Rumpelstiltskin (Adam's Secrets Version)

Pina! To celebrate the new season of Grimm Grimm-er Grimmest, which is coming out on June 12th, we're gonna start reposting some of the episodes that you all have listened to the most. Now, many of these episodes I actually haven't heard in years. So I'm gonna listen to them too, and at the end of each episode I'm gonna share with you some things that occurred to me while I was listening. Stuff I'd forgotten or never even realized, or memories I had from making that episode. Also, we're doing a live show in Brooklyn on June 14th at 11am at the Brooklyn Public Library on The Steps, and I'm going to retell whichever episode you all vote for as your favorite. Check the show notes for details on how to vote. Okay, so let's find out if this one is your favorite. If it is, don't forget to vote. Hey everyone, Adam here. I have some exciting news. New episodes are here. We are making an extra special season called Adam's Sneak Peaks. It features all new stories from me, but with a twist. You are gonna get to hear these stories before anyone else, before I even go into a classroom. I am recording them at home wearing my slippers, because I want your input to help shape the final episode. You can write to me or even call me and leave a message to let me know what you think of the episode, and your feedback is gonna help me shape the episode for the final version of it. And also, we might even find a way to use your voices on future Grim Grim R-Grimist episodes. Yeah! And in case that wasn't enough, we will then use some of those stories to make a full, brand new season with the kids, the actors, the music, everything that makes Grim Grim R-Grimist the show that you love. We're gonna have new Grim episodes basically all the time for the rest of the year. Isn't that amazing? I'm amazed. I'm also a little bit intimidated, but we're gonna do it. But we do need your help, because these new episodes will only be available for Pina subscribers. This is part of how we can keep making great Grim Grim R-Grimist stories, and this leads me to more great news. From now through the end of March, we are offering a major discount on annual subscriptions to Pina, Pina the app where you'll be able to access all the new Grim content, as well as some new content that will be coming to Pina that we know you love, but we can't tell you about yet, but don't worry, you already listened to it and you love it. So to hear all this new stuff, have your parents visit Pina.fm, that's P-I-N-N-A.fm, and use code Grim30 during checkout for 30% off your annual subscription. I cannot wait to share these new stories with you. Your support allows me to keep making these episodes, and keep Grim Grim R-Grimist going. Thank you for being a listener. Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like to tell lots of different kinds of stories. I especially like to tell Grim fairy tales. Well, what does that mean, you might be wondering? What is a Grim fairy tale? I don't even know the definition of the word Grim. Well, Grim spelled with one M means dark and scary and ominous, but Grim spelled with two M's is the name of two brothers, Jacob and Wilhelm Grim. These brothers Grim lived in Germany over 200 years ago, and they're famous for the stories they collected. Stories like Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. Now, you may think, I stopped liking those stories when I was like three years old, because they are cute and boring. But listen, those were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the Grim Fairy tales. The original Grim tales aren't like that at all. They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they're Grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original Grim Grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a Grim Fairy tale? I don't know if you said yes or no, because I can't hear you. So let me tell you a few things that might help you decide. When I say Grim Fairy tales are weird, I mean like really weird. Like, wait, how did that kid just turn into a church? And what, did that princess just come back to life? Most of the time, these questions don't have answers. But that's okay. Sometimes it's fun to just ask the questions anyway. Here's another thing you need to know. These stories can be scary. On a scale of Grim, Grimmer and Grimmest, the story I'm going to tell today is Grimmer. It's not very scary and you might have even heard it before. But there is some weirdness and some danger. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a Grim Fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, Grimmer, Grimmest. You're all third. Okay. My name is Adam, but I let my kids call me Mr. Gidwitz. Yeah, that's my last name. Gidwitz. Adam Gidwitz. No, not that. All right, here we go. Once upon a time, there was a Miller who was very proud of his daughter. He loved to talk about her. The Miller's daughter was the greatest kid ever born. At least that's what the Miller seemed to think. Do your parents ever talk about you this way? Oh, she's so wonderful at this. He's amazing at that. Come on, show them. Don't be shy. She's really amazing. It's kind of embarrassing, right? Your brands do that? Yeah, yeah. You know exactly what our friends do. We brands this all the time. My parents get in beer. We buy dancing in public. Yeah. That seems in public. Also, when they're bragging about you like that, sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure, right? They're like, he's so amazing. And you're like, am I really, you know? Yeah. One evening, the Miller was at a tavern bragging about his daughter. Everything someone's kid could do, the Miller's daughter could do better. Eventually, someone said, My daughter can spin the roughest wool into the finest thread. Oh, yeah? Said the Miller. My daughter can spin straw into golden thread. Real thread made out of gold. Well, no one believed him. But the Miller insisted. And the tavern was a servant to the king. The servant said to the Miller, If your daughter can spin straw into golden thread, she should come to the palace. The king would reward her greatly. So the next day, the Miller set out with his daughter to see the king. The Miller's daughter was furious with her father. I can't spin straw into gold. Why would you say that? But the Miller just patted her on the hand and said, You'll be fine. When the Miller and his daughter got to the castle, they were led into a small stone room. The air was thick with dust, and the room was stacked floor to ceiling with straw. A spinning wheel, which is used to spin wool into yarn, sat in a corner. The king walked in. So? The king announced. I hear you can spin straw into gold. The Miller's daughter tried to object. Actually, Your Highness. But the Miller cut her off. Of course she can. And because the Miller was older, and a man, and her father, the king listened to him and not to her. Which is not right or fair at all. But it's how things worked in that kingdom. Anyway, the king said, If she can spin all this straw into gold by morning, I will make you the richest Miller in the kingdom. But if she cannot, you will be proven a liar, and I will hang you from your thumbs until you are dead. With that, he took the Miller by the arm, led him out of the room, and locked the door behind him. Okay, I have a question for you. Do you know what kills you if you are hanging by your thumbs until you die? Like, what is it that kills you? What is in the end? What do you die from when you're hanging by your thumbs? You think it's starvation or something. You think it's starvation? What do you think? Your blood flow kind of gets cut off. Yeah. You think your blood flow gets cut off when you die from lack of blood flow? The nail's like it goes through. Oh, the nails that goes through your nails, and that somehow kills you? Like, goes through your fingers? Yeah, it does. What do you think? The nail gets inside. The nail gets inside of you? Oh, and maybe you get like infected or something? The nail's all over you. Those are awesome guesses. The answer is I have no idea how you die by hanging by your thumbs. Those could all be right. I have no idea. The miller's daughter looked at the straw and began to weep. She was furious with her father and terrified for them both. She wept thinking of her father dying of getting infected or the circulation being cut off or starving while hanging from his thumbs. You know what we said. I know. I was just repeating what you said. But then she stopped weaving because standing in front of her was a tiny man with spindly little legs, enormous eyes, and a funny, mashed up looking face. He said, Hello there. Hello. How do you do? And she graciously curtsied because it is always best to be polite to tiny magical men who appear out of nowhere. Why are you crying? If I don't spin all this straw into gold by morning, the king will hang my father by his thumbs until he dies. That is a terrible way to die. Do you know what kills you first? Never mind. You don't want to know. Anyway, I can spin all this straw into gold for you by morning, but it'll cost you. What? I'll give you anything. I don't want much. Just a lock of your hair. Why would you want a lock of my hair? In response, the tiny man started to sing. I'm a strange little man with strange little ways. And if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days. I am clever. I am tricky. I am cunning. I am wise. Don't ask me any questions. I won't tell you any lies. Oh, well, okay. That's a good round. Yeah, that's a pretty good round. You liked it? Yeah, a little round. But she didn't want her father to die by hanging from his thumbs. So she agreed. The tiny man cut off a lock of her hair with a tiny pair of golden scissors, tucked the lock into a pocket of his vest, sat down at the spinning wheel, and spun 10 bales of straw into perfect thread of pure gold. The next morning, the king opened the door to the little room. To his shock and delight, the straw was gone, and now half the room was filled with golden thread. The king was thrilled. He said, Come with me. He hurried the miller's daughter to another room, larger than the last, with 20 bales of straw. Spin this straw into gold by morning, and your father will be rich, and you will be even richer. But if you fail, I'll know that you've played a trick on me, and your father will hang from his thumbs until he's dead. The king closed and locked the door behind him. The miller's daughter gathered up the straw and fed it through the spinning wheel, trying to do exactly what the tiny man had done the night before. But try as she might. She could not spin straw into gold. She began to weep again, both at the thought of her father dying by hanging from his thumbs, and also at how angry she was that he had done this to them both. But just then, the tiny man appeared. He offered to spin all the straw into gold in exchange for her fingernail clippings. The miller's daughter was now completely creeped out. Uh, why do you want my fingernail clippings? But the tiny man just replied, I'm a strange little man with strange little ways, and if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days. I am clever and tricky. I am cunning. I am wise. Don't ask me any questions. I won't tell you any lies. Oh, will he? So the miller's daughter agreed. The tiny man clipped her fingernails with tiny golden nail clippers. It's just super gross, right? Slid them into a pocket of his vest, sat down at the spinning wheel, and spun 20 bales of straw into perfect gold thread. The next morning, the king came in, saw the golden thread, and exclaimed, What a remarkable girl you are. Come with me. So he hurried her into an enormous room. When the miller's daughter saw it, her stomach felt all sick and twisty. 100 bales of straw were stacked from floor to ceiling. I think the king's trying to use her just so she can get even more rich. I mean, I think you're right. Making him gold. He's not going to make you rich. He's going to... He might just do it anyway, because he wants to be rich too. The miller's daughter looked at the straw stacked from floor to ceiling and said, I don't know. But the king said, If you can spin this straw into gold by morning, I will take you as my wife. You will rule as my equal, and I will never ask you to spin straw to gold again for as long as you live. But if you fail, I will be forced to hang your father by his thumbs until he dies. The king closed and locked the door behind him. The miller's daughter didn't even try to spin the straw into gold. Nor did she weep. She just called... Tiny man. Tiny man. The tiny man was there. He gazed at the straw in the room. That is a lot of straw. The miller's daughter asked, Can you do it? I'll give you anything. The tiny man thought for a moment. I will spin all this straw into gold by morning in exchange for your first born child. Well, this was far creepier than a lock of hair or fingernail clippings. Why do you want my first born child? Asked the miller's daughter. But the man merely sang, I'm a strange little man with strange little ways. And if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days. I am clever. I am tricky. I am cunning. I am wise. Don't ask me any questions. I won't tell you any lies. The miller's daughter begged the tiny man to take something else. But he refused. It was her first born child or nothing. At last, she agreed and the tiny man cackled. He spun all the straw into gold. In the morning, the king came and opened the door. Instead of straw, he saw endless spools of golden thread. He shouted with wonder. What a special girl you are. Please miller's daughter, will you marry me? I will never ask another thing of you again as long as you live. You will rule this kingdom as my equal in all things. What do you think? Should she marry him? No. Would you? You have a strong opinion about it. Why shouldn't she marry the king? Because he literally said that I'll hang your father from his thumbs until he dies if you don't make me do something impossible. Seems like not a nice dude. I don't think she should marry him because then she will have to give her first born child to that little man and then the king will get mad at her. Oh, that's a really good thought that she would totally get in trouble for giving away the first born child. Also, guess what? And then she might have another child. Yeah. Okay, one more. Uh-oh. Um, I think that he shouldn't, um, she shouldn't marry him because one, you never know if he's lying. Two, if you marry him, he might think, she doesn't care about his father anymore or he'll just kill him anyway. Maybe. And why would you marry a guy who's trying to force you? Right, totally. Well, let's see what the Miller's daughter does. So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? So, what's up? Something he dreamed about that night had actually happened. Dream Breachers is a high-stakes sci-fi mystery adventure. And with the help of his friends, a reappearing stranger, and a mysterious organization called the Dream Academy, Evan will discover what it means to be a dream breacher. If that sounds like a dream to you, you are in luck, my friend. You can listen to Dream Breachers now, wherever you get your podcasts. The Miller's daughter thought about the king's offer. It would be nice to finally be her own boss, she thought. If she was queen, no one could make her live up to their stupid boasts, or force her to save someone's life by performing impossible tasks, or speak over her when she tried to tell the truth. It sounded like a nice change. So, she agreed. And they were married. And it was a nice change. The king was kind, most of the time, and when he wasn't, the Miller's daughter could tell him off because she was his equal. All went well until she had her first child, a little baby girl. The night after the girl was born, as the Miller's daughter lay in her royal bed, cradling the child in her arms, the tiny man appeared. He demanded his due. The Miller's daughter was horrified. She offered him all the riches in the kingdom if only he would let her keep the child. But he would not be moved. He insisted on taking the baby girl. The Miller's daughter began to weep deeper and harder than she'd ever wept in her life. She wept and wept and wept. The tiny man saw this weeping and was moved. Fine. If you can guess my name, I will let you keep your daughter. What? That's a weird and arbitrary price for keeping my daughter? To the Miller's daughter. You want the deal or not? If you can guess my name in three days, I'll have no power over you or the baby. But if you fail, she is mine and no power on earth can keep her from me. What choice did the Miller's daughter have? Besides, how hard could guessing his name be? So she asked, Can I start guessing now? Sure. Is it Tom? No. Bill? No. Bob? No. Fred? No. She kept guessing for a long time. But every name she guessed, the tiny man smiled and said, No. Then he said, I'll come back tomorrow night and you can guess again. And he disappeared. The next day, the Miller's daughter took her baby into her arms and went out around the kingdom, asking for every name anyone had ever heard of. The next night, the tiny man showed up and the Miller's daughter started guessing again. Is it John? No. Mark? No. Mark with a C? No. Mark with a Q? What? No. Is it Fred? You guessed Fred, yes today. No matter how many times she tried, she couldn't guess his name. The next day, the Miller's daughter consulted all the scholars of the kingdom and all their most ancient books. She made an enormous list of names. But that night went just as badly as the night before. Is it Fred's? No. Murphy? No. Tiffany? That's a girl's name! It's not Tiffany. Fred? It's not Fred. Do you guys want to guess some names? Yeah. All right, guess some names. What do you think? Rumpelskill soup. Okay, could be that. What else? Johanna. Johanna? I'll come back to you. Joe Clipper. Joe Clipper? That's a good name. Joe Clipper? No name dude. No name dude? Freakish a little guy with huge eyes and just a pair of eyes. That's a good name. The third day, the Miller's daughter felt the deepest despair. She took her baby in her arms and wandered through her kingdom, not even bothering to ask for names. What was the use? Tonight, the tiny man would come and take her precious daughter. She wandered farther and farther into the poorest neighborhoods of the kingdom, among huddled shacks and then warming their hands over garbage fires. And then, as the Miller's daughter got out into the scrubby woods at the edge of her kingdom, she heard an odd but familiar song. I'm a strange little man with strange little ways, and if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days. So clever and so tricky that I always say, that I always win and no one knows my name is Rumpelstutzkin. And she heard a mad cackling. Can you all cackle the top of your lungs? That was creepy. Well, the Miller's daughter rushed back to the castle just as night fell. She was lying in her bed, nursing her baby, when the tiny man appeared. Today is the final day. If you can't guess my name, your daughter is mine. I think I know your name. Oh, you think so? The tiny man cackled. And when the Miller's daughter heard the cackle, she knew she was right. Is it Eggilroy? No. Is it Godric? No. Is it Bumpynose? No. Is it freakish little guy with huge eyes who just appears out of nowhere? No. Is it Fred? What is your obsession with the name Fred? Fine. Is it Rumpelstutzkin? The tiny man was furious. How did you learn that? How did you know? Now, there are a few different versions of the end of this story. In some of them, Rumpelstutzkin gets so mad that he stamps his foot so hard, he goes flying out the window. Which doesn't make any sense. In other versions of the story, he stamps his foot so hard that he shatters into a thousand pieces, which makes even less sense, because people don't just shatter. What really happened was that Rumpelstutzkin stamped his foot so hard that it got buried three feet in the ground. Then he grabbed his other leg and pulled up on it with such force that he ripped himself in half. Yes. Really. And the Miller's daughter lived happily ever after. Oh, and she named her daughter Fred. Problem. The end. Did you have like a boyfriend named Fred or something? So you know what's really funny? You know what the name Fred? I'm scared. I don't know. Wasn't that scary? There were some suspense. I noticed you guys feeling a little bit suspenseful. It was suspenseful, but it wasn't scary. It was, but it definitely wasn't boring. That's awesome. It was really fun. And there was one gross part at the end. It was not gross when he ripped himself in half. No. No. It was when it was more gross. It was like blood splatter. No. No. No. No. Don't let any tears in your eyes. Hold on. Move your hand. Okay. I hope you enjoyed that. I actually really did. A couple of things that occurred to me as I was listening. First of all, I totally forgot that in that original opening of the show, I went into a little bit more of the history of the brother's grim. I think that's cool. I'm so glad that that is the first episode so that when people do discover the show, hopefully they learn a little bit more about the brother's grim and who they are and why this show is called Grim Grimmer Grimmest. Also, um, embarrassing note, I have to admit that while I remembered that his name was Rumpelstiltskin, in writing down notes while listening to the episode, I realized that I completely forgot how to spell Rumpelstiltskin. And before you laugh at me, go try it yourself. It's not as easy as you think. Okay. At the very beginning of the episode, the very first time we ever go into the kingdom of grim, as we call it. So we talk about two different sound escapes for the episodes. One is the classroom and the other we call the kingdom of grim. So the first time in all of Grim Grimmer Grimmest history that we enter the kingdom of grim, we enter a tavern where there is some bumping Renaissance rock and roll music playing. It's like, I want to record that bumping rock and roll Renaissance music. It just makes me feel like, okay, the kingdom of grim is going to be an amazing place, which I think it turned out to be over the course of the last 40 episodes. If you listen to more episodes of Grim Grimmer Grimmest, if you listen to them all, you know that we have this sort of recurring joke about hanging from your thumbs. I totally forgot that came from our very first episode. I forgot that that came from Rumpelstiltskin. I always associate it with the episode 10 thumbs for obvious reasons. But I was surprised and delighted to hear it here at the very beginning of Grim Grimmer Grimmest. I also, like the bump in music in the tavern, completely forgot Rumpelstiltskin's rhyme, which is effectively like a rap. Like, he should become a rapper and call himself MC Rump, and he's going to have a real future, I think. At least he would if he hadn't ripped himself in half. Okay, now I have an embarrassing admission. The whole thing about the fingernail clippings just made me laugh out loud. I'm embarrassed because, like, should you laugh out loud at jokes that you tell? I'll give you an answer. As a professional writer, as an author, and a writer of podcast episodes, the answer is yes, you absolutely should. In fact, if I don't laugh out loud at a joke when I write it, it's not good enough to put in the book or in the podcast. If I'm not laughing out loud at it, there is no way you're going to laugh out loud at it. You probably won't even crack a smile. So, yeah, I do laugh out loud at my own jokes, which is embarrassing. But it's nice to go back to listen to this episode all these years later, and still laugh out loud at those jokes. So one of the kids says something about she shouldn't marry the king because if they have a child together and then she gives that child a way to Rumpelstiltskin, she's going to be in big trouble with the king. And it was such a good point. I remember when they said that, that I was like, oh my gosh, these kids are going to be understanding or thinking about these stories in ways that never occurred to me. And I'm going to have to deal with that every time they open their mouths. Now, obviously, that happens again and again in all these episodes, but Rumpelstiltskin was the first episode we ever recorded. And I remember sitting there being like, oh snap, these kids are going to blow my mind over and over again, and I'm going to have to just react live. And hopefully we're going to be able to use it in the recording. I felt scared in that moment. But it was kind of the beginning of something really amazing in this podcast. Also, another recurring joke that we have in Grim Grimmer Grimist is the one about Fred and the name Fred. That also starts here in the first ever episode. But I remembered that and I love it. Okay, last observation. The sound effect for Rumpelstiltskin ripping himself in half is so shocking and disgusting. I forgot how gross it was, but now I remember upon hearing it, that sound effect was the reason we had to label this episode Grimmer. We were planning on starting with a Grim one, and then that sound effect went in there, and was so gross, we were like, it's got to be Grimmer, not Grim. And we were like, oh, should we tone it down or take it out? You know, so we can start with just an episode that's Grim. And I was like, no, it's awesome. Let's keep it. And of course, after the sound effect, you hear the kids just giggling uncontrollably at the fact that he has ripped himself in half. And that's when I realized that you guys are just weirdos. There is something wrong with you children out there. But thank heavens there is, because otherwise you wouldn't be listening to my messed up podcast. All right, those are my thoughts about the first ever episode of Grim, Grimmer, Grimist. Remember to go vote for your favorite one. I should be in the show notes how to do that. And yeah, we'll post another few of these and this was fun. Talk to you soon. Grim, Grimmer, Grimist is a Pina original production created and written by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale, Dark and Grim. Produced and edited by Ilana Milner, casting and voice direction by Paula Gammon-Wilson, sound design and mixing by Beat Street NYC, location recording by Jason Gambrell and Evan Viola, narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, characters voiced by Francesca Calo, Kylie Claxton, Kailin Clinton, Nicholas Corder, Michael Crouch, Dylan Jones, George Lambert, Eddie Lee, Ilana Milner, Nofie Mitchell, Allison Rosenfeld, Erica Schroeder and Billy Bob Thompson. Special thanks to the staff and students at Brooklyn Friends School and Manhattan Country School. You guys are amazing. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog has been thrust into a not so dark, not so stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the Intrepid Chaotix Detective Agency as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying, action-packed adventure will take them across the world, fighting for every clue they can find. It's one heck of a tale, which is good, because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed in Sonic the Hedgehog presents The Chaotix Case Files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. Go on adventures with Opal Watson, the curious, brave kid detective with her own mystery solving business. Whether something's gone missing or something strange is happening in town, she'll get to the bottom of it. She always does. So break out your notepad and be prepared for dramatic twists and turns because you're coming along on her next case. Opal Watson, Private Eye. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.