This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Ooh, are you ENM? I don't know. It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty. One more thing. Oh, wow. I have no idea where this is going. ENM, you say? I'd say on your Bumble dating profile thingy, the dating website, 10% at least are E&M, list themselves as E&M. We'll get to that in a second. First, I wanted to hear the thing about the ghosting and that trend in dating. Can we hear that, Michael? You're dating somebody, you're talking, you haven't defined anything. Everything's going well. They text you good morning. You're feeling good about it. And then all of a sudden they disappear. There's no explanation. There's no why, just crickets. And then some time passes and they pop back up again. And here's the catch. They act like nothing happened. They don't acknowledge the absence. They don't say, hey, sorry, I had a couple days that were really busy at work. It's just like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? That's called ghost lighting. So I guess it's a combination of ghosting and gaslighting. No, it's not. I had someone do that to me and he was a narcissist. That was about it. so you disappear and then you come back as if you didn't disappear yeah just expecting everything was going to be just fine and it's not i think i've done that with people not on purpose though but it is a good indication that you're not quite as into it as they were hoping yeah yeah yeah i'm torn between conflicting impulses admiring the cleverness of the term ghost lighting while despising internet trends in general i'm gonna say who are you usually it's the latter the whole thing is awful yeah it just doesn't again as a wordsmith i appreciate the uh the trickery there uh yeah the uh i mentioned this during the show could pay it off now China maxing is the hottest new online trend here's a question for you and I'm not even gonna get into that I don't want to dignify it but well we got to find out what E&M means oh I can't wait how much longer will people fall for the clickbait of here the hottest new trend online because it always stupid it five people who did something it not a trend it the way human beings behave i think that got maybe three four more months in it then nobody will click on that stuff well this particular article i hold in my hand is trying to claim that open relationships are on the rise in the united states and i don't know if it's actually true or not all kinds of online survey data stuff the states where it's most likely to have an open relationship texas california florida georgia new york okay maybe maybe not i don't know but it does have a couple of things in here that i'm aware of their existence though i don't uh participate myself um terms that i i don't know what poly fidelity is that one i actually don't know but e and m yes it means you got uh like two lovers and you're faithful to the two of them well the why is that different than enm because that's what enm is ethical non-monogamy and i've seen that listed lots of places i had to look that up and then i'm a i'm a no uh i don't quite get that the the thing there i've read about it you you come to an agreement about what the the parameters are they're non-monogamous but you like say hey i'm thinking of sleeping with the barista down the street and you let each other know or whatever yeah ethical non-monogamy is where three or more people in a closed group agree to exclusively have sex with one of the other it's just the three of us or the four of us or whatever number you come up with um and then you're honest about it it's which differentiates it from cheating or infidelity or whatever i don't know uh i don't i i don't have either of you ever been propositioned into this ever uh my neighbor many many many many years ago gladys i mean it was a long time ago okay my neighbor asked my wife when they were both drunk if we wanted to bring him into our relationship which we both howled in laughter at the idea of dnm drunk non-monogamy just seemed ridiculous for a number of reasons. But that's as far as I go. Yes, Katie? You're a young, attractive woman. I could see how this would be Yeah I was at some Well this is my first mistake i met some bartender at a club in san francisco and we but we were talking a majority of the night and we even took a picture together blah blah anyway the next day he sends me a text message and it said something along the lines of hey i showed my fiance our photo and she would really like it if you would come over and join us and this was i mean 15 years ago or so so this was kind of before all this stuff came onto the internet and it freaked me the hell out yeah well so how was it very good yeah i said uh no thanks you know so but that's the three of you together that's a threesome yeah they wanted all heard of this sort of thing yeah they wanted me to join their relationship my sense of the ethical non-monogamy thing is that the three of you aren't together in a bed ever it's just you pair off the three or four of you or whatever the number is it's like you're in the same league yeah exactly you're all in the nba west right exactly and you each do your thing and you all know what's going on and you're okay with it but no more go outside the circle and get diseases or complicate things right yeah i have no interest in that like zero complicated well and i just emotionally well sexually emotionally everything it just it doesn't appeal to me i guess it appeals to some people yeah clearly it does i'm not made that way either uh i i admire it in a way because they're like i'm not monogamous I don't plan to be, but I'm not a liar and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Yeah, I guess that's, I guess, a step in the right direction. But how do you avoid the anybody in the group thinking, boy, you had a date with him three times last week and you haven't had a date with me in two weeks. Seems like you date him more than you date me. I mean, how do you not end up with that at some point in one direction or the other? I think it's very rare that you don't. Right. Right. I think I'm guessing in a lot of these things, the most attractive person, male or female, often who can just pick and choose with who and whenever they want feels like everybody as comfortable with it as they are They kind of like setting the standard I've read a couple of long pieces of writing. I can't remember if it was like the Free Press or New York Times Magazine or something. I was in an open relationship. I was fine with it and grew to hate it. And I've come across a couple of things like that. Well, right. I mean, if you're both equally attractive and have equal options, I suppose it possibly could work for. But if one of you is like got all kinds of options and the other one doesn't or is taking advantage of all kinds of. I just wouldn't think there'd be a chance of that. I don't know. I've never done it and I have no interest in doing it. But I was surprised how often you see E&M on people's profiles and the dating app thing more. I mean, it's not like very rare. It's not the common. It's not close to the majority. It's fairly common. Probably mostly younger people. I don't know. I don't actually know. Why did you bring me this article, Michael? What tripped your trigger about it? You seem to be really interested in it. Yeah. You and your wife and your cats. No, no. It was put in front of me. Me and me. Yeah. By the way, I do think my cats may be gay. I was going to ask. That was my next question. Do we have that song for me? Yeah, I'll grab it real quick. I don't know if my cats are gay. No reason not to play that again. That stupid song was in my head for hours yesterday. It's an earworm, and you've got to bring your cats to the vet to make sure they don't get that. I want to know if my cats are gay or if they are brothers. I want to know if they love each other or if they are lovers. Do I have gay cats? That part. I want to know if my cats are gay. Do I have gay cats? If they are gay, then that's okay. do I have gay cats, gay cats, gay cats. The ending. Gay cats. It's so perfect. Maybe your cats are E&M. They want to bring another kitten in. Or something. A tom. Yeah, a kitten. Oh, that'd be sick. I don't know what if there are age limits on cats. I don't know what the ethics are for cats. Age of consent. Meow. Meow means meow, you pervert. cat pervert. Anyway, well, I guess that's it. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.
