From Marine to Actor: Maurice P. Kerry on PTSD, Betrayal & Starting Over

If just this one time, especially during the month of May, if you see somebody in the military or know somebody in the military, just reach out and just tell them thank you. You know, and mean it. You don't tell them thank you if you mean it. If someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call 1-CALL-PLACEMENT. That's 888-831-1581. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. 1-CALL-PLACEMENT is affiliated with Carrera Treatment, Wellness & Spa, and One Method Treatment Centers. Today's guest is someone who truly embodies resilience and reinvention. Marisse P. Kelly is an actor, director, and producer and decorated United States Marine Corps Combat Veteran who served during Operation Iraqi Freedom II. Like so many who served, his transition back to civilian life came with real challenges and he's turned that lived experience into strength and forward momentum. Today he's starring on CBS's Beyond the Gates as Randy Parker. Marisse, I'm honored to have you here. You served as a Marine during Operation Iraqi Freedom II. What did that experience teach you about discipline, brotherhood, and survival? Well, the most important thing was, and we use the phrase often while we were there, is complacency kills, and staying vigilant. Keeping vigilant will keep you alive. And remember your training. And with that, you had to stick to the things that you were taught. You had to listen to your command, even if you didn't agree with what they were saying. You had to stick with them, because ultimately the main thing we wanted to do was just come back home alive. I didn't realize how important and how strong mentally going to combat would make me. One of the things that I say all the time is I say, in Iraq, I was shot at in bond and my enemy couldn't kill me. So what the f**k do you think your opinion can do to a man like me? People will say things, especially in the industry that I'm in now, people will say things and other types of people will crumble. This life we live is cake in comparison to what it could be. What do you think about what's going on right now with the war? How do you feel about that? I mean, to not ask you a veteran on this show a question about a war in the Middle East, it would be the height of missed opportunities. Thank you for that. I fought in the Middle East. As far as what's going on right now, as it stands now, I don't know enough about the size to be able to give an informed opinion. I would love to, but right now, I would be speaking from ignorance. I would genuinely be speaking from ignorance to give an opinion or something that I haven't researched. What I do know is that I am for liberation. I'm for human rights and freedoms of people. That is what I am for. And that is what I stand for. And to this day, I stand for women and children. So as long as we are protecting women and children, and I align with that, if we start going against the things that go against things that are fundamental to me as a man, not protecting women, not protecting children, I'm not with you. So you've got a daughter then? Absolutely. Full-time single father for 16 years. She'll be 17 next month. I've got a 16-year-old daughter. Oh, so you know. Yeah. It was tough. It was tough 14 and 15, but 16 is a cakewalk. Yeah. Yeah. I was at my daughter's concert last night, and I constantly tell her how proud I am of her, but I think it's partly self-serving because I've raised her by myself her whole life. And just to see the person that she's becoming, almost 17 years old, AP classes, AP student, gifted classes her entire life, and I'm proud of her because she's so much smarter. The only thing I tell her all the time, the only thing that I have on my daughter, the only thing I have is time and experience and wisdom. That's what I've got on her. If she had my time and my experience, I couldn't touch her. When you came home, what hit you the hardest about transitioning back into civilian life? Well, when I first came home from Iraq, for one, I was not transitioning. I was going right back into Garrison life. Where? Garrison, back home, back on the base. Basically, I was coming back to Garrison, and I was a married man, at least I thought I was. And that was the truth. No way. I don't know if you're going to tell me this now. You're going to go do this with me? I got got. They got me. I got got. So basically, you're out there saving the world, and you got to be in your bed. You know, I didn't get the details, but probably, I wouldn't put it past them because coming to find out it was also a Marine and he was my neighbor. So I wouldn't put it past them. And he was married to at the time. So probably not that I think about it. Why'd you make me think about this? I'm sorry. But you're having really well. This is not a Jerry Springer thing. You're doing really well. How long ago is this? This was 2000. And so I came back from Iraq in 2004. So obviously, 22 years ago, but I still tell the story often because, you know, now it's been so long, you know, I can look back and see and I can learn from it, learn from the experience and also teach from it. You know, I tell, like I tell young new recruits all the time, don't get married young. I know, I know. Don't do it. Give it some time. So basically, what ended up happening with me was I came back from war. And you know how you see in the movies where they have the they're on the bus and all the families are running up and everybody's all that. You got nothing. Nothing. No family. No friends. No wife. And I stood there for an hour because I just knew for a fact that my wife was going to come get me. I just got back from I knew it. And then the bus driver before he let me say, you want me to drop you off somewhere? I'm like, my wife is coming. My wife is coming. So I started making that walk, you know, eventually you kick in. I started making the walk to my house, which was miles away, but I was going to walk. I had my C bag and I was just going to walk. And then my cousin pulls up my cousin. That was the walk. That was the walk of shame, dude. That was that was the walk of I don't have anybody in my life. I'm alone in the world. And I deserve to suffer this walk. That's what that let me let me let me interject. I would say it was not the walk of shame. It was the walk of pain. That's right. That's exactly it. It was a walk of pain. I didn't feel shame. I felt hurt and forgotten and in in in unloved and uncared for. So that's that was it was it was pain. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was horrible. That is that is heartbreaking. I'm sorry. My cousin ended up his name. We I'm actually we're named after his dad. My cousin, Ken pulled up and as I'm walking, he jumped in, jumped into the car and he took me. He took me home. He made a stop before when he took me home, you know, and dropped me off. And when I walked into my house, I'm storytelling now, when I walked to my house, I just knew for a fact that my wife is going to be right there in the living room. Because when you walked in, it was the living room, the kitchen and upstairs with the bedrooms. I walked in, boom. Okay. Nobody's here. All right. No problem. I know she's upstairs. She's got to be upstairs waiting on me bucket naked. I've been going for months. That's right. She's waiting. So I dropped my stuff. And before I got home, I stopped by the store and I got mint chocolate chip ice cream and apple juice because those were her favorite things. And I visited the kitchen, I made a bowl of it and you know, glass and I put them on the tray and I'm like, I can't wait to get upstairs. My wife, I know she's upstairs naked. So I go upstairs and I get to the bedroom and the bed is completely made. Everything's clean, but no wife. And so this is where the delusion starts to kick in. I say to myself, there is no possible way in life that this woman is not in this house right now. And so I put the stuff down and I started searching the house. This is how goofy I was. I looked under the bed. I looked in the closet. I looked in the bathroom behind the shower curtains. I looked under the sink. I looked behind the refrigerator. I looked in the pantry. I looked in the outdoor closet thing. I looked everywhere I could possibly think of in the house because there was no way in hell that my wife was not in his house. Where was this woman? At the time, I had no idea. But what I found out later, because 10 years later, we talked about that whole situation. And she was like right down the street at a friend's house because she knew I was back and she didn't know what to do because she had been having sex with a guy. And the only thing that I saw in the house was seemed out of place was the fact that none of my pictures were in the house. And she had a bottle full of water and cigarettes. So I was like, she didn't smoke with her ass off. She didn't smoke when I was there. So it was just odd. So to shorten up everything, come to find out she was sleeping with the Marine, who was my next door neighbor. And he ended up getting pregnant and she decided to leave me. So that was that transition. Did they have the baby? Yo, yo, yo, yo, he had my name for a period of time because we were married. So he had my name. I found that out later too. I was like, man, you just dead. I'm sorry, man. Listen, that's traumatic. Listen, that's that's that's horrific. Oh, may I add one more thing? Yes. So remember I said early that my cousin made a stop when he picked me up. He made a stop. And I was very vague about that intentionally, because he made a stop at the gym and he was talking to a friend of his. I found out later that my cousin, that we're both named after him, the entire thing, he knew everything. And he was sent to pick me up. And the guy that he stopped and talked to at the gym was the guy she was sleeping with. They were friends. And do you talk to the school anymore? I haven't talked to my cousin in 20 plus years. PTSD doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it's quiet. What did it look like for you? For me, your wife sleeping with your next door neighbor. Yeah, that actually falls into the PTSD. It's funny because when I don't really date now and it all that stuff matters. So for me, it's PTSD is not like what they show in television. For me, I know it is for some people, for some people, it's crippling. You know, for me, I've learned to live with it in a way that I've made it useful. I'm hyper aware, hyper focused and hyper vigilant. So I'm always watching, I'm always learning, I'm always analyzing the situation. When I step into a room, the first thing I do is I figure out who's the biggest guy in the room and if I need to break him down or something goes off, how would I break this person down? It's not that I'm something that I'm going to. No, that's the way you, that's the way you're trained. That's the way you think. How do I break this person down effectively to get me and my people out of here? Same thing. If we're in a room, what are the exits? How high off the ground, if I have to go through this window, stuff like that's what I'm thinking. It happens so fast, boom, boom, boom, boom. All right, we're good. I got it. When I'm driving, I'm always, like, don't box me in because I'm going to figure a way out of it because the thing is, if I get boxed in and something's going on, I need to get up out of here. Basically, I'm a safe, I'm about protection. You're a couple of steps ahead. Your vision is always into the future and you're always anticipating. And possibilities. And that's what, and that's how it manifested itself. Absolutely. We didn't talk about when you came home from the war before we got into acting, you had a bout of homelessness and I did too. Tell me about that. October 14, 2005, I lived in a blue Chevy 2003 Malibu factory and it didn't even belong to me. It belonged to another Marine who let me borrow his car just to drive around. He had no idea that I was going to be using that as a base of operations for the next year. He had no clue. I did not. I was still in San Diego. All my family was back in Atlanta. I was still in San Diego trying to figure it out, trying to make something work. I was also going through a divorce at the time with that whole situation. So I was going through a divorce and so I had to wait because so yeah. And what I would do from time to time was back then we still had my space. And so I would find a kind young lady who was sympathetic to my situation. I'm saying, hey, I'm a Marine. I'm homeless. Mind if I use your couch? I'll clean. I'll cook. I'll do whatever. I just, you know, place to stay. And every night it happened three, maybe four times where somebody was nice enough to let me stay on their couch. And one of those people I'm still in contact. I'm probably going to see her in May. I haven't seen her in 20 plus years, but I'll probably see her in May just to tell her thank you because I probably wouldn't be here without her. But what's not clear in the chronology of events is when you came home, then you were homeless for a little bit. How'd you get your first break into acting? So 2006, this is before I went back to Georgia for a while. But in 2006, I tried to get into acting, but I had no idea what I was doing. You can look at some of the background of it was a show called The Rhino Camaras and then see me back there. 25 playing a high school kid. And I didn't know what I was doing back then and I gave it up, you know, but in 20, so, you know, gave it up, had got remarried, had a kid. And in 2018, February 2018, I made a decision. I said, I'm going to try acting again. A friend of mine showed me that he was in the born supremacy. And I was like, how do you do that? And from that point on, I decided to become an actor. And it was just a look I had at the time I had, you know, dreads and a big beard. It was a look that I had at the time that they really liked. And my very, very first television opportunity was MacGyver. It was MacGyver season three on CBS, which is way longer though. Wow. MacGyver. Yeah, not Richard Dean Anderson MacGyver, but the newer one from the late, not that far, not that far back. So they did a remake, I think in 2016. And so I was, I was on it in season three. So yeah, and been going stronger ever since, you know, got to work with Morgan Freeman, Viola Davis, Chris Maloney, a lot of great names that I've had an opportunity to work with, you know, that's no Kim's words. Yeah, yeah, it was dope. So that's good. Let's talk about this because I want to talk about your soap opera for a minute. What's the name of your soap opera? I play Randy Parker on CBS's Beyond the Gates, also Strimming on Paramount. Who are you sleeping with on the show? At the currently nobody. See, I can't tell you nothing for the future. Currently, nobody. But let's just say, let me say, I've been in the gym a lot. All right, I've been in the gym. You know, so just Jim, so I mean, what is that? Like, what do I ask next? Do you have an only channel? Do you know that I met a guy who told me that I could make 60 to 70,000 bucks a month on only fans showing my feet? They like my feet? I'm kidding. Listen, how big are your feet? 11 and a half. And I've got 11. So you should be making 65 to 75 grand. I got marine feet. Nobody would have seen these boats. These marine courts. War. That got war toms. What are you talking about? How do you like daytime and what's what's next for Randy? Oh, God. So I love Randy does not sleep with his cousin. Hell no. She's really cool. Your cousin's really cool on that show. My Atlanta slipped out just day. Hell no. No, no, that's okay. No, no, no. No, I love I love daytime, man, but I love the opportunity that it's provided. And but I think what's more important that I love is I love going into the studio of the people that we work with are amazing. Like it's like a family in there. So the difficulty for it is because I do have PTSD, it affects my short term memory. There's so many words and so much memorization that I have to work especially hard to memorize my lines so that way I can be effective for everybody else. Because one thing I hate, I don't believe in being perfect, but I also don't believe in being a drag for somebody who's depending on you. Right. Well, you're a military man. So you're going to be you're going to be over prepared and you're not going to screw up. So that's that's the one good thing about having veterans who work for you. They're I mean, they're my best employees without question. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I really hear that. I do wish I could do a little bit more physicality because that's where my heart is. Like I said, I work out of lift weights, I train, but it's very, very verbal and I would love to do a little bit more physicality. So Taylor Sheridan, you know, if you may do a nothing, how do you know who I am? So all right. So who are you going to? Okay. So who do you want to sleep with on the show? Do you get to choose? Like I want to sleep with her. No, I don't get to choose. I'm just hoping whoever she is, she's amazing. She's great. She's beautiful. And, you know, but there is someone there is, I would say this, there is something coming that we have shot. And I'm proud of it. I'm actually I got to see the edit and I'm proud of it. It was, you know, it's still daytime. So it's it's it's relatively clean, but I'm very happy. The love scene. I did have the love scene. Have you started to develop real feelings for Mona? And if so, will your connection to corrupt Joey Armstrong and his secret alliance with his cousin Haley complicate things? And now that Haley's con on Billy may be unraveling, what happens next? So starting with the birth part of the question, as far as Mona and Randy, I believe it's it's a genuine long for a safe friendship. Because my character Randy, he is a he's a con artist. He's a criminal. Got thug like tendencies. So he's surrounded by by danger and evil and death. He's surrounded by these things. But then Mona comes in as somebody complete civilian has nothing to do with his life and wants to actually it actually sees good in Randy. So I don't think it's romantic more than it's like an oasis. You know, it's it's more like, God, there actually is a good person. And that good person sees me as a good person possibly. So with that, yeah, I think that's what more it is. I'm not sure because Karen has her thoughts on her character. I'm not sure what it is on Mona side, but I don't know what Randy side, I believe it's more safe. She's safe. She's kind. She's not like us. You know, now, as far as complicating with with with working for Joey, my criminal boss, I think it could complicate the plan with Bill and Haley. And I think it could complicate those things. But I think Randy is professional and smart enough to not allow it. You know, he's not going to let that happen because it's like he doesn't want to die. He also doesn't want to miss out on $10 million. So I think he can he can be friends with her, but there's going to be a little bit of distance. I don't know what the writers are going to write, but that's what I'm feeling from it right now. I can't wait to see who you're sleeping with on the show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's who do you want to sleep with on the show? Who do you want to sleep with on the show? Oh, you know what? This is people as miss. I want them to write a new character for Randy's love interest to be honest with you, because everybody on the show is sleeping with everybody. And I'm like, let's get ready. A new girl. Let's just get ready. A new girl. You know, remember King T'Challa's love interest in Black Panther? In Black Panther, it was Nakia. And in the comics, it was Storm. Yeah. I know. Yeah. That girl. I was showing off. I would. Yeah, I know. That was great. The chicks are going to love it. Um, do you see what's on my wall, sir? No, I don't. Hold on. Let me see for the focus. I can't see that fast that far. Okay. Yeah. It's transformous. So people don't know this, but I'm I was born an early gamer, comic books, all that stuff, you know, but people would look at me and think that because I'm 6.200 plus pounds with muscles, you know, and I should shoot people for a living. So they're like, okay, he likes it. No, you like Call of Duty. All right. I do. Out of all the superheroes, if you could be one of them, which one would you be? Icon. Icon is from milestone comics back in the 90s when a couple of Black creators decided to create their own, their own universe. So we have the DC universe, we have the Marvel universe, but back then it was the Dakota universe. So Icon was basically a Superman like character from, he was an exile from another planet, but he could shape shift and he landed during the time of slavery. But he had, but he was immortal. So they didn't play the Superman during slavery times. That probably wouldn't go well. Right. But yeah. But so what they did was they, you know, made him immortal and he was in modern time. So he was basically a Superman like character. And like I said, it was the Dakota verse where there was all kinds of Black superheroes. Like, I don't know if you heard static shock. He comes from the Dakota verse hardware, which is sort of Iron Man like, but more. Dude, I feel like I've just been in one of those comic cons. Yeah, I told you, you and I are never getting laid. Never. We're never getting laid. I have to do like ever ever ever again. I would be. I would only be Thanos. That's it. Coolest character. Coolest character. After some time, people are starting to come around. He was kind of right. Let's not even have that conversation. The haters are too much. So let me ask you a question, my man. Is there anything you want to talk about that we missed? Anything you're doing next? One thing I would love to mention is that I appreciate what you're doing. I appreciate you and I've learned a little of your story. And I just want to say, first of all, thank you for what you're doing. Thank you for what you had to go through to get here. Dude, you're the one that fought for your country. I just help alcoholics. I was going to say, when you fall for your life, so you all fight for something. Yeah. So don't diminish that. Let me ask you a question. What do you you ever use drugs? No, no, you never. No, it was it was for a reason though. It was for a reason. So my reasoning behind it was, it's because I was black. That's why I didn't want to do it. Because in high school, they would say, you don't smoke weed, but you're black. And that pushed me out for it. Got it. I've always been the road less traveled person because I can see where everybody else is going. I'm looking at where y'all are going. The path is already laid. Y'all got that. Just report back to me and let me know what's going on. I'm going to go over here and see what this does. I'm curious about what's over here because nobody's over there. Y'all are scared to go over. Let's go over here. You don't want to go. I got it. I'll go. So when people would say things like, you know, but you're when it went in with, but you're black, it would deter me from that. My biggest fear is that someone's going to give my kids a pill or a powder and they're all laced now. Okay. And it's going to everybody. Okay. Have you had the talk with your daughter yet about not taking pills or powders or vapes or anything from her friends? We have had the conversations and I reiterate the conversations every time I might see it in media, film, television, things like that. I always reiterate, but I've also been the only person to raise my daughter and I've raised her to be intelligent, analytical, and also to question things as far as like, you know, putting things into your body and only because someone else is doing it. I need, I need to always ask for a better reason than because my friends did it, you know, because I will never accept that. So she understands that it's a gamble. It's a 50 50 gamble and I don't like those eyes. Those eyes are too close. And you don't want to gamble with that. And then you end up not even deceased, but you're the worst veg in a vegetative state. Now you're stuck. And now you've kind of a burden, burden not only yourself, but the people that love you. How about you know anybody right now suffering from drugs and alcohol? I know of one lifelong alcoholic, which is my uncle. But it's his lifelong. He's in his 60s. He ain't changing. All right. So you're running with the right crowd. I have to have a kid. I have kids, but you have kids. You have two kids. I have a son. I have a son. We didn't give your son any love. You don't like your son? No, it's not that it's people like to ask a lot of questions about it. And I try to, he doesn't like the spotlight. How old is your boy? 17. Well, he'll be 17 this year. So I used to be a rapper and I did rapper like things, like having two women pregnant at the same time. So I did that. And so, so yeah, yeah, but he lives in Tennessee with his mother. And like I said, he doesn't like the spotlight. So I would prefer that all those special moments, everything that I ever did with every woman, everything that I ever did would have just been with one person, one special person. I know, I know. We're such a love addict. We're love addicts. So many stories with so many different women that when I turn 80, and let's say I am with somebody, I can't share those stories with her. Like who wants to know? I would love to be 80 years old. We sit back, do nothing work no more. And we're like, baby, remember we was on that seven one time. Remember that time we was in Tijuana. You remember that? I can't do that. So at Carrera and One Method, we, you know, obviously we take care of veterans. That's the one thing this time around when I came back to work was and I was looking for a CEO. The only the only criteria I had was someone who would build a thousand beds for veterans so we could take them right off the street and put them into treatment and change their lives. Now, that's my thing. Okay. I love the military. I've never been in the military, but this was my way of taking care of my country and my little small slice of the world. Okay. What are you doing? What are you doing to make a difference? What I'm doing is I'm bringing light to and giving a platform and a signal to the things that veterans go through that people forget about. I'm often tell people that the military has done its job so well that people don't think they need us anymore. Very cool. That's right. That's right. We are so good that people don't, it's not that they don't think we need them. It's just we take it for granted because, you know, we're so good at what we did. And my goal is to bring a little bit more reverence and respect back to the military. You know, you don't have to burst up the military. I'm not asking anybody to do that, but I'm asking that would you say thank you for your service to need it and to understand exactly what you're saying that somebody made the conscious decision to be willing to die for people that they don't know so that way you can say and do whatever you want. And they did it willingly. So with me, anytime there's opportunities to raise awareness and shed light on the good things and the after effects, the good and the bad of being in the military, I'm there. You know, as often as I can be, I am there because I get it. I know who I could have been without the military. There's a good chance I could be, I would have been in jail. It's probably still in jail now if the Marine Corps hadn't straightened me out. If a veteran is struggling right now, what would you say to them? Struggling how? Struggling how? Well, you know how. I mean, the veterans are struggling just being alone because the voices and the trauma and the playing the tape back over and over again. And then, you know, they have some variation of standing out outside of a bus having no one because even when there's everybody around them, they still feel like they've got nobody because nobody understands what the hell they went through. You're answering your own question. Find someone. I do that, dude. Yeah. Find someone who does, you know, find an organization, find an ear, someone to listen, who does understand. But also, also, and this is really the most difficult part is to find something in the present and possibly the future to latch on to because the past is where the pain is. And you don't want to hang out with pain. You want it to go away. Now, my hypocrisy right now is showing. And I will say because I again, I don't have those fears. My hypocrisy shows because there are pains that I have in me that I actually don't want healed. I find them useful. That's because that's your ache. It's familiar. It's your ache. You're not ready to give it up. You know, and I wouldn't know who I would be without them. So I think. What are those aches that you're not willing to give up today? Oh, now it's going to get me now it's going to get real. All this bullshit has been bullshit. Just to get to right here right now. Let's do it. Um, I, when I was born, when I was born, I wasn't wanted. I was born out of an affair that my father had with my mother. He was already married. And my mother was used to having abortions. She had had an abortion. She didn't want to have me. My father was married. He didn't want me. And the only reason why I'm here today was because my grandmother, my grandmother told my mom, go ahead and have his baby. She said have him and she did. And so when she had me, my mom still didn't take me. I still stayed with my grandmother for months until my mother was ready. And even after she took me, there were moments where she would beat the shit out of me, you know, where she would get so frustrated and so angry that she would me up. When's the first time you remember that happening? How old were you? Probably five. All right, go on. There's no bad five year olds. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was about five. Hey, and um, hey, hey, Maurice, there are no bad five year olds. You know that, right? Oh yeah. She and I, we've talked about it. We've talked about it and she had to get help and she had to go see people. We have a party. Is she alive? Yeah, I just talked to her yesterday. We have a party. You guys are clueless. Yes, very, very close. Okay. I don't want a second. I want to go back. I need to end with this in my head. All right. So you're five years old, your mom's beating you. You were only with your grandmother for the first few months until your mom could get her head around raising a child. Were you raised by your grandmother or by your mother? I was raised by my mom. Okay, go on. How old was your mom? How old was your mom when she had you? She was, uh, she was 25, almost 26. 25, almost 26. Well, you know how that is. They're babies. They don't know anything. 25. All right, go on. And so, um, yeah. And so, you know, by that, you know, by the time I was five, you know, she had had my brother as well. And so me and my brother are about five, just under five years apart. But that, you know, growing up into that and looking back at the pictures of me and some of, you know, knowing who I was, I was always trying to fit in. I was always trying to be wanted. I was always trying to be loved. Like I realize now. When was the last time you spoke to your dad? I just saw him Saturday. I saw him, but we don't talk regularly. Did you ever live with your dad? Never because he was with his wife and his wife found out about me. And that was, they're divorced now. And I was a part of that, you know? So you weren't a part of that. He was a part of that. For her. For her. Yeah. Because she actually, she watches the show. I saw, she was, I saw her Saturday for the first time in 20 plus years. And she was like, you do good, you know, because it's awkward. It's like, yeah, I'm the Cheetah baby. But you watch it on the show. It's crazy. So yeah, it's, it was something that was always striving for to be wanted. And I carried that feeling of not being adequate and it makes me fight harder. But it also pains me because when will I ever feel good enough? Here, let's get, let's get started with that. Okay. First of all, you tell yourself a story. Now, it's a true story. Okay. You were not wanted. Both parents wanted you aborted. And you survived. And the best thing about you is you had a daughter. She discussed is smarter than the both of us combined. No shit. Okay. I mean, it's the best thing in the world. And, you know, most people, and I always say this, but, you know, people think they know what love is, but you don't really know what love is until you've had a child. You don't. You think you do, but you don't know. Right. And so, yes, you started out and you were dealt a shitty hand. Okay. But you're a grown ass man. You're the dad now. You're the one providing the safe space. Okay. And the direction and the advice and the love nurturing. You're the one providing all of that. You do it right. So the narrative of I'm alone in the world is wrong because you've got this kid that is everything. She's your family. And you want to know what else? One day she's going to have a child. One day. And then you're going to be a grandfather. And if you think you're a good dad, wait till you're a grandfather. You're going to be the best grandfather in the world. And you're going to be able to play with that child all the time. And all the shit that you wish you had still and that I wish I had still, we're going to have it again. So there's not a lot of room in our lives for a significant other because it means more. What we've got is better. And we look back at that and we go, we would want the love too. And you'll find it for sure. For sure. You're young. What are you? Like 38? 40, almost 45. 45. I'm telling you, bro. Okay. You'll have it all. But the best thing about you is your kid. And no one can ever take that from you. No one can ever take what you did. Okay. And what you brought into the world. Okay. You're not alone in the world anymore, bro. Okay. And it doesn't matter how you start. It matters how you finish. Okay. Jesus Christ. How many games have you watched where you got blown out in the first quarter and you came back and won the game? That's you. That's who you are. I've become comfortable. I'm actually comfortable in the idea that some people are not meant, they're meant for more. And I'm hoping I'm one of those people where if I were to take my focus, put it into a significant other or a wife or girlfriend, that there's a possibility that somebody else who needs my attention might miss out on something important. I don't know. Because there are people out there like that who are focused on just helping people. And maybe that's what I was meant for is to be something else. I don't know. Just I don't know, man. We'll figure it out as we go. But you know what? You know what I want to enjoy? What I want to start learning how to do? Have a good time. I want to start learning to have a good time. You want to know what, bro? You might want to start learning how to have a good time too because our kids are 16 years old and they've got friends and we got shit to do. So we better find ourselves lives. And at least you're working on a soap opera. That's the scariest thing. Scary. It's scary being a celebrity. And then I get DMs and social media all the time. I'm a god. I love you. And if you're ever in this and ever in this city and I'm like, oh, don't like, I'm like, I don't, I don't want to be with some, I would have loved to have met somebody permanent before all of this. Because now I question the genuity of some of the people now. It's like, are you a genuine? Are you genuine? Are you here for Maurice or who you're here for? No, let me just say this for, you know, the people who are watching and people who see this. Well, obviously, they are sympathetic to the military, but just if you, if just this one time, especially during the month of May, if you see somebody in the military or know somebody in the military, just reach out and just tell them thank you, you know, and mean it. You don't tell them thank you if you mean it. And that's really it. There it is. See you next Thursday. There it is. It wasn't that hard. We're out of time. Please subscribe on YouTube, click the thumbs up and leave a comment. 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