Strike Force Five (Extended) | Truce Or Dare

From the trusted team behind 48 Hours, welcome to Case by Case, your weekly update on the biggest true crime stories unfolding right now. Nick Ryder remains in custody without bail. Luigi Mangione accused of stalking and gunning down United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson. From high-profile trials and stunning evidence to major breaks in cold cases, we'll follow it all Case by Case. Follow and listen to 48 Hours, Case by Case, wherever you get your podcasts. Music Monday. Monday. Welcome, welcome, one and all to the late show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert. Cheers Folks, I want you to know that things may look dark now, but it's important to remember that soon they will be different. No, they say it's always darkest before the different. One thing that's not different is the war in Iran. That is very the same. Case in point, just last week, last week, Trump sent Iran a one-page memo outlining his peace plan. And is this true? I'm being told we have obtained a copy of Trump's plan. Will you go to peace with me? Yes, no. He also sent him one of these. He sent him one of those things. Pick that up. No, there. Over the weekend, Iran countered Trump's proposal by demanding, among other things, war reparations by the U.S., full Iranian sovereignty over the Strait of Hormuz, and end dissensions in the release of seized Iranian assets. Obviously, Trump cast to reject that. He can't give them more than they had before we bombed them. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy, you talking to my girl? You want to take this outside so I can give you her number and a list of her favorite restaurants? Oh, she's going to say she doesn't want fries, but then she's going to steal some of yours, and it's super cute. As for the future of their nuclear program, her onset, it was willing to suspend enrichment of uranium, but for a shorter period than the 20-year moratorium proposed by the U.S. And 20 years isn't even that long. I mean, Anne Hathaway looks exactly the same. And if anything, Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci, and Emily Blunt are more radiant than ever. Today, Trump was asked why he rejected Iran's counterproposal, and he said few words, but so many times. It was just unacceptable. You know, a lot of people said, well, does he have a plan? Of course, they do. I have the best plan ever. But I have a plan. You know what I mean? It's a very simple plan. I don't know why you don't say it like it is. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon. Very simple. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon. It's a very simple plan. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon. But very simply, when they say, does he have a plan? Yeah, I have a plan. The plan is very simple. I have a great plan. But the plan is that they cannot have a nuclear weapon. Yes. Yes. He has such a simple plan. In fact, the only thing simpler than the plan is the man who has it. You should, you should. Don't know what we're doing. Don't thank you very much. You, sometimes you should check out his recipe for beef Wellington. Step one, have a recipe. Step two, is a very simple recipe. Step three, is the best recipe ever. Step four, make beef Wellington. Yesterday, is it just Monday? Today is just Monday. Yesterday, Trump spent Mother's Day sharing a bunch of reposted AI memes about just how great he is, including a picture of the last thing you see before being backed over in the Bass Pro Shop parking lot. He's not just spending his time reposter baiting. He's also, he's also engaging in some recreational idolatry because last week Trump celebrated a new 22 foot golden statue of himself at his Miami golf club. Okay, surprisingly, wrinkly. Looks like they forgot to steam out his pants, his shirt, and his face. And personally, I'd recommend adding a couple of handles to make it easier to pull down when we're liberated by the Canadians. The dedication, the dedication was led by a magapaster named Mark Burns, who posted about it afterwards in a totally normal way saying, let me say this plainly, this is not a golden calf. A little suspicious to deny worshiping false idols before anyone accuses you of it. It's like going to Applebee's and the waiter saying, our specials tonight are the sirloin and the loaded baked potato. And as it says on my button here, our salad dressing is urine free. The pastor, the pastor, people, urine free salad dressing is a people pleaser, clearly. The pastor addressed the controversy saying a golden statue to yourself is absolutely normal. Of course, he loved the statue. Who wouldn't love a statue of themselves? I mean, again, Michael Jordan loved the statue of himself. Alan Iverson loved the statue of himself. Shakira, the singer loved the statue of herself. Oh, Shakira the singer. Thank you for clarifying. Otherwise, I would have thought you meant Shakira, the gynecologist. Pips no lie. Now, scoot him down. And the reviews are in because several pro golfers were asked about the statue and had these glowing statements. It's his place. He can do whatever he wants. And it's big and gold. Damn. As compliments go, that ranks up there with, you got a haircut. Would you look at that? It is shorter. Did they use scissors? Down in Washington, D.C., madness reigns. But someone who hasn't been spending a lot of time there is transportation secretary Sean Duffy, seen here seconds after finishing the last strand of spaghetti. Over the weekend, Duffy, who used to be on Real World and Road Rules, announced he just finished filming a return to reality TV with his family for the last seven months. Well, it's better than him trying to run stuff. Maybe he'll inspire the rest of Trump's cabinet to neglect their own jobs. Sure, why not? Maybe he'll inspire the rest of Trump's cabinet to neglect their own jobs for reality shows like Lutnik or Listich. You will never be loved, Island. And the masked acting labor secretary Keith E. Saundreling. Duffy's reality show is called The Great American Road Trip. There's a trailer. What a beautiful family. What? He does that all the time. What is this gesture? You guys going to check out those amber waves of grain you're talking about? Don't forget the Purple Mountains Majesty, you know. The grain, the hawk, and the, and don't forget the canyon. Now, Duffy, Duffy had one, I'm not, Duffy had one request for his road trip. We need a song. Like, we can't do a road trip without the song. Incorrect. You can't do a road trip without trying to pair the Bluetooth, failing, then accidentally connecting mom's phone, which is halfway through the horniest fantasy novel Allowed by Law. It's about a sorceress who meets a guy who's half Duke, half horse, all penis. A throne of horse and penis, I think it's called. Duffy's wife went on The Fox and Friends to defend the show. I'm going to be really honest. We live in a porn hub world. This is really wholesome, good family stuff. Incidentally, real good family stuff is one of the most popular categories on porn hub. Friday, I don't know, I wouldn't even know, I wouldn't know. Not into that scene. Friday was a big day because the government finally released the secret files we've all been waiting for, 160 never before seen documents relating to unidentified anomalous phenomenon, which is also my pre-show warm-up. Unidentified anomalous phenomenon, extra-terrestrial rectal probe, extra-terrestrial rectal probe. Also one of the most popular categories on porn hub. Trump announced... Trump announced the release of the UFO files in a post saying, the Department of War has released the first tranche of the UFO UAP files for the public for their review and study. With these new documents and videos, the people can decide for themselves what the hell is going on. Have fun and enjoy. Yes, Trump is just giving the people the dots and the public can connect them however they want. There you go. There you go. So what's in these mysterious top secret super cool files? For example, during Apollo 12, one of the astronauts reported flashes of light. And we actually have, is this true? We actually have footage of the astronaut describing what they saw. Thank you, Commander Dion. Something similar happened during the Apollo 17 mission. When the crew said they saw very bright particles of light, they were tumbling and rotating way out in the distance. And we also have footage of the crew member spotting those tumbling particles. This even happened on the Apollo 11 moon mission where Buzz Aldrin reported seeing little flashes inside the cabin. And I can't believe this, but we actually have, this is footage of Buzz Aldrin describing those flashes. We've got a great show for you tonight. Coming up, Strike Force Five. Hey, welcome back everybody. Give it up for Lewis Kato and the great big, big joy machine tonight. Look, I got to Lewis, you did, you did not warn me in rehearsal today that I'm not only want to be facing the joy machine, but I would also be facing Ibandar Ruhumbika, Barbash and Maddie Rice. Thank you so much for being here. All right, listen, I want to remind everybody out there that we are auctioning off all sorts of memorabilia from our last 11 years here at the Ed Salvin Theater and donating all the proceeds to the International Aid Organization World Central Kitchen. We are putting up right now. We got is the last batch. This is the last batch of items online tonight. And there's some great stuff for you guys to go bid on, including, let's see, the confessional for my segment, Confessions and the custom penny press. We commissioned that Prince Late Night Late Show images onto pennies. We are even offering an exclusive mosaic created by anonymous French street artist Invader. It's right over there, if you can see it. When I, when I first took over the Late Show, Invader snuck in one night and installed a mosaic that has been on the theater wall ever since. But here's the thing, Invader doesn't condone his work being removed from where he installs them to be sold. So when the show ends, that original mosaic will be destroyed along with the set. However, he has generously created a one of one replica for our auction that he calls an alias. And according to his team, Invader is sad for both the show and the mosaic disappearing, but considers that they are linked and that the mosaic shouldn't survive the place he has installed it. It will, just like the show, survive through its alias and all the memories it conveys. A sentence. A sentence that proves beyond a doubt he is a French artist. So if you'd like to bid on any of these great items or buy one of our commemorative The Last Show shirts, head to ColbertLateShow.com slash eBay or use this QR code right there, which itself might be an Invader mosaic. My guests tonight, ladies and gentlemen, are four of my best television friends and co-hosts of the Awards Ignored podcast, Strike Force Five. Please welcome back to The Late Show Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, John Oliver, and Jimmy Fallon. You know what this is? This is a Monday crowd. Yeah! Throwing fish to sea ones. You got your own pandas out there? We don't get to... Hi, Stephen! Hi! I can't really hear you down here. Yeah, you know, when I was told I was going to be seated farthest away from you, I assumed it was alphabetical and then I went, F-O... No, no, no. Yeah, we just think, I just think you're the most aggressive and you follow the line. Oh, I'm the loudest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. So we don't get to get off, gather all that often. Last time was two years ago from my, by birthday. Here we are. There we are. That's right. Yeah, you have a nice... It was fun. That was super fun. Yeah, yeah. I wonder what they thought of us being there. Yeah, I was there, John and I were there first. We were surprising you. It was a restaurant downtown. A restaurant downtown and there was a British couple standing next to us. Correct. Paid no attention to us. Kimmel came in, they lost their mind. Very, very, very excited. British man asked... Jimmy Kimmel, who's show, I cannot be clear enough about this, is not on in England. Yep. Jimmy Kimmel. And we were so excited. Asked you to take the picture. That's right. I took... That's right. I took a photo, then he walks in. And they lost their mind. Oh my God, Jimmy Fallon, this is the great... I said, do you want a picture of this as well? Wait, you even talked to them? Oh, I spoke to them. Yeah. I stood back... By the way, also Jimmy came in and said, hi, John Oliver and Seth Meyers. You used our full names. Of last week's... You got to change your name to Jimmy. I walked in and everyone was like, Jimmy Kimmel's here twice? Yeah. Oh, he is Jimmy Kimmel. Seth gave them every chance. And in the true British fast, he went, no, I'm not... Don't care about that one. But the great thing about John is, not even the slightest... Some people might go like, eh, yeah, that didn't feel great. Not the slightest, but delighted. Absolutely delighted. I was so happy the whole time. I loved it. I... There's so many people who are like, I loved it. It was like a bath of humiliation. Nothing that makes me feel cleaner than those sons. Yeah. We kept bringing it up the whole dinner. It was so fun for us. Yeah. Now, the five of us being here right now, obviously it's dangerous because we represent so much of later. John Stewart is designated survivor tonight. Someone has to... That's it. That's it. Oh. Someone has to survive for the president to be mad at. And do our eulogies. Would that be great if John had to do all of our eulogies? I hope I don't get stuck in last place on that one, too. And Kimmel was good, too. Yeah. Kimmel was good, too. We fell asleep before Kimmel. Yeah. Please, please, please just don't do what eulogy in England they'll be better me in an unmarked grave. Okay. Now, this is a... You're at the top of your first card, correct? I have this right here. Oh. Oh, you've got an iPad? I have this. I have an iPad right here. Okay. This is a reunion for Strike Force Five. Yeah. Thank you. You're happy with that. That was a great sound, Kev. Thank you. I'm going to hand this... I'm handing this over to Seth for him to decide when we will do Strike Force Five. Does this, if I unplug it, is it off? It won't work. It will not work if you unplug it. So you have to reset it. Seth doesn't love this thunder sound. I don't like this thunder... Yeah, I don't like it. So... So every time we say Strike Force Five... I will not press it. That's when... Try to hear it just the sound... The sound effect is inside you all the time. Seth, look at... Look at how many people are in that band. I tricked you. Oh. I really think... I figured out why you lost $40 million, Steve, and there's too many people in the band. Okay. For the people who don't know what it means... Is there sound effect? Oh. There's sound effects. There's sound effects. Ha ha ha. This is... And here's your problem. You thought this was a one-off joke. This is like giving your child a tambourine. Yeah. It's like... I cannot be trusted with that. I can't believe you gave it... It didn't just come preloaded with the... I have other stuff. There are already three trombone players over there. You don't need to pay them. Ooh, that's nice, isn't it? Hey, Kimmel, can you please explain to the people who don't know what Strike Force Five is, was, and how it got together? Strike Force Five is... Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. It is and always will be a group of five individuals who went on Strike along with their writers, who were paying their writers, and who... Who then really, really wanted to stop paying their staff. And so they did a podcast that paid a tiny little portion of that. And we did 12 episodes. Here we are. It was very successful. People see if they really love it. Yep. So, t-shirts. That was really... What I like about this photo is that... I like about this photo is that it was in the summertime we started, and we're all... If you put this back up there, is that Jimmy and Jimmy and me and Seth have got tans, and Oliver somehow got paler. Yeah. That's right. That's right. I reject the concept of summer. Yes. I think it's a state of mind. Yeah. All right. You're going to say something. I love that you went to a room to match your skin color. Yes, yes. We all... We'll do another episode tonight after the show, right? We'll take it. We're going to do an emergency episode of Strike Force. That's right. That's right. It's a good thing to hear. Yeah. Drive tune in. You got to drive tune in. Do remember that? That's right. But that's why you still have a show. You all really helped me out with that, because we... I had no idea how to record or do a podcast. Or do anything, really. Correct. Yes. I really... I'm all... Camel sent us all like kits, like with audio mics and boards and stuff like that. Yes. Put together. And I had this giant board with all these buttons that I didn't need, and I remember asking you for... No, you didn't need those buttons. That was the f***ing problem to me. There were some really important buttons on there. It was like connecting to a microphone. Oh, right. Sometimes buttons are important. Record. All the cord was a big one. You can't put that in front of me. I'm like, come on. Yeah, I had to press all the... You did have a little trouble putting it together. Well, I remember trying to ask you guys for advice, but... Because mine kept coming out as a chipmunk voice. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, and a monster. And a monster. And I wasn't doing it on purpose. I was going like, Yes, I really need help. What... What... Do I do? Do I unplug? Do I restart? What do I do? And I'm trying to really ask for help, but as a chipmunk, I'm like, this is getting worse. And I'm like, oh, this is better now. This is better. And I go, this is a disaster. So I was just letting you guys run it. You guys are the pros and knew how to do it. Yeah, well, we didn't mess with the equipment, which is what you did. And this is the problem. Yeah. It's on strike force five. Yeah. Okay. I have a... I have an important question. I don't think he's allowed to rimshot himself. Boy. I don't want all I... No, I think it's... I want everybody to be free to do whatever they want. But like, there had to be some rules. Yeah, I don't... As a Catholic, he's not allowed to rimshot himself. We're all racing for him. We're all racing for that joke. Come on. We're all just diving. Come on. You had to be... You got to get it. I'm blind and a little deaf. I thought that was the thunder sound effect. I have an important question. Seth, I'll throw this one to you. You seem like a responsible person. Now that my show goes off the air on the 21st of May... Mm-hmm. Boom! Thank you. Now that that happens, what is my status? Do I become a meridus? And more importantly, do I lose my insurance? Because I have my insurance through Strike Force 5. That's hard break, because you're just hard out. You're just out. I'm just out. Yeah. Strike Force 4, and it breaks our heart. It's like... Yeah. But it's like... It's like gerrymandering. Like, nobody likes it, but like, once the courts rule... Yeah. That's right. Has the court ruled? Oh, it's not. Oh, it's not. Don't worry. Give me a few months. It'll be Strike Force 3. Yeah, I was going to say... I was going to say... These are the good... You don't want to be in Strike Force 2. Just looking at someone going, is it you or is it me? Yeah, who knows? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Oliver, at the end of the run of Strike Force 5 two years ago, you said, and I quote, we were one week away from getting into a fight. Yes. I think that's... Tensions were rising. Yeah. Because the strike had gone on too long, and we had run out of things to say to each other. Yeah. And who do you think... If we did fight, who do you think would win? I have thoughts. Uh-oh? Who do you think would win? If the five of us, like, no holds barred... Physical fight. Physical fight all the way... It depends on what the fight... It depends. Are we talking Muay Thai? Is this... Is this a battle of wits? Yeah. If it's... If you're allowed to, like, take off a velvet glove and slap someone across the face with it... Yeah. ...and demand your satisfaction, I think I'm in with a shot. If it's what I would call rough and tumble, no, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I think John wins, and I'll tell you why. First of all, he's downplaying his physical abilities. Secondly, his wife was in the military. That's true. Yeah. So you know that's wild in bed, right? Yeah. That is a good point. She will not let any of you hurt me. So... You little f***ing... I'm winning that fight like a 17th century British general. Please send my troops in to deal with these ruffians. You call your wife your troops? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a pet mate. Late night is in a bit of a weird spot right now, spoiler alert. And people questioning his future. I have been asked this question more, like three times over the last 10 months in various interviews. It's like, they go like, make a case for late night. I'm like, what do you mean? And they go like, make a case for it. Like, why should it continue to exist? I'm like, people like it. I enjoy doing it. Why would you say that make a case for late night? Well, I would say that in my... Well, I look at the figures. And the fact of the matter is, more people are watching late night television now. Then, and I know everybody gets crazy, then when Johnny Carson, well, now, obviously Johnny Carson had a lot of people watching one show. 16 million people. But we have a lot of shows with like 30,000 people watching each one, right? And it adds up. And people watch us on YouTube now, and people have a lot of different options. And yet they still, they keep coming to us. And I will tell you, when I got knocked off the air for a few days, people... Thank you. People... I'm going to press the high hat. People canceled... People canceled Disney Plus. Why isn't... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Why... Why aren't you people cancelling Paramount Plus? Because you didn't have it in the first place? LAUGHTER Well... Jimmy... Jimmy, until the deal goes through, if I could just do a count of that, Paramount Plus might have... LAUGHTER ...some good programming, unless it's not going through, which case it can go f*** itself now and forever. Let's, like, tap the break. For sure. Let's... No, reasonable people can disagree on the utility of Paramount Plus, right, Stephen? 100% high-price. Why should you have to defend late? I mean, why should that question even be asked? You don't hear, like... Ryan Seacrest doesn't get to ask that question about the Wheel of Fortune or whatever the hell he's hosting. I would actually like to hear Ryan Seacrest defend Wheel of Fortune. I would like... I would like some of these next things to be said. Defend Wheel of Fortune's right to exist. And I am going to be leaning forward, waiting for what he says. I think late night is one of those things that's been around our whole lives, where it kind of is just, you know, it's part of our lives. I never thought it was a job when I was growing up. I just thought Johnny Carson came with the television set. I didn't know. But, you know, you watch it, and people want to go to sleep, having a good laugh, and go to bed happy, and go like, yeah. But not before Seth. Not before Seth. Not before Seth. Not before Seth. They're saying it right to sleep. That is... Jesus. They wait back up for Seth's time. That's been the whole problem with the way you end your show. Anyway, that's what's on our show. I'll say, like, when you're like, go to sleep right now. Go to bed. Yes, that's sorry about that. Also, if you've got a disease, Seth's time. I'm sorry about that. How many... Was it the goal to have a late night show for anybody? No, not for me. Not for me. No, I wanted to be a football player. Yeah. By what you mean soccer player? Thank you very much, mate. Thank you very much. He doesn't know who I am. Yeah. No one with a... Are you... Do you have tickets to any of the World Cup stuff? No, not yet. No, I'll try and get in like a hooligan. I'll fight my way in. With my wife. And where suspenders and jackboots. Yeah. I don't think... I wanted to be a doula. After me, you were very... I did not learn that. That's a great... I love umbilical cords. And I'm slipping them. That's... No, okay. That's the worst reason to do it. That's... When you say that, you'll doula interview. I just love umbilical cords. It's like... Actually, there's no... I love all kinds of cords. Did you guys... Did you guys, when you were younger, especially when you're starting on a comedy, did it ever occur to you that you'd be doing a job that the president of the United States would have strong feelings about? No. No. No. You know what's even weirder? We're doing a job that his wife has strong feelings about. Well, most of us have avoided that part. Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's amazing. Now... It's an amazing thing to get in a group text, just a text from Jimmy saying, oh boy, and then a picture of Melania mad at him. You know what I'm saying? I got... I got... We all get very excited. And then I sent a text to you guys and I said, hey, don't be mad at me, but I liked it. I think she's got a point. I think she's got a point. We're all kind of happy when you get in trouble over there. And how do you feel when you wake up and you see the attention? The saddest part of it is, I realize in those moments that the only four people who care are sitting right here. The rest of the day, it takes 12 hours for the rest of the people in my life to even figure out that anything's going on. Not two hours after that, a guy I used to work with sent me a text. He's like, hey, do you know a real estate lawyer? I was like, real estate lawyer. I'm in trouble right now. The thing I like is that he always posts when the show actually aired. And I do want to say, I appreciate that he is watching linear television. Yeah. You know, right. He's the only one left. I have to admit, I said, more people are watching late night than ever before. Yeah. Well, if I would make my case for late night, it's that, you know, leaders of the free world are watching and when it airs. Yeah. He would be the only person who I would like just to go to sleep to be able to. Yeah. Do you enjoy how much we give you when you get in trouble? I do. Because my favorite thing is how much sympathy we don't give you. Yeah. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking for the jokes. Really. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. So, okay, some things you can't appreciate if you don't do this job. Were you sad when Spirit Airlines went out of business? Wow. That was a lot of material. Yeah. It's a lot of material. Yeah. I know. And I remember you saying this to me years ago. You said, when spirit goes, I go. Yeah. Yeah. You said that. So many of your words. That's true. That's true. You did a million of your words. That's a true story. That happened. Yeah. No. That has a real story. It's a story. You did a million of your words. It's a perfect company to make fun of because they don't, and never did, pretend to be something other than they were, which is chaos incarnate in the sky. Yes. So, you don't. It's a flying waffle house. Yeah. And it's not just. It's the same color. Exactly. It's not just comedically that you miss something. On an emotional level, it was always nice to know that humanity created flight. And then at one point, progress to the point where you would have like this fight happening in the sky. I used to like the idea of looking up on a clear blue sky and thinking somewhere up there, someone's getting into a fistfight over $8 water. I think we've lost something. I think it's one of the best airlines to get duct taped to your chair. They said that. They said that. What are we doing on time? What's going on over there? Are we over? Did you see Sixth Heaven? Yes, he did. He did Sixth Heaven. That's how much we're over. That's how much we're over. Yeah, we're over. We said Sixth Heaven. We're wrapping. We're over. We're over at this point. We've already done our 20. You got a bunch of short timers working here right now. Let's keep going, baby. Let's keep going. Boo. Boo. What's up, boo? Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo is me. Exactly what people hate about you. Boo. Boo. How long were you off the air? Three days. How did the Republic go on? Let me tell you something. I can't believe this country survived without three days of you. I can't wait for you to experience this. There's a whole world out there. Do you know that there are establishments where you can sit down, they will bring you food, and you can have lunch? Oh my God. In the middle of the day? In the middle of the day. We've had lunch outside. Never leave. It's always at their desk. You never eat. Never like... People, my friends will go, hey, I'm coming to town. You want to go have lunch? I'm like, what are you talking about? Exactly, yeah. How would you describe the process of your day? Like, I describe this as like flaming toboggan ride. Like, it's very fun, but the whole objective is like, let's not hit a tree on the way down. Yeah. What was your process like there, found? For me, I stress out all day just hoping that we get some type of show together and that we can just somehow... I know that we have so many people working on the show and writers write great stuff, but I'm just like, are we changing that? Are we doing that? I'm way overthinking everything. And I'm so relieved when it's done. I'm like, we did another hour. We fooled him again. We asked, we asked, we did it. I'm so happy. I'm like, oh, we did another good show. But I stress out all day. If the show goes well, how long do you allow yourself to feel that, fellas? Two seconds. No minutes. If it goes poorly, how long do you allow yourself to feel that? I'm getting better. No, I'm getting better at moving on. I think one of the gifts of these shows is when you remember you have one tomorrow and like you kind of have to move forward. Sure. Like, I think that, yeah, it's healthy to just think about the next one. You know what, so what's that to say? He no longer cares. I think that's a faster way to say it. Yeah, okay. Last time, last time I came on here, you were very generous and gave me a gift. I don't know if you remember this. You gave me a bit that you tried on the show that- We did a bit once on the show. And flopped. Good luck, Banana. No, good news. Good news, bananas. Good news, bananas. We're a banana. Good luck, Banana. What if it works? That would have been great. Yeah. and inside there'd be a message. Oh. And it was good news for them, this banana. Thank you for giving me that bit. Yeah. Now, you said I gave him the banana costume. Yes. And you said you would do it. But you also said at the same time you would just done something similar to it called opinion-y-in rings? Oh, yeah. I just... What? Yeah, I took it. What? Yeah, we had a bit in the show called... Oh, it was a big hit. These guys are all... Everybody knows opinion-y-in rings. Opinion rings. Opinion rings. Opinion... Yeah, they're all doing it. But we'll add it in post. We'll add it in post. But we did a bit. It was called opinion-y-in rings, where I would open up onion rings, and it would have fortune cookie things inside, and I would read to my guests, and we'd just share our opinions on different stuff. Can I just say, if I had done anything as bad as either of these, I would not be able to move on? This would hold me to... I got to say, go watch... I would not be able to go to bed. Go watch Good News Banana. It's pretty fun. Don't watch opinion-y-in rings. I am definitely watching opinion-y-in rings. You said you would do it. I'm holding your feet to the fire. Will you do Good News Bananas at some point? Without a doubt, in honor of you, I will do Good News Banana. Absolutely. Give me. Absolutely. I suggest... May I be so bold to suggest that you throw the opinion rings onto the Good News Banana. Oh, my God. And really, that's a double wham. That's a good... That's a good... Or two wrongs don't make a right. There's that, too. Yeah, there's that, too. I'll give it my best shot. All right, thank you, man. Thank you. We're going to move on to... We're going to move on to a game now. Oh, I love it. Oh. Okay. We're going to move on to a game. Before we move on to the game, you're all fine hosts and leaders of shows in your own right. Is there anything that we have not touched on before we move on to this? I'm curious... The outrage that your show is being thrown off the air? Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I love it. There's a bit of a... That's it. Yeah. Weird. I mean, that's... I hope that in this, you know, I'm really, I'm waiting for Angry Stephen to come out. I want to see you go nuts. Just kind of let me... You guys have no idea. have no idea. P.S.P.S.P.S. P.S.P.S.P.S. Exactly. When this guy... I know I shouted a Bruce Banner in the lap before things went silent. Bruce, Bruce, Bruce. Uh-oh. When this guy takes off his glasses and shakes out his hair, it's the sexiest damn thing you've ever seen. Yeah. I'm curious. You guys started before I did. I'm just one of you. Your shows you're doing, each started before this show. And then you're going to be here after I'm here. I'm like the... You're like the Candy Shell. I'm the Nougat filling that came in. And then somebody came along and just sucked it out. I feel like I'm... It's like when your young wife dies. Yeah. Thought he's... He's wrong with it. That's why he's sitting there. He can't sit here. I'm sorry. It's when what? Uh... What is it like? I think my young wife is in the back. I think this one is rimshot right into Sad Trombo. Yeah. Let's try it. Ready? It's like when your young wife dies. I wish I could hear any of this. I got it. Yeah. That is... It's sad is what I'm saying. It's such a tragedy. It's gone too soon. That might be the perfect opinion ring. Well, for him and for the wife of Bad News Banana. I think it's odd the way it ended for you. I was quite surprised. Yeah. And I was quite surprised. And it's a bummer because I wanted to do this longer with you. You're talking in network television. It's odd. It's a surprise. As someone from a different area of television, I can say it was some fresh bull... Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. I can't tell you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want to... Now I can be guests on all your shows. You can host my show. I can... In the summertime. I mean, it takes all year. Yeah. I could be like your regis. You could just go like, uh, we're stuck. I could just come over. I would love that. I could be like your Terry Garry or your regis. Yeah, shoot. I would... Anytime you want to come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you so much. Like, when would be helpful to you? Well... Take your time. Take your time. Enjoy it. Give me a ballpark. Enjoy a little... A ballpark. Enjoy a little time off. Okay. All right. So here's what we got here, guys. Each one of these, we have, uh... We have these paddles. I don't even know how this sh** works. I'm gonna take one and pass it on. Wait, there's only three of these. Are we gonna spank each other? Wait. How does this work? Oh, they're double-sided. So pass these down. Everybody's got a set, right? Everybody's got a set of these. And then there you go. Perfect. All right. All right. Uh, there you go. You pass it down. Oh, sorry. Okay. Okay, so if you take the rubber band off... Oh, where'd you get this picture? Oh, no. There's our wives... Our wives sent in the worst photos they could find of us. Oh, no. There's Kimmel. Oh, no. There's Fallon. There's me. There's Oliver. And there's Seth. Okay. So I'm gonna ask a series of questions. I don't like this. Yeah. I'm not a series. There's a pretty... There's a pretty root one between this and this. I like this. Best part of Strike Force 5 was getting to know you all better, it says here. Okay. Uh, tonight... It says right there. It says right there. Yeah, it says right there. Tonight, though, it says the gloves come off and we find out what we really think of each other. My riders came up with some most likely-to questions. Here, you'll need these paddles. Distribute. These photos were sent by your wives. I did that part. Here we go. Okay. Most likely-to, who is most likely not to watch the movie their guest is on to promote? Mmm. Oh, he does. Really? Oh, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't want to have guests, though. I know. That's why I put John. He doesn't have guests. I feel like if John had guests, he also wouldn't watch. I wouldn't. I keep forgetting who the other... Okay, who would make out with a guest on camera? Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. How many of you have made out with a guest on camera? Why would you look at me like that? Because I think you've made out with guests on camera. No, I think you just wanted to make out with me. No. No. No. No. Wow. You're not to going up. You went pretty fast, though. I don't think so. Have you guys ever made out with a guest on camera? No. Yeah. Who'd you kiss? Regis once. Yeah, Regis... Not only did I kiss Regis, he chewed my gum. Oh. Regis kissed me on the top of the head when I was standing in for... He kissed me on the top of the head. It felt like someone in the mafia labelling someone for a hit. It's no way to say goodbye to a human being. I met Regis multiple times. He never made a move on me. Sorry. Martin Short... Martin Short? Martin Short, yeah. Made out with you? Yeah, but not on my show. He was just... He was at a bar. It was for charity. He was at a bar. We were on... We were on... We were on SNL. We had to do a bit where he kissed me or whatever, and he goes, He goes, Jimmy, I'll be fine. You just kiss me. He goes, I won't... No tongue. I go... Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Of course I won't do it. What are you talking about, dude? We do the sketch live. He looks at me full-on tongue. Full-on. Full-on. You got to go for it. More than I've ever made out with anyone in high school. I knew he thought we were about to get me, too. It's like Regis. Martin Short. Yeah, exactly. For me, Sally Field, Helen Mirren. Oh, good. Oh. Allison Janney. Jeff Daniels. And... What? Andrew Garfield. Oh, it's good news. Let's tell you that. Jane Fonda and I did not... You're a living man. Jane Fonda did not... We did not make out, but she stuck her tongue in my ear. That's not making out? In England. Not in America. That's in America, no. That's fifth base in England. Okay. Who is most likely to have written Italian novels under the name Elena Ferrante? Oh. Oh. I'll give you a second. Who is most likely to cry? Oh, come on. Come on. Where was he? Oh. I just... Are you trying to make me cry? I'm just gonna do it for... I'm just gonna do it for... Yeah, I'm just gonna do it. Come on. Okay. Who is most likely to be doing a cash-for-gold commercial in the next five years? You have to do it five years. Five years. Five years. If you make it five. Whoo. Okay. Who is... Okay. And this is more than opinion. I know the answer to this. Who has the highest rating on wiki feet? Oh. You know what wiki feet is? It's a place where people who enjoy looking at feet rate celebrities' feet. Who's got the highest rating on wiki feet? Oh. All right. I'm gonna say Phalanx, I know he puts... Oh, yeah, you do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweet cookies. I did it once. You chop up a little red onions. I did it once. I was sick. I was sick and someone told me to put onions, raw onions in my socks and put a Ziploc bag over my feet and go to bed. Yeah, it was Steve-o. I did it once. I put, yeah. And so I put onions on my... on the soles of my feet and I put Ziploc bags in rubber bands and I went to sleep. And Nancy was there? My wife was in bed with me, yeah. And did you have a pizza on the table? And did you have a pizza on the sideboard, as you sometimes do? That's another thing we learned from Strike Force 5. It's something as you have an entire pie on the sideboard and you'll eat one slice. I eat... No, I eat pizza in bed sometimes when I'm watching... Yeah. And like, like, dinner in bed. Yeah, I'll offer her some. I'm not rude. I don't think our issue is that you really were hogging the pizza. I'm not rude. I go, would you like some of the hoping that she says, no. And she says, no, that's not what I'm mad about right now. Here are the scores. These are the wiki-feet scores we checked today. Okay. Bringing up the rear, Fallon. 4.73 out of 5. Onyony. Onyony. Okay. Hi. Number 4, Kimmel. 4.75. Oliver. 4.76. Mmm. Seth. 4.77. And way out ahead, STC. Steven, 4.98, gentlemen. All right. All right. We're fine. All right. Look at that arc. So you... So you actually... You actually have time in the day to go on wiki-feet and give yourself five stars. That's what the interns do. Wiki-feet. Wiki-feet. Wiki-feet. I thought this job would be different. Gentlemen. Gentlemen, what a delight. Thank you so much for being here. No, I think so. Before I... Before I got one of these gigs. Before I got one of these gigs, obviously, I enjoyed your work and I respected what you did. What I didn't know at all was what the job was like. And I thought I had a job and over at Comedy Central, which we realize now which is like a job at Comedy Central, which we realize now which is like running a college newspaper. It was like we worked really hard, but the demands and the pressures of these jobs are different than anything I expected. And you guys have been wonderful friends and great models for me, and I'm so glad to know and love all of you. Thank you so much for being here. I would do that for you, but... Love you, Stephen. And all new video episode on Strike Force 5 will be available on Wednesday. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. I'm going to... day... and night. Usjet. Powerful, compact purification. That's quiet.