Hey, it's NPR's Book of the Day. I'm Andrew Limbong. Quick warning, today's interview is a tough listen. It's with Roshona Landfair. Her memoir, Who's Watching Shorty, is a first-hand account of being sexually abused by R&B superstar R. Kelly. There were many Jane Doe's in multiple trials who testified that Kelly abused them, but Landfair is probably the most well-known, even if she's only now going public with her name. Because when she was 14, a video of her being sexually abused leaked to the public. Journalists saw it. Music fans saw it. It was the tape that eventually led to Kelly's conviction after many, many years. In this interview, NPR's Wanda Summers asks her about that tape, about her reaction, about her parents' reaction, and also what Landfair has to say to the adults in R. Kelly's orbit who helped him. That's after the break. Roshona Landfair was a budding performer in a Chicago rap group in the 1990s. At age 13, she met another musician named Robert, known to the rest of the world as R. Kelly. Oh, I was mesmerized when I first met Robert. He was a great talent. He was a huge celebrity in my eyes. Everything, you know, I aspired to be. He was motivational. There were a lot of commonalities and I really looked up to him. From here, we should note this conversation centers on child sexual abuse. When Landfair first met Kelly back in 1996, his success was reaching a new peak with the release of I Believe I Can Fly. Kelly became Landfair's godfather, and soon, she says, he began sexually, physically, and emotionally abusing her. Eventually, an infamous videotape of Kelly's abuse of Landfair became public. You're the mockery. Everyone's laughing at you. I can speak more confidently about it now because I'm 41. But her humiliation endured for decades, even as Landfair took the stand, testifying as Jane Doe in one of Kelly's trials. Kelly is now in prison on racketeering and sex trafficking convictions, and Landfair is now, for the first time, telling her own story. I spoke with her earlier this week about her memoir Who Watching Shorty Reclaiming Myself from the Shame of R Kelly Abuse When you were only 14 you write about interactions with R Kelly that suggest he was grooming you for sexual abuse. I understand this may be difficult, but can you describe how that started? It started very innocent, you know, normal exchanges that started to turn like a little uncomfortable or a little more curious. Not exactly sure if I was interpreting everything correctly, but I was a 14-year-old girl. I was inexperienced intimately, sexually, but I was also going through puberty like girls do at my age. And so to be blamed and shamed for something that happened to me when I was 14 with a man who was 18 years older than me, somehow it just became my fault. There's a chapter in your book. It's called Kept. You were kept inside by R. Kelly. You were kept a secret. You were kept quiet. And as I read about your confinement, not being allowed to go out, your dad having to sneak in to see you, it just felt physically quite suffocating and stunning. What would you want other people to know now about what it was like to go through that, to live through that when you were still so young? It was everything that I hear about prison. The way you eat, the way you wake up, the way you go to sleep. It was very traumatizing. It was very hurtful and lonely. In 2001, a video of you and R. Kelly that has become very infamous leaked to the public, and I'm not going to restate the details of that video, but I'll just note that I believe you were 16 when it leaked and you were 14 when that video was made. And that was when your parents learned the truth. And ultimately, your mom and dad made the choice to follow the plan that Kelly set out, which was to deny the truth to later allow you to continue to see him. Can you describe just what that was like and how this felt when all of this come to life? That was a very difficult decision for my parents. They didn't do it on Robert's behalf They did it out of fear of losing me completely mentally physically emotionally Robert did a great job of using me against my parents to confuse them to make them feel powerless And I know and understand how that looks to the public But until you the parent of Roshona Lampier, you wouldn't understand that. And I hope my memoir can clear some things up, not everything, but it was very difficult for them. I mean, just listening to you speak, you seem to offer them a tremendous amount of grace and understanding. It sounds like you described them being in an impossible situation. Yes. I know the things that I had to say to them. So I don't really point the blame at anyone for Robert's actual action. You know, it took a lot of prayer. But when you become a parent, you can understand the worldview a lot better. Is there anything that you would want to say to the other adults who are around you who might have known what you were going through? Is there anything you'd want them to know today? That's a very good question. And for the people who enabled Robert to carry out his mission and operate things the way that he did, you know who you are. And I hope at this point, you are holding him accountable. I want to ask you specifically about something that you write. It's around that 2008 trial, and you raise a question about that video that you were in. You wrote, I wonder if my body hadn't been brown, would anyone outside the jury have seen it exposed and abused? And it seems to speak to a history that I think you and I know well. And it's heartbreaking of how black girls and women are seen and sexualized and treated in our society and in many cases dismissed more easily than our counterparts. If you had to answer that question for yourself now, if your body hadn't been brown, would this have looked differently? What would you say? I definitely think there would have been a different outcome. Everybody deserves fair treatment, no matter what your race or the color of your body is. But I do think I would have been handled as a victim and not for public humiliation or just tossed around by everybody to see and watch, to laugh at or judge. You say you no longer see yourself as the R Kelly girl that everyone talking about What do you want people to know about who Roshona Lanfair is today I'm a great person. I'm a mother. I'm a friend. I'm a human being, and I have feelings. Yeah. What other steps have you had to take to be able to heal yourself? A lot of prayer, a lot of loneliness, and a lot of finding the positive, the testimony. I'm so happy that I can stand here today and help so many other people with indicators of pedophilia and molestation. and our culture and our communities, we do a great job of keeping that a secret and making victims feel the blame. And I have a testimony where I can step out of that shadow and help many more people heal. What is your message for young girls or young women who may find themselves, God forbid, in the situation that you found yourself in? You hold more power than you think you do. Your abuser is not more powerful than you. You can stand up to him or her. You can speak out, challenge them, and make them more uncomfortable than they make you. And once you realize that you have the key to do that, you'll have a different outcome. Rashana Lanfair, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for having me today. NPR reached out to R. Kelly's attorney for comment, and we haven't heard back. but his lawyer told our member station WBEZ Landfair didn't deserve the torment of being thrust into the public eye by other people who attacked Kelly's reputation and that, quote, if there is a financial benefit Ms. Landfair can get now by using Mr. Kelly's name in a book, he wants her to have it, end quote.
