Frank Caliendo Becomes Everyone! | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series. Hey, hey, hey, I'm jumping around. Come see me. I'm going to be up in Canyonville, Oregon, February 14th. Then in March 14th, just one month later, the Bad Friends, Bobby Lee and I are going to be over at Lincoln, California, which is basically Sacramento. Then at the Wynn Casino, I'm playing Vegas. Viva Las Vegas, March 21st, March 27th. I'm going to be in Providence, Rhode Island at the Little Roadie Fest. Then April 3rd, Third, I am going back to the Borgata in Atlantic City to that make-up date because of the weather. And finally, Bad Friends are playing. Netflix is a joke fest at the YouTube Theater here in Los Angeles, California on May 8th. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is Frank Caliendo. And you have to say it with an accent. Yeah, but apparently at the beginning, the ca, you went caliendo. Well, it's Chicago. Caliendo. Frank Caliendo over there. You know Frank Caliendo? It's fantastic. He was on his way. He was on his way to Armand's Pizza. He stopped at River Road Hot Dogs. What was he doing over there? I have no idea. That's what I was saying. He spent most of the time. Well, his brother's ex-girlfriend was working across the street there. That's what I heard. Yeah, she was over there. She died. She did? She died. Nobody tells me anything anymore. Well, I'm sorry. You don't get those phone calls no more. But you know why? Because when you moved, you know, where are you at? Are you like at Edgewater or somewhere? No, I'm in Elmwood Park right now. Oh, you are? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, that's all right over there. Just across from the circle over there. Oh, you're right next to it. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Good for you guys. Look, you move up. You know where the park is? Sorry to cut you off. Yeah. But you know where the park is, right? Of course. They're just like two streets over and it's us and you're just right there. Oh, okay. Yeah. I know that. Frankie's son was there for a month and a half doing a gig. No, no, no. He was building over there. You're thinking on the other side. On the upper side of the street? Yeah, the other side of the street. Oh, yeah. Frank Caliendo, what a pleasure to have on the show. Thank you for coming to the show. I love the speed of your intro, too. Well, I have to get through it really fast. Why is that? Just because everybody doesn't care. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares, which is the name of my new tour. Nobody cares. Already taken. I'm already doing it. I've been doing – I've done three of those. No. Stop it. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's a pleasure to have you on the show. We met in Las Vegas. we were in a suite at the Palms at an after party which had a basketball court inside of the hotel room Did you play at all? When I was a kid No, but I mean there Oh, I shot a couple times and then the young guys took over You can't get in their way No The guys in their 20s they really wanted to hoop and I'm just an old fogey now Hold on, I'm sorry Is the mic okay where it is? I feel like it should be closer to my mouth No, no Oh, you got me great But if you want me to fuck with it, I can do that. No, and don't edit that. Just I want people to see how rude I am. You're in the middle of the story. No, no, I do like it. And then I just. Well, the mic, we did this. We put it at a position where if you move, it moves. Well, it's that thing where people tell you get real close to the mic and eat the mic all the time. And then I don't have to eat the mic here. You don't have to. But yours looks closer. So I started to worry. We want to hide his face. We don't want to hide yours. Correct. Come on. We don't have to be honest. No, but that is very, it's very, very true. A lot of times the comments are, hey, could Santino not be on the show and just speak to the guests from off camera like a documentary? Oh, yeah. Most of our fans would like that. And nobody looks – everybody looks to the side? They'd prefer it. Yeah, they'd prefer it. There's a guy named Vlad TV. Do you know Vlad? Vlad only does interviews like that where he's not on camera. Very smart. So interesting. Well, it works. And it gets – Oh, my God. They get millions of views. And that hits the algorithm. Yeah, I think because people – his voice doesn't sound like what he looks like. Oh, yeah. So I think it's an interesting twist. A lot of like hip-hop gossip. A lot of hip-hop gossip. which you're big into. Yeah, yeah. What is your musical taste? Hold on, let's get back. I don't have one. Maybe classic rock might be. Like what's your band of bands? I see, I don't know. I know a little bit of music, but like in high school, I wasn't into music, so I started faking it. So I started getting like jukebox kind of songs. Like it was like everything was Steve Miller band. Yeah. And a lot of journey thrown in there. There was, yeah. trying to think what else the Eagles yeah then I had friends who were like really into like up and coming grunge like Saigon Kick the Lizard I had their CD it was like weird like weird stuff if somebody else got into something I would pretend that I was kind of into it too because I knew nothing about music I do like I'm going to see a Billy Joel concert yeah he's good I'll tell you this about Billy Joel you know him personally I imagine No, I don't. I'll tell you this about just seeing him from afar. He has so much fun on stage. I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen anybody who entertains, outside of comedy, somebody who has that much fun just messing around and is that good at it. Like a lot of times you see a band and the lead singer wants to be a comedian the whole time. Oh, we know all these bands. We've seen these bands many times. And it's the opposite. that a lot of comedians want to be a rock and roll 100 percent but he is so good at just from top to bottom just weaving in and out changing words and there's like i always thought i always thought impressions were a cheat code you know there's there's a there's a cheat code to an impression but there's an even bigger cheat code to musical comedy oh yeah because when you can strum the guitar in between the the the the jokes you can play as we're coming up i'm assuming you did this too you play like colleges or something like that you play the lunchroom at noon oh yeah and nobody's listening no people are just trying to figure out you know how to shut you up and get the tv volume back on yeah but you can strum that guitar and fill the silence oh yeah it's a great tool yeah so people have done it with the piano a little bit too yeah but the guitar is just so great because you can just go into a little riff and then you can rhyme something and if you can rhyme something in a voice that sounds like somebody with a puppet now now you're doing it now you're hitting strides there is a little trick there is a little magician's trick to it all right like even in comedy here people's beats you know like um and this isn't a negative thing but there Everyone has their bag of tricks. And like Sebastian has a very rhythmic beat to the way he does his comedy, right? It's like we all find our little trick that helps the way that we write jokes. And musicians do the exact same thing. And one thing I've seen, and it is like playing music. It's like playing. This is somebody I did talk about, Michael Buble. Name drop. Boobsy. Boobsy. He talked about how he pulls from lots of different famous singers to get his sound. He's like a chameleon, that guy. Yeah, yeah. He really does change shapes. Great impressionist. Yeah, you hear sometimes when he sings, I can't tell that that's Michael Buble. Do you know what I mean? Well, if it's a Christmas song, you've got a chance. Well, yeah, but that's about it. But if Celine Dion is singing, I know it's Celine Dion. Right. Like Michael Buble is the kind of guy where I'm like, he can do 10 different versions of... Because he knows how to... He can sing in different songs. How'd you get hooked up with him? On TikTok, believe it or not. I said something to him on TikTok. I just left a comment going to see you in Vegas with my wife and daughter and my mother-in-law. And he said, is this really you or something? I think it was verified. And then he's like, do you want to come up and do something? So we go to the show. I don't tell my family at all. We're there in the crowd. We've got pretty good seats, really good seats. We actually got moved to the seats where he could talk to me. And in the middle of the show, he starts doing Elvis, right? And he goes, listen, I'm not a great – I can't do a great Elvis. I'm no Frank Caliendo. My family looks around. My kid – my daughter is like, do you think he does it? My wife goes, do you think he does it every show? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. Meanwhile, I'm kind of like nervous. Is that the moment he's going to do? And then he dedicates a song to Juliet, my daughter, in the audience. And my wife goes, you didn't. Yeah, I kind of did. Did you go on stage? I didn't go on stage. He just came out to me and I did some Morgan Freeman with him. It was funny because he had me do Morgan Freeman and he's kind of a guy's guy too. So he's – most of his audience is a lot of women. A lot of ladies. A lot of ladies. He's a lady killer, that guy. He is. Yeah. Handsome boy. Yeah, tremendous. But he had me do the Morgan Freeman. I don't remember if he had me do some Madden or something, but then he had me do some Trump. and it was kind of like the audience wasn't sure how that wasn't like the Trump crowd. It wasn't exactly what we were talking about. And I did the choir, Trump, the one where it almost looks like I'm a ventriloquist. And I said, don't say other words. You just say, am I talking right now or am I not talking? Give me something to drink. I can drink. I'm going to drink. I'm one of the best at this. I drink while I'm talking. Trump would try that. Oh, yeah, he would talk while he's drinking. But he wouldn't be able to, but he's the client. I'm the best at talking with the drink. I talk with the drink. I'm the best. I'm the whiskey ginger. There's a lot of people that are the whiskey ginger. And the whiskey ginger. They would have a lot of trouble. I try to do a different Trump than what everybody else does. A lot of people's Trumps are up here. That's the common one, the high one, where he does this and you're a piece of crap. But if he goes down, little piggy. No, you're a little piggy. It's that pushing through. Yeah. Pushing through. Yeah. But you do the. So I tried to do something different. Something low. Something. That push it out. And we spoke to him and we didn't like anything he was saying. And that's what it is. Have you always done impressions? No? Oh, yeah, maybe. Because you're good at it. I'm okay. I think it was. No, you're better than okay. I've seen what you do. and I've seen more and more because then I see something and then it shows up in the algorithm. Sure, yeah. And I try not to watch a lot of impressions because I don't want to be influenced by how somebody else does something. See, that's my biggest. So my thing was always like I do more impressions of people I've met versus people that are famous. Right. That was always like the Chicago thing or if I do another accent, it's someone I've met or something I've heard and it's stuck in me. Well, that helps. I mean, when you but the thing is, it's probably because you haven't met as many of the people you could do. You have thought to do an impression. Maybe some of them. I mean, once you meet somebody, it unlocks something. There is a thing. And that's I did a sketch with Trump maybe 20 years ago at Trump Tower dressed as Trump. And like we're just, you know, doing the doing the stuff. And my Trump has changed since then. But he's his voice has changed. Totally. He's he's he does less of that one. Now, he still does it where he does the power through. Yeah. But they quiet when shows up all over because they haven't slept. What did you do with them in the middle of a tremendous pause? I'm doing a great pause. A lot of people have regular pauses. They have pregnant pauses. And we're going to make them keep the babies. So what was the – what was the uh i think we just found a social media bing yeah what do i call i i like honesty and stuff too like i love like that's what that's one of the things i like about you is like just complete honesty in the moment is just give it to them yeah that's what the people are scared a lot i mean i think you're right but i've done so much corporate work for so long yeah and been part you know with the nfl and stuff like that that i've I always bring it back a little bit. I get worried about it. Well, it's hard to do live on air, right? You can't do it because you won't get asked back. Yeah, and if you're doing Madden, and I'm sure John said wild shit. Oh, yeah. I mean, legend has it he was rough. But you have to do this PG version. Yeah, on there, right? Yeah, you have to. But live, you can do whatever you want. Right. I'm clean, though, because I had so many people coming out. It wasn't anything other than I knew the people that were coming to see me. So I was always really careful with that. But that might be getting unleashed more and more. We'll see. As time has gone on. Yeah, you know, I just start to – I do less corporate work now. So it's like, well, now I don't have to be as careful with it. But, yeah, Madden was known as like – this is like second and third-hand stories. Like, your name's Dickhead. I'm going to call you dickhead because your head looks like a dick. So you've got your body right there. That's a regular body. And then, boom. If you look at that, boom. Dude. So back to the – this is my life. I don't know if you always do, but meandering the way I am. No, we meander. This show is a meandered show. But you hit the right – like the things on – there are very – people who do very generic impressions. And then there are specifics that are the toughest. I heard you do it in Mark Norman. I heard you in Adam. Adam, yeah, going back and forth. Going back and forth. And do some of the Norman. Hey, Kelly Endo, he's gay. He's not. Who knows? We'll see. See, and that's – it's real close to how I would do Drew Carey. It's like, yeah, man, sounds pretty good. But if you bring it in, it's like more throat. Yeah, it's way in my throat. And you do – and that, it's like that comes from there. I buried – I found Norman one time because I said something that sounded like it was him. And someone was like, it sounds like Norman said that. And then I wrote a joke that wasn't my kind of joke. It was a Normandy joke. Right. And then I started saying it as him to our friends. And that's kind of how it started. They were like, that sounds just like Mark would say that. I wonder if when Mark Norman, when people were with him, maybe he brings his own people with him all the time. But it was like when Dave Attell, when I was younger, anybody I saw work with Dave Attell and then I work with Dave Attell, by the end of the week, I was talky-talking like this. Yeah. Like all my – like what do you think John Madden would say? How about this? And I'm just going hokey-dokey. Yeah. And I'm going, well, now I'm just doing Dave Attell through me and I got to fix that. I mean there were those things. You see Brian Regan, you start repeating. Start going to go over here now. Going to go the right side of the stage. Going to go the right side of the stage, donut lady. Okay. And then you got to go from the big. You go from the really big, you go from the big one over here. Okay. Yeah. And then you kind of just do the aside. So I was wondering, you ever been over there? Okay. Doing some of that? All right. Okay. Okay, crazy. On Krypton, the big red one was the sun. Okay. The face when you end on it is that's the. Yeah, the faces are cheat codes for when you don't have an impression. I always tell people the mouth tells you how the person talks. The eyes tell you how the person thinks. So when somebody does a Trump and they do the fish face, you know, that – Yeah. Okay, they get that. But they don't always – especially if they're copying somebody, they don't get the acting part of it, which is the – this is just doing Trump talking like this. You're talking and you're talking. But then when you, okay, you add in the thought process, and it's a tremendous thought process. And a lot of people, a lot of people have a good thought process, but I had the best. So you add that. I talk about Jeff Goldblum. He looks like he's a painting in a haunted house. Like, ooh, yes. Ooh, yes, you're going up the stairs. Where are you going? Ooh, look what's behind the door, I'll tell you. But not before the wolf man grabs you. Ooh. he also looks like he's eating an invisible hamburger very good the mustard ketchup relish uh uh pickles not relish that would be on the hot dog that's from a bit i've done before and uh i just threw it in an accent muscle what muscle memory sounds vowels make but aren't uh the classics now what i'm doing who yes i don't know i'm conjuring something that's up that's how i find a lot of stuff i lost my brother did you do have you had someone get mad now the mic did fall a little bit pick it up so we can there we go um did you that should be good did you um did you ever do anybody that got mad at you for doing them oh yeah yeah i mean i mean the sports people are tough which is what you know people know me for a lot of time like gruden liked when you did Oh, he loves it, man. Yeah, Gruden's the best. I'll tell you what, he could do that all day, man. Like Captain America. I could do this all day. You see that? He was the first Avenger, man. There's a lot of Avengers, but Captain America? He was just this little guy, man. But he had intestinal fortitude and a shield, man. He didn't have that shield right away. He got it from Howard Stark. You know who Howard Stark is, man? That's Tony Stark's dad. Without Howard Stark. We're going to find out about Dr. Doom. See that, man? Dr. Doom, he looks like Tony Stark. They're not saying why. We're going to find out. Yeah, he likes it. He loves it. He gets it. Yeah. Because he gets it. Because, you know, I even asked him one time, and he kind of, he said no, but he's like, no, I love you, man. I love, but I was like, is it, am I like, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer? Is that, is that what it is? No, because what you're doing is not, it's a tip of the hat. It's not like. I don't do, I don't do impressions out of hatred. When you do impressions out of hatred, that was an improv person told me that. You can do a character, and I just said it was the same with an impression. You can do it out of love for somebody but attach an emotion. Sure. And find something you like about the person, and that's what I always try to do. It might not be something I like personally, but I'm amazed by the fact that they can do it. Right. That's what I mean. I understand, yeah. It's like, how do you – oh, come on. Like you were talking about tells with comedians. Yeah. Like a – A rhythm that's very familiar. From the beginning, and maybe it started with like Jack Parr, but I saw it through Johnny Carson, Leno, Letterman, Bill Maher, the step forward. Like there's the step forward and the punchline is here. Right. Punchline is – right. They're telling you. So you know it's giving you the information of when to laugh. And so you don't need a swear word. You don't need a curse word. Right. You can just give it to me. Like if you say effing this, you know after effing, you know, I mean I can swear on this. Don't. No, you can't. I know I could. But I almost don't want to. Don't do it. I shan't. Yeah. But it does give them the, it gives them the, hey, it's right here. Yeah. It tells you it's the tell. But the audience doesn't really – it's subliminal. Right. But it lets you know. Right. But who – I want to know who got pissed at you. Who really got pissed? Jim Rome. Phenomenal. Incredible. Right now, I am not looking at Caliendo in the eyes. I've walked past him a bunch of times and it's like, and not seeing you. Like Madden did not like me at the beginning. I finally made his grandkids laugh. If I do it in my act, I've told the story a bunch of times, but it's, I made his grandkids laugh in Dallas at the Four Seasons Hotel. And it was like, I get it now. Like, it just was a moment for him. Because if you're not in the, if you're not in the club, you know, NFL guys, football guys, it's, it's like anything. They can make fun of each other. But this guy, I come in and it's like, what's this guy? Five, six, you know, thinks he's, you know, being me. I see him, and then people hear him, and they think that he's me, but he's not me. And then that confuses the people that don't see either of us. Yeah, but you don't do the Madden because you kind of got – Yeah, I didn't do much of it. But now with that movie, that Nicolas Cage movie, I'm like, well, that's going to open up doing it all the time. You have to. Everybody's going to talk to me about it. Why weren't you cast over Nicolas Cage? And why weren't you? Which is the stupidest. Why weren't you? Well, you know, there's a whole evolution of it. It was first, I think, Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell was the – and I could see the look from Will Ferrell. He's got the – like one thing that I've noticed in that movie and just the promo for the teaser trailer for Madden, that the way they did Cage, like the mannerisms in the body are phenomenal. That was almost Chicago. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Oh, is this phenomenal? It's double phenomenal. I don't know. But so, yeah, first of all, they were looking for an A-list type of star. Hugh Jackman, I think, was going to be it at one time. Like there were rumors of these different – and people along the way would always ask me, why not you over Hugh Jackman? Come on. I don't know. I mean, it's – No, any given day. Any given day. I could be. Yeah. I was almost Wolverine. You were. I was – yeah. The suit didn't fit? Is that what it was? No. I was a little too gruff. A little too tough. They were like, yeah, I got to squirt. Although Wolverine in the comics is like a tiny little guy. Is he really? Well, Wolverine is a very small animal. The irony being a big man cast for a tiny little animal. Yeah, that is true. They're small. So Wolverine is like in Deadpool when they had the little Wolverine. That was like the joke for inside comic people. Yeah. That like, oh, that's the real Wolverine. See, you should have been. He's 5'3 in the comics. 5'3. Yeah. Bobby Heine. Yeah, that's Kevin Hart. Talk about Wolverine, man. On DraftKings. I always find a word or thing they do. Like I've used a lot of impressions. It's like in and out. DraftKings. Yeah, snap, snap, clap. Here we go. What do you think, Shaq? I think it's pretty good. But I do like to use impressions almost like a radio producer pressing a button in sound effects. Yeah. I mean, there's some where I like to go way off and do it for a long time. But with that Nicolas Cage thing with him, but the thing is, that's going to have a lot of young people thinking that that's what Madden sounds like because he's still Nicolas Cage, right? Here. Right. Yes. Right. Hey folks John Madden here Boom So it going to be like well uh people talking to me about you know you don't sound anything like john man i'm like i'm pretty good at it sounds identical that sounds exactly what i heard as a kid that's what madden sounded like to me yeah i mean that thing right there yeah that yeah that there there there there yeah yeah it's it's like it's like almost like you have a ping pong ball stuck in your mouth and you got to talk around it like the ball is just there and your tongue's going around underneath it and you're trying to it's almost like you're trying to balance the ping pong ball inside your mouth with an airflow but at the same time you're still trying to communicate but i get why you don't i it's funny because the the a lot of these people as time goes on yeah their their voice changes their intonation changes right it's like Oh, yeah. With TV and time. And older people get, their voice gets raspier most of the time. Oh, yeah. And a lot of times deeper. So... You did the original. That sounded like the original. Like, as a kid, too, the way that Will Ferrell did Harry Carey as a Chicago guy, I started to only hear Will Ferrell. Right. Because I remember Harry didn't always sound that way, but it was always so big. But did you ever hear John Caponera? He was the Caponera. Oh, yeah. the caponera is the that's the caponera right hey that's the kid in the sombrero what's he doing over there that's my opener um so that's that but that's the fun thing is you take the impression and then make it into a character right like my madden became the i just swallowed my face yeah that's that's what it's like with gruden i can just he's doing that man and now with him at barstool it's like he's doing it so much he's buying into it yeah oh yeah yeah because it's going crazy he's the only guy i've ever seen like he can be wearing a pizza hut shirt with a domino's hat man i'll tell you what we're selling the shit out of this thing man i do but it is funny because you it's like you pick an era of an impression and you have to stick to it because if you talk about how it changes or you can you can do there is some of that i mean uh i'm trying to think of a People have done. I used to do something like it, but I've seen plenty of people do it since the eras of Pacino. When he was young, he just talked kind of like that. Just very, very, very at the front of the throat, at the front of the mouth. And then it came down. And then by the time he was, instead of a woman, he was Southern somehow. U.S. Army retired. I got something in my teeth. The whole movie. Him playing blind is really what it is. Yeah, it's almost the time it is. It's like when he goes blind, that's when it became like a... I'm blind, and my sense of taste has become greater than I ever thought possible. I want to give you one. You tell me who you think this is. Because this is, as a kid... Tracy Morgan. Got it. I would do impressions of announcers. Okay. So I have an announcer, but it's a nobody, but it's like 10 different announcers. Okay. So I would say Dodgers are up to the plate. What's going to happen there is he's going to swing away no matter what the call is. It would be like I would take a little bit of – It was a little Steve Stone. Yes, a little bit of Stone, and then I would try to do – Then Scully? Scully, but Scully was never that high. A long fly ball deep into Shanta fields. centerfield centerfield field centerfield but i would steal from all these announcers a little political moment yeah yeah he would throw those he would be so much people would come after him so much the way he threw in stuff he'd throw in my friend john homebrook who i told you about uh the radio guy yeah he and i are working on coming back with a podcast we did it for a while but um he has that great scully and he does the thing where he's like he just goes on diatribes in between balls oh it's one of my favorite thing and it's fantastic father lost his legs at war and that's two strikes at the plate laughing at this yeah it would it would just be like a peeling off of but that's because as a kid i baseball was like my love my first love too and so i would hear all these different announcers and they all kind of they had the same thing which was that about the baseball announcer is not evolved it's almost the exact same fly ball deeper to shitter field like uh what's his what's his name um from uh the simpsons who does hank his area hank his area yeah he hit on that somewhat with uh uh oh bro uh are we playing are we playing password yeah we are we are uh uh uh round oh i don't know i can't yellow i have a problem with name i'm oh i'm so bad i'm 52 and but this might like maybe it is for you too but that's my whole game is like i'll forget the name of an impression i do in the middle of my act like oh and i start to sweat i'm like was it azari or was it harry shearer no it was hankazaria hankazaria did um because she did vin scully on he did he did no no that that's but i wasn't thinking vin scully he has he had the show brocker brockmeyer brockmeyer brockmeyer i got it i got it brockmeyer i think talked like that most of the time yeah it was like a tip it was like a little uh shout to a few different guys that had that same wild inflection. But there is that. I don't know why baseball has involved. Maybe because they have to fill so much time. So much time. But football announcers, like, I don't think they could do what they did back in the day with Madden and Summerall. When Summerall would do that, to the 20, to the 25, there's a flag. Maybe Al Michaels a little bit. He'd be the only one that could get away with it. And he gets, you know, blasted all the time. Why? Because he doesn't have a ton of energy. Yeah, but I don't need that. He was doing this thing, and Holmberg texted me this too the other day, so I know it's true. And I'd heard it. I only heard it once, but he'd heard it four times. Al Michaels started saying, the entire arena rising is won. And I was like, that's a Bill Walton. The entire arena rising is won. And Al Michaels doing it. I'm like waiting for a throw it down, big man. do you believe in miracles yes so it's like what wait why is he channeling bill walton this night because they pull i think everybody pulls from something else they've heard and it's hard to get away from it there is that but that's such a different the entire arena rising is one yeah that's such a bill walton very much like the uh conference football conference of champions the The NFC, unbelievable. By the way, a true statement there, by the way. Yeah, right? NFC is the best. Wait, are you Bears guy? Bears guy? Bears guy? Chicago Bears did a little damage there over there against Green Bay Slackers. Someone wasn't doing their job kicking a bunch of bad kicks over there. Did you see what happened between him and LeFleur? That was fantastic. Fantastic. You know that? Loved it. That handshake. Two seconds in and out. In and out. Not even two seconds. I'd like to put a stopwatch in there. I'll tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to go to the floor myself and have a little couple of words with him. Because, look, I played high school football, too. What exactly is LaFleur? What is it, the flower? Yeah, he's a flower boy, flower girl, as far as I'm concerned. And it's not me being mean about women or nothing. And why would you? I don't know. We get the ladies. We do get a lot of ladies, you and I. Well, you're single again, though. Yeah, yeah. It's fallen that way. Yeah, it's going to keep going. It's going to keep going down. Well, just the winter weight's going to come off. I mean, that's the problem. It's like summer comes. The winter weight will come off. We go to the lake. You know, it'll be nice. I'll get my body back. I'll get my body back. My body back. Did you say body back or body bag? I'll get my body bag back. Don't worry about it. Okay. Don't worry about it. I understand. I said on this show before. Hold on a second. Cut that. You're going to cut that, right? my favorite thing about chicago is like when i go home my my biological father will meet he is like so chicago it's like painful he does this that many chicago people do they talk to you as if you're aware of all the people they're talking about so he does these like kind of tree conversations and i learned it from listening to him about how he'll go you know when grandpa worked at arlington my grandma he worked at the dog track and the horse track when grandpa worked at arlington remember sheila who worked in the window with him on six no of course i don't sheila's son moved to los angeles i'm gonna get you guys together i don't know him dad i can't no but you should meet him he wants to be in hollywood too well you it's all for you now hollywood yeah but it's almost they say they speak in and that's a very midwesterny thing to be like take him in she'll give him we'll make connections his my look his mother went to school with your aunt your aunt leased that's why i sent you to asu to make connections you we paid for all that you went there for four years four never forget okay no that was a lot of money you think that money grows on the trees we don't got money trees no no and the roots and the way it all forms underneath. I mean, it's just... People think about the branches of money, but it's underneath. It's underneath. It's down. Going into the soil. It's down there. Grabbing onto the minerals. It's a lot of work. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is incredible. It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. I've talked about them so much, man. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace is going to give you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. They're incredible. You probably heard me talk about Squarespace. If you haven't, you're new to the show because the SEO tools on there help you get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions. This way you're going to show up all the time, much more often for people that are looking for stuff that you are offering, whatever that may be. Whether you're someone who's creating video content on there, Squarespace makes it easy to embed that stuff on your site, or whether you're someone that just wants cutting edge design that showcases whatever you're creating, whatever you're making, whether it's work or you're someone that's selling your content, your products or your brain. You can do it through the help of Squarespace. So go over to squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using that code whiskey. You got it. Squarespace.com slash whiskey. Save 10% off the first purchase of a website or domain and use that code. You know it. You love it. That's whiskey. ginger i like ginger yes i am a proud proud of the bears hopefully uh this will be out i didn't after what happens i i my son texted me when that game was on i go it's it's done i go second half is going to be bad the packers seem to fall apart a lot in the second half i grew up in wisconsin outside of milwaukee and i was like i just think caleb williams he doesn't make a lot of the easy throws but then he makes these crazy unbelievable throws fantastic moments and as soon as i saw a couple of them i go and when when green bay when they missed the extra point yeah and there's two other kicks i was like ah it's over yeah you can't you can't do that because caleb williams just has something going especially this year he did and loveland shout out to loveland one of the best rookies i think i've ever seen i mean that kid can catch anything in the sky it's just it's yeah the game was great it was amazing to watch the the roller coaster we had at my house i was like so upset so happy so upset losing my mind yeah i just felt like i i don't know in the first half my son said to me he goes it's over i go it's not over i know this is i i've just seen this before and uh because the packers didn't have the pass rush yeah and especially when caleb williams would get out in that open field and he would just do some crazy and i was going there's too much of the crazy stuff too much crazy stuff going on did you raise your kit now pack packers has been passed down or no no we kind of just i don't know i i was working with the nfl stuff a lot during the time so it wasn't really picking a team sure because i i would meet players and no players and then i have my son meet people and that was that's always my goal is like when when we came to see you yeah like my son and this is not this is going to sound like a backhanded compliment it's 100 uh i'll take not that hit me he goes he would always call you that andrew guy that andrew guy that andrew guy who he went to asu he's like that andrew guy but he knew who you were which is what is important with him yeah he's a smart kid he's a very smart i could tell but he doesn't like he goes uh who's that jimmy guy at night you know like like like fallon or kimmel he goes i don't know but he doesn't he doesn't care about it he he can tell you the 12th man on the bench of the new orleans pelicans but he isn't like in hollywood it's like he's maybe he's just decided to do that to me it's because it's you it's my business yeah but he it's like he'll he'll talk about that guy um like although he does know shane gillis that's like because he likes shane is so much more than me yeah i text like gillis followed me on instagram and i i said something i go my son went to go see you and he likes you more than me and he just like Like, I'd never met Shane. I found it very funny. But it was like the people my son likes, I'm like, he's got good taste in comedy. He likes Shane Gillis and that Andrew guy. And that Andrew guy. Well, you raised, I mean, he came under you watching you go through your career. Getting raised under that has got to be a little wild. I don't think they pay. My kids didn't pay attention that much. Really? Yeah, they just like the free stuff that it gets you. I think that's what, you know, my daughter and with the agents and stuff like that, I'll get tickets. Even if I had to pay for them, I get really good tickets to things like Harry Styles and like really good stuff. That's why I stay just enough above the fray and in the public ether, I guess, in the ether, so I can still ask for things. right my kids are like my son meets like lots of uh pro athletes and stuff like that because they all know me from coming up and nfl on fox yeah nfl on fox and coaches don't meet even more than like it's weird because when you think about uh you know some of the players some of the players like 21 22 they're kids it's unbelievable you meet somebody and you go my god you're really young yeah they're children i mean they're men out there on the field but then you meet them you're a young guy yeah well as we get older they get younger so it is funny to watch 52 i'm 42 but i feel like any of the pro athletes i know i meet them and i forget sometimes i'm like oh god yeah you're 20 you're you're at the end of like the fall you're done you're you could only play you could play for the rams or the steelers you think i could sign up i think they still take me you're you got the height pretty good wingspan what the measurements on the way out what's what check your uh yeah I check my stats. It seems like you have the intangibles. Yeah. My 40 is pretty good, too. Really? Yeah. I got to run like an 8 second 40, 8 and a half second 40. I'm getting down there. Have you tried to run a 40? Oh, my God. My son was playing flag football. I tried to run a 40. This is maybe, this is probably 8 years ago, something like that. I was fairly fast as a kid. I ran just under 5. I was a running back. I tore my leg. I was probably a 4'9". You tore ACL? Yeah. Oh, wow. But compared to fast people, I wasn't fast. But growing up in Waukesha, Wisconsin, I thought I was fast. Sure. Until you see what fast really is. Yeah. But where was I going with that? Running a 40. Oh, running. Then I tried to run the 40 when my son was playing flag football, and all the slow kids on the team beat me. Like the 11-year-old fat kid. He's chunk from the Goonies. And I'm doing the troubles. I'm like – and I get the time. I did it one of my own ran, and the guy's like 6.5. I'm like 6.5? 6.5, yeah. That's two – that's second and a half slower at least. I'm like that's – let's do this again. Let's shorten it. Give me a 20. Can I do 20? I can't. And 40 yards when you're young doesn't seem like much. No, it's a fair. When you're 40-something years old, it's like 60 feet, 6 inches to the plate when you're a kid pitching. You're like, okay. You get back out there and you realize how far it actually is. Try and shoot an NBA three-pointer. It's nuts. You're like, I can't see. Can I get my readers? What is going on here? Like all that stuff that you just as a kid, I could just pick up a bat and head. I could do whatever. I try to swing a bat now and it just I don't there's the whip isn't there. No, you throw your back out. Yeah, I'm 50. You know, last time I tried was like 45 or something. I picked up and they're like, man, you can rake. I was like, Mike was barely getting it out of the infield. Like I'm hitting the sweet spot on the bat. I'm like, I'm just yeah. Yeah, it's just doing this. I'm like, I got a hold of that one. it could be it's to the second baseman that see that's that's will right that was close that was kind of in between i was trying to holy cow if a guy that's more actual harry right if there's a guy on first base of a guy on second base who who's on first it's been so long since i did it like and And then that Will was the, hey. Will was so much more like, hey. Yeah. My grace, one of the greatest cuffs. It's almost like painful when he would do it. Just go, Blue. If I was a pie and I was on a conveyor belt, would you eat me? Yeah, that's right. If the moon were made of cheese, would you eat us? But I always heard that as a kid. So I remember hearing Harry and being like, that is the funniest version of Harry. Yes, I think. But that's what Will Ferrell does. I mean, Will Ferrell didn't do the best George W. Bush. Not even close. He did the funniest. Funniest one. Yeah. And his was that college. His was the college frat boy. Yes. Bush. Yeah, bad boy. But like party and drink. Mine was like a Bush as a little kid. So it's like it was like he was amazed by everything. That sounds pretty good, man. Subtle, which I guess in subtle, the B is more subtle than I am saying it right now. That's so good. Yeah, that was when I mean, that was like that was back in the hay. I used to work on these so hard. When you're working out stuff, when you're really working it out, are you doing it to a small room or just doing it on your own? You got to do it a bunch. And then I do it on the radio and bounce it off of people. Right. It's like when you bounce it off people, you can bail it out and people will give you feedback because you can't always hear what you're getting wrong. Is there another impressionist that you kind of look to for the help for stuff? Well, that John Holmberg and I, we go back and forth. Yeah, he's like the one. We go – because we think very – he's like an evil version of me and it's – he has no holes barred. And but we we've developed quite a few together. And, you know, it's just but there are other people. I'm trying to think along the way there have been some other people. But I always take the notes from like I'll work with somebody or I'll meet somebody that worked with my somebody work with Bill Walton. They'll be like, Bill says this and does this. And then and then I'll listen for that even closer. Because those phrases are cues into like. Yeah, that's what people always say. Everybody has, like you said, those beats that they – and for me, even getting into an impression, there are the little starters. There's the – with the gold, ooh, yes, yes, I, another of all, ooh. But there are those, wait a second, wait a second. Yeah. But you find what they are. What's the starter for Madden? you know probably you know you know there's uh and and he used to do this thing yeah and he would do he would yes and yeah whoever he was working with and and that's when that's really what it is yeah so that that's what uh i want to give me the starter for morgan freeman ah yes yeah or truth of the matter is sometimes a man decides to talk the way he does and sometimes it just happens um it's unreal i mean it honestly it's and by the way morgan freeman sounded the same for 30 years 40 years he has age though you can you can hear no he actually if you listen you just hear a lot of older morgan freeman yeah if you hear him now you can tell and uh do you know who josh robert thompson is i don't think so because he he loops for him some and he's got probably the best oh this the guy who does him yes yes i do know who that is he he he was even telling me one talking about how morgan freeman sounds so much older but we don't hear it all the time right sometimes you hear a little bit of it you know it's a little bit up here and there's not as much power behind it but it's we all think about that uh if i climb through 500 yards of the filthiest slop i can't even imagine we think shawshank yeah trying to think of some of the other starters for for people um well gruden is i'll tell you what man yeah you can go anything I tell you what, man, that sounds pretty good, doesn't it? I'm nodding. I'm nodding. See that microphone, man? I'll tell you what. Tell what? I was just going to ask, what's the starter for Robin Williams? Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Who knew, huh? Kind of an amazing thing. A lot of people did the over-the-top Robin Williams. What I went for was the one where you grow a beard and win an Academy Award. Just get quieter. It's an amazing thing, isn't it? Did you know Robin? No. And he was his son came out to see me in San Francisco. And he was going to bring Robin out to meet me. He's like he got he's like that. I don't know if I've ever seen anybody do my dad better than you. I was like, thanks. That's that's the coolest thing is I'm bringing him out. And he was going to bring him the next day. And then they didn't come. And I was like, heartbroken. Then two or three days later, I see Robin Williams in rehab. Oh, man. Yeah. So I was like, I was still mad. You should be. You should. I could have saved it. It could have been on you. I could have been your patch, Adams. I saw a different Robin when I saw him return to the comedy store When he came back to the comedy store after years and years of not coming back It was a different Robin Really quiet It was very like pensive And it was interesting because as a kid I would all I would see was how explosive he was And then when he came back, it was just at a different time in his life. And it's so it was so different to watch him. It wasn't the same. Yeah. Comedy wasn't even the same rhythm of comedy or the same kind of like style. It was like a different guy. It was kind of not a bad thing, but it just – you're like, oh, yeah, we all – comics especially, we all keep changing. But you saw him change dramatically. That and less cocaine. Yeah, much less cocaine. Less cocaine. That's kind of a stepping back. He did. This, the biting of the lip thing is what he does a lot too. You've got to just think about it for a second. It's a wonderful thing, you know. I'll just be over here. Somber. Who could you never get? Lots of them. Who's the one that you always tried to? You were like, God, I wish I could get it, but it doesn't work. Who is the one? I don't – I mean there's just so many that I can't do. Chris Berman took me forever because it just turned into Al Pacino. When they're close to somebody, that always makes it tough. I'm trying to think of somebody. Jack Black I hit every once in a while, and I can't figure out how to keep it there. To get it back? Yeah. It's like I'll get it. Dude. Dude. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. See, it's in there. Yeah. It's in there, and you've got to get the R's. Ladies. Dude. Legend of the Kung Fu Panda. Ladies and gentlemen. That is it. It's there, and then it goes in and out. But I don't work. I have to just do – it's repetition. I have to do it over and over and over. And if I can't think of a really good bit, I'm just like, well, I don't work on it. I'm just like I'll just do social media things and just do two words. That's kind of what I'm – Well, if you're doing it for the stage, like if you're doing it for the show, you write the bit with the person in mind or you'll write the bit and then try to – I try to make an observation about the person and then act it out and then take it to wherever that takes me. So, for example, Pacino, he they teach you in acting to be curious. Like you don't really you know the script, but you're not supposed to know what's coming. Right. But he takes that to the next level. He's like, OK, so what happens here? Well, you turn on a light switch. Wait a second. You mean I flip a switch over here and a light goes on over there? Oh, that's sorcery. Or he yells in the movies for no reason. So I cast him as a librarian. That was the bit I originally did. Yeah. So it's like, what is their persona and how can I take it out and make it something else? so for example in my act or even you know when i'm doing uh you know publicity or whatever morgan freeman can narrate anything a joke doesn't work and that's when frank realized he needed a better punchline see what he should have done was gone from this to that yes that would have made it a lot better wouldn't it i was sitting over here still somber i'm trying to laugh and it's not happening so it's those what you know that's kind of my cheat code is just go between voices So the rest of my show, or Trump will try to, I'll explain it, make it better. I'm going to make it better. I'm going to make it so much better. What do you think, Joe? Folks, I don't even know we're doing this. Come on. Where are we? My joke with Biden is he's the only guy I've ever seen listen with his eyes. Mr. President. Hey, how are you? Come on. What are you doing? The guy at the thing. I don't have to tell you. You did have to tell us. You're the president. I would have told you it wasn't your turn. Well, guess what? It is again. I'm back. And that's how I kind of like – like I like to stay in the middle in terms of politics and just – I like to make fun of everybody. The tough thing is audiences are so narrow nowadays except for the super superstars and politics. That's why I do the politicians. Right. Like the presidents. Like I do those because everybody knows them. Right. But if I was to try and do Saul Goodman, I can kind of, did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do. Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Like there's – I can get that. You would know who it is, but that's all I can say. But at the same time, like you do that in a show and like 90% of the audience doesn't know what it is even though it's like my favorite show. So it's one of those weird – it's those weird things where – and that's why sports works so well because most people that know a sport know most sports. Yeah. And if you do a Charles Barkley, that guy's a knucklehead. He's really, really bad in everything he does. It's really ridiculous. That's what I said to him. I said, Caledino has no idea. There's a story that I kept quiet for the longest time. Because Charles Barkley had told me. He goes, you know, John Madden wanted to sue you. And I go, I know. He's like, I talked him out of it. I was like, how did that go? He's like, well, he called me. He called me and said, this is Caliendo. know he's he's a problem we gotta we gotta get him it's like because i'd done these dish network commercials years ago and i did impressions of them on the commercials and mad and he probably was in the right like he's like even though you could tell it wasn't him but it was like hey uh they're using our likenesses to try and sell this stuff and uh to me it was kind of it was definitely parody so you could tell but at the same time you're trying to sell something so it's in a gray area right um but madden didn't like it at all he just didn't like me and he didn't know me the only guy who didn't care really was dr phil at the time and he doesn't care adam does him yeah although one time dr phil was doing a promo i was i don't think i was dressed as dr phil for that maybe i was dressed as dr phil but no i wasn't on that one the first time i met dr phil he comes and he's like he's like so you're uh so you're doing me here and he just grabs me like a vulcan nerve pitch he's like i think it's pretty good but he did it he did a sketch with me at the super bowl you know 15 years ago where i'm doing i'm gonna i'm like did you know and i'm just going off and then he come dr phil comes walking in behind me i'm like and that's what oh boy wait so did charles really stop madden from suing yeah so he told he never told anybody the story But then with the Kelsey brothers on a podcast, Barkley told the world about that. And I was like, OK, now I can tell him talking about that story. Because I'd never asked Charles. I was too scared to ask Charles, like, can I talk about this? But he never talked about it. Right. And then he did talk about it. And I was like, OK, I'm going to start talking about it now. But Madden, he did want to sue. Then there was counter suits. I had myself indemnified from the beginning because I was like, I don't know if he could do this, but I will take the money. Yeah, but that's on DirecTV, not on you. Yeah, but it was Dish Network, but it was back in the time. I mentioned their only competitor. Yeah. That's so funny. And then it was funny because then recently there was that Barry Katz thing going around where Barry's telling the story. Listen, so Frank Caliendo, he gets this deal, this commercial. And I said, how much would you do it for? And he's like, a dollar. You would do this for a dollar? I'm going to get you more money. So I went to the people. And Dish Network, I don't know if it's around anymore. So maybe look it up. I don't know if it's around anymore. And he was telling, I think he was telling, who was he telling it to? It was a comedian, wasn't it? It wasn't Swartzen. I'm trying to think, but whoever. He's like, and so I said, there's more than a dollar here. So I go and I come back and I tell Frank, it's $50. I got you $50. And Frank's like, I'll take it, man. I'm like, I just think there's more money. And I just, I don't know what it was, but there was something inside of me that told me there was a lot more money. And then so I come back and it comes back and it's $200 million. Like if the gist of the story was 100% correct, then the numbers were not right. But it was so funny. The way he told the story, for people who don't know him as a legendary comedy manager, but the way he told the story is like, so let me tell you this story. I was working with Frank Caliendo at the time. You know, he does the voices. He's very good. And I don't know if this company is around anymore, but Pizza Hut. Have you heard of Pizza Hut? So Frank said, I want to do a Pizza Hut commercial. And I said, I'd love to get to that, man. It would be incredible. I go, I'm going to talk to him. So I talked to him, and they offered him one pizza. Frank says, I'll take it. I said, I think there's more pizza there, man. So now I go back and forth, and I come back, and I get him 50 pizzas and a bunch of money, and Frank says, I'll take it. I said, I don't think so. I said, I think I can get you more. And now I come back the last time. I'm like, you're not going to believe this, Frank. He's like, what did you get me? And I go, you fucking own Pizza Hut. You're the biggest Pizza Hut franchise owner in the history of the world. There are people that don't know. You have to see the original Barry Gadsden. Who's it with? Did you look it up? I'm trying to find it. God, it's so funny. But the gist of the story was kind of correct. But he goes, Frank had never even made $25,000. belt i canceled i canceled another gig that was over 50 at the time but people just like i don't like to talk about them like i've never been one that talks about the money sure but i was like he's making it sound like he wasn't doing it on purpose he's making it to have himself sound good but he was making me sound pretty dumb yeah but he was he was doing it to make him be like in managers they can really do it they can do anything you can you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. Dane Cook. I was working with Dane for many years and he's like, I want to do a 5,000 seat theater. I said, Dane, you're going to sell out Mars. You're going to be interplanetary. You're going to be the first interplanetary comedian. Elon Musk, nobody even knew what he was going to do, like try and colonize Mars. He was ahead of the game did he he repped you for how long quite a few years do you are you one of those guys that stuck with someone for the for your whole career i was with him for a long time yeah i mean i just he was great for me um to a certain point that i was just kind of like i don't i don't know do you still have rep now or you do you know i just have an agent i mean i just people try to manage but i i in a book my brother works for me and he kind of advances everything and books travel and everything like that so i'm like well i can always get a hold of my brother yeah it's my brother like if it's saturday and you know a flight goes down he's not you know in malibu right now right or dealing with 50 other clients yeah but it's not like my brother my brother's not my manager i wouldn't have him make um um entertainment decisions but administrative yeah that and that's That's a big part of why you're paying a manager for them to do all that. Do you have management? I haven't had a manager in – it's got to be eight years now or something like that. It's like if you're not good at the business side of things or if you don't understand how to get yourself or you don't have somebody you can trust, they're great or fine. Yeah, they're helpful. And they can tame the agents with – a lot of times agents will have terrible ideas and the manager will be like, this is a bad – Like an agent – I always tell people the agent – the idea behind an agent is like we're going to get you every piece of work in the world. And the manager's job is like we're going to shape your career. Correct, yeah. So if you kind of know what you want to do and I just wanted to do live dates, I was just kind of like, well, I don't know why I need that right now. Sure. I tried to have a couple. I had another really good one, a couple. But I tried because they would ask me, do you have management? I'm like, no. And then they wanted to work with me and then they got annoyed with me because my brother did everything. And if somebody did something, I'd be like, well, I'd get mad if somebody booked something poorly. And be like, well, let's just have my brother do that. And you just make entertainment decisions. And I actually, with Tim Sarkis, I had that. He was great. And his office was great. But I was like, at a certain point, I was like, I'm just doing the road. He goes, I get it. But at the beginning when you like, you know. I couldn't even get a Comedy Central. and Barry got me into rooms with people. You didn't get a half hour out of them? I did, yeah. I had that back in the day. I was trying to get on Make Me Laugh and I couldn't even get on that show Make Me Laugh and that was in Comedy Central. What about the Mad TV SNL world? I went to audition for... I never auditioned for SNL. You never did? No, because I went to LA and I had such a crazy LA experience where everybody just started offering me tons of money because I would do like 50 impressions in five minutes. And I would do it all. We called it the five minutes of fury. I don't remember what it was, but it was kind of my act condensed. And it was just going from impression to impression to impression. And it just blew away rooms. And I would go in there and they're like, we're going to offer you a deal. Like people were offering me, the WB offered me a deal in the room. NBC offered me a deal. The president of NBC that week was a guy named Scott Sassa. That week is great. Yeah. And he's like, do you want me to put you on Saturday Night Live? I was like, my answer was it would be an option. So after that meeting, Barry says to me, he goes, I can't believe you said that. I'm like, what? He goes, the president of NBC asked you if you wanted to be put on Saturday Night Live, and you said it would be an option. I go, yeah, but you told me never show my cards in a meeting. He goes, yeah, but I didn't think you could fucking do it. but i was like i you know hammond daryl hammond was there already yeah and jimmy fallon had just been cast right so i was like well i'd be third fiddle at best you know if i and i didn't really have any live experience i was just doing stand-up so i took a deal with warner brothers that was the chicken deal like you remember chicken michael roof and they put us together in a show called hype that was more like tripe. But we were, you know, the whole night was hype night on the WB. Three weeks into the season, the WB Sunday. I'm like, the WB Sunday's back. It's not hype night anymore. It's back to Steve Harvey, I guess. So I got a bunch of stuff. And then I went to Matt. I talked about this with Bob. too, when I was on him, I got a deal from Fox behind the scenes and like, can you come do Mad TV? Because I'd auditioned for Mad TV that first time I went out there before I did that show. I, that was a show that just, you know, kind of went by the wayside. It wasn't very good. It was trying to do, it was trying to be comedy as opposed to being comedy. And, um, Mad TV, I didn't even audition the second time. I was just, I was just blown away the room in the first time. They're like, well, just, we'll just offer you the show. and i took the offer and then fox gave me something to do that and then behind the scenes the nfl on fox uh in a different thing jimmy kimmel was still there and they were bringing me in every once in a while i'm like well this is getting me more play than anything at mad tv right because mad tv very good incredible cast um great writers but they would always dumb it down yeah you're like what do we why are we dumbing everything down and because the demo was like 14 year old boys i'm like but i'm 30 right like i just don't know that's not what i thought this was and it wasn't always like that it was closer to the ben stiller show when it started yeah and it just devolved down to and fox never had any money for it because their their network programming was always in the the dumps yeah so they had cartoons and they were just they couldn't promote mad tv because they had to promote they were just fighting so hard for their shows to stay above water and saturday night live you're never going to beat it because it can they can do they can change the show that moment yeah they can change the show an hour 30 seconds before the show they can change things during the show if they need to and weekend updates always going to be the most topical thing so you're never going to beat that you so um so that that was that was the right so i i never ended up even trying to audition for snl because i did say to barry too i was like well listen, if the president of the NBC tries to put you on, it doesn't go through Marcy Klein and Lorne and all the people there. They don't want that. They want to find you, too. Right. So I knew that was going to be another challenge. Yeah. And there have been, you know, there have been so many great people that you're like that Elon Gold, Godfrey. Yeah. People that you're like, this person would have destroyed on SNL. Yeah. And you're like, I can't. Did you ever audition? I tested. Yeah. Oh, you tested? Yeah, I tested. I auditioned flew back here then I flew back and I tested and then uh um it was me and Dan Soder do you know Sody I think I heard this yes yes yeah and then uh it was me Dan Soder and Pete Davidson oh wow and you know how that story went I don't but a lot of ups and downs in that story that really yeah well Lauren I did you back yeah he flew me I did it I talked about it on Dana's show with with spade and uh lauren flew me back and that's when my agent was like you got it they don't fly you back unless you know i gotta i flew back i was in the hotel all day and then supposed to have like lunch with lauren or like a meet him in the afternoon and then hours go by and i went in there and he was just very blunt and nice about it to be honest it was kind of weird my experience was wonderful so what he i flew you out here to tell you you didn't get that's exactly right yeah he said you're not the puzzle piece i'm looking for and i and i and he said you're going to have a great career you're going to be just fine see we have we have um we've got a santa claus puzzle and you're like the dogs playing poker you know an advent calendar it's already been open you're one of the numbers that have already been opened he but it was a partially the the irony of there is i had already done television i'd done a shitty sitcom and i'd done some other pilots and i think he wanted someone i mean pete was a kid pete signed up when he was 20 or something i don't even remember nine i believe yeah yeah but so i remember me and soda the same age and it was like well these guys are kind of we weren't by any means developed but we were much further along in the process of tv and film and blah blah so i think he that also was a little bit of a turn off to him by the way um robert downey jr and one two it's a you just gotta burp out the punchlines But the funny thing is that Robert Downey Jr., actually, Tony Stark, is Dr. Evil. Throw me your freaking bone here, please. And if you add a little air, quite frankly, throw me a freaking bone here. It's a Donald Trump. That is kind of – I think people don't know that Dr. Evil was Mike's impression of Lauren. I mean people have talked about it since then. the lay person doesn't always like some people like you'll see somebody in the comments you know dr evil is yeah all comics we know yeah we know but it's it's it's funny because then you find out as you go on that mike i don't know him i'm speaking like i know him but you find out that he kind of has infused a lot of characters from his life and all his stuff and you go oh i know who that is personal impressions are just they become characters yeah characters are impressions of people nobody knows and you just have the right setup and the right point of view yeah that enough people can identify and it kind of feels so commonplace well that's why i always i never did really didn't do celebrities well like but i would do like a character i did i tested for snls i did a this repressed southern high school football coach who you know was kind of into some of the boys and i stole the voice from one of my dad's friends he used to belittle me when i was he was a big lumbering man and he would you know he'd go andrew i bet you a hundred dollars you can't do a hundred push-ups right now right here front foot from dinner table and he would make me do stuff like that as a kid because he was a big football guy and i stole that uh and that's not stealing if you take the well yeah it would be if you took it like somebody's impression but no no i just i just took the world and put it in this like repress because he would say stuff He'd be like, go, go, go and take your shirt off and do it. And I'd be like, why do I have to take my fucking shirt off? And so I would put that in of this repressed Southern High School football coach that was just talking about the boys as they run. Y'all are sweating good. Want to see more sweat. Want to see more sweat. And so I did that as part of my test. And the character did fucking phenomenal. I was like stoked about some of the characters I did that had popped. Because in my mind, I did them at a couple of venues in L.A., you know, and they did okay at like the improv and stuff in the store. But not until I did it in front of IO West and then at UCB. I was like, oh, they're because they wanted it more. Right. They were like, oh, they're into the characters. When I did it, when I was doing them at the store, I was it was just so, so not what I always did that people were like, what the fuck is he doing? Right. So I kind of hit it. I didn't really tell all my friends I was doing it. Did you ever work Stanford and Sons? I did. Oh, yeah, man. Craig Glazer. Yeah, Craig Glazer. I'll pick you up from the airport. I've got a couple stories. He had the greatest thing because one time I'd just gotten mad TV. So this is a guy who was like totally. And he's no longer with us. And we rest in peace. Craig was a wild character. He's not in heaven. what is this it's a little uh warmer here he's almost beetles hey hey come here i got something for you i guess uh hey come here that's where that's that'd be funny michael keaton's like you know hey you ever go to san francisco you ever been there you ever been there that's where you get beetles juice yeah there's a guy there uh craig glazier here you know i guess okay so so glazier's like he's like uh i'd never been there to kansas city and he's a he was a promotional maniac correct yeah and everything he was on the radio tv and everything and so he's talking about all this stuff he's like so uh so i i go as long as you don't mention mad tv we're good because it's not out there yet that i'm on there he's like i haven't mentioned it anywhere nobody knows about it don't worry about it we driving in his like corvette yeah over a hill there a giant billboard mad tv frank Calando He turns to me He turns and he goes are you pissed Yeah, dude. I went, hey, are you pissed? You could have told me that you didn't know or you just had done it. But it was like two days until we see that billboard. And he's like, are you pissed? But I would do a thing. He claimed to have created every comedian in the world. Of all time. He takes credit. Seinfeld came in. He's doing prop comedy. I said, what are you doing? Start making observations, the minutia, the little things in the world. Next thing you know, he's got the Seinfeld show. He's making millions of dollars. Where am I? Stanford. So I was thinking about it. Carrot Top, on the other hand. Carrot Top wanted to do intelligent, high-level thinking type of comedy. I said, that's not for you. What you've got to do is get a couple of trunks, pull things out of it, keep the hair. Quit cutting your hair. Next thing you know, he's in Vegas making millions of dollars. Where am I? Stanford and Sons. Think about it. But I said to Dave Chappelle, I said, have some cultural comedy. Think about things that are going around. I said the same thing. Bill Burr. Go on rants. Bill Burr wanted to stick to his act. I said, don't stick to your act. The back's incredible. He did tremendous things. But I said, here's what you do. You go on the Opie Anthony show. You talk to the crowd. You go on a 12-minute rant. Next thing you know, he's making millions of dollars. Where am I? Stanford and Sons. Think about it. So I created pretty much every single comedian that has ever been through. Dane Cook, he didn't want to have any animation. Sebastian Maniscalco didn't repeat things. I said, no, you've got to do it loudly. Move your arms around. Move your arms around. If they're offering you peanuts, you don't have to have a punchline. Just tell them they're offering you peanuts. Say it three times, and you will get people to enjoy what you're saying because it will make you think about it. And you'll make it. There is Sebastian Maniscalco, I said. And he wanted to go by Sam Maniscalco. I said, no, Sebastian Maniscalco. I said, the longer name, the Italian, the spaghetti people get in their mind. They understand. Next thing you know, he's making millions of dollars. Where am I? Sanford. Think about it. So I have these ideas I give to people. They understand. But, you know, that's just I'm a giver. I'm a giver. Except me with take from your fucking check. This guy, I'll never forget. He picked me up. No, he had a lotus. He had a lotus at one time. If you know what this is, it's a very small little two-door car. It's a tiny Lotus. Got it down to one door for a while. He goes, I'll pick you up from the airport. And I was like, oh, you're going to pick me up? I thought, because I'm thinking it was going to be an opener or a runner or something. No, I'll pick you up myself. Okay, he picks me up. We're in the front seat, and he's taking me by down to Kansas City. He's like, best restaurant. I don't know if you can't afford something like that, but that's the best restaurant in Kansas City. And then he's driving around. He goes, hey, before we go to the hotel, you cool if I pick up my girl? And I was like, you're a girlfriend? And he's like, yeah, you're cool. I was like, I'm cool, I guess. And he goes, we're going to get Black Barbie. That's what he called her, Black Barbie. We're going to get Black Barbie. And I'm thinking, what is this play that he's talking about? And then he pulls up to this apartment complex and this 6'2 woman wearing a tiny little miniskirt, I mean, boobs out. And he goes, go ahead and scoot over. I was like, it's a two-seater car. And he goes, oh, she'll get in the back. Black Barbie doesn't give a shit. And he makes me get out. I pick up the seat of, like, you know, old two-sitter sports car. And this 6'2 woman in heels is, like, smashed in the thing. And I'm, like, I'm continually going, are you sure? Is this okay? And he goes, she doesn't care, man. She'll fold in anything. It doesn't even matter. You ever see when the magician puts the lady in a box? That's what she does. She worked with Copperfield for years. I said, originally Copperfield was trying to get really fat ladies He put them in boxes. I said, no, grab the thin ones so they are limber. And you get them around. You can twist them in a pretzel. I put her in the box. Next thing you know, Copperfield's got his own island doing whatever he wants. God makes his own rules. Where am I? Sanford and Son. Let's think about it. For people that don't know, god damn. I think it'd be a character. I mean, it's so funny. You just got to set him up right enough and just find the right thing. It could be outside of comedy. Yeah. And it's the guy working somewhere that claims to have. He invented Velcro. Yeah, there was. People were tying their shoes. I said, what are you going to do? Tying your shoes, you're going to end up, you bend down, you've got to tie the shoe, you've got to memorize the knot. A lot of people don't have the dexterity to do that. You get older, I said, how about we take two strips of some type of fabric, one that has kind of like tiny little hooks and another one that's kind of a fuzzy type of deal. Have the hooks attached to the fuzzy and then make a funny sound when it opens up. Next thing you know, the Velcro people, they're making millions of dollars. We're in my Sanford. God, it's so fucking brilliant. And that club, that club, everyone had to go through that club. Like everyone did that fucking club. And I did it because I heard other headliners go, well, you could do it. They'll headline you even if it was early because it was early for me to even have my own weekend. And they were like, he'll do it. They'll headline you early and you'll get fucking no money. I'll lose money on the trip. And I did. And then I was there for the second iteration when they had like a catwalk. It was like in a long theater they had bought. he had to go out on a catwalk he's like use it use a catwalk go out there man show off he wanted to walk out on a catwalk it was nuts but you i mean you lived through you lived through a lot of the changeover clubs right like the generation above me you guys kind of get a lot you saw a lot of those go from one company to another one to another one then be bought and then or either all the mom and pops that closed down like you saw that that was actually some of that was before me i saw i saw as the improvs were starting to come around yeah and so i start i actually started in i graduated from college in 1996 i got on the college circuit for the first three or four years and did mostly that so i got to that about about 2000s where i'm doing clubs okay um so it was on this it was on the the back end of a lot of those uh types of that switch over the changeover yeah there was some there was some go but i didn't know i i don't even know the story like there were so many clubs in chicago i'd never heard of i just did zanies in chicago burt ha zanies in chicago um so i would chicago chicago chicagoland area yeah be careful going through the magnanometer whoever that was at the o'hare airport oh here are the only toilet seats that had like the condom that went around yeah the rotating yeah it's so gross with the weirdest thing it was like a full-on lifesaver yeah but you knew i always thought there's no big role in there they've got it just rotating the same thing yeah this one looks stained multiple times what do you so now now you're touring again this yeah i'm starting to do a bunch more because my wife's spending a lot of money i put a lot of money away and then i put like so much that i don't want to touch sure i'm like well now i gotta force myself to go do some stuff or create some some new thing because i don't want to pay the penalties on the money i put away so right so it's got to go to work um so i'm getting myself out there and doing some more stuff and i create on stage i just i i find stuff hits me in the middle, like things have happened here. Yeah. I'm like, okay, this is, this is a tangent I can go on. Uh, and that's where the fun is going to be. So, um, and I want to tell more stories and do more about me because that's a difficult thing for people. They come out to see the, they come out to see the act. They don't always come out to hear what I have to say. They can come out to see what I'm going to do. There's a difference. Yeah. Like people come to hear what's what's Andrew kind of uh annoyed by what is what is what's you know what's what what's getting what's getting his goat what's people don't do that as much for me as they're like what's he gonna do what's the next thing it's a magic trick what's the like you don't care about the magician in the middle all the time you're like okay we get it you're conjuring demons to make an ace of spades fantastic but just show us the answer to this table magic just show me how tell me how i want to not see where you're you know pulling that card from right so have you started to yeah there's it's been on and off but i i worry i just have to get on stage more and more and more to sure because if you take too long of a break you don't you don't get in the flow right and it's like i build each night as i'm on the road i build little bits here and there and then go back and go okay so i can add this take out that you know yeah but i think with you it's like as time goes on i think for someone like me i'd want to see you obviously do what you do the best but also build out your storytelling and and not just the you know like you're saying show the ace of spades like i think you're at a point in your life in your career when you've done so much that you're like i can tell for example a bit i've been doing is about that mad movie so i get i get a call from my agents and i've told the store a bunch but it's different because you're here yeah but it's But they're like – and the reason I keep doing this is because I sweat on my upper lip and it really looks bad. No, I was staring at it. I liked it, yeah. Is that the football coach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew, you're watching the sweat drip down his lip, boy. Man, that looks good, doesn't it? Next thing you know, he's on NBC and I wear my Stanford suns. Thank God this time. So I get a call from an agent. and uh he goes well first of all they wanted me to audition for the madden movie for the part of howard cosell and i'm like i don't really do a howard cosell and the only thing i can think of is if i even got this movie i'm gonna be this is how i i'm doing a terrible house right just terrible like people are just gonna say the whole time that's terrible should have done madden right but nicholas cage is mad so then i get a call later after i just didn't even want to do the audition i'm like i'm not gonna do it because i'm not gonna be good but my also i was also thinking at the time they probably want to just talk to me about madden yeah like there's probably that always happens to me where somebody wants to meet with me about something they want somebody a much more famous person they're like well we're gonna just kind of work on some of the stuff you have we're gonna have them we're gonna tell them what you do like i'm not giving away the formula and my agent calls me i could like nicholas cage and the director want to talk to you about this movie on a zoom i'm like no he's like what do you mean no i'm like i don't want to do a zoom with Nicolas Cage. I want to hang out with Nicolas Cage. Yeah. I want to go to Vegas. I want to ride Sidecar to the Ghost Rider. I want to do Leslie Stahl walk and talk. I want to be in there. I want him to take me around and he's got his exotic animals be in his basement. Here's my monitor lizard. What would John Madden say to this monitor lizard? We're going to steal the Declaration of Independence. That's the bit, right? But those real things, I'm trying to take those real things and make them stories in my act and then elaborate on them more in the act. and build those out. That's the key to me is the first step of just getting people to, because they want to hear. Anytime I say a person's name, people think the impression's coming next. So it's like I could say, I'm trying to think of somebody that's Brad Pitt. They're like, oh, he's going to do Brad Pitt. No, I'm not going to. I just mentioned his name. If I could do Brad Pitt, do you think I'd stop doing it? I do it all the time. Right. I could do Brad Pitt. He's a hard one to do, though. Yeah, I think some of it's going to be the look. Yeah. And he's not much of a cartoon character. He's a pretty subtle actor. Very subtle. A friend of mine can do a great one, too, and I've seen him do it, so that's another reason. Ross Marquand. So Ross is, like, unbelievable with it. He's got it nailed. Oh, yeah. How about Obama? Let me be clear. That is what this is about. It's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I can break down. That's how I like break. One, two, whatever. You got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Dot, dot, dot. All right. You got to read. Six. Folks. Pie. the presidential number count is yeah well a bit i talk about is like trump would make up his numbers he's pt barnum a president biden would struggle with the numbers yeah by you know and everything goes back to scranton pennsylvania when's the young man going to scranton pennsylvania three four five he's like a drunk auctioneer 608 so come on 600 A.D. It's the father of the Roman Empire. The Romans. The Romans, the salad guy, Caesar. He was defeated by Mario and Luigi. Folks that were plumbers. Folks that were plumbers. So it's like finding those. Where were we going? Where are the voices? Yeah, so. But you find the cadence. How many Christopher Walkins have you heard? You've heard low. You've heard high. Yeah. You've heard in the middle. it doesn't matter where the note is. It's what's the music that's played. What are the notes actually, not the tone? So with counting, with like Robert Downey Jr., it's just one, two, burp, three, four, five, six, seven. Liam Neeson is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. You can even do that better. One, two, one, two, one, two, three. four, five, six, seven. That's better. That's better. But there's those cadences like Michael Keaton. One, I guess, you gotta go two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, one, two, one, two, one, two, three, a few of them up. One, two, three, four, five, six, has it been embedded since you were a kid i think so like when you were a little kid were you fucking around no no i was very quiet until about middle school then i kind of broke out of my shell and i was a little bit more you know there was a guy the kid darren barsh i always talk about him like he was he was a good looking kid but uh he he had frosted tips like before anybody had like that. Like he had bleached part of his hair, but his nostrils always flared out. And he just kind of, he had a rhythm to him like this. And he always, he had that comb. He'd feather his hair kind of a thing. The two hand featherer. But it was like, I would do impressions of him and Mark Christensen, Coach Christensen, the basketball coach. I had him for US history. Like Mr. Caliendo, can you go up to the map and show us where the United States is? I'd point to the blue, he'd go, sit down Mr. Caliendo. That's water. That's water. Well, I got to say, this has been a clinic. It's like an exercise. I mean, it's like a maybe. Well, you can do something. It's funny. No, but it's just different. I used to be better, too. That's the crazy thing. I used to work at it so hard, which I need to get myself working hard. I've done this. Maybe you've probably never seen it. But there's so many voices that are so close to each other. Yeah. And I take two things. This is a thing I did on social media. There's two voices. is you can take Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear. Kermit the Frog is Jim Henson. Hey-ho, Kermit the Frog here, right? And then Frank Oz is Fozzie Bear. Ah, waka, waka, waka, right in there. And if you take Kermit the Frog and bring it down, it becomes John C. Reilly. Did you touch my drum set? And then if you bring bad Samara to it, it becomes Mark Ruffalo. I see this as an absolute win. And you bring it down even more. It becomes Paul Giamatti, I believe. Dave, that is one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my entire life. Now, if you bring it back up and you tighten it up and go back to John C. Reilly and then bring it back to Seth Rogen. I don't know. Which is actually the Burt laugh. And then you can take those those those fozzy ish voices and you get Joe Rogan. Oh, my God, Jamie, that is fucking nuts. Jamie, pull that up. Oh, my God. That's crazy. That is fucking crazy. So everybody is in... There's a lot in that. Everyone's a mix from Fozzie to Kermit. Yeah, there's a bunch in that grouping. Right. I mean, there are others that you can take them to, like John Madden. Hey, folks, John, if you take... If I took Nicolas Cage, Cage, here, and I brought it back into... They made it glottal, so you've got to get rid of the air. You can actually hear, and it gets in there. That gets right before you get to Fozzie. So it's here. And then you tighten up right and now you're talking in here. Jesus Christ. Because Cage is up here. Yeah. Yes, of course. How did I not see that? But you bring those, which is Keanu Reeves is in there. You know, those, they're like those voices that are up in the front. Right. Okay. have you insured your uh insured your voice no you should what would i insure insure your throat ensure your your you can insure it what if you lose your voice i'm done i'm a mime and i'd be the best mime a lot of people said you can't be a mime and i said what's this i'm running into the wind i'm a windrunner i'm a windrunner now like you know what i am i'm stuck in a box i'm in the Now I'm pulling rope. He's the only mime that would tell you what he's doing. He would give it all away. I do a mime who speaks. I don't even need the clown makeup. The only mime that speaks. I'm the only mime that speaks. And I'm in a box here. I'm in a box. Not alone. There's, of course, a couple of supermodels in here. And a lot of mimes do the box. And a lot of mimes do the pull the rope. I do them both. I'm pulling the rope and I'm in the back. Well, I'm going to tell you, I want to say something. I hope I can see you because I want to see the full new act. I hope I see you soon. Yeah, well, it's developing. And now that I'm on the road, I've got to get more of the stories. That's funny because I have a lot of things that go back that I have to, like I pull from stuff, that older stuff, and then I go off on tangents to build it. Yeah. And it's like I got to figure out how to get rid of the stuff that's at the beginning that's kind of old and then get the new things. But, I mean, that's going to be trial and error with you figuring out what the stories that you like and that you don't, you know, that you get over. You know what I mean? The stuff that you're like – it's almost like when you're trying new jokes and you're like, God, I like that so much, but I just want a piece of it to fill this other joke. Yeah. You know, we beg, borrow, and steal. And that's so funny because you can take your own joke and just switch the situation slightly And it's like, well, that's the same joke from 10 years ago. Nobody cares. They don't care. They just want to see you do it. I think that one thing, I don't know who told me, but there was an older manager. Oh, David Steinberg, who just passed away. Steinberg was Robin Williams' manager, Billy Crystal. And Steinberg said to me, he's like, you guys are so fucking obsessed with throwing away material. And I said, well, I mean, I don't know. it's kind of like a comics code thing sometimes where you do an hour and you do it and he's like who told you to do that i said i don't know i just think we all kind of do that instinctually he's like cut it out he's like it's your stuff you made it he's like you can do it as freely and and as frequently as you want the same thing so many times i'm doing it up here now he was right look down there quick glazer Things are heating up But that's the thing about hell They have the greatest You get great fire And you can make Tremendous marshmallows I said to Beelzebub I said to him You're not doing Everything you can With the fire I said we can make Great things Fire can be It's not like Frankenstein It doesn't have to be bad Doesn't have to be bad The cavemen With that fire They would have been frozen would have been just a bunch of swanson meals i said no i don't think they had those around back then of course they did yeah he would actually convince you that they did tv dinners they had how could they not have tv dinners they weren't the same they didn't have they didn't use plastic because they didn't have plastic but they used the wheat they used leaves oh shit frank i want to thank you thanks very graciously for coming up son knew the andrew guy the andrew man yeah the andrew man the andrew man that andrew man it was uh it's been an honest pleasure i when i met you i told you that man i was like god i can't i can't wait to sit with you uh for the fans please go see this young lad on tour uh i imagine it's got to be frank caliendo.com it is but you don't have to you can spell caliendo the letter letter C, the word alien, and the word do. Frank C. Alien Do. But I also got FrankOnStage.com. FrankOnStage.com. Frank C. Alien Do. That's a pretty great way to do it. I didn't think I came up with it. Somebody told me I did. I still think it was Harlan Williams. That sounds right. Hey, buddy. Did you know there's an alien in your name? Yeah. Did you know that? Why are you doing that? Because I always do that, buddy. Hey, buddy. Can I get around? Chanteens. hey hey andrew santini isn't that your is that your uncle the great santini harlan one of the funniest oh unbelievable just what i can do harlan is hey there with your hardens greek santa going around the whiskey war he just looks around the room yeah he just finds it these guys are so sick that's what he's like take the whiskey ginger there with the framed picture of yourself making a funny face and the guy with the name i can't remember but It's awkward. Look at these cameras over there and the golf clubs next to the skateboard with the scorpion on it. There you go, my friend. Go to see frankonstage.com. Frank C. Alien do. It means the world to me that you're on the show. I appreciate you. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase. It used to be a word and it became a phrase and then kind of switched around. but you're imparting this wisdom upon our audience. So whatever you want to leave it with, leave them. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.