Good Life Metallica

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Well, at least they're not going to go Bon Jovi's way where they go into full country. Is that what they're doing now? Turn this up, Lou. This is the part. This is what he can't do anymore. Great Scott! Why can't he do that anymore, Jay? He'd hurt his hip? I don't know. I don't know what happens to them. I don't know what happens though. Why can't Metallica sit down and write something as good as Fade to Black now? We don't have to. Talked about it a bunch. Why can't I sit down and write a marshmallow? You know, it's hop-a-chop-a-lop-a-lop-a-lop-a-lop. No, you can. You've gotten away from that. That's the point. The young music making seems so much better than when they're seasoned and have an actual story to tell. The problem is if they hit it young, their story to tell is... You can't have a Fade to Black in the lyrics. You're like, sitting by my reflecting pool. I'm going to go over and pet my horse. Nothing really makes me sad. Everything is pretty good. I've got 90 Porsches and an anger. I lost my woman, but I got another. My kids are in good schools and they're fine. Do, do, do, sometimes I take a walk on my land with my stuff. And my little tiny dog who I love. Life ain't what it used to be, vacationing in Fiji. Skank, skank, skank. That's exactly what it is. Is it just enjoying their lives, finally? I just had to switch my maid, making my own lemonade. It's true. When you get a certain amount of happiness, dude, it kills all creativity. You're afraid of being too happy out in the burbs. You want to live in a shitty apartment, cold street, walking the dog. Back in the garage where it all started. Making fucking shirts for my routines. Making funny shirts for my stage sticks. You miss the days going, Mom, where's your tights? I have a show. Should you wear them? You know I need them on show nights. Now you can just buy tights, sticks. Fucking good life Metallica is so funny. Good life any band. Yeah, is it? You get successful. What are you writing about? Yeah, just write about really good things in your life. I've been sober for 18 years. Evil's been pretty good to Marilyn Manson. Evil's great. Now he's got his shit together. Now he's been great. He's got his shit together so he sounds good and he looks good. But god damn, it's just, I said it just hits me with nostalgia. It's not his fault. It will never be how it was. Not with him. You know it's almost to the shame Chester Bennington and, what's his name? The other guys who whacked off to death? Soundgarden? Chris Cornell? Did he whack off to death? He was killed by the government. Hillary Clinton allegedly killed him. Chris Cornell? Yeah. By making him jerk off hanging from a fucking door? He knew too much dude. Ham and Anthony Bourdain, they knew too much. They were both killed by the same, in the same way. Soundgarden? They were both killed in the same way. They knew about Hillary and all and the Clintons and they just got taken out dude. Do your research bro. Well however they got taken out, they were slapping their wieners while they were hanging from a doorknob. Don't ruin that for me. I have a product line I'm launching based off of it. Oh sorry. Don't forget my release, my quick release belt thing that hangs you from a doorknob. Right. That will never let you die. Joke jerk spotter. Joke jerk spotter. I forgot about that. It wasn't political. The guy just liked to whack off. It's not political. It's not true. It's all political. But they, can you almost, how did they die? It was the Jews. Look at how old Chester Barrington and Chris Cornell were when they died. I don't think they're in either of the clubs and those are kind of the clubs you have to die and they'll remain cool forever. Do you know what I mean? Chris Cornell definitely got to a point where no one was really giving a shit about new music. Do you know what I mean? If you die while people are still actively hyped on your new music, legend forever. Right. You know what I mean? Like Nirvana fucking died right after, what do you mean in utero right? That was the last thing and they just fucking died. So they had two mainstream albums. Did Stone Temple Pilots, did he, he died maybe a little too late, right? Yeah, he died way too late. Way too late. Yeah, Chester Barrington 41. That's not a cool age to die. You were already starting to not be the guy that was jumping around on stage already. You know what I mean? You already couldn't wear the clothes. He probably could wear the clothes. It's just that here's what he can't wear. The same hair lines that doesn't exist. His neck veins and all that screaming has fucking aged his face. And like, just no matter what, he's just, and he can't jump around. Like he's not a kid jumping around on stage anymore. Can't jump. So if you, I mean the real good, the good one's the 27. Yeah. If you could pop, if you could pop young enough in your early 20s that you get that good seven years. If I could have died just after just the tip. Oh. I'd be a legend. It'd be this guy invented DVDs of CDs. Yeah. Fucking Scott Wilden was my age. The end. Yeah. 48. It was 48. He was already, his kids were older. He was already dressing like an old Englishman. You got to die with no kids, too young for kids or your kids are young. And then they grow up okay. What's your call it? Biggie Smalls daughter I heard. She was like, open, didn't you open a steakhouse in New York? It's like Caribbean, Caribbean infused steakhouse. Big Papas. Chain restaurants. It's done. I swear to you, I think they burn a picture of Biggie Smalls into the top of the buns. What? Into the bread, I think. No. Boo-yah. Big Papas. Welcome. Biggie Smalls daughter, Tiana Wallace. Caribbean infused steakhouse. Sounds gross. Big Papas. Oh, they do. They do. They burn an image of Biggie Smalls on the hamburgers. Take that, take that, take that. Does look good though. Does look good. Look at those. Smash burger. Biggie fries. Biggie Smalls. That actually might be, could that be the big joker since Greatest Yeah for a Live Tour promo? It's hard to tell on a bun. Oh, God. God, damn, it's too many. That looks like a plate of bullshit. It looks like a buffet. Yeah, why does it look so fancy on the outside and the food looks like something should come in styrofoam? That looks good to me. That looks good to you? That looks good to you? Go back, go back, go back. That looks good to you? Right? Not there. That looks great for everybody. That looks great. That is, of course. Right there? Describe what we're at. I'll tell you what we're looking at. It looks like someone cut a shrimp in half with a sword and then threw some shit on it. Then cracked a fucking loose egg over a fucking some greens. There's a piece of tomato, a half of burnt corn, a pile of fucking mac and cheese, I guess. Little slices of sweet potato maybe on top of a pile of shit, of rice and shit. It's my dish. It's called rice and shit. That's going to be my restaurant. Rice and shit? In fact, make sure we get this out there in the world. Isabella, when I die, open up a restaurant called Rice and Shit. Shit, and shit, and shit, and you get the food. You just got isolated, Jamie. This is the best friend in the world. Shit, and shit. Everybody ready to laugh now? Oh my gosh. You get an extra side of fucking fries? Fuck it. Fuck it. Shit. Yo, you want fucking fries with your inch shit? Oh, great news, dude. Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa Billa to play that out because I don't know. I don't know either. I think I've heard it before, but I just almost guessed because I think that's what that spells. Because I've heard of it before. I don't know if I've ever seen it. I would have guessed there was a Y in there somewhere. No, I look at, I was just on Dance, Ain't Your Main and Chris O'Donnell. I'll see you full conspiracies. I'm full of conspiracies today. Sean Donnelly. Sean Donnelly. Chris O'Donnelly. Chris O'Donnell. Chris O'Donnell actually hung himself too, jerking off. Good jump. Good jump. Woo. Sean, call him Chris O'Donnelly. Sean Donnelly. So funny you do that show. It's like doing a show with fucking captains. Oh yeah. They have the same beard. Sea captains, yeah. They're waiting for Jaws to attack while you guys are hanging out. DJ Avicii, yeah. Lincoln Park and Chris Cornell. Oh boy. Not doing that. No. Not. I had the best time with Ari Shafir this weekend. Me, Ari came down to the cellar Friday night, came in looking fucking ridiculous. I mean, just trim it up a little bit. He looks nuts. He looks nuts. Is that a control? It's not a control. But he came in and we were hanging out, blah, blah, blah. And then we were like, oh, we're gonna go smoke cigars, shoot the shit down at the Soho cigar lounge. And the last minute he's like, oh, it's kind of cold. It was kind of far. And we were like, yeah, I don't know what you wanna do. Can we find a, I was like, listen, this is what we do. My car is parked in front of Washington Square Park. My truck. We go in my truck, roll down the windows. We light up bats and we hang out in my truck, have the heat on, have the windows down, we'll make it a little cigar lounge. And we went into my truck. It's gonna look like one of you is a gay prostitute. It's not me. I definitely look like, I'm not gonna. Ari doesn't look like a guy who might have to blow you for some cash. Yeah, it's not, 100% not me. Ari looks like a guy who does it. He doesn't even need the cash. He just blows guys for cash. Yeah, it's almost art for him. We sat in the truck and he went on my, you know the maps we have in our cars, the vertical, it's the big long vertical screen. He went from the top of the continent where he started in Alaska. And went through his whole fucking trip, just going to the place, zooming in, telling me about the city, all the way down to the bottom of South America. Every single city he went to, every place he went to, around two and a half hours, three hours. How did you get that on your screen? Cause it's that big long screen on the Google Maps. So he just went in, we did Google Maps and he just went in and zoomed in and it's a touch screen. And he went through his whole eight month trip in my car and told me every story about every city in the fucking on his whole trip. Guinea pigs are the last time. No. Did he have them this time again? That was just this time. No, I didn't tell him about the, fuck I gotta do it again. I mean, he's going around. It's amazing that he's believing what he believes about this. But what, the Guinea pigs? Yeah. Oh no, I think he knows it was a scam, but it's pretty crazy still. What, the Guinea pigs? Yeah. What's wrong with the Guinea pigs? What's the story? What's the story? That they, that he had a curse on him, that they had to remove from Guinea pig? He didn't tell, what the fuck? He just told me the good parts. He didn't tell me the Guinea pigs curse. What is that? They told somebody else that was on the trip that someone you're hanging out with has a curse and they didn't take it that seriously. He didn't take it that seriously. And then in a different place, they told him they couldn't read his like fortune or whatever because like something there, it's overwhelming them that he's got a pretty bad curse. He didn't mention any of this shit to me. And then they, I mean, it's his story to tell, I don't want to throw in the story, but it's pretty crazy. Well, apparently he's not gonna tell it to me. I was three hours in my truck and you didn't say a fucking word about a curse. He's gonna come on again, we should tell him to call, because it's, we're, he's, I mean, he's be set straight. He thinks he got cursed in South America? No, no, no. Was somebody else got cursed? No, no, it's, it would be him that would be cursed, but he's not cursed anymore. What is the, so he had to eat a Guinea pig to get the curse undone? Nope. He had to kill a Guinea pig to get the curse. He had, no. He had to have sex with a Guinea pig. Why is it, where's the Guinea pig come in? They said to him that he had to, they in order to remove the curse, they need a Guinea pig. And so they had to go, they had to get a Guinea pig, have him come back the next day for the ceremony. Are you fine? He had to go get a Guinea pig and bring it live? He didn't, they had to. Live Guinea pig? A living Guinea pig. And then they had to kill it? That's not my story, dude. I feel like we might've mentioned it. Huh? I feel like we mentioned it. I feel like you told me initially this story to some degree. I did not, I don't know anything about it. I was in three hours in my, I thought it was the greatest hang, one of the greatest hangs in my life. Went through his whole. Three hours you were there? Three hours in the car. It's like a Rogan. Eight, it was like a Rogan. It was like eight, I mean, just eight months of place to place to place. Then we went here and then we came back over here and then I went to El Salvador, they wouldn't let me in, so I had to go back and then. They didn't mention the Guinea pig. Didn't mention anything about the Guinea pig, it was all great stories. This is a great story, Guinea pig. Pretty crazy. What about the Guinea pig? Did he get the curse off with the Guinea pig? If you believe in curses and the removal of curses. I do. The curse should be lifted. Kristina here voted most likely to believe in curses. Cackle, what are you chiming on all this? Well, without telling the story, I think that my whole idea of what happened with Ari is that the native people to the land saw white people, tourists coming a mile away and tricked him and they poisoned animals. So that's what I think is going on, but. Wait, are there animals, there's animals, like plural? I'm sure this isn't the first go around. I'm sure Ari's not the first Jewish boob to wander through their fucking jungle, or maybe he is. He just told it on site, he told it on like your mom's house or something, he tells it with such humility. I'm like, are you seriously telling the story like it's real? Oh, he told it already. Yeah. He did tell it on site. He told it somewhere, yeah. Oh, well then, doesn't matter. Tell me. They said they had the. I was trying to find it. They held the. Tell me like the guy who tells stories on serious exile. Yeah, they. I gave up that career by the way. Oh, all right. So like which doctors? Yeah, they got the guinea pig and they apparently like waved it over his whole body, put it over his one foot, they said. And it was fine. And then they go, it's not that one. And they put it over his other foot and it died. The foot died? No. The guinea pig died. Over the guy's foot. Over Ari's foot. Well, dude, I mean. And? You ever seen Ari's foot? A lot of animals will fucking take that last breath of that fucking that fucking bird foot. And then apparently they cut it open and like. Cursed came out of like weird. He said it was some kind of weird, like green something. Listen, let's say it. He told you share from him. Why didn't he tell me this story? Oh, everything's wicked now right now. Because he didn't want to bore you with that super exciting wild thing that's very unique and strange. And he just figured he'd show you his map route. He didn't tell me anything. We went here, we went here. You just kept pointing while Lindsey Buckingham's Holiday Road was playing in the background the whole time. Holiday road. Fucking asshole. Like they were poisoning the animals. Nothing Ari says. They just snapped it's neck. Nothing Ari says makes sense to this, but every time I look at it, my feelings are don't, but don't, don't, don't. Bane and a nap. But he's telling such hard stories. No, there was no epic stories. It was just. Went here and here. Went here, did this. Did he tell you about the food? No. He didn't even tell you about the food? What was the food? What the fuck was the three hours then? If he's just giving you routes, then we walked here. Well, he told me about it. Then we walked there. No, he didn't. We walked everywhere. We walked near. We walked far. He went a lot of places. Well, he told me about like being up in Alaska at the most northern point in Alaska. He told me about the town and there's only. What's the most northern point? I forget. It's all these Waka Waka, Kaka Waka names. And he came during Waka Waka, Kaka Waka, Yaki. What's the northern most point? Point Baro. Yeah, Baro. That's not very Waka Maka Haki. Well, that's it's non-Waka Haki name. It's Nuvuk. Yeah, there you go. Nuvuk. And they, they were, it was whale season. So they were actually got to hunt whales that were coming in. Hunt? Yeah, they hunt them or kill them. You know, the natives get to kill whales up there because that's their culture. They're just allowed to? Yeah, they eat whale dude. They, they fucking, they just kill whale and eat it's fat. It's blubber. That's how they survive up in that shithole. I like this DJ Lewis wordplay. I says he started nodding in agreement with you like he knows. It's true. I know. Yeah, it's true. It's common knowledge. I follow a guy on my. Common knowledge that. It's common knowledge. Yeah. The Eskimos hunt bears. They eat, they eat. No, whales. Whales. Whales. Oh, he saw, he saw, uh, told me about a polar bear came into town, which was croc. He saw a live polar bear, wild polar bear came into the town. Just popped into town. Well, yeah, it was coming in off the ice glacier. He's out here to see about a girl. No, he actually just wanted a Coke. Eskimo Whaling Commission, the Marine Mammal Protection Act regulates the hunts, allowing them to take whales for food, clothing and crafts. Oh, they're talking about real savages who need it for like, they need to line their fucking igloos with it. No, no, no. This isn't like a neighborhood place you're going to. This is like people really living like, uh, they talk like Klingons and shit. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. Yeah, exactly. They talk to, talk, talk to it. But they, yeah, that's part of their culture. So they can't lose their culture. They get to kill a couple whales. Yeah, but one whale's got to take care of all of them. There's like 11 people. Have you seen the size of those people up there? They're big fucking awful crazy Eskimos. Yeah, there's the whales. They kill the huge whales. They're called Inuits. Yeah, they slice them right up on the beach. Nice. And you, everybody gets a hunk of whale fat. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. That's it right there. See the whale fat? You cut that up and you. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. Ari saw this and ate it? Uh, I don't think, ugh, look at that. Wow, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. No, I don't know. He didn't tell me that he ate it. I mean, he didn't tell me any of the food really. He just told me about the place. Well, you know there was a place. Yeah, he told me, he told me about his dancing and, and Sempalo. He told me about, uh. But not the death of a guinea pig. He didn't tell me any exciting stuff. There was no, he's. Wasn't there also, didn't he like, didn't he like save somebody on the roadside? There was a bad accident and then he had to drive them. No, he didn't tell me that. I don't know that full story. I don't know the full story. I think he had to save somebody. We have another hero in our midst, to believe it or not. What do you mean he saved somebody? I think he had to stop driving. There was a terrible car accident. He picked up people and drove them to the hospital. He didn't tell me any of this. He was a hero. He didn't tell me any fucking, ugh. He probably don't want to like outshine your heroic. He probably don't want to outshine your heroic. Number one, two, he probably knows you wouldn't be able to say the name of the place because you said Wakahaka Hrui for a place called Barrow. It's Nakakui. I was very close. It was Nuvuk. Nuvuk. First of all, I want to say that I, I am proud that I've started something that I think is taking over the comedy community because not only do we have you as a hero, Kim Condit is a hero. Yamanika Saunders is apparently over the weekend is another comedian hero. What's her heroics? What did she do? Let's not forget Christine by the way. Christine's a hero? Oh yeah. I don't remember. She went and unplugged the space eater. That's true. I forgot about that. Christine. I saved our house. You saved the house. Preemptive hero is still a hero, right? It's not a full hero? Cause her life wasn't in danger. What was the movie with future crimes? Minority. Minority report. She's a minority report hero. Yeah, I would say minority report hero. She's not a full hero. I mean, she's not gonna be in the Justice League. Like, you know. She's gonna get invited to the mixer though. She'll get invited to the mixer. She'll be there. If we need extra hands. Sure, sure. You know, we need, Hey man, this job is too big. We could invite, you know, Hey, Christine, can you come? Another active heroics could get her fully in her. Anything needs to be unplugged or something. You see some, you know, some, some danger around. You could do it, but you know, she's not gonna fight in the battle. Why are you wearing pizza merch? Dude, this is the pizza place. Oh. So this is, this is the best pizza in the world. Do they say they'll give it to you for free? They gave it to me for free. See where the shirt? I don't take, I don't accept the pizza for free. I told him that. He wants to, but I won't do it because I like it so much. I don't want to show up and be like, Hey, I'm here and he, oh, this fucking asshole is here again. So I was like, dude, I'm paying. You go once a year. I want to be able to go when I want. And I don't want to have him be like, oh, Dick heads back. Isn't it way out of your way to possibly go there? Yeah, but I, I roll through there once in a while. That part. Once in a while, I'll roll through that part. And I want to be able to, I'd actually drive there with Don, like go get that pizza with, with D and Max one night. If I, if I was, maybe go see Voss or some shit. He lives like 10 minutes away. Yeah. Voss doesn't eat pizza though. Yeah, he does. He went last time. Did he? He went like, well, he did. He found out I was going. He said, I, I thought he lives life all way protein and shit. No, he's a vegetarian when Bonnie's around. Oh, really? Yeah. He's behind her back. Behind her back, he'll throw some shit. She does a pot. She's a pothead behind his back. And he's a food addict behind her back. She's a lot of things behind his back. What else? No way. You think she dikes around? Spread that rumor. Bonnie McFarland dikes it out with every female comic you've heard of. If she doesn't, she should. Even fucking Jing-Jang Summers and Bulkut Lee. Even they got a little taste. You gotta dress it. You might as well do it. She posted this today. Yeah. This is one year into my marriage to Rich Voss. Fresh faced. Do you see what she did at the dojo a couple weeks ago? She was there and he was just going on and on on stage. And then he went, bring Bonnie up. I want her to do this bit. And she went on stage and she just went, guys, thank you so much. Rich Voss, everybody. Give it up for Rich Voss. Amazing comic. Thank you for coming out. Thank you for coming out. And everybody was like, whoo. And they just ended the show on him. If I could walk down. How long was he on for? He was off for 45 minutes. She was like, I want to go home. She just ended the show. She is one of the funniest. That fucking jacket is nuts though. That bottom elastic is too much. I had that same jacket pretty much. God, it stinks. Yeah, Christine. I loved that jacket. Christine also enjoyed a giant cuff. Oh, I hate a cuff, a big cuff. I don't like a cuff. Not a big cuff. Not a big cuff. Not a big. That's too much cuff. That's too much cuff. And the cuff goes around the waist. Do you want a waist cuff? That's the more upsetting cuff. Yeah, the waist cuff. That would just make me feel like shit. Yeah, well. It was like cinching. She has a better body than us. She does. Oh, look, all the girls chime in and Yana's pop is. One of the girls. That's too far out of the city. I saw her today. Huh? Saw her today. Where? They film at the Stans podcast studio or whatever. Him and Chrissy. Chrissy D. What were you doing there? I was doing, I told you, the fucking, the podcast with the dancing. Oh, they do it in the same place. They do it in the same place, yeah. Is it on the Stans network? Stans network. What is that? A wix. Is it the wix? Wix, wix, is it wix? Is that functioning? Yeah, no, it's actually, what's his name, took me around. Don't give me the luck, dude. What's his name, Chris Italia. Bobby, I wanna take you to the studio. It's not nothing, well, they're making money for sure. They're making a lot of money. I don't know about that. Well, the company that they're with. The way they're making money is because they're actually, it's a place to do ADR in New York. So they have been able to say they've done, what? What's your fucking deal, full comedy special, uploaded? Really? Is that wix? That's pretty fucking crazy. What is that? What is this? This was like, no, this is like during COVID or so. Oh, this is the, this is Ari, the one Ari we did. It was Rich Voss, isn't it? This is the one we did ourselves. How'd they get this up? Joe DeRosso. I don't know, I have this, I literally have these files on a hard drive at our house. That's crazy. Did they just put it up? They're pirating your shit, dude. Yeah. I don't know if Ari, maybe Ari figured it. They didn't produce this. Dude, send a cease and desist. No, Ari produced it and we did it during COVID. It's stress, this is so weird. They took your shit. They took your whole special. The wits. Dude, send a cease and desist right now, complain about it. You look good though, you little, instead of wearing a mask, you wear a bandana, like fucking death leopard, horn on your neck. Yeah, I fucking go cool. That was so funny, I was like, wait, Shane did, what's your fucking deal? I'm like, oh, it's a little later. That's DeRosso doing the job I did. I guess. Audience mic. Ugh. Fucking three and a half hours of fucking horseshit. It was a lot, it was a lot. Fuck, well you were fucking taking every 10 minutes having a fucking pot break and a cigarette break, shooting the shit, making connections. I was just working the tables with the waitresses. It was not fair. Fucking terrible. It was not fair. Fucking, it's actually set my comedy career back, I was fucking five years doing that. It wasn't handled in a fair way. It was not. What, Nashville? Nashville. I mean, we don't do the show anymore. Yeah, you know who doesn't do the show, either, me. Nobody. Fucking Christ. It's over after that. No, we did it, we did it as gang fest, two more, but that's it, no more, no moss. Too much, this was done at a time when crowd work wasn't all anyone was putting out on the internet. Yeah, it's just like ridiculous that I do a crowd work show, I'm like enough, enough. I'll do crowd work, everybody else do your thing. So is this your, you own this? It was Ari's, I don't even know how they- Ari, me, I mean, it's fucking- I'm trying to remember who shot it, I'm like did they shoot it? They must have. They just shot it. I literally thought this was on a hard drive in my house. Did they film it and not tell it? You knew that it was being filmed. Yes, but it wasn't them. It was somebody- It was Ari. Ari filmed it. It was actually Ari, yeah, I thought he- And they got a hold of it? Is this like from the house campers? They have almost half a million subscribers. Now they do, from your fucking content. No, it's more, it's 655,000 subscribers. How many views on this? They have like five videos up. I hope it's all your specials. Go back, go to their page. I don't know, I guess you got a bunch of stuff. What's your fucking deal? No way to suck it. It's a treat. It's three weeks ago. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's something fucking, something's up here. Why? 655,000 subscribers. 3,000 views, 24,000 views, 2,000 views. Keep going down. Did they just- Pete Davidson presents 141,000 views. 44,000, 43,000, that's crazy. These are their popular videos. There's some fucking funny business going on there. Little hijinks. That's fucking major hijinks. You think they bought those people? How else could you possibly make that happen? I don't know. How do you buy a one minute clip of Patrice? I don't think you buy it, I think you just upload it. Take it. They just steal it from Showtime. Hey, just take it and put it on your thing. Oh my Christ almighty. How many views does your, what's your fucking deal have? 44,000, it went up two weeks ago. No promotion, because nobody told us it was going up. Oh, you can't promote it, because then you're gonna be caught red-handed stealing people's contact. That's wild. This is nuts. That's wild. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Well, first I'm gonna tell Ari. Yeah. You sure he's- Christine's gonna tattle, first of all. You're gonna tattle. First thing, I tattle. Why don't you just- Next thing, I call people outside of me to deal with this. Oh, you're gonna have lawyers or something? I just don't, I just don't even understand how this is a thing that happened. That's wild. I just can't stand out in real time while looking for something else. Well, as I said, I wanted to, because all the things we wanted to bring, I wanna put the episodes, not that. That was the thing we did during COVID, but the actual two seasons. You own it. I own the name, what's your fucking deal, and I'm an executive producer, and I'm one of them. I own it with those guys, I guess, technically, but I just wanna put it up for free on YouTube. And they're holding it hostage. Too late. Too late. No, that's just the one thing we did during COVID. But who did this? Is this Ari who did this? It was like Ari behind it, for sure. He was like producing it ultimately. Did he produce it with them? I don't think so. Was it at the stand? Is that the stress factor? I'm honestly like, I'm not remembering. Like Becky was working for Ari at the time, and I thought she was doing some production on it. It's stress factor, for sure. What do you wanna promote, Jacob? Our YouTube book. Oh. That's true. Let's get our YouTube channel up to... We're competing with the Wits now. Let's get our YouTube channel. Let's get a plaque over on our YouTube channel, everybody, on this one, because I'm telling you, you're not gonna see anything funnier. I'd have to assume on the internet anytime soon other than Bobby, Dan, and Ari, I mean, going to work. On everybody's messaging too, and they're saying like, that's definitely, remember I told you I had a shirt that was animal from the Muppets on it, and everyone's saying like, that's definitely the inside out shirt. Muppets, you could see the outline the following. They could see it. It's definitely the fucking Muppets shirt. I wanna see it again. Oh, God. It's so upsetting. It's so not. Oh, look at that. It's been out for a day. Now, I'll tell you, if we were on the Wits, we'd now be their second highest view video of all time, and that's with zero promotion. Let's get that fucking way up, and please everybody go to our YouTube and subscribe to it, because the more evidence we could also show serious that there's a value in fucking the video, maybe they will hopefully get behind it. No, maybe we'll get a meeting about turning the cameras on. It's very possible to have a turn the cameras on meeting. We could have another turn the cameras on meeting. We've already had one. Oh man, how awkward was that in the sales meeting? It was so funny. Ford Jim had to put the kibosh so quick that made me laugh so hard the late. They were like, and we see you guys have a video element. While you guys are doing video, we can get ad sales in there, and that really beeps up things, and he goes, ah, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Not that, not that, not that, guys. Don't let that move on. Big Jim had to be like, ah, bye, bye, bye. Serious doesn't necessarily support the video. I love the show. Yeah, we were like, we have to hire a Filipino boy to do it ourselves. Oh man. So the video's entitled Black People Rule. Yeah, they do. The Bonfire SXM page, before it shows up on the wits. Yeah. Which will be shortly. Before this is sliced apart and fucking chopped up in the wits in one of the increments. I did see it in one of the studios being edited up. Being chopped up. I didn't know what it was. Now it's. They had people doing ADR for it over me. Oh God, dude. I didn't know you were wearing that shirt. I didn't understand. I wanna see that shirt. Can I see it? Just go to his shirt. I wanna see his little animal shirt, his little Sesame Street inside out shirt. Wait, I'm sorry, where, Jay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On this video? You can almost go to these video just my comedy. Oh, here. Apparently. No, I mean like the. Oh yeah, yeah, let me get that. The actual shirt is comedy's probably easy. Apparently. I didn't know that. What? That you were wearing an inside out shirt. Well, I told you that it was like the shirts I had were like fuel and fiber shirts. And my shirts were graphic tees from big and tall. So I said it would be like, you know, I'm wearing these guns and roses and then animal from the Muppets. And everyone was like, that was animal from the Muppets. I go, oh yeah, that makes sense. I like that shirt. You sure it wasn't a backup bit? Told you how bad cameras are though, back then. That's a brown shirt then for sure. Go when he first came up, Christine. Before he does his big opener. Yeah. Oh, this shirt. Yeah, right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I don't even see it. I might be Kermit the Frog or no, it's animal. There's hair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yep. Why was it inside out? Oh my God, it's so, that's one of the things where you don't see it. Like a magic eye. Yeah, it's wild. You know, it's funny at the point, I don't know if it's inside out. I think it might just be like, you know, washed and getting faded. You wore his your favorite shirt? It was one of them. Yeah. It's a good brown shirt. Oh, it's hot in here. You know who's getting a fucking gas that night in jail? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Fuck these ears. Look at the way he perfectly fact-checked his shirt. He was getting fucking these ears, saying, okay, all right. I got to hear the one guy go, oh. You know who's getting fucked up the ass that night in jail? Oh. Oh, shit. That was real. That was real concern. I didn't care for that. That was, nobody, oh. Oh. Oh. I remember this night. That was not white girl support. That was black guy fuck it. Oh. All right. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Ha ha ha. I was like, she's riding a roller coaster. Oh, yeah. She is the roller coaster of funny. Woo. Woo. Ha ha ha. Oh my God. Woo. Oh, shit. Ha ha. You have such clean audio because nobody else was saying anything. Ha ha ha. She recorded it. Nobody else was saying a word. She's right next to the microphone. Woo. Woo. All right. Woo. Oh, shit. Ha ha ha. Oh, man. You really killed her. And shit. Hazyamunika, a hero. We never got to that. She, apparently, I sent the video in the chat, Christine fellow hero. She was at a park. And I guess somebody was some crazy guy. I saw the video. I couldn't tell what's going on. I guess she, some crazy guy was squirting some type of flammable fluid all over the bathroom or all inside. It says it right here. If you see. I didn't see if you see something say something, but I didn't see anything. Well, she actually confronted the guy and then called the cops and they came, well, security came and dealt with it. So she was again, but I would say that's a hero. That's a, I would say full hero. No, if that's what she is, I'm sure a hero. I just saying like, from what I saw, I can't see what she's doing. I think you can read it. Go ahead and play it. This is the go to hero song, but there she is. There's the fire department. She called the fire department and she's telling them that some crazy guy was in there. But he's gone now. Yeah, I think so. Cause that fireman would be doing a terrible job. He was like, Yamanica walking first for the psycho. He's right in here. Follow me. I think they told her to beat it. She's walking out now. Yeah. It's in the description what she did. Okay. Run it down. There you go. Nikki Sunshine writes, thank you, Yamanica, for doing your best to protect the kids and the parents of the Langston Hughes playground in Harlem. Someone doused the bathrooms with gasoline and you didn't hesitate to alert the authorities and resolve the issue. If you see something, say something. It's our responsibility to keep each other safe. That's right. That is a, that's heroic. That is. Cause if she's the only person who did anything, it's very heroic. What if the person went in there and just threw a match and lit all a bunch of kids on fire? And she doesn't even have kids. She doesn't have to care about that. Well, you have to be someone. I tell you what, if you're taking a fucking shit and can't get out of a flaming public bathroom, you probably are embracing it. You're like, oh, this just makes sense as how it's supposed to go. Besides I have a curse. I'm taking a shit in a fucking park, in a park bathroom. I have shit in park bathrooms. You have? Yeah. Why? You always have to, shit after you come. Every time a fucking, every time some jiggalo blows you, you have the fucking, something about it knocks a crap loose. Dude, I threw that up in the air and I'm looking at your face, waiting for you to take a swing and you waited right till it was over the plate and just hit another park. Yeah, I have shit in a public restroom. Like I'm one of those. No. I shit, I shit. Remember when Times Square got the first like bathroom and it was almost like a little, like a spaceship. Like you went in and there was a toilet in the door, like it was like a round thing. It was outside? I don't know if it's still there, but it was back when Bloomberg was making Times Square nice. There was a bathroom in Times Square and it kind of opened up and you went in and it shut and you could... Just a one person toilet. One person toilet, you could take a piss or do... You took a shit in it? I took a shit in it. What? It was like the first week, I think. I mean, it wasn't... Well, you wanted to break it in? I don't know. Just to say you shit in time. You saved up a duke to fucking go up there? Dude, I almost fucking shit my pants coming here today. Why? I made it up to the 36th floor. I went and pooped in the bathroom today. That's not what Facebook told me the person that was gonna shit themselves today. They said it would be me or maybe Jacob. I have now fallen, and my algorithm has gotten into me to the initial I'm gonna write is... Have you seen any of these? The initial I'm gonna write. This initial will... I mean, everything from like fall in love with you, hate you to shit their pants, to not be able to sleep tonight, and they just do an initial. It's just random initial. But the initial I saw about shitting themselves today was Jay. Me or Jacob. I'm confused. Am I not getting this? Are you getting this? So, let me see, can I see a pen? Is there any me getting this? No. If you're not getting it, I'll explain it, but I'm sorry. Okay, no, it's all right. Look, I'm stupid, so I gotta sometimes... I have an algorithm thing. Okay, algorithm. That keeps popping up on my social stuff, and it goes, it'll say on the screen, this person is gonna fall in love with you. A person with this initial is gonna shit their pants. A person with this initial is gonna do whatever, and then it does like a drawing, and it's always like a heart, and then it'll be like a B for Bobby. Bobby's, just B, Bobby. Love Bobby. Could be Bobby. Could be Bobby. It could also, no, just be Bobby in this room. I thought I had one that says, this person's gonna shart themselves tomorrow, I think it even said, was yesterday. Tomorrow, it was the letter J. So it says this person's gonna shit themselves with the letter J in that person, because it's J, or Jacob, might shit themselves tomorrow. Well, it would've been today. As an influencer, I've never heard of this. Oh, god, I'm gonna throw up, don't do it. See if you're following it, Christine. Oh, that last plop? The initial things. Oh. Have you ever got one of those? You've never seen one? Don't do the plop. I want it though. Sounds fun. I've never seen it either. Well, it's stupid. It doesn't mean anything. But it's like, it feels like a fortune telling shit, but it's like this person will. It's a science. Slip and fall. It's the science. This is wild how many heroes are in this community. Yeah. Real heroes. I know. It's wild. It's like, I opened up a Pandora's box with this. Like, we're obligated now. I feel like mine gets glazed over a bit much. Can I hear yours again? Cause I forgot it. What? I'm sorry. I made a weird face at a mentally challenged boy. Right. Maybe man. And then I looked to have a good laugh about his behavior, not knowing he was mentally handicapped. Right. And I did a thing where I looked over, what I found out was to be his people with a face of like, this fucking homeless piece of shit, right? And then he sat down with them and they were like, good boy, adult, whatever his name is. And then I felt terrible. And then I paid for every one of his tables meal. Yeah. It gets me every time. Yeah, I guess it's these kind of things. It gets me every time, right at the end. It's just that, you know what I mean? I'm just right at the end of my fuck. Yeah, it's kind of the ones I see, it's like actually drawing it is. It's like written on the screen, but it's a... These initials are all these stupid things. Re-caption. Well, this one's got like a whole fucking... I thought she was gonna draw. No, no, no. This, the thing I see is that I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, No, no, no, this, the thing I see, it's just a piece of paper. It's just like a, it's like, it almost seems like an ad. I hope both of you shit your pants tomorrow. Can I... Well, then we're gonna have to get like some type of, some type of stupid muskrat to hang, putting your shirt to get the hex off you. I don't think I, I can't remember. I don't think I ever shit my pants. Stop it. You could use a kakooie treatment. Yeah, nice hot kakooie. You've never shit your pants ever. You did at one point as a child, as an adult, you've never shit your pants. Not even, dude. Twilly trained out of the gates. I don't think I did. Ever? I don't think I have. Lou, have you ever shit your pants? Twice. I love the immediate... Once in high school, after a Mexican night of that and milk and cereal the next day. Nice. And then, I was sick and I thought I was just farting, but I wasn't just farting. Oh, that's a nice one. Yeah, everyone's caught one of those. What about you, Lou? How many times do you shit your pants? I mean, I drank for 34 years. So 34,000 times? I'd say a good... 10 times? 10 times. I'd say more, but yeah. I mean, that I can recall, sure. Yeah? I've got a limited amount, but they're there. Yeah, I got them too. I think I have... I think three maybe, and I don't like... Four, two epic ones, but four not full. Like, not full. I'm saying full shit. Like a shit. Well, full shit? Like a shit. Like a little Snickers coming out. Maybe once or twice. Yeah, I think two. Christine, how many times do you shit your pants? Never. Shut up. Full shit? Well, how many times? For a woman, a little bit is a full shit. We don't expect you... A little is a lot for a woman. When it comes to shit, when it comes to shit, I'd say. Yeah, a little is a lot. A little bit. Never happened. Stop it! You don't have to admit it. I know what you're doing right now. You're being a lady. You've never, ever had a little squeaky come out. Not once. Do you think Dawn's blasted shit in her pants before? I don't even see her shit, which is wild. She sneaks shits, which I love. But no, I don't think she shit her pants. Why are you having such a hard time with Christine? Well, Christine was a fucking... She was drinking and partying. Dawn's never fucking drank and went nuts. Partying. Is that what you're telling her? Well, not that I know of. She's never been into like... I mean, she might've, before I met her, just been in Everett just fucking hanging out at the park. And, hey, Kathy, I just shit my pants. Maybe. Celebration. Good times, come on. Oh, shit. Yeah. We have to take a break. We have to take a break. We got all these ads, man. What's the ads? I lost them. But... It's so unprofessional. Pop them pride fine. Well, try to find them before we get back, right, Jacob? That's not professional. If we can. It's unbelievable. Didn't we have just a big fucking crazy ad meeting? Yeah. I think we did bad. We did. We killed it. Dude, that day... I fucked up. I said the first guy's name wrong. You shouldn't have fucking assumed it was a hard name. It was a hard name. What was it again? Ruth's? But it was two U's. No, it was like one U. U, S, and U, Russa? Russ? I said Gruss. Yeah, you said Gruss. You read it phonetically. Bobby wasn't there yet. Bobby forgot about the meeting, so he wasn't there yet. We forgot he had the time wrong. I had to, yeah. And he wasn't there yet. And I just, I panic and I start just going in like, kind of like, I'm like, oh, I'll talk to him like I've known him forever. And I mean like, I mean, Bobby popped on before I was getting ready to say to one of the girls like, oh, my bitches, what? And he popped on and I was like, Bobby wouldn't want me to do that. Oh, well it really sucked is that I can't, when he goes, I said his name wrong and I just said it right. Bobby just goes, dude, it's that, he goes it's Gruz and I was like, yeah, it is, where were you? You know how hard my heart was pounding when I said it though? I panic, I just started reading everybody's name on the screen. I go, hi, so you first and last name, hi first and last name. Hey, Gruss. Hey, hey, something Gruss. I go, I think I went, I guess I go, I think it sounds like a name where people always call you just that, right? People go like, Gruss. And he goes, yeah, or a Gruz and I went, I gotta go. And then Bobby popped on, I can't go, Bobby's here now. He's a camper, Gruz. Yeah, he was a good sport. He's also more on like our side. Well, he hates me. He loves you. Gruz, classic Gruz. Classic Gruz. Oh yeah, commercial. Bobby Kelly is gonna be at Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut. That's right, a Mohican son, April 17th and 18th. Come for the comedy, stay for the after show mail review. They still do that? It's a burlesque. Burlesque. It's girls and guys. No, it's just guys, just as girls. Guy burlesque. It's Guy burlesque. Better. Way better. If you're gonna do it. I'm actually in it. Yeah. I think if you fuck a trans or drag queen in recycled air, it doesn't count. After that, he's gonna be at Uncle Vinnie's in New Jersey. Cleveland, Ohio, Stamford, Connecticut, New Orleans, all on deck for tickets and all of his tour dates. You visit punchup.live.com and check out his YouTube channel youtube.com.com at Robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, catch him live if you're in the New York area. 7 p.m. at the Fab Black Pussycat Lounge to Comedy Cell or it's clockwork. And check out our YouTube page. Fuck and subscribe to it. Yeah, subscribe. I ate a lot of shit for this. I wanna get a plaque. Yeah, you will get a plaque. Maybe we'll work up to Whitsk. What is it, Whitsk? The Whitsk is gonna be close to their million subscriber plaque, really. Million. Big joke as soon as it's gonna be at the Helium in St. Louis this weekend after that. April 34th. And then the funny bone in Orlando, April 10th and 11th. Let me hear it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's right. After that, he's gonna be in Nashville for story wars in Kansas City. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com YouTube. YouTube.com slash bigjokasun. Don't forget my company punchup.live slash bigjokasun. I have a 30% stake in that. Of course you do. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Woo! Crisp, vibrant and bursting with citrus. Villamarilla's New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is the perfect wine made to be enjoyed on every occasion. Whether you're soaking up the sun in your garden, hosting a backyard barbecue, or unwinding after a long day, the zesty lime and lush tropical fruits are always delicious. Try Villamarilla Sauvignon Blanc, a vibrant New Zealand wine that's perfect for every occasion. Available at all good wine retailers. On booking.com it's easy to book your holiday home. And thanks to no hidden fees, there's no more. Guys, found a villa, I'm confirming. Where were we? Added fees. We don't do sneaky added fees. So you can go from home to holiday home with no dramas. And relax. On booking.com, finding a holiday home's easy. Booking.com, booking.com, yeah.