Cinephobe Ep 310: Navy Seals

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And every week, we'll be bringing you a new story about organized crime from all over the world. Available wherever you get your podcasts. When you listen to Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, the comedy podcast, you learn stuff. I've been learning to throw a boomerang, because this is the kind of thing that really gets the listeners engaged, you know? Interviews with people who will make you smarter. Does the amount that you learn protect you from cognitive decline? Paula, don't do that! Can people just listen to the show? Can't they just enjoy a delightful treehouse full of information? And I think I'm bleeding. Join us and be a nobody. This podcast contains mature content, explicit language, suggestive situations, and partial to full frontal nudity. Listener discretion is advised. Don't let your kids listen to this. You jammokes. Tried to rename the ass on award after Estivas. Can I stop you? Please. Can I stop you? You just did? Let's not do the show before the show. Oh, OK. So we don't want to mention certain someone put up 60. It's coming. Let's not do the show before the show. Dan put up 83, guys. Let me just direct you already. Look at this photograph. Oh, my God. I mean, there's going to be a point in this movie. A half a second clip. We are going to do an hour on. I look forward to it. I saw it. I paused it. I rewound it to make sure I saw what I saw. I saw it again, paused it, got up, and walked out of the room. I need to clear my head. I was crying, tears streaming down my face. You're putting this in very rarefied air. It's one of the five funniest moments in xenophobic movie history. Your pics have been horrible, man. It's the point. It's the point of the show. Isn't it? Isn't it? It's possible. I don't understand what this podcast is about. Poppy Cork. The fuckhouse. On a weekly basis, we are consuming more concentrated bad movies. There's probably anybody in the history of mankind. Poppy Cork. What story? What story? What are you talking about? Do you want lunch? I have yet to laugh in this movie. I'll just tell you that. You picked this motherfucker. Just remember that. You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make shit unbelievable, unremarkable shit. I was legitimately offended. You were offended? I was offended. I didn't know you could get offended. I was offended. You just did it. If I were gay, I wouldn't be offended. They're fucking making shit up, I mean. Inconsequential detail after inconsequential detail after inconsequential detail. Please don't lie. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I'm holding a mic in my hands and now I'm talking all alone. Welcome to Cinefo. The podcast we break down the movies you're afraid to admit you love. I'm Zach Harper. That's Amin Elhassen. That's Anthony Mays. Make sure you're saying fuck ice and I could give a fuck where you listen to it. Spotify is where you can vote in the poll like the poll for getting even with dad. 33.1% phobe 36.9% file. Spotify is where you can leave a comment like Dan Perry. Oh, one who said got a chili dog with Tony Paco sauce file, the movie. Thank you. Foeb. How many movies are there where Amin and Mays file and Zach Phobes that can't be a big list and he's right. We are now 310 episodes into this podcast. Okay. Plus all the bonus stuff. Well, three or nine. We haven't done this one yet. It's for this one yet. Sure. Sure. Thanks. There have been nine all time where I phobed it and you guys liked it. Yes, it should have been 10 because you definitely laughed at the guy on the putt putt course saying some people take this too seriously. And I thought that was a gateway for us to have common ground. You led me on with your outro. You said all this nice flowery stuff about the movie and then you phobed it at the end, which leads me to believe that you're doing this shit on purpose. Setting up a point and then delivering. No. Reach around the switcheroo. Yeah. He hit me with a switcheroo. I've done that a lot. You've done that a lot. We've all done that. But Mays does it to me more than anybody. That's why no, I never do the maze. Also not true. It's Frank and Ernest. You're neither of those people in New York. I'm Frank in Chicago. I'm Ernest. No, you think because you like a movie that then Mays is going to also like a movie based on I don't know what his reactions. He is clearly stating he's about to phobes something. He does phobia and then you're like, why? Because you're not a good listener. No, because he says all these things like, oh, I really enjoyed this and that. They had a Canon 655 camera and that was a real nice like touch or whatever. That's what he says, man. What happened? Man, I need to add that to the analytics number of times that Mays files a movie where he breaks down a camera. I don't know why this made me think of that, but we were doing do you believe for basketball Illuminati today and was just didn't show up. We're waiting for was he doesn't show up. We get a text about 10 minutes into the show of was saying, oh shit, I forgot to tell you I'm in Columbia. That happens, man. That happens. That happens. The nine Zac phobes blocks land of the lost awful good movie Jade awful movie, ballistic awful one movie, takers awful, late Trinity awful, predator to willing to revisit Street Kings. You won't speak twice. Two times and then unbelievable a two and a half year gap and then Van Wilder and senseless. Not good. Those were not good. The one I'm willing to revisit. We should do predator to I might have been off on that. We should do predator as well or the sequel. The sequel. First of all, those are some really good movies that he just rattled off there. And what's doubly upsetting is the number of we gave you a second chance and you doubled down takers awful land of the loss. Not funny. Street Kings didn't do it for me. Street Kings was incredible, man. You loved it. We're funny about that move. You love Forrest Whitaker. Zach did on the rewatched in file it with three airplane shooters. Okay, there you go. Street Kings. Yeah. If I'm drunk, I could probably get through that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Jade, you stuck with it awful. Jade was fun, man. Come on. Takers. You stuck with it awful. Takers is so fun. There's no part of it. That's fun. What you guys are jacking off to like, oh, he plays a whole couple or any is a city planner or whatever the hell it is. They didn't do it for me. And he's got a hat. Nine out of 300 basically is a really small slice of the Cinefo pie. So of course they're going to be an interesting list. How many times have you done it? A lot. Yeah, exactly. Have I done what? This was the Amine stat for a while until that streak where you guys agreed for two straight years and then it became the May stat because now I have like 40 of them in the last two years. Sounds like a you problem. Yeah. Yeah. I have to produce this podcast with you two. I agree. But to me, takers, Predator two street kings are a very specific, similar type of movie that apparently me and Amine really like and Zach does not fuck with it all. Well, I thought I liked Predator two. And then when we watched it, it kind of sucks. That's why I phoned it. It was more like, oh, the nostalgia didn't hold up, but Scorpio. I'm open to the idea that I just wasn't in a good mood for it. No, he's ready. Oh, man. If we do a rewatch, I'm open to it. I'll Scorpio is going in the hall of fame, boys. Oh, it's. We'll see. What? No one gets in. No one gets in. Lamey commented, thank God that Gaston ass wig was addressed immediately. Of course. Except not quite for me a little bit later. I still think he grew it. You didn't hear the accent. You didn't talk to me about the wig. I was distracted by the wig. He talking like a d**k all the time. Two thirds of the movie moves almost over. He's like, now I've noticed it that he's had a f**king soup. Speaking of Brandon Monahan commented, Zach's Ted dancing impression at the beginning sounded an awful lot like Tracy Morgan. Not wrong. When I was listening to the episode, I thought this is not like the pros. Also clip 22 Jump Street. Obviously, we've all heard the statement before. First impressions are important. I've got a first impression for you. Oh, y'all like psychology. Tracy Morgan. Nobody leave a review. Leave a comment. Make sure you check it out. CT five episodes on the main feed. Leave us your CT five suggestions and lists on social media or in the discord by subscribe to patreon.com slash count the dings. You get ad free episodes extended cold opens, re Washington live events, past, present and future, watching 10 events for here's the science. We watch bar rescue episodes and you get to comment. You get to laugh with us and then we will go record a podcast. You can go listen to here's the science. Wherever you get podcasts, you get episodes early, you get access and discounts on live show tickets and of course all the extra content across the count, the dings network. You've submitted some minute reminder needs to be 40% or lower on the Rotten Tomatoes audience. A quick score. All right. Cross over was number 300. And then we let Pluto TV take the wheel and show us where we need to go. At one point Pluto TV saw. I don't know what the fuck it was a music video about weed as a 30 year old tried to groom a high school kid with hidden tattoos. Can't wait for that episode and said, Hey man speaking of taking the bus. How about you watch the honeymooners? Can't wait for that episode and Pluto TV saw us fatally dance around Gabby Union and somehow convinced her to be with us, even though we're addicted to scheme, stupid hats and failing at everything we do while we suppress every urge to send her to the moon like we did in the old days. However, then Chuck Norris died and Pluto TV has a plethora of Chuck Norris movies. Pluto TV watched us obsess over a hot teacher slash owner of the frying dragon. Don't gong that as we daydreamed constantly because of our multiple personalities disorder, hoping that one day Chuck Norris would jump off the black belt magazine and beat our dad because Leangelo bridges definitely won't be our dad. All before it was revealed we are stuck in a wheelchair and none of this happened. And Pluto TV said, Hey man, Chuck Norris movies threw us a curveball. So why don't you watch a Charlie Sheen movie like Davy Seals? And that brings us to the 1990 action adventure thriller Navy Seals military action. Sure. Yeah. I'll accept that. Not much adventure. It's kind of just like, all right, another here. They move quick. They sure do that Navy budget for traveling real quick. They went to Beirut like four times in a couple of weeks. No jet lag. Hop, skipping a jump. Navy Seals stars Charlie Sheen, Michael Bean and Joanne Wattley. No, Wally Weenley Wally Wally Kilmer Kilmer at the time. Well, that's right. Mary DeVal. This is Charlie's seventh appearance on Cinefob with three musketeers, scary movie, three loaded weapon, one minute work, money talks and deadfall as previous offenses. I wish I knew how to quit you. He had major league in 1989, cadence, minute work and this movie in 1990 and hotshots in 1991. He stars as, uh-oh, Sheen. Wait. Uh-oh. Movies that don't qualify. Did I put this? What? Hot shots? No, we need to update this. Cadence is going into my list. What is cadence? Charlie Sheen is in the military. He's arrested by the military police. He's basically in military jail and it's just him and an all black changing. Wow. So is Fishburn. Yeah. It's a great movie. I wish it qualified. Directed by Martin Sheen. Where are you bumping? Starskin Hutch. Gotta go. Wow. You should have hit the Owen Wilson right there for the while. Wow. The Bean man. It's his third offense with deadfall and Jade as previous offenses. I wish I knew how to quit you. He had the abyss in 1989, this movie in 1990 and K2 in 1991. Stars as ass on bean. And then Joanne was in Pink Floyd, the wall, Willow and the man who knew too little. She stars as half. Oh, and half American. Oh, further as hot reporter the whole time. Sure. Until a very peace scene in a restaurant. Rick Rossovich from Top Gun Terminator and Roxanne. Payback music. Rick Rossovich. He's the fourth from the volleyball scene in Top Gun. There's two seals. I could not care less. 57 episodes of Pacific blue. Oh, good show. I guess was a watch on bikes. Yes. Cyril O'Reilly from Porky's. All right. So Cyril O'Reilly is the name of Dean Winters character in Oz, the one who's a boxer who gets brain damage. And now it has the mannerisms of a child. You don't need to bother telling us that everybody knows. But rice bill Paxton, repeat offender from predator two and club dread coconut. Pete. I wish I knew how to quit you. I don't think he looks like this regularly, but in this war, he looks like Rob Hubel. Not even a little with the mustache. Not even a little bit. I called him Rob Hubel the whole time. Their character names were pretty complicated. So Charlie Sheen is Lieutenant junior Dale Hawkins being as Lieutenant James Curran. Rick Rossovich is H M three James Leary Corpse man. Yep. Cyril O'Reilly is HT one Homer rexer explosives. I bet he is bill Paxton is MM to Floyd God. Yeah. Dane. Yeah. He's a sniper sniper. Yeah. That's a really good name, man. He might be up there. Oh man. See divide name. And then there's two more. I'll give them to you as we go. We've got Dennis Haysbert from major league in 24. I called him president all state. I called him Serrano. OSC William Billy Graham. He's the team chief Billy Graham. Huh. Yep. Was definitely already a thing. Absolutely. He's a team chief, but he's like fourth in command. They call him chief. But he's the team chief. That's his title. The other guy's a sniper. He's God. He's team chief. Yeah. Paul Sanchez from platoon and cast away. That's the other one. I don't give a shit. RM three Ramos whose skill set is communications and Arabic interpreter. Oh, you guys will fucking love that. That's a real Hayden Christensen thing. That's the Hayden Christensen award right there. I love how you get to the bottom of the list and then you need one guy to have multiple skills. Stupid to cover for everybody else. Nicholas Katie, repeat offender from Congo. I wish I knew how to quit you. Play the gorilla. No, he played a gorilla. In Congo. Yes. Oh, it's not an O. The way he said it. Nicholas Katie starts as bad bunny. Laden. Oh, that's Shahid. Yep. I called him Polinka the whole time. I called him bad bunny. Gregory McKinney, repeat offender from eraser and money train. I wish I knew how to quit you. Okay. Bear with me here. I don't even know if you guys are going to get this reference. Gregory McKinney stars as please we have money, but we're fucked up. Screwed up our whole life. I think we were better than you. Was he in that scene? No, he looks like the father of the kid who would be in that scene. Oh, good Lord. Okay. And then Titus Williver from Bosch. Yeah. And lost and lost. Yeah. He's the man in black. Also as a path of Merkerson. Thank you. 391 episodes of law and order. Lieutenant Van Buren T2 judgment day. Oh, the white widow. Not as well. The fiance. She's black. She's black. Not as well. The fiance. She's black. She's storm. Same note too. Also at one point changed Hayes Burt to captain. Fantastic for one more that you guys don't have here. Ronald D. Joseph. He's captain Scarface. No one addresses it at any point. Captain Ryan Dunn. Oh, Ryan Dunn. Jackass for the Phoenix sons. Jackass. R. Maybe seals was directed by Lewis. Teague. Lewis directed Cujo. Jewel of the Nile and Katz. I feel the Nile real piece of shit. I'm not good. Featuring a lot of stereotypes like this movie. We have two writing credits. Chuck Farr. Pafar. Pafar. May's clip, the man with two brains. Who are you? Dr. Michael. Farr. Dr. Havar. Michael. What? You're the first object that ever pronounced it, right? How else could you pronounce it? It's H F U H R U H U R R, isn't it? Yes. Dark man, hard target, the jackal, the green hornet, and repeat offender for barbed wire. I wish I knew how to quit you. Jackal, jackal, is it a jackal? Jackal, is it a jackal? It wasn't jackal the first four times. Why would it be jackal? And then Gary Goldman. Yeah. Big trouble in little China, total recall, and repeat offender for next. I wish I knew how to quit you. That's gotta be the biggest golf. Yeah. Officially has the belt for longest gap between appearances. And I remember this stupid ass joke that I mean made. Do you think he meant Oldman? Hey, I got a script from Gary Oldman. You have a script from Gary Oldman? Gary Goldman. Yeah. So much better. Glad we revisited that. I can't explain why that's in my brain. You know how I remember? I made the joke in my notes and then I was like, I've done this one before, man. I know I'm consistent, but damn. Synopsis for Navy SEALs. A battle hardened SEAL team set off on a mission to destroy a shipment of US built Stinger missiles that have fallen into terrorist hands. Okay. Pretty accurate. Tagline America's top secret weapon. No, not very secret, especially not Michael Bean. Oh my God. This is not anybody anything. He is an informant. We have five others. When danger is its own reward, there are men who will go anywhere, dare anything. They're Navy SEALs and elite fighting force who don't know how to lose. That's not a tagline. Also, they die constantly. Well, the first line is accurate though. When danger is its own reward, there are men who will go anywhere. Danger is the only reward they get because they don't get paid shit. Here's the thing. You say the first line. This is nothing but commas in here. No, I know I meant the first part. Sorry. Oh, okay. I wasn't saying the whole sentence. I was saying the beginning born to risk, trained to win their Navy SEALs. Okay, dude. No, it's stupid for freedom and America. Yes. Their America's secret weapon against terrorism. Again, not a secret because Michael Bean tells every fucking body everything. Then how about this one? Last one. America's designated hitters against terrorism baseball home run in the bottom of the ninth inning. We've got to start accurately. We can't wrong. You got to wrong this one knocking it out of the park in the bottom of the night. I'm about to hit that ass like a home run in the ninth inning. I'll give you this piece of trivia, which probably explains the secret weapon thing. The team depicted in the film was intended to be SEAL team six, whose existence was still classified at the time of the film's release in 1990. Oh, really? $20 million estimated budget grossed 25 million US worldwide. Not a hit. Yep. That's a flop, man. That's a big time flop. It's an unofficial flop. I'm guessing this movie was heavily marketed. The funny thing is, it's before the Gulf war, so they couldn't even capitalize on America loves its military vibes. Before we jump into this movie, you list the rest of this podcast. Of course, Navy SEALs is available on Pluto TV unless it's not anymore. But we think it is not our fault. Navy SEALs receives 15% on 39 critic reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. 42% from the audience on over 10,000 ratings. I mean, which is the positive or the negative reviews. I'm a submarine half full of semen kind of guys that give me the positives. That's weird. That glass looks half full to me. Wow. Now that you mention it, it is half full. Candace Russell of South Florida Sun Sentinel. Candace Owens. Jesse Owens. Jesse T. Usher. Usher. Good, solid entertainment. That's what Navy SEALs provides in a winning package worth the price of admission. Jay Boyar of the Orlando Sentinel. Zip a R.D. Navy SEAL stands out among this summer's violence-oriented pictures as the only one that doesn't leave your brain feeling like mashed potatoes. What were the other violence? Summer movies. Goodfellas. Okay. Yeah. Lionheart. Oh, all right. We're back in. Darkman. Ghostdad. Oh, there you go. Arachnophobia. Ghostdad wasn't an action movie, though. Delta Force II. We can confirm when we watch it. Young Guns II. Yeah, I mean, there's some violence in these movies. I'll use a shot of Goodfellas. Ghostdad is still a rental, huh? Damn. Variety staff of Variety. Cowards. Nifty performances make this routine action flick better than it probably has a right to be. Nifty. Nifty. They are nifty. They're nifty gifties. Caffeinated Clint of Moviehole. He liked one. Action-packed Goodfun with a killer soundtrack. Does have a killer soundtrack. Carol Kling of Las Vegas Review Journal. Stage 4 or Klinger. Four or five. Five. Stage 5 Kling. Definitely not Stage 4. I said floor. Floor. Foist. Nothing great or even good, but better than you might expect. Okay. Joe Brown of The Washington Post. Judge Joe Brown. Nah, just Joe Brown. I don't know if he was a judge yet. Do the voice. Like a real Navy SEAL. It does what it's supposed to do. Thought about it. I sure did. It gets out there quickly and doesn't remain in your memory for long. And then blank user, five out of five stars. Fantastic movie, casting, action scenes, all just about perfect. The only reason people done is the general anti-military PC crap. That is quote unquote cool in our culture. What year was this written because he said PC crap and that's got my antenna up. 2012. Yeah. PC had already been done. Yeah. But woke hadn't happened yet. Negative reviews. Stop being a pessimist. This tank is not half full. It's half empty. Richard Friedman of the Newark Star Ledger. Their voice. The SEALs performed heroically in Vietnam and deserve a better tribute. That different SEALs. Derek Malcolm of Guardian. Malcolm X. X.com. Derrick. The film is obnoxiously patriotic, rather racist in tone and desperately macho in concept. And the only surprise is that is directed by Lewis T. Whose past films dot, dot, dot, if hardly masterpieces were at least shrewd fun. Okay. Lewis T. Really let him down. Madeleine Harmsworth of Sunday Mirror. It's not a real name. A simple minded slice of jingoistic propaganda. Oh my God. Yes. A thick slice. Jingle. Ralph Novak of People Magazine. Ken Novak. Steve Novak. Steve Buscemi. Just say Buscemi. He's not bruschetta. I don't like Buscemi. It's Buscemi. He wants it to be Buscemi, man. Why don't you? It's not up to him. Who's it up to? He and Dan Waiky lose it. They don't get the right. Where's Dan Waiky? He said it doesn't matter how you pronounce his last name. You remember that? He said it doesn't matter. He said it doesn't matter. He said it doesn't matter. He said it doesn't matter. What is it? Couldn't tell you. No, no. Not him forever. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Anyone in the market for some B film, Arab bashing might find this movie tolerable entertainment. It's otherwise destined to make its big impact among Charlie Sheen archivist. Is that us? I think so. At this point. Yeah. Seven's a lot. Kim Newman of Empire Magazine. Newman. A very pompous version of the kind of nonsense Chuck Norris has been doing. In far less embarrassing fashion for so many years. Damn. Was that written by Pluto TV? Gary Thompson of the Philadelphia Daily News. Gary Washburn. Who wrote this? Oliver North? I mean, and then that far off. Yeah, boy. Brian Orndorf of brianorndorf.com. I was bored silly by the Crayola mechanics. Navy SEALs hasn't aged well. And now I rather hate my younger self forever. Bind into the mentally challenged antics of the film. Crayola mechanics is overcompensating. I don't think you have to like this film. You're being kind of a bitch. We'll get a means first note maze first note in my first note after these messages. Unless you are a Patreon member, patreon.com.com. You can add free episode right to meow. I mean, what is your first note maze? I'm sending you this clip. Technically, it's from Paul Shear and Rob Hewill's podcast critiquing some stupid online kid. And at some point the guy says you're so tactical. Do you think in another world you were a Navy SEAL? What are the odds that that would happen? Maze, what is your first note? I probably should have considered the political climate before picking this movie. Oh, good boy. Yeah. Also, what the fuck was up with that Michael Bean podcast you guys posted? I'm also very bummed out that I didn't have enough time to get through the 16 minute segment on... Didn't even click it because I hadn't watched the movie yet. Didn't want spoilers. Sheen and Bean, my favorite podcasting duo. Is that what it's called? That's what I call them. It's worse than Sheen and Bean. The title of the Michael Bean podcast is Just Foolin' About. Just Foolin' About. With Michael Bean. Just Foolin' About? You're not a fan of Just Foolin' About? You ever just fool about, Zach? Usually by myself. I mean, you said you were Jackalackin' before we started this podcast. I was Jackalackin'. I was Jackalackin' around with it. Well, all right. This will be addressed. I mean, I don't want you to jump all over this and freak out. My first note is there a chance Michael Bean isn't that bad in this movie and we do change the Ass-on Award to somebody else. Hold it. Okay. Oh, shit. Aw, man. When you were telling the story last night, you had so much detail. The detail was so rich. It was so rich. It was rich. Go into incredibly descriptive details of the story so we all know. Oh, yes. Now it's time for the scenes. Here's what happened. Baw. Massive text position. Lead off. Right after some pretty cool opening credits with the flash across the screen and the gold lettering and stuff for early 90s. Dope. Loved it. Right off the bat. Give me pure exposition in text form. I had to ask in 1990, did people not know what Navy Seals were? I don't know that it was as prominent. I was eight. So I don't know if I knew what the fuck the Navy Seals were at the time. Also shout out to President Kennedy. Pretty fucking prescient on some Neil Simon levels. Absolutely. Wars of the future would be low intensity conflicts such as guerrilla wars and acts of terrorism. So he created an elite special forces unit to meet the enemy on his own turf. I think I meant meet the enemy. I spelled the M E A T for some reason. Oh, that's a different movie. Experts in sea air land operations. They are known as dot dot dot. Give me that title card exposition. Ah, he said a combination Navy Seals. All right. If it's sea air land, maybe Navy cells. Well, I think they did some clever acronym work there because it could have just been sea land and then you could have called it a seal. Where's the E and C? No, you don't see. Let's not do a who's on first situation here, please. Well, maybe it's the experts and they've moved it. There you go. Yeah. No, instead of E sal. These are Navy cells. They're sea expert air land ops. There's fat cells and there's Navy cells. They're very different and also south from the practical jokers. That's right. Doing the double touch dance. Cut to the USS forestel aircraft super carrier. Yeah, where is it Zach? It's in the Eastern Mediterranean. This is like 10 years ago. It's actually present day. Oh, thank you. All right. Nice. Got a lot of radio chatter happening. Tanker Kuwaiti star is calling for help. Radio chatter is a horseman. Absolutely. It won't win, but it's a horseman. They've been attacked incomes of Navy chopper to help save some people. Tanker is about to explode. They've got five men wounded carrying high grade fuel choppers wants to land port side. The guy from the Kuwaiti star doing the Mayday call this accent is not authentic. No. Is it Louis Pinoc Nominio? Really? Okay. It sounds like Will Ferrell doing Mustafa. We've got a lot of work to do. I'm still alive only I'm very badly burned. Some of you I know some of you are meeting for the first time. Hello. Anyone could someone call an ambulance. The guy who's communicating with the Kuwaiti star says this is United States warship Yankee Bravo. Hold on. Did he just lie? Pretty good code names. We have been attacked. We are very, very badly wounded and in an extraordinary large amount of pain. We have five men wounded and we cannot wait. A gunboat comes hauling ass around the corner of this ship. If you're the helicopter pilot, would you say unidentified gunboat? Well, it's exposition. Hello, exposition. I am unarmed in international waters. What are your intentions over? I'm new in town and I've never had sex before over. I'm from the SS live forever. Over. They shoot at the fuck down. They fucking spray this thing. Guns blazing horsemen. That gun is massive. Now they're getting lit up. USS forestal can't seem to get through to give an update on the radio. If you just take your thumb off the fucking button. How about this? From horrible buses too. They're getting shot at and captain obvious. Lean over says, tell them to get the hell out of there. No shit Sherlock. What else are you supposed to do back at command? You already messed up. CT five war soldiers. We cut to someone on the shore as the waves come out. I was like, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody washed the shore from the boat or from the helicopter. That's deep in the ocean. Quite a ways to go. Then I said, he's got a Hawaiian shirt on. Was the undercover? It is Charlie Sheen and a Dan Flashes shirt and jeans. Passed out waves. Wake him up. Where the fuck am I? He's holding a heel. A shoe. Yeah. It's in his shirt or his pants. Is that a shoe or a fish? No. That is a silver high heel shoe. I mean, it's a high heel. You took a picture of it. I did. I thought it was a fish. I'm looking at the picture right now. His shirt is buttoned up like he's Bobby Grease. Alini. It's not tucked in though. As he walks back to the house, Paxton is sitting cross-legged on top of the fence. He's meditating. Ass off for Paxton. Absolutely. He's great in this movie. Where are we? We're in Norfolk or Norfolk. Norfolk. Virginia, I mean. Is this present day? Unclear if they don't tell us. Bean walks out, hung over from the beach house, asks where Graham is. Who cares? He's getting married in 30 minutes. Oh, it's Serrano. Who looks more hung over? Bean or Sheen here? Bean. Bean doesn't look hung over. He looks something else. Look at this photograph. How you doing? I don't know, man. Stopped drinking and started thinking. Shouldn't have done that. I don't know if I can do this thing, Jim. Graham, I'll be there, not by your side. We'll do this thing together. You mean weak, pale face. He was sitting there the whole time. Getting dressed. You're drunk, stupid ass. Where's Graham? He's right there. Ass off. I call him the unhoused Jedi. Bean is looking like a bingo. This entire scene. They're riding to the wedding in an open-air Jeep. Charlie Sheen's riding to the Charlie Day seat. I sit in the middle. Bean is giving a little pep talk. Michael Bean, go back and watch him drive like a child. Well, I was thinking that it was before power steering and it's also that Jeep. The Jeep's going straight. No one drove like that. Rocking it. Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right. Just imagine a mean jacking off two massive dicks at the same time. That are curved. Oh, that are curved. BTF St. Louis. They're not up and down. It's left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right. Lighting up chief. Best is all ahead of you. Like what? Marriage, children, a commitment. That's what's important. Sheen calls it horrible. I have a commitment to the teams. Teams aren't going to last forever. Then what are you going to come home to? Fridge full of beer and an address book full of phone numbers. This guy fucks. So far he's playing Charlie Sheen coming from a guy whose marriage lasted all of what a year and a half. Hello, exposition. Instead of the source lock beans, talking them out of it. Then he says, cannot be a part of this funeral procession stands up in the back of the Jeep and flings himself off of the bridge. Golden fucking dumpster. This is the action Jackson. God, I hope he does it. Award because I saw him start to braise himself. It wouldn't be funny if he did. Maybe funny if he did and then he jumped. And not only that, they said, I see your wish for a jump. I mean, and I raise you some ADR of me going, see you later. That's off. Sean asked him digging a pool, not him jumping off the Jeep, but them stopping and reversing into oncoming traffic. Dennis calls him a crazy motherfucker and bean. You catch that face. He said reversing. Reversing. Reversing. Reversing. Reversing. Oh, shit. Bean tosses his jacket. Very accurate. Nice toss. Yeah. Lands right by Charlie in the water. Wedding time. Haysburg says he doesn't know this woman being says he's known her for three years. She looks insane. Same note to the crazy eyes. Yeah. Coming down the aisle. Look at this photograph. He's excited. Lieutenant Van Buren is finally getting married. Mays, please clip it from Family Guy. It's well documented that my dream freeway is Esipathe, Merkison and CCH Pounder. And I'm going to be the one to get it. I'm going to be the one to get it. Dream freeway is Esipathe, Merkison and CCH Pounder. S, this is CCH. CCH, this is S. Their pagers go off. It's loud as hell in there. We got to go now. The organ abruptly stops playing during the walk. Ass off. Mr. Fantastic formula. All the guys are passing her in the aisle. He tells her he has to go this minute. I know this is bad timing. You guys, it's always bad timing. Doesn't even kiss her goodbye. No. He says I'll call you when I can. He literally runs. Captain Fantastic for he daps her up. He does. And then he's out. Yeah. I think it's a hat. The hat probably didn't do it for him. Sheen shows up in the back of a pickup truck where he hitched to ride. It's over. Never happened. Close wet attention to detail. Hair too. Are the seals on call like that? Like you're fucking. Yeah, man. They got beepers. Who are you going to beep? Seals. E cells. The cells. The cells being tells sheen that a balloon went up and he is thrilled about it. Gentlemen, there's a God in heaven. As you see for sheen, the action is the juice. They all drive off, cut to nighttime, trucks with guys with guns pulling up to seaport, eastern Mediterranean. I'm going to music happening here and we get some terrible Arabic by these guys. Not accurate. It's accurate. The accents are awful. These people don't speak Arabic. Sounded good to me. If you're their henchmen, why don't you hire some people to speak Arabic? It's easier to have some people who speak Arabic learn how to act like henchmen than to have henchmen act like they know Arabic. In Hollywood in 1989? Yeah, man. Fucking just go to Glendale or whatever. Whoa. That's where they be at. I thought that was Armenians. Alhambra? Alhambra. One of the guys has a New York Mets shirt, which I liked. He sure does, yeah. And they have the helicopter pilot hostage. All the personnel from the chopper. The Mets guy blows one of their brains out dog all over the other guy. Such a mess. Yo, that's crazy. Also is abrupt. I thought they were like, Hey, give us the coordinates or whatever. Like, yeah, Shahid is pissed. Pissed that they did it in the first place. It'll get too much attention. Yeah. And before he can shoot the next guy, the seals. Busted guns, blazing horsemen shoot everybody. See, you guys knew it was the seals. My note. Oh, shit. Here come the American ninjas. Oh, it's a different division. Three Americas. I had ice. Oh, guys caving guns, blazing with masks on. I saw guys dressed in all black. I thought ninja. Oh, why is that an OPE? No inventory on who's in the room. Kill everyone. There's no chance there wasn't any friendly fire on that. It's the guys from the wedding. 10 seconds ago. What? I'm assuming it's Bean who came through the skylight like a bingo. It wasn't unfortunately not even close to the control that ice T showed in 3000 miles to Graceland. Sheen takes off his mask revealing he's got black face maze clip. Just a little bit of this Andrew Schultz stand up. Black face is wrong. It's racist. You cannot do it under no circumstances. Cannot do it. Then you see them Navy seals commercials. You're like, all right, well, kind of sometimes you could do it. The whole Navy seals commercials like, look how cool black faces on a helicopter. Look how cool black faces on a boat black face in the water. They can swim. I don't know if they say that. I don't know if they say that. I might add it that part. I might add it that part. That's on me. A terrorist gets shot and Joe Goddow's his way off the screen. Yeah. Bean says we're a SEAL team. We're here to get you out. Rob Polinka sees them shuts the door. We've got code names like bad karma and X Ray. It took me a minute to figure out bad karma with someone's nickname. Well, bad karma, I think is all of them. The team's called bad karma. And X Ray is the helicopter. Oh, what's bad karma? It's when the e-sales show up. Sales to sales. Sheen sees the locked door. Plink is behind opens up the shotgun. Yep. Blast it open. Oh, I guess this isn't covert anymore. It wasn't covert when they kicked down the door shot everybody with machine guns. No, but it was for the rest of it. Those were all silence machine guns. Those weren't silence. They're not that other way. No, I went. But Zach, this is because Charlie Sheen. Plays by his own rules. Okay. It's the main guy. It's Shahid. He bloodied his face and took his shirt off. Oh shit. He's going full Hans Gruber. We don't know his name yet. Polinka. He got looks like bad bunny a little bit. Oh, bad bunny laden. That doesn't get an OPE. No, don't. But what we found out his name is I could stop calling him Shafid. I thought about one of these guys is going to do Shafid. Also Rashid Shahid. Polinka. I think Ben is a pretty funny first name for this guy. They half-ass it on that one. Yeah, he says he's an Egyptian sailor. Charlie's not buying it to Ramos the Arabic interpreter. Yep. That's his role on the team. That's right. Charlie doesn't believe him ought to smoke this piece of shit. But Bean says we got to go. We got to stick to the plan and the plan was get these guys and get out. We only do what our bosses tell us to do. Charlie real fucking hall monitor. Stop having instincts. And so they leave the guy alive and walk out. What was all that shit with the door? Room service. I've got talk banter. I was losing my mind at Michael Bean sneaking down a staircase. Like he's a cartoon bulldog. Allow me to copy and paste my exact note. I didn't elaborate. Stealth escape bean is ass on. Yep. Why is he sneaking around like that? Like a looty to his character. Hand signals clearing corners poorly. They stop at the bottom. There's a bunch of Arabic being yelled. I'm assuming it's all accurate. Fire starts coming down on them. So they radio to God. Who's God? Paxton Paxton on top of a giant crane with a 50 cow sniper rifle. I do not claim to be a weapons expert. This shit is a fucking cannon. It's a 50 cow. It was an explosion. The first guy he shoots disappears in a cloud of smoke like Tony Wonder in reverse. He looked like the bird that Randy Johnson hit feathers. Nothing else. There's no body. It's a hundred percent what happened. He would evaporate. This scope is crazy to the first one is all tinted yellow. It's called starlight. And when that doesn't work because he can't see them, he switches to thermal, which can see through walls and gives him color graded heat signatures of people. He shoots through the wall. Dude, that's a big fucking hole. Did you guys see how big that hole was? It was literally bigger than me. I'm not trying to pretend like I'm a weapons expert. I know this from call of duty. A 50 cow sniper will blow through fucking anything. I did think a lot about Call of Duty in this movie. Yeah. He takes out those two guys that are hiding clear. The seals are mad at all this gunfire. Now there's terrorists in the rear. They're losing one of the American prisoners. They have to escape to their second escape point being says to Sheen, stay cool. I am cool. You should see me when I'm not TGT. It's important to point out that it's now cool out because apparently that's military jargon. They get told to cool out later as a unit bad karma cool out. He wants cover fire. Bird leaves at 245. Be there or swim. Sheen asks Dennis for cover and says, hope these fuckers paid their gas bill. TGT golden dumpster cost the grenade a gas cannon stairs. Big explosion case of beer. Billy. Now the two of them are sneaking around the complex. You see how she shot the guy in the chest so fast that I thought he just pushed him with his gun is a seal. Seriously, identical. Not script writing, but you can clip them both. We got to break down the script writing. I think it's the bell that starts pissing me off the most. We got to break down the script writing. It's not the urgent senior voice. No, I don't like that either, but it's the abruptness of the ding and then that they find these cases, these big boxes. They move some sawdust off of it and they can read guided missile system. These are stingers. Clip your art Butler from London is falling. Stingers. Oh yeah. I think those are stinger missiles. Sheen blows up a guy with a grenade then drops one in the stinger crates. They run off. God damn it Hawkins. It didn't blow. I said, don't you hate when a grenade doesn't blow cut to the rest of the seals of the prisoners. Sniper takes out one of the seals chopper is landing and they are shooting and extracting X ray. Sheen and Hayes Burt show up and sheen says they found a warehouse full of missiles. They need to go blow it up. Sheen wants the breaching charges. He'll handle it himself. He says, let's go. God is just now repelling down from his crane extremely far away. How the fuck is he going to get anywhere? We get a close up on the terrace with the bloody forehead. That's our guy Ben Shahid. Polinka. Shahid. Helicopter pilot expresses gratitude. You guys are incredible. Thank you. There's no reason to thank us because we don't exist. You never saw us. This never happened. More things. You're welcome. So once again, we've got Charlie Sheen playing by his own rules, finding a stash of missiles and wanting to dispose of it and being like, no, we have to get to the helicopter. We have a mission. We were told to do this. We got to do this. Back to the forest all their debriefing their superiors on what happened. This is a very casual debriefing. Yeah, man. The seals have lots of military movies. The South using the debriefing there behind a conference room table. You're sitting on the side of table and it's direct. These guys are lounging in chairs and shit. They're interviewed one at a time to explain how it went down. They ask God if he engaged hostiles. I vaporize hostiles. TGT. He's not lying. It's not TGT. If he's fucking telling the truth, but lots of sound bites in this. You got away with everything, everything, but the onions. Why did you let this man go? I had a plane to catch these guys are TGT. Yeah, bantering whatever you want to call their asses off. So as they ask Sheen about blowing the door and interrogating a bloody face person. Polinka got some guys in the background speaking Hebrew. Yeah. Where are they from? They notice this guy and they say, should we tell the USA who this guy is? No, call Tel Aviv first. Oh, baby needs to know. So what we get into now is they're asking bean. Why don't you take out these missiles, Michael bean? Yeah. And he's like, oh, we had no time to dig around. You consider searching for internationally important munitions, digging around. Good question. And then he gets mad at Intel for not giving them enough of a scouting report on what was going on. By the way, thanks for the hot tip on the hundred assholes at your soft target. Not a hundred people makes you wonder why they call it intelligence. Got their ass cut to them playing cards, checking weapons, passing out mail, bean walks in on Sheen pointing a gun at the mirror. Hands of a file on Rob Polinka. Could have used this a week ago. Who know? God damn. I am still jacked up jacked up. Want to talk about a rush? Fuck me. He's on the tiger blood man. Being tells him to control his emotion. Slow and through me bus. Slow and right through me right through me. That high is not the one you're looking for. Believe me. I wonder how Charlie Sheen prepared for this role. How did he get jacked up? Got to DC. Where at the Pentagon? Rob Polinka's video of Rob Polinka talking about the hypocrisy of invading. You cannot send soldiers into our homes and talk about peace. You cannot kill a man's family and talk about human rights. And you wage this war with acts of terrorism against civilians. If America kills our people, then our people will kill Americans. As in the bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut in 1983. In the reprisal for the shelling of our homes and the murder of our families by American warships. It's real sweetheart huh? Terrible accent is a horseman. It's not good? It's awful. We get exposition about the terrorists. His name is Shatid. Time for some boardroom exposition. He's the leader of a group, Al Shuhada. They don't know anything about Al Shuhada at all. How? They might be connected to the Hezbollah. What? He says how come we don't know anything? And I said some things never change. We don't know much about anything, do we? Who's that reporter? Same question too, bro. I'm trying to find out. Claire Varenze? She wins the depending on the light. You're either really hot or you're really not. You're out of your mind. Several times in this movie I'm like, eww, and I'm like, whoa. Oh my God. What is she? She's gorgeous. Same note too. How come she's so knowledgeable? How do women learn this stuff? The reason why she's so knowledgeable, guys, I don't know if you know, it's because she's half and half American. I said, oh? I mean the important part is that she's half Lebanese and half. Does that make her so knowledgeable? I think that's kind of a... I think the part that made her knowledgeable is covering the Middle East for five years. No. An international journalist? Nope. Yes. The experience probably does it. She's a reporter. She's not going to give us anything. They think the group has the perfect terrorist weapons, handheld missiles. He chastises them for not blowing up those missiles. Why in the hell did you blow those things when you had the chance? Sorry, the lieutenant made a decision under fire. And we stand behind that. Navy SEALs, they're paid to take risks. They're paid to get shot at. They're paid to die if necessary. Now, I take exception to that decision. I'm at war and the point here is not what might have been done. What we do now. Michael Bean wants to take his team back there. What? That'll be up to the president. You were just there. Just got back. It took him five seconds to get there. What's the big deal? That's a good point. Got to walk and talk's position on the deck. Nobody's blaming the SEALs and nobody's blaming Michael Bean. It's out of their hands. It's up to intelligence now. Michael Bean doesn't like that shit. I don't accept that. He doesn't like intelligence. You're an operator, not a policymaker. They told him to shut up and dribble. I had him. We would have took him out and was like, how do you know your team wouldn't have gotten waxed? Like the man said, that's what we're paid to do. And he's so ass-on when he says this. Stand down, relax, cool out. Cool out. Get some perspective. And boys. How do we cool out? Clip from, this is the end. Sick. What are you guys been doing? Oh, we just hung out all day. We ate a bunch of dirty burgers and smoked about a fucking pound of weed and played about in video games. Weed is tight. Weed is tight. That's awesome. Weed is awesome. It's like the golfing sequence in Navy SEALs. Sick reference though, bro. Thanks, bud. Dude, your references are out of control. Everyone knows that. And then clip the song. Q, the boys are back in town. It's the golfing scene from Navy SEALs. They're fucking around on the golf course. They're going around in golf carts trying to make golf look cool and fun in a montage. Hey, Sperz's wife is there? Party foul. With a camcorder. Not his wife. And she's a fiance. I thought they got married by this point. No, they have not. Nope. He just got back and got told to cool out. Oh, that's right. This is the crazy part, right? I'm calling beers brain grenades. That's not crazy. That was kind of sick. I like that. That's not. I liked it. Want to grab some brain grenades when they get in town, Zach? No. Because they're in the military. You get it, Zach? Everyone's shoes are fucked up in this suit. Because they get a bunch of close-ups because they're holding the pin or all the golf club. Yeah. I'm talking about this is my one pair of sneakers and I wear it to work too. That's always in the 90s. Can you wear regular sneakers on a golf course? No, you need cleats, don't you? Some high-top re-box and shit. We sold Oakley cleats. Sheen is wearing fucking penny loafers with the tassels. Sure is. Sheen pulls up on Bean in a golf cart, salutes fellow cake eater. What? And Bean calls him hot shot. Cake eater. That's a repeat offender, isn't it? I know it's one of those kiddie movies. I thought it was hook. Move for children. Featuring children. Hot shot. Pressing it? Oh, yeah. They call them hot shot a few times in this movie. They do. That's when we get the brain grenades. Bean is still distracted. Bean is rambling and he says... If you got a problem, do something about it. He's sticking out there. Don't be afraid of it getting cut off. Oakley say, hey. No. That's what I always say. Do you always say that? That's what makes it an old cliche, is if he always says it. But he doesn't. But he's letting us know with exposition that he always says it. I've heard that once in this movie. Tapper formula. That's what I always say. Bean has the reporter's book in the golf cart? Yeah. Tears of rage. Great title. She's also making like a documentary with the same title later in the movie? No one mentions this. Why do you have a book? We're golfing today? They're drunk. They don't notice these things. Good point. Her picture on the book. Unflattering. Good. Get out of the way. Dennis and his fiance are in the bushes. What is happening? Hanging out. You gotta get away from the guys. He's trying to reassure, I love you and I want to marry you. I notice he lies and says he wants this and to marry her. But you gotta know who I am. He understands it. In for the long haul. This beeper goes off. I gotta go. As Charlie is putting, he sees his red convertible getting towed. Really? I thought he saw Quagmire's car getting towed. He throws a club at it. And he hits it. Hell of an arm. He's a Navy SEAL. Sal. Well, that will come up later when Michael Bean struggles to climb over a wall. Oh, same don't do it. Someone says that's what you get for parking on the fairway. He gets on a bike. How much coke is in his system? Which is the fucking truck? After a day of drinking on the golf course. Hops on the back. 15 brain grenades deep. Oh shit. He's going to drive off this thing. He drops the ramp. He unhooks the car while the tow truck is moving because the driver has headphones on for some reason. Illegal. And he's able to drive away free, right? Nothing in the way. Well, no, there's a big truck trying to hell and hunt him. Oh shit. So he's got to stay on the tow truck. No. But then immediately as he dropped, puts the car in reverse and maintained speed. Well, he must have almost hit the truck and then he got in the truck, and then he was able to do a 180 power slide. Uh-huh. And then make a left turn across incoming traffic. Golden dumpster. Holy shit. That's the end of the scene. Yep. Cut to the command center briefing. They get another chance at these missiles. There'll be potential hostages as everything is headed to Lebanon. Ships packed with Muslim pilgrims, which could present a hostage situation. These pilgrims are sleeping with goats. Racist. A boat full of orphans. Frank Dukes rescued every single one of them. Happy belated by the way to Frank Dukes. Happy belated. Yeah. Seven months ago. That will make you Frank Dukes. No, no, no. It's Dukes. Gotcha. Like put up your Dukes, right? They get the blueprints of the new bar that taffers going to design. Bean will buy the coffee. Cut to them in a submarine. They find the tanker equipment check 30 mics. She called the trip a real pleasure cruise. Now as they approach their target, bean says, let's go swimming. Are you for scuba? Are you guys for scuba? They are for scuba. All of them. Okay. It's been a little bit tough. New geese for me. They release bags tied to the sub with all their gear and inflatable motor boats. Now they're approaching the Latanya at night. They scale the hall. The assassin creed up that thing. I've done that in many of assassin creeds games. There's always a ladder on a boat. That's nice. They sneak around. They see a bunch of people sleeping on the deck. There's some plants in there. There are some terrorists hiding amongst them. Racists. Well, this movie, as you might know, it's about terrorists. It's about terrorists, man. Surprise. It took that long being gives us the stereotypical eyes motion thing. And I wondered when did that start? And at what point did it become an old cliche being almost kills two innocent people. Zero awareness on these two semen going down the stairs. The guys right there. Nope. They just have a conversation. They rushed the bridge. Ask where the gunmen are. There are none. No missiles either. Captain actually speaks Arabic. The guy interrogating him does not. That's Ramos. He talks like someone who has no cocaine shot out. Yeah. Yeah. They do. That's what it sound like. I believe you sheen and top gun find a guy in the hall rigging some grenades. They shoot him. Grenade goes off. Now the plant shepherds are taking hostages as everybody freaks out. And she said what he say, the other seal says something about your mother and sheen shoots him and says, never talk about my mom, which is TGT. But also the terrorists was saying, drop your weapon. He didn't say anything about that guy's mom. Yeah. Well, yeah, it was provoking him. Rossovich. Is it the Arabic translator? Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's Ramos. When he shoots the guy, he one hand no scopes the guy over the hostages shoulder. He's a Navy seal. No, he's Charlie sheen. Charlie sheen is built different. He doesn't give a fuck. That counts as guns blazing right there. No, that's not guns blazing. That's guns blazing, man. Come on. Also, when you said plant shepherd, it's not just a gardener. He's a plant amongst the shepherds. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, for yourself. No, that's not an OPE. No, it's not an OPE. For you it is. That's a. That's wordplay, Zach. I work play all the time. You hit me with gongs, hit me with OPEs. I work play all the time. I do. We got to break down the script writing. No, that's not script writing. He runs over and he goes, what's this? And sheen grinning his ass off looks like a dead terrorist to me, boss. It's a bad terrorist. It's a bad terrorist, man. Next morning, chopper comes to the ship. They've got everyone surrounded with their hands behind their heads. Nine crates for the bomb squad to check full of sand. They pride open. It's sand like a bag of sand tells bean with his ass so incredibly on. I think you boys have been had. No shit. Cut to the hot reporter. True Islam does not preach terrorism. She says it accepts Christians and Jews as people of the same God. Preaches equality justice. This is the voice over for tears of rage. The upcoming hit documentary. That's right. She had Muslims in Lebanon have seen little of either 14 years of devastating civil war. She's talking about all of the absolute rage coming from Al shahuda. Shohada, shohada guys. I'm glad they cleared all that up in the nineties. Yeah. And now no one ever thinks differently. Bean comes in. He wants to ask her questions. He's interested in work and research. Her voice is a fucking 10 out of 10. By the way, he's a 10 out of 10. He says, who do you represent? He says, I don't represent anyone. I'm in the Navy. You dumb fuck. She learns that he's a Navy seal and she's like, yeah, I'll have lunch with you. She immediately sees a mark. She sees right through him. She wonders why he's interested in Al shohada. Washington Monument is in the background at this beautiful scenic lunch they're having. There's a restaurant right above the Abraham Lincoln Memorial. The Navy seals. You're telling me at this point, not as well publicized as they are right now. Right. This team is supposed to be based off of seal team six, which was completely classified. I don't know how that could have been possible with Michael bean around here. They get bitches out to lunch. This is when people found out about it. Holy shit. Because he told everybody he thinks they're talking about missiles. Michael bean plays dumb. So you tell me, I should have had their hands on us missiles. They have a denial off. No, you're telling me. I didn't say anything. Me neither. They're both pretending they don't know. She wants to know what the seals are up to. This is training. Want to watch cut to an obstacle course montage? Yes. He takes this journalist who, you know, we know doesn't have ties to the Middle East. She works there. Well, she's half, but could very well be an asset at this point. She hasn't been checked out. No, he's like, come check out our base and our training operations. What are you talking about? He read a book. He read a book and they went to lunch. The training montage, strong vibes of American Ninja when we first get to training camp. Absolutely. Yes. Only 10% will make it. It's about endurance with these guys. There's gunfire in the fields. Guys are running and jumping and explosions. And there's the trapeze artists helicopter landing and dropping them. This slide to the air, dropping the water. And then there's a part where there's an explosion and guys are running through the forest and the camera and slightly to the left. She's standing right there. Staying there. Like it's a HBO real sports segment. Yeah. Two reporters talking and walking the walk. It talks position. Yeah. Being is explaining to Claire that the seals don't do it for money. They're just trying to prove it. Is that her name? Claire Claire and Ben. I didn't catch her name at all. They go to the dive tank where they're practicing and putting explosives on a ship's hull. She wants to know if they really think they're keeping missiles on a ship. This is just normal training. She comes up to the tank window, kisses it at her. That's normal. That's abnormal. Mays clip young Frankenstein. Abby someone, Abby someone, Abby who I be normal. That's Hawkins. He's part fish. We better get out of here before he presses something else up against the window like his hog. Oh, see, I thought pushing your cheeks against the window like a moon or something. You think he was going hog. Oh, he was going hog for sure. It's Charlie. She plays by his own rules. They're driving. She asks if he's had any mitties assignments. He keeps divulging whatever information she wants where, when does it matter? He's an open book. Everything a route in 83, 84. Oh, during the bombing of the Marine barracks, lost good friends that day. We lost a lot of good men out there. Same note to he's pressing her for misal info and she says, I'm a journalist, not a spy. It's a good point. So he takes her to the kill house. What the fuck, which is used for CQB. What's CQB? Cobra formula, close quarters battle. Sounds like fun. It is. He grabs her, pulls her close. They're about to make out. Seals come in guns. These cutouts blazing real ammunition dog. She storms out to shoveled. He catches up with her. What the hell was that about? He goes about being in a war, not being able to do a damn thing about it. What did you catch what this was actually? It was hostages because it's two different scenes. It might slip under your radar. This is Bow out formula. You're right. Because they shot off the place. And she runs like, what the hell was that? It's like, it's about being in a war. Well, Bow out formula. He mentions close quarters battle. Sounds like fun. It is. Then it happens. Oh, I think it's wow bow. Is it a wow bow back to back with a bow? Oh, you think it wow bows and then it swings back to Bow. Yeah, maybe it's Bow out because she asked what the hell was that about that question is directly related to the gunfire. Sure. But he introduced it. I think we went back to back pendulum swung. He's yelling at her about the missiles and doing something. Where's Shaheed? He's pressing her for info. She doesn't know what she can tell him. Which is real fucking incriminating. Oh, a great story like monsters Inc. Stays with you forever. And Disney class is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award winning hit series rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television to the unmissable crime drama. High potential. Gotta dead body. Gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits this spring on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Cut to Charlie Sheen driving his convertible. Pretty good job of parallel parking. Same note to bro. I was surprised. Pretty good job. Yeah. Wow. They pull up to ill Jardino. That means the garden in Italian. Just so you know. Thank you. Oh, like a plant shepherd. I said, is this the Olive Garden precursor like teacher Fridays in cocktail? Charlie is spying on being and Claire. So he knew they were there or he just happened to show up. He drove by some. Oh, which is incredible Navy seal vision by him to see him from the street. He's a Navy sal. Maybe saw his Jeep parked walks and walks up to the hostess says, Hey, Ruth, I called that subtle's position. Let's just know he comes in here a lot. It might be the only restaurant in Norfolk, Virginia. Norfolk. Yeah. Norfolk. He calls the command duty office and asks them to beep bean. Yeah. And they do no questions asked. I understand that based on the wedding. When you get a page, that's some real shit. Don't beep everybody. Okay. Gotcha. That's the difference. Don't be bad karma. Just being karma. Don't hit the group chat. Guys, are you ready for this unprecedented moment when she walks up when he first approaches them in the booth, bean ass off is getting caught with a girl. A hundred percent. I was like, Oh, shit. Okay. Not the only time that someone will call him ass off in this movie. Hi girls. What's happening? Great TGT. That's TGT not banter. Nope. That is designed to emasculate as a rival for the wooing. Remember this is 1990. Yep. He's trying to woo her. Everything you see here. This is the manly art of wedging as told by Charlie Sheen slides into the booth. Introduce himself. Clip it. Cause this is a fucking. Oh, avalanche. It's a lot. Journalist specializes in the Middle East. Well, baby. One of my favorite spots. What a shit. Oh, you've been there. Kidding. Rags knocking each other off like the national past. Rags. Rag heads. A rags. I think they're all a few sandwiches. I have a picnic. I'm going to go get some. I'm going to get some. I'm going to get some. I'm going to get some. I'm going to get some sandwiches. I have a picnic. I happen to be half rag myself. My mother's Lebanese. You sure? Well, I guess I've done him again. Have a nice. That's new. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I just being me. You phobed street kings. You better not file this shit because this is a street kings level diatribe. Ope after, Ope after, Ope. And at the end he says, yeah, you know, just being myself. This is what I do. Bean gets beeped. He's got to go back to being ass on. He asked Charlie Sheen to give Claire a ride home. Gladly. Where were we? I was insulting your heritage. And now dude, we're having dinner. Is he setting up to S.A. this woman? What cut to the convertible after dinner. He's still dropping slurs growing up in the section of Fresno. It wasn't that bad. You mean Mexican? All cabs. It depends on if they're working for you or not. Jesus, he's an OPE machine. Anyways, back to exposition and poppy talk. Supervised fruit pickers drove a golf cart because a Japanese mind blew off both of his feet. Well, there's a nice long moment of silence between the two parts of that word. And he couldn't get around too well. Drives right up onto the beach. What are we doing? Hopefully each other. What are we doing? Zach, this is all in preparation. He's hoping to have sex with her. I don't think he's looking to S.A. her because he backs off immediately. He just thought, oh, I'm Charlie. She and I get to have sex with this woman. Here's the line. We got two people strongly attracted to each other. She says two. Two wars. Exactly. Same note to. And he says, well, one out of two ain't bad. I don't think he's moving towards. I think he's trying to nag her. He's relentlessly trying to close the deal. She's offended. She gets out and starts walking away. He goes after her and she says, you're a vaguely amusing and not unattractive guy, but I'm not even remotely interested. He's floating his way out of this shit. She falls for it. Yeah. And then he says, well, I guess we'll have to kiss with the weekend and Bora Bora. And she laughs. And you know what this is? The invention of HGB horny guy banter. Where's my pen? Oh, there it is. What the fuck are you doing? You've been rummaging for 45 seconds. Horny. This is a great joke. This is going to translate super well. Good visual gag for the audio podcast. Bora Bora when she doesn't want to have sex with you. She walks with it and I said, did this fucking thing work? Well, that's why I have the notebook. Ben. Bean drives down the street, sees Sheen's car exiting the hotel. And I said, how long was he gone? Was there time? That's an interesting question. I didn't even think about it. I only thought about that. Yeah. I just assumed that her getting back in the car was I'm not going to walk home because I do want to ride. Of course, but a Charlie Sheen shield the deal. And as he runs him down, he's all mad. Sheen says, trust me with your life, but not your money or your wife. Oh shit. You admit it? Dirty Mac Hall of Fame immediately. First ballot. I mean, dirty Mac Hall of Fame for the beeper maneuver. You're an asshole. Sheen wants him to film in being told her about the stingers and Shaheed. You told her? Why the hell did you do that information? Who are you? The goddamn CIA now? I said, same note too, man. He says, CIA's giving us nothing. Never have never will. Thank you for saying it like that, Maze. Cause my notes says he said it like said, never have never will. She's all we got. He's all we got. You still got her. Don't we? Yeah. She's still around. Sure. And I said, oh, he fucked her big time. Consent? Of course. Now we've got news, exposition that a peace delegation plane was shot down by a stinger. Oh shit. Two men were captured. Hey, they saw stingers. I'm from Indiana. Bean goes right to Claire and complains about her defender of religious faith. A little peace commission out of the sky. She opens the door. Them things are just hanging out. She thought Charlie was back. She's wearing a slip, ladies and gentlemen, but her clothes are still on. That's right. Her blast is completely unbuttoned. Thus giving us the things hanging, but they're hanging within the context of a slip, which at one point in history, women wore these under their clothes at all times. That's right. Undergarments. That's insane. He's asking for information. She doesn't want to create the news. She reports it. She's a journalist like Arnie pie in the sky. You're involved. I won't be an accomplice. He tries to guilt her into spilling the beans. And as he's storming out, she reluctantly agrees to answer questions. It worked. He says these guys are religious zealots. You can't make them talk. You're dealing with extremists. And he says they're dealing with Navy sales. And that's TGT. That's right. That's a whole scene ahead after Michael Bean is pouring over documents at the beach house. Beach house. That's his beach house. That's on the water. That's a houseboat. Okay. I got confused by this. So it's not the location from the bachelor party then. No, it's on the dock. Maze is right. It is confusing because the bachelor party house has this deck that overlooks the water. Yes. The houseboat has a deck that also overlooks the water. It does. Yes. There's literally a house in between boats on a boardwalk. It's an actual houseboat. I mean, it's a floating house. That thing's not detaching from the pier. 100% it will detach from the pier. What are you talking about? Quiet. It's got a fucking ship wheel anyway. Zach, I feel like you would have a houseboat phase of your life. Dude, I fucking wish I had a houseboat. It's coming. Oh my God. There will be a point in Zach Harper's life where he lives on a houseboat. Norfolk. Dude, at worst, I retired there the last 30 years of my life. 30? You know how long you live on a houseboat? It extends your life. No. You die quick, man. No way. I'm trying to deal with scurvy. He finds a photo of will lead felati. I guess this is a significant time jump because he's been going over all of this information to ask her this one question. He's got a Pepe Sylvia board on the houseboat. Charlie and Claire are sitting out on the porch and he's asking her about will lead felati. That was Shaheed's go between, but he's been MIA for six months kidnapping. Probably could have been the Israelis. I said, Oh, one extra piece kidnapping. This gets Sheen excited. Sheen says that's the best goddamn idea I've heard all day. What? What you just said, what did I just say? Why don't we just go in there, grab one of these cheese dicks and make them talk. Double alley, you Cobra formula. You guys like that. It's it threw it up and another dude threw it back up and another guy dunked it. It's also sub check formula because this is Walter's plan in the big Lebowski. That's the simple part, dude. We make the handoff. I grab one of them, beat it out of him. Huh? That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious. If I understand it correctly, it's a Swiss fucking wad. It's right, dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. Once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong. There's one thing I learned in now. Religious zealots extremists. They wouldn't talk. Well, we're Navy cells. TGT cut back to that Pentagon boardroom. Meeting of the old whites. It was so confusing. Cause we don't know who any of these dudes are or what they do. None of them. I thought one of them was the president. One of them, Warren is the guy who talks to the president. Yeah. But what is his role? Is he the secretary of defense? I don't know. We don't know. He's the secretary talking to the president. That's right. One of the guys in the back says, oh yeah, we know that guy. Pilate. He's a paid asset. Yeah. You can call it anything you want. The point is you give this guy money. He jumps into bed. I said, is that the asset? Wait, I can get money for this.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 Joe's you could have never gotten me to do anything else. Well, I love when they say it's a dope model. We've only got this scale model for another. Where is it going? Well, they're leaving. Oh, they can't bring the scale model with them. It's got to go back to the scale model museum. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Scale models on world tour. Captain Dunn once had done with no shots fired and she says, so would he. I'm sure TGT not these guys. These are the guns blazing Navy cells cut the rapid deployment base Northern Cyprus. The jump from 12 miles offshore and swimming. What Navy cells swim 12 miles biggest concern is extraction. It'll be on radar. They only get one pass or they'll have to walk home. They got to use something called the rib access. Is it for her pleasure? Is that 20 CV? Absolutely. We don't give a better pleasure anymore. Being this telling us guys it's not a walk in the park just because we aren't expecting resistance. Don't relax on this one. What they are whispering in a helicopter. Literally they are yelling at top volume on this plane. Top gun wants to know how Bill Paxson's doing. I hate jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. You ain't got to love it. You just got to do it. We get some weird exposition. What's our altitude? 30,000. That's six miles up. Exposition close up shots of them getting gear ready. Dennis is reading a history book. Speaking of number six, six minutes, six minutes, six minutes, fresh air on, on, on, on, on. They jump out at sunset for some cinematic flair. Notice they have their names written on their helmets. How else do you know whose helmet is whose? This is right. Most jumping here. Yeah. This is going to be a secret covert operation. Ah man. That's for nerds. They're fucking with Paxson saying shoot doesn't look good. Wouldn't jump if they were him. They jump in formation and captain fantastic for his shoots. Not working properly. They say release it. He barely gets the second shoot out before he hits the water. Is he okay? He's fine. He plummeted miles the whole time. I'm like, I guess they have limited time. They've got to go get this mission done, but they fucking lost Dennis Hayesworth. That's crazy. Then all of a sudden he's just with them. Yeah. He's fine. The second parachute. How is the second parachute opened right before it opened with 40 feet left. I'm very, very badly injured. I have broken my leg. Goofy technology. Are you guys full screw back? They emerged in the dark. Had to swim. They swam 12 miles with scuba gear. Now they're on land with guns and face paint. No masks. Just blackface. Booger readers dead ahead sneaking around the streets. Okay. Climbing up buildings, getting in position. Michael Bean is on the roof and there is a little ass ledge. He struggles. I thought it was comedic relief. He struggles more than the dread pirate Roberts climbing up that big cliff side and getting to the top. He's a Navy seal. Dude, I'm telling you, he's ass on as a seal. It was so comical. Seeing him struggle to get over that. The seal right before him clears it. No problem. Of course, because it's about a foot and a half tall. He puts his whole body, his whole torso on the edge. Rest for a second falls over the other side. Also his eyes got really wide as he was putting in that extra effort. Kind of ass off that he was struggling. It's not ass off if you're actually feeling that way. Guy strolls by stops right near Ramos. What's his status? If he was any closer, he'd be inside him. Bean is yelling at him. I said, where are you? What's going on? What's the status? I'm like, shut the fuck up. We're doing a covered operation here. You saw how he got over the wall. Geez. The target is inside. Watching Mr. Ed in Arabic. Lewis Pinnock. Golden dumpster. Did you enjoy Mr. Ed's voiceover? Oh my God. It was so good. Got a guy that's talking Arabic like this with a deep voice because hello. I'm Mr. Ed. And the target's loving it. He's loving it. He's laughing his ass off. Yo, he's loving it. He's trying to get another Marlboro. Marlboro red. He's out. They bust in through a beat a curtain and grab him instantly. Being loud as fuck person there and grabs him. More guys show up near the guy smoking a cigarette, reading the paper. Dennis has them scoped and hothead. She cannot wait to get in there. They see him guns blazing. Gone down those three guys and kill him some. What do you call those? Ignore you talking. Unfortunately though, as he's talking to Dennis Haysburg, Dennis is dead. This dude is committed to avoiding this marriage and the black guy is down. He's talking to him. He stepped over at one point. Yeah, that's got a crazy chief. Chief. He's fucking slumped over. He also had cover and she didn't. So pretty cool. I thought it was an enemy combatant at first. The way he casually stepped over him, some ass on grieving. Yeah. Michael bean blame sheen and this allegedly tough extraction was very easy. No one else noticed even though they had a gunfight and they get to the boat that was supposed to be the hard part was the extraction. Fine. No issue. They're out of there. Cut the bean telling Sue storm. She starts sobbing and wailing really wailing ass off ass off collapsed into the flowers ass on. He's ass off. I like that. They didn't even bother with dialogue. No, where she's ass off. She jumps at the gunfire during the 21 gun salute shirt as look at this photograph. Their angle is not safe. It's not great. I didn't understand the shooting form on that. It's not great. Yeah. It was very casual and low. Do you guys notice the loan show up late with his denim shirt and leather tie? I missed that part. The guy in the military whose job is to play trumpets at funerals. Incredible job. You only need to know one song taps taps is 20 Cb anytime someone died in the movies. It's raining on being in sheen as they hold the salute nearly fiance as being how he died. I've got a right to know James. How did he die? What's the training accident? Oh, shit. You're lying. I can't talk about it. You can take all of that classified unsung hero stuff and shove it. Tell me something, James. It may seem simple to you, but if we had been married, would I have gotten a flag? Yeah, you would have gotten a flag. Oh, God. This is an ass on battle between the two of them. Oh, bean winds. No, she's terrible. No, no, no. She's not. Now, her character motivation. Bullshit. You're lying. She does emotional bullshit. No, she doesn't. Don't do this. You don't do this. I'm looking out for you. Why does she cry more about the flag? Well, she's upset about the flag because they're not married and she wanted that pension. This devastates her more than his death. That's what I'm saying. So she's more upset that she didn't get the flag. She didn't get the souvenir. While I will not agree that she's ass on, I will say selfish. So misogyny is still alive and well. Just saying. Cam quarter footage of Dennis juggling golf balls. Let me see. Charlie at a bar drinking a butt heavy. Everyone's drinking. Glasses are breaking. The sals are getting sloppy drunk and angry. Okay. All right. All right. Yeah. Ready? Okay. Here it is. Oh, this is the moment. This is the moment. Wow. Michael bean goes to drink his beer and spills it all over his chin. For real? I mean, I fucking lost it. This dumb fuck couldn't even drink a beer. No. I take back my first note. No. My bad. That's on me. I'll do an accountability. One. I might even do two accountabilities here. Okay. This is the most ass art. You're in the clear. He dribbles beer all over his chin. It's a bottle. It's not a glass. He took too high of an angle. It's literally bottlenecked into his fucking mouth and he misses that. I have a similar note in the very next scene that kind of captures. I think what you're laying down here. What I'm laying down is he couldn't drink a beer out of a bottle. This guy couldn't lay down a cop. I want to focus more on how this bar is operating, Zach. As you know, you and I, we are co-hosts on a show called here's the science bar rescue podcast. And so the first thing I noticed is the guys breaking glasses that fall into the ice tub. Now you got to burn that ice tub. That's right. You do have to burn that ice tub. Otherwise you're going to kill somebody. Then you've got a guy grabbing beer from behind the bar. He like, while one guy's running the distraction ploy, that was bean beans. The one that grabbed the beer from inside the cooler. Yeah. Well, but top gun is behind the bar. Almost like he works there. I was confused. I think they're just allowed to do what they want. Did you notice that they were putting all of the drinks on chief's tab? Yes. The dead man's tab. I thought Ramo Ramo says, put it on my tab. Me, Billy Graham. He says the name. Yeah. Oh, I missed that part. And I'm like, wait, he's not Billy Graham. He's Ramos. Yeah. CT five grifters hold up. Wait, are they paying tribute in quotation marks? No. To chief or does chief have a tab? Is it like lay away? It's literally written down in a book. And they're just going to rack up all these beers and no one's going to pay. You know who's got to close the tab, right? To storm. Time to update a list. Joe Esther house. Get out. CT five grifter. Number three, the Navy sales. Navy sales at the bar. That's an all time grifting move. Put on the dead guys tab. The dead guys tab. I mean, it's crazy. I kind of want one of you two to die so I could do that. They say they're celebrating retirement. Titus Welliver comes over. He wants to watch the game. I call him Ron Livingston. Ron Livingston. That looks like a country Ron Livingston. They don't look anything alike. Anytime I ever point out that somebody looks like someone else, you always disagree because they never do. They always do. I thought it was David Jacobi with hair. Yeah, with hair. Yeah. Maybe I don't know. I've never seen him with hair. These Navy sales are thrilled that somebody's trying to fuck with them. They shut them down and he won't shut up. So top gun. Rossovich says, this guy wants a beer bottle. I mean, sometimes you have this movie on in the background as you're watching it. Do you have that in this case? I just saw Michael being looking still. Go to Michael being. I need you to pay attention to it and watch it. I watched it about 30 times trying to make sure I got the right timing of the screenshot. I'm going to do a live play by player. Okay. So we're seeing footage to there on the golf course. This is the most ass on moment in Cinefob history. He drinks the beer like he's a hamster. Yes. Like a hamster get into the water bottle and both lips are fully wrapped around the outside. Yes. It gushes out because he can't handle the flow. He misses his mouth. No, it's an overpore. Zach, it's an overpore that he has his mouth closed. He's pursing his lips, dumps way too much beer into it. It overflows, comes out. All you got to do is take a sip of this thing here and he fucking turns it upside down. Why would you drink like that? Why would you dad do me a favor? Rewind it. Watch it one more time. Okay. It's violent. It's a violent throwback. It's insane. What is he doing? Good job of being sloppy drink. No, no, no, because I know what it looks like when he's out of his mind. That's when he supercharged that supercharge it. Wait, now they're going to think I said a slur. Well, you did. He really misses all of it. It comes out. This is all over his chip. Sheen says they're honoring a dead friend. Titus grabs his collar. Now she is choking Titus at seven. Then he kisses him. Everyone cheers. Mays, Gilbert Charlie. She talking about ordering from the back of the menu. You're going to say this. Look, it's Charlie Sheen and he kisses the dude. When people say sex with men, you immediately think of like butt sex. I mean, it's hard to be graphic, but that's kind of like where the mind goes, right? Yeah. And it wasn't that. Sheen says, I love you. Then throws him down on the ground. Packs and pours alcohol on the bar. 151, I'm pretty sure. Lights it on fire so they can toast Haysburg. And then Tapper says, that's it. I'm going in. It is in this moment. Being the rest of my notes, I call him bingo. Hold on. Hold on for a second. I've got to send you guys this picture. Can we fucking get a move on? Jesus Christ. Bean stumbles out drunkenly of ready room pizza, which is where they're hanging out. Sheen follows him being once sheen to take responsibility for Dennis Haysburg's death. You're looking for a fight. You're looking for a rush. A rush. I hope you got it. You're toasting a man you put in the grave. All right. All right, I did. I fucked up. I fucked up and he's gone. And there's a damn thing I can do about it. So what do you want from me? Huh? Dave Yeager. Move over. Because somehow Michael Bean with the walk, the walk is so ass on Dave Yeager. You off the hook, man. Cut to the hot reporter showing up to bingo's houseboat. Well on her way there. Oh, she gets a shreppy boat guy dude with a polo shirt tucked into his khakis. Tries to flag her down. He says, excuse me. I may, may, uh, hey, the party's over here. And then when she keeps walking, he says, no, I tried, buddy. You gotta have some more confidence in that. He was drunk. Golden dumpster. You know why she didn't go on that boat? Why? Because of the implication. Houseboat in Norfolk, Norfolk, Virginia. The Norfolk house must be cheap, right? 40 bucks a month. She walks right into his house unlocked Navy seal. It's trashed documents all over it. Classified the Mar-a-Lago mutt. Also a broken picture frame of bean and Dennis. She finds Bean who just rubbed his eyes right before the scene started trying to act sad on his balcony. Ass on. Okay. Here we go. Some sympathy sex for my guy, Bean, and they go for a walk along the boardwalk. Yeah. Right by his house. Once they know about the missiles, Bean's gotta go get him back. Wide shot of her being concerned, I guess he pulls her back. They walk together. It worked. Next morning sunrise. She spent the night. No way they banged. No, he cooks her. Sister watches her sleep four inches from her fucking face staring at her while she sleeps. Sean asked him to get a pool. Her waking up normal. He strokes her sleeping hair. He's got a ship out. They hug. That's how I know they didn't fuck because they hugged. Camera lingers a little bit. And then she goes back to sleep. Yeah. End of scene. She's exhausted from not having sex. They walked all night long. She got her steps in at base. Charlie Sheen walks in and he blurts out. So, Mohammed spilled the beans, huh? Hey, I'm still a part of this fucking outfit. Grab your gear. We're going to Beirut for a fourth time. Cut to the USS Coral Sea. Now where is that? Eastern Mediterranean. Okay. It's off the coast of Lebanon. Can I ask something? If we're sending these guys back, why aren't they based in Saudi or fucking Norfolk's? Well, this is why the budget's so high. Tactical exposition. Missiles are located in the Shiite slums of Beirut. They've got a contact from the Amal militia. ADR from Captain Scarface. Not supposed to get involved in fighting. Just blow the missiles. They're head to the shore. We hear missiles and explosions in Beirut. It's a war zone. They're in Beirut. Says it on the screen. It's only a model. The guy they're supposed to meet as a teenager with an AK smoking a cigarette. His name is Ali. He starts naming off all the sex that are fighting the Hizballah, the whatever. And then you hear a jet fly by and he points up. He says, it's my he she calls it the asshole of misery. Oh, someone else has said they're on the dark side of the moon. Guys, being tells everyone this ain't our beef. Let's move out and they move out. RPG almost hits them and they start shooting. Wish I had taken a picture of Bean because he's got one of those Palestinian scarves wrapped around his head and I said he looks like Tiger Woods in the back of a cop car. Oh boy. Topical. Well, it was. Paxton's trying to find high ground to snipe. They're trying to move some more kid led us into a ship storm. What was your first clue? Bantar? As God is setting up his sniper rifle, a guy sneaks up on him. They shoot each other. Bean's going to go check on him. Nearly falls through the floor. Bean. This motherfucker is not a Navy cell. CT five worst soldiers. Number one. A guy recognizes him as American is about to kill him. Gets blown up. Did God shoot him? 50 Cal again. We're God's still alive. Slowly dying with his enormous 50 Cal. They ask him how he is. He says he's fine. Drops dead immediately with his ass on. Exactly. Bean nervously pulls a gun on a guy coming in behind him, but it's Charlie Sheen. Sheen sees what happens. Tells a group that Paxton's dead. No chance with Sheen coming out of the shadows. They don't shoot each other based on everything we've seen in this movie. They're guns blazing 24 seven, except for this one moment as they're leaving the area with the 50 Cal. A guy shoots an RPG at them. RPG with the most localized damage ever. In terms of point of impact, he misses them by an inch. Luckily it only explodes in that inch radius and nothing outside of it. Oh, don't shake your head at me. Fucking morbius. Ollie takes him to a vantage point points at a building and then fails. He's out. That's Lebanese young Frank Dukes. Oh, Ollie. Yeah. I'm mad that I didn't think about it because my note was literally there. Ollie both looks, sounds and runs like a bingo when he went there. I said, Oh, I wasn't going to steal it. How come you cut him but not me? I use a thermoscope to see a slumber party on the third floor. This dude is literally sleeping on the job. Bean and the team are going to go in. Sheen and Ramos are going to stay outside. They find the one guy sleeping. They knock him out. They find the cases of stingers. They're not full of sand this time. A door opens behind being he back kicks the shit out of this guy. He's not paying attention. No, your job by the door is to watch the door. Instead you're watching the thing that five sets of eyes already watching instant knockout. They confirm the stingers. They start planning charges. Piece of cake. 20 CB piece of cake. No submarine periscope is checking out the buildings, aka the model. Zun will be up in 15 minutes. Light would compromise position in 20 minutes. They're leaving sales or no sales. Sheen's worried about how bright it is jokes that they're having breakfast. We like that fun moving on the second floor guy behind them is speaking Arabic. Sheen shushes then shoots and calls it a boring conversation. Why don't they have silencers anymore guns blazing. This infuriated me for a lot of reasons. Number one, the Lebanese soldier says, who are you? That's the question asked. Shoot him. What infuriated me was they literally ripped off Star Wars, the detention center scene on the Death Star. Everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here. No, thank you. How are you? We're sending a squad. Negative, negative. We have a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Largely, very dangerous. Who is this? What's your operating number? Boring conversation anyway. Sheen says, leader, we're gonna have company. Oh, it's different. Fuck you. No, fuck you. Whoever wrote this, Luke and leader. Those two different words. Reference. That's not a reference. That's not a reference. That's not a reference. Why not? It's a rip off. Not a reference. It's a rip off because you don't like it. Yes. And I like Star Wars. I like Star Wars. I like Star Wars intro. Still planning charges inside. They come running out. Bean gets shot in the back. Swiss tease up. It's the worst soldier we've ever seen. Not a chance he could have been a universal soldier. Sheen sees Ben Shaheed. Hello again, scumbag. Bean wants him to blow the building, but she won't do it until he rescues Bean. Fuck his order. It gives that orders where to aim. His plan is all right. You guys fire guns, blazing nonstop at this building while I move up. Yeah, no problem. You don't need to reload. We got unlimited ammo. I put the code in. He wants Ramos to use the 50 cal. He's no scoping. Yeah, blowing holes in the building when it has that big of a destruction radius. Why do you need a scope to be accurate, accurate to see who you're shooting at? Just aim and shoot. He probably killed at least 10 people with one of those shots. He'll the bunch of windows. Sheen gets to mean he fireman carries them. Once they're clear, they blow the building. It's leveled and collapses. Holy shit. I feel like blowing a building full of missiles with a shitload of C4 would be a little more devastating, but whatever. Nope. It's all localized. Well, Sheen was safe because they had John Q. Sec as his stunt double that wasn't Charlie Sheen at all. Asiren starts wailing as they carry him clear, carry him clear. Jackie Moon. They're doing a terrible job of support. They got him by the limbs. The unhoused gentleman is on the roof and he's got himself an RPG as well. He takes one last pull of snacky cigarette for unloading and again, very localized destruction. He misses them by about three inches this time. But luckily all the devastation and destruction is limited to that three inch radius. That's right. They give him morphine and dress the wound. Tell bean he's really gonna love the morphine. I'm really gonna love this. And he does ass off and he does and he's ass off. He's so ass off. All Michael bean needs to act well is pretend like you're on morphine. If he hadn't missed his mouth with a beer, he would have won ass off for me in this movie. A brain grenade. No, I think brain grenades are just in the can can. Oh, yeah. Because you got to pull the tab and you toss it. Yeah, that makes sense. That's right. She says let's hit the beach. Ben Shaheed took his shirt off after time to go to work. Hot big route. She pulls a gun on a Mercedes and car jack somebody like Grand Theft Auto and this is when I'm like being giddy on morphine. Dude, it's working pretty ass off. It's working. They're getting chased through the streets to get shot at their loss. They can't figure it out at one point. They got the stinger missile on them. So it's got to shoot out that truck that's following them. Then the armored truck disappears like, yeah, we lost them. And we get the shot of being all high off his mind, smiling and laughing. And in the background, you see this shit. It's right there. They think they've lost this tank truck like five times. Yeah, my favorite though is when it Kool-Aid man to tweed through a wall. Oh my God. Golden dumpster top gun. Can't figure out the missile. It's a one shot deal. What and she comes flying into dunk the Cobra formula. We miss. We die. That lob was not for him, but he took it by his own rules like the guy for a fucking crossover. They swear to avoid a bus. The tank truck hits it. There's a giant fireball explosion. They smell the ocean. They're celebrating. The truck pops back up and it shoots the driver in the fucking head. Bingo is suited out of his mind. Yeah. Car crashes and flips over. That's when Rossovich uses the missile and they crawl out before the car explodes. They're leaving the dead body. They leave a lot of Navy sows around. They left this guy. Yeah, they brought Hayesburg home. Yeah. This was Rex. The seals boss is trying to get the sub to stay 10 more minutes. I've got 107 men on this half billion dollar piece of shit. I mean equipment captain of the boat says, yeah, the guy with 107 men aboard a $500 million boat is going to wait for four Navy sows. Come on. Come on. They get to the beach. Alinka sees where they're going. It's going to take over a couple of schooners. And they proceed to waterboard the fuck out of Michael Bean. You have to. That's what's happening here, ladies and gentlemen. He's on morphine. He's fine. They dive underwater and he's dunked up out of the water back into the water. They're waterboarding. People are shooting at them from the land. So then we cut to a swimming pool and we get bullets whizzing by them. Then a guy shoots an RPG cut back to the pool. A cannonball happens very localized. That's it. Polinka sees a body floating. Try to pull him in as Michael Bean and sheen pops out like a dolphin pulls guys into the water. Ramos throws a grenade in the boat. It blows up popping out of the water and grabbing someone. Did that happen in club dread? Was that the end of club dread? Yeah, club dread. It's the exact same thing. Instead of just killing the dudes on the boat, they blow up the boat. Yeah. You guys are deep in the ocean. You can't see land. They have the high ground. How they swim. They're Navy cells. It's the first letter in cell. Sheen and Shafid start fighting underwater and this is a long ass fight. It goes on for a while. Eventually she pulls the knife out of his boot to cut his throat. Did he cut his throat? There's no blood. No blood. No. I think he just drowned him. No, he cut his throat. He did the motion. There's no blood. How did he cut his throat? There's no blood. Movie magic. But maybe it was a vacuum knife. Oh, that's a good point. Top secret Navy cell. CT5 weapons. He dies with his ass off. He's great. A lot of faces. Also Charlie Sheen is underwater for three minutes. He's a Navy cell. I mean that Navy cell training. Yeah. We did see him make that kiss and threaten to whip it out, threaten to whip it. It was already out. They were just waiting for him to reposition. They were worried about him pushing up against the glass. They float together in the middle of the ocean. Michael Bean tripping on morphine. No sign of the sub. Typical. Tripping on morphine. He's dead. That's a corpse. How long you guys want to wait? Bantur. They're laughing. Doc Rivers? They laugh way too long and way too hard. And I said, this is compression mania or whatever. Space fucking insanity. Pramphant music as the sub shows up to pick them up. The end. Roll credits. Seat belts fastened. Trace hails in an upright position. Here we go. Bought with Duff. It's the discovery of the missiles. Right? Yeah. For me it's specifically when Bean says no. Oh yeah. We got to go. Leave them. We got to flood. Let's not blow these missiles up. Let's leave them. Yeah. For me it's sheen jumping out the back of the deep into the river. Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened? Plot summary one minute 53 seconds. Three, two, one. This movie starts with a terrorist attack in the Mediterranean Sea that's unprovoked in international waters. But then it turns out that the head terrorist is mad at his guys for doing it. So it might have simply been a strategic mistake by Doug Christie. Luckily it happens just in time to stop Dennis Haysbert from getting married when he and all his Navy seal buddies get beeped on their beepers and leave the ceremony as the bride is coming down the aisle on their mission to get some hostages back. There is a fundamental conflict established between our two main actors. Charlie Sheen is the junior lieutenant who plays by his own rules and is constantly trying to get in the action. He finds the head terrorist and stinger missiles, but his commanding officer Michael Bean is so committed to the mission that he overrides Charlie and tells him to leave it alone. When they get back, Naval intelligence and the Pentagon are pissed off that they let international terrorist Ben Shaheed survive while in possession of extremely dangerous stinger missiles. Now Michael Bean gets frustrated with bad Naval intelligence. So he decides to take matters into his own hands by meeting a half Lebanese journalist with lots of contacts in the Middle East while trying to get information out of her. Bean decides that giving her a tour of the top secret Navy seals training facility is a good idea. Also he's trying to hook up with her 30 and so is Charlie Sheen. He's also trying to hook up with her. Somehow this plan works. There are no consequences. They get the intel. They find the location of Shaheed and the stingers. They lose a couple of seals in the process. They locate and destroy the weapons and Charlie Sheen cuts the terrorist troat. USA wins again. It's about terrorists. It's about terrorists, man. What a drop. Wow. Three, baby. One, two. Do me a favor. I don't want to do countdown. Before I do the scene. No countdown. We just do off action. Just in your own time. Good. So I'm not a rocket ship. Okay. All right. Hey, do you guys know why the Navy seals were formed? You don't? Well, don't worry because here's some handy exposition to get you informed and ready for two hours of what being a Navy seal is all about. Exposition and TGT. Michael Bean is one of the worst soldiers ever commissioned by the U.S. military who wasn't actively a turncoat or spy. Charlie Sheen is your standard red-blooded serviceman for Fresno. You know, racist. Together, they tag team the Middle East operations and fuck up weddings alongside the president from 24, Rob Hubel and two other guys we don't get a whole lot of character development for. Despite being a stealth unit operating with classified intelligence, they often exhibit neither stealth nor intelligence shooting loudly and letting one of the biggest terrorists in the world, Bad Bunny Ladden, off the hook. They find out that terrorists have American weapons. I wonder how they got those. They learn more about these particular terrorists from watching a tootsie on the news who we later learn is half and half American. Bean takes a shine to her, which means Sheen has to come in and dirty Mac is waiting to perhaps griping her. Uh-oh. They redeploy to get the missiles, but don't find evidence. So then they orchestrate a kidnapping, but then President Allstate dies because Sheen is too excited to kill ragheads. His words don't mind. Lieutenant Ben Beard from Law & Order is devastated, but seems to be a little more devastated that the flag went to the guy's parents instead of her women. Am I right? Anyway, they go back a fourth time and this time they blow up the missiles and kill Bad Bunny Ladden, but not before Michael Bean gets turned into Swiss cheese and hopped up on morphine with his ass fully on. Oh wow. Anytime. Crack attack is back, Jack. Sure. Yeah. Crack attack is back, Jack. Zach, three, two, one. The Navy cells are a covert operation that's supposed to fight on sea or in the air or on the land. And this is exactly what they're going to do is they protect America and the world from some kind of Arabic speaking terrorists, I guess who have captured stinger missiles and American pilots and everything. And so the sows are going in and they're going to rescue them and they do it dressed like the American ninjas. And then it's revealed, oh no, these are the Navy sows. These are not American ninjas. They see that the stinger missiles have been stolen. They didn't know that. And Charlie Sheen's like, yo, I'm going to stork Coke off these missiles until they explode. Let me do that. And Michael Bean says, no, we can't do that. We've got to get back to, you know, America where we're safe and where we can make sure that Dennis Haysworth doesn't have to get married. And then they go golfing and they fuck up that golf course unbelievably. And for some reason, Haysworth woman is allowed to be there on the boys trip. I don't understand how that happened, but ultimately we're just getting a lot of back and forth of trying to get as many miles as you can from Norfolk, Virginia to Beirut so that Michael Bean can save money. So he doesn't have to live on this houseboat anymore in Norfolk, Virginia. And so they decide like, all right, we need to go rescue this stuff. We got it. We have to go get those missiles, those missiles. We wouldn't let you blow up. We have to now go blow them up. We're going to do that. Hey, this hot reporter probably has some information on how to get it. And she's like, yeah, I kind of do, but I kind of don't. And maybe we should, I don't know, I'll get together and have some dinner together. And I'm hot enough to where you have to do what I say, Michael Bean, because you're a real idiot. We know you're an idiot because we watched you try to drink a beer 30 times and you missed your mouth drinking out of a beer bottle. It's crazy. And then he's shot up with morphine because he got shot up on the mission, but they went. Who cares if you lose the game, you got this off your chest. I mean, it's just one night of bar trivia. One night of bar trivia is Sankrasank Tuss. Trivia is Sankrasank. Unfortunately, there is a ton of trivia for this movie. Describing his time working on this film upon its release in summer 1990, Michael Bean stated it was a tough, demanding, exciting film to make. It had to be. Working with the seals and portraying them was its own reward. An incredible experience. They're a breed apart. They're unique cut to a 2012 interview. Michael Bean stated that working on this film was quote, probably the worst experience of my life. He stated that quote, we wanted to make a really good movie and it really turned out to be kind of a mishmash and not a very good movie at all. The script could have been shaped to be much better. And you just hate to see all that talent and passion go to waste. Originally the men were supposed to play touch football. But Bill Paxson felt the scene was too similar to the volleyball scene in Top Gun. So he suggested they play golf instead. Most of the golf sequence was directed by Bill Paxson was a second unit crew. Several screenwriters were brought on to do rewrites after Gary Goldman, Kevin Jarra, a repeat offender from Rambo to wish I knew how to quit you was approached to do a rewrite that was deemed sexist, gratuitously violent and lacking in character depth. So they brought in Angelo Pizza, who wrote Hoosiers. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The man who created Bended Spoons Angelo Pizza. You watch your mouth when you talk about Luca Ferrari. Okay, Angelo Pizza. Pizza. Oh, Angelo Pizza was then brought in to flesh out and develop the main characters. So thanks for that, Angelo. And according to Pizza, he worked on the script for two months writing many drafts. Rewrites continued well into production with uncredited script doctors and even Charlie Sheen and Michael Bean reportedly rewriting scenes. The more involved we got, the worse we realized the script was said Sheen. The third act is kind of disjointed, but it is completely different from what was in the script. Do you remember we rewrote the entire frickin thing? We'd stay up till frickin five in the morning, be back to work by, you know, eight or nine. And we formed an alliance with the DP, John Alonso. We're having secret meetings with him away from the director, Louis Teague, because we knew he wouldn't understand anything that we were trying to present. We had little storyboards drawn into the handwritten script. There was only one copy, so we couldn't, so it never left our possession, you know. Yeah, we fucking ran an op on that dude. And that was like, that was like having two jobs. We were all co directing, co writing, like having seven jobs, what am I saying? And also trying to navigate and keep Louis engaged enough, but just removed enough to where we could implement our secret plan. That was pretty cool. That's pretty exciting. I forgot to bring it, my bad. I still have that original script of all of our chicken scratch notes and all that dialogue, because we wanted you, you remember, I'm like, yeah, and once we give you a shot of morphine, then you can kind of be out of it in the thing. And then, then you're just then you're like, you know, baggage that we have to like extract with, you know, not to demean the value. Of course, no, of course. No, but it just gave us an extra, another obstacle, you know, there are high explosive armor piercing incendiary 50 caliber BMG rounds available for use by the military. The scene of a sniper shooting these kinds of rounds is entirely possible. Zach, so I was wrong in assuming that these cannon fucking shots are just a pigment of imagination. We're gonna have to update the names list. Miss Lippinrider gone. Lippinrider, Angelou Pizzo, Navy Seals. Former Navy SEAL Chuck Farer was the film's co-writer and technical advisor to help ensure film accuracy. Farer enlisted eight additional former Navy SEALs to train the actors in their roles and occasionally performed specialized stunts. And they just couldn't get to Michael Bean. Producer Bernard Williams explains a lot more than stunt work was involved. However, each actor had a SEAL double to whom he could turn for help in handling weapons or perfecting SEAL techniques. They were an on the spot source of vital research to make the movie as much like the real thing as possible. I just need to clarify something that was Chuck Farer. That wasn't his quote, but yeah. Right. But he's the former Navy SEAL. He was a SEAL. Yeah. You're telling me a Navy SEAL wrote Barbar. Yeah. Fuck. You got to enlist. Did we green sweep that? When Chuck Farer had no problems. What? A roger. Farer. I know you weren't even pronouncing it. Wrong. Wrong. While Chuck Farer had no problems selling his Crypto Ryan, problems arose when trying to find a director. The first choice, Zach, was Ridley Scott. But negotiations fell through. No pun intended. Wait, that was his brother. Never mind. Oh, whoa. Roger Donaldson didn't like the script. And although Richard Markon, who you might remember from Return of the Jedi signed on, he died during pre-production. The Luest he came on as a replacement. Multiple screenwriters contributed rewrites with Gary Goldman, tweaking the story to resemble the guns of Navarone and an officer and a gentleman, which parts? And Kevin Jarre to put his contributions on hold due to a writer's strike. To simulate the formidable training that Navy SEALs go through, the actors playing the SEALs went through a two week indoctrination course at a special training center in Winchester in Northern Virginia. After becoming familiar with the weapons they'd soon employ on film, the actors took part in field maneuvers. Actor Charlie Sheen recalls, it was very extensive and very physical. The concentration was on urban combat door to door and hand to hand. We learned how to handle weapons, how the chain of command worked and the scope of international terrorism. It helped us understand the SEALs presence on the world scene and their unusual sense of duty. In the end, it was actors versus SEALs in a final war game showdown. The SEALs were reportedly to have graciously said that the actors made a good showing for themselves. 65 LARS. Yes, absolutely. Michael B. and recommended Bill Paxton for the role of Dane, feeling their chemistry from working together on aliens would help lend authenticity. Much of the filming took place in and around Norfolk, Virginia, home to the world's largest naval fleet. The production crew was able to shoot key scenes in such restricted areas as the Norfolk base and its training grounds. The film was also partly shot in Spain. The submarines, warships, helicopters and planes that are seen in the film mostly belong to the Spanish Navy slash Air Force, which gave the production full cooperation. In one scene set on an aircraft carrier, you can actually see a Spanish flag flying in the background while the SEALs are on the ship's elevator being raised from the hangar up to the deck ready to set off on their final mission. Actors Joann Whaley researched her role by interviewing journalists who covered the Middle East and by reading reams of news copy. Whaley stated that she chose to make the character of Claire Varens quote an amalgam of reporters I've met and talked with. Every one of them would have tried very hard like Claire to get firsthand information on the top secret SEALs as well as the terrorist factions of the Middle East. The difference is most of them would have to work very hard to get very little information while Claire just basically asked Michael Bean and he said everything and quote the ancient city of Cartagena Spain served as a principal location. Much of the Spanish Navy is stationed in its well fortified harbor while the crumbling inner city neighborhoods with their steep cobbled streets and blanched Moorish houses were used to create the war-torn sections of Beirut Lebanon. The Cartagena's were good hosts who took things in stride while the film crew dynamited buildings, set vessels ablaze in the harbor and fired machine gun volleys into the normally still night air. Zach do you like stories of foisting? Of course. According to producer Brenda Fagan she vehemently resisted Charlie Sheen's casting but he'd been foisted on her courtesy of Orion VP of production Mike Metavoid. So Brenda Fagan wrote a memoir in the year 2000 about her experience as a former William Morris agent and then as a film producer this was the first movie that she ever produced. She was mad at Charlie Sheen's contract and the negotiations process with Charlie Sheen's attorney Richard Hume. So Richard Hume demanded a $2 million fee for Charlie Sheen. Fagan protested that he wasn't worth it but VP of production Mike Metavoid largely ignored her input and ultimately agreed to Sheen's fee plus a percentage of adjusted box office gross. One of Hume's comments in the margin of Charlie's contract was an emphatic no next to the paragraph regarding Fagan's production company furnishing his client with a personal trainer. Charlie wanted to select his own personal trainer and Fagan would have to pay $1800 a week for that person's services. God damn! In 1990 Fagan had already arranged a trainer for both of the male leads so Sheen and Bean at $600 a week. So now we've tripled the price just for one of them. She complained not only is Charlie Sheen ugly but there's no way we should spend that kind of money on his body. What? Plus Sheen's attorney made the personal trainer a deal breaker in the contract. Fagan couldn't recall another instance where talent negotiated such conditions for their personal trainer. It was only much later that Fagan learned Sheen's trainer was involved with Heidi Fleiss's 1995 trial for conspiracy tax evasion. Wow! And before that in 1990 Sheen's name was becoming more synonymous with Heidi Fleiss's alleged prostitute and drugs services. What? While they were scheduling publicity junkets and interviews to provoke Navy SEALs, Sheen refused to go on talk shows because he didn't want to be asked about his girlfriend who allegedly had been a prostitute. Holy shit, Khan from succession. There was no premiere for that I don't think. Oh there wasn't? Oh I do you remember going to a premiere? I don't. I don't. Do you think they knew they had a dog on their hands? I think so and I from what I saw and you can go ahead and tell tell tell the audience the story that you got a call from Mike Metavoy about. Yeah I got a call from Mike and it was about you. And he said he's going rogue. He's causing he's doing more harm than good essentially is what I'm paraphrasing you know and and I said well okay what what what's the next move you know what do we how do we fix this you know and he says well I I I know one thing you know if this if this behavior keeps up we're gonna just fire him without pay. I was just like wow that's fucking harsh man. Didn't he tell you also hey Charlie could you like? Good straighten him up. I think you're right yeah I think there was some mention of uh can you talk to this fucking guy because if he doesn't get his shit together we're gonna fire him without pay right yeah I remember just that expression that term that and he said it with such finality and such arrogance you know well and I was like would you just Charlie and I have talked about some of these things before it's just last time you talked to me about this you're like where in my job description like where to why why am I then Michael Bean? Exactly exactly and how does that conversation even start? Hey dude how's it going? Cool got a minute? Yeah uh huh uh huh wow well because that if that's not delivered properly or in it could go through my filter right? Hey you're you're driving to that dude's fucking house. Yeah well you know you're firing him without teeth. Adam Brown a highly commended member of the real SEAL Team 6 was tragically killed in action in 2010. He was inspired to become a SEAL after watching this movie particularly the scene of Hawkins jumping off a bridge a stunt which Brown himself recreated in his youth when he jumped out of the back of a moving truck as it sped across a bridge falling 50 feet until he hit the river below. It feels a little like citrus community. Citrus community accusation yeah I don't know. The film was originally to have been made by Canon Film so that's your daisy chain originally supposed to be made by Canon. Simply named SEALS with Kevin Bacon slated to star with a prospective release date for March 1989 and a budget of eight to nine million dollars. However Canon's financial troubles meant they reluctantly had to pass on the film and the project ended up at Orion Pictures who had the script retooled to accommodate a bigger budget and a new cast. I don't want to see the Canon version. Yeah for sure. I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant something that may benefit mankind and if you would devise something that groundbreaking I guarantee you a A in this course. Oh hold on man you following me? You can't do that Lionel. Look man if you don't want me to have a foreman job I understand but I need my fucking job man. Lewis Pinock accent award. Ramos Arabic Shahid Arabic an accent but it's Mr. Ed dubbed in Arabic. Yeah it's Mr. Ed. This might be the most nominees we've ever had because basically every person trying to speak Arabic was not doing a good job. Although Mr. Ed laid Arabic. Toy wins. Let's show them who the horsemen are guys. Yeah we got soul. Five horsemen radio chatter TGT military jargon but my front running horse is guns blazing banter and exposition are two other horsemen but yeah guns blazing guns blazing for sure no part of this was subtle or quiet the only time is when they went in to get the chopper pilots they did have silences on no they didn't you just want to make that noise no no no is sprain that's different you're thinking is the same as it's not it's a can of magic go yourself breathe in through nose out the mouth ass on ass off ass on fuck it ass off ass on fuck it ass off Michael Bean Memorial Ass on Award Michael Bean come on man drink it a beer specifically he put up 83 he tried with the morphine he tried and the terrorists didn't triple team him until the fourth quarter yeah that's what check this out 1100 dollars is exactly what I charge for acting classes no it isn't yeah well what are the chips universe you've done it again Carl Weathers Memorial Ass off Award Michael Bean on morphine no no no no I loved Bill Paxton Paxton was great they didn't give him shit to do yeah if you weren't Michael Bean or Charlie Sheen you basically had no scenes in this movie I think Sheen did a really good job yeah I think Sheen's ass off I mean he was playing himself so sure yeah showed up drunk was jacked up from scene one jacked up the entire time had hookers on set had fish yeah he got the movie studio to pay 1800 a week to a hooker incredible to a hooker service that he called his personal trainer I just got an email from Pluto TV hey man hey man tax returns got you down enjoy some free movies on us hey man watch some movies man you're good at keeping secrets absolutely because I've got a present for you secret present outside by the dumpster is it a baseball mitt fit you like baseball mitt like a glove I hope golden dumpster nominees Paxton sitting cross-legged on the fence Sheen jumping out of the moving Jeep on the bridge being calling beers brain grenades Sheen gleefully saying looks like a dead terrorist to me boss Mr. Ed and Arabic Michael Bean attempted beer drinking and the preppy guy at the boat party trying to flag down Claire I also have I hope these fuckers paid their gas bill no shit sir when he says grenade didn't blow the unhooking of his car from the tow truck coming down handbrake spin and then a left turn across traffic the entire OPE monologue in the car when he's talking about being from Fresno the enemy truck Kool-aid manning through the wall no Zach how does that compare to driving through a fence it's not the same but I can be talked into a military truck going through a concrete wall absolutely Michael Bean being waterboarded by his own teammates as they escape Michael Bean on morphine also mine is going to be the getting on the tow truck unhooking his car all that shit it's fucking amazing doesn't lose ground at all as he gets off the truck immediately hits reverse 40 miles an hour yeah mine is obviously Michael Bean missing his mouth with the beer the moment right before the beer spills out is really special I'm going to go with Michael Bean calling beers brain grenades hate that I'm going to try to keep that going well maze you picked a motherfucker motherfucker I like that over file what a time it was in 1990 when Charlie Sheen and Michael Bean are red hot enough to think you can launch a military action movie essentially with only the two of them chewing up 90 to 95 percent of the screen time I was stunned to see Bill Paxton in this have less than 10 lines Dennis Haysbert I guess he would call him the third most developed character because he almost has a wife and then dies they tried to write a story there kind of what about the journalist don't be sexist she's also extremely underdeveloped oh she's literally there to have someone to move the platform she's like okay you can ask me a question next thing you know he's immediately found the file of the person they need to go get yeah I remind you all this was after they made the script less sexist yes I would love to read that script oh man the sexist version with more violence and less character development because boy the character development is trash Michael Bean is carrying this movie and he has been declared the worst actor in Cinephobe history he is the main character and it all would have been all right if the action scenes had been any good but unfortunately they weren't wow and so this is a phobe I mean this is the type of movie that we feast on for Cinephobe good old-fashioned just action don't try to be funny don't try to tell jokes be serious and try to act sincerely the problem is you have Michael Bean getting 75 percent of the story 60 percent of the dialogue too much Michael Bean you can't trust him with that much movie if you think about all the other movies he's been in big movies terminator aliens uh the the one where his dad dies pop what was that dead fall dead fall pop you're cutting it with other people that's a big movie like terminator and aliens he's also the main character dead fall so I don't think this is going to support your point he is you remember the big three on the Miami heat Lebron Dwayne Wade Joel Anthony he is the main character in that movie but they don't rely on him nearly as much as this movie relies on him you were right when you had aliens and terminator it's in line all in line and that's such I'm in line with a phobe for this cannot do it Zach this is the kind of movie kind of magic it's a kind of magic where we do feast on this where we do nothing but make fun of this movie constantly there's not much action for an action movie that's true what was it military action yeah plenty of military it's an easy phobe until he misses his mouth with the beer and I will watch that until the end of time file it come on man that can't be the basis of your file come on you wouldn't watch him on morphine again you wouldn't watch him missing his mouth with the beer he's so bad this is xenophobe he's so bad I can't stop thinking about how bad he was this movie I would watch it again while I did rewatch that one part of us seven times while we're doing in the middle of this episode much to the chagrin amaze I can't say I'll ever go back we're going to rewatch it next week before this episode comes out well if you give me a six pack of brain grenades maybe oh god I'll sit through with you give us your phobe or file golden dumpster ass on ass off five horseman Lewis pinoc plot lift off preferred brain grenade at talk hoops at darthemine at xenophobepod at corn puzzle at count the dings drop the discord patreon.com slash count the dings next time we make law you introduce me to jay me the means pick here oh no it's not his pick is just i got the options and then we all pick and then you pick it we all I got three movies I have never heard of really island the island the island yeah Scarlett Johansson you and McGregor mark orner has been asking me to pick this movie since we've been on Pluto jackal it's Michael be Michael beans in it it's Michael bay oh I also got a movie called skyfire and then the assignment with Michelle Rodriguez all right well my three are double dragon the video game we're going to play the video game for two hours no double dragon with Scott wolf and mark the cascos yeah it's based on the video game also based on the video game doa dead or alive starring jay me pressley and devon aoki and then death wish five the face of death oh my options are actually pretty excited I got a movie called hell hath no fury woman scorn on which I seemed to remember like a spy movie that came out like in the last decade or so oh yeah but guys the order starring JCVD oh yeah charlton heston and guess who wrote it not frank dude's buddy buddy's got a credit well our first Pluto TV JCVD frame for murder a man must find a sacred scroll in Jerusalem come on man who loves you I hated that