embracing being single

I'm going through a breakup right now, and I'll be honest, it sucks. But breakups always suck, right? Like, I've never been through an easy breakup. Even when I think back to my most inconsequential relationship, it was three or four months long and we didn't love each other. Even that breakup sucked. But I will say this particular breakup was better in some ways because even though this was not an inconsequential relationship, this was an incredibly serious relationship that was two years long. We really deeply loved each other. The way it ended was so pleasant that I think that's why I'm able to talk about it without crying right now. You know, it's only been a week and I can talk about it. But it's because it was mutual. We communicated and got closure and we've decided to remain friends. It was as perfect as a breakup could possibly be. But it's still tough. But what does this mean for me? Now I'm single. And being single for me is interesting because I haven't been single much in my life. Since I was 17, I've been dating pretty consistently. I've had quite a few boyfriends, but I've had very short breaks in between, meaning I haven't really been single. And so it's a little bit daunting to be in this place now where I'm single again. And this time, I know I should be single for a little bit longer than two or three months. I think this time I need to be single for like a year. I know that in my gut and I know it's right, but it's daunting. After every relationship in the past, I would immediately start searching for the next person. And at this point in my life, I understand why I did that. At the time, I didn't really notice what I was doing. I wasn't really self-reflecting. I was just trying to find my next boyfriend as quickly as possible. But now that I'm a little bit older, I understand why I used to do that. And I also understand why I can't do that again. Here's why I used to do that. Number one, because I would get so overwhelmed with pain from the breakup that instead of facing it head-on, I would distract myself from that pain by searching for a new partner and then ultimately dating someone new who could distract me from the pain of the ex. This is a tale as old as time. Almost everyone does this at least once in their life. It's almost like when people say, well, you know the best cure for a hangover? Drink in some more. It's toxic, but it definitely helps. Like my first breakup was incredibly, incredibly, incredibly painful for me. You know what they always say. The first breakup always hurts the worst. It was so bad. I was in a really dark place and immediately I was like, I need to find somebody new to date like as quickly as possible. And I did. Did it help? Yeah. But, you know, it was sort of rushed in a way and I think in retrospect, I wouldn't call it a rebound, but it was like, I can see clearly now what I was doing. I wasn't healed from that ex at all. But I just had to numb the pain somehow. But I wouldn't say that that was the healthiest choice. Right? Um, so that's one reason why I used to move on so quickly. Uh, number two, I used to want to stick it to my ex. I think there's something about a breakup that really damages your ego. My, it takes a lot to bruise my ego, but breakups have always bruised my ego. Even if I'm the one that broke up with them, it still bruises my ego. Like them not fighting to get me back also bruises my ego. And so in the past, this has caused me to want to get into a relationship as quickly as possible to stick it to my ex. Look, I don't need you. I don't care that in one way or another you rejected me because look at me now. I am in a new relationship. I moved on first. Look at me. I win. You lose. I'm, you should be jealous. Like I've, you know, which is very immature, right? But also in my defense, I'm 24. Next, I'm also the type of person who always has to have a crush. I don't know what it is about me. I just like thinking about a cute boy all the time. Like I always have to have some sort of crush, whether it's a celebrity crush or it's like some random barista at a coffee shop that I go to sometimes, or it's like I am the type of person that always has to have a crush. And that leads me to dating a lot because I'll become fixated on a particular crush. And then if they like me back, I'm like, well, now I have to date them because I've had this crush for this period of time. And so I think I'm just prone to dating because I'm prone to having crushes constantly. And that has also led me to not being single for long. Next, I don't enjoy casual hookups very much. If I want to be physical with a guy, I prefer to be in a relationship. And so listen, I'm not somebody who's particularly driven by sex. Honestly, I can go a really long time without sex and be completely fine. I can handle things on my own. It's weird because I always have a crush, but yet I'm not particularly sexually driven. Like I feel like my sex drive might be a bit lower than others, or maybe it's like average. Might be a little lower than average. I'm so busy. I just, I don't know. I'm busy with other things. And also I don't like casual hookups. I don't really like that vibe. And I don't need that vibe. In the past, when I've hooked up with people casually, it's been kind of an experiment. And every single time I'm like, ooh, I don't really like that. I'm not going to do that again, probably. But even though I don't need sex, I still do affection though. If I want that, for me, I kind of need to be in a romantic relationship for that. And I also enjoy, it's not like I don't like having sex. It's just that I don't need to. And so I don't know. It's tempting for me to be in romantic relationships rather than being single, because for me, being single usually means no affection, right? Because I don't really like casual hookups. So that leads me to pursuing romantic relationships seriously, because that's how I get my affection, right? But also, I've been very fortunate in my life to have had a lot of opportunities to date guys that I really like. Like, it sounds like up until, like everything that I've said up until this point makes it sound like every guy I've ever dated is a rebound. And I'm just constantly bouncing from one to the next, because I'm desperate or whatever. And I am just trying to find whoever will date me. That's not the full story, right? Two things can be happening at once. On one hand, I have been antsy to get into my next relationship for a handful of reasons. But then on the other hand, I also have been presented the opportunity to date people that I really like and that I think I have potential with. Have they worked out? Obviously not, because look at me now, single once again. But, like, I really have liked all the guys that I've dated. So I don't want to negate the depth of those relationships by saying that I've felt a bit maybe desperate or antsy in the past. Because, again, those two things have coexisted in my mind. The antsiness, but also the genuine connection. The mistake I've made in the past is rushing into relationships too quickly before I'm ready because of that antsiness. Because of that desperation. Because I've wanted to stick it to my acts, you know, whatever. The connection between me and the people I've dated have been good and strong in the beginning and exciting. But I think I got into them too quickly, you know, and perhaps for the wrong reasons. Once in those relationships, I would let them drag on for too long. Kind of dreading being single again and having to start the process all over again. And being put back into that place of desperation, you know? Like, I have a tendency to really try to make whatever relationship I'm in work, even if it's so not working. And even if it's so, doesn't make sense. I definitely am the type to overstay my welcome in a relationship. I might start to realize that the relationship is not working. But instead of acting on that, I really try to fix it and fix it and fix it. Because I didn't want to be single. I also think too that I've avoided singlehood because ultimately it's my goal in life to get married and have a family. And I'm looking for that partner. I'm in pursuit of that partner. And I think there's a part of me that is really scared of that process. I think that's very normal. There are so many people in this world. There are so many options, but then there also aren't a lot of good options all at the same time. It's very daunting and it's very scary. And I think when I get into a relationship, I just want that to be the one I want to be done. Then when it doesn't work out, I'm like, fuck, I need to get back on the horse quickly and really like, and find the next one. Because otherwise I'll lose momentum and then I'll end up single for the rest of my life. Like, I feel like there's this fear of sort of losing momentum. And so that's another reason why I've avoided being single. And there's probably more reasons that I've yet to discover, but this time is different. I am not going into this next single era with that mindset. Now that I've matured and self-reflected, I can't do that again. You know, like I'm not going to do that again. And I think it's going to be much better. So much has changed about me as a person and so much about my life has changed. And I also think that's the other reason why I'm able to sit down here and talk about this a week after it happened. Because I'm not as afraid of being single anymore. In fact, I'm actually kind of excited about it. Not to, that is by no means disrespecting my ex at all. I'm sad. Don't get me wrong. I'm sad and it's not fun. Like, I'm not having the best time right now. I'm keeping it together. But I'm sad, but I'm not scared like I used to be. And I'm also not in a state of desperation and panic, which is such a relief. I think the reason why this time is different is because, number one, my life is just so much better now than it used to be. I mean, listen, I still have my challenges, but overall, my life is good. I have an amazing support system, a great relationship with my parents, amazing friends. I have a lot of hobbies and things that I love doing. I love watercolor. I love listening to music and maybe sometimes trying to play instruments, but then I sometimes then get sick of it and then don't do it anymore. I really thought that I was going to stick to playing instruments this most recent time that I picked it up, but that one didn't stick as well. I don't know why I just can't. I was wrong. Anyway, but still, my work life is very busy and being busy is exciting. Even though it can be really stressful, it's very exciting. My life outside of romantic relationships is fulfilling and stimulating and exciting. And I don't feel like I have a gap that I'm trying to fill in my life with a relationship. In the past, I've always had like a gap, whether it was because I didn't have a good friend group or I didn't have any hobbies or my work life was not exciting. And so in the past, I've had this sort of void to fill with a romantic relationship. And now I'm at a place in my life where I don't have a void to fill. A romantic relationship can come in and enhance my life, but it's not making my life. And in the past, it was. But I think the reason why I, how I've been able to get to this point is just through work, working, like working on my life, you know, like putting effort into my relationships, making time to figure out what kinds of hobbies and activities I enjoy, getting to a good place with my work life through restructuring things and constantly analyzing things. And I think that that comes with age and life experience. I think it's very normal to be a young person and to have various voids that can be filled by relationships. But I'm not at that place anymore because I've worked very hard to get here. And now I'm, you know, experiencing the fruit of that labor, not that it's even labor, but there's a level of discipline and I've worked very hard at that. And I think now that I'm at a place where that is very fulfilling, I don't need a partner to fill a gap. But also too, my confidence is coming from a much more sustainable source these days than it used to. Also due to work that I've done on myself, right? Like, I think when I was younger, I would place my self-esteem and my confidence on things that were unsustainable. For example, how I looked or whether or not I had a boyfriend or whether or not a boy liked me, like that I would unintentionally put my self-worth in things like that. Thus, making me more dependent on validation from boys, whereas now my self-esteem, my confidence, my self-worth is rooted in who I am as a person. And I've done so much work trying to be as good of a person as I can possibly be. And so now I'm not looking for validation from guys. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Uber. You should check out Uber One for Students. It comes with a bunch of perks like $0 delivery fees, up to 10% off eligible orders, and 6% back in Uber credits on rides. Plus, daily freebies from your favorite brands. Try it out now and get your first four weeks free. Become an Uber One for Students member and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats. Eligibility and member terms apply. Now back to the episode. Next, I don't really feel the need to stick it to my ex anymore. I mean, with this particular breakup that I'm going through right now, I really don't feel the need to stick it to my ex. We're friends, you know? I mean, like, are we like best friends hanging out every day? I mean, no, that would be dating still. But like, we're on great terms. The breakup was so beautiful and wonderful, as beautiful and wonderful as a breakup can be. And so like, I don't want to stick it to him, you know? Like, if anything, I'm like, I want to be really tactful about how I proceed with dating moving forward because, like, out of respect for him in a way. Like, I don't want to get into a relationship too quickly and like sort of disrespect him in that way. I don't know, like, we're not disrespect him. I mean, I can do whatever I want now, right? Once you're not with somebody, you can do whatever you want. I could start dating somebody tomorrow and that's not really his business anymore and vice versa. But it does feel a little bit icky to like get into a relationship too quickly after a breakup. Because I think in the case of most breakups, after a breakup, it's like everyone should probably take a break, you know what I mean? So that we can all properly learn, heal and then eventually move forward or who knows, get back together. I mean, that shit happens. But like, I don't want to stick it to my exes. I actually, like now, I'm at a place now where I'm in a good place with all of them. Or we just don't talk anymore at all and I'm over it and they're over it and no one cares. But I don't feel the need to stick it to anyone anymore. I'm completely over that. And I hope that I never feel that way again because it sucks. I think it is more challenging if, say, you know, you're dating somebody and then they cheat on you. And then you're like, well, now I want to stick it to them because they fucking cheated on me, you know? But luckily, like, that's not going on. But also, I'm not my ego is not as bruised because that's the other thing, right? Like in the past, even if the breakups have been pretty amicable, I've still gotten a bruised ego and wanted to stick it to them. I think the reason why I don't feel that desire as much anymore is because as I mentioned earlier, my confidence is not, it's rooted in, it's rooted in me. You know, of course, it always feels good when like a guy flirts with me. It helps a little bit, but that's not my source of self-esteem and self-worth and confidence. Like, so my ego is not getting as bruised as well. But I'm also starting to realize too, how important being single is for ultimately finding the one in air quotes. I just did air quotes with my fingers. Okay. The one, you know, does the one, does a soulmate exist? Suffer debate, right? But ultimately, I will end up with someone who I might get divorced with. I'm going to knock on wood to not jinx it. But like, I will end up with the one at some point, there's going to be someone who I end up with. And for the sake of ease, I might as well call that person the one. But like, I don't know if there's any such thing as a soulmate, right? But I've come to the conclusion through life experience that I think in order to find the one, I need to be single for a while and learn from that experience and grow from that experience in order to be in the place where I can even find the one where it'll even make sense for us to be together. I'm realizing that how I used to think like, oh, if I lose momentum and I'm single for too long, you know, I'm not going to find the one. I'm realizing now, no, like being single is actually going to help me develop myself into a better, more evolved person so that I can find the one. But also too, like I'm 24. I, like, I don't need to settle down quite yet, you know, and that scares me to say out loud because I do still have a little. There's a little whisper in the back of my head that's like, well, but you better not get too comfortable being single because, you know, or else, or else next thing you know, you'll blink and you'll be 90 years old and you never found anyone. You know what I mean? Um, I think I'm realizing that I can have the goal of wanting to find somebody that I'll be with for hopefully till death do us part. I can have the goal of wanting to find that and also allow myself to have a period of time in my twenties where I'm just exploring. It's now becoming clear to me that being single is a part of my personal journey to finding the one. I think that it's actually not as count counterintuitive as I thought it actually makes a lot of sense. Like I need to grow as an individual before I can be in a relationship long term. Yes, is it possible to get into a relationship at a really young age and, and grow and learn and become a solid individual within a relationship? Totally. I really do think that that's possible. Is it maybe more challenging in some ways? I would say yes, but I think it's definitely possible, but it's clearly not my journey. Like I'm realizing that I'm like, no, if it was going to be my journey, it was going to be with the person like in, and we're broken up now. You know what I mean? It's like, so no, I'm now I'm at this point and I'm realizing this is my time to be single, to develop myself, but also to explore. Like I want to explore different types of people in a noncommittal way, not even necessarily sexually. Because as I said earlier, I'm not really that sexually driven and I also don't like casual hookups. So that's probably not going to work out for me. Like I'm not going to explore people. Maybe, maybe I'll really like something will snap in my brain and I'll download a dating app and just start hooking up with everyone. I can find like, I don't know, or start going out every weekend and hooking up. Like, I don't know. I, who knows, that might be part of my journey. Right. Like I always think I can predict how things are going to go and then I never really know what I'm going to do. Right. But from what I know about myself right now and how I feel right now, I'm not probably going to be hooking up with people like that. But just even exploring other types of guys through friendship, just through conversation, through like a little flirt here and there, exposing myself to a bunch of different types of guys without any sort of feeling of being tied down, I think is going to be really important for me in understanding what I'm looking for, you know, to help me develop my standards in a way, even more so. And lastly, I think that being singles is out of my comfort zone. Right. It's something that I haven't really fully done. Like I've been single, but I haven't ever been single and like just enjoyed it and accepted it. It's always been for me this sort of limbo where it's like, well, I'm single, but I'm heavily searching. I've never been single and just let things happen. I've never used it as a time to grow and self reflect and focus on myself and explore different types of people. Like I've just, it's always been this kind of chaotic time and I've never just sat in it. Do you know what I mean? It's still a temporary state for me. I don't think I'm not going to be single for the rest of my life. Again, knock on wood. Don't want to jinx it, but I've never been single and like utilized it and like took advantage of it. You know what I mean? And like really let it be an era for me going out of my comfort zone and forcing myself in some ways to be single for at least a year. Like I'm going to grow from that experience and I'm excited in some ways to see what comes of it. You know, I think a lot of us look at being single as being a negative thing, but I have started to see the value in it. I've discovered so many potential benefits, things that seem actually really exciting. A time to self reflect, a time to focus on yourself, a time to feel free to, you know, I think changing the way I see single hood has really helped me get to the point now where I'm ready to have my single fucking era. I'm excited to become truly comfortable with being single so that I can be properly selective moving forward. I can come from a place of security within myself when I go back out and start dating again. I'm not making any choices out of desperation moving forward. I'm going to, I'm excited to get to a point where I'm so comfortable being single that I'm only going to date someone that really has a lot of potential. Again, that's not to negate my connection with my past boyfriends, but like I also mentioned earlier, I was kind of overlooking some, I wouldn't say red flags, but maybe yellow flags. That is not helping me find the one. You know what I mean? That's just getting me into a relationship that I probably shouldn't be in. Not that that's a waste of time. Like we have to, this is how we learn in life, right? But now that I'm aware of how that was perhaps damaging, I'm excited to get to a point where I'm so comfortable being single that I'm not dating out of desperation at all. I'm coming from a place of complete security in myself and I'm not going to put up with any bullshit. If it's not working, it's not working and I'm going to get out of it, you know? I'm not going to linger around because maybe there's a little bit of potential or it's not that bad. It's like, no, anytime you make a decision out of desperation, it's usually not going to be good in dating, you know? Like that's not good. I also think too that this era of being single will be healing for me because I've kind of never been able to fully, properly heal from all of my exes in a way. Like even if we're on good terms, even if I kind of don't care about some of them anymore, I feel like because I've moved so quickly from one to the next, I feel like I've never been able to like properly just heal from all of them and truly let them all go. And I mean, listen, I don't think you ever fully let go of an ex. Like there's such a big part of your life, even if you only dated for a little while, every person you date and you have an intimate relationship with, they're going to remain somewhere in your mind and in your heart for the rest of your life a little bit. But it would just be nice to fully recover before getting into my next relationship because, by the way, based on my experience, getting into a new relationship doesn't properly heal the pain of the last breakup. It kind of masks it, but not super well. And so it's been really challenging for me on a personal level to be in a new relationship while grieving my last relationship. I've experienced that multiple times. And even if that doesn't impact the other person, which sometimes it can, if they feel like maybe a disconnect, even if they don't feel that, it's hard for me. It's like living a double life in a way sometimes. And I don't like that feeling and I don't want to do it again. And so I'm excited to be single for a while so that I can properly recover. I'm excited to focus on my life. You know, relationships are a sacrifice, right? It's a time sacrifice. It's an emotional sacrifice. There's a lot of compromising. There's a lot of growing and a lot of pushing each other. And it can be so wonderful and so beautiful. And it can really enhance your life, but it can also be so exhausting in a way, especially if you're not in the right place in your life to be in a relationship. And so I'm excited to just be able to focus on myself. I feel I have a premonition that if I'm more selfish right now, it'll get me to a place later where I don't need to be as selfish. You know, if I get my fucking work done now, if I establish hobbies and integrate them into my routine, if I build a really solid support system, which I've already done, you know, a lot of that. I've really, you know, made a lot of headway there. If I'm selfish and I focus on those things and build as fulfilling of a life as I possibly can, then I feel like later those things will be so ingrained in my life that I can then make the space for a partner and for a family. And it'll be easy because I don't know. I think that's wishful thinking to an extent, but I'm fucking 24. Like I can, I just have to be a little selfish right now. You know what I mean? Um, I said this earlier, but I'm excited for the growth that's going to come from this, you know, like, and have a lot more time to self reflect. I'm facing a challenge. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I'm inevitably going to grow and I'm really looking forward to that. The more I grow as a person, the more fulfilling I've found my life becomes. And last but not least, I'm like excited to see who comes into my life. Friends, potentially my fucking husband. Who knows? Like I'm just excited to see who comes into my life when I'm not chasing, but rather I'm attracting. Romantic or otherwise. I don't know. It's going to be, it's going to be so fucking funny. It's going to be so, because I have all these ideas about how this single era is going to go. Right. Like I want to be single for about a year. I feel like that's a healthy amount of time for me, you know, or longer. If, if it makes sense, not too long though. He please. Um, but like long enough, you know what I mean? Long enough to fully have a single era, you know? And I also don't plan on doing too much super casual dating, but like watch me literally next weekend, just go on an absolute rampage and start hooking up with everyone. Everyone who wants to hook up with me and then like I have, and then in three weeks, I have a new boyfriend. I'm a little worried about that, but it's ultimately in my control. I'm somebody who really likes to plan. And so I'm like trying to plan what I want this single era to look like. And I also know too that I don't really know what it's going to look like. I don't really know what's going to happen. I don't really know. I can't predict anything. Like I could want to be single for a year and in six months, who knows? Like I could get back together with my ex that I just broke up. Like I don't know what I'm going to do. And so basically why I'm saying that is I'm just hypothesizing really. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I don't really know what's going to happen. I don't really know what I'm going to discover along the way and how that's going to impact how this, how this era goes for me. But I will say I'm, I'm not feeling completely depressed and broken because I think it is something that I need. And I don't know. I'm curious to see how it goes. I will say though, even though I'm talking about this single era, I hate the word era or something cringe about it to me, but I don't know another word for it. What could be another word for era? Like there isn't another one. Era is the only, should I thesaurus? Um, okay. Here. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 A generation stage term time. Yeah, maybe instead of calling it single era, I could call it my single cycle. I don't like that. That doesn't really make sense. Single stage, that's kind of good. Single term, single time. Single time is kind of good. Well, I'll experiment and we'll see which one I like. Anyway, even though I'm speaking as though I'm really looking forward to my single time and it's like all butterflies and rainbows, I still have a lot of fears going into this phase. One of the fears that I'm having is that I'll never find someone again. I will be single forever. This is so common. I've experienced this fear every single time I've ever been single. It's now the least strong that it's ever been, but I still do fear that, but I just have to trust the universe. Not everybody finds solace in spirituality, but for me, I don't really know what's going on up there in the heavens, if you will. I don't really know, but sometimes there's certain situations where I'm like, I just have to trust the universe on this one and trust that what's meant to happen in this particular situation will happen. But is there a chance that I might be single for the rest of my life? I guess, I guess, yeah, maybe, but I don't think so. I keep knocking on wood. I can't handle it. I have to knock on wood. But I'm just choosing to trust the universe on that. I'm also afraid that I'm gonna get into another relationship too fast and end up getting hurt again unnecessarily, like for no reason. I know that I shouldn't do that, but I'm scared that I'm gonna get tempted. I'm gonna meet somebody. I'm gonna really like them. And then I'm gonna go into that relationship too soon without healing from the last one. And I'm not gonna have restraint and say, no, we need to wait. I'm just gonna get right into it. And then I'm gonna ignore the red flags or I'm gonna ignore the yellow flags, I should say. I'm gonna ignore the yellow flags again. And then I'm scared that I think I've learned from my past and that I haven't. But how I combat that fear is I just remind myself that it's in my control. It's up to me. And I think now that I've come to all these conclusions, I think it'd be hard to go back on them. Like I'm so aware of these things now that I'll catch myself making these mistakes if I make them and I'll catch it before it gets too bad. And the last fear is always, this one's, this one goes deep. This one's kind of embarrassing to admit. It's not embarrassing. It's so real. Everybody experiences this. But I also have a really hard time with my exes moving on before me, you know? And I'm afraid of how I'll feel if they get into a relationship. And then I feel like it'll de, I'm scared it'll derail me, you know what I mean? From staying on track and remaining single. Like it's one thing, it's easy to be single when you know your ex is single too. It's tough to be single when you see on Instagram that your ex is no longer single. Then all of a sudden it's like, wait, no, I need to do it too. So I'm a little bit afraid of that. But what I have to remind myself of is that it has nothing to do with me anymore. We broke up for a reason and what you can't see doesn't exist. So I'm just not gonna look. It's like you just can't look and you just have to fucking have discipline to not dig into it and look into it and then, you know, spiral about it. Like I just have to have self control. And again, that's in my control, right? I can't control if my ex or any of my exes get into relationships. I can't control whether or not I expose myself to it. I don't need to see that or hear about that or know about that. That's that part's in my control. Anyway, it's not gonna be easy necessarily, but it's gonna be worth it. And I just can't believe I'm here again. It's like, oh. Every time I get into a relationship, I'm like, oops, getting married. It's so toxic. And then I don't marry them. You know what I mean? And it doesn't work out. But you know what? I have no clue what's gonna happen. I'm not even gonna pretend to have a clue about what's gonna happen. So I'm just gonna sit back, relax and enjoy the ride and do all the right things that will guide me in the right direction of getting where I wanna be in my romantic life. I'll keep you all updated. But seriously, you know what I wonder? I wonder what my future husband is doing right now. Like, what's he doing? What do you guys think he's doing? Is he pooping a little or maybe he's cooking dinner? What is he making? Is he making hopefully something like really good, like yummy, cause I would love to date somebody or marry somebody who can really cook good. It's fine if they can't, but wow, that'd be awesome. Like, I hope my future husband's cooking like a gorgeous, like roasted. What do I want him to be cooking? I don't even know. What do I even like to eat? Ooh, I hope he's making like a gorgeous soup, like a yummy, gorgeous, like autumn soup. And then like slicing up bread with butter on the side. And then there's like some other fun stuff. And then they're like, by the way, he's not doing that. I think it's wishful thinking. But anyway, that's all for today, you guys. Listen, I'm not gonna lie. If I, if in the coming months, I'm sometimes a little bit sad, it's because I'm going through a breakup. Okay, it's never easy. It's been a week. We're just getting started with this, you know what I mean? But I actually think I'm gonna be good. I think I'm gonna be good. And everything will be fine. But if I do seem a little bit sad sometimes, just chalk it up to that, okay? I also wanna say that my ex, whom I just broke up with, and I discussed me making this episode, he is fully okay with me making this episode. I'm not like exposing anything, you know, about the relationship. Like he's cool with it. And so don't think I'm like, I'm not, I would not have discussed this with you all if he was not comfortable with it. And I appreciate you all listening to me ramble. It is always a pleasure, no matter what I'm going through in my life, I know I can sit down here and shoot the shit with you all about it. And that is something I'm incredibly grateful for. So thank you for coming and hanging out. It's always a pleasure. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. If you wanna watch video, that's on YouTube and Spotify. Although audio is available anywhere you stream podcasts. Anything Goes is on social media. And Anything Goes, I'm on the internet and I'm a Chamberlain and my coffee company is on the internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee. I will talk to you all in a few days. I love you, I appreciate you. And let the single era commence. Bye.