Will you ask Diane how she's doing? Absolutely. Diane, I'm so glad you're back. And how are you doing? Thank you. I am doing okay. Good. Yeah. That's it. Well, all right. Very good. Well, listen, I'm tired. He's he's only been gone a month. The yes. Yes. That is true. Yeah. That is true. Yeah. The the I feel like I don't know about. I can tell you from my and I feel like it's been a long month. Um, yeah. So do you want to hear how Ellie feels? Yeah, I know. First before you, if you need to gather your thoughts, he seems very much willing to share his own. I would say yes and no. In terms of whether it feels like it's been a long time. Yeah. Yeah. What? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to ask. I don't know what to ask. I would start by saying I am so, so, so appreciative. Right. Of everybody reaching out. Right. You three especially and family and and friends and listeners and friends of the show. I mean, I was overwhelmed at the amount of support and you you do it. It's crazy to say, but you do feel it. Do you really? Yeah. No, that's good. Yeah. That's really, really good. Yeah. And not just not just from people you see, but just whether it's emails or notes and stuff like that. Yeah. And people continuing to check in too. Right. Because a lot of people say that, you know, like right after you lose somebody like that, that everybody is on top of you and are you okay and what can I do and hear some food and and and then it kind of goes away. Right. You know, well, it's like my buddy milkman who send a text. No, no, but like my my buddy Sam lost his wife a year and a half ago and he has been checking in a lot, which I love because he always makes me laugh. The I didn't realize though that he was going to send you so many book titles. I know. And I was like, I didn't know that there was going to be this much reading required. Are you reading Walden also? No, I'm not reading anything. Oh, okay. Oh, don't tell Sam that. Don't tell Sam that. No, no, but I always thought that when Sam when when Sam lost his wife and and then obviously when when Scott passed, he was talking about how like early on you do have that that that outpouring of support and that outpouring of like people reaching out. Yeah. And he's like, it's great because you're it's kind of he always talked about it and and you could tell me if it's right. It's kind of the suspended reality of it's just it's weird isn't the right word, but it's it doesn't seem real, but it's very real at the same time. Totally accurate. And he said like at some point, the bagel stopped coming. Yeah. And that was always what he said is that early on there is there is there's a flood of love and support and emotion and food and and and everything under and every and it all comes from a really good place. Mm hmm. And then at some point like people are like, okay, and then people get back to their lives and then you have to now people have had several people ask me what like what do you think your life's going to look like now? I'm like, I have no idea. Right. I really don't because and that I mean going back to the what what you have to deal with right in terms of this is a person that we were married for 25 years and just suddenly he's not here anymore. Right. He's gone and now I have to get used to what my life is going to look like. Correct. And the other thing that you've you've probably heard when somebody passes that there is a lot of paperwork that is involved that does not even scratch the surface. I would spend days right at the at the kitchen counter with my laptop either making phone calls texting people, emailing people. You know what I heard a lot of in the last month. Everybody uses this whole music. And it was it would start to make excuse me, ma'am, I'll be right with you. It would start to make me laugh because it was almost like because you would think of the it was almost like I was gambling like oh, oh, is it? You have to like find humor and stuff like that. Right. Because if not, you're just you I can't sit in that house and and cry all day. Right. You know, right. The the the other thing and and and I mean, listen, you would tell me things like you need 20 million death certificates to be able even for stuff that you would go like cell phone bills and transferring accounts and all that other stuff. Everybody needs a death certificate. So you got to get like 500 of them to cover everything. But you know what, you know what the the the I mean, there's listen, there's a behind the scenes. There's a ton of lessons that come out of being close to somebody who goes who goes through this is you know what, you know what you and Scott did really, really well and take away, you know, being married and raising a daughter, all that other stuff is the fact that he had every password to everything imaginable. I think of that now like at some point I got to sit down with Jackie and go, I don't know. I couldn't even get into my bank account. Everything he wrote down. It's an it's credit card logins banking logins, patient portals, his email streaming services. Well, I can't do this anymore. Scott, what's Netflix? You changed it again. You know, but whole 69 just make them all the same that that to me I was I wanted to highlight that it is invaluable because it's you have so much work to do that makes it so much easier. But you know, the other you able to ever listen to music through your echo. Yes, Mike and Kristen came over on Saturday night and Mike got it set up in like two minutes. Are you serious? We went over to Diane's one day. Well, before we get there, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, but I do. I do want to say one thing though, going back to like passwords and stuff like that. Yes. Is that good, bad? I don't know which one's right or not, but but Scott had been sick for a little while. So there was there was time to organize if you I don't know the right word, right? Like I'm pussyfooting around this like crazy. But some people some people I hate saying this word. Some people die instantly or unexpectedly. Yes. Get that stuff done like that really is a lesson and listen, I don't I don't want it to be somebody goes through an illness. I don't want it to be unexpectedly. I don't want it to be any of that. But get that done because you're right. You wouldn't be able to watch Netflix. It's you you just don't realize and it's gotten as as everybody is so much more connected and online and everything. I feel like it's gotten that much more complicated and the amount of things that you have to attend to are infinite. What about let's and it's not only his stuff because I mean he had everything pretty much on autopay, but I had to go through and log into his banking and make sure that things were getting paid and then I'm looking at charges going. Why is he paying $100 a month to Microsoft? I got to look into that. Right. And you know what he means? It's probably some business game. No, it's some business thing, but I got to make sure Marley stuff is all paid because he had you know her rent and Georgia power and then I've got to make sure his mom stuff is covered. Right. To so just having that was a huge huge help. Yeah, no, that that is that is one thing I learned back to the real issue. Yeah, getting stabbed in the back. His husband. Is that because he did you guys use Apple music? Oh, see, I use the free I heart radio music app. The now you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't. I do. That was the problem. I'm loyal to the company. You've stabbed two people now in the back. So we went over to Diane's house one day and we couldn't get Diane's plan or music through the TV. He really wanted to listen to the new Harry Styles record. That's what it was. Was it really? Yeah. But Diane's or I was just playing it on the speaker on my phone. Yeah. Yeah. And so but Diane was like, I don't know. Scott made it come through the the Alexa device. And so Tyler was like, I'll fix it. I didn't 20 minutes later, Diane's like, you don't have to worry about that anymore. But you and Mike got it done. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. Yeah. See, look how we're here for you. Listen to it all day yesterday. Alexa skip. Alexa skip. I'm not feeling that right now. Alexa skip. I loved it. All right. What else did we learn? What else did we learn? It's very. So he passed away on March 14th and within we've we we were able to stay with him for a while. Then we had to go tell his mom and stay with her for a while because she had been at the hospital earlier in the day, but then she decided to go back home. And then when Marley and I got home that night, we were just kind of sitting around. I of course turned on the pit in the background. Of course, because I didn't need to because I needed more time in a hospital. But you then the phone rings and it's the organ donation people. Right. And he had literally been dead a few hours at that point. Right. And they're like, listen, we're so sorry for your loss. But as you know, when it comes to organ donation, time is of the essence. So I have about I've got about an hour's worth of questions I need to ask you. What's a good time? And I was like, not now, bitch. Hold please. I was like, um, can you give me a couple hours? And so it is. And then they but it's quick, right? Yeah, because you don't have a lot of time. Right. So they were able to use his corneas and some heart valves. Right. So they let you know the next morning what what they were able to tell you what they used. Yeah. What they said, if you don't want to know or if you don't want us to email you or text you about it, that's fine, but we will text you to let you know what we were able to use. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Really? But then do you find out where it goes? No. Could you have asked? I don't think so. Oh, but that's the other thing too is like you you you're overwhelmed doesn't doesn't do it justice when you're just like looking, you know, I'm like looking around like how am I going to handle all of this by myself? Like I like look at there's all of this clothes and there's all of his medications and and and you're just like, I don't need cookbooks. I gotta get rid. I should get rid of those and then you just and then you're just like looking around. Are you eating? Yeah. Yeah. Well, Diane, you don't cook. No. Yeah. That's that's another thing I should get into too. But but it's like a but I like to to start a task and complete a task and then cross it off a list. Right. So the only thing that I could do at that point that was pretty quick was clear out the DVR. Right. Because Scott had been bitching of like, you know, we're about 70% full on the DVR. I was like, well, it's not just me with some housewives that I haven't been able to catch up on. So I went through and cleared out diners, drivens and dives. This old house and 146 episodes of math. I was like, damn, race to life. From the device list. I spent a long time with you would have thought he was only using a fire stick. Yeah, I know how many fire sticks do we have? You had six because he was like, well, they're only like $25. Yeah, no, a ton of fire sticks in the house. But that was the other thing too is like the utility closet like all of the the kitchen thing. He was the cook. Right. All of the kitchen things that we had in there. And now my sister is selling them for me on Facebook Marketplace. Wouldn't it be? She's been a saint. She's been wouldn't it be wouldn't it be nice to let like maybe some people close to you come over and pick through some things that we might want? What? No, maybe there's like a kitchen appliance that I would like. Marketplace. Maybe I'll give you a discount. So your sister's like meeting up with people. Yeah, she sells stuff on Marketplace all the time. This is her thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The like grill stuff. I mean, we're at Diane's house. She's like, what the F am I doing with a grill? Oh, and I was going to excuse myself and walk out back and see if there was anything I needed. And the smoker. Yeah. Oh, that I could use that I could use. Now I got a I got a food dehydrator. The which is by the way, I know that you don't dehydrate a lot of food. No, no, Coast Guard Kurt has one. He loves it, loves it. So you're not going to make like a you won't make like a brisket and then freeze part of it. Am I doing that in the smoker that I won't use outside? Yes. Okay. In the smoker. You should do it. No, it's no, it's it's there's just so much stuff to give anything you want and start to think about that. I'm not sure if Diane will take your comments in the last few seconds as insensitive. So I'm good. And then if there is any doubt in your mind, right, that our phones are always listening to us, right? All of my targeted ads now are grief counseling and get your jewelry made with your loved ones ashes. That's all it is. That's cute. No. So you're not doing that. No, you're not going to get the jewelry. No, I don't think so. What's that motion? No, maybe I'll take a look. And of course this all had to happen during tax time. The oh, are you doing don't do it this year? I mean, now they were taxes in the house. Scott, of course he did. Yes. So do I do say again? No, we're done. Oh, you finished. Yeah. The are you serious? Mm hmm. Wait, you got it done by yourself. No. Oh, okay. No. No, no, no, the same company that we've used for years. Right. But I'm. What taxes do the 15th? God damn it. This week the on Wednesday. Yeah. You get a big refund. No, we owed the. I like you sure about that. It's all in the womb. Yeah. Can't you put a note in there and says like I don't feel like paying this year. I've been through some stuff now. I've been through some stuff. Um, and then I think I found our new bit. Okay. No, I okay. I'm going to mention signs that I get from Scott to know that he's okay and you're going to debunk them and everybody will call you a dick. I did it. That's starting in person. That a visit. Oh God. I did that right in your house. I just kept eating my sandwich during all that. Right. By the way, shout out to Panera. We paid for it, but that was a good sandwich. That that fit the moment. No, no, that fit the that fit the moment. Yeah. No, there were a couple. There were a couple where Diane was like, I know what you're going to say, but I feel like this is Scott. I was like, no, it's not. I talk to him all the time. Right. Is that can I can I ask you this and I don't I don't what's the what's the right word? I don't I don't know what the right word is a buddy of mine, a buddy of mine's son died of an overdose within the last year. And he went to the hospital. And he went back to work and then I'll get back to you talk to him all the time. Yeah. And he went he went back to work as people do. And when people would see him at the office being him himself, if you will, people would go, oh, hey, it's nice. It's good to see you back to normal. And he would go, I'm not normal. I'll never I'll never be normal. I understand what they're saying and I understand what the meeting behind it is of you seem like you're back to I don't know what the I don't know what the right word is. But the the it's not normal. He would say like there's nothing I lost my kid. It's not normal. But he also understood that it came from a place of people saying that they were happy to see him and that it was good to see him not sad and miserable. And he's like there are still times where I'm very sad and I'm very miserable. There's a lot of times like that. So he understood the normal word, if you will. So ever since he told me that because I know I've been guilty of saying that to people in the past of like, oh, it looks like you're getting back to to normal. Right. And I never understood how that that would be triggering to somebody who it's not normal. Like their their life is not normal. It's completely changed. It will never unchanged. It starts a whole new chapter, a whole new starting point of of who you are. But that word that word means from an outsider is meant in a very positive way. Yeah, I wouldn't think that that's anything. So that that's not that's not going to throw you. No, I don't think so. It is. It's it's there are times that I get really, really weepy. Right. I was weepy as hell yesterday and I was just like, girl, you got to get it together. You're going back to work tomorrow. Amen. Yeah, no, I don't need that. The There he is. Ladies and gentlemen, I knew walking into the room is going to be like a big hug. It is. It is. No, no, but I was going to say, is that is that like you said you talk to him all the time. Yes. Right. I'm not going to say that is a I don't want to use the word normal, but I'm going to. I bet that's completely normal. Yes. Where that goes on regularly. Yeah. It's like I said, it's like, you know, you, you can't prepare for this. Like I you don't know what it's like to be in your by yourself so much. Right. You know what I mean? Sure. When you're used to having somebody around you. Right. And it's not like when Jackie goes away for the weekend, I'm like, yes. No, no, because then you know, she's coming back Sunday. And then I was going to ask you one other thing. Not is the oh, and they say you should never you should never sell your house within a year. That was one of the first things I was uttering walking around. Where does that come from? Is it just no. Nothing. Yeah, they said nothing drastic in it in a year. And I remember I said, it's sense. Yeah, I said that I was like, I don't what do I it's just it's just me. I don't what do I need this house for? I should get rid of it. And my sister's like, no, you're supposed to wait a year. But they would that. But they do always say that they're like, there's, of course, I wasn't serious, but you're just so you're, you're kind of thought about it. You're kind of exasperated. You're just like, this is this is stupid. Right. You know, yeah. No, because I would also like because I had that conversation with Sam when, when, when Jody passed away and he was the same thing. He was like, I got to get rid of this goddamn house. Like I don't want it. Every, every place that I look in the house reminds me of Jody. Like everything in here reminds me of Jody. And I would think it's the same way where every, everything you look at, but the smoker, for example, would be Netflix would be like Scott is a reminder, but I could also understand. Yeah, but it's not like that a reminder is a is a bad thing. Correct. Correct. You know, it's just it, it'll give you like a moment to pause and think about it. And then it's kind of like, okay, you know, I talked to him a lot. I talked to myself a lot because I'm by myself in that house. The cats are like, I think she's going crazy. Is it, is it good to be back? I mean, it's only been an hour at work. I told you I needed some, some sort of schedule again after having not had one because my sister who is retired, I'm like, is this what it's like to be retired? Like you do not know what day it is. Right. You don't know. No, that's not good. And it's just, you just need to have some sort of a schedule. That's what order and schedules are normal. Oh, you love that. Are normal to me and a comfort to me. And I could, I could have, you know, taken another two weeks and just sat at that kitchen island trying to make phone calls. And it just, I'll get to it. Yeah, exactly. I'll get to it. And I'm only going to, I'm trying to make a schedule for myself that is going to say, okay, don't just, like I should have gone out and left the house yesterday. I didn't leave the house. It was beautiful out. I should have, I should have been outside. Yeah, of course. But I didn't because I just felt like I had too much stuff to get, to tie up and just to come back to work. You want to go to Outback tonight? Why Outback? I don't know. I'm just thinking of some place we'd go for dinner. But, you know, so I'm not going to be like, oh, well, I have to get, I have to get rid of all of his stuff and, and do this by, you know, the end of the week. That's, that's ridiculous. I can't do that. That's too big of a mountain. It's too, it's too much and it's too overwhelming. And, you know, and then that just leads to me walking around the house muttering to myself. Yeah. And nobody wants you to do that. No. Right. So, um, this is why I told you Diane and you were kind last Wednesday to send me a happy birthday message. But the first thing you did when you got here this morning was bring me a gift. It was awkward because Elliot thought it was for him. I did. But when he held out his hand, I was like, this isn't for you. I just saw a bag and I thought it was like, oh, Elliot's been so good to me over the last month that, um, but of all the things to have running through your mind and yesterday and preparing to come back, it was crazy that you, you would be thinking of others in this time and needing to get that to me. So thank you very much. You're welcome. But also my gift wasn't the latest gift. Elliot's did come a day late. Right. And Diane's was like five days late. I wasn't here. The, you could have driven in and dropped it off and gone back home. I even said to Diane, oh, that's right. I still have to text you again. Can I just ha ha something? I said to Diane, I said, um, uh, looking forward to Monday for one reason and one reason alone, that gift. No, no. Well, I can tell you, it's very nice to have you back. It is very, very nice to have, to, to, to have you back. I'm sure in the next, um, um, well break or days or weeks, I will say something in appropriately wrong. Just let me know. Just let me know. Like what? I don't know, but I'm heard stuff when she was at home. Oh, and you call me a bitch. The, yeah, but I didn't know you were going to be listening on vacation. I was no. There it is. Did you hear him refer to it as vacation? The one week was fine. The next two started to turn into a little. And I am, I am very appreciative of being a, and I realized that's a luxury because I Googled it like what is the, what, what does the average person take? Like what time, amount of time does the average person take? And a lot of, a lot of the Google searches said like three to five days, which is, which is, you know why? Because they have to be back to work. Yeah, but they don't work for people like me who have such a big heart and understand. I was just thinking like the, the thought of having to come back at, after three to five days is cruel. That seems impossible would be cruel to somebody because you're still, it's still real raw. Oh, sure. And, and, and there is, there is stuff that you have to do administratively. I'm just going to say forget the, and you just don't have time. You don't even have death certificates back in three days. No, no. And you have to, you know, and that's a roadblock for a lot of things like, well, we can't do anything until you get a death certificate. And then it's, I mean, within three to five days, there's just, there's not a lot you can do except that's the time that everybody wants to be around you the most. But is that, is that really normal three to five days? The bills don't stop. Yeah. No, no, I understand the bills don't stop, but that's also, that's also hard on somebody. Maybe that can be a cause for you, Diane, where you work to change the cultures within business and allow for longer bereavement policies and bereavement pay. Can I get my house organized first? I don't like that term. What? Bereavement. That's what it is. No, I know, I know, but it doesn't hit hard enough. I know the tiptoe if you hear the B word. Like, you don't barge into a conversation at the water cooler if you hear that. Oh, who's bereaving?
