Marcus In The Morning Second Date Update

Kayla Said “Text Me” Then Disappeared on Cameron

6 min
Apr 15, 20264 days ago
Listen to Episode
Summary

Cameron went on a first date with Kayla in the Tri-Valley area that he felt went exceptionally well, with great conversation and chemistry. However, after the date, Cameron sent Kayla a lengthy follow-up text that read like a performance review with detailed analysis and suggestions for improvement, which turned her off and led to her ghosting him.

Insights
  • Over-communication and excessive analysis after a first date can backfire, even when intentions are good; showing interest should be subtle and gradual
  • The difference between demonstrating effort and creating pressure: what feels like thoughtfulness to one person can feel like intensity or criticism to another
  • First date follow-ups should be brief and casual; detailed recaps and 'action items' belong in professional contexts, not dating
  • Chemistry and connection in-person don't guarantee continued interest if post-date communication misses the mark
  • Vulnerability in dating requires reading social cues; Cameron's attempt to show he was 'paying attention' actually demonstrated he was overthinking
Trends
Dating communication expectations: younger generations prefer low-pressure, casual follow-ups over detailed analysisThe professionalization of dating: treating dates like business transactions with performance metrics alienates potential partnersText-based miscommunication in early dating: tone and intent are easily misread when trying to demonstrate investmentGhosting as a response to overwhelming communication: when uncomfortable, people disengage rather than provide feedbackGender dynamics in dating: women increasingly setting boundaries around unsolicited feedback or 'improvement suggestions'
Topics
First date etiquette and follow-up communicationGhosting and dating rejectionOver-communication in early relationshipsText messaging tone and intent in datingDating in the San Francisco Bay AreaPerformance review feedback vs. romantic interestVulnerability and emotional intelligence in datingChemistry vs. post-date behaviorSetting boundaries in early datingReading social cues and adjusting communication style
People
Cameron
First date caller who was ghosted after sending an overly detailed follow-up text to Kayla
Kayla
Woman who went on a first date with Cameron and ghosted him due to his lengthy performance review-style follow-up text
Marcus
Host of the Second Date Update segment who facilitated the call between Cameron and Kayla
Quotes
"It really felt like one of those great dates where it's just like a win across the board. Like it was good conversation. She's really funny. And we were like laughing the whole night."
CameronEarly in call
"It felt like a full-on performance review. Like, what do you like about the date? What stood out? What he thought we did well conversationally and then some notes about what could have been better."
KaylaMid-call
"You literally wrote 'next time, I think we should pace the conversation a little better so we can both get more out of it.'"
KaylaMid-call
"I don't need a full on recap and then action items after the first date."
KaylaLate in call
"It wasn't just like a quick, did you get home safe or like had a great time or whatever. It was like a full-on breakdown in paragraphs."
KaylaMid-call
Full Transcript
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But I'm appreciating her in a different way than these boys are. I'm not like, but- Listen to Law School Dries, this on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Verbo makes it easy to claim your dream summer spot with early booking deals. From homes with pools to poolside loungers. When you book a Verbo, you don't have to reserve any loungers. They're all yours. All you have to do is book early. Book with Verbo. It's Marcus in the morning. We're doing second date update. You know this. We do it every morning. Just trying to help people come together after our first date. Maybe a misunderstanding. Somebody gets ghosted. We're here to help. It's brought to you by Flavors of the Peninsula, April 23rd through May 3rd. Discover a new restaurant or revisit an old favorite. Curated menus, special pricing. Make your reservation now at thesanfransiscopeninsula.com. All right, let's bring Cameron on. Cameron, are you there? Yeah. Hey, guys. Hey, man. So we want to talk about Kayla, obviously. By your estimation, she ghosted. So, and crazy because yesterday we had a date in Fremont. Today, according to your DM, you guys went out in Dublin. So I'm guessing you both live in the Tri Valley. But tell me about the date. How did it go? Yeah. I mean, we ended up having this great day where we went out and just kind of, you know, first day jitters, decided to go grab a drink. And it's driving me nuts because it really felt like one of those great dates where it's just like a wind across the board. Like it was good conversation. She's really funny. And we were like laughing the whole night. And it's just, you know, one of those dates where like nothing felt forced. There wasn't really any awkward pauses. Like we were just kind of bouncing around from like topic to topic and joke to joke. And it was, I don't know, like it sounds silly to say like rare, you know, first date energy, but it really was. It felt like like special. And I know this because I wasn't like checking my phone or anything the whole night. I was like, you were fully engaged. Yeah, I was fully engaged. Like I wanted to be respectful at the end of the night. And so, you know, I gave her a hug. I didn't want to try and be too pushy. I gave her a hug goodnight. Right. Like text me when you get home. And you know, like everybody says, and I thought that was funny. But I don't know. Now I'm just like second guessing because she never responded. She never let me know if she got home safe. And so I don't know if like I should text her again or what. I just saw it in my head now. At what point do you become creepy? You know? Yeah, right? I don't want to be that. Sure. All right. Let me do it. I'm good at it. Wait, that came out wrong. You know what I'm saying. We're going to call her. We're going to call her. We're going to try to straighten some things out if things need to be straightened. Ultimately, I'd love to get you a second date. Like that's the goal. Well, let's call her and figure out where you screwed up. Just kidding. Let's just take it. Take a deep breath. You're going to be fine. All right. Go ahead and meet your phone so you can listen in. Here we go. Okay. All right. Sure. Sure. Hi. Is this Kayla? Yeah, this is Kayla. Hey, Kayla. It's Marcus in the morning. How are you? Oh my gosh. Hi, I'm good. How are you? What's happening? I'm a big fan. Hi. Do you listen? Uh, I do. I listen every morning. I love it. I love. Thank you. Hey, so we're doing second date update. Does that mean anything to you? Uh, yeah. It does. I understand you've been on a first date recently. Maybe you ghosted. Maybe you have it. I don't know. But um, Yeah, I did. Oh, I don't even have to tell you who it is. I love that. Yeah. I know exactly who it is. I bet it's Cameron. Yes. And, Yes. Okay. And I assume he is on the phone right now. Yes. Cameron, are you there? Ah, crap. Yeah. Right. Hi. We've been made. Ah, crap. Hi. Hi. Hey, Cameron. Hi. So, Hi. Kayla, where did my guy go wrong? How was the date for you? This is awkward. It was good. The date went really well. Like, there was nothing. There was like no red flags on the date itself. Right. He was great. It was really fun. It was, we had a really good time. It's what happened after the date that kind of threw me off. So, like, he was easy to talk to, no issues in person, right? But when he sent the follow-up text, it wasn't just like a quick, did you get home safe or like had a great time or whatever. It was like a full-on breakdown in paragraphs. Like, what do you like about the date? What stood out? What he thought they did well. What he thought we did well conversationally and then know some of what could have been better. But it was like a full-on performance review. Come on. It wasn't notes about what could have been better. Is that what you said? No way. That's a stretch. You definitely left notes on what we could have done better. Yeah. No. I mean, I was just trying to be intentional. I was trying to show that I'm a good communicator and like I was paying attention to what we were talking about all night. That's all. You literally wrote next time, I think we should paste the conversation a little better so we can both get more out of it. Okay. Please don't read. My text on the radio, that's embarrassing. Also, it's like next time, we're still on the first date. You like whatever, like, no, I'm trying to show effort. That's trying to show you like I had a good time. Let's set a second date. I'm invested, obviously. I mean, it didn't feel like effort. It felt like what I get at work when I have my performance review. So, it's just too much, like a lot of this should have stayed in his head. Yes? Is that what we're saying? 100%. Well then, how else are you supposed to know that I'm interested? I mean, parcel it out. Right? Yeah, I mean, I don't need a full on recap and then action items after the first date. Oh, come on, get off the word. Action items, don't say that. Should we have her go ahead and keep reading the texts or like? Do not, no, don't. I can send it to music if you want. We can do some Shakespeare. Do an accent. Okay, look. So, I'm doing a chalk it up to Cameron just being excited. If he slows down, if he pumps the brakes a little bit, Kaila, would you consider a second date for my guy? He's obviously into you. Yeah, I mean, except it was way too much, way too soon. I'm not interested. All right, hang on, hang on. Inside voice, man. Inside voice. Well, second date update. Forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on spin quests and there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash prizes. That's at spinquest.com. S-P-I-N-Q-U-E-S-T dot com. Spin Quest is a free to play social casino. Boyd, we're prohibited. 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