Fear does not come from God, so why do we choose it? That is part of the message Cindy Williams had for us during our conversation. Trying to control circumstances or people is not coming from a place of love, but of fear. Deciding to come from a place of love is the better choice, and sometimes it's hard to do. As Cindy shares, that's why walking with God helps us develop our sense of security. Plus, the risk to be vulnerable shows us we can be bold, we can make mistakes, and still be loved. Cindy is our guest this week for Spicy Christian Women, becoming all that and a bag of chips. This is part two. Welcome to Unabashed You. Here is where faith, courage, and self-belief collide, helping you become all you were created to be. Through inspiring conversations with everyday people just like you, find practical encouragement and faith-centered guidance. Be empowered to rediscover your purpose, embrace your true identity, and live with unapologetic confidence. You're not here to settle. You're here to step boldly into your calling. See yourself as God sees you and live a life that inspires others. in addition to the podcast and blog at unabashedu.com ui also offers specialized coaching for women of faith spicy christian woman coaching is for the woman who feels like she's made for more but isn't sure how to get there together we tackle the real life stuff that holds you back fear doubt people pleasing and self-sabotage while building a genuine and confidence that changes how you show up in your life. We're here for the woman who's ready to get honest about what's keeping her stuck, is ready to become all she was meant to be. Find out more at unabashedu.com where you can get our five questions every woman in their 50s should ask themselves and book a free Brave Enough session, a conversation about your next chapter and how we can support you. Welcome back, Cindy, to part two of our conversation. We're going to get to know you just a little bit better right now. Now, have you ever played Two Truths and a Lie? Do you know how this goes? Okay, just re-educate me. Yes, you're going to say three things about yourself. Two of those things will be true. One of those things will not be true. And I'm going to see if I can figure out the one that is not true. Okay. Okay, very fun. Okay, I'm ready. Okay. I took first place in a triathlon. My husband and I, we love to do road trips on our Harley. And Friday nights, you may find my hubby out on a date with a blonde, a redhead, or a brunette. But I still love him anyways. Ooh, Friday nights. Your husband has a date, did you say? I may have a date with a blonde, a redhead, or brunette. Hey. I love him anyways. A blonde, redhead, or a brunette. Okay. Okay. I think that's really fun. I can't wait to dive into that. You took first place in triathlon. You mentioned in part one that you run. So already I'm like, oh my gosh, he's a runner. So sure, you could have done a triathlon. I'm going to set that one aside. You know, doing Friday, no, husband. and you love to do road trips on your Harley. I don't know you well, so sure, that could be true. And Friday nights, your husband has a date with a blonde redhead or brunette. I'm thinking, just my own little brain is thinking that's probably true, and you probably have some really fun wigs is what I'm thinking on that one. So I think that one could be true. I'm going to go with you did not take first place in the triathlon. I think you run. I think you've probably been in a triathlon, but maybe you didn't get first place. How'd I do? no. Well, that's true. Okay. Let's start at the top. Okay. You did take. I did. Yeah. It was a surprise event. I was leaving to go and they announced my name that I won. I was like, what? So, so I did. Yeah. Wow. And you didn't even know you'd won. You do a triathlon, you do it in different sets and, you know, people there and yeah, on my 40th birthday. And I told my family, oh, don't come. You know, I'm just going to go. And so nobody was there. Oh, my gosh. I just got my life looking by myself. Yeah. What a fun story. Okay. Do your husband and you like to do road trips on your Harley? We love to bike, but we cycle. We do not have a Harley. Cycle. So that's the lie. So you cycle, no Harleys involved. Okay. Got it. Got it. All right. And so what that means is that it is true that your husband goes out on Friday nights with a blonde or redhead or a brunette, which I'm guessing better be you. Yeah, yeah. So 2023, I had my autoimmune disorder came back full fledged. We had a really stressful year, so I lost all my hair and I still can't find it is what I say. So I have always been a brunette. This has always been my hairstyle, what I am right now. But on occasion, we will bring out the blonde or the redhead just for fun. Because life is meant to be, right? Wow, that is so fun. And I just love that you're having fun with that and that, yeah, that's so great. But what else are you going to do, right? Yes. What else are you going to do? Yes, exactly. Okay, Cindy, what's the last fun thing you did? the last fun thing oh my gosh you know what we just spent two weeks in Pagosa Springs I mean that that was just like this last couple weeks of that that was amazing we do that every year we go away for well we go away at the end of each quarter but this is the most extended what we usually go for two weeks or more sometimes and we really work on our business We work on each other We work on what we want to accomplish next year And we just we rest, we have fun and ride our bikes and hike. And I love it so much because you just put everything aside and you go away and just reconnect. It's a beautiful time. Wow. It sounds really beautiful. It sounds very constructive. It is. You're deciding on things, you're getting things done, but then you're also in nature and you're enjoying all of these different aspects. And then it's also purposeful at the same time. It's very intentional. It's part of what I teach, but it's reflect, reset, and renew. So you go back to reflect on what your year looked like. You reset your mind, you know, and you renew. And we don't do that enough. And that's why we get so overwhelmed and anxious and all the things. That's also very good advice. I'm learning a lot from you. So growing up, Cindy, who did you look up to? Growing up was interesting. I lived in 18 homes in 18 years. So it was beautiful. I love my family, you know, but it was just an unstable environment in that I was always going to a new school. So I know I had one teacher that I really looked up to, but I didn't really have anybody stable in my life growing up. So I would say if you were to ask me about that now, because I got married when I was 23. My husband is the person I look up to the most. He is completely opposite than me. And he inspires me every single day to be a better person. He tells me to take my gifts and go out in the world. He does not hold me back at all, but pushes me forward. And he has been the most stable person in my life. So I would have to say that, even though it's not from my childhood, but I did like that in my childhood. Right. Well, of course, now I'm curious, was this a military family or? No, it was not. Everybody always asks that. And no, it was not a military family. We just, without saying too much and throwing my family under the bus, it just, just a lot of different situations. A lot of change. A lot of change called us to always be moving. And the hardest part for me was that I never developed friendships. Right, I bet. And then I learned how to protect myself and put walls up because why bother building a friendship if you're just going to move away? And those are walls that are very difficult to break down and see when you become an adult. I had to realize, why don't I have a lot of women friends? Women around me have friends. Why can't I just call somebody up and say, hey, do you want to go to a movie? I don't have anybody to do that with. And so I started to really unpack what happened in my childhood and go, oh, this is something I have to be very intentional about and have to learn how to be a friend. Right. I really appreciate that you saw that there was something missing and that you, instead of just staying in the lane of, you know, bitterness and resentment, you decided to do something about it. And now I'm going to guess you have women friends. And so you've been able to grow that part of your life. Yeah. Yeah. Right about 2018 when we became empty nesters. And so now my nucleus where I could take care of everybody in the home, which can be a distraction from making friends and taking care of yourself. I really, the walls were so quiet that I'm like, Cindy Lynn, you have no friends. What are you going to do about this? And so I started something called the 52 Coffees Challenge for myself. You know, I love to be athletic. I love challenges. I'm competitive. So I said, I'm going to take a new woman out to coffee every single week that I don't know. It could be my mom or my sister, but somebody that I don't know. Most of them are from Facebook, but, you know, you don't really know your Facebook friends. And my main thing was I just wanted to learn their story and learn how for me to how to connect and have conversations. and that just blossomed into something so beautiful way it started with one copy a week and then it was like three to five and then it's like oh this is kind of fun yeah now now i have a community of friends and i know how to keep friendship too and and that's a skill that you have to learn is how to be a good friend back and that you have to reciprocate and and be involved in somebody's life it's not just all about what they do for me it's like how can i be a good friend back. Right. Well, it sounds like you are very good at creating solutions, not problems, but structures and programs and different things. I mean, you've rattled off quite a few in our conversation together, both part one and now. And there's a lot that can be gleaned from that. And one thing we do talk about in this show is to, you know, to start the thing, whatever that is, to take that small step if, you know, to find your people and sometimes finding your people, you can't really do that at home per se. You have to go out, you have to reach out, you have to connect, you have to take the risk, you have to try and ask the question and keep moving forward. I think way too many women just kind of start shrinking into themselves and And don't, they're afraid. They're afraid of taking the risk, right? Yeah, that's so true. Nothing good happens in isolation. Nothing good happens there. That's where we get depressed. The only voice that we hear is ourself. And it's usually not a good one. God created us for community. And I really did not want to believe that. Because of the hurts that I had experienced. I'm like, I'm pretty kind of good with myself. You know, myself and my kids and my hubby. But God was like, no, you need friends. You need community. And the thing is when we living in that fear that need to be vulnerable in order to go out and share Fear does not come from God Fear is our own construct in our mind. When we find ourselves trying to control things, trying to manipulate things, trying to, oh, my daughter, Megan, don't go do that because this is going to happen. She's an adult, right? But I try to control her. That all comes from fear. When we start walking in perfect love of the Father and start getting our security from Him, all that fear goes away. It just does. And we're able to be vulnerable. I love sharing my losing my hair story. And when I lost the wig on the dance floor, you know, in front of senators. I have all kinds of stories that are completely vulnerable. And I really wish they hadn't happened. But the thing is, when I share vulnerably, all of a sudden the lady across the table goes, oh, you know what? I had this happen to me. And I'm so glad that you shared that because now they're able to lift a load off of their shoulders. And all of a sudden you're talking back and forth. And that's how we build community. But somebody has to be bold and brave and go first. Right. And I'm glad you are that person and that you feel bold enough to be that person. very important to be who we are and to be vulnerable enough to to you know put the toe out into the water and and and if the first one goes it's like you know when you're at an event and like the first couple to dance it's like such a big no i don't want to be the first one no i don't want to be the first one no let's go be the first one and then the next thing you know everybody's out there they just don't want to be the first one but i know i i very much appreciate how bold and stepping into all of these concepts you are. They're not just concepts for you. They're who you are, and they are the way that you live. I can see that. Yeah, yeah. That was our moment on the dance floor, by the way. We were the ones who went first. And he gave me the troll, and my wig flew off on the dance floor right after I lost all my hair. so it's like but you had you have a decision in that moment you know I was like I could it was horrible horrifying but I could have shrunk back into isolation I could have I was like when it happened I ran to the car and screaming crying all the way home I'm never coming out again but what's that gonna do yeah so four days later I was speaking in front of a woman's group and I And I shared that story with them. And just the women that came up to me afterwards who experienced so much more than losing their weight on the dance floor, you know, rape, you know, losing their artificial leg fell off. They went to stand up. I mean, just horrible things. Yeah. Again, it's just being willing to be bold. It's not fun, but the more that we do it and then we see how that releases something in somebody else, it just empowers us to do it all the more. Absolutely. And thank you for that. All right, we're going to take our deep dive now. We are in the series we've been talking about, Spice of Christian Women, Becoming All That and a Bag of Chips. What is one gift God has given you? I'm sure he's given you many. He gives us all many. But what's one you want to highlight right now? I think he's given me the gift of being authentic and not being afraid to be real and not afraid to help others be real, too. To be able to put down all the layers. You know, when you're wearing somebody else's clothes, it's no fun. It's just they're big and they're baggy and they're tight in places where they shouldn't be. We're real. We're walking in that tailored suit. You know, we're looking amazing because we're our real, true selves. And so I think that's a gift that He's given to me and that I help to bring that out in others. And I love that. I thank Him for that every day. That's very good. Thank you. We've been talking about this a bit, but let's see if you have anything more to say on it. Why do you think we are afraid to say yes to all God has for us? it's like we have these shackles on our feet, and they're already unlocked. You know, he's already unlocked it. We're afraid of the unknown. We want to control it. Remember, we talked about fear and perfect love. And we're afraid to step out. I mean, it could be that we don't believe we're enough, which that's a whole other topic, or we're not worth it. All these fears. When God already looks at you and He sees the perfect love of Jesus Christ residing inside you, He sees His Son and you are so worthy. You have everything that you need to step out into it. But yet we hold back. You know, when we have everything that we need right now to step forward. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, and more yes, and more yes, yes. Yes and amen. Right. Yes. So do you think you have anything that stops you yourself from being all that? Oh, yeah, every day, every day. That is why I am addicted, wholly addicted to my morning routine. If I am not spending the time in the Word and that intimacy with God, I wouldn't have the boldness to go out. I all the time doubt myself. Okay, well, you've done that and it failed or worse. Have you ever put on a workshop or something and then nobody shows up? You know, I always do that. Oh, I'm going to do this seminar thing and put all this time into it. Nobody's going to come. Nobody's going to come. Has that ever happened? No. But, you know, yes, I second guess. But that time with the father, it's like, even if no one shows up, I showed up. Right. We record it and I turn it into 10 reels or whatever It doesn matter But yeah it the time with the Father that you spend first gives you the courage to go out and do what you supposed to do Right. There you go. Yes, absolutely. We are definitely speaking the same language. So how would you advise women to encourage them to be bold, to become all that God has for them? Yeah, it doesn't happen all alone. it's not going to happen with you sitting in your home all by yourself. If you are feeling isolated, if you are, I've been through the depresso mode. I've lived that before. I've lived, you know, I told you in burnout and, you know, trying to just serve God and pleasing people and all that. I advise you to take one step, just one thing to go, Maybe, you know, go, if you're in business, going to a special networking event or going to a woman's coffee or just do something to move out. One step. It's all it takes. And then the other ones start coming after that. Right. That's beautiful. Right. I agree. I agree. I agree. Yes, we are. We are definitely two little peas in a pod here. is there anything in conclusion that you feel like you didn't get to during part one or part two that you want to express right now we've covered a lot we have isn't it great yeah we believe we get to do this i mean i just i can hardly believe we get to have these conversations that i feel are impactful real your word authentic which is one of my favorite words and vulnerable and bold and all those good words. Yeah. You know, one of the things we didn't talk about is that I'm a DISC behavioral consultant. So that's like a kind of a corporate-y personality task communication style. And I use that as the entry platform for all my coaching clients. And it's like when you can take something like that, it doesn't have to be DISC, but be able to see who you are on paper. that is so empowering so how i go out and do things it's in alignment with my disc style and when i learned what that was it just like it gave me confidence it's like yes how god created me my husband's completely different he's a steady eddie he's slow to make decisions and but that's his style and so he moves out in his way so i i would encourage you know we didn't cover it but That would be one last thing is really discover who you are, what your identity is in Christ, and just own it. Own it. Who he created you to be. You're not like me or you or anybody. You're you. You're a unique gift. Go out and live that. And you get to be. You get to be you. Yes. You get to be you. And a couple years ago, we did a whole series on exploring more of you. I would say the two that really had the biggest impact on me was the Enneagram. I don't know if you've gone through that one. My Enneagram coach, I think, is the free survey online. And then also 16 Personalities, which is based on Myers-Briggs, but it's not technically Myers-Briggs. Oh my gosh. You're absolutely spot on when you say, when you understand more of who you are, you have that information. And yes, it does bring confidence. You have like, oh my gosh, yes, I am like that. Oh yes, I see that. Okay. And it just kind of fills you up in this really good way. And then it also helps you not to feel bad about the things that you tend to kind of veer toward. It's like, oh, perfectionism. Okay, that's kind of how I show up. I don't have to keep it that way, but I get that that's my natural inclination, and I can look at that and go, oh yeah, okay. It's okay if it's not exactly the way that I, you know, that perfect kind of thing. It's very empowering. I'm with you all the way on that. And whatever you choose to do, you know, I choose to do discipline, and it does alleviate, we have some guilt. Like, I was always the kid who would line all the neighborhood kids up in the garage and I would be teaching them school and doing, you know, but that when, you know, I had that guilt, all the, why am I so bossy? Why am I always taking charge? That's really just my personality. Now I have to taper that and add in compassion and all these other things, but understanding that, oh, that's how God created me. He wants me to lead. That's my, and I don't have to be ashamed that I'm a leader. He's called me to that. Right. That's exactly right. That's incredible, Cindy. Well, thank you so much for this time. It's been enlightening, encouraging, empowering, all the good E-words. Excellent. All of the above. That's one of my favorites. Yeah, that's a good one, too. Thank you. Really, I just feel like just a wonderful conversation, and I learned a lot. Wonderful. That was so fun. Thank you for having me. I appreciate you. My pleasure. I appreciate you too. A big thank you to our guest, Cindy Williams. And now a closing prayer. God, we know our desire to control comes from wanting things to go well, for self-protection and for safety. We also know we can only do so much. Help us to release what is yours in the first place. Amen. Somewhere inside of you, you know that surrender is sweet. You know that it's necessary and you know it will bring you the peace you need. So take down that fear and release. Relief will follow. Be unabashed. Be you. Thank you for joining us today. If you find value in what we're doing, share episodes and write a review wherever you get your podcasts. You can join the weekly UI newsletter at unabashedu.com or email us at unabashedu at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from him.
