you can't fix them

The world moves fast. You work day, even faster, pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Co-Pilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear path to your best work. One more at Microsoft.com slash M365 Co-Pilot. Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host Al Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy Friday everybody. Welcome! I am so excited to be here with you guys today. I am filled with so much joy. Thank you Jesus. His joy is like nothing else on the planet. Like the joy of Jesus is truly not even there's no drug on the planet that can actually compare to just the the high of the joy of the Lord. Hopefully that's not blasphemous. It's true though. Like there's like an endorphin boost in the joy of God. I don't know. Jesus I love you. I'm not trying to disrespect you. Your joy is just everything. It's everything. It is better than oxygen. It is everything. So if you feel like you are lacking joy of the Lord today, I just declare that over you right now in Jesus name. God I declare joy over my friend on the other side of this podcast, Jesus. I thank you Lord that you've given me the gift of joy and you've promised them that same gift. And so I declare the joy of Jesus over them. God I plead the joy of Jesus over my friend. Regardless of circumstances, regardless of things, worries, fears, anxieties, I pray joy. God I thank you that it says in your word that there is actually nothing that can come in between the love that you have for us. And there is nothing that can actually take your joy from us. And so I remind my friend that today, I declare the truth of the gospel and I pray joy over them in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Guys today is such a great day. It's a beautiful day because we get to spend it together. And so as you guys know, it's my favorite day of the week. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm obsessed with my job. I'm obsessed with you guys. I'm obsessed with our community. I'm obsessed with Jesus. God, thank you for today. And today is going to be a really fun episode. It's going to be a fun episode because it's going to be giving a holy slap in the face. It's going to be a reminder check, a reality check for a lot of us who want to fall into this habit of control. This habit or belief system that we can change people or we can fix them. And so today, we're going to talk about how you cannot be the source of somebody's change. You cannot fix somebody. And I think really ultimately the goal in all of this is remembering the truth of who we are and the truth of who God is. Remembering our role in people's lives, but then also remembering the role of who God is and like letting him be God. Not that we could ever take that away from him, but like we will be exhausted with trying to be him. We will exhaust ourselves by believing that we can do that. So that's what we're going to talk about today. And honestly, what inspired it? Oh, also I cut my hair. Yeah, you guys aren't seeing things. It's really gone. If you guys are physically watching it, cut my hair. It's to my shoulders now. You know, it's not new to see this hair on me because I've done it however many times now. I go through these like cycles of having my short hair chopping it off and then getting sick of it and missing my long hair and growing it out for like two years and then chopping it again. It's a vicious cycle where like I forget why I would ever want to grow up in my hair because I'm like short hair is so cute and fun. And I'm sure within a few weeks I will remember why I wanted to grow it out. I think it's just the maintenance of having short hair is very real. Okay, if I have some short hair, girlies that are listening right now, I'm sure that you could testify. But yeah, I think I mean, I've had my hair short for like almost a week now and I'm already remembering like that you actually have to do something with your hair every day when it's short otherwise it looks crazy. So like they're all you just they're always needs to be something styled about it. You know what I mean? Like I can't just wake up and be like yeah, I'm just going to leave my hair today and when I have my long hair, sometimes I can get away with that, you know, or I can just like throw it back in a pony, but short hair it's like you have to do something with it. So I fear maybe that's why I always grow it. I can't I always forget. I never remember why I grow up my hair. I just go, oh my gosh, why would I grow up my hair? So fun. I'll probably know. I'll probably start to realize in the next week, but right now we're having fun. Cute, cute little Bob. I'm ready for the summer time with my cute little Bob. It's literally February, but I'm ready for summer. Where is it? Also, listen, guys, I've worn this shirt. You've seen this shirt on me. I love this shirt. Okay. Why do I feel like I have to justify myself? I love this shirt. What is with this sick belief system? And it's not about like real life. Like I'll repeat outfits all the time in real life. But when it comes to social media for some reason, I believe this like weird lie in my head that says you can't repeat outfits on the podcast. And I'm like, first off, freaking consumerism spirit, I review you, but also that was a joke, but it's real actually. There's nothing wrong with repeating outfits on the podcast. Okay. You guys are outfit remembers then. If I'm an outfit repeater, you're an outfit remember her. And I love this shirt, so I'm wearing it again. But I've never worn it on the podcast with short hair. So actually the outfit is different now. Okay. I'm going to shut up. I'm not making any sense. Guys, we have our coffee. We have our coffee on ice. Do you hear it? Sorry, it's like a really jam pack today. I like filled it to the freaking brim. Cute and gorgeous. Cute and gorgeous. That kind of sounded like a song I was going to make for Gracie. I always like have little jingles. If you're a pet owner, if you have a dog or a cat, probably, but like if you have an animal that you care for and love deeply, you have to have jingles for it. And I come up with a new jingle every day. And that was kind of giving jingle that I would do for Gracie. Oh, quite the... Okay. I feel like I am utterly embarrassing myself today. It's okay. Guys, this is me. Okay? This is me. And so, it's what you're getting. All right. So we have our coffee. Okay. But first and foremost, last but definitely not least, first is we have our Christ. We have our Word of God here, which we will refer to throughout the episode. Hopefully. Obviously, because I never want to come to you guys with a message and just being like, just trust me. Just trust me. Because it's not the alley show. Okay? This is the show that is about Jesus and also learning how to become more like Him to learn how to have a mind like Christ. So I never... Yeah, we're always going to bring the receipts. We're always going to bring Scripture into this. That's my goal. And that's something that I always want to continue to prioritize and get better at, too, is like tying it back to Scripture all the time, no matter what. Because that's what's important. That's the truth. This is the foundation. I'm not the foundation. This podcast isn't the foundation. It's like the Word of God is our foundation. So thank you, Jesus, for the Word of God. So we have that today. And yeah, today's going to be fun. Today's going to be fun. I am fully relying on the Spirit of God. I am fully relying on the Spirit of God because I haven't really prepared. But I will say what inspired me to talk about this specific topic today is I posted... Here we go. It's true though, actually. I'm constantly inspired by things that God puts on my heart, not only for social media, but it also ties in with the podcast so many times because it's like, I'll have something that is put on my heart by the Lord. And then for a video on my socials, and then I'm like, oh my gosh, we could really dive so much deeper on the podcast with that. So it's just so funny. I feel like so many times I'm like, I posted something on the internet and now we're here. That's really how it goes. So I did. I posted something on the internet. Out of the blue, I woke up one morning. I'm like still in my bathroom and everything. It's barely gotten ready for the day. I haven't brushed my teeth. And I felt the urge to get on the internet and be like, hey, got to break it to you, but you can't change them. And it doesn't matter how hard you try. Like no one has ever succeeded at being able to change somebody. And you definitely won't be able to either. And this is why. And this is our role in that person's life. This is what you can be for them, but you can't be the source of their change. After making that video, it was like, oh my gosh, I feel like we could talk so much more about this topic because it's very real. And obviously there's so many different avenues of how we could take this. Like you could take this in the sense of like, there's somebody in your life who you really so desperately want to follow Jesus and you want them to know the truth of the freedom that there is through Christ, but they're just not choosing it. Okay. So that could be a perspective. Maybe another perspective of you though, being in a completely toxic relationship with somebody where you are convincing yourself every day that if you do this that in the next or if you do A, B, C, and D that they will wake up a different person and you will actually be able to successfully change them. And I will say that that is kind of the POV of what I was speaking from, but I realized that it actually, I mean, that can, that statement can be a pretty wide umbrella of like different scenarios and avenues of which you could take that down. But ultimately the core message of today is that no matter what the circumstances, you can't change a person. And the reason why we can't change somebody is because, well, number one is you don't have the sovereignty of God inside of you. Okay. You are not God. You can't change circumstances. You can't change a man's heart. It says in scripture that God is the one that can actually soften and harden a person's heart. And so you don't solely have the power to soften someone's heart and change their mind. That doesn't mean that you can't be an influence in that person's life. Like an example would be if we are talking about a scenario of somebody that you care deeply about who is refusing Jesus doesn't believe in Jesus doesn't want to follow God at all. You can still be a person in their life who is walking as an example, right? You are walking example of what it looks like to walk with Jesus and be an inspiration and potentially hopefully and successfully plant seeds in that person by the way that you walk and you are that influence in their life. Okay. That is something you can do. But you can't be the sole thing that softens a man's heart. You can't be the sole thing that changes somebody from the inside out. I believe that there are two things that have to happen for somebody to change. And the truth is, and I say this even from my own experience of change, like here I am, a completely changed person. And it wouldn't have mattered how many people told me, Hey, Ali, Jesus is the way truth in life. Hey, Ali, you are living in all of this sin. Hey, Ali, you are living in these ways and you are feeling empty because of XYZ. You need Jesus. I don't think it would have mattered how many times people could have said that to me. I needed to make the choice. There needed to be a change. There needed to be a shift inside of me, a decision that I made for myself where I said, I need Jesus. Like I actually think I need to change. I need to try, right? But it wasn't until I felt like I had made the decision myself and I did, I do think there was an influence of the Holy Spirit. I think he literally freaking called me home. We all know my story. It was supernatural. It didn't make sense. Here I am living completely for the world and then suddenly being like, no, I need Jesus. Granted it took a lot of rock bottomness. It took a lot of failing of trying to do life by myself. But I do believe there was an influence of the Holy Spirit that seriously changed my heart and my desire of like, no, I don't want to do life by myself anymore. I need Jesus. But it was a decision that I made. There was nobody who like pushed me in a corner. There was nobody who forced me into it. There was nobody who manipulated me or like wagged their finger at me and said, if you don't do these things, your life will continue to be a hot mess. Like I made the decision myself. And so what I'm saying is that the person has to decide and they have to want to change. There is no change that happens within an individual without them first saying, I want this. I see this. I need to change and I want to change because there's also people who like could recognize that they need to change, but they still don't have the desire in their heart to actually make the change. And they're like, no, I want to change and I have to change. So they have to want to change. Okay. And then the second thing that I believe has to happen, God is then the one to do a work inside that person and change them from the inside out. I believe that God is the only thing that can actually transform, like fully transform an individual from me inside out. God is the only way to our fullest potential. It's through the power of his Holy Spirit that life altering change happens within somebody. Okay. Do thoughts like, did I really mean that prayer or what if God is disappointed in me, play and repeat in your mind over and over again? No matter how many times you pray, read or repent, you can't shake the anxiety of those intrusive thoughts. Experiences like that can be signs of religious OCD and real OCD is nothing like the stereotypes of just liking everything to be organized all the time. It's a serious yet highly misunderstood condition where unwanted and distressing thoughts get stuck in your mind on repeat, which compels you to engage in certain behaviors to try to make them stop. But there is hope because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of therapy. What works for OCD is ERP therapy or exposure and response prevention. No CD is the world's leading provider for OCD treatment. All of their licensed therapists truly understand OCD and specialize in ERP therapy. Therapy with no CD is 100% virtual and covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. And includes support in between sessions as well, so you're never facing OCD alone. To learn more about starting OCD therapy with no CD, go to nocd.com and book a free call to learn more about how they could help you. That's nocd.com. Do you ever get stressed? If you said no to that, I'd honestly be concerned. Because if you've been on social media for more than 5 minutes lately, it is mostly bad news, which is one of the reasons why my stress levels are unconstant alert. And that's where cortisol calming from veracity comes in. And stress for me doesn't always just like shout at me. Sometimes it creeps into sleepless nights, cravings, or just low grade anxiety. And cortisol calming from veracity helps me tackle that quiet chaos before it gets really loud. Cortisol calming has also helped me stay really sharp and help keep my stress under control, even with all the millions of things that I'm responsible for. With veracity's drug-free, clinically proven, and doctor formulated solutions, you can support your body's need to live your healthiest life. Veracity is made in the USA in an FDA-reviewed facility where all ingredients are validated for purity, stress, and composition through third-party testing. So calm your stress the natural way. And to veracityhealth.co and use code coffee for up to 45% off your order. Once again, that's veracityhealth.co and use code coffee for up to 45% off your order. And make sure to use promo code coffee so they know that I sent you. I will also say that from experience on both ends, I'll say that I have been the girl who has tried to change somebody or has deeply wanted change for somebody, tried to be the very thing that changed them and failed miserably. And so with that, I ended up being the one that was deeply hurt, abandoned, felt like a failure, and exhausted of carrying that burden of responsibility to change a person. But then I've also been the girl who has stood by somebody who wanted to change, encouraged them, loved them, was their cheerleader, and even helped them in whatever way that looked like for them to change. And then change actually came. The thing that was missing in this scenario was like that person didn't desire change. They were sent in their ways. They were content in the way that they were. They didn't see that they needed to be changed or they just didn't care enough to actually change. It's the truth. They were like, no, sorry, that's too much work. I don't want to. And so I exhausted myself versus being the support for somebody who genuinely wanted to change. And the thing about this scenario over here is that it's not that we are to give up on people and abandon them and be like, okay, you don't want to change. And like, Sayonara, forget you. I think what I could have done differently in this scenario is, again, not put so much pressure on myself that I had to be the source of change for this person, but surrender the fact that they just didn't want to and like accept that. I think there was a lack of acceptance in my brain where I was like, no, like this has to be this way and this has to work out. And they have to change in this way. Otherwise there is no option, right? And so I'm breaking my back over that and I'm not surrendering that if they don't want to change, I have to accept what that outcome looks like. And also be prayerful for that person. I didn't have my faith though. Like it didn't have Jesus. So obviously everything was on me, like control, right? I think that in that kind of scenario, it's like we are now taking the role of Jesus. We're taking the role of God. We're taking things into our own matters and into our own hands and being like, okay, I have to do this. I have to carry all of these things. I was the center of that scenario. I believed that I could control the outcome of things and I believed that it was all on me. Otherwise, what do you mean? Everything was going to crumble and fall apart and there is no hope, right? I just, there is no hope. So now that I have Jesus, I can put it in my mind. What healthier boundary is on myself? Humble myself and say, this isn't my role. My role is not to be God. My role is not to manipulate or control the narrative here. My role is not to be their savior. Like over here, I was trying to be Jesus. I was trying to be their savior. I was trying to be their Messiah. And over here, I was like, ooh, okay, wait, no, I actually need to remember that they already have a savior. They already have a Messiah, whether they know him or not, right? That's not my role. That's not who I am. But what I can do is I can support them. I can love them. I can encourage them and I can pray for them. But like surrendering the burden of being Jesus, it's crazy. Like I didn't realize that's what I was doing over here, but I was like literally trying to be God. And so I know a lot of us probably feel convicted hearing that because a lot of us at one point or another in our lives, whether this is the topic or not, this could be in anything, is like we really do try to pick up the torch of like God's like, hello, that's me, that's my job. You have no right to pick that up or to think that you're even capable of this responsibility. You can't handle this. You can't carry it. You're going to crush under the weight of it. Let me carry it. I'm God. Stay in your lane. And then you go, sorry, dad. Right? Sorry, dad, you're right, you're God. I'm kid. I'm going to stay over here and I'm going to do my job as a disciple, which is to love and be prayerful and encourage and like not give up on people. Now if you are in a abusive, toxic, manipulative, icky, bad relationship, that's a different story. Okay? I think that the truth of the matter is that if you are in a relationship that is extremely toxic and unhealthy and this person is not reflecting Christ or they don't know Christ at all, what are we doing? What are we doing there? What are we doing there? Why are we in a relationship with somebody? Why are we unequally yoked with an individual, especially if you're a girly pop right now listening and you're dating a man who doesn't know Jesus or like doesn't reflect Jesus at all? Why are we being led by somebody like that? That's dangerous. That's different. Okay? You will never change him. It doesn't matter how many Bible studies you drag him to. It doesn't matter how many church services you take him to. If he's dragging his feet and he's just doing it to make you happy. I'm sorry. I have a feeling this is hurting somebody's feelings. I love you. But that's different, my girl. You won't change him unless the desire comes from within him first unless he is brought to his feet. Life has kicked him around. He has hit rock bottom. He has been humbled. He has met Jesus. Like unless he literally wants that himself is hungry for that has been humbled by life and it's like, oh my gosh, I need God. That's the only way he will change. You cannot change him. I love you. I'm sorry. So that's different. So what you can do is you can continue to pray for him and remove yourself from this toxic cycle of believing that you can be his Messiah and believing that you can be his savior and that if you just do XYZ, he will then want Jesus. He has to want Jesus himself first. And again, I'm not saying that it's impossible. I'm not saying it's impossible that your faith can't inspire him, but please be discerning. Please be discerning and save yourself the heartbreak and also the exhaustion of what it would feel like to continue to carry this weight and responsibility of him changing. And be honest with yourself and seek Jesus's voice in this. So obviously I just moved into my new place a few months ago and I can't tell you how many times I've gone to buy things and it looks so good in the store. But then for some reason when I bring it home it looks terrible. Lines, shades and shutters are actually the most challenging thing for me. But I've just found out that there actually is a better way and it's called three-day blinds. They are the leading manufacturer of high quality custom window treatments in the US. Three-day blinds has local, professionally trained design consultants who have an average of 10 plus years of experience. With three-day blinds you can actually choose from thousands of options that could fit any style or budget from light filtering to blackout blinds to smart blinds that work with Alexa. Three-day blinds is a real upgrade for your home. Right now get quality window treatments that fit your budget with three-day blinds. Head to threedayblinds.com slash coffee for their buy one get 150% off deal on custom blinds, shades, shutters and drapery for a free no charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to threedayblinds.com slash coffee. And last time that's buy one get one 50% off when you head to the number three, d-a-y-blinds.com slash coffee. I want to talk directly to the college girlies who are listening right now, who love Jesus, of course, and are craving more intentional community. This is for you. Delight Ministries is a college women's community with chapters on over 200 college campuses. Each chapter hosts weekly gatherings with incredible curriculum written specifically for college women. Gathering not only unites women on your campus, but also creates a vulnerable conversation centered around Jesus. They also host worship events and other fun gatherings that create a true sense of community. It's a place that you can be known, challenged and can ultimately change the entire culture of your campus. Had I had a college experience and or had been saved, this would have been something so cool to do. And here's the really cool part. If there isn't a Delight chapter already on your campus, you could be the one to start it. All you have to do is fill out an interest form. You'll get connected with your own Delight coach, who will equip and train you to build a team, and hopefully see hundreds of girls gathering in the name of Jesus at your school. Like hello? Head to DelightMinistries.com slash start a Delight to get started today. That's DelightMinistries.com slash start a Delight. It's crazy to think about what God could do through your yes. I will say that the hope in all of this though is that I don't want this episode to be discouraging, where it's like, sorry, you can't change them and they'll never change. If there's a person that's come to your mind where you like so deeply want them to change, I'm not saying they're a lost cause. Nobody is too far gone for God. And so if there's somebody that you are hopeful for to have change, I believe in that for you too. I am prayerful for that with you. I'm not saying that this person can't change. My goal in this episode is to just shift perspective and shift responsibility. And so if you have been putting too much responsibility on your shoulders to make change happen, that is what needs to shift. It's like our mindset needs to change from this is all on me to actually, I get the comfort and luxury. Luxury, by the way, of knowing and believing that this is actually God's responsibility. Like this is something for God to move on. And so my job, now let's just establish, okay, if my job isn't to be God, what is my job right now? My job is to be prayerful, believing that God hears every word that I pray. Let's get the receipts out, shall we? So this is in 1 John chapter 5 verse 14. And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. So what this verse is saying is that anything that we ask for that pleases God, meaning like he'd be like, yeah, I really like that. Okay, we're not going to pray on the downfall of somebody. We're not going to pray that God destroys somebody because they did you wrong. Like, right, those aren't prayers that are in the heart posture of love. Those are prayers that come from a place of revenge and bitterness. So those ones probably don't please God, right? Where he's like, no, I'm not going to support bitterness. I'm not going to support revenge. God will hold people accountable because it says that in scripture that God is the judge of all. And so he holds all of us accountable for all of our actions. But I think if you were to go to God and be like, hey, God, I really want this person to know you or like, if you really see how somebody could be like, you're like, God, I see that they could be this person. And I want this for them so much. Like, Lord, please, I'm asking for you to intervene. God, please come in between this. Like God be in this. Like change them. Change soft in their heart. Change the desire of their heart. Like if you need to let them hit rock bottom for them to need you, if that's your prayer, then God do it. Like, take care of them. Be with them. Lord, this is all out of my power. There's only so much I can do. Like I need you to change this and be in this. I can't imagine that that wouldn't be a prayer that would please God. Like if you are praying for the salvation of somebody that you love, okay, if that's the example that we're using, like if you are praying that this person that you adore and love so much is to know Jesus, wouldn't you think that God would also desire that? Like your prayers will be heard and he will take that very seriously. Let's say this is a relational thing though, where you're in a relationship with somebody and you're like, God, I know who they can be. Or I have seen them be this person. And let's say they're like backsliding a little bit, or they're not acting like themselves, or they're in a bit of a rut, or they're in a depression, or whatever it is. And you're like, God, who they are right now, I know that this isn't who they are. I know that this isn't who you've created them to be. God, I need you to come help. God, Jesus come. Lord, have your way with their life. Lord bless them, protect them, help them. Name out the things that you desire to see in them. And be like, God, I believe that you can do this in them. And I believe that you can align this in their life. And I believe that you can heal their heart in this way. And God, I believe you can give them peace of mind in this way. God, I believe that you can restore their mental health, Jesus. Like, name out the things that you have faith for, that you would want to see change in this person. And declare it in faith, in faith, believing who God says he is. Few episodes ago, we were talking about where faith comes from. It comes from the foundation of truth, which is the word of God. We get our faith from the truth of the gospel and the truth of who God is. Faith is a gift. It is not something that we muster up on our own. It's not something that we just invent and get and produce in ourselves. It is something that we get from the Holy Spirit. And it is something that we get through the word of God. And so if you are lacking faith, you need to get your face in the word of God more. I'm literally preaching to the choir. I'm preaching to the choir times where I lack a lot of faith or times that I'm probably not reading the word of God enough. And I'm not letting the Holy Spirit minister to me through the word of God. Okay? But however much faith you have that day, okay? That's the thing is we don't need to strive for faith. And even if you're coming to these prayers with like little faith, God will take your faith, okay? It also says in scripture that all he needs is faith, the size of a mustard seed, very tiny, smallest seed ever. Smallest seed ever that then actually produces one of the tallest and largest trees ever. So he really actually just needs a mustard size. So if that's all you have for the day, give it to him. However much faith you have, use all of that faith and pray. That actually also reminds me of the story of the woman who was bleeding for 12 years, which is in Mark chapter 5 verse 34, where the woman had been bleeding, like I said, for 12 years. Doctors had pretty much undiagnosed her and said, don't know, don't know what's wrong with you. There was no cure or solution to her bleeding. And because she was bleeding, she was seen by all of society that she was unclean. And so a lot of people banished her. Like wouldn't go near her, wouldn't allow her into establishments. She couldn't go anywhere. She was basically on the streets because she was considered unclean. All she could do is just reach for the, the, the, the, the hem, the corner, the, the very end of Jesus's cloak. Okay. So Jesus was walking through the village of where she was at on his way to actually go heal. A little girl who had passed away. Her father had enough faith to go to Jesus and say, Jesus, I believe that you can bring her back. I believe that you can heal her. She has died. Help. Jesus is on his way to that. On his way there, this woman reaches for the, the, the, the, just the hem of his garment. And she had enough faith to believe that if she just touched just his clothing that she could be healed. So she tugs on it. She grabs onto him. Jesus feels it turns around and says, daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your disease. And it's interesting that Jesus actually doesn't say I've made you well. I healed you because that is what happened. But what actually had to happen first was that she had to have faith that Jesus could do it. She had to have enough faith to shove her way through that crowd of people who were surrounding Jesus. Because Jesus is like the word is getting around about him now. Right? Everybody wants everything to do with Jesus. And so she had to push and shove her way through this crowd. She had to have enough faith to just say, I just need to touch him. Just the, just literally the corner of his clothing. And I can be healed. It was her faith that made her well. Actually, it was Jesus, unless she had the faith to do that, which she had been healed. She would not have actually been healed. Had she not had the faith to reach for Jesus in that moment. Okay? So Jesus says, it is actually your faith that has made you well. I am the healer, but it wasn't until you believed I could heal you, that I could heal you. And so it's interesting that Jesus actually encourages us in our faith. Before anything else, it's like, do you have faith? When you come to my feet and you say, Jesus, I am not you. I surrender control in this situation. I surrender the idea and the belief system that I can do this, that I can change them. Lord, I surrender it. I repent and I'm sorry for trying to be you. And so Jesus, I come to you with however much faith that is that day. You can be like with very little faith. I don't have much faith today. I don't know how you'll do this. I don't know how it's possible. In my opinion, this person is too far gone. In my opinion, I don't know how you could fix this. I don't know how they could fix this. It's a mess. I don't have much faith, but I have enough faith right now to pray to you. That is you reaching for the cloak for the corner of his garment. You saying, I don't have much faith, but this is me reaching right now is all he needs for a miracle. It's all he needs for healing. And something that I don't think we recognize enough is the power of our prayers. Like, honestly, we should be praying all the time. We should be praying all the time. Because when you pray, that is when mountains are moved. Whether you see them immediately moving or not, I'm telling you the fruit of your prayers. There's not a single word that goes void that you pray to God. And it may not always feel that way. It may feel like your prayers are going into a place of void. It's going into a black hole of just God missed it. He didn't hear it. It may feel that way sometimes, but I'm telling you it's not biblical. Like, that is not true because nowhere in the word of God does it say. And sometimes when you pray, God won't hear it. No, it actually says in the Bible over and over again that God hears the prayers of the righteous. Who's the righteous? You. The righteous are the ones who are baptized in the Holy Spirit, who are believers of Jesus Christ, disciples of Jesus Christ, and walk with him. That's you, child of God. He hears your prayers. It says in Psalm 34, 17, the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them. He delivers them from all their troubles. Point blank. It also says in the Psalms, Psalm 145, 18 through 19, the Lord is near to all who call on him. He hears their cry and saves them. It says in the Bible over and over again that God hears you. nowhere in the Bible does it say that God picks and chooses when to hear you. I think something else that we forget a lot of times is that the people that we are praying about and we are praying for are also people that God created and had enough love in him. He had so much love in him that he created them. And so don't you think that it means the world to Jesus that you are now partnering with him in faith that he can actually change them and they can become the version that he's always created them to be that if you are praying for the best for somebody, somebody that he loved enough to create. Don't you think that that would mean the world to Jesus that you took the time and you have the faith to pray those prayers for them? We have to also believe that these people mean the world to Jesus, that the people that you care about and you love and adore God also loves. And so praying that the Lord has his way with their life is never a prayer that God is going to forget or ignore. Now something else that is worth mentioning in the process of surrendering control and surrendering the idea that you can actually change somebody or fix them is also surrendering what that outcome looks like. And so I do think that two things can be true at once and these two things can live in the same room at the same time. But like you can have all the faith in the world and I actually would encourage you to keep coming to God with this kind of faith no matter the outcome because I believe it's equally as beneficial for you as it is for that person that you're praying for. But like practicing and exercising that act of faith by being like okay God I have come to you with this amount of faith before and the outcome was not exactly what I wanted it to be or didn't happen the way that I expected it to or hasn't happened at all yet. Right? But I'm going to keep showing up with this kind of faith over and over again no matter the outcome. Because I do think that there is there is a practice in faith in that of being like my faith isn't going to waver based on how I want the outcome to be. There has to be a reality that you live in where you come to God with faith that he can do the thing that you're hopeful for but being okay with him maybe not doing it the way that you wanted him to. There has to be a surrender in outcome. But having faith that the thing that you're praying for like let's say you're praying for a certain outcome. Cool. Pray for that. Lean in. Have faith for that. But if it doesn't happen that way trust that it's because God sees a much bigger picture and there there just is more to that that meets the eye. We can't see with our human with the naked eye our human eyes. What all of what God sees right? And so also simultaneously being okay with it maybe not going that way. But yes, still have faith for it. Why? Because God loves your faith. He's obsessed with it. He needs it. God can move so much quicker with that kind of faith. I also think that when we choose to walk with people, desiring change for them and even seeing their potential or like seeing that they could become somebody. When we decide to continue to walk with them and love them and be prayerful for them, I do believe that that is a kind of faith that God is impressed by. Is faith that isn't just internal, but it's a faith that is actually visible. So yes, this could be sticking by the side of somebody and loving them, being prayerful, being that influence in their life of somebody who embodies Jesus. But then also like walking hand in hand with people when it's hard, where they desire change and they want change and it might not be the easiest path, but not giving up on them. Like that isn't just an internal faith where you're like praying for them and you're hopeful, it's like you're also like walking that out and you're embodying what it looks like to have faith in God on the outside through your actions. An example that comes to my mind is the story of the paralyzed man who by his other friends were lowered down through the roof of the house of which Jesus was in because there was a huge crowd of people around the home and so much so that they couldn't get through. And so they kind of got creative and they were like, okay, well, our friend needs to be healed. Jesus can do that. We can't get to him because of all the people. How do we do that? So instead they were persistent in that scenario. Their faith showed up as persistent. They didn't leave when the house was full. Creativity, they went to the roof instead of just sticking around on the ground waiting maybe they would be able to get to Jesus. Their faith showed up as sacrifice, digging through someone else's ceiling. They literally dug a hole through the ceiling of this place to get their friend lowered down into the house. And their faith showed up as unity. They carried him together. Faith wasn't just believed it was embodied. The man is healed and forgiven because of the faith of his friends. Scripture is showing us that sometimes someone else's faith can carry you when you can't carry yourself. Intercession isn't symbolic, it's effective. Community matters in God's economy. This moment validates standing in the gap for others. So I do believe that there is a way to still stand in the gap for people and to love them and lead them and encourage them without also taking on the role of God. And standing in the gap is like I said, walking with them through the process, but standing in the gap can also be praying for them. I think something that's always important about staying in your lane and wanting to be what God needs you to be in the scenario is also being prayerful to God and being like, all right, Lord, how do you want me to show up in this? Like what are you encouraging me to be? Because I know for a fact you're not telling me to be God, but how can I be helpful in this scenario? How can I love this person well? While also setting boundaries on myself to not overstep and try to be the source of change, a way that we can stand in the gap for somebody who we love is inner seating when they can't find words. You pray for them, not just about them. Praying consistently, not casually, praying when they're numb, angry, or faith exhausted, bringing their name before God even when they can't bring it themselves, carrying them to Jesus. Just like the friends in Mark 2, standing in the gap means doing the work they don't have the strength to do. Making the appointment for them, driving them there, showing up when they'd rather isolate, advocating for them when they can't advocate for themselves. It says in Galatians 6-2, carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Believing when they don't, holding hope for someone until they can hold it again, or maybe even for the first time in their life. Refusing to agree with despair over their life, reminding them of truth without shaming them for doubting. Standing in the gap for somebody that we love can also look like covering and not exposing, not gossiping about their struggle, not making their pain public without permission, guarding their story like it's sacred, standing in the gap isn't telling everyone what they're going through, it's guarding their name. Intercession doesn't mean enabling. James 519-20, whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death, and this can look like loving confrontation, not loving confrontation, but like a loving way of approaching confrontation, okay? Confrontation that is with love, naming patterns without condemnation, staying present even when conversations are uncomfortable. Truth is a part of love, and then these last two are really good as well. Showing up consistently, in Luke 181 it says they should always pray and not give up. So standing in the gap is texting, I'm still praying months later, or like I'm still here for you. Obviously if we're talking about somebody who doesn't believe in Jesus, we don't need to like overwhelm them with that kind of stuff, but like standing in the gap and letting them know like hey I'm still here for you. Staying when others move on and not rushing God's timeline. Ooh, right, not rushing what God has for that person. So staying prayerful all the time, but still like staying in our place of not trying to rush what God has. And then also knowing when to step back, this is a really good one. Standing in the gap is not replacing God. Psalm 4610 says, be still and know that I am God. Sometimes faith looks like releasing control, trusting God without comes. Knowing when your role has shifted from action to surrender, you are a vessel, not the Savior. Standing in the gap is loving someone with faith, presence, and perseverance without trying to become their God. That's really good. So that is how we lovingly stand in the gap for people in a way that honors God and would make him proud, exercising our own faith while like staying in our lane, understanding that we are the vessel that carries the Holy Spirit and we are his hands and feet, but we are not him. And so I just pray by the end of this episode that it gave you some clarity, maybe it convicted you, it re-centered us of like what truly is our role. Brought things maybe back into perspective after we've maybe been wandering down a certain way of like everything is on us and it's up to us to make sure that things happen a certain way. And I think that a real reality in this too is like asking yourself the question, am I okay with this turning out the way that I don't want it to? Like if you are in a situation where you have been trying to control the narrative and control the person and try to change them or fix them, is it also because you are afraid that if things go the way that you don't want it to go, you won't be okay. And I think that that will be a very humbling moment for you to come to realization and of like okay I shouldn't feel that way because I should have enough faith in God that no matter how it goes, I have to be okay because my life is in his hands. He has to be enough. And so will you be okay if this doesn't turn out the way that you want it to turn out? I think it comes back to that simple truth of like we have to believe and be reminded that God knows better and he sees bigger. And there are just things that we won't be able to understand right now and there won't be things that we will be able to totally wrap our minds around of why God allows things to happen the way that they happen. And so if the outcome is in a way that you didn't want or expect you have to trust and he has to be enough. And I know that's easier said than done, you know, but I have so much faith for you that the Lord cares so much about your situation. If this was something that really spoke into your life, I believe that God really truly cares about it and he cares about your prayers and he hears every word that you speak and he actually hears every word that you don't say too. Like even if it's just an aching feeling in your heart where you don't even know how to put words to it, God understands it and he hears that. It reminds me of Romans 826 which reads the spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. So this verse is saying God understands prayer beyond language, even size, sobs and wordless aches are translated by the Holy Spirit. You are never praying wrong when all you have is a groan. So even if all you have are tears, even if all you have is a cry is a groan, is a why, like God knows the depths of what that means to you and where it comes from. And it's actually the Holy Spirit that intercedes on our behalf in our groaning and like in the things that don't actually really have language, he intercedes. It's crazy, but even that God hears. So I bless you I love you. Thank you for being here for another episode you guys. Happy Friday. I hope you have a beautiful weekend. I'm so proud of you guys. I will see you next week. I'll see you next Friday. But until then, can we do something really cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? Can we practice everything that we preached today? I will do it too. We're all in this together. But let's walk more like him, talk more like him, be an example of Jesus. Yeah, I love you guys. I'll see you next time. Bye.