My girlfriend wanted me to take my DECEASED wife's pictures off of the wall! | Reddit Stories | EP2664

Hey, this is Angie. And this is Dakota, your favorite OK story time hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two minute break from the sponsors that keep this show running. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. My girlfriend wanted me to take my deceased wife's pictures off the wall. That's kind of a bad vibe I'm picking up. Back story is I, now 35 male, married my wife when I was 24 years old. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer when I was 29 and she was 31. And it was a life changing experience for me. About six months before that diagnosis, we were considering divorce. But after she was diagnosed, things took a rapid 180. We forgot all about the divorce. We tried to enjoy each other's company. And the more and more sick she got, the more and more I did for her. By the way, this comes from jealous girlfriend's boyfriend. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK story time subreddit. I'm Angie. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give you good advice and as goofy way as possible. Yeah, but this story sounds really, my heartstrings are being played. It's gonna be a tough one. But we don't have all the answers though. So if you do, let us know in the comments. Yeah, please. Fiddle piece says, some things I did were things that I never thought I could do. Like changing her bedpan and dirty sheets and keeping her at home for her to pass here peacefully. This is a movie plot. This is a movie plot. And it's a very sad movie. Get your tissues ready. It is sad, but kind of happy, but sad. It changed me as a human being. And as much as I hate the experience, I know that it turned me into a better person. I have become much more kind and patient since all of these things happened. I stopped being completely shallow. And if I am being perfectly honest, even my views on women changed because I wasn't a good man back then and was emotionally very immature and selfish. I still am not perfect, but I do believe I treat people better than I ever did before. And I don't know why it took something that drastic to make me become a better person, but it did. I feel like all of the people who needed drastic things to happen to them to become better people also don't know why they needed that. But it seems like they do need it. Right. It's like you only really know in hindsight for that kind of stuff. Everything after she passed was a blur. And I suffered miserably remembering some of the awful things that I did and said to her. It was a typical grief process, which I managed to find my way through. Even if I do still have some regrets, and I do think about her a lot. So skipping forward to about nine months ago, a lady, 32 female I used to work with started helping me with my son for a few hours a week. You have a son too. Oh, oh man. My heart, my heart. She needed some extra money and knew I was a single dad. And she knew what happened with my wife because we worked together while all of these things happened. I think she had intended to pursue me very soon afterwards. And I wasn't totally reluctant because I did start to develop feelings for her too. And we eased into a relationship which was very comfortable for me. I've been nicer to her than I ever was with my wife. And a few months after she started helping me with my son, we decided we'd like to be more than just friends. I was completely okay with this, but was always really honest about my feelings for my wife and the fact that I don't think I'll ever want to remove her from my life or my son's life. We moved in together about a month ago and she moved into my house. This house that my wife and I shared long before she ever came into the picture. My girlfriend has been wonderful to my son and she has been patient with me too. She's the first woman I've slept with since my wife passed away and the first woman I've wanted to be in a relationship with. And as a single father, I don't really have the energy or desire to date around. She's truly the only woman who has interested me enough to want to be in a relationship with her. But that sounds like we don't know though, because you just said, I don't even have the energy to date around. Right, right. And it sounds like you might have found yourself a woman who just wants to replace everything about your previous life with her. It appears that way, at least from the title. A few days ago, I came home and the pictures of my wife that were on the mantle were not on it anymore. And I asked her why she took them down. She said she brought some new art that she wanted to put there. And I told her it wasn't okay. She got really upset with me and told me that I needed to get out of this funk and that it's been so long. And since I was planning on divorcing my wife anyway, it isn't like there was anything to grasp onto anymore. Hello. Ooh, I don't know if I'm coming back from that conversation, chief. Oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Oh, brother. That's something that you can't really just like move on from. Yeah, I gotta sit on my hands after that, for sure. I gotta sit on my hands. I gotta roll up into a ball and sit on my hands. Yeah, yeah. So you gotta get out of here. Maybe I'm a cannonball right now. You gotta get out of here. Kapoo, you really can't. Then she said it bothered her that she moved into my house and that I won't let her decorate or change it around at all. And that's not really true. I just haven't gotten around to thinking about completely changing my house around for her. I don't know what advice I'm seeking. I guess I just wanna know if it's really that inappropriate to have pictures of my wife up when I have a new girlfriend. This is a first for me and I haven't lived with anyone else or known how it works. The pictures are all over the house in the living room. There are some on the refrigerator. There's one in the dining room from our wedding day. My son has them in his room and I had some in my room, but I put them away in a drawer after that because I can understand how it might be strange for her to have a spicy sleep in front of those pictures. I don't wanna use my son as an excuse for holding on to my wife, but I do think that we should keep the pictures up for him too and she understands that, but it says that we could just keep them in his room. Ah, this is tough. I don't think so. I don't think so either. Yeah. But I also do think there does come a time where you probably should start moving those into like the box where you then open up the box and you go, oh, it's my wife box. Ah, I can see that. But I don't think you're there yet. You all aren't getting married or anything, so I don't think it's the time for her to be like, like, right, right. Yeah, I think for the son for sure, because we don't really know exactly how old the son is, but I mean, young enough, whatever it is, it's young enough to at least be able to have pictures of your wife around the house. Because I feel like if you say that you can only keep those pictures in his room a few months them up, then it's kind of like, I don't know, I feel like that would be almost isolating for the kid to feel like maybe I need to kind of keep my grief to myself too. Yeah, who knows what it could do. It could also make the kid think like, oh, my dad never liked my mom because he took all the pictures down. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't even know why they were getting divorced. Maybe they were getting divorced because he did something terrible. Like he said he wasn't a good partner. Yeah, true, that's true. Who knows? But I don't know if this relationship for me would ever bounce back from that comment about like, you were getting divorced anyway, so there's nothing to hold onto. I'd be like, wow, you need to get out of my house. I don't understand anything at all. That's insane. I'm not sure if I'm out of line telling her no effing way will I take the pictures down because there will always be a part of me that loves my wife. I didn't word it like that to her, but it feels like a silly thing to argue over it and I don't want to continue arguing over it. I'm not trying to be insensitive to her feelings, but I think she's taking it too far by taking them down herself. And we do have an update from the next day. 100% she is to going too far, taking it down herself. Yeah, without even asking you about it. Especially because she also already knows, you've already had the conversation of like, yeah, this is my wife's house and I love my wife and I'm not just gonna put it all in a box somewhere right now. You told her that already. Exactly, exactly. Maybe you should start putting different pictures up. Like, but not of like your wife or of just start putting pictures of like, like Mr. Rogers. Oh, okay. And then what? I don't know. Just like see what she thinks. Just throwing her off, you know? Just to add something in there. Yeah, put up a bunch of pictures of like children, iconic children's TV hosts. Sure. And then she'll be like, well, we need to take these down. And then you go, that's right, babe. You got it. You can take those off the wall. Okay, right, right. And then you put back the pictures of the wife. And then like, it doesn't seem so bad now, huh? Now she's had the control to take off the pictures of Mr. Rogers. I had a 15 foot by 12 foot mural of Mr. Rogers up. Oh. You took that one down. That was a big move. Yeah, that's totally a big move. Big move to have it there in the first place. Just something to think about. Yes. But we do have an update from the next day. I'm going to try and keep this short. Last night really didn't go well at all for any parties involved. You didn't use the Mr. Rogers pictures. Come on. My girlfriend got back and was very hostile towards me after I asked her countless times what she did with the pictures. She interrogated me as to why I have the pictures in the first place and accused me of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, So she's taken them down and hidden them from you. Yeah, he doesn't even know where they are. And she's all, oh, why do you even want those in the first place? Wow, yeah, I am very calmly being like, you can get whatever you want, where are they? I'll put them in the safe, just, you know, and then you can have whatever you want. And as soon as I have them back, you are locked out of the house, girly. Done, done. And if she doesn't do that, like honestly, I feel like you would need to just be like, okay, well, I'm gonna call the cops because you're stealing from me. Yeah. If it gets down to it, there's, I feel like there's nothing else that could get it back. If this doesn't work. We need police intervention. Literally, which is crazy, crazy. I've always been extremely honest about my feelings towards my wife and the fact that she will never leave my life. That when I married her, I vowed to love her forever, including in passing, and she needs to accept it or get out. I offered to buy her a hotel room for the night because I needed time to myself, which she flipped out about and then said that she was going to her friend's house. She texted me throughout the night, telling me about what an awful human being I am. So after she went to her friend's house, I invited over my sister's wife, who I haven't talked to too much lately because my girlfriend has been jealous of her in the past, and I didn't wanna cause issues, so I backed off. Okay, so your girlfriend has been jealous of your sister's wife. She could be bi, but what if she's not? I mean, honestly, dog, I remember you said earlier that you're like, this is the only person I found myself interested in, and I don't have the energy to date anyone else. I think you'd have a lot more energy if you didn't date a giant red flag. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Like, is the reason we didn't have much interest or only a little bit of interest, just because she was like, nah, you know what? Totally forgot where I was going with that. You know what, it was the kid. He saw, yeah, it was her helping him with his kid and him seeing her with his kid that made him go, oh, maybe this could work. I bet you that's what it was. Dang, yeah, that sucks. Yeah, but it turns out this girl's not easy to date. She is toxic. Called Britney Spears, cause this girl's toxic. She needs to get back in that music video. Yep. My wife's sister is very special to both my son and I. There has never been anything romantic between us, and we've been platonic friends for a long time. And if anything, I view her as my own sister. When I was married, we didn't like each other at all because she was my wife's best friend and they talked about everything, including our marital issues. After my wife passed away, however, she and I became best friends and I have no shame in this. She is a great role model to my son. My son loves her and in ways, it's like the two of them combined are this piece of my wife that I miss so much. Oh, so sad. But beautiful. She looks a lot like my wife, so yes, she is very beautiful, which I think is part of why my girlfriend became jealous and part of why I understood why she didn't want us to have a close relationship. So I listened to her and I still talked to her enough just to keep her in my son's life, but we stopped watching movies together or getting dinner or playing video games or doing any of the things that friends usually do together. So when she came over, we decided to have a bottle of wine, turn on a movie and basically do what we always did in the past. We talked about my wife and what she'd be like now and what she'd think of all the cell phone cameras since my wife loved photography, what she'd think of my girlfriend had we gone through the divorce and she was alive and what kind of mother she'd be to our son and what she'd think about his interest in robotics. That's so sweet and you have to give that up because your girlfriend thinks that you're gonna boink your sister's wife. That's insane. It's just a really absurd level of like, I mean, has that happened before? Sure, but like just the blanket insecurity I'm getting from your girlfriend is insane. Yeah, and I'm wondering too, if there's context that we're missing on like, why OP said he was not a great guy, like did he cheat on his wife maybe? Yeah, we are missing the context, but he has been very clear like, I was not a great guy until she got sick and then I really 180'd. Right, so like, even if there was some sort of context of like, well, you've cheated on your partner before, now I'm worried that you would do it to me, I still like, this would not be the, you gotta control your thoughts at that point when it's like, okay, yeah, but he has this different and complicated relationship with this woman and it's not romantic at all. Like you gotta take a step back and understand that. I mean, even with the sister, the sister's one thing, but it's like, you're never gonna erase like what he felt about his wife. His wife is passed away, his wife's gone. So it's like, you're never gonna be able to like, you know, win against his wife. Cause it's, you know, he's always gonna have that. Even if you take away every picture, like he's still gonna be like, yeah, I remember I love my wife and I miss her. So if you can't deal with that, it's you can't be in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We talked about giving him one of her old cameras. Then inevitably we talked about my girlfriend and she did bring up a lot of great points that I was truly just blinded to. We came to the conclusion together that my girlfriend was being manipulative with the tactics that she used to move in with me, that hiding the pictures should always be a deal breaker and that her isolating me from my wife's family may have been emotional abuse. Just a lot of things I hadn't really considered before. My now ex-girlfriend, hey, okay. Hey. Hello. Came home around five in the morning. My wife's sister slept in my son's room with him, where she always sleeps because we had been drinking the night before and it wouldn't be appropriate for her to drive. So my girlfriend literally flips the F out about my wife's sister's car being out front. Also just fun that this person is so uptight about this, they would definitely cheat on you. Oh yeah. This is the girl who would also cheat on you in a heartbeat. Totally. Yeah, totally. And then like cry and wail that it's like a misunderstanding and you don't. No, no, it's not what it looks like. Right, but then if you actually cheat on her, then it's like a big problem. Yeah. She started telling my wife's sister that she's a salute and that she knew I'd be cheating on her the second she walked out the door. I know it looks bad, but for F's sake, my wife's sister is practically a sister to me and is also my son's aunt. And I'm not completely unethical. To me, it would be no different than having my own sister spend the night. And at this point, I was considering breaking up with her anyway, so it didn't really matter to me what she thought of the situation. Finally, my wife's sister went off on my girlfriend and my girlfriend got crazy and told me that I need to choose right now between my wife's sister and her. Just as I hypersonically, I choose my wife's sister over you. Yeah, what? Before you even finish your sentence, I'm like, bye. Yeah, her, sorry, not sorry. Just, her, it's her. It's her. It's her. Oh my God, it's her. It's her every time. God. Oh. I told her that I wasn't playing the ultimatum game and told her that I wasn't choosing my wife's sister, but I was booting her out and not keeping her in my life. My girlfriend went out to the patio and played with her phone. What? What? That's not okay. That's fine, I guess we're doing that. Yeah. I'll send you an eight ball pool. Right. My sister-in-law left and took my son with her to get him somewhere safer. I went outside to tell her I'd be giving her cash and buying her a moving truck to get her to wherever she needs to go, but she's not welcome in my house. She got really upset with me. Some things I've learned and bear with me because I know it's hard to relate to or understand unless you yourself are actually a widow. One, I am in fact ready to date once I'm past this ordeal. It has been five years and I am ready for that. And I think my son is as well, even if I take it way slower next time and don't start inviting women to live with me. Oh no. I mean, do definitely, even if you should, 100,000% you should take it slow. Yes. It should not be an even if it should be a, and I will take it slow. Right, right. This is, you simply must. I do believe I might be able to find a nice woman who accepts my wife's role in both mine and my son's lives based on the responses in the previous thread from other women. Two, my sister-in-law believes I'm prone to just put up with more from people because of what I went through with my wife and being fearful of losing people or reliving that nightmare. But yeah, I agree with that. I think that's super possible that he's just kind of like putting up with things because he's scared of losing someone again. Yeah, 1000%. Yeah. It's almost like the way that we operate is based on the things that we've gone through in our lives. It's no way. I thought we were robots. Oh, that's no, that's what his son is gonna be building. That's true, that is true. Pretty cool. Cool son. Keep a tab on the robots your son is building. You don't want him to build a robot that destroys the world. That is true. I hear that that is a thing. You hear that's out there. You hear that that's happened before. I hear it. People have, there have been whispers in movies and television shows. I see. I see. That's something to look out for. Okay, good to know, good to know. Terminator. Got it, right. Right, right. They have a, there was a Tesla store in my mall near me and there's like a Tesla robot in there and I thought that was crazy. Yeah, they got robots, too many robots. Too many robots. Too many robots going around. Let's let less robots. Less robots. Too many robots too fast, nobody likes that. Yeah. One thing I do like is that you're not dating this woman anymore. Totally, totally get her off your porch. She doesn't need to be playing Candy Crush right now. And you, you know, you've now known, now you know exactly what a giant red flag looks like. Yes. Yeah, that's honestly so important. Like, cause I feel like that's so, it's, you know, so common to people who have been in like harmful relationships where it's like, they just get into something that's not as bad as their one before, but it's still bad. You know, I feel like that's just kind of similar. But like opposite. That makes sense. Like it's like, you just had such a hard time with that one that like any connection now is maybe good for you. Yeah. Like, I mean, this guy's got like the reverse of that in a way. Yeah. Where it's like, he was the reason, like he was the bad element of a relationship. And now he feels like maybe like he should just put up with bad elements because it's like, well, someone put up with me. Right. I should be putting up with stuff from other people. Yeah, maybe. So let's maybe like therapy. A hundred percent. With our values like in check. Let's give you and your son in therapy just to be clear. Yeah. Just to be safe at least. Yeah. Could not hurt. But there is a little bit more to this story. Another thing I've learned. I feel terrible to have put my son through this, but I'm confident about talking to him and explaining why and apologizing to him. He's a smart boy and I don't want to remove people from his life, but it's not okay to let people mistreat you or take advantage of you. I think he will understand that. And I'll be explaining that sometimes people appear very nice, but they aren't actually nice. This woman came into our lives and tried to take the place of his mother. No woman will ever replace his mother. And there is an edit here because a lot of people have asked. No, I didn't get the pictures back. And I don't think I will. Oh my God. Now we go to the cops. Hello. Beaverie. That's insane. My sister-in-law has my wife's dark room equipment and we want to make it a point to set it up and learn how to process some old negatives. And I also have access to all of the negatives from the pictures my now ex-girlfriend took. Well, that's good. I can have them blown up again. And even if they are the originals, I at least will have them. Okay. So we do have the pictures. We can make them again. Yeah. She 100% threw those away, which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. That is insane. Get her out of here. We do have some final comments here. Sredgina says, I think your ex was just an immature, jealous person. If it wasn't the pictures of your deceased wife, it would have been that girl that smiled at you at the grocery store. Exactly. Opie says, oddly enough, my sister-in-law said the exact same thing. She didn't know any of these things were going on or why I wasn't talking to her as much until the last night. And she was really hurt by it, which I feel really bad about. I don't want to sacrifice all of my relationships or the love for my wife that I have and my son has. Maybe there is some balance somewhere. I said previously that I didn't feel like it was a reason to pass away alone if I still love my wife and keep her memory preserved. But now I'm thinking, if it means I have to pass away alone, I'll accept that. I will have my son. And Opie responds to a commenter that in the future, not to have a lot of pictures of his late wife around to overwhelm any future partner. Opie says, she was only in my house for a month. Before that, she never stated that she had any problems with the pictures. If she had actually tried to talk to me instead of going behind my back and taking things down and destroying them, I would have compromised with her. That didn't happen. And excuse me, but there aren't pictures everywhere in my house that contain her face. I had a few on the mantel, some on the refrigerator, my son and wife and a couple of others here and there, like one in the dining room. I took down every picture that was in the office that I gave to my girlfriend. And I also moved all of my wife's belongings out of the sunroom. I also let my girlfriend pick out new bedding for the bedroom since a lot of it was old stuff that my wife picked. I moved every single shred of evidence from my bedroom to the room with my safes and put it all in boxes if it contained any trace of my wife's existence. I left up photographs that she took in China and India that didn't have her in them and were simple landscapes, cityscapes and architectural photographs. It is not as if I didn't consider her feelings at all. Yeah, no, it sounds like you very much considered this and did everything within reason to make it perfectly acceptable for your girlfriend. She's just an enormous red flag. Exactly, exactly. The issue isn't necessarily that she wanted the pictures moved and yes, I would have compromised if she talked to me about it, but the fact is that she didn't talk to me about it. She snuck around my back to do it. More info on getting the pictures back. Lockray Mono says, have you tried approaching her from the angle of, this isn't fair to son's name. Those are pictures of his mother. Opie says, many times, she doesn't care. Her lack of compassion towards my son is what awakened me to what kind of person she actually is. Yeah, there it is. That's exactly right, because you saw her with your son and you went, oh my God, this is great. And then she's like, I don't care about your son. I literally don't care. Keep him in his room, whatever. There you go. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, no. Oh, gotta be breaking up. Sorry Dreams says, do you know any of her friends? Perhaps you can reach out to them and have them reason with her to give the pictures back. You can go to the slash and burn route and ask on Facebook if anyone has any knowledge of what she did with the pictures of your son's deceased mother, because obviously you would be much obliged if they could share that information with you. Tag all of them in it. Opie says, we have some of the same friends that are mostly old coworkers we had when we worked together. I don't plan to stir up any extra drama because I'm already pretty stressed out about this whole thing. Right now, my priority is talking to my son and making sure he's okay. She removed me from her Facebook already and I'm not a very active user. And that's the end of that story? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, those pictures are gone. Yeah. She put those on fire for sure. For sure. I'm glad you have more pictures and I'm glad you have the negatives. Yeah. That's good. So, you know, it's not like this is all you have left of her. Yes. You know. Yes, be warned. Sometimes you think someone is your girlfriend but they're actually a little parasite. Yes. Trying to weasel their way into your home and remove pictures of your previous wife. Watch out for those. They're out there. They're out there. They're out there. And we hear about them on here. She was one of them. I mean, not you, but I just looked at it in the story. In the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just learned about one of them. Yes. And that is the end of that story and we have another one. Sure is. Sure is. Here it comes. Woo! My mother berated my wife for not cooking so I defended her. Good. Defend your wife. I, 27 male, East Asian, have been married to my wife, 27 female, South Asian since 2017. I am not familiar with the intricacies and nuances of that dynamic. Let us know. Let us know if you have any insights. We have a three year old daughter and a six month old son. So my wife can't cook. She can do basic stuff, obviously, but she hates it. It's like a mix of fear and clumsiness. Oh, that's my, I love that movie, fear and clumsiness in Las Vegas. Oh yeah, totally love it so much. So good. And honestly, up until we got married, I didn't cook either. Obviously this was a problem. By the way, this comes from a throwaway, nine, two, eight, three, three, seven, one. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Angie. And we're here to give good advice goofily. We're going to yab about this story. You might have some insights, but we're not experts. We only know what we know. So let us know the things that you know, like the East Asian versus South Asian dynamic. Yeah, let us know in the chat. Let us know in the comments. OP says, we eventually came to a solution. I do the cooking and she washes all the dishes before and after. I'm fine with it. She's fine with it. And we've been functioning well. That's great. That's great. All good things all around all the time. Yeah. My parents and my in-laws came over the other day for dinner and everyone was having a great time. That is until my mother-in-law complimented my cooking skills. My mom was a bit taken aback for some reason and asked me if I cooked quote unquote again. You cooked for the second time in your whole life. What? You must have cooked something truly awful. Yeah. For your mom to be like, your mother-in-law's like, Yeah. Or no, no, it was your mom. Your mom's like, you cooked again. Again? Yeah. After you sent all those people to the hospital, the first time. Right, right. I informed her that I usually cook and she just got even moodier. Oh my gosh. I brushed it off. But then when my in-laws left, I caught my mother scolding my wife. About what you ask? Well, apparently she should be the one cooking, not me. Do you know why? I have a sneaky little theory. What is that? Because she is the wife, the woman. And I'm the husband, the man. My wife stood up for herself and said that we both came to an agreement and we didn't need her input on how we made our food. I involved myself at this point and told my mom that she was being very unreasonable. My mother said she did not get me married to become a servant to my wife and that she was just looking out for me. Who got me married? Oh, last time I checked, I don't know, I like my wife. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm the one that decided to marry her. Maybe it was arranged, maybe. I did agree to the arrangement. Anyway, I just told my mom, get out of here. And she left the house crying as they do. I don't see why this is such a big deal. I don't think I'm the A-hole either, but my mom says I am. My dad is on her side just because she's his wife. Okay, go dad. I guess that is the right move, right? But then it's like, well, I'm just defending my wife. Yeah, I'm literally learning from you how to be a good husband. Dad, he's gonna, he's gonna be like, I get it. Yeah. You gotta defend your wife. That's why I'm defending my wife right now. I don't think she's right. Yeah, exactly. But don't you dare tell her I said that. Right, and then you shake hands and you never speak again. My dad's on her side just because she's his wife. But he says that I wasn't wrong for defending my wife just for swearing at my mom. Ah, okay. I swear she deserved it. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fashion host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. Trends come and go. Your skin barrier doesn't. E45 lotion is effective, science-backed hydration for everyday use. Lightweight, fast absorbing, and trusted to do what your skin needs. No fuss, no compromise. Just soft, smooth, healthy-looking skin every day. Grab your E45 lotion now. My wife is over it and wants to apologize just so we can move on, but I don't think we should, considering we didn't do anything wrong. My friend told me to get some judgment from here, so here I am, Reddit. Am I the A-hole in this situation? And note, yes, we did get married early. No, I don't care if you guys have a problem with that. And there's another edit. So my friend told me that Reddit isn't used to early marriages. So he told me to make a small note. I'm not judging, apparently, most people from my home country get married in their 30s. Anyways, I haven't seen a single comment being judgmental, so I don't know what he was going on about. Thanks for the reassurance, guys. Also, I forgot to mention, I'm Canadian, my wife's Canadian, and we live, yep, you guessed it, in Canada. Got it. And we do have an update, but I would listen to your wife here. Yeah? Yeah, I think you, knowing your heart, you didn't do anything wrong and you don't need to apologize, but your wife is right. Just move on, let's make amends, let's apologize, we'll be the bigger people, we know in our hearts what is true, but I know in my heart, I also don't want your mom to be difficult for the rest of our marriage. Yeah, honestly, because if it does come down to a cultural thing, then it's like, okay, well, no one's gonna change their mind here. So yeah, might as well just make nice and get on with it. Yeah, it's so funny that she's like, I'm just looking out for you. Yeah. I'm just looking out for you. I'm looking out for you. I can't believe you had to touch food and you weren't even eating it. Can't believe you're not in traditional gender roles in the house. Right, I'm looking out for your safety. I'm looking out for your safety. It's dangerous. I mean, like truly, is that what she thinks? A man with a pot and a pan in his hand? Right. You don't know what's gonna happen. You sling it around, you might hit granny in the head. Yeah. You never know. You never know. You're just not built for this. Kaboom. There is an update from six days later. So first of all, I'd like to say thank you for the kind words and the different perspectives and advice. I appreciated them all. I don't know if you guys wanted an update but I feel like I should give you one. Also, I have nothing else to do. Well, that's great, because we want the update. We sure do. We want it and we've got it. And by God, we're gonna say it right now. Woohoo! Also, before we go, dang it, I'd like to clarify that my wife can cook basic things. And of course, she cooks for the kids when I'm not able to. She won't risk anything happening to our kids just because she doesn't like to cook. So the other day, I went to my parents' house with my family and the very first thing my mom did was apologize. Oh! I love this! How lovely! She was very sorry for saying what she did and said that she knew she was wrong but didn't want to admit how badly sexist and rude she had been. I also apologized for getting heated and saying stuff but also explained to my mom why I did what I did. She understood and said it was fine. Nice. I feel like dad got involved there and was like, you realize he's doing the same thing I'm doing for you right now. Right, right. We're just taking his wife's side. Like, I raised him like this. We taught him this. We taught him, we gave him the blueprint. Yeah, yeah. He is following the blueprint. But of course, it has to be like after wife has her whole rant about it. And like he has to listen, be very understanding. And then once she's kind of done, then he's like, well, you know. Yeah, after he listens thoughtfully and says, Yeah. Well, have you thought about this? Yeah, exactly. Good husband, good man. What? And there's a little bit more story here. Let's go ahead and finish it all. Let's do it. We're making great progress. Woohoo! I also replied to someone saying that she doesn't say anything when my older brother and dad cook. So I thought I would mention that as well. When I asked my mom why she was okay with that, but not okay with me cooking, she said that I'm her youngest. And while my brother, who is 17 years older than me and dad were out doing whatever it is they did, I was always with her. So she babies me a lot. My wife said that she probably favors me. And honestly, I would not be surprised. I explained to her how I literally have kids of my own now and how I'm not a child anymore. I love her, but I'm not a kid. And cooking does not make me a servant. I don't think my mom said those things because my wife is South Asian. Maybe, but I don't believe so. And neither does my wife. Okay. Again, anyone in the comments is gonna give us a little insight onto the East versus South Asian, you know, in his experience. Go ahead, let us know. Let us know. But clearly that's not really an issue here. As we think. Yeah. That's what we think. That's what we think. So don't be sad. That's what we all think. That's what we think. I'm gonna trust everyone. There's no South versus East hate going on right now. Yeah. Hashtag stop Asian hate. But that is the end of that story. Yes it is. And we've got another one coming right up. Yes we do. My wife threw me under the bus to hide the truth from her parents. Aw, it's always the worst place to get thrown. Prior to Little B's, our little baby girl, three months birth, love that she's named Little B. Little B, because she's a Little B. Little B. Little B. Little B. Little B. She's just a Little B. Little B wings. There you go. I, 45 male, had a conversation with my wife, 43 female, about parental leave and next steps. Her thoughts were, A, for me to take parental leave towards the end of her leave, so we can take two to three months off at the same time. And B, we would move to a townhouse her parents own but rented at the moment. So we had to evict the tenants, or the then tenants, after some renovation. By the way, this comes from, No se que nombre aqui. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time, separate it. I'm Angie. I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We just know what we would do in these situations. So let us know what you would do down below. And Opie says, the tenants were given several months notice, but they were able to find a new place relatively soon. So my return to work and getting the townhouse back happened pretty much around the same time. For the parental leave, I shot her idea down as I knew she would need help. So I insisted on taking my proportion of the parental leave first, so I could help with little B during her first months. But now I am back to work and my wife is coordinating the renovation of the townhouse. Here are the issues. A, quite often she will be calling and or meeting with the general contractor to decide on the different parts of the renovation. Whenever she has to go, I end up taking care of little B while she's away, which I'm okay with. However, she constantly asks for my feedback on materials, designs, and or color, which disrupts whatever I'm doing. I gave her a blanket, whatever you choose, I'm okay with it. While I know general stuff about home setup, I don't have the expertise or enough knowledge to add to the report that we got from the home inspection that we received after the tenant moved out. And to be honest, I don't really care about the color of materials, et cetera. Even when I tell her to narrow down the choices so I can do an A and B test, she then pops up with a third or fourth option after I choose one. If I give you the blanket, do whatever you want, just do whatever you want. Yeah, she's not trusting him on that. Just do it. She's still once the other opinion. You've got no opinion from me, because I don't care. Right, right. You can go wild. Now it's your chance, girl. Go wild. I want whatever you want. There you go. And you need to know what you want. Here you go. B, I am still responsible for things such as tidying up, cooking, et cetera, plus some of her tasks as she is busy with the renovation. I want to be supportive. However, having to take care of little B, working full time from home, and the constant questions and the resulting additional mental loan have started to bog me down. For example, I will most likely have to work this weekend as I have fallen behind on work. Yet she wants to go this weekend to a store to check material and color for the countertops. So would I be the A-hole if I tell my wife that she does not need my input and feedback all the time? And there is an update, but what would you say? I think it very much depends on how you say it. Oh, that's a good point. But conceptually, no, I don't think so. Yeah, yeah. I think it, and it's like, I can see that being construed as like what? So you don't care? And it's like, no, it's not that I don't care. Sure. It's that I just, I'm happy with whatever you would choose as my partner. Right. You're golden. Right. You've got it. And I think it would be totally reasonable too to explain like, hey, there's just, I've got a lot that's on my plate. I would really love it if I could trust you with this. I do trust you with this. And maybe you can still bring things up like after work or something. Yeah. But like during the day, I need to be focused on my work and our child. You know what I mean? There is one more option. What's the other option? You just pick it. You just pick a, just pick it. You go B. Okay. Okay. And she goes, what about C and D? And you just, oh yeah. Okay. C and D. You just go B. Oh, okay. We're not. B. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then she's like, well, I really don't like that. Then you go, then pick the one that you like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. If you don't like B, that's fine. Right. That works too. Totally. Totally. Yeah. But then if you guys do have a very randomly designed house, you'd be like, why did you pick all these? Right. She's like, I was trying to make you happy. I thought that's what you wanted. I can't tell you. Cause I just picked them randomly. Right. Oh, here we are. Gotta do it all over again. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you go from a place of like, it's not that I don't care or don't want to do this with you. It's that logistically, it's too hard for me. I'm falling behind at work. And also I just trust in whatever you think looks good. Yes. Yes. Exactly. We do have an update. 84 days later. How many months is that? That's two and a half. Two and almost three. Almost three. Two and three quarters. I feel like it's more than three. 84 days? Well, 30 times two. 60. So almost. Almost three. 30 times three. 90. Hmm. Yes. That is correct. Okay. 84 days later. I feel like it's more than... Okay. There might have been some misunderstandings in the original post. So I wanted to address that first and share some other miscellaneous updates. Based on some of the posts, the feedback was that this would be our home in terms of ownership. That is not the case. We are renting it from my in-laws. So while my landlords and in-laws happened to be the same and we were given some level of freedom that normal tenants won't be given, I wanted to set up some division. This is related to the final update note below. Even before I wrote the post, I asked my wife if she feels she has some post part of depression. The answer was no. I double and triple checked with her and she kept assuring me that she does not feel she has PPD. As for the update, I decided to embrace the your-the-ay-hold judgment given, but alas, it didn't go as expected. Mmm. After going along with full explanation as to why I had my preferences, she kept dismissing all of them. But again, I was accepting the judgment so I didn't say anything. After we moved, my in-laws came one night and while I was preparing some drinks in the kitchen, I overheard my father-in-law asking about the vanity in the powder room. And my wife said that that's what I thought was the best. After they left, I confronted wife and she finally admitted that she was having fights over budget and selection of fixtures and furniture as they were inserting themselves in the decision-making process. Wait, so what? Are we fighting with the in-laws? Is she fighting with her parents because they wanna be involved? Well, now you're not just fighting with your in-laws, you're fighting with your landlords. Yeah, your in-laws, yeah, exactly. What a terrible, terrible combo. Yeah, truly, that truly it is. I was just being thrown under the bus as wife knew the in-laws wouldn't be asking too many questions if it was something that I chose. And to cover herself, she went through the motion of asking what I liked to give me an illusion of free will. That is really funny. Needless to say, I was angry. Going back to the note on PPD, I asked once again if she might be feeling PPD but still the answer was no. Rather, dealing with her parents was so difficult that throwing me under the bus was the easiest way out. I hate that I totally understand where she's coming from right now. Yeah, defend her. You just happened to be the collateral damage to her dealing with her parents. Yeah, I can see it, I can see it happening. It sucks, I mean, it's still not cool, but it makes sense. Especially when they're also your landlords, dude, like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, because if you were in the other room too, I wonder how much crap they were giving her already. And although, I mean, she did say that they were trying to involve themselves in the process, so they might've been giving her crap this whole time. Could be. And it's just been very stressful and you just didn't know. You better get real used to being under that bus, man. You better get it nice and cozy under there, get a nice blanket. Yeah, but I could understand why, like, for him, if he already has this big mental load of, like, working from home when he doesn't usually, and then, like, taking care of the baby, and then also being interrupted all the time and just being generally stressed out with all that stuff, I could understand where he's just like, not another him. Leave me alone. I fully don't think he deserves to be thrown under the bus and shouldn't be, but, man. Right. I don't think that's gonna stop. Yeah, I don't think this is, like, divorce worthy, which I'm assuming some people would jump to. Yeah, of course they would. Yeah, but I wouldn't. No, but yeah, you should maybe at least get on the same page about being tactically thrown under the bus. Right. You know, when need be. Right. There is a little bit more to the story. Being thrown under the bus as a unit. There you go. Because of this, plus other incidents related to the move, I drew the line. I'm okay if I'm thrown under the bus, but I will fall back into the A, B test position, unless it is something I have a strong opinion on, which is quite unlikely, as I am more of a function over form person. So what? So you're okay with being thrown under the bus, but what is the A, B test position? Oh, just like being like, yeah, just give me two options. I'll give you my place. Okay, okay, okay. I cannot bring up a third and fourth option. Yeah. A, B, A or B, give me A or B. Got it. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here, and we're gonna get back to the stories soon, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. She put on a long face, but accepted this, and for the most part, she has followed up. Finally, regarding my in-laws, they are not bad people. They are old school, and their way of showing how much they care is just different. After all, my parents are about the same, but the main difference is that they're not close by. Yeah, the main difference is they're not your actual landlords. Yeah, literally. Big difference that makes. Now, if my wife would just let me change the lock because the in-laws keep coming by unannounced. Ooh, see now, you're gonna have problems doing that because they're your landlord. Right, right. So they're always gonna have a kitty your place. Oh boy, how fun. Legally, they are allowed to have it. How fun. But I believe legally, they are not allowed to enter your damasile without previous written notice. Okay, well, that's good to know. So you could just take them up with the lock. I would really, if it were me, I'd be compartmentalizing those relationships super hard. How would you even do that, though? It'd be like literally anything that has to do with the residency or us as tenants or the unit, any of it, do not converse with us like we are related to you at all. I see, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You cannot just come in here whenever you want because it's your daughter and me. You still have to let us know. You have to treat us exactly like we're just normal tenants. Even if you give us like certain considerations that others don't have, that does not mean you can just walk into our apartment all the time whenever you want. Right, totally. That's just too much, man. Get way ahead of that. Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. But that is the end of that story. We've got some comments coming up. Yes, we do. And I'm going to magically teleport in five, four, three, two, one. And oh, there he is. Hey! All right, we've got some comments. This comes from the episode. This comes from the video, my foster dad saved my life. I regret never calling him dad. In this story, this is story three in the episode. Opie moved to a new state where she knew nobody. And her future mother-in-law felt like family. Then a massive winter storm hit. The power went out and mother-in-law packed up and left without saying a word. Opie was left alone, freezing with no heat and no help. When Opie brought it up, mother-in-law said, I have no obligation to you. Nine months later, Opie still cannot get over it and has no idea how to move forward. If you're curious to know the full story, you can watch the full video. And that was posted on January 10th, 2026. And yes, I am wearing the same shirt in that video. And she's wearing the same shirt right now that she was in that video. Yes. But we do have some comments. Yes, we do. And I will be reading them here. And wow, what a ice cold mother-in-law that was. Our first comment here from o underscore underscore underscore p says, story three, if that happens to me, that person is going to hear the, you're an adult, you can take care of yourself, quote, every single time they want something from me until they apologize. And even then, I'd remember. You don't do that to guests. You don't do that to family. You don't do that to friends. And they were all three. Yeah. True, true. Can't imagine. Give them a taste in their own medicine. Can't imagine just leaving someone to like freeze. Yeah. That's crazy. I literally, I remember that. It was literally like they just up and left and didn't tell OP at all. Because, and they left because their power went out. Yeah. Didn't tell her. This place sucks. I'm leaving. Yeah. You guys have fun here. And then she had nowhere to go. Comment two from Mogami Kiyoko 13 says, oh man, that 40th birthday comment hit me so hard in the third story that I had to go back to check the ages of OP and her fiance. At first, I thought, holy teenage pregnancy, Batman. But mother-in-law is only his stepmom. What I'm getting from mother-in-law's words and behavior is that she's infinitely less mature than a couple 15 to 17 years younger than her. Apparently compassion was a lesson she missed in Sunday school. And that is something they teach in Sunday school. Is it actually? Compassion, pass it on. What? Did you go to Sunday school? Huh? Did you ever go to Sunday school? Oh yeah, I did Sunday school. I did vacation Bible school. Vacation? Yeah, I was doing summer school, summer Bible school. Whoa. And it was so much fun because I would always like it because at the end of the summer school, they give you like a little, I know, just like a little rubber figurine. Like a little pool toy basically. Is it like a little baby Jesus? It's like a little whale. Oh. Or like a, just like a little guy. Literally just like a children's little rubber toy. Just a toy. And I was like, yes. This is, I freaking loved the Bible. They knew what they were doing. And our last comment here from Ray Ray Sunshine says, Ray Ray Sunshine says, it's not the snow, it's the ice that comes from it. This is referencing a specific moment in the video at 43 minutes, 25 seconds. It's not the snow, it's the ice that comes from it. I'm assuming that makes it dangerous maybe. We don't have the infrastructure in the South to salt the roads and stuff. And that's why we have so many accidents. It happens so rarely, this is the best option. Hmm. I'm assuming that means like why OP couldn't just like drive somewhere or something? Yeah, I would know if the roads are iced up in the South, I would never drive on them because they are fully just made of ice at that point. Oh, that's crazy. No, thank you. But that is the end of those comments and the end of this episode. No freaking way. Do you want to teleport again? Oh my gosh. I think, whoa, what's that noise? I think he's doing it. Whoa, Dakota. Brief. Oh, here I am. I've teleported. Okay. But yes, that is the end of that episode. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you and see you tomorrow. Better about us. In Cornwall, we value the moments that matter. We value friendship. 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