“Oh, Look! Spider-Man!” (w/ Kristen Wiig)

This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. We interrupt your regular programming for a very special announcement. Saturday nights are made for Mayhem with celebrity sabotage. Watch me, Joe Donnie. Me, GK Barry. Me, Sam Thompson. And Judy Love. It's Corston Pallius. Do not move a muscle. This is no mad. Find that commercial place. Watch out, this is a funny deck. Celebrity sabotage. Start Saturday 21st of March on ITV1 and ITVX. Look, man. Oh, I see him. Oh, my. Oh, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Yes. Last culture, Easter. Ding dong. Last culture Easter is calling. Now, where'd you just come from? I just came from my dressing room at a salon. Today was my actual last day. So I had to sneak in there. We're about to go to Japan. Everyone is back at work from Hiatus. Everyone's going back today for Monday pitch. But I did really sneak in there before everyone came back. Clear now at my stuff. A lot of wonderful detritus. But the biggest thing for me was this original wig mold from the hair department. And a little note from Jody Miankou. So the Emmy winning Jody Miankou. So to my bow and until next time. I love Jody. Oh, my God. This is my head. When you host one day, you have to bring this back. I guess so. But no, this is going in my... Yeah, this has a spot. You know, I have a little like head... I can have stand in my apartment, right? Yes, of course. This is a new house. This is perfect for a hat stand. Yeah. Because it's your head already. It's absolutely. Oh, my gosh. And this was this word bow and is this where your face would go? That's where... Let's see. Face and eyes. I just want to say face and eyes. Well, I think this is more... The eyes are the eyes of the face. I should get this tattooed on... Like right here. That would be really good. It would be nice anyway. And then you start a music career. And then I start a music career. But this was all beautifully quincidental because... Isn't it? Actually, a lot of things about this are kizmity because I went in. Today was like the last day to do it. And then our guest was coming in today. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. And then as I walked to this building, coming out of her gorgeous motorcade, many cars. Many cars? It was just one. But coming out of her car was our guest. And she was in a gorgeous... Fulfer. And it felt... It felt vultures. It felt so perfect. Kizmitt. Kizmitt. And then so many things about the guests are perfect. I recently got to have some hijinks with the guests. I would describe our sort of cavorting as Scooby-Doo-esque on the news season of Pomeroyal. Oh my God. I've always wanted to do a stakeout. You got to do multiple stakeouts, like behind a hedge, in a car. It was wish fulfillment. You got... You were up to hijinks and your ass was up to high cheeks. Damn. Thank you so much. There were a lot of great... Pomeroyal season two episode seven? Yeah. You got to realize that this director really loves... I believe the creator of the show. I will say it's Abe Sylvia. It's Abe Sylvia. It's the legend. The legend is the legend. Who was responsible for this? Yes. Frames the male asses in the show with an attention to detail that I would only describe as gay. He did rivalry ass. Yes. And I would say that there's Clulia Gay Guy in charge of the show. Oh, we did. And behind the camera and writing the scripts. And thank God. And actually, I told him I was like, from one gay guy to another, congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Because this is a gay guy's show. And I am so... Like happy. I mean, I was watching the episode and just... I has the best cast of all time. It's perfect. By the way, you can stream all of it now on Apple TV Plus and get... They dropped the plus. They dropped the plus. Oh, Apple TV. Is there no plus? There's no plus anymore. That doesn't mean it's anything less. Just because they've lost their plus doesn't mean they're not a plus. Yeah. They're just Apple TV Plus. Still a... Anyways. Anyways. They're one on this. We love you. We love you Abe Sylvia. Abe Sylvia. A great two first names name. Oh, per... Yes, Sylvia. Sneaking in there with the last name. That's a woman's last name. Most of the time. Most of the time. Not always. But I will say there's... There's... Congratulations on order because we are sitting here with an actor award nominee. Newly renamed actor award nominee. And that is a big fucking deal. And I have to say I'm not surprised at all because I don't think there's a person in this business who's more... who elicits a more emphatic, like excited, joyful response than the even idea of our guest showing up. And she has shown up here today. A true pal. A true talent. And more. Please do yourself us and more a favor by clapping hands like this as in the ways of the seal and... And... And exalting the presence of our one only guest. Christopher! Oh, God. It's hard to be quiet in the beginning. It's hard to be quiet in the beginning. You did a great job. Oh, I have to turn away and do you want to go inside giggles? Yeah, listen. Giggle forward from now on. Giggle forward. I'm going to get for the intro. Hang a joint. Congrats. Thank you. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. And I know that feeling of cleaning out that room. What was it like? Do you remember that moment for you? And I was going to ask, what was your dressing room? Which one was it? I think it's the one Sarah's in now. Oh, that's a good one. It's a good energy. And that one. You got the stairs. There's the bathroom. And I think it's the first one. You hang right. Yes. Oh, my God. That was a little bit of a party dressing room. It was because of the way it's located. It was when I was there as well. Well, I'm sure. Yes. And cleaning out my office was hard. Uh-huh. Yeah, because you go when you don't do it when everyone's there. It's a haunted. Yeah. And you're like, come in with a box. Right. You fill it up and then no one's there. And it's like, goodbye building. Why is that bad at the security guards? And that was nice. Yes. That was very sweet to it. Come back soon, Bob. I don't know. Come back soon, Bob. It's all these seven foot tall. I love them all. Jersey guys. And they've been there forever. And you just feel so safe. I'm sure they're incredible. Also, the one icon is Monet Exchange's brother. Brother Sean, the best unbelievable unbelievable. Unbelievable. I, but it also felt like so beautiful and perfect. The perfect period on it was running into you. And I just have to say that, uh, yeah, you were, you were the first, you were the first alum to impart something to me, which was, uh, enjoy the job while you can, because you'll miss it every day afterwards. And it's the fun of job in the world. And I was like, yes, Christian wig. It's fun. Yeah. And I think it's so easy to like over, especially because of the nature of the show, it's like, you don't know what you're doing ever. And like you could have a sketch that works at dress and it doesn't work at it. There's so much like letting go. So it's just like, oh, it's just, you know, not to say it can't be stressful at times, but it's so fun. Yeah. So fun. Yeah. You're, yeah, you're just like being done. And I want to give a moment to, um, and I told Matt this this morning, I think we need to dedicate some time to the great James Anderson. I could talk about James Anderson the whole old. This is the literal place and the great, like that duo, but like individually, they are perfect, but together they were perfect. I think they were, you're, you're, so these two writers at SNL, you're, you're, I think collaborators as well. Yeah. I got to overlap with them. Yeah. And James, oh boy, names just, just some names. I'll be getting a name. Yeah. Were you beginning's Chang? No, no, no, that was Maya. That was Maya beginning's, she's beginning's Chang non-sacrish. I wait. And what was Kenan's name in, uh, in what up with that? Oh, um, um, um, no, trees is the one who's things like you get the idea. But, um, but my teeth to stroke was Amy Puller's name. Oh my God. My, I was blessed with the James name once, Latoni Garage. And I was a songwriter for Kenan and Scarlett Johansson's Christmas elves who sang like Christmas pop song, Latoni Garage. And to back it up with Garage. And then he wrote me, I think, started every other writer, including myself. My favorite line I've ever set on that show. I can say that now in posterity, which was as Latoni Garage coming up and saying, um, this song was a no-mush to my mother of the house, Miss Buffet styles. Yeah. It was written at 5 a.m. when I was skiing with Miss Connie. See what I'm saying? The snow that goes up, thunder, stand, the snorty snow. I'm talking about Craig. I have that in my bones. Of course you do. How do you like that? I'm going to be done in schools for auditions. If you're not using that as your monologue to get into NYU Tish, you're not getting into NYU Tish. You're not getting into Yale drama school. You don't have a future. And even now watching, you're just like, I know, I have that James. That's James Kent. Ken did that. Ken did that. How many watch right now? I will say not as much now with with the children. Yes. Because there's a contingent of alums. You're like Tina and Amy seem to watch it every week. Yes. And they're like, oh, that must have moved down from air or from dress. They're like talking shop about it. Yes. Watching later, but like actual Saturday night, I haven't done that in a long time. No problem. With my little children. What are you watching with the kids? What's their favorite show? Gabby's play house. Do they love Miss Rachel? Are they just a little old from Miss Rachel? What's Miss Rachel? Gabby's dollhouse. Oh, Miss Rachel. Yes, yes, yes, yes, they've seen Miss Rachel. Gabby's dollhouse. They love some Paw Patrol. They love wild crafts. What do you do? What do wild crafts? Wild crafts? Where should I look? Wild crafts. Tell them. Tell them. Well, these two guys, the crap brothers and they talk about an animal. I don't really. The crap brothers. I don't watch with them. You know enough to know what's happening. I'm not harming the children. It's not going to happen. They take an animal, start studying the animal and then they turn animated and oh my god, I can't pitch the show. They're animated with the animated animal. Yeah, you know what though? What's important is it makes sense to them. Then they come out. Here's what it is. Here's what it is. I turn on the wild crafts. Yeah. I make sure it's set up. Yeah. And then oftentimes I don't stay. No, you're not staying. Yeah. So why would you stay? And then I'll come back in and be like, oh, so you learned about lemurs. Yeah. Because they're 16 years old. Who? Both of your children. Yeah. You go off and you watch something adult. You were saying earlier your favorite shows are NCIS every franchise. Every single one I fall asleep. Yeah. So just murder and stuff. Adults. No, I can't watch those shows. I mean, I can't be stressed before bed. I'm too sensitive. Unless it's women arguing as we know. Oh, yeah. I'm not that sensitive. House we're all big in the house. I can't do murder. I can't do scary movies. I can't do anything dark. It stays in my brain. I'm too sensitive. You two are kindreds for sure. I'm an HSP for sure. I can't even do something stressful. You know what I'm dying to watch? Like a baking show. Like do you find those to be at the stressful, stressful programming? Sometimes. Sometimes. Like, oh, the ganache isn't dry. Or whatever. I don't think. I think Vanessa hosts the baking show. Well, she did. Yes. She did host something. Yes. And Casey Wilson. Yes. Yes. The celebrity. Oh, that's such a dream. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Any competition. He's done it. I feel bad for the people who say. No, who do I mean? I hosted a dog grooming competition show called Hot Dog. Like Hot Couture. I'm so much. That is no longer on, man. You may not watch it. It's beyond that. Okay. It was it was it was removed. It's erased from the internet. Yeah. Wow. It's completely gone. It was me Robin Fede and Jess Rona. Zaslav said not for me. He said, this is not good. Wow. These dogs should look like dogs, not fashion models. Okay. Because one dog they turned into Lady Gaga, another dog they turned into Kate Goslin. 2009 Kate Goslin. Yeah. Yeah. And this was recent. This was pandemic. This. This literally shot. It shot in July 2020. It was the only thing shooting in Los Angeles along with RuPaul's Drag Race. It was hot dog and RuPaul's Drag Race. And it was it was truly I was like, wow, we shot like two weeks straight, 12 episodes. Put it on. It was like chopped with dog grooming, heartbreaking. Well, there's your show. Yeah. Chopped dog. That was the show. That was the show. It was the cooking show with dog grooming. This is that. I think you thought you were coming here to be challenged for your dog grooming, but is a fact make us a cord on blue. Wild, blow drying, it's poodle. And this poodle and making them look like a hard-groomer. Yeah, I have ideas. But wait, I have ideas. You were saying this on Amy's podcast that like, and I relate to this hard, which is that I'm a horrible, horrible storyteller. Like my worst nightmare is explaining. Oh, no, it's my worst. Talking someone through an idea or a narrative and having everyone listen to me while I do it. Bowen, I'm so happy to hear this. Because do you find people are like, that's not true. I don't believe you because you can do other things. I'm bellows, yeah. I'm so bad. It's my nightmare to be out to dinner and be like, oh my god, Kristen, tell the thing. Tell the story. And I'm like, because I couldn't even describe wild cry. I didn't describe it. I kind of described it. I'm not good. It's an avant-garde children show. It's good. It's an avant-garde children show. It's an avant-garde children show. And then somehow they come back. And then they say, thanks for watching. Yeah. I'm happy to know. Can I say that I'm happy to know that children's programming is still like a little wacko and surreal because I remember when we were younger and you would, so it was like Disney channel, which was a little bit more straightforward. And of course, this is more like preteen program I'm talking about. Nickelodeon when we were kids, like young, young. It was cracked. The things that would happen in those animated shows like Renan's Stimpy and like Racco's Modern Life. Like this was very much so. Was that on it in the morning? I think it was on, it wasn't Kajou Network. I think it was Nickelodeon. It was Nickelodeon. It was Nickelodeon. That's it. That's it. In a bar. You know what I mean? Like you'd go into a bar and just like Renan's Stimpy would be playing. That's a cool bar. Like Racco's Modern Life, there was a scene one time where like Racco got shot out of a cannon and landed thousands of miles away and like the where he landed was with full force into a huge like hippopotamus is breasts. And the hippo said, how dare you? Wow. And that was the humor in the program. I don't even know what to say. There's nothing to say. The only thing to do is really react and take it in and then you process it home. Yes. I can't. I let Bluey I think is really sweet. Yeah. Bluey I love. But I just kind of TV is a time for for Mama to rest. Yeah. Mama's resting. She's watching Salt Lake. You work. Can you can you talk about this that you were the most starstruck at the culture awards which you were phenomenal in by the way. I think for doing that. Thank you for having me. And that was such a fun night. Robyn the Riddler's assistant. I didn't quite realize like how many of them were. I'm going to be there. Oh, you mean all of them. I mean, I want to accept with me touring in Australia with Teresa. Looking down at the seats with the names. Yeah. I didn't I get it because it's a connection I have with these people. But of course, broken the barrier. Something I didn't want to cross it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I want to meet them, but I don't want to meet them. You have to be in the TV. Like you say to those people. But then what I loved was we got to see all the photos afterwards from the green room. And you did get a picture with each and every one of them. Which you know made their life. Yeah. Of course I did. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to I wanted to meet and greet every one of them. Yeah. But I don't want to ask them questions. I don't want to know about the show. I don't want to know who knows what before the things like I don't care what's talked about. I don't I don't want to know. Because you're honoring them. I'm hurting. I don't know. Because I'm the same way. Like Matt will tell you this people I'm most stressed right now in the house. So I was 80 Brian is the same way. She was the same way at that night. She was like, I can't believe all of the Salt Lake City women are in there. Just being around sort of running running the whole show was really. And by the way, have you started traders? No, it's the one I haven't started and I will. I love it. Where should I start? I think I'm just going to tell this to you because now this is going to come out like shortly, but the thing is like we now have seen the first three episodes. And so everyone out there. This isn't a spoiler. Yeah. Lisa Rina is a trader. Okay. They've chosen her as a trader and it was for a moment for I think anyone watching that knows exactly how well they've done in making this decision. But to know that she's going to be in charge of the gameplay. See, I don't even really know what it's kind of like they just tap your shoulder, right? And then you're the here. Let's talk about good. Come on. Go look at that. Look. I think. Say what you think traders. No. Everyone lives in a castle. And people get chosen to like kill people. You're doing great. Nobody knows. No one knows. And even if you are a killer you pretend like you're not a killer. Yes. Yes. That's crucial. And then you kill them by. By. By. You. You. You. If you're a traitor, you meet in what's called, and this is real, you meet in what's called the turret at night. Pronounced like, cut it, the tattet by Alan Cupbe. Yes. Yes. Scott Shaii coming out on the coming. And you watch them deliberate on who to kill. Okay. And then the next morning, a breakfast, everyone shows up and then the person who doesn't show up at breakfast. It's dead. Everyone's like, it was this person. And then there's also a British and Australian version of the show. Excellent. And when people don't come into breakfast the next day and they realize who's murdered, people will often say things like, oh no! No! And then the British host is a woman named Claudia. Claudia Winkleman. Claudia Winkleman, who? Who is a Christian wig character? That you need to look up Claudia Winkleman. I will. You actually have to. Oh my god, Kristen, you have to. I will. Because she walks into breakfast like this and goes, the traitors have murdered again. This is a tragedy of Titanic proportions. It's the traitors are laughing at you. The traitors are laughing. I can hear them laughing. And then Tom Daley from the UK diver got eliminated. And she comes and announces he's dead and she goes, he won gold for this country. Is that why he knows enough? He won gold for this country. That wasn't enough. Oh no, I need to watch. It's a Christian. OK, can I ask you a question? When you went on as Harry Styles on the tonight show. Yes. You did not know who Harry Styles was. I don't know. I knew he was. I just didn't know anything about it. You didn't know who's the egg. I knew, it's saying when I did, uh, Coleesier, Michael Jordan, I know who they are, but I don't know. Can you see? What are you coming out dressed as tonight? Are you coming out dressed as a, no, I'm myself. You're my self. Perfect. But we're just doing like a little, you know, let's make fun of Kristen. So speaking of, speaking of make, let's make fun of Kristen. You got the after-a-word nomination of Takeer down a path. Take a take on a path. People are soaring too high. Offer, put it up. Get up. We've been dying to ask you this. Oh my God. What? Because this is a thing that we've quoted and referenced for at least, I want to say like seven years. Oh my God. Oh my goodness. You told a story on the late Joe with David Letterman. This is a really important moment. About one of your first jobs in LA being at Universal Studios. Yes. The park. Oh. As I can recall, you started off at the, you just called it the restaurant. You will have to be more specific. Okay. But we'll get back to that. Yeah. And then you also told the audience, the world, me, that your other job was that you were playing a reporter on the lower level, trying to get people to come to the X-Men's Spider Man show. The outdoor show. The outdoor like stop show basically. Yes. Which did not have seats that just had a stage. This is correct. So your job was to corral. Yes. But then you had a microphone that bloomed your voice to the entire park. Yes. And so you would say things like, come here, come here, or our favorite, the thing that we've been quoting for the past, for the past several years is, hey, did you hear that there are mutants on the loose? Yes. Yes. People would look at you. Our favorite face is this. Okay. So I was there. I worked at, in the restaurant at the executive dining room. Oh, wow. So I did, yeah. So I had to celebrate that. Tracer. Tracer. Well, they have, I would take the order and bring drinks. They had food runners. I would bring the dessert. Great. I had the Thai, the apron. Very chic. That was a great job. Yes. And then I was like, I want to perform. Yes. I got to move into the entertainment sector. I got a job, I auditioned for, they were going to do an improv group. Right. At university? Yes, for the park. Yeah. Oh. Exactly. It was not thought out well. We did not have a stage. We were walking through the park. Just doing improv. Just sort of doing improv. You realize doing improv is being somewhere, getting a suggestion. So literally we would be walking through the park. And we'd be like, hey, can I have a location? And they would be like, Home Depot. And then they would like walk away. And then we would start to do a scene about Home Depot. But then other people would walk up and be like, who are these people? I don't know where that, what's the game? We would stop in the middle of it. No one's watching who was originally there. We trained. We were used for wheat. We had a tradition for this. This is our big break. We did it for one day. And they were like, thank you. We're like this. What is this? Because we'd be like, what are you doing? And then you'd see part of the people. And they're like, rescuing someone from home. And people were just like, excuse me, walking through the scene. There was no stage. Nothing. So you're doing a hotel story. Look at that. OK, well, that. OK, well, I'm crying. Wait. But then they said to me, we are doing this X-Men show on the lower lot on the, there's a 10 escalators down. It sticks the down one. And when you think you're at the bottom of Universal, there's another level that's below. It's still outdoors. There's yet more depth to Universal Studios Hollywood. There was a stage. It was a show with where the X-Men would come out. But I, my name was like something Martinez, something I did not. This was, they gave me the name. I had a microphone. It was dressed like a newscaster. Doris Martinez. Something like that. Something like that. And I came out and they were like, you got to, you got to bring the crowd into like the stage. But it's just people walking around. So I would have to say like, oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, excuse me, hey, my name is something Martinez. Something like Martinez. And like, you hear there's a mutant on the loose. You guys, come on. And then I would just like point to the stage and be like, just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And it was my job to get people to come to the stage and stand there and wait because it was minutes. I had to do this for like minutes. And then music would start. Sure. And storm and will and. Aurora. I'm sure he was involved. He was just like, he tends to go where the X went. Walking through the park. Not even on stage yet. Just like improv. And they're holding like a machine that's like supposed to detect. Mutants. Mutants. Yes. Yes. So then they do that. They'd find like, they go up to like a little kid and like pretend. Pretend to do whatever. And then and then the show's over. And then that's the show. And then are you out there? Okay. No, just like a classic point. And you're a mutant. Like try to raise this glass. And then obviously it's on a pulley, which you could say. And it would go like, that's cute. That's really cute. And the people are like, oh my god, you're a mutant. And then I had to go mutant. Then the end of the show. I'd be like, thanks for coming. Oh my god. It's Spider-Man. And Spider-Man was standing on top of a building. And you know that song by, is it Paramore? It's like, oh Evan Essence. Oh Evan Essence. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, Evan Essence. Yes. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. It's like a fun thing. And then it stops. Spider-Man falls off the building into a puffy mattress that you can see. So he's standing on a building like this. And then the music cuts out. And the music cuts out as he lands. Yes. And then it's over. And then it's over. And then it's away. Everyone walks away. Yeah. And where do you go? Thank you for coming. I go into the guest room there. Yeah. And then I have to do it the next hour. It was like every hour we had to do the show. Oh my god. Thank you for coming. And then. Did you ever find like, did you ever feel like everyone just, yeah, just like walks away. Slowly walking. So no music. Just like. And then everyone walks away. Is this okay that I'm saying? No, I'm not. Did you ever feel like it went well? Yes. Like for sure. Got 30 people to watch it. Because by the end of the summer, and this was in the heat of summer. Yeah. So hot. You know, you start to get like loose with it. And the kids who got, they were like so excited. Yeah. Oh my god. I mean, that was fun. How many people on average would you, Carau, in one show? I mean, in the 10s. In the 10s is good. People would start to come like people because it was a show. It had lights and it had all the X-men were up there. You know, oh, look spider man is title of that. Oh, look spider man is the title of the. Oh, look spider man. How big was the stage? Was it the size of this rug? No, it was like two rugs. It was like two rugs. Yeah, it was about two rugs. Two rugs. Yeah. So, but the thing is I want to say, I loved working at Universal. I can tell it sounds like it was really fun. We're going to movie studio is so fun. I still catered there so I would like, you know, drive the little golf carts around. That quiet moment behind the wheel. The perfect space to get your thoughts in order. With a range of spacious SUVs like the CRV, you've got the room to handle the daily chaos, which makes those big adventures feel that much closer. Because every journey matters. Book a test drive at Braille Honda today. Honda, the power of dreams. The first time I went on the Universal lot, it was too auditioned. They were going to reboot blind date. And I auditioned to be the host and it was like this weird, like they, they driving around on the cart. Like there is like a glamour to it. It's what you always wish for. And I remember thinking the same thing when we were doing pomeroy on the Warner Brothers lot. I remember we were all in costume. Burban. And then it was like cross the street from Abit Elementary. And they're a great vibe. That whole cast is like incredible. You guys are all incredible. It felt like really, really fun. And then I remember everyone's like in costume, whatever. And then the tram went by. And I was like, oh wow, like that was really a cool moment of being on a real lot. And like the fact that like it's just, the pomeroy is like such a realized like the costumes are incredible. Every all the departments are doing like such incredible work. I'm amazing. And to be able to do that on the lot coming from, you know, what you started your career doing. That's like a really full circle. Yeah. And being on the lot, like like you said, there's so many other shows. I think the picture shooting there. So you see people walking around with like bandages on and like we're like, oh my god. The pit, pomeroy, Ellen, Abid, elementary, three different world. You can do anything on a lot. You really can shoot. Let's shoot an L.A. everybody. Come on. But that's beautiful. Thank you for giving us more color and detail because I've been thinking about that. Just you saying did you hear there are mutants on the list? There's mutants on the list. We just watched the show to figure it out. You got to figure out. No, there's going to be mutants on the list. You guys did you hear? There's mutants on the list. Speak about speaking of your early life. Live like a beard. Like one of the things I've wanted to ask you about for a very long time. Okay. And I've never brought up to you. And I don't know if you even know this. But one of my favorite shows in the beginning, like when I was like, when I first got like a TV in my room and could like post up and watch a show all day, was something called the Joe Schmo show. And it was on the man. It was on Spike TV. Spike TV. So it was on Spike TV. Yeah. That was the thing. I remember I would like, because I was like, how did TV in my room? I was flashing back, which is like Spike TV in E. Like, what happened? Howard's term was on E at night. Yeah. But like, such like an adult in my room with a TV. Yeah. I got obsessed with the Joe Schmo show. And you were on the Joe Schmo show. Do you want to describe what the Joe Schmo show was and what your role on it was? Yes. It was a reality show, but it was all improvisers. Kind of like the jury. The jury duty. Yes. Perfect. Perfect. I think I haven't seen it, but it's very familiar. And there was one guy that thought it was real. Right. He thought he was on a show called Lap of Luxury. Yes. And we were all improvisers. And we had to, yes. And my character, he was a doctor Pat. And she was a marriage counselor that was like married like six times. And he was a marriage counselor that had been married many, many times. Yes. And I remember you were on the show and it was like, so basically their job is to like convince this person that they're in a real reality competition show. And he's the only one who's doing it for real. And they're all after playing characters. I was just like, and I wouldn't do it again. I love everyone involved. Yeah. But I have my conscience. I felt bad. Well, basically you had, you felt bad. It's a version of traders, by the way. Very much so. Yes. But the thing was there was a physical challenge where they were all in sumo wrestling outfits. And Kristen was in a sumo wrestling outfit as Dr. Pat. And she was up against the guy who was, you know, the Joe Schmoel. Yeah. And during the competition, he knocked the wind out of you so hard during the sumo wrestling. That you have to go to the hospital and leave the show. What? And I'll never forget you stayed in character. Yes. While you were knocked out and you said over and over again. Oh my stars. Oh my stars. Oh my stars. Oh my stars. I, because the costume, it was one of those sumo things where there's space on the, on the back. And so you're all. So I got, yes. And I got like, fully whipped, fully whipped. And I had to go fuck. And you stayed in character as Dr. Pat. Fuck it. Fuck it. You would have been, I would have been in character. Well, no, because she, she was very, very, very, very, like, didn't swear. Yes. So she's a guy. I'm Dr. Pat. You know what? It was very, Kristen was doing like, like early Kristen, like, hello. Yes. Yes. I'm pleased. Please, like, let me know if you have any problems. I've been married six times. But I have a lot of experience. That is so funny that you watched that. It was my first thing. In fact, that was the show that I got. That's when I left Universal when I was waiting tables. I was like, I've made it. I've made it. No, but those, those jobs are really fucking huge. It was like, it was a big prize. It was like, it was a pain comedy job. It was a pain job for the first time in my life. You know? You and Count the Walking Around Doing Improv at Universal Studios. Like the first day. I would count it. You did one day. Well, the first time, like, it was filmed. You know, like, you know, yes. Yes. That was your TV breakthrough. That was live. That was live. Yeah, that was my performance. That was live. Yeah. That was my performance. Because I agree with you, like, I totally understand you not wanting to do that today, because I watched Jerry Doodan. It was like, the, first of all, because of Omae Stars, you staying in character, just give this woman the after a word now, truly already. And I watched Jerry Doodan. It was like, I don't know how, especially James Morrison, like, I don't know how any of these people are, like, pulling this off. They are incredible. Edie Modica. Oh, I love you. No, judgment. I just, for me, I am too sensitive. My nervous system couldn't handle it. I can't, my nervous system, yeah. Yeah. I couldn't handle it. And also a little bit, like, once you stood, I felt this way when I was doing the prank calls for Elle Magazine. I was like, really nervous. I was like, Oh, God, I don't want to do this. I'm a very empathetic person. I don't want people to be stressed out. And then, like, you start and you're like, Oh, no, I'm too good at it. That's the thing. Yeah. You were good at it. You were Dr. Pat Omae Stars. Oh, my stars. Oh, my stars. Oh, my stars. Oh, my stars. Oh, I never forgot. Oh, that's so funny. And then you got on SNL. What was it? Like, a few years after that? Like, can't have been super long after that. Yeah, years. My time is really bad. I may have been one of the only people that was like, Oh, my God. That's Dr. Pat. You were the only person. Dr. Pat is the new star of Saturday Night Live. Who am I? I was one of my stars. With you being something Martinez, helping to pay for ground links classes, or was that not was that before? Oh, yeah, that I did not have a job that was beautiful to get that job felt like I was, yeah, I was like, I was like, I was making money and I was, you know, when you're starting out, I was like, a big deal. Of course, anything, anything you can get paid doing that is not a survival job, but at that point, it feels like an eye-made at moment. Yes. Yeah. Because I remember our first paycheck. I mean, I have romantic thoughts of those days. Yes, me too. Because it's like, when Matt and I got our first paycheck from Story Pires, we were like, this is technically our first paying comedy. Yeah, it was 30 bucks. It was 30 bucks. 30 bucks. Oh, I did it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a tour guide job in New York that was like on a bus and it wasn't good money, but I felt like it was all worth it just to even be able to do anything in a way where they were like paying me to do that. While we're reminiscing, let's ask Kristen the question. It's time. Kristen, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay. I think, is it okay if I pick a movie? Yes, it's so more than okay. Okay. Well, I have two. A combination of Annie and Greece. Yeah. Because I think Annie for me was like, oh, I want to do that. Yes. Why didn't I get to audition for this? Yeah. Even though I've never acted in my life. It's too late. It's too late. I'll never be Annie. Adult Annie. I could have pitched them. I think, yes, I was just going to say. And then Greece for me, I have a love for a living newton John. Oh, never. Never. There was something about the high school aspect of it. What high school could be? John Trafalta. So handsome. And then her, obviously, don't just change your identity for a man. Totally. That's not really the lesson. But there was something about her becoming this like sexual thing and not giving a shit that I was like, I just loved that was the ending of that movie. If that makes sense. And I love musicals. I love when everyone's getting up and singing together and dancing. And like, it just makes me so happy. And I imagine what it's like on the set with everyone like rehearsing. And even SNL, when we would do like dance stuff, those rehearsals, like, that is, I live for that stuff. I love that stuff. Yeah. I don't know if this is a good answer or not, but I just remember that Annie and Grease, both musicals, both stories about people wanting something more and singing about it. And there's just something about that that I was like, I don't know. I just, I realized how much entertainment could like affect me. And I think that's, that's for sure, even though I didn't want to look at it. That was the seed that was playing. Or it was like, I'm going to do this. Yes. Yeah, because there's stories about these women and girls who want to be part of something that they didn't realize was available to them. Yeah, and they want love. And they want love. I don't know, I just don't we all. And don't we all, and it's don't we all. I'm going to bring him into this. Is it Lornio kind of like a daddy warbucks? A hundred percent. Yes. And we're all, we're all little orphans. Yes. I was just talking to that before. No, but I... Let's put that out there. No. You said that to him because I'm sure he would really like to hear it. Lornio, you're kind of like a daddy warbucks. You're like daddy warbucks. Well, I don't know about that. Well, I don't know about daddy warbucks. I mean, you do feel like a bunch of kids that live together when you're on that show. Totally. Totally. And it is like a, let's go to the movies. Yeah, let's put on a show. Let's put on a show. Yeah, I just... Let's go to the movies, not in the stage version of Annie. That was just in the, in like the 80s. Oh, God, I don't know. I think so. I know there were songs that weren't in the original show. It's been a long time since I've seen it. What was the last time you saw it, Annie? Ooh, I've seen like clips of it recently. It's been a minute for me. But I haven't watched it from the very, very beginning. You must truly trip being around Carol Burnett so much. By the way, her performance in that... Oh, but I think about what she read and then what she did. And knowing her now, like, I... I mean, you got to... I got exactly, probably two minutes with her. And we took a picture because I was in drag as her. And Abe was like... Abe was like... Who's the creator of the show? Was like, she is going to get a kick out of this. She was like... And I remember he was like, can you stay in costume for like a couple hours while she gets here? Oh. And I was just like, I would do anything for her. Yeah. And so it was like... There was like the mustache and all the stuff I had, the prosthetic stuff. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to go on underneath her home costume. But I was like, I will sit here for three days, waiting for her to come. Because she is beyond a queen. And lovely. And looks right in your eyes. Just hold your hand. Just so great. Yep. And so I was thinking like, what you're saying is so true. She's an inventor. Yes. Like, it goes beyond contributions. It is why we are able to contribute. Because of people like her. Yeah. I agree. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. like, um, idea that, you know, she's become like, obviously the antagonist of the show. It's like, it's to do this. So hilarious. She's like the nicest person in the world. I know she plays someone so awful. You can tell. Do you believe in that though? It's like, I think it was Tina, actually, who said like when she was trying to cast Regina George, she was like, we need to find the nicest person in the world to come in and do this because it is truly kind people that understand and are able to walk away from and go in and out and see people and cruelty from different interesting dimensions. Because it's not something they're embodying. It's something they're exploring. Oh, wise woman. Wise woman. Oh, is. Miss T. Faye. Wow. Two wise two wise. And then on the grease thing, it's like, uh, Sandra D turning into Sandy is like, that is the fantasy for every, not just like girls, but like everybody. Like, especially for like gay guys, it's like you watch grease and like, I, yeah, Danny great, but I'm like, it's, it's Sandra. And, and it's Rizzo. It's like, it's just, it's gonna say let's put some respect on Stocker's name. We got it. We got to let we will be left stocker every time. But just that, that's such a fucking good ensemble. And so is Annie, obviously, but like, I totally get it, man. Like I'm just watching grease for the first time. I, yeah, I felt something. Yeah, I think it's one of those things. Like when it's on, do you find you know every line of dialogue? A hundred and it's crazy. Kind of like sexy. It's sexy. You know, when Rizzo and, and Kinniki are doing their thing. They just like, yeah, Hun have summer love and it's like wait a minute, like they're talking about well, well, well, well, well, well, huh? I mean, grease lightning. Oh, that's a whole, that's a whole text. Greasewagon, greasewagon, greasewagon, greasewagon. They're like, hey, you said greasewagon again. The original version when they were gonna have station wagon and just, well, it's greasewagon. Yeah. My high school wouldn't do grease because it was so we had a conservative superintendent. Yeah. We had a very conservative super internet story. So what we did was we did all these like very racially problematic shows. We did the king and I. We did the whiz. Okay. Like all these things that everyone even then in like 2005 was like, hey, we have that. I don't know if Tina like this girl I knew can be doing this thing she's doing in like this part of the king and I like, I just don't know, but absolutely those were totally above more without question. And we could not do was greasewagon. What are we doing now? And you know what? I think that super that superintendent reshired and then suddenly they were doing grease. And I was like, well, damn. That's superintendents doing grease. Whatever he is. Whatever he is. I hope he's doing grease. Hey, do grease. It's the new kick rocks. Do grease. What would you have to do grease? Do grease. Fucking loser. Hums, the GC here. I'm whispering because as the queen, queen of social media is about time for my ASGM all serious. So I'm recording this on my phone and then I'm going to use canvas to edit and upload it. Oh, sorry, babes. Oh, make that whisper when I edit it. Anyways, canvas makes social media edits so easy. I'll upload this in a minute. Canva, make everything. I got it. How do I stop recording, Darren? What I've always appreciated because I think it's awesome that you like and I can recognize the music in you because what I've loved about you always, but especially like you are tenure at SNL as a felt like all the female cast members at that time were very musical. And I remember, son does my boyfriend. And like that was I believe you, Amy and Maya, but then you know, like Kate was musical, 80s musical, Cecilie is very musical. Yeah. And it's just. Abby, Abby Ellie is Casey. Casey, you know what I mean? Like on and on and on and on. But it just felt like a really good like musical time because it felt like it was all of your genuine interest. Like I would imagine obviously those things don't happen. And you as well, you know what I mean? Like you're always bringing music to the show. Like and you're so capable of doing it. But I as a fan of the show and a fan of musical comedy was always so happy that people that loved music and really wanted to perform in that way were on the show because it gives it a whole other dimension, I think. Totally. You know, who oftentimes like bringing those pieces together were these straight boy kings, Colin Jost and John Malini. Like they were just like because they like musicals too. Luckily, and then they just like they're like, okay, and you know, Christian can do this. And like for me, they're like, can you sing like suddenly see more? And I was like, sure. And like it's just they just know how to like position everybody in that way. Yeah, I agree. And it's fun to have that in the show like to have that one little special thing even watching now. It's like, oh, I bet they like rehearse there. Yeah. They're little dancing. Terrent too. Yes. Yes. Yes. Everyone was always committing to whatever it is they were being that was just like, when Seth was on, we said this, but like that was such a peak cast. Like I tell everyone that I believe I told you this, but I was at the episode which was Anne Hathaway and the killers. This was the very first I was there in the audience. Yes. It was the very first time you ever did the Lawrence Welk show. And I remember at the end, the killers did like a, um, an encore. Oh, yeah. And Seth said it was the only time that the studio audience stood up and gave a standing ovation. And I was in the audience. And I remember that felt like such a, I don't think I've ever felt the way that I felt watching you do Lawrence Welk. Oh my God. No, truly. I mean, I think it altered the course of my life and so many people watching that didn't have to be in the room in the vicinity. But like that was a very special cast and that was a very special sketch and series of sketches and a moment in culture because it was 2008 at the time as well. Like, and other, other fun details that you were sitting next to. Emma Stone. Emma Stone, you told me this. Yes. That is crazy. Wild. But like, what do you remember about that time? Honestly, like career wise, like best beers of my life, yeah, hands down, hands down. Because you know, you're, it's like you, you move in with these people. And then seven years later, you, you pack up your room and then you have to move somewhere else. But you do feel like you are in living with them. The time in between sketches, like, there'd be a day you'd have to rehearse at 9 a.m. and you'd look at the rundown and you don't have to rehearse again until like four and you're secretly like, and then you look and see who else is off and you all go hang out. And just like, oh, it was just, it was the best time because I think to feeling okay to fail was something that I had to, that's hard to do. I feel that way now and in my life to be totally honest. But having that read through, writing something and you're like, this, no one's going to laugh at this. This is going to be totally silent. But it's okay because you're looking around the room at, hate or, and like all of these people and everyone's got things at work, everyone's got things that don't. And you realize like, oh, that's just part of like figuring out what, what will get on or what is funny and to be able to have a space where you can go and not do a good job and feel okay is so rare. Oh my God. Do you know what I mean? First. And I kind of, I kind of embrace the times, it's funnier to sort of, it's more of a bonding experience to fail and bomb at that. 100% yeah. Because the last night, well, and Soudi and I will just like laugh, oh my God, remember that fucking sketch and how it was silent. There's something, there's like a, there's like a crucible you walk through in that moment. But like, how often would you feel like you were reading something before reading, like, no one's going to laugh at this? Cause I have time really. Oh my God, I would never read something and be like, this is going to kill. Sure, sure. Cause you never know because I think that's the other thing you learn. You can write something and be like, I think this has a shot. And it's it's no. And then there's the one where you try to pull it and they're like, sorry, it's already in the pack. And it's on the show. And it's the one that you're doing. You have, I have no gauge. Yep. I have no, yeah. It's completely unpredictable because it can go through whatever it can hit any station and land and be the, be at the terminus of any path where it's like, it does great at read through. It does terrible blocking. It does great at dress. It does poorly at air. Or it's all that it has, there's every permutation of that thing happens at various stages. Like my therapist and I talk about this. It's like you have so many occasions for like validation or rejection and failure. And it teaches you a lot about like how the world works. I want to say. But I'm so surprised at this because you and Amy were talking about this on her pod where it's like, and what it is true. And I think you know this and I hope you own this. It's like you work. I think you are the, you were the cast member to come in fully formed, fully realized with the point of view already. I mean, I don't feel that way. That's interesting. Only because I learned so much. And I remember because I auditioned twice. Yeah. And I remember when they had me come back for the second one, I was like, what do you mean? I like I did everything. Exactly. Yeah. I did everything. I literally did every character that I have. Yeah. And three seasons in having a like breakdown, I mean, like I've done, I've done every voice. I have nothing. Have you talked about this, the three season and thing like this? No, did you have it? Well, I've certainly had that thing. I think my second season was like, I did everything for my audition. Yeah, that's how you feel. And then you, and then that's that that hump you get over with also the help of other people being like, can you play a blah, blah, blah? And you're like, well, I will say. And then you end up trying or doing it. It doesn't always work. But and then you just like find new things. And then you find other ways to, to find characters like it, it became not just vocal. Right. It became like physical. Like I remember, I think it was, I was in Paul Appell's office or James. I can't remember. But the like, the, the don't make me sing that came from like just standing like, let's just do something that someone stands like this because I was like, I'm out of like, I'm out of things. You're out of things to do. Or you know what I'm saying? But you know what blows my mind. And I don't think I've talked about this. I don't even think I've brought this up to you. But I was just so curious about the Rebecca LaRue. I was going to say saying the floating expert, which is your last season. I think one of your last update features. I was like, how did this play a dress? And I will say I watched back because we have the dress footage from every single episode of SNL on the server. The database. I will miss that's the thing I will miss the most. Oh, yeah. It's just the server because it's just it's comedy history. It's like the scripts of like Mark Halbell. Like, yeah, wow. Failure writing that on his own. Like you see, I'm like, oh my God. You just there's just so much to it's like a library. Yeah. To bell in the library and beating the beast. But Rebecca LaRue, I would say a dress. I was shocked and I'm just saying this. I don't think it really played. Oh. And then on air, you just, I don't know what you guys did. It's probably because it didn't play. I was like, I'm going to go for it. But you figured it out within what? Like 45 minutes to an hour. That's incredible. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't remember that. Okay. It's my top three characters that you've done. The entire show. Yeah. I thought flirting actually Rebecca LaRue because of, and because this is, I think one of the keys to a great update piece for me as a viewer is how it's an element of it is how you guys interact with whoever the weekend update come back. I guess. And the way that Rebecca LaRue and Seth even said this on, on his episode of our show was like an indictment of the girls he was dating at the time. It was so funny because you could tell there was like a friendly, like energy there that felt personal that was weirdly parasocial. Then for us as an audience that watches you guys weekend and week out because you could tell that was a little bit true. Yes. In the way he was flustered. But it's just, I was just like noting the difference. And I hope you don't mind me saying like the feeling watching dress was like, oh, my god. Why are they laughing at this? I have no memory. Right. Oh, but I also love what you try to impart to me. And I did not take to heart, which was like, don't read like the reviews and the comments and the feedback because that is the thing that I think like took me a long time to get over and was like, you just have to remember it as your own experience. And the ones that are bad go through a certain synapse. They print out and they stay in a file. And you can access it at any point. And you can see every word. Yeah. And the good ones go away. And I was, I mean, I'm aging myself. Did we have the internet on? But like, did we, we kind of did, but like there wasn't, there were like two reviews. Yeah, but we did. We yes. Yeah, definitely certainly. I was on a 1964. I mean, I know we had the internet, but it wasn't so much like blogging and social media. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I mean, of course we had like computers, but did we have the internet? I'm pleased. Yeah, I just, and I never watched the show when I was on. That's incredible because I didn't want to like see what I looked at. There are most of the things I've done. I've never seen really bridesmaids. I've seen bridesmaids because I just mean like on SNL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the. But then, so I couldn't watch it the next day or, or watch it in between for, I couldn't, I couldn't do that. That's holding something very sacred in terms of like the theater aspect of it. A, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's cool. You're doing a live show in front of an audience. They're the ones, you know, within, I'm, yes, millions of people are watching. Yes, yes, yes. The energy when you're there, when you're on stage, your first thought isn't, this is on TV. Yeah. You're like, Oh, I can see Jenna. I can see the crowd. I can see the people in their costumes waiting to come in. It feels very, it is. It's like theater. It's like theater and like the thing that got me and I've talked about this with Matt last week in like my ex interview. It's like the thing that destroyed me was just looking out on my last sketch during my last sketch and seeing basically the whole staff show up. And I was like, Oh, this, and it had nothing to do with what was going to maybe be said about it online or what the reviews would be. It was just spatially in the room. That's what it totally healed all of these wounds from the past seven years, where I would like really care about what people thought. And when I realized what I would tell what I would tell the new cast on my way out, what I told them was like because they would approach me and they were like, how do you? This is really weird. Like how do you deal with this? And I was like, there's three audiences who are watching. It's the people in the room and kind of the people at home. It's the internet, which is this like voice that just wants to is incentivized to say something like that takes it down or devalues it. And then there's the people who make decisions have the power to make decisions for you who can like help you materially find interesting things or whatever. And only two of those audiences matter. Like the internet one doesn't really matter. Because you don't look in some ways. It doesn't. It just doesn't exist. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Which is. Yeah. I remember when when we were talking on set up, Homerole, you were like, you said to me like, I knew I would love Bowen because I feel like we like the same stuff. And I, what did you mean by that? And what do you guys think you have in common? Because I think it meant beyond comedy. Well, I did it. The sense of humor for sure. But also just you and I interacting in between sketches. Yes. I feel like we didn't even have to like say much. And we were just laughing. And I just felt a, it's kind of even hard to describe. It's like when you, probably when you guys met, right? It's like you just feel like, oh, hey, hey. There's not verbal stuff. And also being on that show, you do feel like you're already in a little like army together. Yeah. You know, so this, this is my thing. This is maybe what you meant. This is what it means to me, which is the first time you came back was COVID Christmas. December 2020. Yes. Oh, God. And it was, and do a leap of wisdom. We'll get this. Marjorie. This was like classic. People, people don't talk about this one as much as they should. I'm not even talking about the sketch. I'm talking about, yes. Christian and I watching do a leap of sing on stage and us going, oh my God, that's do a leap of. Yeah. And we were like, and my other thought was like, we're like the only people in the world watching live music right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was levitating, right? That was levitating. Oh, that hat. Don't start now. It was amazing. I loved both those performances. I dance with the face off watching her every time. I loved it. I went to go see her radical optimism tour. And it was really great. And I watched this like long, this whiftologist. Uh-huh. I watched this, there's this YouTuber who was like, Oh, like doing long form videos about like, you know, like pop music. And he was like, do I leap as a category five pop star? This means that she will, things move around her. You want to need like, no, it was a not nice. No, no, it was very nice. It was basically saying like, it's like there's certain levels of artist where they don't necessarily have to worry about proving themselves ever. I was thinking it means. They can come and sort of like, you know, decide what's going to be the tone based on moves they make. And the argument was that she has gotten to this place where she's always going to be reliably do a leapa. Yes. Because she's do a leapa. Yeah. Yeah. And she's really good. And you're the same with that. I'm a birthday. What sign is that? It's a Leo Virgo cusp. Leo Virgo cusp. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum. That's really, really good. Is it? What is it? August 22nd. 22nd. 822? Mm-hmm. Why do I feel like that's an auspicious day? It just feels nice. Because it's a double, a double did. I don't know. 22 is my favorite number. And I have a test. What's my favorite number? Stop. What about it? Well, it's my birthday. Well, yes. But also I see it when I need to see it. Like if I need a little like, now I need to just see it today. Maybe I need to see it too. Yeah. I think I like the, um, well, it was my baseball jersey growing up. Oh. I didn't know that. Yep. This is beautiful. See? We're all connected. We're all connected. And people are like, is that a Taylor Swift tattoo? And I'm like, no, it's not. But when I went to the eras tour and she sang 22, I definitely went like this for sure. I kind of thought when you said you liked all this, like cool, all the same stuff, I was like, well, they both like cool music. I feel like you guys are both like cool when it comes to me. I'm falling off. I've kind of fallen off too. Yeah, but even that is cool. You guys like cool bands and stuff. No, I'm still listening to like 80s Japanese city pop. That's all I listen to now. I'm still streaming a espresso. It's okay. Oh, especially. Think about me, everyone. Doesn't get old. I feel like they famously did an espresso sketch, but I feel like if espresso was on when you're on SNL, you do something with espresso. What do you just like say? I feel like you do a character that dances to espresso or whatever. Okay. Talking. I'm inspired by you. That's why I literally came up with the Robin, the Ridler's assistant thing. I was like, I am inspired by you. We like to be your writers. Oh my god. That's the nice thing. Really? Because when we pitched Rob, because we had to get on Zoom with you and like, hitch this idea and we were like, pitching a character a Christian like. We're like, we're pitching a character to Christen when. And there's a chance she is like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? Which would have been really hard. That would have been really hard. But you immediately like snapped in and you were like, oh my god, Robin. You're like, I get it. It's funny. I think this is what it is. Yes. Okay. Great. Yes. We're like, yes. And then it was like, we were like working on this with you. Oh my god. And then another thing that I will never forget is, remember the four versions of the presenter copy we had for the Emmys that one year? Because we weren't sure if Maya was going to make it because she was sick. Seth was maybe not going to be able to do it because she like wasn't flying it. It was me. It was just me. I can't believe this. It was me, you Seth and Maya presenting. Like walking up doing like a bit about Lauren. Yes. I'm looking to many Emmys or something. Yes, yes. But you and I, Christian and I were in that dressing room with our pencils. With our pencils. While Matt Boomer was sitting in the other corner, like wanting to say hi to us and we're like, we're in the middle of something. Matt just one second. I'm sure we said hello. We said hello. We weren't we weren't really the nicest guy. No, we all said hi. But you and I were like locked in. We got to get it because guess what? We got to rewrite this. We had to rewrite it. Shows in 10. Not that we were given like bad copy, but the show, no, it was just like we, there's four different versions where it was if Lauren didn't win the Emmy because it was on the category. It was after if he didn't win, if he did win. If Maya couldn't be there. But she wasn't there. We had four different versions of the copy ready to go. And you and I had to like sit there and like rewrite all. I was like, I can't believe I'm doing four versions of presenter copy with Kristen. I was like, this is surreal. It was so fun. But it was so fun. You're the best. You're our hero. I just, I feel like on Pomeray out too, you're so like, like it was just. Thanks for ringing it back. I know. Pomeray out. In Allie, we just, I was just like what I was like, the coolest part of it was just like being on set and seeing you like try to figure out or finesse certain things. It's just, it's just really cool. And to me, it was incredible. And I got so many texts about how funny you were and great and Abe obviously just loves you. I had so much fun working with you. And even in that scene with Kai and the bedroom and you and I just kind of like running around and doing your own thing. I think that was my favorite. My favorite day was us behind the ledge talking. And I don't know, they were, they were several favorite. Doing the like come to the top. That was all you. That was great. That was all Matt. He just started doing it. He just started going come to the top. Everyone else. It's a great, it's a great atmosphere. And also it's like, it feels like a really fun playful atmosphere where you could come up with something like that. And you would be like entrusted as a member of the group to like pitch something like that. But it's also kind of, I had never experienced that energy with something that had that much budget. I was like, wow, like this is like, because we were talking earlier about being on set. Like that's a big ol' show. And to still have that playful energy, I think is a testament to you and to Abe. And to all the cast and all the departments that provide the, the malleability for something like that. Because that wasn't in the script at all. Yeah. Yeah. And then it became the whole entry point into our meet queue. Oh, which was blessed. It's a period comedy with just a sense of fun and kitchyness. And just it's so delicious. It's like, we don't, it's a unicorn. It's a rare thing. And like, I'm so happy it exists. I can't believe you guys are both in it. Doing a two-hander episode all the way through. Like, I'm telling you. I was watching it and I was like, this is heaven. Like, I'm these two people that I love anyway. Paul Marial, it's out. Let's move on to I don't think so, honey. Paul Marial is out. It's out. No, I'm saying. Paul Marial, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just trying to be encouraged. It's, it's by the time this air is the whole season. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, it's officially all out there, right? I don't know what day it is. Doesn't matter. It's out. Yes. It's out. It got themselves out. I don't know what's going on. Oh my god. Okay. Okay. So, I don't think so, honey. This is a big moment because it's a moment where we sort of say our takes and sometimes those takes include a little bit of a take down. So this is a 60-second segment where we sort of pop off about something that's bothering us in culture. Okay. And I'm going to talk about the way I, I engage. Here we go. Oh my gosh. Yeah. This is exciting. This is Matt Roder's, I don't think so any time starts now. I don't think so, honey, my fat thumbs because I can't send a text without it indenting wildly. And I do think it's because they're fat because I don't think so. Honey, that it's that I have to utilize my fingers differently. I think they're just a little chunker. No. And I'm telling you like it's impossible for me on the first try to get a text right. Always, it always looks like a high coup when I text. Am I wrong or am I wrong? It'll be on like four different lines. I'm wrong. So I don't think so, honey, 30 seconds. Thumbs because sometimes you need to use your thumbs to, you know, engage, comment, address. And I got my chunkers in the way and I'm trying to get things done here. And then I think, you know what? Maybe your thumbs are trying to tell you some 15 seconds. Put the phone down. Oh. Don't even pick up the phone. Your thumbs, it's evolution. It's actually saying you were evolving out five seconds of the discourse. Put the phone down. My thumbs are getting bigger and bigger. I think all of our brains are getting smaller and smaller. And I think that is a correlation. I don't think so, honey, that we need that we ignore this. If your thumbs are too fat to type, maybe it's because your body is doing you a favor by evolving out of engagement. If you're that's one minute, if your, if your thumbs are too fat, natural selection will be good to you. That's what you're saying. So let's see them from the front. Wait till you see them from the back. That is a line about thumbs. I don't want you to talk badly about your thumbs. I think that has, if anyone's going to do that. That way your thumbs are on the thinner side. You think so. But here's the thing. If you, I, I believe, if you make your text bigger, you know how you can make your text bigger. I think doesn't the keyboard get bigger? No, it can't possibly. It's as originally a little bit real estate. But you get it's, it's, it's angle. I'm looking at our thumbs and we have the same size thumb. Guys, I think my thumb is bigger than yours. When I was 13, I thought that I was gay. Matt, Matt, you're up to, no, you have a beautiful, beautiful thumb. No, we're, we're way back there. Three beautiful thumbs. But do you find that this is a problem you face as well? Do you want to know something? What? Sometimes I text with these fingers. Stop it now. That's cheek. It's, I saw a woman do it. And I said, I'm going to start doing it. I want to be like Mike and that woman was my friend Jessica. She holds her friend like this and she goes like this. That's nice. Like an instrument. Is she sending, is she sending like important texts though? Yeah. She's a boss. Yeah. I mean, she's not using her thumbs. It's very 2020. 2020. It's very 2000 late. Jessica, Jessica Simpson. No. Jessica Simpson. You guys have a tongue out in a while. No, Jessica Simpson texts. I bet she's text like this. Hey, Siri, send a text to Ashley Simpson. Hey, sister. Was just wondering how you were doing today. Send. I love this. And then Ashley Simpson responds like this. Hey, fuck her. A rebel. Just kidding. This is like more than 2004 personas that I'm sure they've both grown and changed, evolved. We're not. And that would be fine because they were perfect already. You would have written a killer fanfic about the Simpsons. Who says I didn't? Oh, who says I didn't under a pseudonym? I didn't. I have something and I hope I hope this this enacts change. I don't think that you should judge it. Just let it do what it's going to do. Yeah, mine's not going to. Because this is going out into this is going out into the wild west. If it's going to enact change, that's what I'm supposed to do. I think it will. Just don't be disappointed. I think it should. Okay. Thank you. This is Bo and Yang's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The word squeegee. Because the thing that it is should not be called that. It should be called a glass scraper, a water shovel, a wipe downer. Wipe downer. Not a who came up with squeegee. Who pointed at that? Because the linguistic thing is the concept should match the name, right? There's a distance there. The second. Squeegee should be a dog toy, a children's game. My name. Stress ball. Matt's name. Yeah, a little pet name for something. You're loved one. Oh, a squeegee. A squeegee. And said it's the most un-cute thing in the world. That's it. That's a second. A wide rubbery thing to wipe down your windshield. Are your showers? I don't understand. Five seconds. I think we really should decouple squeegee the word from squeegee the thing and just take a new pass at those names. That's one, man. Maybe we need everything. I love the word squeegee, but I do wonder if it should be something else. It feels like it should be what a spun just called. Yeah. A spun should be a squeegee. A squeegee. Yes. This is a squeegee motion. That's a squeegee. That's a verb. A spun, do you squeegee? Yeah, I squeegee. I squeegee. That sounds wonderful. Did you squeegee it out because it's still a- Is that sponge wet? Give it a squeegee. Yes, squeegee. Oh, you want me to do it? See, this is very James Anderson. Hey, could you give a little squeegee instead of squeegee? My name's Janelle Squeegee. Janelle Squeegee. No, one of his final names that never saw the light of day during his final season was Yolanda Releasing's. Yolanda Releasing's. That's like beginning- That's like Miss Beginnings Chang. Yolanda Releasing. Yolanda Releasing's. The verb with that. Really? Yeah. The gerent. Releasing's. Like it's an noun. Like it's an noun. Releasing is a noun. Like, that's so weird. Anyway. I do think, like also in the James Anderson canon is something like squeegee, St. Regis. You know what I mean? Like that's like something that he would float around. Of course. Squeegee Adams. What a talent. With like three D's. Are you ready? Yes. Okay. So I just start by saying, I don't think so honey. We're going to say- We're going to say- Time for it now. Time for it now. Okay. I don't think so. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay. This is Kristen Wiggs. I don't think so honey. I don't think so honey. I need snack companies, preferably chips and popcorn to stop creating flavors. Yeah. I, back in the day, you wanted to get a popcorn, you get a plane, you get a cheese, you get a caramel. Now you've got- You've got the troubles, you've got the herbs. It's too much confusion. I get grocery store confusion. It's aisles and aisles. There's chips. There's salsa, syrup, apple, syrup. There's too many. But here's what I'm saying. Where are they going? If people don't buy them, where are they going? Are they going into a landfill? Oh. Oh. One and there's too much. There's too many cans of drinks. Keep naming them. A can of drinks. Too many sparkling things with flavors and probiotics. There's protein everywhere. Oh, forget it. There's protein in your popcorn. There's too many flavors. Don't stop me. The aisles are too long. It's a whole, it's an aisle on one side and aisle on the other with cracker flavors, chip flavors, pretzel flavors. There's too many flavors. Sweets and salties and savories stop. Because- Because I don't think so honey. And I don't think so honey. Yes! Okay. I'll tell you where they go. Tell me because there's two. I agree with you. One thousand. It's because you're not a part of the community that engages in this and I'm telling you there is one. My our friend Greta hosts a party every year the night before Thanksgiving, which is called Chips Giving. It is a time when- New flavors. Everyone at the party that is invited brings like a- Artisanal, some sort of bespoke flavor of chip and everyone comes and they present the chip that they brought and they said the reason I've chosen this chip is this reason. Everyone tries the chip. Now there are sometimes as many as like 35 people at this party. Which means you're eating a lot of potato chips and I have heard the next day that people are more hungover than after any New Year's Eve, after any Christmas Eve, after any Fourth of July because of the amount of salt. Oil and salt. So make that a holiday. Make the chip come to the- Unefficiently it is. Wait till Thanksgiving. Wait till you see our new flavors and then make it like a thing, a chip's giving so we don't have to, you know, and then you like a flavor and then you go to it. It's like, oh, they don't make that anymore. Then there's a purpose to it is what you need. It's gone. Oh, because now they've introduced like hot, hot, hot, sriracha, macaroni chip. It's like cookie dough fiery hot. I'm telling you, you would not believe the kinds of chips and it's like, it gives me anxiety now to know I have been to the party. That's why I need it to stop. Well, you could just lean in. You're in, I'll let, we'll get you invited to the party. I'm just nervous. We're snacking too much as a country. I'm going to bring something else to the table. Yeah. Too many beverage flavors. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You include, you include beverage. Well, no, in the can when I was saying the can, but yes, I see. Oh, the can, I see. This is my beverage flavors. What is salsa syrup? Oh, I just made that up. Oh, I want it. I made that. I made that up as a flavor of chip. Yeah. Maple maple, maple salsa. That sounds great. Maple salsa. That's the problem. That's the problem. People say it rooms like this and make jokes and then they go, wait. Wait a minute. And make you chuff up. Waffle still pickle chip. No, you're not, you're not all on the market tomorrow. Yeah. It's guaranteed there's already every brand of chip has a that. But this, this being said, what is your favorite chip? Like what? Yeah. I like a cool ranch. Cool ranch. Cool ranch Dorito. Sometimes they taste a bit. Hmm. What's the, I, there's no other way to say this. Tell me. Comey. There was no other way to say it. There isn't another way to say it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what comes, it smells like cool. What does come? I don't know what comes, it smells like cool ranch. I don't know who you're talking to. She said, who you're asking about what? Sound made, never made that connection. Well, you're not both. You're not, you're not, yeah. That's why they come, yeah, come salsa syrup, come salsa syrup, come salsa syrup. I just don't enjoy it anymore. That's fine. Well, now we can't, the cool ranch. I like orijis. I like a traditional rijis. I like it. What's rijis? Ruffles. Rijis. You know, rijis. I'm not a rijer. Oh, I like rij. And I, I also say like I like them. I'll tell you what I really don't like is all the flavors of Oreo. To me, I think Oreo is Oreo. But then even Lady Gaga, even Lady Gaga, with the chromatical Oreo. And I was like, I don't know, because now, now I feel the need to support the legend. But I don't like this Oreo. I like a mint, a mint Oreo. I love a mint Oreo. We're about to go to Japan, wait till you try a match Oreo. Oh, you're going to like, that sounds good. Yeah, right. Have you been to Japan? No, but it's my dream. I feel that you would, and me, but don't you think as someone who's been there, like, I feel like, you would love it, the kids would love it. I would love to take them. Yeah. Maybe when they're a little older. Yeah. It's been 16, as we said. 36. That's the proper age to take your kids. You really, this is a huge conversation starter that this chips thing. No, I'm just thank you for bringing that. No, wait, it's just, it's all alone. People are thinking that they're not talking about it. It overwhelms me when I go, and I'm like, I just want to get like a chip. Yeah, and then you can't. Even if there's a little chip. There's a little chip. There's a little chip. There's a little chip. That's a set of beans. Protein, protein in the popcorn. People want to help the option. I know. And I know you're saying kind of as a joke, but maybe not that the aisles are too long. But this is my experience when I go to the grocery store now. I look at the chip aisle. I get so overwhelmed. I don't even, my eye doesn't know where to land. I just move on. I don't even buy a chip, and that's robbing me of a chip. It is. You know what you should do in the names, in the words of your character from Barben Star. You could just get one of every chip and make a suicide. When you have too many options, you buy less. That is true. I remember hearing this on some sort of NPR something. Well, then you know it's good. They did a study. You're going to cut this. This is boring. It was like a farmer's market of like jams. And when she had three types of jams, like sold out, when she had like 10 types of jams, people were like, I don't know. And then they walked away. But also because when I think that this is true, when there's a lot of options, when there's a lot of options, I do think you in your head question, well, can these all be good? And therefore I get in my mind. What if I don't get the right one? It's like when you go to a restaurant, there's only the six entree options. You're like, well, I know these are all curated. Lovely girls. Whereas when you go to the cheesecake factory, and there's nothing against the cheesecake factory here. It's a big menu. It takes you much, well, clearly not just much, much longer to decide because of all the options. But you're like, now what's the area of expertise here? You know what I'm saying? And that is overwhelming. And then you think I've ordered wrong and then comes the negative self-talk. Yeah. I can't even go out to dinner. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? I can't even go. I should have got what they had. Yeah. I'm going to go to the grocery store. I'm going to get some chips. I'm going home. No, just kidding. I get to the grocery store. I look at the aisle. I'm out. I'm going home. I'm dehanded. Hungry. I'm going to bed hungry. There was too much to eat. I'm going to bed hungry. Okay. This is a nightmare. Wait, I want to say yes, because I feel like we only recently mentioned bridesmaids and barben star. And I also wanted to say, you mentioned hate earlier, the duet that is the skeleton twins should not be forgot. You guys were fantastic in that. And I feel like it was such an amazing little hint for people that saw that movie and know that movie of what was to come for both of you guys, which is your both phenomenal actors. Hi. He's so brilliant. That's amazing. I feel like you guys were obviously like MVP's at that show. You were on a which is saying something because everyone was an MVP, but you guys together amazing. And I feel like, you know, he's obviously done what he's done and you like have just continued to like grow and show your versatility as an actress. I will never stop reminding people of that last episode of the first season of Palm Royale when you're on stage and everything's happening and you're just your instrument as an actor is so varied and you're in such control of it. And I feel like that shouldn't get lost. And I'm not surprised at all that every actor got a list of everyone that they possibly could vote for in a leading or supporting capacity at the actor awards. And your name came out as one of the five because you are that good. You were really that good. Really. That means a lot coming from you. Thank you. I don't know what to say. I believe with my whole heart. And I know you feel the same. I feel exactly. Well, I think there's actually issues with your work. I'm describing as come me. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Cool. If you gather my meaning. It's it's incredible. No, and I will just say like Melissa coming to the show this season. McCarthy. I was just like, oh God. Groundlings people actors actors. Let's talk about Rose Byrne. Rose. Oh, let's let's let's let's see. She heard get some hardware. Let's do that because she is such a brilliant obviously comedic actress but dramatic actor. Oh, yeah. Can do anything and has been can do any. I mean, Melissa too. My God. Yes. Like, I'm just I'm so happy that she wants. Yes, that was. Oh, you must be you must be feeling like I tear it up. Yeah. Oh, man. She's so she's so good. She's so good stuff. And she's such a good person. And I don't know. I'm just I root for her in a way because her talent I think is is just bound. Yeah. She's exemplary of what it means to be versatile hard working like always getting better. Always interesting. I've ever heard from Wicker Park. Yeah. Oh, Wicker Park. The Josh Hartman vehicle. Particle. Yeah. Wicker Park. And I'm just saying she's been around and doing it and kicking ass. I'm not surprised at all. Yeah. To see. So so happy. Yeah. Yeah. But also my some of my biggest laughs in that movie are your guys have a lot of aggression at each other. Like the I think people change. I don't think you don't like it. Right? To act like we didn't like each other. It's really hard. I mean, it's good. It's like you can you did it so well because you had you had a lens on it because you could probably talk about the ways in which you didn't like each other because you like each other. Right. Right. This cut was this from the trailer me was it cut from the the final film where the first time you guys meet she goes, Oh, did you just come from work? Did that make it to the final film? I don't remember. Someone literally said that to me in like an earnest way because we went to Sarah Sherman's special premiere and we literally did all I mean, maybe that's why they said it, but we all did come from we did not look like glam. That is basically saying, Oh, do you look like shit? Yeah. This is a couple more. She was like, she's said to me the line from like Rose Burns line from Bridesman. So I was like, Oh, hi, did you come from oh, wow, did you come from work? And I was like, Oh, yeah, but don't worry about it. She knows the owner. I know the owner. You do the the impact of that line in the theater. I will never experience it's on the you do like on the fuck like we're going there. Like yeah, that that that's when the movie turns. Yes. You know, anyway, um, oh my god, you guys, we kept you here for so long. We're so sorry. We love you. Sorry. This is so fun. We're there. I love you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys. How long have we talked? Like five hours. Twenty. I think this is a great length. I think this is a great length. Hey, I want to take out a minute. I think I think the listeners want to hear everything. Oh, all of it. Thank you for wanting that. Thank you for wanting to have enjoyed watching, listening and more. And for those of you who just watched and didn't listen. Yeah. We end every episode with a song. OK. If you can guess what that song is, you're right. Bye. I'll give you a hint. Bowen just said. OK. Hey, bye. Bye. Yeah. Loss Cold Recesses is a production by Will Ferrell's big money players in my heart radio podcasts. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, executive produced by Anna Hosniay and produced by Becca Ramos. Addited and mixed by Doug Bain. And our music is by Henrik Murzki. This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.