Andrew Schulz and Bill Maher - Megyn Kelly's "Double Feature" of Fascinating Interviews

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Welcome to the Megan Kelly Show, live on SiriusXM Channel 111 every weekday at New East. Hey everyone, I'm Megan Kelly and welcome to our Sunday Double Feature Mega Episode. Today two conversations with two comedians that brought the whole range of emotions. First up, I adore Andrew Schultz. He is so funny. Just thinking about our exchanges makes me laugh. He's brilliant. He came here to the Red Studio last year. He's been on many times since the beginning of our show. But this was a hilarious exchange where he really opened up about becoming a dad and wrestling with the challenges of IVF. It was so funny. You are going to adore this exchange. Bill Maher is our second up today. Bill and I have talked throughout the years on this show and on his. But in 2024, he came by for an interview at SiriusXM HQ in New York that was at times funny and at times feisty. Let's just say he was totally unprepared. And well, you be the judge of how it went. Enjoy today's Double Feature and see you tomorrow. Oh, do we have a treat for you today? Buckle up. One of the funniest people in America is with me for the full show right here in studio. Comedian Andrew Schultz has a new Netflix special out this week called Life. If you go on Netflix, it's one of the top shows right now. You can't miss it and you shouldn't miss it. It's only an hour. You will laugh and believe it or not, you will cry too. It's actually very touching. At times I did not expect that. And he I was just saying to him before we got started, I watched it the same way I watch all Andrew Schultz content like this. I'm afraid and I love it. I hate myself for loving it so much. The whole thing is actually deeply personal and his pal Matt Damon helped him announce it. Watch this. Oh, Schultz. Schultz. Schultz. Schultz. Matthew. Hey, cute baby. I didn't get the Amber Alert. We are celebrating. My new special is coming out. Oh, nice. Yeah. What do you stand up there and grow a mustache? Actually if you want to know, it's about my wife and I trying to make a baby. Hey everybody, this dumbass right here has a special about his low sperm count and it's on Netflix. That's a legend dude. Well, good back. Thank you so much for having me. Great to have you. It's great to see you. Oh, God, likewise. I mean, you were actually one of my first guests, you know, we just celebrated episode 500 or 1000 or 1000 and you were 78 number 78. You were like on the ground floor. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I was in California for that, but then I saw you. This is like right after I saw you at the Borgo. Yeah. That's right. I didn't come up and bother. You know, you were doing the thing. That's right. I was like, I'm not that. Yeah. And now look at you. I mean, now your, your career is just taken off. Not things have been cool. Yeah. Really cool. And personally, I mean, the funniest bit you ever did and it's still one of my favorites. This is from a special, not like on this show, but you were talking about your then girlfriend and how obsessed she was with crime shows. Oh yeah. I can totally relate to this. Yeah. And how I remember you did this bit on how you knew you'd watch NFL football with her and she'd be like, and some guy would have a compound fracture with the blood everywhere and the bone and every guy you know, be like, oh my God. And she'd be like, when is someone coming to murder him? Yeah. Yeah. It's like not savage enough. Yeah. Why do you guys like the, the serial killer stuff? I have my own theories. I think it's because like when you grow up, you know, who gets murdered, who gets attacked, who gets stolen? Young women. Yeah. Where are the victims? And so like it's instilled in you from an early age by your parents, by your friends, by your teachers, by TV, the news. Like you're the victim. And so, you know, you walk around everywhere like, oh my God. And then you, there's a morbid fascination with what happens to others. Like how do I prevent that from happening to me? Yeah. I think that's why. So yeah, it's fear based. So this is like this, yeah, gigantic fear you have. Yeah, we're working something out. Yeah. You know, it's like the same way my 11 year old likes to watch shark videos all the time. Because he thinks he's going to get eaten by a shark. Totally. And meanwhile. So what is our fear? What is our, what? You know what? Her man just not afraid of anything. I'm embarrassed to tell you that I've been dreaming lately about the AM update that we've been doing as a new pod that we've launched in our feed. It's very embarrassing. I mean, dreams are about news now. Because I do it either really later or early morning and it's just on my mind. And you shouldn't dream about news. That's just sad. Yeah. Right? That's a pathetic. Well, this is your passion. Yeah. This is what you dedicate your life to. But I could relate to, didn't you say, did I hear this in the special that you were saying your girlfriend always dreams about you cheating on her? Oh yeah, my wife. Your wife now. Yeah, she dreams about you cheating on her. Yeah. She's like, I love to. And if I have that dream the next day, I am such a bitch to him. Right? It is funny that you punish us for it. Right. But yeah, that was what I was saying I think in the special. It's like, why can't I have those dreams? It's almost like. You're like, go through it. Walk me through it. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'd like to know exactly. But yeah, it was, it's almost as like, you know, God shot like the dream arrow and like, it was just like a degree off. You know what I mean? He was supposed to put that in my brain. Yeah, exactly. It is weird. I don't really have dreams where where I'm cheating on her. Or was she's cheating on you? I think I might have had something and I woke up upset. I think it's like, this is my sexism coming out. But like when a when a woman cheats, like even in like a movie, like my my thought is like, who wrote this? Yeah, this is like shit. Like, like if I watch a serial, go thing, I'm like, OK, this is what it is. But if I see like a woman being unfaithful in something, I'm like, there is a diabolical madman out there writing this shit. Like we need to like lock him up. Like why would you promote this? We're lost as a society. I've become this like really conservative Christian. Like I'm just like, what is the American foundation and nuclear families being destroyed? Oh God, can we get in all excited? Or jump about it. Yeah, I know. I mean, I my girlfriends and I have had this talks, this talk many times like, would you definitely leave your husband or your boyfriend if you found out he was cheating? Yeah. And then of course you get into, well, is it a one off or is it like a full blown affair with somebody else? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, most of the women I know have the same answer to both, which is, no, I would not leave them. But also they have children, right? Yeah. That changes the entire game. It's also like, but yeah, this is good women. So we can cheat. I mean, literally every friend of Doug's right now is texting him all past. All past. No, we're going to Columbia, Doug. Not saying that. Oh, it's just, you know, like that's, that's a, you know, you know, I'm curious your take on this. Like I was talking to some, some of the women that work with me and, you know, there's this like this prominence in when we're talking about relationships now, like talking about like red flags and ick culture. Have you heard about this? No, I found that's be too old. Okay. So like a lot of women talk about like red flags and icks they have with men, like little things that they do that annoy them. And it could be something like small, like if it's raining and a guy lifts his shoulders, I don't like that. It like really turns me off to him. That's tough. Exactly. So, and like they're really like nuance and specific. And I was like, what do you, I was asking them, like, what do you think that's about? And this is my suspicion. I think that like there's so much pressure for women to be with somebody that they maybe would rather be with somebody they don't really like than be alone. Like their moms are constantly going, Hey, you got to get married. You got to have someone. And then you're with someone you don't like. Oh God. And when you're around someone, you don't like everything about them annoys you. No, you can't have that. No. And then you're going to let them get on top of you. Never. No, never. How could you? But if you really love someone, like you said, they can go to Columbia with the boys. It has an opposite, the opposite effect. Nothing at all. It's all really cute. Yeah. It's funny because I can't think of a thing about Doug that bothers me like that. And even after we just celebrate our 17th. Doug's the man. He's the man. We just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on Saturday. Yeah. And honestly, like even after 17 years of marriage, he doesn't do anything that like grosses me out. He's like, I don't know. I just find him very attractive. Me neither. He's not the dreamboat this guy. But he is very funny about, not about me, but other people that like his number one thing that drives him nuts. And his brother has it too. And I think it's called mesothelioma. Not like the lung disease you get, disease you get, but it's, I may be saying it wrong. It's like having sex with dead people. No, it's where you can't stand the sound of somebody chewing. Ah. It drives him. I was way off. Insane. Yeah. Mesothelioma is like the lung disease. And this is mesothelioma. I gotta look it up. But he doesn't like hearing people. Mesophonia. Thank you, Steve Crackauer. Yeah. And it drives you nuts if you can really hear somebody chewing. Chew. Yeah. And there's somebody in the extended family who's like, every time you sit down with this person, they get a big bowl of raw carrots and start like, downing it in both. Brothers are like, oh. Yeah, we can't deal with this. Yeah, Doug. Yeah, Doug's got his indiosyncrasies, which you gotta put up with. So are you a quiet chewer then? I'm actually pretty quiet. Yeah. Good. Yeah. I'm really kind of proud of it. Yeah. I have pretty good table manners. That's good. You'll see this with your new daughter. You can never let up. It's like, they don't hear. They don't listen. You could tell them 10,000 times. And they still don't listen. You don't go to the food. The food comes to you. Yeah. You know, like all the little things. Yeah. Small bites, small bites. Yeah. And still you see your kid with like a mountain of food shoving it in there. You're like, oh, I can't send you out into the world like this. Yeah. My parents never told me table manners. They didn't? Never told me. I learned table manners from the Titanic. What? Really, you're not into Capri? She's like, go from outside in with the forks. That's literally the moment. I remember I had a girlfriend. I was like in Denmark with her family and I was like using my thumb to shovel salad onto a fork and the father put his hand on my wrist and was like, please use the silverware. No. Yeah. Oh, the humiliation. Yeah. Some viking. I still have some questions, I have to say. I never took any sort of manners classes, though I would love to get some from my kids. If somebody offered that, I would totally hire this person. What is that called? I don't know. I don't know. Like classes? Yeah. Class. This is what they do down south, right? We raise like wolves. That's why we don't have a lot of it. I'm watching you. Whatever I see works. We ate out every meal or like had delivery. Yes. So there wasn't exactly like this big display. I don't remember my parents ever correcting table manners. You just had something I picked up on later in life when I got to be more of a professional person. Yeah. But I still have questions. Like here's one question for the audience. Maybe they know this. When you're eating soup. Do you go outside in or inside? No, that I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back. I know you're supposed to. I don't do that. You're supposed to scoop from the front to the back. It is stupid, but you're supposed to do it. It's an extra motion. Like why would you move the food further away from you? This is this like pretentious like British shit where they're, it's like really wealthy people have to find a way to make you feel insecure about you not having money. And then when everybody started wearing suits, it's like, all right, well, we got to belittle them somehow. Oh, if you see somebody moving the spoon out, then they really have money. I hate this shit. It's true. I love about America is the lack of rules in that regard. Yes. Like we're not trying to keep up with the Joneses. Well, here's my question on it though. In addition to those, what do you do with the soup spoon when you are in the middle, you want to put it down and or when you're done? Does it go right back in the soup or does it go on the little plate? I accidentally move it off the table and it falls and I go, oh God. And then somebody gets that's not okay. No, it's either supposed to go right back in the soup, which is what I think you're supposed to do. Yeah. Or you're supposed to put it on the plate like the saucer underneath the soup, that plate that's holding the soup bowl. Yes. Yes. Yes. But one of them signifies to the waiter that you're finished and one signifies you're still eating with the soup. That's true too. I just made that up. Okay. But it seems like it makes sense. I do know what to do on the plate when you want to signify you're done. Knife in between the fork fork and knife at five o'clock. Yes. Like one's at, well, I guess 10 of five at 10 of five. So one's at the 10 and one's at the five on your plate. Yeah. That's my one thing. Isn't it crazy that we have to like speak in code to the waiters at the restaurant? Right. Like, yeah, that works. I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing left on the plate. Are you a good tipper? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I work in the service industry. That's the thing. Yeah. If you've ever done it. If you've ever done it. Same. Yeah. I have to say so. What is a good tip for you? Well, I always leave 50%. What? Five o. I mean, is it good or it's bad? It's good. 50%. Yeah. It's a lot, right? I mean, they're not the government. Well, I always want to be overly generous to the waiters. I mean, wow, that is. I got to tell you something. I never, and I go to the same. Women don't usually tip. I just want to point that out. Oh, that's not a big thing. That one's important to me. You, that is. You will never read a report about me being a bad tipper. I, wow, I'm not going 50. What do you go? I go like 25 or something like that. That's good. I keep it round. I got this from Sean Hannity, who tips 100%. He does. Yes. Oh, wow. I don't like that. That's too much for me. No, no, that's guilt. Something's going on. Something's going on. He's a really generous guy. He's harassing waitresses. Something's happening where he's paying them off. 100% is guilt. There's something wrong. But I got to be honest with you. This is he's taking no. I mean, Sean is a great guy. You're not doing this. He's not. Where's my camera? You're not at all doing this. But I would tip 100% too if I was taking my girlfriend to the fucking thing and I didn't want anybody to know about it. But Sean would never do that. And that's not the case. Not it. He does not. He does not need to stray. He's with Ainsley. He's good. Well, listen, I was going to say, I would have, I would kind of expect that when I go back to these same restaurants and have the same waiter, like maybe I'd get a little bit more white glove treatment. Yeah. I noticed absolutely no white glove treatment. I don't think it really counts. So I just have to feel good about it in my heart, which I do. Not the reason why we do it. I mean, it would be nice if somebody was like, thanks. Thanks for it. But I... Isn't it the worst when you're like at the bar and you're like, I'm going to fucking tip this bartender big and you go to put the money down and they walk away and now you got to just stand there until they come back and notice the tip. I need your recognition that I left that. Like, this needs to be very clear. My 13 year old daughter just asked this question at the dinner table last night. This is where it's going for you. She said, is any act of charity ever for the other person or is it all selfish? Is it purely altruistic? Or isn't it all selfish? I would like to believe that we are capable of altruism, but I think that there are like percentages of selfishness for sure. Like if you're doing it to get to heaven, that seems pretty selfish. Yeah. That's what she was saying. And she was saying, even just to make yourself feel good, there's an element of selfishness in it. And then my brother-in-law said, what if you threw yourself on a grenade? And she said, no, still. If you're doing it, like there's some piece of you that's doing it to feel good about saving somebody or you might be like a word of the Medal of Honor. If you're, you know, like there's something in there. She's 13. Very cynical. Can I curse on this? Is it cool? Okay. Wow. We couldn't have on Andrew Schultz if you could not curse. That's a good point. That's a good point. Wow. That is a sophisticated thought for a 13 year old. I know. Has she watched everything, everywhere, all at once? Yes. Well, she watches some of the Dateline specials with me. That's probably part of it. So tonight she's got that side where she's even philosophical and cynical in some ways, but tonight she'll be starring as Ursula in the little mermaid at her school play. Did she pick Ursula? Yeah, she tried out for it. Yeah. So she wanted Ursula? Yeah. We got to keep an eye on this girl right here. We got to keep a very close watch on this girl. This is, because it is, I think that what she's approaching is like a very realistic way of looking at life, you know, which is a, but sometimes having that view of humanity can be difficult to handle. Yeah. That's a really sophisticated view of humanity. Compared with a mother who's in news and a father who is as cynical and funny as Doug is. Yes. It's just, there are kids of a very healthy sense of humor, which you would appreciate, but like very realistic, you know? Yeah. I'm trying to think like, what is the, like the positive impact of that is you can have probably like really mature conversations with them. She's definitely ahead of her time. What is her school? She did it. It's a private school. It's all girls. I will say it's more woke than I would like, but not as woke as the one we pulled her from in New York City. That's the, the conversation I have with parents, public and private is, is the exact same one that we're having right now. Yeah. It's just like, yeah, they're all kind of like woke to use that term and it's kind of like a, we've beaten that term to the ground. No, they just had one of the, uh, no, it was Martin Luther King day and they had an assembly and they had the head of DEI go in there and talk to the girls and said, just as a reminder, we believe in equity. Everyone has the right to wind up in the same space. Yeah. And of course my daughter, my kids are primed on this, you know, we're inoculating them against this bullshit at home. But she knew enough to come home and be like, mom, this is what they said. And I was like, no, she's absolutely right. On the next test, when you study hard and the girl next to you doesn't, she has a right to see your answers. You have to show them to her. She has the right to get the same grade as you, no matter how much work you did or didn't put into it. Yeah. I mean, that is funny to have a DEI program at an all girl school. Well, that it's, it's like, you don't even accept men. But that's the. But those are the selecting out a group of people. You really can't continue that conversation. Well, they can't have the oppressors and the patriarchy running the school. That is to wait. Are there, are there any like male leadership in the school? Yes. Well, not leadership, but there are plenty of male teachers, just male teachers, but no male leadership. No, there isn't. No. Well, wait, I'm wrong. When you get to the high school, there's a, there's a, there's a male head of the high school. I mean, she's only a middle school, but so we're not there yet. Yeah. I don't, I don't think they're against men. But you know, we did a bunch of research when the kids were really young on single sex education and it seemed like K through eight, it was a good idea. And the good thing about this high school is when she gets to high school, she'll mix now with boys. So that's good. Cause you know, at some point you have to learn how to be around the opposite sex. Yeah, you do. I wonder, I'm surprised it's that way, not the opposite way. What do you mean? Like co-ed K through eight, single sex. I think they're looking, I think for girls, the philosophy is, you know, they'll, they won't be afraid to say how they feel because, you know, in middle school, it's awkward for everybody and maybe around the boys, you're a little bit more buttoned up. And then in the younger grades, boys tend to be more disruptive and kind of bigger pains in the ass and girls are like, well behaved. And so then they get demonized. So it can be better, better for them to be alone too. You know, where they're not being compared to the well behaved girls. Like at our boys school, the first thing they do for the K through fivers is they let them go to gym for like an hour. Get it out the system. That's smart. Right. That's really smart. But girls don't need that. They're just ready to pay attention and lock in. I mean, it's amazing. Yeah. Isn't this fun? You have all this to look forward to with your now one year baby. I'm so excited. Yeah, it's great. It is like terrifying though. All these things are scary. You don't know anything. He really don't know anything. And now I like, I have this, I have this amazing empathy for, uh, yeah, I mean, I don't want to like, politicize this too much, but like even these like hot button topics, like, you know, vaccination and these kind of things. If you don't have children, like you really don't even need to be part of the conversation at all, because you don't understand the fear of making a decision that could negatively impact your daughter either way to do it. And then something happens. God forbid. Now you feel that responsibility. You don't do it. And something happens. You feel that responsibility. Yes. And you're constantly, you know, these decisions are put in front of you. It's like, well, like you're trying to rely on your doctor and you're, you know, you try to find a good doctor and just do what he says. But then this whole past five years is really undermined health in doctors and public health officials, right? So you're kind of like, every institution, you know, like we have super low confidence in, yeah, every pediatrician that we've had has recommended that we get them the COVID vaccine, which we didn't. Yeah. My current, no, no, no, my fake one. Well, no, I got myself the vaccine, which I regret, but I did not get it from my kids. Did you get a booster? Yes. I got one booster. Oh, I didn't. I got, I got a fake booster so I could do a movie. I wish I had gotten fake. I got you. There's like some Jewish guy in Brooklyn that I went to. Oh, come on. Yeah. Why didn't I know any of this? And then I gave it to the movie company to prove them that I was vaccinated. They hit me back there like, yeah, this is bullshit. And I was like, all right, I got to talk to that guy again. It was. I was shocked. What did he shoot me up with? Yeah. So you got the first two shots, but nothing more. Yeah. I was excited. Like, I know this sounds crazy, but I was like excited to get the first two because I was like, I just want to get out. Like I want to party. Like, I didn't know what the fuck it was. We were in New York. We went down to Miami. OK. So we were in New York and everything was shut down in New York. And in the beginning, it was kind of exciting. Like it was just me and my wife were like making fucking meals together every single night. You know, it's felt like camping. Oh, I've never gone camping, but like that's kind of what I imagined it was. And then and I was lucky I'm doing podcasts. I'm doing what I do outside of stand up. Yeah. So like my life wasn't that different outside of like not being able to eat out, I guess. Yeah. Come winter, it got brutal. Like it was just so we went down to my Miami for four months and it was amazing. Like my whole team, we all went down there. I think day two, the entire team got COVID. Yeah. Of course, higher team. My poor guy was in our pool house for two weeks with COVID. He got long COVID. Like it was. Yeah. I mean, it was great. I thought I was I just see him in the window just waiting. It was incredible. Duff was here right now. But but yeah. Yeah. So there was this part of me that was like, I just want to be able to do things. Like so shoot me up. I don't care. And there were Nazis in New York about it, which is your real home base. Yeah. Yeah, it is tricky. Do you like so there is this thing where I go, yeah, we're going to be more strict in New York where we live on top of each other. We're all in the fucking subway together. Like I don't want to compare New York to Montana. Like when someone in Montana is like, I can't believe you guys did that in New York. It's like, yeah, you live on a ranch. Yeah. Like 500 acres. Yeah. Like the rules are going to be different. You know, I got like a Dominican family above me that's going to play music at 12 unless the city has a rule that stops the music attack. That's right. So sometimes you like a little government overreach if you want to get to bed. You know, and we were all being told at the on the initial vaccine that it would stop the spread. So, you know, it would make it make you not contagious. This is what I feel like people do. That's just like so frustrating. It's like they it's the lies to cover up the lack of information. And then you get these like conspiracies like every conspiracy I imagine like the truth of it is probably way more boring. But it's probably like a little incompetence. Yeah. Somebody refusing to take accountability for their own incompetence, covering it up with a lie. And then the internet gets after this. And then you're off. All this puzzle. And it's just if one person had the balls to just be like, you know, I fucked up. Yeah. That was me. I was the second shooter. I'm just going to put it out there. We need the Victoria's Secret guy. Who's Epstein's? But the Lex Westerner. Westerner. Yeah. We just need him to come out. I mean, like I funded it. Why can't we know more about him? Dude, this is the thing. It's like, give him immunity, give him immunity. Yeah. And then we can learn everything and we can move on. Yeah. But he's got to know. Why did you give this guy billions of dollars to manage? I have to tell you, I I had a couple of conversation with somebody very close to the Epstein case, like very close to it, who shall go nameless for this conversation. And this person swore to me. Acosta. No, that there's that there's. He could talk to. He knows shit, too. That that he wasn't this quote pedophile, right? That he was into like 16, 17 year old girls. Yeah. And that, yes, some may have sort of gotten through that were slightly younger, but that wasn't exactly his thing. And that pretty much every famous celebrity was friends with him and went on his jet. Yeah. But that at most all they were getting was like the so-called massages from these 16, 17 year olds as opposed to like a pedophile ring. Yeah. Now I don't. 16, 17 is pedophile for me. Well, it depends on the state. It could be illegal. But in some places, it's probably legal, like even in Canada or even like the UK or something in my France. I don't even know if they have an age. No, probably not. Yeah. I think they're still defending him over there. Yeah. The only thing they age is cheese. I mean, you think about it, though, because like how did Alan Dershowitz wind up, you know, becoming Jeffrey Epstein's lawyer? How did all these world figures wind up on his plane? Because he had, you know, he had cash, he had money. He was already connected. He was tight with the people at Harvard. That's all you really have to say that you're tight with the people of Harvard and MIT. Everybody will let you into their party. It's a cosign. Right. Yeah. Like if you've got these certain credentials, you're good. I don't even need to check in on you. No, you're tight with Harvard. You have an office at Harvard. Yes, you must be legit. You're a legit guy. Why would Harvard not? Even after you already pleaded guilty to something with a young prostitute, like we're still Katie Krick still going to go to your dinner party at your mansion. Bill Gates is still going to ask you for marital advice. Yeah. How about the Bill Gates thing? Yeah. Like were you surprised when it came out that he was like with all these younger women and like these pool parties and it was like, you know, he'd been so buttoned up in this like totally respectable person. Am I surprised that the billionaire guy had a bunch of chicks that he was sleeping with? Not so much. No. But it was totally contrary to his image at the time. I don't think Warren Buffett really wears khakis and drinks a Diet Coke on a bench in Omaha. Yes, he does. This is this is the beautiful lie that we're all. Explain it to me. You think that that's what he's doing? You think he's like, I'm going to have my hot dog and a Diet Coke. No, that's like propaganda. He's in a boardroom somewhere going, OK, we got a trillion dollars to move around. Let's make it happen. I thought you were making a comment about women and Warren. No, I don't think Warren's doing anything with women. OK. It might be. I have no clue. I have no clue. But like it nothing surprises me. Nothing shocks me like in order to make that money. OK, I'm not talking about like tech billions is a little bit different, right? Because it's all like Fugazi. It's not real. Yeah, like, OK, we think that this is worth that. Everybody's trying to get rich on it. It's the stock price spikes. The the businesses aren't actually making any money. It's not all paper. Yeah, it's all paper. You can't cash out speculation, right? So but like in order to actually make like proper billion dollars, like you got to kill like a few people. Right? You do. I think you think Ilan has killed a few people. Oh, I'm wouldn't be a few. What do you mean? Like how with the Tesla with the self driving? He shoots it like but also he's tech. Like, I don't know how profitable the business are. Yeah, right. Profitable or the businesses. I don't. I'm sure you could cash out on some of these like Tesla. Of course, he's a genius. I'm not trying to be like overly critical with him, but I'm talking about like an actual you are making dollars and cents business that you can cash out. Like, I mean, yeah, I don't think that you can have this like pious constitution and do that. Most of these people cash out and they they sell like Mark Cuban, you know, he sold the business he came up with. And there's just the one sale because it seems like the first buyer winds up getting screwed like he thinks he's going to build it. It's he's bought something meaningful. And then when he turns around like everything's collapsed, that happens all the time. You want to be the one who invents it, builds it up into something big on paper and then get out of town. Get the fuck out of there. How about Elon now? He's in all over the news for the doge stuff. Yeah, you wore a suit the other night. Wow. Mark, Mike Davis, who comes in the show a lot, he's a lawyer. Yeah. Trump affiliated. Tweeted out something like two things. Elon has a suit and a babysitter. He brought some. We haven't seen it. He's turning over a new leaf. You know what the thing about Elon is, is like, he's obviously a brilliant guy and you want brilliant people on your side, especially if like we're going to World War three, like if we are going to go to war with Russia, China, whatever it is, I think you kind of want the rocket guy on your side. Right. Like you can either protect us or get us to Mars if things go to hell. Right. Like let's just so we want to keep them over here. My concern about the doge thing is this is I don't think there's a single American out there that's like, I want waste, inefficiency and government corruption. Right. This is a bipartisan supported issue. And I feel like because maybe he's he hasn't developed like the the the skill of politics, he's kind of like twisting the knife a little bit. And it's like too inhumane. I don't even know about it inhumane. I'm just like, it's kind of like, gotcha. Here we go. Where you could rally support from all of this. Everybody wants this. The left should want this. The right should want this. This can be a victory for America. I think it is. I mean, like, what do we have? You guys, we have a hairy engine thing I asked for. You know him over on CNN. He's hilarious. I know him from the cellar. He hangs out at the comedy show all the time. Oh, he does? Yeah. Yeah. He's he's funny himself. I love his New York accent. Here he is talking about the doge and the public reaction. This to me was one of the more shocking figures that I saw. Maybe go, wait a minute, hold on one second. Whoa. Americans on Trump and Joe's efforts. Musk and those doge should influence government spending and operations. Look at this. Fifty four percent. The majority say that he and they should. How about a proof of Trump trying to cut staff of government agencies? Again, you get a majority here. Fifty one percent. So, yeah, Elon Musk might not be that popular, but these cuts and the idea of spending cuts, at least within the federal government and cutting of government agencies. That actually has majority support. I was truly surprised by this tape, but the numbers are the numbers. Democrats want to argue that the type of spending that must is cutting is mainly necessary programs, but that comes in at just 36 percent. The wasteful spending actually wins the plurality here at 42 percent, according to a recent Washington Post, Ipsos, Paul. And I think that is the reason why you see that when it comes to dusk and mows, Musk and doge, you see, in fact, the majority believe he should have some influence because they believe, the plurality believe that he is cutting wasteful spending, not necessary programs that Democrats are arguing. So he is winning the PR war. Yeah, but to me, there shouldn't even need to be PR. I guess it should be a hundred percent. What what how so like he should be more clear on the doge website, which is not that user friendly. Yeah, I don't even know if it's more clear. I think it's more like the tweets and like the antagonism within the tweets. And I think he's developed this very like polarizing personality online. And there's a way. OK, the question right now is, is it possible to be less polarizing? Right. Like what percentage? No matter who you are. Of course. And like now that he's in this position of it's not only like a man's power, but also influence. And he's tackling a topic that is not partisan at all. Like there is support here. So you don't need to antagonize at all. Buddy, everybody's on your side. If you hire some people and then sorry, if you fire them and then have to hire them back, like it's OK to be like, hey, we made a mistake there. We're not perfect. We're going to we're going to do this right. And we're going to figure this out. Like it's OK to acknowledge these things. And this is where I think like having a little bit more experience in politics can be helpful because it is a it is a different game. You're doing dealing with emotions, not facts. You can show me those lists all you want. Like people are emotional beings. They don't go fuck it. Like what is it? The Dweeb says all the time, the Ben Shapiro guy is like facts. Don't care about your feeling. It's like, no, no, no, no, dumbass. Feelings don't care about facts. That's true. We feel things like there is a woman in Mexico that's going to see the Virgin Mary in her toast today because she feels the Lord and then sees it afterwards. We don't look at like usually it's a Cinnabon. Fine. Keep going. Just my experience. That's how you know. That's how you know Megan is locked at the airport. Christ is king when she's at the Cinnabon. I try not to let people see me going there. I love it. I love it. There's that great Lucy K. Bitt where he's like, I went to Cinnabon after arriving. That's sad. No, I actually I don't go to Cinnabon because I I'm in my 50s and I just can't do that anymore. But I will tell you, not too long ago, I was at the airport for a layover and I wanted this so badly and I'm like, I'm doing it. And I got not just the small bag and not the huge, huge bag, but like the medium sort of largeish bag of Cheetos. Yeah. I ate every last one. There was a woman across me kind of looking at me stealing glance. You could tell she was kind of like, is she going to eat that entire bag of Cheetos? I'm like, sister, I am America. They're just like us. It was so good. The stars are just like us. You deserve a bag of Cheetos. It's a guilty pleasure. Yes, you burned everything. What do you you should be eating Cheetos every single night? Well, then then then it starts to come back at you, you know, like then next thing you have the manjaro or the ozempic or whatever like that. It's better to keep it off to begin with. Trust me, I've had I've lost and I've gained over the years. It's better if you can keep it off. There's no more fat pride, huh? That really ended with the ozempic. I think if you're a leftist, there is. You think you have to at least say you are. Otherwise, you know, I think ozempic ended that. Did you see Lizzo? Yes, she's beautiful. She looks awesome. Yes, I think they've all realized that. But it was hard to do it because you got to like put in the effort. You know, yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure. Leftist models are doing it too. They're like on the ozempic. So there's no more telling us that we were supposed to embrace it and it was healthy. Oh, I got ridiculed for just being like, this is absurd. Like what is going on and not at all. And now they're all in ozempic and they're like, I'll just be a model model. Yeah. What about swimsuit or sports illustrated now bring you back actual hot models for its magazine? America's Healing. Yeah, right. They all do respect to Martha Stewart. I guess that didn't sell a lot of magazines or Gale King. Oh, why? Did Martha go in there? Yeah. And so did Gale King. And I think they eventually realized what they really wanted. Martha was a baddie back in a day. I don't know. Did you watch her special? Yeah, I did. It was crazy. She is a psycho. But here's what I'm saying. She has some bodies that says you don't get to that number without taking some people out. If someone told me that like Martha had someone killed, I wouldn't be like, Martha. Oh, really? Well, she is a convicted felon. Yeah. Like you don't think she's capable of murder? I don't know. Not herself, but like getting someone else to do it. No. Are you capable of murder? I could murder. What? Yeah. Like if somebody did anything to my daughter, I could kill them. Yes. OK, me too. Yeah. Or to protect. Yeah. Of course. If somebody is like going to do something to my wife. But what about for like, you know, business? Oh, like could I murder somebody to like get ahead or to get a deal? Or out of a vendetta. No, I mean, I could or where I could convince myself that they did something to my daughter, I'd be like, yeah, I definitely have to kill that comedian. But can I say something? Like if you're a if you're a sociopath. Yes. Yeah, I because I've talked to some sociopaths. They actually have no qualms about this whatsoever. They will talk to you about like, yes, that is an acceptable menu item. Like, yeah, killing the person to take care of the problem is right there. Yeah. Like they just don't even and and, you know, one in four people are sociopaths. Yeah, I've heard this like it's a it's kind of a sad way to live, though. You know, well, yeah. Like, but because like there's a competitive advantage about not caring about people, but the human experience is connectivity. So like you go without that. Like I was speaking to this guy who used to be a CAA dude and he was like borderline sociopath and that's what they liked about him. Because you want people that can make those really difficult decisions. And I'm sure the CIA is all there. Whatever. Right. Anyway, and he was telling me that like he he's aware of what people should feel. Yeah. Even though he doesn't feel it. No, they study. Yeah. They learn the proper way of reacting. But imagine not being like, imagine your kid that first time you hear a kid laugh. And the way that it like transforms your entire idea of what joy is. Yep. And imagine seeing that and feeling nothing. It's your dead inside. What a horrible way to live. Can I tell you something? Yeah. I can find out whether you are a sociopath. Oh, tell me. Two minutes or less. Go, go, go. This is good. It's a little riddle. Okay, go. Okay. A man shows up at a funeral. Yeah. He goes to grieve the dead body at the wake. It was the week. And he sees a woman near the casket and they exchange a glance. You know, they make eye contact. The man leaves the funeral wraps up. A week later, that man kills that woman's mother. Why? Because he's a sociopath. Well, I probably do have the answer, but what do you think the answer is? Because that woman's mother was the mistress of his father. You're not a sociopath. Oh, wow. What is it? Because he wanted to see her again. The woman. Now, let me tell you something. Did you see how I went with women cheating? But can I tell you, everybody saw it. My biggest fear. Yeah. So, so the sociopath gets that like this. Wait, really? They have that answer like this. And let me tell you where I got this test from. My somebody who used to be in my life. That person's father was a psychiatrist in one of the worst prisons in America. And they would actually do this test on the patients and man by man by man. If, and by the way, to my listening audience, if it came to you right away, you might be a sociopath. Yeah, turn yourself in. But you'll see it has to come like if you're wrestling with it and after like a minute, you're like, was it this? You've given a couple of guesses and you get there. Eventually you're good. But because the sociopath immediately is like because he wanted to see her again. They just think differently. I mean, it is the easiest path to see her again. Right. It guarantees it. And there's no moral objection on your list. Again, you're like, who cares? Isn't that crazy? It feels good that I'm not a sociopath. Yes, you can go tell Emma. Yes, I know. But I knew you were in my head while I was like, should I do the sociopath test on him? I was like, what if he fails? And I've humiliated this poor guy in front of everybody. But then I was thinking about the video you put in your latest comedy Netflix. I'm like, there's no way. And what's the opposite is empath. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it. I'm like, you feel too much. Yeah, I believe that about you. Yeah. You are a softy. Yeah, I'm sensitive. Yeah, I can see that. And it's like, it's weird. It's like I'm sensitive, but like I can I can I'm numb to certain things. Not numb, but like they don't really affect me. Like criticism and going through all these like random internet shit that I go through. Yeah. But I'm I am very sensitive to the people I really care about. So like reactivity within like my family or friend group. And then I'm also sensitive to like kind of like cultural trends. I can like feel like frustration pretty early. Like what do you mean? Do you feel one now? No, not like like what do I think for people, for example, like what I think people really care about? Um, like I think that the Democrats, for example, like they could win the next election if they just make it a class issue. Like it's that simple. And they got to just be they're not they're so risk averse and they need to be a little bit more brave Americans. We have very high risk tolerance or low risk. What's the one I'm trying to say? We have high risk high like everybody in our family's history. Like the craziest people in the world came here, came here. Yeah. Like they lived in another country, left their entire family for maybe it working out and then came over here. Right. So we're built crazy. So we like people to take risks and we like bravery. And despite your politics, we react to those type of people. And like, I think this is part of the reason why Bernie was so successful is that he's out here like calling out the billionaire class, calling out these corporations and even like people who are Republicans, like working class Republicans were like, yo, who the fuck is that? I kind of like this guy. Like it feels like he's kind of riding for me. That's who Joe Rogan was for four years ago. All of us loved him and despite 10, whatever. Yeah, it was a while. But I and I feel like that's kind of what the Democratic Party is missing. Is just I need a disruptive guy or girl who's willing to come out and say eggs or a dollar. Like, what's your bill to wall? Yeah, right. You need eggs or a dollar. Yeah, even and then you could subsidize it, whatever it is. But like, you need to smack into people emotionally. Do you feel like this is the answer? Because this is the latest messaging from the Dems on social media. Today, sought 13. Choose your fighter video montage. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's Democratic female lawmakers, AOC in the fighting stance. And bouncing. Oh, she looks like an idiot. Look at this one. Look at her. A Jasmine Crockett. Oh, the last one is terrible. I'm I have second and embarrassment. Yeah. Is that what you mean by fearless and risk tolerance? Yeah, exactly what I mean. That to me makes me proud to be an American. I feel safe with those women right there. They can defend me. Yes. Does that inspire you to get to the ballot box? Go ahead. You know, it's like I don't even know why AOC is there. She's actually, you know, like her hate her politics. Like I think she pulled the same as Trump in her district. She's good on the social media. I mean, if she knows how to use social media, normally, I don't think she came up with that campaign. No, I think she's like getting on board with it. But at the same time, like her, I guess her constituents feel like she's fighting for her. Yeah. Where there's a lot of this. Yeah. Or sorry for them. And where it's like, I find a lot of times with the Democrats, there is this like pretentiousness. There's this like Ivy League educated, like second or third generation kind of trust fund netbook babies that are like telling people how they should live and how they should vote. And it's like, first of all, if you've never had a real job, you don't get to talk. Yeah, you don't get to talk. Like I'm almost like if you never had a kid, you don't get to talk. But like if you've never had a real job, you don't get to tell people how they should vote. Like we we just despise that. Yeah. So what I think they have to do is get back and touch with the working class is is very much make this a class issue. And you got to call out those people who are giving you money, which these billionaires and these corporations that are donating and they won't do it. And that's why they'll probably lose. But the first person in that party that calls it out, you're going to see the Bernie effect happen again. Well, I mean, the problem they're dealing with right now is they don't know how to handle Trump. They don't know how to behave properly. You know, they're way like we're debating the spoon. They're debating whether you should stand when the 13 year old brain cancer, strict and boy gets honored. They they didn't do it. There's a meme going on right now. I think Riley Gaines posted it saying they they knelt for eight minutes and 43 seconds for George Floyd. But they couldn't stand for Peyton McNabb. The now 19 year old, formerly 16 year old, who got slammed in the face with the volleyball. They couldn't stand for DJ Daniel, the little boy, the 13 year old boy with brain cancer. They couldn't stand for the widow of the cop who got gunned down. They couldn't stand learning that the terrorists to organize the Abbey Gate attack got arrested. But the problem with this is like they're falling for the trap. And this is why you need a little bit more like boots on the ground with the Dems. Like you got to understand like what people think of you. Like we were saying people are emotional. It's not like what you believe is real. It's what they feel is real. Right. So they've got a couple of issues. They've got a masculinity issue. Right. I said something on on Brilliant Idiots with Charlemagne. I was just joking around. I was like, I don't know a guy like over five nine that identifies as a Democrat. I love that. They went crazy. I played that sound bite on my show. They went crazy. And I didn't realize it was going to be so reactive. And then afterwards I was like, oh, wow, they they they have this deep insecurity they're not seen as masculine. So that really tapped that insecurity. Well, they do something about it. Well, that's so you have to find a way to be masked. You can be masculine and care for people. Yes. Like there's so many ways. I'm a fucking kid who grew up in like an arts family in New York City. Like my whole family is Democrats. Like this is like there's tons of very masculine Democrats. Yeah. Like shit, Bill was maybe too masculine. It don't mean like there was a time where like there was a time where Democrats were getting laid and Republicans were like, how do you do this outside of the marriage? You got a way for that is completely flipped. Yep. Completely. Did you feel it was masculine to hold up the little sign saying musk steels? Oh, God. Did you feel that you would have done that had you been a masculine Democrat? I don't even know. I mean, but to your point about this is like they're falling for the trap. The Republicans know, right, that they're going to sit down. So they're putting out circumstances. Yeah. That they they're like, if they sit for this, they're going to look so bad. It's a no lose situation for Trump. But if they still for it, it's actually a beautiful moment. Yes. Look at this poor little kid. Yes. And it's a great moment where we come together. It's just like doge getting rid of government waste and inefficiency in efficiency is a great thing for America. We should have bipartisan support for this. What Dems are doing is they're going, you're a bad guy. And that worked when people thought Trump was bad guy. They don't anymore. That's right. They don't. You're making yourselves look like the bad guys. Don't even talk about him. Talk about the people you want to help. People are desperate. They need help. You need your bill to wall. It's eggs or a dollar. Yeah. You need your your bill to wall. It's we're building 10,000 affordable housing units in every city. We're seizing this land and then have developers go, you can't even do that and go, I don't give a fuck if you say we can't do it. That's what we're doing. They don't have that guy. Put your balls on the ground. They're like, just make it happen. Even if it doesn't happen, it's like Trump saying, we're going to take Greenland. It's kind of fun. Right. Right. I like that. Yeah. That's America. I like it. Hell, yeah. Like Gulf of America. I don't care. Why was it ever Gulf of Mexico? I know we're so much bigger than they are. Right. Matter of fact, they could still call it Gulf of Mexico. We don't care. Do you know what I mean? Like, but that's the energy that we need. Americans love abundance. Yeah. You need to sell us on abundance. We aren't you the guy. You're the one who said this to me. And I've coded you on it many times on how the moment Trump won you over was when he took the guy from Montenegro by the shoulder was like to the back. Wait, which one? When he was over at like the G7 or G18. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. And he shoved that guy. Why am I in the back? Right. I'm America. Nobody even understands what this country is. This guy in the front. Move out of the way. I will sit here and then he did it and everybody got in line. Yes. You need that kind of. That is some like psychotic shit. I don't think I would have the balls to do that. That is some balls. Montenegro's in the back, sir. Bye. See you later. You're all in the back. It doesn't really matter. Right. If I'm giving you money, you're in the back. Yes. Are you guys giving me money? So why are you in the front? Right? It's like. But that's part of his like weirdly. It's unbelievably charming. Sharp and humor. What did you think of? I thought it was very funny at the State of the Union. Did you laugh? Great. This amount for this country, nobody even knows what the hell it is. Did that make you laugh out loud? Yeah. It this is why another thing Democrats don't understand. They don't understand like why this like billionaire who is given money from his dad is so relatable. Well, why don't you listen to him talk? I've had conversations with like rich people. OK. They don't talk like that. Yeah. They are incredibly buttoned up a lot of them and concerned publicly about their image. And they're very deliberative of what they say. He don't give a fuck. No. When the Indian reporter was asking him the question and he was just double dabbling and then Trump let him finish and go. I don't understand what the hell that guy's talking about. You know who says that? The guy on the construction site. Any caller Pocahontas at the State of the Union. This is what this is how working class people talk. This is what this is like what we do. This is how we communicate with one another. So when we see it happen, we're like, oh, wow, I relate to that human being again. Emotional people. We're not Ben Shapiro feelings. No facts. That's not what we are. We are I. Oh, what is it? Feelings of facts. Ben says facts don't care about your feelings. Yeah. Yeah. We're not the facts don't care about your feelings. We are feelings are the only thing that matter. And when you communicate with me in a way that all my friends communicate, I start to feel like I can kind of relate to you. And it doesn't matter how much you try to make that person radioactive because he's communicating and hitting me right at my core. That's so true. That's why his background and construction really made him, despite his advantages in his family and when it came to money, so relatable because he spent his whole life around working class people. Exactly. And it's like and I say these things because I think America is at its best if we have two candidates that people really are having a difficult time deciding over. I don't want to say, right? Like I don't want a system. Like a lot of times there's this like good versus evil dichotomy and it's like they almost want the Democrats to be bad and the Democrats want the Republicans to be bad. Like I want America to win. Yeah. That's the only thing I'm concerned. Whoever candidate loves America more, that's what I'm going for. Yeah. Well, that was I think pretty clear between the Democrats of today and the Republican Party. The best moment of Trump that I've seen on this score is the one where he sat for that deposition up on behalf of the in the E. Jean Carroll case against him. And the lawyer asked him, did you say that that you can grab him by the P word? And they let you get away with it. You're a celebrity and Trump said, yes. And why did you say that? Well, because that's the way it's been for thousands of years. You know, unfortunately or fortunately. We say that in a deposition, I did a joke where you're being accused of sexual assault. I did a joke about that. And I was like, he said, yeah, he said, if you a billionaire can grab you by the P word. And there's a lot of women there like, oh, my God, you can't say that. And I was like, yeah, but none of you have met a billionaire. Like, why are you talking about this? Like, I was like, you're getting fingered by thousands. Oh, my God. This is not a relatable circumstance for you. So yeah, it's all right. Stand by. Let me try to get this ad in. We'll be right back. He's here all day. Netflix specials called life. clergy clergy clergy clergy Gigaclear goes further than any other major provider to bring you fast, reliable, whole-home coverage with free expert Wi-Fi installation. We come in, we set up, we do it all for you, so you don't have to. It's not rocket science, it's installation science. Switch to Gigaclear from only £16 a month. Faster broadband for rural Britain. 18-month contract. Prices may vary. Verify at gigaclear.com. The all-new, all-electric Toyota CHR Plus. Sleek, stylish and quietly reliable. Available with 0% APR representative with £1,500 deposit contribution and save £1,500 with the Electric Car Grant. Get that Toyota Electric feeling. Visit your nearest Toyota centre. Jemka, Edgeware Road. Prices from 34495 are available on Toyota PCP and financed through Toyota Financial Services by 30 June 2026. Optional final payment and damages may be required. See website, season, season, see supply. I walked in that hospital with so much confidence. They handed me a cup. I'm handing them back a martini. I'm ready. Remember, I went in the room. I jerked off. I opened my eyes. I looked down. I thought I missed. There was so little sperm in this cup, I could have counted them individually. There was a red line on the cup, three-quarters of the way up. For what fucking reason? I do not know to this day. Three-quarters of the way up. What's so animal hippopotamus cups? Are you giving out to people? Why are you even giving me a cup? Give me a contact lens case. I'll turn that shit into a Guinness. That was so funny. It's part of... Hello. Again, this is Andrew Schultz with me today. This is the latest Netflix special. It's out now. It's called Life. It's so well worth your time. Maybe don't watch it with your eight-year-old, but teenagers absolutely love it. I watch the whole time where I'm like, oh my God, I'm dying. I'm crying. I hope nobody knows what I'm watching. I hope they can't hear what I'm laughing at. There's some adult content in there for sure, but it's all in... This is a personal story. This whole thing is about your journey with Emma and trying to conceive a baby. No detail is spared. So it's very personal. It's unusually personal for you. Did you run it by her first? The thing was, at first, this is the most male thing, but I assumed that the reason why we couldn't is because it was her fault. I talk about it in the special where I'm like, she was really concerned it was her fault and I was really concerned it was her fault. We were all really concerned. Obviously, her fault. Yeah, because men, we have this confidence in our sperm that there's no real reason why, but we just know. Every time I've ever had sex with a girl, I was like, oh my God, this is going to be great. What should we do? Calling the next month. I know she's pregnant, guarantee. Which I now know is a waste. Once we found out that her ovaries were perfect and my sperm was horrible, it actually made it a lot easier for me to talk about. Really? Yeah, because I think the reason why anybody who has fertility issues, one, it's very isolating because you're so protected with the person that you love that you don't... A lot of women feel a lot of shame around this. Yeah, that's true. And at first, I felt like real shame. I was like, does God not want me to have a child? I didn't understand it. I think I'm a pretty good person and I'm kind to people and I'm like, why is this happening? What the fuck is going on? And yeah, so I get that and a lot of women, if they are struggling, they're just like, they feel like it's... I don't feel very stigmatized, right? But once she was perfect and I was fucked up, I could get on stage and I was really cathartic to talk about it. And then once I started talking about it, I literally thought that I was like, this was like a one in like 10 million thing. Oh wow. The same thing I started talking about, all my friends start telling me that they're doing IVF. Oh wow. And like, all these people in the audience would hit me up afterwards and be like, oh yeah, you know, same thing happened. And I was like, what the fuck? Is this like the last taboo subject? Yeah, how did anybody ever get pregnant before IVF? Because everybody's doing it. Dude. It is like, it's unbelievable. It's almost like... I was like, does anybody really get abortion? I'm like, it's so hard to get pregnant. Why is this an issue? How often do these athletes have unprotected sex if they have 20 kids? Like, I couldn't believe it. It was unfathomable. But then it became like, as brutal as it was, there was these kind of funny moments, that being one of them, just that humility. Going into the room with the lady. We just talked to the audience, you know, Doug came in to say hi to Andrew in the commercial break. And we were bonding over our shared experiences. He and I did IVF with our kids too. Doug joked that after he had donated the sample, first he said he was going to wear like a red crushed velvet smoking jacket on his way in and on the other way out. He was just going to be like, that was fantastic. I was amazing. Yeah, I was always thinking about like, do I make noises in there? Like, how uncomfortable do I make it for the other guys at the clinic? Like just screaming random things? Yes. That's on the street. I'm just like crazy. But yeah, it's like, I was crazy. It was like a walk of shame when you're walking by all the other guys there. Everybody's there. Oh God, I know what you're about to do. It's so humbling. Yes. You're just sitting in this room, like all of you are in there. You're like, So why did they make you go in to give the sperm sample? I did it from home once. Okay. The whole, I don't even, I haven't even put like a lot of the stuff in it, but like the whole journey was brutal. So the first one I did from home, which was like, I'm in the room, my wife like hands me the thing, like it's like homework. And she's like, okay, I'll give you 30 minutes. You go do your thing. I'm going to go outside or I'm going to do the dishes. So like, I hear her doing the dishes in the background where I'm like being mandated to masturbate. And I'm like on our bed, like I don't think I've ever masturbated on a bed. Like I'm just on our bed and the bed is made perfectly. Like everything is like set up. And I remember at one point like, I'm just like, I don't know. This is like so weird. And I like looked up and the TV was off. It was just a black screen. So it's a perfect mirror. Oh no. And I was just like, this is the saddest day of my life. I'm sitting Indian style on my bed. Oh no. Trying to make a sample of going to the cup. We send that sample in, it comes back and it's like, it's not good. And they're like, not only are they not swimming, they're like shaped weird. And I was like, I was like a little defensive. So I was like, well, could that be from like the speed that they hit the cup? Like maybe, you know, it's the blunt force trauma kind of warped them a little. The flow is just too strong. It was too strong. That's what it is. And they're like, no, that's definitely not it. And I was like, okay. And they go, they go, well, why don't you do this for like a couple months, wear baggy underwear, ice your balls every single day. Oh, ice them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's a big thing. Don't drink anymore. Don't smoke anymore. Don't make these pills. And then we'll try it again in like a month or two. And I did that and we tried it again and it got worse. No. And I was like, why do you think that is? And the doctor was like, we've never seen this before. There's some pride in that. It's gotta be a little bit. I'm setting records. I'm setting records. I told the story one time when Dave Rubin was on, but Doug had the, the funniest experience there where they make you ejaculate like 24 hours before the real sample that's going to be like your future kid. Yeah. They want you to clean the house. Yes. It's like, I can't remember if it was 24 or 48 hours. I think it's 48 hours before. Yeah. Okay. So, but they want it to be 48. Yes. And they don't really want it to be 46 or 44. Because you need the amount of time to build up the new batch. Yes. So like timing does matter. And it just so happened that on one of ours, we were visiting my, my Nana, who was literally like 90 at the time. And we were playing dominoes. And I was like, oh, Doug, it's time. He was like, what? I'm like, you got to go in there right now. My poor husband. And he was like, one of these older person's homes. Well, like there's five inches between the bottom of the door and the, and the ground. He can hear every piece of conversation. Dominoes like you're palming the double five, you know, and Doug said, so is he. Poor of a four. Doug, this is the thing about this is like, it's a, it's the story. The journey is brutal when you're in it is the hardest thing that you'll go through in your life. Sorry. Definitely hardest thing we went through. And, um, but after the fact, it is hysterical. Yes. Like there's, I can't believe what you've been through. Yeah. And like there are so many of these things that are so funny. And the beautiful thing about having a child is you get this like amnesia. Yeah. For what you went through to get there. I think that's actually kind of like built into our DNA. So we keep making them. I totally agree. You know, same women have been saying that for eons because of the pain of labor. And it's so, you know, devastating. And then you forget all about it. I never had labor because I had three C sections. But yeah, my friends tell me it's extremely painful. Oh, I was in there for 24 hours and then she had the C section because the, the baby's heart rate dropped. Oh God, that's scary. Yeah. The whole thing is, is terrible. When you were doing the shots before to prepare for the IVF like, did you have any fun mood swings or anything? I think it was a little bit of a shock. I mean, did you have any fun mood swings or anything? Oh yeah. I was actually fine. No way. I did not have weird mood swings, but it was very funny because Doug does not like, he, his mom got this terrible cut in her leg and it was so brutal. And Doug was right there. He bandaged it up. He put the medicine on. I was like, I can't take that kind of injury. But you pull out a needle and Doug is one of those like, Oh, so he couldn't do the shots for you. But he had to in the beginning, as it turned out, he didn't have to, but we thought he did. Yeah. And cause in the beginning, they really make it up into a thing. Like you got to mix the compound and it's like kind of back in a hard spot to reach. You got to ice the area. Oh my God. Like our future family depends on this. Yeah. And Doug was in a hot, like a cold sweat and the superintendent of our building at the time, his name was Lance. And they were like, it's very important that your wife have a partner that helps her and Doug is like, this is going to be very hard for Lance. Yeah. But he did it. He did it. He did it. He got it through. But honestly, by the third child, you know, he Doug was no part of it. I was like, I need no ice. I'm good. Boom. We're done. Yeah. After the race. It is crazy that they make you mix it at home. So anybody who's not familiar, they give you these two, I guess hormonal compounds and you have to put them together in the syringe. It's just the right proportions. I'm like, why isn't this done at the lab? And then we just hit it. Like you don't have to make the Kit Kat, right? Like make the bar and then send it to me. And I remember like watching my wife do these things, making sure it's the right amount. You've got to push a little out so no air gets in there. Right. Right. So you don't give yourself an air bubble, like life or death. Literally. And she's like, did I push too much out? Well, I not get it. Is this, but there, yeah, there is fun. I mean, Emma would get like, it would really get her going. Did she get angry or just overly emotional? Oh, angry. Like, but we didn't know that that was the cause. So like, I remember we got into it at a Japanese restaurant. I don't realize how quiet those restaurants are until you're having like a loud blow up with like, and you know, the only thing interrupting the blow up because everybody is already quite a Japanese restaurant. And then once you have like a verbal altercation, they're really quiet. Oh, I love when somebody has a fight and I'm nearby. Oh my God. Doug and I like, he'll start talking about be quiet. This is too important to me. Yeah, I got to lock in. Everybody was locked in there, just slurping Udon and watching us. And the only thing that would interrupt it is like when a new person would walk in and you know, the whole restaurant has to go, Hasimase! Emma would feel like they were interrupting our argument. So, so, so we're fighting Hasimase. Emma goes, are you kidding me? And then back to yelling at me. That's amazing. Well, we're you. So you weren't that guy who was like, she's going through a lot. These are just her emotions. I'm just going to let everything slide. I'm not going to get mad about anything. We didn't know that it was the case. So we didn't know until literally that night. I go, hey, did we do the shot? We did the shot today, right? And she goes, oh, shit, we're walking down. We were on Kenmare Street. That's when you put it together that she's hormonal. And then she was also like, oh, fuck, I guess I'm like really reactive to this. And then from then on, we stopped going to Japanese restaurants. And then how about after she had the baby? Did she have like, because you're sleep deprived, you're very hormonal. It's the most insane thing. If you're, did you breastfeed? Yeah. That is the, I think that this is, I think that is the most difficult part of child rearing is the, if you are breastfeeding full time, like meaning every two hours, that is insane. Yeah, it's a lot. That is insane. Every two hours. So you're waking up. I don't think a lot of people know this. You're waking up every two hours in the night. You don't get more than an hour of sleep at a time. It's truly like an astronaut training situation. Yeah. No, it's brutal, but then it lets up a little. When it lets up, it's this beautiful bonding experience that you have with your child. And like, it's something even now, like Emma's still breastfeeding. And it's just this thing that she's like, she doesn't even want to let go of it. Yeah. Well, then you get to like the six month mark where the baby can start having like smaller, like a solid food. Yeah. And they're still having breast milk. And you're at the point now where like you're producing the more milk than ever. And yet the baby's somewhat getting a little independent. Yep. And the weight comes shredding off. That's the best moment where you're like, I'm making tons of milk. All these calories are coming off for free. Oh, because your body is burning calories. But your baby doesn't need as much milk as from you. Right. As he needed it five months because now he's starting to eat food. Right, right, right. But your body doesn't know that. So it's still burning like 800 calories a day. You're like, oh my God, I've out of a waist again. Yeah, yeah. There's a normal ass. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, sweet baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always say they're selling breastfeeding to moms all wrong. That you would care about the hell of our babies, but we know that babies who are formula fed are fine too. You have to sell it to them like ozempic. You'll be skinny. Yes. It is natural ozempic. It's natural ozempic. It's good for you. Let that baby suck the fat out of you. They put it on you. It's the least they can do. That is their gift. Yes. Wow, that is so true. Yeah, Emma really got her shit back. Yeah. Well, your baby's only like one now, right? One year, yeah, 13 months. Yeah. So now is it kicking in now? Like that's usually when you're like, what about number two? She's like, let's go. Gonna fire up the machines again. Literally. She was like, do you want to do it this month? And I was like, can I just get the special now? Can I get, let's get the special out. Let's do like a weekend somewhere. This has been like three years in the making. Yes. Between like making a baby and also, you know, making the special and like, let's just take a little vacation. And you've probably been told this, but you know, like the difference between one and two is large. Wait, tell me what do you mean? Like your relationship with them? No, yeah. No, when you just have one baby, like in the beginning you're overwhelmed as you know, but like by year one, you kind of get it down. Oh yeah. And things are, you know, you can still have a life. Yeah. You can still take a nap. Yeah. You and Emma can still steal away for like an hour in the middle of the day. Yeah. While your one baby is asleep or somebody else would easily watch your one baby. Yeah. But when you have two babies, like under the age of three, you're effed. There's no napping ever. There's no downtime. This is where you really start thinking about having live in help. Like who can come live with us? What about three? So I can sleep again. I don't even remember three. It's like all a blur. But I felt the difference from one to two was much larger than from two to three. Like you've given up your free time when you have two. Got it. Got it. And like a third, even a fourth, I think would have, I would have had a fourth if I had been younger when Doug and I had met, but one to two is big. Okay. So my buddy said, he goes, he, he, he agreed on one to two. He goes, but two to three, cause he just had his third. He goes, he goes, man, two to three. He goes, I don't know. I go, what do you mean? I know he goes, you're outnumbered, bro. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. They have you like you're with one. This one's fucking around doing something. You just constantly need help. Yeah. It is a, especially when they're, but yeah, we want to have another one. We would. Yeah. I remember early on in our, um, a 10 year of having two, um, Doug went to see his mom one day is, uh, went to visit his family, but it was just a day trip. Yeah. And it was the first time I'd been alone for like 12 hours with both of them, uh, without Doug being there. I'm like, I'm good. I'm fine. Like I had a newborn and a two year old and like, honey, I'm, trust me, I'm, I'm the mother. I've got this. And, um, so I was pushing. It was late in the day. Things hadn't gone that smoothly. I'm not going to lie. And I took them out for a walk and I was pushing the baby in her stroller and my two year old was like walking next to me or he was on like that little ride on thing that you can put on your stroller, like on his feet. And, uh, he had this thing where he loved to take off. Okay. So we're, I'm pushing the baby up a hill and he's on the little ride on things standing there. And Doug turns the corner in his car coming home just at that moment. Right. So he sees the whole thing. So at this moment, Yates, our oldest did not see Doug. He was just doing his thing. He takes off running and there, there's a massive street straight ahead to, to which he's running. And I can't just let go of the baby stroller because I'm on an incline. Like if I let go of the baby stroller, she's going to go, but he's running toward traffic the other way. So all this is happening and there's Doug and he kind of does the gentle beep and waves. And I was like, oh, oh, hi. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. And then finally I'm like, lock the stroller. Try to rescue the toddler. I'm like, I've got it under control. No, he knew it wasn't true. Yeah, you just got to see the whole thing is so humbling. Isn't it? Yeah. And as you add more and as they get older into the toddler years, even more so, it is amazingly humbling. That's the best way to describe it. All of it. Right. You don't know anything. You know nothing. It's crazy to even give you the baby. I remember when they first gave us the baby to leave the hospital, I was like, how is this legal? Isn't there someone more qualified? We are, we are not professionals at all. Like they just give you like, here's how you wrap it. All right, have a good, good luck at home. Right. I mean, it's just. So do you do, are you an involved dad? Do you change diapers? Oh, yeah. I feel like you can't, you can't really have an opinion on how it's raised if you're not doing some of the things. Like obviously I'm at work, you know? Yep. So like Emma, this was actually really hard for her. I wonder if you felt this way at all, but like, you know, my wife is. Oh, there you are. She's my little shy. She's so cute. Yeah. So Emma's like, she's, you know, very like successful in her own right. Like she got her MBA and then she was working in managing AI projects for Apple. And then she was like, I don't really want to do this. I want to be a mom. And I feel a little guilty even saying that, but that is the true thing that I want to do with my life. Like it's always been my dream to be a mom. And I was like, listen, if you want to do it, don't do it because I said it because then you'll resent me if you realize that you wish you never should have quit your job. Yeah. So I said, I'm going to do it and go for it. And it was like interesting watching her like grapple with that. And that's something that I hope changes in the very near future. I think it's starting to. Yeah. Like I think that we should reward mothers that stay at home in the same way that we reward mothers that go work. And value and talk about. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Republicans are way ahead on that. Democrats, I don't think they're there. Yeah. Maybe not. But like when you go to certain countries that like value, I think it's also like a big city thing where there's not a lot of like family built into it. I grew up in New York City and it was very rare that there were like families there. And so they're just the idea of it. Like a kid crying on the subway can be like bothersome to some people. And whereas like once you have kids and you see a kid crying, you're like, oh, it's adorable or you're like so bad for the parents. But I hope that as the pendulum continues to swing with feminism or masculinity or whatever, these things are. I hope that there is this place for moms that stay home and it is a privilege, but that they don't feel this kind of scrutiny. I think it's like a really totally beautiful thing if you can afford it to do. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And also for guys who are sensitive and empathic, but not man bun, sand, mandal, and merse toting. This is a thing that I don't get about like the masculinity movement right now. It's like a lot of these guys like at the forefront of it, like don't even, aren't even dads. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, okay, you got like you could deadlift like. Or some are just like, you know, or deadbeat dads. I was going to say they're producing children, but they're not even looking after. Yeah. It's like, why are you? Why do you get to decide what masculinity is? Like I think that's like the least masculine thing you can do. That's like a coward. That's right. I was talking to Rogan about this. He says, listen, there's a lot of bitches out there and even bitches need a leader of the bitches. And I think sometimes we're mistaking them for like being masculine guys. It's like having muscles doesn't make you masculine. Like to me being involved in your kid's life is masculine. What I mean, what tough guy ever tells you how tough he is. They don't, they don't talk about that. Exactly. Like the greatest of all time, like Michael Jordan never said he was the greatest. He didn't need to. We knew. Right. So like when I see like involved parents, like one of the most beautiful things about this whole process, even talking about these things is like seeing how much people love their children and like feeling really comfortable sharing that and they'll share these stories about when they first had their kid and like seeing dads. I mean, this guy who was driving me and when I was in Austin recently, he was telling me about how he does this, like daddy daughter dates. He has these two daughters and they each get a different day. And like that's the shit I would like to see promoted a little bit more in the masculinity movement in America. Like don't tell me like how much time that you could like jog. Yeah. You know, I don't care how many miles you could run. How much money you have in the bank. Yeah. Like I don't give a fuck. They don't give. I'll tell you one thing. I don't care. Well, you do a very funny bit in life about how you have so much pressure being a dad to a daughter because one wrong move and she's on only fans. You know, and it's your fault. You missed a volleyball game. Yeah. And it's daddy. Like there's no such thing as issues. Oh, we have that. Okay. Let's watch that. That's so funny. It's hot. I have a screenshot of the moment I found out that I was going to have a daughter. If you want to see stress, if you want to see pressure, put that shit up. That's a real picture. No matter what happens to your daughter is dad's fault. I miss one volleyball game. She starts an only fans. It's not wrong. Daddy issues is a thing. What's mommy issues? No, it's not really. I mean, it can happen, but what is it? It's not as much of a phrase. We don't even know what it is. Like there's no like if a kid shoots up a school, we don't go. No, it's more like he can't leave his mom. That's what I attribute to me. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. I'm banking on it. You did a good job being a mom. Yeah. Wow. Your son loves you and has a deep connection to the most important human being. And like that's a positive effect. Now you're terrified of making the wrong move. Yeah. Like I don't know. I don't want like I want my kids to be incredibly comfortable with their family. Not like waiting to jump at the first person who's going to take him away. You wouldn't find it empowering for your daughter to consider becoming a quote sex worker. Oh my God. This was praised. Can we just call them whores? Like I hate the fact that we're like making up these terms that make it seem more dignified. Right. It's whore. Right. That's it. What about that girl on OnlyFans? I don't know her name, but she's the one who had sex with like a hundred people in a day and then like and she's now going on a tour of nursing homes. That's cool. I like that. I wonder how you're going to react to that. I like it. I had a crazy thing. We do. Oh, he actually, my team is way ahead of me. Here she is and sought 24. Her name is Lily Phillips. I found my oldest fan via Facebook and when I asked for his address, he actually sent me the address of a car home. So I'm actually here with him and his friends and I'm going to show them a good time. So these, they actually figured it out. This is heroic. I liked this. No judgment. No, no, no, no, no, no. They figured it out. Those are sex workers. That's work. That is. No, no, no, no. This is. I didn't know that they were doing this. When they were doing those like, you know, hundred girls or a hundred dudes or a thousand dudes or whatever. I'm like, this is disgusting. It is disgusting. But but having sex with old guys in old people homes. That is like that is altruism. That is when we're talking about charity. Yeah. When she's ready. That is charity. That is beautiful. That is fucking beautiful. I feel so uncomfortable with it. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Yes, very. But for not for them, those guys there. Oh, oh, they're so excited. What do you think? Like, you know, could they could die? Happy. Oh, they'll die happy. They'll also just forget it. And then the next day, that's the sad part is they won't even remember it happened. Yeah. That's that's actually one of my favorite jokes. I heard a long time ago, which was like a 95 year old guy marries a 25 year old gal and goes to the doctor right before the wedding. And he says, is there anything I need to know, Doc? And the doc says, yeah, you know, you should know that sex at this point could be dangerous, even lethal. And he said, if she dies, she dies. That's great. There's my dad is dementia and which is obviously very sad. He's my hero and, you know, he's he introduces me in the special. And but like during this time where I'm an hour trying to get pregnant, I would go over every week to see him and he'd be like, how are things going? And I'm like, it's, you know, rough trying to get him trying to get pregnant. It's just not really going that well. And he would go, well, if you need some help, you know, I can help you. And he would forget that he would say the joke. And every week I would go over and he would offer to have sex with my wife and put a baby in her. So this goes on for like six months. Now, what I will say is that might be like the negative side of dementia. But one of the cool positives is and, you know, life is about perspective, right? You can have good perspective on even the worst things. Like he gets to find out he is a granddaughter every single time I see him. Is that right? Yeah. Now, sometimes he'll kind of remember. Sometimes it might not be there, but like that must be a pretty cool feeling. You remember you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's his it's it's hard building new long term memories. OK. Like the way the memories it works is there's like short term and long term. And you can create new long term memories just by continuous efforts. So like repeating the same thing over and over again. With the table manners. Exactly. Reinforcement. Reinforcement. Constant. But but short term, he doesn't really. How old is he? He's 81. So how long has he been dealing with this? Honestly, it started, I think when I got out of college, like even 20 years ago, I started noticing these things like very small, but it was like something's kind of up. And then. So does that. Does that make you worry for yourself? Do you ever think about it? Any time I forget anything, I'm like, I got it. Yeah. But I don't know if it exactly works like that. Right, I know. I have such a fear of this. And my my mom doesn't have Alzheimer's and my dad died too young for me to know, you know, me died at 45 of a heart attack. But I worry about it so much because it's like it can happen to anybody. Yeah. And it can even if you're using your brain as you do for a living, as I do for a living. Sure. You're not immune. It's got Sandra Day O'Connor, who's like, I mean, you're not, there's nothing more intellectually straining than being on the US Supreme Court. Yeah. So it's just so indiscriminate and it's terrifying to me. Some say diet. Yeah, diet. I can really impact. And sleep. Every time I have a sleepless night, I'm like, ah, it's over. Getting my early alleys is coming on. Yeah. Because you do, you don't remember. When you have a bad night's sleep, you don't remember that as well the next day. I will say it does kind of expose like your true character in a lot of times. And one of the cool, rewarding things about it is just like seeing what like a good human my dad is. I've always thought he's like this angel, but like a truly just good, kind human. Like he was my mom had to take his like debit card because he would like give the people who sell the fruit in the neighborhood just money and forget he did it and then go back and keep it. He was popular. Yeah. He's fucking assholes kept letting them give him. Oh, no, that's low. Yeah, that is low. Yeah. So I made the call to Trump and I was like, we got some of it. I got a couple. Speaking of having murder people. Exactly. Oh, that's I mean, that's good. You take care of him. You have a good perspective on it. I always feel like if God forbid this happens to me, I said this to Doug, you know, please make sure I'm sitting in a room with all my favorite movies just on loop. Yep. And in my favorite audiobooks, just playing on loop like I can just keep enjoying these series over and over and over. Yeah. I'm not sure that's exactly the way it works, but that's how I'd like to believe it's going to work. It will. But I don't think that I don't know who knows what will happen. I hope it won't happen. But don't stress about it now. I know you shouldn't have plenty of time to stress about it later. Well, the other thing is, you know, there is this is one of the things that are KJ has been talking about. You know, there's been such bullshit going on in the public health world for so long. And we talked about this about this on our show four or three years ago where this massive thing came out with this guy committed fraud in saying they'd made this major breakthrough in Alzheimer's and that they do really zeroed in on the amyloid plaque. Yeah. Yeah. And then it turned out he had been faking all the photos to show this. And they'd been repeated. And he was like the gold standard researcher in all this. And now it's like it was Alzheimer's research was set back by 15 20 years. It's one of the other reasons why it just feels so good. We have people in there now who will not treat any of this prior bullshit as, you know, godly and untouchable. You know, Jay Bhattacharya, who just took over at NIH, he's being confirmed right now as his hearings are underway. They were like, so you're not going to go back and look at whether childhood vaccines are linked to autism, right? Those are well settled studies that it's there's no link whatsoever. And to his credit, he was like, look, I understand there's been a lot of research on this, but I'm not he basically said, I'm not going to say never. Like, I think there's nothing wrong with going back and looking and then revealing the science to everybody. I think I think that the most important thing that anybody that is representing a government institution can do right now is be transparent about their failures and their successes. So if going back and looking at the research and then presenting studies shows that there is no link, that's awesome. Yeah. Now I trust it coming from you. Yeah, I'm feeling concerned. Like I joke around all the time, like I believe whatever the last YouTube video I watched this, that is what I believe a hundred percent. I'm easily convinced, like I'm locked in. So if if you're if you're RFK, if you're this guy, it's like, just be transparent. Tell us where the fuckups were. Yeah. Don't gaslight us because we've been gaslight so gaslight so much that I feel like that it's completely dissolved our confidence and confidence in these institutions. And in order to have like a proud American public, we need something to be proud of. We can be proud. We fuck up too. You can fuck up and we will forgive you. Give us that opportunity. Yeah. But I cannot forgive you if you continue to lie to me. That's right. If you are not accountable for anything at all, like, and I think that's why I found you, he'll never be forgiven. That's why he probably took the he took the what's it called the science, the pardon. Yeah. It's like, why do you even need to take the pardon? Yeah. I mean, I will say Elon's out there like we did screw up. We canceled funding for Ebola. Nobody likes Ebola. But you know that we're resuming that more that I love that. Like to me, instead of looking at that and hopefully the opposition or hopefully Democrats don't use them to see he's an asshole, you should use that as an example of how you should conduct yourself in public. Hey, we messed up. We're bringing it back. We're bringing those people back. It doesn't sound like Trump to me. Trump refuses to ever do it. He is right. The first one on which he explained the weave. Yeah, it was right. Yeah. That was an amazing sound bite. Oh, dude, he was the I think the best moment of that whole thing to me was when he goes, uh, I'm basically an honest person. And I'll never forget that. I think about that once today because it's actually the most honest thing you can say. Yeah. If you, everybody looked at that like, see, he's admitting he's a liar. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. A liar would say, I'm an honest person. I never lie. Yeah. I mean, well, I don't know if this is true, but they say like the average person lies something like 15 times a day. It's something ridiculous. But no, that was a great interview that you did with him. And we actually have a clip of it, right? Let's, let's, let's play it and we'll take a break. And I do a thing called the weave. I don't ramble. If I start a story, what you do is you weave things and you do it. You need an extraordinary memory because you have to come back to where you started. Yes. You always, the weave is only good if you come back for that. Sure. If you could go all the way over here and then get back. I can go so far here or there. And I can come back to exactly where I started. Now, someday when you don't come back to where you started, you're buying it. He, he wasn't wrong. Like it was, and he does do the weave and he does manage to land it back. I mean, he just, the way he's, like the way he constructs sentences is different than normal people. It's like whatever idea pops in, he grabs onto it and he continues. And I mean, you've been talking in front of a camera to millions of people for decades. You probably know by now, like the people that you listen to are the ones you cannot predict the next word they're going to say. For better or for worse. Right, right. You can't predict how he's going to finish the sentence. Oh God, no. It could start on Ukraine and then he's like, I had the best falafel. You know, the thing about falafel is there's a place in New York, Mammons, we bought that building. It was a great building. Like it's just, and I'm, I'm locked in. Yeah, you're, you're riveted. The train is going. Yeah, but he will get back to Ukraine at the end. He'll get back to Ukraine. To his credit, cause that's, that's the place where most of us fall apart. You know, you lost your train of thought, you're off meandering down a tributary and never get back on the main river. Trump always does. All right, stand by. We're going to, we're going to take a little tributary now. We'll be back on the main river with Andrew Schultz, whose new special life is on Netflix right now. Go download it. Do yourself a favor. And we'll be right back with Andrew. The all new, all electric Toyota CHR plus. Sleek, stylish and quietly reliable. Available with 0% APR representative with 1500 pound deposit contribution and say 1500 pounds with the electric car grant. Get that Toyota electric feeling. Visit your nearest Toyota center, Jemka, Edgeware Road. Price from 34495 available on Toyota PCP. When financed through Toyota financial services by 30th of June, 2026, optional final payment and damages may be required. See website, season C supply. Nothing beats a jet to holiday. Right now we've got some great deals available. Plus you'll get the best choice of our free child place holidays. But now with just a 60 pounds deposit per person, get 22 kilograms of baggage included and go direct from London Gatwick. Jet two holidays, package holidays you can trust. After national protected, subject to availability and conditions. Your wife first gets pregnant. You have to go get a baby specific doctor called the OBGYN, right, which I didn't know what the fuck that was. I thought it was more gay letters. I was like. My wife's like, we need OBGYN. I was like, why do we need a fucking gay guy to deliver the baby? What do they know about this? It's not their jurisdiction at all. Some gay doctor to open my wife's legs like, you yucky. Carousel. That's amazing. I have to say there are a lot of women who do it, but I have never had a male OBGYN. And I never want one. My wife's dad is an OBGYN. Oh, OK. And I'm like, who's going to that? I don't know. Some women are totally fine with it. Yeah. He's not looking at you as like not at all individual. No, but I also as like a man, I don't know why you want to see it. Because like, aren't you kind of seeing women like when it's at its roughest? I don't see it that way. Like, I think they're able to distinguish between the moment they're with that personally versus professionally. Yes, of course, of course. I'm just saying, like, if you're going to the OBGYN, isn't it like something's burning down here? Right? Like, don't you see it with its bumpy or burning? And now you're just seeing like vaginas that are messed up. You know, you got to go for your annual exam. There's checkups. Yeah, they do the full, the full checkup. Pap smear, right? That, yeah. And, you know, they can get on it up in there. Really? No, yeah. What is a pap smear? It's very unpleasant. They put like this like clamp thing in you. And then they take like this long Q-tip and they rub the cervix and then put those like cells on a Petri dish and send it, send it out to go see if you have like early cancer. Oh, so it's to see if you have cancer? I mean, among other things, I'm sure. But yeah, that's I think it's for, yeah. Yeah. And you guys have to do that every year. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's most of us go once a year. Wow. Now you can potentially go once every three years, depending on like your health and whether you've had this HPV vaccine. That's very controversial. We did a whole show on it. But in any event, yeah, it's not pleasant. It's not pleasant even when you have a female doctor. Yeah. And they check everywhere. I've never seen a talk doctor in my entire life. What? I don't think we go to that. Well, no, it doesn't your normal doctor though, handle you and make you cough and check for prostate issues. But how funny is that? Like, just like the vagina has its own doctor and then I could just go to like a nurt like anybody with it, but like the stethoscope and get my balls checked. Well, you're a lucky man because I'm sure if you had a problem down there, they would send you to a urologist and then he'd grab you like a ketchup bottle and you'd be uncomfortable. But yeah, I guess my problem is I guess internal. But yeah, that's a, yeah, wow. I know the whole thing with the doctors is like very intimate. They get right up in your space and like there's no way around it as a woman. You know, you have to let them check your lady parts and then you get to the age where I am and you got to go for the mammograms and they grab your breast and they squeeze it down like a pancake. It hurts. Yeah. And they're like, they're squeezing it and then the woman's running out of the room to X-ray you and you're like, why am I stuck in here with all the X radiation? Yeah. And they're telling you have to do it once a year. I don't know if I believe in it anymore. I mean, you do. Don't listen to me. I don't go to your for your mammograms. I'm just saying like now I've, I had to start going, I think at 40 or 45 and do it for 10 years. Do you have your, do you have a breast cancer in your family? I mean, my nana had it when she was 81, which I don't think technically counts, but, but it doesn't matter because most of breast cancers come in families where you didn't have a family history anyway. Really? Yeah. So you have to worry about it no matter what. It's just one of those things. You hate, you hate the annual physical for this reason. Yeah. Right. You just start, gotta start thinking about all the things you don't want to think about. Yeah. It just makes you face your morbid mortality. Your mortality. Yeah. But you're still young. So I don't, do you get an annual physical? I don't even know. I like, eventually my wife just, yeah, she'll just say things to me like, it's been two years since you've been to the dentist. And I was like, all right, I'll go to the dentist. Like I don't keep it up with any of these things. It's bad. Good dental health is very important. Yeah. Yeah. They say that. And the longer you wait on that one, the worse it is. And you have your teeth, right? These are your real teeth. It's so refreshing to see real teeth. Thank you. Don't you think? The veneers are blinding. It's too much. Yeah. The veneers, like you kind of almost like, you need to go down a shade. Yeah. Or like, sting them slightly. Do something. Yeah. I'm not good at detecting them. I actually just found out that most people are wearing veneers who have that, like those thousand watt smiles. Yeah. I didn't totally know that. Yeah. Now it's become so popular that I think it's actually going to have the reverse effect. Like it's going to be like the Kim Kardashian butt where people start rebelling. And I think we're going to want to see natural teeth. Oh, OK. Here is a transition for you. Oh, good. Tell me. Speaking of the Kim Kardashian butt. Yes. Her ex, Anye West, has a different wife now. Bianca. They may or may not be getting a divorce. There have been rumors and reports that they are, but unconfirmed. But before Kim, I think, and before Bianca, there was Amber Rose. Yes, Amber. Who wound up speaking at Trump's RNC. Yeah. Yeah. And she gave an interview on Club Shea Shea with Shea and Sharp. Yeah. She spoke to why Kanye likes, apparently having his wives, be naked in public, like a lot. What did she say? Take a look. Anye is for sure dressing hard like that. Yeah. He did the same thing to me. And Kim, this is who he is. What is it about that that he wants the world to know? Look at my woman. We can see. He wants other men to want his woman. That's what he's into. He likes that. He likes that men are like drooling over his woman. That's what he's into. Yeah. He wants all his friends, the one with his girlfriend. He wants everybody that when you walk in a room, that his girlfriend or wife is the most desirable in the room. She the baddest being in the room. That's what he likes. Yeah. And she said he did it to me. He did it to Kim and he's doing it to Bianca. What do you make of that? That seems so odd to me to want everybody to admire your woman so much, you want her to go out naked in public. Yeah. It makes me question like if he really likes her, or if she's just a tool for his own validation. Right. To get attention. Yeah. He's Kanye's a, I'm just like exhausted by it to be honest. Like he's so exhausting, but he's so good at getting attention. Yeah. Like I'll just be so annoyed by him and then he'll like tweet a couple things and I'll be like, holy shit. Did you see how the porn he tweeted? No. Super Bowl weekend? Oh my god. So all my friends were texting me like don't go on Kanye's X-speed, which of course you go immediately. Of course. Like what's he doing? Yeah. And I could not believe my eyes. Why he's actually posing porn porn. I don't think it was him. It was a black man and a white woman in the videos without the faces in most of them. So I'm not sure. Yeah. But it was very graphic triple X porn. Yeah. All over his X-speed. Yeah. And I was like, oh my god. Right. So then I logged off of that and it wasn't until a couple hours later that I remembered to mention it to Doug. I'm like, oh my god. So he went back, it was still up. Yeah. Like it hadn't been taken down. That's not surprised me because like there's a moment like the Super Bowl where he knows that everybody's attention is going to be on somebody else. So he's like, I'm going to make this about me. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I think it's a constant like thirst and need for attention. I don't even know if he's aware of that. Do you think the Hitler comments are coming from the same place? Yeah. It's the same thing as MAGA. Like when MAGA was that radioactive, he was like, I'm going to wear the MAGA hat. That's interesting. He takes the most disliked, radioactive, fucked up thing. And he's like, I'm so cool that I can make this cool. And he's done that like throughout his life with fashion. And you know, now he does it with like talking points and that kind of stuff. But it's, I think it's just a reflection of like him thinking, I'm so the man, I could make Hitler the man. Or it's coming from this place of, you're not going to tell me what I can or can't like. Yeah. I have total autonomy and freedom in my life. That I respect and like. Yeah. That I like. It's just there's other ways to prove you're free. Right. Well, there are a lot of people like that in the public, you know, conversation. Well, I would also go like, are you really free if you need to do that? Right. Because now you're being controlled the opposite. Well, if you always have to do the most subversive thing, the most controversial thing. People that are truly free don't need that. Yeah. They feel the freedom so they don't need to execute it every second. People who don't feel free need to constantly prove that they're free. It's back to the old, you know, Michael Jordan didn't tell you what a great basketball player he was. He knew he was. Yeah. Like he knew he was. It's something. I was actually with somebody from another sport, which I won't reveal who it was because it would make it obvious. But they were like, I'm the goat. Everyone knows I'm the goat. And I remember thinking, I don't think the goat ever calls himself the goat. No. It's not a thing. No. So you've got this very successful podcast now in addition to your comedy routines. Do you like, what do you do on that show? Is there are there any limits? Is there anything you do to make it a success? Somebody was just asking me this about my show and I was like, that's not how I approached it. I just kind of do what I just talk about what I want to talk about. Yeah. Yeah. I talk about what I want to talk about and then like I try very hard to not let the algorithm dictate what we talk about. Yep. And I feel like a lot of times now there's a lot of creators that don't even realize that that algorithm is really dictating to them what they should create. They'll post a video or cover a topic and it will go crazy. And then they go, oh, I should cover that more. And then you see people like lose their own personal creativity and they just become this slave to the algorithm. Yes. The problem is that when you're going to do the stories you want to do, you have to accept it. Some days the stories are going to go crazy and some days they're not going to go crazy. And your core fans will really appreciate it, but it's not going to be this pure numbers game. And that's been the thing that like, you know, we've we've we accept because authenticity is like the most important thing to me. But it is one of those things that you got to go, okay, well, okay, this isn't going to be as big a story. We get that. How can we be so interesting or so funny? About it that maybe more people will find interest in this thing that we're really interested in. I really think that that is fool's gold, right? Just to go for the viral clip because it's it's like you might get a lot of subscribers or follows or whatever, or even just views or likes of that one clip, but they're not real. I'm so glad to keep going. This is great. They're not going to stay like that's why you see people who have a huge number of subscribers on on YouTube, but very little engagement because their fans are not actually like they just click to watch that one clip, but then they're never coming back. Whereas if you just work on doing good programming every day, they're real. The relationship between you and the people watching is real. They trust you and honor you and vice versa. Trust you. They're here and if you really care about something, there are people watching right now that might not care about it all. And the fact that you do, they'll give it that little second, they'll give it that minute and they'll be like, okay, maybe I should care about this thing. Right. Yeah, I see this. I see this all the time. It's like, and this is kind of like where you can see the grift a little bit where there are people that sometimes are popular because there's great social utility. Right. Like there's a version where like this special has social utility and I might get popular with some people because they're called life on Netflix. Check it out with Andrew Schultz. I wasn't even trying to plug, but like maybe they're going through like IVF or fertility issues and they feel like really seen or represented. But so maybe for like a moment, I'm very important to them. But then when that becomes more normalized, normalized, less stigmatized, they realize they don't really agree with me on other issues. So they're like, okay, I don't need you anymore. It's kind of like not to harp on Shapiro, like kind of what he's gone through. It's like he had these great arguments for conservatives at a time where it was like really radioactive to be conservative. Right. It's like, they're these people that they like needed to defend their positions, but you know, they didn't have these. They didn't have like these like beautiful Harvard, like this, like no fat at all, awesome dart arguments, which he's like really brilliant at making. Totally. And he supplied them and they were like, oh, this is the guy. Now it's not stigmatized at all to be a conservative. The majority of the country is conservative. So now they're like, all right, well, we don't really agree with you on Israel-Palestine. So we don't really need you anymore. You don't have social utility. So you didn't build that bond with the audience. I mean, his show is still huge and very, very successful. Yeah. I'm not, again, I'm saying like, I'm not saying that he's not, but clearly there's been some issues over there in terms of like a fracturing of the audience. Yeah. And the fracture of the audience to me shows that they're not actual fans of him, but that there was social utility that he provided. And then a quarter of them or 10%, 20%, whatever is now going, well, now I'll no longer need that social utility, but it's not just him. I'm saying it could be me. It can happen to anybody. And what you hope is you have this core, which he is his core, you have your core. I hope I have my core that that will continue to expand when you create authentic shit that matters to you. Yes. Yeah. Well, here's to doing that a lot more of that. And if you want to see Andrew do that seriously, trust me, check out life on Netflix. For many reasons we want to support him. You will laugh your ass off and there is no way we can let Meghan Markle be number one. It has to be Andrew Schultz. So you get on there and you download it over and over my friends, please. Watch it. We're coming for Kate Hudson. Okay. Great to see you. Great to see you. Thank you for having me. At Twoe, we give you more. More confidence. You got the best deal. Thanks to the Twoe Price Match Promise. More hotels designed around what you love from swim up suites to splash parks. And more ease with flights, transfers and hotels all in one place. Package holidays made simple. Book on app, in store or online. Twoe, Atol and Abt are protected. Tees and Seas apply selected hotels only see website for details. Push yourself to the limits and move the needle in the all electric Ford Puma Gen E with bold 18 inch alloy wheels and signature LED headlights. Or challenge what's possible in the Ford Puma with athletic design and a mega box for additional boot space storage. Pick your Puma power. Until the end of June, you can drive away in a petrol powered Puma with 0% APR on four year Ford options from Ford Credit. Finance subject to status. Ready, set, Ford. Joining me now is someone I've been wanting to interview on this program for years. He is one of the sharpest political commentators around someone who's not afraid to take risks and has been politically incorrect for decades before it was cool. And whether you love him or hate him, you pay attention to him. Joining me today is Bill Maher. He's author of the brand new book that's just out today. What this comedian said will shock you. He's also host of the long running show Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO. Physical assets you can invest in that can stand the test of time. But gold has withstood as a valued form of money. It's why many people are flocking to it now and why Birch Gold is busier than ever. Through a little known tax loophole, Birch Gold lets you convert a retirement account into a tax sheltered IRA in physical gold. And the best part? It doesn't cost you one cent out of pocket. To learn more, text MK to 989898 and claim your free info kit on gold. Again, can your IRA or 401k weather an economic storm? If not, consider looking into Birch Gold. Just text MK to 989898 and explore securing your savings today. Bill, welcome. I'm going to say that book title is a lot funnier when you see it because it's supposed to mock clickbait. Of course, I got an idea. Okay, I know. But I've had book titles that went right over the heads of a lot of the orchards. This is the tease we used on Fox News for about two decades. Without the words, comedian, what you're next will shock you. Right. Exactly. I thought I would bring it to the book world. No, I used to joke that once you start talking in teases, you've been in TV too long. Right. But I had a new rules book out about 15 years ago and the subtitle was Applied Musings from a Timid Observer, which I thought was hysterically funny. But every disc jockey in America did not get it. They just took it. Okay, no, that was understatement and it's supposed to be satire, but never mind. Stay with me. I'll just do a straight title next time. So my favorite new rules ever comes from about, I want to say about 15 years ago, and it was from the book. When did that book hit? There was one out in 2005 and I think 2010. Of course, those are new rules books. I call them toilet books because you can read them on the toilet. New rules are very different than this book. This book is from the editorials. No, I really redid all of them. I mean, I worked like, I could never have done this without the strike, the strike that we had last year, gave me the time to do this. But this is much more of a real book. The new rules books were fun, but new rules are short. They're punchy. They can be about anything. Then it's always serious. It's just, they're very random. And, you know, again, you can pick it up on the toilet and read three or four of them. And that's that. This is a real book. Not that the other ones weren't real books, but I find- What was I lured into in my previous purchases? Jesus. No, they were fun. But I feel like this one I'm more proud of than any book I've ever done. Yeah. So speaking of the toilet, my favorite new rule was, new rule, stop giving tickets to blind people for not picking up after their dogs. You see, they would, but they can't see shit. Yeah. Right. That's that was the new rules book. They're funny and punchy, but this one, I think people should treat like the Bible. I think I should put it by their nightstand and read passages each night. And I think it'll help you through your life. Well, in part, it's a diagnosis on what's going on with us right now. And in part, to me, it picks up on something you said to me, shortly before I came on your show after my own cancellation at NBC. And you said, you seem to me privately, you said, you seem to me kind of like me right now, which is somebody without a political home. And I felt that way. And I still feel that way. I mean, I've been a registered and impended forever, but I know exactly what you're saying, which is the world's lost its mind. And I certainly would never put on somebody's team jersey anymore. Right. Without a team. Right. And you know what? I like it that way because I don't want to be a part of a team. I mean, I would say I caucus with the Democrats more. I definitely think the right wing is much more dangerous. They don't believe in democracy anymore. And they threw their lot in with a sociopath named Donald Trump. So, you know, don't, no, he's not. No, no, I just like, like, I want to talk about your feelings on Trump. Yeah. Well, there you go. But this is how, so you and I are very similar. I feel like you're kind of a foreign, I'm a six on the ideological scale. We have a lot of overlap, but you're definitely still going to vote Democrat. And I'm definitely going to vote Republican. But there's enough commonality to make us shag our heads. Yes. When the other one speaks a lot. So you're going to vote for Trump. I am going to vote for Trump. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I can't even understand that. And I understand that Biden is deeply flawed. But he does believe in our way of life. And, you know, I mean, I was the one who was saying from the very beginning, when everyone was laughing at me, that Donald Trump will never give up power. And he didn't. He still hasn't conceded the last election. I don't know what could possibly be more fundamental to you or anyone. Then you have to concede elections. And he hasn't conceded the last one. He's plainly not going to concede this one. He now has all of his sycophants around him parroting his party line, which is when, when they asked them, will you abide by the election results? Yes, if it's a free and fair election, which is another way of saying if we win, you really think this is a place this country should be? I'm not going to defend the election denialism. I'm not one of those people who believes that. But what's more important? What, what kind of country do we have? How about my daughter not going into a locker room and seeing a man's penis? That's important too. And I bring, I mean, How about young men on college campuses getting due process when they get accused falsely of rape? Well, I, I, yeah, I think that's a false equivalency. I think these things are, Oh shit, what do you mean? I think these things are important. And, but you can, you can handle these things through the normal due process of our, our system. But if we lose the system itself, come on. But we didn't. We didn't so far. He tried it, it failed. Right. And now he's had four years to put in place people who will make it work again. I don't know if there'll be a John Raphson burger in Georgia, a noble Republican who stood up to him. He thought last time that he could count on someone being just a Republican to do his bidding. And what he found out was that there are a lot of decent people who are Republicans, which is something I'm trying to tell the Democrats all the time. You can hate, you can hate Trump. You can't hate everybody who likes him. And you certainly can't hate half the country. And Republicans is not a, a by word for bad people. And a lot of them stood up. I mean, even ones who I don't like very much, Mitt Romney, McConnell, obviously, Liz Cheney, Chris Christie, there were Mike Pence. These are what I call as good as it gets Republicans for the people who don't like Republicans. They full-throatedly said, Trump lost that election. No two ways about it. McConnell said it wasn't even a particularly close election. A lot of people said it. A lot of people said, and by, look, I agree with you that the majority of the Republican party doesn't believe that. But I do think there's a difference between it was stolen, you know, the nonsense with Dominion voting machines and all that versus it wasn't fair. And, you know, it wasn't fair. Oh my God, let me start it. What wasn't fair? Okay. Well, the election. How about the suppression of the Hunter Biden left-hook story? Just, just for one. Oh, for fuck's sake. Really? Oh, then, then you're, then we're not as alike as you think. Okay. That's a, that's a stupid non-story. I mean, yes. Says who? There are polls that show some 10 to 12 percent of the electorate says they would have changed their mind had they seen it, had they known about it. It wasn't right, it wasn't right to suppress it. But nobody gives a fuck about Hunter Biden's dick. So you said nobody, you're talking about yourself. I'm telling you, there, there are data to show people did care. They, they say they would have changed their vote. Nobody who was going to vote for Trump anyway or Biden anyway. I mean, it wasn't about Hunter Biden's man parts. It was about the scandal of his corruption and his dad's corruption. Bill, I used to think that, that Hunter Biden was a hot mess and Joe Biden was embarrassed by him, but had to deal. Now I really think he was doing Joe Biden's bidding. Joe Biden is the bad guy who sent his drug-addled son out there to collect money. That's what the laptop shows. And that's more important than what I was bringing up about not abiding by election results, not, not respecting what always made this country great, the peaceful transference of power. Hey, see, I don't disagree with you on that. You're not going to get me to say it was a great thing the way Trump behaved. I don't have to get you to agree, disagree. You're obviously someone who looks at an elephant in a mouse and can I tell which one is bigger? I disagree. I think that's projection by you because I look at Joe Biden. No, I mean, that's how I, that's how I see you. Well, let's talk about. Why are you telling me this? I mean, this is such, this is just typical right-wing talking points, the evil Hunter Biden and the evil Joe Biden. And look, do I, do I like them? No, I don't particularly like that. I think they're very flawed. Listen, listen, it's not nearly on the scale. You're misstating my argument. You're misstating my argument that Hunter Biden just now in the laptop was brought up as evidence of how the election was not fair. He's not a reason necessarily to not vote for Joe Biden. The reason not to vote for Joe Biden is his policies. You're not woke. He says woke, at least his policies are as they come the open border bill. How could anybody vote for somebody who keeps this border open with the number of rapes and the number of murders and the numbers of crimes going on with these immigrants? But again, these are the normal sorts of issues we've always had in this country that should be taken care of through the normal process we've had. You're talking about the difference between some, this, I'm talking about the difference between this and something fundamental, which is our democracy. The fact that you have to respect who wins an election or else you don't have the kind of country we've always had before. How about- I mean, I feel like we keep going around the Rosebush about this and we're not going to make any progress. So let's stop talking about it. But you know- I just, I mean, you keep saying sort of I'm nuts because I don't see the difference between the elephant and the mouse and I'm telling you, I identify them differently than you do. Hillary Clinton, of course, is the original election denier. I'm sure you voted for her in 16. Well, she's not an election denier. She absolutely was the OG election denier. First of all, she came out before the sun had risen to concede the election to Trump. And then spent the next four years saying he was illegitimate. He was an illegitimate president. She, okay, well, first of all, saying, she didn't say he was an illegit- Yeah, she did. You tell me exactly what she said. She said those exact words repeatedly. Okay. I mean, she conceded the election. Whether you're interpreting her disappointment at losing it as the same thing as Trump not conceding it, I don't know, that's where you're getting it from. But again, it's a tremendous false equivalency. You could ask Hillary Clinton right now, who won that election? She will tell you. Donald Trump won the election. Now she knows she has to because of what Trump has done. She came out that night. She conceded the election. Purple suit and conceded the election. Correct. Something Donald Trump. And then spent the next four years trying to convince us it was not legitimate. Just saying, look, it's not the same as Trump. What Trump did was far more severe. I'm not going to deny that. But don't try to tell me that Hillary Clinton wasn't an election denier and Jamie Raskin and a whole host of Democrats who are now in prominent positions on Capitol Hill. Does it make it great what Trump did, but they don't have clean hands either. But you bypass the immigration question. I mean, like, that a lot of Republicans- I'm not bypassing it. I think it's a disaster. So how would you put this guy back in there for four more years to leave the doors open? And like it was so much better under Trump? Yes, it was better under Trump. Are you kidding me? It was somewhat better. Oh, Bill. It was somewhat better. Go look up the immigration rates. Yeah, I know. Illegal immigration rates for 2020, for 19 to 20. I'm not defending Biden on immigration. I don't understand why it's so difficult in this country to stop people coming through the border. I don't. And I watched that 60 minutes piece they did on it a couple of months ago. And they had films of people coming through this hole and the border patrol just watching them and basically waving. I don't understand why. I don't understand why this country can't accomplish something like that. It doesn't seem like it's impossible. But so many things in this country. That's what's so aggravating. We can accomplish it. We can stop what's happening at the southern border. We just won't under Joe Biden. And he keeps pretending like he has no agency on it, but he does have agency. There are a lot of executive orders he could do just like Trump did. He won't. And you know why? It's because of the people who use the word latinx, who are trying to lecture him that it's not humane to enforce our borders. Yeah, I would agree with that. The left wing, because they're so afraid always of being called racist, they let that color every issue and very often wind up with terrible policies that wind up not helping people. Don't you think that's what's happening to him on the trans issue too, which is my big issue that I mentioned off the front? Well, I think what Joe Biden is, is a guy who does not want to fight with the left wing of his party. He sees that as, I don't think he understands a lot of what's going on in the left wing. I mean, I doubt if he heard the word trans before he was president. But that's what he has chosen to do. He does not want to fight with AOC. He thinks that's where the energy in the party is and he's not completely wrong. So he just kind of goes along with that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's one thing that's not great about him. But again, in this country, maybe gender is not binary, but politics is. You only get two choices. That's right. You get Donald Trump, a criminal election denier who is going to transform this country into an authoritarian place like we've never seen before, or you get Joe Biden with all his flaws. Also a criminal. Okay, what is his crime again? Special counsel Robert Hurr said he'd committed felonies, but he wouldn't indict him because he was a well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory. He couldn't get a conviction in front of a jury. And what was that crime? That was the classified documents all over his basement, his garage, everywhere. Well, okay. Again, a false equivalency. They both had classified documents. Here's the difference. Immediately Biden, he shouldn't have had them. Immediately he said, oh, sorry, my bad and gave them back. That's why he didn't get charged with obstruction. Trump has two classified documents, pieces to his case. One is you had them, and the second is you obstructed justice when we demanded them back. So, okay, against Biden, you don't get charged with obstruction. But number one, where's the classified documents charged against him? He's also a felon. You got your story. Look, if you see it that way, that's what I have to deal with. Just tell you, you're asking me why I see it differently than you do. The contest between the two of them. It's convincing. Oh, that's fair enough. I mean, they both should not have had classified documents. One by the toilet, one by his corvette. Okay. One. One. Multiple, many, many classified documents. No, I'm talking about one person. One of them. Okay, okay, copy, right. One Trump, one Biden. They both did that. The difference is Goofus and Gallant. Goofus said, anything I touch is mine forever. Go fish. And the other one said, oh, yeah, my bad. Well, I can't the difference. And I'll immediately return them. That's very funny. You're taking me back to my childhood with that reference. But why can't the difference be one actually had the ability to declassify documents and keep them because he'd been the president? And one didn't because he should have been looking at documents only in a skiff while sitting US Senator. And clearly he stole classified documents that he wasn't entitled to and never had the ability to declassify them. Yeah. Maybe you know more about that than I do. I don't remember that part of it. And I always don't trust anything I hear until I vet it from the other side because everybody sort of has their one-sided view of it. And narrative is more important than truth. I know this is the right wing narrative. I thought you- I'm not like that, Bill. I care about facts. I practiced law for 10 years. I want to get the cases right more than I want to get clicks. And I have a lot of lefties who watch me. So I'm not like that. All I can tell you is those are the facts. And Joe Biden also has behaved in a grossly, grossly extraconstitutional manner. Not only the nonsense of trying to skirt the Supreme Court on the eviction moratoriums and the student loan, quote, debt forgiveness, which he's bragging about skirting them on, but the four indictments, which obviously the White House was behind and promoted and wanted, four indictments of a former sitting president, which we've made it almost 250 years without doing. If that's not extra legal and weirdly non-normie, I don't know what is. What are the four indictments we're talking about now? The two federal indictments against Trump and the one in New York and the one in Georgia. Oh, you're talking about the Trump indictment. Yeah, I'm saying this administration, 100%, was behind at least those two federal ones. And there's evidence they were behind the other two, or at least in coordination, though they deny it. They were behind them. It wasn't Trump committing those crimes? You don't think that Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton could have been indicted for what they did when he left office with all the furniture? If somebody kicked the tires of the Clinton initiative, the foundation, you don't think they could find something? I think they did kick those tires a lot. I'm not sure what they found, but I don't think it was much. I don't remember Bill Clinton ever calling up. Hillary Clinton could have been indicted post her program. I don't remember Bill Clinton calling up a Secretary of State and saying, I need you to find me 11,000 votes. You don't find that to be a bit of a smoking gun. I don't. Here's why, because I've listened to the whole phone call. I've listened to the phone call. I have, too. And what he's saying is I'm only behind by some 100,000, whatever the number was. He said, so I want a recount. And what I want you to start counting, and all I need is this number. So basically, once you get to that number, you can stop counting. Look, I don't want to have to defend Trump on his denialism about the election, because I'm more on your team on that. But I understand why it's not a smoking gun, as you just put it. Okay. Well, you know, people say things differently. They do. So this is why you feel like a man without a party, because your team feels like you do on the Trump stuff. They hate Trump, but they're not with you when it comes to your anti-wokism. So where does that leave you? Who do you go out to dinner with? Lots of people. I mean, I feel like more people than ever are on team me, whatever that is, because, you know, they're the normies in the middle who don't want to be ideologically captured by either side. That's who I feel like I speak for. People who are not afraid to call out their own team if you have a team, or a team that you are more on the side of, when they do stuff that's goofy. And I think they appreciate it a lot. I mean, I notice in my stand-up shows, you know, the audience is kind of half and half, and the liberals will laugh at woke nonsense, and the conservatives will laugh at Trump jokes. Most people in this country, I think, understand that there are deep defects on both sides. And they just want, they just want the extremists who seem to have the megaphone on either side to go away or stop being so powerful. You know, everybody is like, why can't we just be, you know, common sense, and why can't we just, you know, be the people in the middle? But at the end of the day, no one sort of stands up for that, because it's just so easier to pander to the people who are a team, because those are the people who wind up scaring the other people. I mean, certainly on the left that happens. I've said it many times, the problem with wokeness is nobody ever gets canceled for being too woke. That's how you wind up with men can get pregnant. Yeah. Because you can say the most ridiculous thing, and because no one wants to be the one who's called out on Twitter, they'll be like, oh, sure, men pregnant. I've always said that. I saw a dude who was glowing today. You know, it's just so ridiculous what you can get away with saying, and just the intimidation factor. And certainly on the right that happens too. So you don't seem like someone who's ever felt that. Have you managed to escape that work? Afraid of blowback from your own side? Well, I mean, come on, I've been on 31 years. It comes with the territory every week when people say to me on Saturday, how'd the show go last night? I'd say, if I'm not canceled today, it went great. You know? I mean, they're always looking to take you down and the knives are always out. But I feel like at this point, after 31 years, if they wind up getting me, okay, I had a pretty good run. That's right. And also, I think there's just a lot of people who have my back, and they appreciate what I do, and they appreciate me having that bond with my audience that I don't pull a punch, and I never will. And it's made me lose some audience. That's true. I say it in the introduction of the book. I say, I have lost some people, and I don't miss them. Those are the more woke people who think I'm somehow betrayed them. And I didn't. One reason I wrote this book was by going through all the old editorials over the whole span of the show, I wanted to see, have I changed or has my politics changed? And I really think it's not mostly me. I mean, the left was very different. Now, of course, the right got way worse also. We won't go back into, they don't believe in democracy. We just had that discussion. But that certainly is way worse in my view. But the left, yes, went off the deep end also in their own way. And so what I always tell people who are Democrats and liberals is, you don't have to lecture me about Donald Trump. I'm the one who I think who was sounding the alarm bells before anybody. But I also get why people vote for him. I absolutely do. Because the stuff that, for example, you just said, penises in the swimming pool and being, the stuff that is threatening to people that comes from the left is so much more in their everyday life. It's not vague. Like to most people, oh, what's Trump and democracy? It's a vague thought in Ukraine. That's very far away. It was an impeachable. Who knows? But I know about my kid coming home from school and saying, well, they're telling me I can't tell you if I change my sex. Or saying, as we discussed on your show when I was a guest, suggesting to your perfectly normal son that he might be a girl at my old boy's school. They kept asking them over and over, raise your hand. Where are you on the scale of girl to boy, one through five? I did an editorial only like three weeks ago. And I used the word entrapment. I mean, it was about comparing what goes on in the schools with entrapment. I don't think anybody had ever put it that way. But entrapment in the law, I'm sure you know this better than I do, means suggesting someone into a crime. Something they wouldn't have thought of to do anyway. I mean, I used the example of after 9-11, there were a number of cases where law enforcement basically entrapped people who were not really going to be terrorists. The one case I mentioned was the Liberty 7 guys in Liberty City, Miami, in poor section of Miami. And they basically went to them and said, wouldn't it be cool if you blew up the Sears Tower in Chicago and taught the man a lesson? And these guys who didn't even have a gun, probably the only guys in the neighborhood who didn't have a gun, said, yeah, that would be pretty cool. That's entrapment. And I was saying, look, when you constantly talk to little kids about sex and gender and constantly put out the idea that maybe the body you're in is not the correct one, aligning with what's in your mind, that's entrapment. That to me is the same thing. You're suggesting them into something they wouldn't have thought of anyway. Because I promised you when I was a kid, it never crossed my mind. I never thought, huh, maybe I am a girl. I mean, I thought a lot of, how could I learn how to talk to a girl? But even at that age, we didn't want to talk to a girl. We had not reached puberty yet. See, this is where it's just so frustrating to me because I looked at that Biden event where he had all the trans people out in front of the White House. And he's like some trans, it's a guy with fake breasts showing his naked breasts on camp. On the White House lawn. It was like national trans day of visibility, which is every day in America now. Right. And they're on the White House. It's like, would you have some dignity? Could there be some dignity and decorum? And I realized you could make the dignity argument over on the right too. Trust me, I get it with Trump. But that's why I look at Biden. I'm like, how do we get stuck with this? Why didn't the Democrats replace him? And why did the Republicans re-nominate Trump? I think I know. I think they thought he was the strongest candidate, the one who could be the strongest leader and take Biden down. But I look at Biden and I feel like the Democrats really could have made a switcheroo. I know he didn't want to give it up, but they could have made a switcheroo. I mean, my first show back after the strike ended, which was last September, the first editorial I did was called Ruth Bader Biden. I was the one who coined that phrase. I was saying, if he continues on, if he doesn't get out of the race, he's going to be Ruth Bader Biden. He's going to be the person who hung around too long, destroyed his legacy, and probably the country with it. But he's got to get out now because too long at the fair. We get it. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a justice. The liberals loved and I'm sure she did some great things and was a pioneer. But her ego would not let her go away. And I mean, the story goes, oh Biden, oh Biden Obama. Obama had her to lunch once, like I think in 2013, and was kind of hinting around, hey, wouldn't it be great if you spent a little more time with the grandkids? What do you think? And she didn't take the hint and thought she'd live forever, which was really crazy because she had been through a lot of really serious medical issues. And then of course it happened. And then of course, Mitch McConnell, who would not even give Merrick Garland a hearing, which was talking about unconstitutional, suddenly of course found it in his heart to push through Amy Coney Barrett immediately. So that's what you get for trusting the other side. So I thought he should step down, but apparently that hasn't happened. I would hope the Democrats, some of them would think it's still not too late. You could do it before the convention. I mean, weirder things have happened in American politics. And I don't think anyone would bat an eye that it was out of the ordinary. So what? We don't care. America loves new. I've always suggested that to candidates. I said that about Chris Christie. He should have ran when he was popular. He should have. What was it, 2012? Yeah. Yeah. And he said, it's just not my time. No, he was hugely popular. The longer you stay around, the worse you're going to do, because they have more to get you on. Obama, they said the same thing. He's only been a senator a couple of years and he went good. You don't know that much about me. Great. America likes new. There was before Chris Christie, before Bridgegate, before Beachgate, in all those pictures, which is devastating to him. And then all the Trump lap doggery, which really kind of sunk him. And Trump came along. I mean, he could have been the guy. I remember with Trump, he was like, I love him. I hate him. I love him. I hate him. And then, you know, when you're like, it's like, and Romney too. And that was another start of his breakup with a Republican party, where he was like blowing with the wind. But yeah, no, I agree. It's not too late. If I were a Democrat, I'd be begging for them to sub in somebody else. Even Kamala might be better at this point, although I doubt it. I don't know, though. You know, everybody talks about Michelle Obama as the big hope, and she doesn't want to do it. No, she doesn't want to do it. And I don't blame her. And they already served. I mean. So what do you think is going to happen? Well, I know one thing I can guarantee will happen is that Trump will say he won, whether he won or lost. I agree with that. Well, that's not a good thing for America. No, I agree with that. I think on January 20th, 2025, he'll show up at the White House, whether he's invited or not. And I don't think that's going to be good. We're now. You think he's going to bomb in if he lost? Yes. Oh, yeah. Bomb is a word I wouldn't even throw around lightly. Oh, stop it. He's not going to do that. Right. Like there was never an attack on the Capitol. Oh, I hear you. I hear you. But he's not going to show up at the inauguration. Like they didn't show up at the Capitol and break windows and knock down doors and kill cops. And chase. They didn't do that. And they didn't break windows. They didn't kill cops. They of course did. No, they didn't. Who did? They died of natural causes that day? Yeah. Nobody died that day. Cops. No, not true. Who? Who? Who? Who? Okay. Who? Oh, I don't remember the names. They didn't. There was Brian Sicknick who died later after the fact and the coroner's report did not say it was because of what he had inhaled that day. He said it had possibly accelerated the condition that killed him. Okay. Well, attacked cops. I thought they were the law enforcement people. You know, how did we get to this place? I mean, Trump now says he's going to pardon all those January 6 insurrectionists because who wants to live in a country with the people who try to overthrow the government are seen as the bad guys, huh? They weren't insurrectionists, Bill. They weren't. They were a bunch of minum skulls. They chased, they chased, oh, that's so stupid. They chased duly elected representatives out of the building and wanted to hang the vice president for certifying the election. That's not an insurrection. The people who engaged in violent acts or actually made threats along those lines are all being prosecuted appropriately. And I've said repeatedly, I hope they get the book thrown at them and they've had it. So that's not it. You're so upset about the entrapment that happened of the Muslims after 9-11. How about the entrapment that happened to some of those J6 protesters? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's go back to what I'm upset about with the Muslims. That we talked about after 9-11 and the feds getting involved. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. So entrapment. Well, they weren't Muslims. They were just guys. All right. Well, my point is there are, I'm not going to, again, you're making me defend things that I... Then you shouldn't. That are horrible. But in part... They don't defend them. Why defend them? Because it's more nuanced than you're suggesting. They were not insurrectionists. There was never any possibility that they were... I've heard you refer to it as a coup. They attempted. They're going to take over the government. It wasn't going to happen. It was a protest. They broke into the capital. It was a riot. They broke into the capital. They broke into the capital. They were, they opened the doors and let them walk in. Security was waving them in one after the other. I could show you the footage of them knocking through the gates. I could show you the footage of many of them being welcomed in by cops, Bill. You see, that's a difference between the two of us. Once they broke down the doors. I will make a distinction between those who truly behaved badly and those who thought they were having a good time in cap and statutory hall. Yeah. There were, there were some people who just came to meander and wander around. That's true. They just, they just, I've seen the documentary that Alexander Pelosi did on it. It's interesting because a lot of them were just like, oh yeah, it's an interesting place to go. And let's see what happens. There's also footage of people and there were people who absolutely intended to stop that election. Absolutely. So I don't know what you would call that. Maybe you don't like that word insurrectionist because it got too, I know, to, it's too anti-Republican, but that's what it is. I, I, I don't agree with you. I don't think, I, the legal definition of insurrection, they don't meet. And that's why it wasn't actually charged. It's, you know, it's a leftist dream to try to make it sound even worse than it was. These leftists who didn't care at all when their people were out in the roads, killing cops, actually killing, hurting cops, killing others in the BLM protests, suddenly found their conscience when it happened on J6. Killing cops is always wrong. Doing it in the service of trying to overthrow the government of the United States is a little, is a little bit different. It wouldn't happen because we were, we were lucky it didn't happen. They tried to make it happen. Attempting to commit a crime is bad. Trump tries to commit crimes all the time, like this one. The fact that he doesn't succeed, it doesn't make it better. Makes it better for the country. Let's see what happens next time. But you know, we are not exactly like the detective and the serial killer. Oh, we're a lot more alike than you think. We're actually not that alike, I think. I think you're right. Yeah, I agree. We see a very different reality. Yeah. Which is fine. I mean, that's, I. It is fine. I. We have to be able to talk and disagree and still be civil. I think we're doing a good job. Yeah. Having a robust discussion. We're doing as best as we can. That's right. The all new, all electric Toyota CHR Plus. Sleek, stylish and quietly reliable. Available with 0% APR representative, with 1500 pound deposit contribution and save 1500 pounds with the electric car grant. Get that Toyota electric feeling. Visit your nearest Toyota center, Jemka Edgeware Road. Price from 34495 available on tow to PCP1 financed through Toyota financial services by 30th of June, 2026. 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Again, for people who say to me, you know, you, you make fun of the left more than you used to. Yes, I do. First of all, I'm a comedian and you're a lot funnier than you used to be. Not intentionally, but you are. You know, not just pregnant men and identity politics and oversensitivity and victim culture and cancel culture. There's lots of funny stuff. But if I ever needed a reason or a rationale for making the case that the left has changed, it would be this, the fact that they're now marching for the terrorists. Really? The people who see themselves as the most liberal people in the world, the social justice warriors are standing with some of the most illiberal people in the world. I mean, in, I'm going to do my next editorial. I'm going to do when I get back to work at my day job is about, look kids, I know you're looking for a cause and that's admirable that kids want to have a cause. I got one for you. Women, women around the world, especially in Muslim countries, Hamas, I mean, really you're marching for Hamas. Do you know that there are no equal rights for women as regards almost everything you can imagine? Speech, not voting, free movement, divorce, property rights, freedom from sexual harassment, freedom from sexual violence. I mean, every possible thing that is a left wing cause, they violate, but those are the people we want in charge. Those are the people we want to control from the river to the sea. Even the people, of course, under the rule of Hamas hate them. It's a fascist dictatorship. It's a fascist dictatorship. It's worse. It's a fascist dictatorship with a hard right religious bent. It's like the worst of all. It's like the worst of all. It's like the worst of all worlds. And those are your heroes. That's right. And they're out there. I mean, it's gone beyond, of course, they were praising, as you know, on TikTok, they've been lauding letter and doing the Muslim call to prayer five times a day. These are people who are probably in Catholic mass for most of their formative years or Christian mass. Now they're down on the prayer rug having absolutely no idea if you moved to one of those countries where that's practiced in the Middle East, they're going to mutilate your genitals. You'll say goodbye to sexual pleasure because that's what the people you're praying to. Push. Just ask Ion Hercielli who I know you know. Yeah. I saw the funniest meme. It was two panels at the top when it said, you know, queers for Palestine because they have that banner. No, it's ridiculous. And on the bottom, it's a guy getting thrown out the window, Palestine for queers. Right up the window. Well, you, I pulled this clip because this, it turned out to be a very, very, very famous clip and Sam Harris is in it. Ben Affleck is in it. You know, the one I'm going to, I'm talking about. Oh yeah. From 2014, I think. Yeah. It went totally viral and, you know, as usual on a lot of these issues who were ahead of the curve in sort of identifying, no, there's actually a problem here that we're not acknowledging. I'm going to play it. Watch it. We have been sold this meme of Islamophobia where every criticism of the doctrine of Islam gets conflated with bigotry toward Muslims as people. Right. That is intellectually ridiculous. Even it gets. So hold on. Are you the person who understands the officially codified doctrine of Islam? You're the interpreter of that. So you can say what this is. I think, and he's actually well educated on this topic. I'm asking you. So you're saying, if I criticize the, you're saying that Islamophobia is not a real thing, that if you're critical of something. Well, it's not a real thing when we do it. Right. Well, no, it's really is. I'm not denying that certain people are bigoted against Muslims as people. Right. And that's a problem. Big of you. But the. Why are you so hostile about this concept? Because it's gross. It's racist. It's not. But it's so nice. It's like saying, so not your shifty Jew. You're not listening to what we are saying. You guys. And we have to be able to criticize bad ideas. Of course we do. No, Nebruh doesn't want to criticize bad ideas. But why would. This moment is the motherload of bad ideas. Jesus Christ. So we have it. That was amazing television. Saying heiress was true. Yeah. That was amazing television. Saying heiress was totally right. Yeah. And it is about ideas. And again, this is one of the big problems with the left today. Is they see race in everything. So, you know, nothing ever. And again, as the guy who was trying to like be the common sense person in the middle, just speak for the normies, everything, I think, to a lot of people strikes it the way it strikes me. As we start with one thing, this idea over here, and then we're all the way on the other side over here. In this issue, of course, you know, as we were saying over there, there are people who are bigoted and that's wrong. And of course, it's great that we got more impatient with racism in this country. That is the appropriate response. I think we should have toward racism, being impatient with it. And then it goes all the way to, and no one who is a person of color can ever do anything wrong. That's how you get, we don't talk about China. North Korea starves its people. China puts the Uyghurs in concentration camps. The president of Burundi was on the front page of the New York Times a month ago, saying we should march the gays into football stadiums and kill them for just being gay. Boko Haram captures entire villages of children, but none of these crimes are coming from white people. So crickets, really kids, nothing, no marching against any of this. You raised this point in the book too, and I thought it was a really good one, about how when we do our look back at history, only the whites get excoriated for their bad behavior 200 years ago. It's like, wait a minute. Yeah, Genghis Khan was pretty rough. You know, talking about colonizers, I think 11% of certain, was it the whole earth? Or maybe it's the earth? I think it's the earth. Like a descendant. Descendant from Genghis Khan, because he colonized a lot of vaginas. I mean, yeah, I mean, look, it was a different era. I also, there's a couple of really funny editorials, essays in that book about time, and the idea that the woke have this crazy idea that, you know, people who lived 500 years ago really should have known better. They have this magic moral time machine where they imagine what they would be doing in 1758, and it's always better than what you would have. And it wouldn't have been using the term master bedroom. No, that's another thing. That's it. And again, that's another point I'm always trying to make, is that the difference between old school liberals like me and the woke is things like that. People, I think, have this idea that wokeness is an extension of liberalism, and it very often is something that goes so far, it actually turns around and becomes the opposite. Yes, I agree with that. Yeah. The thing that you just mentioned about master bedroom or, you know, blacklist, or these terms. Rule of thumb. Gip, you know, I mean, reservation, I guess we're not supposed to say, because it's, you know, insulting to the Indians. I don't know what are you supposed to say when you go to a restaurant? There's something wrong with picnic, too. We're not allowed to say picnic anymore. Can't remember why. We have a, we're supposed to eat here. It's just, so again, wokeness seems a lot about canceling people, catching people at something, renaming stuff. Liberalism was at least about trying to fix things. It was about trying to lift people up. The people who had been forgotten genuinely, and there are many of them, and downtrodden, these are the people we wanted to lift up. That's different than just, just pointing fingers and saying, I'm more pure than you are, and I think I can prove it, you know. You never want to get into a, I, who hates racism the most contest with someone on the woke left. It's like, you know what? I hate it too. Okay. Isn't, shouldn't that be enough? Except I also hate anti-white racism, unlike them. That's the problem. Yes, and things have, yeah, things have changed. They also, there's an essay in there about progressophobia, which was Stephen Pinker's great term that he coined that it is a real problem on the left. They don't, they do not want to acknowledge progress, which is crazy because it is the product they're selling. Yeah. Because somehow in their mind, if you acknowledge progress, then you're not as pure as the other person who says, no, things are still horrible. Well, lots of things are still horrible and things just objectively are way better. Can we just live in the year we're living in? That's what I'm always saying. Just live in the year we're living in. Did you see that Biden speech at Morehouse College? No. It's a, it's a, it's a black college and it, he went, they gave him an honorary degree. It's where MLK went. This is when? Just this past weekend. So they gave him an honorary degree and he did, you know, give a speech. And first of all, the fact that they're giving an honorary degree to Joe Biden, who's like, I mean, the list of racist comments that guy has made is as long as Santa, Santa scroll, but okay, fine. They got him to speak there. He, they made him feel good about himself. And then do we have it, you guys? I think we have a bit of a sound bite of him or pulling it over. But it was the most pandering, absurd picture of blacks in America and the present day and America's relation to our black population. It was absolutely disgusting. It was like he was trying to stir up racial hatred right there live to the point where a couple of the black students turned their backs on him, which was pretty extraordinary. And he does it all the time, right? I'll show you the soundbites so you get it cued, but this is not unusual. Democrats should be asking themselves, why does Trump, each election, do better? Not worse with minorities and immigrants. Not, not worse, better. Did better in 2020 than 2016 and seems to be doing better this time. That's a question Democrats really need to look in the mirror and ask themselves. And with the immigrants, I think I know the answer. I'll save them the trouble. Immigrants don't like it that the left seems to have this unrelenting negativity toward the country that these immigrants work so hard to get here. They really worked hard to get here. And when Trump says should hold the shit hole, I think a lot of them are going, yeah, you fucking write it to shit hole where I came from. Why do you think I got on the ocean on a raft or walked a thousand miles because I was living in paradise? There are places that are shitty in this world and the immigrants know it. And, you know, it's not corny or conservative to say that you should to acknowledge that you're lucky if you're living in this country at this moment in history. Yeah. Well, it was a different message at Morehouse. Here it is. Watch. You start a college just as George Floyd was murdered. And there was a reckoning on race. It's not to the wonder. Democracy you hear about actually works for you. What is democracy? The black men are being killed in the street. What is democracy? You have to be 10 times better than anyone else to get a fair shot. Most of all, what does it mean? As you've heard before, there'd be a black man who loves his country. Even if it doesn't love him back in equal measure. Well, that's my commitment to you to show you democracy, democracy, democracy is still the way. The black men are being killed in the street. We bear witness for me that means to call out the poison of white supremacy. Throughout systemic racism. I stood up for George with George Floyd's family to create a country. We don't need to have that talk with your son or grandson as they get pulled over. Oh, Joy, that's his vision of life as a black man in America. It's anachronistic. See the one guy popping out from the back, it was almost like he was like, what did you just say? It's not that there isn't still racism in this country, of course. And racist just as there will always be criminals, there will always be racist. We should always be mindful of that and do what we can to call it out. But it's a very different country than it was even 10 years ago. And to be telling black students that you have to be 10 times better to get ahead, that's anachronistic. That's not the case. I mean, there's certainly they've done studies on this where the same person goes in for a job who's black and white and the white person does get it more often. They prove that. So that still exists. It's also true that there are places in this country where it's an advantage to be a person of color at this time or gay or anything other than white and male and straight. I mean, I'm over 60, white, male and straight. I better be good at my job. Yeah. This is not somebody that they're trying to hire. It's ridiculous to say that you love the country more than the country loves you back. Like that's just not true. What kind of a dark message is that? That certainly has been true. Right, but we're not living in the 1940s anymore. Exactly. Now, I'm saying can we just live in the year we're living in because that doesn't really reflect it. And when they do studies of like young, like under 30, polling, black versus white, the black folks are more optimistic. Yeah. It's the white liberals who... Don't you think this is the wrong message? Yes, factually wrong. But politically, how do you sell yourself to a group of young black college graduates? Is it by appealing to grievance, making them feel disempowered and like the country hates them? Or is it something that would be empowering and uplifting and something great about them and America? It's also not... I mean, they know better than anybody the country they're actually living in. I mean, to pretend that, as I think he was saying there, the talk, which it refers to... Cops. ...and pulled over in cops. I mean, are there racist cops? Of course, there will always be racist somebody's somewhere. I mean, if you do polling, I think they've done it. People are not accurate in their assessment of how many people get killed by the cops or shot by the cops. I think about a thousand people know it's either shot or killed. I think it's just shot. I think about a thousand people get shot by the cops a year in this country. Now, in a country of 340 million people, a lot of whom are nuts and a lot of whom have guns, is that a lot? I don't know. It was when that whole thing went down in 2019, I think it was. It was 1918, but I think it was 19 right before George Floyd. I think it was 10 million arrests and of all of those in the country, between 12 and 15 involved the shooting of unarmed black men, not 12 and 1500, 12 to 15, depending on how you interpret unarmed. Some of the people who got shot by the cops had come in, commandeered a car and tried to run down the police. And they'd be counted as unarmed. But that's out of 10 million arrests, 12 to 15 in the year preceding George Floyd. But the way he's talking, right? And by the way, the talk, didn't your parents have the talk with you? Doesn't every, everyone, especially a young man, is told comply. Come on, it's different if you're black. And it has been historically very different if you're black. You can't really, really not contending that that's an equivalent when we were kids. I think it's absurd to say that not everybody has the talk. We're all afraid when we get pulled over by cops. I'm not worried that I'm going to get shot in the way that I know some black men worry about. But it's absurd to suggest that anybody who resisted arrest, especially a man with a cop, who knows the stakes are high when he pulls them over, isn't going to be in danger. Okay. But I mean, if I got the talk, how old were you when you got the talk? I was 14 in 1970. It's preposterous to contend that in 1970, a white kid needed the talk as much as a black kid in this country. I think that's fair. That's rude. Okay. Great. But also, here's something that he would never say at a place like this or anywhere. But there is a very big problem with young black men being shot and killed, but not by the cops. Right. Right. They are the number of young black men compared to young white men who were killed. It's something like 20 times. Yeah. Not a lot of talk about it. But again, they're not being killed by white supremacists. They're being killed by each other. And we've completely written it off as a society. Well, to me, that's the most racist thing of all. Yep. Is that, and I've always said, where are the leaders of the community to talk about this? I mean, I feel like there's so many people in the black community who are looked up to, for good reason. They're exemplars. And I mean, a lot of the most famous celebrities and most admired are African-American. I mean, if they made a concerted effort to try to implore the end of this kind of behavior, would it have no effect at all? Because a lot of these shootings, I mean, some of it is the drug war. My thing about racism is always, could we just be practical? I mean, John McWhorter writes about it better than anybody. Schools, families, and the drug war. I mean, that's it. So much of this is performative that we see on the left. And Glenn. That's the stuff that I don't... And Glenn McWhorter, Glenn Lowry. Yes. Of course, Thomas Sowell. None of whom has a statue of them. They're not heralded. They're not held up as examples. And they're not invited on MSNBC. Never. And they should be. Because... They're kicked off. Or Coleman Hughes. Coleman Hughes. Another one. Yes, exactly. And again, if you just ended the drug war, some of the shooting is that. And some of it is just about really just nonsensical feuds and beefs. And you insulted me on social media. And then obviously, there's too many guns floating around. But it just seems like so tragic and unnecessary that this amount of killing is going on. And that we just seem to again ignore it and not talk about it and pretend it's all the cops. I pretend we're doing something because we're over here saying, you know, this is the way we want you to refer. Capitalize the word be. Now I feel better. Right. Right in black. I find that racist. Push yourself to the limits and move the needle in the all-electric Ford Puma Gen E. With bold 18-inch alloy wheels and signature LED headlights. Or challenge what's possible in the Ford Puma. With athletic design and a mega box for additional boot space storage. Pick your Puma power. Until the end of June, you can drive away in a petrol-powered Puma with 0% APR on four-year Ford options from Ford Credit. Finance subject to status. Ready. Set. Ford. Nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday. Right now, we've got some great deals available. Plus, you'll get the best choice of rooms and hotels. Book now with just a £60 deposit per person. Get 22 kilograms of baggage included. And now you can go direct from London Gatwick. Jet 2 holidays. Package holidays you can trust. Afternation protected. Subject to availability and additions. I want to ask you a couple things. First of all, I want to ask you about Stormy Daniels. You had her on your show a few years ago when she was first out with her story. And then to your credit, you pointed out on your show that her testimony in this trial changed dramatically from then to now. Do you think she's trying to paint herself as a fake Me Too victim now? That's what it looked like. I don't know if I would use the word dramatically, but it did shift. I mean, she definitely, she said in the trial, she said it again, kind of the same thing that she said on the show. But she also talked about the incident in ways that she certainly hadn't back when I was interviewing her. That we used all the buzzwords of the Me Too movement, of power and balance. And I was afraid to leave and he blocked the door and I was afraid. And then the thing that was so preposterous, I thought was, you know, I blacked out. She lost fingers in her, her feeling in her fingers and toes, Bill. Well, I mean, as I said at the time, you know, this is someone who's not unused to having sex with strange people, not strange that they're people, just that they're strangers to you because she's a porn star. So when you're a porn star, it's like, hi, meet Bob, he's going to fuck you in two minutes. Okay, great. Are we ready for wood? Come on, people, we're losing the light. That, you know, so the idea that she would black out because this was such a traumatic experience was, to me, straining credulity. But, you know, I didn't think they should have gone ahead with this trial to begin with. I mean, first of all, it should have been an election interference trial brought by Merrick Garland. I tore him a new asshole a couple of weeks ago because all these trials are probably not going to come to anything and they had four years to do it. But it wound up being a trial about falsifying business records in state court. And, you know, I don't know, do you think he's going to win it? I don't think Trump is going to win it because, yeah, because I think it was lost on jury selection. It's New York, it went 87% for Joe Biden. Do you think 12 jurors are going to, I mean, it's because you know. If I had to put my 12, all 12 jurors. Here's my thought. They should not vote to convict because he definitely, he's put on a great case. The defense has put on a great case. Just they really haven't put on much of a case at all, but they've done enough to poke holes in Michael Cohen's testimony to win this case. But I think they lost it on jury selection in the same way. Oh, James lost on jury selection. Let me ask you this, counselor. Michael Cohen did serve prison time for doing this. No, not for doing this. That's the problem. He served prison time for lying about taxes and his taxi medallion scheme. And then at the last minute, they added on this election interference or campaign finance violation. And he said, sure, I did that too. And but he, that was never the bulk of the charges that was about to send him into prison with the raids on his house and all that. That was an add on at the end. That was not my interpretation of it. I thought he went to jail because he was the fixer in this case. They're trying to lead you to believe that Bill. You trust Andy McCarthy of National Review, for example, a very straight shooter. He hates Trump like you do. He's been pointing this out. So it's many other legal. Anyway, I'll relook at it. But in your defense, that's sort of how they're setting it up in this trial. And that is what the jury has heard too, what you just said. So that's one of the reasons why I believe they probably will conclude he did it. They're going to say, Cohen, he pleaded guilty to it. Why is Szilberg, he's in jail. Why is he in jail? And they've been led like with a, with a trail of breadcrumbs, I think, to probably the wrong conclusion. But I do think it'll be right. And how will it affect the election? I've, if at all, I don't think it will either. Don't you think it's all been baked in at this point? Absolutely. I mean, look, to most people, it's just a sex case. I did an editorial about this. It's in the book also about, I saw this movie when it was called Kill Bill, when they did it with Bill Clinton. And people just do not like it when they go after presidents for their sex lives. And the idea that Trump would be fucking a porn star at a golf charity event while his wife was home nursing their newborn is something we just assumed he would be doing. Because, you know, again, you're the party of family values. So it's, as you say, baked into the cake. The only thing surprising was that it was- Before the record, Trump denies it. But you don't really believe me. I tell you, here's my honest reaction. You can't tell me you think he didn't fuck Stormy Den. Let me tell you what I think. Because that's going to really- Leading up to the trial, I said many times he did it. Let's face it, he denies it for the record and the legal purposes. He denies it. But when I heard her do her, you know, dramatic reenactment of it all, now it's me too, no feeling in the fingers. I blacked out. I felt threatened because he was sitting on the bed when I came out of the bathroom and I couldn't get to the door. He was sitting on the bed. That's called leaving the hotel room. We've all done that. Like you just walk around the bed and you walked out the door. No, I mean- I started to doubt her story. I started to wonder whether this whole thing was some sort of a shakedown. If I had to put money on it, I'd say they had sex. But I don't believe anything past that. And well, that's silly. I mean, there's no good people- You're so pejorative. What do you mean? It's just silly. This is- I've been watching this trial very carefully and I've been dismissive of your lack of knowledge. This is my opinion based on what I saw in 10 years of cross-examining people. She's a liar. That doesn't mean he didn't fuck her. Okay, yes, both things are true. I mean, it's like saying, you know, O.J. Simpson, were the police corrupt or did he kill his wife? Both. Both. Yep. I used to say, you know, the cops are so inept, they could not frame a guilty man. The cops did a bad job and he killed his wife. All right, so what do you- And Stormy Daniels is a horrible witness and so was Michael Cohen. There's no good people in this trial and he fucked her at that golf tournament. That's just who he was. I mean, come on. Last but not least, Cohen and you have had some past interactions, right? Did he threaten you? I think that you and Trump had your- No, no, no. He- when Trump sued me for calling- This is just- This is back on the Berthur Gate- Maureen Dowd wrote about it yesterday in the Times. In 2013, Trump sued me because what was it he had offered? Because he offered $5 million for Obama's birth certificate. No, no. And then you offered $5 million to see- Actually- Truth that he wasn't the child of an orangutan. Yes, but actually what he offered, that was one detail I think they got wrong. The $5 million he had offered was for Obama to produce his college records because you know, a black eye in college, that's kind of fishy, huh? Oh boy. So, yes, Donald Trump offered $5 million. So I thought I would offer him $5 million and he could prove- When we showed the picture, he does look exactly like that orangutan there. The color of the hair was exactly the same. If you saw the picture, you know what I'm talking about. And so I offered him $5 million and then they came to court and produced the birth certificate to prove that he was actually not the son of an orangutan. Not that that's even possible. I mean, we are a different species. The definition of a species is you can't have sex with the feminine. Well, sex, but- No, no, I mean that's why- You can't reproduce. You can't reproduce, but they're not interested in it. I mean, Jaguars and tigers, they look kind of alike, but they don't fuck each other. But he did fuck Stormy Daniels. Oh, God. All right, Bill Maher, I got to let you go. Thank you. Any last thoughts on what the solutions are to that? How do we come back together? Are we going to land the plane, the country stays together, we find a way past the harsh partisan bullshit? Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, like I say, I think the rubber hits the road next January because if he wins, he wins. He's never going to give up power. You can't really believe that. I definitely believe he will give up power. But he didn't last time. You think he's going to- you think in 2028, he's going to say, well, two terms, that's what the Constitution says, I'm gone. Of course not. He's going to stay on as long as he can. He'll make up some excuse. He doesn't care. He's never read the Constitution. He doesn't care what's in it. It's only about power and who wins and he will never leave. He's already said many times, I think we deserve a third term because we were cheated out of the one that he's not serving right now. So he will never give up power. So there's the end of America as we know it. And if Biden wins, again, I mean, this country will fall apart because his rabble won't accept it and he won't accept it. I mean, there's no solution except cholesterol. And watching real time and buying this book. The funniest book ever, I think, and lots of people have said the same thing. So I know it sounds like because we're tussling that it's all serious, but it's actually very funny. It is very funny. And I hope people enjoy it. And look, I appreciate you going toe to toe because I think that's what people have to do. And it sometimes does get to a point where you get exasperated with each other. But as I say at the end, America is a family. And the definition of a family is understanding that you're with people who you may not like, but it doesn't come to violence. Yeah. Well, I have to say, Bill, you've always been very gracious to me. You've had me on the show a couple of times. I'm a fan. I mean, you're super smart. What we all have to get over is talking with someone who you can be like, oh, I'm so in agreement on this and this and this and this. And on this one, I think they're insane. But we got four out of five. Yes, honestly. There shouldn't be a limous test. I love him except he hates Trump, so I have to hate him. It's like, so you disagree with him on that. Okay, that's fine. That's how the world goes forward. But I would hope when Trump doesn't relinquish power in this country, I'm going to play this clip. And when this country does not resemble the one that we've grown up in, I would hope that you would be able to acknowledge that. And if he does relinquish power or doesn't try to. Then I'm going to play this clip, too. Then I will absolutely on my show say I was wrong and she was right. Either way, I'll have you back. You can take a victory lap or you have me back. And I'll do both. Either way, when we can happen. Thank you. Good luck with the book and everything. I appreciate it. All the best, Bill. Don't forget, it's called What This Comedian Said. Good Father's Day presents. Yes, you have plenty of time. Father's Day coming up. Available now. See you tomorrow.