Denis Leary: Conan’s Comedy Cousin

So that's Conan. Conan's had his own real estate. Oh my. Conan needs a friend. Why? Because he's Irish? Because he's Irish and he's my cousin. Did you guys know that? And Stallone is in his Demolition Man outfit with the boots and everything. And there's a golf throw guy. That's like a golf pro. And he's driving both. F*** again. F*** Slicon again. Those f***ing cocksuckers ripped you off. They ripped f*** me. Can you say cocksucker? Yeah. You can say anything. No, but you can say rap. You can't say cocksucker, but you can say rap. Dennis Leary. I'm an asshole. That's his song. That song is so catchy that I can see why. It was like a hit song. No, it was an actual hit song. It's like Hanukkah Sunday. He said when he does these gigs, he's like, And I have to do the asshole song. Of course. I have to do the asshole song. But he's around our age. He's a good dude. Been in comedy forever. Always working. And on Rescue Me, he was on so many things. He's done a lot of movies and television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one-man shows. No Cure for Cancer, like 91 or 2. Kind of put him on the map. Folks, folks. And he's worked nonstop. We talk about his smoking. That kind of became his thing as a comic character and how maybe he doesn't do that anymore. We discovered he's going to be in a new Ice Age movie. Yeah, another Ice Age. I think he's the lion. I think he's the lion. Yeah. And he has a new show. Called Dutch. Going Dutch, is it? Going Dutch on Fox. And it's actually an interesting story about how this gets made. It's based on a real thing. And he plays the George S. Patton of the base. It's a military. Yeah, it's fun to have some old schoolers on here. We talked about the state of shooting and where people shoot their shows. It's always on everyone's mind. And here's a fun convo with Dennis Leary. Hello, David. Oh, is it Dennis already? Yeah, early. Finally, someone comes early. What, nobody comes early? No one. That's fucking crazy. let's just watch Dana what's he doing he doesn't know what he's doing he's doddering shut the door get ready we were just watching you like a fucking zoo animal in his cage yeah he can't hear you yet hold on they told me to put the Superman can you see what it says Dennis no it's fine leave it there this is a 500 pound fucking dresser i have no idea why i'm not that weak it's unbelievable first of all yeah slow down no no i was gonna say so i don't know some you guys have a studio sometimes but sometimes you're yeah exactly yeah okay yeah exactly right yeah Yes, because I've seen people in the studio with you. Yeah. This is my house, Dennis, and this is a studio if we need it. And Dana lives in a mansion about three hours away. I'm on a farm, but I can get there. I'm on a farm too. You're not just saying that. No, I'm on a farm. I'm on a farm, a horse farm. Oh, okay. We got a couple of horses right now, long story short, but yeah. Is your wife around? Is my wife around? Is your wife a rider? I thought you said, is she around? I said she's in the closet. Can I talk to your wife for a second? But look, if people request going into the studio live, I will almost always try to make it. Almost always try. A lot of people thought you were in Boston, so you wouldn't want to make the trip out. but somebody's been doing some local podcasts. Oh, yeah. Where are you now? I'm in, right now, I'm in New York. Interesting. Where's the farm? Just what state? The farm is in New York. It's right outside the city. It's a long story. I'm a city kid, and I always was. I was born and raised in the city. But my wife, you know, wanted to, once we got money, My wife met me when we had nothing. Once we got money, she wanted to ride horses, and she became a competitive rider. So we always had horses. Now, when the kids grew up, they refused to come visit us on that farm, which was like three hours out of the city. So we moved closer to the city with a little tiny farm with a couple of ponies. Wait a minute. So you had no money, basically. No money, no credit cards. This woman called your wife now. this amazing woman liked you who's amazing with no money no money no no money no credit cards nothing i didn't and no real possibilities for any kind of success i mean think about it really like think about the boston comedy scene in 1985 or 80 yeah she probably dated lenny clark yeah exactly jimmy tingle yeah we were all getting paid under the table at a at a club run by Lenny Clark's brother, Mike. That's what we did for a living. This is what I want to ask you, just that we're here right now. It's just the Boston scene. Yeah. And who's carrying the torch for, what do you call that? You know, you had your quirkies, you had Paula Poundstone, you had Bobcat Goldthwait. You had Stephen Wright. Stephen Wright was the start of it all. He was a big one. But a lot of hulking, like kind of badass type. Yeah. You know, rough and tumble clubs. I saw the documentary. You fight. You're throwing chairs and and you were part of that wave. I mean, where did where's that coming from? Should I visit Boston or watch my back or what? What's all the anger? Well, I don't know. Again, that's one of those things that people constantly ask me, Bill Burr. Yeah. Fucking they ask Bobcat, too, because Bobcat. There was a lot of anger in Bobcat's act. zoinks uh yeah yeah a lot of i think it's just a lot of stuff yeah really i mean great scene right but some of the funniest people weren't angry people steve wright wasn't angry that was a no no it's just amazing it was a beautiful christine haiku act i mean just amazing act right paula brownstone paula was just like really so um you know open and friendly to the she used to sit But, you know, the rest of us are attacking the audience like we want to kill them. And she sits on a stool and opens up and everybody fucking loves her. Yeah. So, you know, it was weird. Very fast. I used to do a bit because I just thought of an angry comedian. And I know this guy. I know this character. And then and then this guy gets really rich and famous, but still has to find ways to be angry. You know, and I did this bit. And then people thought I was doing Bill, but I started thinking of it in the 90s. Yeah, I know, right? You know what drives me fucking nuts? What drives me out of my fucking mind? Meter maids. What, are you driving a fucking golf cart? I need a parking ticket? What, are you going to get a nine iron in there? What the fuck? You know what drives me out of my fucking mind? Pickles. Cyclone fences. You can't get a regular fucking fence. So anyway, that was the bit. And I love that guy. I love that character. there i love being in that attitude because it's not me i'm a people pleaser and hopelessly whatever lewis black was constantly in a state of oh yeah lewis black was fucking in a rage a rage no matter what i mean he made me look like fucking paula poundstone yours was like funny stupid rage just mad at stupid shit i think yeah my my was silly fucking crazy it still is like when i do i do stand up twice a year right i have two charity concerts yeah yeah yeah one in boston uh which is a big gig for the cam neely foundation that's like fucking 15 000 people and the other one is the michael j fox uh foundation show which is private as well uh but um you know it's a smaller crowd it's a few thousand but i don't do any old material except the asshole song but i just it's amazing like fucking how i mean i'm i can't remember exactly what the bit was but when i went up this fall i did a whole thing about rfk jr but about being from massachusetts like to be considered an asshole if you're a kennedy from massachusetts you really have to agree because everybody is so still pro kennedy right yeah they still love the fucking kennedys in massachusetts so egregiously you have to piss off you have to piss off everybody in massachusetts but your family has to speak out first So when your family comes out, it says, hey, fuck him. Then we all go, all right. You know what? Yeah. It's great. You did not fly in formation. There's a Kennedy formation. And Bobby went, I'm going over here. Even doing stand-up and those things, you've got to get nervous. I mean, it's still stand-up. You've got to do a long set. Yeah. Well, you know that feeling now. It's not so much nervous. It's just like at the ages that we're at, hopefully, it's more like the butterflies. Like, I want the show to start. Right? Yeah. It's not true. like it's not the it's not panic it's like fuck can't wait to get up there hope i remember this you know what i mean like right it's not like oh if i do well here maybe i'll have a career or you know i was bummed so hard at the improv in hollywood yeah i went on an 805 you know i mean i mean death and i was killing in the clubs in the hinderland and then they said hey norman lear thought it was pretty funny i what the fuck he was there you know so what was norman lear doing there i don't know he's dead well this is a while back my point at what dennis said we're not nervous in that sense that we're dancing for our donuts we we've had our careers and now we're continuing which is another thing i wanted to ask you about because well i can see it like because i i stick i usually put a young or first time person for a gig that size on the cam neely thing in boston but also at the Michael J. Fox gig, like, you know, there'll be a person there who's doing it for the first time at Young Comp. And I can see the panic that we all used to have, right? So you go like, hey, man, it's going to be fine. It's a fucking charity, whatever. You give them the heads up, right? So I understand that. I remember that. I mean, we all remember that. I was doing one with Billy Crystal in the early 80s. Somehow I had the same manager, and they got me on a little Showtime special. I had like two minutes. Andy Kaufman was the headliner. I was fucking panicked. I had no business being on the show. And Billy Crystal goes, you got fear in your face. Go outside and walk around. Get outside right now. Walk around. You look nervous. You know, he's really trying to help me. But I remember that. Did you go out and walk around? Didn't help at all. I completely bombed. What did you do? What material did you do? Oh, I did a Jacques Cousteau bit. Come on. We're going back. Dennis, don't make that face. You couldn't go with a Jacques Cousteau bit? You can't kill with fucking. I was first up and I had two minutes. But the point is, is that I understand the young comedian going to these big giant charity events. Fifteen thousand people. Yeah. I still remember. I mean, I don't know. I can't remember what your guys backstories was on this. But I fucking Lenny Clark ran that fucking the big comedy night in Boston. And the first comedy night was run by Lenny Clark. It was a Wednesday night open mic. But he would have like he would have you come back over and over again. Right. At a Chinese fucking restaurant in Cambridge. Right. So I fucking went up the first time I went up because I went to college with Steve Wright at Emerson College. And so somebody said and he was the shyest fucking guy in the world. And somebody, a mutual friend said, hey, Steve went up at a fucking Chinese restaurant last night and did stand up. And he lived around the corner from me. So I went around the corner to his apartment. I was like, what the fuck? He's like, yeah, I'm doing. He goes, I didn't face the audience. I faced the wall. But I did pretty well. So I went and I saw it. And I couldn't do what he did, but I could do what Lenny Clark did. Because Lenny was like a regular guy off the street. Regular boss. And I fucking bombed. I must have bombed for fucking 10 weeks. And every time I bombed, there'd be like a tiny little laugh. I'd go, oh, that was a pretty good thing. And then Lenny would go, hey, come back next week. He would just keep telling me to come back. And I would fucking bomb. But then there'd be like two bits. And so like either you love it or you don't. When did you have your first one little line or one little attitude or one bit that was surefire? Like, oh, I can always lean on this. Everything else sucked. Yeah. So I did – when I was in college at Emerson College in Boston, a bunch of us formed a thing called the Emerson Comedy Workshop. And it was a, you know, a theater group where we had to do original shows. Oh, we had to write all the material to get credit for it. So one of the characters I eventually played in that while I was in college was a guy. Everything was kind of, you know, behind a fourth wall because it was the theater. But there was one character I played we called Bill, who was a really fucking angry guy. It was basically me. It was a really angry guy who smoked and who just fucking talked to the audience, ranted and raved about the Kennedy assassination or whatever. Right. he's literally like your parking meter guy except it was me so when i when steve wright was doing that thing i was like well i'm just going to try to do the guy that guy right that guy who's me who's basically me so everything wasn't working but then i i wrote my like i the first uh smoking joke i wrote which was um my sister says you know these things are just a um a replacement because my mom didn't breastfeed me long enough and i was like hey if i could buy a pack of tits i would that was the first pack of tits yeah pack of tits is a great word yeah that was the first joke where i I went like oh fuck Then you like how do I work tits in every joke Yeah I need 10 pats of jokes that are as good as a pack of tits. It took me a while, but that was where I got my first angry smoking charm. This year, get back to an at-home routine that you love and elevate your space with Wayfair. Wayfair. From bedding to mattresses to storage solutions for every room in the house. Wayfair is your one-stop shop. You can pop your living room with accent pillows. Mirrors. Mirrors. I have a lot of mirrors. Faux plants. Oh, yeah, you have a faux plant. That's right. Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? We don't know. It's so real looking. Look. Yeah, you guys should actually, everybody here, check out Wayfair. Yeah. You know, go to their site because I've been looking around and it's really good stuff. I know I sound like I'm doing a different pitch, but it's not that expensive, but it's really cool. Yeah. I'm looking at a sort of a chaise lounge or a little couch. Bedding and bath basics, bedding, mattresses. And for you, David, towels, because I know you have one of those, like you have in a public restroom, an air dryer, you don't have towels. Also, I put my hair in a towel like this and I walk around the house like I'm in a 60s movie, like Doris Day. I did that in Opportunity Knocks. Everything was in Opportunity Knocks. Everything was in. 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Yeah, anything you want, you can navigate their site very easily. And like I said, it seems like high quality stuff for a very reasonable price. So check it out. I always hear about it. And now I know more about it. But it's the place to go. Listen, get organized. Get refreshed. Get back on track this year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. Every home. Every home. Did you smoke? I have to ask. Or is it? I just quit. I just quit four years ago. I smoked for 52 years. OK, so it was not a prop. Oh, no. Fuck, no. I stopped smoking after no cure for cancer because on stage, because I was like, there's no fucking point now because it's like people expect me to smoke. I'll just get rid of I smoked like a fucking chimney until four years ago. And you smoked on stage, smoked on stage. And nobody cared. Nobody gave a fuck. I smoked on stage at Carnegie Hall, where you're not allowed to smoke at all. I smoked everywhere. I smoked in fucking Mayor Bloomberg's office in New York City while he was the mayor. He was the complete anti-smoking guy. I would just light up. I would just fucking light up until people told me. Did you have a cool move with it? Because if it wasn't dangerous, I mean, I thought Jon Hamm in Mad Men. Mad Men. He was so brilliant with the cigarette and making it intensely cool. The way he smoked it. Did you have moves that you were conscious of or did you just look cool? No, I on stage, I always tried to look the opposite of cool with it. So I was always like making it huge. You know what I mean? Like big gestures. But I don't know if I was cool in real. I thought I was cool in real life smoking. Did you ever put it in your mouth and keep talking like Brad Pitt did in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? yeah because that is the cool move when it you know i smoked i smoked all the time you knew what you're doing yeah have you had your lungs checked out or how are you now here's the fucking thing right i quit drinking like 20 years ago i i'm not health enough but i you know i i'm physically active i play a lot of fucking sports i i you know try to keep myself in shape colin quinn you know who quit smoking a long time ago was the guy when i saw him he'd be like hey you're gonna get You're never going to quit. So that was always in my head, right, that he was probably right. Because we knew each other back when we were in our 20s, like when we were all smoking. But he and I smoked like fucking chimneys. So I was like, he's right. I just gave up on the idea of quitting. So this is not any brag. I'm just telling you guys what happened. I don't know why it happened. I went outside to smoke a cigarette in August, four years ago, I think it was. and uh and i literally finished the cigarette and i went man that's it and i thought that's weird that i said that to myself and i had a full pack so i'm like i'm gonna smoke again tomorrow i woke up in the morning i threw that pack away fucking never smoked again i just never i don't know so it's just like the quitting drinking i quit drinking i was like i'm done like i think i just have one of those such addictive personality that at a certain point my brain goes we don't need these things anymore right yeah so my wife goes you're getting a fucking checkup and blah blah blah and i'm like okay and she's like i'm coming with you because i don't trust you which is she's right right because if the doctor told me bad news i would probably so i go i do the fucking tests everything running breathing the fucking scans of the lung and then we have this meeting with the cardiologist and he's like i don't know what to say but um you have it's like you never smoked love it and i was like what and as soon as he said it my wife turned to me she goes you're not fucking smoking again and i was like that was the first thing i thought like i could start smoking again but i did i got i got lucky genetically i got totally lucky other people drink like a fish go to 95 you know and other people you know My mother died at 98. She just passed away. And she never smoked or drank a day in her life. My dad dropped dead when he was 60. And he smoked like a chimney. So I got my mother's insides and my dad's outsides, I think. Wow, so you've got to be really handsome and healthy. You look the same. That's good. Yeah. Well, I think we all think we look the same, but we don't. It depends on the lighting. It depends on the shot. My wife and I are at the airport, and they go, clear. Do you want to have clear? You go and they take your picture It was so monstrous It was like amazing How old we looked We're old I know You only are your digital copy And it's lighting and stuff So there's no macro or truth Of exactly how you look Well you've got a good voice That's the same too Your voice is so distinct That I think that's cool To have a good strong voice What are you guys talking about? You guys have two of the most identifiable fucking voices in fucking show business. David does. David does. You do. What are you talking about? This voice? Yes. Who's that? It's the voice you lead into the bits with. Oh, the in and out guy. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I like that. I like what you're saying. Listen, we have to face certain facts, which is the three of us, he's a youngster compared to you and me. Right? David. so because you're what seven what are you 71 no don't go hey hey whoa whoa i'm 70 but i read at a 72 year old yeah we'll cut this out i'm 69 and i'm 69 i tell people i'm gonna be 69 okay i'm 70 because i look even younger but here's the point we're both all three of us are still working how about that yeah that's what i was gonna ask you about the amazing men of like how long and now you got a you got a big tv show you know in ireland where you're filming it going dutch so it's like you don't stop i mean your wikipedia page you know rescue you all you're just going going going i don't know how you do it but now you got a new show we can talk about that you probably don't want to people to know about it though right here's the only reason i'm talking you assholes get out there honestly though even if i didn't have a show i would i did you know my podcasts uh habits are so fucked up because i'm so old school i literally have only listened to the podcasts that are on satellite radio in my truck when i'm driving around right easiest way yeah yeah right so that's conan fucking conan's stupid oh my god he needs a friend why because he's Irish? Yeah, because he's Irish and he's my cousin. Did you guys know that? We looked it up. We looked up some shit. It's fucked up. How tall are you? It's a lie. You're a cousin. 6'1", but my son is huge. My son is 6'7". Your son is Conan's height? Conan, there's a bunch of people in my family. My dad's side, people are tall and thin, even the women right i mean he has one he had one sister who was very small but um and my sister and marie who's right behind me is pretty tall my my son is tall my daughter is tall uh my wife has tall people on her side of the family okay well most are not tall no but bono is average you know five six five nine but conan are the reason you can tell conan and I are actually well listen by the way it's like it we're from the southwest and we're all it's not like everybody's a cousin you know what I mean like yeah uh so Conan and I I my whole body is legs my torso is tiny and I have a look at this fucking hair now yeah you've got a little Conan hair right now this hair gets a little bit fucking higher and the legs are longer I'm you're right there so and by the way you want to talk about angry fucking funny irish guys conan's the king nobody's that he doesn't show it on is he angry i mean he's pretty angry on the podcast he's really fucking funny i love it he can really he can go down the fucking rabbit hole but anyways what i was going to say was i got i became aware of your guys podcast and i i was looking at it on Instagram because I don't listen to podcasts. Yeah. So this is my usual thing of seeing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is, I brought this up. It's not profound, but this is a new art form where people consuming what we're doing right now are most likely doing something else while they're gardening, there's the gym or in their car, in their house doing chores. And so I used to think razzle dazzle. I got to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, there's listening. I just want to ask you one question. We just aren't loud because we don't want to wake them. Most people are taking naps Go to sleep and don't turn it off And pile through like 20 of our podcasts Don't remember them They don't add up to add dollars So my name, I looked it up before But I did again County Sligo Carvey In Gaelic Ogarbian means rough or rugged That's a mess Yeah, well that fits Take that, Larry What's Leary? I looked up Leary. It's calf keeper. Unusually feminist. I had the joke and I went too far. God, you messed it up. I fucked up. It means calf keeper actually in Gail. Calf? Calf, like a cow. Calf keeper. We're all fucking farmers in Ireland. Yeah. My people used to beat up cows. Oh, really? Because they were so rugged. Hey, let me ask you guys this. You can ask us anything. I know I can, right? Because I'm a guest. Yes. So when this thing started, it was just people from Saturday Night Live that were connected. Because that's, you know, I keyed in because I was interested in that. And then, so now, have you cycled through all the SNL people? And now you're going to other shows. Well, we just had Marcelo Hernandez. I saw parts of that one. Yeah. So we still do have that element. But, you know, you must have auditioned for Saturday Night Live. No, never. You must have seen it. Well, of course. I saw it. I didn't. They asked me to host it, too, when I first got famous, and I had too much respect for what you guys were doing to fucking. What year was that? Thank you. 92, 93. They asked me. Oh, we would have been there. No, you ended up. You did an impression of me on some bit there. Oh, that's right. I did, right? But I knew a couple of guys there. I knew Quinn, and I knew fucking Chris Rock and a couple of people. And I was like, oh, people were doing like so I had too much respect for that. And also why on my day, my week off from making something and doing press what I instead of just doing a talk show, which is hard enough to make sure you fucking come out funny on a talk show. Yeah. But I want to fucking work my balls off for seven days. It's a tough week. Crazy. So I never did an honor. That's why it's an honor. You would have done great. You would have done great. Stand ups do great. I was the last guy to do a Disney movie where they said it was an honor and that's why I didn't get a lot of money and then they came out with Shrek and everyone got 5 million bucks I go wait what was the Disney movie you did? it was called Emperor's New Groove I played a llama he got 18,000 the movie made 100 billion no I got 75,000 which sounds like a lot it was a lot That's not a lot. Not for a big cartoon. It's like three. Those fucking cocksuckers ripped you off. They rat fucked me. Can you say cocksucker? Yeah. You can say anything. Those motherfuckers. No, but you can say rat fucker. You can't say cocksucker, but you can say rat fucker. No I did And it kept going and going And I like guys I don want to drive out to Disney every day and just lay down an hour or two of trucks I like Dennis Leary I got shit to do on my day off Yeah And so they like it just going to be Now we redid the script. I'm doing scenes. I don't even know what's going on. I love the movie now. But during it, I was starting to get a little itchy. Like, I don't know. It's got a following. There's no ending. It does. I mean, it was fine. I really love it. And then they're miracle workers with the freaking animation. You did one. You did. Zanzibar. What was it called? As a matter of fact, I did too. I did Bugs Life. You played an aphid? What? I don't know. What is that? You played an aphid? I'm trying to think of bugs. I played a ladybug. Was that Jerry's time felt? Was that Jerry's movie? No, that's an ant's life. Oh, okay. Yeah. It was a rip-off. Jerry was bees. Oh, he was a bee. That's right. Oh, that's right. Bugs are getting movies. It's an insect. So what were you actually? By the way, I should take this opportunity since we brought it up. Ice Age 6 is coming out next year. There is not an Ice Age. What? I fucking swear to God. Fuck. I swear to God. Ray Romano is going to get another check. No, that's Madagascar, I think. Oh, okay. No, that is Ice Age. It's Ice Age. Me, Legazamo, and Remar. Legazamo goes, shooey. Yeah. So you don't have to go into numbers. Maybe it's rude. You're a lion. Did you get a bump? Did you get a bump for this one? We got bumps for all of them. So basically. A bigger bump? They didn't know this, but I guess they were discussing. You know, the problem is these movies, and it's a plus. It's not a problem. They're getting streamed like crazy. So now they can see the numbers of what's really streaming. So the Ice Age movies apparently by adults and kids were getting streamed like crazy. Ray and I were making a TV show for Netflix together at the time this is like two years ago called No Good Deed so we were working together every day I was playing his brother and and we both came into work one morning in the makeup trailer and we're like hey did your agent call you that I was like yeah my agent called me they didn't know that we were working together and they wanted to start negotiations with me and Ray and Leguizamo to see if we would be interested in doing so we did the right thing which was like we we basically all three of us said hey we need to see the script and you know make sure it's that you know it's not just it's going to be good you know play hard to get play hard to get plus we need a lot of money so um it worked out and did netflix buy it off of what dreamworks or whatever it was no i don't fucking know who owns it now i know because you know they're they do movies now we're like happy gilmore they i think they bought it off of Sony I mean I don't know did they really that the most recent Happy Gilmore yeah because they did on Netflix and the first one was Sony yeah yeah right yeah that fucking thing is such a monster man yeah it's a monster movie right so yeah of course they'd pay for it everybody saw it if they can yeah if they can do it they go oh now there's a breakthrough we can buy movies we never had well now they're doing they Sandler signed with them pretty early about that stuff which makes sense because yeah right by the way how about fucking the actor sandler has turned himself into i mean it's un-fucking-believable it's apt one uh hidden what was it gem gem yeah yeah i mean he's really turned himself into a great character actor but at the same time he's gonna make funny movies that fucking the whole world sees so why wouldn't you want that guy in your lineup this goes back to the reality there's no more movies anymore it's all fucking street no movies are movies don't really yeah i mean just why they make anything besides a cartoon or a big action movie that's it yeah yeah well the competition i have a low budget movie and we're trying to figure out what to do with it and we're like do you even want to try theaters everyone seems like that sounds so fun but i go you don't want to get smoked by the avenger i mean you you're not going How would you compete with anything? Yeah, you want to be streaming. More people will see your fucking movie on a Friday night than will see it if you ran it in the theaters for a year. Combined. I mean, just romance of like, oh, I'm in a theater. But I've had theaters and I've had streaming. Streaming, it goes worldwide in one second. If you don't have the advertising budget, then there's going to be three people in there. And nothing will – any comedy will bomb. And then it looks weird. Even Blaise and Saddles would have bombed. It was just two people. listen who's going to go who's going to go to the theater who are they going to go see tom cruise right still apparently fucking big marvel movies which are again they're on the wane as well and then you get every once in a while you get that if spielberg has a big movie an action movie he's got one coming out somewhere i'm going yeah yeah so i mean otherwise you might as well be fucking you know streaming because i like the theater and about five seven years ago is the first time i had walked out on some clankers and i usually would just go for the whole fun of going and then you buy all the shit and you sit in the back and you watch i just liked it all and then suddenly the movies were too shitty i don't know what happened at a certain point i go i can't do the whole two and a half hours because sometimes they really rat fuck you with a long movie to go get in and out you don't know what are you doing 90 minutes for a comedy come on 80, 80, and then you do the outtakes for 10. What are we fucking doing? Two and a half hour movies. Very few people can get away with that shit. Fucking Paul Tompkins. Christopher Nolan will. There's certain people you kind of go, I got to see that. But it is. I don't have this problem, but I watch movies at home. And then my wife's got her phone and it's a chain with her family. Dang. You know, the dinner bell. It's the death scene or whatever. They're attacked. So I do like once in a while a dark theater. It's dead empty. I'm sitting in the back. I turn everything off and it doesn't even matter as long as there's some things moving around. It's meditative. It's like all the noise only in church or a movie theater. Do they ask you or maybe even on takeoff? I see people on their iPhone in a plane, you know? Yeah. Anyway, comment. How about the fucking thing? You're not allowed in my house. If you're at my house, this goes for my kids. although my son and my daughter are pretty respectful because they're in the business of like they're not going to watch a Scorsese movie on a fucking iPhone. How many times have you been in an airport and walked by some guys watching Goodfellas on an iPhone? Yeah. I mean, what are you, or on their fucking iPad. Apocalypse Now is really good, man. There's a lot of helicopters. Yeah, you're not fucking, you can't have your phone, you know, going at the... Yeah. when i watch the super bowl i watch the fucking super bowl you're not talking about other shit around me while i'm watching the fucking super bowl okay even during the halftime show you could maybe talk a little but i'm i'm watching the game okay so i'm not i totally agree i don't want to yeah be where a lot of people are talking about other topics it's third and long this is you know yeah yeah the problem is i have so much football knowledge i sometimes bless the people with a couple things like, oh, the refs missed that one. I say stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone appreciates it. Did you guys watch yesterday? What's that? Did you watch yesterday? Yeah. You mean four months ago when the Super Bowl was? We're releasing this episode in July. It's the Super Bowl, and yes, we did watch it. I saw it. I like it. I like Bad Bunny. I'm not a Bad Bunny fan. I don't want any of his music, but I like the show. You like Bad Bunny, and you can't lie? I did like that, Blaine. Yeah. You know? It was theatrical. It was like- I was so tempted to go see how bad the fucking alternative show was with Kid Rock and the three country stars nobody outside of fucking Nashville's ever heard of. On the country stars. I was like, who are these guys? I like some country music. Who the fuck are these guys? I have to say, if you got a big show, get your biggest, get Kerry Underwood in there. Get somebody we've heard of. Yeah, I agree. I have a piece of trivia that Dana I shouldn't tell you about. I was going to pitch an alternative Oscar live stream it. If you don't want to watch the Oscars watch us three talking about the movies. Go ahead David sorry. That's not a bad idea. After the opening monologue I'm only interested because I'm interested in the comedian doing the monologue then I don't give a fuck. You've seen all the movies that are going to be up for Oscars right? We've all been at these awards show. I think I was at the Emmys one year when you fucking hosted. Like it takes forever. Even when you're there, it fucking sucks. Right. So an alternative broadcast is really fucking funny. Like the fucking Manning cast of the Emmys and the Oscars where like the three of us are making comments about what's going on on the show. If you're allowed to do that, anything where you can comment is genius because that's all people do in the living room. I think we have a fucking idea here. It's possible. It doesn't have to be the three of us, But three comedians fucking comment on the fucking Golden Globes or the Emmys or the Oscars as they're happening. That has got to have been done before. I don't know why they haven't done it because that's every living room. But I think the problem is licensing to show a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you I looked into this a little bit because that old mystery science theater I liked. Yes. And the reason why they did old shitty movies is because that's the only one they could clear. Right. Right. So I'm losing you guys with this showbiz lingo, but clearing means – how do I explain it? Anyway, so it would be really fun to do that. And here's my trivia about the halftime show, Dana, which I'll tell you again this week when we do our own. I want to hear. The Bushes during Bad Bunny were people. Oh, really? They were people in Bush costumes. no they weren't and at the end i saw a video they're all walking off all the bushes are AI bullshit man AI bullshit i think it's real let's look it up heather greg we'll save that for this week i see what i find i find really interesting is that that spade and you i mean how did that partnership come about i mean i know the SNL connection but whose idea was it which one of you said to the other hey what if we did well I was having dinner with Dana once in a while in LA because Dana was a favorite and a bud from the old days always the we start going to dinner at this restaurant and he didn't live here and then when he was I realized he was near me I said hey you want to go eat and he would come and we'd have a beer and bullshit and we'd always get around to SNL stuff because we all know our friends and shit yeah yeah and i was in the i wanted to try a podcast a long time ago i just couldn't figure out someone to do it with and uh somehow with dana and i talking of course it would take dana doing it but i would rather have someone like dana that you know you get someone famous or you could do it with someone totally unknown it's like a sidekick that just and you just talk pretty much right but if dana was good talker hysterical and then we just said well maybe we should try something like this and that was the fun because you get someone that's a home run hitter here well it was also in the treading days of like you know conan came in and other people and rogan became humongous and it was like this podcasting thing is like is you know because for a long time it's like well is there any money in it because i did one without a company it was just called fantastic available and it was just for fun and david came on that and david was really fun to bounce off stuff with oh that was sort of like a pilot because once we did that we're like this is funny we're just fucking around yeah that was the key right was that you yeah funny so the fucking thing was funny yeah yeah and just uh you know we're friends you know so it's like we don't have to pretend or we're put together by some kind of conglomerates you know yeah now we work for a conglomerate and um you're too busy to do a podcast no i first of all i don't have the people have asked me but again i don't have the yeah you know what i mean like i don't have the time because i'm always on location or whatever but i was like i don't fucking i was like you like i don't want to do it unless it's going to be something funny i want to just fucking talk no offense i don't want to talk to people if it's not going to be fun. Talk to people. Oh, I want to hear why. Now, you guys shoot in Ireland. Is that fun to shoot? Going Dutch is on Fox TV. Going Dutch. It's on Fox and Hulu. At Hulu. More people want to watch Hulu than they do on Fox. Is that true? Yeah, because the linear world is fucking, you know. Linear. Linear television is just an excuse for sports now. So, you know, it's like Hulu is where you live, right? Sports dominates everything. I mean, because it's live and everything else is like, yeah, I'll get to it next time. That's why Netflix wants live stuff, because they go live is really the best thing you can't. Yeah, they fucking paid a guy to climb a building. Yeah. Not enough, by the way. They didn't pay him enough. We talked about that. I saw you guys talking about it. You guys were right. But, okay, just because. How does a guy not get a fucking at least a million? I was going to kick in. I thought your idea was funny that you guys were like, I'll go up in the elevator I'll do stand up on the 20 20 minutes stand up there 250. A corporate gig Give me a corporate gig I'll go close to the window and look out for five minutes That's scary enough I'll go all the way up to the top I'm not going to go outside, but I'll sing the asshole song in the top of the building and we come back down 15 grand 15k cash, no taxes 15 that I will go to the town. I'll look at the binoculars. Yeah. Three Hail Marys. Okay. 50K net. You pay that guy, right? You pay him $400,000 to climb to the top. I will be across another building outside, but like with a railing. And I will sing the asshole song. Yep. I'll go up the escalator at Cheesecake Factory in Uggs. They're not that grippy. I will sing the asshole song. I know the asshole song. It's the only thing I have to offer. It's part of it. Yeah. It iconic Without that it no deal Anyway this show because they going to ask you later I mean this show Going Dutch you like this Patton I saw some of your stuff You like this military or army colonel host in the Netherlands where there this outlier base and they're like Gomer Pyle, or it's dysfunctional, and you've got to whip them into shape. And it's filmed in Ireland. Yes. I was going to say, go to the Netherlands to a studio. Because you're Irish? No, no, no, no, no. The problem is- I know, it's financial. So it's no, it's based on a real base. They actually existed. So the showrunner is this guy, Joel Church Cooper, brilliant writer. He did Brockmire with Hank Azaria. Right. I was a huge fan. So he approached us about like wanting to work together. And it's like, yeah. He said, listen, I know a guy that was stationed at this base, this American base in the Netherlands, that the only reason it existed was to do the laundry for the other 32 NATO bases in Europe and to deliver wine and cheese to each base. That's funny. But because it was in the Netherlands, you have to hire a certain amount of Dutch citizens to work on the base. Prostitution is legal and drugs are legal. So what ended up happening was, of course, is it became a den for, you know, for illegal drugs and which you can't blame. So they shut the base down. This guy was was stationed there, this advisor that we had. So we love the idea. We didn't want to shoot anywhere near the Dutch government or the American military base that had been shut down. so ireland looks just like the netherlands in terms of the land and the the color of the landscape and the weather so and and ireland has a thriving film and tv industry um so it was a double plus for me because that's where my parents are from and that's i have like 150 cousins there so uh it was it was a blast for it's it's always a blast to go back there because my cousins come and visit the set my cousins like we walk on the set and they're like hey i know the dp i went to high school with him you know so it's like the country's small you know um and they gave us a military base for us to shoot up i mean rob lowe told us that his his game show the floor yes shoots there it shoots there it it's still cheaper i think it's 700 people or whatever i mean it's hundreds of american citizens they fly to ireland put them up for months yeah and it's still exponentially cheaper than hollywood what's is it because of all the strikes where everything's so expensive no it's because of the union rules right so but it's also because everybody gives tax break i mean boston gives tax breaks fucking uh atlanta you know norley why don't la give tax break because i we did both grown-ups movies in boston oh a couple people remember thank you uh and so we went to fucking swamp squat swamp skin um by the way i saw both grown-ups movies multiple times because i liked them and i knew a bunch of you guys so i was like i'm gonna watch this but then my kids were like oh adam sandler the grown-ups yeah that's a fun one for families it's a good family movie actually how much things have changed that in the first grown-ups the reviews and the way they used to our friend adam again the way they would just shit on adam sandler for so long and we all knew he was brilliant and he's not trying to make apocalypse now he's making a family comedy i i sent him a text ago no this is a really really great funny movie not that he needed it but yeah he goes oh first of all this by the way fucking murderers row of people in both those movies are the cast right yeah every every single person because and i know it's saturday live heavy but who gives a fuck everybody's a fucking killer who comes into the into the cast so number one number two they're fucking funny movies number three now he's it's the last laugh is on them because he's turned into a great actor and he can make big funny movies yeah yeah he can he can do both yeah yeah i mean i don't know if you guys saw jay kelly the movie with uh yeah where he's playing the manager man it's fucking he's side by side with a true hall of fame movie star a guy that can do anything right and look they're sandler i think they're finally coming around it's taking forever but they're all finally like he was at the santa barbara film festival this weekend i'm like yeah finally and it must be it's just i'm sure he feels weird about like where were you guys like you just stepped on his neck for so long there's a herd mentality yeah it's a herd mentality for sure you know and it goes like that how are your reviews throughout your time i have never seen one i don't know what are they pretty good they were um uh they were great i get well they were great for nokia for cancer they were great um you know when i for certain movies like the ref which is still a great movie yeah but um i did i had to learn how to act as i first became famous because i was a theater actor and i didn't have a lot of experience in front of the camera um so i made you know i made like the sandlot which was the first movie i did but i did that movie because i thought like oh i could this is a different part for me and i'll this will help me learn how to act on camera because it's very small in terms of performance uh in terms of the size of the performance and then i did like fucking because i had two kids i you know i was again no credit cards when i first got famous i had two babies so i was like i did demolition man with fucking Stallone. Stallone and Schneider? Yeah. I love that. It was great. I love Stallone. And then I did, I fucking, you know what, he was the nicest fucking guy. Oh yeah, he's old school. He would never. He was such a pro. You know, I liked your thing, you know, no kid for cancer. You know what I'm talking about? What? He was such a fucking mensch. And he, I've told this story before, but like I was, I'm fresh off the fucking tree. right and uh i just did a tiny little baseball movie with a bunch of kids and um and i go the first day on on demolition man to do the costume changes and uh so they go you're going to go into the i think it was warner brothers you're going to go on the lot they're going to show you the outfits and everything and you're going to meet sly he's going to be there and i was like oh great so i go and you know it's all science fiction shit so they put me in this fucking metallic stupid yeah and then they go uh hey sly sly's here and he wants you to go up down the you know a couple stages down he wants to say hi so i'm walking i'm in science fiction fucking demolition gear yeah and i when i first pulled in i saw this giant batting cage like off in the distance and i was like i wonder why they have a batting cage well now i'm walking and i turn this corner with this fucking pa and he's like yeah he's right here and it's a giant fucking net for driving golf balls. And Stallone is in his Demolition Man outfit with the boots and everything. And there's a golf pro guy dressed like a golf pro. And he's driving balls. Fuck, I can't fucking slice it again. Pretty good. It's fucking awesome. And he's like, hey, Dennis, it's nice to meet you. Hey, let me tell you something. When we're shooting, this guy's with me all the time. You want to hit some balls, get some lessons this is the oh they're always on the set every day every night for anybody that a golf pro we shot in a fucking shopping mall like fucking 30 minutes from la the fucking golf pros there yeah we shoot on the lot the golf every day the golf pro was there that fantastic was sandy bullock in that yeah yeah yeah she was yeah she replaced me we had to shut the movie down to replace uh lori petty was the girl who played her first and then really yeah yeah interesting what happened from tank girl i don't know i mean i went to work one day no it was telling the story yeah what what i i said dennis tell us the story you don't have the fucking story no i'm kidding i wish i'm looking for a banger we're looking for listen if you land on he says sandra bullock you're fine yeah fuck it dude it was such a huge paycheck you know one day we went to work and they're like all right we're gonna end up going over everybody had penalties written into their contract again this is my first like big hollywood paycheck and they go sly fucking he was hitting golf balls so hard he busted a fucking um yeah he's always breaking they hate it and that and we're so we're taking three weeks off but you're gonna get paid and i was like fuck that's awesome I love it. A three-week vacation where I fucking got paid because Stallone was trying to kill the golf ball. You're not even supposed to be doing anything when you're doing it. Was Rob Schneider in that too? Yeah. Give me a club. What are they doing? These aliens are attacking us, sir. You got a seven iron? I think he was, wasn't Rob like his character was, like he was in an office. like his character on SNL and then he got copy machine guy in the devil hang on a second my dogs are broken I think I'm having a break in my wife is coming home from shopping so the dogs are going fucking crazy it's alright you're done anyway but we were just saying Suicide Kings draft day he's got some fucking bangers in here yeah you've had quite a time the last question I have for you When was the first time, because you're with the original wife, the before wife. So are you, right? Yeah. And so there was a given time where it's like you're having success and you're starting to make money, like real money. And you're sort of like, I guess we're kind of rich now. You weren't rich, but in relative terms. I don't know when that happened for you. We're making a lot of money right now. It's kind of a heady thing that happens to people who get successful in show business. Yeah. Well, that was right around that period because it went from zero to 60 so quick. Right. I did that Sandlot movie. The you know. So you got paid for that. Well, I got paid for that. But then because of the rushes, there was there was a good word of mouth on that movie. Well, they like the dailies and previews. So now they know I can act. So they're like, you know, fucking Jeffrey Katzenberg was running all those branches of Disney movies at the time. Touchstone. So he was like, we had this script called The Ref, which was written by a friend of mine, Richard LaGravines, who had already been nominated for an Oscar for that Robin Williams movie, The Fisher King. So it was an Oscar nominated writer. Ted Demme, one of my best friends who was. Your old buddies, yeah. Yeah, he did my MTV spots. so we had we had that script so not only did they want us to make that movie but they gave me and ted deals like free picture deals oh automatically there's just a ton of money and then i'm doing like fucking demolition man judgment night you know all these big movies so like we had a lot of money all of a sudden from having nothing um right yeah that's how it happens yeah so and it was great and i was learning how to act as i went along so i'm like this is i knew i wanted to be like a character actor because that had longevity because i knew the stand-up you can always do right yeah you can always go back to it yeah exactly so um and i was fucking getting to work with like you know you guys know that it's like you're working with your heroes yeah it's so fun or meeting them for sure i gotta tell you one of the i met so many fucking and work with so many of my heroes but the guy i gotta tell you you guys know this to be true i did this movie called small soldiers with phil hartman of course and small soldiers was like you know it's a lot of fucking uh that's right generated dolls right yes and the rest of the movie is the live human beings so it's me jay moore uh david cross uh and phil those are like the four male leads right hilarious people yeah fucking phil i mean judy and that director was joe dante and he wanted us to improvise and stuff and play around um we that guy fucking made us laugh sometimes he was making me laugh so hard while we were shooting the scenes the director would go you guys have to leave and phil has to act to a tennis ball because we couldn't stop laughing yeah yeah phil i could see fill in that character really knowing how to just he was so fucking funny dude that's awesome one of my favorite characters he did was unfrozen caveman reference that frequently yeah it's so funny it's so nice but it never leaves your head it's so fucking and once I told him that was my favorite guy there was a lot of characters I love this but I just said I think that's my favorite he would just fucking break that guy out on step. Your Honor, I am but a simple caveman. He plays so straight and it's very Jack Handy, the writer, who writes in such a different lane than anybody in all the history of the show. He's also a great fucking actor, man. Fucking great actor. Absolutely. He could do it all. He made me laugh so fucking hard. As you guys do. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com that's a-u-d-a-c-y dot com