Parenting through grief, career vs. motherhood, and raising confident kids - with the Abbys

Getting instant insights is amazing. But if there are too many data points, it can be hard to see what works. So I'll ask my AI Assistant for recommendations. And with PDF spaces in Acrobat Studio, it's easy to remix documents and transform insights into standout content so you can go from idea to creation in record time or within an AI Powered workflow. Do that with Acrobat. Learn more and try it out on Adobe.com. I'm not showing up all for my kids. Speaking of them, just so wrapped up in my own grief. There's this narrative to women that being a mother is such a burden in like children or chains. I felt that in the past. This is probably going to get cut. But when I was seeing that pros and cons, it's getting carried. This is un-in. Found out I was pregnant. My business was failing and I was like, day, this is just not all what I pictured my life to be like. It'd take a long time for newlyweds to catch up. You'll never catch up on me. Oh, my God. Always here to share the hope and the heart with heart and humor. Welcome back to always here with Abby and Abby. Is that how we're going to do it? I like that. OK. I feel like this big has been crazy with the launch and the announcement and everything. I know. It's big week. I'm really excited about it. And we just want to say thank you also so much for all the excitement about it. You guys spoke. We listened and it's been so fun. I literally think about this all the time. I'm like, the fact that we get to call this working but it's just hanging out with your sisters. I know. Just having fun. Like, what a blessing this is. I saw a comment that said that. They're like, how fun is it that you guys get to just work and spend time together? I'm like, that's so true. That's how I feel. That's what I feel. I feel like the build up to the announcement in the first episode was so much work, like anticipation, figuring everything out. Like, we were super intentional and serious about things. And I felt this pressure and like nerves. And now that then we announced it and then doing the first episode, I was like, okay. So hopefully it just feels like, oh, like this breath has been released. I'm ready to get into a rhythm with it. Same. And like, also just connect with our like community more. Like right now it just feels like this ambiguous thing. But now as we like start to build the community and like people are listening to it, it just makes it so much more rewarding and fun. Totally. I was logged into the always here email. And I've been getting the emails about all the voice mail is coming through. And I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so many that come. Really? Yes. I'm excited too. Does that go to your phone, adding? No, I just have it on my email. Oh, okay. I have it. Sorry, but it goes straight to voice mail. So they don't have to wait through like the tones of it. And then they get your little jingle. Smart. Really quick. I wanted to hop in here to just say we produce this podcast for free to you guys. So I think it would just be a very kind gesture. And if you took the time right now, five seconds to just hit follow, subscribe, heart, like it, basically just show whatever platform you're on that you enjoy or show and that you intend to come back. We would really, really appreciate that. And yeah, here's your five seconds. One, two, three, four, five. Okay, thank you so, so much. We really, really appreciate it. And thank you in advance. Let's get back to the show. Yeah, I think we like to start off every episode a little bit. Like just kind of saying what this is for, but our like motto is to share the hope in the heart with heart and humor. And yeah, it'd be fun to share like a little bit of hope and a little bit of something that isn't as fun. Maybe that we're dealing with in life. And so I have a hope, which I kind of feel bad saying, actually. I had like it. I had two little versions of me on my shoulder when I was thinking of mine this morning. I was like, it's not nice because I have two sister and little little babies that probably aren't sleeping. But oh, no, it's just like a birthday. I hope that I sleep in a season where I'm sleeping really good. And it's like, I feel guilty saying that guys. Yeah, I mean, there's a hope to your future. I hope that you're sleeping well for our sake. You should be. We hope that we can't, we're not sleeping. So we're not sleeping great. That was actually my heart. Really. I'm so sorry. You're on the same wavelength. I hate that. I think the reason this feels so rewarding though is like knowing like where I've been. I'm like where? Oh, yeah. And it's funny just because like the nature of my children, but it's like my oldest one is always the one that's going to be. And he's surely in our room sleeping with us, but at least we're sleeping. Well, he's just sleeping. Yeah, I just hear the door creak at like because we have his light set to turn a different color. So he was like several light cues that happened in his room, but it turns blue after 1130. So we can have like a long time. Oh, smart. I have to go to bed. It's like seven o'clock when he goes to bed. Yeah. But usually he wakes up somewhere like around one o'clock and I just hear a little our door squeak. And he doesn't even say anything. He just scampers into his little mattress on the ground and goes right back to sleep. But because he's with us, he sleeps so late because he's just like, I'm just in mom and dad's room. Sometimes he's a way just like lay in there and then all he is sleeping in because Griffin's not waking him up. Wow. So Griffin woke up at 920. What's Saturday? Did you think he would be like, are you okay? I didn't think he was in there anymore. I thought Matt had gotten up with him and I was just like, oh. What are you doing? He was asleep. I was like, oh, I, I, I'll just lay there awake. But I feel bad saying that, but maybe you guys can look to your future. Yeah, no. I mean, I feel like with the newborn stage, it changes so often. They didn't get that one. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not that sad about it because at this point, Vivians three months to try and roll. And so the sleep has been really bad. They sleep so much better when they can get on their bellies. Yes, they do. Braille? When she gets on her belly, she cries. She's like, really? Get me back over. She sleeps on her side though. Oh. Kind of weird. That's cute. No, it's cute. Yeah. So I feel like when they go through those transition or milestone transitions, you just don't sleep very well. So I know it's, I know it's going to be short. Three, four and five. Those months are like pretty tricky. Yeah. First sleep. We'll get through it. Yeah, we'll get through it. Was that the sleep last couple days hasn't been the best. And I feel like this postpartum, I'm coming out of a lot of the hard things. It's been feeling really good, but the brain fog has settled in. And I just cannot, like during the day, it's not that bad. But in the evenings, I start to get tired. My thoughts do not form. And I just tend to just, and I cannot think of words. And I look at Caleb and I'm like, what is that thing that I'm trying? And I'll explain it and he'll have to tell me what I'm trying to say. So that has been a little, that's just been really hard. That's frustrating. Just because it's been such a busy week with holidays and like the new year and everything. But yeah. This is how my brain is not working. That's tough. Yeah, but we'll get through it. It's just a short, short suicide. My heart was not that serious, but I just genuinely hate the month of January. And now I'm in it. I'm like, I don't know what it is. I just have a really hard time like transitioning out of the month of December, I guess. December. So I'm someone that loves things, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and all exciting. And then January always feels like we got to make our own fun. And sometimes kind of, I just feel like my motivations low, my productivity is low. I feel like every single night recently, I've just been like, what did I really get done today? And I'm just like down on myself at the end of the night, every single night. And I'm like, I don't even, like I want to do more, but I actually can't get myself to do more. Isn't that called the post-holiday blues or something? Because you're so expended. Maybe from the holidays and then you get into the January and you're just exhausted. That's how I feel. And I want to be one of those people that like kickstart the year like discipline, do love it. And I'm like, I don't want to. And I think part of it is that I'm not in any kind of routine. Like I haven't been going to the gym. And I did go to the gym today and I'm like, I feel like I got a little bit like back into me, but just in general, I need to just suck it up. And just like try to find fun things to do in January. I'm planning a shower for Vow. Oh my god. And so that's how you kind of getting me excited. I'm like, that's a fun thing to do when we need them. Can I help you? Yeah. Okay, yeah. It's going to be Galantine's theme. We should go a little sweet heart is on the way. I was going to say we should call it Valentine's, but that's her. That's actually great idea. Oh, thank you. But that's a little sweet heart. It's also cute. A little sweet heart is also cute. A little sweet heart is on the way. Valentine's day. That's really it. That's a cute theme. I got it from Ventures. I did not. I'm not creative in that way. It's not a word play stuff. Yeah, no, no, not many there. Well, leave it to Pinterest people. Fine. Okay, I'm going to help you with that. Okay, what's crazy? Wow, wait, wait, what's your hope? My hope? Oh, yeah, happy gosh. Well, let's think about this. I thought it was hard. Well, my brain just isn't working. We've had so many friends come in town, which has been fine, and my parents are back too. They do the snow bird thing, which is so fun. Yeah, it's sweet. I love anytime our parents or like my parents or kill parents come in because CJ loves his grandparents so much and it's so helpful when they're in town too Um, that's definitely been a highlight. That's good. Yeah, that's my hope. Okay. We should move on to wow That's crazy This has become the new TikTok viral sensation and I am currently obsessed I Have genuinely no clue. I know we should try it after the episode We should We'll make a video of us trying that's a good idea. I don't know. Okay, this TikTok girl her name's Courtney Cook She is the cutest gal ever she looks like a who what she says is a compliment not without her nose like she just has the sweetest cutest little like She's just so cute. Okay Anyway, she got famous on TikTok I think she's grown over a million followers within the last month that I've watched She's over two million followers and she does the craziest lunches and meals of all time But they're not crazy to her But I stopped on her videos the first time it's called a plowman's lunch. She teaches British history pretty sure and Applowman's lunch is basically like a really random sharkoo to report of stuff like raw vegetables and random chunks of cheeses and breads and Boyle potatoes weird onions and she'll just eat them Really weird onions and I would like watch her videos and I'm like this is the most disgusting bizarre Combinations of food and like the weirdest way to eat these foods, but I want to do it and her responses to them Or just it's so amazing The lady who did the chicken sausage in the cottage cheese and mustard? I don't know. I didn't see that Okay, but maybe if that was like what do you know? No, but I just put the video on your iPad so you can take a look at it The one that's gone really crazy as her sweet potato trend where she she rose to sweet potato and she stuffs Cheese inside of it and then just eats it like I ever hand like a hot dog. I don't know so crazy What is this cheese? Buttercasse cheese. What does she do for work? She's a teacher. Oh, she has a whole series of teachers lunches My So gross that's actually Tater like this lunch night. Hmm. I love that she loves this She is such an endearing person to watch that is the lunch that has gone so viral Love to watch her eat this and everyone's trying this concoction of superlating do people like it. They love it That's why I want to try it. I want to try it. We should do it for a video. It would be super good Okay, let's try it. It's so and there's the way that she eats things I've been inspired to eat raw vegetables I'm like oh, I can just eat a bell pepper like an apple sure. I did it. You did it well with ranch, but yeah Got no, I did slice it. I didn't eat it like an apple. That's how she eats it She just eats the most ran of raw vegetables like she'll take green onions. I took a video of it Green onions green onions. You just start It's crazy There's a video Val our friend Val we're talking about her again. She knows about her two of her Yes, I brought her up and she was like me and her husband or not me her and her husband We're watching her videos at night before bed and there was a video of her eating the dumplings at 7 a.m She loves soup dumplings She puts them in these onion cups and puts soup dumplings in them and then tops them with mayo and soy sauce and Seeds and all kinds of stuff and then she puts the whole onion cup in her mouth and she just goes Oh, yeah, yeah, and you're like oh, I want to eat that Never have I wanted to eat a raw onion cup in my life. This is so funny to me This is like I love I'm fascinated by what people eat, but I think this is fascinating this became a trend. Oh, she's She's absolutely bloomed Bloomed She's not gonna teach her anymore. No, how good her food looks so good. I'm looking at her page It's so good eating plain green onions and she I'm trying to listen to that video a lot of British food So it's a lot of stuff that I've never heard of. It's just so random But she's just such bizarre combinations. I want to try gosh you guys got me sold and the comments are always hilarious They're like yeah, this is what I eat when I'm trying to clean out my fridge Yeah, left over that's just how she just know that no food is wasted in your household It really well, that's funny. I know. I want to try it. She is the I'm always like oh got to stop my TV shows on That's how I feel with her really yeah, that's fun. I like that. Yeah, that's wholesome. That's our wow. That's crazy That's crazy because what she eats is truly crazy It's truly crazy The next segment that we could talk about This is like I feel like last episode we talked about goals. It's kind of fun and tiffy, but this episode Caleb showed me the Kelsey Bell Reedy song I sit in parks and I have not cried listening to a song since maybe I was a little child This song is so beautiful and I feel like it's just such a good conversation For us to have yeah, you listen to the song yeah, you sent it to me and you were like I haven't cried since this was like I'm scared my immediate reaction was like I'm not gonna listen to it as if you cried Then it's gonna make me cry, but I listen to it and it didn't make me cry, but it is like I was just blown away by her What's the word? I'm gonna say humility but like and yeah vulnerability in this like and writing a song like this especially from like So okay, so she made her career huge basically is this true from her divorce album? That was when I first knew her so I think that's when she first became like a more she went on call her daddy and I think that really like Pussed her career. Well, was the caller daddy recently? No, she went on oh when they got her divorce. Oh, oh okay, so since that was like her divorce was such a big part of like her Like rising to fame. I think this song comes as like It's even more impactful then because okay, so wait should you play the song? Are you gonna? Yeah? I don't think we can play this so I can't play I do want to listen to it again just to have like the fresh Thoughts from it, but let's just play it. Oh, you can keep talking about it. Don't cry right now. I literally I listened to it this morning again And I almost cried again. Oh my gosh. I know. I'm never touched like that. I am gosh I feel like for the first time I heard it the first time I heard it. I was like dang. I feel so Sad and grateful at the same time. Mm-hmm. That is such a honest and And maybe it's like being almost 30 and having two kids. It's like man. I Just feel grateful. I I think it just put in a perspective like dang these are the years And like I have two kids and I take them to the park with Kayla But like it just feels like this really sweet time of my life and I was like wow. I'm very grateful for that I'm also sad like these years are short With the little kids, but also like I felt very sad that I do feel like there's this Narrative to women that being a mother is such a burden and like you can't Live this like amazing life and like children are Chains and she's like that the line about Um, do they look at me and want my freedom as much as I want to be a mother? And I'm like dang like I felt that in the past Like kill but I Let me get it together for a second Like when we found out that we were pregnant with CJ my oldest That was a very much a surprise. I was 26 when I got pregnant I had started a business that I had ran for five years with him Um, that kill but come on and joined and at the time that I got pregnant Like the business was failing. I had all these big goals and dreams. I was like I'm gonna be a business woman all the stuff So I had like Found how I was pregnant my business was failing and I was like dang This is just not all what I pictured my life to be like and I felt scared I felt um Yeah, I just felt like a lot of these things and now I look back and I'm like dang. I'm so glad That we were able to start our family when we did Mm-hmm. Yeah, I just I felt all those emotions. Yeah When I heard that yeah I think the thing that like I respect the most in her writing this song is that she First of all, I think in today's like culture It's very like frowned upon if someone changes their mind on things I don't really understand why that is or if other people feel that way But if people like you have a career it's like yeah, we all like change our minds or we evolve or we you know Wish we would have done things differently. I feel like regret is also something that is like Kind of like you're not supposed to have regrets, which obviously like you can't let your regrets like hold like chain you back or hold you down But I think it's really admirable that she's willing to just like publicly be like Yeah, I I'm wondering if I made the right decision or like everyone can look at me and like envy where I'm at right now But do they know that I'm in being them Back and I think that takes a lot of that takes so much bravery and it's It's also I think the other thing that the thing that stood out to me most in listening to this song is that her acknowledging that like her decision how to cost Because I feel like a lot of the times this this maybe is an American thing probably where it's like you can have it all You can be at all you can do it all and I feel like this messaging is I hear it more geared towards like mom It's like you can do it all you can have it all you can have the career you can be the best mom you can do all these things And I also think that women have a unique pressure to like I feel like Just naturally I don't know if everyone feels this way, but like there's always this like quiet voice. It's like you're not enough You're not doing enough. You're not you know meeting the standards that you need to do like there's more you can do and Comparison all this stuff and so her acknowledging like every decision has a cost is Refreshing I told you when you started talking when you sent that song to me Reminded me of Danny Austin who's like another creator and also like mega business owner Her admitting that she like in her own words She said something about like how she blew up her life like trying to have it all and for me as a listener hearing that If I like a deep sigh of relief because it's just not true that you can have it all And it doesn't mean that one decision is right and one decision is wrong Doesn't mean that career is wrong and motherhood immediately is right or vice versa Like it just means that there's a cost and you have to kind of weigh those constantly I feel like that's what motherhood is with like we're both working moms And I feel like I'm always kind of on this teeter taught her of like How do we balance that and like what in which Like what cost is too great? We need to make adjustments and then this benefit I'm not seeing it here So then we got to make adjustments the other way. I don't know if that makes sense. No, it makes a lot of sense Yeah, I would agree it's so It the balance is hard and I feel like I was I was totally bought that lie like oh, I can have it all as a kid and I feel like I Uh reach for that for a really long time and I don't know I think I get sad hearing that video because I think that there is that narrative that like women think Oh my life we talked about this before but my life is gonna stop when I have kids And I don't think that that's true at all, you know, it's like looks different and like you're saying we have to Adjust things around but I don't know. It's like man the the my life is started when I had kids and like even with work It's like being a mom is made me more efficient. It's made me work harder It's made me want to like balance my time better like I feel like all around having kids Having a job like a healthy merit all these things like has forced me to become a better well-rounded woman And I'm so grateful for that and yeah, it's not like oh, I can go be this I don't know it's so hard. I don't know what I'm trying to say No, I think it makes sense and also hearing from your perspective too like you were career driven at one point You had these like high aspirations in like the career area and like you still do but It's like oh, I almost feel like there's maybe two different people listening this podcast because for me like I Actually never had revisions like I did before I got married and then I feel like when I got married I was just like well when we have in kids because then I like can't I felt like you said it I felt like I couldn't start my life until I had kids because that was like kind of like my like tunnel vision Like I was like I got to have kids got to have kids. It's like I don't know why I literally if it's just made that way like literally in high school I remember just being like Whose babies can I watch like All the time and I just felt like I couldn't get like I feel like that time three years of after getting married I was just like Which isn't a good place to be either like I feel like there's a Good thing to be said about like contentment and also just like yeah enjoying early marriage and not like rushing into all that stuff but like because I didn't have like huge career ambitions. I feel like It's like women have to decide right like what are you gonna do you gonna be a mom are gonna be a working lady like and it's like oh Oh That's a tough place to be and then I feel like a lot of women too like they go into the career field and they're like really excited and passionate about it They get pregnant have a baby and they're like actually don't care about any of that anymore and so like There's that too totally there's so many different aspects of it, but um on the angle of like being a working mom I thought like I used to I said something Sadie Robertson actually once totally changed this around for me But I used to feel every time I like how to do something for work and be away from the kids I would like literally try to condense everything jam pack which I already condense it to part time But like I would literally like be like okay, maybe what can I get done in one hour like and try to get everything done and Then I would just be super stressed the whole time And like try to never be away and like I would felt really guilty like my My default is kind of like going towards guilt usually. I'm like not doing good enough mom not doing enough for them And something she said is like I'm gonna butcher it So I'm not even gonna try to quote it But something about like taking pride in what you do for work can gives your kids confidence too And how like that can also serve them so now when I talk about it I'm very intentional. I'm like I'm gonna go work and you're gonna do fun stuff like with grandma like things like that And then now they talk to me about it. They're like oh, you're gonna go to work and I'm gonna play with Honey or I'm gonna go like do this activity. I'm like yeah, and I think it's really cool that my kids also can see me as their mom having this role And providing for the family and like also like we talk about the purpose of work and like working hard too And I feel like it's good that they see their mom having this role as well and not that it's only in The career realm but also like within the house, but I don't know it's it's helped me just like Be more intentional with my work and my role as a mom and like how I talk about it more because I felt like really weird like Had to like be vague about it I was like I'll be right back like I was now. I'm just like I'm gonna go work And I don't know I just feel like for some reason that didn't click for me in the beginning totally I get why like there's so many I get why there's so many opinions across the board of this and I understand why women want to wait Especially like if you go to school you go to higher education You use but all this time of money and you go into the career field and it's like I don't want to just blow all that away because I think people Do probably assume that like once they have kids they won't want to work anymore And that will shift in their life And I understand that is like a really hard thing for women to like tussle with and like make that decision on Um, but then yeah, there's also the flip side of the coin where like we have these jobs where we can work from home Which is nice and like we can kind of do our hours how we need to to like focus on our family the most But it is hard when these early years like you these are the what do they say like your kids are most Impressionable from one to three And it's when you have the most influence on their life or one to five So it's like you want to give them as much as you can in these first three to five years So I get why that's harder women want to wait where they're like okay? I've done the career thing. I want to do it But then I feel this like sadness for a lot of women that do wait and then there are like complications or you know different things And it's like you never want to say that in a way that's going to fear longer women until like wanting to have kids earlier or whatever Yeah, it's just like a reality of things sometimes And I just feel like I know a lot of women that have pushed off um Starting a family and like could have the opportunity to make it work well And sometimes I just wonder am like dang are they gonna Be sad about that decision later which it's okay, you know But I just feel like we have been sold this slide like oh just wait just wait just wait just wait and like I feel like I've thought that like I always thought I'd wait to like a 30s tab kids And like do the career thing for a long time I just feel so grateful that that wasn't the case because I feel like I have been able to Fortunately figure out a way to do both like have work and Be a mom and I feel like it's just it's been the greatest gift upon my life uh Yeah, I don't know I just feel sad for women that that it is like hard choice. Yeah, it's super hard Well, and I think on the flip side of it too is I think like people waiting to have kids or people are also waiting to get married Which we obviously didn't and I like have just been that also started the conversation of like young marriage Like where it was like okay, because also she's not married anymore and like when she says like God damn it. He loves her. I feel like there's like this like longing to like What was the quote where some podcasts that Matt and I always talk about where someone's like marriage is like choosing someone to be a witness to your life and and I just like think about that a lot. I'm like that's How do I say that? It would just it would just be hard for you to imagine it be hard for me to imagine like going through life without someone intimately knowing everything That's happening my thoughts like what I'm going about my day gosh like what my one-stop shake order is like it's like someone that just like knows you so intimately like one person that like that would probably feel I can imagine that where that could feel lonely where it's like it's not even the fact that he like He like this this family she's looking at that he loves her But that like he knows her and that they're like in each other's lives. I don't know and so I don't know Where I'm going with this, but just thinking about like life how it looks so differently Depending on when you enter into marriage. Yeah, because I mean we're very I got married at 20 which is crazy now saying that yeah, but um It's just thinking about how Matt and I were actually just talking about this. I was like Matt. I literally know you so well I was like I literally remember when you were a kid and I saw you become a man And you saw me go from like become a woman and we have like this insane Library of memories together that like I can't imagine even now at 27 How old am I? I don't know This is actually real. I stopped aging at 25 in my head I thought aging at 23 which is much too young to start I mean time I'm like well, I'm 25 and I'm like nope. I know I can tell people I'm young 20s And I'm like I'm literally 29 and is the oldest 20 you could possibly be the oldest one You're the oldest 20 Yeah, but I was like the the fact that like we have some friends that are single and they're dating right now like gosh They have to fill them in on like mm-hmm. You also can't really That's there's something so unique about like having that type of history by that age that it's like It's really special totally so that's not to say ones right or ones wrong like I feel like this is just something that it It's like unique about young marriage is like gosh. We literally have So much history yeah, like by the age of 27 totally which is wild. I guess what we're I imagine who we're speaking to right now are those people that I like they've been dating for five years They know they're gonna get married, but they've put the brakes on yeah, just get married start your life like get married have kids like mate you can make it work Like I feel like that's my charge and I feel like that's there's obviously a million perspectives on this Discussion and they're not all I've like there's no right or wrong, but like that's my point of view I'm like dang just do it because it's so fun to like live your life with someone. It's so fun to have kids. It's just just special I don't know it's just such a special It's really rewarding. It's so rewarding and like obviously people look at marriage and kids Like such a sacrifice because it is but making those sacrifices also has like a way of like refining you as a person where it's like I don't know it has completely changed how I view so like honestly everything in line both of those things And it's just a it's just a practice every single day in selflessness and I think that's the thing that We have to counteract the most as humans. I feel like our nature is like very selfish Which kind of have to be gosh. There's probably some evolutionary reason You like you had me selfish of your pack, but anyway like just it is a practice every single day and like selflessness That is Really good and also it's healthy too like I don't know I respect Kelsey in this song. I'm like I'm sure she made that decision to like get divorced to not have kids Because she wanted to pursue being selfish for a little bit and her dream and like she knew it be a cause like She wouldn't be able to have a child and put into a child no it makes sense like that was the cost Yeah, she was like waited and she was like yeah, yeah, this isn't What I want yeah totally and well that's what she thought and actually I noticed in this that listening that song again She literally says what I want she it's like she changed like she just fully changed her mind. She said that's what she wants What's interesting do we know what her ex has been up to um he's dating a new person now and she was just dating Chase Stokes and they recently broke up From the guy from out of banks. Yeah, they did it for like two years. Oh damn And An interesting thing is that she froze her eggs so she Know why she was married to her ex-husband. Oh, so I think she was Always planning to have kids a little later or maybe he didn't I don't know that when yeah We're planning on having kids but she froze her eggs So that's also interesting in relation to the song is that she has Eggs when you're thinking about getting older having those eggs but not being ready to like Get pregnant. Yeah, I guess That might be another thing people are having kids later because they know they can freeze her eggs That's a more common thing now. Wait, why are you wait it? I'm dumb am I am I dumb so wait if you no no no So you can't have kids though after you've gone through menopause right? Even if you frozen your eggs yeah, no, but are they thinking that these eggs are healthier eggs because they're like younger eggs Then when they would happen yeah, well, it's like as you get older every year you have less eggs So maybe if you have you're having trouble getting pregnant you can use your old your frozen eggs Yes, they don't have to do an agritrival then and then start that well You just don't predict you know you aren't women born with the amount of eggs that they always have like we're born in the Womera created it only one a month, but no, it's like your body has multiple But only one gets she froze her eggs when she turned 30 I just think that we go through IVF This actually brings up a bigger conversation So we don't know anything about women. Yeah, I don't think we drop multiple eggs But no, we don't drop multiple eggs, but like when people do IVF and their cycle and they can extract multiple Yes, and they might have 11 this cycle and then like 50 the next like that are available Is that not viable viable? I don't know, but See this is something we also need to work you have more when you're younger Okay, so if you freeze them you have a higher chances of the big successful later on Okay, well that's that is interesting. Well, I guess I mean she's 32. Yeah, she can still do this thing totally She says to find the person that she wants to have kids something kill but I talk about a lot because my mom and dad were much older when they had kids My mom started she had my oldest just right 30 way to five years had me at 35 And then how my little sister when she was almost 40 So they like really space it out and stuff but our mother looks great. Yeah My dad turned 70 this year. Wow. Uh-huh wait Yeah, no, I'm sorry. It's 16. I easier. We really sat if I did that um But yeah, there I have older older parents on the older side and Like kill when we're talking about this if we want four kids and we didn't want to do four under four And I was 31 32 like that just really changed your timeline on things Because I'm like I don't want to be pregnant back to back to back to back If I wouldn't have any space in time and there you think you're pregnant for nine months then you're postpartum for a year That's a long time, you know And then it'd be want to like have a little bit of an age gap to your kids So I'd like that something that I don't know what I didn't think about before I have a kids, you know It comes quick. It's come so fast and those years are not you know if you start having kids later You're probably I think that's why the average of kids is going down like most families just have two They probably start later So getting married the average for men is 30 and women is 28 They're That's a as of 2023 In 1960 it was at 22 for men and 20 for women so it's changed that much Wow The average age for women for their first birth in 2023 it was 27 Okay, that's my that's my good birth You were the average talking about you guys are 19 the culture in 1970s it was 21 So it's changed since since then I also think one interesting thing about you guys is you both are married to your high school Yeah, and you know what percentage that is it's about two percent of people get married to their high school sweetheart Man, and so you guys both of the two percent of America You guys are both in that situation, which is interesting. So you dated your husband for a long time You've been working for a while yeah 12 years for Caleb and I I feel like I had to be careful sometimes talking about these subjects Because I do feel like I've been very privileged in this area like I like perspective. Yeah, I'm like I definitely probably lack Just marry them. I know Have kids early, you know, I'm like dating you know, but I not understand dating is too hard That means we can bring up the the cons of dating a married young I got some cons I feel like I went through a little bit of an identity crisis. I feel like it hit right after We had our first kid where I was like I just remember one morning. I was like I like my eggs scrambled And I was like it was like a big proclamation Yeah, because we had been eating over easy eggs for like two years And I was like I like him scrambled and I was just like and I like cheese Like I just started to think of like all the things where I was like man We have just like I have adapted and like grown around you so much and him vice versa But where I was like gosh, where would I be independent of you like what decisions? What I have made like and I think that it's not like it's it's not like oh gosh the grass is green or on the other side of this But it did come to a point where I was like my gosh, I've literally become an adult with you Like I formed around you we formed around each other like what would I be like what in this alternate life? Like what would I even be like and so I feel like it did kind of cause like a little bit of like what is happening? Like what do I like? Where do I look? What is happening? I don't know And so I do think that other people like get married young feel this way too because I think we brought it up on a podcast One time I think other people were like yeah like that's great and it's awesome But then there's certain times where I'm just like what would it what would I've been like if I had been single in my 20s until I was like At least the average of like 28 what was it 27? I can't even imagine that I can't imagine it either I don't know who I would be that's what that's what made me spiral that I don't want to think about that actually No, but it did kind of like I was like like scrambled and then it was just like so interesting I was like you know and then I started to think I was like I don't cook with cheese Because I live with you and I like to start to think I was like we live We do this for our job we live here. We and I and it was like we had agreed on all those decisions Yeah together and like we were excited about them But it just comes I feel like there was a time where it just like all caught up to me I was like what would I be like totally and I think that that is Something interesting. Yeah, a pro is that it was really easy to adjust to marriage Yeah, because we didn't know any Different independently. You didn't have an identity. We had no money I had no money and so like the financial transition the life transition was actually really easy like I don't remember having any like Major hiccups because I was just like yeah, yeah, you didn't have any like routines that you were set in or Didn't have a stable job that I was like I need to be here for this job like we were just very flexible Like everything was I was in college like everything was so flexible at that time everything was so low stakes I was like say I had been with my job and they're like wanting to transfer me to a different state and I was like mayor like that would have been Like a logistical problem more than anything, but and then you do have to make decisions like what's more important at this point And so like everything was just really low stakes at that point So that was a really easy transition. Uh-huh. Yeah, I was like yeah Things bad for sure. I was gonna say similar thing. I We have a very high tolerance for risk Caleb and I do because our whole 20s were just risky Like we had nothing we didn't have the careers We didn't you know like stable careers. We just had no money, which was a con I remember I was listening to a severe unplanned podcast episodes and you're talking about how disciplined We were with their money. I was like we just had no choice We said no choice And so that was a con but there are so many pros to that too where I feel like you did have a choice though A lot of people go into serious debt. Yes, we did have you did have a choice. Thank you We also did have a choice to get normal jobs and we chose not to so we did choose to stay poor If you're curious we used to have a clothing boutique that I started in college and then Caleb and I ran that together And that was five years. I kind of touched on that earlier and then we had a really bad Uh, like season where we lost all the money and yeah, I was really hard There was a year we make combined 37,000 dollars Combined uh That's no money. That's really love it was hard in Kansas City, Missouri Um, no, we lived in Phoenix. That's what we had to move because you couldn't win her rent even more Yeah, it was really yeah, well high living low income But we taught we learned so much from those experiences and I feel like that helped shape us as we become adults We're like not afraid to take risks because we lived these lives where yeah, it was low stake or we kind of Had to make hard decisions a lot of times and if we lost everything we had we knew that we'd be okay like we could figure it out Um, it kind of made us a little scrappy Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. So I've like there's so many fun things like that And I think you build so much trust like you're not gonna take risk with someone that you don't trust But like when you have all this history, it's like you've shown up from me every time like we can do this together and like you know that You know your person's gonna be with you and gonna be along for the ride no matter what totally that's a major advantage to Totally. Yeah, we didn't have those 20s where we like go and travel the world and do all these great fun Instagram things, but Hopefully we get that in our threes. We said we're gonna go clubbing when we're ending nesters So our wild The island Pompeo video I kind of just wrote out exactly what she said. I think it's actually really yeah What she says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll say wait what's Ellen Pompeo um grazen at me. Oh, that's what you said Yeah, that's what she said so I wrote it out Because I thought it was I listened to and I was like wow this is like really cool, especially being a new mom on my end But especially being a working mom and figuring out how to do that Um, you cannot be a mother and have children and give a hundred percent to your job It is a part of you that is somewhere else you split into different pieces You are no longer just you you know what it does It gives you more soul richer Funnier more empathetic angrier. It gives you a range of emotions You can't even imagine having without this person. You will be yourself times a thousand You will just be a better version of yourself It doesn't matter that you can't give a hundred percent to this because by the way we are as women We evolve, but if it's something that you want it will only make you better I am so much better for having children It's so good I feel like she kind of clarified what we were saying about you can't have it all like you can't give a hundred percent of your All to work and do like the crazy grind hustle culture culture and give a hundred percent to your kids like there's got to be a given a tank and a take I do think like obviously we're examples of you could be working moms And I know it's a ton of women like I know women that in med school that have had kids and families like they make it work You know, yeah, I mean my mom was a full-time working mom my entire life. Yes, and I Think of her as nothing but present and attentive to our needs like totally it's not but yeah You just have there's gonna be gifts with work and you're your number one cannot be your job I feel like when you have kids. It's because we're limited like you're literally just you cannot yes I think that's one thing you said to Abby too is you said that your marriage is above your career To yes your kids are above your career, but your marriage also is as well Yeah, that was actually something that the we brought up when we were talking about the song too is that Matt and I consciously like we so we went into college to be Theater performers actors whatever that meant and we I was just laughing about that this morning because I was like Matt realistically Things were gonna change anyway, but early on like you know, this is like what we were going to school for like this was the dream right and so Then after one semester we had talked to like a lot of our professors Which a lot of them had ended up going into teaching like acting or whatever their their class was or subject was Because they were like yeah, I wanted to have kids and I won't have a family or like they're like I toured I was in a tour in Asia and my partner was over Overseas for nine months a year and we were just like oh like that's That's pretty that's I don't know if we wanted to make that sacrifice and so very consciously after one semester We were like yeah, it's more important that we're together and we can prioritize us and like We already knew then that we wanted to get married and like soon So we're like we want to just prioritize this marriage like our marriage over career and I think it was really good for us to make that decision really early on because just made Everything else really easy honestly and let me tell you people were like worried in my life like have you're gonna Give this up like this is like you really like you've done this since you were in second grade like You were really like shooting for this and I just remember just being like I didn't I didn't grieve it Which that doesn't mean that some people won't make sacrifices that they were like this was hard And I really miss it and like to this day like I still love theater and I still like miss like Matt and I saw wicked Live and if we told you that we like literally sobbed both of us when the opening number came in because it just like brought something awake inside of us We're like oh, I like miss that Passion that time of our lives, but like to consciously make that Hand off early on like it was pretty different and I think people were like what but it made everything really easy because we're like Well, yeah, that's if that's the cost. I don't want to pay it and Yeah, I think that's a lot of things in life are like that Yeah, so that to say like me saying like you can't have it all is like you cannot you yourself are a hundred percent You can't give a hundred percent to everything and if you do you're just going to feel Like you're just gonna constantly be beating yourself up. Yeah, I doesn't mean you don't work That doesn't mean you don't have kids. Yeah, just means that you are constantly In this tension totally and that's part of it. I don't know why that feels like controversial to say really I don't know. I don't I mean, I don't think it is But I feel like people will be like if I say you're a mom you shouldn't give a hundred percent to your job over your kids Like I feel like that was like a universally Like if the man was like I'm gonna work a hole like he doesn't give a time to his kids I think everyone would be like you're a jerk But then when a mom when a woman wants to say that I feel like people are like No Work you could do it. You know what I mean? It's the best true and I just don't actually think that that's normal. Yeah Do you know what it'd be I feel like I feel like I'm navigating that right now of like working and being I actually feel the most guilty when I'm With her and working right that time someone else. I'm like it's so I feel so much better when I know She's with someone who can give them their full attention right and hang out with her and play with her And then I can give my full attention to work for a little bit of time And then I feel so much better on all aspects. I think it's because they're so little they don't understand that Like exactly what's happening So it's like why is my mom here and like not playing with me like I think about that sometimes And I feel like now just like having that conversation. I'm just like I'm working and like then they're like super good with it Yes But yeah, I think that's just attention that I'll live in constantly be evaluating and that's okay And it's gonna change and it's gonna look differently, but to summarize this Like Abby was saying if you're dating and you're like you just picture your whole life with this person And you're just like no, just not the right time. We're like I need to do x, y, and z first I don't know. I think the timeline is here and or there I remember that being a huge thing when we got married because everyone's like you have to at least graduate college first And I was like no, we're not going to and Yeah, Matt never graduated. Yeah, it was still not enough I never felt ready like I did not feel ready to have kids and then I had kids and I was like oh you just get ready You just figured out you make it work and so if that's your thing where you just like I just don't feel ready Don't feel ready just have trust in yourself that you are resilient and you can do it and if that's one thing you want in the future My encouragement is to just pull the trigger Yeah, and it's and having kids is actually great like I feel like there's a lot of That's the thing that's hard. I keep I keep quoting these other things Remember the thing that was like huge with like chapel-roan Oh, yeah, I hope she I don't mean any hate to her, but I honestly think I just disagreed with her But I know she said all of her friends that had kids Young or something like that or we're miserable And I think that it's just so interesting because that's like her perspective of like looking in it It's like and I think that also can reflect on like us as young moms like how are we presenting to people that don't have kids? Yeah, like it's not totally on her right like if you're if you're gripping and moaning about it in front of people that don't have kids like that's not That's not a good thing to do like honestly, but like there's a time in a place to be like this is really hard right now like we're in a stage Where we're not sleeping that's really really hard and you should have space to say that I think that community is with other moms and I think that's really great And it's not that you can't say that but it's just like the messaging should be positive first And like this is awesome and super rewarding and I'm sure those moms are like yeah, I'm sure they're exhausted Yes, but I'm sure if you she were to come back and talk to them like Do you think you made a mistake like do you regret it it would be absolutely not I know and so maybe those conversations could be a little bit more redeeming I don't know like that's a good point. I get so frustrated online when I'm scrolling all the reels and it's just people logging on their kids like in a humorous way. I'm like yeah, these jokes are funny or like It'll be a video of a kid doing something crazy like snoring poop You know something that is really gross and really hard and like does sometimes happen and the comments are this was great Birth control right that's not the point Yeah, because you can't control that audience at that point. Yeah, and I'm like dang. I just I never I That's if that's what people think kids are smeering poop and an inconvenience to your life like that sucks You know, it's like that's not the message that we want and that because that's not true Yeah, so yeah, it's like you can share those stories with your friends and your family and like other moms, but To people that aren't mom. It's like man think about how they take that stuff Yeah, I think it's the worst in a Dapped like it's so Interesting even like over the holidays your care you have a baby you're going in and out. Naps are crazy all the things and What did we do yesterday? We were like okay? We're not gonna go to this thing because our daughter needs to nap You know and you just learn and adapt and it's not miserable like totally. I guess it's just everyone's perspective Also, baby ears are short. I think people forget that like the nap stage is still functioning like you see us We're talking we're alive you you are gonna go tell someone at the supermarket I'm not sleeping like we still you body adapts as a mom Yeah, I just people always think that like the baby stages forever and it's like No events, but in three years the kids are not gonna nap and then five years are gonna be in school and you're not gonna see them So I don't know like you're gonna have your life back at a couple of years You know what I mean? I'm not dropping them up. Kids are so inconvenient. I can't be out of school. I am not dropping them out with school It's just like I don't know like it's just a short time that we're inconvenienced and great to over live. Yeah, and also gosh, I can't I can't say this and not think about someone that's like struggling with infertility or like going through a loss to So like not to say like this is like the end all be all or like your life can't start until that next thing happens So no there's so many people listening to this and I just had to think about that too like Things are saying that yeah, like there's so much joy in where you're at now And it can feel like everything has to be on pause until that next thing happens or this thing or this stage enters or like Maybe motherhood feels like this club that you're just not ever gonna be a part of or like it's just really hard And so all I just am like I'm thinking about you too like it's a great Yeah, that must be hard totally and so Yeah, not like it's like the ultimate end all be all like everyone's life looks different everyone's timeline looks different So a lot of that is out of your control too and so try not to beat yourself up and try to find contentment I know that's such a general thing to say right now, but There's a purpose for the season that you're in as Much as you it doesn't look like what you want it to be like there's a purpose for it and Lean on your friends. Yeah, thanks Yeah, that's good to say that Marriage and kids are amazing. Yes, and if you're in your if you're in that season of waiting for those things And those are things that you want and they don't feel accessible right now like I hurt for you. Yeah. Yeah, like that's hard totally And our lives are like better than yours. No Yeah, I'll say look back and I wish I would have enjoyed those seasons more than like I was like I was so excited to get married That I kind of just like tried to rush into Yeah, I wanted kids so I rushed into and then I'm like, ah, I should have soaked it in a little bit more So while it is hard it like you're waiting and like just soak it in That's the hardest thing I know finding contentment where you're at gosh Especially like for someone like me like I don't even feel like I'm a planner at all Like I don't even really think ahead, but I'm just like I love Looking forward to things that's how I always like even as a kid I like looked back and I was like when something was ending my mom's like well, this is coming and like I feel like That's how I always like kept propelling myself forward. So That's kind of life. Yeah, we love women We're pro women Pro children Marriage marriage ask ask Wait this is our first time having a listener do it. Oh my god. It's gonna be fun We're gonna do three questions or three voicemails from listeners and here is the first My name's Francesca and I was wondering what's your best advice for getting motivated to help With my like self image and how I feel about my body and Basically how to motivate myself to lose a bunch of weight. Love you guys Oh my gosh, so such a sweet honest for Jessica. Thank you for sending that I feel like probably a lot of people relate to that or one of the same things Mm-hmm I feel like my initial reaction is way is just is just a number You know, and that shouldn't I don't always feel like that's not a bad motivation for things if it's like unhealthy But I think your motivation should just be health and I feel like that's especially a postpartum I felt that a lot like especially when your body changes a lot You know, I feel like as women our bodies go through a lot of ups and downs and It's been motivating and really fun and it's helped like keep my health forefront of mine when I just think about I want to feel strong. I want to feel Like I have the best energy levels and all that so finding that's been motivating for me Mm-hmm And if it's I feel like if I'm just like oh, I want to lose weight or I'm not feeling confident about my body And I want to wait wait wait then that leads me want to do unhealthy things like not eat the way that I should or like you know Eat less calories and I that's correct or go to crazy in the gym or it's overwhelming And I don't want to do anything at all And so I feel like that's almost not like the I feel like there is other Factors that could be maybe more motivating Then wait on the scale. I don't know. Yeah find a way to move your body that you just actually really like yes and that Can be a lot of trial and error I think the great place to start would be group fitness because it you have that built-in accountability And you don't have to think you literally just show up and they tell you what to do and you leave and like almost every time You get a good well-rounded workout because someone That's really well trained in all this is like writing it for you and More than anything like if you find a community that's like That's the best way to stay accountable in my opinion and something that you like now Something I want to say is that like you can't hate The way you look or hate your body into changing I think you have to love it into that and I mean that that sounds so cheesy But I mean that in the sense of like you have to love your body in the sense that like You want to do good things for it and like move it and feed it well and also treat it like Do those things and then you'll that will be the change rather than like I just despise what I see and that's that's just not gonna be long-lasting Um, I feel like this is my conversation in my mom a lot like I'm like hey your goals should just be to show up Yes, that is amazing. That's my only goal is to show up and like I want to do it because I want to do something good for my body Because I love my body and I want to be able to do things with it for a long time And so I feel like the motivation has to come from love and not like hate now the self-image part that is hard and Gosh, I don't even necessarily know how to tackle that like I feel like that's something that everyone struggles with Yeah, I think it shifts a lot throughout your life Yeah, and I feel like Francesca you sound you sound young which is sweet. Thank you for like listening and I just feel like too as you get older that will change like I remember feeling very insecure about myself when I was in high school And you know worrying about all these things. I look back at pictures now. I'm like why would I ever like insecure? Or like why did I worry about these things at a young age and as you get older? I feel like you get Life experience you kind of get out of like oh these are the certain Images or standards of beauty or this is what's right and what's wrong and you kind of get this overall Which is like silly to say like oh just wait You know, that's not my point But I'm just saying like as when you're young it feels like it's your whole world and it's everything that you're thinking of And it's really important feels really important So yeah, I just like gave yourself some grace when you're young and in the interim I feel like when I have felt like low self-image times just giving a little bit like maybe this is bad Guys correct me if it's bad advice, but sometimes I'm like let me just get myself done up like what time And then I just feel like it just like kick starts me and to like I don't know I know okay, so say I do my mask error and I'm like my eyes like they're really standing out Then you start to notice the things naturally about yourself that you really like and so it's like less of a crush and more of just like a Kickstart. I don't know like find find things that make you feel More confident like if there's a certain way you do your hair or like a little bit of makeup or an outfit that you feel like really flatters you I feel like that's just the thing that you can kick start you into like social settings And what you're gonna have people that are like actually gonna like speak life into you and like To fill you in other ways and kind of get you out of that headspace where it's like the only thing that matters is like how I look Which maybe that is like how it feels, but then once you're out and like oh people like me because I'm funny or people like me because Like they like the things I have to say or the energy I bring to a room and it's like Maybe that's just all it takes to get you in those settings. You know, I don't know when I'm like in a downworld I'm like I think I just need to like curl my hair Yeah, do a little mask error and then get out get out of my space and be with other people and that Really kind of helps like get your thoughts out of your own head. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for saying that the the question Hi guys, this is Kamari. I have been watching you all for quite some time. My question is How do you Find the strength to keep going as a mother even when you're going through things like Grease postpartum depression and just vice itself It's fresh for me still like but yeah, you saying that does like revealing me I feel like there was a lot of times like especially at the beginning where I was like I'm not showing up all for my kids Because I'm just so Rapped up in my own grief like I just felt like I couldn't show up for them I think you gave me this advice Abby. So this was good But it was you were like it's good for them to see you grieving. It's good for them to see you like sad I don't know how you said it but um and I think other friends gave me that advice as well Because I was like so stuck in this like I can't be around them if I'm just such a bother like if I'm just so down And so then it was like me retreating and like Matt was doing everything for the kids And I've that's a privilege because it's like this mom who called in like she probably she might not have that as an option And I just want to say like it's okay Because I need to do here this too. It's okay for your kids to see you down It's I think Important to follow up a conversation though about like what you are down about in a child appropriate way and um Finding ways to do that was really important for me because I think this is how kids also start to learn how to cope with their own feelings um knowing that Um, I've heard it said before too like when kids experience like an emotion and they feel like Mom or dad never had like they never experienced this They don't know what it's like and it can that can feel really confusing and lonely for kids So like saying like Mom feel sad right now and I would like tell them like why I was sad in a child appropriate way and that like felt like a relief to me That I didn't have to just completely disappear because I was just like sad and it also feel like for them like then They had a frame of reference where it's like okay Like then they would bring it up to me and so I feel like that was like I'm not explaining this well at all But basically don't feel like you have to shield your kids from that I do think that you should reflect like how am I going to like Especially with some of the things you can be grieving can be really like Really heavy and maybe not necessarily like Because also I was like if I start to talk about this to like my two and three year old I could really unload on them and that's not their job So just like do this thoughtfully, but don't feel like you have to hide that up or bottle that up or just completely retreat because They're smart. They're really smart no matter how young they are totally That's a good answer. I'm yeah your grief came from a place of love and that's a really that's a really important things for your kids to see it Yeah, and I think anyone who's going through loss like if you're grieving a loss of a parent of a child of anything like You're feeling super sad because you loved them so much and that's a really sweet thing for your kids to see And for you to explain to them like I this is like I love them so much, you know, yeah, and like that's That's a What's the word like honorable thing? That's not you know, and I think that's a good reminder like grief isn't bad like it's coming from a place of like Love and sadness. I think have grace on yourself too That's so hard to do sometimes, but just like know that this is a tough season. It's not gonna look like this always Um, so I've for me like your question is like about keeping going and it's like I think set small goals for yourself like as a mom would be like Just a really like if it depending on how older kids are it's like I want to do one guided activity with them today Or I want to do 10 minutes of just like play with them and then just like having those like little goals to start Help get you back in motion too, and then you can also just be like I showed up for them And you don't have to just deal with that that guilt of like Maybe I can't be as fun or as like lively or imaginative like I was like I can't use my imagination right now like I just remember it's feeling like I can't just like run around and be goofy But like I'm like I can sit down and do play that with them for like 10 minutes or things like that So just set small goals to because like eventually Three weeks and small goals you'll find yourself in a better place like I guarantee it And doesn't it fluctuates too as I'm sure anyone who's gone through grief knows, but yeah Yeah, you don't have to hide that from your kids like yeah, then your kids are older and they look back on that and like oh Wow mom really struggled with postpartum depression or mom was really grieving during that season. They're not going to think She was so weak, you know, they're gonna think wow the coast strong my mom is she got through that season And she's still at this amazing mom and she loves us. So but they might feel confused if it's not like A conversation that makes it oh for sure. Yeah, and because I think kids tend to put things on themselves like They're how their parents are doing like with on themselves, so yeah, what are some Tips or advice that you have for when you know just that's your pregnant When you just got out your pregnant Oh, you probably sweat a lot Spidey odorant I would listen to a podcast. I was like what do I do when you find out? Oh like yeah Actually, what should you do? That's a great question At the beginning there's not a lot to do totally you kind of don't wait because you you call your doctor You need to make a doctor's appointment and they're gonna tell you In right know bg. I know what you say they don't they tell you to wait till eight weeks. Yeah, and you're like oh my gosh I don't know how many weeks I am they'll help you calculate it help you figure it out gosh It's so exciting and so fun. I remember when I found out with CJ I was obviously like really surprised and I drove to Starbucks and I was sweating So much and trying to hold back tears and I hadn't told anybody. Yeah, I drove meally Starbucks I was gonna get a drink and I told the guy at the counter go Can you write on it? I Can't believe my eyes out and then I was just and he's like did you just find out? I was like, yeah, and he gave me a hug And I was always be yeah, so I feel like after that emotions kind of like settle Um, you could decide then with your partner how you want to tell people and when you want to tell people I think that's kind of age to kind of wait. Yeah, it's a little waiting Yep, would you agree Eddie? Yeah, I had no idea what to do and we were recording a podcast that day and so I Don't listen to a podcast from I don't even know who someone somewhere I was like what to do when you find out your pregnant. Yeah, well they say what they say they said make an appointment Call on ob if you haven't found one Start taking a prenatal if you're not oh, that's a good idea. I wasn't taking a prenatal. I should have been Yeah, and then a lot of waiting, but I also just told everyone that day, so oh yeah, that's what it's part It's like you kind of said to tell someone tell these one person. I had to tell get off your chest You know, oh, he told Abby and then she convinced us to go tell everyone Well, I also knew that my mom would be so mad if I knew yeah, well like long before her. Yeah, I was like you are you waiting for a specific reason or Blake was like if you're not you better tell lower Blake was the one that was like let's wait and I'm like Come on. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what he's ready. That's so exciting. Congratulations. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It's great I had an unhinged this is probably gonna get cut but when I was thinking about pros and cons Getting married This is unhinged, but I just had to say it. Okay, you get married young. You're gonna have sex. Oh wow. You got a lot of practice Like I literally Matt asked chat A lot more as in a lot more in your lifetime. Yes. Yeah Like they're if you're just doing one night sensors literally no way you'll spend your whole live coordinating partners Like I mean, it's just not gonna work out Um Matt asked chat gbt like where we at as far as I can tell Killin. I also just calculated that up Just ourselves though. Just ourselves I'm not gonna give it but no, yeah, I know what I was like no one It'll take a long time for newlyweds to catch you You'll never have a son Hey, okay, we cried a lot this episode. I had to do something lighted Thanks guys for supporting us. It's like obviously We're we're working out our podcast muscle together. Yeah, it's gonna get stronger over time But we're new to this it feels I know you're like this is a new role for you. Yeah, it's definitely a new role for me So yeah, thanks for listening to episode two. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week If you want to leave a voicemail for next week's episode be sure to call in and the number is 602 456 9690 if you're driving or doing laundry or something It'll also be in the description and on our Instagram page follow us on the Instagram page Yeah, be really proud of on youtube and subscribe to and take talk with us well Thanks so much for being here and being a part of the always here community that makes this like So much more fun totally doing this with you guys So and remember we're always here