I Repeated My CHILDHOOD MISTAKE Right Before My Wedding | r/Relationships Reddit Stories

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And it says, I 30 male made a huge mistake slash oversight and really hurt my cousin, 24 female, right before my wedding. How do I fix this? Posting from a throwaway because I don't know if any one of my family read it. So, a little background. I'm the oldest of six cousins on my mum's side. All of us except the second youngest, let's call her Molly, a boys. We all used to spend a few weeks together our grandparents who live by the lake. Basically just running around, boating, fishing, hiking and doing whatever. I'll be the first to admit, we weren't the nicest to Molly because we were all young and idiots and didn't want to hang out with the girl. We used to purposely leave her behind, tell her she couldn't hang out with us and only spent time with us when our grandparents forced us. Like I said, we were arseholes. And after a while, she stopped even trying. When I was 17, she was about 11. I caught her crying one day, which surprised me because she was actually a really tough kid and asked her what was wrong. After some prodding, she admitted she was miserable and hated coming to the lake when we were all there because of how we treated her. She was also bullied a lot in school for her looks. She wasn't ugly, but she was kind of awkward and was basically getting treated the same way at school by all of her classmates. I felt like shit because I didn't really hate her. And the whole keep the girl away thing really was a jerk move on our part because we never really disliked her. I apologized for hurting her and promised to make it up to her. I made sure she was included the rest of the summer and made sure the other boys didn't try to exclude her and gave them shit if they did. She had a blast that summer and the next summer with us and things really turned around. After that, I went to college, but my younger brothers said they kept including her this summer after that. And they also felt like shit for treating her badly for so long. Fast forward a few years. We only see each other once or twice a year, but we're Facebook friends. And it looks like life is working out for Molly. She graduated, got a job. Seems like she has friends, so I'm happy for her. Here's the problem. So like I said, I'm getting married this weekend to a great chick. We've been planning our wedding for the last year and of course, both of our extended families are invited. And it came down to the rehearsal dinner. My parents are hosting and they didn't want it to be a huge affair. So when we and my fiance came up with a guest list, we decided we would only invite the obvious, parents, grandparents and siblings, members of the wedding party. And because our parents are really close and at my mom's insistence, aunts and uncles. That list hit our max for the venue until we realized we had three cousins under 15. Two on her side, one on mine, who were from Outer Town and would basically be stuck in the hotel rooms while their parents came to our rehearsal dinner. So we tacked them on. Our venue wasn't happy because we were now over our limit, but they agreed to make the exception. So everything was fine and dandy until Sunday. When we had a small get together, as most of our relatives came a week early or already live here to turn it into a vacation. It's a really nice area. And who can blame them? Everyone was relaxing and chatting and obviously talking about the wedding coming up. And people began talking about the rehearsal dinner. And that's when I realized the fuck up. See, we didn't include cousins on the rehearsal dinner list because we were trying to keep the numbers down. My fiance has four cousins, two under 15. So they're coming and two who are bridesmaids. So they're coming. Like I said, there are six cousins in the family. The cousin closest to me in age is my best man. So invited, two of my brothers invited, and the youngest is 13, coming with parents. Somehow we managed to invite every cousin on both sides of our families, except for Molly. I feel like shit and she didn't say anything to me. But I know she knows, but she left to get together before I could explain. I know it looks bad. I told my mom and she said, oh, it's fine, she'll get over it. Love her, but she's not the most touchy feely after raising three boys. I sat down with my fiance and told her the whole thing. And she feels like crap too. We tried calling the venue to see if we could add her, but because we're already over our limit and the rehearsal dinner is in four days, they told us we'd have to change to a larger space, which would cost us an extra $600, which we can't afford. I thought of inviting her anyways, but my fiance pointed out that because it's a plated brunch with a set menu, we wouldn't have a seat for her or food. So she'd just be standing there, odd person out with no chair and no food. Plus it would seem like an afterthought, which it is. And I know she probably already feels betrayed. I feel like shit and don't know how to fix this. She won't answer my calls and I don't feel like this is something I can explain through texts or emails without sounding like an even bigger arsehole. Because no matter what, it'd be like saying, yeah, sorry, Cuzz, you just couldn't make the cut. That is absolutely brutal. And the thing is, it really isn't about the rehearsal dinner in the end. It's about Molly being the afterthought yet again. She was a kid who was left behind and got included when the brothers felt like shit a bit later. And now the only cousin not invited again. It's absolutely brutal. I think whatever you was to do now, it would always be an afterthought because she knows about this. And if you include her now, it's an afterthought yet again. I think the only way around this is showing up in person, apologizing to her deeply and genuinely. And you know, I still don't think that's gonna come across in a way because I think it still comes across as an afterthought. Even going as far as upgrading the venue with a $600, even though you haven't got the money to do so, even if you still did that, I think it would still come across as an afterthought, but still maybe a step in the right direction. I don't know. Commoner said to OP, I think I'd ask one of your brothers or groomsmen to skip the rehearsal dinner to make a spot for her. Given that specific history, surely there is somebody invited who doesn't actually care about being there and would be just as happy with a video game, pizza and beer. Edit, but you should be discreet about asking for this. You don't want to humiliate her further by making a huge deal of benching somebody for her. Pick somebody that you think won't care and only talk to your fiance and that person and go tell her that skipping her was a horrible mistake and that you want her there. You do need to be honest with her that she was forgotten. Don't try to lie about that. You need to own that and apologize. OP says I thought about asking someone else to step down, but my mom would kill me if I asked one of my brothers and the only other person in my wedding party that feel comfortable asking for such a favor would be my best man, other cousin. But that would be assuming I could get her to buy that he opted out and she's no idiot. I don't plan on lying to her. There will be a dick move on top of me already being a jerk and she's too cool a person to do that too. I just want to do whatever I can to make it up to her. Another commenter quotes OP saying she left to get together before I could explain it. I know it looks bad and then says not to be harsh, but it is bad. What's there to explain? That she's not close enough to be in the wedding party, that unlike your aunts and uncles, there wasn't a family member who thought to insist on including her. That you thought about teenage children feeling bad stuck in a hotel room, but not her. You know your cousin better than I do, but in my opinion, you need to fall over yourself apologizing to her and see if there's a grand gesture you can make. Maybe have a burger before the dinner and let her have your plate or see if one of the miners is only going because they're being dragged there by their parents. OP says, yeah, I know there's no way of coming out of this without looking like an asshole. I am an asshole for not thinking about it. It wasn't intentional to leave her out and ask the younger cousins to come so they wouldn't have to stay in a hotel room because she does live in the area so it was an honest oversight. It doesn't change the fact that I hurt her and honestly, that's what's killing me. She was the bigger person at 11 and gave me a second chance and I fucking blew it. I don't know if her grand gesture would work only because she hates being the center of attention but the idea of eating beforehand and having my plate served to her might work. If we could figure out how seating would work. The other commenter says, wow, this really sucks for Molly. Maybe your younger cousins under 15 don't really care for the rehearsal dinner. Maybe one of those we don't care but we have to because our parents are making us and we have nothing better to do. But they rather prefer to go to the movies or the arcade. OP give them some money, 100 bucks and tell them to have fun. I'm sure they'd have much fun by themselves. Rather than go to a dinner and deal with adult conversations, wedding stuff. One more commenter says, look, I've been your cousin in this story. I was accidentally left out of my sister's rehearsal dinner. All four of my other siblings were somehow squeezed in last minute but they looked over me. I will never forget the fact that no one thought of me, not my sister and not my mom. Just like a 14 year old cousin got a seat and I was looked over. There is no coming back from it. Your relationship will just be a farce. To be honest, your actions say that she is an important and no amount of apology is going to make up for it. But OP did come in with an update and said, so my original post didn't get a lot of attention but I did get a bunch of hurtful truths that I needed to hear. And some good advice. I figured that now the honeymoon is over, I should probably do an update. Anyways, onto the update. I was still trying to figure out how to apologize to Molly for my oversight and make it up to her. I pretty much decided to grovel at her feet and I planned to give up my plate at the rehearsal so she could come and eat and not be left out. I was bouncing ideas off my fiance and maybe taking Molly out for lunch a few times after we got back from our honeymoon because I really did want to repair the relationship. Anyways, I was out running some last minute errands on Wednesday, had to pick up the tux. And when I came home, I found my fiance sitting on the sofa chatting with Molly like they were old friends. It only met on Monday at the family get-together my parents through. My fiance, Lescaller Emily, stood up and said, so I told Molly the truth about the rehearsal dinner and that when I was going through the guest list to bring the numbers down, I didn't recognize her name and didn't realize she was your cousin. Emily had gone behind my back, called Molly and invited her over to explain why she didn't get an invitation. Took the blame and told her how bad I felt when I realized it the other day. She even told Molly the truth about me planning on inviting her anyways and giving up my plate because I didn't want to hurt our relationship. She had apparently also called the venue and in her words, went bridesdiller to get Molly a seat. Emily is the most chilled person I've ever met. So her going anything zilla must have been huge. And I'm almost sorry I missed it. She also invited Molly to go with her and her bridesmaids when they go to get their hair slash nails done as an apology for her. Screw up. Guys, if I didn't have a whole wedding planned, I'd have eloped with her on the spot. Molly gave me a hug and told me she appreciated me being willing to give up my plate at my own rehearsal dinner, but to quit being such a whiner and enjoy my wedding. So the rehearsal and brunch went great. And I was really glad to have the whole family there. I was finally able to enjoy myself. Molly didn't end up going with Emily and her bridal party because she didn't want to intrude, but was grateful for the invitation. The wedding went perfect. I married the most awesome person in the world and we all had a blast at the reception. I did end up confessing to Molly towards the end of the reception because part of me still felt guilty. The only thing she asked was if the blame Emily thing was the Emily's idea. I told her it was and I had no idea she was going to do it, but I was serious about giving up my plate to make sure she could still come. She actually laughed at me and told me I was an idiot, but I'd picked a good one. Anyways, she forgave me completely, even though I don't really deserve it. I asked if she was coming to the after party. Yes, we had an after party for our wedding reception after the adults and younger kids went home at our apartment. She had Emily had already invited her and she wouldn't miss it, but she didn't. We all hung out drinking and playing board games until about 4 a.m. She kicked my ass both at Settlers and King of Tokyo. Viva Street has listings for jobs, rentals, cars, but let's be honest, you're not here for those. Viva Street is the UK's go-to platform for adult professionals, 300,000 visitors a day, free safety tools, industry-leading moderation, and a team of over 1,000 people. The only thing she asked was if she was going to come to the after party for the first time and she would have to go to the after party if she really wanted to come. If she really wanted to come if she really wanted to come, if she really wanted to come, if she really wanted to come if she really wanted to come if she really wanted to come if she really wanted to come if she really wanted to come of upvotes this got, it hit her front page and she called me yesterday to call me out on it. She was pretty mad. I think her exact words were, Dude, did you seriously name me after your mum's cat? So going forward, please replace Molly with Princess Maleficent and Anna Hammock, the first of her name. Queen of Tokyo, Katan and Avalon, Lady of the Sixth Cousins and Protector of the Realm, the unbothered Mother of Pokemon, Breaker of Chains. Oh, and I'm sorry, one timer, the user. Apparently she doesn't accept internet proposals on threads, but she is named after a beloved, snuggly family member who you love, by the way. She's still coming to the game nights though. Opie replies to a deleted comment saying you have no idea. Two weeks before the wedding, the official we spent a lot of time trying to find were not religious, but both our parents are Catholics, so finding one who could balance what we wanted and what our parents requested was a chore. Had a death in the family and backed out. I went to freak out and Emily told me to can it, picked up the phone, called the official to offer condolences and got the names of two other people he recommended to take his place. She just knows how to handle life without freaking out. I really wish I could have witnessed the Bridezilla Act. It must have been beautiful. Alluring says to Opie, you all behaved like mature and caring adults. Are you sure this belongs on relationships? Opie says me, probably, my wife and cousin? They're actually good, responsible, level headed people. I'm just trying to be less of an ass hat. Opie replies to another one saying dude, I don't know if she's the type of girl Reddit would go for. She's smart, cute, and has a decent job and her hobbies include camping, kayaking, board gaming, and is the type of person who, after a few drinks, will ask a groom on his wedding day to shut up for a sec so they can catch a Pokemon on the dance floor. Commodore says to Opie, one of my favorite updates ever. I remembered your post and this is a good testament that everything is fixable if you go about it in a nice, rational fashion. You definitely got yourself a great partner and a great cousin. Don't beat yourself up too much either. Clearly, they love you. A great person who went the extra mile to fix your error too. Opie says thanks, trust me, you don't have to tell me how lucky I am. Commodore says, I'll tell you to marry that woman, but it sounds like you've already got that taken care of. Opie says done and dusted. Commodore replies saying marry her again, just to be safe. And Opie says brilliant idea and this is why I internet. And the final commenter says, wow, I love me some r slash relationships drama as much as the next gal, but it's so refreshing to see people behaving like chill, reasonable, understanding adults that don't take an honest mistake as a dire personal affront that must be litigated and punished. And I really like the ending to this one. To be honest, I couldn't see it ending this way, but I'm certainly glad it did. And it sounded like Emily jumped in and fixed a lot of the issues and gave Molly the truth and validated her feelings and made this gesture towards her, which was needed. And it sounds like Molly herself has done a lot of growth for herself at the same time. And after receiving that apology, and it sounds like they're also building a real friendship now, the board games at 4am, the Pokemon on the dance floor, it sounded like a good update. But also just going back to the first part, talking about the mum. I mean, oh, she's fine. She get over it. The she's not that touchy feely after raising three boys. You know, she knows exactly what was going on there. So I was certainly sidelined her in this situation. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account. And it says, I28female commented on a post of my boyfriend 29 male on a Are We Dating The Same Guy page? And he found out, what are my next steps? I28female recently found a post of my boyfriend 29 male on a local Are We Dating The Same Guy page? We've been together for five years. There were several comments on there of girls stating they texted him, slash went out with him, and I couldn't tell if this had happened recently, or if it could have been from a long time ago. So I commented on it anonymously asking if anyone has talked or hooked up with him recently. And a girl responded saying she did and asked if I did as well. And if I had any tea on him. I probably should have said I was his girlfriend, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't, and worried I wouldn't get any information. So I just said he told me not to talk or sleep with anyone else. And he wouldn't either, but that we never hooked up. She responded back claiming that he said the exact same thing to her. I then asked when they last hooked up, and she never responded back. My boyfriend then comes home and is furious, slapping doors, giving me dirty looks, but won't say anything to me. I know he knows I was the one who anonymously posted because I had suspicions that he had been cheating on me, and I have recently been asking him, and he denied doing so. I then go back to the post and all of the responses are deleted, so I know she told him, and I'm sure he told her to delete them, but he's pissed at me for it. Anyway, what are my next steps? Do I confront him about it, or just wait and see if he says anything? Also, we rent an apartment together, and are on the same lease, so that makes things even more complicated. The top commenter on this one just said you break up with him. Duh. How much time is left on your lease? Opie says, oh, I am. I'm just wondering if I should say anything about it or just let it be. A little over five months. Commenter says leave him. Why do you need a confession from him? You already know what's going on. Opie says I guess I want some kind of closure, although I don't think him admitting to it will give me that anyway. Plus, he probably lies so it's just my indelusions wanting him to realize he's wrong. It's definitely over between us. Commenter says talk to whoever owns the lease and tell them why you need to move out, and make sure you move out because he's been cheating on you the whole time. He had an STD, an HIV test done, ASAP. Do take steps to get away from him, ASAP, and have an exit plan. Don't try and forgive him. No need to confront him. You know what he did. Can you go stay with your parents? If yes, take your important things and go. Until all friends he cheated, so they know. Opie says I will reach out to them first thing on Monday. Thank you for your advice. Commenter says to Opie, ha, he's acting all mad you made his side piece break up with him. Lol, just leave. Opie says it would be funny if I didn't feel so disrespected honestly. He's more mad about her finding out than me. But yeah, it's definitely time to go. Commenter says could he have been the girl that asked the questions like he made a fake profile. Only asking because I know that was a problem in my local AWD TSG group. Opie says I don't think so. I know with the local page they make sure your page is real. You're a woman and you have to have lived here for the last three months before allowing you access to the page. We moved here six months ago and the original post I found was from over a month ago with several women commenting on it claiming that they had either talked to or went out with him. To another commenter Opie says I totally agree but we've only lived here six months. Not sure what benefit would come from over 10 women claiming they've interacted with him in some way and all of them to be lying. The photo posted of him was also a current photo and was from his hinge profile so that's damning in itself in my opinion. Commenter quoting I know she told him then says you're also skipping the chance that might literally have been him stalking his own post. Opie says that is very true. Commenter replies saying he might not even know you know and he's pissed because he just lost a side chick like the possibilities are high. Let him stew on it alone. Opie replies saying that's very true. I feel like he's probably torn because how could he actually bring it up to me on the off chance it wasn't me asking the questions initially. And Opie replies to another comment saying he just knows what to do to hurt me and tried to put the blame on me. Previously when this has happened I've always been the one to resolve it because I hate conflict. I think he's just in a weird position because he doesn't know for sure it's me although it's pretty obvious so he's hesitant to say anything about it because it'll blow his cover. I'm definitely getting checked on Monday and reaching out to my leasing office as well as to see if I can break the lease early. So Opie did update the post around 10 days later and says first off I want to thank everyone for all your helpful advice on my original post. He did admit that the girl sent him a screenshot of the post and he was upset because he didn't like a bunch of random people knowing his business. But I also found out that he brought that same girl to our apartment and I was out of town a week prior and they had sex in our bed. Never apologized for it but simply stated that if I came home when I said I was I went to Mums because we're in a fight and haven't spoken in days and I decided to stay two days longer then it wouldn't have happened. We are absolutely over and although he begged me to forgive him for a couple of days he finally got mad enough at me because I wouldn't have sex with him and he left me alone. It's too expensive for me to break the lease but we live in a two bedroom apartment so I'm able to have my own space or so I thought. I woke up yesterday at three in the morning wondering where my dog was as he sleeps with me. I get up and can't find him but my ex's door is shut so I open it because I can hear my dog sniffing under the door to get out. There he is sitting on the bed with my phone in his hand going through it after we had established that we were not together. I take it and look at the screen time information and he spent over 30 minutes in my saved passwords so now I'm actually concerned and very weirded out and may just ask my mum for a loan to break the lease because he literally creeped in my room when I was sleeping and took my phone to go through it. Anyway thank you to everyone for the comments and concerns and advice although I feel like I wasted many years with him. It was a growing experience and I will probably do better in the future. Edit I did also get STD tested as well just waiting to hear the result back from it. Comment to ask a question on the back of this thing. I don't understand how this woman went to your place and had no idea he had a girlfriend or just didn't care. Opie said he hit everything that would have pointed to me living there. All the furniture and decorations are his so the few things of mine that are out could have easily been hidden. I figured that out when I found several deleted pictures of all my stuff taken while I was gone as well. The absolute audacity from that guy is just craziness. You know instead of being like a tiny bit apologetic after this all was coming out he comes home furious and is slamming doors around but it sounded like not at the fact that he's betrayed his girlfriend of five years. He's mad that one of his side pieces is found out and his information is getting out there. That's some delusional behaviour. And then when trying to explain himself his excuse was if you had come home when you said you would it wouldn't have happened so he starts victim blaming at the same time. Absolute scumbag man. Opie needs to get out of that apartment ASAP sneaking into a room in the middle of the night to steal her phone and then spending loads of time looking at her saved passwords. Opie needs to get out of there and change every single password that she has immediately and it looks like his behaviour is escalating very very quickly but what do you guys make of this situation? Absolute wild one. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Hello it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast. James Acaster also from the Off Menu Podcast here. 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