Ep 590 - Wildcat

Wow, wow, Wes. Oh no, they don't even tell me I was that came it was not on the kingdom coaster It offers gentle thrills with smooth turns small airtime The cat I think is let me say I see the things fucking nasty as hell So you know what you know what the beast does the beast first the wild cat the wild cat is Fuck newer dude. It's the longest too. It's kind of it's kind of cap Fucking beast dude beast is a long Hersh Park. Yeah, well the wild cat is like higher I think it has Of course it is. It's huge. It's so scary dang dude Bro a classic figure eight design which often focuses on the clad okay my well cats just an out and back classic So the forces the forces on the wild cat are rougher You want to if you ride the beast you want to claim the largest wooden roller coaster in the world It's like you know the most the beast constructed. I don't know, but my thing is it's not as rough and tumble as the wild cat So the beast is like a longer ride which gives it the biggest quote unquote wood and roller coaster in the world But we're talking G forces here. So damn I built a long time ago. It was fucking 1979 79 It's the biggest There's nothing I can say. Yeah, I was no no no no. I was wrong. There's nothing I can do Hershey's it's still Hershey has a scary or wooden roller coaster that's probably higher I'm telling you I busted my fucking lip on the wild cat and this guy is gonna wear a nice survived Hershey You're gonna steal value like that. How'd you bust your lip on the wild cat the fucking thing comes to a screeching hole It was nothing to me dude. It's better after the day bloody up. What would you rather do if you're at a dornie park You go into the amusement park or wild water kingdom as a young man water park as old man You're saying now old man. I'd like to not yeah because We're young man. That's getting soaked at a park as a young man's games. I Didn't give a fuck I would walk around just drenched all day Now I'd be so mad You don't realize how I went to a water park recently you don't realize how fucked up you get on the slot You get elbow bursts not stopped dude. I got off and I was like my I was always with you I never again Right up first turn I got flipped off the raft Yeah, slowly landed in the pond. It's also like it's families Water slide isn't yeah, it's an absolute vacuum seal on your dick You get off that thing you're like, you know, dude the teen is this fully fucking yeah, Jim shorts My teen is gonna be preserved indefinitely in that bathing suit. It was vacuum sealed. It was tight It's crazy. I think we had also a regular gym shorts on yeah, that's the not the move I had to wait in the pool until Matt could get us towels. Yeah, I was like dude I free'll can't get out of this People were just coming down land and next to me and I was like Mackie megal the hotel towel so it was like this big. I just covered my teen is hopped into the lazy river At a teen is in the fucking yeah, I remember that we had we were the only people adults there without kids So we were just like riding behind like a guy would be like down the bottom waiting for his child Like hitting with the title Then with a big one So dude Yeah, boy up there. I'm avoided water park since I kind I I went to one an indoor last summer and I it was pretty nice The lines though are just ridiculous man. Yeah, especially when you're like, you know You're there with your kids. You're like you know, get a bus to move you're all my good my wife I'm like all right hit the kids for a second. I'm gonna run up the slide 35 minute wait. I'm just looking down seeing her tap her foot. I'm like you don't be fucking pissed about this Told you I stopped a young fat boy try to do the old like all my friends are up there kind of thing and I went hit him with the You stop you go to the back row wait I'll say tell your friends to go back and wait with you and they actually he put in God's pencil No, man, fuck that Can't be doing that. There's a lot of butters going on in those water parks, bro And I'd like to shut it down. Yeah, yeah, I don't have a lot of authority over anybody But I'm pretty sure I can take a little chubby 10 year old Like water parks will become a minorities game. Oh, yeah, they kind of it kind of always were They scouted them hard and I'm where I'm from I they weren't no around I'm saying I think they scouted them hard in the 90s Because they were white the white stuff. I think I controlled the yard in the water park in the 90s But then we did control the yard But that was because that was our generation of whites. We used to control the yard heavily Salsa black kids you can not afraid to hit some slurs at water park You could yell anything back then Water is our world Yeah, the way Like Kevin Costner and the wave pulled as I am fucking When we were there was the hard working river Nate did you get to some water parks with your shirt on? Uh, no, I was I was I went I went topless really oh with topless. Were you shredded as a kid like no I wasn't that wasn't a feathering. It was just black people were shirts socks socks. I would do socks. I would do socks. We're all do water shoes You gotta do water shoes. I would do water shoes to his day Water shoes is so crazy Walking around barefoot in there is crazy. No, it's not now not when you're young young man when you're young No, dude black from a young age black people get a drill in their heads. They're bare feet can never touch the earth They're not They've never grounded never ground it. They've never ground it. Do sneakers on in the house. No bare feet. They're never ground I slept with sneakers on the house as a white person thing No slippers in the house. Yeah, yeah true speakers. It's sometimes a sandwich in the house There's house shoes. I've learned there's there's such things are shoes for the house I guess sneakers in the house. It's your white dress. That's just white dress And nothing bothers me more than going to someone's house and they're like take your shoes off We have slippers next to the door I gotta wear fucking slippers now with these jeans. I look like a fucking moron Or just don't provide any slippers just let your Because I just it took me a while But it is like if you take your shoes off and you don't wear them Like I don't we try not to put any shoes on our second floor But every now and again, I like already how much you zone and they fuck my wallets upstairs I walk up and I'm just like thinking of all the piss I stepped in and I'm fucking the airport And they're in the bathroom. I'm like well whatever I should do this every day for years. It'll be fine But yeah, no, that's that's good. Yeah, I said I like one of parks man water parks rule they're fucking sick man What you do you got wet and wild? Yeah, I had the Schlitterbun. I invited Nate but he didn't want come The aquasauks were two-day prime shipping they were gonna get Yeah, it was fun though Schlitterbun Check it out. That's what you got. Thank you. Yeah, no jokes. Nothing funny about it. Yeah, what the hell happened What do you do? Did anything good happen? Yeah, well the lazy river was pretty fun. Yeah, it was actually called the Torrent River because it was like a wave pool mixed with the lazy river. I like that. That's really fun I feel like they probably couldn't name it the crazy river instead of the Torrent River Crazy river was good. I heard when you went down one of the speed slides your penis went up your butt you're going so fast Your girlfriend told us you pop it you popped in here on Said you bind yourself Well, that was a good adventure. Is it a 16 year old boy at a boy you out of your You start a lawn mower Thing out He to push down your nipples like the primer just get you Is that true? Well did your penis fly into your butt while you're going down a slip inside of you came in your own butt Yeah, that's a single boy and then pull it out prime nipples is that true? That's yeah, I wasn't gonna mention it but that did happen You go for the whole set well Talk to you about that you can have to have it talk with it. I'm gonna have to have a stir You can't keep telling people about the time I came in my own when I came in my own butt of the slimmest life He's the water right as you cover your butt It was fun there check it out This is an ad by bitter help. 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That's better a glp dot com slash MSSP That help with libeta Yeah, anyway, I stand by the wildcat after reviewing now dude. I know you'd be nice. You're being good friend You were right you were right about the beast. I was wrong about the wildcat I just heard I didn't know that was look at the tallest or something Why did they fucking tell me that dude? It's the largest wooden roller coaster Also, no one knew any other it was like pre-internet so you just go this is the biggest fucking thing ever Yeah, no one could be like well. He's actually a big one and you know, yeah, Ohio they didn't even know But you know or the fuck Ohio was Why do you think this is a question? I was thinking of recently. Why do you think they made you memorize the capitals of the states? Was that like some sort of like military knowledge? Was there some sort of practical Benefit of that that comes from like the military was that just like I think it's a good thing to know Why It's important that I went to the capital in Idaho this weekend. Boyd you yeah, it's just Bro, you can just walk right in really. I mean, I don't know Just tell everyone but yeah, you just walk right in that I mean you can walk into most cabbages But you could walk into the governors. We went to the governor's office. What? Just walked in so what's up? What's up? Just talk to the guy. He was signing a bill or some shit. What? It's pretty nice. That is nice fellow. We got a picture together and then I was like I don't know I wonder what his politics are Cuz I just it's a nice endorsement photo also. I heard Idaho's in a track suit going Like my bad. I didn't know I was gonna meet the governor today. Yeah, I just like a fool. I was in sweatpants I mean how could you have known I had no idea we were walking up the steps and these two dudes walked out We're like you can just walk in all right dang. We'll do it It's kind of I guess yeah, and oh well fillies out the capital, but you can just like walk in city, hopper Oh, no, no, you can't actually gotta. There's like a sign in desk. You're right Yeah, I don't know man. I heard of Idaho's kind of a wild state. It's a good state I heard it's nice, but I heard if you go to like I think it's like Northern Idaho The whites I think the whites are running the yard. They run the idea for sure. Northern Idaho. I heard it's very for sure Yeah, yeah, that's where all the craziest whites are yeah like that like Washington and Oregon out there. Yeah, but I also heard Idaho's like one of the it was like a sneaky kind of destination Like people started buying places up out there. So the governor was telling me. Yeah, oh the Kardashians He's saying there's we've had half a million people every year. Uh-huh. Too many people. No, it's apparently Idaho is a sneaky. I'm probably making it worse, but it's a sneakily Yeah, I'm like soon as I said you can just walk in the governor's office I don't have any fucking people listening and I don't by the way that's on him any better fucking beef up his security There was a woman there was a second there was a secretary desk and she was like come in yeah It's just a lady go wait. He doesn't have a point. You go the fuck out of the way excuse me. I have to meet with the governor I'm taking selfie with the governor right now. Yeah It's pretty sick. That's cool I met a politician in Salt Lake City a guy running for mayor and He had I was like it was like an outdoor. It was like a farmer's market and he was like yeah, usually You know, it's just like this park. I was like it's a beautiful park and he was like Yes, usually like it there's a lot of homeless people here and I'm like oh, it's sick. You don't see any here right now He's like well the police came and removed him. I was like dude fuck you and he was like no, it's actually a travesty I'm running against that is very mean to factor the came and I was like oh shit my bad brother I'm all for it every single time every single time they're like we rounded him up and got him out. I'm like Good job I don't know where you put him in fucking Utah Where you gonna take him fucking the mountains maybe My I was just coming from that I'm donner party out fucking grow on each other for a month I was just coming from the point of like yeah This if there were a bunch of homeless people milling around this would it be you know less elevated experience Obviously, yeah, just kind of it's a fucking bummer Well, we went from Boise where the whites have definitely holding down the yard To then Portland where the whites are still holding down the yard, but the nasty evil lights True Rodden crossed you lights there was Portland fucking this crazy It points a good city. It is a great city. We had a different experience. We had a very nice experience I tried to go back to that same bar and got fucking murdered It was that bar was right next to the venue. It was nice. Yeah There's no cool motorcycle guys riding in circles Yeah, they were having a good time last time we're there, but this time there was the bums the bums of one Lebowski The bum is one there. I saw a colonoscopy bag on the ground. Yeah, like shit. Ah, I saw Right next to a giant dead rat and then just think the rat ate the shit and died It was uh, that sucks Yeah, they got cleaned it up because it's such a beautiful city. Yeah, Portland fucking rules the thing and again It's like what do you do with a guy who's just lays on the ground? There's nothing you can do no except you got I don't know if like how do you get him pumped? You know what I mean? Yeah, you put math under like a box with a stick All right, we got no one doesn't even trap. We just fall on him. Yeah, we got him Yeah, I don't know man. We they you could Do a thing where it's like You know they gave the Nazi soldiers math Something like that, but then like you know better programming obviously you want to invade somewhere What blitzkrieg fucking with job with job advocate takes man Hoover Blitzkrieg We should just yeah, we that'd be a nice little undercover op just like Math them up and be like yo, that's the Canadian border. I bet you can't get in there. I was thinking about just shipping them to my enemies houses Like like somebody I don't like Tell them about like ordering one up and being just going to downtown Austin Get a mega bus. Yeah, that's cheap as fuck you guys are headed to The town of one of my I'm just gonna lower the property value and whatever town my enemy lives in And this is kind of a politicians. We're doing they were really doing it But I'm saying you can do that at a personal level. Oh, you good for sure. You can just get them on a bus I'll give each of you 100 bucks. Yeah There was a guy I saw a video of a guy claiming that he would go around pay homeless people 25 bucks for their social security Birthday and all the stuff take out credit cards in their name. Oh my gosh advances Just get like tons of money from all these people. Huh, and then he would get a cell phone With that money and put it in that guy's name as well and hand that guy the cell phone And then somehow he would set it up to where he would do like a purchase But it went back to that cell phone the police would track it and arrest the homeless person It's win win. Yeah, I was kind of awesome So I know we're being rude to the homeless. We are but they've been rude to me they never they can yell at me They scream at me. They can be rude But you know again, it's they do yell. They scream. They taunt But you know Portland I heard so many screams like just down the street You just hear the basically the guy that scared the queen. I was the queen. I would hear someone screaming. I'd be rushed away James would came and grab me and rush me into a building That's the funniest video still to his guy. Oh guy just screaming and ruining the whole thing I heard several those San Francisco out the bombs. Yeah, they have the bombs still I mean I we had to run from a bomb for what? That was he chased you for we went to look at the sea lines at the like warf There was just a big fucking bomb. He was a tall boy. It's landline. Yeah, he was he was a tall boy His pants were both ripped straight down so he was wearing like Oh, he looked like the scream guy His clothes were all like But he was on he was screaming at the top of his lungs Fuck yeah, and he was just We got to get those homeless boys some knee pads bro some face slide sliders dude We got to turn them to sliders now. This is this is the type of forward thinking We could have the fucking sickest country on earth if we had a billion sliders in every city I would pay them bro. They can make a good living if they just started sliding Someone's got to hook them up with them oh, too. Because like nobody has cash anymore. I see it's so it's awesome Bums with Venmo's yeah, yeah, but it's like you got a slide for me poppy if I'm gonna be giving If I want to be doing okay, my words exactly I said no, I said bro you got a Venmo sign You need to slide for me poppy the decide Or glove I would take loving too They were they were loving guy be like all right. It's fair. Yeah I hate to admit it, but I think I might be more of a lover than a slider if I'm just fucking ridiculous I know sliding is obviously way more mask and tough, but I think so sick you saw the pig guys Sliding's fucking nasty as hell. I'm just saying deep down inside. I might be a lover Sliding sick, but imagine if we pitched out this house black or total, you know, no lights now. It's fucking okay I hear you think if somebody was sliding there sparks Sparks at night true All right, that's fair. It depends if you if I will say if I was on Psychedelics the Glovers would Fuckin rock do the slider could take you to a dark place if you're on mushrooms and some dude with like cool paint But that yeah, that's exactly both for Have it, you know true. I like alcohol if I was drunk watching sliders If I was drunk watching the glove guy be like, you don't fuck it You're fucking hands out of my face Haha Right if you got yeah psychedelics and the sliders was really fucking Guys are fucking idiots Just the face man alone. Yeah, this is somebody's son He's still in slide. He's sliding on the road and fucking sacrameno Fucking idiot But yeah, we continue to search for you know something for the homeless to do and I think sliding is a very good start That's definitely planning I haven't heard any good options. Do imagine imagine you go to apply for like a warehouse Right outside your interview Or just do the sparks on your pants or Again, they'll break out the gloves during mid interview. Could you have any special talents? Oh, yeah You're hired You're the CEO I'm also down with you What about a sliding glove Would it slide into the meeting it to glove slide out Yeah, what is with what is the either ward distinction all about why can't you be both real true That'd be so fucking tough. I'd be so nasty swear to god sliders are holding down the yard though They're definitely beating the fuck out of the glove are guys sliders are not I mean definitely how many sliders how many undercover sliders do you think we're at skank vests? They had to be seven to eight sliders there Dude is next one skank fast extra iron slide dude that's ruined skank fast. Let's hire bombs to go to skank Wherever they fucking book it Thousand balls With strict instructions to slide all they have to do is chase lose jgomas will give them a picture of Lewis Whatever you see this man chasing We'd have to if they do uh They do it on like an island. I think X is gonna be on an island We might have to have like an amphibious operation to get we have to get them over we need a duck boat We need to The H boats from dita just lower the doors let him slide out Yeah Damn it'd be so fucking funny. I mean putting sliders in any situation Dude I'm surprised no one's a slid it's gang fast yet. It's common people are sliders We're gonna least just at least hire some sliders as a gift to the skank fast You know, so sliders No, it's sliders or gloves are They love the revelation Brow you're gonna sit around say why people don't have culture Sliders and gloves Holy shit Dude for real that'd be nice for skank fan skank fast 10 to be like dude we got you guys Skank fan Yeah for 10 for skank fast X if we just said and it's like hey hold an hour slot for us And we just have to do a talent show and just have sliders I'm not kidding. I would absolutely do that. Skank fast 10 you'll have a live show Yeah, it's just sliders versus Glovers. That'd be awesome We should just pre-record just pre-record and have us on the TV We don't have to go to zoom in Welcome, thank you everybody It's like if we died from them, we're like, you know, send a message to the future That's uh, you have made it here great excellent Now an hour and a half of guys sliding Oh, I didn't know everyone knew about the sliders they were hitting my algorithm. I was like How did you keep that to yourself for so long? I told every time I was sharing them just Me and one guy just going back and forth sharing sliders. I'm thinking hopefully our out your algorithm might have Charge mine hit me with the fucking slider material because it's my I was on lovers for a while You guys like who do you like more Nate? Do you like sliders or Glovers? Glovers are weirder to me they freak me out actually Yeah, that's tell you some type of it isn't magic It was it was too much individual figure movement like together I didn't like those two choreographs. Sliders just come in sliders your side. Yeah, but I do some cool maybe drag their head across Yeah, hold on, but who do you you got show on the sparks? I saw sparks my question is so if you're at like a like an all black barbeque Who do you think will be tolerated better a glove or a slider? I think it's slider my beginners ask Sliders gonna get like Glovers gonna be like get that shit out of here, but sliders is gonna be like oh shit every time he slides That's a good point. That's it. But fate no face paint though. Obviously. You couldn't wear the demonish the demonic face paint No, you could uh, they like that. It depends on the time. I love like the purge I love the purge by me a little Purge right? It's sliding the shea steen. I can't wait till we start sliding y'all don't want to see us You're doing that did you what that show I didn't bring out my I forgot my shiasty. I should have worn it. I was right when he said it I was like damn that's probably holding that trying to break that out. I should have busted I had me with it when I'm not looking I should have put that thing on I mean I gotta get that my wife is threatening to throw it out. I told her I was gonna throw away all her pocket books If she throws away my chest I'll throw all your dumb fucking purses out She knows I'm fucking She knows Yeah, she knows he's a bad boy. I'm gonna post up. I'm gonna post up the trap She just finally got out of the trap. She's living in the trap and then you can't start trapping again, bro Please I know the streets are calling. I'd be so nice I think about it now that I could literally probably buy like a thousand pounds of weed and just go dumb Be so sick. Yeah, you could like really get arrested. Oh, I know I could go really crazy I could get like a shipping first of all I can buy a shipping container and I could probably fill it That'd be so tired. Could you zoom from prison? Uh, they have tablets. Oh, I wonder if we could uh, I probably could get some sort of like program Braille that would be the podcast would go through the roof if you were in jail The only thing I thought about it. I think it's a thing about all the time if I go to jail I'd be like they'll if I got out of still be sick and be falling. Yeah, but yeah No, they have tablets down prison. I just found that out. I'd give you some verses from the phone Remember they used to do that on rap albums. I would call in from the jet Hey, what's up, Shane? Yeah, this is what I was thinking about. Yeah, that'd be I think about trapping all the time dude. It'd be so tight Be so because I could actually get like a fucking bad guy HQ now. Yeah, be so fucking layer Mm-hmm you have black eyes and purge masks dude. I have sliders. I could get a van and a layer You have a bunch of shasty henchmen febby sick as hell And I could just just pull them into your own bad guy layer and like having guys just lower the fucking garage door. It's all I want It's all I want That's fair. That's something You should aspire to yeah, I'm bad bad guy layer. Just guys pulling up a door. Yep I I remember there was like a warehouse to do some of the had like a warehouse setup and I was so jealous I would go in there and buy we eating up like this so fucking sick you have a warehouse Hit a gun in their warehouse. It was awesome. Anyone knocked up. They just be like fuck who the fuck is that It's like damn that's so sick. You shoot that guy right fucking now. That'd be awesome Yes, I'd like that if you got I might turn on you though I don't like that. I don't like that stuff. What do you mean? I like you trap and dude. I would I would report you that'd be nice too I'd start wearing a wire You'd have you'd have to have me strip at gunpoint Just you're at a cafe you're at like an outdoor cafe with the FBI like you just brought in a thousand pounds of skittles He's making skizzlers again Yeah Did make gummies read but regular gummies. I made regular gummy bears. It was kind of nice made it for my kids How would they receive there there? You know what man there? They're kind of nasty about it because I yeah fuckers. Yeah, well, I didn't let them like dry enough So they were like these are yucky. You know, I was just like they'll the first batch they liked and the second ones They said well, I just can't do anything right I tried so hard Yeah, what else is going on fucking hell We're getting a coffee cup Trying to kill me fuck Probably the fucking centelow a cartel true. They heard about my skittles. Yeah down trumps gonna blow up your boat You can be in Lake Austin and get a drone strike on your Trunk boat No, it's telling you this weekend. I uh who the hell's that So I'm just saying hello on night Let's take a look at who this is Matt It's an amazing time of year to be a sports fan We've got the battle for the nadi elite hoops every night and cold weather football with playoffs spots on the line With all the picks to choose from it's like a holiday spread every night on prize picks where it's always good to be right You and I make loads of decisions during the holidays Being right can get you paid There's so much sports action to unwrap during the holidays and on price picks whatever sports you're into Whoever you support it always feels so good to be right Now let's get into this who's looking good and who are you picking against? I and picking More on say quam bar Yards, I think he's really picked up his running game. I like that also, you know I like what Kenny gainwell is doing in Pittsburgh. I wouldn't be surprised to hit a little more on Kenny Kenny gainwell I like that Yeah, that's what I would like to do personal story of time where you're confident making a pick the fell apart Never yeah Okay, so that's our take now it's time to lock yours in yours. There's no better place than prize picks Take it take it from there, Matt You got to love how straightforward price picks is you don't have to spend a lot of time trying to calculate your payouts Price picks makes it easy to win with their payout multipliers whether it's just a simple three X or a big 2000 X price picks makes it easy to understand how much you can win Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one fantasy sports app Download the price picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 a lot of That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup prize picks It's get it be right good to me right hey We're back. Yeah salesman interrupted the fucking flow It was door-door salesman the I saw him try to hit you with the hold on now. No, bro He's guys have been hit with the algorithm. I think how to be a salesman how to conquer objections Yeah, the objection of just like yeah, get the fuck out of here Like dude beat it Coming over yeah coming out of the dude beat it stuff you want it to I think remodel your hand to your house I should let him I'm renting Turn on every wall Yeah, that's fucking bullshit also like if you're doing door-to-door sales there's got to be Something in it for me in terms to listen to it. You know what I mean? Like it for the podcast at least we do a podcast and then there's ads he should have to do like a solo like five minutes solo cast True come up and be like dude that shit's cried you hear about that fucking And like I give it to yourself Hit us with the pitch and it's been hold on yeah, we could have done it for some Andy Lian action Andy Elliott I saw a clip of him. Yeah, let me see. Let me see bro. You're not fucking ripped no way He I think someone was talking shit on him in the comments and then he Somehow found the guys where he worked. Oh, no and called the guy and gave him a chance to like Overcome his objections and roleplay and the guy froze and he was just like That's what it's about man the guy fucking froze he blew I see him call people and I'm like I would have been that guy He called me like I say you have a 2007 Honda on the lot. I'd be like Yeah, I don't know yeah, I don't do you want to come in and look at it? It's on the website. It's probably up there All right, see you now the guy started going like I can't hear you. He's like you can hear me I know you can hear me don't do that. I was also like that's a good move out of it on that too I only had one guy hit me with that and it was a Chinese man really yeah, he came in He wanted to know every single thing about the Honda Odyssey. I didn't know one thing about it What is that take the middle seats out? I want to see how it looks without seats. I was like fuck all right Couldn't I didn't know how yeah, I can't get the ones. I couldn't move any of the seats Like this. I don't know how to do you should be like bro. This is gonna be your car I want to see you get familiar with this you go ahead Nasi Matt that would make you an expert salesman. I just bent over I'm sorry. I can't do it How did he take that he was very mad and he left what he didn't like my he didn't like me Just that you couldn't take the seats out. Yeah, he wanted an honorable Yeah, he wanted somebody who cared. Yeah, that's actually got in trouble for that for not being able to take the seat Yeah, cuz my manager came over It was like what's going on? He was like your salesman doesn't know how to do anything like he can't he doesn't know anything about this car. Geez. I was like He's right. No, he got me Well the manager train you on how to take the doors out Yeah, he was like sit down and read the fucking pamphlet about the Honda Odyssey. I just Fuck that sad at my desk and probably got on a video game on my computer got on sport. Oh, they'd like top five hyzms from each year This sat down Yeah, reading the manual Scraze no shot. That's absolutely insane. My dad tries to hold it down. So you need that most mechanics just read that manual and figure out everything You know my bro get the fuck out of here He dude he claims he checks his oil every time he fills up his gas. I'm like dude. You're the biggest liar Got check your every time you get a gas check your oil. I'm like you don't check it. There's a gauge That's what I'm saying. Look at it. That's what I'm saying Now he holds down. I think that thing's good He's like dude that oil runs out your whole car. I've actually I was like terrified for everything in my car Is on a stop-worker one day. Yeah, I got a little oil on his dipstick at the water His old dipstick went right in the gas tank dude. It was crazy because I heard after this dick when I was buddy turned on his belly and went down backwards Which would he hit the water jammed it up? Oh, no, is that true? It was a deep pie The deep self pie. Yeah, that's true. Unfortunately There's a canole in your Wapbud You little Wap canole You missed it Yeah, I'm sorry to happen for real man. I'm really it's gotta be tough Yeah, but it's you know, I'm alright now. How many penile injuries are at the water park every year There's got to be a good amount a lot dude. Yeah, it's gotta be a lot of guys at least get thunder claps on their balls Dude, I got what was called a thunder clap headache for the first time in my life I was lifting weights and all and just boom I had a massive headache kind of nowhere. It was scary I looked it up. I always kind of pomp when I saw it's called literally a thunder clap headache. I was like yeah, I was just That's fucking sick. It's like a Norse. Yeah, some type of Viking headache literally. It's kind of what happened Yes, it was a fucking sock man. I came out of nowhere. I think I was just holding my breath too long and I was Yeah, he hold your breath. I got my my face is bright red and I just got like a out of nowhere crazy headache Then I went away, but yeah, that's what happens with like fucking you know if you get like brain bleeding pop one of these things you get a massive headache and then said It is it is said scary dude. I was fucking scary and sad. So I think I saw my grandma. I'm dead. Yes, I'm lifting I probably definitely probably dude Getting closer bro. I'm getting closer to a thousand pound club. I'm at eight you get there. I'm gonna get there I got you're bulking 175 pounds left the allegations are not going anywhere. I'm dude John I'm down yet bringing Derek more place for this bro. You're just I'll test whenever we talk about me and the guys talk about how do you say I'm here we got to do something He's outbursts of anger fucking crazy. Matt called me the other day. I was like, what's up? You fucking pussy? Fucking pieces shit I'm tired of carrying this whole fucking thing fuck you It's like what the fuck Matt this isn't like you Every time you went to waste a weld you've been a real fucking jerk Nah, Nadi, I'm all Nadi and I'm chill too. I'm Nadi and I got the chill to prove it No, and then your wife called me and was like Shane. I'm scared I actually believe that I was like just hanging there a few more. He's gonna be alright soon I'm gonna talk to him. I'm gonna get him off the juice. I can believe that I came to his house to get him off the juice He was shirtless in the garage. I was like oh it was dark in there too. It's a fucking doing it here He's gloving jack He's like get the fuck out of here pussy I'm gloving going out you're fucking wow wow flyer friends No, that's not a word we would use but not I was on the juice but he was juiced up That was weird making fun of some of you don't have to fucking times say it but fuck yeah I do want to get some mass bells do you ever see those things? They're like kettlebells mix with dumbbells But you reach your hand inside of a steel ball and it's just like it but you can hold it from the inside It's fucking sick. You feel like mega man when it's on your hand I saw those things the other day. I want them Yeah, that's all I've been doing for that pretty chill. Yeah, I think what else is going on? You're excited for Christmas What are you gonna do for all of this my house? We're saying right now? Yeah, my wife's been trying to subvert my children into doing like a Christmas trip in Whistler Canada I keep trying to shut it down. She's like it'd be nice to be snowy. I'm like you know suck ass Fucking cool. It would be cool. My problem is gifts. It's like dude you have to kids You can bet you want to go somewhere it snows and right. Yeah, but they just think a bunch of gifts are gonna appear in Canada I'm like I'm not fucking shipping that and shipping it back. It's yeah No fucking shop. I'm gonna have a buddy bleak Christmas. I gotta go I'm gonna go to my parents and be That'd be sick a single man in my parents basement for a few days. Hmm trail Whoo Thanksgiving was tough. I was just down there jacking off. Yeah I'm gonna do it again. I'm leaving for Christmas. I'm gonna get get drunk and go to my parents basement and jack off That'll be death Believe it. Not bad. Not bad I Peace and quiet. There's peace and quiet, but I do hear you saying I remember it's bleak I've ever been all my friends at kids, and I would just go hang out. I didn't have kids I remember I felt weird I would like go to places and I'd be like man I wish I wasn't here. Yeah, I'm not going to my friends house. You feel weird when you guys did your family come with the bar. True Come on fat come fat and then I'm gonna jack off from my parents basement Jane Are you doing down there No, mom watching YouTube videos Okay, let's get to bed Mom it's fucking 11 o'clock. I'm not even tired You think I'm gonna sleep in 11 feet. I'm right I'm on his fuck Yeah, that'll be dark. What do you think like because you don't have like curfew Obviously you can come and go as you please your parents house. Where do you think the like where do you think that ends in terms of like Your freedom in that house where do you think they would stop you? All right Shane. That's If I was if they if it was like Three or four a.m. Yeah, I was still in the kitchen like drinking If by myself they would be really sad They would just be like we need to talk. What if you pull the sober all nighter? I Think they would support it if you instead of sober all nighter to stay up all night playing video Ah, they would believe they would think they were not got us I could do that What that might be a fun little Christmas Just get where I fucking eight bone dude no alcohol just coke You should get like a ten thousand dollar suit and just do cocaine the entire time you're at your parents house Just full my record just full my record Chris was straight as he gonna stand your bag Just draped in finery to yeah, just pocket watch That'd be so fucking funny Especially if you only did it gentlemanly it just like a gentlemanly amount yeah, and you could do like coke like when they didn't like the 1800s That's what I'm saying. Just fully right in front of everyone That's the move that's the move then just hit all the rounds you'll see all your friends kids in the show We like what's up? I know y'all blasted on coke going everyone's house business ideas out the wazoo Massive gifts Yeah, I got your car If you guys can use on to honestly, I don't know the fucking take the seats out but it's all yours Let me guys show you how this thing works. Shit, I forgot oh That's actually good. Yeah, that would be nice. No alcohol just coke mm-hmm Be that change for three straight days just forty thousand dollars of chains Oh shit, I forgot to get you guys stuff here Take that Just go to people's houses and talk about like the terms of their mortgage, but you guys refile on this one Yeah, I ran into some party monsters dude at the at the show in Missouri Violin Bob Ross dude They were having a good time and uh, yeah, I that was the stickiest situation ever because it was like I was learning in real time And he was a UFC guy and then I was you know the classic thing obviously you're gonna go perfect And after a couple of those I was like Telling jokes while I would look with the side of my eye like this guy gonna fucking tackle me and beat my ass as it came became increasingly clear like oh, I think this guy's kind of shit and uh And then like during the show it got you know, he was he was just having too much fun kept just you know, blurring itself out in support of me, which is a tough one when you're like dude I know you're on my side, but just please please chill yeah, and at one point I kind of brat it out I'm like man securities tight as hell in here man Jesus Christ good thing you guys are all over the case And finally a security after like this fucking seven time a security guard comes up And I'm looking at this guy and I'm going dude. Yeah, he's probably doing the same thing you were What got kept young he was probably in the back like please please please Fuck no, dude, please do the guys names Violin Bob Ross. Yeah, it's a nickname it is and the guy comes to like start the negotiations and I just went Ah, give him one more chance. I didn't know about it, bro. I went like we're not at the mothership dude I was like I don't this we're just in the middle of Missouri this guy's a he's gonna beat the fuck out of him He could have I was like he this guy could have fucking killed he could have killed me and him How's just like you know what man? Give him one more shot, you know, let's uh There's like we can't get you out of here. This is his your show now And then uh, but he did he chilled and then towards the end ever he started just like chirping a little on my bro. You have we have 10 minutes It was funny too because I was genuinely worried that securities and a comeback and try to kick him out Which you know you can't kick him out you literally can't remove the guys. It was just funny I remember it really felt like I was like when my kids wake up early and I'm like Do do do come on. I know where I'm on just come on dude. I don't want to see a horrible melee breakout But yeah, so we we chatted after the show. He was the man is good bro. He was just used to excited. He's fired up Do you think it'd be wise for me to go cocaine for Christmas or do you think I should go to LSD LSD would be chill Just take acid for three days of my parents. Yeah, that would be super chill the kids come over Yeah, that would be nice. Did you just munch? I have a little dropper you could just do like Half a hit in the morning. You know me. You're you're you're not morning. That one didn't hit Those did true I mean even just once on Christmas day go to mass Little midnight mass and stay up all night You just watch slider video They dad come down you got to see this Why now is this God damn it please Show some sliders He's gonna be mad. He's gonna be genuinely mad about it My mom will be like well, that's nice Is this are these your friends? Yes, oh my god, that's Nate That's Nate Marshall Tell your mom what happened to Sean at the water park too. I will It was in the paper mom My mom's slow is in the paper He's been just when I was but then flipped around on stomach and smacked his ass on the water Oh, man. Yeah, I didn't even think about how bleak that's gonna be far kind of bummed out That'll be all right. I'll be all right. Yeah, you're in a rent a car You can go to like a parking lot like peel out so I just peel out in the parking kill The local police department will probably let you do it. They would they pulled up like guys I hear a lot of my mind I just turned 38. I'm living in my parents house I should probably have a family by now I should be sliding right now. I'm a fucking down syndrome guy, right? Yeah, that's me Ha, then drunk guy Love excuse me. I rented this Mustang for a reason and just just be like yeah, you'll never get me You you fucking posties could never catch me slide slide to the whip They might be afraid if you hit the slide to the I'm gonna do a slide then suicide my car All right this episode is brought to you by zipper cruder Matt. I need you to riff for me daddy What do you like to watch around the holidays? Oh, you know, I'm watching right now elf. That's great Elf is I sort of got it might be the best Christmas movie ever. I've been laughing out loud the entire time Mass holds up, but you got to keep in mind whatever film you watch it took a team of remarkably talented individuals to create Writers yeah, no, I never thought about either writers actors editors set desires When you need your own team to create something wonderful use zipper cruder try it free at zip recruiter.com slash mssp I'm gonna bring it up to my wife tonight. We're watching Elf. I'm gonna go. You know, it took a team of people to make this team of extraordinarily time. I turn her on Yeah, see where she right now that went through a camera That'll show up that'll blow her mind The number one hiring site based on g2 zipper cruder works fast to deliver results even faster than Santa delivering presents around the world in one night Watch it wow don't ever be smirch Zipper cuder Immediately after you post your job. It's matching technology will start connecting you with qualified candidates in your area Make your hiring a little merrier with the zipper cruder four out of five employers who post on zipper cruder get a quality candidate within the first day That's crazy. It's awesome. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try zipper cruder for free zipper cruder.com slash Again, that is zip recruiter.com slash mssp The smartest way to hire awesome. Hey guys, please come out this weekend. I will be in Syracuse, New York Very big show. I'll be the funny bone comedy club Syracuse, New York and then January 16th and the 17th I'll be in Houston, Texas And on the 17th I'll be at the Majestic theater in Dallas, Texas. Also going to be Hartford Connecticut Albany, New York Las Vegas and a bunch of other cities go to matmacusker.com for tickets. Thank you I just added shows today April 4th Chicago April 17th, Nashville April 18th, Charlotte May 9th, Boston, Garden And those are on sale right now with Promp Prisel code SG live Also the link please come to the link by tickets now Uh, that's not till July but get those tickets now the things are gonna sell out and we're gonna have cool stuff We're gonna have sliders. You're gonna be so I swear to God, I'll get sliders. Please do It's gonna be more of an event than a comedy show. There's gonna be cool stuff. It's gonna be awesome if I can get a fly over Have a commercial pilot reroute and just fucking true. Let me tight. Where's comes the worst Where's comes the worst we got a national tragedy on our hands All right, you gotta get yours go, Doc. Yeah, you gotta get yours before I get mine Hello everybody. I'll be at the Atlanta Helium January 22nd and 24th. Yeah, show your shirt. Oh, yeah, forget I'll be at the Atlanta Helium on January 22nd and 24th now. I'll be with my friend Edan McCluskey that we get shows The Alfreda January 22nd, 24. Please. Thank you. Thank you. Damn. Thank you guys Did you ever have a money clip before? No, I think people have tried to give me them and I just can't I had one. I loved it Well, that was probably when you were trapping that was it was like a teenager. Oh really? I just have a money clip It was said fat Matt was engraved in it and I would keep like 80 bucks in it I thought it was the coolest shit in the world Fat Matt money. He was he was chubby. He was chubby. His brother said with the fat Matt And he owned it dude Made it a screen name. I know about it fat Matt. They just call me thunder for thunder thighs Thunder killed me thunder thunder thunder. I would well I still have the fucking ice You got big thighs man then Some companies sent me jeans man, and I put them on. I was just like Child like I can't wear these. I look insane. They look like Conan This is my goal to get my thighs. I want to completely max them out. Yeah, I got to lean into it If I have I was like dude when I was a kid. I was like for real very insecure about my big fat thighs I would walk all my thighs on dude suck. It was crazy dude I had flinno hair of pants and they all they weren't like none of them. They're all one size So if you had jacked fucking quads in there fat too Yeah, we rock flinno hairs. Yeah, you just I would walk down the hallway and I was constantly I remember you know grades will be like I never felt comfortable sweating through those fucking There was crazy. I had just anxious armpit sweat and it was fucking crazy We didn't have air conditioning in my grades. No, we never in high school. Yeah, we had no AC everyone was dying They we had to wear a sweater vest and a fucking bottom down or a full sweater I think we had AC in high school. I'm pretty sure we had AC in high school out of the bitching of that Now we didn't then they would just open the windows and turn the lights off. Yeah, that was kind of do a class everyone just fall asleep Yeah, that was the best in Catholic grade school is the end of the year when they put all the desks at the side of the wall And you have to like just make up snow days and just sit on the ground and play seven up dude It's the best. Yeah, that's that's true. That is very nice. That was my favorite. There was nothing better Worst for the first week of school when you went back in you just smelled the smell of school and you're like fuck me man Chloe's just realized I didn't mind that huh now you're bringing it up. That used to fire me. I love you. I'm beginning in the school It was great. I hated it. I was fucking furious. I'll go there and fuck this year with all boys though No, well the high school. I had fun in high school was great school. Yeah great school out going in I just hated it I was like fuck this. Yeah, I guess I was a kid. I probably wasn't too excited because summer fucking rock summer rocked man And I had to go back to summer rock. We're going to the biggest wooden roller coaster in the world Go on the wildcat all summer I remember though I did get excited my cousin came to school in second grade and I remember We just sitting in the fucking like gymnasium just like this in line waiting to go ahead of my cousin walked in I was like I was just like oh fuck it. You're second grade. I didn't know he was coming I was just like one day. I was like dude my cousins in school. Yeah, that's nice. That was fucking sick But other than that I used to fucking I hated school my daughter Chloe's just realizing now that like She has to go to school for sure. Yes. She hates it. It did feel like for him I'll be in school the rest of my life. Yeah, I mean it kind of is I mean I remember graduating college and being like I can't believe I'm finally done I fucking hated school Every day and she like every day bags. She's like wakes up. She says where am I going? I go going to school today She says oh I'm like dude. It's never good. It's never gonna end. You're a girl too You're gonna you're gonna be in school till you're 30. Oh, yeah You're gonna get 15 degrees. Yeah, true. You're gonna get everything. You're gonna be a doctor. You're gonna PhD And then you're gonna get pregnant That's it Girls love school girls love school. Those cool man. They crush it. They're good at school True they do love good handwriting Yeah, I'm getting like a first like a firsthand account of girl world Right now. You might be pregnant. You might be butt pregnant. Yo Think he's a butt son. I think you have a butt son right now my boy twins Do you think your butt's pregnant? You know it might be yeah, I don't know I hope not. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't think you're ready for the responsibility of butt kids. No Because you have to deliver to the shy Yeah, you're gonna go on all fours. You're gonna be like a input your face Now you're gonna see horse. They're just gonna come flying out of your butt I gotta take a test or something. I got a poop on a strip What else is going on or what else do we got just that just fucking Vee just car. Dini get his butt pregnant Goody as a butt pregnant. I uh, I got the link with VBR He was the man and the show. I was really fun. We got a Missouri's rough though. Dude is a Missouri's a rough rough state Crazy man. I didn't realize how uh god him rough that place was. I kept a lot of talking about the white ladies down there. They're just like But that's um Missouri states right there, right? Yeah, the university. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Missouri states right there. Mizzou is up near Chicago I never missouri also so close to Texas Yeah, dude, it would have been a six hour drive. I couldn't drove there. No, that's what you got dude No chance. I want to springfield Missouri from Austin six hours maybe from down chance maybe from Dallas even then look it up I'm telling you I'm telling you Dallas. I'm certain I mean if you looked it up. I believe it. I'm I was shocked I was like wait this is six hours away from mother fucking Dallas 15 hours It's 10 from Austin. Yeah six from Dallas Yeah, yeah, Dallas is closer Sorry, bitch. I'm not I'm just a little way how far is Dallas from here three. Oh, okay about three and a half Yeah, all right. I got a little I'm gonna do a little Texas road dog trip Me and Gardini were gonna go and you see Dallas back nice. I'll be tight Look excited to hit the road. We'll kind of play less you uh you want me to play for you Something chill whenever you got him. I'm down for What are you doing? I'm a fucking audio very aggressive tech. I can give an audio book or very very aggressive like dystopian we were doing skepta Whenever we're ever Yeah, yeah, it's enough. Yeah, it's enough. That's dude. That might be the best music ever. I like skips like British rap British. It is good. Oh, it's dude Jersey the top boy show No, it's really good. It's nothing but yeah, it's so good. It's just like British. It's like British belly. I think Drake brought us that I believe Drake. I think Drake helped with that a lot. Oh, I think he did get some music Came back the OG when I think was just like the guy the rappers from the show put out like they did their their rock A fellow like here's our money here's our show thing That boy like crotes and mandem or is it like the Toronto people? No, it's British, but I guess they probably have a lot of the same slang It's kind of a Caribbean influence. Yes Yeah, yeah, it's important. Yeah, it's important to Holtz-Benz. You need to hold space. You know, they don't weekend. I watched uh interviews in the green room the actor actor with actor whatever it's called It's nothing is actor on actor with uh just every actor they do like just like two actors talk to each other Oh, okay, I'm trying to get I'm trying to learn how to do that kind of talking inside the actor studio So I'm inside the actor studio. There's another one. I think uh fuck I figure what magazine does it or whatever I've seen a couple of those actor and actors someone with Robert Pattinson and Jennifer Lawrence. Did you? Yeah, I don't know how new they are. I saw the rock and uh Brendan Frazier. That's good stuff. It's really good stuff. I also like the way actors talk to each other They're very much like it was May they'll just use words. It's not like epic, but it's always very much like yeah, it's just the funniest way I don't know. I've never seen anyone else talk like that to each other We're like I mean, it just might it might be the most iconic. I would say it's the most iconic charge a very charged Scene like thank you. Yes. Thank you for saying But it's every I watched a bunch of different ones and it's just nothing but that yeah, I know exactly I can't replicate it, but I was trying to learn how to replicate it But I keep forgetting I did learn the word reportage Reportage is a word apparently about like reporting I think so I watched the media roundtable with shouts and uh How was that? I saw a clip. It was cool. It was I the clip was funny that I saw you watch the whole thing It's just the whole thing was like, you know Why don't people trust the media and then he was just watching these kind of media people Try to gaslight everyone to be like we are good reporters and you should trust us and you're like All right, but piggy I did hear the word reportage. I heard the word reportage Ben Shapiro hit something like there's a lot of good reportage I was like bro. That's the craziest word. Yeah, I think it's just reporting, but you say reportage But if that was crazy, it was like very much like the coverage on uh cardees Pie there's good reportage The reportage was nice. It was in the herald I was in the austin herald I caught one of it over my morning coffee. I went He's like you don't say but babies dude There there was there was one line from that roundtable that cracked me up But they were like talking about like how getting news through our phone and being addicted to our phones Well, at one point someone was like maybe things going viral is making us sick Fuck man That fucking blows dude. It was it was a big I was just jumping across from like I forget which one they need a Ellie slap But it was a belly slap for that it was just intellectual YouTube and it was making me laugh so hard just watching people because eventually It's like some of that stuff sounds good, but then like you lose the thread after a while then outside like nobody knows What I was talking about like hold on let's let's let's try to reel that in so we can really get granular in this and it's just It's really funny and I don't think they really resolved much at all That was the one thing they never fucking do. No, but watch all these I will smooth the thing that kills me is like The Kimmel thing is like well, you know We're living in a fascist dictatorship that was taking Kimmel's job away for free speech We're like yeah, obviously don't take Kimmel's job away But if just one of those like New York Times journalist can be like Well, that kind of does remind us when we were being gigantic Cockroaches doing seven fucking years. Yeah taking jobs from people because of things they said you never hear them once Yeah, be like yeah, we were kind of on that bullshit for a while That's all you got to do and be like okay cool. We're back normal. Yeah, it would be nice again if one side just wasn't a hypocrite once Exactly T dog needs to do Why would you do that? That was one that like he's done stuff before that where I'm like, ah, you can't really that one sucks This one was like dude this sucks so bad Especially in the year one a K especially a K You can't do exactly what you were mad that they were doing For real, I was just thinking it'd be like if Obama tweeted after Charlie Kirk died Well fucking good ridden I know people we're what we're like we need to let go of their beefs We'll need to let go of their beefs man. Yeah can't be out here the only long-term beef that I hold down is 50 second can continue beefing with whoever wants because it's pretty and it is pretty fun watching his Documentary although here's the thing though if this is a massive commercial success Who's next because he's one of he's gonna want to strike twice because the Shannon Sharp documentary obviously we've seen the tea might be the new oil We don't have to drill for oil. We just need the tea right now exactly right I think the tea the Shannon Sharp documentary. I mean that his stock flew up when he was talking about tea Well, no he brought cat on Caspill the tea That was a that was like a 24 million dollar ordeal. Yeah, there's only people going 50 you have any more tea There's gonna be some there's gonna be some prospector some prospectors running on Harlem way going some tea There is tea some tea around heaven. Yeah, you're right Harlem way. There is a lot of tea up there. That's that's tea country That is or BK even in BK. Yeah, some good tea and get some tea going the bully down book down there could be some tea that way But that's a major dude. That's like you know that thing's gonna be number one So yeah, we gotta go ahead get some tea Sean. We need you to get some tea when I hear any rumblings. Yeah, you guys have an evergiveness any fucking tea I'm trying to fucking survive out here. Give our podcast is we're falling We're failing right now because we don't ever spill any good tea I haven't have any need to openly gossip about our peers Sorry, yeah, you have no tea no tea over you nothing scandalous nothing scandalous at all and all some comedy scene You broke the story about my boat babies. That's kind of a big one that that's yeah, that's gonna hit the web True that could rocket us back up. You could be covering that yeah, we need pick do you have any pictures? No, no, we didn't get a song I haven't been to the TMZ people gonna be gossiping around the cubicle I mean the guy with this big ass coffee is going to see what came out of Austin this week Yeah, I think he's gonna have some blood babies Yeah, fuck them Fuck them dude. How dare they talk about our butt babies live on Just to reach you now I've reached out from TMZ to follow up on this butt baby story Some rumblings about the butt baby being born at a water park in Texas Your flaccid penis went up your ass then you flipped over onto your belly and smacked it in further is this true You must've been slightly hard to get through all that hair You got a nut a button I've heard this is the tea on John I heard his head gets hard first. Oh, yes, the head gets rich It works its way down He's got jelly on the bottom The old bowling pin straight to his own butt at the water park trying to show off for the kids you go Hey, everyone watch this slide The bowling pin Keystick Nate what do you think about that? I got no comment. I got no comment. You ever hurt yourself on a one side? This is good by guessing no comment. Thank you. Thank you. I'm your first balls butt baby. I can't we're doing all the heavy lifting It's just because the water park in cloudy out. We're all sleepy come on man. I can't talk butts though It's a gloomy day. We should all be cuddled up watching a movie. Yeah, why can't you talk butt stuff I'm not even talking about I can't talk butt stuff What did why that's drastic butts? People are going to think you're aligned with ditty bro if you go yeah, we can talk Busta. No, I can't talk butts. Yes, we can Well Somebody in this group got fingered recently in their butt by a guy hold up Yeah, you had a fucking probably a hemorrhoid and freaked out went to the urgent can just got fingered in the summer So much blood Sky you know his name. I don't remember his name. What do you look like? What do you look like? I didn't want it? Huh? What do you look like? Just a man, did you get a finger that a urgent care? Yes 200 bucks 200 He made his girlfriend leave the room. He said honey. You can't see this I would have her hold my hand bro. That's crazy. You got to touch girl if someone's gonna be but you got to touch a girl That was our first time her in the doctor's office with me like that was the first time I got here What they're for dude there for fucking stand there right here You're like that You're never gonna beat the allegations you paid 200 bucks to get Too much Dude why would you ever get finger to an urgent care? What are they even determined by fingering your butt nothing? He said I was all right. He said my boss and I was like look and check the oil He's like he's like less he's like we got it just cuz you you blood a lot out of you but you seem fine, but you know Period who went to the doctor any fingers It was my first period. I didn't know The game of I writer Old doctor he came from his butt finger. I have my parents like the four days and I was like this is too long. This is a problem How did he I guess he lubed himself up? Up he lubed up I heard the glow and then he came and met me at the bar He was on my birthday. It was a nice celebration. Then he came to the bar with I did not Fresh in his butt. I did not have Blue in the same outfit you were in the same outfit you were earlier that day We did not shower you did not shower but I washed up I Washed up I didn't have I washed up. I hit the hot spots. I hit my balls. I hit my ass. I hit my him on dog I'm the shower for that Cuz we were going to meet you Then we had to leave early to go do spots I was maximizing my time with my friend. I'm sorry. I just got the Lou about your butt I'm gonna slap my butt So you hit it. It's a standard drill the doctor said yeah, the standard drill the doctor threw a towel on you Said clean yourself up. You bathed like a hooker like a gas station bathroom I paid him a cash just washed your ass in the sink Oh man, then you came in through darts with us. She had off the shank his birthday like what's up on how we do You still have Lou been your butt. I told you I was like here. I'm talk talk talk. Tell my friend in confidence Second I did it. I was like Yeah I was the whole time y'all coming as short about his butt baby. I'll see here quite I forgot entirely I knew you forgot about it. I was like thank god. Thank God I remembered he all went for me and I was like I can't You could have jumped in I would have never known why you're being so bashful But then I could have triggered Sean to turn on me. He would have had that. Yeah true You think I got a butt baby you would never you lie dude you're a nasty little fuck We got some brown liquor out here you fucking Bill the beans immediately Oh you told the crowd at the noxious he got fingers Yeah, nobody likes you know choice. Yeah, I tried to do a set about it that night. It was probably the worst set out of it Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll keep going. That's so funny Gotta talk about it forever. You should open and close with it every time I Every brand around it after after we were all up at the knock. Let's talk about about what up to do my set I was like I just need to know that y'all aren't thinking about me with a finger my answer to somebody what well I wasn't How many seconds were you talking had to be like three, but it felt like 20 Three seconds no way. I think it was like five I think it was like five Checked check your butt walls Yeah, what was it you just checking for a hammer. I clearly have a fucking hammer. I'd be like any kind of mass He was like we just got to check for his we say we said we got you a mask and he was and then he was like if he keeps bleeding bro We'll get you to a serious question. Did it jump a little? No, that's a good question. He didn't move at all dude I went and got a massage recently and when I had my thunder clap headache bringing it was like just go get a massage because it's like a Up he was real tense. So I went First of all she's trying to talk me into like she really try a mouth therapist. I was like no He's not doing it. She was therapist. We're like a massage. Oh, oh No, no, no, no, that'd be sick actually. Yeah, you'd be like Tony's prana. I was fucking doing deadlifts and I fucking do it No, I got a so I went and I was like no, I'm telling you like You should just try why are you so worried about it? And I was like Brittany if I get a male massage person and I even start to get hard I have to leave the whole family. I'm gonna come to home to that guys. I'm gay now. Yeah, I took the test turns out I'm actually gay and I'm leaving this family. I move up Harlem way You gotta spill a tea you gotta go up there and spill a tea Nate you're gonna have to join bad boy Dr. Ditty I got did he got did he know your birth the half of you did get did he on my birthday. Yeah, maybe I set that up Nate dog Marshall I know we got the good nickname for him Uh, he might just be butter now. Dude, you are the butter man The man with that little biscuit I think the doctor used butter as a loo buttered it He got the peanut butter levy buttered it's better than not buttered it ain't go he go right Flexing penis while you're talking God you see that's crazy. I mean buttered better than not buttered I wish I'd down too many toppings right now We're done we got an hour. It's a good hour. That was a great hour. That's one of our better ones I was really that's a rainy day masterpiece. I mean, it's just a rainy day sure there's nothing we can do about it All you can do during a rainy day is either Cuddle up with a good book or you can sit around with your buddies and call two guys butt boys Nate, what were your thoughts when you got when it happened? I mean, it was obviously funny that it was about to happen like as soon as I knew that I was like all right This is about to happen to me. It was hilarious especially like I've possessed the online for a good couple months now, and it's like I can't I think I got again I've talked about before I got my balls sonogram. Yeah, and that's By guy. Yeah, I'll never forget he's one of the Steelers Cap Steelers cap so nice with the Steelers cap Put in jelly on my nuts warm, too, wasn't it wasn't very warm. Oh, it's jelly. Yeah, it's good on him Yeah, you want to shrink everything and it works Doctor Sizzle what it usually looks like yeah, you can't be giving them the warm jelly that was laughing during that you said He was no he wasn't laughing. He did not think it was funny. Yeah, but if I got blood figured out laughs your letter laugh. Did you hold your breath? I don't know The child always breath with the air escaped and Did you so your babe really left the room? I made her leave. I didn't she would have had to be looking like she I can't have her have staring down the barrel like yes When she left and it was just you and the doctor and then his fingers in your butt. You should have one she hits me They're allowed to open up to the doctor Tom about that. I did he He did ask he did ask if I like before him He was like could the bleed and be from you know like he was like bus stuff and then I just looked at her and went to an urgent care They're not using the best terminal But he said bus stop he said bus stop we're gonna see him come back to that urgent care Your dry passage. Give me like a trench coat and blind guy glasses walking out like a massage party. Yeah Now the 200 bucks down the drain could go broke and urgent care So he asked you would you respond to your wife and said ask her I'd said yes I just say yes because I thought it'd be funny to just come out like it's like I'm gay in front of my lady in the darkness Then I was like obviously no I have it, but what he said he like he laughed. How did he bend you over? Did you stand and lean over the table? Hold it up. I stood up straight flexed No really Yeah, no now don't all fours on the table. No, no you don't get all fours. I don't know what you do I'm just early y'all y'all are gonna get there. I have a reminder of the good of going to ask me to be crazy If I just say elbows on the head to put my elbows chin on your face He instructed you right he said put your elbows on the table and bend over That is a hundred percent He's like you got to put your elbows on the table and he just say bend over but he's like you got to put your elbows on the And then that was you know damn That's all right. I found that I wasn't dying. That's good. I could be died. I could be I could be probably never felt more alive. Honestly Just kind of liberating Yes, I get in the bar first words first words out of his mouth. He was so excited to tell me no I read when he walks in the bar. He was like oh my god. I gotta tell you what happened to me today It took about I had the wildest experience I held it to for like 10 minutes, but it was all I was thinking about like I couldn't I mean the beat's been spilled That's also that is a great birthday gift though Yeah, that's a fantastic birthday gift Yeah, I'm turning 40 January. I'm Well, I'm bitch a matter of time I'm getting fingered. Yeah Whole squad is getting fingered Yeah, I might have to go early on that. Yeah, because this is been out of control I Wonder why they just took spill the beans and made it spill the tea And why why is that acceptable? It's beans dude. It is the beans. It's beans, but I think there was all that like Trinking tea when like something. Yeah, it's still eating beans. True That's why the spill the beans you go what The beans fall off your spoon and you spilled the beans. I think you're completely right. You spilled the beans go Hold on now. Yeah, fuck I spilled my beans But tell me about your fingering I gotta get some beans I peeped your pantry the other day. You got some beans. I gotta I'm gonna make those beans when you leave That'd be nice. Yeah Keep that keeps the butt doctor away by the way. Oh, it's a whole fucking bunch of beans from I might fucking scare shit on the doctor just eat a ton of beans and Go Just let like a one foot around He's gonna clog it though. He's gonna go no no no. He's like cut it Okay, the sawmill hit the buzz saw All right, this is maybe one far worse Just talking about pooping pots Oh no Oh, fuck oh Join us for the patreon we're actually where we're gonna get serious. Yeah, true It's time to talk politics On the patreon it's time to give you the real deal Me and Matt both know exactly what's going on in the world will give you our takes And you got a finger watch new episodes of mat and shame secret podcast on Spotify do it At Betweik casino stake 20 pounds and get 150 free spins for new customers 18 plus Tisnesy's apply bet the responsible way gamble aware dot all Emers yourself in herbal essences new Moroccan organ oil elixir infused with pure organ oil Just one drop Delivers up to 100 hours of hair nourishment with the indulgence scent of a Moroccan garden herbal essences new Moroccan organ oil elixir spark-quality hair repair without the price tag try it now Suffers repaired a smoothness nourishment with regimen use versus non-conditioning shampoo