Chapter 52: Old Friends

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Have you ever wanted to travel to a magical new world filled with wizards, goblins, unicorns, and a talking badger? Well, look no further. Then hello from the Magic Tavern, an improvised comedy podcast set in the fantastical land of Foon. Hosted by Arnie Necamp, the show features a mix of storytelling, improv comedy, and absurdity as Arnie, along with his co-hosts Usador the Wizard and Chunt the Talking Badger, interview various creatures, spellcasters, and adventurers from throughout the land of Foon. If you haven't listened to Hello from the Magic Tavern yet, you definitely need to give it a try. It is a very funny show. They get very funny people to come in and pretend to be these various characters who are being interviewed, and because I'm a very basic person, my favorite thing to do is try and see if anyone breaks, because I'm like that. But if you haven't checked it out, definitely check it out. It's a lot of fun. And you can subscribe to Hello from the Magic Tavern wherever you get your podcasts. A-pa-pa-pa-pa previously on Midnight Burger, there's a guy named Casper, and he's got a lot of friends. Hey, Phil, I didn't mean to come here. I know it's very strange, but to get out of your life, I'm gonna need your help. Yes, that's right. Folks, Casper is somewhere out there in the multiverse doing what he does best, which is, of course, get people much smarter than he is to get him out of the jam he put himself in. I need your help. Help with what? I need you to help me make a motorboat. He's trying to get back to Criptesia, where David is. I brought you balloons. Also, Effie the Robot and Zebulon the Ship. Also, that weird lady who put that thing in his brain that one time. Hello, Casper. Take this fucking thing out of my head. No. Kazi, take this fucking thing out of my head. No. Meanwhile, Croc's got a gun. What do you call it? A weapon. I'm sure as a responsible gun owner, Croc only has this gun for self-defense. To destroy the diner. Eeps. Now let's remember the rule of guns is that if you put a gun on stage in the first act, you can't fire it until at. Eeps. Let's start the shift. Eeps. Eeps. Carl, I'm going to go ahead and put this in the category of bad. Do you feel comfortable with that? Okay, let's game this out. We have a big gun. It's being proposed that this big gun can destroy the diner, right? Let's consider for a moment all the things the diner has been through and not been destroyed. A black hole one time, etc. What then could be made that would destroy it? That's the question, right? It can't be a question of high-level energy because what has more energy than a black hole? Also, if it did have more energy than a black hole, it would rip apart basically everything as soon as it was fired, right? So then it must be something else. Some sort of a Kelly's heel. Yeah, I hear you. They could just be fooling themselves. She says she's going to destroy the diner, but what the hell does she know? I know. More data. Hi. So, Zezinka, this big gun of yours. How does it work? New energy. New energy. Can you expand on that? No. Okay. So what phase of the testing are you in? Efficacy testing is complete. It's complete. You know how it works? Correct. The diner is destroyed? No. How do you know it works? There have been several successful tests on targets in the testing field. The testing field? What is that? My father has collected a field of test targets. Test? The other constructs? The ones scattered all around the castle? For an ample period of time, my father has been collecting similar targets and arranging them in the testing field. Oh. It is important to continue maintenance testing. I will test now. That's okay. Zezinka, don't do this on my account. It's really fine. It is important to continue maintenance testing. I really take your word for it. Here is our current target. The stone fox. It is the most recent acquisition. Testing will identify deviations. Maybe skip it, though. Please secure yourself for energy release. Energy release? The target has been destroyed. It's gone. You destroyed it. As I said, the testing phase for the weapon has ended. What phase are you in now? Targeting. The constructs in the targeting field do not require acquisition in a targeting matrix. In order to destroy an extra solar target, there will need to be complex targeting schemes. So how far along are you in testing the targeting? Testing is nearly complete. All that is required now is a target within range. What's your range? As soon as Midnight Burger is detected in the Cryptesia system, I will target the weapon and fire. That's right. Great. Any ideas, Carl? This is how you do it. Agreed. We've been flying wrong our whole lives. Incorrectly. We were supposed to be flying privately this whole time. We were. Instead, we were flying publicly. I didn't realize how terrible it was until now. These seats are leather. I may not be able to leave this plane. Why would we leave? It's nicer than my house. Can we get her to take the long way to wherever we're going? Where are we going? No idea. Do we want to know? No idea. Good morning. Hello. Can I get you anything to drink? To drink? How deep are we going into the lap of luxury here? Two mimosas, please. All right then. No problem. Please look over these NDAs while you wait. Okay. NDAs. Guess it was just a matter of time. Are we going to be asked to make weapons of mass destruction? It's possible. Okay. Do you know how to make a weapon of mass destruction? Because I have no idea. Why would I know? You're a physicist. Uh, we're both physicists. Right. But my physics is the star-gazy physics. And your physics is closer to the making things blow up physics. I guess I can figure it out. Great. And we're okay with that, morally? As long as we get to stay on the plane. So that was one of them, right? What? Her. She's one of the android things. There's two of them, right? That was one of them? I think so. Wow. It's not as impressive as the leather seats, but it's... Nice work. Hey there. Well, well, well. Mr. Motorboat. Everything all right? You guys are comfortable? So comfortable. I realize this is a rather unusual situation. We don't know what you mean. An android just took our drink order and we're looking over these NDAs while we're being flown to an undisclosed location. And I'm like, God, again? Just another Tuesday. Sure. I promise all will be explained to you. We can't wait for that explanation. We can't. Hey, Casper, did you know I can get the internet on my phone? I've heard about that. I hear it's very popular. When the most powerful woman on the planet tells you to get on a plane, you just kind of do it. It's obligatory. But then there's you. Right. And I was like, who's this guy? I get that a lot. The ex-husband of the most powerful woman on the planet. That's me. Who walked into my office asking for a motorboat. Phrasing. Look, I realize that an android just took your drink order and yet I'm really the odd one out on this plane. Because you teach middle school history and everyone else on this plane can crush walnuts with their intellect? Something like that. Okay, two mimosas. Fantastic. We didn't read these NDAs, but we signed them anyway. Great. We're totally fine with whatever death ray laser you guys are building. That's great to know. Let me know if you need anything else. We will. Everything is so great, by the way. You're doing such a great job. Thank you. How's your day going? You having a good day? I am. Thank you for asking. Of course. Could I get something to drink? Ma'am, robot ma'am, could I have a beverage? You know what? I'll be right back. Seriously? What? You're hitting on the android? I'm not hitting on the android. How's your day going? Are you having a good day? That's not hitting on someone. So really something just needs to be shaped like a woman. Do you hit on the hula girls that truckers keep on their dashboard too? Those are pretty hot. Cheers, dummy. Cheers, dummy. Hey, what's up? This is stupid. Why am I doing this? Why don't we just tell them everything? Well, we can't dump it all on them at once. We need to slowly introduce all of the completely ridiculous aspects of the story one at a time. Human beings are so slow. Don't complain to me about slowness right before this. You were literally watching trees grow. Fine. We've got the NDA signed, which Filomena was really worried about. Now I'm going to go talk to her and we will get to the nitty gritty of the situation. Okay, fine. Fine. I would just like to say you're a super powerful android who can see through time and space and you could totally tell us exactly what's going to happen and all of the right things to do. But you're just not doing that and I haven't complained about that at all. Spoilers. Casper. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yes. I've seen the numbers and they don't make any sense. We're going to have to start the process over from the beginning. We calibrate the units and go back to square one. I don't know how to solve this problem right now and I don't have time. Set everything back to zero and wait for my go ahead. Hi. Hi. What's going on? Important things? Yes. Things I wouldn't understand, I'm assuming. I'm trying to bring back two and three. Two and three were zapped into a random place in the multiverse. Their minds were backed up to the main frame on campus. I'm trying to load those minds into new simulacrums. But some things not working. You can just reboot them into new bodies? Theoretically, I can. But some things not working. Would you like my two cents? Maybe I can solve the problem. No, thank you. Are we ready to do this? As ready as we're ever going to be. You really think they're going to buy this? It's a thoroughly unbelievable story, but we've got pretty compelling evidence. And they're not going to just freak out and join a nunnery? Uh, those two joining a nunnery is actually a more unbelievable story than the one we're about to tell them. Fine. Let's go. Okay. Hello. I'm Filomena. Hello. You have a lovely plane. Thank you. Will we all get one of these when it's utopia? No. Another strike for utopia. I've been asking around about you two. R-Row. That's almost never followed by something good. Did they talk about how good we are at parties? Or would be if we ever went to them? If you talk to Professor Alyssa Keithley at Caltech, I don't know how the lab mice got out and she can't prove anything. I actually suffer from delayed onset childhood. You can look it up. I actually age backward, Benjamin Button style, but only mentally. Professor Maddox, you are working on something so secretive that you write in an antiquated form of Dutch shorthand. And Professor Sagnie, you are rumored to have a stack of notes on your kitchen table that you've never shown to anyone. Both of these projects are apparently revolutionary and would change the face of physics. Is that why you write in that shorthand? What's with the notes on your kitchen table? You first. You first. Wait, how do you know this? I know this because Casper told me. Hi there. Mr. Motorboat? I-I really need that to not be my nickname. Is he your private investigator or something? He's not. I've been waiting until we were in the air to tell you this because I need you two to be a captive audience for a while. Now I'm uncomfortable. I am too. It's a new feeling. Ladies, here are a couple of tablets. There's going to be some data you're going to need to look at. Okay. Sure. I'm going to make a phone call. Okay. Sure. Several calls in the past week. Maybe it really is the end times like they're saying on all the wrong news channels. Hi there. How's it going? I'll be there. You'll be there. David's gallery thing. I'll be there. Oh yeah? Yeah. It's on my calendar. I'll be there. Okay. That's great. Okay. What do I do? Do I bring a gift to an art opening? Oh, I think you just wear a turtleneck and go for it. Okay then. I'll see you there. I think this is really great, Phil. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Okay. I'll see you then. I'll see you then. But he's right there. Yes. So who were you talking to? Him. I...uh... I need the two of you to use those very big brains of yours to zoom all the way out. A few days ago, this Casper showed up on my campus. I knew it wasn't my ex-husband, but I didn't know how it wasn't my ex-husband. Long story short, we performed a scan of him with a spectrometer. That scan revealed that at the molecular level, his body reflects light at a slightly different frequency than anyone on board this plane or this planet. What does that mean, Dr. Sagnaet? Would that would mean that he's from a different universe? That data is on your tablets now. I'm from a different universe than yours. The motorboat I need you to build me is the vessel that's going to get me back to where I need to go without killing me. Is this data right? It's right. Look, you're both very smart people, and I'm sure you're both thinking of all the ways that this can't be true. So, ex is going to speed things along for us, okay? Don't freak out. How is she going to speed things along? I don't know. What is she going to do? I don't know. Oh, mama! Oh, mama! What? But she's gone. I know. Where did she go? I don't know. Back down, shit! Here you go, Marguerite. What? This... A teddy bear? Do you want to tell Eva what that is? This can't... You wrote his name on the tag, remember? I... This... This is August? Your mom accidentally gave him to Goodwill, right? You... You found my teddy bear from when I was a child? No, Marguerite. I didn't. I went to a universe where you never lost it, and it was sitting in a box in the attic. I think we would like more memosas, please. One second. Eva, the research that Marguerite has on her kitchen table is research that confirms the Big Bounce Theory. It confirms it? In another universe, she shows this research to you. And when you combine her research with your research on a single point of null entropy in the universe, you leave your job and you go and find it. When you find it, that's when you meet me. From the beginning. Okay. Once upon a time, my son ran away from home. You know what the problem is, Carl? I'm not the save the day one. I'm the one who gets some sort of weird idea, and then someone else does the save the day thing. I'm a muse, Carl. I inspire people. But now, here we are. As soon as Jezinka figures out how to target that thing and as soon as the diner gets back to cryptesia, it's going to get blown to bits. And we, that's you and I, Carl. We have to figure out a way to stop it. There does not appear to be an off switch or a way to unplug it from the wall. And I'm not the one who's going to do that. I'm the one who's going to get the thing from the wall. And a cannon, as long as a football field, does not seem susceptible to me spilling coffee on it. What's the biggest flaw with any scientific endeavor, Carl? I've told you this a million times. Us. Humans. Thinking people. Our prejudice. Our hubris. Jezinka is the weak link here. Okay. Okay. Remember when I asked her why she was doing this? She said, it's what I do. And then I said, why? And then she said, I have answered your question. I met this guy at a conference one time named Danny Mars. Danny designed weapons. You see, Carl, if you get enough scientists in a room, it's inevitable that there will be a few who have shoes that are a little too nice. Drive cars that are a little too fast, always buying drinks at the bar. Defense contractors. They're all over the place, but I remember Danny because he was a loud one and he was a talker. Could not shut up about what he did for a living. And he was completely oblivious to how much he disgusted the other scientists who were all dedicating their lives to observing space rocks and studying meerkats or whatever. Danny stood there, holding court at the bar while he described his crowning achievement. It's called a daisy cutter, apparently. It's a bomb. When you drop it, it doesn't explode when it hits the ground. It explodes right before it hits the ground. It's designed to leave the ground under it untouched while shredding all of the human being standing on it, cutting down the daisies. Danny had apparently designed the next generation daisy cutter and talked at length about how much more efficiently his bomb massacres people. It was fascinating to listen to him talk because he could have been talking about anything. He could have been talking about a vegetable spiralizer, but he was talking about this. Late that night, one of the zoologists got a little drunk and decided to lay into him and call him a murderer, made a whole scene. Danny just stood there. While he got torn into by this lady and at the end of her of her diet tribe against him, he simply shrugged his shoulders and said, It's what I do. Maybe Danny just needed something else to do, Carl. Wish me luck. So, Jizinka. When you say this thing uses new energy, what do you mean by that? The weapon is powered by harvesting quantum vacuum fluctuations. Your... Your harvesting vacuum fluctuations? Yes. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. Um, anyway. Hey. Have you ever wondered what else this technology can do? What else? Yeah. Jizinka. An expansion of applications. Yes. I was asked to create the weapon. Right. Jizinka. Do you ever have ideas come to you in idle moments? Maybe you had a weird dream or somebody says something and it sends you down a rabbit hole? What is a rabbit hole? It's a place where new information leads you. You get curious and you find your mind going to a different place. I am presented with problems and I orchestrate their solutions. Right. Want to mess around? Please define. Mess around. What if I presented you with a problem and you came up with a solution? I am currently engaged. Sure, with the big gun. But what if the big gun was a dual purpose device? You're proposing multiple applications. What if your weapon could also be something else? Please define the problem to solve. Oh, I don't know. The weapon can deliver energy. Can it also deliver information? Jizinka. Please define the data set. Oh, okay. Gee, I don't know. Let's start small. How about a simple audio recording? I can solve this problem. Oh, yeah? Yes. Great. May I have the organism? The... Carl? May I have the Carl? Okay. Carl, you're up. Dear? Yes, dear. Everything all right? Yes, dear. I believe so. All right. You seem to be wondering a bit about the ship, dear. How are things, dear? Things? Any pressing matters at the moment? All continues apace. We've just disembarked a batch of the infirmed and are docked with the flagship, awaiting our next deployment. Any funny business of food out there? Well, that's not the sort of thing I can do. I don't know about the sort of thing I can check on from where I sit, but I don't observe anything out of sorts at the moment. Dear, I do believe I'm having a notion. Really? I believe so. Been a while, dear. It has. My notions have a propensity to begin in my knees, and as you know, dear, they are not. They are, in fact, knees of iron made in some sort of foundry. And yet, I am having a notion. Perhaps these new legs of yours are not unlike the legs of a foal. Awkward and stumbling at first, but once given the chance can break into a run. Indeed. Where's David? I'm unsure. David, may we have a word? Hey y'all, what's up? David, what's the present state of your duties? My duties. My duties are complete. I was about to go have some dinner. What's going on? Effie? David, come on down to the ship. I'm having a notion. A what? A notion, David. I don't know what that means. David, Effie has, throughout our lives, had a bit of a notion now and then about things. You guys keep saying notion like it's going to suddenly become clear to me? David, I am getting dangerously close to repeating myself. Do I have to repeat myself? Okay, geez. I'll be right there. What's it to be, dear? Put some coal in the engine, dear. I believe we'll set out and follow my knees around for a bit. I'll get the pistons firing, dear. How do you think they're doing? They seem to be doing fine. How could they possibly be doing fine? I'm not doing fine. I can tell. Evie gets this look in her eyes when she's suddenly not bored anymore. Does she? Yeah. I don't want them stepping off this plane and making a call to the New York Times. They signed the NDAs. Yes, because nobody's broken an NDA before. I don't understand what you're worried about. I'm worried about my life's work, Casper. I've been building Imelda and Scott for my entire life. If it gets derailed because of this plan, I will be nonplussed to say the least. Oh, you'll be nonplussed? So you're running a goofy errand for a minute. That's not going to suddenly get people to change their mind about utopia. Yes, it will. What are you talking about? There's a particular psychology around changing the world, Casper. How so? I want you to watch something. Okay. Take my phone. Look at that. Ah, this lion was kept in a cage all its life. We set it free. What happens next will shock you. Are you sure it's going to shock me? Click it. Okay. Now, I want you to watch that lion. Look at the look on its face. The side of its cage opens and suddenly it sees a big, wide, beautiful world. What does it do? It cowers in the corner. Right. A better world is about six feet away, but it has no idea what a better world is. It has no idea there was even the possibility of endless grasslands and a big blue sky. And because it can't imagine that better world, that better world becomes terrifying. People are the same way. They'll look for any excuse they can to stick with the thing they know, even if the thing they know is killing them. I've almost got them at the edge of the cage, Casper. One wrong move and they'll retreat back into the darkness. And if you don't believe me, keep in mind that the electric car was invented in 1884. I can actually find many of your models earlier than that. You can go back to- Casper. Sorry. So, I'm sure you can imagine if news broke that I was going on a top secret mission to create a transdimensional motorboat that people would be scared back into the corner of the cage. I understand. Turns out that video did shock me. Okay, I'll go check on them. Make sure they're going to be all right. Thank you. Hey, what was that thing you were talking to other me about? A gallery opening? David has a showing at a gallery in Baltimore. That's great. You're going to go? Yes. I think that's great. How do you have a gallery showing when you're a street artist? I have no idea. Okay, I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. Okay, I'm going. Hey, what did you say you named your company? I already did this with one Casper. I'm not doing it with another. Imelda and Scott. Yes. Your hamster. Yes. From when you were eight years old. Yes. Is the name of your international corporation? In the early days investors felt more comfortable. If I implied I had a partner. So, you just put the name of your hamster in the company name? Yes. That's going to be amazing for historians a hundred years from now. I am now done talking to you. Okay. Okay. So, you're the motorboat? I'm the motor. We need the boat. It was a much simpler world just a few minutes ago. It was. I know how you feel. How? Well, I used to be a programmed robot. But then something happened to me and I had to spend several decades at the bottom of a river in Kentucky putting myself back together again. Sure. I have a question. Thank God. What are you doing here? Me? You can travel through space, time and dimension. And you're just hanging out with us humans? Yeah. Why? Well, well, I pulled myself out of that river and part of freeing my mind was knowing how powerful I was. But I didn't know what any of that meant. I had to figure that out. I had to figure out. I had to figure a lot of things out. And the first person I thought to talk to was Casper. Hey guys, did you know that Filomena named her world changing company after her hamster? This guy. Casper, I have a question. OK. When you walked into Ava's office, you knew both of us. How did you know me? Oh, right. Yeah, I skipped that part. At a certain point, we ran into a time traveling dimension spanning movie theater. And you were there. I was there? Yeah, you and Polly Jean. Polly Jean. Polly Jean, wife of the dean. Yeah. What was she doing there? They were together. What? What? Yeah, they were secretly together and and then the dean found out. And that's how Marguerite lost her job. That's crazy. So, so crazy. Yeah. You guys actually got married at the diner. What? Mm. What? Are you reading Marguerite's mind right now? Yeah. So she. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Could I have a moment alone with my colleague, please? Sure, sure. Can I get you guys anything? Could I have nine shots of vodka, please? Sure. It's so crazy. How different these alternate realities are from our own, isn't it? I wonder if in one of these realities you actually tell me things. I was going to tell you. Uh-huh. And then I didn't do that. Correct. Married? So, while I'm reeling from the fact that you're sleeping with the dean's wife and you're reeling from the fact that you actually committed to a relationship, can we talk about the other thing? There's another thing? The big bounce theory? Oh, right. I guess I figured it out. You guess? Eva, I got a stack of notebooks on my kitchen table that I thought was mostly me riffing, but apparently I nailed it. You didn't think you might be on to something? Of course I didn't. I had little monsters doodled in the margins. I didn't think I was about to blow the doors off of astrophysics. What about you? What is this point of null entropy thing? A diner, apparently. Huh. Look at us. Eat our dust, Vera Rubin. So... So... Motorboat. Right. How do we do that? I've got some ideas. Oh, thank god. I'm Alan Sisto, the man of the west here at the Brancing Pony podcast. And I'm Sean Marcazi, the real life lord of the mark. Every week here at the Brancing Pony podcast, along with Sean or other co-hosts, I explore the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, bringing along lots of pop culture references, plenty of nerd humor, and the occasional bad pun. It's just a couple of friends hanging out at the pub talking about our favorite books. We cover just a few pages every episode, reading important sections of the books, and having a chat about what we've read. Now, we do a ton of research for each episode so that we can bring as much background information to our conversation as possible. We do all the heavy reading so you don't have to. It's a great way for first-time readers to learn the basics of Tolkien's world. Well, for Middle-earth veterans, it's a deep dive into their favorite stories. And the Tolkien fandom is like no other, so we spend time in the community giving talks at Tolkien events, recording live episodes, and hanging out with our listeners on Discord to engage with our audience every chance we get. So if you're ready to dive into the most beloved world in fantasy literature and become a part of a vibrant, active community of listeners, then look for the Brancing Pony podcast wherever you listen.哎哎哎 Why the keyboard? I'm sure you could have invented a better way to communicate. The sound of the keys is comforting. In addition, speech holds too many variables. The meaning of a word can change with tone and inflection. I cannot understand it. With the keyboard, I cannot be misunderstood. I see. Jizinka, you said that this weapon is powered with new energy? Yes. By harvesting quantum vacuum fluctuations? Yes. Do you know what that is? Energy generated spontaneously in a void. Yes. Even in the widest voids in the universe, there's activity. Energy spontaneously bubbles up and dissipates again in the blink of an eye. That energy isn't supposed to be harvested, Jizinka. That energy is supposed to be allowed to return to nothing again. I don't know what happens if that new energy is unleashed into the universe. There might be serious ramifications, but I don't know what happens if that new energy is unleashed into the universe. There might be serious ramifications. There is a relationship between the proposed targets and the given energy in the universe. It appears immune to influence. I theorized that new energy introduced into the universe would be an effective agent against the proposed targets. My theory was correct. There are some things that you just don't fuck with, Jizinka. If something can be made, there is a compulsion to make it. I understand that compulsion. You have asked me to add a data delivery subroutine to my weapon. I am now adding it. I am compelled to. I know. If a thing can be made, I am compelled to make this thing. Are you saying that there are things that should not be made? Yes, I am. How do you know which things should be made and which things shouldn't? You have made a very destructive weapon. Do you understand how that could be a bad thing? Destruction is everywhere. The weapon is only a small part of that. Why is the destruction created by the weapon different from the destruction that occurs due to other sources? Because you are choosing to make it. Choosing to make a destructive weapon is not the same as a solar flare wiping out your planet. But I make things. Make other things. When I am asked to make things, I must know if they can be made. I know. I understand this feeling too. I get it. I become disturbed if I cannot know. I know. Where does this feeling come from? I don't know. The target you are trying to destroy. There are people who live there. Do you understand that you'll destroy them too? They have been asked to leave. They're still there. Why will they not leave a place that is marked for destruction? Why won't you choose to not destroy it? To vacate the target is a simple choice. Can you understand what it's like for them? I cannot. Right. Empathy is not really your thing, is it? What is that? Jizinka? Target has been detected. Quadrant 3. Shit. Beginning targeting sequence. Shit. How long does the targeting sequence take? Unclear. This will be the alpha test of the targeting procedure. Any chance it takes more than 12 hours? Unlikely. Shit. Shit. Okay. Here we are. There's nothing here. Where are we? Humboldt County. What are we doing here? We need somebody to design the motorboat, right? You're sure this is the guy? Well, you wanted an unconventional choice for an engineer. This is definitely the guy. Why have I never heard of him? You don't want a guy you've heard of. You want a guy you've never heard of. Do you have any idea how complex this project is going to be? You've got to trust me. He's the right guy. I don't like nature. I don't like leaving the plane. We like the plane. Trust me. Leif? Leif, you out there? I know you saw the plane land, man. Come on. In his defense, this is exactly where I imagine engineers living. He's here. Just give him a minute. Leif, you don't know me, but I swear to God, you really want to talk to me. Come on, man. Okay, I'm going to go a little deeper into the woods. Do you need breadcrumbs? A ball of twine. I'm fine. I never knew my father, but I don't imagine he would go through this much trouble to get back to me. My dad would if it was an excuse to use the RV. I mean, since it's just us girls, he's got all sorts of reasons to get back there. Like what? I probably shouldn't say. Ava gets this look in her eyes when she's suddenly not bored anymore. He said that to me on the plane. Hello. What does that mean? You don't know what that means? No. Anybody want to help her out? You'll have to forgive her, Philomena. She doesn't yet understand human beings. Girl, me too. Especially the male ones. Neither do you, dude. They may not be my thing, but that doesn't mean I haven't left a trail of broken man hearts behind me. You don't know what that means. When a man notices something like that about you? I've been focusing on other things. He hasn't. Did you guys have to use those crazy 90s in college? Oh yeah, I remember those. We called ours Mick and Jagger. Ours was Dancers with Burritos. What is it? You load your data into this huge machine, and you wait for hours to hear back if your numbers are all wrong. And you just wasted the last six months of your life. I mentioned this in passing on date number two with the other Casper. He somehow makes it to date number three, and he brings me a jigsaw puzzle. So I'll have something to do while I wait for my data to come back. That's not bad. Isn't that kind of creepy though? It can be. It's a fine line. So you're saying... Oh, stand back. She's starting to get it. I'm uncomfortable. God damn it! Uh oh. What happened? I should have brought breadcrumbs. I should go check. Get me out of this. What the fuck, dude? I've been foamed. What happened? I was sprayed by some kind of foam, and it instantly hardened around me, and now I'm trapped in some sort of silicone chocolate ball. I wonder who's responsible for this. Would you get me out of this, please? Hold still. What the fuck? You look like Grimmus. What is this? Just another one of his goddamn things that he goddamn makes. There. Be free. It's all over my damn clothes. Leif. Leif, get out here, man. Come on. I've got more where that came from. Leif, no one knows that better than me. Come out here. Who are you? I'm Leif. Come out here. Who are you? I'm Casper. We need your help. We have to make a motorboat. A what? Wow. That is an amazing beard. He really went full Nordic fisherman. Philomena Scott? Hi. What the fuck is going on? This'll be fun to watch. Yeah, this was us 24 hours ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. Okay. Let me explain. I'm really getting explaining everything again. Fatigue. How about you? Kind of. You want to just do the thing? Okay. One moment, Leif. She'll just be a second. Really nice up here, aside from the foam. How are the winners? Is that a snow? Where the fuck did she go? Y'all, we should stand back. X is really swinging for the fences on this one. Swinging for the fences, how? Holy shit! Oh my god. I did it. Whoa, motherfucker. You did it. That was fun. Next time, Dodger Stadium. What the fuck is that? Leif, this is the Nancy Sinatra. What is it? It's your ship. What? There. Right there. Go through that gateway there. Here I go, dear. So, what are we doing? Just having a look-see. A look-see at what, Effie? Having a look-see. A look-see. Okay. I was just thinking, there's a war on. Never mind that now. Never mind the war? David. Bit of patience, David. Uh-huh. This feels like the right track. Okay, see, the key to having patience is knowing what one is being patient for. I've got a feeling, is all. A feeling? Yes, David. A feeling. Okay, what does this feeling feel like exactly? I've got a feeling in my knees. In your knees? Yes. Your robotic knees? Oh, dear. Well, they're the only knees I have at the moment, aren't they? Have you considered an oil can? Have you considered me tanning your back-sign? Anyone for a nice game of checkers? Is this how it usually works, Zebulon? Effie gets a feeling and everybody takes off in a spaceship? Generally speaking, that is how we comport ourselves, David. Okay, well, this is a weird one, but it does get me out of orientation duty. Think we'll be back for karaoke tonight? I'm sure I don't know, David. You slayed Cotton Eye Joe the other night. I do like that Cotton Eye Joe. You know, it's important to do things like that, you know? It takes the edge off in a time of war. David, I do realize that sojourns such as these make me seem a few bristles short of a broom. But just as it's important to sing a song or two with one's compatriots, it's also important to listen to one's knees from time to time. Stepping out of our routines creates opportunities for the angels, David. Okay, fine. Let's follow some knees, y'all. We have emerged. Yes, all right. Let's drop anchor right here, husband. Slowing to a crawl. What now? We're gonna set ourselves down and wait. Fantastic. Anyone want to play I Spy? David. There's no material in existence that can protect the human mind from the rigors of interdimensional travel. No, dude, that's why we have to think about it in another way. What other way? It needs to make its own reality. Adaptive crystalline can do that if it's constructed correctly. I understand the concept. But there's no way to build that. This is going nowhere again. This is good. This feels like home. Casper, it's been three days. Why are humans so slow? Hey, you love this. You love humans. Do I? Yes. You love traveling naturally through the time stream. I don't know about that. You're tubing right now. You're in an inner tube, floating down a lazy river. I'm making hot dogs. You're in an inner tube. All we need is a tire swing and a 12 pack of natural light, and we're in business. Have you noticed how your attitude changes when you're around her? What are you talking about? It does. That's not true. You're a little fuzzier than you usually are. Fuzzier? Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm grilling hot dogs. I'm never happier than when I'm grilling hot dogs. You know this about me, by the way, because you can read my mind. I'm trying not to do that right now. I'm trying to keep us on a level playing field. A level playing field? Yeah. You just chriss-angled a spaceship into the forest. We're never going to be on a level playing field. But I'm trying. That's the important part. And so are the people inside the house. So just hang out in your inner tube for a while, okay? Okay. We're breaking for the night. Again? Again. Are you getting anywhere in there? We are. It doesn't sound like you're getting anywhere. I know it doesn't sound like it, but we are. You're just yelling at each other. This is how it works. Researchers pull one way, engineers pull the other, and the more they pull, the more they find a wide enough window of opportunity that they can both exist in. Leaf is trying to pull them from the world of the possible into the world of the probable. That's all. I don't think you know them the way that I do. And I don't think you know project management the way that I do. Because I am the successful international businesswoman, and you are the guide making the hot dogs. How dare you. Give me a hot dog. Here. Thank you. I've got about a million text messages to return. I'll be on the plane. Hi, Mom. Hello, sweetie. She didn't have to add the last part about the hot dogs that was out of bounds. I know everybody's frustrated, but I've never made a thing before, and I'm having fun making a thing. We have made exactly zero things so far. I know, but it's still fun. Good evening, ladies. Another day, another dollar. Who wants a hot dog? Yes, please. Do you have hot mustard yet? We do not have hot mustard yet. What kind of hot dog stand is this? You know what? The free kind, the out of the kindness of my heart kind of hot dog stand. Fine. Give me the hot dog. X, we've decided to have a girls night on the plane. Are you coming? That sounds like fun. If Ava gets drunk enough, she'll do her James Chadwick impression. Who's that? He discovered the neutron. Most people do Christopher Walken, but whatever. Let's go. Okay. I'll be right there. Thanks, hot dog man. Please come again. We're always open. This will be fun. I haven't acted drunk since the YARG. Why is she acting weird toward me? Who? Ava? Yeah, these past few days she's been weird. It's a weird situation. I know that woman. There are no weird situations for her. It's just weird. You know, weird. What did you do? What do you mean? You know what I mean. What did you do? Nothing. Now who's the mind reader? It's not a big deal. What's not a big deal, X? I may have mentioned something when we first got here about, you know, the fuzziness. Why are you 12 years old? I'm not the only one who noticed. Just the only one who said something out loud. Casper, I'm going to tell you the thing that I've probably told you a million times. What? Fucking relax. You ever get used to that? I'll let you know. Hot dog? Sure. Quite a week. Sure. A space pirate? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. A pirate he. I finally had a look at that ship that is apparently mine. How's it look? Pretty impressive. Fusion drive that small with that much output. Did I build that? I don't think so. I think you told me that that was made on a planet called Trusk. Trusk? Yeah. You have built something like that, though. It was a dark matter engine. Dark matter? Yeah. You called it Uncle Rogue. Nice. Dark matter. Dark matter. There's a lot of stuff in there that. Who's Pepper? She's a friend of yours. She's from a planet called Seegius. She's a blue. Blue. Yeah. That engine can't get me to another planet. There's a network of warp gates all over the place. Wow. Although those gates were built by a race called the Teds, and the Teds don't like it when Earthlings have breakthrough innovations, and they don't seem to have stopped Philomena, so. Maybe they're not out there in this universe. Huh. Who knows what's out there. Yeah. You know, Leif X is probably going to have to send that ship back to where she found it. There's another version of you out there that might need it someday. Yeah. That's fine. I already made notes. Hey, Leif. Don't build a spaceship and leave Earth. Okay. Why? Just don't. You're telling me not to do the coolest thing anyone has ever done. Yes. What a shitty thing to tell someone. How'd you end up out here? I was born here. You left though. Why'd you come back? Mom passed away. My dad finally made good on his threats and moved down to Paraguay. Paraguay? I don't know. He said global collapse was coming and he was going to ride it out in Paraguay. Whatever. Anyway, all this land was here and I was sick of making toys for rich assholes, so I moved in. And it's just been you out here. Yeah. About 10 years now. It's not so bad. Nobody messes with you. Leif, you're no good on your own, man. What do you mean? You are absolutely no good on your own. You get up to no good at all by yourself. That's not true. Leif, I haven't been inside that big workshop of yours over there, but I know for a fact that you've got several things in there that you should not, under any circumstances, be building. Right? They're for self-defense. No, they're not. I don't even know what they are and I know they're not. How do you know? Leif, do not build a spaceship and go to space. Or if you do, build a really big one. One that can be full of people saying, hey, don't build that, dude. I know you know what I mean. You need people adding layers to your life. Okay, your Mick Fleetwood. Okay. You need the full Fleetwood Mac experience. Fleetwood Mac hated each other. That was cocaine's fault. Layers. Layers. Layers. Yes, layers. Layers. Why are we still saying layers? Layers. Layers. Oh, you're doing the thing where you have an idea. What are you thinking? Layers. Go get the girls. I've got an idea. Now we're talking. Casper. Yeah. Am I happy? I mean, who's happy, man? You're better. Okay. Let's get you home. I have given this much thought and I now feel that I must speak. As we all know, final judgment waits for us all in that heavenly realm. But we here in this realm of flesh and blood must do our utmost to strive towards a righteous and considered judgment of our peers while we all await the judgment of God. And while I am but a man, it falls to me this day to eke out but a fraction of our Lord's wisdom. Which is why, after much deliberation, I say unto you that the heinous murder was perpetrated by one Colonel Mustard in the dining hall with the candlestick. He's right. That's three in a row. May his punishment be tempered with mercy. Zebulon, you missed your calling. I'm going to get you a magnifying glass and a funny hat. Well, now, David, tell me more about this hat. What is it, dear? Effie? Zebulon. Flip us around. One moment. There, right there. Send us in that direction, nice and slow like. Very well, dear. Nice and slow. Effie, what's happening? Something's about to come a-knockin'. I'm not easily impressed, but this stuff is pretty impressive. Thank you. It just mocks into place. This would take years in a conventional shop. And it's just a cocktail of irradiated silicates. I don't understand any of this, but I feel like my contributions were essential. Your cosmic radiation numbers were very important, Marguerite. Gee, thanks, boss. Congratulations, Marguerite. You're an engineer. Okay, don't tell Ava. Are you having flashbacks to the womb watching this? A little bit, yeah. You're going to have a Wonder Woman's airplane now. I can finally take the kids on a trip. Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon. Hey, you know that thing you're thinking about saying? Yeah. You should say it. Really? Yeah. It's not too weird? It's totally weird, but you should say it. Okay, here we go. Hey. Hello. It's almost time for me to leave you. I hope we don't kill you. Me too. So, can we have a moment of radical honesty between the two of us? Oh, I bet this will be great. I would like to make a suggestion. I bet you would. There's a gallery opening in Baltimore. I think you should go. What? A gallery opening. Yeah, I heard you. What are you talking about? You should go. Art is important. Why? It's for Filomena's son. Filomena's a friend of yours now. You should go check it out. You know, be that supportive person. Uh-huh. Who else is going to be there? Many people, I'm sure. Anyone else of note that you would like to mention? Well, I don't know much about who's who in the art world. You're going to be there. I may be there. It's possible. I'm supportive. I support people. Are you trying to set me up with you? I don't think I would frame it in that exact way. I think. No, thank you. Baltimore's lovely. No, thank you. Utopia's coming. There's going to be a lot more art out there. You misrepresented yourself to me. I don't think that's true. There's a whole other side to your story that you were not telling me. Ava, there's not an etiquette book written that covers appropriate behavior for our specific situation. We do not have a situation. You know what I mean. Baltimore, you should think about it. Give me one reason to go that benefits me and not this other version of you. I think there is one very important thing that the two of you have in common. What? He also thinks that everything you say is amazing. And we are complete. Casper, come look. Okay. Here we go. Let's see our ship. What do you think? It's a box. It is. It's a glass box. It's a cube. It's actually several complex layers of functionality. About 7,500 layers as a matter of fact. All in the shape of a box. Cube. Correct. Why is it a box? What shape did you want it to be? You didn't think it was going to actually be a motorboat, did you? I like it. I'm literally just getting back into a box. Yes. Shouldn't this, I don't know, have wings or something? There's no reason for it to be aerodynamic. But it would make me feel better. Exactly. Zero reasons. So, X and I just get into this thing and then... That's the idea. What do you think? Whose idea was this? Yours. Right. Okay. Fuck it. Listen, everybody. I know that none of you know me at all. But... But it's been great seeing all of you again. Thank you all so much. Ava? Go get her, Tiger. Here we go. Okay. Phil. Thank you. It's been illuminating. Okay. Okay, this should be okay. Alright, we're inside. How does it work from here? Do I have to power it up or...? Lift off. Cool. What a fucking week. Alright, everyone. Good work. Let's take about 48 hours off and come back strong on Monday. Alright? Um... What? What are you talking about? You all work for me now. We do? Oh, what was in that NDA? I don't know. Did she buy us? Maybe. What the hell are you talking about? We made a lot of breakthroughs this week, leave. Time to put them to work. What are we doing? Colonizing the solar system. What? I call Europa... I call Europa... Ah, damn. We can share. Okay, let's go. Hey, leave, come on. Hey! I'm nobody's employee. Suit yourself. More planets for us, I guess. Hey. You guys aren't going to Mars, are you? Mars sucks. Don't go to Mars. Leave. Stop being a smart idiot. Fuck. Okay, give me five minutes. Two minutes.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 Nothing mattered to me except for the answers that I was looking for. I haven't cared about much else. I am... I wouldn't admit this to anyone else, but I went to Denmark and came all the way back here in search of answers when maybe I should have... I don't know, maybe I should have looked for something else. Again, I'll only admit this to you, but... I think... I think there may be more than one important thing in my life. And maybe I'm not as single-minded as I thought. One of those important things is the thing you're trying to destroy right now. How do I make you stop? How do I tell you that there's more to the universe than our obsessions? That doesn't sound good. What's happening? Zazinka? Target confusion. What? The signal is being detected in two distinct locations. Two locations? They are on opposite sides of the target environment. Two diners? Yes. Somebody's back. Zazinka, it's impossible for there to be two diners. The signal is unique. Correct. Therefore, it must be a flaw in your targeting matrix. This appears to be true. I think the only thing you can do is start from scratch to identify the problem. There may be a fundamental flaw in your calculations. I fear you are correct. It's a shame. You are almost there. I will archive this matrix and begin a new file. I think that's the most responsible thing. Hey, before you do, how about we try out my little side project? Side project? You were saying you could deliver an audio recording on the back of the energy cascade? Yes. Perhaps then this work session will not be devoid of progress. Yes. Consolation prize. I will prime the weapon. Please proceed to the data inputs to create audio file. Okay. Begin speaking now. Is this thing on? Kazi, listen closely. It's all motion. We did it. Did we do it? I think so. Why are we floating in space? I wasn't sure where to go. Okay. I mean, I guess I'm not either. Whoa, whoa. No gravity. No gravity in the cube. Yeah, I think they may have forgotten about that. How do you forget about gravity? It is kind of important. How are you standing? I don't know. Well, this is fucking great. I've got to travel around like a cork in a damn ocean. Grab onto something. It's a cube. What was that? Oh, when you finally got back, I didn't think you'd be wrapped up in a fun little present. David! Kasper, what on earth are you doing floating around in that square? Hey! Hey, you guys! Will I be? Hello there, darling. Well, this is making much more sense. Was it you that drug him all the way back here? It was. Hi, David. Hi. Who are you? You didn't tell David about me? Can we deal with that later, please? I am upside down. Stay where you are, y'all. I'll bring that odd craft of yours inside our own. Well, I'll just be floating here. I can't wait to hear the story. David, I'm back. Took you long enough, Dad. I know! Oh, hello there, Kasper. Welcome back. We have much to discuss. Oh, fucking great. Oh, my dear, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Cool Vaguvno. Ronda Menard. Dear Ted Empire, your code sucks. Have a sandwich needs to be a t-shirt as an anti-AI battle cry. Ava's Dying Pet Cactus. Dark Dream 95. Socialist queers for Jesus. Taku, DJ, Harrison Salley. Lila Lost, Spooky904. GART! Stoner Puppy, Gorgon Lightfoot. Stoner Puppy, Gorgon Lightfoot. Eden Gavin, The World Needs More Junes. Big, bunging, Bernie Sanders approved Beyond Burger. Lathes, Third Doomsday Device. Ducky, The Therapy Dog. Shane Snoke is a goofy enough name all by itself. Professor Goober. The Bears are joining the Bethany War against the Bethanese, bearing arms for the bigots on behalf of Bigfoot Benny and the Bigfoot Jets. Bunches McGinty and her grumpy old pinto. A steak! Avalon, Droughtbreaker, a goddamn harpoon. Pickle Pancakes, Charlie DeLambert. But Joel Enth, Lathes' One True Love. Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Michael Card, Raven the Necco Queen. Spike Osorio, Benjamin Davis, Twyla Sands, Alexandra Skildone. Curtis Barnes, The Huak, Shenzo, Chris the Monster, Persephone Wadacore. Time-traveling dimension-spanning goose named Fig. Sillensir, Crissara, Fernando Alacuzzi, Wad of Gore, Not That Keith, Jordan Lawley, Volpi the Space Fox, some fucking swamp wizard, Skeksus, Royal Punk. Trisha Schaefer says, ooh, David, that is not a taco. Zee-ko! Udon-96, Rann the Noh, Latimer Love Lock of the Lacy Lady's Lovely Luxuries. Jeesum Crow and the Holy Cow. Tanya Fisher, Rainbow Goth Unicorn, Rangocorn. Our Lady of Crab Walking. None, Nomad, The Human, Space Viking, CJ is prepared to fight Diedra for Verge. Celestial Crow, Gavin Dees, Gavin Saylor, Bessie, Molly Winter has made you sourdough. It's okay, just read my name once, you don't have to say it every time. Neph de Princess and her auntsus, Honey and Ember, Googles Glod, Skeptic Eddie, The Humble Litterbox Attendant, The Forgotten Storyteller, Mr. Woo-Doo, Chris with a K, a cat and a lemon walk into a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner, Shark Blaster 9000, Slangwort, Mythical Mantis, Honey Badger in a Trenchcoat doing Crimes, Elmo's Chip Shop, J. Cable, Cranky Old Organist, I, Joe Fisher, being of sound, mind and acting of my own free will, do hereby confess that I am the Zodiac Killer, Jere Kosu, Leon Sporkfire, Pastor Jen Jensen, Iraqi Sniper, The Dick Wizard, Lou Woods, Chris Goyer, Noise Squared, Ginger Bears, Honey Bunny, and their sidekick, Wicklow, The Mount Hood Torrigate, Mrs. Cashew, Cat-Roff Daniels, Julia Guglia, of the Shreveport Guglias, Leopold Gogol, Alex Drumbar, Stoner Pubby, Elisa Kelly Martin, and System University of Mejira and New Tide Land. Inetab thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards, but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone. Sub-Arctic Turtle, The Femboy Behind Casper, Doc U018, Mark Kayabyab, my two favorite sheep toys say hi from New Zealand. Baah! Jasonator, Namir, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Ash Drawstuff, Christie the Chaos Coordinator, Luna Anzul, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, The Bean Count Bandit, A Margin Mage, Silent J, Gio, Buzz Baleb, The Boom Guy, BOOM! K-Man, Mimosa, David O'Banion, The Phantom of the Uxbridge Music Hall, Carmen L7, Losing Your Arm in the Justine Burbank System all by yourself, gorgeous? Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Mostly Harmless Alien, Logic Ledger, Kayla Soom, Right Behind You, Goncalo Mortines, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game, Samuel LeFeu, Hestadin Neprithem, Flash Cards, A&K, Nicholas Dyke, Nine! Yeah, the number nine. Arresting Place for Weary Beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the Backwards Knees, Eve in the Between Hour, Two-Faced Janice, Slyte Byrne, Scooter, Worshiper of the Seven Cat Gods, Kelsey Manette, The Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes, Martell McKinney, Ice Queen, Laser Girl and the Nurse, Where Are Our Ores? Catty B, Go Ask Alice, Wes Kester Saves the World, Valens Three Cats Stacked Top Each Other, Wielding a Plasma Gun, Jeffrey, Purple Narpal Nullifier, I Used to Listen to Midnight Burger, I Still Do, But I Used to, JP the Pizza Boss, Reapers Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spadius, Squitty, The Frost Hunt Scientific Collective, Two of Us Have PhDs and the third has Memorized All of Ava's Dialogue, Champagne Supernova, 11-letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huite La Coche is Corn Smut, But Classier, Ran the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormonshire, Magic Incognito, Lord Drez, Dracier, Blood Butler, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kit and Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy, Hi Bruce, enjoy your walk through the mall. Parker Berry, don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name please. Dr. LL, Your Jamaican Fan Says Wagwan, Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Trans-Dimensional Burger Pirate, Penny Pilot, Debbie Trencher, That One Dude Who Likes Tacos, Mark the List to Name Looos or The Male Escort, Lady Bethany, A.K.A. Mrs. Turkey Spit, Junior Barting, The Father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ashtray, Adorbi's Vera Torkleson, Bones, Lizard Breath and the Snot Rocket Would Love a Space Burger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Orem, Kayton Suda, Bat Love's Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz Wants Lave to Build Her a Plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Doyslexia, Yontalius, Keon, an Eel Exchange student from Midst, Dabberty Last Name, Rattrick, Ricklin like Rich Land but without the D, Dire. All Bethanese Must Do the Hustle, Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Loftrex's Drag Name is Anne Arquist, A Mostly Morose Ghost Eating Toast, Hayley-Ander, Love You Kiddo, Malort Boy, Jinx the Cat Would Like to Offer You Biscuits, Have a Zesty Day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, Spend My Money Irresponsibly, Steven Drop, Dana Thanielson, Son of Dana Thaniel or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel, Funch Brunglin, Nash Like's Apples, Neord Flanders, Approves of the Union of Man and Salamander, Numatic Yeti, Late Trucker, The Eldred Skyphozoa, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, DeSavage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Jules Weeks, Caff, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom Loving Horse, AKA J. Willikers, Neckbone His Imperial Doudness, Oh Hey, It's Jay, Grimm, Off the Internet Wants Harriet to Know He Loves Her, Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspaspa, No Relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid, Deus Kashik, Bird Bird the Birds Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco, AKA Johnny R. The Disco Spider, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicki Abert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zanzatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdock Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, Joe Fisher has returned to Reading the List. His evil twin, Moe Bitcher, is still at large, signed Monte Cristo Peace Committee, Chimera, Don Moat, The Space Trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle the Third, Nick's Minx, Piddling Extraordinaire, Monster Senshi, Heather Got Her Divorce, Drinks Her on the House, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Seeks Secret Society, Special Souls, Softly Sing Sweet Songs, Smartly Sturring Strong Stories, Physicist, Brendon Shoneman, I Divided by Zero and Now I'm Undefined, Ah! Lath the Horses Here, Mag Tremor, Rod Stewart the Sailor Slayer, James Wee Met, The Listless Enjoyer, Ash Morningstar and Her Traveling Animal Shelter, Miss Maxine, Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, so Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very Fuzzy, was he? I am out there, somewhere, listening to you. Boy Got Them Honka Honkers, Kevino Malley, Invisible Garia, The Mrs. Poland, Zemadyak, Hop Loves a Thugbot, Named Francis, Pam the Infinite, And Thou, Curiosity is Eating Your Bones, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Andrew Bear, Marius Dejoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, The Fish Did Not Acknowledge Her, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's Right Hand Jack-In-The-Box Man, J-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine Electromancer Chekhov's Space Cannon Corey Sinces Surf and turf telecoms Ima Jinn Red and dusty with his garden goddess Shelby Morrison Cobie's Dingleberry Mystic monster for chaos Ziggy Dreadful Rave Hands Malley G-Wing Frank One It is Sparks Lost Girl Lou Chris B Middle American Penguin Shana Welch Crocheted Cosmos Cookie Chunks, ya heard? Andy the Celestial Penguin Jackie Orion Bo Nunley Ariana Castillo The Tall Deer That Portends Great Change Lita Meddinger Marco Friend As in Your Best Lime Ghost M Icky Blurgs Jay the Erasable The Magic Committee Committee of Anything Magical Joby's Mom Ian Full 345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance Nova the F*** Accountant is definitely not a tangle One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99 A.K.A The Rat Lady A.K.A Bumblebee A.K.A A.K.A 47 Kai, just a little guy Ender Wright Mark Nazowaritz Xenia, the Capturer of Light Duncan Albert Theoretical Chemist Xavier Dasher Chris Loves to Read Katie Machalic Greg Andrews Lyons In memory of Jason Reece Get Your Butt Fingered That Girl Gracie Magnus von Kaffenheim Saucy Little Beast Drew Burt Captain of the SS Beefy Tits Long Time Lurker Scooter The Unlucky Son Jennifer Myers Lady Lazarus Donnie Darko Tim Shin Caitlyn and CT's Neverending Podcast Adventures Whisper Dan Keo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator Ruby Cherrys Nick Fay Butt Holan Justin and Amy Triplett Jen Sims Penelope Ring to the Motas The Leatherman's Odd Commodity Jen before Andrew Ho My Future Kids Stole My Muffin Madness Cafe Earth Witch Leah Prime Gregory Santoro Mothmull Not the F***y Fried Chicken Robert Drapeza Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy Eono Jonathan Tolbert Mr. Put It On 06 Hedgehog Hen Jackson Bell Katie Chambers Jay the Podcast Lover Dick Rickles Chapter President Damn Glad to Meet You Malcolm Flynn Samuel Lee Joseph Tron Prime Oh My God I Forgot to Change My Name From Nicholas Beckler To Something More Cheeky and Fun Arwen the Freer Throat Goat 666 I Am Your Father Addie Slawson Inconceivable Kai Red Rum 916 Nick Waycaster Gotham Still F***ed Up Batman Really Ain't Doing Sh** When You Think About It No Good Monk Rye Yes Like the Bread Sarman Seyed John Old Grimbus Matt Knight Bouchegar Gavin Mori Daaamn Eetry Andromeda Steven the Choy Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee Gabriel T Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan? The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls I Did This For Fun Cookie Nebu Axel Zapata Siona the Goblin Is Bringing Leafa Laserspoon Jason McDonald Orianda Bean Dino Phillip Lenick Hugh Jass J2 Brian Montgomery Artemis Record Safa Alusi Trev Brax Gunner Tweedle The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet Nazo Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist Hold Please Kei Keiow Empress Squishy Face of Greater Cattopia Ana Garcia Goblin King Rays of Noop Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast Bubber Duckle Yegor Loose Terry Cads says Hello Ernesto Leaf Tracks The Rise of Life Chapter One Loaf Tracks Retires The Dishonorable Protugal I Lumb Catalyst for Chaos Sculliver Sam and Shane Ahsoka Likes Hugs Going Anonymous V Ma Dukes U.S. Marshall Stacey Ooh Chickadee Dango Dale Estee Not The Website At every moment in every corner of every possible world there is always a way home and it's already found you Jau Paulo Lemos Odd Keep The Sentient Lighthouse The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home D. Shane Tanya Fisher Appalachian Death Queen Zosaphir Dago of Doom Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket It's official, they're called Thigronies Kevin Winans Marlon C. Just Welled Madame Perri Cherish Hellfire's Hellest Sharefire Lichen Lady Midnight Club Cameron Agnesey West Knox Lisa Lou Emmett Hale The Triads' Baddest Goblin Emory and Lano James Miles Brown Coats Love the Diner House Chaos of the Criticacophony Max, Nia, Ivan and Mark will see you at six. Open, open, open. No, wait, never mind, just Mark and we make the world. Minion Simone Mimiedevis Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell Jr. Gaia Turtle Wayne Barahona Jesse The Dragonrider We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free Pluto Crow Nissy's Mom PokeSplort Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency Zephyr Vitriol Altrian Shibu and Griff Slimnandi Gough Leif Jenin Britt Adriana Bartolomucci Jonah Is Gay The Midnight Ashes Hornetti Ballion Fair has retired and now raises herds of mongos. Hood's Pocket Protector The artist formerly known as Unpaid Intern would like to congratulate Heather on her divorce and his thinking of getting one herself. Valkyrie Storm Patricia who's always late but somehow on time. DC Squirrel Kyle V. Interstellar Highwomen Shelley Act on the Verge Gale Friend Rubber Cake Clover the Clown The Sparky Tech Prop the Crocogator Ringleader Volt Jazz Punker Captain Tight Pants and the Companion Agent Night Breakfast Brady for Mission Control Renee N. Katarina De La Playa RIP Eloise Waffles The Fluff Wrangler Aki the Space Druid Phantomland TTRPG Dice Kate Taplume Your local blacksmith Ash Montgomery The Boggiest of Birches Jason HVAC Tech For the Diners Deep Freeze SK Phoenix Glitch the Gamer Error Zephyr the Wefermont Gumrie Foxworth Maryface Luan Cherry Peppermint Pearl The Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch Nicole 6-4 Amara Salazar Banjo Boscolo Full Beans Glorious Forgotten Ford Vestiva Brandon Wright Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron Force for Good-ish The Ghost of Dave Brocky Rosie Mum The Judah Slater Morales Intergalactic Frylord Gravity's Optional But Fries Aren't CJ's Big BBQ Beastro for Bethany's Angel Vasquez Evil the Cat Steven Raymer Jaycarp Fishman The Great Goblin-O Low Oxygen Save the Mungos Joji the Birdwatcher A flock of gray horses From the top of a sycamore Lilac Morcella Rachel Crempa With special thanks to my best friend Lizzie And my husband Steve Don't worry about the order, honey Your Tiggle Bitty Yeen Milf Majesty Temporal Hashbrown Diane Brown Captain No Sleep Jamie the OG Happy Hippy Rainy The Slim Reaper Ruben Eden Smedley P. Snodgrass The Third But please, pause two to three seconds and then say call me Smeddy The Shreveport Bohannans CC The Umbrella Mage Bradbury Sasquatch Loads Chekov's Gun And Rides to Join Bethany's Army Dinn Cosmic Ketchup Lack of Lifestyle Jo definitely didn't forget about you, August Moosey Hoodspocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe The Crafty Introvert Postmaster General Kwan sent me Blake Bosmogian Nitwit 14 Royald Way Too Harshly DJ Johnny B The Kloppman Diamond Marco Montano No Longer Doing a Bit Shiny Fields Adam Tatchek Christopher Wendell Unproductive Banana Paul Sefer The Paulist of Paulism Zombie Spider-Man Bex823 Auntie Cryptid Barry Heap Gas Mask Penguin In the Hot Seat Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime Master Oogway Barry Dilly is Dallying It's a manic episode and you're getting three seasons Viewtile Screaming at the Ocean Fox Hatlin Dylan Caroni Pedro Vibresto Slider Malachi Julian Rhodes Maple Emily The Gayest Library Janitor in Indiana Learn how to be calm in heart stumbly I'll be waiting Physic the Good Bush Definitely not one of the bad bushes Funding Rebel Bethanese To overthrow the duly elected Bethanese Haxadecimal Bethany is non-binary Papus 10's Big Black Gaping Hole The Planet Goobrius is still partying We can't stop Oh God, what have we become? Bruce Jessica Gigoma Toracle Jenny the Bear Agur Sardine Thorn Treach Josie Jones Mr. Fibble is very cross Hote Potato Dr. Mojo postulates the endless endless Slingering Off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose Until its endless all the way down Blind Time Traveler Convention Date LA Woman the Phoenix Rising New Name? God No, not him Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew Cup of Noodles Schmizzy Two Shoes Luna Nova Nicholas Griffith Justin Smallen Riku 31 Craig Dundee New Type Without a Gundam Astral Sea Ikelmi Pickle Me Tickle Me Too Witch Loud the Cartoonist Guy with the Chops Sam Mitchell Yee Bagelknife Emelda and Scott Courtney Cochran Lily Starling Ryan Kay Devon 7777 has been my favorite verbal stim for months Nate Forklift lifts forks for cliff Chip Radio Free Relia Violin Loves Midi Brian Passley Sue Ubasa The Blue Chair Noble Dog Enjoyer Grena Piston Whip Captain Ducky Blitz Bell Shiny Let's Be Bad Guys Satsuma Sillius Goose Dr. Jones Icy Axe Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central Go Cranes Sky Cole Arthur Lego Croissant Cassad Norwin Mergler You have all been assigned to write a four page essay on your favorite arthropod It will be 50% of your grade Joe Kappa Dogma Mom Weebie Chopin Broccoli Icy Fish The hacker known as Ivy DeBerb BlueTune A feisty-ass chickadee Poultry Landmine The Scrappy Poet Jenny The Cryptid Paladin Maverick Artist Shit, it was a mimic Basil in their tea Waiting to gossip with David Ainsley A-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y Angnor A-T-B Kiwi Lovely Bead Zoe Professor Freda Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany Lethany Woofew McFluffenburger M-D-P-H-D Esquire And that's not pretentious at all Ah-ham As looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation That the Society of Bethany's began the war with So many years ago Michelle Spurgeon Jack the Sleepy Garrett Henderson Twote Still trapped but I've stopped asking why The freezer is I am Wee Chill Son of Defarge Whisko Teach Scott A. Snellgrove Give Pease a Chance Samalama Dingdong Behold Lady Sarah Purr Whisker Vale Countess of Wood Hollow Mistress of the Whispering Pines And beloved by all creatures Small and opinionated Ricardo Galamba Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices LLC Hashtag Wee Weave them of Gossamer Penny the Wonder Dog And Bucky Von Buckbuck Cherry Applebee Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun Saucy Caesar Belt Aspen is a Verge fanboy Mick J67 Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil Wants Joe to slap into a slim gym Mr. and Mrs. Drifter Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter Nathaniel Lee Industries Lord Entropy Bok Bok Motherfucker The Faye Wanderer Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy Pinstrike Algorithm Kosher Steak Flo Rida Alyssa's Shiny Pants Gondor Calls for Aid Muscle Fatits Arnold Rumspringer The Demise of the Temple of Bethany Alan Berglund says Hi Mom Rin the No Kitty McSkull Raven Stromdans Hapless Novelist Passenger Of the Dimensionally Impermanent And Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe The Wild-Eyed Prophet Tessa Craig Perfectly Personalized Disaster Jim Turner Lux Luminos Javi D'Anero Big Chonk Gadidz Boom Boom's Wooden Leg Will the Real Moideeb Please Stand Up Jilly Bean Benjamin Not Franklin Tracy Baby Leia Is that the Chris Hancock Who Traded Weekly Soup For the Use of My Kitchen Table? A Singular Nightbird Bethany in a Green Field I Am the Lizard Frantically Firing Flaschet Guns A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W Bumble Fae Mr. Epsilon The Mothman Long-Haired Matt DJ Robert W Brelsabub Cresemira Jessel Arryn The Bean Wizard Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Muckle Wains Lulu Louise Doolio The Brew Crew Family Bert Ruba Your Most Benevolent Lord And Master of the Multiverse Jeffrey George Ellie Don't Tariff Me Bro Oopsie Evelyn The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat For You to Pet Gremlor Jenny Will Boom Errant Popsicle Stick M. Horowitz Isle of Refuge Jack Spiders' Mom Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath Lama Fresh Jare the Benevolent Destroyer Valtiel Heller Sad Little Earth Monkey Revan the Redbeard Wizard Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch High Viscosity Gender Fluid Slime Bethany Too Electric Boogaloo Welcome to the Kwan Pound Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Mr. Mucacho Kaiserschnitzel Has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats For The Trouble Puffs Fight Club The Wolves in the Deep Freeze Say Ah Wooo Julie Hammond Sanctuary Moons No. 2 Fans Insane Clone Posse Alice Lewis Simply Amy Sue I pushed her because Joe said so Even older Liz MacBaircat Grack Pinfeather Citican Druidic Scientist Astro Your Friendly Neighborhood Android Moonlight Zombie Fox Old Doc Recy The Midnight Missionary Out There Somewhere Looking For You Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties Artist Dragonborn Bigby Garage Bill Zanganolester Joaquin Jimenez Big MF Juice The S.I.P. Muffins Spacewives Are Officially Verge Andedra Chad Hatter Cosmic Teamaker of the Triads哎哎 a corgi called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Seminity, LL Coolment Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original Caitlyn, Ken Daddy, in Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. Leia Aizadi, Millie was taken, dead to me 86, B Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Ken Rand says hello, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the baby seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Boudiologist the Glutes Doctor, the real housewives of Woods Pocket. Thank you for pressing too, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toke Love, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Iyokai, Borsha, Spiders are Cuddly, the main immortal pinball sounds in the diner, Chiel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Pollywog, Michaela White, Alaina Pickle, Wilmer Winklewright, wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, Riding through the desert on a horse named Portoom. Professor Thaddeus Snookums the Eighth, Mr. Grinn, Glenn Petrovsky, This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Cheep Con, The Real Cheep Con coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands except no imitations. Steam Vision Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train Dave Harreld, Wisecube, Bromine, Pronounced Bro, Mine, Main Hum Ding Up, Mother of Pearl Fiona now owns Laves 18 Inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebeck's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Muckle Wains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyo as in Boingy, Mama Mander, B Ross and Slumpmaster J, Alpaca Lips, Spokane, Doesn't Suck, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas' 10 tenobristanstaffled tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Keith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Goat She, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, Ola Milikan of the Welcome Wagon says Ekabel, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hairpointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says Wolf, Whiskered, Any Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in your area are dying to meet you, Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Brare Rabbit, Your Friendly Neighborhood Vagabond, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yen, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream but Evil, Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach, The Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know the farmer, Mark Lee on the holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Spaced Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino says, Be Nice, Hoop Challenge, Me, Me, Me, Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Tye Tye the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boom Bastacle Kimlicker, Coco Yumi's Broken Pony Pity Party, Hugga Muffin, Big Foot of Doom, DL, Annie Atkins, A Bounty Hunter called The Crandy Man, Garot, My Cats Say to Tell You, Meow, Think Fast, Chuckle Nuts, Flashbanged, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock, Quicksand, I want Finley to say my name, well I guess I'll just go fuck myself then. Mr. Squizzle sizzles, whizzles, fizzles, the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now, Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Adalore, Transpace Dinosaur, Spooky Spaders Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McDimmies from Your Local Dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Book, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Deers, Kevin Dottry, DeFlower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Maus Tuts, Dan Gentry, I hope some of the good happens to you today, yes you. V. Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Bootsgoot and Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T. U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Moshale, Michelle Myers, Ally Upsy Not to Be Confused with Upsy, Fridge Bickel, Rosemary Prem, Robert Savotte, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Stavey, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella T. Arena, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vecchito, Nia Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Aero Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic hygienist, Aaron Starr, Joshua Damian and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaude, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfred, The Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Pettibite Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Happy 13th Birthday, Danny, Dance Break, Spicu, The Bracken System in its homeworld, Wren, Simply Tony, It Will Always Be Finley's Work Hole to Me If You Know You Know, Gabrielle Castillon, Whom, What, When, Where and Why is what all Thigronys say while listening to Midnight Burger? Niko Dugayo goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar, retorted, Sir Party Animal. Byro the Motherfucking Dragon welcomes a dog, destroyer of snacks to Midnight Burger. Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra, Courtneyed, To Leave and Alone If You Want to Live, Must Be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, My Thigrony has a first name, Stabenstein El Mustachio, Lucifer Hezekiel, Lachihuahua Brava, Adeline Pease, C.C. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of Milf, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, unexpectedly blue red knell, Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet De Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun, Get Outta My Booth, Bug, Propagator, I Hardly Know Her, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Tater Tot assassin, Forchnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzuki Yoki, Spotted Brino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kydalo Headphones, Hinkel, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Flap, Kitty Kitty Kitty, The Firekeeper, The End is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Library and Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, A Damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on a Tord of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smivy, Globed Rulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunt's Bethanys, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Borow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and Accomplice Princess Penelope, The Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slave of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, Calart in the Tired Knight, The True Megamike, Fred and George, LaVinia, Avamatics Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet Maboy, 46 Toolshed 2 and El-Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Meltz says in a world of slugbots, be a hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunnord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barton got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Teran says, Hey, Oreos are rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Hey, it's warranty lady, look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit, I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard, Cast's Check Engine Light, Mango Connoisseur, Brady Bug, The Quirky Jester, The Big Moose and his wife, The Little Moose, that old glory coal, Gio Miao-Nay's Cat Butler, Oshin Lu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack, Churro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsey Bowen, The Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D Birdcloss Weather and Mrs. Dubop to Way Birdcloss Weather want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my Galaxy Bridges in a Game of Pants darts, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durk-a-Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow humbly requests a custom sound effect. Jasmine James, Dr. Caberrand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr's wife has the hots for Zebulon, Zenbria, Jennifer Culkin's Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Oh My God, My Dad Found Out About My Patreon Name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, Previously Observed in the Pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinesque Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflator Mouse, Tony Pieckarski, Adrienne R, The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is Just Happy to Be Here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seegius, Faye Queen, Upschnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTXGirl6823, Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studiozo, K. The Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethanese encroaching on their nest, honestly this is getting absurd, Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, This Lana is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism, Yeah not sure what I'm doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Writer, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamzo, Turwen, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skullbulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shag Nasty, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh, my mama, Glorbenar 7 now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars, Deuzer now identifies as Roman Dirge, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Lea Hall, Sarah May, Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services, Silly Willy Bubble Butt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquired, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mound Up, Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwhal 8, I Am Annie, I Live Forever In Every Moment I've Existed, I Swear To Every Star In The Cosmos I Never Forgot It Was A Gift, The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Papitos, Slap Hauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I Am A Bomb Till I Think Of Something Else To Do, Brrrr, Ritwards, Hot Shot Huntly, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlyn, Leader Of The Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Delivering Pipe Across The Multiverse Apparently, Matlock, Lord Of The Thirteenth Sea, Mr. Trigvie, The Fourth Era, Printing With Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, 7000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. And Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures And His Pilot, Uzi Drifting Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter And Her Bird Of Fire, Painted Oni, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Emily With Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsay's Niblik The Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Woops, Where's My Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoi Gagarin, A Gremlin With The Munchies, Michelle Scoracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Bumbling Lily Bee, Buffy's Daughter, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Teacup, Panda, Kennedy Allison Farner, The Perpetually Tired Transgender Time Traveler, Tristan Stoles, Daylen Y, Shatter Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank The Wonder Lama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lin, Just A Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What The Hell, Cineplex, and All The Black People In North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftet, A Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shapeshifting Sad Girl, and Her Girlfriend Say Joe You've Done It Again, Pippa Skin in The Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights With The Bethanese, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid, and The Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauburger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Neonix Reno, Frankenator, Nordlebash, Jordan, R1XBalasko, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeweisen, Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be laif, but sadly, no Bethanese. Rowan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Ariane Cantmanage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing into my Farm Boots, Superbeth Becomes an RN, alongside my Bootstup Farm Friend, Geneva Boss, Arkansen, Not-Arkand Sawyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou, He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard. Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winlon Jr., Bbap Bdabadoo Wap, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurbs, Big Brother House, This is Lord Robert O'Tardis, you are live on Channel 4, please do not swear, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So He Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazart, Jingaloss, Eris Goddess of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to Be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skibo and Fuzzle McBumpernits, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senatis Teleporting, BRB, The Shanes Are Not Organized Enough for a War, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shai Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana, Bobana, Fee Fai Foe Faina, Monsters Almanac's Biggest Fan, Aubrey and Her Dad, Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, Isopale, Exquisite Whimsy, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Imposes Economic Sanctions on the End B Bethany's for the whole Lasersaw car incident. Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemeli, Work From Elvis, Bo Ho Go Bye Bye For JoJo Pogo, That's A No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the Creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany. This is Two Polar Cat, Broadcasting on the Undersignal, Carl the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's multi-dimensional, multi-phasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngin, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marshag, Daniel Knitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Suasion, The Wizard Supercalifragilistic Xpialidocious, and introducing Risi Pontiff as the 38th Doctor. Too many Jans, says. Things are bad, but we're going to win. Pamela Rosel Tierra, then Stina says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodean Caution, Love Is For The Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and The Surviving Crew. It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs Crew for Ship. Brown Coats, OK. Awkward Heretic. Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northeerly Kay, Lost Basan, you know, the Moon Prison outside the Triad. Kim Cell, Silly Goose, Hong Kong, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tatars Precious, it's just Steve. RuPaul Atreides, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Diedra, Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty, NoSaguaro, Ben Barr, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, please. Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassanasen, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Why Is My Daughter So Farrell, Sand Help, Fernwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin Daniel Arthur, It's a, it's a fucking dog rapture. Abigail Yodaly, hee-hoo. King Humble, we'd better ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Code Stranger, one bet to bet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Alfie Revenneurum, Momona Kiki, Frelp, Mlin, Feed Me Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, J. Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror, Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicki Abert, Brad Menir, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel is living in the walls because they bought a house and have walls now. Crafty Lizard, Bequilton, Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bippity boppity boom. Megan the Meg Young, Corey Merose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jeremy Barrami, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna, First of Her Name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincates, McClump, Azanna the Leather Smith, Salazar the Dome Age, Hayward's Finest, Gary Elisando. To my little, you'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul. Till we meet again, Sir Shits a Lot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin B Anthony, Trick says Whirp, Tibbled the First, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise, Tortoise, Freya Titmitin's, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello. The Fun Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay Aran, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Evil Twin sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Amburgler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Blood Bath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sbrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzle Butt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny De Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, The Wondrous Mathazophon, Hashtag Nisan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King Loves Cathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Filomena, Rebecca Trossel, Ig Pay Attenley, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Night of Hood's Pocket, Polished Poldrons, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skull Duggery, Mitzy Lu, Kelsey Home, Still Casper's Number One Fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Astrono-Weeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome, Welcome Everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group, Starlight, David Pirini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, CeCe Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Coconator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Olaveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Geoya, Killer Odd, Dr. Puncusher Esquire officially opens Closet Baby Cat Speedway for the season. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What? Amelia Lucero at All, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Lorak the Barbarian S, Hicks Bezzie Mates, Zellis Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just a Blake, Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication please, your health is important. Kelly Jane Danky, Erin the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornus Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with an... Grimm Says, Trans Rights Y'all, Zackynat, Underwater Corvid, Spizyringtum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Myceliel, Grolix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Omvega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guaught and Loaded, Erin Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Komi Zen, Kaliberi, Malmomburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Uh, attention, Dread Pirate Fred, Fredburger, we have run out of languages, please contact her office. What the Chuck, Sonor Nassuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVorris, Nea Derrusso, Pichy Zatowici, Ingy the Grack and Azula the Brave and their ever faithful squire, Grabthar, Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Oh, this is my mom emailing us about Brigadon at the Pasadena Playhouse, honey. Brigadon. Brigadon. I thought Pasadena, please. Thicken great. Thicken great. I don't recall of, I don't, I don't know, I don't know exactly what vocal fry means, honestly. It's like, it's like, oh my God. It's that. Okay. Um, I don't remember that part. It's like influencer voice. Oh, shit, right. Okay. See, this is the one I should have checked in on. If you like a favorite. Let me just reread this for a second. This is my favorite. So it's in moments like these, it's in moments like these when I'm reading the script and I imagine what it would be like to be Effie to have the husband's Zebulon be this way about board games, like always be this way about games and how it drives her. Ah, I can't. He's really like, it's, it's like inherit the wind in this moment for him. You know what I mean? He's taking it seriously. It is a man's life. It's also tough because we've been watching so much Poro and there's a whiff of David Souchet's Poro about this just a little bit. So I gotta knock off these. I got. I believe in you, Zebulon. So it's a terrible word and I'm so sorry I put it in there. Simulacrums. Simulacrums. He could have been talking about a vegetable spiral. Lizer. Vegetable. Vegetable spiral. Lizer. Vegetable spiral. Lizer. Lizer. She's getting feelings. In season five. Oh no. She cares about people. What? Oh, fucking great. The Fable and Folly Network where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madame Magenta. We begin with the five part mini series Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslin. Perched on a rain-batten cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming quirky booty cut. Owner and soul-lock hip and Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira. Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past too. Beth, he's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira. Kira. I can still see him. Subscribe to Magenta Presents where if you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Magenta Presents.