#241 - THE JOHN-O-THON

On now hand you over to my best man, Eddie. Wow, wow, wow! Second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy? Oh, God. Substitution could see a Paddy Power embarrassing Eddie makes way for sensible Samuel. Cool, that was close. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. Bities and seasons and exclusions apply at 18plusgamblerwear.org. Up next is Red Flare and his new band. Oh, my God, I'm back again. On that vacation, oh, everybody's spin. Gonna bring new games, gonna show you now. New game party, find new... Dropping hits every week. Find the new slots. On that vacation tonight. 18plusgamblerwear.org. That's right! Blowing out budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bull spend. And marketers are calling it out in... Dashboard Confessions. I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it wasn't. Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend £200 on your first campaign and get a £200 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com. Slash, lead terms and conditions apply. Welcome back to the Goons podcast. We're joined for a very, very special episode today. We are here with Blarg. McNasty. I'm leery. You do? What it do? What it do? Myself, Swagger Souls. We are here for a very special, long awaited... Very special. Very extremely hyped up. Everybody's been waiting for it. It is the one and only, Jonathan. They're dead. This might be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Hey. Fuck I love everyone named John. Yeah. Oh my God. This is a very special episode because we have enlisted, we have basically put out a call for all John's foreign and domestic who are fans, who are not fans, who are just random people. Every day John does. We called on the John's. We called on all the John's. A bat signal of just John's. A John's signal. A milk toast one signal. A John's signal. And here's the thing. And they answered the call. We have a whole host of different John's who are currently in the discord. A lot of John's. As far as I know, they're all John. I went in there and I said, if your name is John, please say here. And they all said here. And so... Proof enough. One did ask though, if Juan can't, which one can? I'd say that's like a John from our friends down under, you know? Absolutely. John's little zest. Yeah. This is not down under like Australia. No, no, just down under America. Like under our foopa. In Australia, they're referred to as John's. John's? John's. Yeah, we don't want any of those those guys. We don't want any of those John's. I don't trust the John's. Bogan's, a lot of them. A lot of them. I don't know what Bogan's actually means. I used to get rednecks like, fucking ice mine. I don't fucking like, I'm gonna fucking fuck up. Bogan. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Damn, damn. All right. So yeah, it's good. We have a very, it's very good. A star-studded cast of John's. We basically are going to deduce which John is the master John. Who is going to be the, who's the S tier John? Who's the best John? The best John. Out of all the ranking John's. We're looking for the best four. We're ranking John's. We'll do a John tier list. Can we do a John tier list? We can absolutely do a John tier list. With no context, it's just John, John, John, John. John, John, John. John, John, John, John. John, John, John, John. John, John, John, John. John, John, John, John. Yeah, that's true. We got John. We can do John A through Z or we can do John one through however many we have. Fuck is a Z. Okay, we can do that. We can number the John. It kind of dehumanizes them a little bit and I like that. I like that they're, we're stripping them of their ego. I like that. I like that one too, yeah. No, none of them. The name is John. Jonathan Johnny, one, it's John Applier. And hey, if your name is John and you're watching the show, just give yourself a pat on the back. Give yourself a big big pat on the back. You did it. You got a name, John. You did the hardest part. This one is for you, you know. Of all the names you could be, I actually would love to go through a couple of interesting John facts. Okay. For the audience before we get into here. Just as I was talking about. You have John facts? Do we have a couple of John facts? Believe it or not, I prepared for this episode. We can't, we, I was going to say, dude, we don't even prep for like normal episodes, but then when we're having John's on, you're like doing research like we have a guest. John history. Oh yeah. Like there's been more work into this than there's been when we had, again, just like any other guest. Yeah, literally like, like, like Tim Henson, we just raw dog. We can even be proved on stage about it. Yeah, he said he pooped in a bag. Yeah. I did have another lag spike. So you know. Yeah. All right. So John was the number one boys name in the world. In the, in, oh wait, no, in the United States soon. For me, and Mohammed is not the number one name in the United States. Probably. I never met a Mohammed, bro. He's in the world. Guys, John was number one boys name in the United States from 1880. All the way through the early 1920s. That's a long reign of John's. For decades more. That's true. That's a long reign. John's are big there. We have another one. John still ranks softly in the top 30 for boys. All across the West. And we have what here. This was, this was really interesting. The name that John has inspired countless international variants due to it spread through Greek. Oh, which is Johannes, Latin, Johannes and the local forms. Jean, which is French, or John, I suppose. Giovanni in Italian. Johanna, Johannes in German. Juan in Spanish. Ivan comes from John. From John? How does that happen? Ivan comes from John. It's the Slavic fucking vodka. John. It's a fucking potato vodka again. No, fucking mother. And also, speaking of alcohol, Sean, the name Sean, the Irish name Sean, originally came from John. So, there's like drunken slurring on words. Ivan, Juan, there are all John's, there's a lot more John's than you would actually think. Yeah, you know, I'm not up on my John lore. I didn't know there was that many John's. Dude, you'll like this. The toilet is colloquially referred to as the John. It is the John. So you actually spend a lot of time sitting on John. I sit on these motherfuckers. I do. You put your wiener in John. Poo in John. I have to put a lot of poop in John. Goldfish. Oh yeah. Yep. That gerbil from O7. The O7 gerbil incident in the toilet. Yep. Mm-hmm. Incredible. Well, I'm amply stimulated by all that information, Swagger. Thank you for sharing John lore. Also, John poor. John poor. True. I was about to say, John poor. We need, let's list, you know, some notable John's, because there are quite a few. I can just, I'll have to tell them I had John. Lenin. John Cena. John Biden. John Cena. John. Don't know if that's a guy. John Obama. Oh, John Skyrim. Yep. True. John Jacob J. Geicoheimer Schmidt. John Skyrim. John Skyrim. Yep. The Porta John. True. We like the regular John, but it moves. Without further ado, I think it is time that we grab our very first. John. I personally think, I have John. I think we should go for, this guy's name is John Classic, and he has a video on. So we're going to see what the first John looks like. I think we go with him. Lenin. John Classic. The classic John, the first John. Let's see what he has to say. Ladies and gentlemen, please. Enjoy the first John of the Jonathan. Hello, John. Hello, John. Oh, shit. Hello, John. John. Hello. Get there. There we go. Oh, he's got the camera going. Hold on. Yeah. Holy shit, he's classic. He's fucking. He's one. He's one. There we go. I'm running off of my iPad. Fuck off. That was rough. All right. I like this. Okay. All right. John, if you would please, just, you know, give us some, give us some details. A quick rundown. Let's start with your name. Is it John? Or is it John to thin? Is there an H or an M? So I go by Johnny online. Johnny. Okay. Johnny. Not too bad. He gets cool. He gets cool points. Okay. So, follow up question. How long have you been named John? Fucking somewhere between 20 and 25 years. Okay. Like one night he got his name literally changed for this. He got the country. Barrett's just busted down the door at midnight. It was like, you're John now. They bestowed it on you. I like the name. I like the name. John. Pulled it out from the fricking sword in the stone. Like, this is my escalator. You were crowned a John that day. And Johnny. Okay. So, Swagger, go ahead. I would like to know, what makes you a standout John? What about your life is interesting or unique? What sense you report from the sea of John's that's here today? So, I go by JC the Bot online and I make music. That's the type of shit I be on. Hell yeah. Musical John. What kind of music? Musical John. So, I started in 2017 making chiptune music on a website called Beatbox, B-E-E-T Box. Wait, making what kind of music? Chiptune music. 15th way. Oh, oh, chiptune. I thought you said shit poop music. I was like, what the fuck is you? I was like, hey, shame, bro. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm farting on the dog. I believe it. I believe it. Farting on the dog right now. Don't come in. Believe the kids called that penis music on TikTok. Penis music. But, no, so yeah, I started making chiptune, 8-bit, we'll say, just to make it easier for the listeners online. But I made 8-bit music from 2017 until just a couple of months ago when I finally got up enough money to make FL Studio, or buy FL Studio. Nice. So I made a project as a submission for college. I actually just got accepted to a college program for music. Nice. Sweet. That's good. Congratulations. Thank you. And then now I'm working on getting my backlog of projects from Beatbox updated. And matter of fact, I'm starting off with a mission that I did for one of my buddies like five years ago. So I'm gonna give that to him as a surprise. All right. So we get it. Okay. Wow. A multifaceted John. John. This is a very strong start for the John. This is a good start for John. Yeah, John's. Now, are you an educated John? Do you have a degree? Yeah, actually. So I went to, I got into apprenticeship back in 2021 for electrical engineering technology. And as part of that program, I got paid to go to school for two years. You got paid to go to school? Yeah. Wow. Stunt. Then I got fired. Studious as John. I like this. I like this. All right. What would be a great follow up question here? John, have you had any lovers? What are they named, John? Have you had many? I've heard John's only fuck other Johns. It's like bald people. We do have bald people. So far, so far, this John is like a good B, upper B tier, A tier. I wanna know. You're not an in-cell John, are you? No. Okay. I'll put it like this. I'm not like spruing around every Tom, Dick and Larry and John. Okay. But, you know, I have a relatively low body count, I would say. I'm not that into specifics. So you don't know too many Johns then, is what you're saying? I'm self-respecting John, if you will. I have respectable John. A John you'd take home to meet, you know, to meet the family. John, this is John. John, this is a new John. We'll say the number is between two and six. Okay. Okay. Okay, so is it four? Take a slant. Take a slant. Are we just saying four here? What do we say? A very broad John. A very non-executive John. It's not that big of a gap, man. This John doesn't kiss and tell, and he gets even more points for dance. I like that. No, it was a strong John. John, good John. I feel like we gotta ask one do-do question all the Johns, right? Of course you do, of course. Okay. John, no, you know what do? This is your expertise. Go ahead. Yeah, so I've been in a lot of Johns, not in the same way you have. My body count is a lot higher with being inside of Johns. I've shit a lot. Do you have any insane shit stories you would like to share with us? Have you shit yourself in a bad place? Oh, okay. An ideal shit story. So when I was 19 years old, I was working, I didn't have a car at the time. I was working at Smash Burger, and so I don't know if any of you guys have had Smash Burger. I have, yeah. That shit plugs you up like a motherfucker. You worked at every single Smash Burger? No, I worked at one Smash Burger. I don't know, I don't know if that's an actual, is that a restaurant? Yeah, no way. It's Smash Burger is a restaurant chain that serves really greasy, like, wet hamburgers. It's like Subway of Burgers then. It's pretty much. It's proper bad. Best way to describe it, it's all of the premiere of Five Guys with none of the good pricing. Oh, hi, BG. It's ridiculously expensive. But anyway, so I fucking, you know, they gave me food there, so I ate my food, I'm walking home, and just, you know, I'm sure you guys have had this experience when you're walking, your stomach's just like, it's time to shit now. Yes. I didn't have a car. Sometimes it happens. I was like, I asked my walk from my house, it's like, I still had 20 minutes, so I'm just like, fuck it. I'm gonna go parking this bush over here, I'm gonna grab some leaves, I'm gonna try my best to clean this shit out. Oh, damn. You would try bullshit. The worst thing is, the worst thing is. The way nature intended. The worst thing is, as I'm finishing up, I just fear in the distance, like, motherfucker, I really hope nobody's pulling up on me. And then I see lights in the distance, I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. This is where I get caught for public indecency. Sick. I didn't get caught, I was able to walk right home. Fuck yeah. Oh my God, dude, I thought you were about to say that you just gotta rest it for shit. And then I got a car. It's a bullshit. And it's like, I'm like, hold her in there. John went to jail for doodling in a bush, that might be the most ruins thing of all time. This is actually my jail cell. I'm coming to you live from right now. I thought you were gonna be like, and then I turned around and I fucking said, John was in front of a preschool. No, no actually. Turns out that bush was just a fucking chihuahua and the guy was still holding it. But no, that's, that's, that's great. So are we talking liquid or are we talking semi liquid? We talking, oh. You have to be big in the specific, John. And how many leaves did you go through? Were they dry? No, it was, it had just rained. So there were puddles everywhere. That's cool. So it was like dude wipes. Yeah, it's like a, yeah. That's sweet. Nature's dude wipes. Well, you know, you would say that, but considering the leaves are covered in dirt, you can't really sell with dirt and what shit. Oh, you're rubbing dirt in your ass, who? You might've been adding to the slop back there. Infinite wipes. I would've just scoot down the ground like a dog. Wiping your, wiping your ass with grit. Dude, I would've just teabagged the puddle for a little bit and called it a day. I tried my best to shake it off, but you know, you can't get all the dirt off. No. Now at that point, you just take the racing stripe in your underwear and go home. That's just what your day is. Gentlemen, where are we going to place John number one? This is, I think this is a minute, this is an eight year John. An absolute eight year John. A great job. You are the first John we've had. And you're already an eight year. And you're shedding the boil. And I like you hoodie. And a final follow up question to you Smokeweed. Oh hell yeah. Except I, so I'm unemployed. That sweater doesn't smoke. Yeah, that's what it was. That hat combo was insane. Oh yeah. You look like you're waiting for a final. Arizona too. It's like 98 degrees there. I'm unemployed. I'm looking for a job. So I've been staying clean, but I've been feeding in for some butt man. Hey man, if there's, if there's, if there's, where are you based in? Based out of anywhere between Maine and California. Somewhere between, Somewhere between the Midwest and Ohio. All right. If there's anyone between Midwest and Ohio to hire this John. That was John. Look at that. He's, he's John. He has, he has our blessing and he has our endorsement for whatever. Hopefully not a smash burger. Yeah, no smash burger. That doesn't, that doesn't do well. Before you send me out, can I advertise myself? Sure. Go for it. Go ahead and send me out on SoundCloud, John plastic and then check out my YouTube channel, JC the bot. Hell yeah. Oh yeah. Check him out. All right. John, it's been a pleasure. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. Fantastic. Go under forever. Thanks for reading John. All right. Number, John Clancy. What a good start. Okay. Not bad. Not too shabby. Robes, setting the bore pretty high. We have one eighth year John, John Clancy is currently leading. As far as your good John's go. He's pretty good. All right. Gentlemen, we have, the bar has been set high. That was a good John. The bar has been set very high. That was a respectable man. The John of the line is kicked off. Let's just do a round of applause. Yeah. Quick John, quick round of a John. All right. That was good. I think we gotta find somebody who looks fucking cooked now. I'm personally thinking Pish Fussy. Pish Fussy. That's a good question. They're having, actually they don't have a camera. They don't have a camera. I think I like the camera vibes. True, true. We could, we could always bring them in and ask. Okay. All right. Let's bring in Pish Fussy. Everybody welcome. Pish Fussy. Everybody welcome them. Fucking lovely. I don't like. Hello Pish Fussy. Hello John. Hello. Let me talk to him. Hey, that's a good John. That's a good John. That's a good John. That's a fucking John right there. Hell yeah. That's a fucking John right there. That's a fucking John right there. We got a solid build going. A solid build. I like that. How tall are you John? I'm a solid five nine. Oh yeah. Dude, you look like you could average dead lift a car. I like that. I like that. You look like you could dead lift a car. You look like a jack John. You're fucking traps are halfway up your neck. Yes sir. Johnny's dip. Johnny took a bunch of steroids. It's great. So John, tell us what makes you a standout John? What sets you apart from the rest? What makes you a truly unique John? Well, I am a third generation John with another. Whoa. Third of his name. Okay. Fourth. The fourth John. The fourth generation. Damn. Holy shit, dog. So you're John the fourth. Yes sir. You go by John the fourth? Honestly, I go by JD just because you know, we got to know who moms yelling at. What's the D stand for? It stands for David. Okay. All right. I thought maybe it's John David. That's a tough name. That's an average name. Strong name. David's my middle name. Okay. All right. That's pretty tough. I noticed that's a running thing with John. It's always like your nickname would be like J and then like another like white name, white name. No, no, no. It's like they're you know, think about JD, JC, JD. Yeah. Okay. All right. J, J, J. They call me JD. JD? That's not a great nickname. That's not a great thing. I mean, the owner of Diddy's John Diddy. Now, what's the backstory? What's the backstory? There has to be a backstory behind that. Did you do anything questionable? Did you maybe touch somebody with Andrew permission? Okay. No, nothing illegal. Okay. Talk about that. Nothing illegal, I think. All right. Okay. I would be previously late to the gaming sessions with the guys. Those texts would be saying, John, when you get home? I'll tell them I'll be home in five minutes. Give me like five, 10 minutes. I'll be home. Okay. I was like 45 minutes away at a girl's house. No, bro, you're one of those fucking guys. We can't be lying on the homies when it comes to fucking playing games, dude. So they started to come in? You were having a bros before hoes, John. No, they've got on me so much about that. I have been, I would give myself like a 10, 15 minute buffer and hit every red light possible and still be late. That's crazy. You just callously mentioned that you were at a girl's house. Do you have a girlfriend or you were ladies, John? Right now I'm a ladies man. I am crazy. Hey, John. Yes, sir. Getting his little John wet. I like that. I'm a John, you're a lady. I'm assuming you must get around a lot then. What's your love life like? At the moment? Looking like do. Oh, no, wait. Are we talking about every five year ago? Do or current do? Because this dude gets taken away. Oh, be there in a minute. What are you calling you? Maybe he's like, John number three is calling. Go grab my dad. Have a little introduction. If you're John, then please bring him in. John double JD. I got to see John senior. I hope they look identical. John, John the third. You know what the most fun part about these always is just seeing our viewers houses. This is a nice respectable house. A lot of the time I feel like there's just like socks on the ceiling. Yeah, no, it's a nice sets. A nice California style kind of money in the John family. The Johns do well. The Johns do well. John, John, John. They have. I'm talking to these guys on the Internet. I think I'm going to be on the other. I don't want to say I'm going to say. All right. This is the other job. Hey, John. That was like a job. That's a good job. That is a good job. Definitely a job. I love a ball. He has a ball. He has a strong gene. Spell J E A N S like the French way to spell John. Wait, did you say do we have a question for him? Yeah, since we have a guest star here. Boy, do we have a question for him? Yeah, depends how do you want it? Do you want us to ruin your relationship with your wonderful father or not? I'm not going to put the speaker. I think there's a question for the do. I think the do it might have a question like he asked her last one. I think it might be pertinent. I would like to know the last time your dad shit himself. Or had it or had a horrible shit story. Yeah, any like a flying accident or like a question or be. All right. So they're asking, well, is the last time do you shit? Well, the embarrassing story related. I see a little. You don't mind. So hey, do it. Adam, I just tell him. Oh, yeah. You said a couple of months ago at at work. He sure stuff at work. Damn, that's rough. That's rough. What is he doing for work? He's a service manager, right? Oh, service. Oh, it's a great. That's a bad. That's a bad time to say yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Did he get to go home or did he kind of have to just do two shorts the rest of the day? I'm a student. He went home. I did. You want to watch it? But that's a life hack. Get out of work easy. Your friends get out of work. Except for when you're doing this podcast. Oh, God, hold on. Oh, OK. Hold on. OK. Sorry to. OK, so. At work, it happened. But luckily, then, like, through his parents. OK, so it's like he went from his little office to the to the bathroom and like just took him off and don't. And then you threw away and then and then proceeded to drive 45 minutes home. Oh, my God. Incredible. Oh, wait, no, never mind. You work the rest of the day. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a real one. He's a fucking real one. That's a W. John. That man. All right. Damn. OK. They're clapped. They're saying W. Tell him he's a good man. Tell him he is a very good man with this in mind. With this in mind, if we're going to rank these two giants together as a unit, where are we going to be placing them? Dude, it's hard to rank these Johns low. Just too good. John, I'm going to be here. Here, John, here, here, here. Is he on par better or worse? Slightly than the previous John classic. Hey, that's close. I think because the dad boosted. Do you have? Do you have? Oh, this is an age on this is an age on. Hey, John, lots of Star Wars. Oh, yeah. Do you have a special hobby, a special talent or an artistic interest in it is very clear? Oh, yeah, we found it. We found it right there. It's in the room. Speaking of autism, I literally moved everything in my room like last night. Just for the vibe. Prepared. Good man. Good man. You knew that you had to throw. You had to throw it all in to be admired buyers. Yeah. All right. I like these johns. These are good johns. I'm giving I'm giving you. Sure. Autism. I think that's that's going to be everything for autism. A for autism is a game for autism. Mr. Pish Fussy, John, number two. That's my age. Thank you very much for joining us. That was that was great. A great, great. Say hello to your dad again. John. Yeah, your dad was fucking awesome. Yeah, I'm saying it. I said hi in a second. All right. Any any closing words before we send you back? Any closing remarks? Classic John on top. John Classic. There you go. Fair. It's safe. There was good. I get the chances that his dad is also named John and a line of johns. There he is. He's a normal John on this. I was just going to be like all our fans, but I love that it's just a ball. Just a hardworking man. If we don't like to get him to believe how how open some people with regular jobs are about talking about doodling their pants and public. It's great. Oh, it's absolutely. That holds all of us together. Yeah, no, it was John came on. She wouldn't talk about that. I don't know. John. That's the third. John. We got long John silver on this bitch. John Johnita. OK, that was that was a nice job. That was a good one. That was an eight year. John. Yeah, that was good. That was a good combo. Dad seemed awesome. Kid was awesome. Just a good family of John's working on. Just keep on the John moments. I like the little I love it. All right, McNasty, would you like to pick? Yeah, let's see. I already know who he's picking, bro. Surely it's Johniplier. Right. You love Markiplier. I do love. Yeah, I got to go. But you pick yours. Don't let me sway you. Oh. Yeah, I got a good John player. Yeah, a little Markiplier. I mean, it's good Johniplier right here. Are you dragging my dragon? Oh, I can drag him. I got him. Hello, John. Oh, my gosh. Hold on. How do I do this? Let's get your let's get your camera up. Oh, yeah, that's a John. Yeah, that's a John. Oh, I see two different American flags and a three foot radius. Oh, fucking God. Different American flags. Three. Second here. You want to see some even crazier? Yeah, what else you got? Well, I'm back. To this guy's fucking this guy's America, the fuck up. I fuck with this John's initial vibe. Just don't. I just got back. We have like a towel to like. You want your balls in the flag? Yes, I want my balls. And then I have. Oh, baby. America. Well, oh, say, can you see by the John's early light? We have American John. Yeah, this is the American John. I want to say love the flag is a little wrinkly, but it's cool. Love the Kentucky ballistics merge as well. Oh, oh, OK. That's sick. I didn't think you guys would know it. I just thought you guys would make fun of me for it, that it says put a thumb in it. No, I get the vibe. That's tough. I get the I get the I get the I get the. I get the. I was thinking about anal. No, it is. It is. You would have seen the chip in my blood. It is. It is very clear that you are a patriotic John. You love America, as we can see, that gives that gives you brownie points for me. I get some brownie points for that. But where are you in America where you love the country so much? Sorry for the voice note, but can we get a takeaway tonight, mom? No, no, we've got leftovers in the fridge. They'll do it. Be nice. Um, sorry, I'll be net. Who's for pizza? Sure, we can give you lots of data, but what really matters is friends and family. That's why we're happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile. It pays to be connected. Terms apply, see tescomobile.com slash why Tesco Mobile. At EDF, we don't just encourage you to use less electricity. We actually reward you for it. That's why when you use less during peak times on weekdays, we give you free electricity on Sundays. How you use it is up to you. EDF change is in our power. Households are shipped weekday peak usage by 40 percent for an up to 16 hour of free electricity for each subject to fair usage care. All season season, the EDF energy dot com slash our hyphen tower. You're never going to guess this. Canada. I live in. No, I live in Minnesota. Oh, man, I'm very close, very close. Almost. Oh, yeah, you're like you're like practice Canada. You're basically pretty much. So do you own guns? Um, I'm at college right now, so not here. Probably not the best. Yeah, not a great place to bring a gun. No, not a good place. No, not the best. No. OK, what are you studying? Chemistry, chemistry, a chemical job. A chemical job. What do you what do you want to do after you you have your degree in? Is there was like specialized chemistry or just what do you want to do? Right now, I'm just doing basic chemistry major, but OK, I want to like go into like create medication and or like try and do something with like ballistics or explosive chemistry to I see. Hell, yeah. You know, I don't even know why we bothered asking that. There's three American flags and like five foot radius. Of course, he wants to blow shit up. That's my go. It's either it's either it's the most American response, either either big pharma or fucking rockets. I like that. Oh, yeah. I like that a lot. This is great. So what was your big inspiration for chemistry? Was it breaking bad? Um, no, actually, it was a guy named Nile Red. I don't know if you guys know. I love Nile Red, dude. I love Nile. I just watch a whole bunch of his stuff. And it is content insane. I love that guy. Sick. Yeah. Turned to alcohol. You know, you watch Mark Clare. Yeah. Deep. Yeah. The name kind of gives it away. If I was ready, I was going to come into the to the this VC and I was just going to go, hello, everybody. My name is John Applier, but oh, my God. We got we caught. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see that's how we got to get them off guard. You know, we can't let the Johns be too prepared. We have to catch you at your at your most unguarded John moment. You know, so somebody already said that. I bet they did. I bet they did. Yes. We'll hit you with a with a question here. What makes you a standout John advanced? Every John this question, we've gotten completely different responses. So I want to know what makes you special, what makes you unique? What what makes you one of your very own? I don't have the H. The H is wrong. OK, I don't care. So we just got a J.O.N. A.O.N. It's a J.O.N. It's not J.O.H.N. Right. The H does not belong there. Is it short for Jonathan? Is it short? No, it's not. No, you're just a J.O.N. J.O.N. Dude, you got to be a cool guy to have a three letter name. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's tough. I like that. I fucking know. You have a middle. Do you have a cool middle name to balance it out? The what? I'm sorry. You have a cool middle name to balance it out. Because some people go by like J.D. or J.C. or J.Z. or J.P. or J.G. or whatever. My last name starts with K. So I go by J.K. J.K. OK, OK, that's good. Are you just kidding? Yes. That is so funny. You know how many friends I've heard that. Me and my fucking lie on the Goons podcast. They were hilarious moments. Words. OK. All right, do I think we hand the torch to you. Oh, when's the last time you shit yourself and or do you have any insane shit stories to share with us? All the Johns have had great poop stories. Somebody just made their dad talk about pooping his pants at work. So you got to. Yeah, there's a high bar. It's very high board. It is. In my like sentient life, this was the first time I actually like had a crazy shit story. I was like this was this year. OK, I was doing track. And oh, no, you run. Oh, bro. I do track. I was running and I was like, I don't know if it was because I was sick the week before or if it's just the food at college is just AIDS. But I was running and I literally was supposed to curve. I didn't curve. I went straight into the bathroom and I. I'm not going to lie. I might have missed the toilet a little bit. It got on like the sea. Oh, I'm like, you left a flopper. Oh, man. You. You put your pants down. John, yeah, I left a John. This is going to sound like a scripted. I promise you it's not. I was drinking grandma's ashes, so it was green. Oh, yes, dude. No, no. Yes, dude. You. What a play. I used. And he's great. Of course, of course. You should. Is green shit gang. Of course, you should have left it on the fucking rim of the toilet. The next person would have thought there was like depleted uranium in there. Like, you know, what a freak to fuck out. It's a bomb out of your shit. I talked to the guy, one of the guys that like cleans the bathrooms because he's so chill and I was not about to just every time I look at him like, see that he had to clean up, clean up my green diarrhea. Oh, we got to start drug testing our track stars. What is it? It is better than, you know, dropping green chemical waste and your leg as you're running. Trey. So. Yeah, at least you made it to the bathroom. It would have been wild if you were in the right area. You know, the right area is a good start. The wrong time, right place. So, you know, I. Right product. Yep. So you kind of be as good at John is this one. Go to GamerStups.com. Use code goons. You can't pursue. Don't have you. Oh, shit yourself. It at least should be green. It might be at least it should be green. It should be a funny. You should be named John while doing it. Sure. John. OK. Is there anything else that you'd like to mention or say or shout out? Um, honestly, everyone is in the other G.C. is just telling people to say fuck, Blarg. I don't know why I lost the plot. I think it was because I think it's because I think it's because you said eight p.m. or eight thirty p.m. You didn't say like Central Eastern. I said Easter. I said Eastern Standard. I said nine thirty Eastern Standard Time. I'm going to go in there. I'm going to tell them all he's shit and die. Yeah. Yep. I'm stupid. So I don't know if that was. There's another time. You're not stupid. You're going to be fucking you're going to be blowing off funny little brown guys legs in like 20 years. You're a smart guy. You know chemistry. So I thought. Yeah. I like that. I love that man. W. John. All right. It's your John. It was great. Goodbye, John. Thank you for your time. Goodbye. I'm saluting. You can't see me. I swear to fuck you. You. You. All right. That was a good. Dude, we're we're killing it with the Johns. I was three for three in John. I would say I would put him a little, a little. Like I would put him at the lower end of a. Yeah, I mean the problem. Well, the problem is he upper B. Maybe we got the other John. The first John hit all of our interests. You know, he was kind of bang on, bang on, bang on. The second John was actually two Johns. So how do you not put that in a tier? This guy. Great John. Just just a good dude. I think that's just a solid B tier. John. He had America loves America loves gamers ups. Yeah, what's better than that? I bump him up to a for the green shit story. I do like a the problem is I have a feeling we're going to have every John in a which maybe that's maybe that's a metaphor. It might not get an F tier John. You might get an F tier John. We might get a total stinker John and that's the beauty of the exam. We have no idea. Do it is your turn to. Hold on. I got to go in there. I got to tell them all to go fuck themselves real quick. Go ahead. I think we're going to drag up C. Shanti. C. Shanti. Forces. Okay. Scape John. Yep. I got to ask you escape John. All right, I got to eat alive in there. All right, we're dragging up C. Shanti. Grab C. Shanti. All right. Hey, there's a job right there. It's a third time's a try. All right. Welcome. We have our welcome. John number four. To the show. Yeah. I just want to say before we get started. Thank you for all the content. I've been watching you guys since middle school. Damn. That's bad. How will we? How will they? Now? I have some fan art. Oh, I wish you didn't. I really wish you didn't. Oh, wait, Blark. Blark, just wait. Yours is coming. Oh, boy. Oh, Lord. All right. Is OK. Is that is that do? Yeah, that's do. That's do. I'm still working on your swagger. I'll get you. OK, he's a little more intricate. I get it. All right. But I got Blark. That actually really does look like me. What am I? Is that a detonator? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, you know what? I would I would love to lie to you and tell you that. But that's spot on. Now, that's a wish. Which one? Which I don't. However, I am not. Boom. Yeah, that's premonoxidil. Park. That's a. This is my. Friends, if you win, you're like 40. OK, all right. Forty. That's a tough look. It is very clear that you are an autistic John. How long have you been making? I think you mispronounced that. So, uh, honestly, visual art isn't my strong suit. I'm more of a musician. Oh, we got another musician, John. Let's go. I got play. Oh, they got the getter. Knock off Silverburst SG. Two hundred dollar firefly. Hey, that's OK. Is the head still way too heavy? And if you have it on a strap, it tips all the way down. Oh, yeah. Then it's an SG, baby. It's an SG in my boat. For SG. That's all you need. The way Tony I only wanted it. But. Yeah, I might be cheating a little bit. OK. So my wrestling trainer gave me the name Johnny Rolex. Oh, that's. I saw you tweeted at us, didn't you? I think I saw you tweet us about this. I don't have Twitter. Then I don't know where you posted this. Was it discord? I saw someone post about this. It was discord. It was discord. I pinged you and asked you. That's all right. That makes sense. Are you a John on a technicality? On a technicality. He's a John at Jason. Now, hold on. Is your coach the one who named you John? Is his name John? Does he have the pass? He doesn't reveal his real name. He goes by Billy Warlock. No one knows his real name. So there's this some unnamed guy getting dudes to wrestle with a fitness. You might be getting molested. I'm not going to lie. You do. This is more like WWE. Oh, OK. You can look him up. Just look up a wrestler Billy Warlock. He looks like a fat version of the singer for Pantheon. Wait, hold on. So let me get the straight. Go ahead. A wrestler named Billy Warlock named you John. Yeah. Johnny the what? Johnny Rolex. Johnny Rolex. Do you wear Rolexes when you wrestle? No, I it's kind of it's kind of dumb, but my character is dumb. I'm a comedic wrestler. OK, draw it on my wrist. OK, my character is like a very mentally fucked up Johnny Cage. Yeah, OK, I like that. OK, I don't I don't hate that. That's that's a bit. I'll give you a John pass for now. We won't kick you because you honestly seem a little exciting. You could be an honorary John. So you then so you wrestle like that's your that's your stick. You like wrestling. OK, is there like right now? Sorry, go ahead. I'm training right now. I haven't had like any official matches outside of the warehouse. But I should be making my debut probably next year. No way. OK, sweet, dude. And you don't want to say Rolex. That's your thing. Johnny Rolex. It could change. It could change. But right now that's the working name. I'm hoping. You know, I'm not going to say anything, but I'm hoping with my five year plan to get on to a WWE tryout. Get myself out of this state. OK, what state is that fledgling? Yeah, what state? Virginia, unfortunately. Virginia. So you do meth then, correct. I'm not going to say I'm central Virginia. OK, OK, OK. But there is a city. Can you all bleep this? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, 100 percent. OK. Editor, editor, editor, editor. In the county I live, there is a town that is commonly referred to. Oh, I watched a whole fucking YouTube video about that, bitch. Yep. There's like a documentary about that shit. Of course, I know the one you're talking about. Deliver to live in a city so so wrecked by meth that it is a YouTube documentary. Well, I live 30 minutes away from Liberty University. Oh, man, my favorite bit of trivia about that is in the nineties. Jerry Falwell, the person that founded it. It's a very Christian college. Yeah, he had to crusade on teletubbies because he thought it was making kids gay. You had to crusade on teletubbies because it was actually 100 percent for real making kids gay. We don't know. I don't know the science personally. I didn't research it. Dude, of all the things to blame, why teletubbies? These fat little fucks with TV stomachs are making my kids suck. They're going to color the rainbow. This guy watched teletubbies, got hard and said, this is a problem. This is not me. This is making me feel things. It's that fucking son, baby, man. You live in Virginia. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're not a virgin. What is your love like? Love life like? That is a. For stories that interesting, I charge twenty nine ninety five. I'm OK. So so so this is so it's behind a paywall. I'm excited to write. It's going to deduct some points here. All right. OK, so you can find it on the WWE Network. All right. OK, it's part of the story. So the five year plan, we're going to have. We're going to be hearing about we're going to look back on this podcast. And we're going to see you on the big stage. I'm going to shout all of you out. You can fucking if I can make it to WrestleMania, I'm going to I'm going to contact each of you personally. Be like, hey, I want you to walk out with me. I want Stone Cold to come out and give Blarga stunner. Yo, why am I getting attacked today, dude? What the fuck? Blarga today. Look, I didn't choose this, but I'm contractually obligated to give you the triple middle finger. Holy shit. That's insane. Well, it's a fucking wild. All right, well, that's a damn cool, John. You want to do go ahead with your question? Question. Oh, we need to know if when the last time it was that you shit yourself and or if it was during wrestling or just any sort of crazy shit story you might have. I didn't shit myself, but the person I was wrestling. Oh, that's worse. That's worse. Is that like their signature move? That's fucked. The only thing worse than your own doodoo is someone else's doodoo. You you're telling me you wrestled the shit out of someone. They get this guy in the fucking. And that is a way to put it, Swagger. Holy shit. So like what? How does that happen? Did he just you like did something cause that? Or are you just wrestling? Make your own. Just fucking ejected poop. My finisher is a choke slam backstabber where it starts off. You're going to describe it. Yeah, lifts up. And once they're at the height of them, I drop it down onto my back, bring my knees up. So like, say these are my days. They're back just lands right there. That's what it looks like. But really, I have them land like this and just kind of roll them off. It's very painless if you do it right. OK, as soon as they hit the mat, yeah, as soon as they hit the mat, we just heard that shit. Or it. Oh, you heard it. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, oh, so that was an absolute screamer, then they didn't just let out like one nugget. That was a fucking whore. As much as holy shit. It was an intercontinental missile in the room. Oh, hell yeah. That's vile. OK. Oh, yeah. So so it's safe to say you won your match. Yeah, do you win by default? It was I don't know. I don't know if there was a winner in that room that I was going to say. I like applied poison damage to his body. Minus one HP minus one HP. But. They're taking damage. I want to on a technicality just over time. It's good. Oh, God, that's insane. OK, all right. Very good, John. This was great. Great, John. OK, really, John, it was it was still all right. And thank you for joining. Pleasure. Thank you for the kind words of the start to we we appreciate that. Any closing remarks you want to make to the audience? I just want to say this might be my best work. All right, get the fuck out of here. It's good, John. I'm going to. I'm going to say I'm going to say it was a good time. But the name points for not really being a guy. He's going to go down. Yeah. I'm going to put him in a low B. So yeah, if that was if that was an actual John, that's S tier. S tier of real John. Yeah, unfortunately, we got we got our first B. John of the day via technicalities to be to be named. An honorary John by the Ripper Billy Warlock is actually quite a quite a testament. So like I got to give him some brownie points there. Yeah, no, plus he made a guy shit himself. So that immediately that's fucking cool. You know, he could have been he could have been a Dave and we I think we still would have allowed that. Oh, right. We should go and grab big J. Big J. Where's the left big J big J. Oh, we got a big profile picture. Hello, the Ramirez, but he's giving him a a booth. Let's see. They go. Oh, yeah. Let's see. They let's see. They beautiful, gorgeous Johnny face to yours. All right. Fucking we have our first black John. And oh, John. John music. It's. Legal legal. Everybody around now. So you OK, John? Is it going to go right, John? You got a John. Oh, there you go. Oh, John. John's a John. I jumped John Scare. John. OK. Hey, oh, he's got the OG fucking merch. He's got the McNasty merch. John, can you hear us? Do this, John, is a yellow frame per month. John, it's very hard to hear you. Do you have airpines or anything? I did feel something. It's a big call my phone. Is just Spanish. Oh, no, there you go. John, I'm very poor internet connection. Oh, we're good. Good. Good. That's. I think that's better. Yeah. I think we're good. I think we're good. We're good now. We're good now. OK, wait, he's OK. He's John's John's John's John's. John's OK. OK, all right. All right. Hold on. W W John. And lock in. You look like you're on the set of the Avengers. They have like the big blue screen in the back. Like you are. Die past. Are you good? Yeah, no, you're good. You're chill. You're good. All right. That's a that's a that's a vigorous star from a job. Are you on all fours? All right. Oh, you're standing. OK, never mind. Welcome to the Johnathan. John, what makes you what makes you a standout John? What makes you interesting? What makes you? Hold on. Sorry. What makes you? Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you. Can you can you show me the full shirt? What is your shirt saying right now? My thoughts are dirty, but my welds are clean. OK, that's hard. That's hard. That's a tough shirt. OK, all right. Sorry, carry on. I didn't mean to interrupt. Let's we'll just we'll just go off of shake your head. Yes. Shake your head. No. And we'll do like that. OK. So all right. All right. Well, how do we even do a yes or no question? Are you trying? Why are we doing yes or no? You just like that. Are you are you? John, it's a little I think it's going to be a little hard to hear him. No, he's good. His audio is fine. He's good. He's John. Oh, yeah, I'm good. I hear you. Yeah. All right. Never mind. Yeah, we're we're so back. John, are you a welder? Are you a blue collar worker? I do it on the side. I went to trade school for it, but I'm right now an automotive mechanic. But I do it on the side. Oh, yeah. OK. No way. Blue collar. Blue collar. That's a hard work in John. It is. It is. Yes, sir. What is your favorite color? My favorite car. Mm. God, that's a tough question. John car. The John car. No, that's a settlement answer. That's too easy. The John mobile probably. OK, that's much better. OK, as as a mechanic, what's your least favorite car to work on? I got to ask this for me. Mm. I was I have a background in that as well. So I was curious. I'm not a big fan of your. Damn. BMW. I like BMWs, but Volkswagen. No. No, not not big on the Volkswagen, man. Yeah, they did all they had horrible stuff with the Nazis in the 40s and 50s. You know, I was like a whole like horrible thing. We don't talk about that, bro. We don't talk about that shit. It would be kind of funny if BMW like head interior is called like fucking like Oswitch Brown, though. I don't know if they should do that. I don't know if they should do that at all. That would be a funny Jeep. I don't know about that. OK. Well, that's good to know. How about if you have any education background? Have you got to college? Did you get a degree? Yeah, I got a degree in, I mean, the church speaks for itself. Yeah. And dirty thoughts. Yeah, I went to a trade school for a couple of years for for welding and then automotive mechanics. W, man. It's W, man. You're like a John Doe. You're like a learned John. Every man's John. Hey, I'm a John of all trades. That's a good John. That's an important John. The world is built on the backs of those Johns. Look at that. John, John, are you a ladies man? Do you have a lot of experience? Do you? Sure. There. He's a welder. He's got to. Do you John you ladies and women sometimes? That's what I'm asking. All the time. 24.7. Can't get them off me. Do you have a special move that you use? Mine's a special move. Do you have anything that makes the ladies go wild for the job. He just welds their door closed and doesn't have them leave. Yeah. I well. I will tell you what. There's a truck. Great times. What? Oh, mate, um, Joe, would you like to ask him the question? Yeah, well, we've been asking all of the Johns if they have an insane shit story, or when the last time they was that they shit themselves, and maybe- I don't like that, like that. Because I have all the time. And maybe, maybe if you should weld your ass shut or not. Hmm. Well the most insane shit story. Oh, wow. When I was, when I was probably like 11, 12 years old, I went to like a summer, like a summer camp, like during the day at like a rec center. Okay. We went to a water park, right? Oh, no. Oh, no, John. Um, it became a mud park, didn't it? They were like, hey, we're gonna stop, we're gonna stop at Taco Bell. Oh, on the water park? Bro. On the way to the water park. Oh, it was over before it started, man. No, yeah, that was- Yeah, it was done. As soon as we stepped off the bus to the Taco Bell, it was over. But uh, yeah, we went it, got fucking Taco Bell dude, went there. It was going good, but about halfway through the day, like 90 degrees, like my stomach started, I started getting- Oh, it's hot out too. Oh, it's bubbling in there. Yeah, I bet you got bubble guts. Oh, yeah dude. I was, yeah, bad. And my buddy, I was like, I was laid down, like I was to the point I was just laying down. And I was like, nah, we gotta hit the slide one more time. I'm like, I don't know guys. I don't know. They said, so they, they, they forced me to go on the slides, we went on the slide. It was one at a time, one at a time. And I'm like on the verge of shitting, like the whole time we're waiting. I'm like, oh my god, it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. We get, it comes up, comes to my turn, get on the slide. I just laid it right, I couldn't hold it anymore. Oh dude, you slid on your own doodoo. You built like a homemade sled. A snail trail down the- Did they have to shut down the slide after that, like the whole area? Dude, I don't, I don't know if I looked at the snail trail, but it was like, I kept it pretty contained. I was like, oh god. Oh, I mean, if you're wearing those meshy shorts, it probably just kept the log tight in there. It's like a filter. Liquid or logs? It's both, man. Those are all the above, check out all the boxes, it was bad. But I got to the bottom, I was like, oh, we're good, we're good, you know, I'm just gonna get out of the pool real quick. Hit the water, get up, right in front of me. What's up to this? Oh my god. What? No dude, you- A little treat. Oh yeah. You fucking, you fucking mowed that water part. You probably cut them out of business. You just, you made an emergency flotation device. Yo, let's grab this turd if you're drowning. What? What? The queue is floating on the turd. Now, my final question to you, John, is, is John your, your, your whole name or is it John? Jonathan, Johnny, what's the, what's the specific here? Mine, mine's a little, I wouldn't say unique, but I'm Jonathan. Mine is built J-O-H-N-T-H-O-N. Oh, so you're like, you're the, you are the Jonathan. We're doing the Jonathan right now. You're Jonathan. You are what we're doing. Holy shit. Holy shit. We're doing John. You got some points for that. John, is there anything else that you'd like to say or shout out? Hmm. Say or shout out. I want to say a shout out to all the Johns out there. Keep up the good work. Yes, sir. I just want to shout out, veto gaming. Okay. The goat. The goat. All right. Clearly. Absolutely the goat. Yeah. Go check him out. Okay. And then two, I got, sorry, I can't count. Three. That man well. It's okay. Blue collar, John. We get it. That's what John's behavior. You're going to a math school. No, shit. I didn't go to school for math, dude. What the hell? And three. Three. I think you mean two. Can I play you something real quick on the musical instrument? Just a fucking. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. The fuck? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. There we go. All right. Can't hear a thing. Can't hear it. Can't hear a thing. It looks green. Can't hear it. Every time. Every time. He's got you. From the last one. He is locked in though. For the listeners here, he's playing a bass. Oh, there it goes for a second. There he goes. In the higher notes. This court's picking it up. It's just because we can't hear it, bro. We can't hear. I bet it was fire. We just like gas. We are like three notes. That's amazing. The audience is gone. Want to. This was freaking out. This court does not want us to hear this bass solo. I think we're done. Do we have to get him out? I think we're done, my friend. Thank you. Thank you so much, bro. You are awesome. Wonderful. Thank you for being a John. Thank you. See you, buddy. We got it. We got it. Every fucking time. We got to keep going here. We got to keep going. S tier. Hi, S tier. So funny. Hi, S tier for the entire time. That was a fucking hilarious John. I love that John. Good John. Good John. He takes every boss. They just keep getting better. Let's keep it going. Should we give Bito Gaming a try here? That was like a shout out. He did get shouted out. Should we get the guy who shouted out or did that guy get enough exposure? I think we get him. There must be a reason why he was yelling at him. All right. Oh my God. Hey, what's up, Blar? Howdy, howdy. Is my face came on? No, sir. No, it is not okay. Give me. There you go. We got a clear John. That's a great clear John. That is a well camera John. You have one of those following ones. Wait, what? John follow camera. Can you try to run away from it real quick? Like as fast as you can? Yeah. Cross it up. Oh my God. That's a lie or something. It's so like the next or the way it moves. I was like overfilled clip. That was fucking crazy. That's wild. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. When I was like, oh yeah. for YouTube, I was like, I'll get something nice. So that's crazy. But dude, I got like a fucking $3,000 camera. Don't do that. That's fucking awesome. This was $250. Nice. Hell, you will spend, John. Welcome to the Johnathon. Such an expensive camera. You must do an interesting line of work if you're able to afford to do a thing. Currently, no. I actually lost my job recently. So I've been treating you. I've been jobbing YouTube like a full time job. I've been treating YouTube like a full time job, but it is not a full time job. OK, hey, you know, sometimes that's how you got to get there. You're clearly doing something right, because the John who was just in gave you a shout out. Yeah, they've been hyping me up in the chat. That's why you're here. They shouted you out. We had to see what all the hype was about. We heard you were the goat. We heard Beto gaming. Word for word, Beto gaming is the goat. So we had to meet the goat. This is like the modern day fucking Kobe. We got him here on the podcast. Well, I appreciate it. Beto gaming, Beto gaming. So OK, so you treat YouTube like a full time job, but he liked to upload on there. I imagine gaming content, of course. But what's your specialty? What's your niche? I'm a funny moments, YouTuber. OK. Pretty much the same world as you guys live in. OK. Just on a much smaller scale. Hey, man, we were all on a small scale one day. Is racist or more racist? Currently not as racist, but that's because I'm really a spiring to get there. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. Spiring. Spiring. Inspirations to be in the competitive racism. Hey, man, shoot for the stars. Dude, it freaks me out that it follows you. I feel like. Hey! Holy shit. Holy shit. So I live in the in the West through the sand. I'm from South Louisiana. So yeah. San Luis, the only other backward boy. There's a lot of swamps down there. Yes, a lot of swamps. Well, the bayou, as it were. Yeah, correct. What do you do? What do you do for fun down there in the old south? I up until I lost my job, I was very active in the firearms community. So doing a lot of competition shooting and tactics, glasses and stuff like that. No way. What is your used to do for work? Well, I used to be a cop for a while. And then before now, the job. And you and hold on, you're less racist than us. And you come on, do you want your job? What the fuck? Yeah, I just didn't meet the quota. I didn't pull enough round people over. I actually tried to be fair and they hated it. Well, hell yeah, even the black people were like, what the fuck? The cops like, go spend time with the goons and come back. I want you to hate me. How long were you a police officer for? I was there for a year and then I left because I had a health issue that just kind of prohibited me from being able to continue with it. From there, I worked in the medical industry as a type of driver that would deliver like cancer medicine for people. Oh, wow. OK, a noble John. We love to see that. That's what I recently lost. This is a noble John. That's a very noble John. Very society beneficial John. Healer, I appreciate that. I wouldn't say I'm so society beneficial right now because I'm home all the time. Hey, man, that's that's the ups and downs. That is the break. You know, cancer medicine, so you're more noble. Yeah. If you're you're sitting here thinking McNasty has offered more than you, then you are just fucking wrong. The fun part was when I'd be driving because I was a contractor, so he always used your own vehicle. No. Oh, you know, sometimes shit would break and whatnot. And you'd be like, hey, sorry, they get their medicine today. That's crazy. Wow. Sorry. Make it sorry. I blew a tire to put that down. Yeah. Can they make it another day? Or not? Yeah, go ahead and plug them. Yeah. And just unplug them. Shave the electricity. That's insane. That's actually crazy. Wow. Yeah. Damn. OK. They did good. A lot of times they'd have backup drivers, but backup drivers drive like four hours to meet you and then take the medicine. Man, yeah. That's horrifying. Damn. OK, that's a stressful last job. Yeah. But I lost that job recently and also my car broke finally. So I'm like stuck home permanently, like. Which sucks. I have a wife and two kids and it sucks being stuck all the time. Damn. Yeah. I fucking hate my wife and kids. I want to go. No. I'm just trying to get out of here. My wife and kids. No, they're great. Uh, no, did a swagger. Did you ask me something? I asked you how old your kids were. Oh, my kids. My my daughter is six and my son is three. Damn. OK, good for you. Are you a father? John, father John. And I'm 27. I just turned 27 in December. OK, let's just don't die this year is the only thing. Just that's true. That is a yeah. I'm trying just don't. 28. Yeah, at least wait till 28. Yeah. And dude, I'm actually in the middle of a tornado warning right now. Like they're like, please evacuate and get super deep inside your house. This is the right. If you get sucked up by the tornado, we're going to watch you like I'm just going to see the camera. The camera is going to follow you, though. Just get into his life was body flying into a fucking field. You'll see me get sucked up and I have like five guns from different A.R.s to different handguns in my vicinity. So you just see guns flying around. Oh, so this is so this is a John, you know, you're like a you're like a John Wick of sorts. You're just a strapped John. Yeah, that's a John they don't want to fuck with. OK, so outside of if YouTube let's just pretend that it doesn't go well. What's what's the future for John? What do you want? Is there any career aspiration? What's what's your dream job? If YouTube doesn't work, it's actually to become an editor because after OK, after spending, you know, I've been doing YouTube a year now, so I've spent a year in Premiere Pro and have a pretty decent amount of time editing. So if it doesn't work out, I'd like to hopefully get an editing job because I never went to college and the job market in my area is absolutely terrible. OK, hence why I don't have a job. I've put so many applications out and as someone with a wife and two kids, I've just have not had any like pitches that are worth anything to take care of. I'm just we're living on savings. All right, well, hopefully the Goons podcast and it's it's many employers. I will be if they if my channel grew because of the Goons podcast, I'm going to be partially embarrassed, not in a bad way. But for the fact that like I joined the other the little Goon chat and is somehow brought up like YouTube and then next thing I know, like I got 10 subs just from the freaking game. Hey, man. That's what it was about. Community came here. It's about community. I was like, I just want to ban each other. Hell, yeah, dude, I love that. That's fucking awesome. OK, sorry, go ahead, Swax. No, I was going to say I was going to go right to do it. Do do do open that twinkie little mouth and talk to me. You've been I got you. I got you. And I'm also kind of hard with the fuck. I want we need to know. Speak slow, Henry. Yeah, we need to know the last time you shit yourself or if you have any insane shit stories. I knew this was coming. Yes, I do. I actually come from a family with a very bad stomach. So. Oh, yes. You're just my guy. I don't know. And I be as kind of John. Yeah. So like one of the best ones was when I was at my driving job, I was going through Mobile, Alabama. And there's a tunnel that goes under Mobile. And it's really long and there's bad traffic. And I cleared my throat and I shit my pants in my car. Just do dude. Yeah, like just it was way for a reason. Yeah, you like I do have. Blue, did you have the cancer stuff with you? Yeah, I had cancer. That gets by, dude. Timmy can't get his. I shit himself. So I still walk through the hospital with shit pants. So good news, guys. Rupert, damn. Good news is I have the vials. Bad news. They're brown. Yeah, exactly. What a guy. Oh, man. Damn. OK. So you do the best. Smell the car. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. That's just funny. You went to the hospital with doodoo ass. Yeah. That's a good man right there. That's a man who wants to make sure. Cancer meds. So that's a good John right there. That's an awesome job. It's like my meds are coming. This is a noble job. This is a very noble John. I appreciate it. Well, Mr. Beto gaming, John, is there any final remarks or things you'd like to say to the Goons audience or us or anyone else? Oh, no. Thank you guys for having me on. And I really appreciate it. OK, so they should check out Beto gaming. You guys should. That's one that's completely on them. I will not push my channel on another piece. OK, now they got it. Yeah, they got it. That's a good job. Go check out. Go check out Beto gaming. I'll say it for you. Check out Beto. Are you on YouTube or Twitch, too? Do you stream or anything? Just YouTube right now. I've just. Streaming is a little bit hard right now. Yeah, OK. Screening. Valid fuck. OK, all right. Check out Beto gaming on YouTube. Thanks for coming on, man. Thank you. Later, guys. See you. Yeah. Thanks, my first. It's to John. That's a damn fine John. That's just like that. John, a lot. That John, we could crack some beers with hang out. You know, go over things. That's a damn good John. Life and kids. Yep. Big fan. Big fan. It's good. It's good. That is a very good John. OK, gentlemen, we got one last John. One more. The the the peak of John's the John's. John, the highest tier John. No way. Hello. He's too spinning. John. John. Hey. Hey. Shit. It's John. John. John. John's John leader. Welcome to the. It's welcome to the Johnathan. It's cryo gaming from the hit. Just channel cryo's gaming. Yeah. Yeah, just cryo's now, but still close enough. That's a cool roundup. Are you doing crans? Welcome to the show. I'm good. Thank you for having me. I'm glad to be on the Johnathan. I never thought this would happen. Isn't it weird that the only time we've ever like invited you was to be part of the Johnathan like we've never just had like you on as a guest. Well, maybe if this goes well, he'll get his own episode. That is true. If the viewers like this, John, you have to let us know that's not the John we wanted. You do have to earn the viewers' respect is top John. We've had a lot of a lot of really good jobs on the show. I'm not going to lie. It's going to be really tough act to follow the last John like delivered cancer like in treatments to kids and shit. So like delivering it to. Yeah, he's doing it. And I don't know if we're in cancer medication, bro. So you have a big act to follow. We had a job. I got ants. That might be true. It's true. I do wear John pants frequently. What kind of pants you got on right now? Just black pants. Those are cool pants right now. I mean, they're not bad. I say I like the broom in the background. That's cool. It's OK. Got it. I keep clean. Is it John? Is that John? Yeah, let's let's go over the questions that we kind of touch base with the others just to kind of give give a little bit of a rubric. A baseline. Who are. Number one is John the full name or is it short for Johnathan? John is full name. I actually didn't even know that. You're my friend. I didn't know that. Age? With an H. Oh, yes, with an H. J-O-H-N. Yep. Certified John. Not one of those J-O-N. Oh, see, so we've actually had a bit of there's actually a bit of turmoil in the John community. There's some beef here. There was a couple of J-O-Ns. I feel like if you don't have an H, it's short for Johnathan at that point. So we actually had just a John. Did we? Oh, yeah. We had three letters. Just a J-O-N. Just a J-O-N? Yep. Weird. It was a low A tier. That feels suspicious. You're like dopes right now. We did have a John who wasn't actually named John, but it was his wrestling name given to him by the ripper Billy Warlock, who was a professional wrestler. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Billy Warlock gives just some guy named John. Yeah. Well, yeah, Billy Warlock. Johnny Rolex. The name Johnny Rolex. Oh, Rolex. I thought you said Warlock. I feel like Warlock would have been kind of. Billy Warlock gave a stone. Oh, go with the name. Johnny Rolex gave the name. Oh, Johnny Rolex. Okay. Johnny Rolex was given the name by his superior Billy. Billy Rolex. You fuck. This is insane, Lor. My brains in a fucking blender. So Johnny Warlock. Johnny Warlock's. Billy is named. It's just not that important. Can we move on? I can't. I want to get this straight before we move on. So Billy Rolex. No. The ripper, the ripper Warlock is a professional wrestler. I'll put it in quotes. John, it's great to have you. What makes you stand out, John? What are some talents? What are some skills? What are some interesting things that you get up to that put you apart from the sea of John's? I paint. That's true. Hold on. I made that. Wait. He made. Oh, true. True. He made that painting. Is there any other John's? Have a painting hanging in Matt's room? No. Not one other John. They don't. That is a very special John moment. Wait, show him the pillow too. Fuck. Dude, I. It's on the other side of the couch. I'm not moving my camera that far. Fuck. All right. Never mind. I do have a John pillow and a John pant. I make music. What are you working? Yeah, I made that thing where all my paintings are. Oh, we should. Cool. Yeah. I didn't realize it was paintings. He did landscaping for many years. It did landscaping. I don't know if that's really a talent, but it's more of like a. No. It's like a skill. Skill, I guess. What else? I have toilet paper right here. OK, good. Is that a great son? Do you prove there? That's perfect into our next question. OK, OK. This is the last time you shit yourself or shit myself. Do you have any crazy shit story? Shit somebody else. You're dork. When did you shit someone else's? John did shit my pants once. Yeah, one time, but I try not to make it. There was one time I was sitting down to record and I was like, I'll trust this fart. And then I shouldn't have trusted that fart. And like then I listened to the recording back and you could definitely hear it. And I cut that part out due to happens. Like it definitely happened. Yeah, yeah. That was like within the. Like a six years. Put it in the intro with no explanation. Just like start to embarrass. That's so because I was just like. It was bad. I don't know like the exact time frame that happened, but it was like within probably four or five years ago. Damn, OK. Is that the only thing that's on my skills? You haven't had a poopy incident in public? No, I'm public. All right, but you like my freak. I like to maybe we'll see how I feel. I don't know what you like to say. Follow up. We can make it happen next week, John, we'll poop each other's pants in Boston. Yeah, that works. I'll be there. Pencil it. Oh, yeah. Put that on my schedule. Soon. It's crazy. Yeah. OK, all right. Was that all the John questions? I feel like that was all we asked him. Hey, you could if you have any others that you want to that you want to just throw. Well, I say if we got any more questions, we'll save it for if the viewers deem this John worthy of his own episode. I think that we'll leave it up to them. I think we'll leave the ball in there. Yeah, I think they're in there. And so, yeah. OK, all right. Well, John, any closing remarks? Guys, thanks for watching the Goons podcast. I'm sure it's a great podcast. I've never listened to it. I don't know where the fuck I'm sure they get up to fun things here, whatever they do. He's crazy. Well, we're having a Jonathan. I mean, also, here's a picture of Deuce face. No, imagine that. It's just happened on your desk at the toilet paper. You have like a real estate photo. Guys, thank you for joining the Jonathan. It took a lot of effort. It was really awesome. And, you know, if this goes well, I think we can try to get a bunch of people on whose name is Jack and we can do a jack off. Oh, that'd be fun. I don't know if you two would like that one. Yeah, I don't know. We jacked off the we jacked off with fans. Like, what do we say with that? We jacked off our fans. Man, our fans. Our fans jacked us off in a jack. Jacked you guys off. 18 plus. Either way. Yeah. Go to gamersupps.gg. Use those goons for 10 percent off your order. Get some grandmine or grandpies, ashes and make your shit. It's a great way to make your shit grand. And it's good. Download on Spotify, like on YouTube. All that jazz. Thanks for listening. Bye.