Jeff Dunham: Owning the Batmobile & Adam’s Call with Jerry Seinfeld

Well, this episode, very funny comedian Jeff Dunham is in. Rudy's got the news and we'll do all that right after this. Thanks for tuning into the Adam Carolla Show. You can watch the full show on YouTube. Just search Adam Carolla Show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, add free episodes and more, you can head over to our sub-stack and sign up today. Ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify is specially designed to help you start, run and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand. Marketing tools that get your products out there. Integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time. From startups to scale-ups, online, in-person and on the go. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup. Jeff Dunham plus the news with Rudy Povic. And now, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on, got to get on the choice. But to get it on, mandate, get it on. Jeff Dunham back in the studio. Good to see you, my friend. Thanks for having me back. You know what's crazy, Adam, is I don't, you've always been kind of on fire. But in the last few months, you've gotten really on fire. What happened? I mean, like nuts, I mean, the clips come over my feed like way more now than they were a while ago. What happened? Well, okay, I always yelled about tons of stuff all the time, but we didn't really capture it and push it out there. We just sort of talked about it for a long time. And now we have a team that actually captures the stuff and pushes it out there. So the thing I think, and maybe I'm incorrect, but people have a perception like, oh, now you're really talking. It's like, I always was talking. It's just getting captured, put with a thumbnail on it and shoved out in a way that we never did it before. Okay, I will take that and believe a percentage of it. But I think something in you snapped. Well, snapped in a good way. Right, because snapped is what happens to postal workers before they go on killing sprees. It's not when comedians have insights. I just, I don't know. I think you've gotten more fed up with stuff and got more of an edge. And so you can give your team the credit, but I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. Well, I thank you. And yeah, I do. I mean, when people go, oh, you know, you get older or you've changed, you know what I mean? Weird. It is, you've changed is a weird put down because if you go to Amazon, there's 10,000 books on how to change. And then somebody insults you by going, you've changed. It's like, yeah, maybe I read a book and change. You know what I mean? It's sort of like when people used to insult you back in the 200 years ago, they go, I said, good day. It's like, all right, I'll have a good day. What age do you look back on and go, never again. And I can't believe that. Like, who was I? Or I looked that way? I'm going somewhere with this, but what age do you go, OK, yeah, I don't ever want to be that person again. Well, let's try to, I mean, let's try to figure this out. In terms of look back on the first thing you have to study is hairstyle. That's the number one thing you need to look at. That's not what I mean. It's an aesthetic, but it'll get to the truth. We can get to the truth. No, what I'm saying is is your change, like what you're trying. I never had a look and I never had an attitude and I never had a thing. I had periods in my life where I didn't know things. Right. But I never had a, oh my God, you joined that cult in 82 or look at you with the hair and the stonewashed denims. I never had any of that. I was always, me, I just sort of became more of me as the years wore on. There, that's what I think it is. And when you hear, when I was younger and I hold older guys get older and they'd say, oh, these are the best years of my life. I'm like, you're just making an excuse and trying to make yourself feel better because you're an old fart now and you don't feel good and you hurt and you're saying these are the best years of my life. I think when you get to, okay, you know, you say a comedian really doesn't reach his stride, hasn't lived long enough until X amount of age and then he can have, be interesting enough for the audience and have enough material. Well, I think he get to a certain point in your life and I, I love where I am right now in my early 60s because I can look back and I feel like there's a pile of wisdom there. And you know those Star Trek episodes where the guys would always try and, you know, throughout history, the stories of guys trying to live forever and they don't want to give up all this wisdom and stuff. They've accumulated all these years. That's what I feel like right now because if somebody said, if you could push a button and go back right now in your life, would you and do it over? I'd go, no, no, this has been great because every mistake along the way has built character. Every stupid experience has built more character. Every success has been a pat on the back, but it didn't propel you forward. So I look at what you're doing right now and it's just like, I feel like you're in your perfect stride right now because you've had so much behind you that has built you the way you are and the wisdom of years of saying the right things and sometimes the wrong thing. I, well, okay, a couple of things. I had a conversation with someone this morning where the person said, I hope this works out because if it doesn't, it's just been a waste of time. And I said, nothing's a waste of time. You learn stuff. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Good and the bad. I think we categorize, I didn't get the job or I didn't get the gal or I didn't get the whatever and waste of time. You know, and it's like, it's really nothing's a waste of time. Sure. If you're learning something, even if it's uncomfortable or there's money expenditure that you never got back or whatever. But there's, we can make some lemonade out of these lemons. So really nothing's a waste of time. You really look at it like if you want to be philosophical. And do you have things in your life that you really wanted, really want to do accomplish or really wanted to do and it never happened and you look back and go, thank God. The tried example is the woman, not that. Not like, oh my God, I wanted to marry here and thank God that didn't happen. Just career stuff where you go, if it had really gone the direction that I wanted to do, I wouldn't be where I am today. I feel like I am always playing with house money career wise. Well, I had so many regular jobs for so long doing work that was, you know, not boring. You know, people like tell jobs are like they worked as a temp at an office and it was boring as hell or they worked as a bartender or something. They hated it or so waiters. I hate it, but I had jobs where I crawled underneath people's houses. Sure. The flashlight in my mouth for so long that talking for a living and sharing ideas for a living or making a documentary, writing a book or something. The idea that I can even in a bizarre way that I could make a living while sitting down is absolutely foreign to how I grew up. It was always on your feet. How much stuff can you move in an hour? It was literally getting paid to move that from there or put that up there or put that drywall up or move the plywood up to the roof. So sitting and talking and getting to talk to people like you, other comedians, actors and things of that nature, way ahead of any. My dreams were of an hourly rate. Right. Like could I get to $28 an hour? You know what I mean? If I could get to $30 an hour, that'd be the greatest. Now, there is one thing when you talk about regrets and thank God I didn't. I think about this quite often. If you had presented me with a contract from the devil when I was 25 and it said, sign here, you're going to work in this warehouse for your entire life. But you will make $30 an hour and you'll get three days off for Christmas and medical and dental. I would have ripped that contract out of the devil's hands, grabbed it and laughed and signed it and threw it right back at him and said, today's good. I'm on Easy Street. So I do think about what I would have done back in the day to do this. I would have signed anything and done anything for $25 an hour. Here's my version of that. It's slightly different. So when I moved to LA in 88, I had $4,000 to my name and Nissan Pathfinder and a bunch of dummies in the back. An 87 Pathfinder. I drove here from Texas in 88. And there have been four surprises along the way and that I never, ever, ever dreamed this would happen. And now I got to remember what they all are. One was arenas. Oh my God. Because I wanted to come here and I wanted to do well in stand-up comedy and I'd done a handful of comedy clubs. I'd come out to LA just a couple of times, done the comedy magic club. And you know, Clay Lacey, sorry, Mike Lacey. A little different there, Clay and Mike Lacey. And said, keep on coming out and we'll put you up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that, and to go, all I wanted to do was come here and be able to do what Jerry Seinfeld was doing and that's 2000 seat arenas. Or a thousand seat, I mean a theater, a thousand or 2000 seat theater. I thought that would be the epitome of all. So that, so that was one of my one surprise. The next surprise was doing international, oh no, sorry, doing arenas. And then they said a tour bus and I'm like a bus. I'm on airplanes. Why don't I have to get on a bus? I didn't know what a tour bus was. So that was another one. And then another one was international shows, doing shows outside the country. Who wants to do that? Oh, I got to write this down. Rich man, poor man traveling by a bus. Cause you're either grayhounding it to Kansas city for 40 bucks or you're on tour. On a tour bus, right? That's what I thought. Grayhound was when they said you're going to get on a bus now. Right. And I'm like, what, how'd I get on a plane? Why would I get on a freaking bus? I'd never seen a tour bus. And I think a lot of people out there don't understand that a tour bus is a good thing. Yes. Well, all you need to know is the most successful acts do a tour bus. So it would have to be a good thing. Right. And I don't know if this is good or bad, but Lewis Black leased a tour bus for a long time and that ended up being the one that I bought. Oh really? And one of the drawers still smells like Lewis Black in the bathroom. It's like his aftershave and it won't go away. Every time I open that drawer, I go, oh my God, Lewis Black is on my bus. Well, there is. There is regret. I had regret this last weekend in a weird way and I'll steer it back to you. Pardon the pun because I know you love cars and I know we're also got a car show coming up the cars that drove us. Yep. And that's going to be a discovery March 31st. Thank you. I was watching the auctions last weekend at Amelia Island in Florida and a Lamborghini Mura SV sold for $6.6 million. I know where you're going with it. I bought one for $2 million and I sold it for like two, two to buy a house or something, something else. I had another Lamborghini Mura S. Wait, hold on. Is the audience changing the channel right now because you just, who says, you know, I could have made $6 million. I've paid $2 million. I always looked at SVs and I'm like, those cars are undervalued. Right. They're the first supercar. They're the most beautiful car ever made. Right. And literally sold mine when I had to buy a house and get a 935 Porsche. It was at the bottom of the market pretty much. Another Mura 69 S orange, same one as I had. If anyone wants to see what a 69 Mura S looks like, the car that I put inside of my house was an orange 69 S, bought that car on a Saturday, went out to buy a blender, came home with Lamborghini Mura S, like literally drove past, you know, Vicenche's auto, you know, Italian autos and Van Is, poked my head in, saw this orange Mura, guy said it was for sale. I was like, I got to get a blender, but I'll be back. I didn't have the money, figured out a way to get it. Anyway, it was 330 grand and once sold last weekend for two, five. So regrets. Yeah. I have a few because I had three Muras and I don't have any of them anymore. Once again, that's not what I'm talking about. I know. I know. People think about, you know, disciplining their son with a belt or something, but I think in terms of Muras, I think in terms of regret. But I do love the idea that we are in a business where you can actually be better in your 60s than you were in your 40s or even 30s, which sounds weird. And it's obviously the opposite of sports. And it's so it's funny that you grow up dreaming of playing sports, but it's over at 33. Isn't that crazy? There's guys that I look back at college. I went to Baylor and guys that were like up and coming, these huge football players and their careers were done when I was barely reaching any kind of stride. Right. And it's been kind of satisfying. It is. It's nice. And oh, and you brought up Seinfeld, which is funny because Seinfeld and I had this, oh, and the Porsche and the 935 and whatever. Well, do you love stories of myth and legend? Good. Listen up. Before Camelot and the crown, the Penn Dragon cycle, Rise of the Merlin tells the origin story. 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Pluto TV is always free. So. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. So I was on episode of They Might Be Drunk, which is Sam Merrell and Mark Norman's show. Very funny. Right. I was in New York and I taped it several weeks ago. I didn't know when it was going to air, but they pre-tape them. And it evidently came out last week. And my episode, which again, it's a month old, so I'm not something I was really thinking about. And in it, we were recounting, making fun of the time Seinfeld and I went to, I was at Wrensport, the biggest Porsche gathering ever at Laguna Seca and Seinfeld had his cars there and I had my 935 Porsche there and my 935 was like 200 feet from where me and Seinfeld were hanging out looking at his cars. And I said, do you want to check out the 935? It's right over here. And he said, now I'm good. And that's not nice. It became a running joke. I talked about it on, we might be drunk. And they both know Seinfeld. And so we had a kind of a fun, spirited conversation about it, but it was like 15 minutes long. And in the back of my mind, some comedians really roll with it guys and some are a little prickly and weirdly prickly, like thinner skin than the average guy works at a gas station, which is kind of weird because you want to go, you're a comedian, come on, get over it. Like this is what we do, we bust balls. But I don't know Seinfeld. So I was kind of talking shit for like 15 minutes. And then as I left, I kind of walked out going, I wonder if he's going to, I wonder what his take on that's going to be. So I was driving into here a couple of days ago and I'm just sitting in my car and the phone rings. It just says New York. Right. And there's no name. And I don't know how you are with answering the phone when there's no name attached to it. I do not. I normally do not. But if I see New York, I'm sort of intrigued. Right. And I'm like, New York. Yeah, there's not a lot of scam calling from New York. Right. And I'm writing an article. And someone's writing an article on me on some newspaper. Anyway, long story. But he may have been in New York. I'm supposed to talk to him. Right. And I don't have his thing logged. Right. So I go, New York. And I start wrestling with myself. Like, is this somebody I owe money to? It's going to be a scam. It's going to be the prince of Persian needs some money. And you got five rings to figure it out. All right. And I'm like on the third ring and I'm like, oh, you know what? Live a little. And I just hit it. Right. You know, and I go, hello. And the voice goes, Adam. I go, yeah. Jerry Seinfeld. I go, oh. Hey. Uh-oh. How are you feeling? He goes, oh, man. I was listening to the pod. So funny. So funny. That was great. That was great. Yeah. I go, oh, you thought it was funny. He goes, oh, yeah. I love it. I loved it. Well, it's because it was you, though. He goes, I got to come out and do something with that car. Well, this will be funny, you know, whatever. I will do something else. I'll come on the show. And I was like, I'll play the clip. Now, was this, this is him with Spike, right? Right. On Spike Show. Sorry. Yeah. I talked with Adam Corolla. Oh, yeah. Who wanted me to see his Paul Newman 935. But it was so many people around. And there was so much interaction going on. It was kind of difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my 935. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind? That will be so great. Will it be me going, wow, cool car? And then what? Then nothing. The big winter boot came down. So you said, I'll just say it now. The winter boot of reality. You'll say, I'll say it now. Nice car. It's a nice car. Yeah, great. You're great. But it is weird. Isn't it kind of cool to meet another guy with a 935? Look, right over there, there's a 935. I don't own that car anymore. You don't? No. That car's been sold. Sold. That was the one out at Gooding, right? That's right. Well, we're going to get into it. All right. So they'd be like, OK, first off, there's like, OK, there's like 25, 935s on the planet. And there's zero comedians who own a 935, so for me and Jerry Seinfeld. But it'd be like, you've got Batmobiles. And it'd be like if you said, Adam, come check out my Batmobile. And I was like, yeah, I'm good, Jeff. And you're like, just walk across this path and look at my Batmobile. And then I go, yeah, we're fine. And then someone goes, Adam, don't you have a Batmobile? And I go, I sold it. My excuse is I sold it last week. So I can't look at your Batmobile. Yeah, because he regrets it. Anyway, so Seinfeld, that's a mirror. But yeah, Seinfeld thought it was funny. Well, funny you bring that up. He'll come on and we'll talk about it. Seriously, it's like somebody had a microphone in my car talking to my manager today on my way over here. And I said, I wonder if I should talk about this. So Adam, I'm trying to get rid of hate in my life. And the hate in my life is for Porsche. And it's Jerry Seinfeld's fault. Whoa. Wow, this is all coming together. Yeah, it is. So this goes back to the Comedy and Magic Club in, oh boy, it could have been 89, 90, somewhere in there. Let me preface this quickly by explaining to the laypeople, there are car collectors, but it doesn't mean we all collect the same cars. That's correct. He collects Porsches, many race cars. You do George Barrett stuff, Batmobile stuff, like crazy stuff. I have old race cars, new race cars. People, that's where they, but I have some really nice. Did you see what I drove today? The Black Wing LeMonster. Yeah, yeah. The LeMonster, but it's the Black Wing LeMonster. There was only 101 of them. Supercharged? Yeah. And so it's like. Can't like that's some kick-ass product. Oh, that's some great stuff. But yeah, no, I'm not. I understand. But everybody has their own collections. Their own stuff, their own stuff. Proclivities. It's kind of like sex with people. Yes. And I will not put a guy down for whatever. If he has something I don't like, I go, OK, that is fantastic. In your world, that is great. It's not something I would get. Fluffy. Good for you. Fluffy does VW buses. Absolutely. It's great. And it's like probably the greatest collection in the world of VW buses. And you scratch your head and you go, that's what he's into. He loves it. He's passionate about it. Fantastic. Yes. So you and Portia. So this was when I was barely out of college. I was not a car guy. I loved cars. I grew up loving Hot Wheels. That was about it. So but I had been doing car commercials in Texas before I moved. And it was a Nissan Pontiac and Datsun dealership. Pontiac and Datsun. You doing voice over? You doing acting? No, doing live doing the regional commercials. It's courtesy Pontiac and Datsun, Tyler, Texas. And it would be one of those, what's his name in his dog spot? Cal Worthington. Cal Worthington. Ralph Williams was another guy. In Dallas, it was Carl Westcott, all the same school kind of guy. Hey, how are y'all doing on this fine Thursday night? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they made it. Sometimes they were live. Sometimes they made it look live. In the later years, they made it look live. So Thursday night, hope you're enjoying the movie. Here's what we got on the lot tonight. And then they walked down the line, and they got the numbers on the windshields, right? So that's what I did in Texas for two dealerships. With the dummy. Oh, with the dummy. With the dummy, yeah. And so. Sure, gotta have a hook. But it was a Pontiac and Datsun dealership. And Datsun turned into an Nissan in the early 80s. And so I always got to drive these cars as demos for free. I put 6,000 miles on a 78, 79 Trans Am. Great. It had been choked out that they were still fun. And I also got to drive Nissan's. And so I eventually got a really good price on the turbo second generation 300ZX, which came out in what, 1990, I think? The V6. When they redid it. And even to this day, arguably, that's a nice vehicle. It's a cool piece. It's a V6. It's a turbo, probably a twin turbo, I guess. Yeah, it's a twin turbo. Yeah, three liter. So that's what I had. And I thought it was a great car. It is. But not compared to Seinfeld. But it was the lack of respect and the dismissal. Because we were sitting in the green room of the Comedy Magic Club talking about cars. It's got to be 80. No, it's got to be 90 because I just got it. Yeah. You got a new? I don't give it late 89. Oh, yeah, brand new. Turbo, 300ZX. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that, by the way, a ton of car for a young man. A point of pride. Yeah, and I'd earned it all from doing puppet shows for GUN6. So I thought it was great. I thought it was a great car. Performance numbers were pretty good. It got respect in the reviews. I thought it was a great car. And he's talking about Porsches. I knew nothing about Porsches. I knew nothing about the rest of the world. And I go, oh, yeah, I made 300ZX. And he looked at me like I was an idiot. And compared to what he had, I probably was. But it was such a snooty conversation and such dismissal. And here I was a guy doing a puppet show as the middle act of the comedy management. You felt the wrath of Seinfeld, the same one I felt, except for I was even 10 times worse, because I had a Porsche 935. Yeah. So ever since then, it's kind of like Lino's story about Ferrari. You know that one, right? Well, Lino was up and coming and doing great in the world in Hollywood. And he went in the Ferrari dealership. And I think he'd even guest hosted a couple of times for Carson. And he says, I might not be doing this story justice. But he walks in in his typical jeans and denim shirt, walks in, and the guy basically said, there's nothing here you can afford. And so I don't think he owns a Ferrari to this day. So it was such an ever since. It's a very good point. Jay Leno owns one of everything. He doesn't have a ton of Italian cars, but he does have three Lamborghinis, two Muras, by the way, which he got for free. He got one of them for free from D Martin's kid. Wow. You might have a car for free. You got it for free. And then you just checked the Amelia Island auction. And the exact same car went for 2.5, four days ago. OK, that's got to feel good. He has a Lamborghini Espada. It's like the four seater. He does no for ours. He has every it's conspicuously absent. When you go to Jay's and you look at everything under the sun, Mercedes and everything, there is no for our. Right. And that's the story. And so ever since then, I have despised Porsches. And I'm trying to get past this because everybody else can't be wrong. That's right. And I look at it like people are going to line it and people are racing Teslas against the ZR1, the ZR1X, right? And it's like the Teslas are winning. And not the 1X, but the ZR1s and the Corvette. Yeah. OK, yeah. And so and I saw somebody say, this is like comparing a Casio watch to a Rolex. You got the Casio, whatever protract, whatever watch. And it does everything. It's satellite controlled. It never loses a quarter of a second. It's a fantastic watch. But it's a fricking disposable digital watch, right? Whereas the Rolex. And so this is what finally got into my head. What a fine piece of engineering and machinery and decades and decades of research and development. It's artwork in the automobile world. So I'm trying. I have a 914. I like it because it's a Volkswagen because that was such an interesting marrying of businesses there. So I'm trying to find, I need your opinion. If somebody like me was going to find a decent Porsche and not go cuckoo crazy. And I've had opinions from other guys. What would you get if you were going to add one? OK, first things first. And I can tell you what my buddy said and see what you say. Let me, well, don't tell me first. I'll tell you first. All right. First, let me, yes, and your Nissan was with Seinfeld when you came out here and thought you're on top of the world. I too had that situation. Not with Seinfeld, but I drove trucks my whole life. Mini pickup trucks, Mazda's, Datsun's, Nissan later on. Actually, my 84 pickup truck was a Nissan. So they must have switched over to Nissan probably in 82 or 83 or something. Anyway, I drove trucks and a Zuzu Trooper, a four banger. That's great. Get over the past, whatever. At some point, I got into show business for like 10 minutes. And I thought to myself, I want a nice car. Right. No more trucks. And I want, I want air conditioning. I never had air conditioning and things. And I went to like the Nissan dealer in like Glendale and saw a cherry like two year old Nissan Maxima with leather interior, six cylinder automatic and air. Right. What year was it? That Nissan Maxima must have been 95 or something. It was a couple of years old. And it was a fine car, but it was a Nissan. But for me, I got in that car. I put the air on. I put the stereo on. CD. CD player, electric seats, leather. You know what I mean? Automatic. Did it talk to you? No. But I was top of the world. I was top of the world. And we did an event for Love Line or whatever it was on MTV. And it was at the Playboy mansion. And I came pulling up in my Nissan Maxima. And I like got out of the car. And one of the producers like rushed over to me and goes, what are you doing driving a Nissan Maxima? I go, what do you mean? It's the nicest car I've ever had. And he's like, oh, come on, man, you got to get a BMW or something. You can't be pulling up in a Nissan. And I'm like, what do you mean? That's the nicest car. It's only two years old. Right. It's got six cylinders. It's got air conditioning. It's like, yeah, man, you're the star of a TV show. I was like, he Seinfelded me, right? The Playboy mansion. He gave me some Nissan shame. Like you got Nissan, right? All right, I'm going to say for you. Wait, what does that mean? It means you gave a thing where it's like you didn't want to spend a million dollars on a Porsche. If there's if what can you get for 200? Two and a quarter. You can have a quarter of a million. OK, there's some like first early gen turbos that are in that realm, although they're going up kind of fast, like 76, 77, 78, you know. You can get like a 73 s probably for that or E or T maybe. I think the sweet spot for Porsche before they got a little big and water cooled and computerized and stuff. The sweet spot is like 70 to 73. Like those were drivers, cars, carbureted, air cooled, like you can hear them. They made the Porsche sound. Right. They looked just like a Porsche, but they were kind of lean and mean. And I don't know. You can look it up. Look it up. What would what would like a 73 9-11 S be? Even SCs are kind of nice looking cars. Yeah, I'm staying away from the 928s and the 944s and the 968s. Like that I'm staying with the 9-11 architecture. But I'm going to go 72, 73, 73 s, 9-11 s. And I'm not sure what they're trading for now, but we can we can figure it out. All right. 73, 9-11 s. I'm going to write that down as Adam. Well, look at it. 73. Generally, 73 Porsche 9-11 s, generally between 150 and 220. So you told me that was right. All right. Your wheelhouse. You'll never go wrong. It'll only go up in value. It's not going to be an RS, but it's it's like it's a it's a nice driver's car. So somebody like you would walk in. Somebody would walk you and go walk in. Somebody would walk in and look at my stuff and go, oh, yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. The 9 is 73 9-11 s. That's that's the card again. All right. What's your body say? Well, we were talking a little more contemporary, I guess. And he said any of the Caymans like a 23 718 Cayman, the GT4. Well, I mean, that's a that's that we're getting a different animal. We're getting from the Casio to the Rolex again, sort of in there. Like you can't work on it yourself. And I know you got a shop and I know you like to gap some plugs every once in a while. Sure. So that's completely it's completely different ballpark. I get it. Yeah. But also, you, you know, you have an eye toward investment. And if you'd spend a hundred and seventy five K on a car, you'd like it to be worth two fifty in ten years or whatever. That that car will go or in five years. If I break even, I'm happy. I don't care. That car that car will go up and you'll be fine. O'Reilly auto parts. O'Reilly auto parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. If you can't figure out why your cars have an issue and sometimes I can't figure it out. Well, then my first call is always to O'Reilly. That thousands of parts in stock and can test your battery for free. Need wiper blades. They'll help you out. Brake lights, quick fix. They'll get you the right part. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly auto. Well, they're your one stop shop for DIY auto stuff. You can do it in store. You can do it online either way. You always go with O'Reilly. Am I right, Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly auto parts today or visit us at O'Reilly auto dot com slash Adam. That's O'Reilly auto dot com slash Adam. Has thousands of free movies and TV shows. You swear? If I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the... Whee! Mind tip, mind tip. With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator. Are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah! Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Then I will seriously consider those. And look at that. That's great. Thank you for the advice. And again, I'm just trying to lose the hate in my life. It's funny. We both have a hate Seinfeld car story. And by the way, you... I mean, I had a Maxima. You had a twin turbo Z car. But you know what? The very first car I ever bought that the dummies paid for was an Nissan Maxima. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. And it was the very first year of the Maxima, which I don't remember what that was. Would that have been... Early 80s. 82? Yeah, I was going to say like 82. Yeah, like early. Yeah. And I... Oh, I know what it was. 81. 81. Yeah, because I had a girlfriend that I was engaged to in college. That's a big mistake to do that, by the way. Boys and girls, don't do that that early. And I bought it because I'd been driving Zs, 280ZXs doing those commercials. And I bought the Maxima because it was practical and a family car. I had a... Boy, everything's just come in full circle, but I had a funny conversation with somebody who was interviewing me a couple of days back, which is... And you'll get it. I'm kind of curious with people's recollections of things. You know what I mean? Very fascinated in the past. Kind of makes you wonder what was true from 500 years ago or even 50 years ago, like people in the recollections. But a guy was interviewing me about my Paul Newman collection of cars. And he said, I said, well, most of them were Nissan's. He said, oh, my biggest regret is when high school, I could have got this Nissan, but I couldn't quite afford it and never did get it. I said, well, which one was it? And he said, was the 210 with the T-tops gold? I said, 210? Yeah. He goes, I'll never forget that car. I go, Nissan 210 is a little shit box and they never made a T-top. But it was a Datsun 210. Yeah. Yeah, Datsun 210. I go, no, it was a 280ZX with T-tops and that's the car you wanted. He goes, I'm pretty sure it was a 210, but I'll never forget that car. I go, 210 is a little shit box that didn't come in gold and there was never T-tops for it to be like saying T-tops on a minivan or something. Like, no, no, it was you're picturing a 280ZX gold, probably a 10th year anniversary edition black and gold with T-tops. And he's like, yeah, I'll never forget that car. And I go, you did forget that car. You keep saying 210. 210 was a honeybee or whatever. Honeybee, that's like a little miniature little shit box. And he goes, by the way, this is what makes me an asshole. He goes, at some point he goes, you may be right. I go, I'm not maybe. Don't say I may be right. I'm 100% right. It was not a Datsun 210 with T-tops. It was your dream car. It was a Z car that you couldn't, but you misremembered it. By the way, I have that car. You have the black and gold 280. Yeah. The 10th anniversary. The T-tops. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's all leather interior. And yeah, it's great. Do you, we're all not. It's not great because it's not great Porsche great. OK, I've said this to you before. I love, here's my collection. I love cars that start conversations. Where you walk in and somebody goes, oh my gosh, I could, with my collection, I could be the star of most car shows, not because it's a great car, because it's a conversation starter. Give us your top five in your collection that you cherish the most. That I cherish the most or the ones that I think people just stop and stare? Stop and stare. OK. The craziest one, I don't know if you guys can look it up or not, but it's called the, I just got this one a few months ago. But I used to take in the Keaton Batmobile. If I had to get rid of every other car, the Keaton Batmobile would be the one that I would keep because we put a lot into it. And it's just, to me, that's just an awesome, because these guys designed this thing. It's such a short time. So many, oh, by the way, on my television show that's coming out March 31st on Discovery, that's one of the episodes is the Keaton Batmobile. And just the development of that thing, it's just such a beautiful and all sculpted. There was no computers involved. It was all hand sculpted. All clay. Yeah, it's all clay. And it's, so it's asymmetrical. When you look at it, it's like nothing's even. Right, right. It's so great, all molds and fiberglass. Fantastic. So that's one of them. That would be the one that people gathered around. That one in the 66 Batmobile, those two arguably, you know, great. But the one that we just added. The 66, a replica? Yeah, it's a replica, but it's a really good replica. There are some that you go, that's not, but this one is actually from the molds of the original Futura. So it's got, it's George Barris. Yep, yep, exactly. But the, this one, and I had to talk Leno into this on doing the episode. It's a Humvee that these guys took and rat-rodded it out. Now I'm not a rat-rod guy, but they rat-rodded it out and slammed it. And this thing is the craziest, biggest attention-getter you'll ever get. What year Humvee was it? It was a Humvee, not a Hummer. So it was a military, it was an 87. So it was an actual one. Yeah, an actual military one that they rat-rodded out. And it's, if you look it up, it just goes Jeff Dunham and Jay Leno, Hummer, Humvee, and it'll show up. And so, but again, back to the conversations. You can take, or the, you know, the 4GT, what is it, 19, where you had to beg and plead and please, can you please take my money and here's my videotape and here's my social media footprint. For the 2016 one or 17? Was it 19, 17, whatever it was. Yeah, it's been, it's all blur now, but yes, the second gen of the third gen. Yeah, amazing car, unbelievably great car. So that's the Humvee's right there. That's driving with Leno. Wow. It's nuts and everything is custom done on that thing and it draws a crowd. No matter what, no matter what race or gender or... Yeah. Oh, you guys were out filming at Burbank with that. Yeah, I think I've seen that. Yeah, because it's not street legal. No, why would it be? And this is what Leno said. I thought it wasn't street legal mainly because of the width and he goes, no, you're not going to get pulled over for the width, you're going to get pulled over for no fenders. Oh, right. Yeah. So, but again, back to the conversations. So there's a really good, I have a really great pacer. Yeah. And I'm telling you, you take that to a car show and it lights up people's faces and everybody has a conversation that they grew up with somebody that had one down the street or they had one, it was the family car and it's just kind of fun. Yeah, I agree. I think, you know, when you talk about Leno, Leno's criteria for his collection is everything has to have a story. You know, he just loves the story. You know, the thing that's great about Leno is when you go into his garage, you'll walk right past the McLaren F1, the 93 or 94 that's worth 25 million bucks. Right. It's a center seat and then passengers on the other side of the driver. Right. And, you know, he paid 800, 800 grand for it or whatever I'd say, it's 25 million. And they told him it was crazy at the time when he did it. You'll walk right past all of that stuff to this weird little three wheel fork. Had a little like moped motor in it and it was probably two stroke and he tells the story about the guy in the Midwest who him and his dad built this thing out of junked parts so he could drive it across the country. Right. And he loves that story. He loves it. And it's the least valuable thing in his shop. Sure. But it's the most valuable to him because of the story behind it. Sure. You know, and just, I don't know, maybe just after World War II and this guy and his dad go to a junkyard and they start Frankensteining stuff together and the next thing you know, the guy, it's like a little postal cart or whatever. And he drives across the country. The son does when he's like 18. I mean, it's just, by the way, it's also Speaks of America where you could do stuff like that back then. You know, we lived in a simpler time when, and also when a dad would let his son even attempt anything. Right. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Now it's like, all right, son, no phone, no way, you know, right, send me a postcard when you get to Oregon. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, I know. I have twin boys that are 10 years old and even raising them right now compared to my daughters who are now grown women, it is a different, terrifying time. Yeah, it bothers me that everyone is so safety oriented. I don't think it's a step toward the light. Like, I don't think it's a plus. I don't like it when people start saying like, have a safe day, have a safe, you know, like, I'm so weird. Like, I kind of get back in the day when you're on the phone with someone and you're like going to the airport, you know, I got to jump off because I'm going through security and they go, okay, have a safe flight. Like, oh, okay, fine. But when you're at Starbucks and they hand you a bagel, they go, have a safe day. Like, what do you think? I'm going to choke on this bagel. Like, let's stop talking about safety so much. It prevents people from doing a lot of important things. I got a quick story for you. Yeah. So one of my sons is just from the age seven begging for the VR headset, right? Begging for it, begging for it. No, there's not enough research. It's dangerous for kids' minds. For the brains, we don't know about development. They haven't been long enough. No, no, no, no, no. Well, what age? Well, I've looked it up. You're probably not till 14. No, dad, it's 10. It's not 10. It's 10. And of course, he looks it up and he finds the survey or the, you know, the research that says 10-year-olds are fine if they do it short time. So it's 10th birthday. He gets the VR headset and we're limited to 20 minutes a day. Right? So that's it. So he has me in this game. He wants me to play this game with him. So I got a VR headset too. It's called UGG. And UGG is basically you're in dinosaur times and it's like Spongebob's world, that kind of animation. And you're walking around cracking eggs and doing all this. He goes, let me show you how to do everything. So he and one of his friends gets on. It's me and we're in this virtual world and I'm just kind of walking around. And you have to give a code to the other guy to get in a private, private server. So there's no other kids with you. And it's all little kids playing this game, right? So and I've told them over and over again, do not give out personal information. They know. Do not tell what school you go to. Do not give out your real names. Don't tell anybody anything. And they know this. So I'm playing this game with them not saying anything. And we're walking around and all of a sudden we hear this kid go, can I play with you? And I'm like, oh, who's this? And again, I haven't said anything. And so my son and the other friend, they just keep playing. And a few minutes later we hear the voice again. Can I can I play with you guys? I'm like, what is this? And and and and the other friend, my son's friend goes, what's your name? And the kid goes, Bob? Like, and I'm again, I'm staying completely quiet. And and and the other friend goes, yeah, you can play with this. I'm like, all right, he's gonna let me play with this. So I'm here. So this is interesting. So my son and the other kid and the other kid are playing around. And then my son says to me, he calls me by my name. He calls me not my real name, the fake name Clive is on the video. And he goes, Clive, do you understand everything so far? And I went, yeah, I pretty much got it. It was dead silence. And finally, Bob goes, why is that kid's voice so low? Really? And then suddenly Bob was gone. Wow. And I don't know what it was, but it was creepy. Do you? I was thinking about this. Your act is so much energy and like comedians kind of, you know, sometimes if you're doing two shows a night, then I guess you're doing a lot of big arenas and stuff like that. So you don't really get the two show thing going. Now we did. And my shows are two, two and a half hours long. Yeah, it's a lot. Like, like sometimes I'll go for the second show. I'm just going to mix it up and do some different stuff. Sure. Whatever. Just so I don't get bored or whatever. But you doing both voices, two and a half hours, physical, like on your feet, it just, it seems like a lot if you ever get up that morning and just go, I'm not really feeling it. Well, of course. And when you've flown across the country and it's like getting no sleep and all that, it's just, I've just done it for so long. And, you know, I try and keep the shows at two hours because once you go over two hours, it's starting to be too long. Right. But I also, I've done that math and I think I've told you this before. You know, coming up in the comedy club world, it was always the number one deal back in the 80s and 90s was to get on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. That was it. Once you get on The Tonight Show and you've done well as a stand up, your career is often running. Right. Right. So that was my goal when I moved out here in 88. What was my goal when I graduated from college in 1980? I gave myself 10 years to get on The Tonight Show with Carson. And so you really set rules. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was it. And I didn't have any backup plan. I didn't have another job. That was it. That's all I've ever done. Started with book reports and then Cubs Scout Banquets and Shows at Church and Kiwanis Clubs. And so I started doing corporate stuff long before I got into the comedy clubs. So, yeah, when I graduated from high school, 10 years and long story short, it was a long 10 years because Jim McCauley turned me down eight times. You're not ready. You're not. Why am I not ready? Oh, from the booker. The guy who booked The Tonight Show. Would they go out and see you? Yeah, he come out and see me at the all the clubs. And the worst one was I moved out here in 88 in summer of 88. McCauley had already turned me down three times before that. But I moved out here and in December of 88, he came and saw me at the comedy magic club and he said, you're great. You're ready. Fantastic. Great. Let me book you. I was in the TV guide. I bought the $2,000 suit, told the whole family. Ready to go. He said, let me come see you the night before you tape and make sure and if there's any little details that we want to change, we've just got to make sure we get it right for Johnny. Great. So he came to the comedy magic club. Roseanne Barr was in there getting ready for her next set. For The Tonight Show. For The Tonight Show. And he's like, is that your 300 ZX? You can't be on. So he comes in and a little bit ways through my set. It's not going as well as it did before, but I'm doing my material. And I walked off stage and Roseanne was backstage. I goes, where's Jim? And she goes, oh, he left. I'm like, he left. She goes, oh, don't worry. He loved it. Everything will be fine. Roseanne was as nice to me as you could have meant anybody. She was just a sweetheart. So I don't know who that other person is. So you figured, well, he saw your act and he didn't hang around to talk to you afterward. I didn't have a good spidey sense about this. I'm like, why would he leave and not give me any notes? So I call him the next morning. And again, I was supposed to be on that night. It was December of 88. And he gets on the phone and he goes, Jeff, I'm just, I'm really sorry. I made a mistake. You're not ready. Really? I said, really? And he goes, let me tell you one thing about being on this night show with Johnny Carson. It's better to be five years late than one day early. Let's get this right. And I said, so I still have a shot. He goes, of course you still have a shot. Just work on it. And so I worked on it for the next couple of years. And then finally in April of 1990, two months before my 10-year goal, I finally got on. It was a Friday night, Bob Hope, BB King, me, Johnny Carson. And it was, that was one of those nights. BB King, Bob Hope. And me. That's so. On a Friday night. It's also, see a lot of stuff in life is sort of luck of the draw because you can be on with, you know, whoever's the hot starlet from 90210. And it's fine. But when you're telling your kids 30 years from now, they don't really care who that person is or know who that person is, you know. Yeah. The first time I did Letterman, James Brown. That's great. Which is fine because like, I think the second time I did Letterman, it was like Daphne Zaniga or something with the lead guest or something, which isn't great because if I say to my kid, hey, guess what, you know Daphne Zaniga, right? Like they don't know, they don't care. But at the time, they're just booking whoever's hot, you know. But so. Well, let me tell you this one. Tell me this. Let me remind you of this. So it's right under the 10 year mark, which I had to, not with that, but with show business. And how was it? I look back at the tape now and I kind of cringe. In that moment in time, it was great. It was great. Couldn't have gone any better. Yeah. For that bit that I was doing. And are you great? You waited? Are you glad you waited? Oh, it was the perfect. I used that saying for everything now. It's better to be five years later than one day early. Right. There's so much wisdom in that. Yes, I agree. And so, yeah, it could not have gone any better. And I, you know, again, but and I ended up being on five times and it was, it was, it was great. But one of the times. So do you remember when Carson's son died? He was a photographer and he accidentally drove off a cliff and died. I don't remember that story. Yeah. So Carson's son died and they canceled, you know, two weeks of shows. He was off the air. What year was that? That would have been, I'm guessing, 91. I looked that up. I'm curious. So Jim McCauley, two weeks later. Booker. Yeah, the Booker. He calls me, says, I need you to do Johnny a favor. I'm like, what's that? He goes, he's going to do a photographic tribute to his son of some of the pictures that he's taken. But if Johnny doesn't feel it and bails on doing that, I need you to be stand up that night. I'm like, two weeks of Johnny off the air. This is the first night he's back. So McCauley's asking me to come in and do my set after his son has died. Carson's son has died for that audience after Carson's come out and done this, basically a solo look with his son, right? June 91. There you go. So I'm in the makeup chair praying to the almighty, dear God, that Carson doesn't bail on that. Yeah, yeah. On that slide show. I get it. And McCauley comes in. I'm halfway through makeup and he goes, I got some good news. I go, what? He goes, Carson's going to do the thing. You don't have to do your set. I'm like, oh, thank you. It ripped off that bib and was out of there. Yeah. Yeah, I remember probably, maybe it was doing Letterman, but they used to bump people all the time. Oh, sure. They used to, Jimmy got bumped the first, I swear, I, this is a memory I got to check with Jimmy, but Jimmy, the first time he did Letterman, he was, had this whole bit where he had a Letterman. Jimmy was a huge Letterman fan growing up and literally had like a vanity plate on his Zuzu trooper that said like late show on it or something. He had like a Letterman cake for his like 16th birthday. Had the bomber jacket and everything, the Letterman jacket. And the first time he was supposed to do Letterman, he was, you know, thrilled, nervous, was crazy. And he had a bit where he got a giant Letterman tattoo like on his back. And, and I think the bit was like, he was going to go out there and he was going to go, you know, Dave, you know, I'm such a fan of so far back and all that kind of stuff. And you don't even know, and he was going to take his shirt off. I had a, and I think he'd had a professional artist like Henna tattoo or something, a giant Letterman on his either chest or his back. And they did it, you know, two hours worth of that. And then sitting in the dressing room and last second gets bumped. No. And now he just flies out to New York. Right. It's his, the culmination of his, all his dreams come true. He's going to be on his Idols TV show. He did the whole tattoo business sitting there in that dressing room. We're sorry. And he gets bumped. And that's just the way they do it. They'd fly out first class and, you know, and they would bump you. I remember, I think the first time I did Letterman, I have a bad attitude about certain things. Or no, I have a F student kind of mentality about stuff, you know, and it's like, the, I was just sitting in the dressing room and I was like, I wouldn't say I was a bundle of nerves, but I was, I watched Letterman. It was surreal that I would go on and sit next to David Letterman. It's surreal. Right. And, and I was just sitting, it was before Jimmy did it. So it was like crazy. I was like, I'm the first person anyone knows has done Letterman. Right. And I was like sitting in the green room or my dressing room and like the manager or something like open the door and he just went like, and I got some news and I was like, oh, yes, I've been bumped. Like at that point, I was like a prize fighter and I just wanted to hear the other guy roll this ankle, climbing into the ring or something. Like I wanted to do it. I wanted to kick ass. I felt I could win the fight. Sure. But all I wanted to hear at that point is that guy hurt himself. We can't fight. I just went, I was like, please. And he was like, whatever it was, it wasn't any of that. It was like, come on. And then the thing that's crazy. Oh, you have a picture of Jimmy with David Letterman's face on his belly. Wow. That's horrible. It's horrible for so many reasons. That's horrible. All right. Wow. Now I got to check with Jimmy because I this is probably when he went back. I think he did it again because I think he got bumped the first time. This was November 1999. I got to send Jimmy to X-Files. That's terrible. It's terrible. But the thing that was always funny and I always thought they shouldn't do it, clock please, Andrew. The thing I always thought was weird is Biff Henderson was the stage manager. Right. And he was on camera all the time. He was like a big part of the show. Yeah. But he was also the stage manager. Right. And so the first time I did Letterman, I was just standing backstage waiting. You know, they do that will pull the curtain, you come out, go to Dave's right, step over the thing, watch your foot, you know, watch your step, watch your riser go and say hi to Dave and sit down. Yep. But it's Biff Henderson standing there. And he's like, I'm looking at him. He's like, I mean, he's like, you got to go. I'm going, you're Biff Henderson. Yeah. But you got to go out on stage. And I'm like, well, can I get an autograph? It was wildly distracting because he was a star who was pulling the curtain for me. But I don't know what it was like. All it did was completely suck me out of this moment. I was just looking at Biff the whole time. So those moments that you cannot relive, cannot explain to people. But I remember to this day standing at that curtain, hearing Doc Severance and play the band and here in Johnny Carson introduced me, muffled because I'm behind the curtain. That moment is just like, it's a life changer. And I will say this to people, you should try to collect as many of those moments as you can. And they're not always the tonight show. There's different versions of that. But there is a version of pulling that curtain where you're just standing there for that moment in time. And you're just like, when I did Dancing with the Stars, they're like, now dancing. You're crazy. The Roomba. Adam Carolla. It's like, it's that one moment where you're just sitting there and you're just like, holy shit. Right. Like those weird moments. It's a kind of a green flag drops moment. Like the race starts. I still, every night, every night, right before I walk on stage, there's that little bit, tiny bit of terror. I'm so used to it. I've done it so many times. It's not terror. It's like when you're at the very top of that roller coaster and you know, there is nothing you can do to get off or stop this thing. It's like when I hear my name being introduced by myself, one of the characters is introducing me on tape. It's just that roller coaster moment of, holy shit. Here we go. And you build all the puppets. Yeah, I build all the dummies. Which is the dummies. Sorry. I don't care what I call them. You cast them. I mean, there's a lot there. Yeah, yeah. There's not many guys that do this for a living that also do that. You have to have somebody else to do that because it's engineering. There's the artwork. There's the technical aspect of it. And so, yeah, you got to sculpt it. And I still do it the old school way. Sculpted out of clay, but now I 3D scan it and then print the head, the shell. But then you got to install all the mechanics. And I'm pretty proud of myself. Those things have lasted for decades. Yeah, no shade for carrot top. But he makes his own props, but taking a Barbie and stapling it to a two by four and going, baby on board. It's not that difficult to do. It still gets a laugh. It gets a laugh, but he can do it. Anyone can do that. You got eyeballs moving. You got stuff going on. I forgot my whole point of what I was talking about, building the set, doing the tonight shows. So my whole career was built on trying to build that five minute set. Right. You know what I mean? For the tonight show. And I put a stopwatch to it that when a standup was on a late night show, if he was getting a laugh every 15 seconds, he was dying. Really? You had to get a laugh every six to 10 seconds or you died. So you broke it down sort of mechanically. Mathematically. And so I started building all my sets so I would get a laugh every six to 10 seconds. And so that's how my act is now. I do it the same way. It's the old school way of set up punch, set up punch, set up punch, but at least I have two guys on stage that can do that easily. And so I think that's why my 15 minutes has lasted so many decades is because it's two guys on stage and there's drama and there's tension and there's action and reaction. And so I think it makes it interesting for the audience. And then I can change up characters and go, you don't like that? Well, then how about this? And it's a whole different conversation and a whole different point of view. But I think that formula of making that audience dead tired from laughing for two hours is a real key to making people want to come back again. How is comedy has its abs and its flow? It's kind of like music. There's glam rock and then that kind of gives way to grunge. So it's like right at the later 80s with the guys with the Aquanet and the eyeliner. And then also in here comes Nirvana, the opposite of that. And there's abs and there's flows. And I've said like with Carrot Top, weirdly, Carrot Top was like sort of a punchline for comedians in that he wasn't a true comedian. He was a prop comedian. And now welcome to my world. He's hung around long enough to like come around. And now he's kind of an, I don't want to say an elder statement, but like people are revered. It's the same thing I would say about Ringo Starr. Everyone's like Ringo Starr. You know, if you're the worst guy in the basketball team, you're the Ringo of the basketball team. And now everyone's like, he's a really good drummer. You know, and I'm like, what happened to making fun of Ringo Starr? Right. But you're not Carrot Top, but you're also not Seinfeld. Well, but, but I had to fight that battle though. I was always a prop. Of course. It was like, I wasn't a real comedian. Yeah, I get it. I get comedians are total snobs and they're looking for any excuse to say that guy's not really one of us. Right. You know, so and anytime you walk out on stage with anything other than a glass of water, you're not one of us. Right. I guess is what I'm saying. So you, but have you felt it more for change over the years? Yeah, that changed the, and by the way, Carrot Top is in Vegas and I'm sorry, the show is hilarious. Oh, yeah. It is laugh out loud, funny. Yeah. And the timing of everything is amazing. And ring us a great drummer. Absolutely. And it's a great interview too, which is really nice. So, yeah, what's really, and I was going to say this to you earlier. So when I used to come in here, I used to bring a dummy. Oh, yeah. And every, and it was those 18, 20 years of doing comedy clubs, you know, and people don't know this, but when you were booked into comedy club for five or six nights, you, and you're a headliner, you had to go do press and that was radio, the radio press. So you'd get there on a, on a, on a, get up on a Thursday morning at, and flying to the East Coast was a bear and get up and literally go do six, seven, at least four, five, six radio shows on morning radios. Club owner, pick you up. Oh, it was horrible. It was the maximum. And what do you think, yeah, exactly. And what's worse than having to do that, than having to walk into the studio carrying a dummy. Right, right, right. On radio. Yes. Yes. And so, and I learned when I did that, and it would, it would not work with you because you were one of those guys who would rather just carry on a conversation and you don't want to have to play, oh my gosh, I got to sit here and talk to a dummy and pretend I'm entertained. Right. And so, and I always preferred that, that I could just carry on a conversation and not have to do my act. But what I used to do for those radio shows that dreaded me was I would just walk in and I go, they go, what, do you want us to set it, set you up somehow? Or what do you want us to ask you? I'm like, no, just say hi. And then I would just take it from there. And then Walter would just do a rant. Walter, when I carried the old guy, would just do a rant on whatever was going on in the world that day, all current topic stuff, and then make fun of those guys. And eventually I developed many great relationships around the country from doing it that way. But man, was that a pain in the neck. It's fun. Interesting. I've done that, of course. It's funny. You know what you should do? I'm just going to put this out to everybody. Whenever you pick up someone in your car, especially if it's early in the morning, you need to de-you yourself from that car. Like, I shouldn't climb into that car and know everything about you. Like what brand you smoke. Like country, like modern country. There's so much going on in that car. When they pick you up at 6 a.m., I don't want to know what your proclivities are. I don't want to know what your personal habits are. To me, it's like, I want you to drive that car off the showroom lot. When those club owners pick you up at 6 a.m. and you climb in the car, you're like, I know everything. By the way, my first inhale and I know everything about you. Can you name everything in your car that you drove here today? Everything that's floating around in the car? Everything that did not come with the car. Because here's my deal, and I've taught my kids this, that in college, I would judge a girl by her the trunk of her car in her back seat. Oh yeah. Gotta have a tight ass. Well, that's not what I meant. I got you. But if it was a filthy mess, I knew that girl. And if it was her closet, no. Your car is basically your room on wheels and your room on wheels. And your room is essentially your mind. So the people who would not feel comfortable, like most people, if you went, I'm just going to go to your house. I'm going to go up to your bedroom and go, no, no, no, no, no. You got to give me a minute. I got to straighten up a few things like that. There's people who treat their cars like it is their bedroom, and they're just driving around and you go, this is embarrassing. I can see your chaotic. I can see you don't have your shit together. There's fast food wrappers on the dash. Or conversely, there's every dot, every eye's dot and every T is crossed person. But you can learn a lot. Oh yeah. When I park a car on the driveway and walk in for the night, there's nothing in that car. I could sell that car right then and there, and nobody would find anything in that car that had to do with me except the registration. I think you're meticulous, and I think that's part of the mechanical part of your world. And I think it's a good thing. Like I think, A, that keeps you sane, going down to the shop and molding stuff and problem solving. It keeps you sane. And then B, I think it makes you more connected to the prop or to the dummy, essentially. You built it. Who knows this? It's like playing a baseball game every once in a while, we got to borrow someone else's mitt. You're like, I don't know. That doesn't work. Yeah. I mean, it'll work, but it's not going to work like you broke it in with your own mink oil. I have that problem thinking that anamorphic, whatever it's called, where you think that things are alive, that they have feelings. Yes. And I think it's because I actually talk to those things, and they talk back to me. But I do have that thing. Anthropomorphic size, I think. Is that it? Okay. Yeah. But here's an example. When I get a pound of coffee beans, I will not let one coffee bean go to waste. Oh yeah. Why? Because that coffee bean has been on a journey. Yes. Listen, let me tell you something here. Jeff, I'm 100% with you, and I'm wildly insulted when people go, Adam's so cheap if the bean falls on the ground. No. Oh really? No, no, not cheap. Not cheap. Right. Not cheap. I just, I agree. That thing started being picked by Juan Valdez in the hills of Columbia. Yep. Made its way down to the port of call, got on a ship, sailed across the ocean, went through the Panama Canal, ended up at a Trader Joe's and is now on your kitchen island. Right. And that bean, if that bean could talk, what a story it would tell. Right. And I'm with you. I can't just chuck it. I feel the same way about anything that used to be alive. People eat like half a steak, and I'm done with the steak. They start throwing it away. I'm like, no, no, that, something gave its life for that. And the journey of that is right up there with the bean. Can I tell you another one? I, sometimes I love, I love antiques. We have a grandfather clock that was built in 1743. So it's older than our country. And I have to wind it once a week. And it fascinates me to think that there has been another guy or another woman or men and women throughout the decades and centuries that have had to wind that clock just like me once a week. Right. And it's complaining. And by the way, while they're winding it, they're going, kids these days. It's 1811. And he said your son was going to wind this, but he didn't do it. He's got his leather VR goggles on. But to think about that, that clock, when it was finished, was loaded on a cart and taken to the first owner by a horse. Right. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And, but I do think in a, in a world where everything is fast and it's all free and it's all brought to your door and everything's digital, these are little sanity games that you must play with yourself. Just little ways to keep you sane, keep you occupied, go down to the shop, go do it yourself, go wash your own car, go wind your own clock, think about others who came before you, and sort of get some perspective. Conversely, you take these people that are so entitled, you go, how did you get to that point that you don't think you have to wipe your own ass? Right. It's like, you know what I mean? I agree. Those are the folks that drive me absolutely nuts. All right, Jeff's, well, there's dates all over the place, artificial intelligence. That's the tour. That's the tour date. Yeah. A tour name, a website, jeffdunham.com is where you go. And then the cars that drove us, that'll premiere March 31st on Discovery. Take a quick break. Rudy's doing the news right after this. Ethos, when you bring a child into the world, your perspective changes overnight. I carry a lot of responsibility in my household. So if there's something were to happen to me, well, they're going to be real consequences. And that's why I'm glad I found out about ethos. Ethos makes getting life insurance fast and easy, 100% online. You can get a quote in seconds, apply in minutes and get same day coverage. You can get up to 3 million in coverage. Some policies are as low as 30 bucks a month. Look, you're an adult now. You have a family. It's time to be responsible. It's time to get ethos. Go online and see what you can get done today with ethos. Right Dawson? Protect your family with life insurance through ethos. Get your free quote in minutes at ethos.com slash adam. That's ethos.com slash adam. Ethos.com slash adam. Application times and rates may vary. Hymns, well, it sucks when your hair starts to thin. And I've watched a lot of dudes go through it. Hymns makes it really simple to feel like yourself. Again, I just signed up for these guys because I notice a little thin and up top. I'm getting old. Yeah, they got a range of prescription meds, including chews, oral medication, serums and sprays. Dr. Trusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. It's super convenient with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. Their website is the digital front door that gets you back to your old self. It's Hymns, right Dawson? For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED weight loss and more, visit Hymns.com slash adam. That's Hymns.com slash adam for your free online visit. Hymns.com slash adam featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Yo, Corolla, PJ up in Sacramento. Um, you keep talking about your hyper vigilance, but then I'm watching you on YouTube and the two screens behind you, I believe are about an inch and a quarter off from height. Grab Dawson, throw a level on that. Is it the angle? Maybe I'm wrong. If I'm not, send me some tickets or something. Thanks. Get it on. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. He said inch and a half off in height. Height. Then he talked about it being plum and level. Yeah. So, so I brought this up to Chuck, the one that is directly behind you. It looks like it's, it's a little tilted. It looks like it's a little off, but the reason why it looks a little off, we figured this out is because the shadow that it casts underneath the television makes it look a little off. So we've had conversations about this. I think what he meant is the height of these two right here. Maybe one's just a little bit higher than the other, but just eyeballing it, it looks pretty even. I mean, maybe the center one's a little higher. Yeah. I'd go get a tape and throw it on there. Rudy knows when things aren't plum. I framed a picture he gave me and it was a little off-filter. It was a little off, yeah. He pointed it out. I did. Rightfully so. I deserved it. A little hurt. All right. What do we got out there in the news? All right. Well, I'm sure you got some opinions about this. Governor Gavin Newsom has helped to funnel more than $4.4 million in donations from organizations and powerful figures to a political nonprofit created by his spouse, Jennifer Siebel Newsom, an analysis by the Postfound. Well, it turns out that the California Partners Project, a nonprofit launched by Siebel Newsom in 2020 to promote gender equality, has raked in a significant amount of cash from donors at the request of her hubby thanks to a murky loophole. Okay. Murky loophole is the worst poor name ever. Oh, yeah. Gross. Look, here's what we're dealing with, everyone. You make up a problem like gender dysphoria, gender confusion, you know, whatever. And then you give yourself a euphemistic title like Hope Street Unlimited or something. Then you go about to fix the problem, except for the problem doesn't exist and the problem's invisible. So it can never be fixed, but you can't chart whether it was fixed or not. You know, when your transmission is bad, it either gets fixed or it doesn't get fixed, but you know it. When it's just this sort of murky world of kids and sexuality and gender and confusion and positivity, who the fuck knows when the transmission ever gets fixed? Mechanical stuff, everyone, you notice how all, I shouldn't say all, most of the grift is invisible bullshit. Like, well, he's on the spectrum of autism or whatever this stuff is. It's not so much building a bridge. Like the thing about a project like, hey, I'm a corrupt politician, you're a corrupt contractor, and we need to build a mile on the 405. Okay, what's the cost? What's the overrun? What's the subcontractors? But at some point, we can track something back to something and go, look, we've put in a billion dollars, there's nothing. I don't see anything. You know, like you, you can't do that when you're talking about remodeling someone's house. You can't just go, keep giving me money. It's an ongoing problem. You're not an expert. I'm an expert. I'm going to get other experts. I'm going to talk to them. It's like the fucking house is either getting remodeled or it's not being remodeled. But the invisible shit about getting the kids young and giving them a head start and teaching them about their gender dysphoria, it's all fucking invisible. So we can just keep funneling money toward you. You can keep making retarded documentaries that, by the way, would have no value on the open market unless some of your crony friends forced them into the classroom and then became part of the curriculum. And then the school teachers unions get bigger and everyone gets more bureaucracy, more powerful, more whatever, more people getting paid. And it's all, I'll tell you the part that pisses me off about it the most. At least the guy who's building the bridge or putting the second story on the four or five freeway is not, not celebrated at women's lunches and shit like that. They have to give her the fucking hero awards and the woman of the whatever and the fucking ladies who lunch and the Hollywood bullshit elite have to come out and celebrate these people for what poisoning your kid's brain, scrambling their fucking head. She makes documentaries. She's a director, writer, producer, sexualizing, media sexualizing and limited portrayals of women contribute to their underrepresentation. Meanwhile, being hot blonde and sucking off Weinstein to get ahead. You know what I mean? Like you, you of all people, it's going to be the order and narrate this, this thing. You, who is dyeing your hair, getting Botox and working with the physical trainers to remain slim, you're going to then talk to the Rolly Poli Latina chick and explain to her that she shouldn't be judged on her appearance. Jesus Christ. Yeah. For the longest time, it was always, you can never get ahead in this society and it's like, you're being told that by people who have gotten ahead in this society. They, they're the ones, they got it up the ladder. How the hell they do it? Why are you telling me that I can't? And also a lot of this shit is meant to be confusing. Yes. Because for the longest time, BIPOC, that word BIPOC, for the, I thought they, they like recreated Tupac. I thought that was a Korean ban. I don't know what the fuck any of this stuff is. No. And that, that's what they do. They make up words, they make up invisible problems and then you have to pay them to solve an invisible problem that never gets fixed because it's invisible and never was a problem versus the transmission or the bridge or the roof that leaks, which people start complaining. Yeah. You know, like anyone who's ever had a problem with their car or go, Jesus Christ, take you to the dealer four fucking times. I spent four grand on this shit. It's been back and forth to the dealer and I still, you know, they're like, it's all nuts and bolts, or you can just give out $10 billion to the Leaning Center and fuck it. No one even knows what's going on. Autism, whatever on the spectrum. Yeah. Bullshit. Hang a television, a quarter of an inch off. Everyone knows. And some guys gotta give you shit. Everyone turns into fucking Bob Vila. That's right. Yeah. So she, by the way, just so people need to know who she is, she's also the first partner. She's not the first lady of the first governor or whatever. She's the first fucking partner by the deep leg crosser and wild Posse Gavin Newsom. She meets Harvey Weinstein in the Toronto International Film Festival in O5 and then accused him of raping her that year when they met at the Beverly Hills Hotel. What is she doing? What, why does she need to do all this stuff? What about the children? What about the children, bitch? What are you doing in Toronto hanging around with Weinstein and then heading over to the Beverly Hills Hotel to hang out with Weinstein? What about the children who are confused about their sexuality? Who's going to straighten them out? Someone who's fucking Weinstein is going to tell them how to straighten out their gender confusion. Put a tape on them, straighten them out. So then later on, she reaches out to Weinstein after he raped her and is seeking career advice and asking how to handle bad breath. So she's quite the role model. I'd like her to be the nanny of my children so she could explain their sexuality. I don't know. I'd like some of her sexuality explained to me. So this fucking, this grotesque ape rapes you in Beverly Hills and then a year later, you're sending him an email asking for advice like he's your publicist. That seems sexually a little confused to me. Yeah. You know how many times around this building I've had my thigh rubbed by guys that are behind the scenes and then I asked them, how do I write this joke? You know how many times? So many. All right. So anyway, but here's the point. It's all just grift. It's all bullshit. It's everything. Okay. Let me explain something. Donald Trump, people like and people hate, but I'll tell you one thing. Donald Trump doesn't pretend to be poor and he doesn't pretend not to make deals and he doesn't pretend his name is on the building and it's 30 foot tall. And you can like it or you can hate it, but he doesn't pretend. Gavin Newsom does this aw shucks, grew up eating mac and cheese on the wrong side of the tracks. Nothing special. I'm for the little man. I'm for the brown man. I'm for the black man. I'm here to crusade her for injustice. Meanwhile, you married a fucking Barbie doll. She's sucking off Weinstein and you're going to the fucking French Laundry. That's hypocritical. Sure. Now listen, I'm rich. I like going out to expensive restaurants and racing cars and doing all the shit rich guys do, but I don't pretend like I don't. That's the difference. That's what fucking drives me. This is the Michael Moore syndrome. He has to dress like an out of work lesbian trucker because he has $50 million in the bank. He's worth $50 million and he has to fucking dress like an out of work lesbian trucker because he's going to lecture you on giving something back to the poor people when he has way more money than anyone he's talking to, which is an insane thing. It's, you know, the Obama's lecturing everybody, you know, sometimes enough's enough. You got to ask yourself when you have enough. I don't know. Are you going on your eighth house or your fifth house? I can't remember. Well, third, but to be fair, the first two were gifted to me by my rich parents. You guys hang out in the fucking Hamptons and have a chef or you had a chef until it went wakeboarding. But the point is, is don't fucking lecture us on what it's like to be poor, you fucking hypocrites. I'd much rather just be fucking Trump or Elon Musk, just fucking own it. I'm fucking rich. I work harder than you. Fine. Sorry, where were we? It's true. Yeah. I did read a little bit of her. They were talking about how one of her organizations, the Girls Club Entertainment State Business License has been suspended or flagged for delinquency multiple times for basic compliant failures, mostly since 2020. So over the last five years, she's allowed to get away with this shit. And yet they still, nobody ever comes to the table and goes, hey, why isn't anybody doing anything about this? And it seems like even when they do, they still get away with it. Like this is just going to be a slap on the wrist and Newsom's still going to stand next to an empty train and be like, look at all the, look at all the shit we're getting done here with this bullet train all the way out to Sacramento or wherever the hell it's going. An empty train. He stands next to storage lockers, like literally storage containers. Yeah. Because there is no train. He's like, I need something metal and long. I'm going to stand next to it and pretend to make a chute, Bert, can you do a chute, yourself? Yes. I does. Do we have any vid of her videos, like any graphics or videos of her kids stuff? And by the way, we don't need to have kindergarteners learning where their private parts are with Mr. Gingerbread man. It will fucking figure it out. Like I, I don't know what this, there's something the left has, which is like, you've got to expose kids to music when they're young. I fucking like music just fine. I didn't go to the opera. It's fine. Yeah. You don't have to. And then there's, so it's like, wait, the fucking grift with the, oh no, you need pre pre K. There's now going to be something called pre come or before the actual bus, before the guy buses not, and you can be created. There's going to be some sort of institute there, zygote or embryo is going to have to go to like, and I remember when I was a dad, it's like, the kids are three. What do you, where are we taking them? They got to get an early start in order to the socialize. I'm like, I, they don't, you'll figure it out. You'll figure everything out. They'll all be figured out. They don't need to learn to socialize. Let me say this. I don't need to attend the graduation of somebody who doesn't know they're graduated, whether it's dementia or it's a three and a half year old. They have a fucking graduation party for this kids. They don't even know where they're at. They're like, they're walking in a circle. The guys pants are down. The kids shit himself. They don't know they're graduating. It's like throwing a surprise party for a two year old. Like they don't know. Yeah. They don't know it. It's for the person throwing it, not the person receiving it. Yes, except for you got to pay. Yeah, absolutely. All right. All right. Here we go. Next one. You want to move on? Sure. Okay. Well, speaking of California, since we're already talking about it, hundreds of LA hospices have multiple indicators of fraud. Three years ago, California state auditor sounded the alarm that Los Angeles County has seen a 1500% increase in hospice companies since 2010. Some of these red flags that have been coming out like low patient counts, high rates of terminally ill patients later discharged alive, excessive billing and staff shared across multiple companies. There's a vid on this. I liked Andrew that's somewhere out there. I think a guy from the Times did it, but also when it's not your money, you just don't police it like you should. Yeah. All of this is human nature shit. So it's like somebody, I think it's Thomas Sol who said it and we can find his quote, but I think I'll paraphrase or was it David Sol from Starsky and Hutch? David for sure. Yeah. Thomas Sol basically goes, the best, your best expenditure on money is your money on you. That's when you check reviews and make sure you're getting the best deals. So the best you're going to do with money is you on you. I'm buying myself a TV set. Yeah. I want the best TV set at the best price. Okay. The second best money you can do is I'm spending my money, I'll buy the gift for you, but I still don't want to pay twice as much for a TV set as I need to. I want to get you a good TV set, but it's my money. The worst you can do is not your money, not your TV set. That's what the government is. Yeah. And so you go, why all the waste? Not their money, not their TV set. Yeah. They don't give a fuck. That's why there's so much waste. And the crazy thing is, is like you have Rokana and Bernie Sanders out on the road going, if only the rich would give 5% of their wealth, we could afford it. It's like, are you fucking guys nuts? All you do is waste money. Why would more money, that's just more waste. Yeah. I don't, this thing of like, we could build this or lift out of poverty. I don't know. Have you, we're 50% out here in California, you lifting people out of poverty? There's no amount of money that can fix this. Yeah. And by the way, his thing of like, this billionaire's tax, we could give everybody a check for 3000. Yeah. So they could fucking drink malt liquor in the fucking park all day. Yeah. You're not helping them, you idiot. This whole notion of like, I'll just give them some money. That every piece of shit celebrity and their fucking junkie son that overdosed, they just got free money. Yeah. That's why they're dead. That's what they've tried it. You don't think that that was part of the equation? They didn't try that at some point. Wasn't there like that old saying of, if you took all the money in the world and distributed it evenly amongst everybody on the planet, it would all end up exactly where it is right now. That's true. All right. Let's, let's play this piece. CBS news. Sorry. The government thinks this woman is dying in hospice care. So a woman playing pickleball. But she just humiliated me, schooled me on the pickleball court. She's definitely not dying. She is a victim though of hospice fraud. So hospice fraud costs taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars every year. California is ground zero. So basically people steal Medicare numbers. They enroll them in hospices and then bill for tens, sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars. A lot of these companies are just fronts. So over 700 of the roughly 1800 hospices in LA County trigger multiple red flags for possible fraud. So we went door to door. And what we found was empty office spaces piled up mail and not a single healthcare worker. By the way, pause it for a second. This has happened to me and I would, I would challenge anyone to do this in Los Angeles County. Start a project like at my other warehouse. I was building that second floor sort of mezzanine thing. I just started building it three days into it. Some inspector just came walking in off the street. Hey, what's going on here? I'm like, building storage up. Yeah, no, you're not. Jesus really? Oh yeah. Oh, people have no fucking idea what the government will do when they want money. They're very visual watchdogs when it's their money. First house ever built remodeled up in Hollywood, up under the Hollywood sign on Beechwood Canyon. I went right into that. Just started demoing the place and whatever. About a month in inspector, he walked in. They just come walking in and they just come, those come in, you know, noon on a Tuesday and they just come in and they go, who owns this house? And a bunch of Mexicans on ladders. And by the way, they go, get off the ladder, put the tool down. Crazy. In your living room. Wow. In your fucking living room. And then you come around and you go, huh? You own this house? Everyone stops. Everyone stopped working. You over there with the drill, stop. Okay. Good. Everyone go home. You can go get a plan, engineering, permit, you can come down and apply for a permit. And if anyone comes back here between that permit and now you're going to get fucked up. Damn. So everyone stop, everyone go home. I've had that happen two times. Wow. And it'll never, if you, if you just want to build your house in the Palisades, you just start building your house, you won't make it two days. Yeah. Somebody's coming. Someone's going to roll up on you. They'll flash your fucking badge and you'll be shut down and they will fuck your shit up until you comply with them because that's money they want from you. This hospice bullshit, that's your money that they're just throwing into a fucking ceiling fan and they don't give a fuck about that. So they got nothing but rules if you would like to do your own building projects, but zero enforcement if you just want to open up a hospice care place in a strip mall. Yeah. So yeah, I know that my state of Minnesota, everything in the 694, 494 loop is kind of a shit show at the moment, but everything outside of it is still very normal. Like if, if you want to build something on your land up in Northern Minnesota, you build it, the guys show up and they go, you got a permit? You go, I don't know, could I get one now? They go, yeah, fine. Just don't do it again. And then they walk away and they just take their money and they don't make you tear it down and rebuild it and start from scratch. They're pretty pragmatic in that sense. Well, I'll, I'll cut to the chase. He went to a bunch of places, none of them are businesses. It's the same shit they were doing. Here we do the hospice grift there. You do the learning center. I think we also do the down syndrome spectrum shit. You have a trailer for Jennifer, the first, first partner. Sorry, that we're going to watch. The Maskey Living. The man, first off, I love making, first off, okay, it's all, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. It's all kids, right? It's all kids. It's all kids. All you have to do with dumb chicks is show them a chick, show them a kid looking sad and they go, oh, and then you say whatever you want over that. That's so funny you say it. This last season of Stranger Things, I know you're not a fan, but they had to reintroduce a whole new group of kids for the last season for people to give a shit. Right. Because nobody, because the first, you know, three seasons, they were small children and we cared and then they got older and they went, we don't care anymore. So the last season, they literally brought in like a whole classroom, 15 little kids for us to go, we got to save them kids. I'll play the trailer now, sir. Stop crying. Stop with the tears. Don't cry. Pick yourself up. Stop with the emotion. Don't be a pussy. Don't want nobody to suspect you. Be cool and be kind of a dick. Always keep your motion. Nobody likes a tattletale. Bros come before hoes. Don't let your woman run your life. What a fag. Get laid. Be a man. Be a man. Did my stepdad voice this? From the team behind misrepresentations. The three most destructive words that every man receives when he's a boy is when he's told to be a man. We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity. So we make them go proven all the time. Within their peer culture. I'm pausing for a second. I fucking love it when dumb shits talk about masculinity. They do this thing where they go. He's so insecure about his own masculinity. He's forced to lash out because of his insincere. You don't know anything. You don't fucking know anything. You've never had a dick or balls. You've never gotten to a fucking fight. You've never played any football. You never rode a motorcycle. You've never fucking done anything. So shut the fuck up. Harvard guy about what it would be a man. And then they'd start explaining about it. And it's always really weird. They'll always go. Those Trump mega guys with the beard and the ram pickup trucks and the big muscles. They're so insecure about. No, no, they're fucking kicking ass and having fun. I've hung out with those guys. They like fucking go into the fucking desert and shooting. They like riding dirt bikes. They like fucking drinking beer. They like watching MMA. And they're fucking having a good time. And you guys are miserable. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Played against or played based on how the other boys are posturing. And what they end up missing is what they each really want, which is just that closeness. Good times guys are like really close to each other. But when things get a little bit worse, you're on your own. From middle school, I had four really close friends. Once I kind of went into high school, I struggle finding people I can talk to because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help. Our kids get up every morning. They have to prepare their mask for how they're going to walk to school. I don't know how to take the mask off. What is it you don't let people see? Almost 90% of you have pain in the back of that paper. If you never cry, then you have all these feelings stuffed up inside of you. And then you can't get them out. They really buy into a culture that doesn't value what we say. If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring, doesn't value relationships, doesn't value empathy, you are going to have boys and girls, men and women go crazy. I had anger issues. Shut the fuck up you idiots. You don't know anything. You're wrong about everything. You're wrong about this shit as you were about fucking COVID and the food pyramid. So shut the fuck up. You don't know anything. You get paid to make documentaries about bullshit that doesn't change anything. Go fucking build something or do something. Would you please? I love the dudes that are like, the first thing about being a man is you need to be able to console your children. I was like, how about change a light socket? That's a pretty good one. Like be able to do some shit around the house. It's, you're so much saner and it's so much more satisfying and gratifying when you can physically pick up a tool and solve a problem like I did with your bad wheelie luggage this morning. All right. Let's see. Rudy. Yeah. Dates, man. Dates. Yeah. So coming up, let's see. Friday and Saturday of next week, the 20th and 21st, I'll be in Oakdale, Minnesota, and then Monroe, Wisconsin on the 27th, downtown St. Paul in Lower Town at Gambit Brewing. Also, I'm laughing. I gave a whole speech to, all right, it's funny. I gave a whole speech to August. I go, well, we're going to put that other show on sale in Nebraska. You got to tell it to those guys so they can put it up on the screen. It's in Lincoln. I was talking to the promoter today because he's a good friend of mine, but those Norfolk dates, March 27th, 28th, one of the best venues you will do in the Midwest. Do you want to sell up at the Lincoln shows on on Monday? I told you, man. And I was like, on the phone with Mike. I was like, Mike, he goes, we put the Lincoln date on. I go, you put the Lincoln date on, then right now go get them that information so they can put it up on the screen. And that's all I said on the way in. All right, just go to AdamCarolla.com for that. Jeff Dunham, great cars that drove us, the cars that drove us. And until next time, for Dunham and Rudy, this is Adam Sama-Hollah. Pick up your phone and leave us the voicemail at 886-340-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla and AdamCarolla.com. And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. With movies like Interstellar, Dream Girls and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.