Down the Rabbit Hole

We asked for people to submit things that they want advice on or guidance on and man Did you guys deliver? I'm a big fan. I've always wanted to ask you something Okay, I fell in love with my best friend. I told him how I felt about him. I never heard of him since There's nothing in these streets. It's all about being in these sheets. I'm telling you my partner left their phone unlocked This is my biggest fear. I haven't even read the rest of her question. I could never pretend. I never saw it I have to talk about everything. I would like you to discuss age gap relationships Like I don't know what's a crazy age gap That's crazy. I couldn't do it Poor girl, I do I have to give myself good advice Today on Chloe and Wonderland, we are doing a very new solo episode and it's called down the rabbit hole So basically we asked for people to submit Questions or stories that they have things that they want advice on or guidance on and man. Did you guys deliver? We have tons I'm gonna read for the first time on camera with you guys and I will do my best to give advice or to hear your unhinged amazing story and Comment so thank you guys for submitting I'm really excited because this is new and I'm excited to try something new with you guys My best friend is dating someone I really don't like I've tried many times to spend time with him to get to know him because obviously I love my friend But there's such an unwillingness to get to know me at all every time I'm around he could not seem more disinterested I'll ask him questions about himself and he won't ask me anything back or carry on the conversation besides what I initiate This has been happening for over a year. Wow. I'm done trying but want to be happy for my friend What else can I do and how do I bring it up to my friend that this upsets me? Okay? Well first off I Think you're being such an amazing friend for trying and trying for over a year gold star. Could you Talk with your friend and explain like do it in a way where she doesn't feel attacked or that you're judging I think it's more like listen you Love your friends so so much and you want to be a part of This chapter in her life, but maybe ask for advice for her say like what can I do for your boyfriend? To like me more or want to engage with me more want to make me feel included in this part of your life. I remember when Kim One of her ex-husbands I felt like We didn't connect I would try and it would I would always get shut down or it just didn't It didn't work and it's really hard when you want to make it work for the person that you love But you also like you don't really care to also give that much energy at the same time I really do appreciate how much energy you're putting into this this relationship with my sisters didn't last long So I'm I lucked out in that way, but also you don't want it to have to end in that way So I think maybe go to your friend and just be open and honest and position it in a way that you're You want to be more involved and be a better friend. So like what can you do? Sorry you're going through that I would like you to discuss or advise on age gap relationships Oh girl, I don't know if you're happy and everyone's of consenting age Do your thing like if you're not hurting anyone everyone Like I don't know what's a Crazy age gap Yeah, 30 years is that's crazy. I Couldn't do it. I wouldn't date an 18 year olds I'm 41, but I also just think that's like I wouldn't want to like I would you know, I think some things are Strange When they're a certain age, I think like once you're like 30. It's like, okay. It's like the older you get it Just isn't that weird, but like the early 20s, I mean, that's That's crazy to me. I'm trying to glow up hard right now. No sugar 10k steps early bed 18 steps skincare routine the whole thing now my friends say I'm boring because I won't go out late anymore No drinking to and won't split fries Okay, how can I balance both worlds? I love my friends, but also want to prioritize myself too So listen if all those things make you happy then that's what matters Do I think there's some things that like are a lot like an 18 step skincare routine for me? I could never sustain that the expression you're it's lonely at the top That's because not everyone wants to take that journey with you not everyone Has the willpower to grow and evolve This is dedication. This is commitment. This is it shows the integrity of you when you are solid to any plan it's so much easier to give up so many other people are giving up and they like the distraction of Drinking and being hungover they like not Having this schedule no sugar early bed 18 step Skincare day, but they want someone else to do the riffraffy stuff with them So they don't feel so isolated on that island and what's crazy is then you the one that's trying to glow up hard and Better your life now You're the one that's lonely on this island, but stay lonely and get that tan on that island because girl, this is the way to be and then When you want to pop out and have a great fun girls night or whatever you want to do It's that much more fun and you can still then get crazy blackout drunk if that's fun for you But you just make it specialty times like a few times a year or however much but You're not missing anything. There's nothing in these streets. It's all about being in these sheets. I'm telling you I am the most type a person ever Hello because of this I became the person who plans every birthday trip dinner, etc. I'm tired How do you gently retire from being the group's unpaid event coordinator without causing too many problems? That's a great question So I remember when I was younger and I used to date I would never tell anyone that I could cook or anything like that because I'm like then they're gonna ask me to cook like you only do it for Special people. I think it's the same like You do the planning and the extra work When you really want to and you too, but if you're going on a girls trip Someone like you guys each have to take turns you can be like I'll plan the dinners Someone book the hotel rooms like whatever you want to do. I think whatever Will make you still enjoy your trip or birthday or whatever Release the easiest piece to release first and then see how that person does but trust me Everyone is capable. We just don't give people a room to be capable because we are so controlling I love that. I'm saying we because I am you you are me. I deaf need your advice I'm on my senior year in high school and I'm in the midst of applying for colleges It's hard whether to decide if I want to stay in California or go to college somewhere else Maybe Michigan since that's where I'm from What things would you take in mind when taking an important decision like this and what might you recommend for me? Oh? My god, I have a lot of questions. So you're from Michigan, but where's your family like for me? Families everything my support system. I lean on them all the time I do think about moving outside of California, but I never could if my family Didn't come with me. So I know that's just not gonna happen unless I can convince all of them to so It also it's a very personal. I don't know. Does your family live in California or back in Michigan? Does that matter to you by being in close proximity with them? Does it matter where your friends are going to college? Do you want? That sense of community already and I don't know. Do you want I would take those Those would be like my top into consideration and then sometimes People just need a break like do you really just want to start over and do something new and different like are you that type of person? I Like safety and comfort and I need my family and I would not be moving to another state but that's just me my question I would love advice on and Think and hope I wouldn't be the only one who needs this is for someone who's struggling with self-confidence issues I've had a tough few years and unfortunately my way of coping with a lot of traumas to binge eat I'm slowly recovering. However, I'm finding it hard to not always think about how I look and feel that my friends and everyone around me are always looking at me or my body and judging I also am single and 31 and all my friends being slimming in relationships engaged or married And I feel like I won't find anyone unless I lose weight. I went through a bad breakup and feel extremely rejected I also went on some dates and was then rejected. It's very hard to not think that it's about my appearance I just need a bit of advice on how to deal with this I am as of four months ago exercise and an eating healthy But I'm afraid of how much the thought of my weight is consuming me to the point where I'm anxious to go out in public Well, I'm so sorry for you that you feel this burden of Trying to emulate your friends or to have whatever this perfect body idea is in your head I do relate to you though when I was younger. I used to binge eat I went to like therapy about it. It was something like any emotional thing I turned to food and just there was no Stopping me. I would eat eat eat Literally get sick then feel disgusted with myself for how much I eat because it's like you're eating pizza or Fry is it's horrible food then feel disgusted with myself Then be in such a shame spiral that I start eating again because I'm in such shame So it was like this vicious cycle. So I do understand that it really took for me. So my Divorce was really the catalyst to why I became obsessed in a healthy way with working out. I realized during my marriage that I ate So much and I would eat my feelings and and I didn't like how that made me feel it then turned into you know You have bad skin and all these things that then as a ripple effect from eating so poorly And I was like, you know, I'm just I'm over this. I'm over feeling this way I'm over never feeling like I could be in a bathing suit. I Compared myself to everyone people compared me to my sisters I've been there and then something just sort of awakens inside of you that you're like I don't want to live like this anymore and I've never had a Body type in my head that I wanted to have I just knew I wanted To be toned one day or I wanted to be able I think I always wanted to be able to show my stomach and like feel comfortable and be in a mid-dreath and then The first six months at least of working out or torture and I started slow I worked out two times a week By myself I got a membership alone at Equinox because I was too embarrassed to work out with a trainer and then even at the gym I was convinced everyone was looking at me. They're not everyone's doing their own thing and then I remember about six months in then I finally hired my own trainer and I liked my trainer because he had a gym that he only took one client at a time So I didn't feel so much shame, but I would say like the first six months to a year It's just uncomfortable because you feel you're still insecure. You're busting your ass in the gym You're not really seeing a big shift on the scale, but you got to keep going for me. It was mental that kept me going I loved how I felt I felt so accomplished that I did something I set out to do but for me It was baby steps. I didn't even think about diet yet It was just about getting into the rhythm of working out all those little things It sounds like you're doing way more than what I was doing so soon. You're eating healthier exercising. I Honestly feel that the more you exercise the clearer your mind will feel and the stronger you will feel mentally if you can I think going to therapy is so helpful. I know it did wonders for me of feeling When I went through breakups and not feeling like myself feeling like people took a Part of me away going to a therapist and just sort of talking out your problems You don't have to stay with one even if it's just two months of therapy. I really think that's Something is something and I think it's so helpful And you really start to get this closure on things and you start to get strength that you forgot you had and Then the comparing yourself to others I really think that will go away the stronger you feel mentally, but I think you feel really broken down from Probably the shame of the binge eating. I know that feeling because I've been there the bad breakup some of the dates where you feel rejected and These people might not think anything about you aesthetically They might think you're the most beautiful person in the world But if you don't feel that way about yourself, you're always going to think this is why people are quote rejecting you and Quote so I do think therapy and continuing the workout is Really really helpful and praying for you and I hate that you feel anxious to go out in public But I honestly think that you're doing so so great by exercising eating well, and I think it's just the beginning of you feeling good Lately I've been really into this idea that spring is basically your permission slip to reset Not in some dramatic way But in those tiny little daily moments where you get to choose what feels good for you How you show up how you take care of yourself and how you move through your day and one of those moments for me Starbucks It's one of those rituals that always feels familiar But I also love that I can switch it up depending on my mood Everyone knows my order is an extra hot venti chai latte whole milk seven pumps chai seven pumps classic no water Yes, it's very specific, but that's the point I love that Starbucks lets you customize your drink to actually match how you're feeling that day now You can play with the sweetness and the chai spice however you want Swap your milk even add cold foam if that's your vibe. It's literally designed so you can make it your own Now that I can play around with the sweetness My usual go-to order might look a little different, but still it's totally me some days I want it cozy and comforting and other days I want to try something new and I love that chai is the perfect starting point for that You can keep it classic or tweak it until it feels like your exact mood in a cup I love how it's such a small thing, but it honestly turns a routine moment into something that feels personal That's where I'm at this spring Choosing little moments of self expression even in something as simple as how I customize my drink Customize your chai your way at Starbucks order now on the app You guys know I recently got a puppy peppermint and I'm not even going to pretend I'm normal about it I fully accept that I've become one of those dog parents The kind who takes way too many photos talks to their dog like they're a person and Somehow she ends up having a better daily routine than I do Peppermint already has multiple beds around the house a rotation of toys and honestly I catch myself checking on her like she's a toddler, but if you're a dog parent I feel like you get it they really do become a part of the family and if anyone understands that level of obsession It's Ali. They're just as obsessed with your dog as you are Ali makes fresh food for dogs That's developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists So you know your pup is getting high quality meals made with ingredients you can feel good about and what I love is that Everything is personalized to your dog when you start they create a plan based on your dog's needs and portion the meals Just for you it even comes with a pup tainer and a scoop so feeding them is super easy But Ali doesn't just stop at food through their app You can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets You upload a picture and their team can check things like your dog's weight Digestion teeth and coat. It's honestly such a great way to keep an eye on how your pup is doing Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed head to Ali calm slash Wonderland Tell them all about your dog and use code Wonderland to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today Plus they offer an obsession guarantee if you're not completely obsessed you'll get your money back. That's OLL IE Com slash Wonderland and enter code Wonderland to get 60% off your first box OLL IE feed the obsession I Truly admire the way you speak so openly about healing boundaries and rebuilding yourself after painful chapters Your honesty has helped so many people feel seen and understood. Thank you I'm currently pregnant and navigating a very complex emotional season My partner and I have been together for 18 years and after a five month separation We're now working toward repair and rebuilding trust during that break He entered another relationship which has added layers of grief comparison and triggers. I didn't anticipate Especially as that person continued reaching out even after he ended things and shared indirect posts on social media I'm doing the work, but pregnancy has amplified everything. I find myself managing constant triggers hypervigilance and the challenge of learning How to feel safe again while also trying to protect my peace and prepare for this next chapter of motherhood I would truly value your perspective on rebuilding trust after betrayal Navigating forgiveness without minimizing your pain and staying grounded When past wounds resurface if this is something you'd feel comfortable discussing on your podcast, I would be honored I know many women especially mothers would deeply relate to this kind of experience one Very beautifully written. Thank you for that To I'm sorry for everything you're going through I know pregnancy is one of the most special times of any woman's life and so to have These extra layers of emotion and burden and stress. I'm really sorry. You're going through all that I will say from reading what you wrote The positive is you guys were on a break so it sounds like he didn't Betray you From what I'm reading that does not take away how it feels now that you guys are back together But I think if you can put in your head that this was like no wrong was done on his part maybe Anger towards him would diminish a little bit. It's really hard. I think it's totally natural to be jealous have these thoughts of Like I remember when I would get back with people and If they would kiss me all I would think about is like well, how was it kissing her like your brain just sort of like goes back into that place and it's so unhealthy and It's hard. I think the best advice I can give you is if you're gonna get back with someone and that's your choice You definitely don't have to minimize your pain You shouldn't but you need to forgive if that this is your choice. Don't forget you both need to have very open Raw and honest conversations with one another. That's the only way the only way to get through something is to actually go through it So you have to go through these feelings you have to go Right to the eye of the storm and have these very real and raw and very uncomfortable conversations Hopefully without a ton of emotion involved meaning like screaming and all that so you guys could hear one another No one is hearing one another when we're yelling and calling people names. So I think and this might be a conversation that happens Many times and that's okay. And if you need to do this with couples therapy I think that's beautiful because that person would be more like your referee So you guys can talk and also if you do all this work and you still feel not safe in your Relationship like emotionally if you feel that you're constantly looking over your shoulder Maybe you have to reconsider and say say that this person served a purpose in my life He gave me this beautiful baby. We've been together for 18 years I know he's an amazing father and partner But if you don't feel safe if this is something you can't get over Then you do have to be honest with yourself, but I think every relationship that involves a child specifically Deserves a really strong fighting chance. I really really do and I think and at the end if it doesn't work out at least you guys would have great respect For one another and know that you guys are just gonna be awesome co-parents my friend got into a relationship and now I barely see her I don't think I'm jealous, but I'm suddenly very aware of how often she says we instead of I How do you support your friends relationship without feeling quietly replaced the tough truths about growing up? I don't know how old you are. I do think the older you get The more you experience this with your friends and even for me, I think there's this honeymoon stage in every relationship and Probably when I was younger I used to be jealous of it or Like that's my friend like you just have this possessiveness and you would maybe tease your friend or whatnot like oh you don't Hang out with me anymore, but then the older you get you're like no, that's what you want for your friend The point of life is to yes have your circle of friends and keep that circle And you do learn how to balance it when you become older But there is a stage in life that you aren't good at balancing it and that's what this pain It's like growing pains of life comes from but I think with you expressing yourself and in a way that doesn't feel attacking or Jealous I think there's a way to say I would love to have a girl's night once a week Once a month whatever whatever you want I think you saying that to your friend is Beautiful and your friend might love to hear that you don't even have to bring up the boyfriend because it's more Your girlfriend needs to know how to do the balancing a little bit more But then the older you get you do have so much more grace for people that are in new Relationships and that they are in their honeymoon stage and that they are hoping this will turn into their fiance one day And then their husband and you want to encourage that Chapter in all of our lives and the beauty of life is learning that balance I'm a big fan and I've always wanted to ask you something as someone who has been to university What advice would you give to a 20 year old student? Sometimes I feel like I haven't accomplished much yet and there's this pressure about succeeding and worrying about the future I'm not sure if you ever experienced something similar I'd really love to know how you manage the stage that stage of your life And did you feel pressure when making decisions about your future? If so, how did you handle it? Oh my gosh? I think I feel those pressures now and I'm 41. I will say I think it's unfair How society makes 20 year olds feel because now that I'm in my 40s like you're a baby I got married at 24. I loved that chapter in my life, but in hindsight I'm like what a baby like I can't believe I made such an adult decision and did something so grown It's crazy in hindsight and I think the same thing in your 20s I think your 20s are made for figuring it out Not really knowing what you're doing But that's the beauty of having a beautiful family and hopefully a great support system that will be there to catch you when you fall Be there to help guide you and navigate you. I don't I know you don't have to have it all figured out ever but specifically in your 20s, I really think your 20s are made for experimenting figuring out what makes your heart happy if you're one of the lucky ones that knows and you move on with your life and you can get married in your 20s and you know your career beautiful But there's definitely there's no race Like no one gets anything at the end of this like we all are just trying to live and create these happy Lives for ourselves, but I really do think the 20s are your time To try new jobs see what you want to do career-wise Maybe start dating people more seriously and then I think your 30s if you can hone in on that career more I think that's beautiful if you're younger than that then great that you got that but still I think we have so much time That we don't really realize so many people don't have it figured out. I love my mom always says Keeping up it changed how people perceived her as a business woman. It changed in so many ways from my mom and that was in her 40s and So and that wasn't something that in her 20s. She thought she was ever gonna do she's lived so many different lives and It's the beauty of Christian or it really really is so I think just don't be that hard on yourself But I get it society and outside noise, but just try to have a beautiful happy life What's meant for you will always find you no matter what I want to feel confident strong and hot Here here me too. I also want snacks at night me too and to lie on the couch me too can both exist is Balance real or a myth invented by people who love salads. Love you. Love you too. Oh, no, no, no I am the queen of balance. I work out and work my ass off in the gym, but I love Crap food like a milkshake. Yes Chicken fingers and french fries. Hell yes pizza fuck. Yes, like I am so that girl And then of course, I'll balance it with like fruit veggie whatever like moderation And I really do that just because I feel like I have to and I do love salads, but My heart is on the children's menu and I do that I do that quite often definitely If I never had to leave my bed, then I would never leave my bed I would be terrified if I didn't have kids because I would just probably I Read this news story that someone literally like melted into their couch because like they never left that would be me So thank God for the kids. I think I'm on a totally different tangent now But yes, I think if for me at least my body type when I was at the beginning of my health journey And I had certain goals for myself. No, I couldn't eat like the beast that I can eat now But now that I'm at a place that I feel really good about myself and I I still work out five days a week but now I eat literally Sort of whatever I want in moderation. I still have The good stuff. I'm not eating every meal is not junk, but I'll pick probably one and I do that So it just depends where you are, but I think if you are Working out you can eat whatever you want if you're at the place that you like and then I know like a five a photo shoot or something Then I'll like I'll get it together and I'll control myself, but Typically I live a very balanced life and I need to be happy so yeah, I'm going to finish Yeah, I'm not a big portion girl, but I I'm a consistently snack person So like I love a handful of this a handful of that but like through the whole day like I Call myself a grazer because I would rather graze throughout the day than sit and have a big-ass meal for lunch I just don't like the way I feel and I just love hand like it's like the hand-to-mouth I can't help myself my partner left their phone unlocked and a group chat popped up. Oh my god I think this is my biggest fear. I haven't even read the rest of her question I didn't go digging, but I saw enough to realize their friends do not like me nothing crazy Just little comments do I pretend I never saw it or is this something you actually talk about? Okay, so I Get this I am someone I don't go through phones You're just always going to find something that you're going to need to ask a question about so I don't look What is meant for me will always find me every single thing that I have found out about with X men of mine they have fallen into my lap. I do not search They just come my way my point in saying that is I relate to this So you didn't look which is good But I feel like if it's this innocent you can just say that and I will also say that a group chat if anyone saw My group chat messages they are dark and We go low at times like we just you talk Open shit about no one is safe. No one is safe, but that's like the beauty of a group chat Do we mean everything we say no you're just like on a rant freely talking shit But I will say that now this is going to make you uncomfortable Now you know something that you probably wish you didn't if it's that innocent just say it to your boyfriend Like your phone was unlocked. I saw your group chat. I wasn't deliberately digging or anything, but now I can't unsee this Let's talk about it. I could never pretend. I never saw it. I'm just not built that way. I have to talk about everything You guys know how intentional I am about what I eat Especially when it comes to protein So when my friends at good ranchers calm informed me that over 85% of grass-fed beef in stores is imported I was shocked because I think a lot of us assume we are buying local We assume we're supporting American farms and that the labels mean what they imply But that's just not the case and that's what made good ranchers stand out to me This company was started by a husband and a wife who just wanted better food for their own kids After realizing how broken the American food system is they decided to fix it themselves At good ranchers they source all their meat from local farms and ranches in America And then they deliver it right to your door making it easier than ever to get access to high quality American meat. I personally love their chicken and wild caught seafood. The quality is incredible No added hormones. No antibiotics Everything is responsibly sourced and my favorite thing about them is that they were the first people To create the world's first seed oil-free chicken nuggets and when you buy from good ranchers You're not just getting better meat. You're standing with American farmers ranchers and families Who've been feeding this country for generations? I'm actually a good rancher subscriber myself and I love how easy it is to manage my orders When life gets busy or I'm traveling I can pause or move my order in just a few clicks It's simple flexible and actually built around your schedule To get the kind of high quality 100 American meat you can't just find in the grocery store anymore Visit good ranchers.com today When you start your plan you'll get to choose a cut of meat that will be included for free with every order And you'll get 25 off your first order by using my exclusive code clowy That's clowy for 25 off your first order and free meat in every order good ranchers.com American meat delivered Here's my story. I need some advice. I fell in love with my best friend and it's ruining my life It all started like fun and games and we were touchy and flirty but in a very innocent way Turns out I was feeling more than just a friendship Fast-forward things started to get even more flirtatious as kisses began all in a friendly way I don't even know what that means all in a friendly way Nonetheless, it was more obvious by the day how badly I wanted it not being friendly. What does that mean friendly kisses? I'm dying We planned a trip to another country with some of my friends and my best friend And by the end of the trip I gained all the courage I could and told him how I felt about him I never heard of him since Shut up. You're lying This happened last September 2025 and it wasn't until November That he replied back and said he didn't feel the same way But that he still loves me and wants things to be as they were Now i'm torn apart because I don't know if he loves me or not Because I was left dead silent for two months eating my feelings apart and he didn't even mind to check how I was doing What should I do? I am the one ghosting him now because I really don't know if he cares about me enough or even if I care about him No, I know you are the one to ask for help. Well, baby He doesn't love you He says he loves you because he's put in this awkward position And I'm sure he's still Like a nice guy and loves you probably as a friend, but nothing more than that I am if he did then he would have told you but he's told you That he doesn't feel the same way that he loves you. I just think he's being nice and saying that I mean actions speak louder than words If he loved you he would be all for it. You guys Are clearly flirty You've given him all the signs all the Energy like come and get it and he didn't come and get it So I think you've gone this far by dealing with the grief because now you've lost Someone that you considered your best friend and someone that you were romantically Looking forward to So you've already dealt with the hardest part which is trying to get over that Don't go back in Trust what the universe is showing you My partner is amazing in every way except gifts like impressively bad. I don't care about expensive stuff I just want thoughtfulness. How do you teach someone how to be better at this without sounding ungrateful? Oh That's a tough one. That is hard. I love gift giving but that's One of my love languages is giving to other people. I love it. It's not everyone's gift Like not everyone has that ability And I really try to give someone a gift that I either would want for myself But normally I like to know that person because not everyone let's just say if if I want a Chanel bag Not everyone cares about that stuff. So I don't try to just An expensive gift doesn't really matter the more thoughtful that person never forgets that you teach people how to treat you So you either teach him how to treat you by You getting him thoughtful gifts and hoping he'll get The memo and even when he opens it if he's like, oh, this was so great and you you guys have to like talk about it a little bit So it's registering. Oh, okay. Like this is the direction I should go. I think what like me and my friends do we tell Someone on his side like it could be his best friend Like you steer the friend in the right dirt like doesn't even have to be you It could be one of your besties is talking to his bestie. You're like, you know what? Chloe would really like for her birthday this candle and a massage like and it's coming straight from the horse's mouth, but you're like Giving them a little to make it easier for them. In my opinion Someone spending their hard earned money that person Wants you to enjoy it. They're not getting you a gift because they don't want you to enjoy it. I think people Would like a little guidance I'm jealous of my friend. She has a new relationship new job and is so pretty I'm happy for her but also low-key comparing myself and feeling behind How do you stop yourself from doing that when someone closed you is really in a shining chapter? Great question. So I used to feel like this with my sisters When I was really young and then I realized No, I'm not really jealous. I'm more like damn. I want that too like not in an envious way in a motivational way But I had to learn what those feelings were. This was when I was really young and I had to learn Oh, because I would feel so guilty that I would think I was jealous Because I'm happy for my family like we all are and so once I Really put everything into perspective like well, no because would I want to take that from my sister? Like would you want to take all those things from your best friend and have her have nothing? No I mean, I wouldn't from my sister's like I start once I started really laying it all out there I was like, okay, so I'm not jealous because I don't want me to have it and them not to I want us all to win together So let me take these feelings and reposition it and use it as motivation and like, okay I'm gonna hustle. I'm gonna get my shit together. I'm gonna be on this glow up. I'm gonna do whatever your Goal is or whatever you want that someone else has don't be jealous Use that as fuel use that as motivation and be so happy for that other person Because that is truly when you all win Is when you can find such happiness and be that cheerleader like I am fucking rooting for everyone in my life all the time so I think it's really just repositioning the way that you see it because life is all about perception Life is all about the angle in which you view something in I tragically lost my father 10 months ago He tragically fell off the back of a golf cart. I've been in the depths of grief I found your last podcast with the medium so helpful and comforting Especially when she spoke about the woman's father dying tragically. How did you cope at such a young age? I'm 32 and I've found it to be such a profound emotional roller coaster I can't fathom going through this at such a young age Do you still find yourself experiencing or reliving those early days? Does it feel so far away or like yesterday? Time has become so warped to me Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing so many personal moments with your audience I am so so sorry for the loss of your father listen Losing anyone Specifically a parent you never get over it. You never it's never okay. You never not feel the great loss of them But every day you do become stronger and stronger. I would say the first three years after my dad died. I was Horrific I was horrible Emotional outbursts crying all the time mean nothing good. It was bad bad bad and then eventually You do become stronger You never forget like for me every single day. I think about my dad But every single day I talk to my dad if I talk to him like he's still here I Love speaking to him. I love to believe that he's watching over me and my kids I love to believe that all of this is possible Because he's one of my guardian angels guiding me through life and I genuinely believe that I think you and I both Like feel robbed. I see people that have Their parents in their 90s and I'm like a god like I wish I had that I wish I was able to introduce my kids to my dad like I have all these things that I wish for And that's normal and you Should have you don't have to be angry, but you should have those You should have those feelings. You're allowed to have those feelings. It's human to have them. I promise you it gets easier I think the more you talk about it the more that you Continuously keep your father's memory alive. It's so special And it's so beautiful at first if I spoke about my dad My voice would crack and I would be on the verge of tears for no like I wouldn't even know why And I just could not say his name I could not talk about him and then I would try to because I wanted to talk about him I didn't want to pretend like he didn't exist. I didn't want to pretend that He was on this band list and so I would Talk about him and I would finally get through those tears I would get through that feeling and I'm able to talk about him as if I was with him yesterday and it's Beautiful and it gives me so much comfort So I know it seems like forever Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. There's no straight line with grieving. You will go up. You will go down And also in 10 years you might have a day that you are sobbing your eyes out missing your dad And that's okay. If anyone tells you it's been 10 years get over it. Fuck that person There's no right or wrong with grief and there's no straight line All this grief is because you had so much love You wouldn't feel this way if you didn't experience that depth of love So if you position it that way Like I had my dad for 19 years. I was robbed of a father I really was but some people have a father for literally 100 years. That's a piece of shit human being And I'm able to say I had my 19 years were short. I had the best fucking dad the best memories the best Morals and all these things that are instilled in me. I'm so grateful for And so a lot of it again is perspective or how we position things And I think in anything there's light and there's positivity Not all the time. Do we want to see it? You might be like shut the fuck up with your positive crap But also go through the grief Again, you have to to order to get out of something you have to go through it You have to go straight through it feel all the feelings Do what you got to do also want to get to the other side Don't want to sit in that dark place because life is beautiful and you will see your dad in Almost everything you do if you want to look for him I want to be kept anonymous. My sister slept with with an x Situationship of mine. Okay. I've always been extremely close to her and have trusted her more than anyone, of course I want to forgive her because I'm a christian. I feel like I have been forgiven more than I deserve She is apologized and I know she regrets her actions We've gone into normal dramatic sister arguments before but this feels different. I don't feel in control of the emotions I'm feeling towards her Disgust and hate and I want nothing more than to get backed out things used to be She did this years ago, but I'm just now finding out about it It has less to do with the man and more about my sister betraying me She's held on to this secret for so many years She knew nothing about this man aside from the fact that I had been seeing him. I normally have answers Navigating this has me so lost Well, that's definitely a tough one and I get it. It's not really about the man. It's more about the action and I would say Probably more about that she's kept a secret for years Because that feels pretty shitty and that sucks. I think Listen men come they go It is what it is that would hurt me too More the lying and keeping the secret so for me Not that I want you or myself to ever be a doormat not at all. I think it's your sister You have to forgive your sister doesn't mean you need to forget It doesn't mean that your feelings need to be minimized in any sort of way But the life you and your sister are going to have with one another as far exceeds The act that was done and we all make mistakes. I don't know how old she was when she did this But I think that does play a factor as well And I think you will really regret later in life if you don't try to make amends with your sister Because there's nothing like a sister. She knows what she did was wrong. She feels great remorse about it But you guys also have to have really honest conversations about this So you're not treated like oh, she forgave me. I could do Something else like you would never forgive. I'm assuming someone else for this but your sister. It's different There are different rules, but you also want your sister to have great respect for you and it's Depending on age, but it's almost as if she didn't have great respect for herself And that's why she did something like that And so maybe your sister not making excuses at all, but maybe she was going through something really Rough in her life to do something like that because that's a lot for a sibling to do But I want you To know that your heart's in the right place You are wanting to forgive. It's just hard for you But again, I really do think the more you talk it through And you set the tone and you're like, I forgive you or my sister. I love you But This was wrong x y and z and you guys go through the whole list and you guys talk about it But talk no screaming no yelling really try to listen to one another Maybe ask her why would you do that? And why like, you know why she kept it a secret because she was humiliated what you only are Keeping a secret about something because you're embarrassed. I think there's a lot of conversations that need to happen here But I honestly think once you have them I do think your relationship Will be Much better. You never have to forget. I do think it's the right thing to do is to forgive and to have the really hard talks I absolutely loved doing this down the rabbit hole podcast with you guys. These questions were So good so vulnerable. I'm so so grateful that you guys wrote your hearts out truly And I really hope I'm doing you all justice with my answers Again, I'm just doing what I think is best. I am Definitely not a therapist in any way But I do really I honor that you guys are trusting me with such personal information. And so I'm so so so grateful Thank you so much and I can't wait to do this again with you guys You know what? Wednesdays are four and that's wonderland