's have everyone imagine that I completed my role in if I had legs that kick you. And I've retired to my small village. And I make late 19th century prosthetics for people who floss their feet in a mining accident. And that's just my hobby. And so people come in and they say, I lost my foot. And I say, ah, sit there and have some cider. And then I do various measurements. And then I, while they wait, while they wait. And I say, and you know what, they, while they're waiting, they have to live off only cider. And then I go into the woods with like a 19th century saw. And I pick out the best old tree I can find. And I fell off in giant tree, a massive, beautiful tree that's been around for a thousand years. And then I take one tiny piece of it for a, for a toe that was lost by this guy. And then I go back and while he's dying now, because it's been a while, I had to go to a tree in the Pacific Northwest. And he's in Jersey. But I will, I will craft that. And that's what I do. But then one of my fans has a great idea for a role I should play. And it pulls me away from my, my craft. And I come back to the world of acting and people are just as excited as when Daniel they Lewis reenters. Just as excited. Okay. I'm sure that would be possible. Got you. Yeah. So I guess you can fell a tree. Listen, I've read a lot of book, Sonah. I've read a lot of books about manual labor. Okay. I've just finished a book called exertion. And so I'm quite, quite certain that when the time comes for me to do something with my hands or body, I will know how to do it. Long hours in the libraries. So that's what we're talking about. I guess is what role would I, what role would I do? And I guess we're going to turn this out to the fans, right? Well, we can do that, but we can discuss it. No, we'll discuss it first amongst ourselves. And then maybe it will end with a, a challenge to the fans. Tell me what role I should play. Yeah, maybe there'll be some good ideas we can discuss at a further time. But the one staring us right in the face is that it's Pippi. Pippi Longstock. Yeah. Yeah. Me play it, Pippi Longstocking. Is that what you're going to say? No, but that's pretty good. Maybe Longstocking is, well, okay. Pippi, refresh my memory because I'm sure you're going to know about Pippi. We've talked about Pippi in an ordinary amount of times over a podcast for some reason. Well, we have, there are certain topics that naturally draw humans to conversation. Yeah. Do you know that we talked about it so much so that they did a documentary on her in Sweden and they reached out to me because of this podcast. And I'm on that, that documentary talking about my experience with Pippi. That warms my heart. Well, Sweden, we're thinking of you and thanks for the work. Yeah. I mean, me to play is Pippi, how old is Pippi? Is Pippi in her 20s? No. No. I mean, she, yeah, she's like 12 or 13. Oh, she's 12 or 13. I thought she was super strong. She is. Do they ever explain why she is so strong? I don't think so. It's not like it's the, she's far from the red sun. No, that's super man. Yeah. Okay. No, she just got magical kind of strength. Okay. It's like wonderful, youthful. Wow. What a great, what a great origin story. Hey, this is who I am. Quit asking. I could be wrong. I don't know. How did Green Lantern, hey, this is what I do. Leave me alone. My experience with Pippi is only the dubbed American versions of the Swedish movie. So I don't even know. Well, anyway, no, it's not going to be Pippi because I don't think I can play a 11 year old girl. The one I was thinking of is this year specifically, they have to cast a new James Bond, you know. Well, that would, I'm not suggesting that. Okay. I'm just saying, let's get, let's take it off the table. Well, are they looking at long in the tooth Irishman who've lived, who've lived in America for a couple hundred years? I guess Pierce Brosnan's along in the tooth Irishman. They could just go back. They should get, yeah. Can you be swav in British? Oh, come on. Do you even do a British accent? I've never heard you do a British accent. Well, first of all, does he have to be British? Distinctively so. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing he has to be British. They know that they're going to make changes. You know, Bond has to change with the times, right? So I'm thinking of a bond who's from just outside Boston in Brooklyn, Massachusetts. You know, far off, you know, they considered Bert Reynolds, they screen tested James Brolin and they're considered Adam West at one time too. Oh my God. Yeah. Well, they dodged some bullets there probably. I mean, and I love those guys. I love everyone you just mentioned. But yes, it has to be British. Has to be British. No, there's no way I could be James Bond. Because yes, I have, I think I have these swavs, fiscation, and I think I have the temperament. I think my fight scenes would be quite unusual. And I love that my bond would be a bond who, anytime he has to use the gadget, call Sona and ask Sona how to use the gadget. That's cute. Yeah. But in real time, like I'm fighting the Russian agent and I call you to figure out how to use the thing in my watch that turns it into a Garrett so I can strangle him. And you have to walk me through it. And while I download the app, I don't pick up. And then you, and then you call David, David doesn't pick up. Then you start like doing all bits on our voicemail and then you die. Yeah. Yeah. This is an. It's going to be the shortest James Bond movie. Sounds good. But then the end of the movie is just playing all the bits that I did on the phone. Can you mean like Cannibal Run Blupper style? Yes, exactly. Just bits, bits, bits. And people, people say like the movie is terrible, but stick around for the credit bed because those bits with Sona and David are okay. All right. So let's take Bond and Pipey off the table as much as we don't want to. Yeah. My question was if there was a biopic you would do. Oh, right. And I thought like, oh, but then you'd want to be like Lyndon Johnson. Lenderman. Slanderman. Slanderman. Yeah. No, I mean, that's a really good question. I don't know what historical figure I'm most like. I'm the exact height of Lincoln. Speaking of Daniel DeLuis though. Yeah. Would you be ready to come on the heels of that recent film and try to wind up it? I have problems with his Lincoln. Oh, wow. I do. And he's a great. I thought he nailed it in a lot of ways, but I didn't see him ever look to Cameron, like make faces or anything. I didn't see him once. That's what you would bring to the role. I would step. Yeah. And I would do a lot of breaking the fourth wall. This is your camera. Let's do a little Lincoln. Well, I guess I got to go to the theater. I might not be a good idea if you know what I mean. I want. Oh, my God. Do you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Yeah. Lincoln knows what's going to happen. He knows, but he thinks it's all kind of fun. You know, and God. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, it's going to the theater. I could get shot. Well, it's our American cousin. It's pretty funny. Maybe worth it. Aren't he? He knows what's happening. He's telling me. He's sitting in case anyone's curious. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I think there are many similarities between Lincoln and I. I think we're both kind of tall, rangel, sharp, cheekboneed guys that just stepped out of the prairie and gave a new hope of freedom to America. Oh, one idea is, you know, they get the opposites. They get two guys who are completely unlike each other to be in a cop movie. Yeah. And I've often thought, what if me and Olephant were in a movie. And it's a cop movie. And you know, he's the, he means Tim Olephant. So he's incredibly cool. And he knows what he's doing. And then I'm the guy who, let's face it, shouldn't be there. So it's that kind of thing. What do we think? I like this. I actually really like that idea. Yeah. Just so Olephant can come in here and like pitch, not pitch the movie, but like promote the movie and stuff. But there's another stuff to come back. There's another stuff to come back. Two cops couldn't be that he's a cop. And he's like an insurance adjuster that he has to almost midnight run style has to get you more. Guess what? How about this, close short of the reality. He's a cop. And I know this has been done a million times is the actor who has to sit, go on some ride along with him. That's been done a lot. No, but not for a movie, has it? Yeah, yes. Yeah, I think 55 times. But anyway, that is not the way we go. I'm a podcaster. We take it home to what we actually do. It's closer to home. Yeah, this is good. So I'm a podcaster or a former late night host. But I think podcaster puts us more in the zeitgeist. So are you doing a true crime podcaster or you've got to ride along with this guy? That's a way to go. Yeah, and that's cool. Yeah, but I'm a real, yeah, exactly. And I'm all, did he or didn't he? So there's a, I'm always a little, but also I'm always, I've got my equipment, my podcast equipment. Yeah. And so there's that comedy. There's, there's me constantly bothering him. Oh, I'm thinking right now, only murders in the building is about podcasting. That's okay. There's everything's about podcasting now, sadly. Oh, yeah. That that bumps me out. And I even, I know those guys and some say I really inspire them. I think that sounds like they're inspiring you right now. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I'm a podcaster then. I don't know. I'm about a journalist boring. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm a contest winner. I don't know. There's got to be a reason why a guy like me is riding around with Tim Allefent who's a really good detective or cop. But we'll figure that out. I know. He, he has been accused of maybe some going over the line. He's a bit of a loose cannon. He's like, he's a quiet kind of cool loose cannon. And you're the IA internal affairs guy that has to follow him around to see if he's actually going too far. You get loose cannon though from, I get, I get, I get, when he's in here definitely. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true. But I don't mean loose cannon that he's crazy. But like Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon, like he could crack or he could go too far and be a vigilante. You know, like he could administer his own justice and you have to figure this out. Just not sensing it. I don't think you have it. I don't think, and, and this is, but I just want to say that pitch was what we're trying to get blade to do, right? That kind of style, you know, what do you mean? Just, yeah, just how it was delivered. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Your pitch style was terrific. Okay. Thank you. Your pitch style was terrific. The pitch itself was, you know, a rotted corn on the cob. That's fine. But I don't think it's quite right. Yes, a way. I have, I have a quiet pitch, which is going off your idea. There is a hostage situation and you're the hostage negotiator brought in. Oh, it's your first day. Okay. I'm just trying to think of something that jumps out at Studio Executives. And by the way, Studio Executives today, who are on the ropes, what's working? Nothing's working and you come in. It's got to be something that makes their minds explode. Yeah. Now, first of all, you say you've got Tim O'Lephant. They're interested. Then you say, Conan O'Brien's involved two. They're, they're very excited, you know? They're very excited. We're so then Timothy O'Lephant. Yeah, does that what you said? And then listen, no offense to Tim O'Lephant and Tim's a good friend of mine. Yeah. But yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. I was going to say with your hostage when I'd rather the hostage be a woman's that they can do it. Like the whole thing is, so how do we get Tim O'Lephant like? This is a big thing. This is a big thing. This is a big thing. This is a big thing. This is a big thing. This is a big thing. This is a big thing. The one who goes to a Conan O'Brien movie expects or wants to see sex. So this is for the rare movie goer who hates the idea of sex and never wants to see it. Hear me out. You're not in, you're an extra. So you're like only shop for a second and then the rest of it is like people do it and then he's eventually cut out. Yeah. Okay. I think studio executives who are on the ropes right now are looking to maybe make the next heated rivalry. Yeah. It's a Conan Timothy O'Lephant. Oh. And you guys have a little romance. So he's some kind of athlete because he can pull that off. And I'm a guy who wasn't athlete but then fell into a vat of chemicals. Like the Joker. Oh yeah. And he turned my hair red and made me all stretchy and pale and long. Okay. And yeah. And so, but we, when I used to be an athlete, we would pile around. And so, but now we're together and what are we doing together? Because he, he feels badly for me and I'm, I'm comic relief. I'm hanging around. I don't think he could be a current day athlete. So he's a retired athlete, right? Okay. Because I think I'm looking at it right now. I was saying that they do it. I was saying that there, that he's even if it was a cop and negator situation, you guys are, you guys are finding a way to do it. I know. So it's me and Tim, hold on a sec. It's me and Tim getting it on. Yeah. Because we're in love with each other. Yes. Did I also fall into a Vat of Chemicals? Yes. That's in every way of this. Okay. That's a given. Yeah. I mean, I, that's for sure. But let's just say the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a Vat of Chemicals. That's, that's crucial. What about this? That's the only thing that's, he's a veteran jiggle and you're a jiggle and training. Oh. Okay. Who fell into a Vat of Chemicals? For sure. This is going to be a thing. I know I'm okay. Okay. This was every pitch we talked about. I am here. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It was a curtain like late stage career chain. No, no, this is what happened. This is what happened. Okay. Tim is a roommate. I'm a podcaster, former late night host who lives with Tim all of a fan. That's not his name. His name's Chet Chet Chasnik. And Chet. This will work this out. We'll figure this out. But Chet is a jiggle though. Okay. And I've always been a little jealous of that. Then I fall into chemicals. There's obviously the podcast bubble bursts. You're dining and you just want to have a sex-capade. And so you're like, show me the ways. Okay. I didn't realize, okay. Well, there's dying. I was going to say I fall into chemicals. I'm in the hospital and they're doing rehab on me and they say you need to find a new hobby. And I say, well, my roommate is a jiggle though. But I know so little about it. I call it gigalow. That's how little I know about it. And you pay the women to do you. Yeah. So you just a jaw. And it's... Yeah. And Tim is really... Tim is like, what? And he gets arrested for a prostitutes for a soliciting class. Yes, and the movie ends. Yeah. No. And because the falls of the day... A weathervow of chemicals. Wait. The police... The police go to arrest me. I'm totally confused because I think what I'm doing, first of all, I know that I'm doing something wrong because I'm losing a ton of money as a jiggle though or as I call it gigalow. And then the police come to arrest me. I run away and while they're chasing me, I fall into more chemicals. Yes. And the movie is called Gusta Gigalow. Gust, I'm Gusta Gigalow. Everywhere I go. Okay. I got it. You know, it checks out. It checks out. If you do the math. You know what? It checks out. You have a piece of paper and you just written rap and you're showing it to me. I guess it checks out. In the weird... In the weird... Look. I guess it all checks out. It checks out. It checks out. It checks out. That reminds me of Badient. My least favorite thing about improv is when you go see improv and the people on stage are like, well, I'm going to chuck with factory. I make blenders. Wait. What? No, you don't. I'm your father. My father's dead and they just look at the audience and the director walks out and goes, ha ha ha. And scene. Like they nailed it. Yeah. And then you hold up this rap at that point. I disagree. Nicely done. Okay. Let's put it out to the fans. If you think of a really good movie I could be in. Yeah. And I'm going to even say it could be an existing franchise where I would slot in nicely. And I'm serious. Like I'm not looking to do more. I think... And cinema isn't asking me to do more. But should the right idea come? I might do it. This is hard open. Yeah. And so let's hear your ideas, fans. Okay. Great. To be continued. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liyah. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Executive talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at seriousxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.
