I Caught My Assistant SABOTAGING My Career For Months Trying To Get Me Fired | r/AITA Reddit

Join us this year at ABBA Voyage. The spectacular concert like no other. Sing and dance to some of the band's most popular hits at London's ABBA Arena. New dates now on sale. Book your tickets at ABBAvoyage.com Fly with the fry. Chicken is here. The 20 hot wings bucket. 20 succulent hot wings for $7.99. Come under our wings and feel the flavour, Saviour. Sensation awaits. Get the deal. Believe in chicken. Available until the 19th of April. Subject to availability. Participating restaurants only. Excludes delivery. Full season sees at koc.co.uk Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Nubmuffin from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. And it says, I'm I the arsehole for ratting out my assistant slash colleague and getting a fire to save my own job. I know how it sounds, but please read before you judge. I've 30 male worked in my current employer for three years. Last year, I received a promotion to project manager. In the beginning, everything went well, but in the last month, I've been getting more and more negative feedback. I did not understand what was going on or why people were becoming so negative about me. I was losing clients and several colleagues were really upset with me. I was at a loss. I started talking to my manager in my department head about following courses, getting monthly feedback to perform better. I just wanted to live up to the promotion I received. I felt like I was failing. Then a friend slash colleague, 27 female of mine came to me angry and demanded that I apologize for what I said. I was really confused and asked her why she was so upset with me. She explained she received an email where I was basically blaming her for the issues that I was dealing with. This was an email a client forwarded her. I was at a loss and explained I never sent out an email like that and if she could show me. She did and it had my name, my send address and everything seemed like it was from me, but I never sent it. Then it clicked with me. My assistant, 39 female, has access to my email and has the ability to send as me. She's also the only one that has these rights. I was flabbergasted and so much started to make sense. She was next in line for my job and did not receive the promotion I did. I checked all the sent mail on her PC while she was out for lunch and saw dozens of emails sent as if it was me. An email still open on her screen, showed my email address and a written message to clients with misinformation, passive aggressiveness and straight up lies. These were sent out under my name. I made screenshots and sent them to myself. Then went to my manager and the head of the department. They were pissed. She was fired the same day. I was relieved and all my colleagues were informed. I thought I was completely in the right here, but some people at work are complaining that I violated company policy for snooping on her PC and violating her privacy. My boss and direct colleagues have my back, but the people that knew her, she has worked there since 2011 and I've only been there since 2018. Say I went too far. Apparently she's a single mother with two kids and needed this job. I also need this job and she was more than willing to sacrifice me for her benefit. I don't see how I could have been in the wrong for defending myself. Maybe I'm just too close to the situation to see it. Did I go too far by going on her PC? Absolutely not the asshole in my opinion in this situation. I was kind of wondering how you didn't notice sooner because even if she was using your email to send these, people would have been replying to your email therefore you would have seen them unless she was getting to them and deleting them somehow or some other kind of strange shit that was going on. But you were right. She tried to destroy your career by impersonating you in emails. Are we even getting into some sort of legal threshold with this kind of stuff? I mean, I don't know the ins and outs. I just popped into my head so I said it. But she was sending false information to clients under your name, damaging business relationships and then watching you suffer while you was fucking confused about what was going on. You know, and I think the violation of privacy argument here is just bull in this context because you needed to investigate what was going on. You weren't snooping for gossip. You were just trying to figure out who was impersonating you in your workplace. And the last bit where it said, you know, she's a single mother who needed a job, the guilt trip. Yeah, it's unfortunate for the kids and I always feel sorry for the kids in these situations. But these were choices that she made. She made these choices. She could have chosen to go for another position. She could have worked on bettering herself in some kind of way. You got the promotion and that was it. But instead she chose to try and sabotage you just because you're a parent. It doesn't give you the right to do that. And I'd be siding anyone who was defending that kind of behavior unless they was told something completely different by her. The commenter asked for info. They said, what is the privacy policy of the company? If it's work equipment owned by the company, I don't think you have an expectation for privacy. Also, she's your assistant and has the ability to send emails as you. Do you have the right to look at anything she's sending on your behalf? That seems like you did just in time. If she has the brass to send out emails full of lies as you, then she has to accept the consequences. Opies is honestly, I wasn't completely aware of what the privacy policy entailed. So I spoke to R.H.R. department. They stayed and I'm paraphrasing here. That in no circumstances are you allowed to go on to someone else's account and use their data. As some have very sensitive data. They said they made an exception for me in this case because one, I was a supervisor and two, she was causing damage to not only me, but to the company as a whole with her behavior. I still got a warning for doing it, just not any real punishment. No Fun Zone says what I don't get. If someone was sending these things under your name, it would have gotten back to you faster. People's responses would have gone into your inbox and I doubt your assistant would have deleted all of them quick enough for you to not see it. Or people would have messaged you or brought up behavior in meetings. The story does not make sense. If it happened a couple of times, sure, but not believable that this went on for months. Opie says that it went on only for one month. It was sporadic enough for me to miss it as I'm constantly on the road and I cannot check my email. That's why I had an assistant to begin with. It also wasn't constant, but enough for it to be dozens of emails. In course of slightly less than a month, I didn't notice any emails addressed to me and why would I check my sent email for no reason? She knew I was on the road on the time without internet or a connection. Monitoring projects at the sites. Considering the times that the emails were sent, they were always sent when I was away. The only reason she got caught was because her client wasn't happy, I was blaming her colleague. And she let me know and I happened to be at a location due to a last minute cancellation of an appointment. It seems she was very carefully selecting times when I wasn't there to notice what was going on. Opie replied to another commenter saying no, she literally had access to my mail. Not as a delegate. I'm assuming that's what you meant. And she made sure to send emails not only when I was out of the office to monitor project sites. However, I understand where you are coming from. She's an IT engineer herself and managed to quite well hide what she was doing. I described it in another comment, but as stated, always made sure to communicate in this manner when no one but her had access. Considering she was always at the office or worked at home from a VPN, she had all the time in the world to remove any messages without anyone catching on. I went from IT engineer to IT project manager. So I now know where you're coming from in terms of doubt. I just wasn't checking my email as that's what my assistant was supposed to do. This was literally her task and her other duties as an assistant, but you get the point. The best pizza says not the asshole. She was trying to screw over your career through lies and deceptions, new quarter and she received the correct punishment for her actions. Commodore says you didn't get her fired. She did this to herself. Someone would have figured it out eventually. She chose to risk her job and endanger the business with a deceitful behavior. Losing her position is a natural consequence of her choices, not the asshole. I hope you're able to continue to repair your reputation for the damage she caused. Make me pretty says not the asshole. She got what she deserved. Who cares she worked there longer and is a single mother of two. If she so needs the job, then she should have taken into account possible scenarios her actions would lead to. This was one of them. Why should people pity someone for the situations they themselves put themselves into? So then OP came in with a couple of little updates and says they just let me know they're holding a meeting to clarify what exactly happened. They were catching on to the people that weren't happy about her being fired and they want to quell any issues before they start taking root. A lot date once again once the meeting is over. It's in one hour and 20 minutes from now. So OP does come in with that update and says meeting took about one and a half hours and after that I was in and out of talks with colleagues and other people. It was properly explained what she was doing and have done to me and the company. The attitude towards me noticeably changed in a positive direction. With a lot of people apologizing to me and explaining they've known her for years were friends and could not imagine she actually did something like this. Honestly, I'm happy it ended this way. HR and my boss really had my back here and preemptively handled to avoid any lingering negativity. Nothing but praise from them. I've requested some time off which was approved and I'll be home for a week starting next week. Her request slash advice they're also going to revise or at least look at the company policy regarding access to other people's emails and other security issues I've noticed. It'll probably be the last update for now. I might make an update post if anything significant happens. Thank you all again. Our next story comes from stock sale 1556 and it says I'm either y'all so for not paying for all of my cousins children's activities just because I'm paying for one. Due to hard work but also a lot of luck my husband and I are fairly well off. Well many of my family members are struggling financially and not going hungry just having to cut corners. I'm an only child but have a very large extended family and I grew up close to many of my cousins. One of my cousin's son has been swimming since he was four and swimming is basically his life. He's 15 and he swims for high school but also has been swimming with a club for many years. His parents have scrimped to make this possible. There is a lot of travel involved and now apparently even his suits technical suits I think they're called are hundreds of dollars and he needs these for the championship meets. Basically it's expensive and they can no longer afford it. His coach is eager to waive the club fees to keep him in swim but he can't cover all the related costs. I've offered to pay for all of Deaton's swim expenses. He is good and he is dedicated. He practices around 16 hours a week getting up at 5am many mornings. He has an excellent chance of getting a scholarship to a D1 school. He's already getting attention from coaches. The problem is he has three siblings who also participate in activities and my cousin is stopping those due to financial concerns as well. And I have several other cousins with whom I'm even closer who are in similar positions. Deaton's parents have graciously accepted my offer but my aunt said that if I'm going to pay for Deaton to keep his sport I need to pay for his sisters to keep dance cheerleading and art as well. Another cousin also says that I shouldn't pay for one of my cousin's child's activities without paying for hers too. I have about 30 cousins. I can't pay for everyone. I could possibly be the asshole because I think it isn't fair. I know these other children enjoy their sports and activities too. I could look like favoritism. I think I'm probably not the asshole because so far the others aren't anywhere near as talented or as serious about the extracurriculars as Deaton is. He will almost definitely lend him a college scholarship. Am I the asshole? The commenter says to OP not the asshole but why did anyone outside of Deaton's parents need to know that you were doing this? Maybe he says ugh because my family has a collective big mouth. Deaton's sisters complain to their grandma who then reached out to me and apparently others as well. And I'm sure the whole family knows by now. I come from a very small town. Another commenter says you're not paying out of favoritism. You're investing in his future. Tell anyone who complains that they are welcome to pay for X to do Y if they want. Your investment in your nephew is probably only going to be for three years. You can support another child with potential then. Not the asshole. OP says this is the way I see it. This is going to help him succeed in the future. Not many of my cousins or their children have been able to attend college and this is his chance. Another commenter says not the asshole. It sounds like you aren't just volunteered to pay for everything for everyone else. OP says I wish but she's in a worse financial shape than my cousin. Another commenter says it's quite reasonable to pay for a talented athlete's training but not others. It's a shame what should have remained private didn't but these things happen. OP says if I thought it over more before making the offer I probably could have handled it better. It just didn't occur to me that others would be hurt. I'm not so much concerned about what the parents think but I don't want the kids thinking I like Deaton more than the others. Another commenter says you're the asshole. You've chosen a golden child and you're creating an incredibly unfair and unequal dynamic amongst the siblings. It might not seem like a big deal to you but I can assure you those other kids will not forget how you've made them feel. Sing and dance to some of the band's most popular hits at London's Aberorina. New dates now on sale. Book your tickets at abervoyage.com Available until the 19th of April. Subject to availability. Participating restaurants only. Excludes delivery. Fullities and seas at koc.co.uk So it was some time later that OP did come in with an update and said here's my first post. Had a talk with Deaton's parents over the weekend and we worked things out. It turns out they could easily afford their daughter's activities without Deaton's expenses. It's just that he recently became qualified to swim in national meets and that the cost was going to become prohibitively expensive. In the past they've been able to drive to all of his meets even if sometimes they had to pay for a hotel. But now it's going to get much more expensive and they just can't afford it. And they thought it would be more fair to just cancel activities for all their children. So I'm going to cover all the swimming expenses and the girls can keep their dancing, cheerleading and art. According to the parents their oldest daughter is a bit nosy and looks through their budget ledger. And put it together how much was being spent on Deaton compared to her and her sisters. She told her sisters and now they all feel that they should get more. Better clothes, phones etc. And the youngest wants an expensive iPad for her art. Basically they think their parents should be spending as much on each of them as they spend on their brother. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But regardless things can be a lot more fair as to how their parents allocate their money for their children. Now that Deaton's women isn't eating up a large chunk of it. To be honest the girls sound just a bit greedy to me. But it may be that their feelings are hurt and that their brother was getting more and they are just children after all. It turns out most of our large extended family that knows about this and has any option at all is in favour of Deaton continuing with swimming at all costs. And some even offered to pitch in what they could to make it happen. That isn't necessary and these people don't have any more than Deaton's parents. So it's not up to them to make it up to Deaton's sisters that more is being spent on him. It's really just grandmother and one of her daughters. The kids aren't. They were troublemakers. The grandma thinks all the kids should be treated the same by their parents. And if anyone other than their parents is going to help any one of them they should all get equal treatment. The aunt has a daughter who has just gone into pageants. And I think this is a lot where this is coming from. They've just started to realise how expensive pageants are and both the grandma and the aunt think that if I'm going to pay for Deaton's swimming I should also pay for Kaelin's pageant expenses. I don't see the same value in buying $500 fancy dresses for a 4 year old as I do in supporting a future college athlete. So I'm not going to do that. And they're angry with me. They have some family members tentatively on their side. I think by sheer coercion. But I can handle that. I come from a huge family and not everyone is going to agree with everyone else all the time. In fact there is never a time when we're all in agreement over anything. LOL. But the important thing is that Deaton gets to keep swimming and his sisters get to keep their activities as well. I imagine this will all blow over eventually. So there were some commenters on the back of this one. Some people are not happy as well. The first one said the girls aren't being greedy. They're hurt. Their parents have been spending more time and money on their brother for years. They knew about the time but seeing the money in stark detail can be upsetting. And just because he's good at 15 doesn't mean he's getting a D1 scholarship. A lot can happen in the intervening years. Injuries, odd growth, loss of interest, etc. It's pretty shitty of you, their parents and the family to rally around a single teenage boy rather than making sure there's even a passing glance at equality. I'm sure sexism plays no part in this. Why aren't you calling a kid who wants to spend thousands on swimsuits and travel while monopolising his parents' time, greedy and selfish? OP says it does sound sort of like the main focus of the family as Deaton and his swimming. But that really isn't the case. The parents spend just as much time with and focus just as much attention on their daughters as they do their son. And they are just as supportive of their interests. It's just that Deaton swimming costs more financially. I don't think the girls come off as slightly greedy to me because they're thinking that if X amount of money is being spent on swimming then they want the same amount spent on them. I don't understand if they thought it should be divided equally but they think they should all get that. And they want things like clothes and makeup which are not important to me so maybe my own values are clouding my judgement. I do think they're just kids who want what they want. My own kids act kind of greedy sometimes. I think it's pretty normal. Comments says, replying, there's the favourites. There's the favourites, important son and the others. It's normal that they treat him that way because clearly everyone agrees that he's more important. What's illogical is thinking that the second class children can't feel hurt, treated as less and on top of that be the bad guys for having feelings in that situation. But anyway, it's not like our opinion matters because in the end those girls don't matter enough. Opie says it isn't like that though. They aren't treated in the slightest like second class children. If anything two of the girls have much stronger personalities than Deaton and the other daughter and these two tend to get mostly attention. Deaton and the other daughter are introverted, inquired and prefer to be out of the limelight. Another comment says, you can spend whatever you want on your nephew. But calling those young girls greedy because they also want to pursue things that they like but can't because the golden child is getting more attention and help is kind of rude. Not the arsehole for spending on your nephew but you're the arsehole for diminishing your niece's feelings. Opie replies saying, but they don't want to pursue things. They want clothes and make up and upgraded cell phones and he's not getting more attention at all and isn't the golden child. If anyone is the golden child it's the second daughter, the one who takes art lessons because she was sick a lot when she was young and tends to get more of the attention still. And the oldest, the cheerleader is very outgoing and personable and also gets a lot of the attention. I do feel a little bad for the youngest. She seems to get less attention just because she's very quiet and doesn't seek it. Deaton is a lot like her personality wise. Comanus says, there is a difference between spending money in an activity that the kid is putting time and dedication to and getting money for makeup and clothes. Dancing and cheerleading can get just as expensive if they're doing it competitively. If they weren't willing to spend as much travelling for cheerleading for one of the girls doing that competitively that would be an issue of inequality. The parents were wrong for considering stopping the other kids activities completely to prioritise swimming but with OP taking the extra burden off they can continue. And maybe one of the kids can put the type of effort into their activities that would make a large monetary investment indeed. OP says, yeah the dancer has one lesson a week and the cheerleader cheers for a high school, not competitively. If either were competing competitively it would be a whole different ball game. If any of the others ever get seriously involved in a sport or activity to the point where they needed more financial support I'd be happy to help. On her niece's dance lessons OP says, she's 9 years old and takes one dance lesson a week. She likes it fine but it's not a passion. When she turns 10 she'd need to move up a class that meets twice a week. And she doesn't want to do that. She says she might try gymnastics instead. Another comanus says, I think there is one more thing the parent should do. They need to have a serious conversation with their son. They need to tell him where the money is coming from. Assure him that the money will be there when it's needed. And that if this results in a college scholarship and if his education results in a well-paying career when he is established she should consider doing the same thing for one of his younger cousins. He needs to understand what's happening here and why. Because his sisters and possibly cousins are going to give him shit. He needs to be able to defend himself and make the decisions with a full understanding of the situation. If you're a sponsor that's actually a wonderful idea. One poster mentioned the possibility that he might decide to quit swimming at some point and we should be prepared for that. Absolutely do not want to put any pressure on him. That he has to stick with swimming and he has to succeed because I'm helping him financially. And he want him to be able to continue doing what makes him happy. And have the support he needs to go as far as he's able to and wants to go. So I like how you stress if and when. If he is ever in a good financial position because he was able to get a scholarship to a good university. It'd be the kind thing to do to help out a younger cousin. Or who knows maybe even a niece or nephew. Opi then goes on to explain more about her cousin's children's commitments to their activities and says the girls don't have to make do with the bottom of the barrel equipment. I never said that. There's nothing their activities require that they don't get and it's not poor quality. Susan doesn't even get every single thing he needs or the top of the line equipment. His coach wanted to get in some timing thing that you put over your ear. That ticks to help you keep on pace. I don't remember what they said it's called. And it was $50 and his parents didn't buy it. He gets the cheapest fins and snorkels and other equipment. All his teammates have swim parkers with their last name and the team logo on them. And he doesn't because they're very expensive. They do buy him good suits because he needs them to be competitive. They put Deaton in swim lessons at four because they're at the pool once when the swim team was practicing when he was two. And he just about lost his mind with excitement watching them. He kept on talking about it and never forgot. And when they taught him to swim when he was three, he really took to it. So when he was four and they thought he could handle instruction, they enrolled him in swim and the rest is history. The girls had every bit as much of an opportunity as Deaton. They just never took an interest in anything until they were older. And even then it's not a very strong interest. Their mom enrolled his older sister in dance when they signed Deaton up for swim. And she did that for a year and didn't want to anymore. She also took karate for two years and took gymnastics lessons for a while. And then maybe more I'm forgetting. The others are more or less the same. They've tried things and some have lasted longer than others. They've never become invested in any of them. It's not due to lack of parental support or encouragement. They just lost interest. Most kids don't start a sport at four and participate all through elementary, middle and high school. And then get scholarships to play in college. The girls are the norm, not the exception. Commodore says, This is a lie to cover up their prior rude request. He would take in the financial problem of swimming off the table until now they get more of their parents' financial focus. Let the grandmother pay for all their grandchildren if she wants them all to get extra. Opie says, She had pictures on her phone that she shared with her grandmother. I don't think my cousin would have been upset about it if she hadn't shared their personal finances with his mother. Her grandmother is a very kind and caring lady, but she's also a bit of a busybody and she's bad about using her grandchildren for info about what their parents are up to. Commodore, Reply, Seeing the child had pics that she shared with her grandmother. Yikes! She must have heard something that had a reason to snoop because that's crazy. Opie says, When their parents set the kids down and told them they couldn't afford the lessons anymore, the 16 year old looked in their budget ledger book. When she saw how much was being spent on swimming, the 13 year old and they both told grandma. Grandma wanted details so Eila took photos of the ledger and sent them. The funny thing is that Eila's only activities are cheerleading and a couple of school clubs, which she was going to keep since they're mostly school funded. And there were some people saying that they can see the kids side in this from, you know, coming across those finances and maybe seeing it is a bit unfair. Other people talking about the aunt's entitlement to Opie's money. And some people saying they can see where they're coming from as an investment in Deaton, but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved truly. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Music Seconds. That's the difference between life and death. I've seen it firsthand. I'm Javid Abdu Minem, a doctor with MedSense En Frontier. As conflicts continue to spread across the world, it's crucial we connect fast. As an MSF doctor, I may need to stop life threatening bleeding, treat gunshot wounds, or care for blast victims all in a matter of seconds. That's why at MedSense En Frontier we don't waste any time. We're working in more conflict zones than you may be aware of, giving everything to give people a chance. Just 30 pounds will keep our life saving work going. Please help us save more lives. Because with trauma care, every second counts. You can buy us vital time. Please give just 30 pounds. Search MSF doctor or call 0800 0557979. That's 0800 0557979. Thank you. Join us this year at ABBA Voyage. The spectacular concert like no other. Sing and dance to some of the band's most popular hits at London's ABBA Arena. New dates now on sale. Book your tickets at abba voyage.com. The first thing you'll find is a free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free free