The Way to College Podcast - Ep 183 - Mayra Valle

Hi, this is Dr. Osses. I think I'm attracted to people that are doing similar work in the similar vein, working with similar populations. And so I'm fascinated by them because I think there might be an assumption that we've all been drawn to the work for the same reason. And I found that not to always be true. And so I'm always eager to hear, what is it that led you to the work? What is it that drives you, that gives you passion? And so today I'm excited about our conversation with my guest. But as always, I'm going to allow my guest to introduce herself. So, my rude, would you mind introducing yourself to our listeners and viewers out there? Of course. Hello, everybody. Buenas, buenas. My name is Mayra Valle. I'm currently an education consultant. But my journey started out as a facilitator for a national organization called the Posse Foundation. From there, I quickly wanted to join the work in the classroom as a college counselor. So I joined a college access organization out of Houston called Emerge that allowed me to really work with students who were first gen students of color who wanted to go to college, but we're nervous about how they were going to afford it. And so I'm super grateful to have been able to work with incredible families and students, many of whom were first generation themselves and families that really didn't think college was going to be for them because of that financial barrier. And so luckily, over 80% of my students did really well. They were able to get full coverage for their finances in college. And from there, I moved into the role of curriculum designer and training specialist for five Houston area school districts. So I was creating curriculum and also training fabulous professionals in the craft before Melanze. And I went and created this organization and business called Valleconigo LLC that helps me do a couple things. One connect with students and provide one on one advising, but then also connect with my love of facilitation through workshops and curriculum development for organizations in school districts. I'm, I'm eager to get into your story. Thank you. Thank you for joining me. Of course. You know, you said a mouthful. I know my bad. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, apologize. You know, I, I, you know, I like this to be as organic as possible. So wherever it takes you, wherever the mood takes you. So I appreciate you going in starting where might I want us to take a step back though. Because here you are, you're doing incredible work, important work. And we'll talk about sort of that process and where you are today. But I want to take a step back and I ask all of my guests, if you had to identify a starting point in your educational journey, or would that starting point be for you? I think for me, and I love that original question you asked about how so many of us do incredible work within education and all of us do it slightly differently because we're drawn to it for different reasons. And so for me, I think, like many people that may be listening, I grew up as a first generation American. And so for our family, we were navigating what it looked like to be American without losing your Mexicanness. And to give some background, my mom is one of 12 brothers and sisters. My dad is one of nine. Most of them live in the same city and the same neighborhood. So I grew up with lots of cousins and families and tons of community support. And one thing that all of them agreed on was that education was so important. Did we know how we were going to access education in a new country? Absolutely not. Did we know we wanted to? Yes. And I think that for me, learning about all of these cultural stories in our family, that was the spark for me. One of my uncles, who sadly passed away about a year ago, and he gave up his whole life so that he could help his siblings cross the border and move to the U.S. His big dream in his life was to go to college and study in the university. And he didn't have that opportunity. And so for us, we thought we don't have to take care of our siblings in the same way that our parents did. We literally have no excuse. The recipe that they're giving us is go to college and all we have to do is say yes and try to figure out what the roadmap looks like. That proved to be a little bit more challenging than we thought, but it didn't seem impossible. For us, crossing borders, creating a household with a single mom with 12 kids felt like impossible. They were just asking us to go to school. And so I think for me, that was the spark. I was like, there's something magical about this education thing that they keep trying to sell me. They believe in it so heavily that they didn't even do it, and they believe in it for us. Maybe there's something to that. So as much as we did, we tried to go to the better schools, make these decisions. And I mean, our family was making these hard decisions with the information that they had to set us up for success. Wow. Thank you. Thank you for that. That's beautiful. You give us some context when your family, you know, you talked about making these tough decisions, identifying the better schools. Give me some context in terms of the community. Where's all of this happening? Good question. So I go back to this moment. The first big decision that our family had to make was what school to go to. And this was elementary school, right? So my grandmother lived off East Tech's Freeway in Jensen, which is within a predominantly black neighborhood. Our family just a few blocks away lived in the north side, which is considered a predominantly Latino neighborhood. So we had a decision to make between both schools. And I remember my mom saying, I want you to go to the school near your grandmother's neighborhood because I can teach you Spanish at home. I don't want that told you back when it comes to learning English. So for them, I think now in retrospect, I think about the laborious jobs our parents were doing, whether they were nannies, house cleaners, construction workers or landscapers. In some ways, language seemed to be something that was top of mind as either keeping them from an opportunity or opening an opportunity for them. And for us, they were like, we're not going to go to the school like a couple blocks away. We're going to take you to school maybe three minutes away. Because this is a school that we think is going to help you learn English. So for us growing up, we were one of, I think it was only for Latino families at the time in the 90s. And all of our families knew each other. And I remember my grandmother talking to us and she said, we are guests in the neighborhood. We are guests in the community. And I think for her as a Latina woman of indigenous descent, she was like, this is what I can afford for my family. And it just so happens to be a predominantly black neighborhood who's been incredibly kind to us. We need to be kind back. So we're going to go to these schools, but remember that you are guests in the community. So I think for us, that was like the one big decision that our families made for us. And it was really based in language because for them, those language barriers were so top of mind for them at work. Wow. You know, I, whenever I sit and listen to these stories, I'm always struck by these moments, these decisions that our families make a lot of times. And particularly in, when my guests have grown up in a large city and being aware of place and position, right? And I think that's the right positionality and which school is on this side. And where am I in relation to all of these schools having, and so hear your story and thinking about language and which school is going to give my children, my grandchildren the most access. And I think that, you know, they're thinking we can teach them Spanish and how they can, you know, they're not going to lose that we want to help them get them, give them more opportunities, you know, and we'll, they'll have more opportunities if they go to this other school. What was, you know, your earliest memory of somebody asking you, Maita, what do you want to be when you grow up? Yes. I would say that I was in fourth grade in Miss Cobb's class, and I wrote down like star. I wanted to be this like Broadway star. Part of the beauty of living in such a communal space is that my relationship with my grandmother was incredibly strong just as it was with my uncles and my, my theas and my, my parents. So my grandmother would teach me how to do embroidery hoops. So we would both as young as I was at the time I had to have been in elementary school. We would drink our little cafecito watch telenovelas. And for me, I just loved bonding with the elder in our family who just was always so wise, accepting non judgmental. And for a Latina Mexican woman to have a very non judgmental space to explore what it means to be a woman was just incredibly safe to grow up with. And so for me, because I bonded so much with my grandmother, I was like, Oh my gosh, I want to be the person on screen people watch. So at the time, I figured, Oh, that's totally easy, like we can totally all become stars and like that is our calling. But I think for me it was just the creativity that artists had to just be themselves. And again, no strategy. Super big dreams. I was like, I want to be Selena, like that is that is the goal. Okay, can I sing can I hold a note absolutely not but her level of influence like was incredible. And so I was definitely part of the Latinas that were like, I want to do music and be on TV and all the things. I love that. I love that. Did you did you share this dream with anyone like did you share this with your grandmother? No, I did not, which is a great question. I think I think that any dream at the time would have felt so big that I think at the time we think about sharing things with people who can like help us kind of get there. And I think for me, I would think of these moments as very fleeting thoughts, but I never even entertain them enough to share them with someone else. And I think now now my grandmother has passed away but I think about how affirming she would have been and how she would have totally said like, oh my gosh, you're so much more talented like that's just the woman she was where she was just like all of all of her grandkids and she had over 60, you know, grand, grand babies, but she was just so affirming to all of us that she would have totally found a way to make all of these goals and dreams happen for us like I am convinced my grandmother would have gotten me on a commercial or something like I don't know how but she would have been super supportive and tried to make it happen. But I think for me, the issues around me felt so much bigger that sharing my own dreams felt like taking up airspace that wasn't needed. I was like, okay, we need our more immediate needs handled at the moment we don't have time for those dreams we have to defer those dreams for now, until we have time to entertain them later. Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there because I think I think you say something that is incredibly powerful. And so let me ask you, you know, okay, I want to be the star. I want to be on TV and right and performing, but you're also having these ideas these thoughts and and and this this is something that always also I'm struck by with when talking to my guests because to have that awareness. You know, right. And so just having this awareness about, you know, and not that that my dreams are silly or anything like that but but as you say, I don't want to take up airspace, right. I've got some more immediate needs and pressing things that that I my attention should be towards. How old are you, this point right now I'm 33 I'm in my 30s. No, no, no, no, but when you're thinking when you're having those thoughts might have to have been maybe seven years old. Seven years old. Seven years old. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not thinking and seven. I'm not thinking that my dreams shouldn't be shared. Yeah. And I think that's powerful. I think that's that says something about community and about the space that you're being raised in and this this awareness. Yeah, right. Having this like a and I don't know. Right. We can get into it right whether we want to call it like this critical awareness but just understanding like this. These priorities. Yeah, lives right. Here you are your seven you're in a change these ideas but you're also having this awareness. What was school like for you. You're the these early memories of school was school like for you. Yeah, I think for a long time. I, and I think this feeds into some of the perfectionism imposter syndrome and people pleasing tendencies that I have now as an adult. But I think so much of it stem from being younger when you grow up in such a community that is deeply connected. You are representations of the elders who raise you. So you don't want to embarrass them. You don't want to be. You don't want to be a negative reflection of the people that you admire in your life. And so for me that came with a lot of immense pressure. In the 90s I attended a school where students were corporal punishment was a thing that we grew up with we didn't know any different. So, if you were penalized for something maybe you were talking too much like my case and I was very chatty. Or not talkative enough or you had disciplinary issues they would meet those disciplinary issues with like pops on the hand with rulers, things like that at our school and this is the 90s so it's not that long ago. But I think for me, I, and the school would have to call your parents. And so for me, I never wanted to add anything to my mom's plate. So growing up, I was like I can't control the grades I get in my classes but I can control how I behave. For me, it was just don't give my teachers any problems, like be a good student participate as much as you can. And so for me I was definitely more of a rule follower when I was a student. I was asking tons of questions. Dare I say sometimes I was considered a teacher's pet just because I was like I am going to do school well, you know, yeah, and so. Yeah, I think I think that for me it was a lot of just being kind to to folks because I didn't want to misrepresent my mom in these spaces with my teachers, you know, I love that. I love that. You've already shared that school was important. School was important to your family or getting all of these messages and and even the the the practices the decisions are all reflective of this supporting this. When did you when did you start thinking about college? Yeah, I and let me stop because I, you know, I with my students I'll often require that they meet with me one on one. And that's one of the questions that I'll often ask them as it was college always as college always been part of the plan. And, and you know, for a lot of them they'll say no it right. But here you you're getting all of these messages so education is important. But when did you start having thoughts about college. I would have to say my oldest cousin, well one of my older cousins. She was staying at our house for a while and she was attending school, she was attending a community college here in the city of Houston. And I just remember picking her brain about what that was like. I was like, I was going to go to school this many hours a day like me. And it just seemed like a space that gave her far more freedom than she was used to in public education. And it felt like from what she was telling me that it was kind of a stepping stone for something else. And so, I was like, okay, so that was like my first connection with with college and then my mom had heard through, through a cousin of hers that yes prep had opened so it was a charter school in the city of Houston. And there was this big push towards college preparation, it was in the name, you know at the time and so mom was like I want my daughter to go there, and there was a school on the southeast side of town which would have been a 45 minute drive every morning, and I was picking up a school on the north side that was super close. And my mom prayed on it and prayed on it and prayed on it put my name in the lottery and I was selected as one of the students in the founding class of this charter school. We started out at a church right next to the local I am CA. And every Wednesday we would pick up pews for the service that was happening because we didn't have a permanent building. And then we transitioned over to a warehouse during my time there and then we officially transitioned to a permanent building that is now a school and so we were part of this. What felt like an experiment at the time turned incredible force, where most people in the community were like that school is a scam like y'all don't even have a building right. And so like she believed in the mission our teachers went to our homes to basically tell us all of the things that we were signing on for which included completing a specific amount of service hours per year to engage with our community. So my mom thought you know we've always believed in higher education we've just never known how to get her in a space that would help her do that. And this felt like the right plan. And so, as a sixth grader, I attended yes prep, and I graduated from there as a 12th grader. And a lot of their programming was college based to the point where the college I ended up attending was part of their impact scholars program, which meant that most of the funds to go there are covered by the school because they created a partnership with our high school. And so, yeah, that's kind of how it happened. A lot of it began because I have a praying mother who was like, this is an opportunity and no it is not a scam. We will see what happens here and so I think because she took a leap, and I trusted her, I was willing to do the work and I joined my class of less than 50 people who graduated with us in Yeah. That's an incredible amount of faith, right on the mother's part. Yes. But also, I think reinforces right her commitment to getting you prepared to college and making sure that you would go to college. 100%. Let me ask you, because you mentioned something really interesting about starting out in a church and then in a warehouse and picking up the pews and whatnot. Yeah. And I, that's funny, but also, you know, I went to public school and, you know, facilities were good. I can't ever say that our facilities were poor or anything like that. Yeah. Now as a student, I think we take, at least I'm, you know, speaking for myself, I think speaking for my peers, we like we took the facilities for granted. Got our science labs, we've got our deaths and, you know, kids putting gum under the desk and just not maybe taking the best care. Yeah. Let me ask you, being in this space, being in this, first in a church and then in a warehouse, but like recognizing this is also a space, this is also where it's going to, where somebody's going to have service. Let's get these pews, right? Did you have a different relationship with like just the school and the facilities? Yes. Oh, 100%. We, at the time, so we were there from sixth to 12th grade and so sixth grade, so much of the work was community based. We would go out and clean our, our local yards because there was so much litter, we would go and clean out lots. There was one whole summer where all of us got poison ivy because we were like picking out weeds and, you know, doing all this yard work. And then it was the families that would bring in tacos, breakfast foods. And it was like all of the families that would do that, or catering services that would come in. And a big part of the school was managing these mindsets. So one of them that I still believe it now is leave a place better than you found it. And I think the school was filled with all of these mantras of how to live our lives quotes by Gandhi and Malala and just spaces for us to feel affirmed as students of color in education. And so seeing those messages so often, you really do internalize them and you feel them. And so we did turn into the upperclassmen that were like back in my day, we didn't even have desks we had pews, you know, and so I think there was this like protectiveness around our space because we'd been in spaces that didn't have it. And for a lot of us our parents were immigrants. And so our parents were like, this is just school in the US right so we didn't have anything to compare it to. But we did understand that our teachers would go the extra mile. And they instilled in us this, these values that I think have worked really wonderful for us because we're all doing really well. But I think on the flip side of that is that we are overachievers that struggle sometimes to say no, or slow down. Because we feel like it is a value to try to leave a place better than we found it, it is a value of ours to honor and respect all people. It is a value of ours to support and lend a listening ear when possible. Like all of these interpersonal characteristics that have helped us build really wonderful relationships started there because it was often reinforced for us. I love that. I love it. And I imagine there is, you know, when you engage in work like that, and when you're a part of sort of building and creating this school, you can't help but take a little bit of ownership of just the space. Right. Like this is really your school. Yeah. Oh, 100%. And like what we don't like is our responsibility to fix. So there was this high level of ownership of, you know, we didn't at the time, like I think there was maybe one fight that I remember, and it wasn't even on campus, it was like at a bus stop. And it was younger students, and I was like, we cannot do this, you know, and they were like, okay. And we ended up talking it through at the bus stop. And, but I think it was the sense or schools incredibly small. So we had built those relationships we respected each other a lot, knew our families really well and so no one was saying like who do you think you are, you know, because everybody felt like you have a vetted interest in making sure that everyone is their best and contributing to this shared space. Oh, man, I love this. I love this. You said, you know, where you ultimately where you went to college school was part of this network. Describe that for me. Tell me about that. Yeah, so there's a list of impact schools that are connected with the charter school that essentially create a partnership to fully fund or close to fully fund students from the school to attend and so I actually went to a school called Connecticut College. So I went to a small liberal arts school out in Connecticut, as a student from Houston, and it was really funny how that happened because I was visiting the school the school paid for me to go and visit to help me make that decision and I got flown up for free. And students forget that some of these schools will fly you up to visit if you get in so that you're able to make an informed decision. And so there were these the students of color that I saw out of the airport, and I gravitated towards that group of students little did I know that I was on the bus with all of the students from the posse program. I was the only person not who wasn't a posse scholar on that bus. So confident high school me was so unaware of herself and I was just still in the back. And I was asking people questions and I was like how interesting that all of you are from Chicago. And they were like, Well, we're part of a scholarship program and we are a cohort. We know each other very well we don't know you. I was like, Okay, great. So we know each other really well. And I through meeting them I ultimately made the decision to go to Connecticut College because I knew that I would have a community like the one that I was used to, to make the college transition a little bit easier. After college, I work for that organization called the posse foundation, because I've been a perpetual posse pluser, who has really benefited from this mission from afar. So I do think that community is the thread of my story and education. Not a whole lot of strategy but I think that there was a lot of community woven throughout my journey. And it absolutely sounds like that. Right. You, you go away to Connecticut College. Yes. And what was what was that transition like I imagine because it's a small liberal arts college. Yeah, where you're coming from, right looks very different. Of course you have this community that you've met. Right. But tell us about tell us about that transition. What was that like for you. So socially, I thrived. I was such a little social butterfly. I was so excited to meet new people because you have to remember I was in the same class with students from the sixth to the 12th grade. And I think part of it is who you are as a sixth grader is kind of who you're typecast if you will, into that role as a 12th grader. And families know who you are. Our community was so close knit that I think for me college provided me with this with the runway to become who I was going to become. I grew in so many ways, while not losing my essence and my core, but it was a full choice that time, because no one was keeping me accountable to the role that I played right in middle to high school. I was like, okay, I am me, but now it's a choice, right. Like all of those lessons that I learned are still a part of me are the things I live by, but no one is telling me to do it now I'm doing it myself. So I was able to really connect with like minded students on campus and I really thrived there. I think what was challenging was social life on campus when it came to partying and having an avid social life on weekends because I struggled with the selfishness that came with feeling like I get to have fun and my parents are working really hard. And I didn't party at all during my first semester. If I did, I went out came right back like didn't really partake in a lot of social events, because in that semester, Texas was going through heat dome. I don't know if you remember like in the early 2010s it was like 100 and something days where it hadn't rained in the city of Houston and there was a dome of heat over Texas. So my dad is a landscape foreman and a truck driver, and he was out in 105 degree weather for over a month. And I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy my time in college because it felt selfish to do that with the opportunity that they gave me. My mom would call and she would say, you know, I hope you're having fun. And I'm like, yeah, I'm totally having fun. I'm meeting friends. But I think she didn't know a lot about those anxious thoughts that were coming up about their wellness. How are you all doing because that seems way harder than me just going to class and taking notes and being a good student. But they were so in awe of like all of the accomplishments that I was doing in college and that to me was so interesting, because I'm like, I'm going to school practically fully funded. I ended up getting the Gates Millennium Scholarship, which helped alleviate a lot of that financial stress for my family. And I was like, going to school, I can do that. That feels so much easier than finding a way to make ends meet when my dad is getting older. And he's working these labor jobs during an unprecedented heat wave in the state of Texas. How am I going to have fun? I didn't know how to do that. I met closer friends in the springtime that had a lot of shared interests with dance. And so I was dancing on campus. And I think that brought me a lot of physical wellness, but also just mental wellness that eased a lot of the anxiety I was having, where I was able to be more social than I had been before. But I still thought about my parents and my cousins and my uncles and what was going on back home a lot. Let me ask you, because I think this is something that for a lot of students, a lot of students whose parents maybe didn't go to college, whose parents are manual laborers, right? A lot of our first generation students struggle with that. Right here I am. I'm going away and I'm going away to an expensive school. And I'm enjoying these amazing facilities and taking these classes. And it almost feels like I should be working. Like I should be doing something right to contribute to the family household. What advice would you give somebody who finds themselves, right? We're towards the end of the spring semester, midway through spring semester. What advice would you give somebody who finds themselves with that mindset, sitting with those thoughts and having a difficult time enjoying themselves in school? Yeah. I go back to something I literally heard a friend say this week. His name is Dr. Rick Rodriguez, and he works with the Rooted Life. And he said, after this administration, he asked himself, what would the ancestors want of me? And I would pose that question to young people. What would the ancestors want of you? I think they would want us to take up as much space, to experience radical joy in these spaces that we have been historically excluded from. And to say, even here I thrive. You know, I think of a lot of my house decor is a lot of nopales. And I really resonate with like cactus and nopales because I'm like, these are natural beings that grow in the harshest of environments that are not meant to sustain life. I've seen that in every immigrant family, mixed status family, every first generation kid that decides, I'm going to go to college. And they are the cactus that is thriving in the middle of the desert. And sometimes they wonder why haven't my flowers bloomed yet. And it's like, your mere survival here is proof of your resilience and the magic that is you. And I think that students don't hear that enough because they're like, man, someone else there. They are the Rosales that are blooming multiple times a year. And I can't get this done in class and I feel really guilty because I want to party and do these things. And we don't think about how we've done harder things. Maybe you didn't read that book in college, right? But you know how to read a book and you know how to assess and you know how to analyze literature. You have all of the transferable skills that you need to be successful, but not enough people are telling us that most people are saying you are behind. There are peers at private schools across the city doing far more than you are. And in my experience, that is not true. No one works harder than that first gen low income student who is creative beyond belief, because they have had to be to make sense of circumstance. But I'm like, you are the social enigma. You are it. So you've already done harder things. So when it comes to experiencing joy, do it. Give yourself permission to feel joy. Give yourself permission to pour into yourself. Give yourself permission to make those calls back home and have those more authentic and real conversations. Because what we'll likely find is that our community wants us to be here too. Like our community wants us to experience these things so long as we don't lose ourselves in the process. So long as we don't become the version of ourselves that forgets where we came from, forgets our community, doesn't pour back in and doesn't remember who we are. I think whilst we do that, experiencing joy is always a good thing. But I think our students don't hear it enough. I love that. I love that. And I found a new clip now that I'm going to show my students. Because I think I see that. I see that with a lot of my students. A lot of my students who, you know, I think about the university where I, you know, I still teach at and, you know, a lot of first generation students, a lot of commuters. And so, you know, they struggle with that, with giving themselves permission to let me hang around after class and enjoy like being a student. Let me, you know, take advantage of these opportunities. And yeah, and so I think the way you described it, the advice you've just given us is incredibly beautiful and powerful. Because you're absolutely right. I see the Nepal. And just a side note, yeah, no palace go everywhere. And I'm reminded that there's a no palm growing in my mother's daughter and I have to go. Beautiful. Thanks for reminder. Go take care of that. Thank you for that. But no, just such powerful imagery and you're right. You're right. Right. We've got to take up space. We've got those that have done the hard work before us and what they would want for us. I love that. And I think this goes twofold. It's not when things are going good and receiving them. It's when things go wrong and you have to remind yourself of who you are. I'll tell you during my first semester in college, I got a D in a class, like not a class but in an assignment. And this is my first big assignment in this class within my major, by the way. So this was I was gutted because I am a student. How dare me get a D, but it was all of the politics that happened afterwards. So I'll tell you, I was attending this class. I'm going to give you some time for her to give us all of our grades for essay. She hands them back to every student and says in front of everyone, Myra, can I talk to you after class? Immediately my heart is sinking because I think to myself I worked really hard on that essay. I didn't party on Saturday, you know, on any Saturday because I'm at the library reading everything that you give us word for word, what could be the problem. She says your writing is so unclear. I feel like you have good ideas, but I don't know how to comprehend them because there's so much fluff here. Your sentences are too long. You've got too many written on sentences. This isn't written well. You're using really big words because I feel like you think you need to use them. But you're I'm losing the message here. You're using a lot of passive voice as well. So it was a lot of things going on. I said, What do you suggest I do because this is not a reflection of my best work. I'm not a D student. She says go to the writing center. As a good student, there I go. I don't go to the writing center once I go to the writing center seven times before the next assignment. We get our essays back. And again, she says Myra wait after class. I'm freaking out inside. I'm, you know, I'm sweating and I'm having a moment because I said, Listen, I did what she told me to what could be the problem. She starts reading my essay sentence by sentence to me and she says, I can't believe you wrote this. And I go to school and that was a school that abides by an honor code. So if I had been caught for cheating, I could be expelled and no longer go. So there was a lot at risk for me. Right. And she said, What did you do different. I said I went to the writing center like you told me to. And I go and I have the receipts to show you that I went to the writing center seven times to refine those ideas. And she goes, No, you don't have to show me. And I was like, No, but I do because I don't know whether to be happy that I did better or be upset that you didn't think I could. Because this conversation went back and forth for a couple minutes. She keeps reading sentences and she's like, But this is so different than, you know, or how did this happen? Like, and what was crazy was all of those brilliant ideas were just hidden. They were just hidden because I didn't know how to avoid passive voice. I didn't know how to not have to prove myself with all these big words. All the ideas were there. I didn't change any of the ideas. I just presented them differently. And at that moment when I said that she didn't respond. She was like, I'm sorry. She didn't even say I'm sorry. She was just like, Okay. And then she let me go. She gave me the 92 on that second and say, I didn't get expelled. But I think even in those moments, there are sometimes where people are going to ask you to prove who you are. And you have to remember. Like, I knew I wasn't a cheater. I knew I had been at the writing center seven times. I knew that I had really tried to work hard to fix this lack of communication. And even then, I was questioned on my character. So I think even in those negative moments, even more in those negative moments, we have to remind ourselves of who we are because some people need the reminder. Even if it's not you. I love that. I love that. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. What was it by the way, because you said, you know, the course was in your major. What was it to majoring in? So I was majoring in international relations or international studies. And I think the class was on global governance or something like that. And then after that class, I changed my major. To what did you do? So I ended up doing Latin American studies and dance. And I was like, Saviskaya, I'm just going to do what I want to do. Be around the professors who are invested in me and my growth and relationship build there. And it worked. And I connected with that professor from that class later, where she did say, like, I hope you're doing really well and I'm really proud of you. So even when I didn't have like an apology, I think it was beautiful that I was seen for who I was. Yeah, those years later, like she still knew that who I was. That's awesome. Yeah. The after college, you know, one of them among countless guests, they talk about sort of the, I don't know if I'd call it the hangover, the post college hangover, leaving college transitioning out. And then all of a sudden, bam, and now they've got to find a job, they've got to find, you know, their way and the number of them have talked about how challenging that was and how nobody ever told them how difficult that was going to be. So tell me about what was that transition like for you. Here you are. You've graduated from Connecticut College, correct. And then what were you thinking about and what was your strategy at that point? So, like tons of people, I think the strategy was go to school and opportunities will just magically show up. A college degree is the secret recipe to do well at life. So I thought to myself, let me just do that again. So I went to graduate school. And so, and to be honest, I think for me, being a student who I think was into a lot of different fields, I didn't really know what life would look like. I ended up majoring in performance studies. So I didn't know if it would be a good field to go into like literally knew nothing, but I was like, this is the, these are my academic interests. Let me go do that. And so I think for me, I would have waited a couple years because I would have gotten a graduate degree in something different than what I did. Because I just didn't know myself. I didn't know the landscape of the professional space well enough to know what was advantageous, what wasn't. And I also didn't take advantage of my Gates Millennium scholarship that covers a master's in education, which would have been far more in line with what I'm doing now. But again, the strategy was just go to school, get a degree in anything just having a degree gets you in the door. Having a graduate degree as a Latina, that's a game changer. You're going to be able to go anywhere was the thought. And so I think for us, we often don't think beyond schooling. School is the strategy. And so for me, it was a rude awakening because I thought to myself, I have all of these tools, I just don't know how to package them so that I can be hired by an organization. And so I think for me, what made the most sense was what other organizations are doing things in a more interdisciplinary way. So I found my way into the nonprofit sector where I was able to become a facilitator, a facilitator of cross cultural dialogue with young people looking to go to college. So I said, life has prepared me for this like I was that student, right? And if it is from those posse students helping me even that it felt like a natural fit. And so for me, my journey into education was through facilitation. I wasn't a traditional teacher. I started by having these conversations around gender, sexuality, race, religion, politics with young people that were going to highly selective institutions like Texas A&M, Wellesley College and working with these young people. And I think for me, I grew up incredibly conservative within the Pentecostal church that everything was black and white growing up. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. There's nothing in the middle. Very black and white thinking. And having that job helped me be a better educator, be a better facilitator, and a better steward of service for others, because I recognize that the world was far more gray than I thought it was through my students. And it's through my friends in college too, but I think I now had a framework for how to interpret the world that was far more gray that I thought it was. So you're finding your way into this work. It sounds it's incredibly fulfilling. Super. Yeah. At the same time, are you having thoughts and ideas about is this is this work that I want to grow into? Is this something that I want to continue to do? Were you thinking larger? What are the thoughts? And I asked because I think, you know, I remember graduating and like you, I completed undergrad and then just step right into a master's program. Yeah. Because because I thought, well, I think on my end, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But I thought, you know what, I love school and I think I do school well. Let me try this. Exactly. But I think initially, right, I think early on my early 20s, I was thinking, okay, I'm gonna, I need to paycheck and pay my bills and you take care of myself. And I'll often share with my students, I think it wasn't until probably into my late 20s, early 30s, where I started to think about purpose and about some of the larger work that I wanted to do in the impact. You have an opportunity here. You step into the nonprofit sector. You see the return on your work. Was it, was it, was it, did you see yourself sort of growing into this work or was it this is just a stepping stone to something else that I'd like to do? Yeah, great question. I think, I think it was a really humbling experience because I was making far less than normally people would in education. And so the work was incredibly fulfilling, but I was like, if I wasn't living with my mom, I wouldn't be able to afford to live in the city. I wouldn't afford rent, because I'm not making enough to be able to do that. And I think part of it made me feel good a little bit because I was like, great, I'm humble enough to know that I can do any job and do it well and be of service to others and I'm not doing it for the paycheck. But a paycheck would have been nice, you know, and I think I was grappling with that a little bit where I was kind of stuck in between. So I did feel like I, this is a stepping stone to something else. And I think that thought immediately brought me anxiety because I didn't know what the next move would be. Right. I wanted to stay in media, in comms in that area. And then an opportunity arose where I was able to increase my impact and work with school districts through another nonprofit that was working specifically with public school students. And I thought, okay, I think this is this is where I meant to go next. And I had a conversation with my supervisor and she was like, you are incredibly creative. I would fully support whatever move you make next because I think you've outgrown a lot of what this role is and it felt very affirming because that was the first time I had to talk to my employer about how to transition out of a role. And I knew it was important to not burn bridges to maintain positive relationships, but it also felt like it was important to me to move on. And so for me, I love that I was able to navigate that conversation and still have an advocate in the education space without burning bridges and move on. And so there I was able to work with students in HISD in, sorry, the organization worked with HISD, but I was working with students in Spring Branch ISD. And I work with such incredible young people like that that has been the gift. I think decolonizing a lot of how I feel about things is also thinking that just because I'm the older person in the room, it means that I have this wisdom to provide these young people. And it's not true. I think that in so many ways communal spaces are built on rejecting hierarchy. My students often teach me far more than I teach them, I feel like. And so my students were working with me. I was meeting with their families. We got so close that families knew Meyers gonna be at that Starbucks till nine working with the kids that work. So if it was wintertime, they would just stop by and bring me Calito, or they would be like, Hey, we know you're at the Starbucks, we've made food, pick up a plate so that you don't have to cook dinner. And I love being able to do what I loved while building relationships that felt like home to me, even at a nine to five. And so, yeah, I think for me that was that part of the journey where I knew I needed something to happen next. I didn't know what it was, but it was the right move. And so thank you for sort of deconstructing that for us, just walking us through that because I think you, you bring up a really great point, right, recognizing having the awareness to recognize kind of okay, I've sort of outgrown the position, or I've reached my ceiling. And then how do I transition out one to how do I engage my supervisor, my boss in this conversation about me leaving an organization or right. And so I think those are really important things that I think, one, I had to have that conversation about three years ago, and nobody told me how to have that conversation, right, but I felt like, and I'm sure you felt this way, right, I'd established a good relationship with my supervisor and I thought, okay, I feel comfortable enough that I can have this conversation. If you could offer one piece of advice about navigating that. What advice would you give a young person who finds themselves maybe in a career, but they've kind of reached that point where they're like, you know, I think it's time for me to transition out. How do I have that conversation? Yeah, I think, I think a couple things. A lot of first generation students relationship building is something that we tend to do quite well, and it is a superpower that I don't think we often articulate to other people. And I think that is something that for me has been a game changer, because we think about, I think of things in three categories of three so a lot of people build relationships. And get to the next move for one of three reasons. Generational money. Clout, I know that family, so she comes from, you know, good stock, as they say, or I think about talent, like this person is so incredibly talented, you need them. So many of those first three are generationally based in privilege. Right. What did your family do? What did their family do? Okay, cool. They've edited it. They've added this person. So now I fully support them joining our team, or bringing something to the table. For us first gen students who didn't grow up with the generational money of other families, relationships is your tool for success. So for me, I think the way that you want to be remembered is how you act in the moment. Have people see you as your truest self when you're coming into the organization and when you leave. So if you want to be remembered as somebody who is incredibly conscious, respectful, vocal, embody those characteristics in that final conversation. Hi, I so appreciate all of the ways that you've invested in me. And I was approached by another opportunity, or I'm seeking another opportunity to grow in these ways that I feel like I've maximized here because of your support. Could I count on your recommendation and support as I transition out? I'm happy to close, you know, all of these loose ends to make the transitionary process easier for you. How we want to be remembered is how we should approach those conversations. Because they're hard either way. Yeah, they're going to be hard either way, but you want to make sure they're hard in ways that are reflective of who you are as a person. I think for me, that's been so far the winning combination. Well, it sounds like a winning combination makes sense to me. So thank you. And yes, that's beautiful. You know, Mara, you start with in one position, you transition out, you talk about that transition. And eventually your work with the school districts, you move out of that position. Yeah, so I actually, before moving out of that position, I get promoted to director of learning and design, meaning that I was designing curriculum and also training the educators to deliver this content, which was so wild. But again, relationships were part of it. The person who was moving out of that role was a mentor of mine. So during lunch, I would pick her brain about curriculum stuff or, hey, I'm looking to update these things here. Do I have your blessing to change it? You know, and so we found out that we were really good thought partners. So by the time they transitioned out, I was able to learn more about the role to see if it would be a good fit. And I trusted her to be honest with me to say, so I was gay, you need to grow a little bit more or I think I think this is your time to explore that area. She gave me her blessing, which for me meant so much because she was a Latina who graduated from Harvard. And I was like, I cannot fill these shoes, you know, and she was like, she lovingly said, it is not your job to fill my shoes, it is your job to create new footprints for yourself. So not that you need my blessing, but sure, you have my blessing to apply and do the things and I'll fully support you. And she really did during my time in that role. She was fabulous. And yeah, so I think for me, like I wouldn't have been able to be ready for that role without her mentorship, friendship and support. Here this organization, you move it up into this organization. But ultimately you leave this organization. Why did you leave the organization? I think it was it was a few things. One of the main reasons honestly was I was looking to invest in myself in the next season. I thought, okay, I'm in my 30s now. What would happen? Let's just see what would happen if I if all of the energy that I put outwardly to these organizations that I'm serving in. What if I redirected that inward? What would happen? So I saved up to be able to do this experiment for about six months without digging into my savings. And then friends were reaching out from other organizations and saying, hey, do you still do curriculum? Like would you be willing to do that for us? Or could you present on this? Could you do that? And then little by little I realized, wait, am I running a business now? Like am I am I doing this on my own now after what felt like, you know, a sabbatical of just let's see what happens if we invest in ourselves. I realized other people remembered what I did well and wanted to collaborate. And for me, I was like, this was totally unexpected. And I think it really helped me learn a lot more about the business side of things and the entrepreneurial side of things. Congratulations. Thanks. So I, you know, in 2022, I'd been with the university for 20 years. But I think like you, I reached a point where in my college, I couldn't get tenure. And so I was the had reached my ceiling. And, and I think I wanted like you, I wanted to see, okay, this, you know, I've, I've learned how to do all of this work. I've done some things on the side. I'd like to kind of invest in myself and see where it goes. And I remember when I told my parents, my father was, I believe in you, good luck. My mother had a hard time with it because my mother, right. And maybe your parents, your mother can relate. My, my mother was, what about your retirement? What about your benefits? What about your health insurance? Right. And, and, and I think in the moment, like I understood, right, having, and I'd already started the podcast, having these conversations with guests who said their parents never had that. They didn't have the retirement. They didn't have, you know, yes, you know, health insurance, reliable health insurance. Yep. And so from my mother, I mean, the panic on her face. Yeah. Did anyone ask you that? Oh my God. What about that? A little bit. And I, well, kind of, and I'll tell you why, but mostly no. And I think part of it was, and I realized this was my issue. So I think for me, being the constant overachiever and being like, I am what I produce though. So I am excellent. Therefore, everything I produce will be excellent. And so producing excellent at, you know, a high rate for sustained amount of time weighs on you. And I think for me, I had a conversation with a mentor and she was like, we have to get this under control because mama, wherever you go, there you are. And what she meant by that was every single job I've had, I've gone above and beyond. I haven't just done the things that are asking me to do my, you know, to get to get my paycheck. I've done far more. And she had to break it down for me and say like, none of this people were asking for you did this, right? Some of those things you consented to. And that was true. So then I needed that extra time to be able to say, how do I set better work life boundaries? And so I learned that maybe in saying no to one project, I may disappoint people in the moment, but I'm not disappointing them long term, because I'm not submitting that on time, or I'm just not happy because I had to pull in all night or to get it done. So for me, that sabbatical time was really going to be used in developing that skill. How can I learn to say no so that I avoid burnout moving forward? So my mom had seen so much of the mental health toll that it took on me to not say no, to not slow down, to keep saying yes at work, that she sat down with me and only Mama Valle, if you know her, can say this. She said, you are the most confident person I know, but you do not love yourself right now. And I said, what do you mean? And she goes, you are the most confident person I know, but you were in a car accident and you didn't go to PT. You are the most confident person I know right now, and you've been sick three times and not gone to the doctor. You are the most confident person I know. And you have not, you know, taken care of yourself and taken a dance class in six months. And you may be confident, but you don't love yourself right now. And I started crying because she was right. I was preaching all of this like self love and not practicing it and it was, it was, it was driving this toll on me. And I had to step away, because for me, I'm like, if I'm going to be there, I'm going to be there and contribute and do my best work. And the minute I can no longer say that, or the minute I'm hitting a wall where I am no longer going to produce at the level that is expected of me, I will willingly bow out, right? And so I had to do that. And I think other family members were a little bit like, oh, how are you going to pay for your health insurance and all these other things, but my mom wasn't. And my mom was like, I would rather you, I would rather you be here. She was just like, I want you to be happy, healthy, present. And you've worked so hard that you're working yourself to the bone where like I'm worried about your health, like you're not sleeping. As a mom that hurts me more than you saying, you know, you need a break, you need to, you need to stop pumping the brakes so much to stop pumping the gas, push the brakes. So I think having her blessing in that was so helpful, because I was able to do that. I was able to practice those healthy, you know, boundary settings. I was able to learn to say no, I was able to set my own schedule, be more disciplined, hang out with my family more, be a happier person. And yeah, I think my mom was like, that makes me far happier and if you're happy, I'm happy. But also let's get you some health insurance. So like as soon as you book a contract by some health insurance. And so I think for me, because she'd been part of that process and journey. I didn't have her being worried. She was actually worried for me within the role because she was like, this is a constant pattern of you overworking yourself. And something needs to change because my goal for you when it came to getting a college degree was that it buys you the freedom you need to live the life you want. This isn't the life I want for you, nor is this the life you want for yourself. So something's got to give. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'm glad your mom had that conversation. Right. I'm like, you know, because I think, I think for some people it's like, well work is always stressful, right? But I think when you don't have time for somebody's birthday that you love. And it's a weekend. People start to ask questions like, how much is this, you know, how much are you sacrificing, you know, to commit to creating things and how much of that is self inflicted and how much of that, you know, can be negotiated and we can talk through it. And I learned how to have harder conversations in a better way since taking that time. And now pouring into my own business, I can say yes or no to certain projects. I now have a team where sustainability is one of my main priorities. So I have them up in it or out of projects as they choose so that they maintain a work life balance. And so I think for me those learning lessons have really served me in managing a team of my own so that I'm prioritizing their wellness as projects are coming up so that if it doesn't work for us, we can say no to a contract or two. But I want to make sure that we are human beings before we are humans doing things for others. I love that. I love that. Thank you. I might want to be mindful of our time because we've gone over the hour and kept you longer than I promised I would keep you. How did it go by so fast? It did. It did. I kept looking and I was like, oh my God, we're 45 minutes in, right? Before we transition out. One congratulations. Congratulations on the professional success and on sort of taking care of yourself. Right. As you grow your business that you know that you are taking care of yourself as we transition out. What final piece of advice would you like to leave for our listeners and viewers out there? Advice that I would give I think is so funny because I'm like, I'm the one in need of advice a lot of the time of just navigating life as an entrepreneur is really challenging because we have to problem solve in the moment. And I guess that would be my advice that one, all of the problems that come up whether you are in college, you are in your career, or you're starting your own business. Every part of your life has prepared you to problem solve around these challenges. And if the expertise doesn't reside in you, it resides in your community. Never be ashamed of asking for support from community members, because what you'll likely find is that they have been waiting for the moment to support you because they know you do so much. So take on that invitation to ask for help, whether it's your writing center, your career center on campus or go to tutoring, do that one because you've already paid for it. Tuition and fees accounts for that. So whether you use it or not, you've already paid for it. I wish somebody had told me that whether you're in your career, right? No one builds a business on their own. No one is able to elevate in the work without mentorship or some type of support from others. Lean into it, use it, articulate what you do well, what you don't do well, because that will help you problem solve and bring those pieces together. And then if you're an entrepreneur working on all of this stuff, once again, you have done harder things. You have all of the tools needed to be successful, whether they reside in you or your community. So I like I tell my students in a world where everybody wants to be self made, be proud of being community made. That'd be my advice. Myra Vaya, thank you. Thank you for this amazing story. Thank you for all of the lessons because you've given there's so much. Thank you so much that to tease out. I'm excited about this. I'm excited to share this, put this onto the world. And so thank you. Thank you for having me. Are you kidding? I have admired your work and your career for so long that just being able to converse with you about this. Stuff has been incredible. And I'm so thrilled we were able to do this. Absolutely. Absolutely. I feel the same way. Thank you so much. This concludes another episode, The Way to College podcast. Thank you to my guests. Thank you to our listeners and viewers out there. Please make sure you subscribe, rate, follow, share all of that good stuff. And before we go, do me a favor and share the podcast with one other person. I'd appreciate it. We'll see you again soon. Thank you and bye bye. Music