Tabitha Brown: The Prayer That Changed Everything

This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed human. No gloss, no filter. Just stories, spoken without fear. A person who is not generous cannot be an artist. The world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhachon on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty, stay for the fire. I do believe my daughter is gifted as well. She dreams, sometimes we cold-dream, we've done that over the years. Wow. Being the same dream, it's the most craziest thing. We don't know it while we're in it, but when we wake up and we're like, did you, and we can finish the sentence. It was like we were in the same dream. And like we both can know when somebody's pregnant. Right, it'll, we'll dream like one of my friends, she sent me a text and she was like, mommy, I think John Till might be pregnant. She was like, and I think it's a girl. And so I text a screenshot of it to my girlfriend, John Till. And she texts me back the picture of the pregnancy test in a video where they were just going to tell their family that they're pregnant with a little girl. And so she calls at her baby. And then when I text her back, I said, I told you, you got mommy's gift. She sends like the crying emojis. No, I don't want it. I don't want it, I don't want it, mommy. This episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. So many things to talk to Tabitha about today. Today's guest is proof that obedience and authenticity can change your whole life. Born in North Carolina, she moved to LA twice. She came back with faith and a new plan and a simple vegan sandwich to review in 2017 that turned into this global calling. Today, she's like America's auntie, Emmy winning host of T-shirts. She's like America's auntie, Emmy winning host of Tab Time, author of Feeding the Soul, Cooking from the Spirit. And I did a new thing and founder of Donna's recipe. She's a mother, a wife, and now a star of the new holiday film Unexpected Christmas. She cooks, she acts, she motivates, she heals. She is Tabitha Brown. And she is our guest in real life today. Thank you. She is also like, your energy is just, I don't know. It's like, it's next level good. No, it's next level good. Like you can't walk into a room and people don't just be happy to see you, right? Listen, I'd be shipped in the atmosphere. You really do? We all have the ability to do that. Do you do that intentionally or is it just a gift that was given to you? Even when you walked in here, it was like, oh, and I just, we hadn't met, but I just wanted to give you a big hug. We all have the ability to shift the atmosphere into whatever space we occupy. Because I could have came in and be like, hey, how y'all doing? Oh my God. And it would have changed the whole atmosphere. For sure. But I come in with joy and love and I'm excited. That's why I think, you know. Where does that come from, Tabitha? Where is the, you know what? I know where it comes from. Right. But I mean, when did you learn that? When is it that it hit you? I think it's really been my whole life. Like my family would tell you, my husband always like, my wife is just a joyful spirit and I'd be happy. That's real. It is. I've also been in very dark places and it's no fun. No. And so I remember the last time I was in a dark place, my prayer was God, if you get me out of this, I will always choose light. And so that's what I do. Every day is light. So you choose it. It's a choice. I choose it. It's a choice. Absolutely. Because I think probably some people, I think obviously that's why people resonate to you. You bring this joy, this light. It's the light, right? It's the light. People want to feel that. Nobody likes the dark. No. But I think sometimes people don't know how to get out of it. Yeah. Sometimes we can get stuck. But also sometimes the dark has purpose, right? You have to be there for a while so you know that you don't like it. Oh, that's really good. Why are you giving me a word and you just got here, Tabitha? You just sat in my chair. That's the true proof. Don't come give me a word as soon as you sit in the chair. Yeah. Sometimes you got to go through it. So you realize, you know what? I don't want to go back there. Yeah, because if you go through it too fast, unless it is not learned, you don't catch it. That's why that stuckness sometimes take a while. Oh. That is a good one for today. All right. Thanks. That was great interview. Thanks. I think I'm going to come in and say God bless you tonight. No, no, we don't like to get to today. First of all, what a lovely way to live your life, but also to create a business and a career around that. Yeah, just being myself. I never could have imagined. Really? I never could have imagined. No, I always just dreamt that I was going to be a famous actress. Like that was my whole thing as a kid. I just wanted to grow up and be this famous leading lady. But I did not think that I would grow up and become free and become successful for being myself. Become free? Mm-hmm. What do you mean? Yeah, because so the first probably 20 years of pursuing my career and pursuing acting and entertainment, I wasn't free. I was conforming, co-switching, trying to fit in, trying to dress how I thought I was supposed to dress, wear my hair one way, talk one way. And that's not freedom. I was trying to live to please and fit in. Why would you? Did you learn to do that? Absolutely. Yeah. I'm from the South, right? So you learned it early without even knowing. Mm-hmm. I learned to co-switch, watch my mama like pay bills or go to the bank or talk to white people. I'm like, oh, that's how we have to talk to them. OK? So when I would even co-switch in school to my teachers, because I saw my mama do it. So this is how we are accepted. It was just a natural thing. And then like starting to have a job and do all the things like I did it in corporate America before I did acting. And then I started taking acting classes. And I remember when I first moved to LA, I had a cast and director that did a workshop. And they were like, nobody wants to hear that accent. You'll get stuck in one character. You got to learn to mask it. So I was already masking it in corporate America. So then I started trying harder to mask it even more to the point where I lost who was there. And I started to believe this version of myself I created. And I also feel like that's why I got sick, you know, because I was suffocating to true me. And once I said, OK, Lord, no more. I'm going to just be who you created me to be. I'm going to take these layers off and I'll be obedient. And every day I'm going to just show up and try to be myself. The same me that my daddy know, the same me that my sister know, and my husband and my children know behind closed doors. That's what I'm going to be for the world. But does this happen in that ship? That's a big shift. It's a big shift. Does it happen in one day? Absolutely not. No, the realization happens in a moment. Right. And what is that? It's like a wake up call. Like it was in prayer for me. Right. So it was my prayer was when I was sick, God, if you heal me, you can have me because I really thought I was going to die. I never thought I would see 40. And in that moment that I meant that prayer, you have the auto immune. It was something auto immune that they never diagnosed. Right. Which is why I wouldn't be here. And so. But you were like feeling bad. Yeah. A year and seven months, I had a headache in the back of my head debilitating. So I lost my vision for a day. I would fall when I would walk. Like I had chronic pain, chronic fatigue throughout my body. I would sleep all the time, then wake up, still be tired. But my head would hurt nonstop. Like some days would be better than others. But I was on disability for a year. Like I couldn't even go to work. So then it turned into like manic panic attacks. And, you know, I could be having this conversation with you. And then all of a sudden I feel like I just couldn't breathe. And so I also, that was like the darkest time of my life. And I thought God had forgotten about me. And what I realized is I had forgotten about him in a way where it wasn't even that I had really forgotten about him. I didn't really know him. I knew what I was taught. But this was the season where he said, I got to take you to the darkest place. So then you can really see who I am and really accept me. And so when I did, my whole life changed. Like in that moment in my bathroom, when I prayed that prayer, I wasn't healed in that moment, but I felt a shift in my body. Something felt different. And then from that day, I just continued to just take the layers off every day. And I was very afraid, right? Because I didn't even used to do content. I was an actress and I worked the nine to five. I was doing stand up. I was doing everything I could to try to like make it. And two weeks after I prayed that prayer, I had a dream and I saw myself on a TV show. And the screen was very small and I had like no hair, but I was completely like myself. And I've had dreams ever since I was a child. So the gift that I have, that they come to pass. And so I woke up and I prayed, Lord, reveal that to me. What was this dream that I had on the show? Because at this time, I'm not auditioning. I'm not doing stand up. I'm not doing anything that could get me a show. And I heard a voice that said, start doing videos. And I was like, start doing videos. I don't why would I do a video? Like I'm hearing things. Now I'm tripping. The voice again was like, start doing videos. And I was like, well, Lord, I'm an actress. I don't do videos. He was like, I remember two weeks ago in that bathroom, you said, if I heal you, I can have you. And I was like, I did say that, Lord. Well, I guess here goes obedience, right? And that is the only reason that I started to do videos. And as I started, I realized in the very beginning, if you could find like my very old videos on Facebook, I still was very scared. I was still trying to talk a little bit proper, a little bit like, OK, I want to be accepted. I'm going to tell my stories and things, you know, because I would just be a sit down comedian on my bed because I see it was not well. But as the days went on, I just kept pulling it back, pulling it back, more comfortable, more free. And then over the years, it just said, honey, here she is. You ever notice how everything keeps going up? I mean, rent is going up, streaming services are going up, even like your favorite burrito place all of a sudden wants to charge you for salsa. You go to the supermarket, they want to charge you extra for the bag. It's kind of crazy out here. The good thing is with Boost Mobile, you and your phone bill do not have to play that game. You don't have to play the will this go up soon game. Why? Because Boost Mobile has an unlimited talk, text and data plan at a price that will never go up. In fact, it's the same price you'll pay for life. So switching out to unlimited wireless at a price that will never go up. Only at Boost Mobile. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan. Did you know that was his voice? Because people always talk about a voice. I always find that interesting because how you hear or connect to him is, I think, different, so different for everybody. Absolutely. Yeah. And so I wanted somebody listening and who's looking for that moment in their life if they don't hear actual voice. You know, so I'm just curious how you know when it's the voice of God or or it's, you know, how do you know in that moment that that's what it is? So for me, I've heard I'm a seer here. I cannot control it. It just happens. Right. So I hear in different ways. Sometimes it's like a flutter in my ear, almost like a hummingbird would be. And you could just hear like a whisper, right? And then sometimes just like I'm talking to you, I can hear a voice. Yes. Wow. I've heard once in my life, a voice that sounded like thunder. It's the biggest change of my life that scared me. Uh, and other times and for most people, the voice won't let you rest. So sometimes you'll be thinking about something. If you if it's you, you'll think about it. A couple of times you might forget about it. Don't think about it no more. But that thought that keeps coming back, it wakes you up. You you doing something, you think of it again. It just will. It's a nag. That's that's Holy Spirit, right? And then also he uses people to speak to you and it's somebody that you don't know or that don't know anything about what you've been thinking would be like, you know what? As you ever thought about moving to Miami permanently, you know, you love it there. And you be like, I ain't told nobody that. And that's Holy Spirit. Wow. Right. So he will use he can use anybody to bless us and to speak to us. Wow. It happens differently. Does that ever scare you? Not scare you of him, but scare you of your own power. You know what I mean? Or maybe in any way, I don't know, I just wonder if it ever scares you when I was younger. It used to scare me, right? My sister used to tell me it was the boogeyman. So you imagine being this little girl who six or seven and would see things at night or during the day or would dream stuff. And then it happens. I remember, you know, as a little girl, like telling my mom about like my granny's uncle, I had dreamt about him and she was like, you don't know. That man has been dead 20 years. I'm six or seven years old. It was very early for me. And then you the the looks you may get from people or the responses. But then also seeing people that you don't know while you're awake and nobody else sees them was very scary and you can't control it. It just happens. I was very afraid as a little girl. And I did believe my sister, there was the boogeyman. But then when I got grown and I still had to have a nightlife because I was scared when me and my husband first got married up until 17 years ago, my husband, 27 years, the first 10 years, I always had to have a nightlight or a television on until I fell asleep. Because the dark, I would see things, right? Oh, wow. And so when I got older, I was like, this can't be the boogeyman. You know what I'm saying? Like this is this is real. Like I'm having these experiences. And then I tried to pray it away. I talked about this in my first book, Feeding the Soul. I was like, I don't want it. Also, I didn't want to be the messenger anymore. I lost a lot of like relationships when you are a messenger. It can get scary, heartbreaking even. And I remember I had a pastor who was mentoring me. Because before my mother passed, she said, you need to find somebody who can help you with your gift. And so I thought that I could, you know, like have this pastor help me. I knew him very well. And he was helping me to try to understand the gift and the different experiences. But then I started to see things in his life and he stopped talking to me. And I was like, now, now what? Wow. So I remember I was like, God, please just take it away. I don't want it. And for about, I would say like a couple of years, it didn't go away, but it was, it seemed to be weaker. And then I felt like something was missing. And then after I like went through my journey of sickness and had my, you know, my last, I called my meeting with Jesus, you know, in the bathroom, it came back in a way like never before. Wow. You think it was that prayer too? It was just all I think I was ready. You were just ready. I was no longer afraid to be the tab he created me to be. What is the exact prayer again? You asked him if he heals you. If you heal me, you can have me. Wow. Yeah. And are you mindful of that every day? I was telling you this before when you walked in, I always have to remind myself to stay disciplined about surrender. Cause I don't know if I'm a Capricorn because I'm type A. I don't know what it is, but I'm always like trying to like manage things. And then it, but when I'm doing my best is when I do the fine line of you still work, you still got to work and everything. That's what ultimately the surrender is like really important to just live in the life you're supposed to live. And I just, me, I struggle with that cause it's hard for me. That's always remind myself, but I would imagine that you are locked into that all the time. I'm locked in, but I'm still a flesh, right? So obedience is, is a constant work. Cause there's, there's many times where you'd be like, no, I can do it. Like the video we was just talking about. And in that moment is when God said to me, see, sometimes we can get hit and it might daze us, we might be a little sore, but we think that we're okay. But the impact, the damage of the impact shows up later in our life. And I said, my God today, Lord, some of us have been hit a long time ago, but you're living right now in the effects of the impact. I thought I was in control. Oh my God, that video is so great. Yeah. I literally had just went that morning. I had, cause I had hip surgery last year. So I'm already in physical therapy. Right. Now normally my physical therapy is by my house. That day my doctor said, you know what? Today I'm down here in Beverly Hills in this office. Can you come here? I said, you know what? Matter of fact, I'm in that area. I'll go on over there. Had the best session that I've had in so long. I was like, oh my God, my back feels so much better. I left that doctor's office and I put the, you know, the address in the GPS thing and it said that I was in 14 minutes. I was like, oh my God, cause I had a flight to catch. I need to go home, finish packing and get to the airport. I was like, I ain't got an album for 14 minutes. I can go this other way that I know is probably quicker. And I turned to go that way and the time went up to like a hour, 31 minutes or something like that. I was like, Lord now that's an add-on more time. I went up, you turn to go on back the way I was going from the beginning. And 30 seconds after I turned around, I'm sitting at a stop light and I got hit in the back. I mean, it hit me so hard that it dazed me. Like I was confused for a second. And in that moment, I was like, I just got hit. Like I couldn't believe it. And I like, when I came to like somebody was talking to me, it was my radio talking to me because the radio, the impact had called the paramedics. My car automatically did that. I didn't even know I had that feature. So baby, I didn't know who that was in the car. I was like, wait a minute, did I die? Lord, what has happened? Oh my God. So they were like, Mrs. Brown is like your car alerted us that you've had a hard impact. Like we've alerted the paramedics. So I said, okay. And so then the man was by the side, me trying to like open the door or, you know, tap to like, give me the, I guess, respond to him. And I was dazed. And then I was like, Oh, so he called 911. So I was like, no, I'm fine, but my seatbelt had locked me. When was this? This was recently. October 16th. Yes. Oh, a couple of weeks ago. Just like three weeks almost. Yeah. Yeah. And my, my immediate thought was like, Lord, I got to get to this airport. I got to be home. You still trying to control everything. I'm still, I'm still in it. The paramedics show up. Ma'am, are you, we needed a session. I said, uh-uh, I'm all right. I'm okay. I got to go cart, put stone in in the back. I said, I can drive it. I got to get home. I call my husband, of course he's a retired police officer. So he's like, you need to get in that ambulance. You can, I was like, uh-uh, I'm all right. I'm still in control. I'm still doing all the things. So as I drive home, I realize my electrical is not working. Radio won't come on. Air won't come on. So now I'm driving hot to the valley in LA. I get home, you don't need to go to London. You need to go to hospital. Cause I'm like, I just left physical therapy. I already had surgery. Like everything needs to be checked. But I was like, I can probably get a check when I come back. These people over here in London and pay for these tickets. I'm literally still, that's all I'm thinking about. And God just revealed it to me in that moment. Like he, he silenced everything. He was like, I want you to go back and I want you to like, re drive yourself home in your head. Nothing was working. The air wasn't working. The radio wasn't working. The car was still moving forward. And it took me longer to get home than it was going to take me either way. Right. He was like, this is what happens when you think you're in control. If you had just trusted the first way, and I was like, hurt you, gotcha. Yeah. He was like, you can get hot out there. Cause baby it was hot. Yeah. I was like, you right, Lord, I trust you. I trust you. You have to get checked. You know, but I, but we flash. So every now and then, because sometimes you things could be going so good. Sometimes you'll get the thinking that you're doing it. Yeah. Right. Baby, you get the thinking that is you. Yeah, I'm so good at it. Babe, I'm doing so good right now, baby. I know this GPS is hooked to all the satellites, but I know better. Yeah. No, you don't. Yeah. You know, there's a source that we're all hooked to. Yeah. And sometimes we're going to have to be obedient to it or it's going to get hot. It's really good. It's happened to that. It's really good. So. Hey guys, today's show is brought to you by Hard Rock Bet. Hard Rock Bet is a sportsbook app and it's a really simple sportsbook app. If you just want to see what everyone's talking about or if you don't even really care about the game, but you want to make it a little more interesting, you could just bet a buck or two. Very easy. And one Hard Rock Bet player last week turned a $3 bet into over $29,000 in winnings. And if you want to see more wins like that, or you just want to see what I'm talking about, you can follow at Hard Rock Bet on social football season is still going. So if you want to try your first bet on Hard Rock Bet, you can get a $150 bonus bets if you win. 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Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhatt show on the iHeart Radio app. Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty, stay for the fire. You really are gifted, my dear. How does that operate in your family? How do people like, I don't know, just I would imagine that it's inspiring to even the people closest to you. But sometimes in your house, like your child might be like, oh, mom, you know, I think when it comes to my kids and I do believe my daughter is gifted as well. She dreams. Sometimes we cold-dream. We've done that over the year. Wow. Being the same dream is the most craziest thing. We don't know it while we're in it. But when we wake up and we're like, did you and we can finish the sentence? It's like we were in the same dream. And she'll, you know, she'll dream something. Like we both can know when somebody's pregnant, right? It'll go dream like one of my friends. She sent me a text and she was like, mommy, I think John Till might be pregnant. She was like, and I think it's a girl. And so I text a screenshot of it to my girlfriend, John Till. And she texts me back the picture of the pregnancy test in a video where they were just going to tell their family that they're pregnant with a little girl. And so she calls at her baby. And then when I text her back, I said, I told you, you got mommy's. Yeah, she sends like the crying emojis. No, I don't want it. I don't want it, mommy. She was like, that's too much because she's been, you know, she my daughter. So she knows what I've gone through over the years. But, you know, my husband, who is my best friend, right? We I grew up in the church. But that doesn't mean I grew up knowing the Lord, right? I was taught, but then really like letting God deposit in me. My whole relationship changed. So my husband did not grow up in the church. He grew up with no knowledge of who God was, who Jesus is, none of that stuff until we got together. The best part about being gifted and having this walk with the Lord is that my husband, when he is asked about my gift, he'll say, this is how I know God is real. That's the best part. That's pretty great. Yeah. Come on now. OK, that's the best part. I said, well, Lord, if I don't have to do nothing else, I've done enough. It's interesting too, because when we've had people, we've had a lot of people in real life, right? So the podcast is actually meant to learn things about people's real life that we can then deposit into our own when we're in moments of confusion or whatever. But anytime relationships come up and some of the best conversations about marriages and relationships, the core is always their their their connection to God. Yeah. That they have a shared, you know, equally yoked. Right. We had Adrian and Israel on. We even Sierra was just here earlier today and she that's what she credits her. Yeah. Her marriage to I just it's so obvious. Yes. I mean, God is so intentional. He's so intentional. Right. How could you even have a healthy relationship without but also like having him in it? Look at the big picture. Yeah. God used me to introduce my husband to him. Oh, yes. Do you understand? I do. Like it like he used his wife to show himself. How many years married now? We are 22 years married, 27 together. What is the what has been the the toughest, not toughest part of that? What's been the most challenging thing that you've had to face to be a good wife or to make your marriage work? The most challenging thing was seeing yes to myself. Right. Because I'm from the South, right? So I grew up seeing women serve, right? When it comes to their husbands, right? My grandparents were married 52 years. My mom and daddy were married for 25 before they separated. But I've always seen like my uncles, aunts, everybody's married. I've always seen it. And so I always did everything every every my children and my husband always came first until I got to the place of like, OK, I'm sick. I haven't been really good to myself. I put myself last for many years and I enjoy serving my husband, right? It was very hard for me to say no. It was so that I could have my own yes. It was hard for me to say I'm tired. It is it's still a challenge for me. Yeah, right? Because you even like saying it just like saying it. It's tough because and my mama told me this before I got married. She told me, she said, don't start nothing. You don't want to maintain. She told me that I said, girl, don't you dumb up? She said, I'm telling you, don't start nothing. You don't want to maintain. And I have always but I do enjoy it, right? I enjoy like cooking for my family. And I always six my husband's plate first. Everybody know that now I have my son. So my husband, his plate, my son, his plate. And so it was what it was. Was it last Thanksgiving? Is either last Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving before last? I had a whole moment. You know, I'm going to the Paraminopause. Yeah, I'm going to talk about that too. Yeah, I told my husband, I said, you know what? You don't never fix my plate. Had a whole attitude, girl. I had a whole attitude. He said, well, baby, you. Did you want me to fix? I didn't do you want me to fix your plate? I said, well, I shouldn't have to ask you. He said, well, I. I didn't know that you was upset about it. I didn't even know it was a thing. And I had to walk myself back. And I was like, girl, you created a routine that he is used to. And now you mad at what you created. And all I heard was my mama say, don't start. Nothing you don't want to maintain. Come on, because what could have been more? Like, like simplified or I could have started a different routine. Like on this day, I want you to cook for me or like less greeted. Like you cook this day or you serve me or whatever little things. But I never did. I just continued on because I did enjoy it. But now, girl, I got 50 lamb jobs. Girl, I'm in a pool and I'm in favor of menopause. Very menopause. You know, so and then you have kids and all the things. But you need change. You need you change. Yeah. Right. He's changed. We both change. That's the thing about marriage. You have to know that you're both going to change. Some of them seasons, you're going to love it. Some of them seasons, not so much. Right. You just both have to agree and understand that, baby, when we in this change, we have to respect each other. Yeah. Right. We got to change into whoever it is the next season that we're going to become or be, but that's been the toughest part. Right. How's he adapted to that? Listen, it's tough for him to. Yeah. But he's also like, men are are simple. You just got to communicate with him. And that's the thing. As a woman, I had to, I literally had to realize, girl, he can't read your mind. Even if I think he should know, I can never assume that. Also, how would I feel if I just think? I mean, if, you know, if he thought the same of me and doesn't tell me, like you got an issue with me, but you ain't telling me. And I think I'm doing everything right. It ain't fair. Right. It's the same thing. But it's some for whatever reason, women, because I think we are natural nurturers. We just assume other people feel the same way. We don't want to. I also think asking for you what you want sometimes requires you to be vulnerable. And nope, if people want somebody to just know what they want, what they want, it's not really fair. Like, but also because I have, I spent. Almost 20 years learning everything about him. What he likes, what he doesn't like, how he wanted his food, what he wants to eat, his clothes, like his hobbies, like all the things I know my husband through and through. And if somebody come and try to tell me something about my husband, I'm like, you use a lie. Okay, I know that man. Okay. And then I realized I knew more about him than I did about me. But when you spend that much time getting to know someone because I wanted to be a good wife, right? And nothing is wrong with that. It's great that I did that, but I also got to give myself that same energy, you know? Because what happens is when you learn that, you expect them to do the same for you. But the best way to show somebody who you are is to live your life out loud. So I got to treat myself the way I want him to treat me. And then he'll know how to do things without me having to ask. So I had to stop trying to be in control of everything. Like, I'll do it. No, I got it. Oh, no, I do. Because, you know, I want to do it right. The holiday season is upon us. I know it came so fast, right? So one thing I am working on in my home is trying to make my home feel festive. And also I have a lot of people over for the holiday. So sometimes that means I need extra chairs and things. And I started thinking about my grandmother. My grandmother, I come from a family where my grandmother would host every year with second cousins, third cousins, and she had a very small home. But she hosted a big party and everything in the house would be dripping in holiday things. I mean, everything from the toilet had like a Santa Claus on the toilet. The napkins in the house were Christmas napkins. I mean, if there was an inch of her house, it was dripped in holiday. And I don't want to do that. But I do like the idea of recreating that much joy and that much festiveness in my home. And there's so many things at Wayfair that you can get for that. And they don't have to be like the Santa Claus on the toilet. Whether it's candles or tablecloths or just extra seating, because I do have extra people come in the house folding chairs. You can get great folding chairs at Wayfair. And the good thing too is you can order that stuff and it comes right to your house without having to pay for delivery, which is super helpful. Or out lugging it, having to run to the store and get all that stuff and pack it in the car and then pack it out and then know who wants to deal with that. So for the holidays, really, it is a great, it is my go-to place for just like judging up the house to feel festive around the holiday season. And also setting up to host to invite people over and the more people that are normally in my house and to accommodate for that, which usually means extra chairs. Maybe you wanted to get some new, you know, plates or tableware. And of course, Wayfair has all that great stuff and all the things to make you feel really festive. So I'm going to be spending a lot of time with Wayfair over the next month, getting my home ready for there. So you can take advantage of some of these Wayfair deals that are going on right now. Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Those are happening and they're big. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's Wayfair.com and the sale ends December 7th. Yeah. So sometimes we do that. Right. Sometimes let them do it wrong. I'll just do it wrong. Sometimes let them do it wrong. Sometimes let them do it wrong. Sometimes let them do it wrong. And then say, you know what, thank you for doing it. But next time, can you do it like this? That's so funny. One of my girlfriends was we were talking to another friend who just had a baby and she was complaining that her man wasn't doing this and he wasn't changing the diaper and he wasn't. And my other friend was like, he's not going to do it the way you want to do it anyway. Yeah. So just do it yourself. Don't complain. Or let him have his mom. I don't know if that's healthy, but I totally get it. Yeah. Or we like be okay with not being in control all the time. Yeah, all the time. Maybe take you a nap and let them go ahead and let them tear it up if they tear it up. Either do it yourself or be okay with it not being in the way you want it. Yeah, exactly. That is really good advice. Yeah. Well, first of all, on another note, I am so happy for you to see because now that I've watched this career of yours, Blossom, and where it started and what you've been through and to now know you're like in this movie. I'm so excited. And doing this movie. It's like, so you've really worked for this moment. Yes. Right? Like you really have. This was my childhood dream to, you know, being a movie, being a big screen, like all the things I've been acting for a really long time and people did not know me from acting. No. So I'm so grateful. Like Unexpected Christmas is a film that not only is great for the entire family, but for relationships like mothers and daughters. Family. Yeah. It's so good. It's conversations. There's some drama in there, but it's healthy drama, right? But it's comedy. It just feels good. It's one of those ones. It's like for the culture, we will watch this for years to come. No, I love that for you. I'm excited. And I get to cut up in there, honey. You do? Then it cuts up. I wear a little red wig on Donna, honey. I cut up. Come on now. I feel like this is going to be like every year you'll do one of these or something. I hope so. Yes. Come on and speak it. Yeah. I feel like this could be like a reoccurring, like a series of these could happen. And because it's so, you know, sometimes things just make sense. Exactly. This just makes sense. Right. See, you just said it. That's confirmation. Yeah. I love that for you. Thank you. You deserve that. This episode is brought to you by Walden University. You guys think you're too busy to earn the degree that you have always wanted? You are not too busy. It's never too late at Walden University. You can get the W. That's what they do. They get the W. And you can win your time back with tempo learning. You are in control. This is very cool. There are no weekly deadlines. There are no rigid schedules. Who has time for that? There's just a flexibility for you to earn your degree on your terms at your pace. And within your budget. Ready to start? Visit waldenu.edu today. Walden University set a course for change certified to operate by Chev. Thank you. We have an in real life bowl. Can we go into it with Tabitha here? A real life bowl? These are just some questions to start off. You're so lovely. Oh, OK. You can just pick one and see it. Yeah, just pick a question. All right. Do I read it? Yeah. What's your question? It says, what's one thing you hope never changes about you? You have to answer it or I have to answer it. It's you about you. Oh, girl, I hope my freedom never changes. I will never sell it again. You will never sell it again. And it was in that moment that you found your freedom. But it took a long time. It took the steps to it. You know, the thing about it is you can still get triggered by your old habits. Right? That's like healing. I don't think we're ever like completely like healed. You're always healing because you can be triggered by something. The great thing is like, oh, wait a minute. Let me check it. Right? Yeah. So, but yeah. So what it just just take me back to the freedom for a second. What does that feel like? And what does that mean for you to be in the moment of it? Like, what does it mean to be free? Oh, it means, honey, I can walk in any room. Maybe you see Donna, you know, normally I have my big afro out. Yeah. This is pretty. That's it. Thank you. I don't code switch. I don't conform. I never walk into any space with the intention to make other people feel comfortable. I walk in, making sure I feel well, that I can show up exactly who I am and feel so good about it. And just like make my own choices, right? Choose joy every day and just continue to just show up as who I am. It feels heavenly. It's a very good feeling, girl. How does it affect you when somebody doesn't respond well to that now? Now in this new free version of yourself, because the old you wouldn't want to people please them probably. Absolutely. So what happens now if you walk into a room and you come in with this bright, beautiful energy and somebody doesn't give you that back or somebody responds poorly or receives you? And like, how do you respond to that now? Well, I still give them love and grace, right? Because their response is not to me. Their response is that I become a mirror. And so when people are not in their own freedom world, my freedom makes them uncomfortable. Right? So baby, what I'm going to do. Okay. Well, honey, I wish the best for you. Right? So it's not about me. It's like that's your stuff that you're dealing with. I'm going to still give you love and peace and all the things, but I just don't, you know, get into it. You don't feel the need to, yeah. Yeah. But listen, I also still have the ability to shift. Right? So I've had moments where people are a little, you know, a little cold. I still give them tab. By the end of whatever we doing, they're like, you know what? I was having a terrible day because somebody always going through something that you don't know nothing about. So you don't ever personalize it. Don't don't ever make it about you. Right? I don't ever go into anything making it about me. I just like just show up and if it's a little cold or, you know, off-putting, I'm like, you know what? They might be having a little something. Now, if you just flat out being rude, you know, I ain't going to take that, you know. I also know how to remove myself from the situation. People sometimes think when you extend grace that you're okay with being disrespected. Yeah. That ain't what I'm saying. Yeah. And you go. Okay. That's it. Listen, though. Listen. That is a real thing. It's a thin line. It is a thin line. Right. You ain't got to listen. You got to. And you have to have boundaries. Yeah. Because Bonita be trying to creep out. That's, you know. Bonita will come get you as I believe that. Okay. And they probably deserve it. And they deserve it, I'm sure. In real life, what are you most proud of? Let's talk about your career for one second because I know you're proud of it. Your career for one second because I know your connection to God and your family is important. But just in your career, what you've been able to accomplish, like what are you most proud of about that? It's so much. I mean, I think the thing that makes me most proud in everything that I've done is that I've been able to do it just being tailed. Right. That makes me so proud. Like me and my dad, if we talk about that all the time, he's like, you know, I'd just be so proud that that's my daughter. That's my daughter from Eden, North Carolina. He says it every week. He'd be like, I tell you, every time I see you do something, I'm like, y'all know what she came from right here. And to have made him proud and to be able to keep showing up, you know, in all the things. Also, I mean, I'm so very proud of my children's show, Tap Time, for people to trust me with their children. You know, this show was such a success. That means you have people have trusted me with allowing their children to watch. That says a lot, you know. And I want to end me from my children's show. I mean, come on. Trying to do something good in the world. I never imagined that show I could even win an Emmy because I was like, it's a YouTube show. It's a YouTube original, but it's YouTube. I remember the first year I got nominated. I was like, how? Oh, how? For real? Like my mind was blown, right? Look at God. Look at God. God said, you can put limitations on me. I can do anything. I said, you show care, Lord. Where's your Emmy right now? Where you keep it? It's, honey, it's sitting in my, I have a bar area that you got to walk through to get to the kitchen. So when you come into the house, because whenever, you know, people come, they're out in the kitchen. I want them to see it. Yeah. So they get to walk by and see it. I got my Emmy, it sits up on, like I got like a little record player thing. And then I have my four image awards beside it. Come on, four image awards. It's like, I'm so proud. I'm trying to see it. I wasn't put into my office. I was like, but everybody don't go in the office. I'm just leaving it right there. Yeah. I love it. I love that you're so proud of yourself as you should be. We have some, we have a new feature with Boost Mobile. It's a voice note. So Boost Mobile voice note. And so this is usually somebody from our comment section or from our Instagram. Somebody sent you a note today or question. I'm not really sure what it is. But let's, let's hear it. Hi, Tabitha. You're the auntie inside my head. You've changed my life in so many ways. I recently watched your video. Are you living the life you were born to live or the life you were influenced to live? And I've gone from feeling stuck and waking up miserable every morning before work. But now I still have the same job, but I made a lot of changes that are making me feel happier. But I am going through some discomfort. How do you personally tell the difference between discomfort that is growing pains versus discomfort that's actually your spirit saying this isn't aligned for you? That's a great question. Yeah, it is. So she said, I'm still in the job that she don't like, but I made some changes. And she's still uncomfortable. So she's going to be, if she continues to be uncomfortable even after the changes, it's time to go. And the other thing that God will make you so uncomfortable sometimes, and if you choose not to, he'll push you out of there. Yeah. And she also said you was like her auntie. Hey girl. How do you feel about auntie? The word auntie. Mary J. Blige does not enjoy people calling her auntie. And I understand. Sometimes the men will be like, how old are you calling me auntie? You know what I'm saying? How do you, but people do refer and feel that about you. How does that, how does that land for you? I love it. You do. It's a term of endearment for me. But in real life, I've been an auntie since I was 10. My nephew was born when I was in fifth grade. Probably the best auntie. Listen, I have, and other people's kids, my friends' kids, like I love it. But I'm also, I'm from the cell. Yeah, yes, yes. I'm 46, but my spirit probably 200 years old. I don't even know. Because I have had an old spirit my whole life. That's why people be like, I thought you were like 60 years old, but then I look at you. You don't look 60, but you have an old spirit. I'm like, I have an old spirit. I know that about myself. And I also been mothering and with my husband for 27 years. My bonus door is 30. Wait, how old were you when you got married? I was 23. Wow, that's young. You were different 24 to 23. Human being at that time. Yeah, girl. I was still a girl. The fact that the two of you have made it through all those phases in life is really a blessing and lovely because that usually when people grow, sometimes they grow in different directions, but you guys have managed to have that experience together. I'm so grateful. I love them. And I like them. Yeah, that's what does, you know, because we all love by default, like naturally we love because we all have a heart. We were designed to do so, but we were not designed to like. But I like them. Good for you. This week, I like them a lot. This week. Maybe next. Oh, you never know. He might get on your nerves next week. You never know. What do you think about your legacy? Do you think about that ever? And what do you think that will be? I am often asked that question. And I hope that my legacy was that, you know, she lived her life freely. But her intention was always to bring love and joy to make people feel seen and heard, but to always make people feel like they had a friend in me. Yeah. What are you doing? Do you ever have these moments still? I mean, I guess we all do, even when you're as much as clear of your purpose as you are, just a day, bad day or a day of doubt or a day where you question, am I who I think I am? You know what I'm saying? Like, do you still have those moments in your life sometimes? It's not the am I who I think I am. Like, I know who I am, but I definitely have bad days. Grapple's got hit in the back trying to be in control. But I absolutely have bad days. I have days where I question, like, God, was I supposed to do that? I prayed about it. You told me, but it feels uncomfortable. But he still says, like, you, I didn't say you could have everything without discomfort. I said, oh, you didn't say that, did you? I said that. I thought, oh, that was tabs in there. This should be comfortable because the Lord gave it to me. That ain't what he said. Yeah. You know, he said weapons were poor, but they wouldn't prosper. Okay. So sometimes the weapons might hurt a little bit, but they won't prosper. Just stories, spoken without fear. Addiction is a disease, and it should be looked upon as any other disease. How did you cope with a reckless father like me? Join me, Pooja Bhatt, as I sit down every week with directors, actors, musicians, technicians, and beyond. You don't need to work with the biggest people and the biggest sound to have great music. I have gone through the Saab Siddhi Khachakar. The reach, the pinnacle, it's stung by the snake and I've fallen down again. Yeah. I am not writing actively anymore, and when I see my old work, it kind of saddens me. I'm only as good as the last shot that I gave. Mom's gone, but don't shut the theater. The show must go on. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhatt show, and the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. This episode is brought to you by Square. Your favorite neighborhood spot runs on Square. There are certain businesses that just make your neighborhood your neighborhood. Like, you know who works there. They know you. They know what you like. They know how to serve you. I remember being a little kid and my grand, there was a bull, they got downstairs, and they knew my grandmother well, so she could send me in there to get anything. And they knew that she was going to come pay for it if I didn't have enough money. There was just a, there's just a community. There's an understanding. There's a caring for people and each other. There's just something that happens, a relationship that forms with small businesses in neighborhoods. That's why they're really important and really important that we support them. To learn more, go support your favorite neighborhood spot and see what Square's been up to in your neck of the woods. And then if you have some extra time, you can check out this link right here, square.com forward slash go. Here's a link. Give it a quick. What about your connection to food? And this is more than food, right? For you, especially in your career and what you've built, but like even how you've chosen chose to eat and vegan lifestyle and health, I just, I don't know, what have you learned about it? What is it? What is its role in your life? When I decided to go vegan, I did after watching the documentary because I was sick. Which one did you watch? What the hell? Oh yeah. So my daughter came home from school. She was 15 at the time and she said, Mommy, we saw this documentary at school. I think you should watch it. And it was what the hell? So my husband was like, it was on Netflix. We was like, okay, let's watch it as a family. And they started talking about not all diseases are hereditary, right? Sometimes things run in the bloodline and it reacts to the food because everybody's eating the same food. So I started to think like, okay, my mom died at 51 of a rare disease, ALS. There's no causal cure. At the time I dated was 65. He's now 73 or just 74. He's the oldest man to ever live in our family at 73 years old. Wow. Right. And I thought it was similar reasons. Similar reasons. They have massive heart attacks, strokes, all these things that just happen and they die young. And so I just thought, well, I've tried every drug the doctor has offered. I've even was getting like shots in my head. I was getting all kinds of stuff. I was getting the P.A. But I had not tried that. And so I was like, well, maybe I'll do a 30 day vegan challenge. And I asked my husband, like, can we do it together? And he was like, yeah, I'll do it with you. I was like, because what I have to lose in the first 10 days of doing this challenge that headache I had every day for a year and seven months disappeared. Wow. And I was like, okay, I'm on to something, right? So I continued even after 30 days, I decided this is going to be my life. I don't know how it happened. But people started to see me different. They would be like, you seem like you just have this light. And I'd be like, I do. They'd be like, I don't know your skin is glowing. I was like, maybe it's the, I'm even plants. I'm drinking water, you know? And I wasn't a bad eater before. I haven't had red meat or pork in over 30 years. I'm allergic to dairy like most of us. And I was a very mindful eater, but I was never eating to feel well. I used to eat to look a certain way, which is also a sickness, right? Because now that's like, like, I'm not, I don't care if it's hurting me, as long as I look good. That's not good, right? What I found in being vegan after healing myself, you start to read more and you start to, you know, do different events that are vegan events and you get invited and all these things. And then you start realizing like, oh, I started connecting the animal to the food. And I was like, I'll never be the, you know, a person that make anybody feel bad for what they're doing because I would be hypocrite. Like I'm the only vegan in my, in my house, right? But I started to do this research about chickens, right? Chickens, because of the high demand for them, they're doing this mass producing of them. They're always in a constant state of panic. They're having panic attack after panic attack. Now, when I was sick and I had manic panic attacks, I ate chicken every day. And so I just started in prayer and writing down and researching God was like, there's a saying, you are what you eat. And I was like, I was eating manic panic, fear. All the things that I had been feeling. This is my own journey for myself, my own feelings inside. And then I just was like, I also kept feeling like I'm going to die. I was eating death every day. Then I started to eat things that were alive, plants, and I started to feel more alive. And I just, I don't know, I just, my mind got more clear, right? But then I had more compassion. I always loved animals, but I never connected them to the plate. It just, because you go to the store, they ain't going to show you, you know, even the chicken, there ain't going to be no chicken sitting there looking at you. It's just going to be the meat, you know? But I started to see it differently. See them as animals now. Yeah. And I would go to sanctuaries and spend time with them. Even with the pigs, you know, everybody says, you know, pigs are these like built the animals, right? They're so smart. They're the smartest animal. They will not use the bathroom where they eat. If they're the dirtiest animal, why, why do they do that? They say that because they roll in the mud to cool off. That's how they get their skin from getting burned, right? But they're also so amazing. You can take a farm pig, right? And put it into the wild and it will grow hair and tusk to blend in to become wild. I said, say what now? I couldn't believe it. I said, how you doing? How you do that? Talk about God's creation. God said, I'm going to protect you so you can blend in over here. It just blew my mind. Cows are like big dogs. You were like, I can't eat that baby. Right. Like, I mean, I won't eat in no way. But I just like, as I was learning, they're just, I mean, my dream is to, you know, move back to the south and get me a whole bunch of land and get animals. But I really want a cow so I can raise it like a dog. So I could just show people, like, look at this, right? They, they are so smart. They, they're playful. Like you see a young, oh my God. Never knew this about a cow. Girl, look up cows playing. Okay. Maybe you can do that. She'll go get the ball, bring it back with it. It is the, it's mind blowing. I can tell my husband all the time, I'm going to, you're going to come home one day. It's going to be a cow right here in this yard. I'm raising it just like a dog. And then it can't come into house. And I got to draw the line somewhere because I don't know if you can train them and use the bathroom and stuff. And they get big, but they do have those little miniature ones in like other countries. I might get me one of them. But you should absolutely do it. That's my dream. One day I'm going to have them. And so how many years now have you been eating like that? Eight years. Eight years. Wow. Yeah. Eight years. Whole life changed. It saved my life and changed my life. Yeah. I'm just so grateful. Your parents ever, my daddy went vegan. Him and my stepmom for two years. And I'm so grateful for the two years that when he did go, right in the beginning, it was about, it was March, yeah, March, 2018. He was like, we're going to try it. And I, you know, it was still new for me. And in October, he had a stroke. And I had to fly home because they were like, oh, they found like this, you know, leak on the brain, all the stuff. They're going to have to do brain surgery like it was bad. Had to airlift him because I'm from a small town. So they had to airlift him from on a helicopter to the next biggest city, to the hospital. So I get there. He's in intensive care. Scary. Now, my Jew, I was talking to my daddy on the phone. I'm a daddy's girl. So me and my dad, you know, we talk every day. He was at work. This is before he retired. He's worked at the meal in the factory. And me and my dad, we have a thing, you know, we, we call each other every day. So when we answer the phone, if I, if I call him and he'll say, you know, I'll say, bro, Thomas, what's going on, man? He'll be like, ain't nothing going on. What's going on? Tab, like we just do that. And so I called him and when he answered the phone, I said, bro, Thomas, what's going on with your man? And he said, well, I don't know. I'm sitting here at my desk and I'm trying to write my name. I can't write it. I said, did you have a stroke? Did you have a stroke? Because the strokes also are in my family. You've caught him in there. In that moment, I called my sister. I said, go, go to the meal. Did he have a stroke? He said, well, I can't have a stroke. I got to, he's also a barber. The barber shop right by the meal. He said, I can't have a stroke because I got two heads to cut the dazzy. Did you, you got to go to the hospital. You are having a stroke. So my sister, I call her, she's about 15 minutes away. She head down. He didn't left the, he didn't left the meal, drove his truck to the barber shop and he cut in hair. This is like you on the highway. Baby, you know what? You're right. I'm witching when you're right now. You're right. This is like you on the highway. My sister, he would not leave the barber shop. I don't know what them heads looked like when he finished cutting. Oh my. You know, you sat there having a whole stroke and you didn't gave two people a haircut. Then he went to the hospital. Within an hour from him getting there and them scanning is when they put him in that helicopter to fly him to, what's it say? So anyway, I get there. I had to fly in. So the doctors come, he's an intensive care unit. Everybody on this floor has had a stroke similar or less than the one that his truck was showing. They were paralyzed. Some of them had went blind. Like literally couldn't talk everything. He had a slight slur, very slight. You could barely tell he was walking. His hand was like a little bit weak. When they came in, they were like, well, we were going to do the surgery. But when we checked it, the blockage, like it just, like it dissolved and went back into the bloodstream. And I asked, and it was a team of doctors. They were so perplexed. I said, tell me this. If you're saying everybody on this floor has had a similar stroke or less than what my daddy's chart is saying. And they're all in the condition they're in. And my daddy is literally sitting up talking and can walk. Is anybody on this floor vegan? And they said, no, I said, my daddy had been eating vegan for like six months. And there was one doctor. He was Indian. He came back in after he said, that is what savior did his life. Wow. He said, because it didn't, there was no, the blood didn't thicken. Like it was literally just, it just dissolved back into the stream, whatever the medical term is. And I said, oh, he said, oh, he said, I believe that. That is, he said, that's the only difference. He's eating differently than anybody else on this floor. Wow. Yeah. I was like, well, did you see that? But then a couple of years later, what'd he do? That chicken had a hold on. He got the rabbit meat. And baby, that's his business. He eat that chicken and that fish, but he don't do no red meat, no pork, none of that. Oh, maybe it was just that season that was meant to save him. Listen, it was also, you know, he probably thought he was in control because he'd been, you know, he was supposed to have been retired. He was working 48 years and he was like, I believe I can do another two years. Daddy, the meal is shutting down. Ain't nobody even in there working no more. They get laid off almost everybody except my daddy. Oh my gosh. So, but yeah. Yeah. He sounds amazing. He is, he is, he is. He must be very proud of you in this moment. He is. And I'm grateful that I made him proud. Yeah. Has he seen the movie? He hasn't, not yet. And I was trying to everything. I was here, of course. And then I got to go to Alabama this weekend. So I wanted to go home to North Carolina and watch it with him, but he gonna watch it. They're gonna watch it this weekend. I'm so happy. Congratulations. My love. Thank you. You work for it and it's here and it's gonna happen every year. You're gonna have a holiday. It's gonna happen every year. Okay. Every year. Come on. Unexpected Christmas. Okay. There it is. In real life. Time to wrap it up, everybody. Thank you. I love you. Thank you. Hello there. This is Tap at the Brand. In real life. Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Age of Martinez' IRL podcast. I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.