#626 - Baby Me

I want to say that we have new collegiate gang gang hoodies that have just dropped to new colorways plus stuff from the return of the rat tour if you missed merchandise out there on that tour I think we still have some remaining that's available there all of that at TheoVonStore.com And thank you guys for all of the support. Love y'all. All right. Oh, here we are. Here we are. Thanksgiving. It's Thanksgiving time. It's seasonal. I want to wish a happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I know there are some people out there that are not probably ecstatic about it. And I'm going to say who it is really fast. So it's not, you know, I don't want there to be like the elephant in the room or whatever. But Native Americans. So I know that everything that happened with those with the beautiful indigenous indigenous indigenous people, the original people of this land. And I know that if you know the things that happened to them were not fair and that's that but and not that, that's not that, that's not that. But yeah, anyway, I don't know why I brought it up. I just, I feel weird if you're saying happy Thanksgiving and then somebody's indigenous and they're like, well, so I just wanted to honor those people and say, look, you know, our bad or whatever, I didn't do it. Somebody did it. And and I hope we catch them. I'll tell you this. If we ever get a time machine to go back in time and catch the people that are coming here, I will enlist. I will go. I will be happy to go. But yeah, we just have to, we have to live where we are. And the country is, you know, all of existence is kind of stacked on sin. Excuse me. Yeah, the history of time is just stacked on sin, right? Things get stacked on sin over time. And that's and you know, in mistakes and accidents and let's eat. That's where we're at. So anyway, it's the time of year to finally sit down with people and eat and get you a little something. I like to stare somebody right in the eyes and say, pass that bit cut. Pass that sweat by pedo souffle. I want that. Pass that back and garlic bread. God, don't you want some garlic bread right now? This, this, this goes out to just anybody right now, anybody anywhere. I don't care if you are incarcerated. I don't care if you're working a double. I don't care if you're in a coma, but somebody put some headphones on you. Don't you want some garlic bread? God, I want that. I love, dude, I love garlic bread. And even if people make it like bad, I like bad garlic bread. Sometimes you go to a restaurant and they have the fascia or whatever. I don't give a fuck about the fascia. I won't garlic as bread. I don't care somebody. I don't care if it's some bitch. And she just has a like she's a, you know, even if she just has a spoon and she puts a little just like some trap house cook. She just has a spoon with a little bit of bread in it, puts a little butter on it, little garlic, and then just cooks it with a lighter under the spoon like that. I don't care. She, you know, and then she puts that shit in a crack pipe and we smoke it, dude. All I'm saying is bro, garlic bread is so good underrated. It's the bacon of breads. I'll go ahead and say that. Shit is fire. But I do want to say happy Thanksgiving to everybody. I want to say thank you to everybody that bid in the charity Jersey auction. We had a series of jerseys that were given to us in certain cities along the last comedy tour. And we got to auction all those off. And we raised about $40,000 for a local rehabilitation place called Cumberland Heights. And that's going to go towards helping people get recovery, helping subsidize the recovery cost for people. So thank you so much. If you even listen to this podcast of you have and you're like, I feel like I haven't done anything this year. I haven't you were a part of this. So that's on behalf of us that we make that donation. And then we all made a donation last week to the Gary Senees Foundation. So that was really great. So if yeah, I just want everybody out there to feel like we're doing that sort of thing together. And yeah, that's how I feel about it. So thank you. You know, what a blessing to know that people are going to be able to get some help. What have I been thinking about? You know, it's, you know, there's a, you know, it's just, it's a wild time in the, in the world. And it feels like it's happened fast, you know, just a wild time. And it's like, who are we and where are we going? What does this future look like? And I think it's times like this I'm realizing you kind of have to just lock back into like things are most important, you know, because if you get caught up in a lot of the info, it's gets, gets kind of, you know, you're sitting there, Thanksgiving, you're staring across the table at somebody. And they're just like, do you want the baked beans? And you're like, I think I know who killed Charlie or there was a second shooter. There was 12 as rallies out outs. Just, you know, it can get deep. You got to be careful there. Somebody's like, do you want the baked beans? And you're like, not if you think we fucking landed on the moon. I don't like, okay, all right. Get your own sides then. Yeah, there's just, it's just a lot of, there's some, there's a lot of conspiracies out there. And they're not even conspiracies a lot of many more. They're all coming true. And so, you know, as we go, it is this wild time where we're kind of going through this, it feels like this awakening where, you know, I mentioned it on Joe Rogan's show where it was like, you know, the video game and like, there's the, there, you know, there's like, Mario or Link or, um, and suddenly like, you're playing with the character, you're controlling them, but suddenly the character just comes over to the front of the screen and just looks right at you. And it's like, Hey, who's controlling me? And that's when the controllers are like, oh shit. So that's just, I feel like we're in just an interesting space there. And I think instead of like, I think there can be fear about it, but there also can be excitement about it. But no which, which like, which cup you're putting your straw in at the moment, fear excitement, I do believe that there is the fact that around the holidays, around anytime that, that the one thing you have to lock into even more is, um, things that are real, things that are tangible in your world, your family, your, your friends familiarity, you know, connecting with people. And I wrote me a little list. We have some great calls that came in from people. Um, I wrote me a little list here, uh, of things that I enjoy about life, some little things that I enjoy. And if you want to call in, we'll, we'll, uh, we'll put some of these up next year just, and they can just be brief things. And you can even text them as well. Um, you can go to the website, theovon.com. And there's a ways on there where you can contact the podcast, but some things that I like about life, small things accidentally touching someone's leg that you don't know very well. Now it's weird. It's all, you know, it's kind of weird how it, you know, you might be sitting somewhere at a movie theater, you drop something, you drop a, um, a lip balm or you drop a, um, you know, a couple grams or whatever, whatever. I don't know how you, you know, I don't know. I don't, but what I don't know what you do. But whatever you drop some, uh, um, you know, a couple of fungians or whatever. And you're like, oh, I'm getting those bitches, but it's dark in the theater. So you reach down there to get them and bam, you touch somebody's leg. You didn't really see it. And it's weird because you don't know them. They don't know, you don't know each other, but you've touched their leg and that's weird and shit. Uh, but there's something unique about it. There's something very human about it. Um, what else? Pettin a cat. If you're petting a cat and it strikes at you like that and you call it a little bitch, I like that. If you are ever somebody's like, Oh, this is my cat. This is Cheryl or whatever. Or this is aunt Cheryl. I had a friend who's cat named his cat. His cat was named aunt Cheryl. Well, I, okay. So I'm not going to be friends with this guy too long, but, um, but he'd be like, Oh, don't you want to pet my, don't you want to pet Aunt Cheryl? And, uh, and at first, I was like, No, I do not want, I do not want to. But he's like, he kept kind of giving me the like, he kept like giving me like the, um, I guess the warm shoulder, he kept like wanting me to do it. You know, if like, I guess that's called warm shouldering, what is cold shouldering? Cold. Oh, yeah, intentionally cold or unsympathetic treatment. So yeah, this is, this guy was giving me more like that. He's kind of warm shouldering me and be like, Oh, I don't, you know, I want to want to pet Aunt Cheryl. And, uh, and I didn't want to pet. I didn't want to pet Aunt Cheryl. And then finally, I was like, All right, I'll pet Aunt Cheryl. And I go to pet this cat. I pet one time. And I don't pet, I don't pet more than two times usually. Because if you do, if you keep doing that, you know, I'm saying somebody's going to fucking get active. You know, somebody's going to get activated in their body. So I pet one and I go for the second pet in the fucking cat. Aunt Cheryl strikes me like that. And I like this little bitch. And, uh, anyway, I don't like it when that happens. But I also do respect that it's a unique thing about life. And so I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the times that I get to pet a cat. And it strikes at me. And I call it a little bitch. That's something I like. Oh, showing up for a love one. That's number three. That's one thing I really, really enjoy. I'm showing up for a love one. That's important. Making loud noises around your grandmother because she is hard of hearing. And you can do that. You can, you know, it's very rare. You can be around someone and rattle off a loud slur, right? And it can be a racial slur. It can be non-racial if you want. I mean, we know which ones are more fun. But that can be exciting if the person can't hear, but you're right there with them. Because it's very rare. You can do that. But that's something I'm grateful for. Um, burying something somewhere that no one will ever know about. And some people are like, what do you mean? What do you tell them out? But go do it. Get you a shovel. Get you a trowel, which is just a little baby shovel. And they should just call it baby shovel. You know, uh, and get something. Get a little something. Get you get an earring. Get a set of earrings. Get a, um, um, get a, uh, little sack of underpants or whatever. Whatever. Get something. Get a, uh, yeah. Get a bag of hair. Get us, you know, pair of earrings. Get, um, you know, get a thing of, get a little, uh, just get something. You know what things are. Get something, right? Get something and then go just bury it somewhere. Buried somewhere. Don't tell anybody. Always fun. Uh, calling the cops on someone. There's nothing more fun than that. People kind of poo poo it or whatever. I love it. I used to live next door. I used to live under a guy over there on Claiborne Avenue in New Orleans, bro. And his family, they were, uh, bult, they were out of their Baltic or Russian or you're, you know, they was like, you know, they was, I don't know, you could hear some of the women kind of, it felt like there was some abuse up there sometimes. And they would, and they were a heavy set. They had them big fatty calves, you know what I'm saying? Big fucking knees. I mean, God, like his dude had a spray WD-40 on his knees or whatever to get them bitches to go, you know, he was, he just had them. God, maybe them leg knuckles, huh? Me. This motherfucker at all was all, all knees. He had knees in his damn arms. He was just big bone like that. Anyway, I would call the police a lot of it. Like, hey, there's, they have a gun upstairs. That's what I would say. Did they have it? I don't know. But the police get their quit. If you say, oh, there's some guy with big knees upstairs who's causing a lot of shit, maybe abusing people, they don't come, dude. But you say that, you know, big dog up there, some fucking European construction worker up there has got that pew, pew on him. Bam, 11 minutes. They're over. And then I take off my shirt when I talk to the cops in the yard. That's where I'm from. And I think that's how you learn a lot about people. How do you talk to the cops in your front yard? Shirt on, shirt off. I go shirt off. But those are little things about life that are kind of exciting. Riley Mal. Yes, sir. What is something that you are kind of grateful for this year, a little thing in the world that like, is there a moment or something in the world that makes you feel some gratitude? Yeah, I mean, you know, I just, there's a new thing coming out the end of this year. There's a new thing coming up. Yeah, then I'm grateful for. They are grateful for. And it's not here yet. You're saying not yet and good to hear your voice, brother. Have you been taking voice lessons or something? You just sound more comfortable in your skin? No, just talking more. Okay. And what is a, what is the, you're saying there's something else, there's something on the way that's coming. What is it? Or can you share it? Yeah, yeah. I've got a, got a little baby coming along the way. Yeah, dang. You have a, you have a baby coming? I do. Oh my gosh. Bro, unreal. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Oh my gosh, bro. Dude, I remember when you hadn't even come out of your own nuts or whatever. Remember that? Yeah. Wow. And now you're like, I'll show them. Wow, dude. I'm going to make this ski grow up. That's a, that's crazy, dude. Does everybody know about this? Yeah, we met a post about it. Man, I'm sorry, dude. I've really, I mean, it's selfless. I've been caught up in my own universe, I think. But man, I want to hear a more about this. And is this with a woman that you are still involved with? Yes. Oh, wow. So cool, man. Well, okay, well, I want to get back to you on that. I'm going to finish out this list. Are there, is there anything that you can think of outside of this future baby coming? And is it a male or female? Do you know? Have you all looked at it? It's a male. Hey, man, brother, God, God has got you, man. I want to, we can even pray about it right now. You can't we pray about it for a second? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, man. God, we just want to thank you today. You know, in times where we're uncertain about things and where we, it feels like it's tough to get a foothold that sometimes our sense of purpose wanes based on our society that, that you can remind us that they're, are important things in the world. God, we want to thank you so much for giving Riley a chance to be a father. You know, when I met Riley, he was barely, he hadn't even had any. See, I'm going to say it fast so it's not because we are in a prayer. He hadn't even had any seeming to come out of his body. And here he is just serving blasts sauce and just having it grow up into something beautiful. And we want to lift this child up to you, God, before it's even here. And what's the name of the child, Riley? We've haven't announced it yet. Okay. God, we want to lift up this unannounced child to you that at this point is still just a batch of seeming an egg that, that you may, that you are helping cultivate moisture as. And so we just want to lift that up to you, God, and say, thank you for reminding us what is purposeful and that we can find purpose and family. Rod, amen. Amen. Do you feel like this is giving you a sense of purpose, Riley? I do. Wow. I'm so excited for you, man. And I'm also just like, I mean, it's just, that's what's important. That's what's important, man. I'm going to rattle off a few other things. If you can think of something small, Riley, we're going to get back to you and talk about this in a few seconds, because I want to, we have questions that we're going to get to from the hotline. Some other things that people enjoy doing. Oh, on my list was getting engaged. That was one. That's a fun, beautiful thing, where when you see that moment of somebody getting engaged, it really means something. Did that happen as well for you, Riley? Not yet. Okay. So you're having a child out of wedlock currently? Yeah. Okay. So we are stacking sand, brother. That's okay. But hey, you're trying, right? You're figuring it out. Here's something painting something and then realizing you can't paint for shit that, that happens to me a lot. You know, I'll sit down with a kid or a niece or nephew or something. I want to draw something and I'm like, let's draw. I'm like, okay, let's draw. And I'm going to draw. And we'll start drawing. I'm like, oh, fuck, I still can't draw. I can't draw for shit. I never could. I can't paint for shit. But and that's a weird moment, but it's still a moment that I appreciate about life. There's something oddly kind of nice about because it's very real. So those are some things that I, some feelings that I've enjoyed and over the years. And those are little things that I like to lock back in on that make me feel a lot of it. And it's a little bit of a deal, a live and purposeful. And, and you have a lot of those, I'm sure, you know, you have a lot of those. You want to name one, Raleigh, anything else that comes to your mind? Not that I could think of. Yep. I knew. I knew that. Look, I've been jocke in some new unders, baby. I've been, I found a pair. They just, they, they've really engulfed my body and they cover my packages, my front package and my rear package, my butt. Talk about wonder balls, baby. A men's underwear brand engineered for performance built for all day comfort and crafted with men's health in mind. 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You know, earlier this year, I had a friend that passed away and and there was fundraising for him, you know, to help just help have finances to take care of his family moving forward to help with some things and fortunately, he also had a life insurance policy. You know, because you want to be able to make sure that just tuition, childcare costs, mortgage if you have one, things like that that your family will be able to go on with some comfort. And that's where ethos comes in. Ethos is an online platform that makes getting life insurance fast and easy to protect your family's future in minutes, not months. There's no complicated process. It's 100% online. No medical exam required. You just answer a few health questions, get a quote in as little as 10 minutes and you can get up to $3 million in coverage as of March 2025 business insider named ethos the number one no medical exam instant life insurance provider. Protect your family with life insurance from ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com slash Theo. That's ETHOS.com slash THEO application times may vary rates may vary. Yeah, oh, before we move on tomorrow, we're putting out a special episode with Mike Rowe and it's all about focusing on companies that make products in America. And some of them are very small and some of them are a little bit bigger and have more history. But we wanted to, you know, a lot of stuff isn't made here anymore. And we all get kind of stuck where we have to buy things from these big conglomerates and and that's okay. Maybe that's how it will always be. But we were thinking, well, if we could buy stuff from our fellow Americans, then we can support them, right? So yeah, it was just kind of this pipe dream where, yeah, I'd rather buy something from you because then I get what I want and you get my money. And so then if we do that, then we just need each other. So we started looking at some companies. There were more we could have done, but we tried to do the best we could. It was kind of like last minute putting it together. But that episode will come out this week. And if you want to watch through and support some of those cool, and if not, that's okay too. But thank you to all the companies that submitted those American originals products. And we even made a page. It's a Theovon.com slash American originals. And you'll be able to go there and just see what all of them are. So yeah, just really happy that we got to do something like that. Oh, my friend Sebastian Manoscalco has a new special coming out on Hulu. And somebody sent a clip of that. So we can take a look at that right here. Let's give it a watch. Is anybody getting up in the morning refreshed? Is anybody getting out of bed going, wow, I had a great sleep. I get up, I feel worse than when I went to bed. I'm like, did I sleep last night? What the hell happened? I'm waking up my wife with the sounds coming out of my body. Three o'clock in the morning. She's like, are you eating potato chips? That's my knees extending on to the floor for my ninth piss. Go back to bed, babe. I didn't bring a can of Pringles into the bed. And speaking of going to the bathroom, I took my son to the bathroom at a restaurant. And I was watching him go. I was jealous at the strength of his stream. He was chipping porcelain off the back of the boat. Oh, yeah. And I have, I, yeah, I'll, I'll, I will say that. If I'm in a public place, I will wait to go urinate before I go, I will let it build up. I will do, you know, I will save up. I will go, I will let it build until I'm really big bagging and then I'll go in there because I won't say and I'll be straight into the water as fast as I can so that people are like dang, this guy's really, he got that PSI on him, you know, you feel me? Play, let's hear more here from Sebastian. I get up in the middle of the night and when I go to the bathroom, it's two streams. I need two toilets now. I'm pissing miss. I'm pissing miss. Yeah, this guy, right? That's a sub back like this guy, this guy, you know, like Sebastian, like, if he saw a ghost or something, he'd be like reporting it to the police. He's like, yeah, officer, you know, this guy, he's not a guy. You can't see him. You know, he's of the guy's a fucking ghost, you know, and the ghost, you know, he weren't like, you know, and I'm like looking at him. He doesn't even have any footprints. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, he's reporting it. Go like, yeah, officer, the guy, the guy, he's like, you know, he's a guy, but he's not a guy. You feel me? He's like, you know, I'm saying he used to be a guy. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I'm telling you, the guy used to be a guy. Yeah, I don't know. That's the bad guy. Man, that's gotta go reporting a ghost. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Who does? But yeah, there you go. Watch Sebastian, man of Scotko, it ain't right. That's what it's called. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Yeah, I'm gonna support my guy there. So blessings to you, Sebastian always being supportive, being brave, going out and doing some movies, different things that he wants to do over the years. I admire that guy. I admire that guy. I gotta work on that. That is one of the best of there's so many people that do so many great, us Sebastian impersonations and just like you see like couples in his audience and stuff like that and there's something pretty magical about his crowd and his fan base. We got some calls that came in the holidays. Here's one that came in right here. Let's hit it. Hey, Theo. This is Bailey and I'm 23. What's up, Bailey? And thank you for being alive and calling in. Onward. And I was just calling to just tell people that like shit does get better. This time last year on Thanksgiving, I was in a psych ward. You know, I got the BPD and it's like tough to come to terms with and just wait, you got the what? Let me hear it again. In a psych ward, you know, I got the BPD. What is BPD, Rally you familiar with that? I am not. Okay. You think you could create some familiar familiarity with it? Pretty quickly somehow over there. BPD is borderline personality at this order. Okay. There we go. I didn't know it and thank you, sir. Onward. And it's like tough to come to terms with and just dealing with depression, but I don't know, man, you don't notice it like right away, but suddenly like it kind of lifts and I'm gonna see you later and turning 24 and I don't know, man, like if you'll cool the live and I've just really enjoyed listening to your podcast and you're just such a light man. And I really appreciate that. And you just say some of the craziest shit and it always makes my day. Well, thank you, Theo. Everybody shit gets better even if you can't see it right now. I think there's a purpose in life and it will work out just the way it needs to even if you can't see it right now. So let me just like tell you all that. Hey, man. Well, that's very profound. I could hear a lot of the joy in your voice too. Yeah, it's like almost like, well, thank you right there even to set statement like it were, you know, like even if I just let your words be my glasses for a minute, you know, out of my own eyes, I can't see that this is gonna be different. But if I can take your words of experience right there and put them on my face for a second, I could see, oh, there's so much possibility. There's there is a different there is something different, you know. So that's kind of like, um, yeah, that's I guess what people's words and encouragement can do for you and sharing your testimony on something. But I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you, Bailey, that you hung in there. I love this part. This part really made me feel something right and here and we played again. Tough to come to terms with and just dealing with depression, but I don't know, man, uh, you don't notice it like right away, but suddenly like it kind of lists and I'm gonna see you later and turning 24 and I don't know, man, like, it feels cool to live and I know you guys cool. Yeah. Oh, that's another great feeling, huh? When it feels cool to live, dude, when you suit two people with big bellies that are hugging each other kind of are like kind of God, I love that. When you see them fucking first those bellies touch and then they touch each other with their arms, but I love that. We had some neighbors at our first apartment complex and they were bellied up. I mean, these bitches had some fucking fronts on them, you know, and we people in our area were poor and so if you saw somebody had a little bit extra body on them, you almost were, you were kind of fucking jealous because you knew they'd been eaten and they'd been you know snacking or whatever and doing ice creams at night and was like no judgment. You know, I would look damn emaciated as a child. And so but God, you'd see some of them pickers and you'd be like damn boy, these thickas out here, they really, they show an off, you know, because if everybody's hungry and you walking around and you stout and about and you got a little sack of, you know, cheese nuggets or whatever in your pocket and shit at all time, baby, then people are going to question things, you know. And the one dude, he would always keep a little thing a bacon bits on him and he fucking sprinkle him bitches in his hand and put a couple in his mouth because he like having that hit a meat on his tongue. Anyway, but yeah, them bacon bits, you ever, you ever, you ever have any bacon bits, Raleigh Mal? I have. What you think of him, baby? I think they're pretty good. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Big dog. What was I talking about? I don't know. Where we just talking about, Raleigh, do you remember? I do not. Unreal, man. Good to see you again. As always, dude. I had just, I just played this freaking and I said, we're having a great time. And then, oh, shit, I don't know. But thank you, Bailey, for that calling in and just reminding us that things get better and that that we are here for a purpose. That's what I like putting that on my shoulders. Well, then if this is what the world is, right, then what is my purpose in it? Because it's still a video game and I'm still the hero, right? That's how we have to look at it, right? Not in an ego-tistical way, but it's like that I'm the first player. That's what I mean, your player one, we're all player one for our own lives. And so what is our purpose? What is my purpose? And it's kind of nice if you think we live in a world of good, verse evil. And not that we all, that we all don't have part pieces of both in us, but that if you fight and that you can fight for one side, and what does that fight for me look like? That's kind of exciting. It gives your life a little bit of gravity. Riley, now let's go to you, man. Dude, I want to say thank you so much, man. Riley. Yep. Can you hear me? Yep. Okay. Well, didn't seem like you could, but what's so take me through this, man, because I remember how long ago it was that you and I met and you would never even felt that that sauce climb right out of that little fucking baby rocket you got out of that little gerbil arm you got. Yeah, we, I think we met back in what 2020? Nah, I wouldn't hear. I thought you were. Well, we've seen you think a lot of things over here's big dog that did not pay an out, but no, look, well, look, whatever year it was, man, when we connected, you remember you were to space, actually, you were not even sexually active. Right. And then that changed. And how did you get to the point of father, man, because you got there really fast, it seems like, do you feel like that? Just tell me something. Yeah. I was on tour when, you know, when on tour with you were, you were working as a doing audio visual on tour. Correct. Okay. And then that's when she found out. So she didn't tell me until I came back. Okay. And did she do a special ceremony to let you know? No. Did she put it in a card or anything? Did she write it like, you know, a lot of times women will, uh, you know, if they're pissed, they'll fucking write it on the front of your house with spray paint. Like it's yours, mother, you know. But if they're not, sometimes they'll put like a little picture of a baby or some, or draw a picture of a baby with a crayon or something and put that, you know, hot it under your dinner napkin or dinner dish. Nope. Okay. Nothing. Nothing. Did she look you in the eyes? Was she vacuuming? And she just stopped it for a second and said, Hey, we're, you know, we're having one and then stuck like, did she, was there any extra curriculars involved with it? Uh, no, we were just sitting down. Wow. And how did you feel, man? Uh, now I feel pretty good. Okay. At the, at the beginning, were you scared? Yeah. What were some of your original fears, man? And thank you for sharing this with us because I think a lot of people go through this. I mean, we've, we talked to a guy a couple of months ago and he was saying that, you know, he was having a child and he was very scared. Um, but yeah, tell me about that, Raleigh, baby. Yeah. I mean, at first I was, I was terrified. I, uh, what did you do? Did you stand up? Do you fucking shake your hands like this? Do you make a sound? Like, do you, can you take me through a little bit of it? No, we were both just sitting down and I was looking at her and I was like, Oh, like, you're not kidding. And she was like, no, not kidding. I'm like, you sure? She was like, yeah, I'm, I'm pretty sure. I'm like, Oh, okay. And did you guys make love again that night? Or is that not that night? Okay. But soon after you think, yeah, wow, Riley, returning to the scene of the crime, bro, dang, dude, Riley stopping back by to peep the skeet work. Oh, me damn. That's crazy work, bro. That's unhinged, dog. Um, do you guys remember the night of conception? Was that a big night? I know that, you know, whenever we'd spoken last, I think you'd probably had sex, I think almost six times. And is that, was this a special evening at all when you guys look back on it? Had you guys been out to hear any music? Had you heard some, you know, had you been to the young boy show? Had you been to listen to some Ella Langley? Had you, um, you know, uh, I know that, um, during the Kennedy had also played recently. Um, was there anybody, uh, that you guys had listened to some? Um, no, it wasn't like that. I will say it was on April 1st. Wow. So Riley popping in, huh? Yeah. With that Chinese chop work on fucking April Fools day. Do you think that is a risky day to ejaculate into somebody? Now I do. Big facts, homie. Big facts. Riley freaking E jacking damn homie. God. I remember when you were just a little fucking magic lamp, bro. Just waiting to bust. I was afraid even actually bump into you. I think you're just seeming to just fly out of your eyes because you were so full and you'd never even eject or whatever. God, baby, praise God. And now, and if you've seen photos of you, you sure you guys are having a child? Yeah. And is there a short list of names, even a few names? Uh, I think we finally narrowed it down. Can you give us one letter that's in the name? M. Can I have one guess even if you don't tell me if it's right? Yeah. Mark. Good guess. But you're not telling me if it's right, huh? Nope. Yeah. And you can. Is there? Yeah. I don't know if you can mark. It's kind of it's a great name. I friend it. I have a friendy. Mark. He's doing pretty good. I think. Well, I want you to think of a couple of things. Like I want I'm going to come back to this. Rather, we're going to jump into another call right here. Okay. Here's one. Right here. Call it. Come on. Hi, feel it's Anna. Hey, Anna. Thank you for calling. Um, and blessings to you this time of year, my love. I ain't onward. I'm just calling because, you know, the holidays are coming up. Thanksgiving, Christmas for all who celebrate. And uh, anyways, I hate my family. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That is, uh, that is a, that's a thing. I hate saying it out loud, but I hate them. They're so mean to me. Hmm. And I have no one to celebrate with. And I'm just sad, man. I'm just so sad about it. And I don't know if you've ever had problems with your family, but it just sucks. Well, anyways, I figured I'd just send this voicemail because, I don't know. I just wanted to buy beer. Buy Anna. Was it Anna? I'm sorry. Do you remember, Raleigh? Hi, B.O. It's Anna. Yeah. Um, well, Anna, thanks for calling in and just letting us know. Sometimes it is, you have to say something, you know, sometimes you have to say something. Sometimes you have to say stuff. I hate my family. I don't give a shit. I think somebody's a wizard. Fuck you. Piece of shit. Those are five things. I just said that were inside of me. Sometimes, if you do that, you rattle off five things. You just make it every other second. You put a finger up and you have to say them no matter what, you know, start that one. Raleigh started with, I hate my family and do four others right after see what comes out of you. Just try it. There's no right or wrong. I love my girlfriend. We have to start with, I hate my family. We're not saying we hate our families. We're just saying we're, we're, we're supporting Ann. All right. I hate my family. I love my girlfriend. This podcast is great. Come on, you're thinking too hard. Let it out. Fuck. Let it out, motherfucker. Say it. Whatever. It's all good, man. You do your best. Was there your best you could do? Yeah. Okay. That's all right, man. I think you're still in your head about it, but sometimes just letting those feelings out. And yeah, I could definitely relate. Look, I'll tell you something, though, and I will say this, there's times where I didn't like my family, but the truth was, I'm the problem. You know, now if they're so mean to you, that's one thing. But I had times in my life where I'm the problem. Oh, I don't want to go to that. Why? Because I don't want to be uncomfortable. Well, if I've already, you know, now if it's true that I'm all, it's like they're, they're mean to me and they are, you know, if they put on heavy gloves and tickle me or they do something bad or call me dirty baby or something or fucking right racial shit on my car or whatever, yeah, that's fucked up. But if they're just, you know, being family and stuff and, you know, I don't know, like we have to make things real. So it's like, yeah, I got to go show up. It's an, you know, consider it an act of service. At least in my family, there might be another family member that gets a look across the table and I'm there for them, right? And the truth is I, I'll get more joy out of it because I need family. I need connection. So I'm not preaching that to anything. I think I'm actually just talking to myself out loud and, but I've made, you know, over the years I've thought I don't need that. I don't need that, you know. But so maybe there's a way to try to work it out for the best. And if not, don't get caught in that self-pity place, like right here you were saying, and I have no one to celebrate with. And I'm just sad, man. I'm just so sad about it. Right. That, that, that place can get kind of tricky like, it's okay to feel some sadness, but don't get so caught in it. We're just, just always just telling people you're sad or feeling too sad. Like, it's okay. But that can become like, I got addicted in my life to self-pity. And I didn't realize it. So, and I hope you don't think I'm trying to preach at you. And maybe I was a little bit. I'm sorry. I'm a little animated. And I just, yeah, we're trying our best though. And so are you. And so that's okay. And happy holidays to you. And, and, and y'all be thinking of you. And I'll say a nice little prayer for you. And, and uh, and uh, happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you create a moment where you find some other friends, you know, or find some other family can, you know, you don't have to do it all, but make sure, yeah, try to have some sense of connection at the end if you just holding a puppy or you doing something, looking at animals online. You know, just don't isolate too much. I think if you can help it. The holidays are here, which means it's time to give the gift of smoothness, whether you're shopping for your partner, your brother, or yourself, we don't judge. Man scapes performance package 5.0 ultra is the ultimate upgrade because nothing says happy holidays like a perfectly groomed package. From trimming, refreshing up, this all in one grooming kit keeps you clean, confident, and ready for any festive occasion. So go ahead, unwrap confidence this season with man scaped. Head over to manscape.com and join over 13 million man worldwide who trust man scaped. Use code the 0 for 15% off your entire order. And the performance package 5.0 ultra doesn't just stop at grooming essentials. It also comes with two holiday bonuses. The boxers 2.0 in colorway midnight Bravo and the shed 2.0 toiletry bag. I have one of those. I like it. Give the gift of smooth this holiday season with the performance package 5.0 ultra. Get 15% off your entire order with code Theo at man scape.com. That's 15% off with code Theo at man scaped.com. Stay on top of your grooming game and be ready for anything this season throws your way. All right, let's hit another call here. What's up? Yeah, this is cage from down here in Ellenboro, North Carolina. What's up, cage over there from North. Check it all in. Thank you for calling brother happy holidays onward. And me and my lady, we got a little boy and we shot to have another baby and we you know, we pregnant and we went to the doctor. We're having two of them, we're fuckers. We're having twins and there's two little girls. We got a boy now. It's just I'm just asking what kind of advice you think you can give me? I don't know. We ain't got no girls or nothing. There's going to be two babies at once. So what's your thoughts and what some advice you can give me? Thank you, man. Amen, brother. Thank you, brother. And thank you for calling in, man. Congratulations. I would say right there. That's what I would say. Riley, Matt, what would you say to this fella? I would say congratulations. And what advice would you have for him or what fears do you have here with even one coming in because y'all are running one and this fella's uh, he's got that side by side going. I mean it's just get ready. And there you go right there. I'll tell you right this there, Cage. I don't, and you, you know, people know this and blessings to you and your family, but I don't believe in twins, right? I've never had believed in twins. I don't kind of believe in some of that, that wizardry, you know, that you know, I don't believe in some of the trickery and wizardry of uh, of the darker realms. Um, but you guys are having twins. You guys are going to be owner, owner operators of twins. And so I support that. You know, I support you. And I want your children to be happy. Of course, you know, um, you know, but I've, yeah, I've seen a lot of stuff happen in there that can get out, get out there that can get pretty wild. Or twins will keep secrets. Um, there was that twin, they had that twin baby. There's a video of it that can whistle. You know, which is four months old, bitches, whistling dogs are showing up outside. So that seems extra curricular spiritually to me, but um, but I think one thing is, man, you just got to just be there and love them. You got to be there and love them. And it sounds like you guys are already ready to do that. You know, you sounded excited. I could hear the excitement in your voice. Yeah, it's tough, you know, but now if you could like, you might have to ration food, I don't know what it gets like. You know, I don't know how crazy the world gets where it fell. If they government will take a twin, I don't know what realm we're headed into. But I just think you got man, you got a lot of, you got a lot of work ahead, brother, but it sounds like your heart is ready for it, man. And uh, congratulations and blessings to you guys over there and praise God. And um, yeah. You know, I can't even imagine what that's like. You know, I just can't even imagine my stepdad, you're selling us one of those five bay outdoor car washes and yeah, because he had a three bay, right? He ran a three bay over there for a while. It was coin operated off of a 190 over there in Covington. Right near uh, right up river from my Boge, Bogefly Park. And he ran that coin up over there and and he got that five bay and God, it shook him. It shook him. So it was a lot. So yeah, and I'm not trying to, you know, maybe I should be comparing owning coin operating car washes to an amount of children you can have, but you know, some people do that shit, man. You know, um, I mean, yeah, I mean, I had a neighbor like that. She'd compare things that shouldn't even be, you know, it'd be like, um, I'd say, you know, there's been a lot of fentanyl overdoses and just heartbreaking for American. She just always, but what, you know, well, we, you know, we, we got very sick from the, uh, chart that new Chinese food place. All right, bitch. All right. That ain't the same. Uh, let me see. Let's finish up this holiday episode here. Thanks, given. And man, this is kind of some of the most fun is some of this. And I want to lean into this more. I think I didn't know, you know, you're just trying with podcasts. You're just trying to, um, figure out what do you want? What do, uh, and then you start to think, well, what is your audience want? But then even when I was, um, uh, on my buddies podcast the other day, he said, well, it's like, yeah, who do you want to listen to? What do you want to learn about? And what do you want to talk about? And what excites you, you know, and, uh, and that was good. That was good to hear and be reminded of. And, um, yeah, I think sometimes I struggle when I'm losing when I'm lacking confidence about myself. I don't know what my plan is. And so I'll, like look at other people's plans and see, you know, well, maybe I'll just try and, uh, do that, do what's worked for somebody else type of thing. And there's nothing wrong with that. But, uh, yeah, I like it better when I feel grounded. I'm more locked in on my own plan. And so I think that's something I hope over this holiday season to just connect with God more and get us stronger sense of myself and my own plan. But yeah, I'm just thankful, uh, that we can be alive to think about these things and hear about them together and to watch some God bravely bring twins into the world. Dark arts, brother. Um, what do we got here? Hey, Daniel. Um, my name is Danielle. Hey, Danielle. Thanks for calling. Onward. Um, I'm calling from Southern California. I had a question for you. I've heard you say before that, um, you are trying to meet God halfway. Um, and, you know, in my life lately, I've been struggling with some stuff and I'm seeing God or at least like the universe or some sort of higher power, um, working to help me in kind of mysterious ways. Um, but anyway, so my question for you is, well, I guess I want to learn how to meet that higher power halfway. So what does that look like to you when, um, when you say that you're trying to meet God halfway? All right, thank you so much. Thanks for all that you do. Oh, thank you so much for the call there. Um, yeah, I guess when I, what I mean about that is like, um, yeah, it's just it's a relationship, you know, so if I have, uh, if I'm, you know, in prayer and consultation with the higher power, right, it can be God, it can be the universe, it can be what you need for you, right? Um, if I'm praying regularly, if I'm thinking about others regularly, if I'm checking in on people to see how they're doing, if I'm getting outside of myself, um, those are things I feel like God wants me to do, you know, and if I do those things, it keeps my relationship with my higher power, with the universe, with God, however you choose to describe it, it keeps that warm. You know, it's a comfortable, it's not a far walk. You know, if I've, if I've talked to God in prayer and, uh, thought or in consultation in the past day or two or today a couple of times, then then if I need some help, it's, hey, God, I don't know what to do right now. Can you help guide me? You know, can you give me some intuition? Can you, um, do you have any, uh, do you have any direction for me, those sorts of things, then that, the relationship's already warm because I've been, uh, praying and, and, and, um, kind of talking with God through prayers and just through, uh, moments of silence and peace, meditation, those sorts of things. So if I have that going and the relationship's already warm, then if I need God for something immediately or I need to, I need some influence from the universe, I need some help. I need some guidance, some suggestion. Then it's right, then, the walkway has already warmed, you know, because there's already a lot of footprints on it. It's more of a thoroughfare than if I've, I'm just running in last many, I'm like, where's God? We're, you know, you know, I need some, I need to, you know, so yeah, I think that's all I was saying. Because I think God's right there. It's just like, how much do we want to connect? And I think we've gotten away from that as a society maybe, and maybe that, that might just be me saying that. So I think I've gotten it away from it some of my life. Um, we got a call right here that came in. Let's get one more here. Hi, Theo. I was just calling to tell you how much I've appreciated all of your podcasts. I've been to two of your comedy shows. And I just am happy to hear that you're getting a break for yourself and that you're done touring because you really give so much of yourself to us. And I'm so grateful for that. But I hope you're taking time to practice health care because you've been through a lot just from hearing about your stories and hearing even the truths of your comedy show. I just hope that you're getting some time to just really reflect and appreciate your own work and how much, how much has made a difference in all of our lives. I listened to you in my first half marathon. I listened to you throughout college, listened to you in med school now. And I just wanted to call and just give you my appreciation because you really made a difference in my life and you've made me see things so much differently. And I just, I love you for that. And yeah, that's all I wanted to say. I don't have the question or anything. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. And yeah, dang, dang. Oh, thanks for that. That's a very sweet message. I get them half marathon really shook me. That's cool. I can't even imagine somebody running by and they're hearing me rattling around in their head. That's crazy work. Well, thank you for being a doctor. Thank you for working hard to get out there and do something in the world that can help some other people. That's great. I love that in a medical way. I think people find different ways to do it. And some of us can be doctors and you're able to be able to go do that. So that's really exciting. Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm trying to learn how to take time for myself. You know, it's, it's been like the break from touring has been good. But then the crazy part was you, I break break from touring and that I realized that I'm still busy. You're like, oh my god. But some of that has like, some of that has been finishing up, has been finishing up stuff that I needed to get done, like finishing up movie at this little movie edit thing that we made. You know, just different responsibilities, different little things that we're trying to do. The thing with micro for buying products from other Americans, that sort of thing, making sure we got that done. And it's weird because the part of you that's creative doesn't really stop. It's like it still wants to do stuff. But like your body and your brain are just like, hey man, let's get a little bit of organization here. So, um, yeah, I'm certainly more focused on it. And I'm grateful that I have the means to be able to take some time off. I also feel like we're in a spot where, you know, you want to have a voice. You know, it feels like right now it's like, you know, I feel like it's more important than ever to try and have a voice and to be brave. And sometimes I feel like I'm letting I'm faltering in some of that space. And like, is it my responsibility, you know, to try and talk about things or speak up about things? And then is it just my ego that's saying that? You know, or like in the timeline of existence, like, yeah, what am I supposed to be doing now? What am I, you know, what means something? Yeah, now that I can feed myself, you know, for the rest of my life probably to be, you know, get what mean what means something? You know, what means something? And maybe this goes back to that last call about, you know, just praying more about it and getting more idea. So, but having some time off has all for me, I got to go to like 10 football games this year, SEC football games. And I'd never gotten to do, I've been touring like in the like, I mean, probably 16 years, I don't even know forever. Like actually, but if you tour every other weekend in the fall, on your weekends off, it's hard to go. So it's just like, you know, it's a lot. So to be able to go to like a lot of football games is like, that's brought me a ton of joy. So I have found a lot of things that have brought me more joy and had more of a social life. So that's been a good time. But I still think of finding more ways to give myself like just more rest and, you know, got back in a therapy. So that's good. Just things like that. So I think that's growing and so I'm grateful for that. But thank you so much for the call. And yeah, I think we might be able to maybe finish this episode of Riley, anything else you have? Nope. Nothing at all. What do you wish for your child as he comes into the world? And it's a boy, huh? Yeah. Little mark. Or whatever. Right. We're not going to say it's Mark, but it'd be something Mark Mal. That would be his name, huh? You can think that if it were Mark, I'm saying, sure, it'd be Mark Mal. Mark Mal. But then it's always Mark set go people always do that and people try to race you all the time. Mark set go and you're like, fuck. That would suck. Well, what do you wish for that baby? A little seam in that's fucking growing in your lady right now. What do you wish for that little freaking yellow bus that you freaking launched over there? And now it's over there doing work. Big dog. What do you wish for that little fucking that little um, at a mime you got growing, baby boy? What'd you think, Riley? Oh, I just, you know, wish that he's healthy. Well, look, man, I'm happy for you, dude. You've come a long way, dude. Do you think that this would happen in your life? What age are you, Riley? I don't even know. I don't know if you're seven to your fucking 15. How old are you? Um, 27. Are you really? Oh my god. I thought you were 16. Nope. That's beautiful, dude. So this is time, huh? Yeah. And what's it been like having a pregnant woman and dealing and being blessed enough to deal with someone like that? It's, uh, they're, they're, it's a lot. Okay. Type shit, man. Well, we love you, man. And thank you so much for being on this journey with us over the years. I can't believe that I knew you when you had, I mean, you were, I remember when you even have any fucking hair on your neck, I think. Just a little bag of just yum, yum soup. Just full of that energy. When you look back and now a few years back and realize you had never ejaculated, do you, do you feel like now that you've been doing it well since then? Yeah. Yeah. You ever miss the old days when you were just full? Um, not really. There we go. You know, bust in and growing them. That's where he is now. Yeah. Thank you. Everybody that's supported the auction. Uh, thank you. Um, to you guys just for, uh, let me be a part of your lives and for me, uh, and for you being a part of mine. And uh, thanks for just bearing with me. As we've tried to kind of navigate like what's most important, things have changed so much over the years and like things in my life have kind of changed and like, um, uh, but it's like moat like. And so it's been, I, you know, I didn't ever know what it would be like to have a podcast and to, and to do it and, and to navigate and stuff. So it's, you know, it's, it's been interesting. And then at the same time you, you, you realize your own shortcomings as a, um, business developer and all that kind of, it's just like, you know, there's so many things where like I've learned on the fly kind of as I've gone along, you know, um, and you guys have had a lot of grace with me and just let me do that. And, uh, and so thank you. You know, thank you for having enough grace, um, with me is I've just kind of learned figured things out because I think we're all just doing that. We're all just kind of trying our best to figure it out. So, um, all love out there. Happy Thanksgiving. Shout out everybody. And all love to the Native Americans out there. If I get a time machine and I get to go back, I'm a pull up for y'all. I'm a pull up for y'all. And we're gonna, and I'm gonna bring weapons so you could have a, let's make it a fair fight. That's what I'm thinking. Um, but God bless, bro. Praise God. And I just wish everybody happy Thanksgiving, man. And if you need me, baby, I'm upstairs. Riley, Mal, what do you have to say? You want to say goodbye? What do you feel like, huh? You got that turkey in the oven already. I do. And is that weeners still working good, brother? It is. And are you allowed to have sex on a, uh, what, uh, a, um, a woman that is with child or whatever? Yeah. Okay. Up until how, when is that cutoff? What's that cutoff date there, brother? Um, as soon as she has the baby. No. Oh, so you can do it up until she has the baby. Oh, bro. What a sick dude, bro. Bro, that's crazy, dude. If you're running that kind of game, cut anyway, blessings to you, brother and when will the new baby be here? Uh, December 30th. Oh, Riley. Hey, that's awesome, brother. Well, we look forward to seeing a picture of it in the, in the new year, brother. What do you think? Yes, sir. Will you bring us one? Is that okay? I will. All right, and prayers to your wife. Do you let her know that we'll be praying for you guys as peace and comfort? Is she excited? Yeah. All right. All right. Um, on behalf of everybody, happy Thanksgiving. Um, you guys be good to yourselves, man. You deserve it. And, uh, yeah, I'm all over the place, but I'm also right here and so are you. So thank you for your time. Praise God.