Hour 2: Too Many Dogs (feat. Jessica Smetana)

This is the Dan Levator Show with the Stugatz Podcast. Jessica will be here in a moment as soon as we get her internet fixed. At the moment, you can see her frozen on the screen, sort of mortified at the very idea that her internet is frozen. We will get that unfrozen in a moment, but we will have for posterity her erisada is the word that I would use in Spanish. Good word for me. Just filled with an uncommon terror. I want her to settle a debate for me that I just heard in the eating area because Lewis and some others were complaining about a dog being in the studio. But before we get to that, I'm surprised Sam Darnold specifically isn't doing more of what Ernest Jones IV is doing when he's in front of people and trying to rally Seattle at the championship parade. Nobody believed in us, obviously. So Ernest Jones IV has some words for the people who are doubting still the mighty champion Seattle Seahawks. Shout out to these badass motherfuckers who play this game the right way. Not only do we have the best defense in the world, we got the best team in the world. and quite frankly, if you got anything to say but my quarterback, you got anything to say but my defense, you got anything to say but my own line, and you got anything to say by the city of Seattle, I got two words for you. F*** you! Yeah, not the most subtle of the two words. Behind him, there are guys with solo cups and middle fingers. There's also somebody pantomiming the spanking of another person. Let's see if you change the two words, what would it sound like if you diluted slightly the two words? Shout out to these badass motherfuckers who play this game the right way. Not only do we have the best defense in the world, we got the best team in the world. And quite frankly, if you got anything to say but my quarterback, you got anything to say but my defense you got anything to say but my own line and you got anything to say by the city of seattle i got two words for you pipe down the pipe down doesn't really work as strongly uh mike says a little softer there boomer say it with your chest say what you mean pipe down he meant he meant bleep you and he said pipe down May I just add to my original point? I don't like just merely dipping your toes in the water and having to put together context clues as to what you actually mean. I got zero respect for that. I got that from you earlier in the show. I felt like I was very unclear when I called him a ****. You weren't. The conversation in the eating area about Ethan's dog. It reminded me I liked having Willow around. I liked it when Jessica's dog was here, but Tony's making faces now. And I heard a lot of slippery slope. What if we all brought our dogs in? Would you like that then, Dan, if we all brought our dogs? And obviously I would like that slightly less, but I think I would also. Let's do it one day. I think I would also like that. But, Jessica, what are your thoughts as Lewis and others complain about what they say is the mean complaint. They don't want Ethan's dog out there. The dog is also a beggar. Same way Willow was. More than Willow was, actually. I felt like it's the third time this week that Ethan brought his dog here. He's doing it a lot. That is correct. But it's causing office tension that's not my office tension. and Jessica's biased here, obviously, but I feel like people had fewer problems with Willow than they do with this animal. What's this animal's name? Percy. Mally? Percy. Mally, you think, is this dog? No, no. I call it Mally. No, I call it Mally after Malachi Tony because the dog is named Percy after Percy Harvin. And, you know, we settle that whole Florida thing. And Mally responds to Mally. Dogs are dumb. You can go anywhere near their name and they'll respond. Hi, my baby Mally. And wags her tail, rolls over on her back. What are your thoughts here, Jessica? Welcome. Any admonishments that you want to send the group here? Who's a b****? I agree. They're definitely a b****. Okay. I don't like to use that word. I think it's derivative. I do. It's accurate. That animal, though, does look a bit disheveled. Percy looks a little bit like Percy's been beaten down by life a little bit. I mean, it's walking on a torn ACL because the owner just is a reckless person. Jessica, are you following the Winter Olympics here? I can't get anybody around here interested in the... I'm not down with the dogs with the exposed asshole. There I said it. You're putting me in a bad spot with the dog thing, Dan. I got nothing on the dog. That dog's asshole is rubbing up all over the couch. Like, if you want to bring Percy in, either a diaper or have the tail go down. I don't know how you do that. Maybe a brace, but exposed assholes, I don't like it. They sell these things, I think, on Etsy for cats that cover their bort holes. They are like a little like, you know how horses, they're buttholes, Tony, they're buttholes. Okay, you said bort, I don't know what that means. You know, a bort hole. How horses have the little blinders that they put over their eyes sometimes so they can only see, they can't see. They have that but for cat buttholes. Is it a slippery slope? How many dogs is too many dogs in the workplace? Because I don't feel like one is. No, Tony, you're saying one. One is enough. Put it on the pole. Make the question, the poll question, one, two, three, or over four. How many dogs is too many dogs in the workplace? Can I just say really quick in my defense, Dan, about this whole dog thing? We had sort of an agreement with the dog thing because we didn't get our schedules until Sunday night. So if I needed a dog walker, it was generally too late to schedule earlier in the week. And that's when I would bring Willow into work. It wasn't because I didn't feel like it. But Ethan knows he has to be in the office every single day. So there's a little bit of a difference there. Oh, but wait a minute. I thought you were proudly bringing your dog Willow into an office that welcomed Willow, regularly welcomed Willow. I didn't realize that this was the blame that needed to be filed at Carl because he's a bad scheduler. I thought Willow was always made to feel welcome here. Well, you brought Carl into it by saying you were scheduled on Sunday nights. I didn't bring Carl into it. I wasn't even thinking about Carl. I haven't thought about him since he broke a bottle over someone's head in one of those intros. In Jeremy's head. The idea that a dog would not be welcome in a workplace is not something that I had considered. This may be my last day here, and so I will say the office was very welcoming of Willow, Dan. So she was welcomed back every time. But it was very nice to have somewhere to bring her early in the morning when Lehman was off shooting his fancy schmancy documentary. So thank you to everyone for being very welcome. I thought Amin was the only one with the objection, but now I'm learning Tony is all upset about this, too. He's just pretending. He doesn't actually care. It's just a big-ass dog. I'm sitting on the sofa. The big-ass dog, instead of sitting on the sofa, what Willow would like to do was sit on the two-inch portion above the sofa and sit there like a boa constrictor across the entire sofa. It's like, come on, dude. Give me a separate try to sit down. Something we're not considering is that leaving your dog home is an option. No, not for nine hours. Dogs get left at home for nine hours? Nine hours. All the time, every day. All right, well, Willow can't stay at home that long. She has to go out, do a nice doggie. Some people say do your stuff. Some people say take a dump. She has separation anxiety, right? Nine hours is too much. Like, your dog... No, she just... It's a long time. You know, she needs a walk. Are you following the Winter Olympics? I can't get anybody in Miami interested in the Winter Olympics. It's honestly disgraceful, Dan. We recorded Mystery Cradle already this week, and other than Chris Cody, I couldn't get anyone into it. I've been watching it nonstop. I thought this was a sports show, okay? It's February. Football season's over. We've got, like, some sports going on, but not a ton. Like, this is wall-to-wall sports. From the minute you wake up in the morning, it starts. And then you get to watch it all the way through primetime at night. Sometimes you get to watch stuff twice, which is awesome. And you already know what's going to happen, which I kind of like later on in primetime. But apparently no one in Miami gives a shit, and it's terrible. You like that? I thought most people didn't want to know the results. I thought one of the great joys in sports is not having the result in hand. When I was in New York, Hank Azaria has this habit of avoiding all things so that he can watch sports results the following day without any access to the Internet because he doesn't want to know the result, and the game gets ruined for him if he knows the result. But Dan, he's also incredibly rich and doesn't really have to work. So he can do whatever he wants and then watch the game the next day. The rest of us have to go throughout the entire day, talk to Mike. Hey, Mike, he just told me the Canes got fined $50K for the court sauntering. How am I supposed to know that if I want to wake up tomorrow? You can get fined $50,000 for just merely sauntering onto the court, unsure. I did not know that. I can't believe you got fined for that. It was the most peaceful, slowest, kind of indifferent court malingering that I've ever seen. I think we waited for UNC to leave the court. That's why if you're going to break the rules, like respect to these winter Olympians that have broken rules, because that's been a big headline. You just got to go all out and break the rules. If you're going to storm the court, have some conviction behind it. What story should we be following or not following when it comes to the Olympics? Because I am legitimately surprised that you're saying the result in hand is something that makes you enjoy it more. I thought you want your surprises there. I'm not exactly saying that. I'm saying that, like, sometimes you get to watch, since there's so many things on in the morning, sometimes you see a result. And then when they replay in primetime, you know, it's like one of the big events that they're going to reshow you. Like when, you know, the U.S. figure skating team won gold. I had already seen the final skate from the, you know, star U.S. figure skater. But then I got to watch this program again in primetime So I was surprised the first time it happened You know what I mean I think think the problem for for miamians is we just don have connection points in in doing the things that i don have connection points to any of this i've i grew up in chicago and i've snowboarded like twice in my life okay but it's cold over there yeah it's cold i don't know like i've been in a bobsled before like i thought we killed it we kicked ass that was pretty easy actually i don't think that many people have connections to it either mike i think the winter olympics are typically i mean like the The U.S. in particular doesn't even have that strong of athletes in a lot of the sports. Like a lot of sports are being dominated by Norway and Sweden and Switzerland and Finland. And the U.S. is like, yeah, we got someone kind of in the mix, but they're not a favorite for it. So there is a lot of this that is totally unfamiliar to, I would say, most people. I love when the figure skating commentators turn into Tony Romo and they're like, there's a big one coming up right here. This is the one they got to land. because they know the whole program ahead of time. They know when the big jumps are coming. So that's one of my favorite things, when they start to predict what's coming next. Would you guys do me the favor, please, because I don't actually know the history of this. How much older are the Summer Olympics than the Winter Olympics? Because I thought the Winter Olympics, when she mentioned Norway, the thing I thought of is I assume that the history of this, and this might be totally ignorant, that the history of this is the Winter Olympics get created because a bunch of people from Norway can't win the Summer Olympics. So they have to develop a bunch of events that are not unlike the triathlete. The moment that the Kenyans all started winning the marathons, they're like, you know what we're going to throw in here? Cycling and swimming too. I bet they can't win at everything. And we're going to change this event so that we can have more people win it. It is time to talk to you kind folks about one of our best partners, one of our longest tenured partners, Miller Lite. You know, we've been with Miller Lite for about half of their illustrious existence, and I couldn't be more grateful. We often ask you to support those who support us. So the other day, I was fully in stay-at-home mode, had the left turns on, relaxing on the couch, long day, sweatpants, remote in hand, already planning which sporting event I was going to flip to next. Then a friend texted me, nothing big, hey, why don't we just have a small hang? And I said, come on over, pal. I got the Miller Lights on deck. I put out a bucket filled with ice cold, beautiful white cans of Miller Light. 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This is the Don Lebertard Show with the Stugatz. summer is 28 years older so seven olympiads okay that's i i assume that it was older i thought it was much older the winter olympics is pretty old and actually dan i was watching the opening ceremony with my mom and she was like very confused i think and was was tearfully telling me that the winter olympics didn't exist when she was a kid and they only had the summer olympics and then i was like i googled it i was like no mom you just mandela affected yourself apparently There have been Winter Olympics since 1924, and they actually were, that was like part of the opening ceremony was they went back in time to the 20s and like came all the way forward to the 2020s. What a liar. So did you enjoy going to the Internet and exposing a loved one as a liar? No, she's deaf. She wouldn't have heard me anyways. It's fine. I just let her have that one. Do you have a top five list for us that might be Olympic related or can you throw one together off the fly because you're an amazing ad libber? I can give you the top five worst storylines of the Olympics so far because there's been a lot of drama, Dan, some some like funny drama and then some like pretty serious drama, including today a Ukrainian skeleton athlete who was DQ'd for having a helmet that had photos of deceased Ukrainians on it that were killed during the invasion from Russia. He was told he couldn't wear it, so now he's disqualified. I read that in the Wall Street Journal this morning. So there's like, there's legit. I don't think that deserves that. That was like an OLI. It was OLI, yeah. But I feel like we need to do this better because that's also kind of a sad one that shouldn't have that. It is sad, yeah. It made Boomer Esiason cry. Yeah, you can't do this. No, it's horrible. But there are a lot of things that I have been following that have been quite controversial this past week and quite dramatic, to say the least. So I'll start with number five. But this is controversial and dramatic or worst stories? Yeah, we'll go with all the above. Okay. These aren't your heartwarming ones. Because, like, you know, you could get that top five list anywhere. There's a lot of those. Okay. Number five. This happened this morning. This American snowboard cross athlete got disqualified because he bumped into the guy behind him somehow. And he ended up having this, like, huge come-from-behind finish. So, spoiler alert, if you're going to watch that tonight, I'm sure they're going to replay it on the main show. But they claim that it was intentional, so he got disqualified, whereas there's unintentional touching between snowboarders that you don't get suspended for. You get a yellow card for. I'm sorry, Jessica. Completely disqualified. I'm sorry to do this to you. Tony, you want to teach her how to do this? She's out of practice on the top five. She's got to come in and give us a couple of words and then explain the story so that he can. So you basically say headline, sounder, then you explain. Somebody got bumped. Snowboard, came from behind. It's just for the timing because Chris is. Now what happened was there's a snowboarder and he was driving down the thing and then all of a sudden he got hit by the thing. I'm playing double-dutch here. Jessica, he's distracting me because the whole time he's waiting to hit the fanfare and you're just explaining the story. The guy who doesn't even know when his mic is on is telling me how to do a top five list. Who's that? I agree. Okay. I'm just saying we need something quick on the top end. I thought you were going to make fun of spoiler alert. No, no, that was bad too. That's tricky. Sugarheads never got that one right. Yeah, it's tough. Number four. Biathlon. There you go. It's actually two biathlons. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. We're dancing. Don't like it. Is the French biathlete who won yesterday was actually convicted of credit card fraud against her teammate a couple years ago, had to serve a suspension for it. And then when she she also claimed Dan that she doesn't remember committing the fraud. She was like she like blacked out. She like doesn't remember actually doing the credit card fraud, which is kind of a great excuse. But anyways, very like, you know, not nice. Don't steal your teammates credit card and spend a bunch of money on it. But then when she won and crossed the finish line, she like shushed the crowd. And it's like, wait, but you're the one who's you're the baddie. I don't my athletes. I don't know about it unless it's a girl. And we like that. It's OK. number three okay this is a male biathlete so no fanfare yay it's the most efficient that zagaki has never been that outrage no i don't know why he's giving me that but like honestly this is a terrible character number three you guys might have heard about this guy who was begging for his girlfriend back after he won bronze the other day and then his girlfriend was like ex-girlfriend i should say clearly was not very into it so won bronze but what if you won gold he cheated on her right like that he cheated on her and then was like i really effed up this has been a horrible week for me and i want her back so much and like i hope she comes back i made a huge mistake and like did this all publicly so like publicly revealed that he cheated on this woman who I don't think her identity has been revealed, but she did an interview and she was like, yeah, this has been a tough week for me too. And like that didn't, didn't need that. Number two. So this was a pretty controversial, pretty controversial ice dancing result, Dan. The United States ice dancer is the favorite. Chris, that was on you. That was tough. She paused. I was like, why'd she stop? She paused for you. We need sky judge. She slowed it down for you, Chris. That was her trying to help you. They lost to a French team that, like, legitimately, this French team has, there's a defector article about the transgressions of this French couple, and people should read that because it is, like, there's legitimate abuse allegations involved. But the American ice dancing team, their married couple, Madison and Evan, Chalk and Bates, they're, you know, one of the best in the world. And this was their moment to finally get an Olympic gold medal. And they didn do as great in their there like a short program a rhythm dance and a free skate And so they didn do as well in the first one but it was really close going into the longer skate and then they had an amazing free skate and it had you know tons of points it was like their season best in points and everyone's like all right like they're probably gonna win the gold but then the french team went next and the french team dan they effed up their twizzles they effed up their twizzles okay this is important and they still came in first and won the gold put it on the poll please did the french French team F up its twizzles at Levitard show. Number one. Number one, this is pretty obvious. This is like the worst thing I've ever seen. Lindsey Vonn's crash on Sunday morning was horrible. I don't know if you've seen the picture of her in the hospital recovering from her surgery. It looks like a good neck set. Apparently, I was deep in a Reddit hole at like 4 a.m. reading a bunch of doctors like analyzing what this fracture is like. Apparently that is some sort of like stabilizer that stabilizes your femur to your fibula or something like that. And so that she's had three surgeries and she's probably going to need more and it looks really nasty and I feel awful for her. I was up at five o'clock on Sunday watching it live, Dan, and the build up to it was like really exciting. And like it was, it was just so like they were building towards her. She was 13 skier to go down. The American was already in first place. Breezy Johnson. It was like super dramatic. She's on top of the mountain. She's like doing deep breaths. It's like silent. And then 13 seconds in, huge crash. Dan Hicks is like screaming his head off. You can hear her like screaming in pain. It was awful. It took 20 minutes to airlift her down or airlift her up, I guess, and then down to a hospital. It was one of the most brutal things I've ever watched. So you got up at 5 o'clock in the morning just to see this live. You didn't want to know the result. You wanted to be there and experience all of that as it happened and then were quickly horrified and had your day ruined. Pretty much. I mean, it was a tough way to wake up. I mean, not as tough as the day she had. Yeah, that's brutal. I want to get to some other things with you. But before we do so, your halftime, Super Bowl halftime thoughts as America is arguing about halftime things. To be honest with you, I was a little disappointed. uh-oh easy uh-oh i was a little disappointed dan look i've been a fan of bad bunny for a long time i watch all the videos i see what he wears when he's in puerto rico i see the shorts i see the little you know dance move he does you guys know what i'm talking about he came out on stage at super bowl full long sleeves pants thought we might maybe get a costume change keep in mind us straight women are coming off the most feral January of our lives in the wake of the heated rivalry series coming out. Okay? And I thought maybe we'd get to see a little bit of thigh. Yeah. She's right. Well, the thing is, when he does the jump into the La Casita and then comes out, he's going to attend a wedding. So you can't be at a wedding in shorts and a tee shirt. But he's wearing gloves and he's not showing much of any skin. Do you wear skin at a wedding or no? Well, he's a fashion icon though sure okay lizard man do you put on your skin suit for a wedding do you i don't think lizard man i don't think that's necessary would you make a lady gaga skin was more making fun of lady gaga's dancing me yeah i mean i thought honestly like i thought it was great but i did you know five inch and seam wouldn't have killed anyone no that's not true she preferred this halftime show this alternate halftime show welcome to the turning point usa all american halftime show and this one's for you charlie this next i want a good friend of mine by the name of colt ford i know something y'all don't know so they could say what was on their mind this is what's on mine My name is Kim There's a book that's sitting in your house somewhere That could use some dusting off I don't doubt that There's a man who died for all our sins Hanging from the cross Please no more Please no more Hanging from the wall jorts and multiple mic flips to be fair though 55 he got up there he got up there he loves that move the fact that that was covered credulously by mainstream media outlets is embarrassing like everyone should have said from the jump this is full diaper baby conservatives having a temper tantrum about bad money and just called it what it is and not been like here's a legitimate entertainment option for halftime because that was what like that was well come on what are we doing it was for Charlie was that a question was the statement declarative do not hear Brixton Brinley Lee Bryce has something going on with that beard. I'm looking into it. Okay, you keep an eye on it. All right, I think you've made your accusation public now. I think Jessica's the only one around here who likes mascots more than I like mascots. Admittedly, I like them more than anyone else here. Do you have any mascot news for us? Anything in the mascot kingdom that has gotten your interest lately? Well, as a mascot lover, Dan, maybe you could tell me why Otto the Orange was being scolded at the Syracuse basketball game last night. Because I saw this video this morning of him being just dressed down by this woman. I have no idea why. And he puts his hands on his head like, oh, no. Well, he's holding his tiny baseball cap because he's clearly being punished. He's being reprimanded. But he also seems playful on the front end. And his face doesn't change. He seems to be smiling the entire time, so he doesn't seem to be that upset by what's happening. I don't know about that. What is this person on the right doing, playing piano or something? Might be a bongo segment there. You know how to have the bongos on the halftime show? I love that. A slow bongo play. Slow bongo play. Lady Gaga, though, at the halftime show. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Do you love to pantomime the bongos on the Jumbotron? Yes or no? Check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echoes, with Mike Golick Jr. Echoes. Jessica, thank you for being on with us. We appreciate the time. You guys should watch the Olympics. Bye. This is not an echo chamber. Don LeBitard. Mr. Shirt, if I may say for a second. Miami, they were simulating the snap count the entire game, and they were clapping at the line of scrimmage. And the only thing I want to see clapping are them cheeks on Mrs. Matt in my face. smack sure. All right, so that's one thing. Stugatz. They're a bunch of cheaters, Dan. And you know who should be cheating? Mrs. Met on Mr. Met. And he can watch if he wants. This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugatz. Is the James Harden thing in Cleveland going to work? No. It can't. He had four blocks one game. What? What? It can't. It can't work then it can't work you know you take cleveland and then you take james harden two got two teams and a guy that can not perform in the playoffs and you put them together and then you think that two negatives are gonna make a positive it's crazy enough that it might i gotta say it's going a lot better than i thought now i know the playoffs are a different game i know that but i gotta eat it a little bit this is a better fit than i thought so donovan mitchell needs the ball and evan mobley is not presently playing and in Evan Mobley's absence Jared Allen is an improved player this is always something that's interesting to me when the fourth and the fifth guy become the third and the second guy and then I expect the team to get worse but I realize the third or the second guy is better than I thought he was we cannot dispute this right no matter what your criticisms are of MVP, Hall of Famer, James Harden. Not having Darius Garland available in any meaningful way to this team for the last couple of years in a way that make it better. If I eliminate that and add James Harden, I am better. Hard stop. That's not going to be subtraction. No matter what you think of James Harden, he's going to be better than the remains of Darius Garland, who has given them nothing. That team, I have told you the last few years, cannot beat the Knicks the way they were formed. Mitchell Robinson eats up their front line. They have no chance against the Knicks the way that they were formed, and I don't think the Knicks are the best team in that conference. The Detroit Pistons are far and away the best team in that conference, but I believe the audience at large believes in the Knicks more because the Knicks have two stars you've heard of, and that's the only reason that they're doing it. They're doing it because they're believing in Jalen Brunson and Carl Anthony Towns for some reason more than they're believing in Cade Cunningham and the rest of what it is that the Pistons have. So your analysis about the Knicks and Cavs and the matchup issues that Mitchell Robinson in particular presented, it's on the money, but James Harden has that skill set that could actually do something about that. Oh, I'm thinking that this is something that can make Cleveland, well, will make Cleveland better, period. Will it make Cleveland better enough? as Wynne Horse sits here and wonders aloud on ESPN. Hey, LeBron and Cleveland are an option after this season. He's saying Cleveland is absolutely a place to watch for LeBron here next season, and I'm wondering if Cleveland has solved some of its organizational and architecture issues because they've gone out and in exchange for Darius Garland gotten a Hall of Famer who can score Absolutely Like they improved If you look at player A and player B and it Darius Garland and James Harden yes you have improved But they were almost a 65-win team last season and got smoked in the playoffs with basically the same team, right? When the playoffs come, Evan Mobley, his health is going to be a question mark. Jared Allen is going to get played off the floor. Like, that's just what happens when he's there, especially with guys that he can't guard in the Eastern Conference. There's going to be one ball. James Harden and Dolvin Mitchell are going to have to fight for that one ball, even though Harden can play point at some points and he's great as a lob threat. Something's got to give there. I don't feel like James Harden is the answer. He might not be the answer, but you're not going to be able to do a lot better than that in the discount bin. In terms of what you could have brought back for Darius Garland, there's not a whole lot of help me more now that you could have gotten than the guy they got for Darius Garland. Yeah, their fans probably want a championship answer. Maybe this isn't an answer, but it seems like it's certainly a solution in terms of some of the adversity they meet come playoff time. To your point, though, there was nobody better that they could have gotten for a Darius Garland that hasn't played in eight months. Oh, hold on. The bongos in front of us. There hasn't been a player for the last eight months of Darius Garland who hasn't played, basically, even though he was an all-star. To get James Harden for that guy is an absolute steal for the front offense at Cleveland. I want to play. I thought, go back there and play with them if you like. I thought that when Cleveland got to the playoffs last year, I thought that they were going to be better. I thought that the New York Knicks were not going to be the matchup problem for Cleveland that they ended up being. And to my way of thinking, the Cavs should have the best roster in the conference. if I say to you who would you rather have James Harden and Donovan Mitchell or Carl Anthony Towns and Jalen Brunson as your two best players don't you take the former? If I just say I'm giving you two players you're starting. Now I know there's more to it than this but you know Evan Mobley when he gets the ball is a really exceptional player and I don't like Bridges. I don't like Josh Hart. Whoever it is, Anobi, whoever it is you're making the Knicks third best player, I don't think he's as good as Evan Mobley. You're 100% right. If you look at the two, but if you extend it to three, they may have the best three in the Eastern Conference. If you look around, obviously Tatum's not there. You look around the Eastern Conference, Giannis is basically out of the picture. Who else do you have? The Cavs also have in Merrill three-point shooting. Like they have just a lot of stuff that I would want. And I know people are saying that they've tired of Kenny Atkinson, but it's legitimately confusing to me the way that team's gotten worse. That team, I look when Mike starts complaining about the Miami Heat and I just think about how hard it is to stay up there. I really thought the Orlando Magic were doing the kinds of moves that would make them make the ascent that Detroit has made where they can also be a problem for the Knicks. I thought that the things that Orlando did, when you look at what's just changed, look at what has changed in, I'm going to say, the last 18 months since a Mikael Bridges cost you five first-round picks, a Rudy Gobert cost you five first-round picks, a Desmond Bain when you're the worst. the Orlando Magic were the worst three-point shooting team in the league. What do they do? They give up a bunch of future for Desmond Bain. They're a play-in team. They are not going to make the improvements that need to be made in order to knock off the Knicks, even though I think they present matchup problems for their Knicks with their youth and their length. But every time Bencero plays and Franz Wagner's not out there, Bencero ends up making them worse. That's the issue, right? Their foundation, their idea was correct. The foundation of what the Orlando Magic are built on is a player that is inherently super flawed in Paulo Boncaro, who is not super efficient, who will take it on himself to outshoot the team from that game. And it's a tough situation when you've got Franz Wagner, who I actually really like, who I think is a good second piece. He's kind of in and out of the lineup, always heard. But the foundation is Boncaro's an All-Star. He's going to be an All-Star for 10 years. And you're looking around saying, he's okay, but he's not great. one of the things though that's happening for james harden which we were talking about earlier as it related to kyler uh murray man when it comes to hope uh another man's trash is a new fan base's treasure uh they're falling in love with the beard in cleveland because of what he represents did a beard giveaway they knew what they had there was not good enough can you guys find for me the photo that i believe is shocking of james harden without a beard because you will understand why he wears that beard that way when you see him without a beard because he's doing something stylistically and optically to just hide everything that's going on with his face. But he is somebody who is embraced in Cleveland now as if he's the shiny new thing who represents, oh, this is going to change our team. Do you understand? As if. Well, but do you understand that the rest of the country is looking at what Cleveland just did and making the obvious jokes about, oh, what could possibly go wrong in ingredients? A team that has trouble in the playoffs is adding the player most associated with playoff trouble in that entire league. In fact, who's second now? Now that we've gotten rid of Carmelo Anthony. Playoff P. Okay, yeah, I guess we're still counting on him some way. CP3. Play more games than Tyler Hero this year. There is no player in the sport. associated more now with playoff failure than the one Cleveland has added, and yet he represents hope to Cleveland and the novelty of the beard because what's more exciting than a scorer? What in that sport gives you more enthusiasm than a guy that you know can make 10 threes in any game and can get all the threes? A high-energy white. You said that in the wrong voice. No, no, no, no. I remember the Birdman acquisition. Nothing. Gets you ready for the home stretch. like a high-energy white. Ask Cleveland. They know all about Deli. A high-energy white, though, I feel like that should have been delivered in the Zagaki voice. No, no. Why not? It's a serious take. Because I've been like, dude, the magic of March Madness. What is the secret sauce? We've been telling you. White guys. And a high-energy white at the right time, right around that deadline, can change fortunes. And it certainly ignites a fan base. Can you guys please help me with my new transition into more football talk and going from a high-energy white into just football conversation with the Jason Garrett palette cleanser there at your leisure, please. I just need for a transition Jason Garrett sort of staring at a camera, making love to the camera, and that gleaming sparkle of a tooth. Jeremy, as you run back in here. Lewis loves you right now. It was a great idea to have a video queue up before we play another video. That's right. We're certainly capable. I did inform him of that, though, So let's play the Jason Garrett tooth, please. Thank you. Miles Garrett and Micah Parsons are getting into a back and forth about who's better. And I want to start with Micah Parsons. I think we all agree, right? There's no dispute about this. No matter how great you think Micah Parsons is, the general consensus, to the degree that you can get a consensus on anything in conversation these days, is that Miles Garrett is better at this than Micah Parsons. That's not much of a slight on Micah Parsons, but Micah Parsons obviously does not believe that. So let's hear this back and forth, please. Cowboys, Packers, we all know the truth. All them Cowboys fans don't love you no more. That record is only going to stand before so long. It is still currently my time. Because I still do things that none of y'all do. Who is none of y'all? Just because your light is brightening itself doesn't mean mine is dimming in any way. I'm just saying I played 13 games. So obviously I'm getting to the quarterback. In 13 games I had 18 sacks. What do you want? I need whole season. Whole season statistical categories. You ain't playing whole season. We lost half our starting lineup and still made the dance. Yep, and when you had your full starting lineup, we punched y'all in the mouth. How many games y'all win? Five. Hey, and guess what? We're doing the same thing. That was great. They're good talkers, the both of them. Micah Parsons enjoys. He's unusual in that not a lot of people are doing what he's doing. I know podcasts are prolific everywhere, but there aren't a whole lot of other cowboys who are that interested in the off-field life of creating content that they're doing as much in podcasting as Micah Parsons is. But if you want to hear some more sound on this, before Myles Garrett starts dunking on him with better arguments. Myles Garrett, I'm sorry, Micah Parsons legitimately thinks he's better. Listen to this sound. Because I still do things that none of y'all do. Who is none of y'all? You, Will, rest of the league. Like what? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Thank you, bro. Hold on, hold on. What are we talking about? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yes, that record stands, and we're not taking that away. There's nobody in a league who can line up from left to right and play every position as if they got paid at that position Facts. I have a sack at every spot across the line. You can have a sack at, I'm talking about truly playing at my weight I can't be 240 bro. That's it. Facts. That's not what I'm asking. You know I actually gotta set the edge No, I actually. Play the run. Hold on. Get to your fans. I get those too You got like four in the last two years That's cap, that's cap, that's cap Alright, Lil Cap, Lil Cap, Lil Cap That record is only going to stay in but for so long It is still currently my time